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. McPlKC, Editor and Publisher.
in
1 HB 18 A FR35KMAIT WHOM THB TRUTH HAKES TREE, AND ALL ARK ELATES
DESIEE.
VOLUME VIII.
Terms, S2 per year, In ad van Co,
EBENSBURG, PA., FRIDAY, JUNE 12, 1S74.
NUMBER 21.
E' A lH'EKTlSEMEXTS.
'WE
And Our
NEIGHBORS"
j? the lau'sl ttliu nun iy
UAJllGV X-VAAVA WUU V J
Author of ' ne Tom s Ca'nn,
.r-ti , Wnistt r '. HWnfir," "Jy H'la and I.'
-I niitT powerful stories, each the literary
J(,n of its period; and this story prom-
ijlik genuine and wholesome sensation.
, , ,r1 directly i social topics of interest
,raciiig the romance of youthful compan-
.Ips tho brightness of happy horoe-life,
vsp;,.y complications of neighborhood as
ns, anl such follies and profound
..fic miseries as have led to the wide-
,rvj'l TwTr'tnep movement of tho day.
W-i. Stowe is now in the prime of that
,::s hi h wrote "Undo Tom," ripened
rrarsof study and observation. ITer nov-
. ,ve immensely popular, "Unci Tom's
n" ai'ino outselling by hundreds of
,3aiii!s any edition of an.v original work
,r inhlisb-'l snve the liible. Her book
, rears ago, ".Vy Wife and I," outsold
..:r contemporary. Surh a pure and en-
;.;:8jj ftory as " We and Our Xeiyhbors ''
aid be read in every home. This now
-il : now running exclusively In the
nkly Family Xeirspaper,
be (Iiristian Union
HENRY WARD BEECHER,
EDITOR.
In rfiiq'O"- matters this paper is Evan
1.3:1.1 misectarian; in political affairs
y.s.Vut aud outspoken. It contains
':y r: artii-los, and both short and serial
m. 1 mm tli lorernost writers; It aims
;;::ra;n the highest standard in Religion,
rmwre. !'.-try, Art, Musio, Science,
. I' uitii-s, llnuscbold and Family Af-
w:ih Stnrivs, Tihymes, l'uzzles for the
ir-n. o. Nothing is Fpared to make
i vmplrtk .Vfirsjwf.r fr the Family,
tractive, widrt-awaki-, and up with
;a.;s a b.urnal interesting to every
rlhe household, young or old. It in
MARVEL of CHEAPNESS.
Ti?, x i. PH than one cent a day, it gives
- resiling matter enough to fill an
u'y ? 1. '"'ok of over ."5(H) pages; and
k v ."2 Mieh volumes, i. e., nixty-fiie
wrili of m.ittxr! To each is thus
a 5 rni:sExrr:n
COMPLETE LIBRARY.
ri fvm i f if"- 1 1.1 per, 2 1 pages, large 4 to,
1 an. ni'iime.!, commends it to all.
w.'';.r -ir;: 1 i .pularity of this pajier
r us class it lias th5
1'eter'tt Hide to the Jfeddlntf.
l'eter would ride to the weddincr. he would
c-. i . . l l , . . . 1
uj iiiuiiiii.i ma ass anu ins wire,
Phe was to ride behind, if she could,
or, saul I'eter, "the woman, she should
ruiiow, not lead through life."
"lie's mighty convenient, tho ass, mvdear,
And proper and safe and now
You hold by the tail, while r hol.l l,ul,nr
And we'll ride to the kirk in time, never fear
If the wind and the weather allow."
The wind and the weather were not to be
blamed
But the ass adonted the whim
That two at a time was a load never framed
For the back of one ass, and he seemed quite
iVSUUIlKM
That two should stick fast upon him.
'Come, Dobbin," says Peter. "I'mlthinking
we'll trot."
"I'm thinking we won't." savs the ana
1 n lanjruatre of conduct, anil stuck to tlie aw.t
As if lie had shown he would sooner bo shot
Thau lift up a toe from the grass.
Says Peter, says ho, "I'lllwhip him a little."
1 ry it, my dear," says 8he
But ho might just as well have whipped a
brass kettle.
The ass was made of such obstinate mettle
That never a step moved he.
