.ii-tv ;rip ..... b 7 i f 11. A BSriKn( RtMtor and Publisher. VOLUME 6. V A 1ST ID lENSATIOf r- fi rr trj V o r? rr . j rfoKJT PKSCnirTITE of the CITY OT NEW i:iu-tmti"l with Nearly Fine Engravings. Ai I'.XTS WAN 1EI. Send for circulars and cnur t-nnsand a full description of the work. Address .Yatiomil iuilUhina Co., Pbilad'a, Pa. HISTORY or The Great Fires 1 n CHIC AfiO aul th. H EST by Rev. E.J. GOOD 6PEf i.D.D-,i'f l huHifO. Only com I pete history. v. ' ' "gravtngs. 70,UO already mid l'ricy)-W. Sjuu agents marte in 20 da vs. I r"flfJirot.'iifferer. 1CMTS WiNTK'O' j.. ru0AI'KiiD.sCO..37ParkKow.N. York. ELTIC WEEKLY. The fi citist illustrated Original Storv Paper !n A meru it. Kijfhl Nw Original Strls i,i fir.t nuuiher. No literary trtat equal to it. A-.'-ntjinJ Canvasse rgwanted in every townand cty of tht L'nion. week easily realized by r vile. f this extraordinary Irish and Araeric'n .1-hiim!. Specimen copies free. For sale by all ri--s it-'ileia. Price, 6c; :J.50 per rear. Address il .1 O'Leaky & Co., P. O. Box 6,074, New York. WHAT TO READ ND MOW TO READ! a lining Classified lists of Choice Reading, with !rpnirinte II in wand Remarks, adapted to the fi'Tu'ral Header, to subscribers, and to persons Ipttndinr to form collections of Books. 1 vol. 1-ir.o. 1M imjes. I'rice, 50 cents. Sent free bv nwil on receipt of the price. D. APPLETON fc CO., Publishers, New York. EXTRAORDINARY IMPROVEMENTS CABINET ORGANS ! The Mason & Hamlin Organ Co. reopectf ully announce the introduction of improvements of much more than ordinary interest. These are ):i:ed and pipe cabinet organs, l"lnf the only successful corabinotion of real rn'E with reedu ever made; DAY'S TRANSPOSING KEY-BOARD, vrhich can be instantly moved to the rlirht or irrf r. cliatijfiuir the pitch, or transposinr the key. Vr i!; au'i(pj and description, see Circular. S1TW A?t EIXOAT STYLES OF DOUHJS REED CABINET ORGANS, H'J. 132 nnd tlJS each. Considering Capacity, i Tlrgan'V, nud 7'httrmiuh Eleyancr. of Woikman t)itt art chctinr than any before offered. 'Xh- Ma-hn &: Hamlin Organs are acknowl e8'l HI ST.nnrt from extraordinary facilities for iiiaiufucture this Company can afford, and in-u ui'tn take to sell at priceswhlch render tbem 1" X W C ESTIONAT1LY Cll KAPEST. Torn oi-r ave organs f.Vleach; nviOCTATR OR i? Nstl'v. tUi" and upwards. With three rets reeds Slj" and upwards. I'nrt u style, up t 1500 each. XlCW If.M'STRATPD CATALOGUE, and TKSTIMO- jiai. fitter lab. with opinions of MOKE THAN UNE THOUSAND MUSICIANS, seut free. MASO.V A JTAML1X ORG AX CO., 154 Trsinont St., Boston. 590 Broadway, N. Y. llUCOHfiiJiJkTED 18GO. Columbia Fire Insurance Co. OFFICERS "AND DIRECTORS. 5. . Detwilkr, Pres't. II V iLSON.Vice-l'res't liKRB'TTnoxAS, Treas J. F. Frcicauff, Sec'y. J. 1. ItACHMAN. Ceo. ltfHiLB. ROBT. ("RAN. Wh. Patton. J ah. ScaitoEuxa. J. S. Strine. M. M. Strickwe. II. T. Rton. For Insurance or Agencies, address F. FKUHAl) ITl! A.c'y, Columbia. Tti. WANTED, THIS SPRING, 10,000 FARMERS ! To Improve 1.700.0CO acres of the best Farming lands In Iowa, free from mo'rtjrag-e or other la.-iimbranee. These lands comprise the Gov ernment railroad grains adjacent to the yreat thoroughfares between Chicagro, Omaha and Sioni t. ity, and lie chlctly in the ?!lddle ltetun of Western Iowa, lt most fertile and healthy portion (fever and au being unknown), and traversed by rail roads in avery direction. Now is the time to SKtlRE A HOME AT 84 AND $3 per acre, upon longr time, with six per cent, ln terest. in the luxuriant valley of either th Hover. the Maple, the Soldier or the Little Sioux. Agents at stations are provided with teams to nhow lands free to purchasers. Send for a Ouide. It elves prices, terms, descriptions, where exploring ticiita are sold, and how to reach the lands. Count? alo trnt free. Address JOHN B.CALHOLN, Una ommis alonerlowaK. R. Land Co., Cedar UapiJa, iu. Secnrt tne Arency ni Onre For ihe hest Faraily Sewing Machluf. jr. z.. rriiK. t Ati.y, lJ'J'j1 I iiotnut Street, Profitable Employment For ona or two persons of either sex, in every town In the United States, by which they may realize from t.100 to 1,000 per year, with but !ittle interference with ordinary occupation. If the whole lime is devoted a much larger sum will be realized. Boys and girls can m he nearly as mnch as grown people. Some making from 7 to Sift per week. For particulars, address J. J. FA UDELL & CO.. 767 Broadway, N. Y. AfJFXTS Wanted. Agents make more mon ey at work for us than anything- else. Busi ness light and permanent. Particulars free, O. SriNSON & Co., lne Art PublWure, Port land, Maine. UP P'ano Co., X. Y. 1st clnssgJPO. No Agents. .Um Names of patrons in 40 States in Circular. iPflTM rATTPW Reward forany case of Cl iUiil iillLn.U. opium habit our Antidote ul not cure. No pain or Inconvenience. Sent on re.