&
I
H A. McPIKE, Editor and Publisher.
HB IS A KREKMAN WHOM THE TRUTH MAKES FREE, AND ALL ARB SLAVES BESIDE."
Terms, $2 per year, In advance.
VOLUME IX.
EBENSBtJRG, PA., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1875.
NUMBER 43.
1
REGISTER'S NOTICE
that lhe follow!
H.Vo tbe "rph-n
"ted Nation and allowsn.se, on Weihi
! 55 Sli STr Lucsmssk, A. D. WW.
to
Kit: . - . .u.i r tAh K. Wff1a.
iTh."?" nViate of Alle-heny
Viwnt"' oi n.
FtwnVh,lp,irn.r partial account or Richard
i . xbe nr r Stephen Forrester,
lr'n Kl' ?eocbles, ute or MillTllle
.T,,h. f Ane MaCUre, executrix
fce. RoW late of Ebcnsbur borough,
l'"?1.-, ...i fln.l account of John F. Tlbbott,
I -in"'..""r i..i,n (. Orifflth. late of Butte
fTi. Jane Durbin. (late
Vm . J ' "-utr, of John J- (ilM8'
..lr,nrof l"r. W. W. Jamison, late of Loretto
Lch. , , w ,r r.U trustee
Hfto. te relestat, of J. H. Mitch-
C 7ltnr JohnVown boron Kh, Ueeeese.1.
r I. iic" . . .,,.,. inhn Pihert.
I 1 ..wnt'rs of Oeorire McLane, late of
.hrKfuim boMUif h. deceased.
? T -Brst n.i nnal account or Simon Melton
.iL idinimttratorof Henry Lamer, late of Sus-
, pV,;; sTrlttmatter. eruardlan
. t.n iT-hi. mi,.r child of Peter Welule. late
to.whip. Uecea.e.l
11 The nrSi nun units - - - -;- -
"i7ni"ir.t..r ot Hiram Folsom, late or "xoder
m The sec D l account or Wm B. Bon.cw.er.
imm appointed to sell the real estate of Daniel
Xt.n. ur. Ute f . lor town-hip. "TlL,
ViMh. .lminiitrt.r of James Campbell, late of
f of orl Scheriner, late or Johnstown bor-
ith. ietva"l. ,
VL . i i An.i .Mwinnt nf fleorre f;nn-
L.'dminitrt1.rnf Dr. Fer.llnan.1 Bingell. late
L John.tn bomunh, deceased.
r ii ru m irn.unt of Eiixabeth Parrtsn. ad-
LuL'intrix of Silas Parriah, late or Cambria
nMp. 1ecearl.
i; pi htfiTt account of ffm Makm. admmlstra-
f of t:!n(e'.h Sbarar, late or Ebcnsburg bor
:!. dfceal. ,
IS The tirt account or Anna B. McOontgle. one
' !h eiccotors ot Jeremiah McOonlgle, late or
' lib.t-'in townbip, leceasel.
H Thf firt account ot John E. Scan!ap, one or
v . ..I laMml.h VTlnnltflf 1 At A nf
Vuli.m'on township, deceasel.
Rrflcr'i f 'fflc, Kbensbucs, Nov, 0, 1HT5-
iWIDOWS' AP1RAISEMENTS.
W Notice is hereby giren that the
:ii inf nmml i prijemcn ts of real estate and
rnil nronertr of decedents, selected and set
cr firthe willows of intestates, under the Act
AwnhlT of the lh day of Aprtl, A. 1. 1851,
.tf heen nl1 in the Keaister's orflce at Ebens-
hrt. n'1 will ie presented to the Orphan's Court
' t aianri. cienty, lor eonnrmaunn ami auow
r.n Wmixksd'at. the Mb day of Dm BMbbr,
V. liri. to wit:
1. lDTB'''rv :in. appraisemeftts of certain real
in'i ami "et prt for Mary Schonler,
id ui l h S'lnnlor, late of Conemaugh
K r.r.j'a. ik-'-lf 400.00.
1 lDvcuinrr ami apiraisement of certain .er
til ;.-r!y a; r.ii!ed and set apar' for Mar
irft Hrtiry." wi. w of Samuel Henry, late of
nft uri ti-r-Miirh. ilec'd itw.o0.
I lntFiiiory sr. t tuipniaftnc-nt of certain real
k:niirii"1 an.i -t .fart for Kebecea Ann
N:k. wiii. w ot M. II. Lurk, late of Adams towa-
4 mtentory an'l sppraisement or certain pcr
t; pr-perty appraised aod set apart for Saran C.
cnuar. wi'iow of Israel Oouzhnour. Kte of
l'i-0 towu,iiip. ilee'd i0.00.
JAJILS M. Sl.UtK. Kea;,sier.
