The Week.
LA, Mondsv ta th " vtuhmg day,"
Al all grd liniifcm" know.
Memorable of dinn*** bached
And el f* f< ae M anew ;
Ai*l Yae-J*y i. the " ironing day,"
'lfiJ cxfiiL or fop, or heat :
And Wednesday i* the "*win; -lay,'
To too the elotlio. aie neat ;
And Thursday tea leimir* day.
Ami Friday, hroonia l>egi:i
To sweep away the h.uweti >ld do!,
'Fore Sunday'a naheml in;
And Safnnlay i "baking day."
Pies, pnddinga eakee and Irea-l
And then, the weary week ! done
And are may go to bod !
Hoil it Down.
Whatever yon hare to nay, my friend.
Whether witty or grave or gay.
Condemn) aa mttch a. ever you can,
And aay it the readieat army ;
And whether yon write of rural affairs
Or of matters and things in town.
Just take a word of friendly advice -
Boil it down.
For if you go spluttering over a jw^e
Wheu a couple of lines would do.
Your buttar ta reread so much, you see.
That the bread look* plaiuly through ;
80, when yew have a story to tell
And would like a little renown.
To make ipute sure of your wish, my fncud.
Boil it down.
When writing au article for the proas.
Whether prose or wne, Just try
To nettle your though ta ui the feaert words
And let them he crap and dry ,
And when it is finished aud ytau auppoe
It ia done exactly Uo*u.
Just look it over again ami then
UoU it dow u.
For editor* do not like to prtut
An article laaily long,
And the general reader does not care
For a couple of yard* of aotig ,
So gather your wits in the smallest apace,
If you want a httic renewn,
Aud amy time yea write, my friend,
IVu. it down.
HOW 1 BECAME A BILLION AIRE.
I WAR sitting iu my office musing at nut
the subject id wealth, and the unequal
distribution of jmnvrty in litis world.
Iu my mcvtitotioßs th a qut->tiii kept
forcing itself upon my taunt; "Way is it
that a man is sent into this world with
out previous consultation or arrange
ment, aud at the very beginning of life
is informed that he mind get laot'ey,
money, money—must root lug or die?
I could not answer the question. Yet 1
know that I have been insulted and hu
miliated with such a statement many
times. Why, 1 also asked myself, is it
that I can't enjov all that is beautiful
and glorious ia t£iis world without hav
amt ney. money, money ? I oonldn't
why it it might be
owing to an artificial state of tilings; but
it was plain to me that 1 couldn't While
pond .wing ou these matters, I suddenly
resolved that I would have money, since
it was ao necessairy, and I said to myself:
I am going to have wealth; yes, 1 am de
termined to have wealth; ves, I shrieked,
1 will hare vast wealth; i will !>e as rich
as Croesus. How shall I att.ua it f
Shall I rob a national bank I No. Shall
I induce some rich man to rail me a liar,
and a thief, and a perjured villain, and
sue him for slander and recover a large
verdict f No. I will get rich honestly.
I will do it in this way, and I fell to *O
- in this manner: I have a
watch worth Six'. I will trade that
watch for a horse. I shall make a good
trade. The horse I will exchange for a
yoke of oxen. I will fatten the oxen,
and get them in very nice order, and soil
them for Christmas beef for S4OO. I will
invest that sum in mess pork, and it will
rise in an unprecedented manner, and I
will convert my S4OO into $1,200.
With this sum I will proceed to
France. I will go into the country
about Rouen and bay twelve Norman
stallions. In crossing the ocean one of
them will die, but I will dispose of the
others in a very advantageous manner,
and realize SII,OOO on tiiat transaction.
I will then go to my neighbor, Mr. Feu
ton, and I will say to him: Mr. Fenton,
I have been extremely fortunate with my
Norman stallions. I have made a large
sum of money. I desire to buy your sec
tion of laud. 1 will give you SII,OOO.
He will say it is a tine piece of land, but
I believe { will accept your proposition,
and he will immediately make mo a deed.
Next day he will come to tao and say he
is sick of the sale, and will offer me $25,-
000 for the farm. I will greedily accept
his offer, and give him laek his farm. 1
will invest my $55,000 in Cashmere
goats, and make an enormous profit on
them. Wheu I dispose of my goats I
will be worth $50,-000. I will then com
mence shaving good not s, aud the com
munity will soon be startled with the in
telligence that I am worth a hundred
thousand. Aliont this time I will be
elected president of a liistoriod society.
1 will take this hundred thousand and go
to a sparsely settled country, and buy a
large amount of land. I will lay out a
town ou the land, and call it Nineveh. I
will sell a great many town hits, and 1
will judiciously offer the "Pilgrim's
Progress " as a prize to any one buying
two lots; the town will build np Very
rapidly and will become a railroad junc
tion ; the railroads will make my land
very valuable, and I will sell it in small
tracts to poor men, giving them a bond
• for a deed, providing for a forfeiture on
the slightest failure on their part. I will
sell out all my Land aud town lots final
ly, sod I will be worth half a million. 1
wiU then be elected to the State Senate,
aud will be chairman of the judiciary
committee, also of the committees on
education and federal relations.
About this time I will buy a township
of land, and will give employment to
1,000 hands. Of course I will build an
elegant and palatial country residence.
I will carry on fanning operations for
five years very extensively, and. at the
end of that time, I will sell my town
ship for doable what I gave for it. I
will then he a millionaire. The degree
of LL. D. will be conferred upon me,
and I will be twice chosen to represent
my jieople in Congress. I will be
chairman of the ways and means com- i
mittee, ami the leader of the House. !
When I rise to speak the first time,
everybody in the chamber will turn
pale, and there will be profound silence.
After leaving Congress I will invest my
money in railroad stocks, and in five
years I will be worth the sum of SSO, -
000,000. I will go ont to California for
my health, and will very wisely invest
alf my mouey in mining stocks; stocks
will rise in such a manner as to intense
ly amaze everybody; new and prodigi
ous deposits of gold and silver will be
found; bonanzas will he discovered, and
I will soon find myself the richest man
in the world. I will lie the first bil
lionaire iu the country. The President
will send me an autograph letter con
gratulating me, and tendering me the
portfolio of the secretary of the treas
ury. I will then go to Europe, and
visit all the old towns, and ruins, and
cathedrals, the Tower of Pisa, the
ruins of Hereulaneum and Pompeii,
and all the other curiosities. I will
visit the Bending Pillars of Stuffa and
write a scientific article about them,
which will be printed in Scribner's
Monthly with illustrations. After re
cuperating, I will come home ready for
business. I will be chosen as Senator
in Congress. My maiden speech will
produce a profound sensation. I will
npeak as follows :
"ME. PRESIDENT AND HONORABLE
SENATORS: On this august and sublime
oocasion it is but natural [cheers] that I
should feel a diffidence —a great diffi
dence [nobbing in the gallery] in address- ,
ing your honorable honors upon the vast
subject before us. It in well known to j
your honorable honors that I represent
a great people—a grand people [sensa
tion] —a noble people—a godlike peo
ple. ' [lmmense weeping in the gallery,
and such tremendous applause tiiat the
honorable speaker was unalde to pro- :
oeed. ]
I will be the most popular, wittiest,
•ad wisest man in the country. There '
KHKD.KURTZ, Kditor and Proprietor.
VOL. MIL
will le n grout uiativ little paragraphs iu
the n*W*p*jerß about me. Wheu I
visit New \ ork there will le amwtkiug
like this in the (tapers: "The Finn,
of Illinois, gave a dinner at IK-lmonion's
yesterday to a select company, among
whom were the veteran Thurlow Weed,
Horatio Seymour, White law Rei.l, Wtl
ham Culler, llryaut. A. T. Stewart,
Theodore Tilton. William 11. Astor,
Commodore Yauderbilt and Susan is.
Anthony. The dinner w the inoMI ;
magmfkvut over given in the city, there
being the unprecedented ¨>or of
fortv courses; the extraordinay sptwiAclo J
,if ."Wr'a eyes t!.<atiug ui green turtle '
soup was seen for the first Umo. Five
ituudred different kinds of wiues graced
the table The ilou. ,of Illinois,
ww the wittiest man at the table. The
meeting ia supposed to hare a p. lit teal
significance. The entertainment wt
the enormous sum of $40,000, which the
Hon. , of Illinois, j*ud before j
leaving the establishment. It was in
everv respect a far more brilliant and
daxclmg afl-ur than the dinner given
some years ago by tho late Sir Morton
IVto."'
