The Centre reporter. (Centre Hall, Pa.) 1871-1940, May 14, 1891, Image 3

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    SE
BORE HIS HONORS HUNGRILY.~Jax-
om (who has been introducing Jixon in-
fo society)—**You earried yourself cap-
itally, old fellow. Your were an honor
to the occasion,”
Jixon (who didn’t get all he wanted
to eat)—**Well, if I was, 1 was an empty
honor, I can assure you,”
IMPROVEMENT ON RAILWAY SAND-
WICHES, —Ncene, Central Africa—(Ar-
rival of the express train at the chief
town.)
Train-dispatcher (to the engineer)—
“What dees this mean? I don’t see any
sonductor.”’
Engineer-*'No, the first-class passen-
gers have eaten him up since we started,
MARRIAGE ETIQUETTE IN TEXAS.-
Westerly - “Did you read about the
Texas girl whose flance did not appear
in church at the time appointed?”
Brown—**No. What did she do?”
Westerly—**She borrowed the minis-
ter’s revolver and asked him to wait &
few minutes. Within balf an hour she
eame back with a placid smile and a
submissive bridegroom.”
INCONGRUITY .~—Miss Ethel—*'Yes,
indeed, we girls are fully alive to the
justice of the popular criticism on chat-
tering woman, and that is the reason
we organized our thought club.
Mr. Blank-~**Thought club???
*Yes, and it's doing wus a world of
»”
“I do not doubt it,”
“Yes, Indeed. Why, at the last meet-
Ing we talked for tive whole hours on
the advantages of silent meditation.
elie
Persian brocaded stripes appear on
faille silks in amber, stem green, apri-
oot and deep Sjanish yellow, and
magnificently illumirated matelasse
satins striped with velvet In black or|
rich fruit shades, are outlined at the |
edges with gold or s:lver imitating gimps
and galoons.
— -—
Jaffiicted with soreeyes uso Dr. Isaac Thompe
tn 'sEye-water. Drugygists sell at Ze. per bottle
i
One of the latest fads 1s a collection
of shoes of various nations as a drawing
Good Blood
Is absolutely
Essential to
Good Health
You may have
both by taking the
best Blood Purifier
Hood's
Sarsaparilla
BUBGLARING A DUDE'S MOUTH,—
“Say, pard, they ain't none o’ these fel
lers here got anything,” said train rob-
ber No. 1,
“Yes they have, too,” said No. 2
**That ar’ dude’s got gold fillin’ in his
tee'h, Got yer forceps?”
“Naw "?
“Then gimme yer corkscrew,
gotter get them teeth,”
We
“Fatent Medicines Did No Good ™
1800.
I reecived your sample bottle of Floraplex.
lon, also your letter of last Monday. After
considerable hesitation, I concluded to give it
a trial, as I had already tasen so much patent
medicine, and beon so unsuccessful with it, and
not having benefited me any, that it seemed
like money thrown away; but I procured the
Floraplexion, and have taken four hotties, and
feel It has greatly relleved my dyspep la.
Mus. L. buEXNAN,
Floraplerion is the speedy and permanent
cure for Sick Headache, Indigestion, Dyspep-
sin, Biliousness, Liver Comnlaint, Nervous De
bility and Consumption. It is the only sure
cure for these complaints, Ask your druggst
for It, and get well,
Owing to the difficulties that have so
often been found with the closed type
of engines for electric light machinery,
the English Admiralty has abolished
them jo recent ships and substituted
room ornament—Pers'an, Egyptian,
Turkish, Cuivese— and if madame has |
a pretty foot she Inserts among the |
motely crew her own tiny, coquetlish
Parisian slipper.
“German
Syrup”
Those who have not |
A Throat used Boschee’s Ger- |
and Lung severe and chronic
trouble of the Throat
and Lungs can hard-
ly appreciate what a truly wonder-
ful medicine it is. The delicious
sensations of healing, easing, clear-
ing, strength-gathering and recover-
ing are unknown joys. For Ger-
man Syrup we do not ask easy cases.
