I- it at -on :-' I. ' '1. "tl- :)!,. . McPlXE, Editor and Publisher. Hi M A FREEMAH "WHOM THB TRUTH MAKES FRE, AHD ALL, ABB SLATES BESIDE.' Terms, 62 per year, In advtmc-o. OLVUE Till. EBENSBUEG, PA., FRIDAY, APHIL 3, 1S74. NUMBER 11. 'it 11' 1 ir i llif )..,! n.l lilt; Tor r it i . art tbt up; .-or- v I. ckn i 1 v, r.: iv tr. owe 15 t- i Wit!! ii',: JlTS '!! It rii3 f v',.V.' A .. ft! .1 V. VJ7H' A ? VERTISEMEXTS. :nmU0NS OF ACRES f PARJI1XG LAPS rf FOR SALE VERY CHEAP. IFAKS' ( RKiilT, Interest only 6 per feat. Tff'.rol..r3.w th Section'l Maps, sent free. IMONEKT?, l..etrated Taper, containing llnme- rcniied free to all par's of the world. J. .:.. -. Jr. l'AVJS. Land Commieeloncr t. P. K. K., Omaha, Hid. r",T .4 t "TS W. R. Tbtrbkr ft. ', p-f.i Wlyn, 'Windham Co., Conn., offer a foil -cu.i. &t moderate prices. Twelve assor ed f: s t y mj 11 for tl.'JD. 25 papers Flower ,;:': i t Vl.t'at alogacs sent free ou applicat'n. j I ; i ' j i I ; I j IHKviiOK'lKST Kul'TK TO H)KTTL1 150,000 GIVEN AWAY! ci0O,OOO for Only S2.BO. RAND LEGAL GIFT CONCERT :f i .'u-stTIs r.!f:rti Grrhsal it T.eiveiTr:r.li, En I 1 ;RAfflN'a APRIL. 30. 1ST. Pr;i .' iniirnnteel in every pnokatte or llg Single. Tickets. J-i.DO;6 lor 12; 11 for9 ;ut few' ticket i left ; an 1. as our galea an B irrcliasers should order at once. AnvrJ t a Tini? too iate will 1 returned. Q.oii.3 . Aden's wauled everywhere. For lul!jjl i-. a,-llret H S! MON ABLLZS. Ieaveu worth, Ki'.i. g 3S -5 A (rnnfn for Dr. Cornell's iM'lUtr Fnm i Vi ret licl iRion and Health -i T'?i'iiVf r,rim'ifri to every subscriber i 'it It In the eoantry a rare ahance mt '. . B. 1'. KusrcII, l'obl'r, Boston. has. An-I Inaerl Iowl-r, ;r. itonf 'leu. Ants. Bed-Run, Mni ).e. ,tr. v,l CB AN BL XO., N. Y.. Sole AKnte. few Ynrk DAY-BOOK! ; WirKlT. t.HiiiHr.ta 150. it ! -marr. political ami social. ,:r Tofl'.i-. r.ina copies for $8. ie Add."-'', LAY-JJooK, New K V' 'f'O i.ivk: r r" Si'it;: St C").. Var.'ic Tlrook- V "! j'act'jrevt '. t;. rnt.fcd lhlte ", .'. " 'ilm'-.U-t '' "-' :':e on l ooim, V- r exi'i'-'s fr'-it V."'b:'o. Johvsok. j;-a i I: n . i..re your health nr. J ?-"6V?-.RYof the AGE. 'I'-C it PVUi "linlesB OPIUM CURE. - r r:vf n .rce to ,rnp:ne3. ' r-r-j ! nervous sedative. It -r :.rvous system ; srires "ii r. i.hout pain or eu rTer- : -r : r"rfin nnm-cat'ri;r. A L. hi.'r Kl.Ii, f.J,orte, In1. fit.: l';i. ; :f!S r ' n ' Truth lllltl ! ir a . malic nor JliyUJ cur French and A 'A' Truth Triumphant v. 'Tir''. male anii more money filing Anirru'&ii Jru:ti- Kw.al anything Us, ureat-"i-.-s and Purchasers. Cat- .! pa rtiular? sent freetoall. KEttV, Augusta, Maine. 1 A m i '. :-ei!.an!i John IIa.:jah. CLI-IJ.AND & CO., !sr:::Htt.irf r of and Pealers in nncv nuti a 1 : 1 1 1 URNITURB! 1VB CHAIRS. -in Ton hnd In jrreat variety a ftiil i.ae of elegant !?. AND CHAMBER SUITS, i-m;:fs to suit all customers. I'--' -' . ful workmen in the eity, we l:'r'-'f ' 'o fill all orders for "ur iu imMM i lit' lie is rrs oe 8C1T, VL.. 73 ir Western Mcnofactursr. -.No. SI FRANKLIN Street, -'.LV ( pi'OSTTE POST-OFTICE, J::.wi,o'vx, va. 'I Noutly and Promptly Done. '-.'1 '.nt 'or and delivered in the ' 3-n,'74.-tf.J El Ll'J A i ! KV'W n rx TUB CASH STORE, r ' '. .. l.'-r unt-r. those of any other i!calT in '. buuijs. iiAra. LAra. ots, Shoos, Notions, Il 11..; ' I 1 I', I'll...' J Xcek c Timber."' 'rMl vleitant S'sortments of new '" '- .v.ii positively be sold at the '.r'ry produce at the highest ' ? n ix'-hangje for goods. Full i to nil Duyera. Store on "-r i i-riirr- Jirtet. E. J. MILLS. i;:4.-t.f. ' ! AT.MAN. M. I).. ii j. k I COATS' BLACK MM is W MACHINE. - MS IRE OYER. Tvfol""f. or f"uX". , th-5- p,,.viei,,o anil Surron. r.HE.SSHI'KU, PA. l1; r"' r. nrarl v oiiposlte llluir s "v. !n iVwn Hall, .lulinn strej strec t. Iimi'd be nri're. r4-4-f.l Attoknky-at-Law. Ebi flice'in frnnt room of T. i. Itl.r. ('('iitrf. ct ri'At. All nnit'lt -I ...i.-i-re '? ' . lu.-in-i iitremied to atisfBO a fer f!tv. riti.i4.tr. I Nlrr : '- v fi'J ,11, l';r''ALGI1LIN. Attorney . ,liJ M -A- M;r ' WIUI.-17 1U i urj wiu fiim ."'m Ul'-J'ir3,; comer ot um. -". w-'sn stteo.t to nil tru- 1 '"Ij t.te nr.ieaiu. IF J SHOULD DIE TO-NIGHT. If I should die to-night, My friends Trould look upon my qniet face Be-fore they laid it in its resting place. And deem that death had left it almost fair; And, laying snow-white flowers against my hair Would smooth it down with tearful tender ness. And foltl my hands with lingering caress. X'oor hands, po empty and so cold to-night ! If I should die to-night. My friends would call to mind, with loving thought, Somekindlydeed the icy handshad wrought; Some gentle word the fror.