1(1:
Mi!
, r, .,. , , ..
: A-tlvertisiner Jf nt.
ThcUrc-Kand rellahl. almUtlol i th )
bkia ritiiii i k oonaiidi ft w tbt Ikftntl
Ideratton of 4TviMri. h. riTor will b te
Mrted t ta (oUowlnr low it :
,;V .Mill- 'ss,.
1 Inch. times 1K0
Boataa..... ....... ..........
BOBlbl......
1 year
month.
1 year
6 month p... .......... ..........
1 year
(IrruOMort,
t,oo
.. a ao
.. .aa
.. lo
.. t as
.. 11
.. uU
.. v. co
.. '
.. a.ws
.. ts o
, HH'IIOS RATES.
1 ysy
l?-.r.
.:l.H In a !vnn.-e ...
..11 an
ol'a ( ntnttat
. r ,1. 1"'1'! n .t Ill'l'tllK.. ITS
V " month.
H " 1 yar
" Smooth.......................
1 year
,. : ! '! -ii 6 mouths, a.eo
" ,j ;. i ii.t w-thiii 'he year.. a. 26
... r. '" j .it-i -f the countv.
. i: er ' w i; cnarttea to
rtofiofM lten:. Brat tnertion 10c. par Una ; ao
rabaeqnent Itmerttoo ae. per lroa.
Admiaietrator t and Kjacvtor'l WoUoaa..... -K
Auditor'. Notlc.
Stray and tlmllar Xotleai
(V KetJ(iM or pnKfi)rtfl of rryoraew
ct tocirty. and rmmnnntnu irnvri to cll II"
(ton f any aujfter of tivtfetf or inWtvvib. tntorctf
auf fte Mi oi a. adarrfuemevtft .
Job riiFTi.a at all kind, neatly aad arpad't
onfly .Tarn tea at low eit price . LKa 'tin lercaa
V-avc terms tie de
: !.. I ij't cinu!t their
ia -Ii!" an.'- miKt not er.
JAS. C. HASSON, Editor and Pubi;
J. " , n it." ' line lontinv . ttM wbo
. . : t e !i--::i'"!y tm. l.T.-t. .oil trom
sher.
"HI IS A FREEMAN WHOM THE TBUTH MAIBfl FKKK, ARB ALL 8LATM BIBID.1
81. SO and postage per year. In advance.
I." '. .-
' . ' , , , . .- . a; C- I ' "'T "U !-tll) It. If stop
VOLUME XX.
EBENSBUKG. PA., FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 24, 1886.
NUMBER 30
.::tr io lvtv i..
''Vj j
5
1
sv.FT
0 ill. 1.6.
fe L STRONG
.
-"era -rir'Tn,
J" -.;:-ct:, Io 27 c :.-,
.1 . 2 .Fa i u e J To
:. :.":-;j:ai--d, and
w -
A ! Jres3
AVERY MACHINE CO.
e;2 Broaciway, Hew York.
yji- ti r.sr.s or
pa.f.irs, sp;::xi avagoxs,
V.'LfCLLAND BUCKBOARD, No. 21.
.... in-,. ;(i)V-J-Mii-s a., I
' .- i: ; a - i -hM i f-jr ettii'-r fity ( r
''- " --. - 1 'Ti -r t- all oriiora n-
: ..- : In. ; -m- ';r I ii-inr- !
" ' - - .- tid fur C.LaitUO l..:.l
r.--
iL:lTij.-:i Co., Cbcic atl, 0.
d wi-.'jliy of na-
1 ' - a. ...wl .44 t t,y th me It- rj
?'. 1 n ivt potytitr allia
j : : " i: i t r:i-dic-l L j
cun one
jira.-'-i 1 ( ..'M:'np;iij
f -Ke-.il I NiT-.otn I)ehili1r,
'iT. iiiaVi i-i. fme in th
Si -
of tlic Monimh. B-1
" -t l-i . :t i"f r:r pamfh- j
'-' ' ' . .1 of I.:V,"nr if y..n arefc
- . j- . ; : r t rn-nt: '-noil f '.
" ; : a 1 --era- at-, a 1 ire sat1'
" ' " -, ii. ii-.-.iu:. A'-..' o-5-
". 4. j ft
! t- . . t. !-.i.I by all f- s
, ' - ' - - ! '. r t ; Fi - iVr f J
. . . . j.u.i.-h a'i'l r.-rn an.t j
; ceo 000
ti TC cE CCUGHS.CC LDS.
' tLLLUMGTROL'DtXS
- -r-. l J MA' ..-1
x -5'iL
A PARKER'S
jx'firiAf rlfr hn
rr'-i-.ill1 J I ,.4 tK.. arf,.. Iha
' ' 'E'1 'iir yon ran tine,
' Lnflwi for
Tt
.. . -i . r'.-r of t
i ! fliif tw-rij-.L-
'. -.! rmiivir tlirir honl'.h tjf
tt-'i. .Sold by all lrvig4a in
HiDERCOREMS
, 'l- l-ke .,! i- r-ir f'lr Conn,
i ."'.!. Ac. !Tlrir1rNthelr fur
i ''iv.riotrmi-lr. Mikotlve
"':i-l oirw w mr e-.rytMnw
u.tl-.u lli , i o., N. Y.
-A ti t
'K''' " 'KfTtrrr ni, r n.
.1 .r-, ( ,r C:,,,.,,, - .,,.:lf
" "- I HIL.-1 -".-o.. l-anMla,
. -;'""."''- H'"'1 I'.' : I 'i t
.,,'' : - y n v t r.' , i.-'ii-li'i.
' .. N . ' HI - Ii' t.'--(l
. ' - t 1.1 M. t.-.l, ni:d
' ',' ' " :' f'i--r. J a ear.
1 " . ... ,i in..... ., n in-
A 'i. i ' "' -lent I lie A m e r-
i ' I""" M ' N S ' ' - !Lli7I0
''-", -l V rk. -
ii
0
(IqOH t'O,. -
y
I
1 1. i r.-.T omnlaint andH?-!
(jBSBUBBtt)
3
1
WW
v
3
Absolutely ure.
The l-owder never varies. A marvel ol i nritv
thn";;" "n'! ""'J""'"'"- Mre economical
than t!,e ur.ln.ar kinds. nr..i rnm.t te sold in
c..n. e ui.,i, with th,. luultliiwle ths l.w tet
wc'ht- "' T pb.i.hate .owder .Soli
Wall t.. N kw York-
,ni
From Pole to Pole
ATBR'a Sarsaaru.i.a na. demonntrated it
power of cure for all di.eane. of the blood.
The Harpooner's Story.
tu E"lford, June J, 1893.
