The globe. (Huntingdon, Pa.) 1856-1877, August 22, 1860, Image 1

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cording' to these terms.
FISHER & SON are now opening the
largest and best selected Stocl.• qf Goods ever offered in this
It comprises a full line of Fashionable
Dress Goods, suitable for SPRING S; 51131 MER, such as
Blan. and Fancy Silks, French Poniards, (Chintz Figures,)
Fancy Organdies, Decals, Challis's Lawns, English Chintz,
Ginghams, Lustres, Prints, &c. _
A large and beautiful assortment of Spring
A fine stock of richly worked Black Silk
Lace Mantles. A full assortment of Ladies' Fine Collars,
Gentlemen's Furni , hing Goods, suell . as Collars, Cravats.
Ties, Stocks, Hosiery, Shirts, Gauze and Silk Undershirts,
Drawers, &c.
\Ve have a fine selection of Mantillas,
Dress Trimmings, Fringes, Ribbons, Mitts, Gloves, Gaunt
lets, Hosiery, IlanakerAiefs, Buttons. Floss, Sewing Silk,
Extension skirts, Hoops of all kinds : &c.
Also—Tickings, Osnaburg, Bleached and
untquached. Missiles, all prices; Colored and White Cain
brics. Barred and Swiss Missiles, Victoria Lawns, Nails
cooks, Tarleton, and many other articles which comprise
the line of WHITE and DOMESTIC GOODS.
French Cloths, Fancy Cassimers, Satinets. Jeans, Tweeds,
Denims, Blue Drills, flannels, Lindseys : Comforts, Blank
ets, &c.
Hats and Caps, of every variety and style
which will be sold Cheap.
We also deal in PLASTER. FISH, SALT, and all kinds
of GRAINS. and possess facilities in this branch of Dade
unequalled by any. We deliver all packages or parcels of
Merchandise, free of charge, at the Depots of the Broad Top
and Pennsylvania Railroads.
COME ONE, COME ALL, and he convinced that the Me
tropolitan is the place to secure fashionable and desirable
goods, disposed of at the lowest rates
Huntingdon, April IS, IS6O
D. P. G\\ - IS bas just received the largest and most
fashionable and best selected Stock of Goods in the mar
ket, consisting of Cloths. Ca , ,iIIIVIVS. Plain and Fancy,
Satinets, Kentucky Jeans, TN% MIS. Iteaverteens, Velvet
Cords, Cotton Drills. Linen Ptak, Blue Drills, and other
fashionable Goods fur Men and boys' wear.
The largest and best assurtment of Ladies'
Dress Goods in town, consisting of Black and Fancy Silks,
All Wool Detains, Challis Detain , . Alpacas, Plain and Fig
ured Braize, Lawns. Gingbanis. Larella Cloth, De
Barge, Traveling Dress Goods, and a beautiful assortment
of Prints, Brilliants, &c.
Also, 'Pickings, Checks, Muslins, (bleached
and unbleached,) Cotton and Linen Diaper, Crash, Nan
keen, tic.
Also, a large assortment of Ladies' Collars,
Dress Trimmings, Riblionds. Gloves, Mitts, Gauntlets. Tlii
isery, Silk and Linen 'Handkerchiefs. Victoria Lawn. Mull
Muslins, Swiss and Cambric Ed g ing. Dimity Bands, Velvet
Ribbons, and a g reat variety of Hooped Shirts, &c.
Also, a fine assortment of Spring Shawls.
Also, Boots and Shoes, Hats and Cops,
Shaker Bonnets, Hardware. Quemisware, 'Wood and 'Wil
low Ware, Groceries, Salt and Fish.
Also, the largest and best assortment of
Carpets and Gil Cloths in tom n, which mill he sold cheap.
Call and examine my C.mds, and you will he convince.)
that I have the best assortment and cheapest Goods in the
Cis Country Produce taken in exchun ,, e for Goods, at
the - Highest Market Prices. 1. P. GIVII.
