loof,J
ME
'-rr":: u , l. im WHOM TUB TRUTH MAKBS FHKK, AMD ALL AUK SLAVES BRSIDK.
JI A. Bl'I'lB-E, Fdltor and PublUlicr.
VOLUME 3.
,0n A NEW THING,
16Uel A BIO TII1KG, lUVei
lAnd a GOOD THING in EBENSBURG.
! inYLTl SUl'lKUfcDrvLU
TK "House of Tudor" Surrendered i
1 TO THE SMALL FKY 1 j
xnx STARE! NEW ROnHS!
flew Inducements!
I, r i
j High Street ! J jLcw Prices !
Em ukQ ponsesaion of the rooms on High
recently occupied by R. H. Tudor,
iuio which ha has just introduced
mammoth assortment of
DRY & DRESS GOODS,
j Groceries, Hardware, &c,
a,ujitinK of everything and much more than
' tE dealer in this "neck of timber" has
ever preteuded to keep, and every
article of which y ill be
OLD VERY CUE 'l FOB CSII !
we IX EXCHANGE FOR COVNTET raODLCB.
; 0 DEALER KEEP3 BETTER GOODS !
'0 DKALtK K.fc.lU'3 MUK(. UUUUS !
0 DEALER SELLS CHEAPER!
NO DEALER SELLS MORE !
RY FRY! THY FRY!! TRY FRY!!!
Buy frcm Fry! Buy from Fry! !
UY FRY IF YOU WMNT TO BUY
the fiuest Dress Goods at the fairest priced.
4
KY FKY IF YOU W.4NT TO BUY
ihum, L Iiects, uingnHois, i it-King's, oiurt-
.ii i . i t- t C! '
iu;i. l'emmi, ituis, jeans, lotns, as
tlmere. Satiuetts, Delaines, Lawns,
Prwts, ic, Ac. and wish to get
tire full wurth at y3ur eiocey .
UY FRY IF YOU WJNT TO BUY
3uow and hoe for Men's, Ladies' and Chil-
dieu'g wear, unexcelled in quality and
nowhere undersold ia price.
PHY FRY IF YOU WAST TO 11UY
JarJw.ire, Queenoware, Glassware, Carpets,
Oil CloL. c , of the hand60ffle6t
styles at the lowest f.rcs.
UY FRY IF YOU WANT TO BUY
i
aiuj, Side, ShouMers. Mesa Pork . Fish, Salt,
UrJ, Butler. Eggs, Cheese, Coffee, fca
gar, Teas, Soaps, Candles, Hprcee,
or anything ehse in that line.
AT FRY IF YOU WANT TO BITY
rHitus and evervtwin;; worth buying, and be
tfiife t,t tt ail times you will be supplied
at tin LOWEST CASH RATES.
Oh my ! nt eye ! it is no lie
That at the Dry Goods Store and Grocery
Jugt opeiwd y A. G. Fry,
On tfre street railed High,
Wore for Tour tnonev you can bur
Thau from any one else, far or nigh.
rfy. . design to keep a full lineof
UT'Sa DRESS GOODS of the most
f " oexirabhe styK end textures,
id as I am determined to aill ns CHEAP A3
. RE CHEAPEST, 1 respectfully solicit a call
from all the ladies, and especially from those
w!io have been in the habit of visiting other
'ices to make their purchases. Whatever
U sraut to buy, be sure f rst to trv tho gtore
A.G.FRlf.
Ebensburg, May 27, 1863.
SO. C.K. ZAIIM,.
. . JAS. B. ZAHM.
ZAHM &L SON,
DBALEHS IX
HI GOODS, GROCERIES.
i 7
I HARDWARE, QUEENSWARE,
IB ill SHOES. HATS ASD CAPi
;and all other articles
luallj Kent In a Count rr Store.
POL AND COUNTRY PKODUCK
takkm is sxchakqs ro goods !
TORE ON MAIN STREET,
Next Door to the Post Office,
f W.1869.
EBENSBURG, PA.