D. J. C. Ana fc Co. Twer.lv year, ana T
wm a barpooner in the North I'ar'iAV, when flva
other, of the crew and myeeif were laid tip with
curry. Oar bodie. were bloatei, gum. .wollen
and bleeding, teeth loo.e, purple blotches all
over n., and oar breath lermed rotten. Take It
by and large -we were pretty badly off. All oar
Um.-mlce was accidentally dc.troyed, but the
captain had a couple dozen bottle, of Atkr'b
jSAPAH,lxa D BT u th,t- We recov
ered on It quicker than I have ever seen men
fcroa rht about by any other treatment for Kcurvy,
and I've een a good deal of It. Seeing no men
tion In fji:r Almanac of your 8araparilla being
good for .curvy, I thought yon ought to know of
thin, aud no .end you the facta.
Re.pectfully youra, RiLrH T. WnraATB.
The) Trooper's Experience.
Mfaiven,a$utoland(S. Africa,) March?, 13SS.
Iw. J. '. Atii 8c "o. Oentlemen : I have
Wttrh tileaaure to tmtlfy to the great valua of
j(.nr Haraiarllla. Wa have ben .tutioned
cere for over two year., during which time wo
had to live In t'-nta. Being under canvaa for
ach a time brought on what I. called In thie
country "veldt-sore.." I had those sore, for
oine time. 1 wa ad vi.ed to lake your Serv
parilla. two b-ittlea of which made my .orea
disappear rapidly, and I am mw quite well.
Your, truly, '1'. K. P.oden,
Trooper, Caj Mounted Uijlemtn.
Ayers Sarsaparilla
J h fTi:y thorouclily efTrctiro blood-pariflajr,
thf on'y nifdicr.e that rrdira.te the poUona of
t--rufal.At Mercury, aud ConUtyiouj Iuue
from ihe pyptcni.
rnenRKD bt
Dr. J. C. Ayer & Co., Lowell, MM
Sold by all Irnir(5iit : Prio 91 ;
bix botUcs Lor 95.
A PhiladeTphTa Lawyer
Promlnontln hU profslon. Bays: "Don't put
my name in print but n-fcr any onn you wish to
me, and I will gla-ily tell what the Kuaia
ii'firiimanam i urr has done for m'."
This ifn'lem.tn w.is so 1 irn one would havfl
thought him u crlri' io. ?nd jot Thrre Da'
use ol our remedy siraihiened UlinoutaUrlUt.
Mn O W BAItrn. a Wiling mmufuctnrer nf WiT
mingtoo. Dil.. nw iv-e. 1-th. 'xS: -From the first
dAT I tinman to ue the H iH-iin Rheumati!Tn Cnre, re
lief followed and ml romf-.rt d;vily incren"d Tne nee
of mr li'nl t ocai-jo m ,:i ai-l more natural until I
f.'lt nodiscomt.irt eitlior walking orwurking. Iknowof
nothing which has ao quick and wondrous an effect.
One of Phui.1o1nhi' oHt merchants, Ma. C. O.
BiK KirR rpwidma; AM- Mmn Street, tiermantown, says:
" The Rriasian K,')u!nt i-,m '-Jni has takon all th pain
ont f my duK:it'r's arm and neck. bLe had sunered
greatly with it for montlm.
Wf have tKilinonv of thN sort siimrlont to
phi Wf v th most sKP;itl-al. Hut If you bav- the
Kheuinafbm vou want, r-ilf rather than testi
mony. You can $?et It quick, sure, permanent,
by eendingfor the
RUSSIAN
RHEUMATISM
CURE
nearrlptlve pamphlet, wih tft'f'on' sl-.free.
If ma-led. Ii
if r'-irt-rd.
loo. xuoro.
RUSSlAti
Trade-Mark.
r?ijmti;m CURE.
a. ypf it not V) I- f'-und at trie stored. PTlt CS.T1
cn!y ! ha.i hy ennloeinir tho amonnt as above, aud
a-1 Ireemnif tile American proprietors.
PFAELZER BROS. & CO.
81t-5 .Iarket Street, Fhilndclpbla.
f i..41ii:tiox coi.o-vvi
( ,.l H II .M OX "K H1I.O.W t
t I.Alt II. 'U "MX IOLONV!
I'UKtnOMT iOI.OXVI
( LAKf tlOM Ol.OV I
( LAiUMIIIM C 'ti-O-vV!
i.Ain:.no r Kim.ii i
A l ew H -line everv 1 Jayn in ti e last 6 rears. Our
vil'aee. only : n".;,ntc-i olJ. has ptoren 1 boteis,
I cSurcnn. cuoj, newspaper, factory, foundry, 4
steamtKjii.i tramnar.d 1 mails dailv. I.an'i raijidly
ids.iRi'it '.-r-.1. end. wid by 'i tneans, p.ca
for cirtu. irs iui mps.3 1 hotntrraphic cuts of
bouf u'l snout the wosoerfnl growth of our col
onr r .oii.ciimste markets, hillne-s onportiirntits.
bea-'tii in ii---f term, and s other distinct I'lhjecls.
K.-ias' fur l.i-o oa oioi.thly installments to those
i.. . ... i.:..vi!"t. ithout leaving tn:ir sunsiton.
,'Jt aSc IA.CiaremoQl,Surry Co., V.
B. J. LYNCH,
XOKi(T KF.R,
And Haaalaetarar and Healer ia
HOME AND CITY MADE
FURNITURE!
'dm in tauflffi suits,
LOUNGES, BEDSTEADS,
TABLES, CHAIRS,
Muttrtses, &c.
l.'id.i KLKVKNTII AVENUE
ISftwct-u Kith anil iJth Ms.,
ALTOONA, T -A. .
!hinB to purcha-e honoft t t hMll r., e. at
' ,.- ..re 1-uMr.K eiscwt.ere.as w are confident
at we -n m-et every -ant and please every
ta.ste ITicos the very lowest.
Altootia. April 1. lH81.-tf.
PATEWTS
Ol.laine.l and Ml' PATK 1 lil .lr.oc at
Our fliCH is .;; Ml-' the IJ. i I att-nt Ur
firr an.l we cp.n obtain Pait. In V'"'1
than th.e. rmotH f roo, v a.siii i ;
' "end M0I,EL OR VltAWlSd. Wend-
. .. iniiiiMi i'v f - of chan.'- : and 1
vJke 1V,IA R1K UXLESS PA TKK T
Sw"fre. to the l-..,tmas,.r, t1;, !
Sapt.of Mon-.vOr.l-r J).v.. ..d m .;fl.ca
of t'.e U. . rl.-nt Olli-. K..i c.cuU:, ad
V'J : twni-.ol ref..HC t a. to Cent,
Iri your own Mate or County, write to j
C. A. HXOW A CO.,
... .. . .. i .. n f.
op
In(-nt omrr. w
TW DICK, ATTORN EY-AT-B. AW,
n, Vl ciiel..ni a spec.auy . t -'
One Row I fN f ?K
bd:. iftL-zm
WHAT RULES THE WORLD.