"I'll priok him, my dear, with a needle,"
sai.i sue,
I'm thinkine he'll alter his mind"
The ass felt tho needle and op went his heels: i
J. m tin n King, says she, "he s beginning
to icei
Some notion of moving behind."
'JSow lend me the needle and I'll prick his
ear.
And set t'other end. too. aaroin?."
The ass felt the needle and upward he reared,
As I pushed the door open, I half ex
pected to see it in nay office in actual bodi
ly presence. It was not there, but instead,
my eyes met a sight equally surprising.
I had left my boy Shadrao in charge, as
usual. Generally I had found him at softie
diabolical ivischief on my return. To day,
as I cast my glance toward the desk, I
missed his Bhock head ; but looking about
mo, I spied it lower down, and saw that lie
was sitting on the floor in a corner with
something in his arms, and a very uncom
fortable expression on his face. In a mo
ment more I saw that what he held was a
"Hallo 1" cried I. "What's that?"
'Young 'un," said Shadrac.
"Whose? Where did it come from?'
I cried.
"Most tho minuto you weni out, a wo
man come along," said Shadrac ; and says
she, "iou Mr. Paddock's boy?" says I,
"Yaas." Says she, "Catch a hold, and
hold the child till I come back." And she
ain't never come back.
I dunno what she meant by U. She had
cheek anyway, whoever she is.
"What kind of a woman was she?" I
asked.
"She had on a shawl," said Shadrac.
"She was a furriner. What rijrht hnve I
got to take care of her young 'un, eh?'
I sat down upon a chair, and put my hand
Says Peter, saysh, "We get on rather slow;
line one end is up t other sticks to the
grounrt.
iiut I m thinkincr a method to move him I
know:
Let's prick both head and tail together, and
so
Give tho creature a start all around."
So said, so doue; all hands were at work,
vini.iiie ass lie iini au-r Lis tin ml.
cor ho started awav with so sudden a ierk
That in less a than a trico he arrived at the
kirk,
IJut he left all his lading behind.
1!L . . . . . . .
Till: UXFURTUXATE It A It V.
A II I'MI JS I'.SS MAS';iTORr.
nr MART KYLE DALLAS.
r with or without the
viz., the
ill. II il.ll .
pl drciilation in lie World.
h res.ipri. by lilt ml red s of thousands.
An Illustrated Number,
i die i.Miing chapters of Mrs.
"'M.initrnKe Mory, will be
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The put. lieeaurernep? for Mr?.Smwo'(
l".i'iilKnly of tho paper, the Irienil-
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ir?n'' lrr '''oneoiifc drlirtni- l'S?ht ouj
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or fmt fl for ehromo nut-
1 " ., N ew Yol k, BoBton, Uhl
r Sun KraneiMo.
jsut Kicking and rearing was all, it appeared, to my forehead. I know now why that
f - v w v u V UAUIltVU 1.11 C O'J
She had tracked me to my office. Perhaps
I had looked kindly at her. Who knew?
I felt pity. I might have exhibited it ; aud
before destroying herself she had cast the
infant upon my charity
It was romantic, but at tho same timo it
was inconvenient,
I looked at the child. It was very pretty
and very clean. I felt attracted toward it.
I began to wonder whether it would be
right for me to abopt a child, with my
family; whether Mrs. Paddock would be
willing that I should do so. I felt doubt
ful of that. Her own babe was care
enough for her. How often did she pace
the floor nearly all the night striving in
vain to lull it to repose. As for the baby's
maid, Nora, it was not likely that she
would be willing to bo additionally bur
thened. The charitable impulse faded al
most before it was fully formed.
What should I do? A thought struck
me. I would send for my friend, Profes
sor Grill, who had an office in the same
building, lie knew my wife well. He
was a sage who read the human character
thoroughly, and could bo looked to for an
opinion on any subject.
Shadrac was holding the baby. ne
could not take the message. I caught a
small boy on the stairs, and gave him a
ten cent stamp. The result was the hasty
arrival of the professor with a lancet, un-
dei the impression that I had been taken
with a fit of some kind. He was greatly
relieved to see that nothing was the matter
at least he said he was ; but he is particu
laily fond of amateur surgical experiments,
and I'm not sure the professor listened to
my account of a (Tail's.
'The old story, my dear fellow," lie
riST CHANCE
EASY FORTUNE !
