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Vottrg.
WHAT MAKES THE WOMAN?
Not costly dress, nor queenly air;
Not jeweled hand, complexion. fair;
Not graceful form, nor lofty tread;
Not paint, nor curls, nor splendid head;
Not pearly teeth, nor sparkling eye s,
Nor voice that nightingale outyies ;
Not breath as sweet as eglantine,
Not gaudy gems, nor fabrics fine;
Not all the stores of fashion's mart ;
Nor yet the blandislunents of art ;
Not oue, nor all of these combined,
Cau make one woman true refined.
'Tie not the casket that we prize,
But that which in the casket lies;
These outward charms that please the sight,
Are naught unless the heart be right.
she, to fulfill Ler destined end,
Must with her beauty goodness blend:
Must - make it her incessant care,
To deck herself with jewels rare ;
Or priceless gems must be possessed,
In robes of richest beauty dressed ;
Diet these must clothe the inward mind,
In purity the most refined.
She cloth all these goods combine—
Criu man's rough nature well refine—
Hathall she needs in this frail life
To fit for mother,. sister, wife;
lie whO possesses such a friend
Sl' , Duld cherish \Nell till life doth end.
Woman, in fine, the mate should be,
To sail with man o'er life's rough sea,
And when the stormy cruise is o'er
Attend him to fair Canaan's shore.
qk,
TWO WAYS TO SAVE IVIONEY
A LIFE SKETCH.
BY SYLVANUS COBB, Jl.
The following sketch of real life so plainly
exhibits a lesson which might be profitably
followed by many of our people, that we give
it to the reader simply as it occurred, only
concealinc , c' the real names of the parties con
cerned. And as the story bears its own moral,
we will not tire you with any " reflections."
John Poland and Anson Byman bought
farms adjoining each other. The land had
formerly been owned by one man who had
carried on the whole, employing a heavy force
in the work. When the two friends bought
the land, it was as equally divided as possi
ble ; and after the line of separation had been
run, those who had worked much on the land
declared that they would not give the " toss
of a copper" for a choice between_ the two
farms. The old buildings were almost use
less, so new ones were erected, and at the
same time both men commenced farming in
earnest. They were poor, having paid their
last pennies for the farms, and being obliged
to run some in debt to get stock and tools.
In all respects the two men commenced
evenly. They were both married, and while
Poland had one son and two daughters, Ly
man had one daughter and two sons.
"Look ye," said Lyman ; as the two sat to
gether after their farming operations were
commenced. " I have set my mark to aim
at. I'm determined, if I have my health; to
lay up a thousand dollars, clear of everything,
in five years."
" That is rather a short time for such a
purpose," returned Poland.
" Not a bit," cried the other, enthusiasti
cally. " Pin not going to wear my back bone
away for nothing. I'm going to lall 7T MO-
ney!"
" So I hope to do," said Poland ; " but mo
ney isn't the first consideration."
" What's the reason it isn't ?" asked Ly
man. "If you have money you can have ev
erything. Money is the key that unlocks all
doors—the card that admits you to all places.
"0 I give me a thousand dollars and I'll
content !"
" So I must have a thousand dollars," re
marked Poland; and then the conversation
took another turn.
One day a man came along who had some
splendid young cattle. They were of as pure
English Breeds as ever imported and came
very high. Poland saw him passing and
hailed him. Our friend was anxious to grow
a fine stock, and he knew that ho must com
mence in the right way.
The owner of the stock said he was willing
to sell, but he must have his price. He had
a fine young pair, male and female, two years
old, which he would sell for two hundred dol
lars. Poland offered his note on six months,
together with a bill of sale of the cattle as se
curity. The owner was satisfied, and the
bargain mts,made. The animals were bro't
home, aM. Poland was, not disappointed in
his purchase.
