The Centre reporter. (Centre Hall, Pa.) 1871-1940, April 10, 1873, Image 1

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    u When I Am Head and Buied. ,
When I m ti**A *nd burusl, then
There will be mourning among men.
I hear one mneing on my dust :
* How hard he fought to erto hie cruet."
And one. '• He u too eenrttive
In thie cold-wintered *(*W to lire."
Another, weeping, " Ah. how few
Ho gentle-hearted and *o true."
" I met him only once, and yet,
I think I never eh all forget
The t range and look in hie young eyee,"
One other aaye, end then with wis*
And eolemn-shaking head "No doobt
The hot heart burnt that frail frame out."
Good friend*. a diecount on your grief 1
A little present help were worth
M ore than a eorrow-etnckeii earth
When I am l<nl a withered leaf
An ouletretched hand were better to me
Than your glib graveyard eympathv.
You need not pity and Avymc and |uunt me.
You need not weep far. and eigti for. and paiut
After rou're atarved me driven me deed
Hay 1 do you hear f What I want ie bread !
Walt and See.
When my boy with eager question*.
Anting hoe. and where, and when,
Taxes all nty atore of wisdom.
Asking oVr aial o'er agsia
Questions oft to whwk ii. suawwr*.
Give to others *ull lite ky.
1 have aaid, to ii-x. li lum patience.
Wait, mv little boy, an J see."
And Uie word* 1 taught ray darling.
Taught to in* a lessen sweet j
Once when all lira world seemed darkened
Aud the •torwa about we beat.
In the 'Yhildran'e room"! heard hira.
With a chihTs sweet mimicry.
To the baby brother's questions
Saying wisely • Wait and see."
take an angel's teudar eluding,
Came the darling's words to me.
Though my Father's ways are hidden,
Bidding me to wait and see.
What are we but reads*. children.
Ever asking what sbal he ?
And the Father. In hit * adorn.
Gently Uds oa • Wait and see."
1 J !.' S' ■
The Jack uf Hearts! Whenever I hear
those won Is my thoughts wander bark
to one My-day, hcu Clara Bell
came on board tiie lutck of that name,
of which craft I was the proud com
It was ray first voyage as captain, and
we were bound for Santa Crux rig Porto
llico. Tk tVura Hcli was not a Pas
senger el tip, but a regular West Indian
sugar drogher, aud I was mni surpris
ed when the owners informed me that I
would have to take charge of two ladies,
who were to he „ t Porto Kioo,
As mar lie I did my beat to
make the oa'.,uj as pleasant-looking as
possibly— bought a canary, a mehxleon,
snd A doaeu or two of floweruig plants,
• ind prepared my officers for the occa
sion. Mr. Wiuke, my chief mate, hail
4 • a weakness for extreme undress, aud
preferred diuiug witliout the incum
brance* of coat and west, while Bill
Hoffman, the second mate, had a pen
chant for eating his maals standing in
the steward's pantry, or on the break of
the poop, exposed u I jretco to the huu
gry gaze of trie crew. With Tmlies on
board, these eccentricities bad to be
sbaudoned ; and when the time arrived
for our passengers to embark, Mr.
Winke and Mr. William Hoffman, ar
rayed in the tightest and most uneom-
fortable suits of navy blue, were at the
gangway to receive them. Cufortunate
lv but one lady made her appearance.
I say this because hail our charming
passenger been accompanied bv her
aunt, as was first intended, I should not
hsve been so long a deluded, blind, con
ceiled son of the sea.
The lady was introduced by one of
the owners, Mr. John Shocks, of the
firm of Bell, Shocks, k Alewife. He
was a thin, nervous New Englander, and
after landing her upon the deck, said,
" Captain, Tow me to introduce you to
Miss Clara Bell!" and then left the ship
as though it were infected.
Now my father, who is an old sea
captain, hail come all the way from New
Telford to see me off, and waa sitting
in the cabin when Miss Bell tripped aft
I noticed that he seemed somewhat dis
concerted, and when I had introduced
my passenger to him, and sent fur the
colored stewardess whom I had shipped
for the voyage, he motioned me to go on
The lady liegged that I would not
trouble about her. but attend to my
father, adding, " You and I will have
plenty of time to talk during the voy
Upon reaching the poop my father
seated himself by the binnacle, and
tlius addressed mc: " Ned, you are
about to make your first voyage as mas
ter, and to take charge of alady passen
ger. Now mark my words: she will set
her cap at you. I don't mean to say
that she isn't about as pretty as they
make 'em, but, my son, keep your weath
er eye open, or she'll fool you! God
bless you, lad—good-by!"
Then, with a last warning shake of
the bead and tender grasp, my worthy
father quitted the ship.
In another hour we were running be
fore a fresh breeze, and my paasenger
Two days passed, and on the third
the stewardess addressed me, "De
lady passenger wants to see yon, cap-
I told the gorgeous female, who was
dressed in a bright pink muslin gown
trimmed with blue, that I would be At
the lady's service in a few moments,
and then prepared myself for the en
counter. My passenger was sitting upon
the sofa, and at the first glance all my
resolutions vanished. I felt inclined to
throw myself at her feet, and make a
complete idiot of myself in action as
well as thought, but I didn't do it.
" Good-morning, Miss Bell P*
" Good-morning, captain," reaching
ont her pretty hand, and exhibiting—
oh ! such a perfect arm !
I am afraid that I seemed rerysheep
ish. I know I felt ao, and began to
look out off the stern port. The lady
was quite cool, and went on with her
embroidery in a most persevering man
ner. At last I stammered out,
"Are yon quite well now, Miss Bell?"
"Oh, dear me, yes, captain; but I
have one favor to beg of yon—pleaee
don't call me .VIM Bell: all my friends
call me Clara, and aa you are to be my
guardian until we rdach Porto Rico, we
inay as well bo friends from the first.
You will kindly not call me miss!"
Ah, I thonght, yon are setting your
cap at me, just as my father predicted ; i
but then she did it so naively, and I
felt so flattered, that I threw paternal
advice to the winds, and, figuratively
speaking, stepped past " the point o'f
caution," and was floundering among
the " rapids " ere I knew where I was.
Before dinner-time I was—gone.
"For whom are you making that or
nament, Miss—pardon me—Clara ?" I
respectfully inquired, glancing toward
a sort of band which she was embroid
ering. , i
" For my Jack, captain."
" How old is be?" I insinuated.
" Oh, dear, Jack aavs that he's quite
a puppy yet," she replied. " He's a
Porto Rico poodle!"
" Oh!" I gasped, beginning to eon jure
up a rival—" a dog ?"
" Yes, captain ; but why did you in
quire in so grave a manner ?"
The words were on mvlips, "Clan—"
but fancying that I detected a slight
tinge of sarcasm in her voice, I merely
replied, "Oh, I didn't mean any thing.
" I'm glad of that," answered the
ladv, " because I want yon tc thoroughly
understand me."
She fixed her glorious eyes upon me
aa she spoke, and—l felt worse than
ever. I saw it all at a glanoe: sent to
New York in order to finish her educa
tion ; been eooped up in a genteel sem
inary ; no congenial society ; vacations
spent with old Bell, who was probably
her uncle ; now I—freedom—gallant
sailor, etc., etc.,
I soon got through the "rapids," and
on the fourteenth day went " clean over
the falls."
* She told me all about her family—her
father and mother, brother Jack, cousin
Jack, dear Jack, and my Jack ; and I
quite understood why she had named
her poodle Jack ; but in our delicious
game of—whist-flirtation —I cared little
about her playing four knaves, as I
thought that I held the rest of the
FRED. KI.TItTZ, Ktlitor and Proprietor.
honon, including the queen of lioatU.
1 did n4 pi ay euchre in those daps.
Jack dht Uiia—strove her here —Wrote
her all tiie new a wss perfectly fnuitio
lieoauae she could not return aoonhT —
had the distemper - was in favor of
buaaAci]iatJoa - didn't smoke- had I wen
run ovor by dear Jack—twice bitten
brother Jack, and 0000 saved front puu
ishmcnt by eoutin Jack !