When I visit Chicago the pajiers thi re
v*ill have the following: " i'lie Hon.
the Palmer. Yesterday afternoon h<-
held a levco in the Indies' Ordinary; j
stum than five thousand citizens ivdled j
upon the honornUe gentleman; to night ,
there will a torchlight procession, and '
fifty tar barrels will be burned ia honor j
of the distinguished gueet."
Sometimes the following item con- j
emiiug me will be sen iu the papers of
most any city: "The Hon. , of;
lliiiioia, was lately in this city transact
mg important business •onnectod with [
railroad interests. The supposition is
that he is making an immense corner on 1
Western stock. He was very mysterious
and uonootnnmnicativa, and it is said his
apjxaruiiee here created a terrible flutter
in raonetary and poli'icol circles."
This paragraph will go the round: j
" The Hon. , of Illiuois was standing
on the steps of the custom house in this ;
city yesterday, swinging a gold tooth
piek listlessly In his right hand, w hen a
pmr approached him, and,
asked the favor of blacking hw boots; j
' the honorable gentleman, in a dignified
manner, allowed him to do so; when the
job was done, the honorable gentleman
saL in a bluff manner; • What's the
i billT 'Ten cent*, uiastt),' replied the
bootblack. The honorable geutleuiau
immediately made him a check for $lO,-
000. He is a descendant of a noble
French family, is a very eccentric man,
and is widely spoken of as a candidate
for the Presidency."
I will be elected President of the
United States. My inaugural address
will commence: " Fellow-citizens of
Maine, of New Hampshire, of Vermont,
of Uhode 1-latil, of Connecticut, of New
York, of New Jersey, of Del"—•
At this point my soliloquizing was un
ceremoniously interrupted .by the
gtooeryman, who rushed into my office
and presented the following:
H. Yiueent, to Why isantli, l>r.
To balance ou egg* .$ .50
"My friend," said I, looking at him
in a reproachful manner, " I have iust . (
learned of the death of my grandfnt in r. j
I cannot transact any business for many ,
days." He left In five minutes an
other man came in with an account of 1
thirty seven and one-half cents for inCr- j 1
chandiae. Said Ito him, in a mournful
voice: " I just learned a few minutes
ago of the unexpected decease of my ! !
grandmother, aged ninety-six. The .
things of this world have no iuter<-st for
me," and I bowed mv head n|>ou the ]
table and groaned. He hft the reotu I
deeply moved, lualsiut five minutes in
came a red-beaded man, aud itske,! if I
could (>ay him five cents, the Imlauce I ]
owed him on herriug. " Sir," said I, in <
lugubrious toues, " I but a moment ago j 1
received a telegram imparting the sad 1
intelligence of the suddeu demise of mv <
father and mother. They were simnl
taneonriy attackeil with apoplexy, and
paaatsl away together. I will lo uuable <
to transact secular business for many 1
months; excuse my emotion." As I
made this remark I clapped niy handker- : |
chief to my eyes, and counterfeited in- 1 j
tense grief. The man wi-nt away in 1
tears. F'-aring that another creditor ]
might come along, I left the office and , I
went hom-\ I felt exoecilingly small i
after the dissipation of my splendid day \ 1
dream, and I determined ta put au etnl j 1
to my d.*siro for wealth. I got an old |
horse-pistol. I 1< uuhwl it heavily. I <
went behind the liou*e. 1 (ilaeetl it |
against my forehead. I blowed ont my !
brains, and I have felt tx ttcr ever since. ' 1
England and Franre.
An exchange, in referring to the war i
troubles in Europe, says : It is natural 1 ]
tliot England should ask for peace and i
insist upon it by the strongest pressure. I
There could scarcely bo a war on the ! 1
continent in which England could t- - , 1
main neutral. She is bound by treaty 1
to guarantee the independence of H-j 1
ginm. She is closely allied to Germany 1
by interests of religion and commerce,
the family relationship of the reigning
houses and a At the
same time, during tli" last thirty years ,
there has grown tip between England (
and France, hereditary enemies in the ]
jaßt, the closest relations of commerce (
and friendship. While there does not f
exist between the Fr<-nch and English f
the same naturiU and binding tie* that J
we find lictween Englishmen and Gar- <
mans, still in the movement of affairs in t
• diplomatic interests they are even more ]
strong! v allied. France is the only conn- f
try in Europe upon which England can t
depend to assist her in maintaining the t
route to the Indies. France is the nat- ,
: ural ally of England in e very question (
which may lead to war, except, per- |
haps, the indejiendence of Belgium, j
Therefore any war between Germany ,
and France would necessarily involve •
England. If England were to stand by ]
and allow the destruction of Franco (
there could be no reason why Russia f
would not march to Constantinople. ,
t
A Coincidence. <
Col. Anthony's wife was present in 1
the opera house when Embry shot him
at Leavenworth. One of the most j
noted of Anthonv's street altercations
was his shooting 0/ R. C. Satterlee, a Lea
venworth editor, some years ago. It is ,
a queer coincidence that the circum- J
stances attending this affray with Matter
lee were almost precisely the same as
those attending his meeting with Embry, !
except that in the former instance Au- !
thony did the shooting while in the latter
he received the fatal shot. Both occur- f
renews took place iu a stairway, and in }
each case the victim was unarmed. It is
also worth noting that Judge Sherry, the I
lawyer who defended and secured the ac- 1
: qnittal of Anthony in his trial for tho
killing of Hattelce, has lieen retained to
defend Embry in liis coming trial for the
killing of Anthony.
A Burglar's Trick.
A family at Mishawaka, Ind., received 1
1 from some unknown source several com- 1
plimentary tickets to a circus which was 1
to exhibit on a recent evening. All the <
inmates of the household went, and, f
when they retnjned found that their 1
j dwelling had been broken into and rifled 1
;of everything valuable. It is supposed '
that the burglars sent the tickets in I
j order to get their victims safely out of J
1 the way. • <
THE CENTRE REPORTER,
Story of a Lightning-Hod IVddlcr.
tlx drove his team close up t< the
fence, got down still rnp|trd nt the dH>r.
The widow tiilkeus opened it, when he
said: " Mrs. liilkeus, l atu cognisant of
the eircuuistwuoca l>y which you mo at
present surrounded, left a* vou me to
trudge ilowu the journey of lite through
a cold uiil heartless wot hi no longer
sustained tool encouraged by the uoole
one ti whom you gave the treasure of
your heart's affectum, utul bowed dowu
ity the manifold OUM and rnqsmsibili
tie* incidental to the rtsiruig of eight
*iii&ll ehihlreu ou forty acre* of KUI> car
boniferous limeitoiie land; yet, Mr*,
(■liken*, you art* aware tliut the Maiaon in
now approaching when dark, dismal,
dangerous clouds at frequent intervals
HJWUI the rtinopy of heaven; mid win u
Klgsag streaks of ehx-trnuty dart pro
miscuously hither and thitlu r, rendering
this habitation unsafe for yourself and
these dear little onee—bnioe, therefore,
let me sell you a copper wire, silver
tipped and highly magnetic lightning
rod."
'Hie woman staggered Iviek a few
puce* and yelled: " Nareis! unfasten old
CiojrW" Jin another in*taut a lavage
bull-dog iwme dartiug round the corner
of the house with brtftUe* up, thirsting
fur guru. The dog Inid alreudy mangled
a machine agent and a putent soap man,
and was held in great esteem by the letter
dons of citizen* for his courage and *er
vioe; but w hen hi* rvo m t the hard,
penetrating gaae of Mr. Parsons, his
ehop* fell, and ho aliuked otf ami hid in
the currant bu*lie*. Thou the man
said: " Mv ilear ludv, you *eein to be a
little excited. Now if you will allow me
la explain the probable inestimable *' —
"Item ve, 1 know something that will
start said Mr*, (lilkins, as hlie
readied under some bed clothing, and
brought forth a horse pistol, but, owing
to the shattered condition of her nerves,
her aim was unsteady, ami tlie charge of
buckshot missed save where a few sit
tering ones struck his cheek and glanced
off. A hard metallic smile spread over
his countenance, ns he leaned hi* shotil
tier against the dx>r frame, ami again
commenced: '* My dear madauiet, sueh
; spasmodic manifestations of your disin
clination to make a judicious investment
of a few paltry dollars"—
" Hi—eo!" shrieked the widow, and
i oollapeed into a kind of jerking swoou,
and before she liad tMomtsl a highly
magnetic lightning rod decorated her
! humble domicile, ami Parsons liatl th>>
! blank note filled out already for het
-ig nature.