" Phew 1" broke from Lyman's lips, as he
heard the price which his neighbor, had paid
fur the new stock. " Two hundred dollars
for a two year old bull and heifer ! Why—
what on earth could you have been thinking
of Poland ? Why—l wouldn't have given
seventy-five dollars for 'em no how. My cows
will give as much milk and make as much
butter and cheese. I tell you plainly you'll
never see that thousand dollars if you launch
out in that way."
" But, my dear sir, I am determined to
have the best stock I can get," returned Po
land, earnestly ; "for those farmers who have
made the most money have made it from
stock. I assure you it's one of the greatest.
failings our farmers have that they are con
tent with small, poor cattle, when, by a little
trouble andoexpense, they could have better."
"My stock answers my purpose at any
rate," resumed Lyman. " I can't afford to
pay two hundred dollars for a pair of two
year olds, and one o' them
. a heifer at that,
when for fifty dollars I can buy one of the
best cows in the country."
" You have a right to your own opinions."
" Aye—and I'll have my thousand dollars
too," laughed Lyman, as he turned away.
It was only a week after this that the can-
.$1 50
. 75
. 50
.20 00
...24 00
. 9 00 13 00..
.12 OD 16 00.'j
WILLIAM LEWIS,
VOL. XIII.
va,sser for an agricultural newspaper stopped
at Lyman's house ; but the host couldn't af
ford to take it."
" Hadn't you better ?" ventured his wife.
" No. We take the Village Pickings, pub
lished right in our own town, and that's
enough. You know what I told you,
I must have that thousand dollars ."'
" Then you won't take it ?" said the agent.
" No, sir. Can't afford it. But there's my
neighbor Poland—he'll take anything that
anybody offers-him."
"I've called on him, sir, and he told me
I'd better stop here. He said you were ta
king no agricultural paper."
" And did he subscribe ?"
" Yes—and paid me the money."
" I tell ye, Dolly, Poland's thousand dol
lars'll come out minus ;—now you mark my
words."
Dolly Lyman said nothing, for she was
troubled at that moment by the thought that
her husband was exercising a spirit of penu
riousness which looked mean ; but she did
not say so.
" Hello ! what ye doing ?" cried Lyman as
he saw Poland commencing to run a fence
across his field.
" I'm going to throw out just half of this
field into pasturing," returned Poland.
" What ?" exclaimed Lyman, hardly able
to believe what he had heard. " Throw off
half your field ? Why—that won't leave you
with more than twenty acres to till."
" I know it,—and that's all I want. lam
determined not to waste my time and ener
gies in swinging a scythe over forty acres of
land after five and twenty tons of hay when
I can get forty tons from twenty acres."
" Crazy as a March hare ?" muttered Ly
man, as he turned away.
Ere long Lyman was met by another sur
prise. He was at the hotel in the village one
day, and there learned that his neighbor Po
land had engaged all their manure for four
years ; and that he was to pay for it with
wood, batter, cheese and such other articles
of produce as might be wanted.
" Dolly, what do vou suppose Poland has
been and thine now?"
" I don't know, I'm sure," returned the
wife, looking up.
" Well, I'll tell you been and en
gaged all the manure made at the tavern
stables for the next four years ! And he's
got to haul wood, and let his butter and cheese
go to pay for it !"
On the same day he saw Poland, and ask
ed him what he meant.
" I mean to bring my farm up," said the
latter.
" But .I. get manure enough - for two acres
of corn every year, and that's enough," said
Lyman.
"For you it may be, but I wish to manure
more. Our land was well run out when we
took it, and in order to get it up to its fullest
capacity, we must be prodigal of rich dress
ing."
"Well," said Lyman, with a sort of pitying
expression,—" go ahead; but if you ever see
your money, let me know."
" I'll give you a good account, never fear,"
replied Poland, laughing. " I must feed my
land if I would have it feed me. We haven't
got land here like those rich alluvial bottoms
in the west. My lands need nursinf , now."
But Anson Lyman couldn't see the use of
wasting money in that way. lie thought the
man wbo'would first cut down his tillage land
one half, and then go off and buy such a
quantity of manure must be little better than
foolish. llc wasn't such a fool, at all events.