'KDUST iIFT CONCERT
IX Alii OF THK
LIBRARY ef KENTUCKY
,:i-v :msi, isri.
''ST OF
CIFTS
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ouch. ,
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lvw oo
nlnn A.t.!-el
I" Hl( . MLKTTK,
A,;eiit an, Mutineer,
' "UltillllS. 1.1.IIUV!1C. Kv.,
i -.'. ' f-'"-,''rn Agent .
? !--r.1wdV. Nw Y( iK.
The city is a strange place. Wealth and
want stand side by side. Mirth and misery
jostle each other. The jewels of the mil
lionaire's wife Hash mockingly beforo the
eyes ot the paupers widow. I leave my
wife and my smiling infant, my littlo che
rub, of whom I am remarkably fond, and
I .saunter pleasantly down Broadway, smo
king a line cigar, i Know 1 snail make a
large sum of rnom-y by a business arrange
ment to-day, aud I intend to take Clara to
the opera this evening. This is my pro
gramme ; but what is his who stops moon
the corner, and with skinny hand extend
el, begs in a tone that is almost feroci
ous, for something to buy food with. He,
poor wretch, will shiver in his rags until
the sun goes down, ami then slink away to
hide in sumo wretched hole, unblessed by
hope, even in his dreams. Probably lie has
no wife or childron. It is to be hoped ho
has not, for they would only be helpless
companions of his misery.
I feel as though I were doing wrong to
flaunt my prosperity in his eyes, and I
blush as I give him charity and hurry on.
There are so many of them so many of
them. There goes a thief to prison ; two
stout policemen clutch his arms a crowd
follows them. Guilt and misery together
this time.
And here a woman hurries past, with a
child in her anus. What a woeful expres
sion on her face ! What a terrible story
must be hers, and how she could curdle the
blood in our veins if she should stop and
tell it in all its blank, unvarnished horror
now ! I feel a thrill of anguish ns I look
at her. Ah, how delightful it would be, if
all the world were happy and prosperous.
I was led in this train of reflection by
my morning's walk to my place of busi
ness. I have rather a tender heart, I bo
lieve. and scenes of sorrow make a great
impression upon me. On this particular
occasion I romombered the faces of the
beggar, and thief, and the destitute woman
o vividly, that I may say they haunted
me. A ue hoiuwi w,
to hover before me in the air.
"Where was she going?" I asked my
self. "What was she about to do?" The
street into which she turned led directly to
tho river. Perhaps, driven to despair, she
was going there to drown herself about
to take her life, because the task of sustain
ing it had become too hard for her ; and I
and a thousand other christians, who could
have helped her, had let her pass unques
tioned. .
"God forgive us for our sins of omis
sion," I said to myself ; "for they are very,
very great."
These thoughts troubled me all the morn
ing, and at noon-time I went out to lunch
rather in the hope of casting away my d.s
nial reflections than beoaube I had an ap
petite. However, I stayed longer than usual.
I met a friend who buttonholed me on the
corner. And it was half past ouo before I
came back to tho office.
Even theu I was not myself. A presenti
ment of evil was upon inc. I felt as tho
I were about to sec some terrible sight, and
the face of that woman floated in the a:r
again. That horrible face, with wild black j
eyes, showing the white beneath tne pupn,
the small, tightly-shut mouth, the hollow
cheeks, tho pinched chin, and the floating
tangle of LUck hair, f taming it all in.
said ; "the old story. Shadrac, my son,
never take an infant from the arms of an
unknown woman again. This thing is
done every day, every day. As for your
bcuevoleut dream of adopting the child it
is excuso me absurd. Your wife would
not hear of ifc. Oh, no, no, no, no ! Ha !
ha ! n-o-o-o ! not for a moment. Besides,
how do yon know what this deserted child
will grow up to be ? I saw your noble in
fant at your happy home yesterday. Ihe
intellect of its father aud th sweetness of
its mother are already stamped upon its
brow. I can see" here tho abandoned
infant began to shriek "I can see the
vices of its parents already written on the
features of this poor waif. Mark how low
its forehead is ! How large its under
jaw 1 Look at the rage in its eyes ! .Lis
ten to the cruel ring in its cry ! Beware
of this child ! Give it to the proper chari
ties at once. 1 ll go witn you. snari-
rac bring tne uaoy. i niusu you
from the overwhelming yearnings of your
own to charitable heart, my benevolent
friend. Come with me."