Kt iter'i Olfi.-e. thnitur, Not. 6, 1875.
fpIUAL LIST. List of causes set
.liiurn f.tP trial st tV unwtiirur t. rm rf
urt. cimmenciux on the first Monday of Decern-
rr atxt :
f.kst unit.
. .. ts. Hollas.
ts. Waner.
seoo.iD witi.
ts. Oarman et aL
. ts. Moran.
vs. Christy.
ts. Williams et at.
ts. hrins.
!
-a Ormtr. .
4-t
'.tl ".,
it lr.,Q (j
l-1STU5C
ts. 4 'onrad.
ts. Itrotherline.
i'o fc scinlsn.
ne!En ts. Kurta.
rs. The Twp. or White.
MiiMllh
ts. Uentroth.
.."3. Knrin.
ts. Martin (t (V).
, .ts Woleslagle h. Son.
. vs. Hashes.
. ts. Myers fcCo.
. t. Water.
oiJA.V. rothonotarr.
e. Elenslnrfr, Not. , 1U75.
t
tit.
M l AJm'r . .
it Si. t
"whor..)trT's (tin.
PISPB IPERIAL SOAP
ri IS THE "BEST."
4 .!11r "anofa'tHred rrt.m pore mater!l
. ii. 'arare pereenUire or Ve-cta-
'"k'f warranted fully equal to the best Im-
: r ti i """I'l and eleanslnir properties of
4i r v n n,, "encn Iaunary
. I. ,'" ta'ffore recommfndel for use In
w"'1"' Kl,,-h". and Bath-room, and rr
"vir. v" 1,1 l""!""1: lo. for Printen,
U.U k I Ink ,Teese. Tr, Oil, Paint, etc.,
t ' Uie hands. Maniiftn.i
'RllProjl R ROT II EM,
li-a ?' ?i 10 a,f" riac, and S3 and Xi
litStnon Mreet, Sew rk. eto.
IASSI0XEES' NOTICE. Notice
V V . .
w! "ir"v K'Twn that W. M. LLOTD, or
'.'".',k e'jun'y' Pnnsylranl!, and J abb
' iN'rkM ti i "mniary ssiannaeni,
f'beiiiT w i. ' estate, real and l-ersonai,
n'lV.Ji 5 1 I-Ovn,t0 JOHI R SILLY, JaKKS
laf vi 'J2.,rn,t fur 1 h benefit ot the cred
I -V TJll .UJ',.W: M- Ltovn. All iwrsons. there.
, " '. "ineeai.i w. M. LliiTD, will make
iim m a ' ""a-neea, ana tnose naTinsr
I4w.remi""11 make known the same
JAMES LOUDf),
MAX. KINKEAD,
rv-. A'lgneeiof W.M.Lxott.
wi. is, is, ISr-et. I
'AMlNlSTRATTnV KfiTIPR
tf tecXT. . 01 Jonx c- BOLAJCD, rlec'd.
Miljlsritl,), n the estate of John
t";oi --.uiuraiiTin. toroua-n, aeeeavei.
l,Tnt k ,aU1 Mlat are requested to make
t""t th "Ut ,lelT' "" ' haTlnaj claims
Knii... . wiit tnnni thffm trfrriv an.
iM for .ule,rnt. '
s".tnn- v1 BOLAND, AdmlniatratoT.
'w. a, 187S.-4H."
PMINISTIUTION NOTICE.
r( rlmlnll"TaUon on the estate or Oath
r'tba!; 01 Ran"erlilU township, dee'd.
r"'n rt. . 1 10 lne undersiirned, notice ts
u itil!!. "ll Per,w lndebte.lU said estate
I a t,.7.'.mu!,t be made without delay, and
h rw?i. . "I1 'nt the not will present
r rr.jnT r-.ted for settlement.
1 . tAKlNE J. BCRTNETT.
Administratrix.
AINlSTRATinvvfiTipp
p AWAW A 1 J M4
urflT 0f E' IZABKTH CBCM, dfw'd.
"'-rua. 1 ,!u"n,!,tratl..n on the estate or Ellaa
"""r b. of summerhill township, dee d,
"1v7t1r..!'ant'", to ,ne nnderslifned, notice is
W torthi '.V ,leM tu f " uat
bs ani1 " claims asrainst the same
'eaent. I 8nU!d. properly AuU.onUcatod for
ln-THAJUNE J- BUItTNETT,
1a.Vl." A M.tl.. ....
AdaiinlstratriX.
VUAn. WM. lf.8ECni.KR.
OEMAKER & SECHLER,
K-iUt'RC.CAIIBRtACO..P4. (tf.l
Ai Family can afford to
l;ifi-ti ITHoT7T IT. Agent, arldreaa
J J O. Uootxk, Newburx, P.
- 1
In
OTItti Accouotii have been pawed and
ni1?...!:iim.it Hbenaburr. In
I. HrII - ' " r.
Omnrta.ana win d. pre
C.urt nf .Hid cau.tr.