During the following winter, while Lyman
was cutting and hauling wood to the village
for two dollars and a half per cord, "poor"
Poland *as haulinc , his to the tavern to pay
fur manure which he hadn't got yet !
It was on the first day of April that Poland
came to see his neighbor. He wanted to bor
row a hundred dollars for six months, or for
a year if be could.
" What ye going to do with it ?" asked Ly
man.
" I want to make some improvements in
ray barn cellar, and also enlarge the building
by putting on a tie up, thus throwing the
cattle out of my main barn."
" I declare, Poland, it's too bad !" said Ly
man, pityingly. ";Here, I've laid up over
two hundred dollars clear cash, and you are
worse off than nothing—in debt. By the
jingo, John, I don't want to see you fooling
away money so. Your barn is large enough
—as large as mine is with double your land
to empty into it. If I lend you a hundred
dollars what assurance have I that I shall
ever see it again ? I'd rather let it go where
I know it is safe. I shouldn't want to sue
you, and I might not get it without. Your
farm is as good as mine, and you have no
more need to be borrowing than I have,—or,
you shouldn't have."
John Poland didn't say anything about the
two animals he had bought a year and a half
before, and the calf they had yielded him,
for which he had been offered, within the
week, four hundred dollars. He owned that
amount of stock over and above the stock
owned by Lyman. He turned the subject of
conversation as quickly as possible, for he
wanted to hear no reason from his friend for
not leriding him the money.
That afternoon he went over to see the man
of whom he had bought this new stock, who
readily lent him the money he needed.
" What a fool !" said Lyman, as he saw the
carpenters at work tearing away one whole
side of his neighbor's barn, preparatory to
adding an apartment capable of accommoda
ting forty-five "head of cattle." However,
Poland worked on, and tried in vain to get
his neighbor to listen to some of his advice.
" Don't talk to me," cried Lyman, at the
end of the second year. I've got four hun
dred dollars at interest. How much have
you got?"
" A thousand or so," returned the other.
"Eh What do you mean ?"
" Why, all the money I have laid out on
this place is on interest."
" Oho—aba, ha, ha, ha,—and how much
interest have you realized?"
" So far I've let it all run at compound in
terest—put the interest right in with the
principal, and there it lies."
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" Yea, and there it will lie. I don't belie; - 'e'
you can raise fifty dollars now in cash."
"You are right, Lyman—l could not raise
it without selling something which I do not
wish at present to part with."
" I thought so. But, take your own way."
Ere long Anson Lyman was astonished to
find that his neighbor had subscribed for a
third newspaper, besides buying a lot of
books for his children. .
"What's the use?" he said, as he sat in
his neighbor's front room, and saw a large
pile of books on the shelf. " I want my
children to learn to work—not to be spending
their time over books. They get schooling
enough when our school is open."
" So I mean that my children shall learn
to work," returned Poland, " but that shall
not prevent them from becoming well educa
ted. I would rather leave them with good
health, good characters and well educated,
than with thousands of dollars each, minus
the education."
" Oho ! That's the way you meant to lay
up a thousand dollars; to have it in hooks,
and papers, and new tie ups and such like."
"You shall see when the time is up:"
"We shall," returned Lyman, as he turn
ed towards home.
Mr. Lyman had not fully realized how
much corn Poland had received from the
land he had manured so heavily and so care
fully ; and on the second year he only noticed
that his neighbor had extraordinary good
tuck! with his wheat, getting about ninety
bushels from three acres. But he had occa
sion to open his eyes on the third year.
One evening just at sundown, he went over
into Poland's field, where the men were just
finishing making up a three acre piece where
the grain had been the year before—the first
piece the present owner had plowed up and
dressed.
"Been poling some hay on here," said Ly
man, as be saw the huge bunches of hay
nearly as thick as they could stand.
" go—this was all cut from these three
acres," returned Poland.