EW MERCANTILE FIRM!
t IV EIIOSDLRGS
jWARD ROHERTS hereby givea
notice to his old friends and customers
fon first day of July, inst , he admitted
him in the mercantile business in
MtDWARD ROBERTS & SON.
stock will embrace everything in the
'"1 Mill . - . .. J . . -
in tT pie UrJ ioods line, urocenes oi
Mau?,' 30018 nd Shoes, Hats and Caps, of
r -,' Queenswsre, &c, and in fact
in a well regulated
3TR
fexpei
iillni
av
lnS njoyed a micceaeful and pleas-
nen.- ' 7. !
f Jegs t rr ' ulure man twenty years in tne
fci0u. ."IS Place, and having completed a
Lfacilir; r "'S" street ai.d increased
nd .?,i0r,eupp,yin8 my 111 a"
in tt 8 wweet prices with the best ar-
hoh market' confidently appeal to
Irenes I M Eeneru',ly given me their
IfamBm euPPr in the past to continue
emea8ure of patronage towards the new
tWUr . , EDWARD ROBERTS.
I. KINKEAD, Justice of the Peace
-Ka1 raim A9mt. Office removed to
jLTOONA NOTYET IN RUINS I
WOLFF'S MAMMOTH
CLOTHING BAZAAR ! !
STILL RIGHT SIDE UP !
IN IMMENSE PROFUSION!
ALL WANTS SUPPLIED !
ALL TASTES SUITED!
ALL BUYERS PLEASED!
SUITS FOR OLD PEOPLE!
SUITS FOR MIDDLE AGED!
SUITS FOR YOUNG AMERICA!
CLOTHINCTCLOTHINC!
TO FIT KVKKV MAW AND BOY !
GENT'S FURNISHING GOODS
OF EVEBY DESCRIPTION.
BOOTS & SHOES, HATS & CAPS
OF ALL 8TYLEB AND SIZUJ.
Trunks, Valises, Traveling 'Bags,
l uibrellaa &c.
STOCK THE LARGEST!
GOODS THE VERY BEST!
STYLES THE NEATEST!
PRICES THE LOWEST!
CL.OTI1IXG MADE TO Oft DER
of anr goodi or style dealrrd.
CALL and SEE ! CALL asd SEE ! j
CAN SUIT Y'OU ix GOODS k PRIC
:es.
Store os Annik Stbfet. one
lxir north of the Pot Office.
Don't mistake the place and there will be no
mistake about you cettinir eood bargains.
GODFREY WOLFF.
Altoona, April 2$, loD.-tl.
T
HOIIAS OAKLAND,
WHOLESALE DEALER IN
GROCERIES S QUEENSWARE,
VOOD AND WILLOW WARE,
STATIONERY" AND NOTIONS,
FISH, SALT. SUGAR CUB MEATS.
BACO.V, FLOUR,
FEED AND PROVISIONS,
NO. 13G VIRGINIA'STREET,
litticccn Julia aiul Caroline, - ALT OOXA.
All such poods as Spices. "Brushes. Wood
ad Willow Ware. Shoe Blacking and Station
ery will We sold from manHfacturer's printed
price lists, and all other poods in my line at
Philadelphia. Baltimore. Cincinnati and Pitts
burgh current prices. To dealers 1 present the
peculiar advantage of saving them all freight
and drayape, as they are not required to pay
freights from the principal cities and no dray
aire chareea are made. Dealers may rest as
sured that my goods are of the beat qualitv and
my prices as moderate as city rates. By doing
a fair, upright business, and by promptly and
satisfactorily filling all-orders, 1 nope to merit
the patronage of retail dealers and others in
Cambria county and elsewhere. Orders re
spectfully solicited and satisfaction guaranteed
iu all caws. THOMAS CARLAND.
Altoona. July 29. 1869.-tf.
"yyOOD, MORRELL fc CO.,
WASHINGTON STREET,
Near Pa. R. R. Depot, Johnstown, Pa.,
Wholesale and Retail Dealers in
MM AID DOMESTIC DRY GOODS.
MILM.ER GOODS,
HARDWARE.
QUEENSWARE.
BOOTS AND SHOES.
HATS AND CAPS.
IRON AND NAILt,
CARPETS AND OIL CLOTHS.
HEADY-MADE CLOTHING,
GLASS WARE. YELLOW WARE.
WOODEN AND WILLOW WARE,
PROVISIONS and FEED, ALL KINDS,
Together with all manner of Western Produce,
such as FLOUR. BACON, FI3H, SALT,
CARBON OIL. &c, Ac.
Wholesale and retail orders solicited
and promptly filled on the shortest notice and
most reasonable terms
WOOD. MORRELL & CO.
