Which Is Your Lot! JSorn* {-ViMreti tvwm thr Holds and hills. And other* work in noisy nulls; Some drow> in silks, and danos and pl*T, WhiU other* drudge their live* away , Some glow with health and bound with sonj And soi 110 must *nffer all .lav long. Whirli is your lot, my girl and boy ? Is it a life ol ev*e and iov * Ah, i! it is, its glowing sun A Air poorer life should shins upon, Makr glad one littlr heart to day. nd help one burdened child to play ' —.St. Ac*oki. Funny i'nele Phil. T heerd tho grown folks talking last night w lion 1 lay abed. So 1 shut tny ore* and listened to rvrrvtlutw. they said; And ttrsl Way i>i Uutl INdiy and Phil worn conifng here. And a good old seal was lVdly. hut Pin) was always *ithwr. And t!wy litvM Wt Sr, ne\ or. in all their lives could swo How IVXIIT came to marry him, nor how they COuW agree; For she was just as bright and swowt o any flower in Mar. But he was tight as a drnm-hsa.l, and as black a a stormy day. And ha nose was always poking into otliei tola's album. And he eras altogether too fluid of splitting Kalrs: And he had s\< many comers you never could csuue urar Without your lulling ouir ot tlieui or U-ing in consuuit tour Wdl, 1 listened \ cry tiard, and 1 'iuetuherts.l wvecy word. And I thought it was the pieenwl thing a Ksly ever heard. And in Uk> riniiig, when I hoard the e!uu-e eonie down the hill, 1 almost couldn't wait to >ee my funny Uncle Phil. But. oh ' what stones grown fl'lks lell ' lie wasn't hlavk at all ' And he ha.tr t any corners, hut was plump an.l fair and small, His nose lurtie.l up a little, but then it was so wee. • How it could poke so very much 1 roauj couldn't seo. And when he saw uie staling, he neddtal luiri and smiled ; And then he ashed theui softly if I was Klsie s child; And when grandma said 1 was he to A me gently on his knee. And wound my longest curl about his finger carefully. And he told me "hoot my mamma w hen she was a little girt, And all tan time bo talked he kept his tiger on that curl. Till at .set 1 eouldu't stand it, and 1 slipped down by his chair, Aad asked him how be .rune to he so fond ot splitting hair. My 1 bow be stared' and Jimmy laughed. aad grandma shook her boat. And grandpa had his awful look, and I'ncle Sam turned red; Aad then the clock ticked very loud, the kitchen was so still. And I knew 'twas something cireti.ilul 1 had srid to I'ncle lTiil. But 1 caul#', t help it then, so 1 told him every wool. An-The listen!*! very quietly; he never *[s.ke nor sums: "nil I told hirn 'bout the corners, and suii I didn't know How he could have so many when there didn't any show. And then he laughed and laughed, till the kitchen fairly shook; And he gave lite frightened grown folks such a bright and flmny look. And said. •' Tis true, my little girl, when l'oily name i me 1 was full of ugiv corners, but she's sir.ooth.~ i them down, you see." And then they all shook hands again, and Jiuuuy gave three cheers. And Uncle sum said little pitchers had most taeustrous ear*: And grandma kisses! Aunt Polly ; but then she looked at me. And said I'd better "• meditate " while she wu getting tea. That means that I must sit and think what naughty things I've done; It must be cause I'm little yet—they seemed to think 'twas fun. I doa't quite understand it all; well, by and iiy , I will Creep softly up to him, and ask my funny i Uncle nfl. —.lmtlia Dailry-Al'ltn in U nit .luukr. ■ AN APRIL HOAX. Looking*! it from without, it ti.ns * not appear trery tiiuikt its fallows. this I little suburban x.Ttfo(p of the Rose, with its iinpreteruflng hooded porch, over which Ui- ivy trails its dark gres foliage, its two parior windows in front, and its bajr-win4ojr st the side, Imt within tln-re is notliing roinmonpisce. Every roots, eflr Corner. reflects the refined taste of .fanet Roy, and the quaint fancies of her brother Pick. Dick, tin handsome, the talented, the gentlemanly—lie is ali this and more in his ifi*tr Janet's eyes—is sitting on the window-seat, the sun Lathing his shapely figure in its impartial rays. ll* is reading the morning paper; with more i n,tennt probably than most men are wont to have, fitr he recognizes the ' mannerism of each writtron the editori al page—h< is on the editorial staff him self —and takes pleasure in seeing how- Smith treats the Eastern question. what Jones thinks of tie-condition of the In dians. and what Brown has to say on the presidential policy. He has not written a stroke for over a week him self. He lias been quite ill; a heavy cold threatening pneumonia has kept him a prisoner at the cottage, and for seven mornings has the public las n de prived of the pleasure and profit of pe rusing his timely and eantle remarks upon general topics. Only yesterday lie stepped across the threshold into man hood : it was his twentv-fimt birthday: to-day he is a citizen of the republic. The clock on the mantel-shelf tinkles forth eight silvery notes. Dick looks up from his paper with some show of im patience. Where ean Janet l>e? As if in answer to his thought, the door opens, and Miss Roy, tall and graceful, in a dress of olive-green serge, in charm ing contrast with her light golden hair, comes softly in. " Have you been waiting long, Dick? 1 ' she asks."in a pleasant, kindly voice. " I must have overslept myself.' "No," replies Dick, throwing down his paper and yawning languidly, " not very long; but I'm glad vou've come, for I'm deucedly hungry. Rather a good sign, isn't it, Jean?" "To be hungry? Ye*; very good"— sitting down at the table and tapping the call-hell. "But it won't last very long. I'll venture to say that in fifteen minute* from now your appetite will lie considerably diminished. 1 Very likely," said Dick, as Sarah en ters from tl' e kitchen, hearing the rof fee- tin in one hand and a dish of beef sfea. in* /te other. "At any rate, I will sec how far steak, coffee and hot bis cuits will go toward diminishing it,' 1 Presently there is a violent ring at the door-bell. " Who can that be?" exclaimed Dick, inquisitively. "I wonder if any of the boys could have"come out to see what had become of me? 1 ' "It sounds very like the postman, 1 ' adds his sister: and the postman it is. Two letters are his contribution to the Roys this morning, both of which Sarah band* to Miss Janet, who hurriedly reads the addresses. One is for herself, the other i* for her brother. • • Here is a letter for you, sir, if your name is Horatio. 1 " she quotes, reaching it to liim across the table. "But tny name is not Horatio," he RKD. KI T H r PZ, Kilitor and I'ropriotor. VOLUME XII. , | replies, comvtingly, a- he rak,- it " Aiv you aware that t.