-eipt of f3.tf). S. G. ARMSTRONG, M. D., Heaiing Institute, Berrien Springs, Mich. T Advertiser. All persons who contem plate niHklng contracts with newspapers for the insertion of Advertisements should send to I0.Pl0WELL-g t"r a Circular, or Inclose 25 cents for their One il n ltd red I'njce Pntnphlet.containinfr Lists r J.ijki Newspapers and estimates, showing the coKtof advertising, also many useful hints to advertisers, and soma account of the exp-rl-nrMOf men who are known as NueeeNwIul 'rn,s firm -proprietors of 'fie American Newspaper Advertising Agency 41 PARK HOW, N. YORK, nd are possessed of unequaled facilities for fcurlng tbe insertion of advertisements in all newspapers and Periodicals at lowest rates. ("MIKKKYTUEE MALE AND FE- t7rl M,LE COLLEGE. This popular Institu tion will operi for the summer session on the "t Mouoay ot May. 1X72, under the instruction JI ("ii-iiH .wv ... fc m n.n . 1 f I ' i Cl i . t ... . . . .A . tlJUin:. .mif lurnisnra aiirom n.o to iiL, rW?' Fof fur,"- Inf ormatloh apply niitr of the undersigned Hon.H tr w WHR.TOM. H. i-i.--M'Curmick. Dr. P.. Rrxlli.- John r" r'r". Dr. A, U. Lovelaoe. "rytres. Feb. t,187.m ""ii'cwni imrnens, in tne touege Inn "9 ln the r,"nt '1llage of Cfaerrytree, thr."",c'""n,y.' ?nna. Course of Instruction mm , Principal OfflCa 101 W. F fth St., Cincinnati, 0. Tl wJTjEtlASlJ OITT tU3TSIB7Ii:Hfc tts esatrr. IN VALUABLE GIFTS! TO BB DISTRIBUTED IN Xj. I - S 7tn REMI-AXNl'AL Ift Enterprise I To b drawn Monday, March 25th, 1S72. One Grand Capital Prize of $10,000 12? GOLD ! ONE PRIZE $5,000 IN SILVER i Five Prizes $1,0005 Five Prizes $500 Ten Prizes $100 M Two Familu Chrriaaes and Matched IJnrse with Silver-Mounted Harness, wrth l,5o). Twt XIotm A Jlufjgiem, tcith bilrer Mounted Harriot a, worth fOOO each. TWO Fine-Toned Rosewood Pianos, worth $500 uch TEN TA1CLT MACHINE3, WOETH (ISC EACE1 1SOO Oold and rarer Lexer Hunting Watches, m th from 30 to $300 each ! Ladles' Gold Leon tine and Gent's Gold Vest Chains, Solid and ;Double-Plated Silver Table and Teaspoons, Photograph lbunis. Jewelry, Ac, Ac., Ac. Wfcols nustor Clfti. 10,000. TleiU Limits! to 60,ooo ! AGKMTS W AMEh to Sell Tiekete, to whom Liberal I'reniliim will begrlven. Sinolk Tickets J2": Six Tickets 110; Tweltb Tickets 20; Twestv-tivk Tickets $40. Circulars containing a full list of prizes, a de scription of the manner of drawing, and other information in reference to tbe Distribution, will be sent to any one ordering them. Abet ters must be addressed to office, 1. 1. IIXR, Box SO. 101 IV. 5th St.. . Cincinnati, O. COUNTRY MERCHANTS! Are requested to read tbe following list of SPECIAL PRICES in our Wholesale Department, and order accordingly. 4-4 Tenn'Mill N. 1 Sheeting, 13 ct. 4-4 Anchor N. 1 " 13J " 4-4 HeaTj Staadard " 11 44 4-4 Imperial 44 Q 44 4-4 AToodale 44 9J4 4-4 Ked Bank, Bleached, 11 " 4-4 Carroltoa 44 11 44 4-4 Vatifthan 44 ll 44 4-4 Hope 44 13 44 4-4 Congress 44 12 -4 4-4 Feabodj 44 13 44 Lancaster Ginghams, The Best and Choicest Styles, at 13,H cts. Good American Ginghams, 10 Cents. Heavy Domestic " 11 " American, Corheco, Merrlmac, Dunnel, Spragne, Pacific, SlmpHon's, Harlel's it Allen's rrlnta. Splendid styles at Agent's Prices. A large and well selected Stock of CASSIMERES S DRESS GOODS At less than Jobbers' prices, and goods eut In lengths to suit purchasers. tv Goods are rapidlyly advancing, and the above are presekt prices oslt. A. VI. Erwin & 0., 172 and 174 Federal t. ai i rrucwv DA nuubunbii i i rm UBLIC SALE 1 There will be sold at public vendue or outcry, on the prem ises in Munster township, on Katarday, Slur. 23d. Inst., at 2 o'clock P. M., the following pro perty, to wit : A CEKIAI.-S l lbtt UK rAlt CEL OK LAND situate in the township afore said, adjoining lands of Geo. Kearns, Nicholas Freidhof, Patrick Connery. John Carney, and others, containing 10 Aerea, or thereabouts, mine 0 Acre of which are cleared, having thereon erected a one-and-a-half story Frame Hoes" and a Loo Barh. Terms of Sale One-third the purchase money to be paid at time of sale, and the balance in three equal annual payments, with interest, te be secured by mortgage and Judgment bonds of the purchaser. PATRICK CASS1DT. Munster Twp., March 8, 18T2.