—
—-—
L
PRO RI =)
FUN)
DENIED PLEASURES OF TABLE |
Great Jockey Had to Sacrifice Much to |
Maintain His Position as King
of Riders.
Fred Archer, the famous
Jockey, had to employ
ures to keep his weight down.
The story is told of how,
easion, he was the guest of a very hos-
pitable host.
English
of savory meats, and at
sturdy, rosy-cheeked man-servant made
his appearance, his back bending un-
a lordly dish.
Poor Archer's face, as he surveyed
the initial preparations for the eYesiing |
meal, was quite piteous to watch.
Then, with a shrug of the shogiders.
and a sigh, but ill-concealed by a cyni-
cal remark, he left the table,
shortly afterward his host saw him
pass the window on a hack, galloping
toward the training grounds,
of champagne and a biscuit, playing
one game of billiards, and retired to |
bed.
—— ———————
Talk is cheap, but not when you are
hiring a lawyer 1 to do it for you.
Clowns to Jail in Petrograd.
| According to the energetic Aftonbla-
i det of Stockholm, the circus still exe
ists even If it does not Hourish in Pe
Ji At a recent exhibition two
clowns engaged in the following pat.
iter:
| week?”
“Looking for firewood.”
“Did you find any?”
“Sure thing.”
“Let me see it”
“1 will if you promise not to touch
Lit” With that he took a match from
! behind his ear.
Both clowns were locked up by the
| soviet police.
Legion Inherits Old Cannen,
The American Legion Is assuring
perpetuation of an Indianapolis tra-
dition, which has endured for
than fifty years, due to Mellvaine.
Kothe post continuing the custom of
{a society of Civil war veterans. Sa.
{ lutes will be fired from a Civil war
cannon at an Indianapolis cemetery
{on Memorial day and In the court.
{ house yard on Washington's birthday.
| The old eannon originally was on
{board a confederate flatbo at, which
patrolled the Ohio river and was cap.
itured by a federal gunboat in 1864.
riding about in a wheelbarrow,
SE
Satisfying, ple
it to do harm.
like flavor;
by boiling a full twenty
Instant Postum
stantly
of hot water.
e is made
molasses.
packages) is made
(i toe) made i
oC
Uncle Waltss
SECOND HAND
“yy have the general appearance
of a man who is hunting for |
trouble,” volunteered the low-browed
man.
“I am greatly annoyed,” replied the
professor, “I bought a second-hand
typewriter, think-
ing I was getting
a bargain, and It
{8 a constant ag- |
gravation,”
“A man always
thinks he's get- |
ting a bargain
when he blows
himself for ods |
ond-hand goods.
Old Doolittle
thought he was |
getting rich quick |
when he bought
‘a surrey for $17.
The man who |
sold it said It was as good as new, |
and it broke his heart to part with |
it, but he had to go to Florida for his |
| health and needed the money. Most
| of the great bargains are offered by |
| people who have to go somewhere, for
{ thelr health, and they're wise in doing |
| that, for if they stayed around the
neighborhood where they sold the |
| Junk, they'd have their heads punched,
“Doolittle was so proud and happy |
over his bargain that it would have |
| made you feel ten years younger just
i to look at him. He hitched up his
i family steed, which is named Jan-
{ wary, and then invited Aunt Julla and |
| Mrs. Spry to take a buggy ride. He |
| and his wife sat In the front seat, and |
| the invited guests took the rear ong, |
| and all went as merry as a divorern |
i bell for about a block.
“Then one of the hind wheels came |
| off, and the surrey keeled over and |
| dumped my aunt and Mrs. Spry onto |
a pile of gravel that had been left on !
i the street by a cement contractor. He
had put a red lantern on top of the |
plle as a danger signal to motorists,
| I think the fall must have unsettled
Aunt Julia's faculties for the time be-
ing, for she grabbed np the lantern
and broke It over Mrs. Spry's head,
Mrs, Spry has her faults and failings |
like other people, but she is dead
. game, and the way she went for Aunt |
wiulla was the prettiest thing I ever |
| saw. I was sitting on our froat porch
where I could see the doings, and 1
| don't know when I ever enjoyed my- |
| self so much.
“Unless you have seen a couple of
refined and cultured ladies clawing
| each other around on a pile of gravel,
| you don't know what true sport Is. |
| Mrs, Spry showed some fine ring gen- |
| ernlship, but my “aunt had the best |
| wind and she finally won out and came :
home victorious. ‘And thus through |
| camp and court she bore the trophies
i of a conqueror,” as the poet says, but |
| there was no pleasure in living In the |
| same house with her for a week or |
! two. As soon as she cooled down she |
was sorry and ashamed, and would |
have given a million dollars. if the
| row had never started. i
“Women are so blamed queer I've |
given up trying to understand them. i
i When I get the best of a shindy I feel |
| all swelled up for quite a while. I
don’t have any remorse unless I get |
| the worst of it, and that doesn’t often |
{ happen, for I am a pretty handy man. |
When I put a cupola on Tensmith's
head last February I was so chesty |
for a month that everybody noticed It,
and thought I must have been appoint.
ed postmaster,
“Well, after the women fell out of
the rear seat of the surrey, old Jan-
uary ran away, and it wag amusing to
| see that rig go bumping along the
| street on three wheels, with Doolittle
| banging onto the dashboard and his
wife waving her umbrella and yelling
Fire!” January couldn't go very fast,
being covered with ringbones and
spaving and other blemishes, but he
managed to knock several people down
and do a lot of damage to property,
and the old mmn had to pay out nearly
$200 to avoid some damage suits,
“The one thing that keeps him from
despair is a rumor that the man who
sold him the surrey is coming back
here to live, Doolittle will be at the
depot to meet him, and it will be
worth $5 to have a ringside seat when
the meeting occurs.”
