The Centre reporter. (Centre Hall, Pa.) 1871-1940, March 13, 1879, Image 1

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    The Chamber Ovsr the Hate.
st n*VRT w. lovomAow.
Is it so far from thee
Thou'cansl no longer see
In the chamber over the gate
That old man desolate.
Weeping aDd wailing sore
Tor his son. who is no more ?
Oh Absalom, my son !
Is it so long ago
That cry of human wee
From the walled city came,
Calling en his dear name.
That it has dtrd away
In the distance of to-day *
Oh Absalom, my sou '
There is no far nor ueai.
There is neither there nor here,
There is neither soon nor late
In that chandler over the gate
Nor any long ago
To that bnman cry of woo—
Oh Ahealom. my eon !
From the ago* that are past
The voice comes like a blast,
Orel sea* that wrick sud drown,
Over tnmult of traffic aud town;
And from ages yet to be
(.Nome the echoes bick to me—
Oh Absalom, my sou '
Somewhere at every hour
The watchman on the tower
leek* forth, aud seer the fleet
Approach of the hurrying feel
Of messenger*, that bear
The tiding* of despair.
Oh Absalom, my son !
He goes forth from the door.
Who shfcll return no more.
With bnu our Joy dejiarts.
The light goes out in oar hearts,
lu iht chsmuwr over the gate
We ait disconsolate.
Oh Abaak m, my son '
That 'lis s common grief
Hringeth but slight relief;
tlur* is the bitterest loss,
Ours is the heavier cross;
I rd fortver the crv wtil be
" Would God 1 had died for thee.
Oh Absalom, my son
.lhtiKf- Jfow&Vy.
" I wonder he didn't take the parson,"
mused the deacon'# housekeeper a# the
deacon drove off alone to the aunual
conference. " He'# commonly master
thonghtful abont lookin' out for folks.
What a husband he was !"
Ys, Asa Phcauix had been a gcod
husband. All the neighbors agree*!
with Mrs. Dubbs in that particular. He
ha*l waited upon hisfussy invalid wife by
dying inches for thirty years, making her
as happv as she would let him; and
when her t ummons came, he had closed
her dying eves tenderly, saying, even
with tears; " Poor sufferer, she is better
That he was better off he never hint
ed by word or look. He wore hia widow
er's weeds with sad decorum; he reared
in memory of the departed Lucinda a
monument which the most fastidious
deceased m ght have envied; he grieved
faithfully for the fall allotted year of
mourning. If now, from the ashes of
the funeral pyre, like his feathered
namesake of fabia. he was springing up
with rent wed youth and freshness, was
it not well ?
In truth, though he had not seen fit
to confide this fact to Mrs. Dnbbs, Dea
con Pfcsauix had si ghted the minister
deliberately and with malice afore
thonght. Nor was it of the conference
he was thinking that fragrant June
morning as he whirled away, tucking
the lap-robe well abont his glossv new
broadcloth. For once in bis hitLerto
blameless li e he was essaying to hide
secular underneath the spiritual. He
did not mem to go straight to meeting;
it was his wily intention to make a wide
circuit, and call ou Muss Olive Wayne
in the town of Chester. He had a ques
tior. to ask her, and did not want the
parson with him; he hoped he might
want him later.
Pretty, cheerful Olive! How fond he
had been of her, years ago, when she
attended his school! If he had not
then been in love with Luanda, he was
sure be should have fallen in love with
her, mere child though she was. He
bad lost sight of her, and he
thanked Providence that he had been
enabled by money and influence to help
her family over some hard places.
Please G d, the dear girl should hence
forth have an easier life. Girl ! Why,
little Olive must be fi tv ! The good
deacon laughed at the amusing recol
lection. Well, ahe would always seem
young to him. And as for himself, at
sixty odd he was a hale man yet; he
eonid jump a five-rail fence as well as
ever be could —give him time. His
thoughts continuously reverted to Olive,
so patiently devoted to her invalid
father. She should bring the old gen
tleman to his house if she wished, or he
would provide for bis maintenance at
her brother Reuben's. He was inclined
to consider that the better plan. The
money would be an object to Reuben.
In these cogitations the morning
passed, and noon found Deacon Phceaix
at the little hotel in Chester. Impatient
of delay, after a hasty dinner he set out
almost immediately for the Wayne
homestead. Arrived at the gate, he
spied Miss Olive at the window, and
alighted with a youthful agility not al
together prudent in a man who had
twinges of sciatica. And yet—strange
inconsistency of human nature ! —he
dallied at the hitching-p< t, and after
ward, with bis hand on the very knock
er, he pan sed to scan the distant horizon,
aa though he hail come mainly for a view
of the mountains. Miss Olive opened
the door, her cheeks flushing like late
October peaches. She would not have
been a woman had she not divined the
deacon's tender mission, proclaimed by
every detail of his immaculate toilette,
by the grasp of bis hand, by his nerv
ous, expectant air. And, moreover,
Miss Olive was an attractive woman,
not unversed in lovers' ways.
" Happy to see yon, Mr. Phoenix.
Walk iu," eaiil Bhe, flnrnedly, ushering
him into the eitting-room, where her
aged father dozed in his armchair.
" Who is it, Olive ?" said the old gen
tleman, waking with a bewildered stare.
" Mr. Phasnix, father. Yon remember
Mr. Phoenix, I'm suie."
"I don't know as I do," said he,
qnernlonsly, fumbling with the guest's
outstretched hand. " What's he come
for. Olive?"
The deacon looked as if he was sud
denly feeling the hot weather; Miss
Olive was positively feverish, but she
deftly evaded the troublesome question
by diverting her father's attention. His
peppermint tea was ready—would he
not drink it ? As she hovered about the
invalid, straightening his tooMonl, •*-
ranging his pil ows, s"'' the cuj,
while he drank, Mr. Phmnix regarded
her admiringly. How young she seem
ed still I Not a gray thread in her gold
en hsir; scarcely a wrinkle in her face.
That was because of her excellent dis
position. He waited till she bad sooth
ed the old man into Elumber, then in a
direct, manly way introduced the sub
ject that lay next his heart
Miss Olive interrupted him by an
eloquent glance toward her father.
"He is very childish and dependent.
He cannot do without me."
" Let me help you care for him, Olive;
my house is large, mv means are ample.
••I oouldn't, Mr. Phoenix—it is like
your generosity to propose such a
thing; but I oouldn't have him a burden
upon yon."
" Why, bless your soul, Olive, do
you suppose I should consider a friend
of yours a burden ?"
" You don't know how trying poor
father would be to anybody but his own
daughter, and I think he is likely to
live to a great age, as grandfather did."
FRED. KURTZ, K.litor a.mi I *rojriitor.
" For that very reason, then'
" Resides, it wonld tuako him wretch
rd to takohtiu from tho old homestead."
" Hut, Olive "
" B.* you #ee I'm eugaged, Mr. Phw
nix," said Miaa Olive, playfully, while
she whiakod away a tear, "I'm ou
gaged. You must marry aomo lady who
tan t. Aud I hope you'll be a* happy
a* you deserve to be," alio added, with
a httlo tremor, springing up to adjust
the curtain.
lu vaiu he tried to bend her to hi#
wiahoa ; aha remained outwardly a# flrui
a# tho hearthstone at her feet, till at
length ho arrived at the unwelcome con
viotiou that ahe had no liking for him,
or ahe would have listened to hi# plead
ing*. She had interposed the out gen
tleman merely a# a sort of cushion to
soften the blow of her rejection.