Sugar and water may smooth a
throat or stopa tickling—for a while.
This is as far as the ordinary cough
medicine goes. Boschee's German
Syrup is a discovery, a great Throat
and Lung Specialty. Where for
years there have been sensitiveness,
in, coughing, spitting, hemorr-
age, voice failure, weakness, slip- |
ping down hill, where doctors and
medicine and advice have been swal-
lowed and followed to the gulf of |
Specialty.
despair, where there is the sickening |
conviction that all is over and the
end is inevitable, there we place
German Syrup. Itcures. Youare
a live man yet if you take it. oO
A Bkin of Neanaty Is a Joy Forever,
DRT FELIX GOURAU D'S
Orieatal Cream, or Magical Beaufifler
No
other cosme-
tie will do 16
dis.
and
bie.
on
beanty and
defies de
tection. It
bas stood
the test of
40 years;
noother has,
and is so
harmiess
we taste It to be sure ft 18 properly
Juade. Accept no counterfeit of similar name,
distinguished Dr, L.A. Sayer, sald toa
lady of the HAUTTON (a patient): — “As
Indies will use them, I recommend
ourand’s Cream’ as the least harmful of all
the Ekin preparations.” Also Poudre Subtile
Iiioves superfinous hair without injury to the
in.
FRRD. T. HOPKINS. Proprietor, 3 Great
Jones Street, New York. ts 5
For sale by all Druggists and Faney Goods
lers throughout the U.S. Canada and
as Beauatifies
the Skin.
(Nt ANEW DEPARTURE SBUTTAL 4
or. Bowstd's PENNY ROYAL ps
SAFE, SURE ano RELIABLE.
ple ERS.
POSITIVELY REMEDIFD
BAGG KNEES areca ieee
a
her,
and other
where,
for meh avery
i to
B. J. GREELY, 715 Washington Street. Posten,
town send B80
Wax, ¥envoow,
A pag ag Gar : ps
an month and expenses to sell
$500 fur month aud ax 0. D. Gases,
open engines of the compound type.
no fs —
When you decide io take Lood's SBarsaparilla
do not be | uy some substitute prep.
aration, which clerks may claim is “as good as
Hood's.” Tha pecullar merit of Hood's Sarsa-
parilla cannot be Therefore
upon Hood's
ced to!
equalied, insist
aritin.
e———
SArsap
It is proposed doing away with
old syste of
the
ightuiog rod protection,
aid roplacing the rods with parrow
ribbons of . op er, which will use up
the energy o. the lightning and save
the bullding from destruction.
Catarrh Can't Be Cured
with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they cannot
reach the seat of the disease, and in order to
1 have to take internal remedies.
Ca arrh Cure is taken internal
ire -L1y on the blood and mucou « sur
Hal's catarrh Cure is no quack medic
Was prescribed by one of the best ph
this country for years, and is a regu
scription. It is composed of the best tonics
known, combined with the best blood purifiers
acting directiy on the muocous surfaces. The
perfect combination of the two ingredients is
what produces such wonderful results in cur
Ing eatarrh. Send for testimonials free.
F. J, CHENEY & Cu, Froups., Toledo, 0.
Sold by druggists, price Tic.
cu
Hal ard
faces
The camera shows that the star
Vega, one of the Inightest In the
heavens, ia apparently a double star,
composed of two suns, each revolving
around a point midway between
them,
-—
The Tl of Our Fathers,
No new fangled mixture of
peisononus
wl old fashioned pire veg
r aod H fie enturing
fur ¥ tiedicines
x isERSes DY. ree
5 ¥ an hE
min.
abe b
ago. wh
fo ass sl
ver t
movite congs tio if the iver,
bowels, and « hiet pode all dis ases
The oid monk the § ges were foliow
i. Bernard Veg
irpassed in this
worid. A sampl | i. Bernard Veg
etabie Pills will be sont free to al applicants.
Address BL. Heinard Box 2316, New York.
