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',Ontfr,v. - Here is a fire-side song, which, in sweet and touching beauty, has no superior in the whole range of English lit- MEM Be Kind to the Loved Ones at Home. Be kind to thy Father; for When thou wort young, Who lowed thee so fondly as he? Ito caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, And joined in thy innocent glee. Be kind to thy father; for now he is old, llis locks intermingle with gray, His footsteps are feeble, once fearless and bold, Thy father is passing away. Be kind to thy mother; for loi on her brow May traces of sorrow be seen; 0, well may'st thou cherish and comfort her now, For loving and kind has she been. Remember thy mother; for thee will she pray, As long as God giveth her breath; With accents or kindness then cheer hor long way, E'en to the dark Talley of death. Be kind to thy Brother, his heart will have dearth, 31 the smite of thy love be withdrawn ; The flowers of - 11:eling will thde at their birth, If the dew of mkt:Lion be gone. Be kind to thy brother, wherever you are, The love of a brother shall be , An ornament purer and richer by far, Than pearls - on the depth of the sea. Be kind to thy Sister, not many may know The depth of true sisterly love, The wealth of the ocean lies fathoms below The surttee that sparkles above. Be kind to thy Father once fearless and bold, Be kind to thy mother, so near, Bo kind to thy Brother, nor show• thy heart cold, Be kind to thy Sister so dear. '6VOIKAN. Proud man may climb ambition's height, And seek to win the limed of fame ; Yes, he may feel his heart beat right, When glory beams around his name; But not for these does 1\ Milan Seek, Far humbler her ambition's shown, At home she reigns a sovereign nieek— A woman lives to love alone. Still iu her daily duty moves, With thoughtful brow and steadf.Ast mind, She proves her faith in him she loves, By gentle smiles and accept kind ; The praise of one dear voice alone Is all she claims—withhold it zed, Oh. ye to whom her heart bath flown, Fur 'tis the sun. that lights her lot. If cold neglect or anger strange t 4 honld prove her portion, yet the ray Of her pure love will never change. Thu' hope, and health, and hli..s decay, By patient smiles and kinder tune The truant gently rlie recalls, Or, if - perchance reproach is shown, 'Tis in the tear that silent falls. Woman 'lath faults and weakness too, But stronger man, oh! bhune them not : Believe me, her affection true Thro' changeful life shall cheer thy lot. Home tics, home love, let none disdain ; Moro dear than wealth or fame could prove, They o'er the heart triumphant reign, And all are blest in wont:ilk's love- aitb . s)ltettlys. THE FATAL TRICK - " Bounds which with ouo fatal spring the mighty brute, wide waving to and fro Ms angry tail: red roll his eyes, dilated grow." "Where his vast neck just mingles with the spine; Sheathed in his form the deadly weapon lies." Chide Llierokl's Pilgrimage Upon one evening, a party of col!e,2,ians and young bloods of the towns had met together at my room to play and carouse. In fact, it was a regular meeting of the hunt ers, who assembled twice a week,—We kept it up jollily until midnight, having in that time managed to get full of Bacchus, when Somers proposed that we should sally forth and astonish the town by some well-planned and well-directed piece of mischief. With out any of us having a very clear conception of our actions or intentions, we hailed the proposition with drunken rapture, and start ed forth. A traveling menagerie had arrived in town the day before, and among the wonders it contained was a young bear. The poor ani mal had become so well beaten, that he be came very humble, and acquired a number of amusing tricks. Of this we were all aware, having visited the menagerie the day before. Just as we passed the spot where the animals were confined, it occurcd to us what rare sport it would be to capture poor Bruin and place him in the chemical lecture room, to astonish on the next day, professors and the No sooner had I made the proposition to this effect than it was adopted, and all volun teered the assistance in carrying it into exe cution. The tent or pavillion which covered the beasts, was erected in the great yard of the principal tavern.