Lyman counted the bundles, and then es
timated their average weight, and upon reck
oning up he found the land had yielded not
far from four tons to the acre! He had just
got in the two acres which he had first dress
ed upon the new farm, and he had obtained
short of two tons per acre! He knew that
Poland had got ten bushels more of wheat
per acre than he had done, and also more
corn. He began to think, but yet he would
not let kis money go any such "ex_periments"
upon his place.
The five years came around and Anson
Lyman went on that day and sold fourteen
bushels of corn in order to get fourteen dol
lars to put with nine hundred and eighty six
dollars which he had at home.
"Well, Poland, I've got the prize!" said
Lyman, entering the farmer's barn in the af
ternoon. It was early spring, just five years
from the day on which they bought, I've
got the thousand dollars; now what have
you got?
" Well—l have not far from four hundred
dollars in money."
" Aha—l thought so."
"But, Anson Lyman," said Poland, almost
sternly, "are your eyes not opened yet?
" Opened I What d'ye mean ?"
" Well, I mean that my farm to-day will
sell for one thousand dollars more than yours
will. Look at my hay-mow. There are nearly
twenty tons of hay; you have not ten. And,
mind you, I have five head of cattle more
than you have. Next season I shall cut more
hay from twelve acres, which I have now re
generated, than you will cut upon your whole
forty acres; and you know my hay is worth
far more a pound than your hay is. I told
you I had five more head of cattle than you
had. For these five creatures I can, within
six hours, take seven hundred dollars cash;
but no such money can purchase them of
me."
"Ah, Lyman, you have been saving money,
but you have taken it from your farm with
out returning anything for it."
"Never mind—l've got my thousand dol
lars, and I've got my farm, as good as it was
the day I bought it."
" Not quite, Lyman."
How so ?"
" You've taken off two hundred cords of
good wood."
" Well—so you took off some."
" Aye—but what I took from my wood lot
I put back upon my field. I did not take it
from the farm."
Mr. Lyman went away with new thoughts.
Time passed on, and at the end of another
five years the eyes of Ansom Lyman were
wholly opened. Poland had raised quite a
stock of noble cattle from his first purchase,
and commenced to sell to the beef market.—
Two hundred dollars was the least any one
of them brought when fatted; and. one bul
lock, four years old, brought him three hun
dred and ten dollars. His twenty acre field
was like a garden, yielding, such as was
mowed, an average of three tons to the acre.
In short, his whole farm was under the best
of training and improvement, and now yield
ed him back a heavy interest upon all that
he had expended. During one fall he took
over a thousand dollars for stock and pro
duce ; and he was offered five thousand dol
lars for his place, whilst Lyman could not
have found a purchaser at fifteen hundred !
"Dolly," said Anson Lyman, sinking into
a- chair, " I've been a fool I—a fool! I say."
" Why—Anson—what do'you mean?
" Mean ? Look at Poland's farm."
" I have looked at it from the first, An
son."
"You hare? And what have you seen?"
" Why—rsaw that John Poland was ma
king a comfortable home for himself and
family, and increasing the value of his farm
tenfold."
" And why didn't you tell me so ?"•
" I did tell you so, husband, and you said
I was a fool,"
"I remember. Well—never mind—'tisn't
too late now."
On the next morning Mr. Lyman went
over to his neighbor's and frankly said,—
" Poland you must help me. I want to
learn to be a farmer."
HUNTINGDON, PA
-PERSEVERE.-
~ NOVEMBER 25, 1857.
" I will help you with pleasure, Anson ;
and you can begin far more easily than I did,
for you have money."
And Lyman commenced. The thousand
dollars was nearly expended in the work,
but in the end he found himself the gainer,
and his dollars came back to him with inter
est twice-fold. lie had learned a lesson which
many might follow with profit.
'ittertsfing Utisttitm.
Doctrine of the Resurrection
This was the subject of a discourse preach
ed, by special request, in the Coates Street
Presbyterian church, lately, by the pastor,
Rev. Mr. DUFFIELD.
