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'HB 18 A. T UK K3i AH WHOM TIB TBUTH MAXKB TKBK, 1KB AXL ASK CLAYS VKSIDK.'
SI. SO and postage per year. In advance.
:":lit,-V' sr."' r" in .:vn:.r n-.t n..t s
1... i.et t:.t- lo ,:,,VuMi uuucrsn I ....J
VOLUME XXIII.
EBENSBURG, PA.. FRIDAY. MABCII 1. 1SS0.
NUMBER 5.
..... .... ...tt.vrf
5 7 HJ
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V
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9m
WW
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t'j I Vclirre Peso's Cure
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Ami Manuf .iiurr vV I)t-n' r In
HOI.IE AND CITYITACE
FURNITURE
mil m .ti. j,
LOUNGES, BEDSTEADS,
Xfnt ti'.i .s. Sic.
I.M VKMII AV1MT, j
ALTOOXA, PEXX'A
J v'"(.'lf izi'is i.f Ciir-'th County mid ai
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A Fa ill
Absolutely Pure-
7c i-nw ?er uovervns. A rrrvol of purHft
ft f run r I. m.l ri..i.tiini as M u nri i tt I f 1
''le rlin.ir kind. n. canrrn be sol.l In
uu titl..n wnn the mnltifiae of tbe low tct
cli'Tt .nt, ihm or 1 hopliati pw.(t?r. .vM
in i' n. hoVAL iUKiiti I'uwutu Co.. loo
CARTERS
'r y
H IVER
t a I
Sich II uJi u;l rt'lK-v r 11 rlw m-uliis iuci-
J.-'tt .i n t.l'h IIH .-L.-lf' Of tiio tj'sf (, M
J !.' riMf-. V iiiwvi. I T."t O' ii;rrrr attr
t itu i'aia in U:v cvo Whit UmIt UitM
n &a.4.v .K.wi uiu huumq iu cunu
tiu y n-k r-r'-f-t t! ta-d.-i-5 tjt uui.-i.
sin'tuKar LU.a livur r uLtC tui lyOwvM.
-Vf I'-- tlij r w.wihl i oIrj'n-4 t it to thrtfV
v. k u i' r trMTi lUf itl.'fr in r rn:ji.UrU :
Kit P -ri ir 'I'-lv t!.ir y hitv in t triui
K --.v.. u: f frv U iu mm ttit
t'1-' I:- , ii.f vttii4itlic in itm?i waynUiai
.ii-' .r l L .kt. L'u;' il cuxm it
h1..- t u I lit C
jh'.j. ! ' "....: I j. i ; I'ri l j nr twtt -nuul
Ivf. I v .-" - in.,- (t'le tr twrt t .j.fc lufWtt
.'i 1 Y.-'V -;rUilv vtn-rjrtMe ari tio
U't "-ir r'w.-'. k. tl ar 'i-titk- virtu i
t 4-. ! vi'lui u- .i-l'i v-.f.! , t.t vf. c tits;
li.v : vm- ry-n-rtT:, i r ul tj Uitui
SEHD YG'JIZ GuCEnS FOR
TO
!
2.
OHjLOS Si GO.
CjlDrs la
BOOTS, SHOES
At: a
5!J VCOD STREET,
. if
I 'or. M
lift? Tni4 llfftr'rt
! "i alii iiVUI 0
i F u-,wiari'.l.i an 1 Vc? stir. vi-ui ct 1,
1 v.-!;m JX '.i want t!u ? I '. i"u4-rtiririer.
pt:
ir f.irry years
1 1
in t!i; ctire k
j li.ooJ I 'ioa.-f-J, To;
f
u
t j i a
I rc.'. rria;
Garsr.pariIIa
to any otLor. The
f jru-r'iii'n-r of mml-
r:i MiukI miIiriiU'St.
A-
r s .-.r,.i; :ir.:.
'.'.I tln t::.'t tvin.
i . ...
r il 'ini-vl t!.:ia ail
t !.i rs tH r : L lucil.
"Atit's P:ir-."rTtr'.V..i !s m-V.iitf faster
t'...m vi r I.. '. ro. I nevrr li. '.:ato to
r. i o:n. it. " ,. tc V. Uitman,
I 'rr.-A'.li-.ay, Ii. l.
' I r.:n pi! In i.v'.r
; tV-xt r.iv of
y 1 S.ir-.i" 1: ii'
t -K-: ftiu'li sat :fao-
."'. Li. XI. li'-lA, Aliil.,i'9, lowa.
"Av. r's Parsan -.r:::. ca-1 Ayor's ri'.li
aro liio .il.ii rttii'itios ia tny
K'or. T 1 ..a rc 1' n 1 tin 111 cmi "! ri
t: ' 1'. :i, 1 i::aj::,
1.. r.i.
V " I.-i .-.! p "M Ayor'.s ?-ir'ar.ar!'.I
i,,i f r i.'T y-ar :.n.i a '.way
r . .:. it. t. v :.. tt.-kfil tv t:A!!ie thi
1..-' II- r."V. T. MwUdu,
Lr-.' 4..-I, A .! -tis-it. OLio.
I l'.v. s !.! jour tr.-Ti'-5nr for th
l i .t . . i iit. '.-i roars, an I n!-.vay kvp
t! :.i i i .s, .. !v, u-t t!."V are htaplr.