—The cages each con taining one or more animals, were iron-gra ted boxes, standing on wheels, by means of which they had been dragged into town. They were ranged round the interior of the tent, forming a circular array of wood and iron. Not imagining that any one would disturb the animals, the showmen and keep ers had retired to rest along with the inmates of the tavern, leaving the tents entirely un watched. Thus we were afforded a clear field in which to execute our scheme. After several of our number had been posted as sentinels, the rest crept in under the canvass, . and entered the arena. It was some time before we could, in the deep darkness of the place, identify the cage in which our friend Bruin had been placed to sleep. After stum bling over divers things scattered about and peering here and there in the dark, we found the object of our search. There, in a sub tantial cage. was the dim outline of the ani mal, his two white eyes flashing fire at being aroused from his quiet slumber. The next difficulty that occurred to us was the mode of conveying 'him- to the college, whichwas some hundred yards distant. Some of the revellers proposed that we should throw a halter over his neck and so drag him along. We rejected this, not from any personal fear, since we had arrived at that point which makes one oblivious of danger, but lest we should he seen by some late strag gler, and have our fun spoiled. A better plan was, after much scheming, devised, and one which met with universal acquiescence. In the tavern yard stood a water hogshead with a sliding lid fastened by means of a hasp and staple. We had only to roll this in, slide down the box from the wheels, open the door immediately in the front of the hogs head drive the animal in. We could then push down the lid of the cask, secure it by EMI 9 00 ..13 00 .20 00 .12 0) 20 00 ...16 00 ..30 00 .21 00 .50 00 00 HO WILLIAM' LEWIS, VOL. XII. means of a rope passed through the staples, and roll our prisoner and prison house to the college. No sooner was this suggested than we hastened to put it into execution. The cage with our united efforts, was slid quietly down from the wheels—Bruin growling all the time with anger—the hogshead was rolled in and placed upon end in front of the cage, and the animal stirred up with our canes. With a terrific yell he rushed in, and we closed, the lid suddenly down upon him, fastening it at, the same time in a secure "manner. The yell of the bear had roused the other animals and our ears were regaled for the next ten minutes with a variety of hideous sounds, that wakened fearfully the sleeping echoes of the night. The animal in the hogshead growled, and his voice came like distant thunder, so deadened was it by the wood in which he lay. His fellows had no incumbrance to their voices and they howled as clearly as though they had been in their native forests. Fearful of being discovered, we remained quiet for a time, holding our breaths in sus pense. But no one disturbed or tho't of dis turbing us. The animals often started a. cho rus of strange noises during the ,night, and the keepers thinking nothing unusual to be the matter, merely cursed the unruly beasts fur destroying the unity of their rest, and turning back, went to sleep again. As soon as quiet was restored, we slit a hole in the canvass for we were afraid to emerge by the aperture which faced the tav ern, rolled our hogshead through the yard to the back gate, which we unfastened, and then passing the road, started at a quick rate for our place of destination. Over and over went the hogshead, the animal within growling at the rough treatment he received, and we nearly convulsed with laughter at the un couthness of the noise he made. At length we reached the back part of the college, when one of our party climbed over the wall and unfastened the gate. We roll ed in our prize to the back door of the labo ratory, the place where our professor of chemistry lectured. We found that in 'conse quence of the narrowness of the door, the hogshead would not enter. Such being the case, we were about to start 'the animal through the open door, when an idea more redolent of fun struck the fancy of Somers. Back of the lecture room was a small apart ment containing odds and ends, and which was not visited perhaps, once a week. He said rightly, that if we placed Bruin in this apartment be would not likely be discovered until some time during the lectureof the Pro fessor, when the noise he would be apt to make attracting attention, the plot would readily be brought to a crisis. We joined our strength, and, upon our shoulders, up went the hogshead, until it was placed on a level with the window. A light young fel low, the smallest of the party, climbed up, hoisted the window, and slid up the lid of the cask. We shook the hogshead violently, but at first to no purpose. The animal was thoroughly frightened, and lay still with on ly an occasional growl. We shook it again and he started. There was but one possible mode of progression, which was straight for ward—and the brute gave one spring through the window. There was a crash of glass, a howl, and the terrified.animal, crouching in the corner, remained silent. Our little com panion closed the sash and leaped down.