Various Mourning Custom*.
When mourning for their dead the
Israelites neither washed nor anointed
themselves. Greeks and Romans fasted.
In Europe they wear black, in China
white, in Turkey violet and in Ethiopia
brown.
> We promptly obtain U. S. and Foreign t
* ■njkjßaßHsgc <
} fiend model, sketch or pboto of inTer.tlnn for f
free report ua patentability. For in e book, f
Howto KecureTn snr IllflDl/t' 1 writer
< i'r.,\ I nMUL-IViHnsv !• *
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Pure Water!
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Orders may be left at Oeo. F. Balcom* j
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Address,
Magnetic Mineral Water Co.,
SIZERVILLE, PA.
i £ «m I
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♦
Our splendid new 8-story retail
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XThis means 0,000 square feet more
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the best
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Su/nverly Oil Works Co. -
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This rtmcdy can always be dcptndtd upon and
Is pleasant to take. It contains no opium or
other harmful drug and may be given as confi
dently to a baby as to an adult
Price 25 cents, large size 50 cents.
CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY OCTOBER 7, 1909
Making Herself at Home.
Last summer five-year-old Lola's aunt
came to spend a week with them.
"Now, aunty," said Lola, "you must
make yourself at home."
"How can I do that, dear?" queried
her aunt.
"Why," answered Lola, "you can
pitch in and help mamma work."—Chi
cago News.
The Finisher.
Lawyer—What is your occupation?
Witness—l'm a piano finisher. Law
yer—Be a little more definite. Do you
polish them or move them?— Boston
Transcript.
The Gossip.
Neil She's an awful gossip. She
tells everything she hears. - Belle—Oh,
she tells more than that.—Philadelphia
Record.
Do not make unjust gains. They are
equal to a loss.—llesiod.
Located.
Diogenes, lantern in hand, entered
the village drug store. "Say, have you
anything that will cure a cold?" he
asked.
"No. sir, I have not." answered the
pill compiler.
"Give me your hand," exclaimed
Diogenes, dropping his tautern. "J
have at last found an honest man."
A Wayside Philo^jpher.
"Ilow'd you like to be a senator?"
inquired the first wanderer.
"I'd like it first rate," responded the
second wayfarer. "Still, a hobo's life
has got its good points. lie ain't got
no constituents to kick about his in
activity."—Kansas City Journal.
Good Tree, Poor Crop.
"I suppose you know of my family
tree?" said Baron Fucash.
"Yep," answered Mr. Cumrox. "It
may have been a good tree, all right,
but it looks to mo as if the crop was
a failure."—Washington Star.
Credulous.
Blobbs—'The girl to marry is the girl
who believes in love in a cottage.
Slobbs— Yes, if a girl believes that, you
could stuff her with any old thing.—
Philadelphia Record.
Be sure to put your feet In tho right
place, then stand firm.—Lincoln.
He Was the Same Man.
A prominent merchant of Sheffield
recently accosted a gentleman on the
street with:
"Good morning. Mr. Johnson. How
is coal today?"
"Well," responded the other, "1 am
not much acquainted with the coal
market, but 1 can ascertain (he price
if it will accommodate you."
"I beg pardon." laughed the mer
chant. "I really thought you were
Mr. Johnson, the coal dealer. You
certainly resemble him."
A few days later the merchant en
tered a tram car and, seating himself
beside a gentleman, exclaimed heartily:
"Well, Mr. Johnson, I'm glad to rec
ognize you today. 1 made a laughable
mistake one day last week. 1 mistook j
another man for you and. addressing
him very familiarly, asked how coal
was. He looked amused and replied
that lie did not know much about coal,
but would inquire if it would accom
modate me. Then I looked at him and
saw that he was a perfect stranger.
It really was laughable, Mr. Johnson,
but lie looked so much like you."
"Yes." responded the gentleman,
looking more amused, "and 1 am that
same party again."