' i .. v i t i Li: 1 fo cm.) wr th youth
f il ! , ,i' us A vcr'a -..ipaiiilj."
K. I.. I trkcr. Fc.i Lsihe. V:.
"A.:'i f .irs.ipa::;; plvi the hel
hr.t; .'.it i: u 1 ( r.i.y m.-ili. iae X Lvo in
!( ';. I rcofiuiK-inl it. ot, uj the
I'.-i tors sav, I froscr' je it ovrr tho
cui: :.:.r.' Ir rover li.U to ri'sct the
t;.-.. s ! r v.:.;. !i I n i-.-ir.:::f : .l ii, evea
m !.i to tLd iloct..rs' i'ri .-lii.Uiiiin have
'"i r... r.v-:i." C. I Caioun,
Aysr's SarcnpariHa,
1 ki:rAKET rv
Dr. J. C. Ayer A; C3., Lowe'!, f.Uss.
I'll- 0 .x U::! , f.. Tor.h () . hov.lt.
"""'"''HS bj sfi.tresim-,' ,
ltoelt 4k t o.. lOSimc. St.. Si
lira. I.
'ew Torll
c"tVV'i ? "' J'i est rf "tir .r...cd iie o
!rJpiJ;U?Aie.Ml SW" 100 J
ra r . "
! 1 ?3
J I j i ; - j.
ALEC YtAiOiVS SON.
:i ircr.-Tsu Arr.rsr, Y.3J.
Kit:..-1, the winJ It tnoaned,
A--.il luo wnite -ai tlecUe-1 tbe aoa
-An' lwo-iU toCuV ii" fc-i.ppar groaned,
"I had not my boy witliiai:!"
S-mifta ihe trn-hoet. little John
Laughed as the scu 1 swept by:
H it tho fckiuper's smiburnv caeelc grew wan
Aite watcheJ the nicked sUy.
WouMlie vvto at h:t rcoth.-r's slile:"
Ami tho hkiir,r"-4 ye were dim.
'Good Lord .n Heaven, if til betide
Whut v oula becomo ol Lim
F"r r.i ::iy riuscl"! are as steel,
I'. r r.-.o 1 t l.sn w l.ut m;iy; c
I ii niuke shut upja the keel '
I'ulillliii Lre.ik o' U.y.
" I'lli ho, Ue 1- so w-ul nud small,
?.i;..ii., r, p.- ee i. ..:ai:i 10 ft land
Or.tyir Kith n.r us all.
1 lias, mm iu Thy hand!
' rorThoii. vrl .3 markct Troni on high
, .-..rr'-iiv-. Iu.1 ea-h one !
Sur-'!-, a l.or I, 1'Tioa lt hi'.ve an eye
Ou Aiec Yeatoa' son!"
T1-.--H. halm hirJ-;iort. rlirht straight he sailed
Ti 'va.ils the heiullan.l lifc'.iV;
T!. t v. it 1no.1r.e1U tao :nd it wailed.
An J blai-;, black fell tho ntjht.
Thn bur.v a storm to inako one quail
Though housed from winds and waves
They wlo could toll about that frale
Hits; rise from nalery oraves!
Su l.len it c.irr.e, as sudJea went;
Kre h.i'.f the nirht was sp'-d.
The wiada were Uus:icd.tTie w aves were spent,
At.il the svirs slione overhead.
c-x, 13 te m- rn.n mist prew tain,
Tlio fnlk on Gloucester s .ore
.t a liliu i.gure tl atinu la
Ft. c ate, 0.1 a Lrcea oar!
Ur rc-o t.iecry : "A wreck! a wreck!
I :'.;. n.ato , ..:i .. -.v..te r. IroaUv '
Th- ;, kr.etv it. thou,.-h 'twas but a speck
l'!oa tae edo tf death!
L0-1 1 ''.''I thev m irvel in tta town T
AT i;od lin straiiKO decree "
T 1 -t the jtal -. art s :i, pur drown.
And t: e 1 ttle chil l pofree!
raouias liauey Altlrich, in Atlantic
DISTANCES IN SPACE.
An Express Train Journey to tho
Piaaota and Fixed Stars.
ST r;!i:is eiii;ai-inn t hirh bat Vajraely
i.Iu-rrato tiic Immen.lty c-f th I'ul-
r r-.- T!:ne and IIUtanrM lt
joa.l UuDiaa Ci'inprclieiiBloa.
Th. i-.) vMl-!:rtv.rn P.iyirf: that
T: l- tnir.or than f.ction. Tlie
i-invi'iM'-ii cf this proverb cn not
v.-i 11 i.'i (,'aina.iiL 'llio mot careless
n.i'.imi ol tho wo k'.om of nature
as .- rt h; ti- vvoT-'ni of ours, tho most
l.i. -'. v 1 uJln of t'a-i ht-toiy of raen,
s.. : i ! 1 ::in-,'h to place tho matter
' .-:t I ail O'.'.f't or OMr-tliM!. TllO
v 1 '.t-.vl'. iu ocfins r.r.i rivers, its
!.;-. -. i forests, its plains nd
o- sv:--. i s v.-iHiCo: ful human r.nd ani
u:. 1 ii.e tao.-o facts aro laoro mar
t". .".n tli. 111 ur.y thinj,' tho fancy of
r.'.i'ir.a'Ls cor.oivcU or ever will
0 if iv. r. .t ti'.n-n we leave thU
mi l':s. turt:'.': our oyos to tho
1.. .- ' 11s. lotirn s . -r-; otli! 1: lt. however
! . ' of Iho glories whii-h are there
i, t.i-'n aro wo impressed with
' x t:i :t. c-oi.i pared with truth.
