EE RO UN HOT
oo omer
«y+ IT REACTED.
tis Honor — Prisoner, you have been
found guilty of atrociously murder-
ng your aged aunt, What have you
lo say?
The Prisoner —Y our honor, I ask the
slemency of the court. The means I
took to remove my relative have shat-
tered me mentally forever,
His Honor— What were those means?
The Prisoner—1I read to her the Bur-
won-Johnson debates,
Ilis Honor — You
smough. Discharged.
——
TIME WORKS WONDERS,
Mis E ligible(whose mother is a she
iragon)—Y ou’ve no idea Mr. Desirable
sow mischievous I was when 1 was
small, Why, mamma, you remember
10W people used to fight shy of you bLe-
:ause 1 was alwayz sure to be with you
snd make things disagreeable?
Mr. Desirable—The deuce! Why,
she situation is just reversed now isn’t
2? Toat is—]1 mean —LHat— we,
lO cst
have suffered
A DEMAND CREATED,
Canvasser—I1'm selling a new map of
he west,
Chicago man—Show me where
Jhicago 1s located,
Canvasser—Chicago is that big place
an the lake.
Chicago man—Now,
louis?
Canvasser —I don’t believe I ever
aeard of that place,
Chicago man—Y ou can give me two
of those maps.
where is St.
ILLUSTRATING BY EXAMPLE,
“Charlie dear, what is a monopo-
yy?" she a ‘ked, looking up tenderly, a3
she rested submissively in his arms,
with her dainty head nested against
his eoat collar.
“Well,” 1eplied Charlie, manfally
strugeling to bring his mind 10 cope
with abs ruse subjects and falling al-
together to get beyond concrete facts,
**I sincerely hope that this is.”
-> -
NO DANGER.
“‘Beg pardon, sah,’’ observed the
ongh looking walter suggestively.
“Gerts at this table usually —er-—re-
nem! er me, sah.”
**I don’t wonder,’’ said the customer
sordially, ‘*That mug of yours would
se hard to forget.”
And he picked up hls check and
itrollel leisurely in the direction of the
tashier,
arcmin A ———
it’s Fanny.
Ever since man nad whiskers th.
wind has blown through them and
sver them and all around them, and
over his chin and nose and eyebrows
as well, but if an actor wants to con-
vulse his audience he has but to ob-
serve: “And the wind blew through
nis whiskers.”
Acadia, the name of the region now
included in the provinces of Nova
scotia and New Brunswick, has been
settled by the French aboutone hundred
ears when the English conquered it in
710, during Queen Anne's war,
It was not until 1784 that the perma
sent settlement and occupancy of Upp-
er Canada began. Ilo that year about
ten thousand persons were placed along
the northern shoresof the river St. Law-
rem ¢, Lake Ontario and Lake Erie,
Clnbs have increased rapidly in New
York, and it is estimated that they now
have a membership of 100,000. Every
slab has an ambition to get a building
ym Fifth avenue,
Ri edd free oy Dr. Kline's Great
ery No Fitaalier frst day's ose, Mar.
SeIOue Can Treatise and $2.00 trial potiie (ree td
}icases. Bend to De. Kine S51 Arca si, Pais, Pa
Wyoming is 350 miles In length, 275
‘n width, has an area of 97,575 square
miles or 62,438,000 acres, Yellowstone
Park is within its territory, 3,600 square
miles in beight,
Oklahoma Guide Boo gd Map sent anywhere
n receipt of S0cts. Tyler ansas City, Mo,
There has been erected the first and
nly modern windmill in London.
A Poverty-stricken Millionaire!
This seems a paradox, but it is ex
plained by one of New York's richest
men. “1 don’t count my wealth in
dollars,” he sald. “What are all my
possessions to me, since I am a victim
of consumption ¥ My doctor tells me
that I have but a few months to live,
for the disease is incurable. I am poor
er than that beggar yonder.” * Bat)”
interupted the friend to whom he spoke,
“consumption can be cured. If taken
in time, Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery will eradicate every vestige
of the disease from out system.” * A
try it,” sald the millionaire, and he did;
and to-day there is not a healthier,
happier man to be found anywhere.
The “Discovery” strikes at the seaf of
the complaint. Consumption is a dis.
ease of the blood—is nothing more nor
less than lung-scrofula-—and it must
and does yield to this wonderful remedy.
‘Golden Medical Discovery” is not
only an acknowledged remedy for that
terribly fatal malady, when taken in
time and given a fair trial, but also for
all forms of Scrofulous, Skin and Scalp
Diseases, as White Swellings, Fever-
sores, Hip- joint Disease, Salt-rheum,
Tetter, Eczema, Boils, Carbuncles, Ery-
sipelas and Kindred ailments,
The papers of Micager Hancock, of
Indiana, for whom the Senate Pension
Committee recommended a pension
of $25 for bis service In the War 0” 1812,
show that he is 102 years oid.