The merchant recognizes no more
coal dealers.—London Xit-Uits.
A Rare Autograph.
"What is the most expensive auto
graph you ever sold?" inquired the re- ]
porter.
"That of Thomas Lynch. Jr.," an- ;
swered the dealer. The reporter looked I
perfectly blank. "Never heard of him,"
he confessed.
"Weil, he was a siguer of the Decla
ration of independence. He signed it
as proxy for his father, who was ill at
the time. Soon after he went to sea
and was never heard of again. Now,
autographs of Declaration signers are
much sought by collectors. None ap
proach in rarity those of Thomas
Lynch. Jr. In fact, so far as 1 know,
there is only one in existence.
"This is affixed to an autograph letter
addressed by Lynch to George Wash
ington. which lends it additional value.
It was owned at one time by Jared
Sparks, president of Harvard college.
Subsequently it passed to Thomas Ad
dis Emmet, from whom I bought it
for the sum of $4,000. I sold it to Au
gustin Daly, who was a keen auto
graph collector, for $4,500. Later 10m
rnet repented of letting the autograph
go from his possession and secured it
from Daly for $5,250, presenting it
afterward to the Lenox library. New
York, where it is now."—Philadelphia
Ledger.
The Origin of "Boz."
The origin of "Boz" is known to most
readers interested in Dickens. A
younger brother of the novelist was
known in the family circle as Moses,
in facetious allusion to one of the char
actors in the "Vicar of Wakefield."
and this being pronounced in fun
through the nose became "Boses" and
so "Boz," which Dickens adopted as
his early pen name. "Boz." he once
wrote, "was a very familiar household
word to ine long before I was an an- I
thor, and so I came to adopt it.
Before the real name of "Boz" lie- |
came well known somebody invented |
and circulated the following smart epi- I
gram:
Who tho Dickens "Boz" could bo
Puzzled many a curious elf
Till time unveiled the mystery
And "Boz" appeared as Dickens' self, j
Hood wrote punniugly, but ungratrt- •
matically:
Aren't tliat 'ere "Boz" a tiptop feller? |
Lots write well, but he writes Weller. |
—London Globe.
Thanked His Stars.
When tho French revolution broke
out a number of scientists lost their
lives, but Lalaude, the astronomer,
only paid the more attention to the
skies and its constellations. When lie
found, after the reign of terror, that
lie had escaped the fury of the mob
he exclaimed gratefully, "I may thank
my stars for it." Would any apparent
jest possess more genuine truth?
Allison tells how during Napoleon's
Egyptian campaign no sooner were the
mameiukes observed at a distance than
tho word was given, "Form square;
artillery to the angles; asses and sa
vans to the center." The command
afforded no little merriment to the sol
diers even at such an exciting mo
ment and made them call the asses
demisavans.
ALSO BLACK EYES.
'
Visiting ICnglis'nmun What are the
most notable features about football I
as it is played here?
Tho Native—Broken bones.
The Queen Bee.
The truth is that throughout all tlw
wonder workings of the beehive the
queen is little more than an instru
ment, a kind of an automaton, merely
doing what the workers compel her
to do. They are the real queens in
the hive, and the mother tx-e is
the real subject. The workers have
made her for their own wise purpose,
just as they make the comb and the
honey to store In it. The egg she is
hatched from is in no way di tie rent
from any worker egg. If you take
oue from a queen cell and put it in
the ordinary cell it will butch out :>
common female worker bee. and ;i
egg transferred from worker comb i
a queen cell becomes a full grown
queen. Thousands and thousand-* oi
worker eggs are laid in a hive during
the season, and each of those could lie
made into a queen if the workers
chose. But the worker egg is laid in
a small cell, and the larva is bred on
a bare minimum of food at the least
possible cost in time, trouble and
space to the hive, while when a new
queen is wanted a cell as big as your
finger tip is built, and the larva is
stuffed like a prize pig through all its
live days of embryo life until, with
unlimited food and time and room to
grow in. it comes out at last si perfect
mother bee.—Van Norden's Magazine.