.. '.-. , rm.vevor ftranvre. is poor, dull
. ..1 u:.i:i.i ating-. If ti-.e pares of
1 :.; .-.. !i. lory, in every liue, ttli of
v. !.. -s far t.urp. -litj; any set. forth
i i i'r.,. w d:i'.lin.f romance, what
sli.-i I be said of tho annals of aatron-
Olll v ?
Any one pacing at tho sky on a clear,
moonless niirht, will see what will
s .-in to him a largo number of little
; .i!:,'..- of liiit, so liny that many of
:u o.iui.t bo held ia tho psiltn of tho
i i; each apparei.tly fast fixed iu iU
y ti ar.d r.li secrninsrlv within a my
listnne. stiy, within trim-shot,
. .1 fc-.v i.iinr.tos' walk. What he
tl.H'-s sec aro hng-e. fiery globes, so
va-l. l!i-. t compared with them our
.Teat art u is but a plaything; rush-ii.-
i.Io.il; :.t a speed to which that of
exp.v.-s tr:iia. cr even of the
,:nm ball. i as !;-thi:ib-; utdiatances
Ti-t that tho mind of man can not
at ail 1 1 : e them. Instead of e.nall
iy tin e' ite re-t and tri.ling dis
t;ii:ee. he contemplates tupendous
-l.:e. f 'Trful'.y rapid motion, and dia
t; o i.icoiiceivablo. Among all these
w.r.'.do. s of sie, vpee.1 aiul distance, I
s-l.:i'.t co::f.no my attention to tho
la-.!, ;:ml ? ha I say a lew words about
th.T distances of tho heavenly bodies.
The u'.ei :i .i dlr'.a.'.t from us about
2!0 rxui miles; of ti e other bodied of
tho .-yst ".n. tho smallest distances are
aW'!tt!t fellows: Venus. L.OOO.COO;
M.'.rs. 4.i .i): Mercury. .ri.fi0.iX;
HX's-m. 'Jl,t,iM; tho asteroid-s 110,-
'i,i '; J.ipitor. :i.".',.'t(; S.-iturn.
7-.,iV ;,C-'; rraiuis, l.tHSo.jO.OuO, and
N'-ptu:i- i.tl-Vi.l-KXiMij miles.
Tho d! t.ir.t e hero a I'proximately cx
prt -ed i;i millions of miles, no doubt
.-cm ert nt enough; yet the mora .$ate
:i.i nt of them ran irlvo uo true idea of
l:..-;.' real in:ir:'i:i'A Indet-d. no
hamuli intellect cart iu any way form
a j.;.-.t conception of them. itill,
s-mu-thing better can bs done than
m ivly to Uulc abou. so many miles,
v ia tiicr in thouand-s or in miilions.
Flie il i.tai.cos must bo not merely
btate.1, hil il.ustratetL
Doubtless our world is enormous.
.'u:Tiared with tho larretof its creature-.
:'.r.d even witli tho space within
which tho greater part cf such creat
ures move about, its m;o is indeed
i u-t comprehending. Hut so wor.dor
f..l a.o tho means of travel now at our
disposal, that almost any part of the
earth, even the most distant, caa be
reached in a very fhort time. . Ia less
than a day tho modern traveler can be
c irii.tl hundreds of miles. In a week,
ho can go from tho Atlantic to tho
i'acille. or from America to Europe.
A h ia. a'o than, a mouth will Uiko
him t tho ends of the earth. Thus it
wl.l ea-ily be tooa that no single jou -nry
t:pon our carta, however long,
can occupy moro thr.n a small part
ci tho nvcrnge hiiman life. The
timo required for a few journeys more
or Iol'Sj to CL'hina. Au-trali.v or the Capo
of Good Hoik), would hardly be noticed
iti coiapaiLwu wuu uu oraxiiary Lue-
l.et us now contrast theso distances
with some few cf tho distances in
spa"f choosing as our mode of com-;.:;-ua
r.nd illustration tho time it
uoLild lako to travel each given dia-
'...i:co at a fixed rato of speed. We
v. i.l Buj'.poso cei tula railways to be
built; oaourouud the world iaa . lr-
feet circle, others to various points in I
. , . i : ii r I. '
me soiar 6ystem. .tuu we win muun
suppose that tho trains on these rail
ways could be kept going at the rato
of sixty miles an hour for any required
length of time; that their passengers
could do without food or could be sup
plied with an abuadanoeof it; that the
bodies of such passengers could be
made capable of enduring the various
changes of air, temperature and other
climatic conditions to which they
would bo exposed.
And on our world this kind of travel
would bo comparatively ea.sy, and
would take next to no time. In twenty-four
hours tho passenger could
travel 1.4-10 miles, or considerably far
ther than from New York to Chicago.
