|
The Fable of the
Yesser and the
War Eagle
8B
By GEORGE
©. Bell Syndicate. ~WNU Service.
NCE there was the kind of
Ministering Angel who be-
lieved that to make the World
happy and scatter Rays of
Sunshine and plant Flowers in the City
Streets and encourage smiling Faces,
the Bright plan was to avoid Argu-
ments and agree with Everybody in
the Interests of Good Cheer and Har-
mony. When an Uplifter and Benefac-
tor starts out to Yes the World, right
in the Face of the Fact that nearly
all Adults are wrong about Every-
thing, he has to have a lot of Honey
in his System to stay on the Job.
We will speak of this optimistic
Beamer as Mr, Ferver. It will be
better not to tip off the real Handle,
as he may be some one you know very
well, possibly a Cousin,
Now, Mr. Ferver was a Nice Man
who had a Theory of Life which is
backed up by 1.000 Slogans such as are
printed in Old English Type on square
Cards and set up on Desks. As a
He-Pollyanna he was a walking Ad
for all the Books dealing with Sweet-
ness and Light,
Whenever he got real warm he per-
spired Maple Sirups. If he saw an In-
dividual who seemed to be transport-
ing a hidden Sorrow, he wanted to go
right up and kiss Him, Her or It.
The very Type of Good Soul who Is
a Blessing to his Day and Generation,
if you merely examine his Plans and
Specifications, but and
notwithstanding probably destined to
be a Joke to some Folks and a Ner-
vous Shock to Others, and send some
Good Woman to the Foolis
A Clear Title Beats a Clear Conscience,
As usually happens, right across the
Avenue from this Human Chocolate
Drop there lived a Pirate Chief who
was hard-boiled, sun-cured and tough-
er than a Ten-Penny Spike,
Once more we will conceal the Iden.
tity of one of our Characters and
merely refer to this Egg as Mr.
Grumm. Always It sup-
press the real Monicker.
the Siberian
are
than a Cousin,
self,
There
Grumm was talked
that was because he was always sued,
or suing S« i
three Shark Lawyers to juggle i
tract so that Mr. Grumm would
about two-thirds of | Mansy f
most hated
have had th
Articles of
going to get
party
On account
Paper that will hay
Malls, it i
down the Words
the Gladiator, in express
fon of Mr. the Pacit
The latter often rubbed his
and reg happi because he
never had been snarled up in any Le
Which is simply an-
other Way of stating that he had been
stung. hornswoggled,
bluffed, euchred, swept up
ried out,
Once these two Neighbors were In-
volved in a8 Deal which took in cer-
tain Payments and Rates of Interest
and long-term Leases. The Dove fol-
lowed his usual Polley of accepting
any kind of Compromise rather than
go ‘to the Mat with his Fellow-Man.
After it was all over, Mr. Ferver had
a Clear Conscience and Mr, Grumm
had a Clear Title, and the remarkable
Part of it was that neither of them
had any Trouble In sleeping soundly
every Night,
Helping Cupid Fire Love Darts.
You take a sympathetic Soul who
has a Heart which fairly drips with
Heavenly Love and inevitably he will
become a Weeping Post and a Bureau
of Public Comfort.
Those who were up against it went
to Mr. Ferver for Consolation and
later sought out Mr. Grumm to have a
heated Run-In and then sign a Mort
gage on the Dotted Line, They would
go on the Outside and curse the hard-
ened Shylock, at the same time freely
admitting that his Words of Wisdom
had not been sugar-coated.
Mr. Grumm was to the Human Race
what Calomel is to the Practice of
Medicine,
As might have been suspected, Mr.
Ferver specialized in Affairs of the
Heart. He was one of the Many who
belleved that the most useful Service
to be rendered a Young Person is to
nag and encourage Him or Her into
taking the stupendous Risk, It doesn't
seem to make much difference Who
gets married to Whom or why or what
have you, 80 long as the usual num-
ber of Victims are induced to sacri
fice themselves and keep the Institu-
tion of Matrimony In good Working
Order,
If young Arthur, with the unsuccess-
ful Mustache and a rudimentary In-
telligence and about £50 in the Bank,
went to Mr. Ferver and asked him
how about getting married to Doris,
with the skinny Legs and the high
Bob, then the Promoter wonid imme
diately give an Imitation of Cupid and
his Dart,
“Yes, yes!” he would Mortle, “by all
means! Yes, indeed! What a wonder.
ful Idea! What a sweet and inter
esting little Thing she is! Isn't she?
And you, Arthur, are the One Man for
her. Don’t stand there and deny it.