As a prelude to the doctrine about to be
discussed, Mr. D. read the portion of Scrip
ture contained in the 15th chapter of St.
Paul's letter to the Corinthians, from the 12th
to - the 26th verse inclusive. The special text
of Scripture upon which the discourse was
based may be fbund in the latter clause of
the 15th verse of the 24th chapter of Acts,
as follows:
"There shall be a resurrection of the- dead
both' of the just and unjust."
The speaker remarked, in opening, that his
attention had been drawn to this subject at
this time by a variety of circumstances, which.
it was needless to detail. Upon the import
ance of this doctrine, he, as a minister of the
Gospel need hardly dwell, as it might justly
be said to constitute the chief article and
basis of our faith; it was indeed our great
consolation and hope. Pre-eminently had
this doctrine been dear to the primitive Chris
tians; yet he was sorry to find that the great
doctrine of the resurrection of the body was
in many instances being too slightly regarded
by professors of Christianity. But the other
day, a good Christian had remarked to him
in reference to this subject, "that the body
was a minor matter;" and be, for one, felt it
his duty to revive its importance. It bad
been the hope that the body would one day
spring Aril pure from the tomb; that sus
tained the martyr in the darkest hour of his
persecutions.
The apostles had laid great stress upon this
doctrine. It was true, when Paul preached
it at Athens, the philosophers received it with
mockery, and while they were unable to dis
prove its truth, they used every means, as
they supposed, to render it impossible by
destroying the bodies of their deceased in di
vers ways.
The presentation of this doctrine had al
way,s,been attended with great power upon
the consciences of Men—even greater than
the immortality of the soul. Talk to a man
of his soul, and he heard you as if you were
conversing with him about a stranger; but
let it be concerning his outward being, and
he is far more likely to apply it to himself.—
We had the evidence of the missionaries to
prove that the enunciation of the resurrec
tion of the body caused the wildest emotions
among the heathens, even when every other
appeal seemed to be made in vain. Ile was
prepared to admit that in very many respects
we were prone to think too much of this out
ward, perishable tenement of clay; but as
bodies that were designed again to rise front
the dead, we did not think enough of them.
What, then, was the doctrine of the Resur
rection? was the first of a series of questions
he should ask and answer in this, and the
discourses which. were to follow upon the
same subject—i. e., what was a true and for
mal statement of it? As a general statement
the text was sufficient; literally rendered,
however, the word resurrection signified to
stand up, as contradistinomished from the
prostrate position of the body t in the tomb,
and had hence been used to signify the re
newal of life, or the rising up of something
that had fallen down—not the uprising of a
(4ftrent body, for nothing could. be said to
rise again that had never fallendown. This
doctrine, was, hence, that the actual body in
which we now exist is again to be united with
the soul that now inhabits it.
[This sentence may be said to be the gist
and pith of Mr. Duffield's view of this mo
mentous subject.]
In the second place, it would be interest
ing to inquire whether this was a doctrine of
reason, or of revelation only. In the first
place, we might observe that this had not
been a doctrine of the Greeks; they had held
the belief in the immortality of the soul, but
not in the resurrection of the body, and it
had been this dread of eternal mortal anni
hilation that had induced among the ancients
the custom of embalming the bodies of their
dead. The truth was, reason alone was in
adequate to the conception of this inspiring
truth.
It was a lesson that no man could draw
from any exhibitions or phenomena in the
natural world. It had been oft attempted,
he knew, but there was a flaw in the sim
ile.
The illustration frequently employed of
the revival of spring was very good and
beautiful, so far as it went, but the analogy
failed in one very important point, viz: That
the shrubbery which decayed in autumn, and
which again came forth iu spring, was not
dead, but had merely suspended its life June
tions. In order to make this analogy per
fect; it would be necessary for us to pluck up
the plant by the roots, burn them to ashes,
and scatter them to the winds; yet his hear
ers need not be informed that were this course
universally adopted with the vegetable king
dom the geniel influences of the vernal sun
would return to us in vain. This doctrine
was hence not one of natural religion but
purely of revelation; and inasmuch as Ma3oll
had not discovered it, it was not for the ca
prices of man to alter or amend it.