I ————————
One Thousand Dollars.
I will forfeit the above amount, If I fall to
prove that Floraplexion is the best medicine in
existence for Dyspepsia, Indigestion or Bilious
ness, It is a certain cure, and affords Immed].
ate relief, in cases of Kidney and Liver Com
plaint, Nervous Debility and Consumption.
loraplexion builds up the weak system and
cures where other remedies fail. Ask your
druggist for it and get weil. Valuable book
“Things Worth Knowing,” also, sample bottie
gent free: all charges prepaid. Address
Franklin Hart, 88 Warren Street New York.
Tha cost of strikes in New York alone
in 1886 and 1887 was $8 507,449.
Common Sense.
If you dam up all the little streams you will
have a flood, 1f you check the seeretions of the
liver, Kidneys, skin and bowels you will have
disease and death. That is the story in a nut
shell. Remedies for indigestion, rheumatism,
neuralgia, headaches, ete. are nonsense, they
merely palliate., Open up the siulces, get rid
of the waste, stimulate the healthy actions of
the great organs of nutri tion and excretion
and purify the blood by the only known uni
versal remedy of our fathers St. Bernard Veg
etable Pills and ali your disorders will vanish.
A sample of the BL. Bernard Vegetable Fills
will be sent free to all applicants. Address St,
Bernard Box, 24h. New York.
One ostrich, farm at Port _Augusts,
South Ausiralia, contains 700 birds
worth $100 each, apd the yield of the
feathers this vear is expected to be
worth $7000,
Gladstone has a library of about
twenty-five thoasand v. lume,
A man who has practiced medicine for &
years, ought to know salt from sugar; read
what he says:
Torevpo, O., Jan. 10, 1887.
Mesars. F.J. Cheney & Co.~Gentlemen pI
have been in the general practice of medicine
for most 40 years, and would say that in all my
practice and “x fe have never seen a
Dreparati nt could preseribe with as
much confidence of success as [I can Hall's
Catarrh Cure, manufactured by you. Have
Jriscrihed it a great many times A) its effect
ul, and would say in oomclusion that
I have yet to find a case of catarrh that 18
would not cure, if they would take it accord.
ing to directions,
Yours truly,
L LGORSUCH M.D.
Office, 215 Summit St,
We will give $100 for any case of Catarrh that
cannot be eured with Halls Catarrh Cure.
Taken InteIbally;
J. CHENEY & CO, Props. , Toledo, 0.
sarsoid by Druggists, He.
A Wisconsin packing company paid
out $26,500 for cucumbers during the
fall
Sn MI ———
De You Ever Specuinte ¢
An son sendine us their name sand ad.
dress Will receive Information that will lead
to a fortune. Bend, Lewis & Co, Security
Buliding, Kansas ( ty. Ma,
The submarine telegraph system of
the world consists of 120,070 nautical
miles of cable.
Mp ——
Fraser Axle Grease,
The Frazer Axle Grease is the Standard
Axle Grease of the world, Use it and save
your horses and wagons, One greasing
will last two weeks,
Nearly 16,000,000 eggs wers import-
ed into the United States from Canada
last year,
A — qt
Deserving of Confienes There is no article
which so richly deserves the entire confidence
of the community as Browx's Broscmiat
Trocura, Those Diseasas. Gongs, ane Asthinatie an
Bronchial Diseases and Colds shoul
try them. Price cents
There are 31 millionaires in Denver,
Col., and 33 men worth, on the average,
$ 300 000 each,
invested in ¢
Money holes undred dol.
far building lots in suburbs of City will
pay from five hund » ny
cent. the next few years ¢ plan,
per month hae TateRest oon~
trols frvis 3 desfabis. ot I re on
Haueriein & Uo. A Vo. fansis Oity,
Nine-tenths of | the raimns the ruimns sold in this
country wie mide i+ California.
A ————
ARE TL sight t. First
very ix months
inter.
anaes i 4 BE Se ead
The British treasury has dot treasury has donated $25,
000 for the purchase of the pictures in
rm
Jamioted with pl
India has now about TO native
Christians in a popuation of 260,000,-
That
Tickling
In your throat arises from catarrh,and a
catarrh Is a constitutional disease thé ordinary
cough medicines all fall to hit the spot. What
you need is a constitutional remedy like Hood's
Barsapariila, which, by bullding up the general
health, and expelling the scrofulous taint
which is the cause of catarrh and consumption,
has restored to perfect health many persons on
whom these diseases seem to have a firm hold.