In forty-eight hours he could travel us
far as from Boston to Liverpool; and
in less than seventeen days ho coaid
go round tho world. But, as regards
tho journeys in space, a didieulty in
most cases insuperable would bt.and in
the way. In order to visit any but a
very few of tho nearest bodies in
space, tho travelers on our celestial
railways would need to have their
lives very greatly prolonged. Were
they to set out for any distant part of
the system, they would all die before
they had fairly begun their journey.
A voyage to tho moon, to Venus or to
Mars would, under the above condi
tions, be possible; to any other body
in tho system it would be impossible.
Tho journey to tho moon would bo
comparatively shorL Our companion
is distant about 240.OX) miles; or, in
round numbers, its distance contains
ten times as many miles as are con
tained in the earth's circumference.
Traveling at the rate of sixty miles
an hour, and never stopping, it would
take between 166 and 107 days to reach
the journey's end. Compared with
other heavenly distances, this is a
mere nothing; but compared with the
distances actually traversed by the
average man, it is very great indeed.
Few ever travel at sixty miles an hour,
and then only for short periods, and
at considerable intervals. Mtiny,
probably tho majority, of those who
live to a good old ago cover less than
iMO.OuO miles during their whole lives.
A great traveler might do it in. say.
fifteen years. For even a conductor
or engineer of an express train, it
would require several years.
Venus, as already stated, is about
2".ih(x) miles away; or, at sixty
miles an hoar, wi'.h.mt stopping, she
is cii-tutit a journey not of three weeks.
-lx months, out f
me
Oa tho imaginary railway, such
journey v.-.-uld be po.-sible. for t grc
a
at
many persons live longer th ia City
years. Iiutin real life no one ever Las
traveled, and no one ever w 111 travel,
any thing like so far. No human be
ing ever has travled 5,(K00O mile -;
ivnd it is safe to say that no one ever
will. To complete this measure of
Jurneying would require nn average
of 1ia, V.) miles a year for fifty years.
Pome few, perhaps, in all their lives,
may have travel-d 1,Cm),(xkJ miles,
but these aro probably very rare ex
ceptions. Much the same statement may be
made of the trip to Mars, which
would take over ninety years. Even
under tho impossible conditions abnve
assumed, the smallest of the remain
ing distances is too great to be
traversed within the term of one
human life, even were it to reach the
extreme limit of 100 years. Mercury
and the sun are comparatively quite
near us, yet to go to Mercury would
take more than 100 years, or rather
moro than the timo that has elapsed
bineo the In-ginning of the French rev
olution; while the journey to the sun
would lat about 17o years, or as long
a t:me as lias gone by sinee the reign
of Queen Anne. The trip to Jupiter
would take over 7o'J years; that to the
ringed planet, Saturn, no less than
1,47j years.
Ail the preceding journey?, vast
though they are, could yet have been
taken within a time less than the Chris
tian era. The cno we shall have to
take next brings us back to an aire far
moro remote. Uranus is 3,000 t ears
distnnt- Three thousand years ago
King l:ivid's life had not betj-un. and
(I: eeco had yet to make for herself a
name in history, or even in fublc.
We come at last to Neptune, the
outermost of the planets. This piauet
is distant more than five thouxutd
years. Could we imagine Abraham
as living from his birth until now. and
that with the planet Neptune as his
destination he hud traveled continu
ously at sixty miles an hour all that
time, he would still be a long way from
his goal.
One more illustration and we will
leave the 6olnr system. Neptune's
path about tho sun measures about 16.
1kJ.0u0,0O0 miles. If bodies ns large
as the world wero placed sido by side,
like beads on a necklace, so as to fill
the entire path, these great beads
would number over 2,00o,0i0, L
there would be about three times as
many of them as there are words in the
Bible.
But, compared with even that por
tion of space which the naked eye can
survey, tho solar system is something
liko a small corner lot to a large city.
As Mr. Proctor truly observed, "tre
mendous as are the dimensions of the
solar system, the widest sweep of tho
planeta-y orbiu sinks into in
eigniCcanoe compared with the
ihsUiiico which separates us from
even the cearoet of the fixed
stars." We have seen that ta express
train, coii,' at the late of siity miles
an hour, would take five thousand
years to get to the planet Neptune.
But to reach Alpha Centauri, the
nearest of tho fixed stars a distance
of some 20,m"0.Lj0.Cn),000 milew tho
same train would take, not thousands
or hundreds t f thou.-anus, but millions
of years; in round numbers. 33,000. 0W).
No one, of course, can form the least
idea of what such a time really is. No
one can conceive what is really meant
by 1,0)0,000 years, l'ew realize the
great length of time expressed by tho
term 1,000,0)0 days. Think of tho
clays that have passed since the found
ing of the "ttci-nul city" cf Komc;
yet 1,000,000 days ago, Rome was a
city of the future. One million days
ago, Xerxes. Miltiades and Leonidas
were yet unborn; the beginning of the
Christian era was farther in the future
than tho Crusades are in the pasL
What, then, shall wo say of 35,000,000
years
To take another example: Suppose
one were to travel every day as far as
from here to the nun; that is to say, a
distance which an express train would
cover in about 173 years. Then, while
tho journey to Neptune would take
about a month, it would require 6'X)
years to reach the star called Alpha
Centauri.