-n lips had said ; Krrands on which the willing feet had sped; The memory of my selfishness and pride, My hasty words, would all he put aside, And so I should be loved and mourned to night. If I should die to-niaht. Even hearts estranged would turn once more to me, Recalling other days remorsefully, The eyes that chill me with averted glance Would loolt upon me as of yore, perchance, And soften, in the old familiar way. For who could war with dumb, unconscious clay ? So I might rest, forgiven of all to-night. Oh, friends. I pray to-night, Keep not your Viskch for my dead, cold hrovr. TIip way is lnnely, lf me feel them now. Think Kently of me ; I am travel-worn. My talt'riiig feet are pierced with many a thorn. Forgivo. h hearts estranged, forgive, I plead ! When dreamless rest is mine I shall not need Tli t-juderness for which I long to-night. 11. S f From the Sntnvdny Evening- Post.J JAsrisii's lriZLr,. BY AKT1ICII BT. CLAIR. Tlie Quaker poet Whittier, in one ot his warlike lyrics lyrics made up of the clash cf cymbals, the peal of trumpets and the roll of drums breaks out in the following strain : "A R-ro.in fron Kuknw'n hnunted worvl A wail where Camden's mnrtyrs felt By erory Klirine rT pnlriot blood. From Moultrie's whM and Jaciper.s -.reli ;" Now, while doubtless nearly all of my readers have heard of E:itaw and Camden and Fort Moultrie, probably very few have heard of Sergeant Jasper, xnd even fewer of the exploit which has given the name of "Jasper's well" to the southern locality at which it occurred. Sergcant Jasper, afLer'his gallant beha- vicr at Fort Moultrie, was one of the most dis'.inrruitdicd of that little band of heroes who served under Marion, and kept a foot- hold for liberty in the Carolina and Geor- gia, when the Britisli cause seemed to be everywhere triumphant. Jnsper hesitated not to leave the camp of his comrr.auder, am? venture again and again within the Brimli lines, in order that he might obtain information of pro- iected movements. And it was in one of these cxneditions as a spy. when he was accompanied by a comrade named Newton, that the following romantic incident oc curred. Two miles from Savannah, in the noble old State of Georgia one of the glorious "old Thirteen" there is a famous spring, which is well known to travelers. Here one day a guard of British soldiers halted to rest. Nor they alone. Captive Ameri cau. accused of treason inasmuch as they hat' accepted a "protection" from the British commander, and afterward, wbou the American army had entered that part of the country, joined the ranks of their natriot countrymen sad ana down cast, for they knew their doom was death, also Hung themselves down in the grateful shade of the trees that surrounded the well of the spring. Ons of these sad-eyed prisoners was a man whose only daughter was with bim resolved to ubide by her beloved father to the last. She was a beautiful dark-eyed Southern girl, named Sallie St. Clair. The writer of this would be proud to know that kindred blood to hers runs in his own veins. jnr and his comrade had marked thU sad procession, slowly wending its j.-.i Cor.iri and the eibbet uusiy j k .- w- and Jasper's heart had been especially ..i,,l lw the sorrowful yet glorious bean- , of Sillift St. Clair. "We will rescue them or die !" exclaimed he to his brave krao. It was Sallie St. Clair. Cousuru companion, with set lips. ed by the fires of love and absence, she a hold thought for they were two to t ,l lKides. they were entirely un- armed ! But in a great cause great souls nHds. Two men with God are a match for a thousand mere myrmi- r(.f.i,nv. ... r w.rinn's nushcd on aud . . t tum oldiers and their erot in auvaum C7 , .1 1.- .irnelr JaS- ;.tim. A SUUaen iuu"Su . l.-.i .Via eonl shade 01 toe rer. as ne irai"" ... Here tbey witf rest awhile let spring " -in tMm thicket." said us conceal ' he Soon the It was - . , ,,.j.j.t,,wd w- . i j Mr mm i.eu auu avm v.-. vmaireJon cuaidby the musKeis in the ianen w.- -,emair.eU on guaiu ,,.wp of the enemy. others went to tDe spring the latter had rracnea v.. -i-.-h,. Jeaned their musket, against a tree, Pr.