-2t. Also, at the same time and place, will be of fered for sal, 3 FHESH MILCH COW 8, 6 head YOUNG CATTLE, 1 MARE. 1 one-horse ROAD WAGON, 1 SPRING WAGON, and various oth er articles not necessary to mention. Terms made known at sale. A reasonable credit will be allowed. Patrick Cassidt. XECUTOR'S NOTICE Estate of Patrick Malot, dc'd. Notice is hereby given that Letters testa mentary on iheestateof Patrick Maloy. lateor Ebensburg. deceased, have been granted to the undersigned bv the Register ef Wills of Cam bria county. Those indebted to said estate will please make payment immediately, and parties having claims will present them properly au thenticated for settlement. MAKOARET G UK LEY. Ebensburg. March 2, l72.-et. EXECUTOR'S NOTICE Estate of Richard Thomas, dee'd. Letters testamentary on tbe estate of Kich'd Thomas, late of Ebensburg borough, Cambria county, dee'd, having been granted to the un dersigned by the Register of said county, all persons Indebted to said estate are requested to make immediate payment, and those having claims or demands will presert them properly authenticated for settlement. V. II. SECHLER, Executor. . Ebensburg-.fFeb. 17, l&2.-t. - D10LUTl6NNOTICE--The part nership heretofore existing between the undersigned in the manufacture of Sawed Shin gles, was dissolved by mutual consent, on Feb. 24th, 1872. The books and accounts bavo been left In tbe hands of Messrs. Brumbaugh & Fo gle, by whom tbe business will hereafter be conducted. STEPHEN CONKAD. JOHN BRUMBAUGH.. JOSEPH FOGLE. Chest Springs, March , 1872.-3t. ' rp W. DICK, ATTORNET AT-LAW,Eb--- ensburr, Ta. Office in Colonade Row. All manner of legal business attended to satls t asSseiV ao eottete a ayeetaltr. fW-UAr. HK IS A FREEMAN WHOM THH TRUTH MAKES FREE, AND ALL EBENSBURG, PA., SATURDA Y, MARCH 23, 1872. HOW TO CIET BlCxT. Put en the airs of an eye-keyed flute, If you're only a penny-whistle ; Pass where you can for a garden rose, Ir you're only a wayside thistle. Blow, whenever you blow your hora, Bo the people can understand That you may be sharp, but you won't be flat, In society's great brass band. Pass the plate or the hat in church With the usual Sabbath air. But move with a mild, religious squeak, That people may know you're there. If you carry a nose six inches long, And a beak can scarce be longer. Believe it a sign of perception strong, And the longer it Is tbe stronger. But if in order of nasal tubes Your organ is brief in measure, Then, brevity being the soul of wit. Consider your pug a treasure. Love your neighbors but mark the force Of the gospel rule of grace The more you admire yourself, my friend. The higher your neighbor's place. Clink your dime in the deacon's pan As If you were throwing gold, And give with an eye to the business plan Of reaping a hundred fold. Whether your reading is little or great, Quote right or never quote ; Polish your uppers, though dewn at the heel. And never indorse a note. Always advance best hand, best foot. Best haud, best foot you own. And thus you may feast on the fat of the land. While others enjoy the bone. THE ESCAPE OX THE ICE. One morning earlj in February, 1839, two brothers, bj the name of Walter and James Farnswortb, set out for a day's bunt in the forest. The stock of meat in their several families was running low, and hunting was the onlj resource they had ia those days for replenishing it. They were accounted the best buntere, as well as Indian fighters, that there were in all the Miami country, into which tLey bad penetrated and built their cabins some three years before Ihe incident which we are about to relate transpired. Many were the important services tbe brothers bad rendered the settlers about them, until at last they came to be re garded as leaders in that district, and no enterprise was set on fot that they were not consulted about, and I heir views were in most cases accepted by their neighbor. Over and over nain had the Indians been thwarted in their well-planned attacks upon some lone settler's cabin, through the interposition of the brothers ; and many times, when the pupply ef food ran low in the winter time, it was their hands which bad provided it, and brought joy where despair had taken up its abode. But to come at once to the incidents of our story : On this particular morning, as it had been arranged the night before, Walter cam to the cabin of his brother, whom be found standing at the door ready for a start. 