If he tok a smiliug leave, it was be
cause pride tugged at hi# facial muscles,
for, to tell Use truth, he had never l>eeu
more disappointed and chagrined in hi#
life. Of what avail the stylish equipage
upon which he had once plumed him
self ! Was it not bearing him on to the
tomb? And yd v should he wish to pro
long this earthly pilgrimage ? What
further attractious had life for him, 'a
lonely old man neanng seventy ?
Hanlly conscious of the reius, he had
driven some mile# at an unsanetitled
pace, when he almost ran over Mr. Tor
rev, brother of the decease*! Luciuda,
who was walking behind his carriage up
a long ascent.
"Going to conference?" asked that
genUeman, after an exchange of greet
ings. " Didn't you come a roundabout
wav t"
" I'm incline*! to think I did," assent
e*i the deacon, with a prodigious show of
candor. '' A rouudabout way and a
hard wav. I# vonr wufe with von ?"
" Yes; and the widow Vance. I have
to foot it np hill, yon see. Horse step
ped on a rolling stone back a piece and
lamed himself."
" Your load is too heavy ; let Sister
Torrey ride with me."
But Sister Torry being nervoua, hke
Lucinda before her, and mortally afraid
of the deacon's spirited steed, it was in
the end Mrs. Vance who needed into
the vacant seat. She was a gushing
vonng widow whoee mitigated grief
manifest itself in eertaiu coquettish
bows of pale lavender. She protested
that she felt already acquainted with Mr.
Phceuix through her late husband, to
whom he hail been so kind. She would
never cease to be grateful for the many
favors he had conferred upon dear
Charles, etc.
In the moruiug the worthv deacon
would have smiled inwardly at this effu
sive panegyric. This afternoon he
hugged it like a poultice to his aching
heart. It soothed his wounded self
love, and inclined him toward his fair
eulogist, to whom hereconnted pleasant
anecdotes of her husband's boyhood.
Indeed, he ma ie himself so agreeable
that she was rather sorry to reach
Cburchviile, where the whole party
were cordially welcomed at the house of
Mr. Zeua* Torrey.
A proud mac was Mr. PLcsnix. He
would not for the world have ha i his re
cent disappointment suspected by bis
wife's relatives, aud during those three
days of conference he carried himself
with a resolute cheerfulness that some
times—out of meeting, of course—
verge*! upon friskmess. Mrs. Vance
told Mrs. Zen as Torrey that be was
"just splendid," which eonipliramt
Mrs. Torrey repeated to him witu a sig
nificant smile, hinting that if he thought
of marrying again, he need not search
far for a wife. He looked confused, and
hotly disclaimed any matrtmoina. icteu
tion. As to the young widow, was he
not double her age? \Vould June join
hands December ?
Alas! what an insignificant triflec.iu
turn the scale of hnmaa destiny ! But
for a horse's right forefoot Deacon
PI csnii m'gbt have rotnrned to h:r
home on the morrow as he had left it
a free man. it WES the lame horse that
kicktsi the beam and decided his fate.
On Friday morning that meddling quad
ruped Laving been found lamer than
ever, the deacon could do no Ices tlian
offer to escort Mrs. Vance home. Jibe
could do no less than to accept the offer
gladly. By some mysterious law of
sequences, this led to a second offer aud
a second acceptance, and almost before
he knew it Deacon Pcusr.ix had pledged
himself to escort the widow for life.
When, after gallantly depositing his
promised bride at her own door, he was
alone with his thoughts, he felt a little
surprised at his own precipitancy; bnt
he told himself over and over again what
a fortunate man be was—how happv lie
onght to be. O ntrary to his usual cus
tom, he had acted from impulse, and the
reult was highly satisfactory. " Highly
satisfactory," he reported to himself, as
he passed the entrance to the cross-road
which led to Miss Olive's. Somehow
his reflections were lees cheerfnl after
tliah Perhaps the chilly rain-storm just
ceiling in depressed Liui, or perhaps it
was the empty hearse that he met face
to face—for the beet of us have our su
perstitions. Certain it is that, as he
alighted from his buggy that evening,
with weariness of limb and limpness of
linen, bis countenance led Mrs. Dtibbs
to fear the meetings had not been profit
Next morning, thanks to the ungra
cious weather, he was arousod by sciatic
tortures. To an elderly geutleman,
newly-betrothed to a blooming lady
greatly his junior, such an awakening
was peculiarly trying. He thought rue
fully of the early visit he ha 1 promised
Mrs. Vance. Should the pains increase,
he must defer it indefinitely, or limp
into her presence on crutches—an al
ternative too suggestive of advancing
age. Flattered as he was by the
widow's acceptance. he could not deny
that it placed him in a position in some
respects irksome. It admonished him
that he had no fnrther right to infirmi
ties; that henceforth it was his bounden
duty to be as yonng as he could. The
reflection wearied him; the clutching
pain wearied him. Mrs. Dnbbe after
ward Baid she had never seen him so
nearly out of sorts as on that evening
when she took in his mail. Among the
letters was one that caught his eye at
. " DEAR FRIEND " (it ran)—" My poor
tired father is at rest. He was seized
with paralysis the morning after
left us, and passed away painlessly in a
few hours. How little I anticipated
this event when we talked together 1
My hands were full then; now they are
very empty. My work here is done. If
yon still believe I could make hap
py the kind friend who has always been
our benefactor, I shonld be glad to see
you. Yours, siuoerely,
Mr. Phcßnix read this missive, re
read it, shut it into the book of Job safe
from prying Mrs. Dubbs, and drummed
uneasily on the closed Bible. What a
predicament! Must he thrust back
upon Olive this gift for which he had
so lately sued ? Must he thus humble
her? He writhed at the thought. Must
he thus humble himself ? Bitterer than
all, must he relinquish this tried friend
of a lifetime? Having reached life's
autumn, must he reject life's mature
and appropriate fruits for the rhubarb
and greens of spring-time? Alas ! yes;
he mnst fulfill his engagement, for was
he not an •• honorable man ?" He
would write at once to Olive a candid
statement of the case.
But while he idled at his desk on the
morrow Mr. Torrey came to ask the loan
of H horse till bin own should IH HI run
mug order, and the* deacon laid down
his |>en with a sigh of re'tef.
Feeling that ho ought to toll his
hrothor in-law of hta conteiuplat . war
nage, at dinner ho led tho conversation
back to tho conference aud Mr*. Vane* v.
" Hv the-way, 1 met tho widow this
morning ridiug with John Vance," re
marked Mr, Torrcv, casually. "You
rememtwr him —the brother next to
Charles t He's ju#t come from t'alitor
uia, with hi# jackets t ill.
"Ah ?"
" Yea. Shouhln't wonder if he tiok
the widow. Some say they're engaged
Of course the deacon knew better
than tiiat, nevertheless he delayed hi#
tender confession. And he did not
w rite the letter. Time enough for that
after he had paid Mrs. Venice the prom
ised visit. The latter lady had certainly
the tlrst claim upon his attentions.
Unfortunately several days of tor
menting jaiu ensued, during which the
deacon's jiatieuee was put to a pretty
severe test; but he was at last able to
seek the object f his hasty choice. He
found her in her dot rvard, playing
croquet with a tali, well dreaaial gentle
".sb happy to ace you, Deacon l'lue
uix i cried she, with volableeiubaira
ment, "and so glad to introduce Mr.
Vance, dear Charlie's brother. Ik> couie
" I hope my tartly coming docs not
seem discourteous, Mrs. Vance, ' #aid affable formality,while the strauger
hastened to a suddenly-recalled engage
ment. " I have not -
•• No—oh no," broke in the widow,
" I have not been well. Otherwise,
under our present mterostiug rela
tions "
"Ol, Mr. Phoenix I" interrupted she,
throwing herself upon a cricket at his
feet "Do you know, IHU *O afraid 1
urn not the oue to make you luippy ?