THE BEST COW IX PRIL.
Old farmer B. Is a stingy rt in,
. He kriepe all be rets, aud gets all he can;
Uy all bis friends be is said to be
As tight as the bark on a young birch tree; j
He goes to church, and be rents a pew,
But the dimes he gires to the Lord an fe-rr;
If he gets to heaven with the good aud gret
lie win De let in at rue smallest gate.
Now, farmer B., besides drags and plows.
Keeps a number of very flue calves aud cows;
He makes no butter but sends by express.
"What do the city folks know about milk ?
They are better judges of cloth aud silk;
Not a man who buys, I'd vow, can tell
If I water it not, or water it well
If they do not know, then where' the sin?
I'll put the sparkling water iu."
Thus talked to himself old farmer B.;
How mean he is, young aod old can see.
One night It was dark, oh, fearfully dark;
The watch dog never came out to bark;
Old farmer B. iu his bed tlid suore,
When rap, rap, rap, nearly shattered his
door,
And a voice cried out with a hasty breath,
"lour best cow, neighbor, is choking to
death I"
Clipping off the end of a rousing snore.
Farmer B. bounded out ou the bedroom
floor;
Aud the midnight voice was heard no more.
He pulled ou his pants, he kuew not huw,
For his thoughts were all on the choking
cow.
He flew to the yard like a frightened deer,
For bis stingy soul was filled with fear;
Looking arouud by his lantern's light,
He fount! that the cows were there all right
'I will give a dim,' cried farmer B.,
'To ktiow who played this trick on me;
May the hand be stitfand the knuckle be sore
That knocked to-night ou my farm-bou.se
door."
With a scowl on his face and a shaking
head,
Farmer B. again sought bis nice, warm bed;
No good thought came, they were all o'er
powered; The little good nature he had, had soured.
When he went to water his milk next day,
The midnight voice seemed again to say.
As he pumped away with panting breath;
"Your best cow, neighbor, is ckokiug to
death!"
The meaning of this he soon found out,
For a stone was driven iu the old pump's
spout.
Old farmer B., when he drives to town,
Now meets his neighbors with a savage
frown;
They smile, and ak, as they kindly bow,
"How getteth along the best cow now?"
A TERRIBLE MOM EXT.
Yes,- terrible that is just what it has.
I shall never forget it, even (should I live
U one of tliote wondrous ages at times
recorded in the papers. Moreover, it was
not a thing for a mau to forget. Many
events may slip from our mind, but never
that moraen, when we stand on the brink
of the grave, brought thither by the prob
ability of an awful death.
It happened iu this way. I bad been in
Australia for about five years, during which
time I had amassed a tolerable fortune,
when I began to long to see the old country
again mi desire considerably strengthened
by the fact that the girl I loved, and who
bad consented to be my wife, was going to
England, and I could not bear the thought
of such an extent of ocean between us ; so
I determined to go too, and let our mar
riage take place there.
May Brod.stone was the only daughter of
a well-to-do lujuattter, nd the prettiest)
nicest girl for miles round the station,
though, until I had become acquainted
with her, rather fond of a bit of girlish
11 illation. This was the worse for me, as
it turned out.
Among her many admirers was one
Jacob Kiel. Dark .haired, dark-eyed, dark
complexioned, he was of that class of men
who feel strongly, and who never forgot au
injury like wild cats they are nasty custo
mers to offend. Well, May, I fear, had
flirted somewhat with Jacob Kiel, who, I
really believe, loved the very ground she
walked ou, though she declared aud I
knew it wastiue that the had uevcr given
him the slightest hope.
It was about this time that I appeared
upon the scene; aud she 'discovered that
she bad found the right man, as I had
found the right girL May Brodstoue in
stantly gave up all her admirers, was as
steady and quiet as a gum tree when no
wind' blows, and finally said the "Yes"
upon which my happiness depended.
Old Mr. Brodstone knew that the match
would be a good one, and readily gave his
consent, so that our engagement was soon
made public I was present wbeu the
news reached Jacob Kiel. I shall never
forget his face. His lips were compressed,
his dark eyes contracted ; he looked from
May to me, and I felt that, if ever he
could, he would do me mischief. With
out a syllable he quitted the place. A
strange sensation run through me as he
departed ; and May told me that a cold
shudder had run through ber veins.
We did not see much of Kiel after this,
though we knew be was often about the
station upon business ; but the man some
how threw a kiud of shadow over May's
aod soy happiness, and we were not at all
sorry when we got on board the steamer
and steamed off towards Old England.