- . a j nmrlTltT. I.IIBV paratory to nipping u- i- 1, . aatiir. ambush, Jasper and Vewton each seized a musket. Clubbing them they knocked the two soldiers sense ithen sprineiuc like lions upon the two soldiers who guarded the stacicea m 1 muskets, and who hardly knew what 10 do' in tbeir 'surprise, they shot them dsad and possessed themselves of ill the stack of weapon". "Yield at once!" shouted Jasper as'they presented two fresh muskets at the unarm ed guard, "or you die I" The unarmed soldiers yielded, and the prisoners were rescued. ' And this is the famous story of "Jasper's well." But it is not the whole of it. Journey ing back, again into the interior of the country into the hills, always the natural fortress of freedom Sallie St. Clair lost her heart to the heroic rescuer of her fath er and his friends. But it was no time then for marriage, if for lore and Jasper and she parted with out a word ; he for the active duties, the desperate encouuters, the hair-breadth es capes of x partisan's life and she to dream of one for whom she had conceived a pas sion, such, perhaps, as is seldom found save in the warm, rich blood of a Southern clime. "The cold in clime are coM in blood. Their love ciin scHrce deserve me n.tme ; Hut hers Was like the lava Hood, That boils in Ktua's trt-HSt or name." It was about six months after this, when a stripling made his way iuto the depths of one of those almost impenetrable mol asses where Marion was accustomed to take shelter from Tarletou's diagoons, when the latter were out in overwhelming force, and asked to be enrolled as a mem ber of the famous band. "You, my son?" replied Marion with a smile, "why you are not tall enough and strong enough yet." The stripling glanced at the small, slight frame of the noted paitisan himself "1 do not think I should be so much smaller or weaker than my General." Marion laughed. "Frankly and truly spoken, ruy boy but my business is to lead. I am the head ; but the body must have KtreDg arms. Look there !" lie pointed to his band generally stout aud strong, and some herculeau fellows, ready to follow the flag of Freedom up to the canuon's mouth. "Uut still," contin ued he, "if you have counted the cost, and think well to stay you shall be welcome J will refuse no man the glory and honor nf serving his country in this desperate hour. Here, Jasper here is a new re- emit." Sergeant Jasper started at the youth s face, as if it was partly familiar to him. t think Sergeant Jasper will know who avn " said the young man iu a calm but very musical voice, "I am the twin brother of Sallie St. Clair." Ah, I thought your face looked very familiar," said Jasper. "Lome witu me. From that moment Jasper and i ratiK St. Clair were sworn friends and comrades. In camp, on the march, and in the strife of battle where ono was, tueie niigiit oe found the other. Oua thing often struck Jasper as very T 1 1 .... A- y-Vf curious. lie WOUIU rroeii F "is" ith a kind of half-consciousness that somebody had been gazing earnestly into his face and Cnd that yousg St. Clair was awake beside him. Once he opened his eyes suddenly, and his young comrade was" leaning over him, his face very close to his own. "What is it. Frank ?" "Oh, nothing. I could not sleep, and was wondering how you could sleep so souudly One day, however, a sad end came to all this. Marion's bngaue was au-acucu in camp by a party of Tarleton s dragoons. They ilew to their arms, however, and suc ceeded finally in beating back tha assail ants. Toward the close of the conflict, a hugh dragoon suddenly spurred his horse to -here Senreant Jasper wa standing, ana w;th a blow of his sabre would have cleft h5m through the shoulder. It would have gone hardly with the sergeant, for he saw the danger too late. But the watchful .a nf Frank were on his comrade, and .ith a wjid shriek he sprang before Jas- Tl,. abrei descended, and Frank t , . fell heavily upon the eanu i,is life for his friend. He had give IIe i Then the truth was first msde had cnt offher long black cuns, ana array herself in the garb of a man. By pass- ing herself as her own twin brother, she had removed the suspicion which other- ise might have been aroused in the bos- nm of the man she so devoteaiy iove-1. hnried her id a beautiful spot near c,tA. and the tears wet many i" ' - . . ., . .1 .! r-,-.rrrr cheek aS Sh6 WM laiQ Drouzeu i". "cm : ,uo rrmve " As for Jasper he mourned as one wi o v.. n ni not be comforted, ueam no . , A At. thA sier ..r tn him naa nny o- f Savannah, he was among the bravest of .... t. A,.d when the color-oearer 01 TiieiiiAw ,no, he bad jeceived his I rll I. Ill v v - - recked he however dcath wound L Ul eked tor no f Heaven, the beau tiful face and form of his beloved "True love can never die. Flee you 10 yoiiui.