,Thy sfty thnt a msn is mighty,
He Roverns land and sa.
He wir-ida a m fhty eefptra
Or lnssnr powers i hat be;
But a mightier power, and etronjrer,
Man from his throne ha hurled,
" For the hnrd that ro ks the cradle
la the hr.ni that rules the world."
In deep, mTterlou9 conclave,
'Mid philosophic minds.
Unravelling knotty problems,
HH nat ve - jhere man finds;
Tet all his "los " and "Isms"
To heaven's four winds are hurled,
" For the hand that rocks the i.iadle
la the hand that i uls the v orld."
Behold th y b av c rami dor,
Stanch 'mid ihe carnapo g and,
Behold the guidon ving ,',
With the colors i:. "his : and ;
Brave men they he y. craven
When this banner is unfurl"4:
" The hand that rock-, the ciadle
i Is the hand th .t rulos the world."
Great statesmen povern nations,
Kings mould a people's lata,
B:it the unseen hands of velvet
These giants regulate. .
The Iron arm of for; una
With woman's charm H purled,
For the hand that r cks the cradle
la the hand that rules the world."
American Israelite.
A CONSCIENCE STILL.
"So George Burton's had a b't of
pood uck," eaid Martha Hale.
heiM of It up at t- foundry. Two
hundra : and fifty dollars from thnt old
u; t f Ms Who died last aulr vn
It'll l - - "cn.
w o. iiiui to pay on nu, s, ores
get fair start."
and
" 8cores,
Indeed I" said Mrs. TT1a
wh
with her daughter in.r. i.
buied about the supper. ' Why the
firs- thing Mrs. Burton did wat to g
and buy a baby wagon. Prob ibly -h-'ll
want one for herself next." she a :dd
wltu a laugh Think of her setting Up
witn a taby wagni ."
" The baoy s sickly, mother " said
MarKio. an . t o i.ig for little Nellie
to carry in her arms. I've often i ard
Mrs. Bunon wieiiin for a wagon for the
baby."
i hey're as delighted a If the monr;
were tw . ty times as rouh " continued
her othr Itisn t much to be proud
of tw, hundred m i flrty dollars."
" Weil I only wish I had half as
much, ' said Martin with a 6igh. "We're
owlnc tw . ini.t.ths- rent nw, and w at
I made do mi at the furnaoes won't go
far, to ay rothino: of the unpaid gro". r's
bill. I iiink O orgo 1, in g,o.l IuCk."
They had aiwayj bee;i g od neighbors,
the II 3 Buttons. The t.o nie:.
worked at msame iron mills, and wei e
k-own as s i-a.lv honast f..lows; Out it
ofte:i happnd t iat work was slack,
o ev,n at . Rtandstdl, and ihe i ihose
who ere tur :e i off had to be idle or
look f r a j..b " a-o ,he furnaces, so tue
tidi ty miles up the n Iro.td.
B.ih Hue and B. ton had st re
tun ed from of th-se expedit oms
th- att r to clai-u the " g od ui k"tli tt
la i befallen i.im, a d t ie former to
rep i: that no such luck.vtr cnue to
himself.
Ab .it a wee ,
after this. Mar' n flalo.
on . is way ho
George Burto , t
the window of .
wher- al.i;oot
bought.
t from wurk, ove ti'ot
' o had paus-'ii cut 1 .o
ue of thobe ii.- btor
every ihln can be
H wai look'ng at a c-'rl's jacket of
dark loth neatly trimmed.
1 hi k r g of buyi. g your wife &
di.imo .d rin.', George?" eald Mai tin,
eto; p g beMdehim.
"Not eta hi e," he replied gool
hurrioifd y "I was looking at that
li tie fiffa r " nod lng towards the
jacket ' and tl.inkl gl would like to
bti it for Ki ty, if it isn't too dear. I
kno- she med- something warm for
Wint r. and to-mor ow-'s her birt day.''
" Su , pose you go In and ask the price?"
Th two ptep ed into .he stor-- where
Eur' nb u- t h-jack-' .
" You're Fpendin your fortune pretty
freely. O-n ri.e," reniaiki-d Ha;-.
" W. 11, yea. in this instant; ; but y u
8e K i ty's sev.-r.te.-n to- oirow, n- d
gi Is liUe to l' t ii-ely .it esse .. B- Ides,
I've ta.e-l off n.y little . bts, urd i-
fift do'lai s .that's left g'e into he
b : k to ci.-rr ."
The - eswoman, anxious o ge a
mno a pof-- bi- out of her u- oci'-,
ppjiiiifivl soiiie oolmi tocks, mid Bur
ton . examlrlng horn, laid hi, j-ooket-bock
on t ecou- ter. wh' re t ah.- s,ee .
Uy oovore i y hf g ods.
C oncluclr g : Ol to i i v naso ins o-s.
he ou up the t aicel ou t i
iiil;
th .
13
jnck t. a d w h n-v rat oi.gh
money. l--f th shop.
o.
M rtln Hale t ok Tiurtoii'
book from i.nd -r the g o s, un
p cket
0ii y
the saleswoman, ho had tun.cii
to e-
plaeo the things on th th;if.
I will give h.m a it:le scare,"
he th ught "The lesson won't i urt
him."
W'.en Burton reached his own d or
rnd pa- set! to wis', ids romi auioe go .
night, the la ter ra sod bis hi d to his
bre.is -pocket But t-uodenly -a k
thought whisp red to ' im. lituto'i bad
no mlsse the in. ney ; Bu on. would
i ever ,-uspeot him. A d while i i. si
taiod, his companion had j.o e Into the
hi u e . "i closed he o. or.
I I: gi e i t him to-o or-ow es,
cet-ti idy to-morrow," f.id M itin
bit.: elf. ' mi explalu bat it w s jt ke.
lie w ill se-that i.one ol th- money s
in s-dng."
But next rrorning.
when a or-e, he
opened the pocket-bfv.k, just to s o ihat
i he money was ti. ere all s fe. .
lie counted i: out exa;tly fif'y dol
lars. With 'hat a u t h - uld c.ea
off his score, and pay the owing xvi.t ;
and it o hapi enetl ti.a: just at, .his
tim - Mart n Hale was more ia ni-ed f
nionev then ev r : e had boen in his
life He had mad but little the jast
fcummer, nd Winter . was coming with
its i an i fold nee is.
The iosa f his money peemcd a turning-point
o GcHrg Button's "good
luek." N xt day his . hBdren ere Uke i
st ii h the measles, and a aoctor had to be
cabed in.