44 You're a little late, Walt," he said, after he had bid bis brother good mora ing. 4I had begun to think that jou had been frightened by those clouds lying away there in the south, and had given up going te day." 'I hardly knew what to do about it, I confess, James. It looked much to me like rain at daybreak, and to my mind the air feels like it now, although the sky does not. What do you say ? Better risk it and go, don't you think t" 'Yes. The snow is frozen now, and, at any rate, it will be good snow-shoeing through the fore part of the day. We have little meat in tha house, and Burns s folks, OTer ,...a.r, K.rrllr a mouthful of anything. I sent Willie over there tnis merning with half the meat we bad by us, and he paid he never saw people more thankful. Burns's lameness is no better, and it ain't at all probable that be will be able to step out of doors again this winter." 4WelI, if such is the case, we musn't let 'em suffer, if we have to work the hard er. But let us be off. The sky is bright ening off there in the south, and, after all, it may not rain or thaw much until we get back." I am ready, Susan," he said, ad dressing his wife, who at that moment came to tbe door, "don't be alarmed for ua if we are not back until to-morrow. We shan't come in until we have got something to repay us for our trouble." A few more words of trifling impor tance passed between them ; and then the brothers, turning their backs upon the cabin, in a short time had plunged into the depths of the forest, crossing the river which lay about a mile distant on the solid ice, which the recent cold weather had rendered so firm that it would have borne up any weight to which it might have been subjected. The morning hours wore away, and noon came ; still they kept on their coarse, and as yet they had seen nothing which would repay a shot. The weather had very much moderated since mornirg. and the crust which covered tbe snow was beginning to give way, and allow the snow-shoe to sink through in many places. Tbo sky, which through the morning had been very bright, now grew to a dead leaden color, giving unmistakable signs that rain was coming ; and if anything more was wanting to substantiate this, there was the hollow echo made by tbe sound of their voices, while the wind, which all through the forenoon bad been in the southwest, changed to the east and blew strouglj. All signs About them, in both earth and sky, gave assurance that a thaw was imminent. Waller, as tho eigne of a storm began to multiply so thickly, was for turning back; but his brother objected to? this move. They had come a long distance, and it would not be much longer .kofore they would be rewarded by a sigb of came, in the common run of luck, andlfood was so much needed at homo ; when, as if to give them encouragement, at this moment they espied a deer just out of rifle shot. This gave them new courage, and raised their hopes of soon being able to set their faces homeward laden with as much ven ison as they could carry : and they started off in pursuit at the top of their speed, which was not vsry swift, for the snow had thawed so much that tbey broke through the crust at almost every step. The forest through which they were passing was very open : and, as a conse quence, in spite of all their caution in ap proaching within rifle shot, the deer got wind of their approach, and throwing back its head, dashed off at full speed. Though the hunters were disappointed in securing their game as easily as they had hoped, they had no idea of giving up the chase ; and bo tbey set off at full speed in , pursuit, hoping soon to come within ran;e. This they at last succeeded in doing, but not until two good hours more had been spent and at least three miles more put be tween themselves and hoaie. James at last succeedtd in bringing his rifle to bear upon the panting animal, which had paused for a moment to recover its breath. Though usually a sure shot, be did not this time kill, 'and the deer merely wounded turned again to fly. Its strength lasted long enough to lead them onward for half a mile further, when it sank down, and the hunters soon put an end to its misery. To flay the animal, and to cut it up into quarters was but a slight task for them ; and by the time it was concluded the rain began to fall. By this time they began to feel the want of food ; and so the snow