< pantphrnx i perfect t\ allow lih 'lf your tmtu L. K icit arti won hi In much tuort ippi, , u ate. and would sound far Nit, r." , J.-utet scarctly listens to tin- prattle of her brotlirr the letter that h:u oine fot ( her i> edged with black, and she i nervous iy tearing open the cut. .opi in her Intste to m, what Li iu w it has , i biMttght, whose death It has > ouu- to an ' Pounce. Dick notice* her agitation n~ she draws iUt the inclosed sheet, and wonder*. 1 even as she is xx tfltvici iitg, xx hat can Ik it - uu-ssagv " I nele Arthur is dead," -lie - iv*. tin next moment, giving a sigh ot relief " I saw it was in Harry's handwriting, and so t< anil il wast'oiisin Margaret t "In. Ie Vrlhut "'repeat-Pi. k "lit cle Arthur' He's one of my tvspvt< .1 great-uncU-s, whom I have next- had ' the p'.i as tire of s, , Jug a California Uii. lionaire. I woudei did it txir strik. 1 him that a little of his wealth would In ae.-eptaKe to his great-niece and gn at ( nephew, who an kittling with itu , world far aw at over here in the East "Oh. Wokr* exebunu Miss R.\. I greatly shoi'ktsl. **how .an you in k o the pior man's mom v wln n lie is ntst deait?" man!" -n, pi. k. laughing "1 alw ays thought he was a ri. h one "May I inquire." asks Mi>~ Roy. meekly, when her brother had twi. - , n-ad the epistle lie holds in his hand. ! ami is about to In-gin again. " w bat Nell has to say that i> s.i riry int. resting?" A slight Ruth its unts to Di k's ta . as lie luirriiaiiy crumples the inis-ive into his ooeket. '• "NeUr* he n-i>ea:~ "llow did Noll know it was from Nell'" " I know her handwriting " "But it's iti-t like hundreds of others." continued £>iek. buttering ah to., in ' eontinuance i>f hi> lire: l£ut "All ladi.s. w rile in the t v .< now-a-da> . The letu-rs are ail very tall and all verv thin." "Each iadv's hand has a jeeu!iarity, ' ' ntvdrthelisvs." "'Which nobody ean deny '".juot.s 1 Richard. Some hands nr- pink and some are white, some ,-uv fat and -'UK arc lean, soine wear diamonds and some wear none." "How you trip one up!" exclaim.xl Janet, sntiiing. " You know very w< what I mean. \Yould you have me stumble over the whole length of iliir ogranhy' every time 5 " "By no means. It would only he a waste of breath, ami w ut' l s. ni as though you were inleiitiona airing your knowiedgo of Webster's I ni hrid^i-d." l>t -k is beginning to congratulate hhn selfon the masterly wax in wliieh 1. hi~ tunjul the subject ami ap. d rudely telling his sister that the contents ol Miaa Kdlh Taylor's letter are not I • ears, when he agnin refers to his re marks. " Ry-the-byv." >h,. vivs, as she draw* from "the urn her brother's . nd eup ol coffee, "sjieaking of sonie hands with diamonds ami some wit bout, V di >ti t wear one. do-s sh, ? When do you pro pose presenting her with one of the gems?" " 1 was not aware" (with nioek grav ity) " lliai youug uteit tun generally e\- prt*til t<> provide their lady friends with diamond rings." " Did the fact that i* sttch a thing as an cngag- menf ring ever pr>. Nt itseif to your enlighh m d inteli.. ; " " >UrT'eats Dick; "did I understand you to ~iy tnpu/ftiunil Since when, pray, did you rundudrtliat vour respceted brother had given his heart to another? I know- of no engag> - ni-jnt." "Oh. dear'" *ays Janet, sighing melo drantatieally: "have I r-aily IHS*H mis taken? And hen I w.m already eongrat ulating inys.-lf on so soon hav ing a >utcr in-kiwr' •Do you nanenih- r lite nnr-. ry rhynic 5 " asks Dick: •' - fan Uie !•*• ilia: yon're s hop.. mil who ' kti. wshut he may have thought ..f u- 5 " "/y little room back of the drawing-room. • which is in reality the library, hut whieh i Mr. Roy, he being a literary "num. choos- ■ e* to call his stud v. He is sitting at hi> table, with Nell - letter spread ollt lief.lf' ' him, and is nailing it for the fourth I time. There is nothing very remarkable akiut it; it is not what one would style ■ a love-letter, and yet Dick would not for I ' all the world have his sister get a glinii.se of it. " Pf.AK 1 )t<"K. —I have les-n I.Miking for you to call. a you promised, and am ' rnueh surprised at not hat ing se. n you. Your birthday, I think you told ni<\ is about this time. Did you have a party? , and are you so elated at having aftaimsl your majority that von are almve visit ing your friends? 1 cannot think that lweause you are now a tmtti you have given up all the friends of vour rhUiUwotl. i rleaui- call noon, and f4l me ali about your present*. Ever your friend. NKI.I.. 11 . That is it; and in it Dick is trying to find traces of something more than j friendsliip. " Nell is an awfully jolly girl," he says . | to him*eif, iesming biu-k in hi* ehair and thrusting his hands into hi* pokct*; I "just as fuli of fun as ever she can be. I wonder whether she really does bare any- j ! thing for me? I'm not altogether a bail looking fellow, if I do say it mvself. and I fancy I can talk quite as well as the most of'em. How is one to tell whether 1 , a girl eares more for him than for another, when she persist* in being jolly ; with every one?" Then he get* to thinking of some means to solve the problem. How shall he prove her? Presently an idea comes to him, first faintly, indistinctly; then more phtinly and more vividly, until a plan—n excellent plan, lie thinks— stands aut before him in beautiful *ym- ! metry Everything seems to have work- I ed in favor of it, and he is naturally joy , ou* over his discovery. lie opens one of the drawer* in hi* 1 ' writing-table and takes out a packet ol letters. Through them lie scan hes until he findstwo that Janet wrote him while he was away on his midsummer vaca- J tion. These he spreads open before hitn, \ and taking a sheet of note-paper lie he gins to write, now closely studying hi* sister's letters, now slowly putting worth upon the paper. Half an hour and he ' has finished. He folds the sheet, incloses it in on envelope, and addresses it M' THE CENTRE REPORTER. care full >as he h:s- vvritt.u it Lhen he 1 nst-s. and, unlocking the door. m< < u Janet in tic hi! >hc . him lak. tlow ii his hat to go out ! "Had you Hot Iwltcr Wear your OV.I coal vlic .ivkM. "1 in ali aid y ell might take col.t again." "I'm not going far," he tuuvvcr*, . "onlv to (MM a letter " l'o Ncii she a>ks, leaninglx " \r< you not ratlicr oixnupl ui anawct .ng your ixim*|swtliyit l she. laughing to 1> rhurt if axxay t her tiUllMlMUs hou~'h'dJ dutii - Tin- n \t nginini is tin- i~t of Ipril V!,f.i>i'v Day. xx ■ tli it- t'nij t itions to practi. al ioke- out it.- myriad-ol litt.e ItUH" ellt h-. XV hen . Ol x Hill doc- lli- U-t to make a (.nd o l is dearvst friend i-well as Ids ilire-t I. It i-a blight, sunny morning, that ->x. - tin hud* to bur-ting, and ilraxe* up the bind.*- of tVvsh voting grass a.