O. e little do't estlc trouble a'ter
. nother c -me upon hiir., f.nd i-t last he
r cd hi- dismissal f.otn th Iron
a o k , w ere there were, the " Ix ss "
i la.med.iiior w orkmen em p.oyed than
were neceseary.
j ho same fate befel1 Martin Ilale,
and a.j le wa ked nio-mIlv ho; - waid
he thought of the fif y dolors lying n
. jir s,(.ret place where he had ridden the
pocket-book. Neve, once as in hwl he
ooked at : . and ot a da had pa sed
t at he hud not hrunk from . be bought
of it and from the sense of his own
gu 1 ; and yet, ty h Strang- ! consis
tency, he cou d not t ring Liu-Self o part
with : h money.
a haur.tiiig dread of poverty and w.-n
it m t d hi : to keep It, and eople who
noticed t . t he was changed, th i ho
had become noivous ana ni r , at-triii-'ted
It io poverty and deprivat'ons.
Oeor.'e B irton wondered tnat hi-t ol !
neighbor nhunned Mm. and M rtin's
wi e gtew aiiiio is ar d haia-t-cd in wi.
nessing her husband's changed temper
le who had hi herto been alwiys kind
and coneidei ate to rer and the ciilldien.
One evening Martin took th
pocket book from Its hldlng-pla. e an 1
opened It.
There were a few small bll'B In It.
Taking one of these he flipped it Into
bl eet pocket and started down the
treet-
He was not accustomed to drinking
anything stronger than .ager, but now
he thought, todrown his bad feelings, he
would lake a glass of spirits.
Walking down the tr-et, in a moment
of absence of mind nervously rummaging
at his vost, he dropped the l.il., wLKh
a 1 tti- boy following him picked up.
He w,.s'ju--t entering the aloon, when
the 1 tilt- fellow -coo.-tfd him:
oh. Mr. II le, is it you?" he said.
Martin lixkod down. a pang shot
through him. It was Eddie, oeo ge
Burton's little son.
Wh it do you want?" he Paid gruffly.
" Th the inon-y," he gasped.
M rti . tu nod whito.
What men-.y?"
The ! In'l I up the bill.
" 1 aw t all It must have slipped
out of a toi n pocket "
Mart n t. ok '.he bill mechanically, and
fhrai.k away fr ni the toy's gaze. He
walk d ou with ilownfas; eyes and j al
compressed hps until he reached his own
door.
Over the way a dim light burned In
George Burton's win-low. and, crossing
th street, i e knocked on the door, and
called to George.
Burton came out, looking a little
surprised.
' George, you lost a pocket-book and
fifty dollars some time ago?" said Mar
tin abruptly.
Yes."
" Here it la. I am the mennest
and most despicable wretch alive;
but I've a conscience still, thank
IIea en ?'
And t' en he told how he had got
pofsensi 'n of the money, how he i ad
kept it, and it had teen through the hon
esty of Burton's little son that ho had
con e to restore It.
" You'll never speak to me again, I
suppose," be ad-led hu-kily. " and I
own that I don't deserve l hat you should.
But t: e burden is off my soul now, and,
with God's help, I will be au honest man
Lei eafter."
Burton held out his hand.
" We will be friends till. Martin,"
he RAid. " 1 was ust going over to your
house with good news. I was at the
furnaeps y.-st rlay looking for work,
and Mr. Bos iwick offered me a good job
at which I shall n-ed help. I soke for
you, and he agreo i to take you. So
there are better days in sUre for us
both, Martin."
A tittle Ilinner uri a Ilnn-r Party.
Thackeray, In "Mr. Brown's Letters to
His Nephew," la s down the law that
"mutton Is as good as venison I eef
steak. if you are hungry, as good as
Lurt: iMtulod ale. if you like it, to the
lull as good its i-hanipitgiie ; there is no
delicacy in the woiid hii-ii M. Franca
tolli or" M. Soyer ran produeo which I
believe to be lietter than toast.l clieo-e.
" I have seen a dozen of epicures at a
grand table forsake every French and
Italian delicacy for a boiied log of pork
and pease pudding. You can but be
hungry, and eat and be happy."
Allot which is very well, but if you
were to ask a dozen epicures to uinner
and give them nothing but leg of pork
and pease pudding ; or if you w. re to set
down a party of people to whom you
wished to show some f the civilities
which custom and society demand, and
will demand to the end of i.nio, to her
rings and hashed mutton, it would, it
may be permissible to think, not be un
reasonable in your guests if they were
not altogether satisfied with the enter
tainment provided lor them.
Both Thackeray and other writers who
have ex pressed the same opinion, were
obviously confusing two branches of
their subject, and were not sufliciently
mindful cf the fact thai " a little din
ner" which they had in their minds, aud
a "dinner party," against which they
were Inveighing, are two entirely sop
erate and distinct Institutions, which
are subject to entirely opposite condi
tions and between whica there id lio
aort of analogy.
Talneof Toughened Timber.
. By the new process of toughening tim
ber, It is claimed that the effect pro
duced upon white wood, is such that a
cold chisel is required In order to split
it.
This result Is accomplished by a
special method of steaming the timber
and submitting It to end pressure, techni
cally " upsetting It. "
By this means the cells and fibres are
compressed into one compact mass;
and it is the opinion of those who have
experimented with the process that
wood can be compressed to the extent of
some seventy-five per cent, and that
some of the timber now consider- unfit
for use in such work as carr.age build
ing, for instance, can be made valuable
by this means as a substitute for ash,
hickory, eto.
Going; and Coming,
"Good-by, father."
Good-by. my son ; God bless you."
And the train starts, bearing the boy
away to college. The old man watches
It. until it is out of sight, and brushing
away his tears, turns to a friend.
"There goes my boy to get an educa
tion. I tell you, sir, it's som- thing to
have a boy like that!" and the happy
father turns and gettinc Into his wagon,
which is standing near by, drives home.
A year has gone by and the same
wagon is standing in the same place,
and the old man with a radiant lace is
waiting for the train which is bringing
his l.oy home.
It comes puffing into the depotand the
boy steps down.
" Hello, gov'nor."
The old man says nothing; those care
loss wi rds and that careless tone have
struck him to the heart. Again there
are tears in his eyes, but he does not
6ay :
"I tell you, sir. It's something to have
a boy hke that." New Haven Register.
t ,M"hy Wear
starclied fihirta?
"There is nothing in the world that
shows the inborn tendency of mankind
to run in a rut than the architecture of
the modern shut."
So said a young man of Iconoclastic
tendencies.
"For years men's vests have bon.n but
toned almost up to the chin, and the lit
tle pi ce ot shirt front that would b left
exposed has been covered by a necktie.
And yet men go on weaiing shirts with
front- down to th waist sUtiched and
Ironed t II they're as felifT as a boiler
plate, and they pny tveiy week for get
ting two or throe of llieso things care
ful y polished
" A in.-: rt might as well have the back
of his ves; launtir.ed every week." l.To
ronto olo. o.
The I-iairi.- I"iJ Must Co.