What 1 which knave waa being
1 dared, ao long its 1 could bo uear thin
ovuljr creature and listen to the merry
rattle of her uum.l tuuy ! I never
troubled myself alsntt which Jaek site
was referring to ; for aught 1 knew ahe
might have told me Jack and (Ac />\<w
*tnlA, Jack (Ac Wtant-kiUcr, or any other
equally absurd nonsense. All 1 saw waa
her glorious beauty anil beaming amile,
and fell that 1 waa—well, 1 felt con
vinced that 1 had made a deep im
It was upou a moonlight night that 1
"weut over the falls," after this fashion.
With all her frankness of manner.
Clara was not in the must remote de
gree unlady-like or forward. She was
what all women should be with our sex
—while accepting our respectful ser
vices without restraint, perfectly equal,
but, withal, never overstepping a cer
tain liuc, even when admitting us to
what men call "good-fellowship."
Of course, in my youthful egotism, I
: blinded myself to all this : worshiped
( her, shut my eyes, aud—over I went.
She was hHiking at the moon, and
telling me a quaint conceit about its in
habitants, while I was gazing upou her
sweet face, and burning for the mcmeut
to arrive when 1 could tell her how de
votedly I loved her. She pictured a
lunar Arcadia, and had mentally taken
me by the hand and wandered through
i its bha-ful scenes - an angel introducing
the spirit of a lunatic to kis proper
Sow, upon my honor, beyond the
freedom of trust with which she had
fn>m the first moment treated me, I can
most truly aay that Clara Bell had never
given me any reason to believe that she
was in love with me. I was a young,
impetuous sailor; she a woman accus
tomed to being honored and petted by
a huge circle of friends, and who, re
membering my profession, had treated
me as a I nut her.
I am not fond of confessing my sins
and weaknesses, but do thia at a warn
ing to other nautical idiots.
"Clara !" I tremblingly began. She
turned from me, and endeavored to
withdraw her hand, which I had im
prisoned as I uttered her same.
No reply—and upon my life, although
I had uttered it in a whisper, the name
seemed to mockingly echo back from
the gloom. However, I felt her trem
"Clara —my dear Miss Bell" (I was
cm the edge of the fall), "I am not used
to describing my ordinary feelings, snd
tke*e are too deep for utterance — but
from the core of my heart 1 love you !"
I was over the brink.
"Captain 1" she exclaimed! Thia was
a quencher.
"Miss Bell 1" I faltered.
"Will you do me a favor?" she said.
Now or never, thought L "I'd tiie
to—to—" I
* "You stupid man !" she laughed,
"have I given you auy reason why you
ahould thus address me ?"
"Miss Bell." I humblv replied, "most
sincerely do I beg parilon for my pre
sumption. "
Turning her laughing face full npon
me, she said: "Captain, I am not
angry with yon, but beg that you will
never revert to this again until we ar
rive at Porto Bico, and then von must
tell dear Jack all about it. t am not
angry, for you have sl*>wn yourself in
every other way a true friend and gen
tleman. I completely forgive this
weakness on your part, and only beg
you will promise me that when we meet
dear Jack you will ask him if he will
agree to what you wish !"
I was floundering about in the "boil"
at the foot of the mental Niagara, and
she had, by her womanly tact, as
it were, fished me out and landed me.
"But to which Jack am I to confeas ?"
I cried, beginning to treat the matter as
a joke—serious enough to me, for I feel
the wound to this day. "Not to the
poodle, surely ?"
"To the first Jack who comes on
board upon our arrival off Porto Bico!"
replied the ladv, holding out her hand.
" Uood-night, 6'aptain G
I escorted her to the oompanion-way,
and then returned to my seat.
I did not feel any great amount of
self-conceit iust then ; in fact, had a
ware washed me off the poop at that
moment, I should not have tried to re
turn to the ship. I had no doubt but
that she was engaged to some fellow—a
mere mass of—well, not anything like
myself- (Sclf-eonoeit rapidly returning.)
In fact, when I thought the matter over,
I came to the conclusion that this charm
ing, lovely, divine, snperb, elegant, be
witching young lady had been conking
fun of me, and that she really was in
love with some narrow-chested, vapid,
weak-constituted Porto Bicon. (Helf
conceit quite recovered.)
I really began to pity her, and thonght
that my dear, bluff old father was a
second Solomon. But why had she set
her cap at me ? I supposed it was—
well, I know better now.
. Wo arrived off Porto Bico sliont day
break the next morning, and as I gave
the word, " Let go the anchor!" Clara
came up and saluted inc oa cheerfully
as though I had never confessed to her
the real state of my affections.
I couldn't help worshiping hex still—
quietly of course—and her dress finish
ed the matter. I lent her my binocular,
and she rested it on my shoulder as
though I hail never " gone over the
" There he if!" iilie cried, almost drop
' pine my telescope in her exciw-ment.
" Oil, they have shaved half of hia body I!
and dear Jack, he ia looking at me!" j
Here ahe kissed her hand to something
in the boat, then grasped mine, mi j
said, " Don't yon forget, Captain Q .
j Six-foot brother! I thought, as the
I boat swept alongside ; but cousin Jack j
and brother Jack were, one after the
other, recognized and kissed to in panto
-1 mine; and I began to wonder which of
the knaves would lie her trump cord.
They were all tall, handsome, and any
liing but the puny creatures of my
Jack number one, with the poodle,
climbed up the aide, running aft, canght
Clara in his -arms, while slio laughed
and cried in turns, patting his brown
tface and saying:
"Dear Jack ! oh, dear Jack !"
The people anifled round me as
i though naif afraid that I was a weak,
I self-conceited young skipper, whoonght
not to be noticed ; but soon brother
Jack and consin Jack came tearing aft,
but when the brave little woman— Miss
.Clara Bell—told them how good I had
been to her, and—
"To which Jack am I to confess ?"
I ruefully inquired, knowing that either
manly fellow would be a lenient judge.
" to dear Jack !" she laughed ; "but
wait a moment. When Mr. Shooks in
troduced you, what did you think he
said ?"
" Miss Clara Bell!" I answered, be
coming wiser every moment.
" Dear old Shookß 1 he always pro
nounces the word Mrs. as Miss, and that
was how you became confused ; but now
you see lam Mrs. Clara Bell, and T
admit to having kept up the joke ; but
, before dear Jack 1 aak tou to forgive me,
uiy very good friend t—-! M
All the Jacks had atnothereJ her
with eareaaea, and " my Jack" was in
her arnta.
"Mr frienda 1" I aaid, noticing that
they nuderatood Ue joke, " will one of
I von ho kind enough to point out dear
Jack to ate ?"
Mrs. Dell advanced, and placing the
. hand ahe had moat tcuderly uaroeecd tn
mine, merrily looked lar in the face,
aud said,
" Captain O- —, allow uie to intro
duce to you dear Jack -khe Jack of
j Hearts— my husband I"
There is a halut peculiar to many
walkers, which fttucA, sonic years ago,
1 touched upon satirically, but which
' seems to have survived the jester's
ridicule. It is thst custom of stopping
friends in the street, to whom wo have
uothiug whatever to communicate, but
whom we embarrass for no other pur
poeo than aiuiply to show our friend
ship. Jones meets his fricud Smith,
whom he has met on m arly the same
locality but a few hours before. During
that interval, it is highly probable that
uo event of any inijxirtauce to South,
nor indeeil to Jonea, which bv a friend
; ly cenatrui'tion Jones could imagine
Smith to be interested iu, has occurred,
or is likely to occur. Yet both gvntle
: men atop and shake hands earnestly.
•• Well ; now goes it *" remarks Smith,
I with a vague hope that sometluug may
have happened. '• So, ao." " How
are you knocking them ?" replies the
eloquent Jones, finding intuitively the
deep vacuity of his fricud answering to
his own.