-a tu ignetdraxvsstis-. Dick Roy t- in the xet'X !•■-t ot spoils; lie has persuaded Jtutet tutu !r.i. xiug that tie iia- taken a fre*h C"' i; has as sumed a Voic. ashoar-. :la x. tcr.in bull frog. and has IMS n l.s'king tin- very pic- 1 tare of distress, unti. tin- tu uxalof th jHxsttii.it) —just as he is cnsq.ing itt to breakfast and adding l. hi* sit, i s anx iety b\ Ids distrx-ss.-d couuteiian.. cnusi*s nittt tw hrighu n up, anil in the .-I. arest tone rvtnark, " 'Pott nix xvoni, ; Jean, tny cold's gone. Dili it strike >x>u i this xx us the first day of Vj ri. An i vprs-ssion of relief minglisl xx ith antioy i:. ■: tints Miss Roy ~ eoitnt mniia'. " Y.'U axx ful 1H v"' sh< < \. i i iti > "You ' sJiouM IH-ashamctl of \ourst f. try ing to ftKtl vour oxx n sister." " And > • di t." latmhs Di. K The tniy it tter this morning is one for j him. It is hidden by a large yellow eti xt■ lope, ami itililris-txl in a lold heavy j hand tliat gives one an tuipresM'n of im iiortant bnsinesus at oni-e. As Dick op. n it ami catches sight of the heading, his face brightens in exjsH-tatiott, and nin tinucs brighl' tdug uutii he has read il 'quite through, when he is xx taring lliu , hnKulectl of smiles. " Hurrahin shout-, h - btty ishne-s --utakitig its appearance through his new - j ly acquiredluan!i .ni " hurrah for I nele Vrthur ' llurrali ! Jtan, xve've hts-n left a fortun Janet l>oks at hitu unb< i. x ingly. She 11as been fooled once this morning,, ami die s not intend to submit taiucly to what she con*id rs her brother's second attempt. "If you nnist itxke, Dick." -he -ays, j calmly, her voiee and manner strangely ) contracting vrith his incitement. " pray ' don't fcike su ha uhj t, ) t>u are p! ,x --itig \ tiir part very weii, 1 i.hiut: but -ti . 1 remenilHT now w hat tlax it i> " But I'm not joking: it's a fact. Here is a letter front tin* dearold boy 's lawyer. LhA at the postmark: lisik at the 1 Jetler-herwl : read tho ttles-ag. ." he goes on, ex. ifts! x, running around to hi* sis ter's sit! of the table and spreading the eiivolo|te and it* contents i*;it!'• her. He is certain lv not fooling Inr noxv, :u> she is cttinpelltsl to ailmit when sin i tJitts pn-.-uttsl with the evidence. The same heavy style of writing that was ; xv i til out, i- within. " lii.-h.inl liny. />/.: "lb xi; SIK" (it Logins). "I h-ivt pleasure in informing y..u that th- xsill •if the iatt Arthur Roy . !'.q.. of this city. hrqU'-ath* tohisgr- at-nepll' XX ainl great ! nlect . Ri. haul ami Janet Roy (yourseif and SUIT), each lite sunt of fifty thou sand dollar- Tliese amount- are in \ -tt ! in I niti i States government >Mind*. ami shall he forxvarthsl to v>u itt ' xlue course. " I have the honor to be your olnsii ent servant. "J. MuistiN Pkkky. Ex'cutor." The eft".ft of the reatling on Janet is quitt the ft X 1 r-e of that oil he!" brother. , Instead of breaking firth int. joyous shonts. bT s. iisitive nature eattses her to burst into a fiotnl of tears. Dick iiMtks at her in astonishnnatt. M'hat cin she be trying for ! b> thinks. A iegney of fifty thotisaml dollars lit does not consider a cause for wis-ping. ' and concludes tliat hi- si-tt r h:v- hs-oine usyatitied in recart! To the time tu weep and tie tint- !■> laugh. "Whatistlo matter with you ?" he asks, when the first outburst lia- -üb sidtsl into ocea-ional *upprestsl sobs. • "Oh. Dick '"cries Jatot. wiping her t •.is, "l In liev• you have no fis iing .a! all. Just to think what a dear. Kind uncle we have lost ! How good of him to reinentlier us !" " Very gootl t>f him. iiob • d." adds Dick: "but 1 can't see that that ought to make one and. Rather a cause for re joicing. I should .av. I'iMir fellow, he xv:ta so oiti h* eouiiln't enjov it. and I tlare say he's h. :ter off w here lie is; that i*. if he xv a-a-gootl as his xx ill makes nie think h> was." Jamil is really grievetl. Her nature is *<• IllteniCiv-en-itivi that a great kind ness Invariably has this effect UIMIU lier. sic refuse- my more breakfat. ami goes hastily up to her room, where she s|tcnd* tlie morning in trxing to picture lor unrio a* he wa whi-n, so m.in v vears ; ago. sic at on hi* lap, anil child-like j 1 ran Icr tiny fingers through his long gray beard. All through tin* morning, a-, thinking thus. *lc -it* diligently - xving. tear ex t-r and anott well tip in her eyes and go trickling down Iter el before -he i aware of their presence. As a natural consequence, twelve o'clot k find* lier xx it ii very retl eyes and nose, and a gen eral appearance of Lax ing gone through a most heart-rendering aflliotion. Thia is her condition when Sarah knock* at the door, and on entering announee* that Miss Taylor i- in the drawing-room. "Oil. xx lint k i-: he might go anil sec her, ami evpi-aiti that I'm not well; I ait dear me 1 —getting up and ' -mouthing back her hair xxitli both ' hands—"l suppose he's out sonicwheri He never i- about xv hi II he'- wanted, but i- sure to be here when he's not." So. ] wiping her eyes f,the hundredth time i inec break fa-1, ami giving Icr nose the fiftieth gentle blow, -lie go. - stift 1 \ down to the drawing-room in search of her 1 visitor. Nellie I'aylor—a rather -lc>rt, plump girl, with a charmingly pretty 1 pink and white face—ri-cs quickly as 1 Janet come* in. ' "Oh, .lean'" *ltc -ay*, going to meet her. Olid pl'cMnting a eotltitenaneetli.it for signs of weeping i- tu>f a xvhit better off t ban Mi-- Roy s, "| do *0 sytnpathi/e with yon!" ', Janet in much surprised at thene wtirtlg. ' On what :iccoutit iliws she *\inpathize 1 with her? Surely she cannot know why she has lieen spending the morning in tears. "Come and sit down hy ntc." Nell goes on, taking Icr hand and draw imj Icr to a sofa. "Trouble eotnes to all of us some time, you know." " But." begins Janet, thoroughly puz zled, a* they sit down together, "my dear Nell"— I< "There, now," interrupted she, "don't ; • sjieak t me of it: don t tell me how j much worse you feel than I. I know j (vou think so: hut, indeed" —anil the ■ tears began to trickle down her check* i again—"you don't know how I hived ! htm." "Nell, what are vou talking about ?" ! Janet asks, excitedly, her grief having | i given way to astonished curiosity. "It • is evident there i* a misundersUinding j somewhere." Nell look* at her curiously. "Are you angry?" she asks, in a hurt I tone; "would vou not have approved of j his making mollis wife?" "You marry I'ncle Arthur!" "Uncle Arthur!" repeats Nell. It is she who is surprised now. "Who is ! Unele Arthur?" "The dear, kind old gentleman who | has just died." "But 1 have been talking of "Dick. ' You must have known I was. Poor CENTRE MALL, CENTRE CO., PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 24, 187 ft. deal Ihi k ami again sh- i wtepinp i though lu'i heart would I'leak. " I'ut Di> k i> not tlrati Ni l! looks up In tbcmluloOß,glad aure prist There i- a tnoviiueiii of the XV llitll 11'Xl-l - tile tilt lUlct lit tlie olirarx " N.'i ikt x to bt - "-ii. shout' ,t Rii h :utl, ruunm.