Hood's
Sarsaparilla
Bold by ali druggists, #1:six for ¢5. Prepared
only by C. 1, HOOD & CO., Lowell, Mass,
100 Doses One Dollar
Bortnuda Bottled.
“You must to Bermuda.
ou do not I will not be responshe
le for the consequences.” ot
Ssctor, I can afford Jhelther
time nor the aamey.” “ Wen hr
that is impossible
SCOTT'S
MULSION
OF PURE NORWECIAN
COD LIVER OIL.
I sometimes eall It Bermuda Bots
tied, and many cases of
Bron aan
or Severe Cold
I have CURED with if; and the
advantage Is that the most sensi
tive stomach ean take it. Another
thing which commends It is the
stimulating pro hrkies of the Hy- |
UBB ites w it contains, 3
uw will find it Ah sale at your §
Druggist's but see sou get the
original SCOTT'S EMULNION.” '
ASTHMA.
Popham's Asthma
Specific
ives Immediate relief,
As evidence we
Trial Package ¥
\ Sold by Dit aegista,
sent by mali, foul ald,
for #1 per Box. Address, THOS, FOP] 2001
Eidge Avenue, F hiladelphta.
ceo
SYRUP.
Tt fe plessant to the taste and
dors Bot contain a particle of
opin vranything injarions. It
io the Best Cong ot Motil ine in ee
. World ¥ i Sale by all Drug gists,
Price, ham por bottle. Div. Schench's Book on
Consumption and in Cute, adi-d frve Address
Dr J BH fora Pafgete “Wis
FOR FIFTY FTY YEARS!
MRS. WINSLOW'S
SOOTHING SYRUP
has beet used by mothers for thelr children
le Sete for over Fifty Years. It
all pate al pain. Cures wing =e wind catic. and is the best
nr Th.
TT wentr-fve Cents a Dottie.
~~ hs " Sadi
GRATEFUL-COMFORTING.
EPPS'S COCOA
BREAKFAST.
envio Garette,
i
KP Pn & & Co. Hommopathie Chemists,
Lowen, Eaten.
a
BEECHAM'S PILLS
(THE OREAT ENGLISH REMEDY.)
Cure BILIOUS and
Nervous ILLS.
25cts. a Box.
OF ALL DRUGGISTS.
-VASELINE-
FORA O ORE-BOLLA IRE 4.1, sont ue by mal
we will de
an imitation
wh Mig, Ooi, 24 ats Sus N.Y.
Boose comping, meni
sTUbY, :
tanght t MAT, Cvoulnr frea.
“38 Haim WL, Buffalo. N,
A uniform similiar to that worn
British satlots is about to be introd
into the German uavy.
cE
rons
BIRT Peter at
a
HUMOROUS,
AFTER THREE O'CLOCK.
He—May I come again soon?
She(looking at the clock)~Yes; but
don’t come this evening,
PROBABLY NOT,
Johnson—DId you know that John IL,
Sallivan is only 32 years old? I am
surprise l,
Jackson--I don’t doubt it. I would-
n’t doubt it If he were to tell me so
himself,
SOMETHING OF A LIE.
She-—Isn’t Dr, Anderton very absent
minded?
He—Yes, that's why he never mar-
ried. He went to kiss his sweetheart’s
hand once and vaccinated her instead.
SUPPLYING A DEMAND,
Customer — I want to get a three dol-
lar shirt for $1.50,
Proprietor—Yes, sir. (Aside to clerk
James, show this man some of our $1.5
shirts for §3.
COMFORT.
Gus—(reflectively) —So poor Will is
gone! Well, the good dle young.
Harry— Cheer up, old fellow! Never
mind about that, You're destined to
live a long while yet.
s—I —_——
A TRUTH UTTERED,
Son-—But accidents will happen, fath-
er, in the very best regulated families.
Father —That’s all right, but I want
you to understand that mine is not one
of the best regulated families,
AN IMPERTINENT QUESTION,
*“That’s as true as I live,”’ sald the
stock broker to a customer,
“Yes, but how true do you live?”
the customer suspiciously Inquired,
AN AFFECTIONATE SPOUSE,
She—I say, pet, what calamity would
give you the most pain?
He—As 1 idolize my wife, I should
most of all regret her being left a wid-
ow,
VERY TRUE,
J) Mr, MeAllister’s book is not always
grammatical,” said Penelope.
“Oh, well, as long as it is in'erest-
ing, "returned Chapple, “nobody cares,
We can’t expect everybody to speak ss
we do, particularly a man such as him,
whom devotes all his time to pleasure,”
A QUEER CONDITION,
¥omebody challenged Jones to fight a
duel,
“Well, it’s a go,” replied that cheer-
fal lunatic; **but only on one condition.