Upon the exact antiquity of this revelation
there were some differences of opinion.
JOB had evidently embraced this doctrine
in its fulness when he declared, "I know
that my Redeemer liveth, and that lle shall
stand at the latter day upon the earth: And
though after my skin worms destroy this
body, yet in my flesh shall I see God."—
These expressions of Jos were indeed won-•
derfully significant.
Many more passages of Scripture were
,
Lti,
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read to illustrate the existence of this hope
in the minds of other sacred writers. Some
critics had affirmed that Isaiah was the first
sacred writer to whom the doctrine could be
traced. The remarks of Ezekiel respecting
the "shaking of the dry bones in the valley;"
that were again brought together and clothed
with flesh, was also regarded by the speaker
as pointing to the general resurrection of the
body at the last day. The same might also
be said of the declaration of DANIEL, that,
"those that sleep in the dust shall awake;
some to everlasting life, and some to everlast
ing shame." In Christ's time, this doctrine
was held by the Pharisees, and indeed by
the Jews generally—the Saducees alone dis
puting it.
The first avowel of this doctrine by the
Saviour we found recorded in the sth of John
in the words: "For as the father raised' np
the dead, and quickeneth them ; even so the
Son quickeneth whom he will." And again
"Marvel not at this; for the hour is coming
in the which all that are in the graves shall
come forth." The "Marvel" here alluded to
was the healing of an impotent man of thirty
eight years' standing, but which miracle was
evidently considered incomparable to that
which should one day be performed upon our
mortal bodies, virtually enduing them with
immortality.
The speaker here oTered several specula
tive suggestions respecting the probable mo
tives of the Saviour in speaking thus - to his
byStanders on that occasion. The great fact
that "the time was coming, in which all that
are in their graves shall hear his voice," was
evidently, upon Christ's own adinissi:,n, the
marvel of the universe. The resurrection
with Him was no secondary affair—it was a
cardinal puint in the Gospel plan ; and in
fact to rob us of this would be to deprive us
of the Gospel itself.
But whither were we to look for the evi
dences of the fulfilment of this Scriptural
promise? Was it to the fact that Entich and
Elijah had been taken in their bodies to
heaven ? or that Christ had raised the widow's
son, the daughter of Jairus, and Lazarus
from the dead? No! neither of these, nor
all of them combined, but to CHRIST'S OWN
RESURRECTION, were we to look for the great
and crowning evidence of the truth of this
doctrine. "'lf the resurrection is not true,
then is not Christ raised," was the gospel
statement.
If, then, Christ had. arisen from the dead
according to his of prediction, and at the
same time declared that at the last day He
would raise up all, what more complete evi
dence could we ask in proof of the general
resurrection ?
This doctrine was avowedly the most inex
plicable of all doctrines, but the proofs of its
truthfulness were certainly correspondingly
great.
In the third place, the design, of the resur
rection was briefly considered by the speaker.
It is possible that this general uprising of
our decomposed bodies was intended as a
grand, final, distinguishing exhibition of
God's power; or, again, it might be designed
to perpetuate the human race in this immor
tal way, as, without this resurrection, a link
of its perpetuity must necessarily be broken;
or it might lie designed merely to make the
immortality of man doubly perfect.
In the heathen system, already referred to,
the body was left entirely out of the ques
tion, but the immortality which had been
brought to light by Jesus Christ was com
plete, and provided for the material as well
as the spiritual man. his was indeed a
doctrine that shouted victory over the grave !
Another design of Omnipotence in the gen
eral resurrection might be to bring the en
tire man before the judgment seat of Christ,
thus verifying the enunciation, that " There
shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of
the just and unjust."
In view of all this, then, the doctrine of
the resurrection should not be w ith us a bare
admission, but a firm soul-thrilling reality.