We bad not, however, got clear out of
sight of land when May, giving a little cry(
put ber hand on my arm, and, slightly
noddiug ber bead towards the lower deck,
said:
Oh, Edward, lookbe b there too l"
Aud so be was. Leaning quietly over
the side, watching the land apparently,
was Jacob Kiel a passenger for Englatid,
like ourselves. I will own that I was con
siderably annoyed, though when May,
drawing nearer, exclaimed, in alow startled
voice, "Edward, dear, I don't know bow it
j is, but I dread that man I tiaunot divest
my mind of the thought that he means us '
harm," I laughed and tried to banish so
absured an idea. And certainly it ap
peared I bad every right to do so. Save
by a casual interchange of a few words,
Kiel Dsver troubled us, and we were mak
ing a capital journey, when, just as we
were within twenty degrees of the line,
we were struck by a hurricane which the
captain declared ws alamcrt a cyclone in
violence.
Tlis vessel could not weather it. The '
masts crashed overboard, taking several of
the'erew with them, and, before the wreck
could be cut adrift, a poi tiou of the broken
spars, dashing against the ship, bad caused .
leak below the water-line, and the cry
was, "We are sinking ! Lower the boats '
the pumps are useless !"
The captain was marvelously firm and
cool, aud by bis example made ua ail the
same.
The boats were rapidly lowered and
filled, while, thank heaven, the storm
seemed t abate. The women went first,
of course, and all was proceeding well,
when, just as the last boat was being filled,
I remembered that in my harry I had left
my mother's miniature in my chest. There
was plenty of time to fetch it, and in
a
second I was down iu the cabin. Fling
ing the lid open, my band was already upon
the likeness, whan I heard a foot npon the
stairs. I turned, and by the dim light yet
swinging from the roof, perceived Jacob
Kiel.
Good heavens! The diabolical expres
sion on his face, the fiendish malice in bis
dark snake-like eyes, revealed his intention
in a moment. He had come to do me ,
some deadly harm. Leaping up, I seized
my revolver, to be on my guard ; but an
attack was not his purpose. Before I
could prevent him, he had quickly closed
the cabin door, and locked it on the out
side. Like a flash of lightning all the horrors
of my position instantly flashed before me.
1 was a prisoner iu the sinking ship ! Ut
tering a loud shout of fury, I sprang for
ward ; the cry was echoed by a laugh from
Jacob Kiel. I heard him say, "Who will
marry May Brodstone now?" and then his
feet went rapidly up the stairs.
I called loudly for help; the uproar of
the storm drowned my voice. I paused.
Just then the wind lulled, and I heard the
order to push off ; the speaker was Jacob
Kiel. I again shouted in my agony ; but
my voice aud the wind rose together I
was unheard. I continued to shout like a
madman, though I knw all hope was
gone that I was alone, like a trapped rat,
iu the sinking ship.
Furiously I beat the door, all the while
painfully conscious that rescue was im
possible and death certain, for it was
night, and as no doubt the storm would
separate the boats, my absence would not
be discovered uutil the vessel was foun
dered. Could I expect nnght else, when in the
occasional lull of the hurricaue I heard the
rush of the deadly waters in the hold,
and felt the ship lurch more heavily each
moment as she plunged into the trongh of
the sea ? Suddenly she gave a terrific keel
over and a wave caw rattling down the
companion ladder like thunder, lushed un
der the door and inundated the cabin.
I shrieked iu sgouy, believing that all
was over that I was to die thus, not even
with the chance of battling for life.
I felt that I could meet death calmly if I
were on deck, with the heavens above me ;
but my very bair stirred at the horrible
thought of being buried in the sea as it
were in a box. Was there really bo way
of escape f 1 looked arouud aud gave a
gieat cry of joy, then leaped forward,
careless now that the water mounted
higher and higher.
"Fool 1 idiot I" I exclaimed "why did
you not think of it befote f You are your
own murderer I"
My eyes bad rested npon my revolver.
In a second I had fired two of its barrels
into the lock of the door, shivering it to
atoms, and the next minute I was upon
the deck only just in time, for the vessel
was settling fast. It would bave settled
long before, but the storm had abated.
. With a wild hope I looked for the
boats. Near or far, all was alike dark
ness hid the waters. But, having suc
ceeded so far, I resolved not to despair.
One by one I discharged the remaining
barrels of my revolver, and then plunged
into the sea, to swim as far as I could
from the ship before it sank, hoping that
I should find some pieces of wreck. I did
so, before I bad proceeded far a mast,
with cordage attached. This helped me ;
for after lashing myself to the mast as well
as I could, the waves bore roe away. Sud
denly, however, a fearful rush of water
seized roe. I was drawn rapidly back, and
tbea down as ia a whirlpool flung, it
seemed, here, there and every where after
which I remembered no more. When I
came to, I waa in one of the boats with
May Brodstone leaning over me.- J -
It appeared that directly after morning
dawned, the boats were called together,
and the captain went over the names,
when mine was found missing ; npon
which he resolved to row back, and see if
he could not find me, urged thereto by
j many of his companions, who wondered
j as did not Jacob Kiel what could have
prevented my getting Into one of the
boats.