- I'oi xx ant tioin his hbliug i p!.i. e, xv In i ■ In- Ii is te .iril ail the con x< I'-.it itill. Ills plea-Hit t ill xv readied m ■ -milt*. Tile In xl moment tie has caught V ii iu hi- a) tin iiul >* kt-MUg away t|n- re ; untitling teals " ! "ii ti c nig .' 'ot! gu!' lie siixs, pas ' -ion itcfx "nttxx I belit'vcyoU do care little bit for me." "But 1 cannot Uinler-tand it," sax Janet, iu xx omit i "\\ liat ever coind ,lia\i i attseil xtiu to think l'iek xx :i ! d.-ad 5 " " 'The idea of asking nte. after the letter Xoliwrot. replies Neli " Dldli l You tell lue SO I didn't think, Jt.ui. that . mil i oii.tl p. rpcli atv sUtli all awful joke." " Bill 1 xx rote 110 letter," adds Jntiet N''il put- IPT hind In her po. kct utd > thaw - forth an epistle " Ri;ui it -he -ays. "If yu didn't XVril' it. who did? And Janet rend ." /'ruiuy iiu.rr.int, "M X D) XK N I I I ItaX. x. I X -:id 1 new* for you. Our darling ifv l* no i tnore- At twelve o'. u-k W .shic-ti tx uiglit In- I'lt-alhed hi* ,a*l I di, liovx can IXV lite il 1 tali searrriy It alire that lie ,i- gone. I*t a>. do coiu- out ami sis nte. 1 know you thought a great deal of hint, and can -x inpithire- xx ith me " Ever yours. J ixn Itor." "sudden x it conies to Jam l that |mt baps |p-r gre it unc|e xx l- related hi liie ! Tax lore- ai-o. \N i be "—-In begin- but before- -le lean fini-h tin-question N, ansxvt-rs lu-i "\ ra (- Idling* " Dnln't you know it 5 Oil. why didn't -line om- let lilt* kilo xx that ht xx i - ii. i 1 xxoUkl hax e -o iiktsl tt Is- with him'" Janet looked pityingly at Inr young friend Snrcly her mrk nm-t barn lieenaxery lov.ihleold gentleman to In [dre this affection " But how -tcange it is." -In- think-, "that In.x.r knexx xx# w t< -v.-n tits tant'y eonmatui with iht-T'tlor-. l'er jhaps lfi k hie XX it. but Ijn sure be mx er told lue." Tin u *hi la-gin- -oh i biug again for in-), sympathy, and for a lnolie ut not n word is Sqatkell. "\\ he so very dear to you 5 " asks | Janet, bringing the cambric into pi) affuih. "I >h. tlt-an." Nt-H an-xvers. nl-o xx iping axx av the tear*, "vm cannot imagine how xve lov.d e.wh other I here wa- no i time set. hut then it was tilidt r-tood that it xx a- to eoine --tl a- —4l'ti is bis -aiai v xx as sufficient for hint to'' and lluu siis hur-t into tar- again. " What do you im-an in -urpri-- " What xx ,u- to ti.np off " "AY. XX i] , t llg.vged, >oU kIIOXV," Nell say -. it -.king up. "Engagxsi!'"—withgnut asloiu-lmp ui. " Dili \u not km.-w it?" " But it is not my writing." say- Jam t. " I never make uiy •' iik- that, nor sign myself 'Ever x,nrs." and, I*- i there was no itia. k t>!i tip- dour." "It is x .-rx- !!k'- your writing, and I n> ver thought of tli black Who could ' have sen! the fetter if you didn't'" Dick, xvho i- -till -tanding with his arm d- ut Nt-!!'- \xii-t. Lttr-ts into a hearty iugh. " I am tip author,' Ii says "It xx u- a litt!* April ho iv, ami it work all-sufficient, i-n't it 5 and I -ay. J. ;iu. lioxx tin you likt tie pro-[M-ct of a si-ter-in-iaw ? It wu. ratler a piea-ant AprL-l'oo) after ai|, wasn't it? ' — Htirpt r't IStu-ir. Epdiias Jones wa-a little old man. his faee as wrinkled a* a wnliitit and In voice a* pipy as n tin xvlii-tle. lie was lirouglit in f-tr disturbing the p t ace on til!' strn-t lie XX a so cranky that he ellHtwed and kiekni p'-l--friaii- ami re* fii-i-d to "move on " for tre-et car or <■ ai ring''. Byali !iat( liai'tl work to g- t liini a cell, ami txx i<*e a- harel to get Tiim out. II- had t" bring hun in hi-arm-, ami UP o!"l man kick"! and scratched iik< a hoy often. "They can't nolaMly shove nte around!" squeaked tip lilt it- old man a% ho xx a tlropp'il Indon- tiie tlrak. " lias anylMidy ahusevl you?" miidiy inquired the court. "No. ie-nu-e they tia-n't tin it I'm little ami oit I, imt I won't take a xx ore! of •is* from any man in the State of Mich igan." " Do you want to gohonje?" "If I want to go I -hall go. If I don't I won't." " I Live Vou a fauiilv?" " 1 won t till you.' His honor s.i xx that In had an original character to deal with, and hc,*.-ud to Byali: " I nk' this iiieeolti man into the • or ridor ami re- id him Article \ 11. and o t llitu out hv the private t|oor." Uncii- l.pliia- wa- earri'il aw ax, kick ing and flawing. No mini outside ot txvo has any itb-a xxTiat cm-i-urre-d in ties cor ridor. It i- known that Bijah lirouglit doxxn four of hi-l-t spanker* tl ilay, mid he luvs often been heard to ex press his opinion that certain old nu-ii de serve a terlaln line of tre'ntnomt when they gl l toearrx ing .>ti a- tlii* txne did. 1 lie llt-XV sIMIX m XX l|o XVt-re piek tsi ill 111 Y I to tie- wall iitbrm that they lourd old familiar-oumis, xx ell laiti on. Imt it i a litv-tery that may m-vi-r be iinravelleiL AV tu-n the old man was let out he jumped i-h-ar into the gutter with a yell, and a close observer eotild havedetccted splint er- from u pine shingle hanging to hi coat taiis.-- Detroit fttt /'r> -... Jests frmn Frencli Papers. A g' litlt inan find- liiinself in tip- hands of txvo higliwiix iim ii. with xvliieh Paris lia- hts-n Infested for si vcral wis ks, xvho viiiulv seareli liis pocket*. " AA hat an :t— you are." they exclaim, "togooiitnt niglit without vour watch. Tln-Ideaof your 1 m li• x ing tln-se stupiil newspaper reporters !" A welt known politii inn xvn* formerly a tiiM-tor. .ami jwior <>m- al that. He xvaslalking tin- otln-r day of jMxtplt's in gratitude : " You can't imagine." he -aid to an ac quaintance, xvho rellielllbei'etl Ili-b' ingrv doctor, "the number of jieojile that are indebtei! to me for their posit ions." " Tlu-ir horizontal one*, you im an ?" Extract from a new novel: "Tnkin, a pen he-at ilnwn and wrote to a friend rubbing his hand* abs-pily together n* lie proceeded." Oip-of tho new Repuhjican official* saw in liis room ll big, well-dre**eil fellow standing with his arm* crossed and iloing notliing. The third day he went to liini anil a-kiil: " AVlint are- you doing here ?" " i atn your ws-ond secretary," replied the young man, not in the least disturbed. "Indeed, and what are your dutleap" " Alwaysto be on hand in case you may want nie." A retired milkman sent his son to travel, telling him to take note* and write home w hat lie saw. He crossed a Span ish river dry shod, and wrote: " It w mild be impossible to earry on the milk busi ness in this part of the country." A Lucky Holder. A * iti 1 i t|ninfo ixn it-p.'iulnnt w rite* ' here are su llliny i ulit>1)11 turn* of fortune'* wheel on the t mnstm k 1 In 'I -I old) )t-leitin v ~f tl ease where • '.'l I IHHII tl p, I-Im!, m) ~J piii pn-e ami tenacity itf grit iii fan,- o| iuo-4 iti*- our tiu-llig treiimstiiiee- Won a Itig lor 111 lie; old ill* i .i-e i- the iimre- rMu:ii kuldt htvause, know ing the parties, meet ing tin in almost et ty vlny. t>eilig fatul- Har xv it li tin ir -unnuinling*, cte., I m\ er befoi ■ In ,rd .I it jt ,t aked out oniv by rits idt nt Mi |{,t,it i* the mnn i who tit signet! ali tin mneliinery, iaitl uii I tin- puvu*. m i'tc aii tin- eoutl'ai ts, and stipel illleUtit ti thvf XVol k of iillilliing ttoV. St.iiifoitl'v famous wire cubic Street rnll road iti this city, whhli runs a t-• s.NN'. and lii- )xr kt r pa—et! tt■ hi* mdit 11\ r 1 -Z'ttl !