And niv friends say the discrepancy m
our i too great. Cui/Af 1 to marry
against their wishes?"
•• You must decide that question, dear
madam," responded the deacon, with
suppressed eagerness. The finger of
Providence iv in this. He held h-t
breath to make sure which way it
"Then if yon don't mind icry much,
Deacon Phoenix, perhaps it uould be
l>ctter for us to part as friends. Oh,
dear! I hope you'll forgive me if I've
done auvthing wrung."
The deacon hardly heard the closing
sentence for the glad beating of his
heart. "My dear child, yon have done
quite right; I do not reproach you,' 1
said he, with a smile of infinite benevo
lence. "It is natural that youth should
choose to wed with youth."
" And that age should wed with age,"
he added, mentally, as, with an adieu
almost paternal, lie drove awav in the
direction of Miss Olive's.
He aud Miss Wayne were married the
following October, bnt Mr. and Mrs.
Vance waited till Christmas.— Harper'•
J'.aza r.
lthy She Wept
Old Nancy had been telling Bijah that
she'd give the court as good " easa " as
he sent, and that he might give her MI
mouths aud be hanged to him. Sue
walked out with an ng'.v lo.k n her eye
aud her teeth shut, ami was impatient
for the affrav to begin.
'"Wars and years ago," began b ; s
honor, talking as if to himself, " 1 used
t > pass a white house on Second street.
It was no white aud clean, and its gre n
blinds contracted so prettily, that 1 u*ed
to stand on the walk and wonder if the
iumates were not the happiest people in
Detroit They were happy. They tin i
plenty. They"hail children who playd
games on the green grass, and the birds
satig all day long in the arlxirs."
Old Nancy looked around uneasily as
he waitisl u moment.
" As the years went by the white bouse
turned brown with neglect. The birds
went away. I'he children died or grew
up ragged and uncivil. I well reniem
ber the day the husband and father put
a pistol to bis head and ended his shame
and life together. The wife was drunk
when the body was brought home by
the crowd."
A low moan of pain escaped the < Id
woman's lips.
" It was her love for drink that killed
that mau—that buried the children--
that seut the birds away—that passed
the place into strangers' hands," whis
pered the court. "Is the woman
dead ?"
Old Nancy groaned as her tears fell.
•' No; she'livee. .She lias no home, no
friends, no one to love her. There must
betimes when she looks buck to plenty,
pence and happiness, and has such a
In art ache as few women know of. There
must be times when she remembers the
graves she once wept over, and chil
dren's voices must sometimes remind
her of the tones of those laid to rest
long years ago. I would not be in her
place for all the wealth in the world."
"Oh, air! Don't talk to tne—don't
cill it up !" she moaned as she wrung
her bands.
'• Yon may go," he quietly said; " you
have not long to live. There are those
here who can remember when yon had
silks instead of rags—when yon rode in
your carriage instead of wandering
through alleys and lying in the gutter.
Some morning yon will be found dead.
That will be the last act in a drama so
full of woe and misery and wretched
ness that it will be a relief to know that
you are dead."
White as a ghosi, trembling in every
limb and weeping like a child, she
passed out. — Detroit Free PTM*.
Zulu Skill and Courage.
For courage anl other warlike quali
ties the Zulus may be fairly onllcu the
Afghans of Africa, and many of their
recorded exploits would do credit to any
trained soldier. Home few years ago a
Zulu hunter, hearing n young British
officer speak somewhat lightly of nafive
prowess, offered to give him a specimen
of it by killing single-handed a huge
lion which infested the neighborhood.
The challenge was accepted, aud the
brave fellow at once set forth upon his
dangerous errand, the officer aud several
of his comrades following at a distance.
Having drawn tiie beaut from his lair,
1 the hunter wounded him with a well
flung spear ami instantly fell flat on the
ground beneath his huge shield of rhi
noceros hide, which covered his whole
body like the lid of a dish. The liou
having vainly expanded his fury upon
it, at length drew back a few paces.
Instantly the shield rose again, a second
lance struck him, and his furious rush
encountered only the impenetrable
buckler. Foiled again, the lion crouch
ed close beside his ambushed enemy as
if meditating a siege; but the wily sav
age raised the further end of the shield
just enough to let him creep noiselessly
away into the darkness, leaving his
buckler unmoved. Arrived at a safe
' distance, he leveled bis third spear at
the broad yellow flank of the royal beast
with such uuerring aim as to lay him
dead on the spot, and then returned
' composedly to receive the apologies aud
i congratulations of the wondering spec
One who knows says you may talk of
your water cures, your movement cures,
and your blue-glass cures, but there is
nothing like the sinecure, after all.
KAKI, lUItl>K9 AMI iioi'snitM.n.
" J, 1)." Write* from Kankakee, 111.,
to the Olitoapo l\t'trn •
I will gue you it sketch >f my ex
p neuoc witli the tii**. of lt in the or
chard uti'i garden. Young fruit trow
.<u be made to grow and ilo woll ill
places where o'cl trees have died, by
sow tup; 1 I'litt of suit ou thu earth win re
thcv are to stand. After tre-n are set I
lV>lit 111 lie to BOW It putt of Bitlt urOUUlt
each every year. 1 set twenty-five trees
in mtuJv toil for each one of seven
years, and only sucxveded in getting
[■mi to live, and Umt only pnxluooJ
twig* it few inches long in nine yearn.
Last spring 1 sowed a putt of salt
rouifl it, and hmln grew from three to
three ititil a half foot long. In the
spring of 1877 I • ' out tw<:Jy-five
tree*, putting pint of salt in the dirt
used for tllluiK. anil then sowed a pint
more ou tho stirfoee after oaoh troo wan
not. All grow *a if they had novor
hoi-n takiii from tlio nursery. Last
spring I act thirty un>re, treating them
iu tho same way. aud thoy liavo growu
vorv fiucly. 'l'he salt koojia away in
sect* that injuro tho roots an.l renders
tho aoil moro capable of sustaining plant
In 1877 my wife hai a flower gar-
Jon forty foot square. It was uixx-a
sarv hi wator it uoarly ovory Jay,
an J still the plants and flowers
wore Tory inferior in all respects. In
1873 I put half a barrel of brine tut J half
a bushel of sal: on thegrottnJ anJ turn
is! tliem under. The consequence was
that tiio plants wore of ettraorJiuarv
large size anJ the tlowora of trrcat beau
tv. It was not ueoeasarv U> water the
garden, which was greatly aJuureJ by
all who saw it. The flowers were so
large that they appearej to be of differ
eut varieties from thorn grown on laud
that was not salted.
I hail some potatoes growing from
seed that wilted down as axm as tho
weather became very hot. 1 applied
salt to the surface of the soli till it was
white. The vines soon took a vigorous
start, grew to the length of three fr<-t,
blossomed and pnxincisl tubers from
the aire of hen's eggs to that of g<v*e
eggs. My soil is cllieflv S.iud, but I lav
here the salt is highly tanetleial to clay
as t common prairie land.
C'oo&iks.— One cup of wrhste sugar;
two thirds cup of butter; two eggs;
cut half teasjNHiuful i t tvaieratue; mix
with tk.ur eii' ugh to roll and cut nicely.
Cinnamon Mimas. —Onecup of sour
milk; half cup of sugar; one egg; one
tabiespounfu! of eiuuaruou; one table*
spoonful of soda, dissolved in a little
hot water.
ProNOS CASK Four large eggs, two
crip* of flour, two cups of sugar, even
full; beat the two parts of the uggs
separate, the white* to a froth; then
beat them together, stir in the flour,
and, w.thout delay, put it int > li s oven.