I
Mending a Broken Heart.
An Atchison young thing had a I
! heart that ached, her honey boy hav- j
! iug taken his affections elsewhere, and
| her father recently shut himself up
with her to reason with her. "That
honey boy averaged spending 50 cents
a week on you." he said. "Here's a
dollar a week to take his place. Every
time he called lie cleaned out the re
frigerator. Your mother will see to It
that your brothers do this in future.
He kept you up late nights. Your
baby sister is cross, and hereafter you
will let tho baby do this for you. He
took possession of (lie most comforta
ble rocker on the porch. When you
look at that rocker in future it will
not be empty, bringing the pang to
your heart that your silly novels tell
about. It will be occupied by the man
who paid for it, and that's me. Your
mother and I stayed by you through
colic and teething and are going to
get you through this if we have to take
turns spanking you. Now take your
eyes off the moon and look at the dust
around you."—Atchison Globe.
The Demon Rum.
The subject given out for an essay in
one of the public schools was "The
Evil Effects of Alcohol." Here are ex
tracts from some of the compositions:
"Alcohol has a very marked effect
on the doctor's conclusions In cases of
sickness."
"Medical men say that fatal diseases
are the worst."
"Some people think the abuse of
drink is a sin. others think it is all
right, and others take it as a medi
cine."
"At the present day many people are
in jail for committing suicide while j
under the influence of strong drink."
"Doctors say that the increased death
j rate from the effects of boozing short
j ens life."
"Alcohol mocks at you, and at last it
! bfteth like a servant and stingeth like
a bee."
"The Bible says look not on the wine ,
when it is red. but Rhine wine is not |
j hurtful."—New York Press.
Animals Are Poor Sailors.
The polar bear is the only wild an I- '
| mal that likes a trip on the water, ac- j
j cording to a French scientist who has j
j studied its behavior sxt sea. He is j
! quite jolly when aboard ship, but all |
other animals violently resent such j
a voyage and vociferously give vent to j
their feelings until seasickness brings ;
silence.
The tiger suffers most of all. He
whines pitifully, his eyes water con
tinually, and he rubs his stomach with
his terrible paws. Horses are bad
sailors and often die on a sea voyage.
Oxen are heroic in their attempts
not to give way to seasickness. Ele
phants do not like the sea, but they
are amenable to medical treatment. A
good remedy is a buckcful of hot wa
ter containing three and a half pints
of whisky and seven ounces of qui
nine.—Fur News.
She Was No Child.
This college professor, like many
other men of erudition, was fond of '
Lewis Carroll. While visiting his sis
ter he asked his niece, a miss of fif
teen. to get "Through the Looking
Glass" for him from the public libra
ry. She evidently did not like the task,
and he asked her tho reason. With
some hesitation she replied: "Oh. I'll j
get it if you really want it. But I ;
don't liko to have tho librarian think i
that I read children's books."—New
York Tribune.
No Need For Talk.
"Does the baby talk yet?" asked a |
friend of the family.
"No," replied tho baby's disgusted j
little brother; "tho baby doesn't need i
to talk."
"Doesn't need to talk?"
"No. All the baby lias to do is to
yell, and it gets anything there is in
the house that's worth having."
The Resemblance.
Facetious Old Lady (to tramp)— You
remind me of a piece of flannel.
Tramp—l do. eh? And why so, miss
! us? Facetious Old Lady—You shrink I
j from washing.
T'ic Ruling Passion.
A certain arithmetician is so devoted
j to figures that when he has no prob
| loin before hbt» lie easts up his eyes.
Without lie: ' 'i life is not life; it i ,
only a state of languor and suffering.- !
' an image of deat'.i —Rabelais.
Coleridge's Imagination.
From Ins early ,\ outli Coleridge lived
In a world of books and dreams, yet
his favorite walk seems to have been
the Strand, the last place in the world
for a poet to lose himself in reverie.