was scraped away, a fire hastily kindled, and in a little time a nice steak was broiled. By the time their repast whs concluded the rain was pouring down in torrents. There was no time to be lost ; and so they at once set their faces homeward. Be sides tho rain which was f illing, they had another cause tor uneasiness. By the signs, which tbey had seen for an hour past, they knew that there were enemies near at hand. Onci or twice, in their pursuit of the deer, they had crossed the recently-made trail of the savages : and they knew well that if they once pot upon their track that to escape would be next to impossible. Tbe redskins, thirst ing for their blood, would follow tbem like bloodhounds. Owing to the warmth of the weather and the fast-falling rain, couplod with the additional weight of venison tbey bore, the crust of snow would no longer sustain them, and they sank through it at every step. This made their progress slow and painful ; and, almost before tbey were aware of it, the night came down, and a darkness, so dense that they could hatdly see a yard before their faces, encompassed them about. For a while they toiled on ; but at last they saw, what had been evident from the first, that they would not be able to reach home that nignt. So tbey came to a halt beneath the wide-spreading branches of a large hemlock, where tbey decided to en camp for the night. At first they thought they would try and do without a fire, fearing that the savages might be attracted to tbem there- uy i m ; i-ol..) on aiarnal. and became so uncomfortable, that they at last deci ded to run tbe risk. After considerable trouble one was kindled, and they seated themselves about it, enjoying tbe cheerful warmth which it imparted to them. An hour or so was passed in this way, and then they made preparations to get a little sleep. .Some boughs were cut from the hemlock, and the water shaken from them and then dried by the fire ; and of these a couch was made, upon which Walter threw himself, while his brother kept the watch until midnight, when he was to arouse himself and take his turn at standing guard. Slowly the hours passed away, and at length midnight came. James bad not closed his eyes ; but no signs or sounds of danger had reached him. It was now his turn to rest, and, arous ing his brother, he threw himself in his place, and was soon sleeping heavily. He could have remained in this state but a short time to him it Beemfd but a few minutes when he was awakened by his brother, bending over him and shaking him by the shoulder. "What is it?', be asked, starting up and springing to his feet. "llarkl There are savages near us ; they have seen our light acd are about to give us a call. There I did you not hear them breaking through the snow?" 4 'I beard something, bat it maybe a wild beast . instead of a redskin. But what snakes it so light ? It can't be morning yet ?' "No. The moon is up. There ! are those beasts or savages ? I can swear that the redskins are upon 03, and more than a score in number V 4You are right, Walt, and we must remain hero no longer if we wish to keep our scalps upon our beads. Good hea vens 1 look yonder I They are nearer upon as than I thought." ARB 1LATKS BKSIDB. His brother slanced in the Hir.n.;.. from whence the sound came, and beheld, but a short distance away, a number of shadowy forms gliding amid the trees towards them. There was not a moment to lose, for to attempt to oppose them would be worse than useless ; so, hastily binding on their snow-shoes, they fled away, leaving their hard-earned venison behind them. The rain was still pouring down in tor rents, and tbe walking was much worse than it had been when they had laid down j but they were somewhat refreshed by the rest they had had ; and urged on by the danger which threatened them, tbey had put a considerable distance be tween them and their camp when the savages reached it. They knew when they reached tbe snot by tbe howl of dis appointment which came to their ears when the redskins found that their prey had scented their approach and fled. A backward glance and a second shout told them that tbe savages were not lineerins about the fire, but were coming on in fierce pursuit. Tho brothers knew that the race before them was one for life or death. So thev strained every nerve in tbe fearful ordeal before them, and with such success that they were enabled to maintain the distance oetween tbem and their pursuers, and at one time to