Sleeves are worn almost uncomfortab'y
long They must extend certainly
over the wrist, and pr ferably, down to
the knuckles. They are full at the
shoulder and down to te ¢lbow,
where they becoma close fitting for
the remainder of the length,
—————
When an article has been sold for 24 years,
in spite of competition and cheap imitat ons, it
mus hae superior qual.ty., Dobbins’ Eleetrie
Soap has been constant y made and sold since
1865. Ask your grocer for if, Bestofa i.
Livirg only to get riches genera'ly
turns out like the bos who got the hore
Le.’ nest, Just as he thonght he hed
it be found out that it had him.
A ———
Sufferers from Coughs, Sore Throat, ste.
should try “Brown's Bronchial Troches” a
simple but sure remedy. Sold only nn boxes,
Price iS eta.
The olfactometer recently exhibited
to the Academy of “cle ce in Paris is
a little apparatus for testing the smell.
log powe's ot Individuals, It deter.
mines the weight of odorous vapor in a
enbie centimeter of air which 1s per-
ceptible by the olfactory sense of a
person,
Rupture cure guaranteed by
Dr. J. B. Mayer, 831 Arch st, Phil's,
Pa. Ease at once, no operation or de.
lay from business, attested by thou-
eands of cures after others fail, advice
free, send for circular
The demands of feminine adorn.
ment are said to be responsible for the
Ploapsetive extinelon of the beautifi|]
ritish kingdsher. It has disappeared
already from the Eunglsh couniies of
Bussex, Oxfordshire and Hampshire,
Al FRA Niopied te Dr. Kilne's dross
{AS femarer op pd A day's use. Mare
TRiOus cures, Hae ancl $800 tried DOLLS (ree)
} houses, Bend 10 Lr Kine 00 Arcn S, Pals, a
There are two hundred members in
the Boclety of the Daughters of the
American Revolution in New York
Uity, and all have in their pessession
colonial candlesticks, cranes, spinning
wheels or winlstures of their fore.
Cnn FMiney Cure
Dropsy, Gravel, + A Bright's,
or Liver Diseases, Nerve
eh Siro: Ph 318. pte
for $5, or druggist. 1000
cures, Try
It's sometimes said patent
medicines are for the igno-
rant. The doctors foster this
idea.
“The people,” we're told,
“are mostly ignorant when it
comes to medical science.”
Suppose they are! What
a sick man needs is not knowl-
edge, but a cure, and the medi.
cine that cures is the medicine
for the sick.
Dr. Pierce's Golden Med.
ical Discovery cures the “do
believes ” and the “don’t be-
lieves.” There's no hesitance
about it, no “if” nor “possi
bly.”
It says—“I can cure you,
only do as I direct.”
Perhaps it fails occasionally,
The makers hear of it when it
does, because they never keep
the money when the medicine
fails to do good.
Suppose the doctors went
on that principle. (We beg
the doctors’ pardon. It
wouldnt dol)
Choking, sneezing and every
other form of catarrh in the
head, is radically cured by
Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy.
HUMOROUS,
An expert In handrighting—T he
manicure,
Favorl'e song of the American heir-
efs and beauty:
“When I can read my title clear.”
Stockholders usually hope for divi-
dends, but the dividends are often like
the hope—deferred,
————————
There Is a Justice in Islip, Long Is
land, of the name of Clock. His jria-
cipal busiuess 1s to give time to the pris.
oners,
—————
‘“This a bad sign,” sald Hicks, asthe
shingle of Bludboory, Blithers & Co.,
was blown from its place and landed on
h:s high hat,
i ———— a ———
“You told me you were a quill
driver.”
“Well?”
“And here you are tending geese,”
“Well?”
Collector—*“ How about meeting this
note???
Merchant—*1 can’t do it to-day. But
Ll make a note of this meeting.”
The blue jays come when the skies
are bleak
The woolland paths to cheer,
But the green jays from across the
creek
Are with us all the year.
SR
IT WAS NOT THERE,~Snooper—*]
bought these §3 trousers in a fit of econ-
omy."