Huntingdon, April IS, 1360
PATENT ELF-slam:so, sur-Tr.,mc, Ant-ncirr
Just what was wanted—a CONVENIENT air-tight cover. to
show at all times, the exact condition of the fruit within
the jar. It is so simple that one person can seal up 12002-
ty-four cans in one minute. Or open seventy-lzoo cans in
one minute.
No fruit is lost in using these cans, for should any one
be defective. the cover always shows it in time to save the
contents. Tin, Earthen, or Glass jars, sold only at the
Hardware Store of JAMES A. BItOWN.
Huntingdon, July 18, 1860
9 \ - 1 \-7(I(10 CUSTOMERS WANTED
81i2 , 1J. JACOBS
Has received a fine assortment of DRY
GOODS for the Spring and Summer season, comprising a
very extensive assortment of
DRY GOODS in general,
For Men and Boys
The public generally are requested to call and examine
my goods—and his prices.
As I mn determined to sell my Goods, all who call may
expect bargains.
Country Produce talten in Exchange for Goods.
BENJ. JACOBS, at the Cheap Corner.
Huntingdon, April 4, 1860.
Respectfully inform the public
that they have opened a beautiful assortment of
in the store room at the south-east corner of the Diamond
in the borough of Huntingdon, lately occupied as a Jew
elry Store.
Their Stock is now and carefully selected, and will be
sold low for cash or country produce.
LARD, and provisions generally, kept constantly on hand
on reasonable terms.
Huntingdon, May 9, 1660.
For Gentlemen's Clothing of the best material, and made
in the best wookmanlike manner, call at
opposite the Franklin House in Market Square, Hunting
don. [April 4, 1560.]
T HE best Tobacco in town, at .
yt P. GIVIN keeps the largest, best
assortment and cheapest shoes in town. Call and
oxamine them.
Abeautiful lot of Shaker Bonnetsfor
sale cheap, at D. P. GWIN'S.
jALL at D. P. GAVIN'S if you want
ASplendid variety of Carpets, only
25 cts. per yard. FISUER ,C; SON.
F you want handsome Lawns, Delains,
and other Dress Goods, go to D.P. GWIN'S.
;a 50
, f{Trg.
" Have you examined that bill, James ?"
" Yes, sir."
"Anything wrong?"
"I find two errors."
" Ah ! let me see."
The lad handed his employer a long bill
that had been placed on his desk for exami
" Here is an error in the calculation of ten
dollars, which they have made against them
selves ; and another error of ten dollars in
the footing."
" Also against themselves ?"
" Yes, sir."
The merchant smiled in a way that struck
the lad as peculiar.
" Twenty dollars against themselves !" be
remarked, in a kind of pleasant surprise.—
" Trusty clerks they must have!"
" Shall I correct the figures ?" asked the
" No ; let them correct their own mistakes.
We don't examine bills for other people's
benefit," replied the merchant. "It will be
time enough for us to `rectify these errors
when they find them out. All so much gain,
as it now stands."
The boy's delicate moral sense was shocked
at so unexpected a remark. He was the son
of a poor widow, who had given him good in
struction and taught him that to be just was
the duty of all men. Mr. Carman, the mer
chant in whose employment he had been for
only a few months, was an old friend of his
father's and a person in whom his mother
reposed the highest confidence. In fact,
James had always looked upon him as a kind
of model man ; and when Mr. Carman agreed
to take him into hill- store, he felt that great
good fortune was ,in his way.
" Let them-Wiect their own mistakes."—
The words made a strong impression on the
mind of James Lewis. When first spoken to
by Mr. Carrrian, and with the meaning then
involved, he felt, as we have said, shocked;
but as he turned them over and over again
in his thoughts, and connected their utter
ance with a person who stood so high in his
mother's estimations, he began to think that
perhaps the thing was fair enough in busi
ness. Mr. Carman was hardly the man to
do wrong.
