By WILLIAM C. UTLEY
oh HY don’t you forget
about that guy Jordan?”
a suitor asked Marion Driscoll
about 18 years ago. ‘He'll
never amount to anything. If
you marry him, you'll be living
out of a suitcase all your life.”
That settled it. For there was
nothing Marion Driscoll would rath-
er have done for the rest of her
life than live out of a suitcase—with
her Jim.
It was a good thing for you and
me, too. ‘If this swell romance
hadn't blossomed into happy and
lasting marriage, we would have
had to do without two of the most
good-humored and welcome visitors
who ‘‘call” at our homes—Fibber
McGee and Molly.
Marion and Jim Jordan “lived out
of a suitcase’ and worked like the
dickens for a good many years be-
fore, as Fibber and Molly, they be-
came one of the five or six top-
ranking radio teams. In the rural
areas and small communities they
rank first. “We've got a bigger
audience than even Jack Benny
‘has,” is the way Jim puts it.
Fibber Born on Farm,
No wonder, either. They've al-
ways been “small town folks," even
though they've lived in Chicago for
a long time. Like Fibber and Mol-
ly, the Jordans themselves are as
genuine as the eggs in a home-made
cake. One indication is sufficient:
During the leaner years when they
sometimes worked for $35 a week,
the Jordans and their two children
-Katherine, seventeen, and Jim,
Jr., thirteen—lived in an unpreten-
tious residential district on Chi-
cago's northwest side, where they
had a lot of friendly neighbors,
‘plain, ordinary folks like them-
selves. When they suddenly found
themselves in the ‘big money'’ class
at last, did they buy a fine man-
sion on the Gold Coast, with more
servants than closets? They did
not. They built a little seven-room
house right in their old neighbor-
hood; it was HOME to them, and
that was important.
Fibber (or Jim, if you prefer) was
born on a farm near Peoria, Ill,
and worked on it until he was
twelve; he had seven brothers and
sisters to help him out. Marion was
a Peoria girl, the youngest save
tT
one of a family of 13.
Now there hardly lives a gal who |
doesn’t like to look into a mirror |
once in a while, and Marion was no |
exception. At sixteen she was a |
very pretty girl and had a voice |
good enough to land her in the |
church cheir. It was at choir prac- |
tice one day that she caught her- |
self sneaking a peek into the glass
above the piano. And when she |
Marion says these candid camera
Jordan day at home.
saw a slim youth of seventeen look-
fing over her shoulder her heart beat
like a studio gong; she decided right
there that Jim Jordan (for that's
who it was) was the man for her.
It must have been a two-way mir-
ror, for Jim Jordan decided the
same thing.
Jim sang with a quartet which
was rehearsing with the choir.
They had their first date on New
Year's eve. Marion can’t suppress
a little giggle whenever she thinks
of it.
They Still Tease.
““His mother went along with us,
and took him home afterward!” she
laughs. Even after 20-0dd years
this charge still makes him hot un-
der the collar. “Oh, here now,” he
objects. “Cut that out!” Then,
with a grin: “Anyway, didn't you
always bring your big brother along
on our dates after that?”
For three years they courted be-
fore they were married, and for 19
years since. Before their marriage,
Jim toured in vaudeville with a
musical act called, “A Night With
the Poets.” He sang on the Chau-
tauqua circuits, and later started a
concert company that toured the
tank towns, an experience which
may have developed some of the
“tank town tourist” flavor which
characterizes the McGee and Mélly
skits.
Shortly after their marriage Jim
left for France as a replacement
for the one hundred twenty-second
engineers, but sickness prevented
his seeing service, and he was in a
hospital when the Armistice was
signed. Meanwhile, was Marion,
back home in Peoria, merely twid-
dling her thumbs, awaiting his re-
turn? ‘‘Heavenly days!’ says she.
“I was that busy teaching piano to
50 pupils, some good and some bad,
I didn’t have a moment to myself!”
They decided to get out of the
show business when Jim came
back, but it was no go. Jim wasn't
very successful finding steady work
and, with his brothers-in-law con-
stantly taunting, ‘“When are you go-
ing to get a job?” he soon found
himself behind the footlights again.
He and Marion had real success
with their concert company, and no
one complained that he was shift-
less any more.
An Agent Gets Fired.
Billed as a 15-piece ensemble, the
company was literally that—a 15
piece affair—but there were only six
people in it; some of them played
several instruments. This led to
complications.