We should regard these bodies in death as
seed sown in corruption, to be raised in in
corruption ; sown in dishonor, to be raised in
glory; sown in weakness, to be raised in pow
er; sown a natural body, to lie raised a spir
itual body, even as it is written, "The first
man Adam was made a living soul ; the last
Adam was made a quickening spirit."
The speaker closed by saying that the doc
trine of the resurrection was a glorious doc
trine, and, in due time, would have its fulfil
ment.
GIVE Him A Tr,..ton.—lf education is the
great buckler and shield of human liberty,
well developed industry is equally the buck
ler and shield of individual independence.—
As an unfailing resource through life, give
your son, equal with a good education, a
good honest trade. Better any trade than
none. Though there is an ample field for
the adoption of every inclination in this re
spect. Learned professions and speculative
employment may fail a man, but an honest
handicraft trade, seldom or never—if its pos
sessor choose to exercise it. Let him feel,
too, that honest labor crafts are honorable
and noble. The men of trades—the real
creators of whatever is most essential to the
necessities and welfare of mankind—cannot
be dispensed with; they, above all others, in
whatever repute they may be held by their
most fastidious fellows must work at the oar
of human progress, or all is lost. But few
brownhandcd trade-workers think of this,
or appreciate the real position and power
they . compass.
Give your son a trade, no matter what fbr
tune he may have or seem likely to inherit.
Give him a trade, and an education—at any
rate a trade. With this he can always bat
tle withltemporal want, can always be inde
pendent.
r,t, ,- Kinduesses are stowed away - in the
heart, like rose leaves iu a drawer, to sweet
en every object around them.
Poverty is not a, shame, but the being
ashamed of it is.
,t-Live virtuously, my lord, said Lady
Russell, and you cannot die too soon, nor
live too long.
Editor and Proprietor.
NO. 23.
Printer's Language.
In the following illustration of a printing
office dialogue, there is decidedly more truth
than poetry :
Foreman—You fellow with thb big mouth;
what are you at now ?
Compositor—Pm setting a house on fire !'
nearly done.
Fore.—What's Kirkbride about?
Compositor—He's engaged on El, 'Horrible
Murder.'
Fore.-1-Finish it as quick as you can, and
help Morse through with his telegraph.—
Crosby what are you trying to get up ?
Crosby—`A panic in the Money Market.'
Fore.—Miller, what are you distributing?
Miller—Prizes in Perham's Gift Enter. ,
prize.'
Fore.—Stop that, and take hold of this
`Runaway Horse.'
Fore.—Riley, what are you at?
Riley—‘Tryin ,, to climb a greased pole! .
Fore.—Too hate to finish that. You'd bet
ter commence `Jumping off the Court House,'
You chap on the stool, what arc you on ?
Compositor—On the 'Table' you gave me.
Fore.—Lay it on the table for the present
—have no room for it.
Ward—Shall I lead these 'Men of Dela
ware county ?'
Fore.—No. They're solid, of course.—
Wilson, what are you doing - with the 'Princi
ples of Democracy ?'
'Wilson—Trying to justify them.
Pore.—You can't do that; so correct the
errors in the 'Course of the Straightouts2—
Jack, what in the thunder have you been
about the last half hour ?
Jack—Justifying the 'Compromise Meas
ures;' which my sub set.
Reynolds—Do you - want a bold-faced head
to 'Jenny Lind's Family?'
Fore.—No; such things go in small caps.
Devil Pete, have you got up that 'Capital
Joke ?'
Pete—tiro; sir—l'm out of sorts.
Fore.—Well, throw in this 'Million of Cali
fornia gold,' and when you get through with
it, I'll give you some more. Tobin, have you
finished the 'Coalition ?'
Tobin—Yes, sir, the 'Coalition' was up,
but it is now knocked into pi.
Fore.—Justify it if you can. Dunn, what
have you got ?
Dann—" Nothing to Wear."
Fore.—Well, then, never mind that—take
this Clothing for the Poor.'