Opinions,
bv “What is your opinion of the
tariff 12
“It's a great question,” replied Sen-
ator Sorghum, “on which I do not per
mit myself personal views. My pub-
lle opinions are regulated largely by
the lines of business in which my most
influential constituents happen to be
engaged.”
Many Unclaimed Accounts In Banks
New York--There are 205000 un-
claimed accounts In savings’ banks,
trust companies and private banks in
New York state, accounts which have
lain dormant for from five to thirty
years, They range from $0 to “tens,
of thousands of dollars,
Blow. :
“He seems a little slow.”
“Who?”
“The fellow who will be
to have gone to school with Harding.
50 far he hasn't announced himself.”
A. —— 7»
Cuticura Soap for the Complexion,
Nothing better than Cuticura Soap
daily and Ointment now and then as
needed to make the complexion clear,
scalp clean and hands soft and white.
Add to this the fascinating, fragrant
Cuticura Talecum and you have the
Juticura Toilet Trio. —Adv.
Further Remarks Suppressed.
Girl (making a surprise enll to her
sweetheart over the telephone) —Hello,
dearest !
He—1ilello! Who Is this, please ?—
New York Sun.
WOMEN! USE “DIAMOND DYES”
Old Skirts, Dresses, Waists,
Coats, Stockings, Draperies—
Everything,
Each package of “Diamond Dyes”
contains easy directions for dyeing any
article of wool, silk, cotton, linen, or
| mixed goods. Beware! Poor dye
; streaks, spotd, fades, and ruins mate
rial by giving it a “dyed-look.” Buy
“Diamond Dyes” only, Druggist has
Color Calrd.—Adyv,
Dye
One Point of Difference.
He—Hello, kid!
She—How dare you speak to me? 1
don't know you from Adam. |
He—You ought to, U'm dressed dif-
ferently.
i —— ———————
“Cold in the Head"
Is an afute attack of Nasal Catarrh. |
Those Bubjec. to frequent “colds in the
will find that the use of HALLS |
CATARRH MEDICINE will bulld up the |
Bystem, cleanse the Blood and render |
them less liable to colds. Repeated al- |
tacks of Acute Catarrh may lead to!
Chronic Catarrh,
HALLS CATARRH MEDICINE 1s
taken Internally and acts through the
Blood on the Mueous Burfaces of the Sys-
thus reducing the Inflammation and
restoring normal conditions
All Druggists. Circulars free.
F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, Ohio,
Ridiculous.
“Mammag, is papa going to die and |
go to heaven?’ i
“Of course not, Bobby. Whateve; |
put such an absurd idea Into your}
head ?"— American Legion Weekly.
Now ls the Time te Get Rid of
These Ugly Spots.
There's no longer slightest need of
feeling ashamed of your freckles, as Othine
=double strength-is guaranteed to remove
ot an ounces of Othine--doubls
rom your drugsdst., and spply
Httle of 1 night and morning and you
thould soon see that even the worst freckies
bave begun to disappear, while the lighter
ones have vanished entirely. It Is seldo.n
that more than one ounce fis needed to com.
Simply
Fie sure to sak for the double strength
Othine, as this ls sold under gusrantes ot |
money back if It falls to remove freckies,
The Procesa
Knicker—What a deflation?
locker— Tempering the lamb to the |
shorn wind {
Whenever On in a tendency to con-
stipation, sick-headache or biliousness, take
Don’t submit to the Inevitable until
you have positive proof that it is the
inevitable.
Many =n
i
man's early training
——
Somes REE
Contents 15 F uid Dram
= GASTORIA
For Infants and Children.
Mothers Know That
Genuine Castoria
~~ For Over
Thirty Years
GASTORIA
THE CENTAUR COMPANY, NEW YORK CITY,
hs: pT
IE Gmont 1182 NTS
USE
Spohn’s Distemper Compound
to break It wp and Eel then back in condition Twenty six
years’ ure bar made "Spohn's” ind iEpensable In treating Coughs
and Colds, Influenza and Distemper, with thelr resuiting compl.
cations, and all diseases of the throst, nose and lungs Acte
marveliouvsly ss = preventive, acts equally well as 8 cure “
cents and $1.15 per bottle at drug stores.
Goshen, Ind,
SPOHN MEDICAL COMPANY,
rrr rr rr PR rr rr
Pure, Rich Blood Will Keep
Your Body Vigorous and Healthy
PA Peer
When impurities creep into yuar | precaution to keep the system in a
blood the first symptoms are usu. | vigorous condition so as to more
ally a § of appetite, followed by | easily resist disease to which every
a gradual lessening of energy, the one is subject. 8. 8. 8. is without
system becomes weaker day by an equal as a general tonic and sys
day, until you feel yourself on the tem builder. It improves the appe-
verge of a breakdown. | tite and gives new strength and vi-
Nearly everybody needs a few | tality to both old and young.
botties of 8. 8. 8., the great vege-| Full information and valuable lit.
table blood remedy, to cleanse out erature can be had by writi ing to
all impurities about twice a year. Swift Specific Co., 156 Swift Lab
It is an excellent idea to take this| oratory, Atlanta, Ga.
«Quiet. The Thing to De.
Sergeant—"Anyhing As the boss entered the factory the
today?” | employees were hurling tomatoes
he yelled. “Can that
HORSES COUGHING?
i
the |
it
doing In
Corporal—*No,
stuff.”
ARE ECONOMICAL
There is no economy in cutting expend-
itures which bring you in a profit. That
is extravagance. Royster's Fertilizer
economizes for you by making your
land and your labor produce larger,
finer, surer yields.
'