-r "-f Still shall you bover n jh. Bailie r)t. CSnir. Old maids In Virginia are politely called belated sisters." A. Cradle and, Carriage. REMARKABLE DOTAL RELICS. One of the most curious of all the relics left us of bluff old Henry VIII., of England, his six wives, atd the three children who successively wore the crown after him, is the cradle of his youngest daughter, Queen Elizabeth. It is of English oak, very massive, with richly carved panels, six iu number two on each side one of the same height composing the foot, and a much higher one under the heal-board. The length of the cradle Ls three feet two inches, and the height, to the top of the ornaments, four feet. At the foot is a large shield, with two cherubs sup porting the royal crown, and in the centre the initials " E. R.," namely, Elizabeth Regina. The whole of this ornamental work is of silver, carved and engraved in quaiDt devices, that look strangely enough in our day of light and graceful ornaments. At the head is the " Prince of Wales " plamo or crest, which is always the insignia of the rei.uing monarch's eldest son, or daughter where there is no son. Henry VIII., having no mr.le heir at the time Elizabeth was Itorn, she was created Princess of Wales by her father; but her right to the title wis set aside when her half-brother Edward was born. The crest at the head of t'ie cradle, and the ornamen'al worksarrounding it, is richly gilded, and towering mora than a foot above the roof of the head-piece, presents a very imposing appearance. I think it must have looked very grand to the laughing, chubby cheeked balte that lay leIow it, especially if she was as fosd of the display ia her infancy as she was when grown up. Qi e n Elizalteth had the weakness to delight in fine clothes, and be very vaiu of her personal appearance. To such an extent was this carried that she c iald never forgive any one about her fi being mire beautiful than herselr. B it this was after she grew up, and I suppose the dimpled bibe, as she lay in this curioufi cradle, was far more interest ed in the bright and silver ornaments about her, than in admiring her own tir.y foiin and features. In IjU, when the little princes wa sli years old, and had outgrown her costly crc dle, it was presented by the king to a family '.vho munificently entertained Lim while holding hi.s court at York. This royal relic, now nearly three and a half centuries old, is still carefully treasured 03 the Rip pons of Waterviile, who are lineally descend ed from the family lo whom the cradle was given. It is an heir-loom of the house, of which they are very proud, as memorializing the visit of the king and his court. It is kept in a room fitted up in great state, and L shown to visitors with evident pleasure. But quaint and curious as is this royal cradle of so long ago, I saw, in England, a carriage that interested me far more, It was the celebrated and curious military car riage of the great Napoleon, in which he made the campaign of Russia, and that con veyed him to the coast on his firt exile. It was also used by tho great warrior at Elba. In it he returned to Paris on his restoration to the throne, and it was this that bore him to the fatal field of Waterloo, where ended hi.s wonderful military career. The carriage was captured on the evening of the Battle of Waterloo, and sent by the officers who took it to London, where it was purchased by the Government by Mr. Bui- 1 lock for the enormous sum of j2.,0(0. Its exterior is very much like a modern traveling carriage, the color dark-blue, lmrdered with srold, and the imperial arms emblazoned on the paneLs of the dors. All the panels are bullet-proof, and that at the lower part of the back is so arranged as to be let down for th purttoso of removing articles of baggage without disturbing the occupant. The doors of the carriage have locks and bolts; the blinds behind the windows open and shut by means of springs, and may be closed so as to form a barrier almost impreg nable. Outside the windows are roller-blind of canvas, designed to exclude dampness, and the light, when desirable. The wheels, springs, and tires are of pro digious strength, and the pole is constructed as a lever that keeps the carriage level on every kind of road. In front there Ls a great projection of the body of the carriage, 111 order to make room for inside conveniences, as well as to throw the driver's seat so far forward that he can get no view ot the interior, while those inside can see both tho road and the horses distinctly. There is a lamp at each corner of the root , nnd also one at the back, capable of brilliantly lighting up the interior of the coach. But it Is of the inside, made to serve as office. bed and dressing room, kitchen and dining- room, tnai l viu lo ten i".