THE FABLE OF
BEING A TRUE
SPORT
8
By GEORGE ADE
©. Bell Syndicate. ~~WNU Service,
NCE there was a very small and
succulent Urchin who discov
ered before he had been on the
Planet many Moons, that no
Individual attracts favorable Attention
unless he exhibits a certain Amount
of alluring Cussedness., He found out,
as all kids of Normal Intelligence must
find out, that his Elders laid down for
him a strict Set of Rules which they
took great Pleasure in busting to
Smithereens,
As soon he could sit cn a hard
adult Knee he was warned that, dur-
Ing the Years to come, must be
Polite, Unselfish, Industrious, and eco-
nomical, A lot the Folks who
slipped him this rare Dope were ill-
mannered and crabbed and lazy and
wasteful, but what of it? Among Par
ents and Relatives the Big Idea to
be worked off on the Youngsters Is,
“Do as I say and not as I do.”
Many a Clove-Eater had
him that he grew up must
shun Liquor. The Poker-Players ex-
plained to him that Good Little Boys
played Marbles for Fun, and not for
Glassies and Aggies, Uncle Fred, with
both his Vest Pockets stuffed full
of high-grade Connecticut-wrapped
Five Centers and
Smoke House, would
Man that he must never,
the Tobacco Habit,
No wonder
8 years of Age,
and figured it in a Spirit of ut-
ter Cynicism, that Life was a Bunk
and Old People were whitewashed Sep
ulchers and conventional Virtue offered
absolutely no Inducements to a Lad of
Parts and ambition
Even at that Early Age he felt
stirring within Himself an outlaw De-
sire to be a True Sp He
of the Fact that all of the Juvenile Par
as
he
of
told
when he
0
smelling like a
warn the little
never form
when he
Griswold, was
sat down one Day
out,
rt. Ww note
agons who were held up as M
Deportment to the Ornery Young
were pale and
wore
didn’t
of Life and
Generation.
Early Vices of a Semi-Criminal.
On the other Hand, all of the Hard
Eggs who could fight with fists
and swignming in the Crick be-
fore the Ice was out and carried Nig-
ger-Shooters and | Feud
with the Town were
talked about and
and surrounded by eringing Courtiers
Griswold was groping
1 toward a Facet
which has long puzzled and discour-
aged a good many Moralists
Robin Hood remains a glorified fig-
ure, but who is interested In John
3unyan? Captain Kidd has an endur-
ing Fame and is beloved by Thousands
who never heard of the Archbishop of
Canterbury. Rollo goes Into the Dis
card but Huck Finn remains a lu
minous Hero whose shocking Vices en-
dear him to Old and Young.
The trouble with straight-laced Mor.
ality, as practiced in a perfunctory
Manner in many Communities, is
that it holds out no glittering Induce-
ments, Griswold, or “Griz,” as he
was addressed by his Colleagues, knew,
even at the Age of Eight,
would be respected as a coming Buf.
falo Bill or John L merely
because he washed behind the Ears
and saved up his Pennies for the Hea-
then. It among the
Lads of his Gang that the Good Ones
were going to escape burning in Hot
Flames but, aside from that, they had
no Prospects,
It seemed to Griswold that if he
wanted to be a cowboy or travel with
a Circus, he had better demonstrate an
immediate spirit of Bravado by learn-
ing to Smoke. When he made this
manly Resolve It was still possible to
get Pittsburgh at for
Five, while a very good quality of
Cheroot could be had out of a paper
Box, at any Grocery Store for Three
Cents each, two for Five, or twelve for
Two Bits, so that the foul Nicotine
was, as you might say, within the
Reach of AlL
If he finally could puff at a Twofer
without getting dizzy, it was because
he showed the Optimism and dogged
Determination that demanded of
any one who would learn to eat Olives,
play Bridge, reduce the Weight, listen
to an Opus or read Hindoo Poetry.
By the time he was In his Teens he
owned a Pipe and painfully tried to use
the kind of Language that would have
horrified his Sunday School Teacher,
and he had a semi-eriminal Record on
account of playing Hookey, smashing
Windows and stealing Watermelons,
The Sporting Code of Honor,
When a Boy who is brought up in a
Refined Home and surrounded by all
of the Civilized Influences, shows a
wide Streak of Wickedness, some Per.
sons say that he Is proving the Doc
trine of Original Sin and others say
that he Is reverting to the aboriginal
type and the Neighbors say that his
Parents have neglected his bringing-up.