Instances have of lale years been fre
quent whore th work -f nn entire
Spr.n.:. and c nsetpucnt 1 . th fruits of a
ye.-,r s to t and care, have i-een rendered
iiiigaii ry and destroy ed by one week's
wors . tin; do s.
On the cattle ranges, too, they are
dreaded. Many a cowboy t iding swiftly
and fearlessly to his duty h s l.een
violently hurie : to the ground and seri
ously, if not fatally, injured by his
horse stepping into a prairie dog hole.
Romance and sentiment find small
sympathy when opposed to utility and
progress, and Washington Irvj g'-j
prairie dogs must follow' Cooper's Indi
ana. ;cheycni.e (Wyoming. L ader.
MARRIED MEN OF LETTERS.
Iovea of Some Great Authors Po. te. Aa
tronomers, rreachera, T ravt-lera, Utr.
Some of th-; names in our list of men
of letters who married are not those of
authors who . epended or depend for
some of them are fdill living on then
writings for subsistence, but n -arly a'i
depend on their writings for their repu
tation. A-s all of these men were husbands,
and most of them fathers, such a list
may serve to show that husbands and
fathers need not despair of achieving
reputations as author-, though, in lit
eral ur-', as in otner pursuits, a man g--n-er;.
! l. -secures -ome measure of success
befor h marries.
This, howe er, is far from heincr al-wa-.
the ca,.-e. St. Augustine was a
father if not a l.usi-and, before ho was
a s .i:i or aut lior.
'1 ,io nui -ried pin ts, it will lie noticed,
are iiiueio s. Few of t'.e l,n t are
iui-s-.ng. lins is eiaeiiy as iii.giii. ie
exr-M-ted. The genuine jHjet ic above all
tilings a 1- iv.-r.
i: s.m:.. eminent poets are missing
fr on li i, which, by the way, does
li"'. :T 'e-i itobe exhaustive. It would
be rasit to r.c. use them of insensibility
to the f is. -iiiations of the fair, for by
the missing name there usually bangs a
sa.l tale ot dis.-vppoinied ltvp.
C'hiik - n-, lor exam pie. wa -. twice ban
lsiied l.-iMiise of lii-. pa-s on for one of
the " Queen's iad.es" at the Court of
Lisbon, and. although his love was re
turned, the fates were so unkind that
She died before he could claim her.
t The number of travelers, or rather
authors of books of travel is compara
tively smai!, and this, again. Is exactly
as might have been expected. It is not
the husband and the fatner who affects
the Satanic habit of walking up and
down and going to und fro upon the
earth.
It would take a volume to notice r11
tho interesting ti.cts about authors and
their wivos. Hero are a f-.iw :
Of Tycho Bralie we read that, "being
a great admirer of the fair sex he con
ceived a violent inclination forO'.ristina.
a boituuful country KU'b the daughter of
a neighboring peasant, and ali-nated his
family til! the King commanded them
to be reconciled to him. Tycho, who
chose tier because she might be more
grateful and subservient than a lady of
higher birth, never seems to have re-p-.-nted,
but ever found his Christina
an agreeable companion and an obedient
wife."
Kepler, on the other hand, found that,
the married t'uate at first created him
great uneasiness from a dispute which
arose alioutbit wife s fortune."
John Knox, in spite of bis " Blast of
tffe Trumpet Against the Monstrous
Regiment of Women,'' married two of
them, and ha (children by both.
Sir John Mandeviile " roligiously de
clined an honorable alliance to the
Su.uin of Egypt, whose daughter he
might have espoused if he would have
abjured Christianity."
Burton, as far as we have been al.de
to learn, was never roan led. Thi
again is as we expected. The " Ana
tomy of Melancholy " is not the kind of
book that anyt-ody but a lonely bache
lor woiiid think of writing.
Young, author of "Night Thought5."
married a lady with mouey, and so did
Dr. Johnson.
Cruden, the author of th- " Coni-ord-an.
e, " tried to do the same, u. d a-l-dresr-eJ
numerous pamph ets to the
object u; his choice, but she lemained
. .. rite :i spite of th-'se and other
tra.-rdin ry means of wo.ing. Ball
Mall Gae,te.
DrawloK Illm Ont.
I am
Frof. von
going to have the celebrated
Di.nkelneim at the reception i
satd Mrs. Marlborough Crrrsus .
.-nigi t,
to Mrs. Sharpe; " he s a great acquisi-
tion so very profound and learned, you
know but i e won't talk. Nobody has
succeeded in making him talk. If there's
anybody at Newport that can draw him 1
out,, my dear, it's you, and I want you to
tiy your skill on him."
"" Whai's his specialty?"
"Butter." (ihat was what Mrs.
Pharpe understood Mrs. Marlborough
Crue-us to fay.)
-' Butt.-r? Why, that's a queer fad for
a loarned professor. But I'll do my
best."
That evening, at the reception, Mrs.
Snarpe opened out bravely upon Prof,
von l)unkelheim at the first opportunity.
"As we ware driving ut on the island
this afternoon, professor," a id she, "I
saw some of the most beautiful herds of
Jersey cows that I have ever seen in my
ife."
Ah?"
" And at one place the cows beyond
the fence cont -mplated us with such
j-entle, tender eyes, and snch sou:ful
moos that for a moment I forgot their
practical value In their testhetic attrac
tions. But after all, I thought, it is not
for their beauty that we should value
them, but for the butter they produce."
"Um."
Mrs. Sharpe rattled on about the cows
f r a conversational mile or two without
drawing out any response from the pro-te-sor.
" It Is because he thinks I don't know
anything about the way butter is made
that he won't talk," thought Mrs.
Sharpe. "Well, I will convince him
that I do kno - something about It."
And she proceeded to discuss the
creamery methods in vogue in Vermont,
w ith an infinite deal of mlk about cool
ers and temperature and mechanical
butter workers, ami so on. She hadn't
crammed on the t-ubjectall the afternoon
for nothing.
But not a word could she get out of
the professor beyond the "Urn "and
" Ah?"
He was plainly very much bored and
edged away after a while. Mrs. Sharpe
was in despair.
Presently Mrs. Marlborough Croesus
got her Into a corner and said :
Why. what in the world do you mean
by talking forever to Prof, von Dunkel
helm about cows and creamerleo and all
that sort of thing?"
" Isn't that his specialty? Didn't you
tell me so?"
Why, never In the world V
What is It. then, for heaven's sake?"
Buddha, of course. He's written
any number of books about Buddhism."
There Is a marked coolness now be
tween Mrs.Sharpeand Mrs. Marlborough
fro-sus. Mrs. Sharpe says thata woman
who pronounces "Buddha" like "but
ter " is hardly fit for cultivated society.
Boston Record.
The Keep, ctabfllty of " Tote."
Wc were nsked
was a good word i
yesterday if
correct word.
' tote "
There
i.- --one b-t I er.