- The seat Ls divided in the middle, giving the appearance of two easy arm-chairs, fur nished with springs and cushions, and the daintiest of foot-stool5. On ono side hangs a large silver chronometer, of elalorato workmanship, and close to the seat a holster with a pair of double-barreled pistols ; while on the opposite door are two more hoLsters containing pistols of larger size. In the upper portion of the front are many smaller compartments for books maps, and tele scopes ; and bsloT the ceiling, is a silken network, in which were found several articles of peioonal convenience. We will supp'VC the great man to hare hist arisen at his usual early hour, and : about to make his toilet. He touches a i pj-ino. and immediately outspreads before I him a' sort of light shelf, answering tht purpose of a washstiind, on which are lirxsin and pi.cbtr, -'p law.-, tooth nnd nail- orushes, mirror, glafes, and many other articles, some of which are of silver, some of gold, nnd all of exquisite make. Having completed his ablution!", the traveler pushes back the wash-stand to its niche in the front projection, and, by touching another spring, brings before him an elegant toilet-table, with dressing-cases of mahogany, heavily bound with gold, and the imperial arms en graved on the cover. It contains nearly a hundred articles, most of them of solid gold more luxuries and convenience, probably, than were elsewhere ever packed within the same space. Its arrangement had been superintended by the Empress, Marie Louise, in person, and it was her parting gift to her husband on his departure to Russia. The toilet-table, when done with, may k- returned to its place by a gentle push, and the movement of another spring brings to view a most convenient writing-table, with its ca pacious desk, pens, ink, paper, sand, was, and, indeed, everything that could be needed i in this line. It was here that was found Napoleon's celebrated portfolio, with the private papers that were so er.gerly esaiiilned by his foes, when the carriage fell into their Lands. B.it it is breakfast-lime, and, a va!ct ca tering at the appointed moment, the escritoire is exchange- by the touch of another spt ing, for a table laid with a service of pure gold, every article of which is superbly embossed with the imperial arms, and engraved with the Emperor's favorite ' N." Thcra are tea and cofiec pots, cream-jug and sugar bowl, cups, saucers, plates, spoons, knives and forks, butter-stand nnd toa-t-mck, egg cups and salts, with the daintiest of datunsk, and many other articles that I cannot now recall. There is a'so . 'iiij :or-.a'.-r.i nn.l compart ments for clothing, that are opened and closed in the same way ; and, when the hour for retiring come, the whole interior of the coach is transformed into a cosy apartment, within which is deposited a bedstead of pol ished steel, with iiiattress j, pillows, nnd bedding of exquisite -piaHty, and every pcr sonnl convenience that even a crowned head could desire. The ljJstcad fold- up. and, when not in us, is disposed in a r;nu'! box two and a half feet long, and about four inches in width and thii-kness, and placed beneath ih coachman's seat, while the niat- trtssos and bcMiir' arc sn::ir!y packet! under ; the seat on the insi le. j All articles I have mentioned, nnd some ! others, still remain with the carriage ; but, of course, the diamonds and money were ! taken posses-ion of when the wonderful ! e'ji'.ipnge was captured. I saw alo, at the same tlm? a place. I desert service of twenty-eight pieces, used by Napoleon at St. Helena, where he died; the little camp-bed up n which he slept dur ing his seven years of exih ; his famous 111;! i;ary cloak, his gold repealing watch, and trie identical sword worn in his Egyptian campaign. (.'in any more wonderful pieerj of mechan ism be conceived of than this c-.itious car riage? Almost a moving palace! Yet, strange to say, the illustrious owner's downfall seems to have commenced from the very hour h i entered upon its use. noiae One lo Love. Pet haps one of the most positive proofs we have of the soul's independence of the body, is our great need of love and of some thing to love. 