But awful as is the distance ot this
star, it is as nothing compared with
that of the other heavenly bodies.
Sirius, one of the nearest of the fixed
stars, is at least four times as far
away; while many, perhaps most, of
the stars visible to the naked eye are
quite four times as far away as Sirius.
And when we come to some of the
stars which only the telescope reveals,
we find that whereas light, traveling
at the rate of 10,000,000 miles a min
ute, comes to us from Alpha Centauri
in considerably less than four years,
it can not reach us from the telescopic
stars in less than thousands, and hun
dreds of thousands, of years.
Another illustration may be taken
from tho motion of the heavenly bod
ies. Look, for instance, at the bright
star Sirius. Year after year it ap
pears the same; of the same sizo, the
same brightness, the same distance.
And so, no doubt, it lias appeared for
centuries past, and will continue to
appear for centuries to come. And
yet it is asserted that Sirius r.nd the
earth are shooting apart at times
over twenty miles a second. Let us
stop a moment and see what this would
mean. In one minute, Sirius " recedes
as far as from New York to Winnipeg;
in sixteen minutes it travels a distance
equal to the earth's circumference;
and in less than three hours a space
is covered equal to that between us
and the moon. Yet, to double its
present distance, it would have to go
on thus receding lor over 100, WJ years;
and to become invisible to the naked
eye, that tqeed of separation would
have to continue over 1,000,000 years.
D. C. Uobei tson, in St. Nicholas.
THE AMERICAN BKONCO.
Wonderful 1'lct are jueiiess of the Iiorse
of the Western I'lainft.
Stime years ao I drove up to a stage
station ia the San Pedro Valley in
Arizona, and the Mexican stock tender
had laid a hard time in rounding up his
stage slock. His herd pony had been
run until, as he stood there under the
i hade of a brush corral, covered with
foam and dust, v ith his belly drawn
up almost to his spine and gasping oc
casionally as though it was his la-t, I
felt sure I should see him die before
I left the station. I was afterwards
told by the stage boss in a bluff, matter-of-course
way, in answer to my in
quiry, that he had "pulled through all
right; you can't kill them critters;"
and now I am perfectly positive that
you can not.
As a saddle animal simply, the
bronco has no sujerior. Tho " lope "
is a term which should never be ap
plied to that motion in any other breed
of horses. I have watched a herd of
cow-ponies being driven over the
prairie where tho undulations of tho
baekd in the itv-ving throng were as
regular and easy as tho rise and fall
of the watery Waves. The fox-trot,
which is the habitual gaitofall plains
men, cowboys and Indians, is easily
cultivated iu him, and his light, suppie
frame accommodates itself naturally
to tho motion.
'Ihis particular American horse lays
claim to another quality, which in my
estimation is !iot l-a.-t. end that is his
wonderful picturesque ness. He graces
the western landscape, not because ho
reminds us of the equine ideal, but be
cause he comes of the soil, and has
lnrr.o tho heat and burden and the
vicissitudes of all thai pale of romance
which will cling about the Western
frontier. As we see him hitched to
the plow or wagon he seems a living
protest against utilitarianism; but, un
like his red master, he will not go.
He has borne tho Moor, the Span
ish conqueror, the red Indian, the
mountain-man. and the vaquero
through all the glories of their ca
reers; but they va ill soon be gone, with
nil their heritage cf gallant deeds.
The pony must meekly enter the new
regime. He must wear tho collar of
the new civilization and earn his oats
by the sweat of his flank. There are
no mo e worlds for him to conquer;
now he must li.l tho ground. Fred
eric Ileinington. in Century.
C rllaluiiL
Celluloid is one of the most perfect of
iniitntimis of ivory, and at the name time
is as inrl.iaimalile as gunpowder. There
oujiht to bo a law forbid liiur the manu
facture olVuildreii's toys from this lan
jrerons snlotance. 1 onee had a lall of
oelluloid which was seemingly as hard as
luarbitt, but by jul touching its polished
fnrface with a l;ghted match it burst
into a llame that "could only Ik; extin
guished .y plunging it irb wnt-r. Nice
uiatt-ri.il this for little girls' bracelet- and
necklaces. I never wore any celluloid
cuffs or collars after that experiment
Small wonder that it catches the so easily
when you come to consider that it is
made oot of gun-cotton and camphor
gum. JVV'tt York Day $:tr.
Too Mncli of a Strain.
ChHt "What bus become of your new
cltik?"
Grocer "Poor fellow! lie wasn't cnt
cut for this busirevs. The secoi.d djy
utter l.e liegnn work, nnorder nasieceived
fr:m an uptown laiy calling, Jtmong
a l.er tuiiiKs, for a can of the best baking
powder.
"lie went to the baking powder
shelf nnd been u studying t Le labels and
circulars to Cml out hich was the best,
and lull I e.iuie iu a few Lours later be
wasa raving uaiuiaev" Cartoon.
Xvxivcjtic Incident.
BliiTins (wrestling with his infant)
My dear, I never knew b;-icre how much
Fiiirind.i takes after me."
Wife "Tkes after yon! How"
lhiillas " Well, to bt-giu with, the. Las
my Lair ouiil
i inc. sivjn uruw mt uuuk, I
Breezy morning casts Us kltsei
Oa a brazen little sign.