I
one bearing Jacob Kiel and the worst of
the crew was missing. He has either i
steered the boat into a different track, or i
paid the fellows to desert us, fearful of the
punishment that mght have awaited him
when be touched laud."
Whether this was so I do not know, for
we never, beard of Jacob Kiel again.
That day we were picked np by one of
Green's ships, homeward bound, and in
due time were landed in England, where
May aud I were married, and where we
dow reside ; for my wife will not hear of
crossing the ocean again, as she cannot
forget as indeed I cannot that most ter
rible moment of my life.
A Wijb Bird. A family near Boston is
happy iu the possession of a parrot of more
than ordinary intelligence, and one whose
talking powers are the wonder of the
neighborhood. In an evil day, however,
the bird was taught by some naughty boys
to swear like a trooper, and with a per,
vernity wonderfully human, and, withal,
strangely savoring of original sin, the
feathered biped soon seemed to find pleas
ure in nothing so much as a sounding oath.
Mild correctionary measures proved unas
vailing and the offender was at last leg 11
laily soused iu a pail of cold water after
each burst of profanity, and then placed
on the stove hearth before the fire to dry.
During a recent rain storm some small
chickens belonging to the same family got
very wet aud thoroughly chilled, and were
placed on a perch before the fire to be
warmed into full activity again. It so hap
pened that t lie parrot had just been
treated to an involuntary bath himself,
and he at once cocked his head on .one
side and surveyed the new comers for a
moment in silence. Then, as if all was
plain to him, he hitched a little away from
his dripping companions, and exclaimed
in an oracular tone, "Little d d fools,
been swearing 1"
The Boy Cocldn't See It, A Grand
Hirer avenue grocer saw a boy about 12
years old loafing around his store yester
day, aud he patted htm ou the head and
said : j
"Boy, go to work. George Washington
was a worker ; Thomas Jefferson swuug 1
the ax ; Henry Clay used the hoe." j
"Did they?" asked the lad. I
"They did, my son. Labor is grand ;
labor is ennobling ; labor is the founda
tion beam 8 of this country. The boy who
cultivates habits of industry will, sooner :
or later, achieve success and iu dependence.
Tbcrc's fifty bushels of potatoes in there
to soi t over. Go to work at them, my
boy, and to encourage you I'll give you 15
cents a day. In a few days, if you are in-
dustrious and trustworthy, I'll let you saw ,
some wood, aud then you may pick over (
some beans, and it won't be long after j
that, before you can run for Governor vt
Michigan. Come, now, go to work."
The boy went in and worked for about
an hour, and was then missing. Orj a
board was a sign he bad left behind him.
It read : "You'r bank Clay aud george
Washington Kin go to blazes." Detroit
Free Prest.
Odk to Autumn. The grasshopper
creaks in the leary gloom, and the bumble
bee bumbleth the live-long day. But
where bave they gone with the bran-new
broom? And what has been done to the
buzz-saw's play ?
Ob, it's little be thinks of the cold mince
pie, And it's little be seeks of the raw ice
cream ; For the dying year, with its trem
ulous sigh Shall waken the lingering loon
from bis dream.
Oh, list 1 For the cricket, now far and
near, Shrillfully sifigeth his roundelay,
And the negligent noodle bis noisy cheer,
And where the doodlebug eats the hay.
Ob, the buzz-saw so busily buzzes the
stick, And bumbling the bumble bee bum
bleth bis tune ; While the cricket cricks
crickingly down at the creek, And the
noodle call noisily out, "is it noon ?'
The dog fennel sighs, 'She is here I she
is here ! . And the smart-weed says
dreamily "Give as arest?" The bop-vine
speaks tenderly, 44Give as a beer." And
the jimson-weed hollers, Ob, pull down
your vest !" Burlington Ilaxcktye.
There is an old maid in Kalamazoo
who is determined to get a husband. She
caught a burglar in ber room the other
night turned the key on him, and made
htm promise to marry ber before she would '
let him out. The fellow was allowed to go j
to a neich boring town to get bis wedding J
suit, and from there wrote back to say that
he couldn't honorably fulfil bis promise a
j he bad a wife in England.
The sea was nearly calm, the sun shin
ing, and their search was not difficult.
They soon perceived a dark object. Ap
proaching it they found it to be myself,
clinging like grim death to the mast, but
laughing and yelling like a maniac. In
fact I was mad, and for some time after
they had managed to get me into the boat
I remained so ; then I became calmer,
though I was delirious for a whole day
and night.
Directly sensibility returned, I told my
story, filling every oue with horror, especi
ally May Brodstone.
"I see it all!" exclaimed the captain.