John-town, April 28, 169. ly.
jAWSON & BAKER,
FRANKLIN STREET,
la the Old POST OFFICE BUILDING,
Johnstown, P a,
WHOLESALE GROCERS
AND DEALERS IX
WESTERN PRODUCE!
LAN k BAKER
keep constantly on
haod a laree supply
Sugars, SykuT's7mot.asses. teas,
coffees, flour. bacon. potatoes.
DRIED and GREEN FRUITS, TOBACCO
CIGARS, &c., c.
Orders 8 licited from retail dealers, and sat
is faction in goods and pri'jes guaranteed.
Johnstown, April 23, 1869.
ETER SIDES,
WITH
IIICKM IX, HULL. & CO.,
WHOLESALE TOBACCO DEALERS,
S. E. Corner Third and Market Sts.,
J&dI 22, 1863.
PHILADELPHIA.
EBENSBURG, PA.,
riginnlottrj.
Li:MXG O'ER THE GATE.
BY O. L. H.
Of all the joys earth can bestow
On forlorn mortals here below,
The best is, with a pretty mate,
To lean across a garcen gate.
You'll surely never go amiss.
If you will only practise this :
For there's no harm, with pretty Kate,
To lean across a garden gats.
No matter how the hours do fly.
Nor how the dawn lights up the ky ;
For all the good and all tie great
Would talk across a garden gate.
II with the world you get disgusted,
Or your fiiend are crabbed and crusted,
Why with a kiss just seal your fate
Across some neighbor's garden gate.
And when you're settled down in life
A hppy man and happy wile
Do not forget the hours so late
Spent leaniug o'er a grden gate.
Sales, Slutcfjcs, ncciotes,t.
DOWN IN. A DIVING BELL.
TTaven't vou often wondered what mys.
trimia thintrs were hidden in the fnrdown
depths of the waves of the great lakes ?
. . . . .. . ii r
Wondered how the Doiiom iookbu ; in
the strange fishes ; the sensations that a
living man would feel down there in the
mnnnlno waterB ? When you have read
of some good hip, freighted with many
happy souls, plunging down inio me oars
depths haven't you wondered how she
rested, and teen, like a vision, the pale
f ices, and staring eyes and floating locks
being washed hither and thither, their fin
gers clutching stiffly at one another as the
ptild water swept them back and forth t
We can see nature In the forest, in the
air, in all her workings but that ot the
waters. And that is why we seek to
penetrate the hidden mysteries ; why the
. . t it
diver who descends into Her closed cens is
an object of awe aDd admiration. Ve
who live upon the shore see him in his
rmur often, hear of his successes and
failures, sometimes of his death, and yet
but few of us know his courage, nis en
durance, his perils, his feelings down there
alone, knowing that he descends with his
life in his nanus, and that tue waves
above him would gladly chant his death
Bimtr fur his boldness.
Foremost among the bold divers of the
lakes is John Quinn, a resident of Detroit,
and. from a lone and varied experience,
eminently qualitied to tell the readers of
the Free tYess ot the mysteries ot wnicn
we have spoken, and with a little neip to
polish his word, he says :
'It is a etrance business, this diving.
The danger fascinates some, but the peril
is never for a tootnent lost sight of. I put
on the belmet for the first time more than
tin vflRre rpo. and I never resume it
without a feeling that it may be the last
time I shall ever eo down. KJi course,
m has more confidence after awhile, but
there is something in being shut up in an
amor, weighed down witn 1UU pounas,
and knowing that a little leak in your lite
nine is vour death. I should, care to banish
the feeling, for the sight of the clear, blue
skv. the cental sun and the face of a tel-
low-man, after long hours among the
fishes, makts vou feel like one who has
suddenly been drawn away from the grasp
of death. 1 have bad some narrow es
capes while pursuing my strange profes
sion ; every diver has, or has been unu
sually luekv to escape them. I think the
most dangerous place I ever cot into was
"oing down to examine the propeller
Comet, sunk of Toledo. In working
about her bottom, I got my air-pipe coiled
over a large sliver from the stoten Dole,
and could not reach it wiin my nanas
Every time I sprang op to remove the hose
mv tender would cive me the 'slack' of
the line, thus letting me fall back again.