But Griswold and all of the other
Juvenile Apaches know that they are
trying, with all of their boyish
Strength, to live up to the Teachings
of that Powerful but Secret Frater-
nity of which every restless Kid is a
loyal Member. They are trying to be
True Sports because they know there
is an Unwritten Law to the Effect that
the No Goods will be ostracized,
scoffed at and branded as Mollycod-
had sea shell Ears a
the Summer Time and
in i
anything out
}
Shoes
seem to be gettin
or
g
were loathed by
the Rising
their
went
id a standing
ih
arshal—they
admired and quoted
SO
that he never
Sullivan
was understood
Stogies
two
are
dies,
Why did Griswold, a little later, put
his Foot on the Rall and try his
darnedest to Drink a Glass of Lager
without making a Face? Because he
had learned that he had to burst
through the swinging Doors and
pound on the Bar in order to acquire
real Standing as One of the Boys. He
didn’t have any more Craving for Beer
than had the other thousands of daunt-
less Heroes who tried to consume It
before it was driven across the River
to Windsor. It tasted like Spoiled
Rain Water with a Pickle In it. As
for Red Stuff, the first Swig of that
was like swallowing a Kerosene Torch,
Even after he had acquired the
Standard Vices, it became evident to
Griz that he would not be regarded as
a True Sport unless he could hang up
a Performance such as one of the Fol
lowing:
1. Sit In the same Chair for 14
Hours playing Draw and then appear
unconcerned after being nicked for a
Month's Salary.
2. Go to the Race Track and listen
on a Crippled Goat that comes In Just
before they are starting the next race,
3. Slip out at
Wild Party at which
Money are devoted to
Partridges and
af
Purchase
great Sums
the
of Champagne
Profession who were brought up
Soda Biscuits and Young Hyson Tea.
$. Feed the Rent Money to a Rou-
lette Wheel,
5. let In na
Election Result,
6. Never, under any circumstances,
express a willingness to terminate a
Party and Home,
Giving Credit Where It's Due.
It is no easy matter for a Man who
is trying to get a Football in the Busi.
ness World to perform all of the blith-
ering the forego
Loud Voice on every
o
go
idiocies involved in
ing Tasks,
The Point
being a real,
the Rules of
apply. There
and Precedents
served. Une
is that when
hot
Sense
sure-enough Sport
do
Tradit
}
he ob
Common nat
are certain
which
must know
must
how
with a large Hunk of Money
an Eye. If the Money
longs to the iit
ditors,
no difference,
fo part
wold kept on bes
} he nearly ruine
0 now he is living
the Country and letting somebody
buy Diamond
Wives of Bootleggers
Sunbursts for
Some people think he is
but he got quite a other
Day when he tried to make a 200-Yard
th a Niblick. He
was Rotten and the Divot went
as far as the Ball, but
much pleased to hear a Spectator say:
“well. ve the Old Rird
credit He's got his
a Sport.’
a fins Deen,
Thrill the
Shot, over Water, wi
you've got to gi
for One Thing
Nerve with He's
Which Probably
put
him
is trae,
It on the Head Stone he w
a Real One to the TH that
Stomach, and Nerves and Pocket
gave out
MORAL:
lance than
they will
that ns
his
Wook
up
letter ride Ambu-
be known as a Pliker
in an
Aged Cows Give Up and
Appear to Prefer Death
As old age overtakes some cows they
get tired of living and jost lie down to
die—no doubt reasoning that life isn't
worth the effort it fits
of despondency invariably in
winter when range life is at its tough.
est. When a cow decides to die, writes
a correspondent in the Kansas City
Times, nothing can stop her. After
have worried and strained “tail
ing” her up, she'll turn around and
make a run at you, then fall down
again as much as to say, “Go on away
and let me die in peace.” | have even
had them, when down, refuse hay that
I'd packed to them on horseback,
I have found other younger cows, in
worse shape physically, that
to appreciate it when you got
takes, These
oecur
you
down
eat and carry on. A cow heavy with
calf is usually willing to do almost
anything to survive, but an old. cow
that is barren seems to lose heart and
want to die.