•! lilt' I 'titer *iiiU- fie go! rid of at • and Ut. and nltiil tflTii.t**! more xx tut to his credit. 11< ban.id down #SO,ono. and Hun. a* to tin n-t. - tid t<> In- Ittok'-r (ami here i< the point I want to make 1, "I w.mt ymi to put MI many th Hl-wiul ilit'i N'orvTo-s. *o llialiy UiUt < iliiornia, ->• in my into C urry. ami so many into Ik !■ lu r. Pay for them, let 'them He; aiu! when ns-e— Unfit- come • pax on tliem." "Hut said I lie broker, " vtKi luuv Lax to W alt, Mini - "That f ju-t xx hat 1 ■ ipect to do— xx ,iit But -< Hiiier or later some one or tin* other of th(*t stock* will make nit a fori une Vint tiiis i- Uie spirit thai mtr axer.vgw xv.•;king t u iltirniau gf-s into pvi tua tion on th- t uislock xx ith. Ft xv here buy t 'oln-t k -to k- fv-r dix idem!- ly> t a mine tliere b* gin to pax dix id'-nil-. and unU-s tlux are very tiig. !-r th* mine luvs a pre—prci of k< • ping t Ism up. 110 l a doUar i- atitltsi to lht v attic of tin st"- k. Our qui t huytr. our buitus* man. our •hrewd c.ijtita!lt. are- ali :wtnated by tie -inie ti!' i " Buy them xvlp'n tliey arc r heap. I*. llietn axeav. nnti soon IT or lab r ii.uv mils xv atliiat a mile mak- - a strikt xv may iiriks .'**) pt i t v-nt. lfllit stiik< should urown rtilne we ! in iv make fre-m 5.000 t- lo.oiat per rent . nnti, perliip- if we hav. •tot k enough, w.-vik till xx illi UiefbrUinc we ex jtvwlt d to hax i to work a < uur no- itu . HNfitry on Hark. A short tiiui ago tllen'X cry of-cveml niountls. evidently artificially construct ed ami not tiie handiwork ofnatttre . wa made at what is krp-wn as Sherhlnn's virixt .on n rruig" if hi.l* imtned ratlier. Distil nirtTv of it*rk. and iiimed logt titer iike Ine env es of iv itook and ti'Sl with tniaii'T pi- t-es of imrk. Among the ei ploring party was a p-ntiem.-vn from L.t'iii. xx bo h.-ul m.-ub tin* .angling' of Mi VP O a study, ind wlio. ujsai t lamin ation uf Up.-res tmis founil iu tip* reminds, found a similarity hetxvis-n lite writings in (liv iv ord :uid tin am icnt of Mexitu tiuring the time of tin M<.nte zuinas din record is n history a ehre>nlcle of ■ x etts. No links arc gixtn. hut frmn historical analogy it isttiln inferred thai it mu-t have 1m- ii nlmill 141'tl. during tiie reign "f tip Montezuma* iu Mexiio. w Ivtii the nupi reirs of timi name hat! it a 1 tip ir own way in not only their own -■ * tit in of the country, Imt uj> tow ird our AA ■- tiiefeo ord*. the batll rag< il for throe da\ and tip- ground was .ttimn with *lrvin. and after tile conflict MM over the vi' tors, with tlie prisoner* they had taken, re v--rsod their •tep-4 and went hark to MAiisi, win-re the iwi-tive- were tobi lotfi red uji upon the aitare a a a-uTllice to tln-ir gtsl of war The record* were tiidently writtwii hy tin- vit tor*, ami pwi'si by tin*in in tiie moumD where ihey w "if found. I in- re • ord* consist of tell iarge pieet- ol litrk. llalti-ned out. about ten e plan-d iu tip s iiit'- llisltiriv.al .Mn'liin tin f' r't. Mo)ilelv if he cttulil he permitted to cook for himself a plate of smip. " I have the ingredient* with me," lie saitl. displaying a eobhlt *u>nc about the size of an apple. Tie- iiwly very naturally looked at hint iu surprise. " AUu ean'l make soup out >f that rink, can vou 5 " he inquinsl. "(ill. xi-*, madam. This i* what xve '•nil a oiipstone." " AA'ell. I s-li!.nlt) like to set' you do it ami h'- fortlixvifh made up n fire in tlie •tove and tip-tramp commenced opcra tion*. He filled tin' stove nan xvith xx .iter, nmi after it commenceu to boil, very eurcfully d< jiosited the stone in a pan in tic water. " 1 shall h*\e io trouble you for a lit tle seasoning," lie said, and the lady ha* toned to get him an onion, a piece of meat and a poiualo. I best- were eare fullv cut up mid put in to LoiJ along with tho •time. In a short time a tle liciou* plate of *> up was prepareil. Tlie l wI> la-led il and wa-delighted with the flm or. 'The fellow -at tloxx n and ate, anil lii* liosles* imnii dialely aiid'-tl what \x-n neees-ary t make a substantial meal. AY hen In- left he said he could get plenty of onn stones on liis wava. nil lie would leave that one with her a* an evidence of how sinecrelv he appreciated lier kindness. Shexvas firmly convinced that she had conn- into possession >f a treasure. That night sin- told ln-r luis hntid of the eircuinstanc!-. He listened to the recital and tln n iuquircd inno cent lv : " Don't you think the meat and the onion and the tomato would have made a very good soup without the rock?" Gradually the trick began to dawn upon IMT, and if you want to make that lady mad, you have only to ask her for tin: loan of her soup stono. — Rocky Moun tain News. FrlrsMß's Mdist ituic for Meain. .Sri/'iwr lias n pajter on John Eri< N>n, jli V * 4'D ||t' I\\ < < hurch, w hlch it in t l/uui'-l is tie-only full anil w Uolly trust ' xvoitliy jH.pubvr acuouut oft hi- remitrka ! hie man and itigineer The follow liigixnu ' merit on Krics*on's latest Invention, the isiiar engine, is the.first authentic nn- I itoUlit t-iut lit nt tlic uiachlUe, Ot which n cut i- also given . Ni> mail In- IVCCOUI pIi*h>d more with ntcitii than Erii ssoti \.q he In* in ver : aitogv llier almmlomit )iis early idea of , employing In at directly an a tiitsnis of gciiei at ing mechanical pown Tin-Ihuin : < ugim t- amotig the uriosities ot tin past: the caloric engine, though a inr 11'hanical success—over 3 ism of tin-in I hax tug Iss'ii built — Ira*not nceuiuplishcd aiilli.nl was luii-nded Erointi|eallf tlie fatiest |nrtions of the rait!) - surfer into tit sointe w astt "Tliere is a rainh-- region,' 1 sax* I Erii-s-oii. ••extetiding front the iiorth i ivt-it rn . .cist of Africa to Mongolia, ti.tssl mtiun in itngtii, a)ni le.u.x I.tMSI mile- w u!i Besidt-s tin North African ' deserts, [],j- pi gitin iticluiles tlie southern e.ias[ of tin MtnliU'lTaiiean. east of thi i guif of t'nhc*. I jt|H*r Egypt, the eat< ru anil pal lof tin western coast of the lt.il Sea, part ..f rla. the eastern part of tin countries w aterexl b\ th. Euphrates ami Ttgrls, Eastern Arabia, the great, r part I .