VI it* of the (ira*h"!>per*.
Senator Paddock, of Nebraska, think*
that, in spite of the giaj-shopjjers, a
much larger crop of small grain will be
harvested in Nebraska this year tlum
ever In-fore. The section* of the West
that aro in "longer of devastation by
gra**lii>pj>er- ate onlj tho* which arc
on the frontier and which do not pro
dura a very large percentage of the grain
crop. Civilization seeius to be as fatal
to the*"' j—l* a* to the In.iuui*. and. it
lias been the almost universal eiiHirieucw
ui the Wi-st that, after th- laud ho* been
generally brought under cultivation,
grus-di">pp-r* never come in sufficient
minds rs t<> .|<> great ilatnage. The home
of tb-> gra.sshopi's-r is ou the plains, nnd
when by long prevailing westerly wind*
a swarm of them ha* ls-t-n brought into
the settled jsirtion* of the country, tliey
have rarely js-m trwted the tlrat year be
yond the third or fourth tier of counties
from the frontier. In th<-se, which ore
generally vi- itcd the first year in July
and August, they have often dent roved
nearly the whole crop; but, while they
have caused great I<h-o1 suffering, their
d< variation*, Iwiug confined to a section
in which only a sruoil j* rcenhtge of the
land baa been broken up, liavo uot jM>r
raptibly miand the aggregat' of the
crops i-f th<- entire country or affix-Usl
th" nrira of grata. Th' graashop|r*
which come fr> m the plain* the first
year d<'|x"*>it tle-ir egg* wu the field* thev
visit, and in the following spring thtva l
are hatchinl out aViut the time the gr.cw
anil winter grain* t-tart. Before their
wing* ore sufficiently developed to enable
them to fly, thev eat up every tender
green thing which come* within their
raacli. The com, spring wheat, and
later garden vegetables are not likely to
lie injured by tin-sound" V" l<>j>ed inaect*.
Win it thev N-oome able to fly, they go
away, ami may penetrate still further
nib" the older settled country; but the
life of the second generation is a f-hort
oiu-, and they noon die, leaving no egg*
to tx> luitclied out the next year.
The sections of comitry which were
most injured by grasshopjirrs last year
w-re eitherthoso which wen- first visiUtl
iu 1873, or were attack-d by ui* ets
which wer- hatch.-d from -gg* il*|>o*itetl
inthatyar; so that, jtnlging from the
past experience of tho West, there is
reason to look for less damage this year
thnn was done last, ami while limited
sr.-as may Is- devastated no general de
struction need 1 anticipated. These
ri-miirks do not, of course, apply to iso
latad settlements like thoso in Colonulo,
which may be vixited ev<-ry y"-ar.
Cnlifurnia Nui-anre*.
There are many nuisances encounter
ed by the farm<>r in California which do
something to countervail the suq>aaaiug
loveliness of the climate. Of these, ant*
are one. Frequently food can be pre
served only by Ix-ing suspended in
sacks, or placed hi cupboards with their
h-gs stamling in water. The native
('nlifornians scrape all the grass out of
their yards and tramp the ground down
hard to keep the ants away. Choppers
are sometimes driven from a tree by the
amazing multitude and the stench of
tliem. They collect great quantities of
grass seel iuto their boles, leaving the
chnff on the snrfaee, ami tin-so chaff
heaps become quite a resource for stick
in the winter. Tlie fleas have given
rise to a fashionable folly known as the
" California wriggle," which even young
la.lies practice in the presence of their
lovers. Iu the high mountain regions,
strange to say, and nrnund the salty la
goons of the bay, mosquitoes are so in
tolerably bad that men often wear mos
quito bars on their heads. On the jor
tiou of the plains overflowed in tho wet
seasons, gnats are so thick that inauv
jxiople live for weeks in a smoke, with
their hamls and faces lacerated by them
selves to n bloody blotch. Jn the coa*t
valleys and the interior basin, gronml
squirrels swarm iu countless hordes,
honey-oojnbing all the surface of the
earth, ami devouring every green thing,
unless the farmers innkc handed war on
them with strychnine jsit, sliot gun,
trap, sulphur smoke, water anil all other
conceivable devices. Hummer brings n
plague of impalpable dust winch pouo
trates even into a watch; winter, a
plague of fathomless mud and of mir
ing down.
A Savage Actor.
Mrs. Gates th< actress, says of her
husband tlint during tho quarrel he leap
ed out of bed, dressed, aud ordered a
porter to take awny his trunk. He then
pulled out his watch. Let his wife
finish : It wa* a valuable one, and had
been given to hiin by my first husband
before his death. He pulled it angrily
out of his pocket, and, marching a few
steps toward the bed (I was lying in
bed), he took deliberate aim at my
head, and hurlod it with all his force.
The watch struck against the head of the
bed and smashed into a thousand atoqy
And after that he caned Alison, Mis.
Ootea' treasurer.
CENTRE II ALL, CENT UK CO., PA., THURSDAY, JUNE 17, 1875.
A Trait of !mU*u IJfi\
Au oJventurous writer Wis the fol
lowing ettraor>buory Morv of an In.bun
chief* pat<TU*l love : Death had taken
the old chief's sou, and hi* grave wo*
dug on a stiull eminence, some fitrhmg*
distant from the fort tin reaching the
*j*ot, we found an immense concourse of
natives aasembled, among whom the
father slid family of the decease*! were
conspteuou*. The former stood uu tlw
brink of tlie grave in a deeiMUuliug
iuikhl ; and, though he |s-rmttt*Hl no
outward symptom of grief to ap|>ear, it
was yet evident to all that a mighty and
continued effort alone kept it tn r*t"raint.
lie a)>pc<ared to be alaiut fifty years of
: age, and his form and features, thougli
stern and swarthr, offered a model of
luanlv laanty. The mother ami her
daughter* were loud in their eiprxwaiuun
of grief ; but tliat of the father, froui its
very calmnes*. was the mor< terrible,
and* 1 could uot but symputhice with
feelings so ohviotulv acute. The weep
ing aud wail tug of the assembled friend*
were the only sounds to be In-ard, and
for a loug while the busimvM for which
they were assembled was *u*}>eudcil, a*
if no one wn* willing to impose tlie last
trial of their hearts upon the bereaved
parents.
At leugth the father gave a stem
Oltler tluit the body hli. uld be dejHMuttsl
in the grave ; a nciiniate which was rt
liiclauUy ota<yed by her who had equal
tsns to mourn their gr-at loss. Tlie
old man then commatnbxl Hilenee, and,
in a reaolnte tone of voice, tH-gau to ad
dreii* the asMcmlileil multitude. Having
colled attention hi the different events
of hi* life, a* c*>nn<\-txl with the rank
he occupied, he pr.>occded t-> remind
tliem always oddn raung him*'lf hi Mr.
D.~of the domestic affliction* he had
endured, concluding with tie" recent
death of hi* cKlest and moat IWIOWHI
on, whose corpse was now la-fore u*.
"Now," aiud the old chicl, "the
striug of mv bow i* broken, tlie lost
ho|>e ul my dvlining duy* tut* forsaken
me. tvx-k m>t hi dissuade me from tlie
resolution I have a>loph-J, for I have re
solved upon following him, and all yoti
can urge will l>e in vain ; life ha* no
longer any charm for me. I wu once a
hunter, hut am now no longer so. 1 was
ooee the proud father of two noble sou*;
hut, aloe! where are they f 1 LI a
warrior, but am no longer so. Where
fore shall I continue t*> rttmber this
earth with my u*elea* presence 1"
The silence that now prevailed wo* *o
deep tliat not even a breath ww audible.
The old uuut folded hi* blanket around
him, cast one farawell look on the fair 1
field* aud the broad rolling river in tie- i
vicinity ; and tle n, to the surprise ul all
present, descended eompiMkxUy into the
pit, and lnid himself UJH>U the corpse of
hi* drjartni *u.