Foreman to the Editor—Sir, we want more
copy.
Editor—Go to the "devil."
And he went, but found the " devil" hail
gone over to Ilughie's after a cent's worth
of molasses candy to treat the office, and yon
der he is—(looks out of the wiudow)—con
found his ugly picture—playin g marbles. in
the street. Exit the foreman down stairs,
talking to himself.
A printer is necessarily a punster.
TO - MAKE OLD Srm-En. AS Goon AS NEW.--
A desideratum long sought for has now been
achieved—that is, a means of perfectly clean
articles of silver without injury to the
metal. It is the discovery of Professor Bott
ger, a German. Take a glass or glazed ves
sel sufficiently large for the purpose; fill it
with a strong solution of borax or of caustic
potash ; drop into it an inner vessel made of
zinc, and pierced with holes as a sieve. Then
take your silver, and plunge it into the
liquid, moving it up and down, being careful
that at each plunge it comes in contact with
the zinc. Tho effect is magical ; for under
the ccmbincd action of the solution and of
the electricity evolved by the contact of the
two metals, the silver loses all its dirt and
discolorations, and becomes as bright as when
first manufactured. Should it not be conve
nient to use the inner Vessel of zinc, the
cleansing may be accomplished by sinking
the silver in the solution and stirring it about
with a small rod of zinc. It is essential to
success that the two metals touch each other
frequently:
A Ton - nu STORY.—The yarn we published
some two weeks ago, in relation to a plant
growing from a diseased limb of a boy near
Mace, N. Y., is confirmed by a Dr. Hawley,
of Geneva College, who further adds, that
"Iwo plants grew out of the limb, one of
which, after growing seven inches in height,
bore a flower resembling the China Astor,
and the other, after reaching the height of
three inches, was crowned with pure white
buds resembling the buds of the orange, and.
on being exposed to the light expanded into
a flower of a beautiful grayish purple." We
are inclined to believe all this a stupendous
Hoax: Yet it maybe so—man is a species
of vegetable, in one sense-L-but it will be
hard to find people who will believe without
seeing it, especially since the York Yankees
are famous for indulging in Silver Lake snail:
stories, and such like. If the story is true,
the case is one of deep interest to the phy
siologist, and affords a field for a diagonis of
a new character, both botanical and physiolo
gical.—Erie Dispatch.
-Pepper is an almost universal condi
ment. Black pepper irritates and inflames
the coatings of the stomach, red pepper does
not, it excites, but does not irritate, conse
quently it should be used instead of black
pepper. It was known to the Romans, and
has been in use from time immemorial, as it
corrects that flatulence which attends the
large use of vegetable food. Persons in
health do not need any pepper in their food.
But to those of weak and languid stomachs,
it is manifold healthful to use cayenne rep
per at meals than any form of wine, brandy,
or beer that can be named, because it stimu
lates - without the reaction of sleepiness or de
bility.—Bidl's Journal of Health.
A NVT FOR ABOLITION'S - F.9.-A petition
was presented to Judge Hudson of Green
brier county, on Tuesday, signed by old
Willis, a free negro, formerly belonging to
James Frazier, deceased, requesting permis
sion of the court to suffer him to become a
slave again. It seems that Willis has tried
to live among the Abolitionists, and haring
become convinced that negro freedom is a
grand humbug, he desires to choose another
master in the State of Virginia. He selected
Mr. Thomas as his master.—Richmond En
quirer.
Western correspondent says
attended a wedding a few days since. Wish
ing to say something becoming-the occasion,
I approached the fair young bride in the
course of the evening, and after congratula
ting her departure from the state of single
blessedness, I wished her a pleasant voyage
down the river of life. She said she hoped
so, but she heard there was a great deal of
fever on the river now, she hoped Ehe would
not catch it on the way down.
gerlnsults, says a modern philosopher,
are like counterfeit money; we can't hinder
them from being offered, but WO are not com;
pelled to take them.