Hunker (surveying the garment)—‘<1
don’t see the fit,”
CrurL.—**That was a sympathetic
Fifty cents. By druggists.
———————————————————————
Jorms0] eT]
For internal and External Use,
Stops Palin, Crimes, Inflammation In body ar Neb,
ihe masts COuresCroap Asthma, Colds, Catarrh, Chobe
ora Horbas THarvhora, #H natism, Neuralgia tame
Back, BUR Jofnte and Strsins Pull particulars from ries
5 ota pons pad. « JUHNBON & U0. Boston, —]
BEECHAM'S PILLS
cure SICK HEADACHE.
ab Cents oo Box.
OF ALL DRUGOISTE.,
FOR FIFTY YEARS
MRS. WINSLOW'S
SOOTHING SYRUP
bas been usesd by mothers for thelr ehildren
3 While Teething for over Fifty Years, It
3 soothes the o il, snftens 1B wilays
3
»
>
td
” Bums
all pain, cares wind oolic, and is the best
remedy for dlareheps
Twenty-five Cents n Bottle.
»
AAAS MEAD RBPA AAS
FWILIGHT.
BY BROWN FERRIMAN,
Still hour that blends
Ry each in peace pos
Placed like a vestal dr
LAle’s steuastle aud
wih day and night,
Casein
eam between
Ls Testi
Silence and thought, mute handmaids roam
mis in search of bliss,
wes gleave and yearnings fond
{ lancy Kiss,
ses run clear
ream upon desives falfilled
Unhaanted by its care,
Pastion, and pain. and want, and wos,
Like wolves when fhe nicht hath 8 WR.
heir Lairs tinge thy peace,
Uh twilight, now our own!
- Pankes Blade.
UB A AHAB 5 AA
Wealth of Some Amcoricans.
Among the richest American estales
audience I had,” asked the lecturer,
{ "Yes, I thought they all seemed
sor: for each other,” sald his bosom
| friend,
I —
NEEDS A EKrY.—Mr, Fresh, ‘04
“Professor, now how would you classi-
fy the language spoken by the guards on
the elevated tralosa,
Professor Langue—**As verbal
oglyphics.”’
hier-
An II ——
A SLIPPERY OPINION,— Amateur
Actor—""Well, what did you think of
my Hamlet?”
Candid Friend—*“Er—um-; well, to
tell the truth, if I'd been the old man’s
ghost I'd ha’ spanked youl*
A ASAI,
NOW FOR AX FEXPLANATION—‘‘He
was awfully flattering, He sald my
cheek was the color of his favorite rose,”
sald Maude,
“He told me be liked yellow roses
best," relurped the genial Estelle,
COULDN'T PROCEED WITHOUT HIM.
Old Gentleman—**My boy, where is
your employer?"
Office Bov—"*Attending a funeral
0, G.—*Indeed]! Whose?”
0, B.-—*"His own.”
DISTANCE LEXDS ENCHANTMENT, —
Hostess—Don’t you think my daughter
has a flue voice, Mr. Bronson, and that
I ought to send her to Paris to have it
cultivated?”
Bronson—'*Yes; if 1 were you 1
would send her at leas’ as far as that.”
LOVE AND WAR. —Spatts—“It is
said that all is fair in love and war, but
there is one great difference between
hem.”
Jlosbumper-—*What Is it?
SMpatts—In love the fizhting doesnot
begin untill after the engagement Is
over,
SIGHED FOR LARGE-SCALE STING]
NESS, ~ Frugal Huosband--*l wish |
ever gatherad is that of the Astor fam!
ly. Efforts are made to conceal the
enormous figure that would express
ihe worth of the properly, but it is
probable that §%.000,000 is not an ex.
iravagant estimate, The estate of
William H. Vanderbilt was $200,000.
0. A. T. Stewnrt was worth at the
time of hs death fully $60,000,000, 2
large part of which has gone one way
or the other, but mostly the former,
Jay Gould may be credited with $100,
K000, and just as much more as he
pleases to make, Armour, the Chico
go hog-packer, is worth $15,000,000,
Mackey, whose step-daughter, the child
of a camp-barber, married the Prince
of the ancient house of Colonna, is
worth at least $200,000,000, and Fair,
his former partner, has fully that
amount, DD. O. Mi'ls is worth at leas!