If you still think cows are dumb, just
go out and live with them for a few
years, as 1 have, and See how many
things they know that you hadn't
thought of yourself,
Persimmon Bezoar
A bezoar is any of various concre
tions found chiefly in the alimentary
organs of certain ruminants, . and
sometimes man. Formerly these con-
cretions were supposed to have re
markable medical properties, especial-
ly as antidotes to poison. A persim-
mon bezoar is one of these stomach
the stomach of & butchered cow, re-
sulting from eating persimmons,
of the skin, pulp and seed are not di-
gested and form into a persimmon
bezoar, or stomdach ball, which may ne
cessgitate an operation to remove it.
Rapid Change of Sex
for a rapid change of sex.
tive,” for instance, may
male to female and back
The “na.
turn from
fignin as
The Portuguese and American oysters,
strangely enough, know no such
change, remaining male or female
throughout life,
Hour -Glass Spider
The hour-glass spider is ofvordinary
y Its abdomen Is globoid and Its
eral color a shiny black. Under
the abdomen Is a curious red mark.
ing, resembling a small hourglass in
shape, Sometimes several red dots
appear on the abdomen.
OUR
CHILDREN
8
By ANGELO PATRI
DO IT”
———
HAT are you making all the
“YOU
fuss about, Dick? You can tle |
your shoe if you want to." |
“I can't. 1 did try. It's too hard |
for me.”
“It isn't hard. It's ensy
once you set your mind to it,"
“Is it easy?"
“Yes. Easy as can be” i
“Then you do it. t's hard for me.” |
Things that are easy to us are diffi
cult for children. They have to make |
an effort to adjust their muscles for
the task. They have to think anbout
enough |
A wrong motion, and it is casy for
a child to make one, sends a whole
of movements the wrong way.
Dick was passing his shoe string over
instead of under and that made {1 im
possible for him to tie the knot. As
soon as that one mation had been set
right he tied the knot easily.
Some children tire sooner than oth
ers. For them effort is annoying
they can and
if they form the habit of calling for
help at the first sign of tronhle they
will not gain power, l.et the child try
to do his job. When he cries for help
hold your hand. Watch what he does
and find the difficulty. Set that right,
tie needs
help over the hard place but he needs
to go the rest of the way himself,
It heips a child to grown-up
people do the things they expect little
to do.
What you
do and think easy
do yourself, If
speak softiy and
and move
sce
the
you
would have children
to do,
you want
should
them to
gently you must
with gentieness if
mannered
practice being good
Little children
idly fn vor
go
speak
you
You
wan! them to be well
must
nered on all ocensions
are not re
people's manners
you say, “llow do
sorry to disturb son”
have this chair? | think you will
more comfortable,” before they say it
or
fot must
the
grown up
to henr
“1 am
you
be
}
Lt
“Wont
Yelling showing once Is not
enough
times
show many, many
telling
that
iid to do is ensy
for Show by
one
s
fhe
thing
for sou to
you
wish the ch
do and he will have more faith in Its
possible for him. Then make It
easy for him to do by providing the
right atmosphere. A child cannot
patient an atmosphere of
tience. He cannot nile
mannered ln an environment
neither the one nor the other,
things easy for and he will
be
in impa
and well
that is
Anke
find
be go
him
- . -
THE CONTRARY CHILD
teachers When one
the best thing to do is
to learn the secret of
for an aflliction it cer
mothers and
comes along
to study him
his afMiiction,
tainly Is
When a child says, “1 won't,” wheth
er. in words or actions does nol matier
his mind and sits inside
in the darkness of his anger and fear
meet the one without the
Anything that brings fear
They are twins
Until we can help the child free him-
fear he cannot
He Is a prisoner
out
his
oHme
and play. to
Children who are not certain abot
ia asked of
them are likely to balk. They have
not the power of language to tell us
We have to win
i
accomplish this by
and slapping.
difficulty, You
We cannot
scolding and shaking
that adds to the
slapping him. Instead of that wait a
minute until your wrath cools and your
see this fear ridden, obstructed chid, |
closed In the darkness of his on.