— We rolled the hogshead up into a corner of the yard, and returning to our rooms, contin ued our revelry till near daylight. It was about noon when I awoke. I hur ried on my clothes, passed a wet towel round my head, swallowed some soda water, and afterwards a cup of tea, and then hastened to the college. It was the hour for the pro fessor to lecture on chemistry, and I entered the room just as he had commenced to des cant upon the subject. The class were all wrapt in attention—for the lecturer was an able man and was treating upon "Light," a matter of interest, and. capable of beautiful illustration. He had scarcely finished. his short and eloquent exordium, before we heard a crash of bottles, and a low, startling growl in the next room. The Professor star ted, and stopped a moment, while those of the class not in the secret, looked at each other in astonishment. There was a pause of a few seconds duration—and then the pro fessor proceeded. I began to feel alarmed, I remembered what had been done the night before. Un der ordinary circumstances there was no dan ger to be apprehended. The bear was tame enough, and had been whipped until he had imbibed a proper sense of the superority of man. But from the sounds I judged Bruin bad worked. himself into the room separated from us by a thin partition full of windows, in which were kept the various drugs used in illustrating experiments. There were a great many carboys and bottles of acid in that room. Should he overset any of these and their' contents touch his skin, he would - be apt to break through the windows of the apartment and do some mischief before we could secure him. By the looks of my com panions I saw they entertained the same fears. There was another crash and growl. The professor stopped again, and the class looked around in dismay. Those who were acquain ted with the cause of the noise, could scarce ly keep their countenance. In spite of the alarm under which they labored, there was somethinc , so ludicrous in the growl, espe cially when we figured to ourselves the com ing consternation of the class, that they could hardly refrain from laughing outright. The professor, who could not tell from whence the sound proceeded, and thought it a trick of the class, reproved them severely, and then continued his lecture. "Gentlemen," said he preparing for a brilliant experiment, "I will show you a most startling effect." And he did. Hark! there was a sudden crash, as if every bottle in the place had been destroyed at once—a smoke rose up— there was a terrific howl that made the blood curdle and the marrow thrill—and through that frail—Father of Truth! we had mista ken the. case—there leaped forth, infuriated with the burning liquid which streamed over :4 1. ;;V • • • ,••••,..- • . , him—horrors I—an untamed royal tiger. No words can describe the consternation of the class. Not one stirred. Petrified by horror—motionless--breathless---there we sat. Not a muscle quivered, so rigid were we in our intense fear. It was our preserva tion. Maddened with the pain, the animal . rushed on with terrific bounds, and . meeting with no obstacle, passed down the stairs into the great hall. There as he leaped and roll ed, and howled in his agony, the eldest daughter of our janitor, coming with a mes sage unwittingly entered. She screamed and fell. The tiger, frantic with the acid, which was eating his very flesh, heeded her not.— On he passed and the girl lived. Better bad she died, for never more shone the light of reason her in vacant eyes. From that day forth she was a gibbering, incurable idiot. On passed the tiger—on on !