Fastened boldly to the Irontdoor
Of that little store of mine;
'Tis not prent. nor is it fancy.
Has no rolden letters bright.
Yet ill folki that chance to see it
Squint and say: " Weil, that's just right."
'Tis no adven.smg card of
"Threads Store-strings Strongest nope,"
Nor: "You Find a Coin in Every
Pound of Dirt & Company's Soap;"
Docs not say : " Of a 1 the coal oin
I have found Half-water's best.
And to all 1 recommend it.
With a most emphatic zest."
All the same It draws a mighty
Eitrer crowd about my store.
And Uiey keep their peepers fastened
Ou the sicn upon the door;
Yet I'm just as sad as if.
Were within the county jail.
For the sen upon my crocery.
Thus commences: ' Sheriff" s Sale."
X. 11. Maginley. in YanLet Bladt.
GOlG Ob! FOR WOOL;
And Coming Back Shorn of 6200
and a Diamond Pin.
Certain irreverent and vulgar per
sons were accustomed to style Mr.
Kdward Carter and his friend Dr.
Charles ltaymond "a pair of smart
Alecks." I say nothing against this
opinion, but w ould respeztfully submit I
the other side of the case. Mr. Carter 1
considered Dr. Raymond's as the
brightest mind (with one exception,
of course) to be found in the newly
risen generation; and Dr. Raymond
entertained a similar esteem for Mr.
Carter. No one could possibly know
either better than they knew each
other; so that this opinion is certainly
entitled to some respect.
These two choice spirits had devised
various means of amusing themselves
at the expense of their less gifted fellow-creatures.
The professions of law
and medicine, which they had respec
tively embraced, not affording suffi
cient scope for their energies, thej
were constantly on the lookout foi
new means of employing their su
perior talents. Ho who discovered
such away was regarded with admir
ing envy by his friends.
"I say, Ned," remarked the Escu
lapian, walking into tho lawyer's
office one fine day, Tve got an idea."
"lle-mark-a-ble," drawled Mr.
Carter; for they did not, as a rule,
manifest in words their mutual re
spect, r-
"Let us investigate tho proportion
ate number of fools feminine in this
place," qooth the man of science.
"We have frequently done so," ob
jected tho legal light.
"But in a way that we have never
yet tried. Let's advertise for a wife."
"I don't have to," resjonded the
other, with easy superiority.
"Oh, I know you're engaged, and
all that; but I didn't mean to be in
earnest about it. I mean just for the
fun of the thing, to see how many
would be fool enough to answer it."
Mr. Carter considered the subject
for a moment, but his legal acumen
could see no reason for further resist
ing the desire of his friend, and the
two concocted a pair of advertisements
which were in the highest style of the
art. It is enough to say that in each
one the charms of the gentlemen were
6et forth with no overweening modes
ty; while it demanded that the lady
should merely be young, beautiful,
accomplished, rich, of domestic tastes,
a good housekeeper and a brilliant
conversationalist. I may have forgot
ten a few of the requirements; but these
were certainly tho principal qualities
demanded.
Erich was to keep his experience a
profound secret from the other for the
space of t wo weeks; at the end of that
Ieriod I'r. Raymond was to resort to
Mr. Carter's ortiee, and they were to
narrate faithfully and in Icto, the re
sults of the advertisement inserted by
each.
Promptly at the appointed time tho
physician sought the lawyer. Ho
camo reluctantly, as if he half-feared
tho rece ption with which his romantic
tale would be received; his coming was
awaited with dread.
" Oh, you've come, have you?"
sighed Mr. Carter; "I I thought may
le you'd have a patient that would de
tain you."
"Your imagination does you credit,"
returned Raymond; "if mine were as
active, I should say that I thought
may be a client would be seeking your
advice; but I can not picture that state
of affairs to myself."
" But I've had a client," was the re
pponse, with a certain air of triumph.
Dr. Raymond was sure that it must be
triumph, although it was so carefully
subdued as to resemble disgust.
"And I've had a patient, a pretty
one, too," he answered, endeavoring
to assert his equality; "but let's get
to business. How did your advertise
ment pint out?"
"Oh, I got seventeen answers, and
every blessed one of them seemed to
think that fbo filled the bill exact!-.
Sixteen of them couldn't spell, and
their letters were horribly written
not tho society bcrawl, but a labored
attempt that showed that tho writer
would do well if she could."
" Deserve credit for it." murmured
the other; "most of the girls try to
6ee what an undecipherable scratch
they can put on paper."
It can't bo worse than your pre
scriptions would bo if you ever have
occasion ta write any." retorted the
lawyer; "but keep still now, or else
tell your story first."
"For heaven's sake, go on!" im
plored Dr. Raymond.
" I divided these sixteen into squads
of four, and selected three p. m. on
four consecutive days as the time of
meeting; that corner across the street
as the p'ace. Iaeu was to carry a
white handkerchief as a signal. "
' You wrote to four to come at
once?" inquired Raymond, with inter
est tempered by incredulity.
" Of course. You should have seen
each glare at the other thrca as she
noted the sign which was to distin
guish her from ail others. 1 kept dis
creetly in tho background up here,
and saw it all, myself invisible.'