A pause ensues, in which both gentle
ineu regard each other with an imbecile
smile ami a fervent pressure of the
hand. Smith draws a long breath aud
looks up the street; Jonca sighs heavi
ly and paxes dowu the street. Auother
pause, in which both gentlemen diseu
page their respective hands and glance
anxiously around for some conventional
avenue of escape. Filially, Smith
(with a suddeu assumption of havinp
forgotten an important engagement)
ejaculates, "Well, I must be off"—a
remark instantly echoed by the voluble
Jones, and these gentlemen aepuratc,
only to repeat their miserable formula
the next day. In the above example I
have eompaasionately shortened the
usual leaTe-takinp, which, in skillful
hands, may be protracted to a length
which I shudder to recall.
I have sometimes, when an active
participant in these atrocious transac
tions, lingered iu the hope of saying
something natural to my frieud (feeling
that he, too, was pruning in the niaxy
labyrinths of his miutl for a like expres
sion), until 1 have felt that we ongnt to
have been separated by a policeman.
It is ustonisninp how far the moat
wretched joke will go in these emergen
cies, and now it will, aa it were, convul
sively detatch the two cohering parti
cles. I have laughed laibict hysteric
ally) at some witticism under cover of
which I escaped, that five minutes after
wan! I could not perceive possessed a
grain of humor. 1 would advise anv
person falling into this pitialjje strait
that, next to getting into the way of a
paasing dray, and Wing forcibly dis
connected, a joke is the most efficacious.
A foreign phrase often may be tnod
with success. I hsve sometimes known
nil reroir, pronounced "o-revoer," to
have the effect (as it ought) of severing
friends.— lircl 11 arte.
IV by Jenks Never Married.
"I think a woman is a tremendous
being," said Jenks. "When she's
right, she's the lightest thing that
floats. When she's wrong, she's the big
gest nuisance that plows the sea, even
if she's little and dou't draw two feet of
water. Perhaps it isn't just the thing
to say to a bov like you, but you'll never
speak of it, ir I should tell you a little
something ?"
"Oh, never," I assured hira.
"Well, I s'pose I might haTe been a
married man, ' said Jenks, avoiding ray
eves by pretending to diseover a horse
shoe in the road.
"You don't say so !" I exclaimed, in
undisguised astonishment, for it had
never occurred to me that such as
Jenks could mnrry.
"Yes, I waited on n girl once."
"Wo* she beautiful?" I inquired.
"Well, I should ssv fair to mid
dling," responded Jenks, nursing bis
lips as if determined to render a candid
judgment. "Fair to middling, barring
a few freckles."
"But you didn't leave her for tbo
freckles ?"
"No, I didn't leave her for the freck
les. She was a good girl, and I waited
on her. It don't seem possible now
that I ever ra'aiy waited on a girl, but I
"And why didn't you marry her?"
"Well, tlier<s was another fellow got
lo hanging round, and —yon know how
such things go. 1 was busy, and didn't
tend up very well, I s'pose, and she got
tired of waiting for me, or something,
and the other fellow married her, but
I've never blamed her. She's been
sorry enough, I guess."
Jenks gave a sigh of mingled regret
and pity, and the subject was dropped.
The primitive mnrriage ceremony of
the Puget Sound Indians was very sim
f>le, the giving over to the father or
rienda of the girl, by tbo bridegroom,
so much blanket, or gun, or ammuni
tion, and the taking and carrying away
so ronch wife. Young wen usually mar
ried tbo older women, and young girls
tLe ohbjf men, baeaoa*', as they said, if
young people marry among themselves,
both are piltons, fools, and do not
know how to care properly for each
other , DUt if a young mnn marries a
mature woman, she ran cook for him
and sen that he does u<>t drink up at
once aH of the whialirv ; while the mid
dle aged husband with a girl bride can
make the lodge tight ami wrap her up
well'ln the blankets, and provide her
delicate appetite with " hyu-muck-a
niuck," plenty to eat. Contact with the
whites has broken up much of this sim
plicity. Parties now make their own
bargains, where they are made at all.
which in the Heinity of towns is not
often, without much regard for anything
but chink-a-mhi and muek-a-murk, mon
ey and food. And if civilization sdd*
something sometimes to the religious
ness of the ceremony, it is to lie feared
it lias taken sway a great deal more from
its sanctity, says a correspondent of the
Chrhtain Itcrjiiitet.
SIGNS OF DEATH.—In 1870, the Acad
emy of Sciences in Paris offered a prise
of 20,000 franos (94,000) for a simple
but positive sign of death which any
non-professional person could under
stand and apply. The British Medical
Press and (Hrcular says: "The most
practical and satisfactory one given was
to tie a string firmly around one of the
fingers of the supposed corpse ; if the
blood circulates in the least, the whole
finger from the string to the tip, will swell
and become discolored. This depends
upon the fact thnt, however profound
the syncope, or however death-like the
person rasy appear, if there is any cir
culation whatever, the person ia not
dead. The test is simple and conclu
I'ollowluir (he M;u-.
A flag i but a yard or two of bunting
when it is looked at a* a matter of fact,
but the muu who have IUHMI willing h
I die for it all these hundreds of year#
have seen tu it something umru thau
i coarse cloth. certainly. A popular !
Kngluh lecturer, not rnauv year* ago,
itolii eouie anecdote* strongly illwra-'
tiveof tlio universal prevalence of Hum
poetic feeling among tlie plainest of
people. We can only irwat tao of
them from memory. An knglish regi ,
■ueut m ludia had had it* colore ( until
ing hut a square yard of bunting, of
course) takcu away from it for aome
act of iuaubordtuatiou. livery uwn had -
hia rations and pay am usual, and no I
, physical punishment of any sort was
added to the ideal oue mentioned, kit j
' every man in that regiment groaned
and suffered tinder the' chastisement, .
t-oaree, illiterate, brutal fellows, per
haps, they were. Why ahouhl any of
them mind the taking away of a regi
uicutal dag ? Common-sense would i
laugh at such a punishment for such
iueu. But the commander knew what
'he was about. A fort was to !>e storm
ed at the top of a long hill. The enter
prise was a peculiarly perilous one, and
one tliat required something mora thau
I ordiuarv courage and ordinary |>eraist
•nce. The commanding officer rode t
down the ltue to the potutiou occupied
by the disgraced regiment. " Man I"
he cried, " your colors are at Uie top of 1
the hill —charge !** And charge they
did, that single regiment, up the long,
' cannon-swept bill, through the abutti*,
over the ramparts, into the fort at last,
s mere handful of them left to receive
the dag again, for which uiore than two
. thirds of the brave fellows liail gladly
given their lives ! There was no com*
uioii-sense iu the matter, else the fori
never could have been taken at all.
The poetry in the soul# of those rough
soldiers overbore all that, and who
shall say that the poetic was not the
worthier and more miuily view ?
boms of the warlike tribes in India,
when one of their iueu falls in battle
after showing extraordinary courage, '
decorate hi# wrists with a red silk
thread if he be a private, a narrow rib
lion if he be an officer, and a broader
one as the rank of the dead risst. Not
many win this ]>oathnuion* honor at
all, and there is no mourning for those
whose death is thus repaid. -An ling- i
Uah army marching upon I.ucklios j
came upon a strong hill-fort which it
was necessary to reduce. A sergeant ,
and seven men constituted the advance- ,
guard on the march, and when the close
proximity of the fort was discovered,
the buglers with the main body sounded
the recall aa an order for the sergeant (
to withdraw hia guard ami join lusregi
ment. The little suuad uustook tlie
bugle sound, ami thought it was an ,
order to cliarge. Obeying it as such,
they wut to their certain death on the .
rampart* of the fort. The annveoming '
tip stormed the place, and after some 1
hour* of desperate fighting they took
iff They found there the dead b<>du- 1
of the sergeant and all his ineo, and ,
around rarh irrfsf inu "ttr fTyOtf rtd ,
ritthun, a poetic tribute from the Sepoys ,
Ito the harouun of their dead roomies. (
Murder and Nalride.
