THE SILVER LINING. ———— When poets sing of lovers’ woes And blighted lives and throbs throes And yearnings—goodness ouly knows It's all a pose. and I am a poet, too, you know, 1, too, was young once, long ago, And wrote such stuff myself, and so I ought to know, I, too, found refuge from despalr In sohnet's to Amanda's fair Or Titian halr- To flames, and go into decline? Not much! When sonnets fetched per line Enough to dine. So, reader, when you read In print A poet's woe—beware and stint Your tears and take this gentle hint It is his mint, —Olivar Herford. Sif Thomas’ Invention -. I few things are more unpleasant to contemplate than the prospect of be ing burled alive. The horror of idea haunts some people like a night mare; the dread of such a fate amounts in some of them to a species of madness, It was with old Thomas Twining. who had. on repeat ed occasions given the most precise in structions gas to the tests which should be applied to his presumably lifeless corpse before It finally made ready for its resting place awong the Twinings of three generations One evening as he ruminating over the subject he struck with what he thought was a new idea. lt was not new. by any means, for cof fins which would antomatically on the revival have been known from Hest times, Sir Thomas of these of course: if he have had one made long sides, there was really something new about his idea that coffin should not merely open, but fly to pieces, so as to afford instan relief, and sary tools, explosives, the prisoner escape, should awake tind in from the air and the sun The baronet had always had a for mechanics, amd the like. Castle Twining full of apparata lathes, benches tools—and so Sir Thomas decided up on inventing with his own hands, tue coffin which inclose re mains, and effectualiy guard him against the doom which he regarded as ten ible than death, RO was Sat wis ajar of 2 supposed COrps almost the ear never heard Lad he would ago, and Ix which was the faneous HeCes enable if contain the ele. 1o even should fo Yer io himself bricked taste electricity, chemistry wi and was to fils which was to thes more ter: He thought over all sorts of --0f levers which the ment of the body must certainly act upon: of elongated electric buttons, the faintest pressure upon which would lift the cover of the coffin and lay its sides and ends flat upon its bed; of cements which the increasing tem perature of the “body” would melt, and of fabries which, while air proof would easily be torn in shreds by con vulsive and fingers, All these, after full consideration. he dis carded as falling in some particular to meet the requirements of the case Patience rewarded him at last, how. ever. The next solution, he perceived must be a pneumatic one, The releas ing apparatus must be operated upon by an increase of the internal air pres. sure. How was this to achieved? The answer came to Rir Thomas jnst as the idea of gravitation came Newton and that of steam Wat by observation of one of the common. est incidents imaginable. The falling apple of the former and the hissing kettle of the latter. spake not more clearly to those keen observers than did the opening of a bottle of soda wa projects slightest move. desperate Tree to fo alr? of Imprisoned air in the projected cof. fin effect the purpose in view? Still, there was this difficuliy the force necessary to let soda water was greater than that needed to operate the mechanism which would throw the coffin open. And how was this Initial foree to be provided? Much anxious thought was bestowed upon this problem. But it, too, at length yielded to the baronet « persistent efforts, for he found the same effect, on a much larger an therefore better scald, could be pro that loose the To devise n plan by which a light met al plate, attached by a slender rod to two cups containing tartaric acid awd carbonate of soda, which would rest upou the corpses’ hands, apd on the slightest movement tilt the chemicals into a vessel of water, was no difficult matter. And then Bir Thomas had the satisfaction of beholding his coffin complete, IL It was beautifully made of oak binged at the corners in such a way as to open out flat directly the cover was disturbed, and having a most in genious snap-cateh for the cover itself #0 that, when once fastened down, I was practically immovable from the outside, but was Instantly lifted partly off when the increased Internal al pressure acted on a valve as delicats as the tympanum of a telephone, . Words cannot describe Sir Thomas’ delight