Y ou know how near sighted Iam, Well,
to make things equal 1 insist that I shall
be placed ten paces nearer my opponent
thaa Le is to me, {ir the fellow’s got an
eye like a hawk »
— -
There are probably 600,000 Odd Fel-
fows in the United States, The mem-
bership reported to theaunual commun
ication In 1380 was 5°22 6.
Rioging noises in the eas are caused by
eatarth. Loss of smell or hearing also result
from catarrh, Hood's Sarsaparilia, the great
blood purifier, Is a peculiarly successfal rem
edy for this disease, wa ch It cures Ly purify
ing the blood.
By he agency of the Lyadon children’s
country holidays fund 20.000 children
last year enjoyed a short holiday In the
coun.ry.
Issa
ou have ever used Dobbins’ Electric dur
and purest family soap made.
oul haven't tried it, ask your grocer for it now.
don't take imitation. ec are lots of them,
Omaba Neh, nn ased from 3,618
in 1880 to 139,000 in 1800,
Cannas Kidney Cure for
Dropsy, Gravel, Diabetes, Bright's,
Heart, Urinary or Liver Diseases, Norv
ousness, &c. Cure guaranteed. 831
Arch Street, Philad’a. $1 a bottle, 6
for $5, or droggist. 1000 certificates of
cures, Try it
An owl shot near Jackson, Ga., meas-
ured five and a half feet from tip to tip
of the wings and had a small steel trap
on oue of its feet,
Rupture cu cureguaranieed by
Dr, J. B. Mayer, 831 Arch St, Phila,
Pa. Kase at once, no operation or de-
lay from business, attested by thou.
sands of cures after others fail, advice
free, send for cirenlar.
ss
An English authority states thet. 8 |
at 16,000,000
pounds. }
' Timber, Mineral, Fare Lands and Ranches
n Missouri, Kansas, Texas and Arkansas,
t and sold. Tyler & Co, Kansas City, oy
HANDICAPPED BY NATURE,
E d Barglar (to new re
t reat Jupiter! Don't make so
much nolse!
New Recruit—I can’t help it. My
toe joints always crack when I walk in
i BO Tar{ h disgusted
x urg mue
Then you'd better turn honest, You'll
never succeed In this line of business,
You're cut out for a fami'y man with
twin babies that need lallin to sleep,
sania MI So ———
AN UNEXPECTED ADMISSION,
Mm, Hubby(s Harvard bride)--It
would be useless for me to disguise the
ewt. (1,792,000,000
Thursday for
Sunday the Day that is
Biest
Book ov Days.”
the most novel and attractive Calendar of the
Offer to New
45 Bend Chock, Post Pot Ord
It i» coneidered
year. Mailed on receipt of ten conta,
Subscribers.
of entertaining reading at so low a pr
er or Bugiiersd Letter
ELY BROTHERS, 56 Warren
Bt, New York. Price 80 ot
Best Cough Medicine,
Cures where all
icians.,
CONSUM
a nel,
IFrmaun be true,
PUBLICA
endorses
polo v
couring soap --
best article of this kind in the
world. It knows no equal,
cheapest in the end. Any
reasonable price.
It is therefore the
grocer will supply it at a
3 Prescane and faily en
Fig as the onl)
fie Sar © COrvain cur
INoRA
CG. H.INGRAMAM M. ©
Amsterdam, N.
We have sold Ba ie i
m Foes the bast of sail:
D. DYCHE 200,
Chiongo, |
$1.60. Bold by Drogg
FRAZER AXE:
BEST IN THE WORLD,
FOR SALE DEALERS GENRRALLY,
AGG KNEE EES POSITIVELY BEMRDIY
Seely Pant Borate:
Amherst, and other
Coiirge, a. by br protein Bad baciness geen ev
where, Lod own re 4 885e
B i Ren is ah ington Kirvet, Totton
————————-—-
NEW LAW CLAIMS
PENSIONS “= io sees 1.
Atiorneys, 1419 ¥F Si, Washington, D. C,
Brasch Ofces, Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago.
[T3e =
es ew
Ror a all Rasta » SERVE RESTORE
Sharpes an box whan
Ere ARE OF FAT i
£3 £¥ LRM 1
Bington,
— Jon \
BOPrLE.
Malin
ant. un on re
© EEAT GIFT ror yorNe ¥
edo eaeTHal Wine Awake, WOU ine.
any sddrew, with holida atm. 3
pt of Po. and tals adv, D.
|ASTHMA gun. FREE |
mall te sefarers. Dr RB SORIPFRAN, $8 Pas Winn,
PATENTS i=
4 BOI LL & C0
fm oe ee Washington, B. Cy
A FEW
Se ae HER Rt
WiLL
Mie He
HENS
Nar Hens Lay
HERIDANS
DN ON POWDER |