'Were we mere animals creatures doomed to parish after a few years of life in this world that which contents the brute would dso content us. To est and sleep well, to have an easy time cf it, would be enough. A it U, we may have all these .things, and health to enjoy them, and yet be utterly wretched. Neither can mental food satisfy us. "Someone to love" is our heart's cry. When t'ue atmosphere of tenderness is about us, we rejoice ; when people are harsh and unkind, we suffer. We begin life wish ing to love all people, and believing that they love us. Experience hardens us. Ojt dear ones grow fewer ; but, as long as reason lasts, we must love some one we must at le:ist imagine that some one loves us. The parents, sisters nnd brothers that dearest friend whom we promise to love and cherish until death parts us these come into our lives and fiil them up. Afterwards come the little children frail, helpless babies, who need our care r-k) much, and friends to whom vra nre not kin, yet who grotv dear to us. Some have many loved ones, and some but one. Heaven help those who have none, though they are generally to blame for their empty-heartedness ; for kindness wins love. They are always wretched, and they often show their craving for .something to love by cheilshing.sonie dumb animal a dog, a kit ten, a parrot, perhnp, on which they lavish caresses which, better spent, would have bound some human heart to their.--. Pride, or morbid sensitiveness, may have been at the bottom of their loneliness, and these pets of theirs fill the aching void a little. Some one to love ! It Ls the cry of the human soul, the note to which every human heart responds ; the lwnd which will bind us all together in that other world where mourners shall be comforted and love .shall reign forever. Copper vessel", placed in Ihc streams of the richer mining districts of Nevada, ac cumulate hundreds of dollars' worth of quicksilver, mingled with gold-dust, upon their surfaces, in a few months. Owing to its infinite divisibility, quicksilver exists in such small particles as to be invisible to the eye and bouyant in water, and thee parti cles contain still minnter jrn'jm o"nlJ. rutting Down Carpet. THE SAD EXPERIENCE OF A FAMILY MAS. There are times in the life of a man of family when he feels like throwing himself entirely away, never more to 1 heard from : nnd one of these trying times is when he has a carpet to lay down, especially if the carpet is too small for the room, and it must le made to tit by stretching, and he has to do the stretching himself. Smith fell upon trying times last night, and from my heart I pitied the poor fellow He laid in a supply of tacks, borrowed a hammer from Ids landlady, and went to work after supper. The carpet was unrolled and Smith noticed its shortcoming. He figured up the length and breadth of the room, then of the carpet. It was nonr nine o'clock before he rendu d anything like a correct estimate of the fitness of his carpet for his room. His wife added her knowledge of arithmetic to his own scanty store, and between them the prohlen vas solved, and preparations made to make a lGxlS carpet fit a l!)x20 room. Smith spread ov.t the woolen planter in one corner and coinmcr.ecd to tack down. The first tack turned 01 er !eforethc hammer reached it, and Smitu stuck a mashed finder in his mouth, perhaps ,e parent that organ , irom gr.ing utterance 10 a wen- leveiopeu " cuss-word." Ti:e next tack went home, ind then Smith stretched the carpet for another d;;ve. Finally, the carpet was fast in one corner, and then Smith bethought himself to tack it in another corner. Mov ing a couple of heavy trunks, turning over the wash-stand and breaking the bowl and pitcher, did net dter him in his purpose. Smith N a ma of firtii resolutive. When Smith had worn a!! the skin off his fingers' stretching one ide, his wife discov ered that he had tin'ked down the wrong side. The double process of ripping up the carpet and ripping out Sunday -choo! words was here instituted, nnd now the thing went dewn right. The carpet-laying business was going on swimmingly ; rMintli was ham mering' away lappily. whistling "Down on the carpet yon must knovl ; " the children