" But about tho seventeenth?"
"Well, her letter was different; and
as 6he seemed to bo a jolly widow, I
thought I'd have a little fun 'under
the rose.' You know that Alice is so
confoundedly jealous, tho mischiers to
pay if I look at another woman; so
this was a temptation. She said she
was twenty-seven, that her income
was sufficient to maintain her, but she
desired the companionship and pro
tection of a husband. She had been
the belle of her native town in Ken
tucky before her marriage and subse
quent removal; she had had some
thoughts of studying for the operatic
stage, but had shrunk from the ordeal
of public appearances; then she had
dabbled in art, but she was not satis
fied with the achievements which her
friends 60 warmly commended. 1
thought there must be a hitch some
where, that such a woman should an
swer an advertisement- But I wrote
to her and made an appointment,
which both of us kept- She was a
stunner, and no mistake just lots of
style, and as pretty as a picture;
while her manners were wonderfully
fascinating."
"I wonder what Miss Dennison
would have thought of her?" thought
fully remarked Dr. Raymond.
"Oh, keep still, and let me get
through, will you? She was pretty
well gone on mo from the first. That
isn't vanity "
"Sounds like it might be," com
mented Raymond, critically.
"Wait till you hear Jt alL She was
awfully soft, and when wo could not
meet she insisted that I should write to
her. Of course I couldn't see her
every da but she seemed to be satis
fied with a letter when I told her it was
impossible to come. But she wasn't
very easy to please with the letters.
She reproached me for my coldness
continually. I didn't want to pile it
on too thick, but I got deeper into it
than I had any notion of when I be
gan. Finally, one day, I wrote her
one that was pretty warm, and the
next day she was here."
'Had you told her who you were?"
inquired Raymond, with some surprise,
and a keener interest than the case
seemed to warrant.
"What do j-ou take me for, any
how? I'm not quite a fool, or at least
I thought then that 1 wasn't. I called
myself Mr. Edwards, and told her I
was a book-keeper; I don't know how
she found out the truth, but hero she
came, anyhow."
"It is singular how one's concealed
identity can be discovered in a big city
like this, isn't it?" remarked the phy
sician, philosophically.
"Very. But, then, I suppose she
followed me stealthily from some of
our meetings, and made inquiry of
sorre one that spoko to me. Well, she
came, she saw, and I may as well con
fess that she conquered. She insisted
upon interviewing me in the inner of
fice, although I assured her that wo
would not bo interrupted here. I
6howcd her in there; she stood a mo
ment with her hand upon the knob, as
if she had half-changed her mind.
Finally she sat down."
What did she want?" was the curi
ous inquiry.
"She wanted to mako a fool of me,
and she did it to perfection!" was tho
savage response. "She spoke of tho
letters which stio had received from
me, and said sho supposed that I would
not like Miss Dennison to see them.
She seemed to have found out all about
me, somehow or other. Sho admitted
that they were not signed, except by
the initial E, but remarked that my
handwriting was peculiar, and would
readily bo recognized; and when she
said that they would be rather diffi
cult to explain away, I knew that it
was so. I knew well enough that if
Alice were to see thoso letters I might
as well make up my mind never to go
there again; but I was so thunder
struck at the woman's confounded
impudence, that I could do nothing but
sit and look at her.
'What do you think it would bo
worth to get possession of the docu
ments in question?' she asked me, with
a sneering laugh.
" I demanded to know if sho had
them with her; and my voice sounded
hoarse and unnatural, just as a novel
hero's would under similar circum
stances. I have them here,' she answered,
and took them from her pocket as she
spoke; 'if you will give me two hun
dred dollars I will destroy them here,
in your presence; if you refuse, I will
scream until the attention of people iu
the building is attracted.'
"It happened that I had received a
remittance of tw o hundred dollars that
very morning; it was nearly every cent
I had in the world, but I resolved that I
would have those letters. I tried my
best to beat her down in price, but sho
was obdurate. She told me that she
knew I had the money, and that it
w as foolish to expect her to sell them
for any less. So I paid her, got hold
of tho letters, and burned them. That's
alh"
Dr. Raj mond sat silent-
"Como now, old boy, that won't
do." remonstrated Mr. Carter; I've
told you what a fool was; let"6 havo
your experience."
"You needn't emphasize your pro
nouns in that waj" returned the other,
with an air of offended dignity; 're
member that I went into it fancy-free-Have
you never heard of such things
resulting in life-long happiness?"
"Well, yes, in stories," admitted tho
lawyer, reluctantly; "but I always sus
pected that the author stood in with
the publisher for a bhare of the adver
tising profits."