"The villain ! Last night our boats sepa
rated in the darkness ; this morning the
A SCIENTIFIC JOB. J
Some time since a stranger arrived in
. Detroit iu order to consult Irom one to a
dozen surgeons about his tongue, that
useful member being hampered with a
cancer. The doctors took a look at the
tongue, shook their heads and said : "Hum
i hum." Gathered in solemn council,
they agreed that the tongue must come off,
j or at least about a third of it. They as
sured the man that they could make a
very neat and scientific job of it, and once
his tongue got well they could splice it, as
sailors splice a rope, and give him as much
tongue and as much talk as ever. The pa
tient consented, and the new tongue was
in opetatioc yesterday for the first time.
The surgeons, were jubilant, and they in
vited our reporter to call around and see
the job. He went. He found the patient
sitting up, looking pretty fair, aud willing
to give all the information he had about
him. -
"What is your name ?" asked the repor
ter. "Wholl loll roll loll," was the prompt
reply.
"Where do you belong?"
"Illy lolly bloll, roily doll," he replied.
One of the surgeons stood by, and he
clapped his hands with glee and shouted :
"See there ! Why that man talks as well
sa you or 1 1 I tell you it was the neatest
sceintific job of surgery ever doue iu this
towu !"
j After a brief discussion with the surgeou
on the antiquity and uses and abuses of
: tongues, the reporter turned to the man
and asked :
j "Did it hurt you much ?"
"Whilly Twol lol slol I" he answered.
I ''And bow did you like thisspliciugbusi-
j ness?"
"Whol fiol hil blil lol I" he said.
J "He feels all right, of course," chuckled
. the surgeon. "Why, man, he works that
tongue equal to a parrot! Show me another
. such job aud I'll give you a thousaud dol-
. ars I'
! The reporter asked him if women's
tongues were afflicted with cancer, aud the
surgeon replied that he never heard of a
case ; they were never at rest long enough
for any aiTliction to take root,
j "Aud you think you can in time manage
your artificial tongue, do you?" asked the
, reporter.
I "Ihl plol sial, al wohl?" answered the
man.
"In time !' echoed the surgeon. "Why,
you blockhead, i.n't he using his tongue
! now ? Can't you understand every word he
i says ?"
The reporter didn't answer, but leaned
back and wondered bow the splice was ef
fected. He had a dim idea of boiler-rivets,
shoe-patch cement, water-lime, &c, aud
finally asked to see the job. The patient
opened his mouth in response to the request,
and the surgeon grabbed the tongue, pulled
it this way aud that, moved it up and down
and exclaimed :
"Nicest job ever exhibited in the pro
fession! I call it the invisible splice, but
you can see the junction right along there.
The new part is a composition known only
to me, and I can't betray the secret. If
there were only cancers enough I'd make
my eternal fortune in six months."
"Well, T wish you speedy recovery," re
marked the reporter as he rose to go.
"Glehl plol obi," replied the mau, smil
ing blandly.
"Good-bye."
"Glool lool," he answered.
"I tell you," said the surgeon, as he
came out on the walk, "uot one man in
10,000 could bave done that job without
spoiling the man's speech forever." De
troit Free Press. "
Telling the Truth Under Great
Temptations. There were a dozen or
more of them seated in front of the color
ed St. Charles, and they were talking
about tornadoes.
"De vorsest tomady I ever did see," re
marked an old negro, "was sixteen years
ago in Alabama."
"Did she blow much ?" inquired an
other. "Blow much ! shoo ! uiggers 1 but dat
was no deck passenger, dat tornady I Why,
sah, it jist lifts me right up to remember
it!"
"Everything went kitin," eb ?"
"Kit ten' 1 B res you! you poor, ignorant
nigger, but I seed a rrule lifted up like a
fedder, an' bow fur d'ye spose it blode
him ? Jest gin a guess.'
"One mile?"
"Free miles ?"
"Across de ribber ?"
"Into a tree?"
Each one of the crowd made a guess'
and whets all were through, the hoary
headed old man repeated :
"Niggers, you are all wrong. , That
tornady cum for that mule, au' howled
around, an' be was blode jist exactly four
inches by de watch, suie's your 'live 1"
There was a painful pause and then the
crowd rapidly thinned out, while the old
man remarked :
"Four inches by de watch, and I'll stick
to dat statement if I die for it." Vickt
burg Herald.
, A touth on being questioned by a lady
as to his occupation, replied that be was a
"manipulator of movable alphabets."
He
was simply a printer.
A Young Man who Hants Adviec.
It was the second time he bad accom
panied the young lady home froqa one of
those little social parties which are gotten
up to bring fond hearts a 6tep nearer to
each other. . j
When they reached the gate she asked '
him iif he wouldn't come in. He said he
would, and he followed ber into the house.