when for the first time he put the coffin to practical proof. Having ¢hloroformed hie favorite dog. a mas ti tiff, he laid the animal out in the col- fin, set the metal plate in position on his paws, charged the cups with the necessary chemicals, shut down the cover with a sharp click and calmly awaitec® he result, Half an hour passed and nothing happened, There was nothing surpris lated the anaesthetic to last at least as long: but when fifteen minutes mor. i had gone by, the baronet began to feel | a little anxious. He was not so much concerned about the dog, altheugh he was sincerely attached to hin It the thought that the invention | might be a failure, after all, {| distressed him most, when as if some was ane seen to rise i with a velocity as if dynamite had | been exploded under it, while the mas | LLY, with a yell that might have Hfted i the not of the casket i but of Castle Twining itself [ madly out of its prison, gave a roof fere like one possessed through window. The mastiff was not turned the poor beast was so emacia had induced it to come home, Thomas was overjoyed. The great 111. After this Sir Thomas took great de- light in showing off the merits of his the first of these occastons the services of the mastiff were again requesition But the mastiff objected, Once buried, twice shy. No sooner did cateh sight of the dreaded receptacle than he broke loose ed from his custodl ans, and galloped off as fast legs could carry him. Of course, an other dog was found, and put through the experiment successfully but strange to say, could not be Induced to repeat the performance and gx a very wide In fact, long before demonstrated his in. as hls was he, too, ive the mansion berth ever after. Yention to Sir unas had the affections of and eil to borrow from his neighbors raed alienated dog on the estate, wins ers reached such a pass at last having been “used up.” wo to speak that in respone to the numerous appli which rachea Sir wonderful coffin, POSS ript cations fo Thomas the he ¢ of by way Kindly requested to bring own dogs The coffin in lie on a narrow and Sir Thomas it for and afternoon used to the library, wonld raze sometimes hours % lovingls One ol £1) F Rurpr wid upon it idea occur him which he was had not Lg It was that he should put Cri i with ftogegtod it SUZResisag 11 the inl tinal test by the coffin and then, by setting the apparatus go pr unfortunate be supposed to be dead invention to a confining himself in effecting his release as he would do if, should ing i isely ly, he while still own alive. Of course, he would himself: that a1 well as impracticablo, as h als and having stretohed casket, to it in the proper way. He pot in an extra dose of the soda and the acid, carefully he had tion. One hand the met al plate, the other still supported the At supreme moment a sudden sinking of the heart sent a cold not chloroform wie DeCesSsSary, asx would adjust levers, and then himself ins.de the Fdeed, could tha Se be as much iD do the chemi lower the cover Hpan laid himself down the lid forward worked it drew until into the right posi was Just beneath cover this sensation through the baronet's frame, and could not help thinking it would have been better had some one he else been present io case Bali! what could happen? Had ho not carried ont a hundred similar ex. periments without a single failure? He withdrew his hand from the lid and in an instant, click! was to all intents and phrposes dead and buried. What happened Immediately clear account. It is certain, at the apparatus falled to act. The baro- net swears that he moved the metal plate exactly in the right way, that instead of hearing the “fizg” of ing to save a deathly aud appalling =i lence, while a few seconds sufffeed to throw him into the agonies of as phyxiation. He remembers very little else, and from this point the story Is continued by tire servants at Castle Twining, who say that they heard a most awfal crash In the library, as of some body falling from a considerable height; that on rushing in they found the cof. { lin on the floor, literally broken in | was frantically endegvoring to oxtri cate his head from one half, while his feet seemed firmly wedged into the other. They got him out. purple in the face, and with every vein in his | body at bursting point, and applied re. | storatives freely, after which he «pes. ily recovered, though speech was still denied him, It was pot before a pow. erful restorative had begn administer. tered to him that he gasped: “I think I must have forgotten to put