—through the streets, with the populace flying to every side for shelter—passed his old prison, where the keepers stood wondering at his escape— on he went, bound after bound, howling, screaming with agony. On he went, while behind, before, and around, rose up the-min gled cry of men, women and children—" The tig,er! the tiger !" At the extremity of the main street, atrav eler was riding quietly to his home. He beard the noise him, behind and casting his eyes around saw the cause. He spurred his horse who started snorting with terror, for he saw the coming of the mighty animal as well as his master. It was in vain. The tiger noted not the man. He only saw the terrifi ed steed. One leap—the distance was just saved—and he struck his claws into the hind quarters of the horse, who unmindful . of the double burthen, rushed on, bearing the fear ful load as though it were a feather's weight. The man received no hurt. With . presence of mind and coolness most determined—for it resulted from despair—he drew his bowie knife from his bosom, and with afirm stroke, buried it to the hilt in. the neck of the tiger. The spinal marrow of the royal brute was severed, and he died instantly. But ho did not release his hold. Still, with the death grip, he clung to his place, his eyes glassed and glaring, and his claws sunk deep into the flesh. On went the horse, snorting, plunging and rearing in mingled pain and terror—on he went, until exhausted by fa tigue and loss of blood he fell prostrate.— Those who came that way an hour after, cau tiously and timidly saw the three stretching together. They watched awhile, and found they did not move. They stole up--10, the horse and tiger were dead, and over their lifeless forms was the traveler, insensible, though aline, and still grasping in his hand the friendly knife. The Counts of Hapsburg, a powerful fam ily of the cantons of Argan in Switzerland, the Counts of Rapperschwyl, rulers of the Lake of Zurich, the Counts of Toggenburg, rivals of both these houses, in their impreg nable stronghold of Fischingen, and Several other influential chieftains, disputed among themselves the dominion of these groups of mountains, lakes and forests. Their nominal subordination to the empire of Germany was regulated exclusively by their interest. In dividual caprice was the only law they ac knowledged. Their manners were. as wild and savage as their locality; their traditions teemed with blood—those of the Courts of Toggenburg in particular bore ample testi mony to the arbitrary ferocity of their judg ments. The castle of this family erected on the summit of a rock overhanging the lake, was totally inaccessible to an enemy. Ono of the lords of this house, Henry of Toggen burg, had married a lady named Ida, whose beauty became the miracle and theme of the entire land. The count was jealous as he was affectionately attached to his helpmate. Chance gave an apparent substance to this deadly shadow which embittered his happi ness. One day, while the countess was con templating from a window in her tower the lake and the valleys which lay expanded be fore her eyes in the abstraction of the mo ment she suffered her wedding ring, which had. slipped accidentally from her finger to remain on the ledge of the window, and re turned without noticing the loss. A crow, flying round the battlements, •observed the ring glittering under a, ray of the sun. At tracted, as all birds arc, by the brilliancy of the gold, the crow alighted on the tower, and thruSting its neck between the bars car ried off the ring to its nest. Disdoi•ering afterward that the gold was of less value than an earth-worm to feed her young, she pushed it over ther edge of the nest, and allowed it to fall upon the beach. A page belonging to the castle, hunting in that neighborhood seine days after, found the ring, and not knowing to whom to restore it, placed it upon his finger, without dream ing of future mischief. Count Henry seeing the ring upon the finger of his page, immedi ately persuaded himself that it was a 'gift from his wife •to her paramour, and the evi dence of a criminal intercourse. Without listening to any counselor argument beyond the impulse of vengeance, he caused the young page to be bound to the tail of tin un tamed horse, who dragged• his" dislocated members, in mad career, across the rocks and precipices ; then taking his innocent wife in his arms, he precipitated. her from the top of the battlements into the chasm below; but the gulf rejected the victim. The rocks, covered with thorny shrubs, retained the beautiful Ida suspended by her garments and long tresses over the brink of the abyss. She contrived to escape under the shadow of night, and demanded sanctuary at the con vent of Fischingen. Her innocence, discov ered and acknowledged too late, brought her repentant husband to her feet; but although she pardoned the action, she steadily refused ever again to live with him as his wife, and passed the remainder of her days in a cell of a monastery, praying for the guilty count and the unfortunate page who had been so cruelly immolated to' an unfounded suspi cion. HUNTINGDON, PA, DECEMBER 3, 1856. The Lost Ring A GERMAN LEGEND. PERSEVERE.