increase it. And so the race went on, until, at length, the night was past, and the gray light of dawn began to light up the east, and lessen the shadows about them. 4,We must be near the river, James, and I don't think the savages will care to follow us beyond," exclaimed Walter, wbo was slightly in advance, as be paused for a moment for his brother to come up. "Heaven knows. I hone not : I cannot 9 a keep up this pace for a great while longer." "Courage, Walter, courage ! We have done too much to fail now, and fall be neath tbe red bands of those howling sav ages. Just beyond the hill yonder is the river, and once on the other side, I think we shall be safe." "But what is that, James? I mean that roaring sound which fills the air ?" "Only the wind and rain. I think. Quick ! quick ! The red skins are gaining upon us." With every nerve strained to the ut most tension, tbe two men sprang up the hill. The rearing sound increased in vio lence until it wae almost deafening. The summit of the bill was gained at last ; and the fugitives paused spell-bound with hor ror and dismay. James was the first to spsak. 4-Great heaven, Walter! tbe river is breaking up !" He was right With a mighty and re sistless force, the great mass of water and ice came plunging along, with a sound al most as deafening as that of thunder. Tbe warm rain bad caused the river sud denly to rise and break the armor of ice with which it was bound. Blankly the brothers gazed in each other's faces. Death, before and behind, threatened them. Thev were between - the upper and nether millstone, either of which would grind tbem to powder. "Water is more merciful than the sav ages. We had better trust ourselves to it than to them." said Walter . Tbey sprang down the hill to tbe bank of the river. Just as thev reached it n shout of triumph came from tbe throats of the savages. They bad reached the summit of the hill, and beheld the wild rushing of the river, and felt assured that their pray must now fall into their hands "There is but one chance for us, Wal. ter." said James, eazips into his brother', face ; "and that is to trust onraelres to one of those floating cakes of ice, hoping that it may carry us to. the other shore. There is a good one for our purpose pass ing now. Follow me. It is our only chance." It was a fearful leap, but his feet struck the spot he intended tbem to, and in a mo meat his brother was by bis side. The motion they gave the cake sent it far out into the stream, where it joinod others ; and they were whirled along with resist less force by the current, which, to their great joy, they found set towards the op posite shore. Several times they were in great danger of slipping into the boiling flood, but at last tbey reached in safety the point desired, despite their insecure footing, and the numerous shots which were fired at them by the disappointed and enraged savages. Thankful for their almost miraculous escape,, the brothers sent back an answer ing shout of defiance, and then hastened en to their settlement, which they reached without further adventure. Tnc people of Nashville are amazed at the performance of a boy wbo plays one tune on the piano with hi? left hand, another tune with his right, whistles a third, and beats the bass drum with his toes. We are glad that this deplorable fiend lives as far away as Nashville. If be resided ia our neighborhood, a profound sense of duty would impel us to cram him full of percussion caps and then drop him off a French roof upon the pavement, so as to snap that prodigy off, as it were. . A child ia Buffalo, the other day, tied a crape on the door knob to see if the carriage would come to take tbem out riding, as it did. the family acrces the street, ' From the New York Weekly. THE JOSH D1LLIXGS 1'iPERS- ANiniLEOLOOT. THE P135MIRE. The pissmire iz about 19 sizas bigger than the ant, aktual meazurement, and iz a kind ov bizzy loafer among bugs. They are like sum men, alwus very bizzy about euua thing, but what it iz, the Lord only knows. I never see a pissmire yet that wasn't on the travel, but i hav watched them all day long, and never see them git tew the place they started for. Just before a bard shower they are in the biggest hurry, they seem tew postpone every tbing for that ockashun. Thar iz a grate difference between hurry, and dispatch, but pissmires dont seem to understand the difference. If pissroires would go slower I should like them better, for i don't know ov enny