•< lVrs.i i, the i vtreme western part of I I to t. 1 hiliei.and lastly, Mongolia. In tis* western hemisphere-. D.w.r t'ali fornia, tin tabic land of Mexico and (iualemala, ami tie xv.--t coast of South Vtiicri. a. tor a distanci of more* than miles, stiff, r from continuous rndi-. ant hta! To make tin i iiorntoii-. ant by tin- pro-jM-et of aiblitig so eij!ir nitHisiy to tlie stun of human capacity. i until tin- idea of luereperNinaladviuitagr r -liould iost its.-if jn the graader rem- of public b. in fa- tioii. Erics-oii Ins#rraoived in advance that he w ill makfl u*r of the ; law s for the pret-iion of inventors i-nlv to s's-ure to t in- public w hat be intends to oil* ra- hi- fit* gilt to tin- ran', ll I a gift for tip- future*, for, :x* W .- liave sid. In do.-- not imagine thai his invention can he made ax aMahlr in < mil petition xvith m wdiiiiery using w.l and o*xi. , Hut where or when altltlei.li fue. i not i to be olil.uiw-l his soiiir engine will, he U 'i. x e>, ojm-h in w possibilities to human acjih-x i nient. To any om* wbowiil pay the price, he I- prepared exiti now to furnisti a .tlar engine .f one hundresl hotx-iMtWer But the apparatus required t* g.itlnr and concentrate the -tin - radi ant heat i- t.to i xjM-n-ive tx- rx pinut." propelling for him tie ma ' chili' ry xx liich i- t.. intrudm •• a m w. and it may l an i-v-n niore* x arirel and com plex t ix ilization than we hax exit --n. comhlnlng tin- warm fancy of the east wit It the practical accomplishment of tie XX f-t Wi are lltereiy U> follow Elll i rson's .-wlxiee to "hitch our wagon- to i tie stars." and Ericsson is to Is'the Vui j can w ho is to litrgi- the coupling. - Home kindness. Iloiue life i> the sure t.- taken away, amt memory recalls a thou-aml xiyinp to reeret. Death quicken- re?ol lection • palnftilly. The grave esuinot hide tip 'white fa< - of those who shs-p. The ' etxftin ami the gr.-en mound are cruel inagm-t- They draw u- farther than wc Would go. "They force us to rc , nteiulicr. A man imxi r t fir into , human life a- wln n lie look- over a wife's or mother'- grave. Hi- eyes get wondrous clear tlp-n. ami he sivn, is never is-fore. w hat it is to loxr and lv I loved; what it is t. the feelings tof the Jovial It is a pitiable picture of human weakie'-- when tltose w- ioxe i l*svt are treated worst. Automatic Machinery. An extraordinary statenu'iit in regard to tin introduction of automati' machin ery into *OQIC factories m>t far from l/'W Moor, near Urailford. England, ha* ap (Hwred in the H'arikoi* nutn toiH bmp rrt 'lYmlr .l.itrrial Tht' writ IT sax*: " AA r e hnve visited tht Oak mill* by night, in company with Mr Rum* and a fri'-nd. The building itc!f xx a* in darkness, but we Could hear tlie rumble of machinery a* xx-e apprixachiil. The door xv.-i* un locked and couple of candle* were* light ed. By the tliui light we *aw the ma chine- all at work, and passing from one to another xvt noted also what tliex xxen producing. There wa- no possibility of tbs-cption. ami no room for doubt. AA e xv ere not thereto examine thi-construct tion !>f the tnachinerv; it xva* sufficient to be able to verify the main fact - - which i that when the working hour* of the mill* are over, the light* are put out. the building i- locked up and the machine* are 1< ft working all through the night, producing large quantities of IM-autifu articles iu great variety of pattern* in silk, cotton ami wool." The method by which thi* result ha* been attained re main* a secret. The only niglit attend ant at the factory appears to b< an en gineer. inasmuch a* tiie engine and boiler cannot Lv left to themselves. Fur an Obstinate Cough. If you have nn obstinate cough, take the folloxviiig to a druggist, and have hint pre pare it: K. i'ix liquida, St! drop*. Spts. nitr. dulc., I drachm. Syr. .Syniplex. 2ounces. M. S. Teaapoonful night and morning. H' should charge you hut little for it, a* it i* cheap. It is the favorite pre scription of an eminent Western phy sician. who says that lie has obtained very flattering results from Its use.— Ih tilth ami Ihtiiu. There i* living in Madisonvillc, Ky., an old German who lias in liis possession a pair of trowsers made in Germany in the year 1836. He lia* leen married in tiieni four times, and is very anxious to use them the liflh time. TEHMB: 82.00 a Year, in Advance. IOR THE FAIR HEX. The IHCMM *1 lUr MO) •! W rddlu. • tiur lady reader* will thank u for giv ing tiieni the following full. Urn- and particular areuunt of the ooatutin** worn nt tin- Int. royal wisltlitig at Windsor hy Milne of tin- iii!w*t di*tinguii>hed dauir* ami tlninsel* of the Britikh mutt: lier royal highness, the princes* if \\ alt . wore Iter exuui*ite toilette ol Oriental jearl-oolore trMaui ni d Aug Icteric and nairow taunt* of noble. The train was composed of the darkest amethyst velvet,lined with rich •tt >i it*ma*l p'lti l satin, laiiden d iti nar row sable; a smaller Irniu of 111 St. hies* point d'Angleterre entirely covering the center, was fastened on hy large iue tlallions of pear 1* Tlietorsage wa* pro fu-ely studded w ilh pearls am) diamonds, lier royal highness wore a tiara of dia monds. white ostrich leathers amt a long tulle veil, ami tie. kiai-e of row* of iarls and tlinuiond*. Their royal highic---. -. the I'rinecss.-- fyiuise, Victoria ami Maud of Wales, xx. re attired in tire-.-* of < irientai jw arl coloreti Ima atle, with stomachers of Ma lines la<-- and ceintur.-* of ilsrh.**t arne thyat velvet, over juje* of ]*iult-dc-aoia of the same tint, with small voiani* ol Maiim-s lncc. Tin drew* worn hy her myal highness, the 1 Kiclies* of Teek, was one of real magmficenee. The rorwage ami jupe wen- of the psiewt primrose ami olive trxM-ade, with phases ami iira|eriew of olix t- satin. fesUs>niat with volant* of ttie finest lb .niton lai-e; ttie tr:un of the rich) stoiive velvet, iirre-st aid lairdered in erntini-. wa* It• - catlc, mixetl xv ith a new slnsde of Scahi relvet. and fim-t psht At Ymln The corsage xv :ut trimmeti with mat. hlew ruhii - ami diamonds, which blentlni b. lUti fully with the new shaile of velvet Her grace wore a tiara of diamonds, white ostrich fi-ath*rs and gold ami sil- XIT veil. the Marchioness of Salisbury wore a ino-t piftur<—que dre.