- REVOLUTIONARY MEN AND RE- - A correspondent of the Petersburg Ex press, writing from " near Leetown, Jeffer son county, Virginia," sends that paper an interesting letter about Revolutionary men and reminiscences, from which we make the following extract : _ In the immediate vicinity of the spot from which I address you these lines,are the dilap idated and antique residences of three dis tinguished.,Major Generals of the American - Revolution. Within a radius of one mile and a half lived, long and weary years, Chas. Lee, the sinister hero of Monmouth; Horatio Gates, the loser of the battle of Camden and the Southern campaign; and Adam Stephen, the early friend of Washington. In this lit tle village--on whose golden forests I am ga zing—under the shadows of the great woods here—remote from camps and the flashing world, these three warriors rusted out the re mainder of their lives in inglorious repose, the swords in moth eaten scabbards no more to be drawn. Here, if I mistake not, two of them died, and soon even these lingering me morials of them will crumble and disappear as their figures are fading from the general mind. Lee's house is a hundred paces from the little assemblage of houses called by his name, and is an oblong building of stone, with chimneys at each end and midway— low, with a rude porch, depending, as it were, above the rough door, and with a few out houses. Gates lived somewhat further from the town, in a plain, undecorated building ; and Stephen occupied a mansion probably built by the earliest pioneers of the Talley, in which everything is small and confined but the fire place. But that is neither small nor confined. It is grand—enormous I Around it how many good companions must have gathered in the olden day, and what sounds of revelry shook the rafters overhead! You may read of Adam Stephen in Sparks' edi tion of the writings of Washington; and there you will find that among the hardy gentlemen who stood shoulder to shoulder with the young chief at Winchester, when the Indians rava ged the - valley a hundred years ago, was Lieu tenant Stephen. A large landed proprietor hereabouts, he doubtless resented the tres pass of the Indians upon his grounds, stretch ing toward the foot of the great North Moun tain—at least, we know that he did good ser vice. He was afterwards an effective officer in the Revolutionary struggle ; but left the army about the period of the battle of Prince ton, disgusted at something or other—and so came hither, and lived and died. Of Gates and Lee more is known ; the sto ry of the woftil quarrel of the latter with Washington at Monmouth, - you may read in full in the recently published third volume of Irving's great work. It is probable that history will finally show that Lee was not so much in the wrong as the world supposes.— That he made a blunder in ordering his for ces to retreat—and that his retreat very near ly ruined all the plans of Washington, and lost us the battle—this is certain. But it was probably an error of the judgment—not a want of courage. In Leutz's great picture, he sits on his horse sullenly before the chief, whose hot anger flames out—all that he did and said afterwards was sullen too, unfortu nately. High words—indignant correspon dence ; Washington cold and haughty--Lee raging; then a court-martial—suspension for a year—and Lee, in utter disgust, threw up his commission, and came hither 'to hoe to bacco—that being the best school for a Gen eral,' lie said, with a sneer at Washington.— And here in this poor and obscure dwelling, as I have said, rusted out the sharp spirit of Lee, and fell into dust and oblivion. With a few neighbors, no friends ; surrounded by hounds and horses,,and making the chase his only occupation, nearly ; thus lived the gen eral and died. One day, long afterwards, says a tradition of the neighborhood, Wash ington sent his . old adversary_ a note, saying that he would call on a certain morning and see him—that be hoped all past contention and bitterness had been forgotten—he was coming to see him as an old comrade in arms, as a friend. On the day fixed for the visit, Lee sent away all his servants—placed upon the lock ed front door a paper with "No meat cooked to-day," written thereon—and then followed his servants, leaving Washington to knock in vain. He never returned, and with the pass ing year the eccentric soldier grew more and more morose and repelling. The ground floor of his house -was divided by chalk lines mere ly, forming thus four compartments. In the first he kept his books—in the second was his bed--his saddles and hunting gear in the third ; the fourth was used for a kitchen.