In a few days after James examined the
bill, a clerk from the house by which it had
been rendered called fur a settlement. The
lad, who was present, waited with considera
ble interest to see whether Mr. Carman
would speak of the error. But he_ made no
remarks 'on . that subject. A check for the
amount of the bill as rendered was filled up,
and a receipt taken.
" Is that right ?" James asked himself this
question. His moral sense said no; but the
fact that Mr. Carman had so acted bewildered
his mind.
" It may be the way of business,"—so ho
thought with himself,—" but w it don't look
honest. I wouldn't have beliesed it of him !"
Mr. Carmen had a kind way with him that
won upon the boy's heart, and naturally ten
ded to make him judge whatever he might do
in the most favorable manner.
" I wish he had corrected that error," he
said to himself a great many times when
thinking, in a pleased way, of Mr. Carman
and his own good fortune in having been re
ceived into his employment. "It dont look
right ; but may he it's the way in business."
One day he went to the bank and drew the
money for a check. In counting it over he
found that the teller had paid him fifty dol
lars too much. So he went back to the coun
ter and told him of the mistake. The teller
thanked him, and he returned to the Store
with the pleasant consciousness in his mind
of having done right.
" The teller overpaid me by fifty dollars,"
he said to Mr. Carman, as he handed hiin the
" Indeed!" replied the latter, a light break
ing over his countenance. And he hastily
counted the bank bills.
The light faded as the last bill left his fin
" There's no mistake, James." A tone of
disappointment was in his voice. -
" Oh I I gave back the fifty dollars: Wasn't
that right ?"
" You simpleton !" exclaimed Mr. Carman,
"don't you know that bank mistakes are
never corrected ? If the teller had paid you
fifty dollars too short he would not have made
it right."
The warm blood stained— the cheeks of
James under this reproof. It is often the
case that more shame is felt for a blunder
than a crime. In this instance the lad felt a
sense of mortification at having done what
Mr. Carmon was pleased to call a silly thing ;
and he made up his mind that if they should
overpay him a thousand dollars at the bank
he would bring the amount to his employer,
and let him do as he pleased with the money.
" Let people look after their own mistakes."
James Lewis pondered those things in his
heart. The impression they made was too
strong ever to be forgotten. "It may b.e
right," he said to himself, but he did not feel
altogether satisfied.
A month or two after the.- occurrence of
that bank mistake, as James counted over his
weekly wages, just received from Mr. Car
man, he discovered that he bad • been paid
half a dollar too much. The first -impulse of
his mind was to return the amount to his em
ployer, and it was on his lip to say, " You
have given me too much, sir," when the un
forgotten words, "Let people look after their
own mistakes," flashed upon his thoughts,
and made him hesitate. To hold a parley
with evil, in most cases, to be overcome.
" I must think about this," said James, as
he put the money into his pocket. "If it is
true in one case, it is true in another. Mr.
Carman don't correct mistakes that people
make in his favor ; he can't complain when
the rule'works against himself."
But the boy was very far from being in a.
comfortable state. He felt that to keep that
half dollar would be a dishonest act. Still he
s:'' .:_.: • '-' , ':;P;
. ,
could not make up his mind to return it; at.!
4east not then. He would retain it for the,
present, and think the matter over more care- I
fully. He could, if the case did not prove
clear on further reflection, make all right with
himself and Mr. Carman.
To hold a parley with evil is, as we have
just said, in most cases to be overcome; and
it was unhappily so in the present case.—
James did not return the half dollar, but
spent it for his own gratification. After he
haddone this itcome suddenly into his thought
that Mr. Carman might only be trying him,
and he was filled with anxiety and alarm.—
How bitterly did he regret having spent that
half dollar ! .For two or three days it was as
much as he could do to keep from starting
when Mr. Carman spoke to him ; or to 10 - ok
steadily into his face when receiving from him
any direction. It was his first sad experience
in wrong doing. But as no lack of confi
dence was exhibited, James felt reassured in
a few days.
Not long afterwards Mr. Carman repeated
the same mistake. This time James kept
the half dollar with less hesitation.