In the water!” Whether this was so or not, it is cer. tain that Sir Thomas had the wreck ' of the coffin carefdlly removed and disposed of. He never made another, and never patented the invention. He stil retains his dread of premature burial, but his final ipstructions on the matter are that all possible doubts as to his decease shall be resolved in decide upon, but that his bedy shall not be inclosed in any coffin whatever, we enough for me! sts m— THE ROSES WERE DRUGGED. How Travellers on (German Railway Train Were Robbed by a Clever Scheme. It may be all right for heroines to by presenting them with The novelists and dramatists must pot be robbed of all thelr stock in trade. But it the nineteenth man to be particular about the roses he aceepts, or rather about the girl who gf%es them. A short time ago a man and his two sisters were alone In FOSeN, behooves a station, an elegantly dressed. thickly vellsd woman entered the car riage, carrying a superb bouquet When the train started, asked her fellow travellers If would object to her closing the dow, The man hastened close |t for her, aud, in moving to get out of way, the stranger dropped her roses, He picked them up for her: and, thanking him charmingly, she asked him to keep one, Then, turn ing to his companions, she graciously offered each of them a few of the flowers, Naturally the courtesy was accepted; and the next thing of which the travellers were conscious was that the train had arrived in Berlin, that thelr velled companion had disap- peared, and that all of thelr money of she win. fo course, the roses had been drugged. The police have discovered that the criminal is na young man, and that he has conducted a number of robberies in similar fashion. admit Ig the daring Line refinement a that it all, the to sandba rose method is preferable gging or garroting. If Chi citizens should meet young who would upon roses upon welcome _ CARO wo shower would from insist them, the cruader forms of hold-up they change tut, mn I after velled with women FOses, How Porte Ricans Shave. The natives of our territor new wooded country abounds in the place of that article, the tree, so-called, ¢ i Of A i when 3.1 Sa oie Among the soap is more sush than a Its Lulb makes a an odor Porto Ri highest tree rubles] on wet { lot Lie 5 whi fonds wiiaoa white lather old who Snow has like The tho brown soap. ANS, are aii. Rreat soap to the lowest, dandies ¢ of their t oil made lye soap it is, smooth and This cocoanut oll soap is When a have a shave in the in way. make out cocoang and hom and a fine fra grant for send shaving man wishes to morning giarts out with his cocoanut and and bottle. It sheild iis donkey-taifl brush 8 never in jst any trouble to find an empty Porto Rico, Cuba, Jamaica, any of the larger West In islands, even in in mountains. At least twenty gen- erations of thirsty people have lived and awny bottles, he man no mirror, poor to own such a luxury, in twenty in Porto the cheapest kind of tut generously rich nature virror, as well as the Lhe man goes to some conven pool in the mountain siream where the water is quite gstill--there is his mirror. He breaks hig bottle on hottie or ali dian remote spots thu there thrown the carries he is too Not one lico bas a looking. hotise SYen glass provides the soap. ent pce of suitable size, Then be lathers profusely, and begins to A cut or even a slight ing. How to Ride in a Hansom. The hansom eab of our day started in life as “the patent safety.” The patent of that safety vehicle has long since expired: anybody may come to grief in it. Here, for instance, is the Sufferer. of Arthur's Club, who “ven- tilates” his accident.” A hansom horse came down with him six weeks ago, amd, by the operation of its first gent the Sufferer's head through the double glasses of window folded above it, cutting clean of n surgeon providental. The driver, When he came pened. The fare was sitting too far forward, It seems; when the horse slipped it was unable to recover it self. The straight tip Is to sit as far back in your hansom as possible, and put your feet against the footboard. The up-to-date hansom, though, has no footboard, and you do not always ride with the door open. You will do well, anyhow, never to have the win: dow down, and always to wear a tall bat, If the Sufferer had taken this latter precaution his head would have been a long way from geing clean throngh the glass, —— A Curious Claim, One of the strangest claims ever made to an insurance company was that for $1.50, the value of a plum