A few darn ago, Jam** IV Page, of
Vallejo, California, wu arraigned on a
Bbtfftn .of having opened a 1< tier sent
by the murderer, Russell. uow in jail,
to una Wnrreu Ualry. TLi case was
not concluded, aud I'agc wan released
•iu bail. I'agc and bis aifr separated a
abort time before, in consequence of
domestic troubles. Mr*. rftnrnol
to Vallojo from San Francisco. Pago
went to hit room at Vallojo, entered,
and looked tlie d'*r, leaving thoir two
daughter* outaide. Tbo girU board
aogrv words between their parents, and
finally their mother exclaimed, "Kill
me, then ; kill me. Yuu have often
threatened to kill me, now carry out
your threat." The next mutant the
girl heard a shot fired, followed by two
more in rapid aueeeaaion. The scream*
of the daughter brought Janice Fuel t
their aid, and ha broke open the door.
Mr. Page was reeling over the floor and
blood was stream lug from her neck.
Page waa proatratc, with a piltol-tall
through his head. City MuuUd E<lgnr
entered the room, wlieti Page gave lnm
two papers, hecatns immediately insen
sible, and died in a short time. Mr*.
Page in shot in the neck, near the wind
pipe. She is insensible, bnt there are
only slight hopes entertained for her
recovery. The tragody causes intense
incitement in Vallejo, where all the
parties arc well known.
Sick Headache.
Almost every ouo has s different
remedy for this most common hut none
the less distressing complaint. And the
truth is, that very few of them have any
effect at all, while some of thsra only
aggravate tlie ease. The be*l and safest
way for the sufferer is to let himself
alone till the gastric or nervous de
rmigeineuta which havcpixidnccil it have
subsided, when sleep generally comes
to the nid of exhausted nature, and |>er
fects the cure. The ftritinh A/> diral
Journal, in treating of this subject, sav*
the only remedies which are of any avail
are those which act on the nervous sys
tem, such as hot tea and coffee, or, after
the m<\st Violent Symptoms have passed
off, a little wine or ammonia. The
bromide or potassium i* also highly
recommended after tlie nnusea subsides.
While this exists, it is of no avail. The
writer also thinks that tea and coffee
used in excess constantly, although they
may relieve a headache, may also pre
dispose to tlic difficulty ; aud he cites
instances of several patients, who, by
giving np the use of those leverages,
became cured of chronic or frcducnt
Does field Mining Fay I
Twenty vears ago the late Mr. dree
ley essayed, iu tjio pnix-r founded by
nim, to pfovn that gold mining, ou the
whole, was not profitable, and that it
even tended to impoverish, rather than
to onrioh, a country where it is carried
on. At a late meeting of a farmer*'
club in Oak lands, Gal., the some idea
was advanced bv Dr. K. H. Garr. and
liis arguments, having been (extensively
copied by the press, nave revived the
old discussion. Dr. Carr affirms that
every dollar of gold that lnoi been dug
in California has cost from one to ouo
and a half dollars. Fifty thousand
people, he estimates, are engaged in
mining in that State. The gold pro
duct of the State for 1872 was $20,00t>,-
000. Now, if you reckon labor at $2.00
a day, Dr. Carr calculates the miners'
wages would come to $37,. r 00,000. liis
deduction is, that the differeueo be
tween this sum and the actual gold
product represents the loss to the com
munity that result* from gold mining.
Fmorr.—Directly after the rending of
the report of the Poland committee was
concluded the other day, Oakes Anion
went down stairs to the House restaur
ant. and taking a vacant chair at a table
with two other member* of the Honse,
inquired with n ohnekle if they would
allow the wickedest man in Congress to
fit with them, and reaaiving an affirma
tive answer, he proceeded to put adozen
fried oysters where they would "do the
most good."— Selected.
" Bcerbug " ia what some of the sin
ful papers of the West call Milwaukee.
The Cellars of New York.
A report via sent to tlio Board of
tlvalih of New York, and the following
j extract will allow the horrible oouditiou ,
in which tuanv oeotde live in that eity : .
Inspectors Morris siul Strong huve t
' completed the cellar ins|iection of the
Ith Ward, and made thereon an e labor
-1 ate report, from which it is seen that of
these cellars 17 are oeettpiad as dwell
ings; of tbianuiabe*lß7aredelar>d tube
uuflt for such occupancy, and orders ,
! mude that they be vacated as such be
fore the Arst of ApriL This ward con
tains some of the worst cellars in the
city —many of these lodging houae cel
. lax# yf the*lowest description some di- 1
I fiib d msiaall apart ax-nu by nieoea of
; curtain, while in others the beds are
j arraugud alongside of each other, with-
out such partitions, and occupied pro- (
miscuoiikly by both sexes. The rate of
' crowding in tiicec lodgingcclUra 1# sneli
as to allow from IK to 19fl cubic feet of
air space only to raeh individual, ami I
this often in the same room in which 1
many of the mmates *' oook, wa*h, |
smoke, and (xarfonn all tlirir |diysieal
' fnnctioift." i j
The largest room found contained
•, and the smalleet about 136 cubic 1
feet of air Hnace. The latter was orou-1
pied aa a bedroom fur three or four ,
children, the occupants of the cell eon
slating of a family of 7 persons and 10
lodgm: "(otitis closet there was no
' eroas-vetiUlation the door affording
the only egress for the foul air, and for
tunately the only inlet for probably
fouler air. Oeucrally, whore there were •
' over two or three rooms, no vnaUlatiou
was attempted for the sleeping-rooiua.
In many, especially the dance cellars,
the only ventilation attempted was by s
small treiiaum window over the door."
VYhare thorough ventilation waa pro- '
vided, the rear window gem-rally o|ened
into a narrow area or well-hole, where
the air was "so damp and heavy aa to
le more a predisposing cssw of disease
. than pabulum to the blond." The most
frequent disease met with in thrac cel
lars wss alcoholism, due to the large
' numler of rum-abopa and rum-eelLara is •
the ward. The lnaj-etor* also encoun
tered a large number of oases of catarrh
and brouclnal affections, though these
were found to prevail as extcusirely
among people living above ground as
with the cellar pipulltsm. Cases of 1
rheumatism were also frequently found.
. I'be greater part of this ward being or- |
j iguially swampy or marshy ground, it j
■ waa seldom that any sub-cellar or open
nuace beneath the floor waa found ; and
the floors resting directly on the ground
their condition was, as might be expect
ef. rotten stid bad. The only floors '
1 found in good repair Iwing those of the
'• dance cellars," which were kept u> or
der for übvioits rnaeona. A large ntun- (
, her of the ceilara of this ward have al- (
ready becu vacated as human dwellings, .
through the effurts of the Inspector of
' the district, and these were found by
' the Inspector# either clowd or occupied
for other putpoare. The report con
cludes by calling attention to the
" moral aspect of this question, and the
. great good which will lie eaUhUsliad by
i closing forever these tlllhj den# of im
, morality and diseaae."
Ur. Kadenuuvt, Agaistafi* Chemist,
j has made an examination of the air in
some of thn lodging cellara of this want,
and report# llic proportion of carbonic
acid found to be from 111 to 'hi parts ui f
10,000 of air, or from m arly four to five
times the normal quantity. These et- !
sininationa were made early ui (lie
night, soon after the arrival oi tholodg-
I .ire; and when the atmosphere mso raj>-
, idly deteriorated, it is fearful to imagine
( what will be its condition before morn- ,
itig, or after receiving from 0 to 0 hours
' the carlmnic acid frCm the lungs and
the animal exhalations from the bodir*
I of the filthy ami sweltering masse* of
humanity witliin ita narrow
I limits.
A Strang* Saielde.