I went with him. We attracted some
attention as wo walked down tho street
together. Tho professor, who is of gigan
tic stature, whose white hair floats abroad
on the breeze, and whose big collar was
once alluded to by a Bowery boy as a capo,
clutching mo by tho arm as though my
long-vanished impulse to adoptthat strange
baby were a material power which would
bear mo away bodily, if not resisted ; and
Shadrac, in his ofiicc-coat, with a pcu be
hind his ear, bearing the infant, who still
shrieked wildly, in our wake.
I was glad to reach the couit of justico
nearest us glad to find that the affair was
an every -day one there.
Shadrac told his tale.
it.
The child was registered in a book as
number seven thousand eight hundred and
forty-four. My statement and address
were recorded, and as an invoice of desert
ed infants was jutt being taken away in a
sort of wagon by an old woman, seven
thousand eight hundred aud forty-four
went with them.
"So much for human hearts !" said I.
"The babe was cast upon my charity. I
hand it over to the city."
"Ah V
"You are a tax-payer, my friend," said
the professor. "It is well you have com
mon sense, in my person, at your elbow."
We had reached the office-building as
he spoke ; as we ascended the etatrs he
went on :
"The offspring of tho criminal classes
show their hereditary vices in their coun
tenances almost at birth. I could Geo in
that yet unchiseled face a"
"Ah, there thoy come," screamed a
voice.
"Oh, they haven't got him," cried an
other. "I gave him to the boy there," cried the
first. "Ye little devil, where's the baby?"
"Horace, speak 1 my child ?" sobbed
the other, clinging to my neck.
It was my wife who clung to nae ; tho
baby's maid, Nora, who shook Shadrac.
"Baby 1" said I, gasping, ,4what baby ?
where? when? which?"
'Oh,'' said my wife, "Nora and I were
goiug to Brooklyn, and I sent Nora first
to wait in your office for me. I had some
shopping to do, aud baby shrieks so in the
stores ; and she oh, I'll give her warn
ing ! she left the baby with the boy while
she went out to buy some peanuts. And
when sho came baek the office was locked
up, and I found her crying on the stairs.
"Where is the angel? Oh, what have
you done with him ?"
I sat down on the stairs then. Profes
sor Grill glared aud said nothing. Shad
rac told the awful tale.
He revealed to my wife that I had given
my own babe to tho city authorities, un
der the impression that it was a 6tranger;
and as my wife was of the belief that this
was a thing that ones done, could not be
undone, we had a fine lime of it.
I don't like to recur to those moments
when I made explanations to the authori
ties and excited their suspicion thereby.
Nor to the time spent in recovering the
poor little ono, who was already attired in
a blue check slip and yellow flannel petti
coat. But. after all, humiliatin g as all
this was, it was nothing to what I after
wards endured from Mrs. P , who, by
the way, never could be brought to bo on
friendly terms with the professor again.
It is in vain to point out to her that ba-
bios are all exactly alike and that I did not
notice what tho child wore : sho will not
listen to reason.
EAIITIILT AFEEJCTIOXS.
A party of Southern ladies were assem
Med in a lady's parlor, when the conversa- ,
tiou
The Evllow that Looks Like Jte.
Max Adelcr,who writes for a Philadelphia
paper, has a friend named Slimmer, who
cLxuced to turn on the subject of deserves pity. He wis going up to Bead-
earthly afflictions. Each had her story of
peculiar trial and bereavement to relate,
except one pale, sad-looking woman, whose
lustreless eye and dejected air showed sho
was a prey to tho deepest melancholy.
Suddenly arousing herself, she said, in a
hollow voice :
"Not one of you know what trouble is."
"Will you please, Mrs. Gray," said the
kind voice of a lady who well knew her
story "tell the ladies what you call trou
ble ?"