— He could thus sit in one spit, he said with grim humor, and overlook his entire house hold. Tired of his dogs and his silent mis anthropy at last, he commenced his silent "Queries, Political and Military"—an attack on Washington. But the world declined lis tening to him, and then tired of life, the cyn ical spirit of Charles Lee fled to other realms. His last words were—" Stand by me, my brave grenadiers I" and so ho ended his ca reer ou earth. A word now of the third ray of my triad of warriors. Horatio Gates came to the old house yonder after the battle of Camden. It was the Gates who had taken Burgoyne, and whose popularity at one time overshadowed. Washington's. But now, alas ! how fallen ! The breath of an indignant public opinion had blasted him ; and his laurels were all seared and withered. He had lost the battle of Camden —and had been deposed from the command of the army of the South, to make way for Greene—over his head lowered a heavy cloud of public execration almost ; and Congress, it was said, had prepared its thunderbolt to strike him. But the bolt never fell. The sad soldier's sorrow was respected. They left him to die in peace here—enough pun ishment that the magnificent drama of the Revolution was played out, independent of one who had enacted so splendid a part in the earlier acts. These three old wooden IVELNISCENCES Editor and Proprietor. houses are the visible remains of three vig orous lives—in them to the Musing eye, the spirits of Gates, and Leo, and Stephen hover around there still, speaking in every whisper of the pine trees and the oaks—those ancient oaks of the noble English looking " chase" which murmur yonder through the window —through whose lengthened vista appears the lone mansion of General Adam Stephen. Here, within a gun shot almost of each oth er, these men of history reposed—though not happily, we must conclude—after all their struggles. The current of the Opequon, res onant in old .days with savage shouts and dyed with blood, murmured by them, and perhaps spoke to their minds of other days —typifying human things which ever bud and flow, and change like the skies of autumn yonder—the gorgeous leaves, whose colors vary with each day. Woman and Marriage. I have speculated. a great deal upon matri mony. I have seen a young and beautiful woman, the pride of gay circles, married, as the world says, well. Some have moved in to costly houses, and their friends have all come and looked at their furniture and their splendid arrangements for happiness, and they have gone away and committed them to theirsunny hopes cheerfully and with out fear. It is natural to be sanguine for them ; as the young are sometimes car ried away by similar feelings. I love to get, unobserved, into a corner, and watch the bride in her white attire, and with her smiling face and her soft eyes meeting me in their pride of life, weave a dream of future happiness, and persuade myself that it will be true. I think how they will sit up on the luxurious sofa as the twilight falls, and build gay hopes, and murmur in low tones the now not forbidden tenderness ; and how thrillingly the allowed kiss and beauti ful endearments of wedded life will make even their parting joyous, and how gladly come back from the crowded and the empty mirth of the gay to each others quiet com pany. I picture to myself that young crea ture who blushes even now in his hesitating caress, listening eagerly for his footsteps as the night steals on,and wishing that he would come, and when he enters at last, and with an affection as undying as his pulse, folds her to his bosom, I can feel the tide that goes flowing through the heart, and gaze with him on the graceful form as she moves about for the kind offices of affection, soothing all his unquiet cares, and making him forget even himself in her young and unshaded beauty. Igo forward years, and see her lux uriant hair put soberly away from her brow, and her girlish graces resigned into dignity, and loveliness chastened with the gentle meekness of maternal affection. Her hus band looks on her with a proud eye, and shows her the same fervent love and deli cate attentions which first won her; and their fair children are grown about them, and they go on full of honor and untroubled years, and are remembered when they die.