" Tlirow in tlie earth, fill up the grave,
v-r up niy last earthly rt-siih-nra," he
. exciainusl. " Nav, do Uot h"— itnte, fir
I am resolved to iiic."
Scream* of agony arose from the of
dieted wife am! daughters; vt-liem ut
< xjawtulatioiis wren- n*">rt-,l to by all
:iroun J ; but the old chief remained firm.
Not the tenderest eutraotit s of tin*--
who w-re dsarest to huu among the liv
ing—not Ue eag-r raprenetitatious of his
fri-uil, lou-ked by the u-ually influen
tial voira if Mr. D., could fur an instant
j sliake tho resolve of the self devoted
; victim.
"1 will die!" said tlie uld man; "seek
no longer to prevent it ; 1 repeat it, I
! will die 1"
When it was found that all expostnla
(ions and entreaties w-re in vain, the
' friends held a cinuioroti* council among
! themselves, which r-*ultvl m a division
tv olvoy the will of the chief. When he
i -aw lit* wish would lie coinpliei! with,
! he again si>oke and gore dir<>ctions for
the disposal ">f bis i'r>>|M-rty ; his horses
w-ra to bo dividd among hi* relation*,
ten of tlie fiii' .-A being firat given t<> Mr.
D., who was looked upon liy the Indians
as nn mloptod father. Mtvuiwlnle 1 hod
| iulvan<v*l t< the brink of the grave, in
1 order to observe narrowly the enuls
' nonce of tho <-UI man. 1 could perceive
Ino symptom* of weakness. The same
stem oumneaa, which wa* at first j* r
I raptible, still continued to characterize
it, and, a* tho C!MIS of earth l*-gau to
shower down upon him. still not a mus
cle relaxed. In the midst of the mod
fearful howling* aud lamentations were
the horrid obsequies performed ; the
clay ami the *and being filled in, the
green s<Ml was at length can-fully ar
ranged over the small sjot which marked
the last resting-place of the living and
the dead.
Detroit Free Pressing*.
Among the improvements noticed by
a Western ]MijH>.r i* the mention that
'' our friend Sliaw has set out two shade
trees in front of the house lie cheated his
mother out of."
It'* well enough to Im> posted iu or
thography. When an editor receive* a
letter saying: "Hnr-Btoi>p mi ]>ap{>er,
kus* yew !" he doesn't feel half as badly
as if th<- wrih r ho-1 put hi* words iti
straight English.
An old citizen of Vermont observes
that when a post-office clerk gets too
high-nosed to nek n stamp on to a letter,
it i* time tliat tho omuitry lual n change
of administration.
A man digging a well in New Jersey
came across a hoop Rkirt eighteen feet
beneath the surface of the ground, and
it ilew up and struck him across the nose
just as natiirnlly as if he had come across
it in an alley.
A Michigan 1 --rarr remarked the other
day that he had got to Hannibal Hamlin
hi* barn. Ho meant that ho had got to
raise it.
Tin* Toledo Illatfr also uses tho ex
proiction "on to-morrow," but there is
io law to prevent an American news
paper from being printed entirely in
"Spanish if the editor so electa.
Dr. Kroppcr *ays that we Hhal! have a
cool summer iu Amerioo, but such pre
dictions are looked upon as humhtig
gery by a man who lias his ice contract
made.
An lown congregation dismissed it*
preacher bccanse ho signe-1 his name to
a hair-dye testimonial. It was the last
hair that broke tho camel's back, and n
w lute one at that.
Yon oonldn't get one man ont of ten
to carry a bath brick along the street
unless it were wrapped up in a pnjww,
bnt yon may have observed tluit the
man who pays six shillings for a box of
strawberries takes tln-m on his hand and
walks along as proudly as the King of
Borneo.
When a hon*eholdcr, struggling to
fp*t a panel bedstead down stair*, loses
■is grip on the railing au<l brings np
ngain*t tho hall door, olid the bed*tend
brings up against him, nine wives out
of ten will >i>en the sitting-room door
nnd mildly inquire : " Richard, didn't
I hear something fall I"
National Debts.
The London Time*, in an editorial,
presents the contrast lietwcen English
aud American efforts to reduce tho
national debt. "Wo cannot but feel
with regret," Hays the Timrn, " that the
United Htat-oe in this respect show* more
th - high spirit of a nation conscious of
a great destiny ami anxious above all
things that no shortcomings of the
present generation shall interfere with
the teachings their children have
received."
AN INTFKISTINU \IEIV.
Tfce |{lrr MIMfMi at Ibr I iillid hlmlra
Mtvwu b IS* -New *1 !•-
Annum the most interestmg of the se
rte* of smtiHtical map* published by the
United Htah-s government is one show
ing tlie river systems of the country, and
giving the mora im|>ortit!it facts ocm.-eni
ing tlie country drained by each of the
system*, a* disclosed by the ceiisua of
1870. This map is so arranged that a
Mingle glance sliows tlie area occtipi*d
bv each liver or group of rivers, while a
closer examination reveals the euuu-t ex
tent of this area in scjiuoe mih-s, the
population, the annual rain fall, and the
volume of tlie principal products, to
getlier with the amount of steum and
water jniwer in actual use in each region.
Nothing could mora vividly impress
upon the imud the extent, variety, and
possible development oi the resources of
the United States than a careful study of
this map, while even a cursory attention
to it* principal features cannot bat lot in
teresting. .
A* it lie* before the student, it Old
m-nt* three great divisions, the valleys
on the eastern slope of lh" Alleglianies,
running toward the Atlantic; the valleys
on tlie wc*t of the ltocky mountains,
whose waters find their way to tlie IV
cific; and la twia-u these the marvelous
sern-s of valley* drained by tlie Mi*
mnsippi, embracing three-fourth* of tlie
orau uf tlie Union, and yielding every
varn ty of |>roiluct known to the coun
trv.
Th> flrat regiim to which we liave at
ltlded he* on the "a*tcru slopie of the
Alb-phonic*, and i* dividtxl uaturallv by
the hue of the Potomac. North of this
dividing line lie* the {Millionof the coun
try principally occupied bv what ore
most familiar to ifii meter die name of
the Eastern and the Middle Stun-*. It*
chief rivers are the Connecticut, tlie
Hudson, tlie Delaware, mid the Susque
hanna. Hera we have the industrial life
of tlie country in it* most concentrated
form. The area -if the region i* but
135,417 square mile*. Its population is
nearly ten million (9,ffK3,412i. The
rtv.-rage rain fall fforty-one inchesi and
its climate are favorable to ngrtcuitura,
and we find tliat it raiso* rather mora
thou twenty milium |s>uuds of tobacco,
over twt nty one million bush-1* of
wiitwt, ami tifty four million bushel* of
com. But the x-cret of its prosperity is
tlie faid that its stcam-jKiwer and' it*
water-power, in actual use, amount to al
most a million horse power. Use exact
figures laing 986,000. When we re
member that Boston, Nw York, I'hUa
• lelphia, ami Baltimore are ou the ouast
line of till* region, and that tie uouu
tuiu laurier which Lnind* it on the w<-*t
i* crowed by tin three great trunk lines
of railway and by the Erie canal, we *ec
how commerce join* with manufacture*
to unite in this comer of the continent
the portion of it* population at present
the moet wealthy and productive.
South of tl"- I'otomac lie* tho re
mainder of tho first great division. It*
area i* slightly gn-at< r than tliat of the
northern section, l* ing 1n'.),121 *ju.ir>-
miles. Tlie rain-fall is the *am<-. It
produces about four fifths as much wheat
I 1W,61H,(W0 bushels), ami a little more
Com 155,.'522,0tA1 hu*li<-l*>, while itsother
agricultural product* ore far in exooaa.
Of tobarao, it raiecs C3.62H,0tR) pounds;
• ri.*-, si,2oH,sa) j"uriil*; of cutUiu,
575,rtsi bale*. But its steam and water
purer are only 144.01X1 horse power. The
population is Ins* than half (4,224,041).
It i* unnecessary to comment on the
cause* winch hv.- r. lat d. -l the jwogrett*
of this s-ction. Tlie j-riiue on* among
tliem i* happily removed, and with tin
jxcwngi- of time, the splendnl natural
advantages, which are not inferior to
those existing north of the Potomac,
must moke Uiis region tin- home of a
population as energetic ami prosperous
AM ft "is - in the land.