"It was a calm, still night," and the hour
was so late that he bad no fear of seeing
the old folks. Sarah took his hat, told
bim to sit down, and she left the room to
lay off her things. She was hardly gone
before ber mother came in, smiled sweetly,
and dropping down beside the youug man,
she said :
"I always did say that if a poor but
respectable young man fell in love with
Sarah he 6bould have my consent. Some
mothers would sacrifice their daughters'
happiness for riches, but I am not one of
that class."
The young man gave a start of alarm.
He didn't know whether he liked Sarah or
not, and he hadn't dreamed of such a
thing as marriage.
"She has acknowledged to me that she
loves you," continued the nwtber, "and
whatever is for her happiness is for
mine."
The young man gave two starts of alarm
this time, and he felt his cheeks grow
pale.
'I I haven't" he stammered, wbeu
sh e said :
"Oh, never mind. I know yon haven't
much money, but of course you will live
with me. We'd take iu boarders, and I'll
risk but that we'll get along all right."
It was a bad situation. He hadn't
looked love at Sarah, and he felt that he
ought to undeceive the mother.
"I hadn't no idea of or' he stammer
ed, when she held up ber hands aud
said : 1
"I know you hadn't, but it's all right.
With your wages and what the boarders
bring iu we shall get along as snug as bugs
in a rug?"
"But madam, but but"
"All that I ask is that you be good to
her," iuterupted the mother. "Sarah has
a tender heart and a loving nature, and if
you would be cross and ugly it would
break ber down within a week."
The young man's eyes stood out like co
coanuts in a show window, and he rose up
and tried to say something. He said :
"Great heavens! madam, I can't per
mit" "Never mind about the thanks," she in
terrupted. "I don" t believe in loug court,
ships myself, aud let me suggest an early
day for the marriage. The 11th of Sep
tember is my birthday, and it would be
nice for you to be married ou that day.
"But but but" he gasped.
"There, there, I don't expect any
speech in reply," she laughed. "You and
Sarah fix it up to-night, and I'll advertise
for twelve boarders right away. I'll try
and be a model mother-in-law. I believe
1 am good tempered and kind hearted,
though I did once follow a young mau 200
miles aud shot the top' of his head off for
agreeing to marry Sarah, and then jump
ing the bounty !"
She patted him ou the head and sailed
out, and how the young mau wants ad
vice! He wants to know whether be had
better get in the way of a locomotive or
slide off the wharf.
The "Star Chamber" A Romance of
the Mammoth Cave.- During the visit of
one of the recent touring parties to Mam
moth Cave, says a Nashville paper, a scene
was witnessed that was not down ou the
programme, aud which from its peculiar
nature has just now leaked out. It was
in the Star Chamber, tbe star of all the
sights to be seen. As soon the divi
sion was entered there was the usual cry
of "lights out," and, with a few excep
tions, all eyes were turned to the vault
overhead to witness the grand spectacle.
Those few eyes that should have been look
ing upward were of the kiud that belonged
to people of an inquiring turn of mind, and
glanced to observe the manner in which
the light was thrown on the coiling. As
they did so, they saw distinctly outlined
between them and tbe light beyoud the
forms of a gentleman aud lady. She was
standing upon a rock which brought her
withia easy reach of his arm, which encir
cled her waist. Geutly be would draw
bet to him, press his lips softly to hers,
and then she would draw hastily back.
One and another of the party were nudged,
and ceased from the contemplation of the
stars overhead to observe the tableaux be
low. When the lights were reproduced the
young lady was seated upon the rock
where she had lately been standing, and
both she aud her affectionate escort looked
as innocent as if "they hadn't beeu doing
nothing." It served the party no little
merriment, and the clin.ax was reached
wheu some one, after they bad left the
cave, approaching the swain, asked him in
tbe presence of the patty which scene in
the cave did he etijoy most. He promptly
replied, 'The Stat Chamber of course.'
The loud laugh that followed caused bim
to turn as red as a beet, and explained to
him the frequeut allusions, thereafter to
lights out.' "
ROfAXlIC, IF TRUE.
Several days ago a rather well-dressed
and good looking young woman applied to
a family in Franklin for a situation, saying
she did not want any wages ; that she
bad come from Grand Rapids, Michigan,
and was out of money and wanted a place
to stay a short time. The family needed a
servant and tbe applicant was given a
place. Nothing particular was noticed
about the new addition to the household,
except that she was very reticent aud never
went out of the house until dusk, and then
only to go the post-onlc, until one evening
an elderly man called at the house aud in
quired for Jeunie T AJter seeing
the caller the young womau told her mis
tress that Jennie T was not her right
name, and that the man who had just
called kuew her right name, but not her
fictitions name, and must have watched
ber at the post-office aud inquired for her
present name aud place of residence. This
excited the suspicion of the lady's husband,
and he immediately went to the post-office
and there found that no one bad made
such iuquiiy. For a day or so after ward
me gin scemea 10 ve uneasy ; and evident
ly to relieve her mind, she disclosed, in
substance, the following : Her home was
in Grand Ilapids, and her father a widower
in good circumstances. She had a lover to
w hom she was engaged to be married, but
before the vows were consummated ber
father had courted and married her lover's
sister, a maiden of about her own age.