formed mind, wait until you are sorry |
for his plight and desire to help him,
Then, take a good look at him, If
he seems to be enjoying his contrary
disposition say, very calmly, with as
You
needn't,” and occupy yourself to the |
Find |
something interesting to do so that
“Let me, let me”
not too effusive,
like,” and let
and enthusiasm
from
be |
you and says
but
“If you
interest
released
him,
he
his bonds
When you
In his
will be
him gently. Tell him If he wants to
of saying “Yes” Don't rub it in
if he has an attack at a dangerous
time, when he wants to do what will
hurt him, or refuses to do what will
gave him, and your hands and heart
are full, hold on to your reason, pick
him up firmly, without anger, and put
him where you want him to be. If he
has a tantrum reach for a bowl of cool
water and douse him with It until his
mood changes, Dut never lose your
own control,
@ Bell Syndicate WNU Servies,
:
FOUR daytime clothes to
be really chie, must car-
ry that casual look about
them which nothing other
accidental-on-purpose
simplicity can accomplish.
It is a knack to be covet-
this of to all
appearance, simply,
yet hundred
per cent perfect to the
mode, down to the
detail sentiment to
i formal
dressing,
most
proving #
even
’ he
slightest
draw a
and
more noticeable
At the
and eve
definite between
varel Is
this
that dance frocks
formal
normal
season.
WETS
lothes for the casual
t the «
i's i
of
gonhist
aph
very
to
alant or Guring
and at outdoor even
are, for instance, the new linens whic
at moment utterly
for suits and coats
this are swagger
Mark you, we are
of linen as it was known
in days of yore, the same which used
to start
and immaculate and which, almost he
fore one could reach
would begin to wrinkle up and be In
a sorry plight, Modern linens are not
like that, The new linens pride them.
on non-crushable and,
what's more, they answer to the call
of fashion for textures which
and sometimes even tweedy
pearance,
not speaking
out in the fresh
morning all
thelr destination
selves being
are soft
in ap
A black or a navy linen sult is con
sidered too smart for words
or the
color
spectator sports or go
Couldnt be
Maybe
now -80 much.
for your linen
about-town sult,
more correctly
you
prefer gray
talked-of siring
anything
STYLE SAYS WHITE
COSTUME JEWELRY
By CHERIE NICHOLAS
Never such a “white” season as this
Fashion especially spotlights white
pique accessories, It's white pique
for hats and scarfs, white pique for
belts and bags, shoes and gloves while
the new little white pique jackets are
quite the rage.
In tune for this feeling fashion
for white a prominent designer of
American costume jowelry has created
most unique bracelets, earrings and
brooches which amusingly and smartly
resemble pique in both ribbed weaves
and waffle patternings. A happy com
bination this—white pique accessories
together with white costume jewelry,
and is there anything more flattering
than white?
the way, speaking of costume
jewelry reminds us of the adorable
little crystal nosegays which this same
designer is conjuring out of crystal
and beads and such, These sparkling
Httle fantasies are both in flower and
in berry form. One type has a re
ceptacle for perfume. Latest thing
in way of boutonnierres to wear with
your smartest of smart summer linen
tailleur!
of
iy
Fashionable Women Now
Match Sweater to Skirt
As a chapge from the theme of color
contrast, smart women are matching
up sweaters and skirts this season for
nective sportswear, If a little adied
dnsh is needed, It is supplied by ban
danna scarf, belt or hatband.
Pastels are the favorites. There
are luscious shades of peachy pink,
lime green, soft yellow and linen blue,
which have been developed in home
spuns nnd basket weave tweeds, with
exactly matching sets of cardigan and
slip-over to go with them,
New Coats Slim
The new coats are slim and molded
as to silhouette, but they do things In
a big way when it comes to fur. Shoul-
ders are broadened by huge collars
and the fur is the long-haired type
chosen, onl wear a dark
fashion’s de
be sure to
blouse w it, for such is
Cree,
Tha he nbinatl
¥
a dark
linen
on
suit
will agree,
tyligh outfit
left in
is a heavy
being of
hie sort
. he red and
rries a bona fide
he oxfords are made
nen which
the
tice the evelet embrold
3
s whiel
Which
trims them-—not!