pudding which had been aceldentally burnt to a cinder. The claim was not allowed, though the amount was pal try, because it was proved that the casualty had rosulted fr to jut any water in the saucepan, | The Phenomenon Explained by the Presence of Much Arsenic on Boars Zion, which Philadelphia The ar re German bark at the port of {a rather peeulinr cargo. It | of 1,800 casks of china clay, but in ad | dition there were on board 500 casks i of arsenic, This part of the cargo had Ia remarkable effcet on the crew, The fact that arsenic as weil as | strychnine helps the formation of adi pose tissue when taken into the human system in minute particles is well known, and both drugs have become { favorite tonics for convalescents, On board the Zion the men slept very near the large array of barrels con taining the drug. They were stored in the hold, wear the forecastle, and partially exposed the rays of the sun, which streamed in through the open hatch, When only a week out from port one of the crew consisted to indescribable odor was coming from the casks containing the drug. It was { not long after thelr attention had been | called it that they all noticed the i same thing, and, strange not all more fore week Several of of to to say, ibly a German fact that were filling out thelr clothes 1o a greater extent when ped. Many others, as days became abnormally stout, in vast con trast the former feed it later, became the the tars aware he thes much than they ship went by to slim appearance which many of them presented before the land was left in One man gained, it ponds, jirss Xx sald, twenty-five affected to a gate Others were the entire crew pounds, tent, Bur weight p ti i Hitle ARR if on Dy was less than the sal Philadelphia and the i #earcely recognizable wii with the old a taking on of Several of ni nyvs The entire avoirdupois is att to Vapor, tion haled by the seame in it prescription wii i, generated by of the } sun on th acted i i precise is whi when given as a Hammes does in a who removed fr ! any slept aft BHOOW A Saving Soldier. “There is a New ReneTrad Orleans usurs The one who was statione a somthern leans during asked to connected insurance 3 for $10,000 and had been 1 1884. | 1 that draw the He told me geant when he took the a plain every and every dollar had made from the capital of his He had dabbled a little in money lend ing at the outset but. although profits were enormous, be found business was making him unpopular ' among the men, and he then bought an interest in a small candy near the post ‘hat prospered, i he made other investments, all of which have turned out so well that he is worth to-day between $10,000 and | $15.000. He is married, and a was surprised asioned 1 SIZ, 0 jiins in conversation he wasn't evens a ser bast that beeen that nsurance day private, hie possess Wages the the and good his wife, who is sald to be a very | shrewd woman, and who looks after I subsequently heard the story verified from another source, and know it to It shows what a steady, pushing fellow can do—even in the ranks.” New Orleans Times An Anecdote of Admiral Dewey. One afternoon Mr. Dewey came down to my table on the gun deck. With an easy air he sat down on a camp stool and sald quietly: “So you are the ship's writer? “Yes, Mr. Dewey.” . books.” “You, sir” “This Is your liberty book. Let me po,” Amd Mr. Dewey leaf after leaf, glancing down the list with a grim smile. ¥ a conscientious bookkeeper,” he said. after a pagse, “I'he men think that I am too much go, wir” Dewey regarded me with a search. fag look. “Why, what do they say?” he asked, Boylike, Impetuousiy anxious fo lkarn what manner of man I had to deal with, I blurted out: “They say they want less book and more executive officer.” J Mr. Dewey's face darkened and his square set jaw closed hard, “If they mean by that thal they ex. pect me to sail ship on sweel words and fair promises in spite of past ex- periences, they will be badly out of reckoning,” he sald slowly. Harper's Round Table, . . Hi-Temper Unnecessary. ft is recorded of President Lincoln “and mid” “write give that man a plece of my “Do so,” sald Mr. Lincoln, it now while you have it on mind. Make It sharp; eur him Stanton did not peed another invitation. It was a bonecrusher that he rend to the President, “That's right,” said Abe, “that’s a good one.” “SNhom can 1 get send it by?’ mused the Secretary, “Send it” re plied Lincoln, “send 11” Why, don't it at all. Tear it up. You have freed your mind on the subject, and that is all that j= Tear it up. You