He did not understand his duties, and did
not know what my signals on the lite-hne
meant. It was two hours ana a nau oe
fore I was relieved, and there wasn't a
moment that I was not looking to see toe
hv the lficeed wood. It 8 a
slrnnnp feelintr vou bare down there. You
go walking over a vessel, clambering up
her sides, peering here ana tncre, ana tne
fepliniT that vou are alone makes you ner
onna nd uneasv. Sometimes a vessel
sinks down so fairly that she stands up
. . f a
on the bottom as trim and neat as it 6ne
rode on the surface. Then you can go
down into the cabin, op the shrouds, walk
all cpr her. iust as easilv aa a sailor
p.inld if she were still dasbina away be
fore the breeze. Only, it seems so quiet,
so tomb like ; there are no waves down
there only a swaying back and forth of
. s . a a
thft waters, and see-sawme ot tne snip
You hear nothing from above ; the great
fishes come swimming about rubbing their
noses against vour glass, and starting with
a umnorinir look into vour eves. The
cerv stillness sometimes cives me a chill
Vou hear iust a moaning, wailing sound,
like the last notes of an organ, and you
cunnnt heln but think ot dead men noat
incr over and around vou. I have been
do'wn especially to rescue the bodies of
those drowned. About lour years ago,
the nrooeller Buckeye, belonging to the
Northern Transportation company, went
down in the river St. Lawrence, in seven-
ty-eight feet of water, and it was known
that a mother and child were asleep in
their state-room at the time of her sink
ing. The father begged of me, and offer
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 1869.
ed me a good deal of money to take out
the corpses, and though I dreaded the
work, I at last consented. I bad been
all over the wreck two or three times, and
I knew just where the state-room was.
The door was fast locked, and I waited a
good while before bursting it open. Of
course, a dead person couldn t harm you ;
but even in broad day, on shore, and the
people around you, don't you know that
the sight and presence of a dead person
brings up solemn thoughts and nervous
feelings T I knew how tbey would look,
how they were floating around in the
room, and if the father hadn t been look
ing so wretched above, there was no money
to tempt me in there. But, at last I got
a crowbar from forward, and not letting
myself think, gave the light door a blow
that stove it in. The water came rustl
ing out, the vessel just then lurched over
towards my nide, and out they came, the
Woman first, her eyes wide open and hair j
trailing behind, and in her left hand she
held the hand of her child. I knew how
they would look, but I screamed out and i
jumped back. Her face was fearfully
distorted, showing bow sharp death had
been met, and the eyes looked through the
green waters at me in a way that made
my flesh creep. 1 he child had died east
ly, its livid, white face giving no sign of
terror. It was a good while before I fas
tened the line to them and gave the signal
to haul up, and I felt so uneasy that I
was not long in following. This is one of
the drawbacks to any feelings of curiosity
a diver might otherwise have. I never
go down to the hatchway or the cabin
fteps without thinking of a dead man
floating about there. When the Lac la
Belle sunk on the St, Clare flats, the en
gineer was caught in the rushing waters,
and no trace was ever found ot his body.
His wife came to me, hearing that I was
to go down to the wreck, and asked me
to find the body if possible. I remem
bered this when I went down, and I went
groping around the engine room in mo
mentary expectation of encountering the
body. I looked so long without finding
it that I had got nervous, and had started
for the ladder to go up, when I felt some
thing strike my helmet and give way, and
a chill went dancing oer me as 1 thought
the dead body was at hand: But on
reaching up I found that I had run against
the fire hose, the end of which was hang
ing down, and that what I so dreaded
was still out of my sight.
'A diver does not like to go down more
than 120 feet. At that depth the pres
sure is painful, and there is danger of in
ternal injury. I can etay down fur five
or six hours at a time at 115 or 120 feet,
and do a good deal of hard work. In the
waters of Lake Huron the diver can see
30 or 40 feet away, but the other lakes
will screen a vessel not 10 feet from you.
'One of the strangest of the strange
things that 1 ever knew of in my line,
was the case of the propeller J. W.
Brooks, a Northern Transportation boat.
It was about ten years ago, when she was
about forty miles off Salmon Point, Lake
Ontario, and the next day was found by
the steamer Wellington floating near the
point. She was end up in the water, -her
bow standing out and stern down, perpen
dicularly, and was towed into shoal water,
and I went down to make an examination.