— Washington Irving PRINTERS AND PARADOXES.-A. printer, says Oliver, is the most curious being living. He may have a bank and coins, and not worth a cent; have small caps, and have neither wife nor children. Others may run fast, but he gets along swifter by setting fast. lle may be making impressions without eloquence ; may use the lye, without offending, and be telling the truth ; while others cannot stand while they set, he can set standing, and do both at the same time; have to use fitrniture and yet have no dwelling ; may make and put away pi, and never see a pie, much less eat it during his whole life; way press a great deal and not ask a favor; may handle a shooting iron, and know nothing about a cannon, gun or pistol ; he may move the lever that MOWS the world, and yet be as far from moving the globe as a hog under a molehill; spreads sheets without being a housewife ; he may lay his form on a bed, and yet be obliged to sleep on the floor ; he may use the dagger without shedding blood, and from the earth he may handle stars ;he may be of a rolling dispo sition, and yet never desire to travel ; he may have a sheep's foot, and not be deformed ; never without a case, and know nothing of law or physic; be always correcting his errors, and be growing worse every day ; have em braces, without ever having the arms of a lass thrown around him; have his form locked up, and at the same time be free from jail, watch house, or any other confinement; his office .may have a hell in it, and not be a bad place after all; he might be plagued by the devil, and be a christian of the best kind; and what is stranger still, be honest or dishonest, rich or poor, drunk or sober, industrious or lazy, he always stands up to his business. A VISIONARY CIIARACTER.—I once knew a person, (hut he died young,) who seemed to me literally inspired. He looked upon the grand and beautiful forms of inanimate na ture as if they were .endowed with a living spirit. When the trees waved the boughs in the air, ho believed that they were talking in whispers to him ; and he saw forms in the clouds that bowed their heads, and lifted their hands, and spread their wings, oracularly to him. Ile spoke little, but commonly appear ed in a delirium or dream, and was very fret ful and angry when he was interrupted. He wrote fragments of what he saw and heard, but he had not yet arrived at a full command of language. He drew the outlines of a sort of visionary epic, mainly composed of spirits. His imagination was much stronger than his reason, but yet he had a subtle and power ful intellect. He contracted an attachment to a beautiful girl, whose form was almost as lovely as he thought it, but whose mind was unworthy of him ; and I suspect that he died of this attachment, for it touched his sanity. Indeed, independent of this passion, common observers deemed him not sane; but if his inspirations - were not reason they were some thing nobler than reason. He was a magni ficent creature—scarcely a being of this earth —and I have never ceased to lament his loss with a mysterious and indescribable regret.— Sir Edgerton Brydges, Autobiography. A tall, rough-shod ship-visaged, good na. hired looking individual arrived in our city about a week ago, fresh from. the 'mountains ' and put up at what might be called one of our third rate houses. The rules were like those at most other establishments of the kind, boarders being taken by the day, week or meal. Jim Palter (we._ take the name from the register,) had gone in' by the week; with the understandin g with the landlord that he was to he credited for what he called 'lost time,' at the usual rate. There was nothing very unusual in this arragement; though it did not turn out altogether to the landlord's satisfaction. At the end of the second day, it occurred to Jim that he had not seen Sacramento for upwards of a year, and as a thought with him was almost a deed, he without saying a word to the landlord, disappeared. He spent the remainder of the week. at Sacramento, and reaching his boarding house here just in time to find the proprietor calculating that Mr. Jim Polter was indebted for one week's board. It didn't take Jim long to prove that he had been out of town four days and the bill against him was cut down accordingly. `See yere, old feller.' broke out Jim, as the bill was being altered, of its all one to yeou, I'll take a squint at them ar 'books.' `There's your account, sir,' said the land lord, pretending not to notice Jim's last re mark. NO. 24. Two day's board, 2 62} Jim took the bill, and eyeing the puzzled landlord as though he suspected some 'she nonigan,' he broke out— 'l want to see them 'ur books The landlord told him he was permitted to examine his books. Jim was satisfied now that all was not ex actly right, and resolved to see the end of it. 