never want to send such letters: I never do!” The Vis not lost upon the Secretary. your all up.” 10 send HeCcessary., lesson What Advertising Is. Advertising Is tells the which are of great daily Importance, It of more ac- count to the frugal housewife to know where certaln Necessary cot modities at a price than usual to know of the troubles in Slam Alaska, . It should with re- business news, It things is to get less and The news should be news, not be allowed to grow petition ih the same old way. If you can advertise only in a small way, pick ont the best paper ln your territory amd spend all your adverts in that, When busi. and you can more sane you tule money your HHesR spend ErOwWs yr, in buy nutil mone paper the all more You space are using can Properly prosecuted, newspaper ad- That who yor: and ‘Advi PE here ising will always pa) there there “ t pay. | but that h man Ray %, ed meth rising doesn’ have trl withing faulty, effort well as proves mis were sympatheti pays in adver tising as srything else, in thie taking medic the regularity of thie dre i > Sores . i Gru wi id 0 Bat I'vason dose | important an 1h columns of a new Rpaper for bn hat reason offer the very best mediums Yor t XifleaE Onunonnnee ents, Programmes, 1 GF ARR . i wil hangers and sehomes of ali OTK, the never from the indn al write-up of town dow “ 14% cans are 4 five, The local . 3 3 3 bousehold Lied Rig town doings of of the brimfal out and sparkling with the dail 5 . . of ign." the dea i people 1 are and i« what SPAPETS It lets w hat Bates, & your signs, thousands of know {Charles Austin peaple you to sell A Kentucky Centenarian. are many curiosities through and ountains of hentucky, the Carter caves, the half told: the river that northeast th has never is mountain, explained and women i nysteries of which hax cut under a may why men gh and rs that be bint Ih an old age been Known, to the of the nearly seventy-five te few the these moun It is me traveller country ive 10 sil in fins never sight mmon srough this section {0 sw old people at from years of age, evers Louse ranging ninety but reach centary Going over mark. road from Ash land to Gravson, after passing the line Carter and Boyd counties, off in a secluded spot on Wil liams Creek, lives man In this part of the country and perhaps Hix uame is David Wade, He was born August 20, 198%, or a little more than 111 years ago. He ix a spare built man, never weizhed more than 150 pounds, but always wiry and spry, and now at his the dirt ROO between the oldest : to Joe Barrett's store at Kilgore and alights from his horse and mounts again when he is ready to go home without any assistance whatever, His faculties are correspondingly When the civil war came on he enlisted and served his country as a soldier until peace was proclaimed. He was then an old man aml ouly on account of his unusual activity was he accepted, He now draws a small pepsion frou Uncle The oldest men in the neighborhood on being questioned, say: “1 do not know how old he ig nor how long he he was an old man when 1 was * and some of them worked for the old charcoal furnaces a boy. at ————————— tiow Peace Was Received in Porto Rice. A day after the fight at Aibenito peace laid her detaining hand on the shoulder of each general, and the op erations closed for thirty days. Peas came differently to different men. One major of volunteers, who had already established his nerve on polo fields and as a most reckless rider, withoni a moment's hesitation threw his hat high In the alr and cried: “Thank God! Now 1 won't get killed!” On the other hand the artillerymen of Bat tery B of Pennsylvania, when they Tieard peace hind come, swore and hoo ted and groaned. They were behind a gun pointed at the enemy, who was intrenched to the Jeft of Goayama, The shell was In the chamber, the run backwards, but before it spoke Lieutenant McLaughlin of the Signa Corps galloped upon the scene, shriok clared!” Whereat the men swore. THE KEYSTONE STATE. News Gleaned from Various Parts. Latest LEWIS RICHTER GUILTY. Zohuer Helrs Awarded $19,000 Damages Agninst a Conl Company Child Burned to Death While Playing With Matches Bhamokin Police Finally Capture = Bargiar After Two Years. The jury lo the case of Lawis Lichter, who was ou trial in Criminal Court, at Allentown, charged with causing the death of Jaeoh Kniser, a war veteran, returned a verdiet of gulity of voluntary manslaughter, Richter was & bell boy ats hotel, Beveral weeks ngo, while the usual Baturday night throng was on Hamliton street, Richter