The village of Montgomery, N. Y.,
was thrown into great excitement by j
the report Uiat Misa Hat tie' Clay ton, on
interesting young lady, aged about j
tw.nty years, had oonuuitted suicide by '
taking s dose of laudanum. Investi
gate >u iuto the affair proved that tb.
rumor was well founded. Misa Clayton
waa the daughter of poor widow of
Montgomery. The latter left home to :
visit another daughter in the conn try. 1
A young ladv came to Montgomery with I
a Utter to Miss Clayton for tier mother.
The messenger went to the house, and
seeing nor hearing no one id suit, en- ,
tered a bedroom, where alio itisoovcred
Miss Clayton lying on the bed appar
ently dead. Tlic young lady, although
greatly shoeked, went to tne bedside,
and saw that Miss Clayton was still
alive. A cup containing laudanum
stood on n stand by the bedside, and a
fearful suspicion seized the bearer ol
the letter. She Ha o a physician, who
proceeded in haate to Mrs. Claytou a.
They found the young huly dead. A
note addressed lo lier mother was found
on the floor. It was as follows:
MosTnoaxsr. March J7, 1*7.1.
PEAK M>>THKS XXT> Eim; Monm net fur
tlis art lam about tn anoinnt. His thought of .
seir-destmtKii ha* tag huug * mi wear?
brain. au<) caused me to fink at last. There is
not a person to Name hut myself. Weep not
for me. <laar mother and slatsr. Just think <>f
m as lialUe, who has ascended tn a homo be
yond the stries. where and sorrow shall
cease. 1 will bid mv friends and tins world an
affeetlonaU farewefl. Tins shall eud my dee- |
Tlie neww of the sail affair spread
rapidly, and word was conveyed to the
niotlier of the unfortunate girl. She
returned home, and is nearly crazed
over the tragic fate of her daughter. A
jury was etimuiouod, and the facta olioi- :
ted were iu effect these:
T>r. MiQspaugli testified that Miaa
Clavton was subject to great meUu- j
choir at times, nnd had many times ex
pressed a desire to die. Mho often won
dered how alio was permitted to live so 1
long. The Claytons were iu very poor
circumstances, and llattin had recently
horn disappointed in getting work, and 1
had bcctim low spirits for soma days.
John Topping, clerk in Bradner I
HmithV drug-store. said that Miss Clay-1
ton came to the dtug-store on Sunday
last, and representing that she waa
suffering from a severe ear-ache, pur
chased two ounces of laudanum.
The last seen of AUM Clayton, alive,
was on the day when her mother went
awny. hho was highly respectable.
Wontm NOT HICK THlCK. —Foster, who
was executed iii New Yurk, did not see
lijs two children, five and seven years of
ngc, after his incarceration. His mother,
being nn invalid, did not visit him. Of
his children, Foster said: •• I don't
want the children brought here." "Let
them think of me heaenfter fcs they have
known me—a father at home, not a father
behind prison bars," and his wish wo*
res ported. New photographs of the lit
tle ones were brought to him by his wife
a few days before the execution, and ho
looked at them scores of times. He
handed them around to the keepers, and
to liis friends and waa pleased and proud
at the compliment* they evoked.
The fastenings of the trapeze broke
! fromthe centre pole in a clrcna, while
I two gymnasts were performing upon it
in N'auhvilld, Tenn. With a scream of
terror the men were dashed to the
gronud, and one of them was taken up
for dead. He waa subsequently restor
ed to consciousness, but is seriously if
not fatally injured. L
BU>Unf In < wtl Mine.
•• flown in a coal miue " ia a locality
which, although immortalized IB a pop
j ular air ground out at th rate of sums
. twenty times a day by wbecajr hand or
gans under our windows, is not the
' moat inviting place iu the world to eke
j out ope'a existence. We diwtrnJ the
shaft with a disagreeable fueling of go
tug, we know not whither, rave some
i wlium into Uie depths of a black pit
which yawns beneath us. Ones at the
liotbim, tht-re is a dampoppresaive fuel
ing In the air ; th# rock overhand drips
iHrly water down upon ns, and ocoa
sionally an liy stream crawls down our
back, aemhag a disagreeable shudder
from head to foot. Of ooUree we get
bewildered ; the light from the little
lamp in our oil skin hat is very dim and
Kuuiliy, and cast* a sort of uncwrtaiu ra
' dlancc for alxiut three feet in advance,
throwing greeff black ahadows which
leave us is a kind at uunleaaaol doubt
; whether or not we shall suddenly atrp
into some al'vsa and disappear forever
: uit<> the bowels of the earth.
We trudge through countlcaa leads,
now scrambling over tiuibnrs, then
1 compressing ourselves into incredibly
1 small eol&paaa in orderto crawl through
thft narrowest of opMUUgs. There is s
j coßglomeratiou of coal dust and mud
uuder foot thai stinka to our shoes like
' glue. We trip over the rails, and bruise
every square inch of our bodies again*t
the "sharp angles of the rough walls,
while our hands and face*, arithia a very
few ramntea, partake of tlie ntwnber hue
t of our surroundings.
Boon w encounter a party of miner#,
rough, hardy-looking men, far healthier
• than we should believe would be the
case with beings whose labor is carried
on awaj from the light of day. They
are pn<ftaring a bhut, our guide tells
us, sua we draw near to watch the
operation, but speedily retire in dismay
st tlie ap|>areutly careless handling of
the powder in cloae proximity to the
unguarded flames of the lamps. The
men manifested no concern, and are all
coolly smoking or chatting.
Now, tlie charges are ready, and one
at the miner's light* the fuae from lus
pipe. We scramble precipitately to a
sale position in total disregard of either
' >lirt, wet, or braises; sou then, in a
state of suspense, we stop our ears and
1 w.>nd-r whether the smoke will leave
i us entirely or only partially suffocated.
I The men lounge biuly out of the way,
funning a littia group by themselves,
and puff quietly at their pipes.
A flash -then a deep muffled explo
sion, which echoes through the long
cavern*, and is followed by the rambling
and cra*h of tne (ailing drbrim- olonde
jf daawc sulphurous *mukr fill the
chamber, rising up to the roof sad cur
linn away toward the shaft.
We get down close to the floor with s
! handkerchief— very grimy one by this
; time—over onr noee'and inwardly yearn
for one breath offreab air. Meanwhile
the blasters wait anlil the smoke die-
COKM, and the atmosphere becomes
is stifling; then they resume worlu
: Some pile the detached bits of coal in
lies]*, rt thr fill the tubs. Then
the mules are signalled for, and we hear
the noise of their hoof* approaching, min
gled with the sound* of blow* and an
aiaraungclmruaof expletives on Uie part
of Uie drivers. The animals are attached
. the apd, after arguing enmetimeto
I with Ui .r aUmtideols, mule fashion, by
ifrumming on tne wagons with their
heohi, relating to Ur,*>r manifesting
.-in unconquerable disposition to lie
down, thtyr are at length persuaded,
through the agency of a dub or by be
ing banged abont tbe head with a lump
of coal, that resistance is nm-leas, when
they reluelsnUy start off on a slow jog
trot. We follow them to Uie abaft,
leaving the tamers swinging tbeir picks
or hammering st their drills, apparently
careless of the dark heavy atmosphere
around them.- Fn hangr.
California Banditti.
Since the withdrawal of the telegraph
from the San Joaquin country, oays a |
California paper, in the neighborhood
i of FtrebangVs Ferry, there has been •
great influx of desperadoes to the sec
tion, and acta of lawlessness have be
come of daily occurrence. The absence
of the telegraph gives these characters
every opportunity to ply their vocation
, without the fear of #pe-dy capture, and
j life and property are in constant jeop
ardy. Bands of cattle and sheep are
lxildly driven off, and horsna are stolen
under the very noses of their owners.