'Give me pen, ink and paper,' said he.— 'I want to show you how to keep books.' He took the pen, and after having added up various small sums, made out and hand ed to the amazed landlord the following ac count: Jim. Polter to Landlord—better two dais board Landlord to Jim Polter—better 4 dais lost time `Thar she is ! said Jim, as he passed the slip of paper across the counter. Cordite to your way of keepin, books a feller ain't 'low ed nothin' fer lost time,' The landlord said nothing but gazed with astonishment. `You see,' continued Jim, anxious to estab lish the correctness of his bill, 'I took board by the week, you know.' • `Y -e-s,' muttered the half choaked land lord. `And the bargain was that you was to credit me for loss time at the usual rate, you know.' 'Well, I boarded -with you two days, you know.' 'Yes.' didn't board with you four days, you sec.' 'Yes.' 'And you owe me for that.' The landlord took a long breath, brushed the perspiration from his face, and casting his eyes vacantly about the ceiling, slowly ejaculated : 'Oh y-e-s! 'Now I ain't going to 'be bare on you, said Jim ; 'you feed very well—and as I am pin' up country to-morrow, we'll spent that little balance for champaign to night. But I'll tell you one thing, landlord,' he added after a xause, 'you would make money if you .would hire a clerk 1' 'e are inclined to think it would have ta keno number of clerks to make Jim believe that the landlord did not owe him for four days board.—Xarysville (Col.) Herald. GOOD.—An anecdote is related by Mr. Hale of New Hampshire, to this effect: A couple came to him one night, and wan ted him to join them in wedlock. He con sented to perform the cereniony, and said to the man : "Do you take this woman to be your wed ded ?" "Certainly," he replied. "Do you take this man to be your lawful husband ?" "Yes, I do." • " Then you are man and wife. all" Both looked with great astonishment, and the lady asked : "Is that all ?" "Yes that's all." • "Well," she remarked, "taint such a mighty affair after all !" A. Witty Druggist, on one cold night last winter was woke up by a terrible rap ping at his door. Going down he found a poor fellow who wanted a dose of salts. The shop was entered, to dose prepared, and a half dime put in the drawer. 'how much did you make in the operation?' asked his wife as he got into bed. `Four cents,' was the reply. A shame it is,' returned the irritated dame, for a man to disturb your rest just for a doso of salts. 'Recollect, my love,' said the druggist, `that one dose of salts will disturb the man's rest more than it has mine, and reflect that these little inconveniences always work well in time.' A DISCRIMINATING MONKET.—ADutchmart had made a handsome fortune in Philadel phia by selling milk. He started for Hol land, his home, with two bags of gold pieces. When on shipboard, he counted one bag of his treasure. A mischievous monkey chanced to watch his operations. As soon as the coun ted baz had been replaced and tied up, Jack seized it and soon found his way to the mast head. Ile opened the bag, and eyeing the brilliant gold, proceeded to drop one piece on the deck, and another in the water, until he had emptied the bag. When he had fin ished, the Dutchman threw: up his arms, ex claiming: "Pe Jiukoes, he must be the dyvel, for vat come from de Titter he does gibe to do cater, and vat conies frum de milk he does g ibe to me." AN iNrinnr. REntmEn.—An Infidel, boast ing in a published letter that he had raised two acres of Sunday corn,' which he intend ed to devote to the purchase of infidel books, adds, ' All the work done on it was done on Sunday, and it will yield some seventy bush els to the acre: so that I don't •see but that nature or Providence has smiled upon my Sunday work however the priest:3 of the bible may say that work &ate on that day never ProsPers• My corn tell A s another story.' To this the editor of an agricultural paper re plies: IC the auth. or of, this shallow non sense bad read the 1 ible half as much as he has the worksa its opponents, lie would have known that the great Ruler of the uni verse does not al- ;r ays square up his account, with mankind a the month of October.' Hire a Clerk, I=l 2 C 2; 5,:5 25 That's