and Keiser got into an altercation, It isslleged that Kelser struck at Richter with a case, when the Iatter, so it is sald, gave the old mas a stibging blow in the jaw, knocking him down. Keiser is ssid to have died from the effects of the blow. When the case was called Richier's lawyers made an attempt to have the array of jurors quashed, because two names in the wheel were of men who served on juries befcre this year. This came about through the September panel leing quashed, because one name 100 many bad been placed in the wheel, Judge Al- bright refused lo entertain the motion and ordered the case to proceed. BSestence has not yet been pronounced. Richter's law- yors will take the case to a bigher sourt, al- leging that it is fllegal for a man to serve more Lhan once ob & jury fn a year, Settled After Seven Years. After pending seven years the ease of David Zolner versus the Lebigh Coal and Navigation Company was settled at Tama- quam, when the Zohner helrs were paid $15,000. Zobner sued the company for iamages done his farm by the culm from the defendant's collieries washing upon it. Two of the arbitrators decided in his favor, but the company protested and in the argu- ment before Judge Koeh the defendants won. Zohner earried the case to the Suo- preme Court, which reversed Judge Koch's decision, and the heirs were paid the ful amount with interest, Tot's Fatal Amusement. The 22-year-old child of Mr. and Mee. Michael Homolo, of Dunmore, was burped to death in thelr apartments. The father and mother went out, leavisg their two ohildren, aged 6 and 2 years, respectively, in the house, The children found some matebes and played with them. The flame caught the clothing of the younger ebhild, acd in a few moments she was enveloped in flames, When the neighbors rushed up- stairs in response to the cries of the other ebild they Ioand the babe on the floor un- conscious and her face and body most fear- | fully burned. She died shorty after. wards, Arrested After Two Years The Shamokin police received informa- tion that Thomas Frohman would at some time during Friday night visit his parents alter an absence of two years. He was ar. rested near midnight and was placed in jail, Two years ago the police eaptured a num- ber of alleged burglars, but Frohman, who was suspecied, ran home, The officers fol- lowed, »o be climbed from the attic to the roof and jumped thirty feet to the ground without sustaising injury. He then disap- peared in the mountains, He says that he went West, Found in a Dying State. Peter Lynch, a sober and industrious type setter on one of the morsing papers of Hazleton, was found iying in an usconscious condition In front of his boarding-house in West Hazleton, Two physicians remained with bim all day, but he died without re. gaining bis senses, There was a mark on bis temple, as if being bit with some blunt instrument, which leads to the belie! that he was foully dealt with, Three Deaths Iu Ten Days. The family of Mr. and Mrs Albert H. Fried, of Allentown, is sadly afflicted. With- in ten days three children bave died from diptheria. Lillian May, aged 10, Robert Patterson, aged 7. and Jeanie Gertude, aged 6. The gris! of the mother is shatter fog ber health. An AMiicted Family. Duriag the past week five members of the family of Reuben Widisin, in Adams County, have died of diptheria and at pres- ent another member, a child, Is oritically fli with the disease. Several cases of diptherin also exist Io Huntsdale, a village of Cum- beriand County. Stone Causes a Boy's Death. John, the 6-year-old son of Wiliam For. rey, of Lebanon, while playing in the yard of one of the public schools on Wednesday, was hit on the head by a stone thrown, it is charged, by a young colored boy named Hughes. Young Forrey died of brain fever, snd the police are luvestigating the matier, Struck It Rich in the Klondike. B. C. Lipple and wife of Sharon, have r - turped from the Klondike, where they cleared, they say, over $65,000. Lipple owns two valuable claims, and this is his third trip to the States. He says that much distress from cold and bunger will prevail this winter at Dawson, Coal Train Conductor Fatally Hare, Jobn Ahreasfleld, of Gordon, employed as a conductor on a Philadelphia & Resding coal train, was struck by su engioe while sinnding aiosg side of his train near Glrardville and sustained fojuries from whieh he died at noon. He leaves a wife and threes ehilidren, Country Stores Robbed, The general store of Glaney L. Dry, at Lenhartaville, was robbed of ready-made °