ADE
nevertheless
h House,
8
1s better to
In this Case
Bloodhound of whom
might be
He might be You your-
we
speaking even nearer
Mr.
about so much, and
wins one Reason w=
ne Une, or two or
Con
get
our
and prosperou perators
regard to
mebody is
the
of the
Ferver,
rlatered ness |
gal Controversy.
double-crossed,
and car-
One would be almost tempted to make
the Observation that, from the very
beginning of Time, you Two were In.
tended for Each Other.”
May Be Wrong, but He's Interesting.
The line of Talk is merely Propaganda
for Installinent Houses, Rent Collec-
tors and Baby Specialists.
Those who harkened to the Ravings
of Mr. Ferver would often get up in
the Night, many Months later, to curse
him and rue the Day on which he had
kidded them into it. This never ruf-
fled him. He was blissful In the
Knowledge that he had helped to lay
the Foundations of a Home and link
two Mortals together and act as Ad-
vance Agent for an assortment of
Children,
The mere Facts that the Home was
not paid for, that the Couple got along
like a couple of Panthers and that all
of the Qutcome were cross-eyed and
adenoidal cut no Percentage. Mr.
Ferver belleved that it was better to
marry Any One than remain Single
and stand out as a Blot on Civiliza-
tion,
Candidates who went to the Coflin-
Trimmer to get a few Pointers never
received any such Goo. He sald that
no Young Man should marry until he
wis able to support a Girl in the man.
ner to which she had been accus
tomed, and he never had heard of such
a Case,
He said that when a Lad of Lim-
ited Means fell desperately in love with
some Modern Specimen of the Expen-
sive Sex, the only sensible Thing for
him to do was to take his Pinch of
Change to the nearest Drug Store and
purchase a Dose of Arsenic. Such a
procedure would save him Thousands
of Dollars and would Insure him
Peace and Quiet for Years to come,
whereas any rash Experiments would
probably make a Bum of him
he was 30 years old.
It is sald that he DID favor a Wed
ding once because he hated all of the
Parents of both Contracting
The Alliance turned out to be
Success, proving
Grumm had always contended,
per cent of the Race
reliable, and
sort out and segre gnte and label the
10 per cent which should be permitted
to live,
It will be evident t
handed out by Mr. Grumm were
vail and be acted upon there would be
no People left on Earth by
a Prospect would be more
ing to him, but it is not
the Program
Paolitieal Eco
tarians,
No the
that Mr. Grumm
fore Mr. Ferver
of which
before
a great
simply what Mr
is absolutely un-
no one has been able to
io pre
1085. Such
than pleas
ine with
advised by Statesmen,
nomists and
Conclusion
t
i
more interesting
MORAL
Good Company
“Utopia” Dream of Man
Tiroughout ¢ the Ages
¢
The vision of a
18 at
ions been 1
i as he ti
i eved thes i
and dissastisfaction there have
it be difficult to
¢
content
ever been. nor would
defend them in forum of reason.
If men could not live in them, they
could at least imagine Utopias, as did
Plato, Sir Thomas More, William Mor.
ris and many others. There have been
some who sought, and believed they
had found their golden age in a re
mote past when, it was assumed, life
was simpler, and man uncorrupted.
the
times of “man’s Innocency,” the days
of "the noble savage Such
were, of course, mistaken—but they
at least had a vision of peace, order,
beauty and justice which cheered them
though it was only a dream, a very
beautiful one.
record recites, and Omar reminds ns,
had its snake, and was quite imper-
manent. Nevertheless
Jook, In the search for happiness, is
natural,
To old age youth as remembered
seems glorious, and perhaps it was,
though it no doubt had its drawbacks
~find trials. no less painful for being
trivial,
the world has always had an Ineseap-
able charm. To them it seemed fresh
and unspoiled, as, according to Arch-
bishop Temple, to the early
But In all such
as It actually was that charms, but
youth as remembered, and Imagina.
tively glorified. Indianapolis News.
Adopting African Babies
The McBurney orphanage at Elat,
Africa, recently reported 69 orphan
bables under their care. There are
also 60 childless families waiting for
bables to adopt. They cannot just
say “give me a baby”; they must pre
sent a written application telling of
thelr wish and Christian experience.
Unless they are church members they
eannot have a child, Their church
session or one of the missionaries
must algo recommend the couple, The
foster mother must also spend two
months at the orphanage caring for the
child she wishes, under the super.
vision of matron and nurses, She is
nlso visited as frequently as possible
after the child leaves to see that all
is going weil. As far as possible the
babies are returned to their own tribe
and have been sent to the homes of
masons, carpenters, chauffeurs, teach
ers and evangeslists-the latter pre
dominating. Never are the bables for.