It is f -jceellent
toil Chaucer. : he
-.-t. uses " t to. "
- '."bmte.1 " Canter
parent-ge-
: ,f-t g:e:.t
nc 'o
r.u ; sh
- ill ids
! ai
iirv
Tal
Hill
just as the Southern jur pic use it to ihi.-s
day.
A Northern w: iter ti ied o use it and
he abused it. He wrote:
He ordered the boy to tote his horse
around to the gate."
Old Noah Webster slip ed up as to
"tote" In tho early editions of his big
dictionary. Ho said It was a Southern
provincialism common among the
; egro-s.
It is a legitimate, honest word, of
which no man need be ashamed. Wil
aiirigtcoi .'. C , Star.
THE PEESLDENTS OE THE TJHTOH".
Hearly All or Them nave F.njoyed Their
Country Homes.
Almost every President that this
country has had hi.s passed a part of
his career in the delights of a country
home.
Washington, as everybody knows,
wi od a large estate at Mount Vernon,
where he retired after his two terms In
th- Presidency. His death. It will be
remembered, was caused from exposure
Incident to his duties on the plantation,
w ich he delighted to manage in per
son. John Adams, his successor, retired
after his term In the Presidency had
expiree!, to a country seat, "Quincy. "
nearB iston, and engaged in agricultural
pursuits.
Jiilierson, after his retirement from
public life, established himself at his
home, Monti'-ello, Ya,, where he enter
tained his frieri 's, managed his estate,
and uied regretted by a large number
of servants aud duuieotios, whom he had
with him to the last.
Madison, aftor his term of office had
expired, retired to Moi:tpdier. Ya , where
he be arue rector of the University of
Virginia and engaged in agricultural
pursuits.
Monroe, after the clo-.e of his public
life, took up his re-.denee at Oak Hill,
Va., where he eiii"riH;ii ! hi.- Iriends
royally. s much o, in f.utt that he
Boon fo .ni tli bottom ol his purse, and
was finally obiig-d to give up his prince
ly estate and taKe up his residence
with relatives In New York, where he
was slid making h.s home ai the time of
his dnath.
John Quincy Adams, after his term
of office had expired, retired to the old
family estate "Quiiny," in Mass
achusetts, but re-ponded to bis country's
call again, aud died ht his p. st of duly
In Washington, wi.eru iie l.av. been sent
as a member of. Ct ngress.
Jackson, as everybody knows, retired
to the "Hermitage. "Nashville, where he
died.
Van Buren. a'ter his term In office ex
pired, retired to K .nderhook, N. T.,
and there ejided his da a.
Harrison, who diod uuri-ig his term in
the I're-i iency, was bur.ed at his home
in No; li. Bend, Ohio, and there his ru
caa us sti.i lie.
T ier was accustomed to country life,
and - elig..ted in it, as it brought him
recollections of early -lays, when his
father w.,s one of the .argeat land
owners in Vit g.nia,
I 'oik. whose early days were spent in
the couiuiy as the son of a farmer,
looked lorward to a comfortable life of
r-Liri meiit, ju.-t beside Nash wll.-, after
his term of service in Ihe Piesi
dell i , but li -d boon only throe months
away Hum Washiiigtuu when death
Cal.eV. tdiu.
Tuyior. who bad woi cd on a pianta
tioi. i. iiiii- his early lito, had looked
foiwai-i with pb-a.-ui. .o a puiet lire on
his es: ate a. Baton Rouge, l.a., after re-
tirui,,
scarce
oiu is war service. lie naa
begun this, however, w nen ho
a; : t i the 1 residency, and bo-
W as t:a .
fore n is
ended.
tcl'lii had faiiiy Oeguu bis llle
Flo
Rp-l.t
re was the son of a farmer ami
it, uny life among rural dc-
iU I. is.
I' ere ever reniemerod with affection
the pi e ti-r Ids boyhood days were
ap.-iu, ai. . wh. re lie taught a country
he., ol who- he arrive, at lb j early
yen's of ma h od.
1...' .n.a.tc-r his Presi-.ential .abors
were e-d d, rt red to a cou try 4 , o.
"Wheatland," in Pennsylvania, w. ere he
died.
Lincoln, as everybody knows, was
reared amid the most primitive ol
country life, and retained a great affec
tion for the homely things of life to the
day of his sad death.
The same may be said of his succes
sor. Johnson, who was In this respect,
not unlike his more Illustrious prede
cessor. Grant, who was a farmer In his enrliet
days, ended his 1 f e In the country,
heartily wishing, no doubt, that he had
followed the example of his predecesser,
and retired to the country rather than
have entered the whirlpool of New
York business life.
Mr. Hayes, as everybody knows. Is In
retirement, upon a farm in Ohio, devot
ing his attention to the duties of a rural
life, and entertaining the many frien .s
who seek him out In his comparative
seclusion.
President Garfield went from his
country home, at Mentor, Ohio, to the
White House, where he was stricken
down by the assassin's bullet, and ids
sorrowing wife and family, after a couple
of years In city lire, have Just ueter-mln-
d to sell their city home and return
to their country residence.
President Arthur, after a year of
city life, at the close of his term, now
seeks the country as bis only hope of
regaining the heal; h lost In his oountry'8
service at the White House.
And President Cleveland, following
the example of this long line of Presiden
tial predecessors, Is preparing a country
home for himself, only varying the
order by beginning his country life dur
ing his actual term of service. (, Louis
ville Post.
Woman's !. a Hundred Years Ago.
Devoted as s!.e was to the world of
fash on. Miss Frampton did not admire
all its ways. Under t:.e date of lTSv she
wrote :
" My sister. Thll la Wallaston, now
between sixteen a d seventeen, was be
ginning to be produced a l.ttle In the
world.
"At that time verybody wore powder
and pomatum ; a large triangular thing
called a cushion, to wnlch th - ha r wa-
frizzed up witii three or four rnormom
curls on each sid-: ti e higher the pyra
mid of hair, gauze, feathers and other
ornaments was c rried the nioro fash
ionable it was thought, and su h was the
labor emploved to rear the fabric that
nig-. tea ps were mad- In iroporuon to
it and covere . over the hair, immense y
long black pins, double and .-ingle. pov
..er, pomatum and all ready for the next
day.
I think I remember herring that
twenty-four large pins were by n . mean
an UIIUSU..1 number to go to bed with on
your head.
" The perfection of figure, accordin ?
to the taen fashion, was tne sma.b.es-t
of the ireuinferenee into which your
unfottHiiate wa st could ie co npre e ,
au i many a poor girl hurt tier ..eult.i
v. ry materially by trying m rival he
reigning b atity of mat uay, the i uchesi
of Rutland, who wa said to squeeze
heiseU to the si. e of an orar.gi tna a
half.
Small hoo;s werew rn in a morning
and larger ft-r a. dre-. so . e going out
ward as l bey Went dowuwald, lODli
thing iu the form of a bed.