As eure as I'm living, there wasn't a hole
in her sides or bottom that would have
sunk a basin ; she was as sound and per
fect as on the day the last nail was driven
home ; but there wasn't a sign of her boil
ers or machinery lelt in her, nothing but
the bed-plate on which the boiler had
stood, and she had neither burned nor
blown up ; and, yet, the boilers and ma
chinery had gone out, 8Dd there was no
trace or sign of how they did it, and no
living man can explain it. She bad been
seen only the day before, and was next
found floating, and there never had been
found either captain or crew to unravel
the mystery, none of them ever having
been heard of. She is yet running, having
been raised, converted into a tug, and is
now towing on the St. Lawrence under
the name of William the Fourth.
"Yes, we get pretty good pay $40
and 50 a day, and sometimes more, but
outfit costs $1,500, there is a good deal
of wear and tear. And the lonesome,
uneasy feeling is worth a round sum. Up
here, you seldom think ot accident or
death, but a hundred feet of water dash
ing over your air-pump, a leak in your
hose, a careless action on the part of your
tender, and the weight of a mountain
would press the life out of you before you
could make a move. And you may foaP
your pipe or fine yourself, and in your
baste bring on what you dread. I often
get my hose aroutx! a star or rail, and
tkough I am not called cowardly, and
generally release it without much trouble,
the bare idea of what a slender thing holds
back the clutches of death off my throat
makes a cold sweat start from every pore."
Detroit Free Prest.
A Wonderful Lakk. There is a lake
in Harrison, Ind., within a mile of Pal
myra, three quarters of a mile in length,
with a breadth of a quarter to half a mile.
Ic some portions of it the bottom has
never been sounded. It has neither inlet
nor outlet, so that its waters roust be sup
plied by numerous springs, and it is pre
vented from overflow solely by evapora
tion. Its waters are beautifully clear,
and abound with most excellent fish.
The rightful Leir not the ''cLinon."
Last Words $T Great Men The
System a Failure.
BY MA UK TWAIH.
Marshal Niel'a last words were: X.'ar
mee Francaite!" (The French Army.)
Exchange.
What a sad thing it is to see a man
close a grand career with a plagiarism in
his mouth. Napoleon's last words were
"Tele durrnee." (Head of the army.)
Neither of these remarks amounts to any
thing as the ''last words," and reflect little
credit upon the utterers. A distinguished
man should be as particular about his
last words as he is about his last breath.
He Bhould write them on a slip of paper
and take the judgment of his friends on
them.
He should never leave such a thing to
the last hour of his life, and trust to an
intellectual spurt at the last moment to
enable him to say something smart with
his latest gasp, and launch into eternity
with grandeur. No a man is too much
fagged and exhausted both in body and
mind, at such a time, to be reliable ; and
may be, the very thing he wants to say
he cannot say to save him ; and besides,
there 'are his weeping friends bothering
around ; and worse than all, as likely as
not, be may have to deliver his last gasp
when he is not expecting to. A man can
not always expect to think of a natty
thing to say under such circumstances,
and so it is pure egotistic ostentation to
put it off. There is hardly a case on re
cord where a man came to his last moment
unprepared and said a good thing hard
ly a case where a man trusted to that last
moment and did not make a solemn botch
of it, and go out of the world feeling ab
surd. Now there was Daniel Webster. No
body could tell him anything. He was
not afraid. He could do something neat
when the time came. And how did it
turn out ? Why, his will had Co be fixed
over ; -and then all his relations came ;
and first one thing and then another in
terfered, till at last he only had a chance
to say "I still live," and up he went. Of
course he didn't still live, because he died
and so be might as well have kept his
last word to himself as to have gone and
made such a failure of it as that.
A week before that, fifteen minutes
would have enabled that man to contrive
tome last words that would have been a
credit to himself and a comfort to his
family for generations to come.
And there was John Quincy Adams
Helving on his splendid abilities and cool
ness in tracrgencie8, he trusted to a happy
hit at the last moment to carry him
through, and what was the result? Death
emote him in the House of Representa
tives, and he observed casually, 4This is
the last of earth." The last of eaith!
Why the "last of earth," when there is
so much more left ? If he bad said it
was the last rose ot summer, or the last
run of shad, it would have had just as
much point to it. What he meant to say
was, "Adam was the first, and Adams is
the last of earth," and he put it off too
long, and bo had to go with that unmean
ing observation on his lips.