were playing all sorts of didos ; the wife wr.s strainmc; her weak brick trying to move the hurcari out of the w.iy, when a siiese comes up front the lnndie.dy saying that, as ther- ws a si k ItoariU r Lhe nvxt room, and company in the parlor underneath, le-s noise would to highly appreciated. To comply with her request, Smith tied one of his wife's stocking over the face of the hammer, and attempted t d.'ive home the tacks; but the bet stocking his wife ever had (so she said) soon preei:t-id the appear ance of having "ee:i ch.rwed by hungry rat--. Smith's wife saw ho'v her property was being destroyed, and laid an embargo on the proceeding, ami a hot shoiel on Smith, head. Tl'en Smith tried r. new plan. He started the luck with his thunih, then hit it lightly with the hammer; then he'd wait a while as if for the musical eciio to die nwy before he would give it another lick. During thee charming intervals Smith mentally caieu!:iied (- w long it would take him to put down the carpet nt that rare He found that ic would take h'ua iust two ; weeks, including Sundavs. Here he rested trom i: ". iaior. lie sciatci.e-i nis iiei.u a t,i.v 11-. ..-..,t..l Vi'.-l.o'wi 0...1 bawled at the children. Eureka ! He re solved upon a new departure one good lick to each tack, and hi.s wife to give tbe rest when the sick lioaider got well. It was a enpjfal idea, nnd rrsujifi; rtiit it into execution I ct once, forgetting to let his wife know any- thing il tout it until the job was done. The idea worked we'd ; he got three tides of the room done in a ji2y. But when he went to stretch the carpet preparatory to nailing it down on trie fourth side, the half-driven tacks broke loose from their mooring", and the tortured carpet went adrift. It vvrs really too bad ! Smith sat down on his wife!? toilet -et, and wept nit bncar.se he wished the rarpet somewhere elce, bat because he wr-s tired. The children, bless their dear souls ? took in the situation at r. glance, and sympathized with their dear pr'pa by turuiiig over the centre table on his pit com. But, I said before, Smith was a man of firm resolution. lie did not howl wi:n pain over t.ie cn::ini!t3' that had befallen his c irn nor rive that as an excuse f,r letting the carpet nlor.e. as ... ,. . , 1 uiunv i oiiu jiiirciii o;ii:i uoii uuniT similar circumstances ; but he took vp r.a idle razor-strop, and the way he caressed the round places on his oldest b -v's body was a r... ,i."i r Fight to see. Ihen lie went IxicJtto his work fa , . . , ,. lT somew hat recuperated hy the diversion. He retacked the broken-loose carpet with two licks to the tack, regardless of noise and tho sick boarder. Again the three sides we:e attached to the floor, and an attempt was made to stretch the fourth side into position. But it wouldn't stretch Worth a cent. The more Smith would pull, the less the carpet would come ; and when he did et it right, the plaguey tack would turn over before he could get his hand on the hammer Smith licgan to get excited. The piano in the parlor beneath struck up the tuue ' I'm Dying, Egypt, Dying ;"' nnd if there Ls anything in this world that Smith doesrealby despise, it is tvr.t. It was enough to drive him crazy ; but in the firnme-s of his 1 evo lution Le hammered his tacks, mashed his fingers, and smothered his oaths in silence. Just about 2 o'clock in the morning he got up, stretched his cramped lind, yawned, and announced the job completed. lie laid down nnd slept an hour. Then be awoke, and looked nt his last night's adventure. The carpet was on the floor he knew that much ; and if the stripes looked like a row of crooked rivers, he didn't care he had done his best . 'Twasabad night's work for Smith. Thn neighbors called in, and not a soul of theirt went away without expressing admiration of the way in which the job was done ; nnd. besides, tbey nil cx:iettd from Mrs, Smith a promise that when they got their new car pet, Smith should ly it for thm. I saw Smith this morning en route for the depot. He said he wr.s going to the Spring. What a man of his health wants at the Sprirg this cold wetithcr, is more than I cau conjecture. A. Cooperstcwner on Soils. 