" Let him correct his own mistakes," said
he resolutely ; "that's the doctrine he acts on
with other people, and he can't complain if
he gets paid in the coin he puts in circulation.
I just wanted half a dollar."
From this time the fine moral sense of
James Lewis was blunted. He had taken an
evil counsellor into his heart, who not only
darkened his clear perceptions of right, but
stimulated a spirit of covetousness—latern in
almost every mind—and caused him to de
sire the possession of things beyond his ability
to obtain.
James bad business quali ties, and so pleased
Mr. Carman by his intelligence, industry,
and tact with customers, that he advanced
him rapidly, and gave him before he was
eighteen years of age, the most responsible
position in his store. But James had learned
something more from his employer than bow
to do business well. He had learned to„be
dishonest—that is the word He had never
forgotten the first lesson he received in this
bad science; and he had acted upon it not .
only in two instances, but in a hundred, and
almost always to the injury of Mr. Carman.
He had long sinrie given up waiting for mis
takes to be made in his favor, but originated
them in the varied and complicated transac
tions of a large business in which he was
trusted implicitly ; for, strangely enough, it
had never for an instant occurred to Mr. Car
man that his failure to be just to the letter in
dealing might prove asnare to this young man.
James grew sharp, cunning and skillful ;
always on the alert ; always bright ; always
prompt to meet any approaches toward a dis
covery, of his wrong-dealing toward his em
ployer, who him in the very, bighe4t
Thus it went on until James Lewis was in
his twentieth year, when the merchant had
his suspicions aroused by a letter that spoke
of the young man as not keeping the most
respectable company, and as spending money
too freely for a clerk on a moderate salary.—
Before this time James had removed his
mother into a pleasant home, fur which he
paid a rent of four hundred dollars. His sal
ary was eight hundred dollars ; but he de
ceived his mother by telling her that he re
ceived fifteen hundred. Every comfort that
she needed was fully supplied, and she was
beginning to feel that after a long and often
painful struggle with the world her happier
days had come.
James was at his desk when the letter just
referred to was received by Mr. Carman.—
Guilt is always on the alert, and suspicious of
every movement that may involve betrayal or
exposure. He looked stealthily at his em
ployer as he opened the letter, and observed
_him change countenance suddenly. He read
it over twice, and James saw that the con
tents, whatever they were, produced distur
bance. While he was yet observing him Mr.
Carman glanced toward his desk, and their
eyes met; it was only for a moment, but the
look James received made his heart stop
There was something about the movements
of Mr. Carman for the rest of this day that
troubled the young man. It was plain to
him that 'suspicion had been aroused by that
letter. Oh, how bitterly now did he repent,
in dread of discovery and punishment, the
evil of which he had been guilty l Exposure
would disgrace and ruin him, and bow the
head of his mother, it might be, even to the
"You are not well this evening," said Hrs.
Lewis, as she looked at her son's changed
fabe across the tea-table, and noticed that he
did not eat.
"3..1y head aches," he replied, as he turned
partly away from his mother's direct gaze"
Perhaps the tea will make you feel Let-
"I'll lie down on the sofa in the parlor for
a short time," said the young man, rising
from the table. " A little quiet may give re
lief." And he went from the dining room.
Mrs. Lewis followed him into the parlor in
a little while, and sitting down by the sofa
on which he was lying, placed her hand on
his bead. Ah, it would take more than the
loving pressure of a mother's hand to ease
the pain from which he was suffering. The
touch of that pure hand increased the pain
to agony.
"Do you feel better ?" asked Mrs. Lewis
after she had remained for some time with
her hand - on his forehead.
" Not much," he replied ; and rising as he
spoke, he added, " I think a walk in the open
air will do me good.",
"Don't go out, James," said Mrs. Lewis, a
troubled feeling coming into her heart.
" I'll only walk a few squares." A.nd
James went from the parlor, and, taking up
his hat, passed into the street without an-:
other word.
" There's something more than the head
ache the matter with was the thought
of Mrs. Lewis, and the slight feeling of trouble
she had experienced began deepening into a
strange concern that involved a dread ofcom
ing evil.