gotten in prayer when the nurses meet
for morning worship.—Montreal Her
ald,
this we hes
and swish of
The whispering frou frou of
sprightly silk will be heard on the
avenues and boulevards, in smart
taurants at during
formal when
evening 1
W HAT 8
rustie
the alr,
res
tea-time
dinner hour,
ghts go on,
will add
benuty roomy
tive scene. From
ing is to be one of the
SeASONS
eral ds
in their
pictured
is merely ¢
frocks for
“pretty ifyed”
younger set
tied bows
that all
ornately,
frocks wi
plicity
depending
COns,
As to the other
big bow tied at the
gingle
party frov Ks
for
il be
even to
quite na
styled w
the x of
upon “line . for
ih utmost sim
severity
their sue
gowns pictured, a
waist at the back,
also the fHoor-length
of interest in
model shown to
group is an
fullness,
are major points
regard to the formal
the left Centered in the
afternoon Vhile in one
of the word It may be sald to be tal
lored. en devine it oes, consider
gown, sense
introducing
a modish
Asts m in
ne
able vy slit g and
subtle plen reserve
mes
nity femi
of sheer
net fin
sleeves
gro
th a cape
theme is
for
thelr
portance
} %
chorus
jacket
with
other 8 bolero
worn with
partieniar.
ste chiffon or
¢ jacket is that it may be
other gowns
iy effective,
as well being
as it contra
Ince. or some other sheer weave,
# 1933 Western Newspaper Union
MATCH FOOTWEAR
By CHERIE NICHOLAS
Fashion is more exacting than ever
when It comes to selecting accessories
with a view to matching or relating
them to each other. This season, more
than ever, footwear is made to en
ter into relation with scarfs, belts
gloves, hats and the blouse. The cos
tume pictured answers to the eall of
the wmode for color harmony among
accessory details in that the blouse,
the scarf! and the shoeg are all In an
ideaticnl pale beige tone. A touch of
red is added to the scarf and the dress
Iteclf Is in navy blue. The handsome
beige kid sandals are of newest design
stressing, as they do, the very lates
entout or perforated effect such as will
oe made n major theme In footwear de
sign for spring and summer,
TUNIC SOLVES MANY
A DRESS PROBLEM
One suspects that the introduction,
or rather the reentry of the tunic at
this time is one of the Kindly ges
tures fashion is making
serve another year. The tunic is a
direct answer to the often perplexing
question of how to lengthen a skirt—
especially since many of the really
gmart tunics are quite as
skirts used to be.
Not, of course, that every
dress Is a left-over by any means
more that every dress with
ing sleeves is one that has heen re
modeled The current ruling on
sleeves Is that they should either con
trast or do something to attract atten.
fon-—and most of them do,
Fashion, being so completely con
cerned in preserving the top-heavy
silhouette, naturally has given up dec
orating skirts and Is concentrating on
above-the-belt trimmings. The excep
any
contrast.
is likely as not,
edge with fur, or with a ruche of some
sort.
Taffeta Vogue Spreads to
Hats and Accessories
The flair for taffeta is so insistent
that milliners are creating some of
their choicest hats of it. Nor does
the favor for taffeta stop at that point,
for all sorts of belts, girdles, scarfs, and
even bandbags are being fashioned
of it. Among smartest details there
is none more definitely featured than
the jaunty walstconts of checked or
plaid taffeta which will be worn with
the new spring suits, Often the jacket
or threequarter cont of the sult Is
lined with the silk, the revers and a
sprightly tied scarf furnishing a»
dash of color such ns the new style
curriculum enlls for so insistently
these days,
The fact that there is such a wide
variety of taffetas shown makes the
vogue all the more interesting. The
smartest new item is matelasse taf
feta. This puffsurfaced silk looks
best made up very simply.
STIRS MEM ORY OF
OLD SCHOOL DAYS
Glimpsing through the State Reg-
{ster for 1868 the other day we came
across an item which recorded the
adoption of the McGuffey Readers in
the Springfield public schools, As
we recall it, these famous readers
were retained in the schools here
until the late nineties and possibly
a few years later. In any event,
they are held In z2%gctionate mem-
ory by whole generations of former
school children, although the young-
er element today knows almost noth-
ing about them, due to the vast
changes which have occurred in the
system of
the last
Now, we read, Dr. William Holmes
MeGuffey, the noted American edu
eator who was the author of this
famous series, is t2 have a monu-
ment at Miami! university, where a
number of the books were prepared
Lorado Taft has been chosen as the
sculptor of the proposed bust of Doe
tor McGuffey, the
includes a group of
elementary education in
quarter century.
design for which
children of the earlier period, read.