"I will, if you desiro it," she replied,
"for I have seen it. My parents possessed
a competence, and my girlhood was sur
rounded by all tho comforts of life. I sel
dom knew an ungratified wish, and was
always gay and light-hearted. I married
at nineteen, one I loved more thanall the
world besides. Our homo was retired, but
the sun never shone on a lovelier one or a
happier household. Years rolled on peace
fully. Five children sat around our table,
and a little curly head still nestled in my
bosom. One night, about sundown, one of
those black storms came on which are so
common to our Southern climate. For
many hours the rain poured down inces
santly. Morning dawned, but still the ele
ments raged. The whole Savannah seem
ed afloat. Tho little stream near our
dwelling became a raging torrent. Before
iug tho other day, and upon teaching the
depot he happened to look into the ladies'
room. A lady sat there with a lot. of bag
gage and tin eo children, and when she
saw Slimmer she rushed at him, aud be
fore he could defend himself she flung her
arms about his neck, nestled her head
upon his breast, and burst into cears.
Slimmer was amazed, iudignant, confound
ed ; and ere ho could find utterance for his
feelings, she exclaimed :
"Oh, Henry, dear Henry ! We aro uni
ted at last. Ate you well ? Is aunt Mar
tha still alive? Haven't you longed to
see your own Louisa?"
And she looked into Slimmer's face and
smiled through her tears.
"Madame," said ho solemnly, "if I am
the person alluded to as Henry, permit me
to say that you have mado a mistake. My
namo is Lemuel, I have no aunt Martha,
and I don't own a solitary Louisa. Oblige
me by lotting go my coat ; it excites re
mark." Then she buried her bonnet deeper Into
his waistcoat, and began to cry harder
than ever, and said :
"Oh, Henry, how, how can you treat mo
so? How can you pretend you are not my
husband ?"
"Madame," screamed Slimmer, "if you
do not ccaso sopping my shirt bosom, and
wo were aware of it, our house was sur- remove your umbrella from my corn, I shall
rounded by water. I managed, with my
babe, to reach a little elevated spot, on
which a few wide-spreading trees were
standing, whoso dense foliage afforded
some protection, while my husband and
sons strove to save what they could of our
property. At last a fearful surge swept
away ray husband, and he never rose again.
Ladies, no one ever loved a husband more :
but that was not trouble.
"Presently my sons saw their danger,
and the struggle for life became the only
consideration. Thoy were as brave, loving
bo obliged to call the police. Let mo go,
I say."
"The children aro here," she persisted.
'They recognize their dear fatner. Don't
you children ?"
"Yes, yes," they exclaimed, "it's pa,
it's onr dear pa."
And then they grappled Slimmer by the
trowsers' leg and hung to his coat tail.
"Woman !" he shrieked, "this isgetting
serious. Uuhand me, I say."
And he tried to diseugage himself from
her embrace while all the brakemen, tud
boys as ever blessed a mother's heart, and i tho baggage master, and the newsboys
I corroborated
Mr. Cooley'b Hat. When Mr. Cooley
came into church last Sunday, he placed
his new high hat just outside the pew in the
aisle. Presently Mrs. Pitman entered, and
as she proceeded up the aisle, her abound
ing skirts scooped Cooley' s hat and rolled
it up neatly to the pulpit. Cooley pursued
his hat with feelings of indignation, and
when Mrs. Pitman took her seat, he walk
ed back brushing the hat with his sleeve
A few moments later Mrs. Hopkins came
into church, and as Cooley had again
placed his hat in the aisle, Mrs. Hopkins'
skirt struck it and swept it along about
twenty-fivo feet, and left it lving on the
carpet in a demoralized condition. Cooley
was singing a hymn at tho timo, and he
didn't miss it. But a moment later, when
ho looked over the end of the pow to see
if it was safe, ho was furious to perceive
that it was gone. He skirmished up the
aisle after it again, red iu the face, and ut
tering sentences which were horribly out of
place in the sanctuary. However, he put
the hat down again and determined to
keep his eye on it, but just as he had turn
ed his head away for a moment, Mrs. Smi
ley came in, and Cooley looked around only
in time to watch the hat being gathered in
under Mrs. Smiley's skirts and carried
away by them. He started in pursuit, and
just as he did so the hat must have rolled
against Mrs. Smiley's ankles, for she gave
a jump and screamed right out in church.
When her husband asked her what was
the matter, 6he said there must be a dog
under hor dress, and she gave her skirts a
twist. Out rolled Cooley's hat, and Mr.
Smiley, being very near sighted, thought it
was a dog, and immediately kicked it so
savagely that it flew up into the gallery
and lodged upon the top of the organ.