thing more unpleasant to view, than an aktive loafer. A pissmire iz like a boys wind mill, on tbe gable end ov a smoke house, in a gule, the taster it goao around, the less common sense thare seems tew be in it. If pissmires haint got a destiny ov sum kind tew fill tbey wear out more shu leather than thare iz enny religion in. THE POLE KAT. My friend, did yu over examin the fra grant pole kat clussly ? J guess not, ibey are a kritter who won't bear examining with a microskope. Tbey are butiful beings, but oh ! how deceptive. Their habits are phew, but unique. They build their houses out ov earth and the houses hav but one door tew them, and that iz a front door. When they enter their housts they don't shut the door after them. They are called pole kats bekause it iz net convenient tew kill tbem with a klub, but. with a pole, and tho longer the pole the more convenient. Writers en natral history, dissagree about tbe right length ov the pole taw be used, but I would suggest, that the pole be about 365 feet, eppeshily if the wind iz in favor ov the pole kat. When a pole kat iz suddenly walloped with a long pole, the first thing that he, she, or it, duz, iz tew embalm the air, for menny miles in diameter, with an akri monious ollfaktory refreshment, which permeates tho ethereal fluid, with an en tirely original smell. This smell iz less popular, in the fash ionable world, than lubins exirakt, but the day may cum, when it will be buttled up, like musk, and sold for 87 1-2 cents per bottle ; bottles small at that. A pole kat will remove the filling from a hens egj, without braking a hole in the shell, bigger than a marrow fat pea. How this iz did, historians hav left us to doubt. This iz vulgarily called "surking eggs." This iz an accomplishment known amung humans, which it iz sed, they hav learnt from tbe pole kats. Pole kats also deal in chickens, yung turkeys, and yung goslins. They won't tutch an old goose, they are sound on that question. Man iz the only phellow who will at tempt tew bight into an old goose, and his teeth fly oph a grate menny times be fore he loosens enny ov the meat. A pole kat travels undsr an alias, which is called skunk. Thare iz a grate menny aliases that thare iz no accounting for, and this iz one ov them. I bav kaught skunks in a trap. Tbey are eazier tew git into a trap than tew git out ov it. In taking tnem out ov a trap grate judgement must be bad not tew shake them up ; the more yu shake them op the more ambrosial they am. One pole kat in a township is enuff, espeshily if the wind changes once in a while. A pole kats sk in iz wuth 2 dollars, in market, after it iz skinned, but it iz wuth 3 dollars and fifty cents tew skin him. This iz one way tew make 12 shillings, in a wet day. THE WEAZIL. The weazel haz an eyo like a hawk, and a tooth like a pickerel. They kan see on all three sides of a right angle tri angle board fence, at once, and kan bite thru a side ov sole leather. " They alwus sleep with one eye open, and the other on the wink, and are quicker than spirits ov turpentine, and a lighted match. It iz no disgrace for a sireak ov litening tew strike at a weazel and miss him. If I owned a weazle, litening mite strike at him all day for 50 cents a clap. I hav tried tew kill them in a stun wall with a rifle, but they would dodge the ball, when it got within six inches ov them, and stick their heads out ov anoth er krack, three feet further oph. They are the hardest kritter amung the small game tew ketch or tew kill, yu kant coax one into a trap, and keep him thare, enny more than yu could ketch a ray ov light, with a a knot hole. Weazles are sk arse, but the supply alwus equals the demand, tbey aint useful only for one thing, and that iz, too kill chickens. ' They will kill 14 chickens in one night, and lake off the blood with tbem, leaving the corpse behind. 