ing from a book, at the foot of the
supporting eolumn It is sald that
a subscription for this
statue has been in progress for some
time,
The first McGuffey Readers
thelr appearance in 18306,
six
camna in
made
a series of
few years
revised
being
until a
being published a
later, They
times, the last revision
righted In 1901. Up
years ago they
in certain the
but the main period of thel
use extended from the
tin Van Buren
dore Roosevelt adminl
that GO.year period they attained
sales in this exceeded
by the Bible, ne estima wa
150.000 O06) hae i
were
sections of country,
down to
the
coun
id since
became sis are readers In
school,
McGufle
they
the
far be
ren to
leasant
fashion a
charac
obedience, TUINess, ind
ter bu elating to plety
ustry,
kindness int rity, f ex-
Through
Hustrated
deportment,
the medium of stories,
with woodcuts, the virtues of right
thoughts and right living were fil-
tered into the minds of the younger
hopefuls, with a lasting influence for
good,
In the later readers, for older pu-
pils, ithe moralizing was less evident,
The object wus 10 good
reading matter and to elevate read-
ing as an art.—Illinols State Reg-
ister,
provide
To keep clean and healthy take De,
Pleree's Pleasant Pellets, They regulate
liver, bowels and stomach Ady,
Such Is Human Nature
Fifty per cent of your affection
dies at your friend's first rebuke,
Bronchial Troubles
Need Creomulsion
Bronchial troubles may lead to some-
thing serious, You can stop them now
with Creomulsion, an spulsitind creosols
that is pleasant 10 take, Creomulsionisa
new medical discove ry wi th two-fold ac-
tion: it soothes and heals the inflamed
membranes ‘and inhibits germ growth,
Of all known drugs, creosote is recog.
nized by high medical authorities as one
of the greatest heal WE agencies for per-
sistent coughs and colds and other forms
of throat troubles, Creomulsion contains,
in addition to cre asote, other healing ele
ments which soothe and heal the infected
membranes and stop the irritation and in-
flammation, while the creosote goes on to
the stomach, is absorbed into the blood,
attacks the seat of the trouble and checks
the growth of the germs
Creomulsion is guaranteed satisfactory
in the treatment of persistent coughs and
colds, bronchial asthma, bronchitis and
other forms of respiratory diseases, and
is excellent for building up the Praen
after colds or flu. Money refunded if an
coughorcold, no matter of howlong wi) |
ing. is not relieved after taking according
todirections. Askyourdruggist. (Adv)
PARKER'S
HAIR BALSAM
Bemoves Dandruff Stops Hair Falling
imparts Color and
: Beauty to Gray and Faded Hair]
Gr and $1.00 ot Droggiets
1 / 7A Hisoos Chem Wha. Patchogue NY
connection with Parker's Hair Balsam Makes the
hair soft and fully. 50 cents by mail or wt drog-
gists. Hiscox Chemical Works, Psichogue, NX.
Believes
pot
Ol Quickly Rheumatism,
ne coughs © ¢ full sins
f botile sa tiefs
give agents wanted
; Red Oil Labs. Box
238, Latrobe, Pa.
MAN is as old—or as young--
as his organs.
At fifty, you can be in pour
prime.
Why go along with “fairly good
health” when you ight be enjoying
vigor you haven't felt for years?
There's a simple little thing any-
one can do to keep the vital organs
stimulated, and feel fit all the time.
People don’t reaiize how sluggish
they've grown until they've tried it.
The stimulant that will stir your
system to new life is Dr. Caldwell's
syrup pepsin. It will make a most
amazing difference in many ways.
‘This famous doctor's prescription
is a delicious syrup made with fresh
herbs, active senna, and pure pep-
sin. It starts its good work with
first spoonful. That's all you need
to drive away the dullness and
headache of a bilious spell, and nd
the system of that slow poison that
saps your strength. It's better than
a tonic for tired bowels, and unlike
habit-forming laxatives you can
take it freely or give it to any child.
And it isn't expensive.
Get some syrup pepsin today, and
take a little’ tonight. Don’t wait
until you're sick to give your system
this wonderful help. You can avoid
those spells of biliousness or consti-
pation. A spoonful every now and
then is better than constant worry
about the condition of your bowels,
or fear of auto-intoxication as you
grow older. Dr. Caldwell's syru
pepsin protects the system. A
druggists keep this preparation.
DON’T
If you are one of the millions who
must get Bp Several times a night,
r trouk probably due to an
itation of the bladder or excess
acidity of the urine. Then just try
GOLD MEDAL
HAARLEM OIL CAPSULES
Du 237 his Snooldniepa,
ation bas ied millions. Insist
Reduce Body Fat With Tonke Tea Balls:
delicious, pure, convenient; effective, ab-
solutely safe; recommended by doctors;
iarge oan 3 jontpas, 1403 Voster Ave,
Brooklyn,
Agents, enrn attractive Income selling pat.
ented endorsed heneehold necessity. pro.
tected territory: retails $1: start immedi.
ately; write Tamor Distributors, 551 5th
Ave, New Yorks
WEAR) LS
COMPOUND
JAR BAILY & BON, Baltimore, Md.