1" An afflicted person in Cooperstown, New York, writes to the Plainfield Register the following little piece about a Job that was put up on him. It is funny for eveiy one but him : Dear Registeh Useless I useless ! If I've tried once I have n dozen times to sit down and write you a regular old scalp peeler and eky scraper of a letter. It isn't that I love Caesar less I meant it itm't that I am unable to do the mental part of the proposition beautifully, but it is that I am unable to sit down. How common tbe wi itten sentence ; I sit down to pen a few lies I mean lines, etc. But bow much UDwrittsn anguish may re- Mt from th(j attempt , How gladly I would say it if I could: It is with pleasure, dear Register, that I sit down to announce to you the arrival of a boy, etc. But, good qo, how can I? The thought of sitting down makes me boil. Tbe thought, of th boil prevents ray pit ting. Tbe fact of th boil makes mo mad. And the act of sitting makes me leap liko unto a hurried fcky-rocket. Why, my love, I haven't at down in flv wstk? or in anything else to stay '. I am a rrost miserable, miserable man. Along at first I tried to do my writing for the Atlantic Monthly (ssh!) at my desk, but becoming absorbed in thoughts of those things that are before, and forgetting those things which arc behind, I would pull for- j ward my tall desk 6tool and settle. Then ; I would unsettle, quick. I And there-would follow a prolonged and dismal howl cf pain, a wildtrampir.g to and fro ; or.e arm waiving like our banner in tho sky and the other holding the pantaloon away f.onithe young volcano. So behold me now, supported tinder my arms by my Revolutionary grandmother's quilting frames, which reach from piano to mantle r ie-ce ; with a pair of light summer tiousrrs on, which are kept distended and away fiom that boi! by a fibh hock, a cord and a staple in the wail ail drawn taut. And yet I am not happy. . Why, if U. S. Treasnir Spinner should i say to me, "Here, George, sit down on this ! half cord of gieenbacks, and they aro i yours," I should answer, "Go 'way, Spin 'j ner ; I don't wai t your ducats. I am n t j hungry. 'Tnl to your own knitting, I t know my business." My wife says my affliction ought to de- i TloPe relijioti tendency that may lay aorniant in n:e. rne 1 ninths 11 nas. lnius earlier stages of my sufferings she says sho aweke one silent night and heard me, she was sure, quoting Sciiptura and Watts' hymns. Lord love her.' but I wasn't, you know. t 1 was oo;ng the other tiling, f. r., reciting from profane history from that part I where the D-amoi ites ponied led hot pitch down upon the damsels who crossed tbe dam just where the lordly Tiber was dam'd near the gates of Hellespont. "George," said she softly, sometime af terward, "George, I am afraid I was mis taken the other night. I now believe that i your language, which I hopefully and joy ! fully thought to be the expression of con ! trite and grsce-serking soul, wasswearingl I Why, oh why, dear, dost thou not think ! more often of redemption and your lattsr ! end" I "Thnrdcr, irmdam V I screamed, "yon ; don't know what you are talking about. I Think of my la'ter end ! I'm always thmk j ing of it. I couldn't forget it if I was steep ed iu oblivion, or surrounded with cotton I bales W hy, I was telhug a funny story "apar,;. P tome, and he says : 'Old man, that was a 1 . . ... . . ' j 1 ... bully thing; you ought to be a minister, you ought. You could make a congrega tion cry by tellin' of 'era a joke,' and then be f lapr ea me on tlie tnigh on that thigh, woman 011 which Ann Gr.ish and Miss Err , . . , , - , 3 '. hold a first mortgage ! Think of redemp- ; tion j xv ,lTf female, did you give half tLo ! attention to keeping the lumps out of my poultices that I do in pondering on the ef- fusions of that old Bible scholar, Job, who used to soar so in blank verse, you'd bo a better and a richer wife !" Withered, she wopr. I was softened. I could not fee tbosa tears unnoved. What male man could? I appfuched her as she sat rocking to and fro in Tier chair. "Deareet," I murmured, "why thoso "weejs? Don't cry. I a m sorry I said any thing when I spoke. Too bad, too bat t I am a Irate, a bear, burglar, a dentist, a dishonest thief. Forgive me me who would not give your heait a pang for the whole round world. Let's kisand forget, ducky," and I plajfally at down on her lap. She Lkd a bunch of keys, a drawer knob, and a smelling bottle in her pocket. I sat dowr on thcte. On those I sat. On the bottle, ihe knob, the keys, t n dowu. Smsll ' u active hoys jeer at me through the window. I have do peace. I am a wreck. I would not liv6 alwar. I wouldn't it I could : But ti ere ain't no nso or ta'.klur. For 1 couldn't if 1 would. Ckosok. it