An advance man preceded them
on tour and arranged for their
billing. When they arrived they
usually met a stage crowded with
15 chairs and a manager stirred
with indignation at finding only six
At this point Jim would
dacity of his agent in permitting so
gross a misrepresentation. Loudly
and righteously, in the sight of all
concerned, he would discharge the
agent. Marion and Jim estimate
that this hardy soul was *“‘fired"”
in such a manner twice a week for
four years.
There followed more success, this |
time as a harmony team in vaude-
ville. Then the night which was to
open up new and miraculous vistas |
to them. |
They
friends in Chicago in 1924.
were playing cards with |
An old
shots of Jim and her are typical of a
battery radio set was blatting away.
Conversation was all but impos-
sible as what might or might not
have been a harmony team strug-
gled with the notes in the upper
ranges.
Jim Wins a Bet,
Jim stood it as long as he could.
Then:
“Dad rat it!” he cried. “We
can do better than that!’ His host
was a doubting Thomas with a bit
of sporting blood and bet Jim they
couldn't. So the next day found
them seeking an audition at the sta-
tion to which they had been listen-
ing—old WIBO, “the top of the
dial,” in Chicago.
They clicked immediately, and
soon made their debut in a com-
mercial program on the ether
waves as the O'Henry twins—at $10
a broadcast! They collected the $10
they had bet, too.
Those wete the days before any-
body got fat eating on a radio star's
salary. Marion and Jim for eight
months broadcasted two hours a
day for $35 a week. They were
known under dozens of different
names, and it is a tribute to their
amazing versatility that they did
not run out of things to do. They
sang songs, acted out little skits,
dialogs and monologs, and Marion
played the celeste,
But vaudeville still offered more
money, and reluctantly they left the
theaters, Then when WENR went
leave,
Gee may be traced by veteran lis-
teners to that of an old man named
Luke in one of their early broad-
casts. Molly is much the same
character as Mrs. Smith in their old
skit, “The Smith Family.” They
had another program called the
“Smackouts,” which they intend to
bring back to radio some day.
All this time it might be supposed
that the national networks were
overlooking them; in fact it has
often been reported that they never
had a chance at the networks until
Fibber and Molly came to life.
Nothing could be further from the
truth, Jim insists. They simply
made so much money off local
broadcasts plus theater appear-
ances that they avoided the net.
works. When NBC bought WENR
they went to WMAQ, where they
could remain a local team, but when
NBC bought WMAQ, as well, Jim
had to hit the national hookup as
“Mr. Twister.”
Marion Has Many Tongues.
“show' was a
start. That it has remained so, in
fact has never ceased to add to its
popularity, testifies to Jim Jordan's
showmanship. The sponsor wanted
to base the show on Fibber's “fish
stories’’ and outlandish lies, but Jim
saw that the listeners would soon
tire of them and refused.
we hear this quaint Irish couple,
genuine, witty, and at all times
sympathetic, surrounded by some of
the funniest characters radio ever
has known. Fans have learned to
laugh at the little girl
whose tiny voice can ask the most
embarrassing questions on earth:
the tittering bride;
Grandma, the old lady with the
bottom, who always seems as if she
will surely run down like an old-
time phonograph before she finishes
a sentence, but never does, quite;
the cocky McGee. All of these and
more are played by Marion herself!
Horatio K. Boomer, the small
time big shot; the raspy Russian,
who says “Hallo, Petrushka! Hal-
lo, Tovarich!"'; the Scotchman, and
other dialect characters, are played
by young Bill Thompson, whom Jim
discovered. Silly Watson, the po-
er acted at all until
radio—he was a
he got into
pipe organist,
own, “Bachelor's Children.” Harpo,
the announcer who loves to “spoil”
Fibber’'s favorite jokes by “‘sneaking
in" a commercial announcement, is
Harlow Wilcox, who is Harold Isbell
in real life. Fibber, of course, is
Jim Jordan.
Coin Many ‘Catch Phrases.’
You'll find no “mother-in-law”
jokes on the Fibber McGee and
Molly program. * "Taint funny,
that.
wouldn't want your children to
hear; Marion and Jim have children
of their own. Don Quinn, who has
written the Jordan scripts for seven
years, has taken a lesson from the
honest-to-goodness romance that
has followed the pair throughout
their married life. You will never
hear any serious arguments be-
tween Fibber and Molly; it's very
apparent that they love each other,
and you love them for it.