Cooley, perfectly frantic with rage, forgot
where he was, and holding his clinched
fist under Smiley's nose, he shrieked :
"I've half a mind to bust you over the
snoot !" Then he flung down his hymn
book and rushed from the church. He
went home bare-headed, and the sexon
brought his humiliating hat around after
dinner. After this, Cooley intends to go
to Quaker meeting, where he can say his
prayers with his hat on his head. Max
Adder.
Remedy for Rhecmatism. A patent
medicine advertisement says, "This arti
cle will cure rheumatism of nineteen years'
Ktanding." As far as it goes, this is per
fectly satisfactory ; but we want light upon
another view of tho matter. Suppose a
man's rheumatism is only of three years'
standing, must ho let it stand sixteen years
more before the medicine will euro it? Or
if it has stood twenty year3 is there no
hope- of a remedy ? We want to know
alxiut this. It is going to bo very unplea
sant for a man to endure rheumatism for
seventeen or eighteen years before he can
take modicine for it. Max Adder.
I watched their efforts to escape with such
agony as only moth ors can feel, i hey
were so far off I could not speak to them,
but I could see them closing nearer and
uearer to each other, as their little island
grow smaller and smaller.
"The sullen river raged around tbe huge
trees
stood around, and said his conduct was in
famous. In tho midst of the strugglo a
stranger entered with a carpet bag. He
looked exactly like Slimmer and when he
saw his wife in Slimmer's aims ho became
excited, and floored Slimmer with that
carpet bag, and sat on him, and smote his
dead branches upturned, trunks, nose, and caromed on his head, and asked
wrecks of houses, drowning cattle, masses i hm what ho meant. Slimmer was re-
o
a a i: iv vet in j: a in a xjd.
The Cincinnati Timrs thus humorru,ly
goes for Agriculture :
.,T1'? f,;a!5d ?f -e?,th 51 Agriculture.
The deadliest t'nis j tt'inx that ever glit
tered to beguile arcldazzlcd to betray is Ag
riculture. 1 speak with feeling on th
subject for I liaic bean glittered and
giitiitefi, ann dazzled, and dostroyed by
this same arch dereivr.
No wonder Cain killed his brother. He
was a tiller of the ground. The wonder is
that he didn't kill his father, and then
wept because he hadn't a grandfather to
kill. o doubt his Parly Hf-s-potatoes, for
i Inch he paid Adam $7 a barrel, had bee
cut down by bugs from the headwater of
tho Euphrates. His Pennsylvania wheat
had been winter killed .and wasn't worth
cutting. His Norway oats had gono to
straw, and won hi not yield five pecks per
acre, and his black Spanish water-melons
had been stolon by boys, who had pnlle.l
up the vines, broken down his patent pickafc
fence, and written scurrilous doggory all
over his back gate. No wonder" he felt
mad when be Kaw Abel whistling alomr
with his line trsncli meiinoes worth eight
dollars a he.id. and wool going r,p every
day. .o wonder ho wanted to kill
body, and thought he'd practice on Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was not at all
surprising. He had tecomo a husband
man, lie hr.d th
opportunities. Ue might have had a m,
nopoly of any profession ,r business. Ilrvl
ho studied medicine there would not havo
been another doctor within a thousand
miles to call him "Quack ;" and everv
family would liave bought a bottle of
"Noah's Compound Extract of Gopher
U ood and Anti-Deluge Syrup." As a tk
litician, he might have carried his own
ward solid, and controlled two-thirds of
the delegates t.) every convention. As a
lawyer, he would have been retained in
every case tried at tho Ark High Court of
Admiralty. But he threw all these advan
tages and took to Agriculture. For a lon
time the ground was so wet he conld raises
nothing but sweet flag and bullrushea, and
these at last became a drug iu the market.
What wonder that when ho did get a
half-jieck of grapes that were not slang to
death by Japhet's honey bees, he should
nave maoo wine aud drowned his sorrows
in a "llowing bowl."
The fact is, Agriculture would demoral
ize a saint. I was almost a saint when I
went into it; I'm a demon now. I fight
myself out of bod at four o'clock, when alt
my better nature tells me to lia till seven.