* of antique l>ui* XV. brocade, of a vet v pale reseda hue. with emlMMv-od wreath* an>ui< XV wvistcoat of Imwade and In-autifu! iliamonit ornaments . the liead dre— a tiara of diamond*, white piium* and veil. The Marchioness ofOonyngham wore a lovely toiletteof mauve satin ami costly antique la's*, the skirt strewed with branches of natural mauve and white lilacs. Her ladyship also wore a tiara of diamond*, white feathers with veil, ami branches of lilacs. Tin- Vi-countcs* C'ranbmnk wore a dre- of Russian gray satin duchrsse. draped with guipure iac<- and velvet of the same rich shade. Headdress, dia monds. plumo amt lappet*. VV Its! lows 1.111. are Tsssht At the lowa Agrit ulturaH'ollegeevery girl in the junior <-la>- l)a* h-armal how t-i make g. MM! bread, weighing and measuring their ingredients, mixing, kneading and baking, and regulating her tin- Each has a'-o b.s-n taught to make v.-a-t ami bake biscuit, puddings, pii-s and cake of varion* kind*: how to cook a roast, broil a *t!-ak and make a fragrant cup of coffee: how to stuff anil roast a turk<'\. make oyster Mup. prepare *t!ick ft.rtrtli.-r soujx*. steam and mash potatoes N> that they will un it in'the mouth.and. in short, to get up a tirst-classnteai.com bining t-tth -uli-tantial ami fancy dishes, in gtsi style. Theory ami manual skill have gnc hand in hand. Va-t stones of learning have Itre-n an umulated in the aits of t-aiining. preserving and pickling fruits, ami they have taken pmrthvii it --on* in ail the d. tails of hou-chold management, such a* house-furnishing, care ol tails and laihliug, a a-hinjt and inining. care of the sick, care of children, etc. 'ih!- girls, we are informed, are also thoroughly gnundel in s< iivtce. tuathe tnatics ami English literature; hut this is of siight moment mpan-d with the foregoing catalogue of virtue*. If there' i* anything tliat challenge* Mm unlimited rewjsi t ant! devotion cf the masculine mind it is ability in woman to order well her own household. Each one of these charming lowa girls, it i* *af' to say, will marry within ix weeks after gradu ation.—.Sf. /Vttif /Vascrr Pn**. Huford's t'Breer. Tin- Cincinnati Knquircr devote* an article to Henry Bufon). tin Kentuekian wiio slim and killed Judge.l. M. Flliiott. of tin Kentucky t mm of Ajtpeai*. in the street*of Frankfort. Tlie hnqmirxr say*: BuQirel's hi-tivrv shows liitn to lie a nt*ii utterly re-gardless of law. of hi* own life or that of others, w hen his passions are areiU*i! S'llP-w here iu tiie '.'gV Ru forel xx as the hero of an affray on tlie |.e*- incton fair ground*, which li.nl a gre at th a! of notoriety at tlie time. IL-and a gs-ntleman named Thomas, of Ml. Ster ling. had tiuarreled, anti. meeting on the fair grounds, immediately opened fire on eat Ii other. Ruforel displayed charact'T istic e of his pis tol. which had failed to go off He wounded Thoma*. ami wa|evl unhurt himself. A gentlenian of Lexington nam ui Fergtisoti wa* keeping Thoma* sirpiili<>l with pistol*. t.en. Abe Hufonl inadt nt him with a bowie-knife ami slashed at his throat. FergUßon tlin kul his In-ail and the knife aliaved his beard, taking off a g> " N'otliini h* tluu tb* detrac tion of a citv <>f 75,000 inliabiuou it tl.. *ul—**;gegodrn, tlu- save the nuni -I*t of frightened inlinbltants, many of w homtle danger-bell tolled out of their sleep. When lusit* enough came the soldier* had liard work to row through all the lumber toing alsiut ou the water* and t induce the frightened people to let theniselre* he aaved as the rnater part of thu.i not !w thought i of. The desperate j***l their lives a thousand tim<-* to bring help w*t likely drowned. Then a woman signalled to them from j a roof. When they apprcaelnd they ; thought she liad faintot. She sstnol llfeh-s*. *> that they had to bear her Into the boat. Sin- was not ten tnin-| ute* there when a feeble wail lietrayed the awful fact that she had given birth, to a child—a !*•> it turned out to le. All these people were taken to the station—a van! high in water—and some t were sent awav to neiehhoring towns , and villap-s I'ltousanil* foutul shelter | ' in railway i-ars. which ewme from all [ parts; but the greater oart n-mained in the open air, where the cold and tlte . wet has made many very ill. especially. j of course, the women and children. The tirst among the other evil* that tor mcnted the j*>or. stricken inhabitants 1 of Szcpilin was hunger; for, of course, with so many lives to save, victuals could not l>e thought of. But very soon whole trains full of bn-md. che*se, meat ami wine e.yno from Trmesvar and IVsth and brought relief. The railway ' companies snd everything gratis, and now large quantities of clothes are daily l-ing earned to the Southern station. Subscriptions were opened the very next day, and have had nne results." Wonts of Wisdom. Flattery is a sort of hail money to : which our vanity gives currency. Hard words have never taught wis- j dont. nor does truth require them. What is the I vest government? That which teaches us to govern ourselves. Some heart*, like evening primroses, open most beautiftilly in the shadows of i life. It is extraordinary how long a man may look among the ■ rowd without dis covering the faee of a friend. There is no wise or good man that ; would change persons or conditions en- 1 tirely with any man in the world. He that hath really felt the bitterness of sin, will fear to commit it; and he that hath felt the sweetness of mercy will fear to offend it. " A polite man," said the Due de Moray, " is one who looks with interest to tilings he knows all almut when they are told liitn by a person who knows nothing about tlem. Arthur Oilman ti'lls the following of an old lady at Concord: "Have you given electricity" a trial for your complaint, niadanie? " naked the minister, as he took tea with the old lady. "Electricity!" *aid she. " Well, yes, I reckon it has. 1 was struck by lightning last summer and hove out the window, but it didn't seem to do me no sort of good.— Boston Travtler. ITEMS OF INTEREST. Weather report—Thunder. A novel thing- • rtadahln romance. There lire no sUmp# In hurt year's veftti. The chiropodist sways the whola foot's-tool. It is finally decided that W iter's dictionary is the best. lira wing from nature Is contagious, that is to say it's sketching. A prescription warranted to make any sick woman re-" cover "—A new dreee. What sort of hard things ran you throw at a dog without hurting him ? Worda —hard words. "Of two eviis always ebone the least." said the girl, wlg> jilted the grenadier and married a dwarf POT a method of converting honey into a farm of crystalline sugar, the Beekeep ers' awn ifttsm offer* a priar. English physician* say that melan cholia is always active fn the morning and wears away fownro* night. Henry I'. Work, the song writer, has already received over royalty for the song, " Grandfather * Clock.' Conclusirt evidi-n'-e at a roi-nt trial In England proved that a girl had Iw -ome a moth'-r at the age of twelve years and one month. (iftcnttni** a man ransacks the whole house for a pin. and not being able to find one. drop* into a chair with disgust, and i imuiwliatcly rewarded for the search. A Western patw*r. In its report of a re cent railroad tiiishiip, says "the entire train went staggering from the track." Kv idcutly a case of very ek-vau-d railroad. Man cau do many things, hut there is on- thing he can't do; lie can't button on a new collar, just after cutting his thumb-nails, without looking up in the air. A warbler'* thrill Awakes tha hill, Tor spring, a rosy las*, lialh OWM, and Pro gs On vernal wiugs Hare I .looms and mode a aass. After a man. upon some raw and gustv night, when everything is as dark as tlie shallow of fate, has run across a • waving ekahns-line with his chin and us*.