The second great division of the Union
t which we have invited attention lie*
west of the ltockv mountains. It* re
source* are jiortly undevcloped, but ore
mostly of a kindiiot included in the *t
tistic* given on tlie map of tho river
system. That thev arc very gnwt, and
rapidly and steadily advancing, is well
known.
Between tlnwe divisions lire the region
drained by tin- Mississippi and its tribn
torn-*. It is the great valley html of the
country. Stretching from the British
IMteseasi" >us ou the north to tho gulf ou
the south, it is so lutuabsl that a sinking
of the continent one thousand feet would
join the lakes to tho ocean and divide
tho Continent into two enormous inland*.
Over the vast plain {Kipulntiou has
spread, in uneven lines and at varying
rates, luitil more than ixte<-n millions of
soul* liavo found their h<uu<i there.
Dividetl by a mountain rangi>, which art
ami energy have conquered, freni the
busv and crowded aea-lnmrU, its eaeb-rn
half show* slrcftily a -team and water
power in use equal to seventy jx-r cent,
of those iu the Eastern and Middle
States. It produces a million ami a
quarter bales of cotton, one hundred and
eighty-three million bushels of wheat,
and five hundred ami sixty million bush
els of corn. Its tobacco crap reaches
27T>, <H9,001) JHJUIUI*. Thus this valley
embraoes the })rincipal grain producing
b-gion, almost the whole of the toliaeoo
prodncing region, nearly half of the cot
ton producing region, and contributes
considerably to the crops of sugar ami
rice, while it embraces the larger part -f
tlie grazing region. The Imre enumera
tion of these fact* shows the wonderful
attainment ami the far more wonderful
promise of the Mississippi vallev. (V>n
sidering also the rapid strides that have
Is-en made by manufacturers, a* shown
by the nmount of steam and wnter jtower
in n*">, there is practically no limit to be
placed on the future progress of the
Vallev.
In this rapid glauee at the more
prominent fact* presented by the statis
tical map, wc have omitted several minor
divisions, which are, nevsrtheleos, of
great value. We hope that tlewo mnps
may ultimately be printed in sufficient
niunlvTs to he placed In every consid
erable edncntional estnblislimenl in tin
country. They are invaluable as instru
ment* for conveying vivid, accurate and
permanent general impressions >f the
important features of the continent—
physical, industrial, social nml political.
Tlie one which we have commented on is
not more interesting or useful than the
remainder of the series.
The Codfl-h.
The codfish is a noble animal. He is
served to yon on ('ape (sod, says a cor
respoodent, fresh from his native lair,
ami fried in conqmuv of a thin slice of
fat salt pork; uml this is the orthodox
way of preparing it. A mackerel may l>e
boiled or broiled, he may be pickled or
smoked; but a ootlfish should IM* first
caught, then disemboweled and washed,
then gently salted for the space of half a
dozen hours, and then, the brine (>eing
washed away, fried over a brisk fire with
salt {Mirk. If this process ha* l>een per
formed by a skilled hand (by a nine
year-old Cane boy, for instance), your
lish will lat firm, flaky, crisp, juicy, ten
der—in short, delicious—and you will
send your plate hack for a second jKir
tion. N. B.—A codfish which has been
tnuuqiortcd to New York in a fishing
sinuck, and kept for a week in a fish car
at tho end of a sower in the North or
East river, ia a different animal. Fat
pork will not Have him.
I ■■ ■ - ■
Novelties In Fashion.
Whit* tiruo roil* are among Iho latest
importation*. Then are of a aoft
creamy whit* silk tissue, not *•> thin a*
gr iiailtno, ami aro ilviwu bulb plain
nml ntrijx-4 in narrow Imvu-hre linoo.
They tv.nl from 91.60 to 92.50.
For Bummer morning dress in tho
country there aro neckties of tiootoh
gingham, LI tie-Loth light ami dark -
gray, pink, or Lrowu, witli whit* em
broidery in llw curucra: price 92.25.
White muslin neckties am embroidered
with Turkey ml, blue, tank, or black,
and coat 9ft. Other whit* muni in U>*
have Liu* or ft ray hocna attached to tike
pointed oinU by hamulitcliuig, and
these colored hetua or® embroidered with
white.
More drawy white neckties are of
i creiie lisne or of organdy, with the cud*
tucked ami trimmed with squares of
anlujue lao*. or of point dttehiwan in
leaf, crescent, flower siuqic, or elae there
i* ui ova] medallion or a block of line
Valencietiiie* act in, These coat fn>ra 82
upward ; $3 will bay a prettv tie with
anti<]ue guipure eoruera. China crap*
tlea lire delicate ahadtw of lavender, Mae,
or blue, with whit* *ilk embroidery
representing lac* for trimming. The
o)wn Kngiiali needlewurk is done in
white Silk on colored tie* tliat oust $2.50
or $4. The moat stylish black neckties
are of China crape, cdgml witii fine and
wi.lo ecru guipure We. The ecru
list bite neckties give a fashionable sir to
the simplest black toilette*. Thoec
wrought tn Often English design* ou each
ntd out 92.
<'he riot seta of lingerie are offered for
traveling. These are made of the qua hit
strijKxi or phud Cheviot* and (izford
linen* uot in rogue, and ore usually an
Kngiiali collar, uccktie, and ruffs.
Price $1.25. There are alao iwinilar
ait* of brown undressed linen, bordered
with Wnd* of pink or blue Cambric
liueu stitched, erviceal>l and appropri
ate for long iottnw-v*.
Byron collar* of linen, with a sheer
lawn necktie to mateli, are trimmed with
iiaif inch btart band* laid on a* a hem or
lair.ter, and a spray of embroidery of
tli same color in th< *wnere. To be
worn with the** are daring cuff* simi
larly ormuucnUxL The** cuff* ar* not
attached to a regular long under-alaeve,
hut they lutve a shape piece three or
four inches deep to fit on the arm iu*t
a* the collarette stl.vhcd to English
collar* doe* on the neck; this i* cooler
and has clumsy. The set of collar, tie
and under-sleeve cost* 94.
New linen lawn handkerchiefs lutTe
the liejii* scalloped and wrought with
Turkey red, navy blue, or aky blue to
norreapwml with tlie m-ektiui with which
they are worn. Other* bar* the entire
beta of a color wrought with white ; or
♦*l*e there are leaves or square** done in
scarlet wool, and eomctim.-s in bine and
ro*e together. !'n<* from $2.50 to 94-
Kbu'Veies* jacket* are made of loug
puffs of organdy muaiiu, slujx-d in to
follow tin* outline* of the figure, and
w|ntd by roa.x of Valenciennes inner
laou. oUi< rs have a baud of black velvet
U-tween the puffs, and are edged with
Mechlin lace.
An Editor's Courage.
A Kentucky editor wan walking one
.lay recently upon the street, enjoying
the balmy spring atmosphere, ami wun
dcriug win tin r ui the year to come hi*
imper would be established on a jwring
Uasi*. wbu lit* tiecame * www of a sudden
giggling and tittering immediately be
hiu.l him. 11* turned and M the source
of all the merriment. Two well dressed
Wiics, prominent in the town, were in
the rear, and laughing heartily. Much
to tin* |ioor editor'* surprise their atten
tion **emod e*j**cial!y directed to some
peculiarity about his own exterior. Then
lie difineu, with * tlirill of mortificntion,
the cause of their merriment. Much
twisting and writhing while grinding out
mental production*, seated in a hard
bottomed liisir, hat told upon the frail
texture of his pantaloon* and the cloth
lir.d finally yielded. The editor'* wife,
gooil, thrifty woman, lual repaired tlie
damage tut Wat alt* could, but, t**rha|<*
liecaiiKe new cloth matches hodly with '
the old, the evidences of her Itandiwork
were all too plainly visible ! Hence the
cruel laughter of the ladies walking be
hind the country editor. The poor man
fl si to his office in shame. Then hi*
manhood asserted itself, ami lie sat down
UfM>n tunt faitelt and wrote something
for the paper. Ilia next ianne contained
this paragraph:
"As we walked past a couple of lodira
on the stre<-t the other tay, one of them,
so we am informed, observe,! a large
siz'xl patch on our pants, and made mer
ry over the discovery. Well, we do wear
old cloth""*, it i* true, but we might af
ford to treat ourselves to better ones if
the husband of the woman we refer to
would oomn to the office and juiy us
eighteen dollars which he has lecn owing
for n long time for subscription and job
work."