And there we have Napoleon. liTete
iVarmee," That don't mean anything.
Taken by itself, "Head of the army," is
no more important than "Head of police,"
And yet that was a man who could have
said a good thing if he had barred but the
doctor and studied over it a while. And
his Marshal Neil, with half a century at
his disposal couldn't dash off anything
better in his last moments than a poor
plagiarism of another man's last words,
which were not worth plagiarizing in tho
first place. "The French army." Per
fectly irrelevant perfectly flat utterly
pointless. But if he had closed one eye
significantly, and said, "The subscriber
has made it lively for the French army,"
and thrown a little of the comic into bis
last gasp, it would have been a thing to
remember with satisfaction the rest of his
life. I do wish our great men would q jit
saying these flat things just at the mo
ment thty die Let us have their next-to-their-last
words for a while, and see if
we can not patch up something from them
that will be a little more satisfactory.
The public docs not wish to be outraged
in )his way all the time.
But when we come to call to mind the
last words of parties who took the trouble
to make proper preparation foi the occa
sion, we immediately notice a happy dif
ference in the result.
There was Chesterfield. Lord Ches
terfield had laboied all his life to build up
the most shining reputation fur affability,
and elegance of speech and manners the
world baa ever seen. And could you 6up
pose he failed to appreciate the character
istic "last words" in the matter of seizing
the successfully driven nail of such a rep
utation and clinching it on the other Fide
forever! Not he. He, prepared himself.
He kept his eye on the clock and his fin
ger on his pulse. He awaited his chance.
And at last, when he knew his time was
come, he pretended to think a new visitor
had entered, and so, with the rattle in his
throat emphasized for dramatic effect, lit
said to the servant : "Shin around, John,
and get the gentleman a chair." And
then ha died amid thunders of applause.
Next we have Benjamin Franklin.
Franklin, the author of Poor Richard's
quaint sayings ; Franklin, the immortal
axiom builder, who used to sit up nights
reducing the rankest old threadbare plati
tudes to crisp and snappy maxims that
had a nice, varnished, original look in
their new regimentals ; who said ''Virtue
it its own reward ;" who said ''Procras
tination is the thief of time ;" who said
"Time and tide wait fur no man
Ne-
cessity is the mother of invention ;" good
old Franklin, the Josh Billings of the
eighteenth century though sooth to say,
the latter transcends him in proverbial or
iginality as much as he falls short of him
in correctness of orthography. What sort
of tactics did old Franklin pursue! He
pondered over his last worda for as much
as two weeks, and then when the time
came he said "None but the brave deserve
the fair," and died happy. He could not
have said a sweeter thing if he had lived
till he was an idiot.
Byron made a poor business of it, and
could not think of any thing to say, at
the last moment, but "Augusta Sister
Lady Byron tell Harriet Beecher St owe
&c ;" but Shakespeare was ready, and
said, "England expects every man to do
bis duty I" and went off with splendid
eclat.
And there are other instances of saga
cious preparation for a felicitous closing
remark, ror instance :
Joan of Arc said "Tramp, tramp, the
boys are marching."
Alexander the Great said "Another ot
those Santa Cruz punches, if you pleas."
The Empress Josephine said "Not
for Jo ," and could get no further.
Cleopatra said "The Old Guard dies,
but never surrenders !"
Sir Walter Raleighaid "Execution
er, can I take your whet&tone a moment,
please ?"
John Smith said "Alas, I am the last
of my race !
Queen Elizabeth said 'Oh, I would
give ray kingdom for one moment more
I have forgotten my last words."
And lied Jacket, the noblt-st Indian
brave that ever wielded tomahawk in de
fence of a friendless and persecuted race,
expired with these touching words upon
his lips : "Wawkawanipanooosackatche
wan." There was not a dry eye in the
wigwam.
Iet not this lesson bp lost upon our
public men. Let them take a healthy
moment for preparation, and contrive some
last words that shall be neat and to the
point. Let Lju'is Napoleon say :
"I am content to follow my uncle, still
I do not desire to improve on his last
words. Put me down for teta iTuriwe."
And Garret Davis : "Let me recite the
unabridged dictionary."
And 11. G.: "I desire now to say a
few words on political economy!"