CaitHOT I'i'Ddino.—One ponud grated
carrots, throe fourths |s<nud chopped
suet, ualf pound each raisins and cur
rants, four tablespoons sugar, eight
tablespoons floor, an J apices to suit the
taste. Iloil four hours, place in the
oven for twenty minutes.
Meat Tie.—Take (old roast beef, or
imbed roast meat of any kind, shoe it
thin, cut rather small, and lay it with
gravy sufficiently salted and |>eppered,
in a meat-pie Oish. Oior the mest pour
a couple of sliced tomatoes and a thick
layer of mashed iiotaUs-i*. Hake slowly,
and you Lave a line mi at pie.
Boiled Sckt Pcddino. lnto a quart
of lolling milk stir gradually as much
sweet corn meal as will make a thick
batter; ald a teacup of Ix-ef suet, chop,
pc., flue, and a teaspoon of salt; tie it
loosely in a bag and Ixnl two hours.
Quarter of a pound of raisin* maybe
adde Ito the batter. Serve with sirup.
Apples, Boston Kttle. Peel, core
and slice aliout tive Dies cooking apples;
sprinkle the slices with a spoonful of
flour, one of grated bread, an 3 a little
sng:ir; liavc some lard quite hot in a
small stew-pan, put the slice* of apple
in it, and fry to a light yellow. When
, all are done, take a piece of hotter the
size of a walnut, a good spoonful of
grated bread, a spoonful of sugar, and
at' licnpful of milk; put into the pan,
and when thev boil up throw in the
apple slice*. Hold the whole over the
tire tor two minutes, when it will be
ready to serve.
In Ih* Orrhnrd-
It is a good deal of work to pick oft
tlie bndft of yonng frmt on apple tret*,
to change the " lesring year." but a
c >rrespondent of the Germantown Trlt
yrajth tells of away that is both easy
and has proved effectual with him. He
went to work with a long pole or Ashing
rod, and gave his trees a severe beating
on one side, knocking off all the apples
on that side when the fruit was of the
size 6f hickory nuts, with many of the
small twigs. The result was that for
many years after those trees bore a full
i crop of apples on one side one year, and
the following year on the other side,
taking it in regular rotation, and he had
plenty of fruit every year.
It is a common opinion with fruit
growers that picking off all the blossoms
or very young fruit will chsnge the
year of liearing, and this result has been
frequently obtained. How long this
will ooutintie has not been proved. We
have seeu no satisfactory reason given
why tho trees generally all through the
country bear heavily alike in one year
and sparsely the next, instead of the
trees alternating irregularly, or pro
miscuously intermixed. Au orehardist
who ha* a flue nud profitable orchard
which bearH most heavily during the
I ecLt year, informs us that it is a reno
vated orchard, and that the manuring
and other care which it had for renew
ing its bearing, was given in a year
to cause rehearing in the off Koasoua.—
j Country Gentleman.
The Arrle.
The great egg bird of the North sea is
tho arrie, while its southern eonsiu sup
plies the people of Han Francisco with ft
liberal number of its gnyly colored eggs
taken from the Farallona; indeed, the
nrric is the only sea-bird of real economic
value to man throughout our whole
northwest ami north. It is probably
Hiife to say that the numbers of these
birds which assemble at Bt. (leorge are
vastly greater than elsewhere on the
globe. As a faint but truthful state
ment of the existing fact, the following
may be said:
When the females begin to squat con
tinuously over their eggs, along by tba
end of June and the first of July, the
males regularly relieve them, taking
turns in keeping the eggs wnrm. Thus
thfy feed alternately, going ont to ra
for* that purpose. This constant going
ont and coming in during the day gives
rise, at regular hours in the morning
and eveuing, t/> a dark girdle of these
birds flying just above the water, around
and around the island, in an endless
' chain more than a qnarter of a mile
! broad and thirty miles in length ! This
great belt of flying arries represents just
one-half of the number of these birds
breeding on the cliffs, for only those
off, orare in the circling oolnmu that are
carries relieved by their mates for the
day from the duty of incubation.—
Harper'i Magazine.
4 T*lr • ! I ••• wlili fteveral
The wild ungovernable jiaasion a
hailier ha# for trimming your hair !
1 was in Boetou, thinking alsint a lec
ture 1 was exj>ectcd to deliver in the
dveumg, and so badly scared that I
couldn't remember the subject nor what
it was about, 1 went into a Treuiout
*trert " Institute of Facial Muliipulu
tion and Tonsorial Decoratiou," and iu
quired for the professor who oocupied
the chair of mediißva] shaving and nine
teen century shatupoo. One of the
junior members of the faculty, who was
brushing an undergraduate's coat,
pointed me to a chair, and 1 climbed in.
When the performance was about con
clude*!, the barber said to me :
" Have your hair trim mini, sir !"
" 1 lielieve not."
i "Needs it very badly, sir ; look#
very ragged."
1 never argue with a barber. 1 said;
" All right, trim it a little, but don't
make it any shorter."
Immediately he tntuuied all the curl
out of it, ami my hair naturally, you
know, haa a very graceful curl to it. 1
never discovered this myself until a
few mouths ago, and then 1 was very
much surprised. 1 discovered it by
Its king at my lithograph.
Well, anyhow, he trimmed it.
Two days afterward I waa at llath,
Maine. Again 1 war shaved, and again
the barber implored me to let him trim
my hair. When I answered him that it
hail !een trimmed oulv two days before,
he spitefully asked where it waa done.
1 told him, and he gave exjiressiou to a
burst of saroaetio laughter.
"Well, well, well," ho said at last,
" so you let them trim yt ur hair in Bos
ton. Well. well. Sow you look like a
man who lis# been mound the world
enough to kui'W better than that."
Then he affected to examine a lock or
two very |wrUcn!arly, and sighed hear
" Dear, dear," he said, " I dou't
kuuw, really, as 1 could do anything
with that hair or not; it's too bad."
Well his manner frightened me, and
I told him to go on and trim it, but
pleaae not to make it any shorter.
" No," he said, "oh, no, it wasn't
neowsary to cut it any shorter; it was
really too abort now, but it did need
Ho he " trimmed " it, and when I faced
the li ickland audience that night 1
looked like a prize-fight r.
In four days from that time 1 was sit
ting in the chair of a barber down in
N. w York State. He shaved me in
graceful silence, aud then thoughtfully
niu his fiugor* over ray lonely hair.
" Trim tins hair a little, air t ' be said.
" Straighten it about the edgea?
I meekly told him I had it trimmed
twice during the preceding week, and I
ma* afraid it was getting t<x) abort fur
winter wear.
" Yes." be stud, "hs didn't know but
wbst it was pretty short, but you didn't
inwd to cut it any shorter t< trim it. It
was in very bail, ragged shape at the
I remained silent and olnitinate, and
he asked me where 1 had it trimmed
last. I told him. and he burst into a
shout of laughter that made the windows
'• What's the matter, dun?" inquired
an a-Hislalit partner down the room,
holding his paticut in the chair by the
Jim stifled his laughter and replied :
" Thi* gentleman hod his hair
tnmini 1 flown in Maine."
Tber- re a general hurst of merri
ment *ll over tin' shop, ami the appren
tice liud ilowu Ui' brtiah he was wash
li,g and o-iuii- over to look at tho Maine
cut, tliut he might ui'ver forget it. I
aurreudvred. '"Trtta it a little, then,"
I groaned, '"but, iu the name of hu
manitv <fon't cut it any shorter."
•• No,' the barter sai 1, "he wouldn't
make it a hair's brcwltli shorter."