" Doubt l<*s," said a logical old Eng-
Lish clergymen, "tbsl might liave made
* better js-ny than tho atniwlvrry, but,
doulAles*. tits I never did !" Doubtleea
some editor might make a point uiore
neatly, but, doubtless, uoue ever did.
If this little bill of eighteen dollars was
not*settled up within a week after the
appearance of hi* paper, then is there
no virtue in pungency. And the occur
rence was a literal and a recent one.
A Huge Nugget of Copper.
There came to St. Lcmifl from the
Lake Superior regions, say* the /it publi
(MM, one of the largest Rj>eoimen* of na
tive ,sipja>r ever transported n long di*
tauce. The mass is heart shaped, and
weiglis 6,000 pounds, almost double the
weight of the famous liowlder which was
transported many years ago from the
same region to the Smitltsouian Insti
tnte at n cost to the government of 95.840.
The specimen brought hen* exhibits the
jmm copper to the eye, and contains
ninety-eight per rent, of the metal. It
may be seen lying on skids at the sonlli
e.ist corner of tho LindeU Hotel, when*
it has IHH'I* examined by crowds of JK*O
plc. Tin* specimen was taken out from
an ancient digging sixteen and n half
feet below the surface by a Mr. Davis,
who ha* spent twenty-five years in cop
per mining. Tlie mass, wlieu found,
had evidently been detached from its
Iwxl by the ancient miners, A numlver
of pieces of copjer besides the mass
were found, weighing from an ounoe to
MVcuteou |round*, vviiich were evidently
clippings Lj the old miners. Stone
hummers weighing from ten to thirty
pound* have been found in cartloads,
several specimen* of whieJi mentioned
have bs*u brought to this city.
These were the primitive tools with
which these ancient minors had to do
their work. These tools an* found cither
perfect or broken from use, nnd tho
fragments ore found -.al. ail through
the <!• brin . It hue lieen computed that
two hundred of those old miners with
their rude methods "cook! barely be
equivalent to two of the skilled, miners
of the present day. Who and to what
race they belonged, and at what time
these people flourished, is uot satis
factorily known, and can only be the
subject of conjecture. Tho only plausi
ble assumption is that they l>olonged to '
the ancient mound builders and worked
in metals long anterior to the Indian
races, as evidences of their occupancy
were seen by the early Jesuit explorers,
and tho specimens which they clipped
from the copper rock* are found scatter- .
ed over the whole continent.
Tunas : $2.00 a Year, in Advance.
A (TltlOl S I'AIII OF JAWtf.
Ill" Nail* ml Torfca ar* via Or II apt*
tVorlt.
Don't you think it must be a rnrion*
pair of jaws that con bits off a chunk iff
oold iron a* easily as you can bite a
stick of candy. You out hardly believe
it I Wad till 1 tail you.
One of the moat niteaesting places I
1 ever visited w a room filled with tlieae
m> •listers with the sharp ataed jawa,
called nail umriiiuea. In the find place
the noise made by several of these u
chin<*■ in one room is something abso
lutely fearful. I wanted to stuff my
I cars with cotton, but I thought that
, would not be very civil to ray guide, and
after a little while I got used to it, and
f soon found myself au much interested
i j that 1 really forgot the noise. Some
I machines nip off tlie tack* so fast tlut a
, stream of finished tack* runs down a tin
tube into a reservoir—thoqaauda in a
. minute. 1 jntcii to the ticking of the
I clock, and reflect that at tlie least twenty
1j Ue krt are snapped off. But 1 must trll
, you how they do it
First tlie iron liar, a* it cornea from
, • tlie iron work*, i* put between immense
- rollers, which flatten it ont as ninety as
i a cook can toll a ]e oru*t with a roll
} ingpLu. 'The bar of irai is thus made
i into a sheet, juet thick ffnough for the
| nail* they w ant to moke. It gum next
i to tlie slitting machine, which makes no
, more fuss about slitting it into projxw
; widths for nods than your awsoom make
i about cutting ||**r. Bis cut a little
longer than the nail is to be, because
r the heatl* are to Is* made- When the
t strips of iron are all ready, a man takes
I one and slips the cud inio the steal jsw
i I told you of. Theas joiw* are worked
by tani power, and instantly they bite
r off a nail, while a furious little hammer
I spring* out suddenly, and, with one
. blow on the end of tlie lat of iron, fist
ten* it and thus mokes a hood. If yon
wont to know what a bhfw it must be,
r take a piece of iron and try to pound a
i head ou it yourself. The hot ant the
- hood is made, the jaws open and the
' nail drops ont, flnisbcl. Of course it
. is dons much quicker than I have been
telling you. for a machine can make
i; brad* (which 1 needn't tell tlie boya are
or toll noil* without head*) at the rate
- of 3,000 a minute. It it nai I that " fig
nres won't lie," nnd I hepe thev won't,
i but I must admit that it is harJ to be
• j licve that story.
After tho tack* cutno out of the tna
chine tlicv arc "blued," as it U tailed.
. It i* done* by heating them in an oven
on *n iron plate. Then they go to the
packing-room, where one girl can weigh
and put into impera 24)00 jwis-r* of
tacks a day. That'a another tough story,
but my guide assured mo it wo* true.
How many kind* of nails can yon
name f You will probab|y be cnn>rwed
to hear that two hundred Winds iff nail*
*• made in one factory. lieginning with
spikes which weigh nearly a ponudeach,
and ending with the lining kind of tack*,
not a quarter of on ineh long. They
didn't always have moriiinea to make
nails for them, and, of course, they bad
to make them by hand. That was no
easy matter, and, in fact, they couldn't
male tltem of oold iron, but had to heat
every one.
In some part* of England th* v are
very slow to get machinery, ami the
ign<irant jeopie. thinking their tra-L- is
to be spoiled, will break np and destroy
any machinery that is then*. So they
work at noil making a* their graraf
father* did. Every man has a little
forge—such *a vou have aceu in black
smith's sho)s if yon live in a village—
and a small anvil. Every child is put to
work at eight or nine year* iff age, be
cause they earn so little tliat every oue
of tlie family must help earn his bread.
Of course these children have no time
to learn to read, and many grown men
ami women can neither rami nor write.
This is the way they rnnke nail*: They
buy iron rod* joist the right *iw for the
nails they make—for one familv always
make the same mxe of noiL They take
one of these rod*, he*t it red hoi at the
forge, lay it ou tin* anvil, and cut off the
length of a noil; then laying away the
' rest of the rod, thev take the piece they
have cut off, pouuif it out to a imint at
onn end, and pound on A head at the
other, A very alow operation, yon see,
when vow think of how the machines
snap them off cold. A whole familv
srarrely ever earn* more jtluin five dol
lar* a week at the work, nbd port of that
lias to go for the cool it uses. One of
the nail factories tliat I have road alwut
nara one hundred and fifty tons of iMil ,
in a week, oil of which is bitten up into
nail*.
Their Itiisinet*.
The discovery of California opened
* new source of Americgu humor ; it
changed it from the pemAial exaggera
tion |*eoulior to the voile* of the Mis- '
nimippi, to "poetical licAnne" regard
ing natural objects. S.itl one of the
"Argonaut*," in an exceed oonveraa- ,
tion : "Look at Oaliftmiiai uxirivalcil in .
any natural production that comes from
the soil—gold! well enough in its way,
but a mere drug—nothing to lw* com- j
parts! with its vegetable productions.
Look at it H forests, tree* varying frutn ,
Uiree huudml to a thousand f<*et in
height, with their trunk* *o clone to
gether (drawing his kuift and panto- ,
mining) that you cant *ti*k thisoowie j
betwvn tliem; and then it would do ,
your heart* gixsl to ace tia* lordly elk, |
with an tiers from sereuUgn to twenty
feet *})n*ad, with their heads and tail* ,
up, ambling through thepe psnd for- ,
est*. It's a sight, gentienam ' —
"Stop," said one of tl> listeners, a ,
new comer in California, one who ltad ,
• not yet been ininwulated with the at
tuoaphere, "my frieud," said he, "if |
the trunk* of the trees are so close to- ;
getlier, how do these elks get through ,
tho wooda witli their wide brauehing ).
homsl"
The Califaruum turns I en the que*- |
tioner witli a look of thoroitgh ooutompt, , ■
and rapli<d : " Tliat'* tlie elk'* busi
ness," and then continued on in hi* nn- |
v*rui*hHi tale, unembarrassed a* the ]
summer noonday son. (
The Wroag Carpet.