in
ing
vers im
we emphasis
nen this is
mich of a pas
inusie contered
in
fro:
TT
:
we h Te | that she
5
selected for Ww CRne Kk subt
The
Her delicate san
je of wisps of kid
White
for summer,
with a
to the modish
red and white
contrasts effec
3 large but
are also pl
are
dals white
ma
woven er across the toes,
kid
The i
footwear is the r
age
len of a dark blouse
appeal
The
of her blouse
the chalky
her crepe frock A red band on
white hat, a large red and white bul-
ton fastening her cape jacket and last
but most
kid sands
¢ Ad and olen
of 4 and Wil ny
tively with whiteness of
pin perforna
tions trim we} amp and
sirap of
& 23%. We
these shoes
stern Newspaper Union
SUMMER VELVET
By (HERIE NICHOLAS
hs
Now that everyone has found out
that there is nothing in thé way of a
costume more effective and flattering
than a pretty summery frock worn with
a summery colorful, velvet wrap, de
signers are giving special! attention to
eroating perfectly stunning coats made
of velvet, which of course is “light as
a feather” or as dainty and delicate ns
chiffon, for velvets are just like that
powadays. The model in the picture
is fashioned of smoke-gray velvet
Most of the velvet wraps Indulge 'n
huge bows as does this one, which
makes them all the more attractive
and youthful looking. The sable fur
bandings on the sleeves are mounted
on chiffon colored to the velvet
How | Broke Into
The Movies
Copyright by Hal C. Herman
By NOAH BEERY
RAGIC things drove me to
movies—but luck got me in!
I had never entertained the idea of
becoming a motion pleture actor, al-
though as a child I had had visions
and hopes that some day I might be a
the
I was born in the Ozarks. Jesse
the idols of every boy in our hills, not
because they robbed, but because they
Those
for
and
gave me mi
daring
folk
were
hill
use after I became a picture
But
I went to
courageous
ich
material
there were no jobs at
Kansas City where
“ballyhooed” candy at the fair. Later
some kind helped me to New
York, where | thought 1 would be mar
velously fort s if 1 got a4 job as a
chorus man. Instead | sang solos for
ar Hammerstel
4 i t
rement
person
yy
to embark for London
when my two chil
stricken ill. We lost one of
months of anx-
» to Los
Noah, -
in Hollywood
ith hardly more than
ks,
I established my famils
room apartment; rent,
per week, for which |
about 1
for a job.
+ was making
aoEIing
Cecil] de
New York but
tten me. ] went
unedueated In
and applied at the casting
§ 111 part
dio, entirely the ways
* + it “ ow
got it, a sn
Noah Beery.
ry of $20 for the
and,
We
over
job. 1
me, it
rehearsed the
my
with a sala
wore armor
very heavy
aver
weights
Mille
at me through
‘You're Noah
leaped to the skies
1 did
more
belleve was
sce
grew as
us the armor. Finally, Mr. de
through the set, peered
and said
spirits
ne
and and heart
walked
the eye slit,
Beery,” My
not see him for a week or
However, a few days later, I
engaged to do the “heavy” oppo-
Ward In “Betty of the
try,” with Frank Reicher
I needed two complete out.
the shabby clothes
could not borrow,
I thought of
directing
fits and 1 had only
I was wearing. 1
por could I lose that job
they would have gotten the clothes!
I took
town to a high class clothier. There
manager gave me two oulfits
from head to heel entirely on trust
I'l get the money,” he assured me,
making me happy by his confidence,
We went to Pasadena on location at
seven in the morning. At ten the star
arrived. As she was descending from
her motor, she canght sight of me
She summoned Reicher, there was a
he
back into the car and
drove off. We returaed to the studio,
where it was explained that due to
change in the story, I was not the
type needed. The disappointment was
terrible—there was my sick child, my
inpald rent, and the clothier who
trusted me!
1 sought out Milton E. Hoffman, the
producer, and begged him not to let
this incident kill my opportunities In
his studio. I explained the situaten
and he pald me my week's salary, one
hundred dollars. Within a few days
Hoffman gave me a Job with Mae Mur
ray in YA Mormon Mald” and this won
me a contract with Lasky for three
and a half years.
There are many ways of getting
into the movies, There are also many
paths to stardom, cyclonic publicity,
a famous name, and yes—sometimes
ability. But there is only one way to
keep one's place on the ladder of sue.
cogs after it is won. That Is hy sin.
cere performance at all times, and hy
the guidance of that divine spark,
whatever it may be,
It has been sald that | have con
tributed my best portrayals since the
movies went talkie, Including among
my productions “Sallor Dehave”
“Honeymoon Lane,” “Riders of the
Purple Sage” “In Line of Duty” and
Columbia's “Tol'able David,” “Shang.
hated Tove” and “She Done Him
Wrong.”
WNU Service