Wlira I left that shop, if it hmhi't
b -n for my cers, my hal woiiUl have
f aiUu down clear on my shoulders.
When I rescind the hotel, everybody
start*!, on 1 a couple of m-u cot up and
r> ad a handbill on the wall, descriptive
of a convict who hal recently escaped
from Hing Hing, and htoked from tho
bill to myself very intently. That night
several of the andicno* >irew revolvers
a* 1 curue out on the platform.
Well, I got along to Corry, Fa., and
rttdied in for n abate and got it, in one
time and two motions.
" Hair trimnux], sir F'tlie barber said
I supposed he was shaking sare**ti
callv, and sol laughed, but very feebly,
for I was getting to le a little sensitive
ou the subject of my nair, or rather my
iato hair. But he repeated iu* qnes*
lion, and snul that it natx'wd trimming
very badlv. I t>i 1 him tliat wa* what
ailed hml b< triuimel to death;
why, I said, my hair had been trimmed
five timps during the last thirteen days,
and I wn* afraid it wouldn't last much
" Well," he said, " it was hardly the
thing for a man of my impressive ap
jKiaranee, who would naturally attract
uttoutiou the moment I entered a room
(I had to stand on tiptoe and hold on
with both bauds to look over the back
of a car seat) to go around with such a
head of hair, when he could straight
en it out for me in a minute."
I told him to go ahead, and closed my
eyes, and wonduml what would come
That fellow took a pah of dentist's
forceps ami pull ■ i "every lock of hair
I had left.
" There," he said proudly, " now
wheu your hair grows out it will grow
Dut even."
I was A little dismayed at first when I
looked nt ny glistening poll, but after
all it wftrt a relief t<> kuow that tin' end
was reached, ami nobody could torment
me ngain to have my hair trimmed for
several week A. But when 1 Rot shaved
nt Anhtabnla, the barber insisted on
puttying up the hole* and eivitig my
. head a coat cf shellac. I jialdad, and
my head looked like a varnished globe
with the maps left off. Two *lays after
I nat in a barber's chair at Mansfield.
The barbe shaved roe silently. Then
he paused, with a bottle poised in his
hand,and said :
I "Shampoo?"
I answered with a look. Then lie oiled
my hairless globe and l>ont ov< r it for a
moment with a hairbrush. Then he
said :
"On which aide do you part yonr
ha\t\"—hurdrtt>, in Burlington Ilawk
The Cow.
Af a sale of farming stock in Olonoes
tershire, England, the auctioneer gave
the followiug extemporaneous descrip
tion of a cows:
bong ID tier milH. lirighl !n her eyes,
Hhort iu tnir lags, tl>u> U bsr thighs,
Pig in her ribs, vido in her arms.
Full in her hosed, small hi her shins,
Ixuag in her fsre, tins in her tail,
Ami never dslluloul ui tilling her paiL
A Jackson (Miss.) paper says that
there ia no estimating the pecuniary loss
the South has sustained by tho deatrne
tion of stock, especially working ani
mals, horses, mules and oxen, since the
war, and it urges the necessity of pro
viding the severest penalty for cruelty
to dumb brutes, and the rigid inqnisi
tion by grand juries into offeuses of this
kind, with a view to the punishment oA
the offenders.
There was such a hydrophobia eieite
meut in Clarke county, tod., that in
many localities every dog haa been kill
ed. In oue township nearly two hun
dred were slain.
The lateat dodge of the Western
shurpers is to sell farmer# a new kind of
oats at *lO a bushel, and contracting to
take all the farmer raises next year at
f7.50 a bushel. They get a farmer's
note, sell it, and skip out.
Two miners, of Humlxddt Wells, Nev.,
being drunk and Jovial, went to the
cabur of a wuod-cbopjier to have some
fun with him. He was a silly fellow,
and the common butt of the Lrighbor
hood, hut on this occasion he refused to
tie fooled with. The drunkards resented
his lack of comjiUiaaucv, urn! tried to
scare him with their revolver*. Then
lie cut tliem down with au axe, killing
The forthcoming annual meeting of
the Fnglmh ltoyal Agricultural society,
to be held in Loudon in July next, is to
take the form of an international agri
cultural exhibition. The prize list, so
far as it haa tieen made up at present, is
on an exceedingly liberal scale. The
Western dairymen have announced that
they would take |>art in the exhibition,
and other American agricultural inter
ests will probably be represented.
On the numerous bookstands which
line the narrow, crowded thoroughfares
of Canton, China, the most conspicuous,
ereu among old claamcal books, is a
work wrapjidl in a bright yellow p*p-r
Cover and rtititis.l "The Vulgar Tongue
of the lfcd-ilaired Jtt>rbar;ali*." It was
jirinteil in the beginning of tins cen
tury, and every aspiring boy or fnture
coolm make* it a rule to invest his half
dozen "cash" in tha purchase of the
work, in order to learn the red-haired
tongue, or the Kugliah language ou a
" pidgin " scale.
Mra. McCloakey and Mrs. Brock, in
mates of the ll.mir of the Aged, in New
York city, died within a few hours of
each other. The former was 110 years
old, the latter IC2. A few weeks pre
vious to their ile*ih two other inmate*
died, one at 107 aud the other at 102
years ul age. These cases of longevity
are significant as indicating that the
j>eop.c of to-day have as good a chance
of tieoomiug centeuarians as those of
former times, when the world was sup
l>o*ed to jog along easily and not g<> at
the " high pressure " sjwwvl prevailing
(•li suing* from the World'* SlatHtles.
Home inU resting statistical poiLt*
may lie gie .ued from the pages of the
" Htatewman'a Year Book,' lor 1872. In
population the empire of Kutsia rise* to
W.flbfi.llW, of which all but eight mil
lions are m her European iKwessions.
This is some six millions mote than is
OOLcwdod to Hum a in Enrobe bv ltehm
and Wagner's work ou " llevolkerung
dr Ervic," priLU*! a yiar or two ago.
(.ireat ltritaiu. with her dt-p udeuciee in
tlie 1 '.ust, muster* a population of 285,-
250.000, of which the central nucleus of
intelligence and wealth thkt rules the
masses, the United Kingdom, contains
81JB!7 1 OH. The (iertuan empire has
now a population of 42,727.860, of
which I'ruaeiacontains 25.742.404. while
her (iaJhc foe continok within Frano*
projH-r and with Algeria ai.J
dependencies 43.424,470. China, whose
|H>paiaU"ii a recent authority has esti
mate-das low a* 125.000,000, is given a
popqlatiou of 425.213.152. tlie exact
figures in this c*m- having a flavor of
humor, as no accurate census of China
is extant. In the familiar classification
of population to the square mile, Bel
gium keeps her old place at the head,
with 469; Euglaud and Wales are sec
oad with 881'. Italy third with 288. and
Japan fourth with 209 and a total tsipn
lation of 32.784.897. The dissected Tur
kev of IH7H has n population of 21,000.*
o*Bl in b.Bh Europe and Asia, of which
only 4.275.000 are in Europe ; while
lireeoe, now making Europe ring with
lor complaints, has a population of only
1,457.864, or about 250.000 h*s than
The country of greatest fecundity is
Hervia. with' forty-six and six-tenths
births to every thousand of population.
Austria-Hungary stands second, with
42.8. as corn spending figures, ami tier
many third, with 40.8. Economical
France is lovcat on the list, with 26.3.
In sanitary qnalith * Ireland ranks first,
with sevenloeii and eight-tenths deaths
each rear to each thousand of her peo
ple. "llnggcl Nor say is second, with
19.1, and tlie most unhealthy oonutry is
An-tria-Hnngary, with 83 5 deaths.