Oonrge 1,. Hoffman kiwpe a store and
hotel there, and is Postmaster and
Wells, Fargo A Go's. agent. Wednes
day evcuiug, about 7 o'clock, just as
supper was over and the boarder*, seven
in number, were seated about the fire,
; enjoying their pipes, five men, armed to
the teeth, entered the room with pistols
1 drawn, and ordered the astonished crowd .
!to throw tip their huida. Being taken
so completely by ear} ,r > M> > no altcrna
: tive was left bnt to comply with the
I demand, when they were lxmnd and
, laid upon the floor. So little disturb- i
once WAS uiodc during this proceeding
that Mr. Hoffman, who had not yet
fiuisbod liis meal, knew nothing of w hat
' waa going on until he emerged from the
dining-room, when he saw a guard at
each door, and found himself looking
down the lierrel of a large-sited revol
ver. He was commanded to hold np his
hands, but not complying at onoo with
, the command, it was repeated with on
earnestness which left no doubt of the
! intention of the ruffians to enforce the
order. Mr. Hoffman was then obliged
to open his safe, from which was ex
tracted $2!V> of his own money and SIOO
l Itelonging to Wells, Fargo A* Co. The
stag* from this place to VisAlit drove
up during this time, and the driver,
> Dennis C-onroy, was seized, bound, and
laid on liis face in company with the
others, after l>eing relieved of ®JO.
Tweuly-scvcn dollars were also taken i
from a'man nnmcd Allen, and about S2OO {
worth of clothing from the store. Bnt,
' five of the robbers were seen, all Span- !
iards except one, who was a Frenchman,
I Init the 1 louse was supposed to be sure
! runuded with desperadoes.
Mr. Cotirov, tuo stage driver, was
bound and rubbed alniut a year ago near
Soap Lake, while making his usual trip.
One of his assailants was captured and
tried, and Mr. Oonroy's testimony se
cured for him a term" of twenty years
in the BUte prison. Among the band
on Wrdursday night he recognised an
other of the party who had attacked him
a year ago, and the ruffian accrued to
faintly remember him, for lie aorutin
l izod tiis countenance closely s number
of times, and turned him over and over
in order to find some more sure resem- !
blanee. He then consulted the loader i
of the hand, who asked Mr. Hoffman
' who Cilia man waa, Mr. Hoffman, re- ]
I inembering the previous robbery, re- i
plied that lie hau just arrived in tlie
State, and that the regular driver being
sick, ho had been driving iu his stead.
This explanation seemed satisfactory,
and the robbers left, much to the re
lief of the poor fellow's feelings, for be
says hnd he been identified they would
certainly have killed him for sending
one of tlieir comrades to prison.
The canal company is ut work some
miles from Firebaugh's, and the party
headed directly for that point, and it
was thought they contemplated an at
[ tack on them, though when our infor
mant left nothing definite waa known.
The first almanac waa printed in 1441.
Torinfiis BQ.OO a Year, in Advance.
The fltnry af a Boat Will.
Two or three month* ago, says lbs
Detroit /Vee /Vnis, J. Howell, a fprni
ture dealer, set about overhauling a
, desk filled with old pa|wra—papers
which hail been accumulating on hia
bands for several years, until be could
scarcely say where or how he git the
ino*t of them. After throwing away a
bushel or m<<ra of the ikcuraeuta, he
ISIIM upon a pa|>rr sealed and tied with
red tape, lie oould not remember buy
ing sreu it before, and waa amaaed
when he broke the teal and read, " Last
will and testament of Israel Wbitwortli. "
(letting further down, he found that Uie
paper waa nine years old, and that tin
will gave to " Margaret L>avia, my ais
t<-r, ur her children, the Uordou farm,
situate two and one-half mi Irs from 8k
Joseph, Mo., together with all live
stock and farming utensils; further,
the sum at $3,000 in bank in Ht. Joseph
i unless I shall have withdrawn it), my
gold wateli, mv household furniture,
and the oua-half of what my honse iu
St. Joseph may briug at private sale.'
Ho read the will aa far as the sister
and her kin were concerned, and then
Whit worth made beqtn-sta to eoveral
other relatives. The will was dated
" 1 >-trait, Aug. 10, 1863." It occurred
to Mr. ltowell that the will might >* of
some aooouut to some one, and he wrote
to Mrs. l>avis, directing the letter to
St. Joeepb, Mo. In about (wo weeks he
received e reply frera ber, dated et
Weston, same State, his letter having
been forwarded to that point. She
stated that lier brother had been Jead
nearly eight years, and that she had
never known of a will. The property
had been divided among four near rela
tives of the deceased, or ahould have
been, but three of them had cheated
her ont of moat of what fell to her in
dividing up. She further stated that
her brother had a cousin in I>etroit
years ago, and that he waa in tliia city
on a visit about the date of the will.
The cousin's name waa signed as one of
the witnesses, and a Mr. Johnson, now
iu Cincinnati, waa the other witness.
Howell seat on the will, and received
a grateful letter from the woman, who
said that the will had been admitted to
prol>ste there, the witnesses called on,
and that she had bean put in possession
of nearly 930,000 through hia finding
the will. She cautioned bun to look
out for an express package, and will
probably senu something handsome.
Tlie puzzling tiling of the whole ia that
Howell can't tell where or when ha got
the will, nor imagine bow the deceased
come to leave tl where it would fall into
the Lands of a stranger.
A Terrible Crulae.
The attention of those contemplating
dime novel writing ia railed to the fol
lowing item r From Melbourne, Aus
tralia, news has come of Captain Ar
lington, who baa been cruising about in
the South aeas for three or four roan
with the good ship Althea. Rxa crew
con*]tied original!j of forty-Are men,
but in the conrae of time acrrnteeß
died, rhe remainder, however, were
declined to meet a more horrible fate.
For when the vexsel waa near Mada
gascar, one day, the watch suddenly
noticed a denae black cloud approach -
ing. It aoon enveloped the ship, and
was aeen to eonaist of myriads of black
flics as large aa bee*,'which settled
upon and completely covered the deck
and masts and stung the sailor* until
they were almost crazy. So heavy waa
this entomological load that the ship
well-nigh foundered, and it was found
impossible to sweep the intruder* off.
At last an opportune gale carried them
away, and a few day* afterwards the
Altliea found herself ploughing through
miles of their rotting carcases. A
loathsome stench filed the air, and
eight of the crew were immediately at
tacked with the small-pox and aied.
Touching at the adjacent port of Bolala
Qie inhabitants were fonnd to be also
suffering from the name disease, and it
was reported that the interior of the
country waa nwartuing with the same
description of fly. It was thence con
cluded that these pestilential creatures
are the cause of small-pox. They de
vour all manner of filth, particles of
which adhere to their hooked claws, and
are thereby conveyed into the systems
of such persons aa they may bo nor
with their attention. The AHhee made
aail again in a hurry, but afterwards
went through one or two experiences
similar to The preceding, and finally
arrived at Melbourne with a baker's
dozen of miserable invalids.
Fan at Home.
Don't be afraid of a little fnn at home,
good people. Don't shut up year houses
lest tlie sun should fsde your carpets,
and your hearts lest a happy laugh
should shake down some of the musty
cobwebs there. If you want to ruin
your sons, let them tnink that all mirth
and social enjoyment must be left on
the threshold when they come home st
night. When once a home is regarded
as only a place to eat, drink and sleep
W, th* work is begun thst ends in
gambling-houses ana degradation.
Young people must have fun and re
laxation somewhere. I' they do not
find it at their own heartlistonen, it will
l>e sought in other, and perhaps less
profitable places. Therefore let tlie fire
burn brightly at night, and make the
home ever delightful with all those lit
tle arts that parcuts so perfectly undcr
stand. Don trepreaathebnoyantapiriU
•f your children ; half an hour of mer
riment round the lamp and firelight of
home blots out the remembrance of
many a core and annoyance during the
dav, and the beat safeguard they can
taie with them into the world is the
unseen influence of a bright little do
mcstie sanctum.
Men of Action.