For half an hour James walked without
any purpose in his mind beyond escape from
the presence of his mother. Every phase of
Mr. Carman's manner toward him after the
receipt of that letter was reviewed and dwelt
on, in order if possible to dertermine whether
suspicion of wrong dealing was entertained.
At last his aimless walk brought him into the
neighborhood of Mr: Carmen's store, and in
passing he was surprised at seeing a light
'''" What can this mean ?" ho asked himself,
a new fear creeping, with its shuddering im
pulses, into his heart.
He went near and listened by the door and
window, but could hear no sound within.
" There's something wrong," he said.—
, " What can it be? If this thing is discover
ed, what will be the end of it ? Ruin ! ruin !
11y. poor mother !"
The wretched young .man passed on, and
walked the streets for two hours, when he re
turned home. His mother met him as he en
tered, and inquired, with unconcealed anxie
ty, if he was better. He said yes, but with
a manner that only increased the trouble she
felt, and passed up hastily to his own room.
In the morning the strangely altered face
of James, as he met his mother at the break
fa : - A table, struck alarm into her heart. He
was silent, and evaded all her questions.—
While they sat at the table the door bell rung
loudly. . The sound startled James, and he
turned his ear to listen in a nervous way
which did not escape the observation of his
" Who is it ?" asked Mrs. ,Lewis, as the
servant came back from the door.
" A gentleman wishes to see Mr. James,"
replied the girl.
James arose instantly, and went out into
the hall, shutting the dinning-room door as
he did so. Mrs. Lewis sat, in almost breath
less expectation, awaiting her son's return.
She heard him coming back in "a few mo
-meats, but be did not enter the dining-room.
Thin lie returned along the hall to the street
door, and she heard it shut. All was now
silent. Starting up, she ran out into the pas
sage, but James was not there. He had gone
away with the person who bad. called, and
without a word.
Ah that was a sad going away I Mr. Car
man had spent half the night in examining
the accounts of James, and discovered frauds
to the amount of over six thousand dollars.
Blindly indignant, he had sent an officer to
arrest him early in the morning ; and it was
with this officer that the unhappy boy went
away from the home of his mother, never
again to return.
" The young villain shall lie in the bed he
has made for himself !" exclaimed Mr. Car
man, in his bitter indignation. And he did
not hold back in anything, but made the ex
posure of the young man's crime complete.—
04hc trial., he sh„)wed an eager (leire to
have him convicted, and presented such an
array of evidence =that the jury could not
give any other verdict than "Guilty."
The poor mother was in court, and audible
in the silence that followed, came her con
vulsed sobs upon the air. The presiding
judge then addressed the culprit, and asked
if he had anything to say why sentence of
the law should not be pronounced upon him.
All eyes were turned upon the pale, agitated
young man, who arose with an affOrt, and
leaned against the railing by which he stood,
as if needing the support.
" Will it please your honor," he said, " to
direct Mr. Carman, my prosecutor, to come a
little nearer, so that I can look at him and
your honors at the same time ?"
Mr. Carman was directed to come forward
to where the boy stood. There was a breath
less silence in the court-room as the prosecu
tor obeyed the order, and came forward so as
to be in the eyes of all. James looked at
him steadily for a few moments, and then
turned to the judges.
" What I have to say, your honors, is
this"—he spoke calmly and distinctly—"and
it may, in a manner, extenuate, though. it
cannot excuse my crime. I went into that
man's store an innocent boy ; and if he had
been an honest man I would not have stood
before you to-day as a criminal."
Mr. Carman interrupted the young man,
and appealed to the court fur protection
against allegations of such an outrageous
character • but he was peremptorily ordered
to be silent. James went on in a firm voice.