1 hunted S weeks for a weaz'e once (it iz now six years ago,) and knu jast where be waz all tbe time, and haint got him yet. Termn, $3 per year ! advance NUMBER 9. I offered 10 dollars reward for him, and hold the stakes yet. Every boy in that aaborhood waz after that weazle nite and day, and I had tew withdraw the reward to keep from break ing up the district skool. The skoolmaster threatened tew su me if i didn't, and i did it, for i hate a law suit rather wuss than i do a weazle. A weazle's skin, wore on the neck, it iz sed, will kore the quinsy ssre thrut, but the phellew who sed this had a sure thing ; he knu nobody could ketch tbe weazle. I waz told, when i waz a boy, by a cunning cuss, that tbe way tew kstch a crow waz tew put sum salt on bis tail. I prakticed all one summer on this, but never got sum crow. I hav did things az fooIUh az this fince i hav qui: being a boy, but prefer tew keep mum what they are. Weazles hav got no wisdum. but Way got what iz sumtimea mistaken for it, they hav got cunning. Cunning stands in the same relashun tew wisdum that a tadpole duz tew a frog, he may git tew be a frog if be keeps on growing, but he aiat one now. Wisdum knows how tew jump, but about the best thing that cunning can do iz tew wiggle. I hav saw cunning men wbo thought they waz wize, hut i never saw a wise man who thought he waz cunning. SI 17 EE-IS II A' ESS. Experiments in the use ot projectiles are continually being reported, but the following, we think, will be found new : Out in a certain western fort some time ago, tbe Major conceived the idea that artilliery might be nstd effectively in fight ing with the Indians by dispensing with gun-carriages and fastening the cannon upon backs of mules. So be explained bis views to the commandant, and it was determined to try the experiment. A howitzer was selected and strapped upon an ambulance mule, with the muzzle pointing toward the tail. When tbey bad secured tbe gun, and leaded it with ball cartridge, they led that calm and stead fast mule out on the bluff and set up a target in tbe middle of tbe river to prac tice at. The rear of the mule was turned toward tbe target, and he was backed gently up to the edge of the bluff. Tbe officers stood around in n semicir cle, while tbe Major went up and inserted a time fuze in the touch-hole of tbe how itzer. When the fuze was ready the Major lit it and retired. In a moment or two the hitherto unruffled mule heard the fizzing back there on his neck, and it made him uneasy. He reached his bead around to ascertain what was going on, and, as he did so, his body turned and tbe howitzer began to sweep around the horizon. The mule at last became exci ted, and his curiosity grew more and mors intense, and in a seeond or two he was standing with bis four legs in a bunch, making six revolutions a minute, and tbe howitzer, understand, threatening sudden death to every man within half a mile. The commandant was observed te climb suddenly op a tree ; the lieutenants were seen sliding over the bluff into the river, as if they didn't care at all about the high price of uniforms ; the sergeant began to throw up breastworks with his bayonet, and tbe major rolled over the ground and groaned. In two or three minutes there was a puff of smoke, a dull thud, and (he mule oh ! where was he ? A solitary jackass might have been seen turning suc cessive back somersaults over the bloff, only to rest anchor, finally, with his how itzer at the bottom of tbe river, while the ball went off toward the f'rt, bit the chimney in the major's quarters, rattled the adobe bricks down into the parlor, and frightened the major's wife into convul sions. They do not allude to it now. and no report of the results of the experiment has ever been sent to the War Depart- ment. Grexley on the Castor Bean.- Horace Greeley says that castor beans may be cast or not, whichever you like. The foundry at which he gets his seed is . the best. If the nest-egg has been cracked by frost, tho beans are apt to sprout and shrink, which is not tbe case with oats or hay when properly ground. Sawdust manure has been found to contain too much heat for tbe ordinary castor, dried glass from-fractured lanterns being the proper restorative where the bean is to be hastened. Pull off your boots while cul tivating. No rain water 6hould be al lowed to settle en the vines duting wet weather. v: A PROMINENT CITIZEN of NotTlSlOWn, approaching his sleeping apartment a few nights since, at a late hour, gently tapped at the door. "Who is it? inquired his better half, to which very proper interroga tory the heartless man replied hy asking : "Whom do you expect to see at this hour ?" An exchange, says tbe Louisville Ledg er, describing a fashionable party, speaks of a gallant wbo whispered to a lady 44nnd took her apart." It is not a very difflcu It feat to 4 'take a lady apart" these times, but there is very little left of her after ward. What is the difference between tbe Emperor of Russia and a beggar ? Tho one issues manifestoes, and the other Bane ifests toes without his shoes, - - i 1