"Like you," continued Dr. Raymond,
serenely disregarding this offensively
rnattor-ol-fHct explanation. "1 re
ceived u number ol answers, but I did
not praetice on confiding femininity as
voa confess to have doue; it did no
occur to me. I made separate ap
pointments with each one; if I failed
to keep most of them, it was because a
distant view of the waiting female con
vinced me that 1 had better not take
any chances; so I skipped, without
giving any sign ol my prwsencg. Lika
you, 1 received one letter wmcu ex
cited my curiosity 6hall I say my In
terest? But slid. wa$ not a widow
widows aro apt toVe tricky. She was
an unmarried lady of twenty-odd
years, hailing from Boston, although,
much travel had made her rather cos
mopolitan. A personal interview
showed that 6he was 'all my fancy
painted her,' and I was inclined to
think that I had indeed discovered tho
not Impossible She. v
" I had my doubts of tho delicacy of
any woman who would answer such an
advertisement, but she confessed to
so much shame at Laving yielded to
tho whim that I could not help but
forgive her. Any man can forgive a
charming woman an indiscretion, par
ticularly when he is the cause of it;
and I waited impatiently for a second
interview. She told me that sho waa
engaged to a cousin, whom 6he detest
ed; but family pride had forced her
into it, and she dreaded tho day when
she must stand at the altar with him.
I hated that cousin; I wished that I
might meet him under circumstances
that would give me half an excuse to
knock him down. I revolved plans
for breaking that engagement, and de
termined to discuss tho subject with
her at our second interview."
"And did you break it?" Inquired
Mr. Carter, eagerly,
" Don't interrupt; it's impolite wken
I am talking, although necessary and
excusable when you are holding forth.
She sent an excuse tho next day. To
say I was disappointed is to put it very
mildly; and I wrote her a note telling
her how I longed to break the hated
bonds that kept her from me- Yes, it
was rather sudden, I know; but I
really couldn't help it. She answered
evasively, and I wrote again. urgiDg
her to 6eo me. That's the way it went
on. One day I was surprised to hear
that my professional services were re
quired." ,
"I should think it would bo a sur
prise, remarked Mr. Carter. "as
it the fair Bostonian?"
" Tho messenger told me that Mrs.
Gray wanted me to come at once, and
of course I went- I had no thoutrht of
any thing but surprise at receiving
such a summons from an3' one, and 1
had never heard of Mrs. Gray before.
I reached tho house, and was con
ducted upstairs; then, for the first
time, I saw that it was my inamorata
that I was to attend.
She blushed and stammered charm
ingly when sho saw me. Sho had not
been feeling well, sho said, and had
asked Mrs. G. ny to send for a physi
cian, but did not know that I had been
summoned Mrs. Gray was consider
ate, and left us alono together. She
drew from beneath her sofa-pillow tho
letters which I had written to her.
" ' You urge mo to break the bonds
which bind me to another, and bo
united to you. That other is my hus
band,' she said, in a low voice; 'what
do you suppose that your rich, gener
ous and straitlaced maiden aunt would
say to your making love to a married
woman?'
" ' But you told me ' I began, and
I couldn't get any farther. She
laughed, and put out her hand to me.
"'You're a foolish boy,' she said,
and I forgive you for it- I suppose
you really couldn't help falling iu love
with mo; but tho letters that you havo
written would shock your respected
relative dreadfully. Wouldn't they,
now?'
I stammered something about her"
betrothed, but she laughed again; and
I remembered that the expressions I
had used would apply to a husband a
well as to a lover, to a divorce as well
as to tho breaking of an engagement, i
" ' Give me the pin which you wear.
she said, 'and I will give you tho let
ters.' "I looked at her in astonishment.
The pin was a valuable stone, a gift
from my aunt last Christmas; and tho
proposition seemed preposterous. Sh
was In earnest, however, and finally I
made the trade. I really could not af
ford to have my aunt get possession of
those letters, with any such interpre
tation attached to them."
" But you said you wero in levo with
her," objected Mr. Carter, apparently
bewildered by the change in the senti
ments of his friend.
" And so I was," replied Dr. Ray
mond, coolly; "but I'm not quite bo
much so, now. Did you havo an idea
that you were tho only individual that
could indulge in buying up hi6 own
letters."
"Well, it strikes mo that w-o havo
both been doue," remarked tho law
yer, contemplatively.
"By the way, what did your divin
ity look like?" inquired Raymond, a
sudden suspicion crossing his mind.
"This," was tho laconic reply, as
tho lawyer opened a drawer of hi
desk and produced a cabinet photo
graph of tho dashing brunetto.
"We've both been done," returned
tho physician, reverting to his friend's
former remark, as ho gazed at tho
photograph; "ncd, by George! it's tho
barno woman that's done it,"
"Did you ever hear of going out for
wool and coming back shorn?" was
Mr. Carter's inquiry, after tho pair
had expressed their feelings rather
more freely than I like to record.
Yes, I've heard of it, but I never
want to hear of this particular instance
again." was the answer: and the tono
was by no means lamb-like, although
the speaker may have felt sheepish.
Neither Mr. Carter nor Dr. Ray
mond couid afford to violate the confi
dence which the other had reposed in
him, and they continued to manifest
the samo flattering regard for each
other. Tho Kentucky widow, alias
tho traveled Bostonian. was not given
to telling all she knew, and never
whispered to any one how sho camo
into jiossession of that two hundred
dollars and a diamond pirn How, then.
dil the present chronicler get jxisses
sion of the facts? A good story iT
suggestive. This ono suggests that,
question. Miriam K. Davis, ia Dem
orest's Monthly.
Tho number of meu and women
in London who make their living by
iilevaluro is estimated at 14,000.
Julian Hawthorne states in a recent
article that the number of imtsOiis en
gaged in literary work in tho United
fcUtca can not be far short of 50,000.