"Only a few weeks after I went into his
employment, I examined a bill by his direc
tion, and discovered an error of twenty dol
The face of Mr. Carman crimsoned in
"You remember it, I see," remarked
James, " and I shall have cause to remember,
it while I live. The error was in favor of
Mr. Carman, and I asked if I should correct
tile figures, and he answered, No ; let them
correct their own mistakes. We don't exam
ine bills for other people's benefit.' It was
my first lesson in dishonesty, and I never
forgot the words. I saw the bill settled, and
Mr. Carman take the twenty dollars that
were not his own. I felt shocked at first ; it
seemed such a wrong thing. But soon after,
he called me a simpleton for handing back
to the teller of a bank fifty dollars overpaid
on a cheek ; and then—"
" May I ask the protection of the court,"
said Mr. Carman, appealing to the judges.
" Is it true what the lad says ?" asked the
presiding judge.
Mr. Carman hesitattd and looked confused.
All eyes were on his face; arid judges, jury,
lawyers and spectators felt certain that he
was guilty of leading the unhappy young
man astray.
"Not long aftewards," resumed young
Lewis, " in receiving my wages, I found that
Mr. Carman had paid me fifty cents too much.
I was about giving it back to him when I re
membered his remark about letting people
correct their own mistakes, and said to my
self, let him correct his own errors, and dis
honestly kept the money. Again the same
thing happened, and I kept the money that
did not, of right, belong to me. This was
the beginning of evil, and here I am !
Mr. Carman has shown an eagerness to con
vict and have me punished, as the court has
seen. If he had shown me any mercy I
might have kept silent. But n0w..1 interpose
the truth, and may it incline you to show
some consideration for the unhappiest being
that is alive to-day."
The young man covered, his face with his
hands, and sat down overpowered by his feel
ings. His mother, who was near him, sobbed
out aloud, and bending over, laid her hands
on. his, sayin
My poor ;—
! My poor boy 1"
There were few eyes in the court room un
dimmed. In the silence that followed, Mr.
Carman spoke out :
"Is my character to be thus blasted on the
word of a criminal, your honor ? Is this just?
Is this the protection a citizen finds in the
court room ?"
" Your solemn oath that this charge is un
true," said the Judge, " will place you all
right. It was the unhappy boy's only op
portunity, and the court felt bound, in hu
manity, to hear what he wished to say."
James Lewis stood up main instantly, and
turned his white face and dark piercing eyes
upon Mr. Carman
" Let him take that oath, if he dare!" he
The counsel fur the prosecution now inter
fered, and called the proceedings an outrage
on all justice, unheard of before in a court
room. But the judge commanded order, and
then said to Mr. Carman :
" The court offers you the only way of rep
aration in its power. Your oath will scatter
the allegation of a criminal to the winds.—
Will you swear ?"
"Mr. Carman turned with a distressed look
toward his counsel, while James kept his eyes
fixed upon him. There was a brief confer
ence, and the lawyer said :
" The proceeding is irregular, and I have
advised my client to make no resronse. At
the same time he protests against all this as
an outrage upon the rights of a c 7 tizen."
The judges bowed, and Mr. Carman with
drew. After a brief conference with his as
sociates, the presiding judge said, addressing
the criminal :
"In consideration of your youth, and the
temptation to which, in tender years, you
were unhappily subjected, the court gives you
its lightest sentence, one year's imprisonment.
At the same time, in pronouncing this sen
tence, let me solemnly warn you against any
further steps in the way you have taken.—
Crime can have no valid excuse. It is evil
in the sight of God and man, and leads only
to suffering. When you come forth again,
after your brief incarceration, may it be with
the resolution to die rather than commit a
And the curtain fell on that sad scene in
the boy's life. When it lifted again, and he
came forth from prison a year afterward, his
mother was dead. Prom the day her pale
face faded from his vision as he passed from
the court room. he never looked upon her
Ten years afterward a man sat reading a
newspaper in a far western town. He had a
calm, serious face, and looked like one who
had known suffering and trial.