House-cleaning waa going ou. He
arose early in the morning, put on hi*
old clothes, lugged oue of the carpet*
into the yard, ami went at it. He bang
ed it and whacked it with clubs, tickled
it with switches, and blushed it with 1
brooms. Then hp turned it over, and
did likewise to the other side. Then hs
hoisted it on the clothes line, and did j
the stuns over again. His hands were
blistered, hi* hair full of grit, his nose
full of lint. He rolled up tlie carpet,
lugged it iuto the entry, and set it down
with the mental resolve tluit "he'd be i
blest if l>c nhook another one," Jn*t
then the woman who lives in the other 1
part of the house appeared with the
query: "Doctor, what in the world ;
have you been doing with my carpetf"
, It was a true as tliat Job had boils, that
he had been shaking his neighbor'* cur-
Pk
A boy in Willismstown, Mass., became
a miui in this way: While hoeing com i
one afternoon, he turned to his father,
! who WHS working with him, nnd said : I
"AVhat time is it, father f" " Half past i
two," replied the senior farmer. Throw
ing down his hoe, tho son graduated ! i
Srom his farmer life with this remark : i
"Twenty-one year*ago, father, at half i
j past two in tho afternoon, I was born J j
I you con do your own hoeing after this!" I j
NO. 24.
The Home of the foreigner.
Hon. W. I>. KeUey, in an address b®-
f ure I lie A merman Milk Association,
sfxike un tie toast of " naturalized for
signer*." fie hmil. To sjieak of onr
country i* to discuss a tfienn- of winch
no mint need tire, and in lUsaussing
which ho would bo a dullard who would
<-ury an uudu-uof, fur it ia a theme of
uifituUi fertility and vsriM*. The t .ant
you hare drunk says: " nbe naturalizes
the foreigner and Ida wis alike." Too,
1 we do, k-t hi* hirthpuat bo in what
eountry or in what duno it may. And
what m mure, we do ltd only legally
uatunduws him; we do not * imply impart
to him by force of law the eii-rriae of
certain right*, luit if ho be turtauaAe or
P> mxtent in cooking the place wo put
un in In* own native tome and 141011
i hi* native mod. The condition* of what
land are not embraced in our country t
I am quite aura that the Airmail flrnl* a
comfortable home in our BouUimi
Hiatus, and I begin to think—aa my
friend Mam Cos my* -be ia my doamwt
brother. And, turning from bim to
the Mwcde and Norwegian, I nan give
them their birthplace over again in the
regions of Minm-sote and I>koU, upon
lakea and upon mountain rides, such a*
they lived ui in tkr childhood and
•ported upon in their youth. Being the
Hnnliau from hi* rugiii of frmla and
drop lum gently from a tfeiluou in South
ern California, and lie wfil xwrmr that be
ia witidn iw.vrty milea of hi* native
home. So wander over tin* brand and
UwuUfal Motuitfj <4 oifu Canry with
Sou vour knowledge of geography end
I lie habit* of men and the industrial
purcuiUfbt which they are engaged, and
! an will find what wein* to be the native
lomeof each and aIL Hare the Eng
lishman, who feel* thirty, if it doean't
rain twice a day, tan find his own oon
genial clime in Oregon apd Washington.
In the courae of hi* remark* Mr.
Kelley aaid: Let n* make riatomasiwihip
a matter of practical application. The
experience of thi* country of our* is a
thing of dome value. There have been
human experience and national experi
enoe, and let u* study them and dadoes
from them our rule* of artiou, and let a*
•gam invito, a* we did during a late
year, 3M.UU), tOd.UbO, *SO, (t foreigner*
to coma and dwell in our midst, to culti
vate our farm*, to develop our resource*,
to improve our art*, to give |mdt to
capital invested in our railroads, to
stimulate oar ccanmeroe and keep the
whole fleet of steamer* <m the ocean, in
stead of Setting them rot in the dock* aa
they are doing now. L* tn* revive those
days, and not have it aa it is now—thai
the Canadian fight* bis way lock toould
Canada; that the steamer* make as much
profit—thorn which run—a* they did
three years ago, because while they hare
tobriiigonly one-half *s many people
this way that they did then, they take as
> many back. Thus the receipt* aresavo.L
We want the tide to con*- this way and
stay thi* way; and let u* by these prac
tical means make our country what your
toast propose* —"The land that shall
naturalize the foreigner and his arts
alike."
Struck by Lightning.
Mr. D. Pigeon gives, in Xahtrr, the
, following interesting account of the
effect of lightning upon himself and
members •>f his family, daring a recent
thunder *fcorw, in which the bouse he
was in was struck: I must now attempt
to describe the effects on ourselves and
the imputations on our sense*. Of the
three, my wife only was "struck," and
fell to the ground," my son and myself
remaining erect, and all three retaining
.xtmicioutuww. For more than half an
* liotir my wife lost the use of her lower
limbs and left bauds, both of which be- {
came rigid. From the feet to the knees
the was splashed with rose-colored tree
like marks, branching B{fwards, while a
large tree like mark, with sit principal
hmncboa diverging from a common oen- .
ter, thirteen inches in it* largest diame
ter, and bright rose red, covered the
' body. None of ns are certain of having
10*11 the flash, and B wife is surw she
saw nothing. Aa to the noise, my wife
heard a " bellowing" sound and a
"equito," recalling fireworks; my son
also heard a " bellow," while I seemed
conscious of a sharp explosion. My
wife describes Iwer feeling ns that ®f
" dying away gently into darkness," and 1
lieiag roused by a tremendous blow un
the body, where the chief mark was af
terword* found. My son and myself
were conation* of a sudden and terrific i
general disturbance, and he affirms that
lie received a severe and distinctly elec
trical shock in both leg*. My left arm,
shoulder, and throat especially sufiwvd
violent distort *mee, but 1 did not think
it was electrical. A# I turned to lido
my wife, who wna on the ground. 1
shouted. as I thought, that 1 was un
hurt, and hoped tlieyr were also, but it
seems I only uttered inarticulate sounds,
and my son, in his first attempt to an
swer, .lid the same. This, however, was
only momentary; in an instant we both
sjxi© plainly.
Neither of us referred the occurrence
immediately to it* trne cause, but the
idea of being flnxl at was present to all
onr minds, my wife indeed remained of
opinion that she was shot through the
body until she heard me speak of light
ning. An infinitesimal kpee of time en
abled my son and myself to recognise
lightning; bnt 1 cannot say whether I
did so before or after my first glimpse 0/ ,
the wreck on the grooud. N either of ns
beard or aaw the mast fail, though it
descended fifty feet, and fell on hard
gravel close to us. My son and myself
both experienced a momentary feeliug
of intense anger against some "person
or person* unknown," further shown t>
that we preliminarily referred the shock
to some x>nsciows agency. I ought per
haps to add that neither of us felt any
sensation of fear at the time ; bnt we
were all nervous for several days after.
I have endeavored to keep to fact I
throughout, lmt I venture to add a re
mark made by my wife as we raised her ,
from the ground: "I feel quite sure
that death from lightning must be abso
lutely painless and I offer it as an un
conscious corroboration of views on this
subject which our experience seems to
strengthen.
More Business, N'ot More 4, ll®iiey. w
The New York Sun scouts the notion
that the country wants more paper!
money, and while looking hopefully for
a revival of prosperity, thinks any addi
tion of our paper currency would only
retard instead of advancing it. There is
in the country a great dal more money
than is required for all the present ope ,
rations of manufacture, agriculture and
trade. It lies idle in every large town, ;
waiting to bo used. Give as securities
that are known to be good, and we can
borrow a hundred millions in Wall
street in half an hour at three per cent
interest. What we really need is more
business, more demand for goods, and
more consumption, more enterprise,
more confidence, more life. The addi- h
tion of a thousand millions of paper
money to our present stock would not
produce any of these ; but what will
produce them in due time is that spirit
of rigorous economy and prudent living 1
which now pervades the millions of onr
agricultural population, and is felt
among every other class of the people. '
We arc saving what we earn, and paying
our debt*. The oonntry is getting hi to
a sounder condition every day ; and the
manufacture of whole stacks of irredeem
able paper tokens would only delay and
not hasten this process of restoration.