-k, yoi never can convince him that there is any truth in all this nonsense alsHit death by hanging being so pleaa ant.— Htmduye. There was an instance of the disagree ment of dix-tors in France recently which led to a duel in tlie Boin de Vim-ennnft. Tlie participant* were army sunf*orA. who bad had a dispute. One of thein was wounded, and his antagonist dnwscd tlu* wound and helped him to the car riage, and suhaequently committed sui cide. A rt ttct T vnorrABLE raiot cTio*. Oh msrtus tasftd, * hartangw < g sprcig * nsurntng plsasurw, 1 sigh to smo Aw in t song IS eight beau to lbs measure The time* bean long stare last we met, I yam out ks k ir. own ; I Pmg luaalu tuol with thee. So lettuce- not postpone Nsy turnip t* thy pretfy aase, I MW thy SMMI utwsbns. And J you cunt id! Cur ine Off to ths prunst I rushes. In th- Russian Empire there are alto gether only about fifteen hundred regu larly licensed phvsk-ians. or one physi cian to each fihv thousand people, while In tlte United State* there i* one physician to each five hundred inhabi tants. The Russian Government is not • doing anvtliing to advance medical edu : 'ation Tlterv are hut eight Russian ! medical college*, and the students are re quired to prosecute their professional ; studies for five year*: and such persons only are admitted to these colleges as have successfully undergone an examina tion in some one of the literary college*. I which have a seven years' course. Where False Hair ('■ From. False hair (taring come to be reoog ' nired as a necessity of the modern female existence, it may W of interest to learn , how this constantly increasing want is ' supplied. Uve hair, bought "on fiot" ' (to use tlie technical term of the trade), < •-onstitufte but a very email percentage of the tlm k in market, as there are few ' women who are willing to pan with 1 their kwk* for monev. and those who have sufHTfluou* ks-ks to spare grow fewer y<-ar after year. Wlo-n second hand tnvwes w*re nuded nnn-ly to fur nish wig* for a f*r elderly ladies, agents found no difficulty in securing a suffici ency among tie- peasant maids of Au rcrgtie and Brittany. The present d*. maud, however, greatly exceeds the sup ply, and it is asserted that I'aris alone u*es more than all the available crop in France, and that Marseille* (the great center of traffic in hair > deal* with Spain, the Orient and the two Sicilies, for forty tons a year of dark hair, of which she makes upwards of 85.000 chignon* an nuaily I'ndir the name of "d-ad hair" . arc classed the " cumbings." which thriftv servant girl* save up and sell, the clipping* of hxrber shop*, faded curls, , worn out *witrle-*. cti . The si-avengers of every city. I* tb at borne and abroad, value nothing short of a silver spoon among the p-fuv so much a* a snarl of •xunhing*. however dirty, as it will find a ready sale. Su<-h finding* are after ward waditd with bran and potash, carded, lifted, classed and sorted, and then made into the cheap front curls, pnffs. chignon* that abound in market. Mnch of thi* enters into the cheaper grades of the 350.000 "pieces" annually made in Frame, of which enormous trade England is said to be the best cus t sun* whether these arc redolent of the sepulchre. Ute gutter, or tlte sur vant girl's comb.— Snrntifir American. Madame Patterson Bonaparte. Madame Patterson Bonaparte, wife of Jerotne Bonaymrtc. the yaoagest brother of the great Napoleon, died in Baltimore. agd W year*. Her life was uncommon ly eventful. She was the hftlle of Balti more in 1803. tlie date of her marriage to .1 erome Bouajwxrte. who was then a young lieutenant in the French navy. Napo leon Bonaparte waft at that time First Consul of France, and refused to sanction his brother's marriage. The young *ou plc sailtsl for Eurojx-. and the husband disembarked at Lisbon, but his bride was not permitted to land, orders to that eff.vt having been given bv Napoleon, who had Iwen crowned Emperor of France. I .eft flrtendk in a strange land. Madame Bonaparh made her way to England, where she *• on after gave birth to a son. whom she named Jerome Napoleon Bonaparte. Her husband gave wav to the imperious will of his brother and repudiated his American wife. Na poleon offered to settle upon " Miss Pat terson " sl4.(*X> a year if she would re linquish her claim to the name of Bona parte. Jerome's " M'-moires " say that tiiis jension was accepted and paid regu larly up to 1815. the ye ir of Napoleon's downfall. Jerome B maparte weakly yielded to all the cmpei >r*s di-signs, was inade an admiral In the navy and Prince of the Empire, and when, in April. 1807, he was made King of Westphalia, and the emperor directed that lie should marry Princess Frederics Catharina, he consented. Madame Bonaparte returned o Baltimore after Jerome's second mar riage. a disappointed woman, and gave up her life to securing recognition for her son. In this she was unsuccessful. Her husband died in 1860 and her son in 1870, leaving two sons, one of whom is a col onel in the French army and the oUjer an attorney in Baltimore. Madame' Bonaparte left an estate val ued at over $1,500,000. What an Old Sewer Revealed. The stagnant water which has been suffered to accumulate and breed fevers and frogs in the Coliseum at Rome haa been drained off at last. An ancient sewer, extending from the meta sudans to the Tiber, was discovered, and was connected with a drain from the Coli seum. The water was admitted into this ancient sewer on the 3d of March, and the flood which filled tlie basement story of the famous amphitheater of Flavius was gradually drawn off. In cleansing the sewer there were found a quantity of ancient lamps with gladia torial ornamentation, human skulls and bones of animals. Much of the old Ro man road in the Foro Romano is now exposed to view, and the ruins of the shops of gold and silversmiths are visible.