"Brought to justice at last," ho said to him
self, as the blood came into his face. "Con
victed on the charge of fraudulent insolven
cy, and sent to the State's Prison ! So much
for the man who gave me in tender years the
first lesson in wrong doing ! Too well, alas
did I remember his words. But, thank God,
other words have since been remembered.—
'When you come forth again," said the judge,
'may it be with the resolution to die rather
than commit a crime I' and I have kept this
injunction hr my heart when there seemed no
way of escape except through crime ; and,
God helping me, I will keep it to the end."
lady walked into a lawyer's office lately with
her boy of seven summers old.
"Squire, I called to see if you would like
to take this boy and endeavor to make a law
yer of him."
"Decidedly too young, Madam. Have you
no older boys ?"
"Oh, yes, sir, but we mean to make far
mers of them. My husband and I thought,
however, that this would make a first-rate
lawyer, and so I brought him to you."
"Much to young, Madam, to commence the
study of a profession. But why do you sup
pose this boy better calculated to make a law
yer than your older sons ? - What are his
peculiar qualifications ?"
"Oh, well you see, sir, he is just seven years
old to-day ; when he was only five he would
lie terribly ; when he got six he was sassy
and impudent as any critter could be ; and
now he will steal everything he can lay his
hands upon. Now, if he ain't fit to be a law
yer, I would like to know what he will have
to learn."
"Pretty well educated, I should think.
"He is too young. Good morning madam."
A GOOD STORY.--An anecdote worth laugh
ing over, is told of a man who had an " in
firtnaty," as well as an appetite for fish. Ile
was anxious to keep up his character for
honesty, even while enjoying his favorite
meal ; and while making a bill with his mer
chant, as the story goes, and when his back
was turned the honest buyer slipped a cod
fish up under his coat tail. But the garments
were too short to cover up the theft, and the
merchant perceived it.
" Now," said the customer anxious to im
prove all opportunities to call attention to his
virtues, "Mr. Merchant, I have traded with
you a good deal, and hare paid you up prompt
ly, haven't I ?"
" Oh, yes," said the merchant, " I make
no complaint."
" Well," said the customer, I always in
sisted that honesty is the best policy, and the
best rule to live by, and die by."
" That's so," replied the merchant, and the
customer turned to depart.
" Hold on, friend ; speaking of honesty,
I have a bit of advice to give. Whenever
you come to trade again you had better wear
a longer coat, or steal a shorter codfish."
rar Baron Smyth spent two whole days
and nights in considering an answer to the
conundrum "Why is an egg undone like an
egg overdone ?" lle would suffer nono to tell
him, and at last hit upon the solution, "Be
cause they arc both hardly done,"
Editor and Proprietor.
NO. 9.
Our C'ildip Nastltt..
-A CANDIDATE for Congress, out West,-Sn'mst
up his edication as follows : ".1, never went
to school but three times in my' life, and that
was to a night school. Two nights the teach
er didn't come, and 'tether niglt I had 130`
NEAT RETORT.—An Israelite lady, sitting
in the same box at an opera, with a French
physician, and was much troubled with ennui,
happened to gape.
" Excuse me, madam," said the doctor, "I
am glad you did not swallow me."
"Give yourself no uneasiness," replied the
lady, " I am a Jewess, and never eat pork 1"
have you seen von leetle trunk, vat I left to
morrow as I vill come from ze steamboat by
ze hotel?"
"I did not, Monsieur, and expect to do so
the balance of the day."
" By gar ! if he gets stole, I will•kill ze raz
kale vat will take hioa till he choke ! Sacre f.
vat a countrys."
" I PRESI73IE," said Jem Horn, on entering
a hardware store, "you deal in all kinds of
nails ?"
" Certainly," replied the clerk in atten-
" Then I will trouble you for a pound of
toe nails." ,
Jem got a pound over his head for Ms pains.
A YOUNG lady who believes in 4 - Bible Law
of Love," when smitten by her lover's lips
on one cheek, always presents the other.
LACONIC.-" What ails your eye, Jo ?"
"I told a man he lied."
" liotaio I I say, what did you say your
medicine would cure ?"
" Oh, it will cure anything—heal every
" Well, I'll take a bottle ; maybe it'll heel
my boots—they need it bad enough."