Disoiuragcal *c< kers of matrimony
should go to Switzerland, wiiere there
arc twenty-three and two tenths mar
riages to every thousand of population
each year, and they who would resiat
connubial enticements will do so most
successfully in Ireland, where the par
allel figures are 12.1
In tlie list of mercantile navies of the
world, 4ireat Britain shows a tonnage of
6,399,869, while the United Htates cnmi
second, with a tonnage of 4.538,183. Out
of F.ugland's tonnage 4,888/160, or 350,-
977 more than all Uncle Ham's tonnage
pnt together, was engaged exclusively
in foreign trade, while figures for the
United States are only 1.558.705. Of
American steamship* engaged in foreign
trade the proportion is a trivial fraction,
while England ba* a steam tonnage of
1,627,411 engaged in trade with sister
A Schoolmaster a* a Kingmaker.
In Edward F.ggleaton's paper on
' Home Western Hchoolmasters," pub
! liahcd in iVnfiftnrr nenrs this anecdote
of school discipline in Indiana in the old
tiroes: To a nervous child the old disci
pline WOK, indeed, very terrible. The
long beech switches hanging on hooks
tgaiust the wall haunted me night and
dav, from the time I entered one of the
ola schools. Ami whenever there came
an outburst between master snd pupils,
i the thoughtless child often got the beat
ing that shonld have falleu upon the
malicious mischief maker. As the mas
ter was always quick to fly into a pas
sion, the fun-loving boys were always
happy to stir him in. It was an eicit
ing sport, like bull-baiting, or like pok
ing sticks through offence at a cross dog.
' Home times the ferocious master showed
su ability on his own part to got some
fun ont of the conflict, as when on one
i occasion in a school in Ohio the boys
were forbidden to attend a circus. Five
or six of them went, in spite of tho pro
hibition, The next morning the school
master called them out iu the floor and
addressed tliem:
" Bo yon went to the circus, did yon ?"
" Yes, sir."
" Well, tho others did not get a ehauce
to aee the circus. I want yon boys to
show I hem what It looked like, and how
the lioraes galloped around the ring.
Yon will , join your hands iu a circle
about the Stove. Now start!"
With that he began whipping them
as they trotted around and around the
stove. This story is told, I believe, in
a little volume of "Sketches," byErwiu
House, now long forgotten, like many
other good books of Western literature
of a generation ago. 1 think the author
was one of the boys who "played
horse i i ihi m titer's ciroua. -
TEHMB: ®2.00 u Yoar, in Advance.
I'uaaeaslaii bf the Fill One.
A letter from a Roman oorree|sndent
recently gave some remarkable detail*
lUiut a or are which ho# fallen uj>n
aome inhabitants <fa village in the
jirovmoe of IMine. These wretched
people, unleaa cured by this time, be
lleve Ihemaelvoa to lie possessed by the
devil. Thia la no new thing, for aa
late aa lHfi'i the village of Moraines, in
tiavoy, wan slUn 1.-d bv what doctors call
" detuonouiania," and the auUca <>f the
" possessed" gave much trouble to the
French authorities. Kavoy had just
Uet u aunexml to France, and Cardinal
Bllliet, arehbiehop of Chaml>ery, wrote
dismally to the Due de l'ersigny, minis
ter of tlie lfterlor, explaining that the
craze had begun in IMS7, ami that exor
cism bad INWU tried lu vain, both on the
maniacs individually aud on the villagers
<x>lleetively. M. de Perwigny, who had
but a (slight faith in religious ntea aa
' curative agencies, ordered the prefect
' of the Haute Havoie to cause all the de
moßomaniaca to be arrested by theyens
f artne* and conveyed to lunatic aay
iuw*. This summary treatment worked
•in in#tautaueouH cure. The " posaeas
(ed " who were lodged in madhouses,
with one or two exce|>tion# aoou recov
er*l their reason; and the rest of the
inhabitants of Morziues took care not to
jbe smitten with the contagion. The
craze of '' jjonsessiou" la but one of the
many varieties of melancholia. The
patient in hia morbid vanity believe*
that the devil haa marked him out for
a sjiectal visitation. To argue with such
a pcrmm, or to bring incantation* to
bear against him, ta to render him im
portant in hi# own eyee, aud thereby to
rouse the very sentiments which have
made him mini. Complete isolation,
douches of cold water on the head, and,
above all, a cool indifference to all that
the man aay# or doea, are the surest
methods of curing the demonomaniac.
Iu old times the e unplaint of " pos
session " was very frequent It would
1 smite wltole districts after cruel wars in
which populations had Ixwn reduced to
famine aud beoorne crazv from sheer
misery and want of food. )n Russia the
ravings of the sect of " Daimonika " are
known to have such an efftct u}>on the
masses, reduced by misrule to the low
est state of poverty, that when a I>ai
mo lk l-giLB to howl iu a public place,
the {K>hce instantly seize upon him or
her, and tif>on all aurrouudtug folk who
show svmptoms of derangement This
, is really the only way of dealing with
the oomplaiut; and when we wonder at
the ferocity of our forefathers, who used
to hang or burn wholesale so-called
witches, who were but detnozomamace,
we should make some sUowanoe for the
fsct that terror had been proved the
only method fit to eooe with whole
popul*ti n n tainted with the diabolical
spirit In the year 1572 no fewer than
five hundred suppose.! witches were
burned at Oenevs; bet at the time the
whole canton was infected, and business
had come to a > tamlstill in the town m
' consequence of lunatics going about and
screaming that the end of the world was
at hand.
In France trials for witchcraft were
abolished under the administration of
Colbert, after an affair in Normandy in
which six hundred people were impli
cated. and which resulted in seventeen
of them sentence*] to lie hanged.
'The trouble began about a rat, which
was alleged to have held diabolical
conversations with a little boy aged ten.
Louis XIY. quashed the judgment, or
dered the little Uiy to be whipped, aud
compelled the seventeen dunonomani
aca (who seem to have believed that the
rat was Hstsn) to ehooso bet ween recant
ing their folly or being sent to prison.
Hixteeu of them recanted; onlv one of
them—an old w<.man—suffered hemelf
to be put iu jail, where ahe died. Iu
Knglaud s •• witch " ws hanged ss late
as the reign of Charles If., upon s sen
tence of Hir Matthew Hale, and it was
not till 1736 that trials for witchcraft almltshed by art of parliament in
that (xwintry. Harftrr'i Weekly.
He Think* Food Nbould be listen Raw.
A (ierman physician h. started a
new theory with regard He
maintains that both tbt> vegetarian* and
meat-eaters are on the wrong tack. Veg
etable* are not more wholesome than
meat, or meat than vegetables, and notb
tug is gamed by consuming a eomjHmnd
of both. Whatever nntritiTe qnalttiea
they mar power**, be says, is destroyed
in great measure and ofteu entirely by
the process of oooking. AH food should
be eaten raw. If this practice were
adopted, there would te little or no ill
ness among human lx inga. Tbey would
lire their apportioned time and simply
fade away, like animals in a wild state,
from old age. Let those afflicted with
gout, rheumatism or indigestion try for
a time the effect of a simple uncooked
diet, sucb as oysters and frnit for in
stance, and they will find all medicines
unnecessary, and such a rapid improve
ment of their health tliat they will for
swear all cooked articles of food at once
and forever. Intemperance would also,
rt is urged, no longer lie the curse of
civilised communities. Toe yearning for
drink is caused by the unnatural ab
straction from what are tenuis] " solids "
of the aqueous elemeut they contain—
uncooked beef, for example, containing
from seventy to eighty per cent, an J
some vegetables even s larger propor
tion of water. There would tie less
thirst, and consequently less desire to
drink, if our food were consumed in its
natural state, without first being sub
jected to the action of fire. Clothing,
our adviser also thinks, is a mistake,
bnt he admits that the world is not yet
far enough advanced in civilization to
go about undressed. Whatever differ
ences of opinion may exist ss to this
anti-cooking theory, there cannot lie a
doubt that iu getting rid of the kitchen
with all its shnses—including the cook
—housekeepers would be spared s vast
amount of worry, and probably on this
aeoouut alone would live to a greater
age than at preseut.— Pall Mall Ga
The King Finger.