Some men seem to be sent into the
worhl for purposes of action only. Their
faculties are all strung up to toil and
enterprise; their spirit aud their frame
are alike redolent of energy. They
pause and slumber like other men, lint
it is only to recruit from actual fatigue;
they occasionally want quiet, bnt only
a* a refreshment to prepare them for re
newed exertion, not as a normal condi
tion to bo wished for or enjoyed for
itself. They need rest, not repose.
They investigate and reflect, bnt only
to estimate the l>eot means of attaining
their ends, or to measure the value of
their undertaking against its cost; they
think, they never meditate. Their mis
sion, their enjoyment, the object and
oonditiou of tlieir existence, is work ;
they coukl not exist here without it;
they cannot conceive another life as de
sirable without it Their amount of
vitality is beyond that of ordinary men;
they are never to be seen doing nothing;
when doing nothing else thev are always
Bleeping. Happy souls! Happy men,
at least!
method of finding the approximate ratio
of the circumference of a circle to its
diameter ia to take the first three odd
numbers in pairs, thus: 113355 and di
vide the laat three figures by the firat
three, aa 355—113. This gives the re
sult, 3.141592, which ia the true ratio,
up to six places of decimals, of the oir
The Straita of Macinac, Mich., are
said to be frozen from shore to shore
and from top to bottom.
XO. 15.
] > A House One Thousand Tears Old.
Tb® lofttoat house, sod the moat
feet in the matter of architecture! have
ever sees, waa tbat which a wooddltof
per occupied with hw family ofawmtoi
in the forsato of Banta Crux county. It
was the cevity of u redwood-toea, two
l hundred and forty feetjn height Fire
had eaten away the trunk at the baaa.
until a circular room bad been lonned
1 sixteen feet in diameter. At .twenty
. (m( or mora from the ground wax a
, knot-hole, which afforded egn-M foftfce
1 smoke With hammocks bung trom
pegs, and a few oooking utonsito hung
upon other pegs, tbat tsonae lacked no
j caseatial thing. This,woodman wfa fa
puasesaion of a hcuae wtitoh fiad i-eao a
thousand yaam in peoceaa of building.
Perhaps, u tla vary day it was finished
he came along and entered in. How
did all lack knife and lisnd-aaw archi
tecture sink into inafanifieanae in con
trast with this bouse in the solitudes of
tli great foetal! Moreover, the tenant
faml like epnaee. Within tbtpywnto
of his ooaiferwu* house a mountain
•imam went rnshiug past to ths sea.
In the swirls and edaie# under the
shelving racks, if one CMbl aa* toi>d
half a dozen trout wtthfa an hour, he.
deserved to go hungry as a penalty for
his awkwardness Now and thouadeer
came out into ths openings, and, at no
great distance, quail, rabbits and pigeons
ouuld be found, what did this man
want more than Nature firmubad him ?
'He had a house with a " enpola two
hundred and fortv fast high, and game
at the cost of taking ik This Areadiaa
simplicity would Save made a lasting
.tupres*ion, but for a volunteer remark,
that nothing could be added to give life
a more perfect zeet " Well, yes," said
he, "I reckon if yon are goisg back to
town, tou might tell dim to send me up
a gallon of wMaky, and aome plug to-
I banco." It vrOl not do to iavate a hoi
low trea with too much of aentuaeat
sod poetry. If thai message had not
been suggested, we should have been
under the delusion to this day that Uto
lives of those people, dwelling ip a house
fashioned a thousand years ago. were
rounded to a perfect fullness, wiihefa
one artificial want. —Oi< rland Muxttkly,
Bailing Hai Water tor a Jekcr.
There to a lawyer in Ban Francisco
who, for the accommodation of his
clieuts, has a speaking tube leading
from ths main entmnea at hto building
to hto office, which to just up a Tew
flights. For several dsys neat a smart
voung man named Swartx haa amfard
himself by calling for toe lawyer through
the pipe, and then profanely ordering
him to set out on an expedition to Tar
tarus. For soma, time this fun was
token in good part by ths legal expound
eg of the new code until the ftnenumor
of the joke no longer became Mfart
Accordingly, one afternoon, tha, dis
ciple of Blarkstone provided himself
with a teakettle of wafer, heated to
about 210 degrees, Fahrenheit, and
waited alongside the pipe. Pretty soon
the old, f*"" 1 '"- sound came wp through
the pipe, "Say, cap., how's tricks ?"
"Track* is better now—l guess hell
get well," responded the lawyer, rftsch
mg out after the toskrttto.
"What's been the matter with him V
"He got burnt.*,i ' t
"Ho*?" i v ,
•Til tell you in a miaul*
"Oh, you go to Hades." * *■ y
ThcLiwver had finished hto last sen
tence and Hi en let a quart of scalding
water down the pine. Swart* hsd'bft
month over it, condndiug hto objtifate
tion, end when the water struck it he
waa somewhat surprised. Water was
not apt to surprise him, but het water
was aa unexpected novelty.
The roan above poured in water for
about a minute and then looked out of
the window. The smart young man
was getting along the sidewalk at a
pretty lively gait, having evidently just
got up from a sitting posture. He was
trying to yell "Police," but couldn't
articulate with taucn succeas. adoui
'half aa honr afterward he found him
self ibh> to speak, and inquired, "Did
that boiler explosion hurt anybody ?"
Bitten by a Vampire.
In an account of the <1 ventures <Jf a
party in " search of the Quinine Plant i
iu Peru," the writer states that onanight
the veritabfa bugbear of the tropical]
forest paid them a visit, and left a wtP
souvenir of his presence. "As the ludifa I
servant"* stretched themselves out ia !
■dumber under the bright stem and m,
the partial shelter of tlsir ajoupas. a
list of the vsmpirs species, attracted by
the emanations of their bodies, came
sailing over them, and emboldened by <
the silence reigning everywhere, select]
od a victim for attack. Hoverihg ulei 1
the fellow's exposed toot, hh hit ths
great toe, and fanning his prey in the
traditional yet inevitable manner by the
natural movement of his wings, be gorg
ed himself with blood without disturb- i
ing the roozn. The latter on awakening
in the morning, oheswved a slight swel
ling in the perforated part, sua oa ex- (
animation discovered a round hole large
enough to admit a pea. W itfaout rising,
the man lummonedhif com pan ions, who
formed a group around liim for the pur
pose of furnishing s certain natural
> remedy in the shape of a aeonation whudi
each one drew out of hto earn. With
this the patient made himself s piaster
for his wound, and appeared to think
but little of it Questioned as-to his
sensations by the white travelers, who
found themselves s good deal a|oie dis
turbed with theTde* of the viiupuv than
they had been by any indioauooa at
tigers or wild-boar*, the fellow explain
ed that he had felt no sensation, unless
it might have been an agreeable cool
ness to his saud-baked feet The inci
dent seemed so disagreeable ami So
liksly of recurrence that Oolonel Peres <
ever afterward slept with hto feet rolled ,
up in a variety of fantastic draperies, |
while Mr. Maroov for several nights re- j
tamed his boots. ' ,• *
No Momxy.—Unless during an ac
knowledged panic there haa notf for
rears been a time when money ja% so (
scarce as now. In the larger cities the
banks have little monejh—scarcely
enongh to meet their regular daily, de
mands. and aa for sooomadations, they
are simply out of the question, file
best paper with the best names meet
the common fate, and the cry of .'.'nq,
money" to met with everywhere. The
best business men—known fa be inde
pendent! yweH off—are no better situ uted
than the'poorer classes just now. for
even they cannot get sufficient money'
to make* the wheels of business run'
smoothly. The financial report# tell a
most mournful tale. .
The agents of the workingmen's union
representing the men on strike in South
Wales recently proposed to accept a re
duction of 10 per cent, on their wages
for two weeks, then the old rate for a
month, and from April 1, 10 per cent,
advance. This ultimatum was unhesi
tatingly rejected, and the strike con
tinue* It is probable, however, that
the workmen cannot hold out very much
longer, as the tradesmen who gave them
credit for two monthaare unable to con
tinue doing so. . ...