Go down upon only one knee to a young
lady. If you go dowa upon both, you may
not be able to escape quick enough in case of
the sudden appearance of an enraged father.
A STOREKEEPER, a few days since, purchas
ed of an Irish woman a quantity of butter,
the lumps of which, intended for pounds, he
"weighed in the balance and found wanting."
" Sure, it's yer own fault it they are light,"
said. Biddy in reply to the complaint of the
buyer, " for wasn't it a pound of soap that I
bought here myself, that I had in the other
end of the scales when I weighed 'em."
Win- did Job always sleep cold ? Because
ho bad poor comforters.
THE foreman of a grand jury in Missouri,
after administering an oath to a beautiful
woman, instead of handing the Bible, pre
sented his face, and said, "Now kiss the book
madam." Ho didn't discover his mistake
until the whole jury burst into a roar of
I go," said a gentleman, remarkable for his
State pride, " I am sure to find sensible men
from Massachusetts."
" No wonder," said the person addressed,
for every man of that State who has any
sense, leaves as soon as he can."
A YOUNG lady in town is so refined in her
language, that she nevezuses the word "black
guard," but substitutes "African sentinel."
This is somewhat upon a par with what
Capt. Marryatt made a Yankee yming lady
substitute " rooster-swain" for cockswain.
SUE that marries a man because he is a
" good match," must not be surprised if he
turns out a "Lucifer."
A MAN was charged with stealing Z piece
of cloth, when the lawyer put in the plea that
the individual charged with stealing could
not see it, for it was an invisible green.
" I KNOW I am a perfect bear in my man
ners," said a fine young farmer to his sweet
heart. " No, indeed you are riot, John ; you
have never hugged me yet. You aro more
sheep than bear."
"how is your husband, dear ?" asked one
lady of another.
" Oh, he's in a very bad state," was the
." And pray, what kind of a state is he in ?"
persisted the other.
"In State Prison."
a s
A DANDY negro stepped into tore to buy
some potatoes ; but before purchasing be de
livered the following on the nature of the
root : " De tatar he am inevwitably good or
inevwitably bad ; dar am no medicumocrity
in do combination of tater. De exterior may
appear remarkably exemblary, while de in
teror am totally negative ; but sein' as dat
you wends de article on your own responsi
bly, why, without snekumlocution, dis culled
pusson takes a peck."
IT has been thought by some cynics that
the happiest marriages are between blind
wives and deaf husbands.
TAE boy who learned to ride upon a horse
radish is now practising on a saddle of mut
ton. What an equestrian he will be, in time.
Tun following correspondent is said to have
taken place between a New Haven merchant
and one of his customers
" Sir—Your account has been standing for
two years, and I must have it settled imme
To which the customer replied :
" Sir—Things usually do settle by stand
ing ; I regret that my account is an exception.
If it has been standing too long, suppose you
let it run a while."
IN Clarksville Tenn., a sexton misunder
standing tho instructions given him by the
Council Committee—which were simply to
the effect that it would be his province to pre
parethe graves as they were wanted—issued the
following : "As the quantity of graves will
be more than sufficient for our population for
some time to come, persons at a distance in
tending to die before the next rain can be ac
commodated with graves at cost."
THE following resolution which was adop
ted at a meeting of young ladies, in a neigh
boring town, some days since, shows the ef
fect of leap year upon the female sex :
" Resolved, That if we don't get married
this year, homebody will be to blame."
Very likely. But we hope the ladies will
not blame the men, as usual, for this is not
the men's year to do the courting.
LEARNING is like a river, whose head being
far in the land, is, at first rising, little, and
easily viewed; but still, as you go, it gapeth
into a wider bank ; not without pleasure and
delightful winding, while it is on both sides
set with trees, and the beauties of various
flowers. But still, the further you follow it
the deeper and broader it is ; till, at last, it
inwaves itself into the unfathomed ocean ;
there you see more water, but no shore—no
end of that liquid fluid vastness.