And Mr. Bergh : "Only take a part of
me at a lime, if the load will be fatiguing
to the hearse horses "
And Andrew Johnson : "I have been
an alderman, member of Congress, Gov
ernor, Senator, Pre -adieu, you know
the rest."
And Seward : "Alas ! ka."
And Grant: "0."
Tuk. Darkey and iii3 Title Some
time since, in Mississippi, a venerable
darkey, who had been led to believe that
with his freedom he was to receive forty
acres ot land and a mule, applied to the
head carpet-bagger of a freedmeirs bureau
for his ticket to vote, his mule, and the
title to his real estate, wheresoever it
might be. He voted the ticket given him,
and was given four little sharpened stakes,
two feet long, painted like young barbr
poles, and told to select hid forty acres
anywhere.
For this certificate of freedom, he was
asked ten dollars by the agent. But the
darkey had but four dollars and seventy
five cents. So the loyal keeper of the
new men and brothers compromised for
this amount and the brushing of his clothes
and boots.
After the work was finished and the
money paid, the agent gave him the sticks
or stakes, and a receipt for the pre-emption
money, to show in case there should
be any trouble about locating the land.
The darkey found on a plantation near
by forty acres, and d-ove his stakes. The
owner came out to know why these things
were thus, when the darkey told him it
was all right that he purchased the land
of the government and had the bill in his
pocket.
'Let ua see it," said the planter.
"Here ahe is," replied the triumphant
son of Ethiopia, hauling forth a half sheet
of legal cap, on which was written :
Know all Men bytiif.se Presents:
There were giants in those days. And as
Moses raised the serpent out of the wilder
ness, so I have raised this d d old nigger
out of four dollura and sir bits "
The Poor Boy. Don't be ashamed,
my lad, if you have a patch on your el
bow ; it is no disgrace. It speaks well
for your industrious mother. For our
part, we would rather see a dozen patches
on your jacket than hear one profane word
from your lips, or to smell fumes of to
bacco in your breath No good boy will
shun you because you cannot dress as well
as your companion ; and if a bad boy
sometimes laughs at your appearance, say
nothing ray good lad, but walk on. We
know m-tny a rich and good man who
was once as poor as you F'ear G-xl, my
boy, and if you are poor but honeat, you
will be respected a great deal more than
if you were the son of a rich man aaJ ad
dicted to bad habits.
Termt, $2 per year In adiauce.
NUMBER 38.
JOSH B1XL1XGS I'AIT.RS.
ACTOGBAFK LETTERS.
Dear Son : Thare never was a good and
reliable critifk who want a writer himself,
this ackounts for the grate number of crit
icks and for the inferiority ov them.
Josa BlLLIXOS.
Dear Bill : Marrid life haz its flip Hops,
and ita,tlip flams, but i hav noticed ooe
thing, out ov the north east corner ov roy
well eye. and it iz this, good husbands most
alwus make good wives.
Jomi Billings.
Dear Dare : Amerikans, az a lump, are
skiu deep edukated, a daily paper and a
tooth pick complete th?ir ethicks. but tew
fall bed fust cut ov a six story windo and
i,trike on their teet, tew insure their lives fur
the benefit ov the widder. and then hunt for
ackrklnnts, tew build pacifick rale rodrs.
break mules, and convert injuns, they are a
sure footed people.
Amerikans hav menny faults, but most
ov them are ov their own invenshuu. but i
uevcr hav seen a native yet that yc couM
hire to teud a gide board.
Joan BiM.itTGs.
Dear Dan : B ihys are the best gift ov
heaven, the devil bowa tares, but the Lord
sows bahyn.
A hou- without a baby in it, iz like a
kandle without enny wick, it wont light up.
the wife iz fastidious, and fretful, and the
husband iz az lonesum and uselet s az a gan
der amung a fl jck ov hen turkeys.
Josh Bili.incs.
Dear Fred: If you are looking for soli
tude go to a citty.
Evtry buddy thare Izbizzy with their own
thoughts, cares, and phzzures. they haint
gut the time tew notis evea thupe who waut
tew be notia:d, but if yu covet solitude in
the kuntry yu do it at the risk o? being
feared bi some, suspected Li others, and har
rassed bi all.
A man may liv 10 years in Nu York citty
and be known only to biz landlady and
washwoman, while in a kuntry village lie
kant liv six months in peace if evry boddy
dont kuovv who makes hiz shirts.