To marry her lover and make her father
her brother-in-law, was too much. To ag
gravate her father she clandestinely mar
ried a man older thau he, and then took
poison. The timely aid of a physciau saved
her life. The young lover was so struck
with grief his love still held out that he
begged and pleaded with the old man who
had married his sweetheart to go to In
diana and get a di voice, and he consented.
As the story goes, a divorce was obtained.
The girl, as soon as she recovered, packed
her wardrole, pawned ber gold watch, and
fled, arriving iu Franklin several days ago,
as above stated. But iu tbe meantime she
bad communicated with her father aud he
had sent her some money and her watch.
She said the man w ho called on her here
told her tbe divorce was a fraudulent one
and the bridegroom wanted her to come
back ; but before site would do so she
would marry again, and knew where she
could marry. In the latter part of last
week she left suddenly, leaving behind a
large trunk well filled with good clothing,
aiid the day after her departure the people
with whom she lived received a telegram
from Karns City, saying : "I am married.
Send down my trunk."
This is the story as the girl tells it.
How true it is we cannot say, but one
thing we do know : The name she cave
as that of her father's is down in the direc
tory as a resident of GrandiHapids, and one
of some financial standing. Yeuanoo Sixc
tator. A Long Separated Family Reunited.
A Portland (Me.) correspondent writing
under date of Nov. 8th to the Boston lie
aid says that a story has just come to light
that reads like a novel. Mr. John Rodman,
a mechanic, w as a sufferer by the great fire
of 1SG6, aud moved with his family to Har
lem, New ink, where he had a brother
residingi-a widower with a small property.
Soon afterward Mr. Rodman went to Val
paraiso, leaving his wife, son, and daughter
with his brother. At first he sent money
home, and then bis letters ceased. The
brother died, and his little property was
eaten up by lawyers in the settlement.
The widow, with her young son and daugh
ter, returned to Portland and became a
seamstress. The latter part of 18T3 an
English captain took the son, a boy of fif
teen, to sea with him. The vessel was
wrecked in the Gulf, and all were supposed
to be lost. The mother was taken sick, but
a physician of this city took charge of her
and afterwards rendered her much aid.
A short time ago Mrs. Rodman saw an
advertisment in the AVs York Herald that
if the w ife of Johu Rodman, formerly of
Portland, would apply to a certain New
lork law firm, she would bear of some
thing to her advantage. Her doctor ad
vised her to go to New York, and she went
with her daughter. There the interviewed
the law firm, and ascertained that her hus
band had failed to hear from her before she
failed to hear from bird. He had been with
Myers, the great American railroad specu
lator, and made a fortuue, and wanted his
family, if j,ssible, to join him in New Or
leans, for which place be was about to vail.
The mother and daughter went to New
Orleans, arriving there a day or two before
the vessel by which Mr. Rodman was ex
pected. While out walking the daughter
was insulted by a young dandy, who
thought the two women were unprotected.
A young sailor knocked the dandy into the
gutter, and as he turned disclosed the fea
tures ttf the long l.6t son. It seems that
artei his vessel was wrecked be was picked
up by a Norwegian vessel and carried to a
port in thai country. Thence he went te
Calcutta, thence to South Ampton,and ar
rived in New Oilcans the day before. A
few days afterward the father arrived, and
the long separated family were reuuited and
uppy.
Thk Girls. The following is from a
lady who seems to be throughly posted iu
' " ""mi volumes 01 tictioti
. and seutimentalism : "Men who are wotth
. having want women for wives. A bundlw
. of gew gaws, bounded with a string of
J flaps and quavers, sprinkled with cologne
and set in a carmine saucer this is no
j belp for a man who expects to raise a fam
; uy of boys on bread and meat. The piauo
mc jjwiu in iiieir places,
and so are the frills and tinsels ; but you
cannot make a dinner out of the former,
nor a bed-blanket out of the latter : and
nmui ns Riicn an uiea may seem to you,
, both the dinner and the bed blanket are
i necessary to domestic happiness. Life has
its realities as well as fancies, but you
, make it decorations, remembering the tas
sels and curtains, but foigetting t!;e bed
; stead. Suppose a man of good sense and
I good nrosjHKJts to be looking for a wife
j what "chance would you have to be chosen?
1 ion mav catch him ...... ... 1 : .
but how much better to make it an object
Tor him to catch you. Render yourself
worth catching, and you will not need a
shrewd mother to help you find a mar-
A remarkable group, consisting of a
great-great-g-andnioihei, g-i iMiuidino
ther, grandmother, mother ai;' tlaugbtcr,
was lately photographed at lkui ikcr, X.H.