Hem* of Interest. •o-sOfc
The Kansas grasshopper® are okswl
wiAtite nt:aliiv of this rprins a carH
:.bbg, ,
The OneMa community have stoektH
I < '! -utiiiitv take in Walungford, C'ontiM
with 30,000 salmon trout.
A sUjw mail en® run in debt; bnfl
naturally enough, the feat is uf toner s<H
compluJied by " fast" mcii.
Wheat crops in Gnat Britain durirH
the last nine yean have yielded on *■
average twenty-nine tod a lisif buidieH
per aero. *
It injures a lead pfiicil to wet tlfl
point hi the luoath, and there ia in
.act benefit to the mouth that '■
It is reported that eight hundred pciH
sons, chiefly children, have died of me jig
les and miOigfaant sore' throat at Ik>goW
New Grenada.
Traveler (to landlord)—" Show me ■
room with a good fin in it, for 1 * S
vtwy wet; ami send me tankard of
for I'm very dry."
A Texas woman has learned to u*c lltH
iasso a® deftly tlmt the can stand m tbM
door and haul Uw hat off the lu-htrfinM
rod peddler while he is unfasb-niiif t ■
A bey iss blessing until Ite puts ofl
"|ant*." From the period of thef: ■
rent in hi* trowssra dates a feeling ifl
the maternal breast that ia not whollM
affectionate.
The ltoehester Ikmocrai sajs thi>H
Mile. Flasb r, a young French actress, iB
coming over next season. We
all the young bloods will be inclined t
court Plaster.
At a spelling match in Candia, N. H H
a few evening* ago, Deacon Ezekn ■
Lane, eighty three years edd, apellefl
down all the young folks and took tbfl
firffi prize.
A Mwade died at Han Rafael. OaL,
few day* ago, who had lived there b 'fl
eleven years, and no one knew his nuurfl
hi* tongue being paralyzed, aud he nuß
able to write.
. S*t Haroiihiff' girls always read itH
j "weather yimiwinatim" first, to w*H
, bow the weather will bo the
I fewmday night, Mod tfcen carry in wo-M
, anourdtngly.
I A oocpßWiondt of tho New YorkH
• Tribute think* that if we do not Ixgitiß
aoon to treat the Indians mow justly ■
• Almighty Ood wd! amito us sritb aomt ■
I thing woraa thin ioeaata.
• Two Philadrlphians had a fight wfl
1 the qmwfane mto bow old Adam *m<l
| bm he died, and the police juitiMfl
I made the fine twenty dollar* apiece, &<.<(■
remarked that Adam waa old enaoglt toB
' know better.
A Cleveland woman recently married ■
a Chin*** buwdmuan and in three day* ■
thereafter the unhappy celestial appeared ■
, at a barber's shop and ordered bis pig ■
. ! tail cut oS, saying in explanation: "Toe ■
| ■ mncbea yank. '
i * A man picked the pocket of Mrs. I
. ; "Fowls, a milliner in 8ao, Me., of <2OO, ■
. at Portland, the other day, but she flung ■
i j her aim* round hi* aw-k and hugged ■
. him so that he was glad to giro up the ■
i cash and ran.
A Berlin paper baa a picture repm I
' wutmg two men, one muffing the air ■
' 'and saving: " Han is a smell of some- ■
> thing Lurumg, lilw powder;" the other ■
i j answering, with an ironical smile: "Only I
! newTfjapur."
Find cousins were married in Ottawa M
'' eor.r.lv. Kansas. When the relationship I
ws* discovered, the judge and minist* r ■
waited on the parte*, read the law to ■
■ than,- and informed them that they I
I I moat eomriJsr themaeivva unmarried.
! A Kansas scientist is saving, for the I
i benefit of future gcsMrafaoua, four mule I
•boas, from which the former proprietor I
[ j waa eaten clean by the grasshoppers last I
season. The hoppers must have been I
sick, or they wouldn't have left the I
: shoes.
1 ] The people erf Shelby county, Ky., be- I
; lieve that John Cotton has been stricken I
dumb for blasphemy. He cursed Uod I
i because s frost bad ruined his oops, sod I
on the same day was attacked by pamly
' sis, which bereft him of the power of I
speech.
The figures published, obtained from I
the archives of the captain general's I
offioe, fbow what a charm* I house Spain I
baa made of Ouba. More then 99,000 I
troops have been sent there in six years I
and the greater part of these are in their I
graves.
When a young lady goes to an enter
tainmcnt, and sees a lady friend acoom
pamed by a gentleman whom *le does I
not know, she doesn't enjoy the per- H
formsnoc worth a cent, as the whole 1
evening is occupied in wondering who I
the stranger is.
The number of suicides in the German j
army amounted in 1874 to 193, which
rive* the proportion per 1,000 men of j
0.54 annually. The proportion is, in the |fifl
Austrian army, 0.85; in the French
army, 0.51; in the Belgian army, 0.45 ;
and in the English army, 0.38.
In Nevada uapkin are not used at
table, but when they have eggs for din
ner the mother remarks : "Now, Bill,
von an' the rem t just stick to year sleeves,
i and let the edge of the tablecloth alone,
like yet belonged to decent society, or
I'll baste the pelt off your back*."
"Oeuttaaeu," cried a conductor ou
the Savannah and Montgomery railroad.
" please not squirt your nm-ocr in thia
kr fftur. It is a dirty practice. If you
want to equiri go into toe forward kc-yar
• and you kin squirt sa much as you
please"—whereupon the squirters with
drew.
An Englishman at Pussy, in France,
wished to experience the sensations of
banging, but seems to have gone a little
too far, and did noireoover. Apropos of
this experiment, a man in Paris sen
tenced to the guillotine, shortly offers
bis place to any person liaying a curi
vieify to experience the feelings of de
capitation.
A carious case of kidnapping came no
for trial in the Washington police court.
One Brooks is charged with tying a boy
of nineteen, in 1873, taking him to a
schooner in Baltimore, and selling him
to the He did not have an op
portunity to return home till a few days
. since. The case was sent up for the ac
tion of the grand jury.
The Prince of Wales in his tour in
India will be dressed like an Eastern
potentate, in a' tug turban and baggy
trowsers, and his equipage will be asmag
nifioent asit can be made. The intention,
of course, is to dazzle the natives with a
spectacular exhibition of their future
ruler. The eost of this royal show will
fcte about a million dollars.
The savings banks of California owe
bers —and* I have only cash ou
hand with which to paj them. Should
I the depositors make a sfmultaneons de
mand for the money doe them, the banks
would lack $117,9901900 ofienongh to pay
their creditors, awl there is not that
amount of money in the S^ate.
The next contest for the United States
Presidency begins already to throw itself
into shape- Von never meet a stranger
1 now that he doesn't ask yon the first
, thing : " Well, air, who is going to bo
our next candidate fgr the Presidency t"
We, of course, know who that candidate
' is going to l>e, but we would see such
questioners hanged a don&i times before
we would mention his name so for in ad
vance.
The cows of A'derney, according to a
recent visitor to that island, are milked
three times a day, and the milk is churn
ed without skimming. They are fed ou
! grass and vrsie, the latter being seaweed,
and are kept much of the time in the
shade. A pound of butter a day is not
an uncommon yield for* a good cow.
The breed la defended against admix
, ture by stringent laws, ami no cattle are
allowed to betaken into the island except
to be slaughtered.
There is a boy in St. Louis who writes
to a sergeant of police: Dear Captain:
I am sorry to tau you fhat I broke a
pane of glass in lamp-poet on Twenty
third street, between Gap- and Wash
streets, on Sunday, April, 25. I brok
it with a ball, and the gkm&m&a ran after
me, but he could net tftfch me. Ho I
hope that this twsnty-ftvs oento will pay
for th* glass, and that yob will forgive
me, and I promise that I won't play ball
on the street any more.