$7,000,000, and Edwin D, Morgan, the
heir of the ex-Governor, has $30,000,
300, James Gordon Bennett, one of
the richest of the young men of Ameri
ta, has a fortune of $15,000,000, Miss
Catharine Wolfe, the wealthiest spin.
fer in the couatry, bas nearly $15,-
30,000, and is the last of her line,
————— M—————
HE WAS EQUAL TO THE EMERGENCY.
Mra. de Flatte—"Boy, did you #ee a
stray pug dog around here anywhere?"
Smart boy~-"Yes'm, 1 joel saw one
bein’ chewed up by a big bulldog and I
saw another bein' tisd to a tin can an’
kerosene poured all over "im, an’ 1 saw
anothe r bein’ chopped up for sausage,
Mrs, de Flatte (clutching at a railing
for support) —* Oh, hotrorsl
$5 to get my little Fido safely back.
Smart Boy “Al right, mum, You
wali here half a mimute,”
A prominent ph exprestes
the opinion that the gal of the fu-
ture will contain vo skylight. A bigh
room, with the north wall entirely of
glass, and a roof open to the sky, will
produce the best rosults, The inside
Jinted in light color gives admirable
luminath n, without the disadvant: «
ges of sun ight,
LI
A steel company of Cleveland, Ohios
rolled a 20-1uch square
unto
lid $50 000 a year,”
Unappreciative Wife—What for?
You don't spend a quarter of your pres-
ent income
F. H —*0Oh, 1 know; but then I could
economize on a larger scale.”
i
i
5
H
i
i
i
=,
g
E
£
§
1
i
E
Lg
In the
heaviness and languor.
cleanse the system
S00KS ON BLOOD AND SKIN DISEASES FREE,
Spring.
of all impur ties
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO. ATLANTA. OA.
——
»
5 RCE Sm
I Ss RS
to health were th
warded ofl ppcumonta and
pure Norwegian Cod Liver
? Dud you
Lime and Soda;
mmended this won
A
you recor
friends? And what will you
(specially in Children )-
etsion all over the world, because ts i
Rianner as to greatly increase their reme
CAUTION. —~Sontt’s Emulsion is pr
sid by all Drugpists,
Cheapest,
Cold in the Head it has
Address ¥
t chan
y LH
S
Oil a
proclaim
derful ally
do this win
is time, It will
As a
ef
vd
*
v th
} Ry, C70] ULB,
ir » .
Wasting Diseases
*1y
as Milk.
ed By the Yeliral Peo
lientswmre sci any combined io such a
red wraspers. De sore and
1 Chemists, New York,
orrlali Sor
pists of sont by wall
iF Baw | vow X
,C EPR. BMT.
and, although it costs a trifle
outlast two cakes of cheap
cheapest in the end. Any
reasonable price.
—
VY.
whalalmen say”
Fh geen oe 60 Ph,
fan net hlt™
"nw Ea B + 5
ger ERE FR J3
y & Wr Ney
I Sapolio=—v
Scouring soap
It knows no equal,
more its durability makes it
makes. It is therefore the
grocer will supply it at a
W. L. DOUCLAS
83 SHOE ceniWlaen
wy EEE, i
RA ONEDOLLAR BILL sent ue by mall
Asliver, free 0 all ob to any -™
Be ieer, Ps, BSE lf
hy packe
Bottle of Pure Vaseline,
toe onr oe hortis of Yassline Pomade,
of Vas line Cold
on of Vaaeli oe Onm, hor
me Soap, unseated,
wo-cunee bothe of
pd Paseline or preparation ergfres
ower meme, beoawer
i
PROF. LOISETTE'S NEW
MEMORY BOOKS. in
om tern recent NW
Full Tables of Contents
Fes amsoon
of 571 Fh Ave, New York,
da :