The English Attorney-General pro
poses to reduce the number of jjirymsn
in all except capital cases to seven, and
to render valid the verdict of a majority
of these. * -• '*
CMkfl *****
ml miliioMS (oa-tochu>, cub (et-tochn."
Om fit- mpiwtM MwMj seals i
fourteen day* ia|be B|jr of Newfound
land. ' • • •* •
the Wi. * t
Another of tisrJMfiJl of England
•windier* hM bwo arretted-rtlu* one
at Jamaica.
The lashionabla Menii* jflovesare
of so* perm A e iWtfc, with art or eight
htttap*. • * '•' f •**• ■*
Mayor Havemeyer pf New York, lately
married a cofad* whose
Vt/i't'nj I'ijiin war is
TtSTStiTst to tttefrakiinsa. of Oregon,
who object to go on a Juration.
M It togNfPeed in Akhatna to
, i ait widow* teem toxati< -a whose property
t ,f '
rj- fdUupnew'ta j""tl. hfthto iorts with
(i a gun to make 1. fa g°. *b* fahree went,
i the gun went, and three figeri went
i too. •* * o
A Bcrenton, Pa.; ecni aaiher, named
>, Afauet Maytestt, ewomitfad suicide by
' 1 throwing himself down a shaft 400 feet
' 1 Two boy* and a man ware inn cvsc
11 end kitted in Imufariito by the homes
of * oroua wagon, which Wfae running
'. away.
* Boris sixty head of eettte of Law
k 1 fancy berg, lad., mi pafammd by some
unknown. Forty-mns bead
An active bachelor In Maine claime
1 U He Ma) iim lend Chamber haa re
|' In all rrtmlnal rfafa. •' it
• The Wtotous (Mum.> MtgmbUcan eaye
. they heea found <-veral mlroad traini
.' nawjn enow hee began to tone down
j The Minnesota paper* wieb the Celi
-11 foenta papsiu would rated their own
' boatneea on the subject of climatic oom
•I laluln. the little African boy that
'' StanU r thought bank attache diaoover
' i ed LiringßtoM, haa aoteetd a barber
( , ahsp ia Milwaukee to learn the tnde.
Whamlkigham Yonng'i children eing
f man cornea home without delay.
aat fane rat proeeaeioo stopped and
J pat out a fire on the roof of a boose ut
llFaroington, Me., and then solemnly
i | continued fa its way to the buryicg
i, grut.niL, • }
l T ealadTaependthrift for ofl, a miaer tor
4 vinegar, a nunaaelnr far salt, and n
I tp-** to stir all up.
The first mala taken down tha weat
,' abaft of the Hooeae Tunnel waa brought
: op tha other day, after three years of
• saaidenm In the bowels of the earth.
Hto ipinia were ae gay at ever.
In the following notice there ia eome
thtag tralr Homeric: " Hare a care. A
fat oew will be hewn to pieoea in my
.yard, fa Tnaaday aft 11 a. OL, sharp,
1 andlhe fledh will be eold at 3d. alb ."
1 Three hondred liberal Catholics of
1 Oeoeeahere signed a letter requesting
Frere JBraeiathe to aano*-IL>- pastorate
of a flock there ; lb* service to be not
' Anile eo bfgh-n-n-the gfaerine Bo man
. Cbafah. i J>j
. Tha. Illinois Heoae of Bepreaente
tires, liy a vote of 163 V> 4, adopted a
! resolution sfauniycfa—ribgthe Illinois
t'<>ufrreesneo who voted to increase
their ealanea at the cud u{ the late term
'rftongtosl. '
The !aet faeMonaMe hiak ia pep-corn
) parties. It ia ekimed fast they not
only keep yonug men from another kind
of porn. l parUek, bat Out they are
01 ft"—ae
i There baa hem dkeorered ia the
j debnebfthmflfo at ltolMng Fork the
1 cbanod ramaiito of four human bodies,
' and mother to etffl mtomng. T!e flie
{ to believed to have bean sauced to eoo
, ocal their in order.
The Baltimore plasterer* have de
' cided to <h fl?T8 p' bfay frem the
> Slat of Maeeh SSth of June,
cad gt per day thetfafter until the 29th
dar of NoTember. fiid then 40 cento per
hour until the MMiof the following
March. d Izli c
Tha Chioaoo PotC aay* : "If Miaa
Anth<uiT wouM only isdvocatoan ednca
tktnal or morail qnaHfleaUcn, how glad
we ehoaid be flr etohtnee her- views -
Hug it. Man—go the whole hog while
YOU are at it jCmbraoe her and her
views ton. 'i '* * * *- ;
The clipper ehip Berks, engaged in
the tea trJ-■. haa been wrecked near
Furaceleit Out of a crew of t wen te
niae, including the oaptain, only one
; man was aasnd. All hands at first es
caped on a wraft, which four days sfter
* wards went to ptii wM J *
l The snow-fall in Maine, as reported
for*the 'itnine Farmer by the State
< Vtttogo of Agriculture, daring the three
winter - months just closed, amounted
ito 82.50 inches. The snow-fall during
> the ccmwphmllng month* of tost year,
. was 47.00 aokd inches. -
L f A Frenchman's invention for prevent
' ins suffocation br choke-damp in mines
to i tin knapsack weh' to filled, at a
supply pipe us the fake, with air, and
to saaUy> carried on the miner's beck.
A successful experiment was made with
ft in (he Pari* Catacombs.
. . the hilto pannntl by the XLTId
OomnwH sraa one prohibiting the use
oflhe word "National" by banking
honsee,- save those which are regularly
' Incorporate*! under the laws ol Con
ms The penalty of nen-compliance
with this law ha fine of gSO for every
(toy ths word remains.
A bar of ten years old and a girl of
nine, living in Detroit, fluted out into
tie country tlieotherday to get married.
Ther footed it out four miles, and then
having called upon a farmer to aak if be
' didn't famt to let them live in pert of
his house after the marriage, he took
them in charge and brought them home,
u The native Sandwich Islanders are
rapidly going the way of .all flesh. The
last census shows that while for the last
I gix Tears the births on the islands of
1 children of foreign parents have exceed
-led the death* of trie same, the deaths
' among Ul classes of the native popula
i titer haw exceeded the births at a rate
i that forebodes Ihe extinction of the
! native race within thirty years.
Twwdrunken fellows in Morgansfiold
atunttfled into a dentist's office the other
day, and foundtoing upop a table a pair
oTlonMl vne of th*m thereupon
imposed to the other that ho should
pipy dentist, sad ( ipmigjpg back into
the dentist's chair, opened wide his
month. Hie companion inserted the
f (weens, and one by ,o*4 . extracted three
, ( sound, strong motors^
After a stoTe has been polished it can
be lboking verir Well for a long
time \yy cubbing it With paper every
morning. Rubbing with paper to a
mucli nicer wmy of keeping the outside
of a to*-kettle, eoffbe-pot, and tea-pot
bright and olean than the old way of
washing them with suds. Rubbing to
the best way- <?r polishing knifes, tin
ware and spoens; they ahine like new
silver. For polishing mirrors, win
dows, lamp-chimneys, etc., paper to
i bettor than a dry doth.
Tha oological ability of a hen we have
never seen before stated. Does the
reader know how many eggs your hen
of average industry and capacity can lay
> in a Ufet.iu* 7 Not possibly more than
600, we are told, which, in the natural
conrto, are distributed in the following
proporlkm: First year after birth, 16 to
, 20; second year, 100 to 120 ; third, 120
1 to lfeTfouAh, 100 to 115 ; fifth, 60 to
iKh sixth, SO to 00; favfath, 35 to 40;
i eighth, 15 to 20; math, \to 10—not ex
actly a lame and impotent conclusion,
but near enongh to'it to* make na feel
i sorry tar the hen.