"Sac-iues were very common; my
toother constantly wore them. They
Wt-re dresses witn loose bacU.s and a
6tomacher.
Gau.e handkerchiefs trimmed with
blond, were worn on tne. neck." Lon
don Atheiin'tiui.
Hint to Father.
" How to Send a Boy to Sea " is tha
name of a new book.
One good way is work him on the
farm from daylight to dark 0t'5 days
in the year, and then thrash bim with
a trunk strap when he asks for a
half a tiollar leap year. Cuuil'ridge
Chronicle.
RHYMES FOB E0EE0WTE3.
Carloae Means of Clalmlna: OwaerahJa
of Claiming
In rtooka.
Some people have a strange way
of designating their ownership of books.
Of course you remember, when a '
schoolboy, what ridiculous doggerel t
some of the scholars wrote In theirs. j
As for example; !
' This book 1- John Smith's,
My list is another; j
You tou -h one j
And you'll feel the other."
And again :
" Steal not this book, my honest friend, '
For tear the gallows'll be thy end." ;
Once more :
" Steal not this book, for fear of shame.
For here you see the owner' name;
And when you die the Lord will say:
Where Is that book you stole away?"
And if you eay you do not know.
He ilien will cast you down below."
A great many grown-up children
have adopted the custom In a graver
mood.
The two verses commonly used are;
"If i hou art borrowe 1 by a fiiei.d,
R'ght welcome shall he b.
To read, to at udy, not to lend,
But to retur.i to me."
And this :
' Not that Impart ed knowledge doth
B-imini-h learning's store;
But bo- ks. I find, it often lent,
R-'tuin to me no more."
There is one found in a book formerly
r-eloiig;i.g to a well-known resident ol
New York :
"Any on-may borrow, but a gentle
man returns."
David W. Jayne's ix oks have the fol
lowing Scr tural quotation :
"(lo thou rather to them that sell,
and ti:y tor yourselves. "
The lollowing rath- r severe liiitswer
used by a M.issac'iuse.ts man:
" Stern power of Justiee, l rt thy wand
In spite of mercy's look ;
Strike him who witn presumptuous
hand
Purloins this valued book."
Aar.-n Putnum, who flourished In Med
ford, Mas. , abo t one hundred years
ago, us.-ti these l,n-s:
" The wi. ked borrow, but do not re
turn aga n. See thou art not one of that
num i it."
1-tin. -an C. Pell, ( t New York, had
th s rat- er chmlish moito, not at ali in
keep ng with Ms character:
" He does not le. d his . ooks."
W. J. Sneiling, one of the earl v editors
of the Boston Herald, had these in
s ructions :
" lio not turndown the leaves to mark
the place, but put in a slip of pap. r. Do
l ot g.ve '.he book to children I r ; play
thing. Httin.le not with di ty b.-ii Is.
Return thetKiok when jou h..Ve read it."
It ?Vaa the Other One.
A year ago we w. re : 11 at on of the
lak-si.!.- resorts, where P ane ot!e hud
1 ; me a. I the rage, and i-vi ry dy was
i.-t ii upo.i exploring the my tt;ns ut
t I ut uiv.
I'poii h .- part.cular evening a young
man who h .-1 d- veloped s rong nied.uiu-i.-tic
po-- r.-, had his hiii-d upon Planch-tt
. when I was al.--d f.ou the
r -..in to welcome a fri i. . a young
1 y w oha.ju.t arrived .rom La ko
to A few m iitites later I enter-! with
my frien i. an utter stranyer lo ihem
all. upon my arm. Wi h m.s-hi. mm
Intent. I ste; ped forward to the table
and suit! :
" Now, n tnr-hette. If you crri tell mo
truly wieiher ths you g li y fell in
love w.'die sho was at Lakeside, I will
believe in yt u."
She dl i," promptly w-roto the little
machine.
"With whom? Can you tell his
name?"
tertninly; It Is a very n-mraon
name." My friend gave a bttl-sh-i-k
" Is it Smith or Brown-" I continued.
" It is the other one," acsworeal Plan
ch ette.
" Did you ever I" exclaimed my
friend.
Sure enough, she married Jones very
shortly nf erwards, and they have been
very happy. St. Louis Spectator.
Short Chapt. r on Chemical Nomenclature,
Tersons w ho undertake to gain through
chemical literature a knowledge, of what
chemists are doing in and for the
world encounter a discouraging nomen
clature which repels them by its ap
parent intricacy and Its polysyllabic
character.
Their opinion of the terminology ot
an exact scionce is not enhanced w hen
thej leam that " black lend " i-ontaiiis no
lead, "copperas" contains no copper,
" mosaic golJ " no gold, and " German
silver," no silver; that " carbolic a. ij "
Is not an acl-1, ai d that " oil
of vitro! " is not nn oil; that, olive
oil Is a " salt." but " rock oil " is neither
an od or s.ilt; that sotno sugars are
alcohols, and some kind- of wax are
ethers; that " - r-am of tartar," has
nothing in common wuh uiivim, milk
of lime " with milk, I n i-t of anti
mony " with butter, " sugar of lea l "
with sugar, nor Im-rnt su.p: ur" with
the animal organ f.om wi.n-h 1, was
La hied.
Bonders of cb-'iuie: I wr't'ttgs some.
time full to npple.-.al-
of si l:ng I" l .tx " d
ti e : antge.s
- me; a . ra x of
-ii-i. ,ii al hl
i .. . : .-uor tne
sodium." or tf k.I ng f'H
" luet nyl-ca: o mil. ' -n.i i
eupi.oiiv in !-i.c!i ,.ri- ;.
tilamldothlodip ii y a ...i
ate (a s il--;.tn t.-go I :;
by Dr. Albeit .Man en. i
Monthly.
1
.., .ii.e". i 1
ti iuiiit'1 yl
. . bupti cl
u.ar M-eui e
Introdnce Tour G nests to Each Other.
In one of the Chicago suburban towns
several years ago a new family was in
vi ed to the house of an old friend to
"become acquainted with the neigh
bor's." There was a numerous party. Tha
evening passed off very delightfully to
the "neighbors," but very dolefully to
thenew-coniers. The fact is, the tost
and hostess were so absorbed in their
own little let-rests and In ttelr "neigh
bors " that they forgot to introduce tne
new-comers to any of them.
As the new-comers were about to
leave for home this conversation took
place.
Hostess. "I trus', Mrs. II., that you
qow know our good people well enouga
lo like them."
Mrs. M. "I suppose they are all very
good people, Mrs. C, tut we have really
not become acquainte i with a solitary
soul of them. But I wish you a very
good night."
This only show- how easily some
people, when giving parties as well as
at other times, can " lose their heads."
Chicago Journal.
V, anlrd lh- V lelitione.