Jobit Hillings.
Dear Frank: Fear iz an evidenre ov a
small intelleckt. and true courage ov a largo
one. There iz this difference between pride
and vauity, pride rtspeckt its!f, vnuity
praiz?s ittelf. Faith iz not a nrnrk impu'f-e.
but a live one; geuowine faith iz like pep
per sass, it knows it own strength and dotit
nibble, but bites. Jotu Blixixas.
Dear Phil : The most valuable ov awl the
household animals iz the brindle cow. They
are coiuix zed eutirely cf vittlcs and drink,
bhoe leather auu horu-tooth combs. They
are the poor man's necessity aud the ritcti
man's luxury. They hold the original pat
ent for buiter and ice-kream. They are az
free fiom malice az a sibter ov charity. Their
importance dont make them feel big. They
are mothers-in-law to every man's baby. If
i Lad the making cv stattews it should be a
mibdemcauor tew sass a cow, and tew abuae
oue a euiteutiatj ofl'cuse.
Josh Billing.
Dear Hen : I hav got but one opiuyun
(out ucvtr had but one) about Wimmius
Rights." I think they hav a perfeckt right
tew be chaste and butiful ; tew be mothers
ov warriors and statesmen ; tew be the gent
lest, purest, sweetest aud most graceful crea
tureb yet created ; tew be the power behind
the thrcne ; tew be a pillo ov down for the
akiug head ov man, and a halo ov glory to
adorn hiz achievements; tew be just what
God gave them the rare privilege tew be,
com pan) uos, trieuds, bweethearts. wives and
mother, first iu the hearts ov man and la&t
at the polls. Josu Billings.
Dear Pete : Bad spelliu' iz a misfortune,
not an accoiuplibhmeiit and the misfortune
iz, that meuny folks who dou't kno any bet
ter, think thare iz humor iu it. There iz uo
more real humor iu spelling twisted than
thare iz in looking crobs eyed. The man who
deliberately kultivates bad spellin iz no bet
ter than him who sews weeds. I am sorry
fur what bad spells i have passed through,
aud am sorry lor what may pans through
hereafter, aud would be glad tew quit uow.
for oud n Roon, if no other, and that iz, i
don't waut lew cater to ecny man's taste,
whose opiuyun i dou't respeckt. Thoze who
cant se uo humor in what i write, but in
the btoniak ake az those who form a ring
around a bear, aud a aliigater, and whiio
they hurrah for both, don't ucktually care
bix inches which whips. But wheu a man
once pulls on the cap and bells, no matter
whether they beckum bim or not, the world
will iubist upon his wearing them, however
they pretend tew regret it. Human natur
iz a kurious woven web. and thare is one
little malibhus thread, away down in the
warp of it and tellzthis it don't fatter enny
tf tu lu tee a tnan repent on his phoolishnes.
Jisn Billings.
Nt'T THE IllGHT "ScENTIN' " SlTFr. A
long, lean, giant Yankee entered a drug store
aud asked :
"Be you the drugger ?"
Well, 1 suppose so ; I sell drugs,"
"Well, hev you got any uv this here scent
in' stuff as the girls put on their handker
chiefs?" O yes."
"Wal, our Sal is goin' to ba married and
gin me a Dinepeuceand told tne to invest the
whole amount in seeutin' btuff, bo's to make
her sweet, if I could find some to suit ; so,
if you've a mind. I'll just smell 'round."
The Yankee smelled around without beir-r
suited, until the druggist got tired of hie.
and. taking down' a bottle of hartshori .
said :
I've got a scentin' stuff that will sn :
you. A single drop in your handkerchu ;
will last you for two weeks, and you can
wash it out. But to get the strength of it.
you must take a big smell."
"Is that so. Mister 1 Wal, jest hold on .
minute, till I get my breath, and when 1 si? v
uow.? you put it under my smeller. "
The directions were of course blJowe.:.
and the Yankee was nearly knockod off i .
pins ; bnt. recovering himself, hecxclaiuu i
"Chain liw-niu'! Mr. Brugger. Is the i :
of my hwd on 1 Sl dou't wsnt anythi- i;
like that ; it would break up a Cnii.p :ni-t-in
ia ten nvntitea. You Laiut gt u -riht
kioJ o stuff."
0" on Hh St.. Ebenfburg. jl3.
ir