Seldom has any troupe in the
show business coined so many catch
phrases that have become by-words
throughout the nation. Among all
classes of people today you may
hear repeated almost any time Mol-
ly's “Heavenly days, McGee!” and
* "Tain’t funny, McGee!" ; Fibber's
“Dad rat it!"”; the little girl's “I
betcha!” and Grandma's “Hi, Skip-
py!”
They're riding on top of the world
right now, the Jordans. But would
they quit if they could? “Just give
me a chance,” says Jim. “Boy, I'd
like to go right back where I start.
ed. I'd like to live on a little farm
by a lake and take life easy."
“Heavenly days!” says Marion
“You bet,” Jim replies.
® Western Newspaper 1'r ~-
ADVENTURERS’ CLUB
HEADLINES FROM THE LIVES
OF PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELFI
“Human Bait”
By FLOYD GIBBONS
Famous Headline Hunter
ELLO everybody:
harmless sport, and perfectly safe just so long as you don’t
But Tony didn't follow the usual procedure.
Tony lives in Brooklyn, N. Y. He likes Brooklyn because there you
Tony is plenty sick of sword-fishing. There are
At least,
that was Tony's experience.
Tony says he never did want tc go on that swordfishing trip in the
first place. He had just arrived in Avalon on Catalina island, off the
coast of California, and he didn't know any more about deep-sea fishing
than the mayor of Timbucktoo knows about the North Pole. But his
friend, Tom Martin talked him into it, and on the morning of August 17,
1931, they set out in a power boat for San Clemente island, about thirty-
five miles away.
Then Tony Got His First Strike.
When they reached the north side of San Clemente, Tom showed
Tony how to bait his hook and how to handle his line. Then they began
cruising and looking for swordfish. Tony says they cruised for two
hours before they saw one, and it was a half hour after that before
Tony got his first strike
“That strike,” says Tony, “almost yanked me clear out of the
boat, There was a tremendous tug on the line, and I caught my
balance just in time. Behind me I could hear Tom yelling in-
structions and I began reeling in my line. I reeled in until an-
other violent jerk told me that the fish was diving for the bottom,
and then, still following Tom's instructions, I let the line reel out
again,
“By this time my hands were raw and blistered, and I was panting
from the exertion. When the line was almost all out, Tom shouted to
me to reel in again, and slowly, laboriously, I began hauling that sword-
fish back to the surface. I must have had him almost to the top when
suddenly the line went slack again. A second later I heard a hellish
roar and the water burst apart close to the boat. The swordfish shot
out of the water like a bombshell and fell back again with a loud splash.
Then it was off again, in a series of mad plunges, taking most of the
“Tom yelled: ‘It's a beauty.” And it was. It was every bit of
eleven feet long, and it must have weighed close to four hundred pounds.
And just then, the fish turned suddenly in the water and charged straight
for the boat!"
Tom yelled to Tony to haul in the line, and Tony forgot about the
reel and began hauling it in hand-over-hand. In the excitement of the
moment he didn't notice that the line had become tangled around his
foot. That swordfish was taking all his attention. At the last moment it
veered, missing the boat by a fraction of an inch, and then Tony felt a
tug at his entangled foot. He was knocked clean off his pins, and be-
fore he realized what had happened he was in the water, choking and
gasping for air, being dragged along at the end of the line.
Overboard Among the Sharks.
Says he: “In vain I tried to untangle the line around my
foot—and in vain I tried to break the strong cord. Down-—down
I was dragged by that diving fish, and I thought my lungs would
burst before it shot to the top again. And then, while I was still
fighting for air, I became aware of an even deadlier menace.
Sharks! A number of them, swimming nearby, dim, ghostly
shapes in the water.”
Suddenly, Tony realized that he was no longer being dragged. He
looked toward the swordfish and saw the reason. He had come to the
surface now, and there was the fish, less than two hundred feet away,
charging straight at him. Tony drew in a deep breath. This looked like
the end, and he was getting ready to meet it. But the swordfish never
reached him. Halfway in its course it was met by two or three darting
streaks of gray. THE SHARKS!