Florence, aged four, ci in.iii.lcl as her
perquisite ihe wistiboin; oi every fowl
broughl into th- hou.-e.
One day she was carefully arrangii g
her collection when her father caiiiu
into t he roetm.
" Fader," she said. looking up "fader,
is jam doin' to ill V"
by, y.-. Florence, we mu-t a'.l d
otiie t iri.e," he said, touched ny . e:
.net iin 'k.
ia it. when you does die may 1
i huveyoui wishbone?"'
APFETIZEHS.
The Origin.
A fight between two prominent Mem-phi-
o i-iiiess men originated in this way :
Cagm: ' l i.e tirat case of yellow fever
that developed iu this city was a negro
woman at my house."
lio. le : " Nn, the first case was atagro
lov at mv house."
C.:
'You are mistaken."
' I tell you that I know."
' I ought to know, for
B. :
C. :
there.'
B. :
C. :
Z wM
' Reckon I was there."
I doubt it. You ran away be
fore the alarm was given."
B. : "Who did?"
C. : " You did."
B. : "Liar!"
C. : "Liar!"
Note In daily paper:
" The firm of Cagle ft Boyle, so wall
and favorably known In this city, has
dissolved by mutual consent. Ihe
strongest friendship existed between the
two partners, and the dissolution took
place la the be6t of good humor."
Local paragraph :
"Yes eriay while the Hon. Peter
Cagle was going down in the cellar, ha
fed over an obstruction, struak a barrel,
and blacked one of his eyes; and, eli.gu
lar to relate, shortly afterward Colonel
Boyle slipped on the fddowalk and seri
ously bruised his noe. At the present
writing both gentlemen are doing well,
and will, we trust, be out again ka a few
days." Arkansiw Traveler.
An Experienced Editor,
' Ah." said the summer tourist,
lnr over the fence and addressing tha
farmer, "may I make bold to Inquire
what that great quantity of green veg
tation growing over there is?"
"t'ert'nly. mister; hat'3 corn."
"Ah. thanks. And those large ani
mals over the fence, tbey are, er "
"Cows, my friend, every ooe of 'era
cows. Say, you don't seem to be very
well po tod on these 'ere thing6."
" Perhaps not. The fact Is, my busi
ness I. as kept me so closely confine!
that this is the first chance Fe bad to
go out in the country."
- Kunul'.g a bank or something Ilk
that?'
' No. sir, I am editor ot an agricultur
al paper. I have held that position for
thirty years." Estolline Bell.
Perspiring Clonda, 1
Little Dollie asked Ids mamma If be
could go out in the yard and play, to
which his motber repdexi that he could
net. a- it was raining.
Looking out of the window a few min
uter afterwards, he said :
Mamma, the. rain don't r&la acj
more."
" But tho ground Is wet. Dollle." wa
the r-p:v, "and ;t is -till very misty."
"Well.' replied Doll "1 dees tt'a
notl.in' but the perspiration co a. In'
down." National Weekly.
Doubling I p Iota On.
Little B.-y ito very stout lady vlpltorl :
W asn't yo : single before you married
Mr. SliBiley?"
.tout Lady: "Y, my doar."
Little Boy i p.-rj b x .i i : " O. then,
when y -um-iTied Mr. Slimley you be-C-
mo dun I.-, didn't you."
Stout Lady: "Oh, no. my deer; we
be nine on-, as they sny."
Lit: c Boy icunoiut.vely; : oh, then
y .n re the one, ain't you.'" Harper s
Bazar.
Couldn't Afford It.
Tramp: "Sir. a single moment."
Genial Man: " Well, my g.od man?"
Tramp: " I will frank with you. I
am tired of life and am determined to
drink myself to death. I have exhauate
ed my means, and 1 implore you to fur
nish the funds to complete my :estru--tion."
G. M. (after a careful survey i: My
good man, I regret to say that I 1 ava
not tlO.O 0 to spare. 'I Philadelphia
CalL
Family Care.
She was away with her mother and she.
Indited an epistle ( in her mother's hand
writing, to her papa.
She had a doll, which, with budding
poetry, was named Helen Margue.it'-,
and she wrote :
" Helen Marguerite's eyes fell howd,
her stomach and her head fell off, am.
I'm so sorry. I want you, papa, to go
and get me a pair of twins from Dr. .
I want some babies to play with." San,
Francisco Chronicie.
TVTiy Mi r -We'.'.
Vrr . -eott
S-.Tiday?" we lierrl cr'
thw Co'iit J-J i1-
t '.io Sermon.
l.Ve t'ie serm-.rj
r. tv a a another
,vcu.e..i recently.
nt church, wercat
.. S. ,.S tuU iC
ycti '
Y"71. era
Y -il. li i
-Ir."
i.",s. -v 1 rmt lVe ri n srr-
roon '"
I didn't rr ni r c
to tho c.T'ir." was th-jcl;:d-r.
Chau-b rsL
pos:'.o:y.
t-'I' ti: I t-elor.g
"-op.'.lsfied re-(l-ecn.)
Ra
A Little rrerlotu."
The Rev. Mr. Unity was quite liberal,
but so absent-minded.
They were making up a whist party,
when Miss Mabel said to hlra :
"Mr. Tnlty, won't you join us? Mr.
De Beans Is going to take a baud and be
my partner."
Mr. Unity wakes up with a start, and
breaks everybody up by remarking:
" Isn't this rather sudden? Uaveyovj
got a license?" Lowell Citizen.
Peculiarity.
Charles Lamb's rebuke to a man who
by self-aseertlon pronounce-1 himself de
void of any peculiarity ought not to ba
omitted.
Wh-whieh hand do youb-b-blow your
n-n-nose with " inquired LarnJ.
With my right hand, to le sure."
"Ah!" said Lamb pensively, "thit'S)
your pe-pe-peoullarity. I b-b-blow mine)
iih my handkerchief." Chambers's
J ourual.
Not Hie Fire.
A Boston young man who was dele-gat-
d by his s ster to buy her a pair of
corsets, No. 8. went into a lare dry
goods s'ore theotner day. and w i'.h some
hesitation and nervousness a ked the
salesgirl who presid-d over mat uepart
nient lor the desire 1 article.
1 he girl sized him up a moment, and
then replied :
"They won't fit you. sir. You'll want
two sizes larger, at least." Boston Poet.
Reaaonahlo.
'You can have
Isaics: "You can have -lot lair of
susb-'ii !ers for ;eef;v zont. Of yotl
dakes dwo U;ir I b ts you have them for
seventy-five i-'ri, or I g.fs you voux
bidr vor a to'lar."
Customer: "How many pair will I
have to take before I get them for noth
ing?" A Suggestive Qo. stlon.
A little child once asked his mother
the question :
Mot, , r, what part ot heaven do ;
g t.. : o ar- good. bit not ab. . -i
able:" Christian Advocate.