F>ach linger has its distinctive and its
individnal habits. The third finger,
which has less independent motion than
eitln rof the others, has the compensa
ting honor of 1 icing the ring finger; aud
Dr. Humphrey believes it owes its
honor to its deficiency, aud not, as tra
ditiou tells, to the belief of the ancients,
that it is connected by some particular
nerve with the heart, so tnore readily to
convey or receive sympathetic impres
sions. "It cannot," he says. "be bent
or straightened much without being ac
companied by one or both of those next
to it. This is partly because its exterior
tendon is cnuncctcd by means of a band
of Hirer* with the tendon on either side
of it. You may discern these connect
ing bands working up and down under
the skin of the back of the hand when
yon move the Augers to and fro. The
ring tlnger ia therefore always more or
less protected by the other fingers; and
it owes to this circumstance a compara
tive immunity from injury, na well,
probably, as the privilege of being
selected especially to bear the ring iu
matrimony. The left hand ia chosen
for a similar reason; a ring placed upon
it being lesa likely to be damaged than
it would be upon the right hand.
The iron beams of the new Chicago
□ustom-honse have been ruined by rnst,
and will have to be replaoed by the gov
ernment at a coat of SIO,OOO.
Mr Vl**ll*.
0 !>. b*bv, itL lit. ru|{ui.b lsogb,
And ■ .oft and bro*D,
Willi i,iui('lwl obarka ud rosy nuulb,
AaJ lik* lldlle-duinj,
fit MiOiMiilug sweet to t< II co, d**r.
HO II boll* Ullll* I
1 kite Jtiil Jut* yuu ' Will JOB b*
Mt liHU V.l.uliu.?
T* fel.eller C.ill.f.
I onoe t i picture by lbe famous
Mr. Cruiksbank, of a young postman,
r rather buy, 011 a galloping Jonkey,
hnirytng along with hia haga filled with
ralentiUMi, and hia gutter full of ar
ruwi; and then I looked closely, and
aaw that the pretty little fellow hail
winga on hi* shoulder*, *o I suppose it
waa Cupid himself, who waa delivering
hi* own valentine*.
Underneath the picture were these
" Where can the pcwttnaii tie, 1 My?
it* ought tu ky,"on .uch a d*j .
Of all o*y* lu the year, yon know,
It * very rode to be *o .low.
The fellow 1C eioeedlua stupid.
link ' there be k. ' Oh, the dear Cupid !'
In the city of London, two hundred
thouaand letter# ,inure than the uaual
number paae through the poatoAoe on
tit. Valentine'* day ! No wonder that
the poor poatmeii are all *' tired to
death " before the day t* over.
In aome of the counties of England
they have very curioua cuatoma on ttt.
Valenune'a eve. One la to gel five bay
leave* and pin them on the pillow—one
at each corner, and one in the middle ;
then the peraoti they dream of la their
"Valentine." But to make it more
aure, they sometimes boil an egg very
hard, take out the yelk and fill i! with
salt, then eat it, antf go to bed without
• peaking or drinking ; then of ounrae,
they'll be anre to dream abont the right
" Valentine." •
In the county of Kent, many yeara
ago, the girla in all the village* need to
meet together and burn in a bonfire
what they called the "Holly Boy,"
which wan a figure made of holly
boughs; while in another part of the
village the bora would meet together
and burn the " Ivy Girl," which wan a
figure made of the beautiful English
ivy, that grow* ao plentifully over the
old h<>u*e, and churches, and ruins in
all parte of the oonntry.
So m almoat every county they have
*OD peculiar cuatoma in which chil
dren, aa well as grown folka, take a
part on thia day.
I don't believe any one could tell na
the meaning of these old customs, only
"My father and mother and grand
father and grandmother kept Valentine a
day in this way, and of course we must."
But the postmen are likely to have a
busy time of it for many years to come,
on the 14th of Pebruary, both in old
England and in New England, too.
(•rwedwoibvr'* WW.
I want to give two or three rules.
One is:
Always look at the person you speak
to. When you are addressed, look
straight at the person who speaks to
you. Do not forget this.
Another is:
Speak your words plainly. Do not
mutter nor mumble. If wores are worth
saying, they are worth pronouncing dis
tinctly and clearly.
A third is:
Do not ssy disagreeble tilings. If
you have nothing pleasant to say, keep
A fourth i#—and, oh, children, re
member it all your lives:
Tuink three time* before you speak
Have you something to do that yon
find hard and would prefer not to do ?
Then listen to a wise old grandmother.
Do the hard things first, and get over
with it If you have done wrong, go
and confess it. If your lesson is tonga,
master it If the garden is to be weed
ed, weed it first and play afterward.
Do the thing TOU don't like to do first,
and then, with a clear conscience, try
the rest.
A Pilot's li-rai*m.
Mr. William C. Underwood the brave
pilot of the steamer A. C. DoaoaUj,
which bnrned to the water's edge below
Cairo, on the Mississippi, pare the fol
lowing account of the to a re
porter: " Shortly after eight o clock on
Friday evening, when the Donually wa
about seven muee below Cairo, at Island
No. 1, an alarm of Ore was sounded, and
I wa a ordered to land the boat. We
were then n thenuidleof the river,and
I immediately pulled for the Kentucky
shore. The night was very dark, and I
could see bat a solitary star, ana soon
the darkness was intensified by the dente
smoke which rolled np around the pilot
house and environed it like a black ciond.
1 stayed at the wheel as long as 1 con Id
without choking, and while at my post I
could hear the passengers crying meet
piteonslv, "Land her I land her!" As
soon as 1 was certain that the boat had
struck the shore, I pnlled the starboard
engine bell and left. A* I came ont of
the pilothouse the smoke was so thick
that I could hardly see a foot in front of
me. I managed with difficulty to get
over the texas to the wheelhonae, and
thence dowu the back steps to the ladies'
cabin. There I met my partDer, William
Attenborongb. and two chambermaids.
The fire was then spreading fast, and
ha<l completely cut off all passage to the
t>ow of the boat. 1 told my companions
to get life-preservers, snd I ran into the
cabin to get one for myself, bnt the
smoko drove me back. 1 made a second
attempt, bnt I was again foiled. The
ehamtWmaids were more lortnnate, and
hail secured preservers. I told them to
jump into the river. One of them said,
■Oreat Clod 1 1 am gone!' and then
sprang into the water. The other slid
down the onteule of the wheelhonse into
the river. Both were picked up by a
yawl. Mr. Attenboroogh jumped into
the river and swam ashore. I waited
until the wheel quit turning before I
really began to study how 1 was to get
ashore. It had been a long time sinoe
I had been in the water, and I did not
know how far I could swim. I was per
fectly cool, and, after taking in the sit
uation, 1 saw a dritt-pile about a hun
dred feet off. I thought the current
hail been cut off by the boat's bow, so I
took off my shoes snd my overcoat and
sprang into the river. I had hardly got
into the water before 1 found the car
rent very swift and strong, and soon I
felt that I was going under. Just as I
was about to sink, the watchman of the
boat, who was on shore, ran out to the
edge of the drift and contrived to reach
me and pall me oat of the water on to
the drift. To this man lam indebted
for my life. I bad no sooner got on
shore than a crowd of pet pie collected
about me, telling me that i bad saved
their lives, snd wanting to know what
they could do for me. I was so oold
and chilled that I could scarcely speak;
seeiog which, Mr. Brice Purcall, the
second clerk of the boat, came forward
and gave me his overcoat and shoes.