“What a battle that was,” says Tony. ‘The flerce struggle threw
up mountains of water. And then the line began to drag me into that mad
I was getting closer and closer, when suddenly it snapped—
It was coming toward me at a fast clip—but it was too
For at the same time I noticed that two triangular fins were
cutting the water around me in circles—circles that were getting smaller
with every turn.”
Bump on the Head—and Rescue.
Just the same, Tony began swimming toward the boat. The circling
fins were now so close to him that he could see the bodies of the sharks.
Suddenly, one of them darted madly. He felt its body touch his foot
beneath him-—and he shivered. Wasn't that boat ever
“The other shark would charge at any moment,” he says “It
had turfied on its side, jaws gaping. 1 tried to steel my nerves for
the inevitable finish. Churning the water wasn't going to keep
this one off. He was ready for the kill. I heard a roar and a
rush of water behind me and remembered the other shark. Be-
fore I could turn, something struck my head, and that is the
last I remember.”
But when Tony opened his eyes again, he was in the boat, and Tom
It was the boat that had given him
that bump on the head—and it hadn't arrived any too soon. For Tom
had had to fight the shark off with a gaff hook while he dragged Tony's
unconscious body out of the water,
Tony says he looked over the side and saw nothing but a couple of
fore. And that's when he resolved that thereafter he'd get his sword-
fish in a restaurant, served up on a plate with a piece of lemon and a little
parsley. This business of being shark bait was no fun at all.
No adventure is any fun—until after it is all over.
©-WNU Service,
Hudson and Staten Island Judge Advocate General, Adviser
Staten island was one of the ear-
liest discoveries of the explorer,
Henry Hudson. He first saw the.
highlands on September 2, 1609, and
on the following day entered the
lower bay and anchored in the har-
bor of Sandy Hook. The next day
he manned a small boat and sent it
h the narrows tp explore the
bay, and the island now known as
Staten island was discovered Sep-
tember 4. It was then inhabited by
a branch of the Raritan Indians.
In 1630 the Dutch West India com-
The judge advocate general is the
official legal adviser of the secre-
tary of war, the chief of staff, the
War department and its bureaus,
and the entire military establish-
ment. He advises concerning the
legal correctness of military admin-
istration, including disciplinary ac-
tion, matters affecting the rights
and mutual relationship of the per
sonnel of the army, and the finan-
cial, contractural, and other busi-
ness affairs of the War department
and the army. The functions of the
judge advocate general's
ment include not only those
judge advocate general and
office in Washington, but also
of judge advocates serving as
officers at the
corps, division, and separate bri.
gade pr and at the head-
quarters of other officers exercising
That Smart Touch
pr
Embroidered flowers that prom-
ise to be the “life” of your frock
They're fun!
They're en-
lazy-daisy and single
a grand finisher for neckline,
Pattern 5853
Flower clusters,
colors of wool or
a blouse,
sleeves, or belt.
gay in garden
silk floss, may adorn
both bodice and
sired frock. In pa
will find a transfer pattern
motif by 8%
one reverse motif
inches;
33,
strips of border J
ttern SBS
tifs
color suggestions
all stitches used.
Send 15 cents in stamps or coins
(cc for this pattern
to he Sewing Circle Household
Arts Dept., 250 W. Fourteenth St.,
New York, N. Y
Please write your name, address
and pattern number pla
ins preferred)
ainiy.
llowehold ®
& Questions
Removing Wallpaper. — To re-
move wallpaper quickly, put a
heaped tablespoonful of saltpetre
to a gallon of water and apply
freely with a whitewash brush
while the water is very hot. The
paper then can be stripped from
the walls quite easily.
» * *
Summer Salad. Peel
into small squares or
medium-sized potatoes (boiled),
add 3 tablespox grated onion,
2 tablespoonfuls chopped parsley,
2 tablespoonfuls chopped carrot,
2 tablespoonfuls chopped cucum-
bei, 2 tablespoonfuls chopped
celery or beetroot. Pour over a
generous supply of French dress-
ing and set aside for several houts.
Garnish with mustard and cress or
shredded lettuce
- - »
Clear Blueing. — To prevent
blueing from streaking clothes on
washday, dissolve a tablespoon of
and cut
slices §
ns
Washing Linoleum. Dissolve a
result.
* * »
A Refreshing Drink.—Rhubarb
juice makes a good beverage of
Clarify the
juice with water and add sugar to
It may also be combined
WNU Service
DAISY FLY KILLER
Watch Your
SLA
DTT