I light myself into the garden to work lik
a 'brute, when reason and instinct tell mm
t stay in the house and cnjoy'myself lika
a man. I fight the pigs, and chickens, tho
moles, the birds, the bugs, the worms
everything in which is the breath of life. I
fight the ducks, burdocks, tho mulleins,
the thistles, the grapes, the weeds, tho
roots the whole vegotablo kingdom. I
fight the heat, the frost, the rain, the hail
in short, I fight the universe, and gut
whipped in every battle.
of rubbish, all went floating past ns. My
boys waved their hands to me, then point
ed upward. I knew it was a farewell sig
nal, and you mothers, can imagine my an
guish. I saw them all perish and disap
pear, and yet that was not trouble.
"I hugged my babe close to my heart,
aud when the water rose to my teet i
climbed into the low branches of tho tree,
and so kept retiring before it till an all
powerful hand stayed the waves, that they
should come no further. All my worldly
possessions were swept away, all my earth
ly hopes blighted yet that was not trou-blo.
"My babo was all I had lefton earth. I
labored night and day to support him and
myself, aud sought to train him in the
right way ; but as he grew older evil com
panions won hiin away from his home. He
ceased to caro for his mother's counsels ; i
he would sneer at her entreaties and agon- j
iztng prayers, lie lett my humDio rooi
that he might bo unrestrained in tho pur
suit of evil ; and at last, when heated by
wine, one night he took the life of a fel
low-being, and ended his own upon the
scaffold. My heavenly Father had filled
my cup of sorrow before ; now it is such
as I hope His mercy will save you from
experiencing.
There was not a dry eye among the lis
teners, and the warmest sympathy was ex
pressed for the bereaved mother, whose
sad history taught them a useful lesson.
moved on a stretcher, and the enemy went
olf with his wifo and family in a cab. He
PlATiOT.trAL DESrON'9 ON WOOD. T.J
called next day to apologize. His wife had now ,ow "d degraded country jour-
made the mistake because of Slimmer's- "7- we,Iw,', c,w 11113 fot '
ikeness to him. And now Slimmer wishes fiends went into cahoot, and started pa
he may soon be kicked in the face by a pers for the simple purpose of laying up
mule, so that ho will resemble no other enormous amounts of wood. For this pur-
human being on earth.
Old Weasel's Last Toker Hattd.
Tho best poker hand wo ever heard of
was held by old Weasel the other night.
Weasel didn't know much Rbout poker, Now, what are those rascals doing? Why,
pose every country paper put this uotieo at
mo neaa oi its local column :
WOOD WANTED.
Wo will tak wood fr subscrlntion for
this paper. Bring on your wood!
Yes, "bring on your wood!" Mark that!
but he wanted to learn, and every now
and then (tho party was playing euchre)
he would show his cards and ask if that
wasn't a good hand. Onco or twice he
bot, but somebody always beat him be
cause ho knew so littlo about the game.
After a whilo, as Weasel was dealing, and
hen lie had thrown three cards around
to each oue, he stopped and looked at his
three. lie looked a good while. Then he
got excited.
"Now I know this is a good hand.
I've learned something about poker in
the last two hours, and I'll bet $2.1 on
these cards. It' a just the best hand I
nvpr aaw'
Jones had beaten Weasel on this sort of ,".m. IT, !! .'J1?. b,est hic0
. ..... ...... ... , , m.- , iiiiuT lor Durniug your
(iticrftist timo possible.
tney nave been running newspapers for
wood uutil they have got all the wood in
the count! y in their ow n hands. And now
wood is up they've made a corner in it.
'But, tho reader will ask. "where is their
market? What rood will it do tlieniV
Poor, Ignorant souls! We'll tell you. After
these country editors have got ail the wood
in the country into their owu hands, what
do they do ? Why, thev no to wik. tooth
and toe-nail, and Advocate cremation 1
They know perfectly well, fust aw soon m
cremation becomes a part of American po
litics, every man will bo trvintr it on hi
mother-in-law and wife's lolat ions. rwl
wood will go up to $100 a cord ! Fverv on
f thee fiends will have this advertisement
on one whoU side of his paper:
to cunsTATroNiSTs.
An old lady of a matter of fact turn of
mind calls tho carebro spinn! meningitis
the serious final come and get us.