What I did for the boat was merely my
duty, snd any otber pilot would have
doue the same had he betu in uiy
All these . vents, and many more, may
peudod on the single, unstudied, mo
mentary act of a mau who ia quite free
to do that act, or to leave it undone.
The write man in the write pleee^
The editor.
M oak rata now enjoy protection under
the lew of Ohio.
Whatever good an umbrella performs,
it la " pot up" to it
Cincinnati ianot the Pari* of America.
It is the Ham-burg.
The Australian dog and the shepherd
dog of Egypt never berk.
"I hope I see you well," aa the
bucket said when it touched the water.
A Boston author can chase his bat dtt
a windy day in thirteen different lan
A married man sometime* finds him
self to be an April fool soon after the
wedding March. •
Lawyers are never more earnest than
when Uiey work with a will—that is, if
the aetata ia valuable.
The new professor of physics and as
tronomy in the Kansas university is only
twenty-one yearn old.
Country editors would like to have
Congress pas* an "arrears of aubaonp
tion bill."— Detroit PomL
A country editor who was elected
town constable immediately began to
arrest the attention of hia reader*. •
The man who unexpectedly eat down
in some waim gins think* there • noil
than one way of getting badly stuck.
The eloquence of some orators inspire*
a Chicago paper to wish that mankind
were endowed with earlida as well as
The Minnesota millers use horseshoe
magnets to get pieces of binding wire
from wheat. They work " like a
"Ton ought to husband your coal
mure," said the charity woman. " I
always doss. I makes him sift ashes
and pick the eiadore."
The HI. Petersburg paper having the
largest circulation i* called The Serva,
or "Cornfield." Of oourse it makes a
specialty of cereal stories.
The duke of Motherland, in England,
owns 1,368.425 acres of land. The next
largest landowner is the duke of Buo
cleugh and Qoeenaborgh —463,860 acres.
Tung man, if yu expekt to sukoed in
this world, TO Lav got to trundle yurw
own hoop; the jealousy of friends snd
the malignity or enemy* make the road
to aukcesa a hard one to travel.
It makes a voting man feel very much
aa if aome tilings in the world were all
vain to ring, " Come to my bosom, come
love," under a window, and then happen
to see a sign, " To let," on ihe door.
Tung man, if yu make a mistake the
beat thing yu kan do in to own it, and
not make another; there never wax a
:u'st*ke made yet, i don't kare how well
it wax bailed, that didn't dig out sum
Time may obliterate the hovels and
make tbem "mansions ; it may make poor
men millionaries ; but it can never take
away the man by the grocery stove who
hat just been reminded of an adventure
he bad during the war, and which he
would like to relate to the crowd.
A little boy hearing aome one remark
that nothing was quicker than thought,
aaid, " I know something that i# quicker
th*o thought" " What is it, Johnny **
asked hia pa. " Whistling," said Johnny.
"When I was in school yesterday, I
whistled before I thought, and get licked
for it, too."
" What I want to get at ia the animus
of the transaction." aaid the judge.
But, your honor," said the complain
ant, " there wasn't any muss st all. He
came up quiet-like and grabbed the
coat, aitd was off with it before I aaw
what be was st Ko. sir ; there wasn't
any moss."
A new preacher used the word " op
tics" in his sermon, snd, at the conclu
sion of the service, s farmer who was
present thanked him for his discourse,
bat intimated that be had made a mis
take in one word. *' What yon call hop
ticks," he said, "in this part of the
country we call hop-poles."
There is peso* in power: the o>c who speak
With Lbs loudest toagses do !•**!:
And the surest sign of * mini that is week
!• tu want of newer to rest.
It is only the lighter water that flies
From the re* en windy day:
And the deep, bine ocean never replies
To the sibilant vote* of the epr*y.
—Johm Boy*
" Please draw noon the blackboard an
interrogation point." said a teacher to
one of her pupils. " Can't mukc a good
one," replied the boy. " Draw a boot
buttoner f" said the teacher ; " that will
answer." The boy took the crayon and
drew a hairpin. Mharp rebuke by the
teacher. Other scholars smile.
One morning reoentlv en Ecgitsh
sparrow wss bopping aVout at Porta
montb, N. H., indnatnoualy picking up
bis breakfast, when another sparrow
flew down from a limb above, clasped
the first sparrow in hi* claws, flew up
into the tree with the captive, placed
him on a limb, and then flew away,
being quickly followed by the other.
Nothing appeared to be the matter with
sparrow numtvr one, nor was there any
fight between the two; and three gentle
men who saw the occurrence could not
conceive of any reason for the act of the
second sparrow other than s desire to
play s prscticak joke on the first by un
ceremoniously oarrying him away from
his breakfast
A marked effect of the failure of pub
lie life insurance companies is tbe in
crease in the mutual beneficial aesocis
turns among secret societies. As a rule,
the assessments per death amount only
b> one dollar. Some of the older asso
nation*, having a considerable fund in
vested; pay stated sums at death, from
SSOO upward, the aversge being 31,000.
A compilation of annual reports for the
year 1877 places be number of such as
sociations in the United Btatee in that
year at 204, with a membership of 165,-
(W6, divided as follows: Masonic. 55,
798; Odd Fellows, 38,280; other similar
societies, 61,64a The total number of
deaths was 5,476; the death rate per
cent. 1.03; average amount paid by de
ceased members, 818.02: average amount
of insurance paid, $710.34; and average
coat of insurance, $6.93 per SI,OOO. The
sum paid to beneficiaries by Mseonic
organizations was $3,996,704.85; by
Odd Fellow*. $1.457.490 60. and by
others. $2,113.186.74- making the hand
some total of $7,567,332.09.
The Stery of a Cow-Bell.
A correspondent of the Cincinnati
i Ca -.ette sends the following story of a
law case from Floyd county, Ind.:
" May field and Feetheriugiil were well
to-do tanner*. One of Mayfield's cows
dropped * bell from her neck, in the
woods,th*t cost fifty cent*, and was half
worn, and waa supposed to be worth
twenty-five cents when lost. One o!
' Festheringill's beys, in passing through
the woods one day, found a cow bell.
Mayfleld claimed that it was his bell,
and demanded it. Featheringill refused
to give it up. Mnyfield then replevied
it, and tlifu commenced a lawsuit that
absorbed the farms and personal estate
of the contestants. Not being able to
pay lawyers' fees any longer, the lawyers
refused to serve iu the case, and the lit
igants were compelled to compromise,
which they did by each agreeing to pay
Ins owu costs, which amounted to over
51,500 a side or an aggregate of over
$3,00°. _____ _
•• Pieajune*."
Art notes—Greenbacks paid for pic
Russia always has something to
plague her.
Spring poetry is generally written in
a flowery style.
A wise child scaroely recognizes it*
own father during the first year of taking'
John Thompson, of Cincinnati, con
nected with a house, took a notion to
run away with the funds of hia firm.
A roller skater never goos down
through the floor; but he often wishes
he oould when he has made at amble in
the presenoe of hi* best girl.
A good sermon on eharity is one that
reaches poor families through food and
fuel. Contribution boxe* do not s;ii!Vr
from empty stomachs. A'ew O<eoi