About a Newspaper. The Louisville
Courier-Journal has the following sensible
remarks regarding the management of a
newspaper :
Some people estimate the ability of a
newspaper and the talent of its editor by
the quantity of original matter. It is com
paratively an easy task for a frothy writer
to pour out daily columns of words words
upon any or all subjects. II ;s ideas may
flow in one weak, washy, everlasting flood,
and the command of his language may en
able him to string them together like
bunches of onions, and yet his paper may
be a meager and poor concern. Indeed,
the mere writing part of editing a paper
is but a small portion of the work. The
care, the time employed in selecting, is far
more important, and the tact of a good
editor is better shown by his selections
than anything else ; and that, we know, is
half the battle. But, as wo have said, an
editor ought to be estimated and his labor
understood and appieciated by the general
conduct of his paper its tone, its uniform
consistent course, its aims, manliness, its
dignity and propriety. To preserve theso
as they should be preserved is enough to
occupy fully the time and attention of any
man. If to this be added tke general
supervision of the newspaper establish
ment, which most editors have to enooun
ter, the wonder is how they find tima to
write at all.
a banter already, and so Le took up his
cards, lie had three aces a pretty good
baud for three cards. Nobody could have
a full of fours, and his threes were tho
biggest in the deck. He betit a pitying
smile on old Weasel, and said : "I think
I've got something pretty good here, but
I couldn't bet less than $50 on it. We're
not playing pokor, you know, aud these
outsido issues are irregular. I bet $o0."
"Done 1" said old Weasel ; "What have
you got?"
They pur; up their money, and then
Jones showed his hand.
"Here's thie aces, you old mutton
dear ones in th;
Old exchanges.
for kindling, thrown in
gratin. Apply at this oiTice.
Then these country editors will be roll
ing in wealth., instead of glue and molas
ses, and wouldn't no more think of ex
changing with you than ninninp- a i.tttni-.
outsido. Ah, this is a deop-laid plot! Sc
dalia Democrat.
A Tor.fn man "out in the counfrv." not
exactly of the country, tried milk in" a oow.
and as he milked he smoked his cigar. II
got on very well, as ho believed, until ha
lowered his head and touched the cow's
flank with the lighted end of his wod
The next instaut himself and ci car wern
dreadfully "put out." The cow introdneed
head! You can't beat that witk any about two tons' weight into one of her legs.
three cards on earth. You ought to know '
better than to "
"Hold on," cried old Weasel, throwing
down the king, ton, and 6eveu of hearts.
"That's a flush, ain't it? When you've
got all of suit that's a flush, I believe ; and
a flush always beats threes. I don't know
much about poker, but it seems to me
I've got tho best hand out of jail."
Jones had forgotten about flushes. In
fact, the whole party rather underrated
old Weasel because he was a religions man
and then passed it under the milker's lft
jaw. W hen be ceased whirling around.
and myriads of stars had disappeared, bo
said farming was the hardest work a man
could put his hands to.
A few davs ago a hungry party t
down at the well-spread supper table of
Sound steamer upon which oue of the dish
es contained a trout of modorate size. A
serious-looking individual drew this dish
toward Lim, saying, apologetically:
'l his is fast day with ine.
Anecdotes of Great Men. When Na
poleon was a small boy be was asked wheth
er Le could tell what nationality he was of,
and ho indignantly replied, "Of Corsican."
When Chang and Eng was a small boy ho
was hsked if he was a natie of Siam, and
Le indignantly replied, "Of course Siam."
His next neighbor, an Irish gentleman.
immediatelv inserted his fork into the fih
and not supposed to know anything about and transferred it to his own plate, re
cards. But they kept a very watchful eye marking:
w ,nH when he spoke of V. no you suppose noo.Kty has a bow!
unt "- - I t ! nvn i
on him
poker hands they all insisted on sticking
to the game they were playing. X. 0.
ricayunc.
A Wisconsin exchange states that Fond
da Lac husbands have organized a cru
sade, and go about praying with milliners,
begging them not to deal out to their wives
and daughters the intoxicating spring lin
net and the ravishing pork-pie hat with
ribb;ns on a sido-dlsh.
to bo saved but yourself?"
AxTnrsn Valentine. Oh, Paddy, swat
Paddy ! if 1 was jcr daddy ; I'd kill a
with kisses entirely. To feel yer swatn
breath, I would starve me to death, an
lay off my bones altogether ; to joost hava
a taste of yer arm on my waist, I'd laugh,
at the meanest weather. Dear Paddy, le
min i!M own Valentine ye il imil ni
both gentle and civil : our lifo we will
sieud to an i'ligent in '. and caie may
dance with tho divil.
i