As he strolled down the street he Im
agined himself swimming the Helles
pont, the feat of which other poets
had written and which the poet Byron
was to accomplish later. Once while
the mind of Coleridge was thus far
from tlie busy Strand he absently
thrust his hands before him In the
manner of one swimming. Suddenly
one hand came in contact with a gen
tleman's pocket.
The gentleman, thinking to capture
a thief, seized tlie hand and exclaimed:
"What: So young and so wicked!"
He accused the poor, poetic boy of an
attempt at pocket picking.
With some fright and a few tears
the boy explained, and wo can imag
ine that words did not fail him who
was to beri«nie tlie most brilliant talk
er of his age The gentleman was de
lighted with Coleridge's Imagination,
which could turn the Si rand into the
Hellespont. The intelligence of the
young Leander made the stranger in
quire into Coleridge's tastes, and when
he found the boy liked hooks he open
ed for him a subscription at the circu
lating library in Cheapside.—Westmin
ster Gazette.
The Facetious Traveler.
"llow did you like I'ittsburg?"
"It soots me."
"Do you think Boston is a great
city?"
"it has bean."
"Did you find Philadelphia the place
of sleep they say it is?"
"Not for me. Everybody else snored
so'loud I couldn't."
"Is Washington a good place to live
in
"Capital."
"How did you tind Chicago?"
"Didn't have to. It was there when
I arrived."
"How were the mountains back of
Denver?"
"Rocky."
"llow did they treat you in New
Orleans?"
"All the time."
"Well, I'm glad to see you're back."
"llow does it look?"
"How does what look?"
"My back. I've never seen it."
It was then that the assault took
place, but the court on hearing the evi
dence decided that it was justifiable.—
Judge.
An Organ Recital.
A dozen or more women had gath
ed at a home on Walnut street to at
tend a business meeting of a society
to which they belonged. Before they
commenced to talk business one of (lie
women had to tell everybody about
her recovery from a recent operation
for appendicitis. After she got through
it reminded another of an operation
she had gone through a few years ago
for the same thing, and it took some
time to tell about it. That reminded
a third of an operation she had once
gone through, and when she finished
tilling it another of the visitors start
ed to tell her experience on the oper
ating table.
At this moment a quiet little wom
an in one corner of the room arose to
go.
"I thought," site explained to her
hostess, "that this was to have been a
business meeting, but it seems to bean
organ recital."—Philadelphia Times.
The Key of Death.
The "key of death" is apparently a
large key which is shown among the
weapons at the arsenal at Venice. It
was invented by Tibaldo, who, disap
pointed in love, 'designed this instru
ment for the destruction of his rival.
The key is so constructed that the
handle may be turned around, reveal
ing a small spring, which being press
ed a very fine needle is driven with
considerable force from the other end.
This needle is so very fine that the
flesh closes over the wound immediate
ly, leaving no mark, but the death of
the victim is almost instantaneous.
Strong Paper.
A single United States treasury note
measures three and one-eighth inches
iu width and seven and one-quarter
inches in length. It will sustain with
out breaking lengthwise a weight of
forty-one pounds, crosswise a weight
of ninety-one pounds. The notes run
four to a sheet, a sheet being eight and
one-quarter inches wide by thirteen
and one-half inches long. One of these
sheets lengthwise will suspend 10S
pounds and crosswise 177 pounds.
Evasion.
"See hefe, you. sir'." cried her father
"Didn't I tell you never to enter my
house again?"
"No, sir, you didn't." replied the per
sistent suitor. "You said not to 'cross
your threshold,' so 1 climbed in the
window."—Exchange.
Then Ho Wouldn't Have It.
"How much of an income do you
think you could live on comfortablv?"
"I think I could manage to IK? very
comfortable on about SIO,OOO a jear
until my wife found out that I was
getting that much."—Chicago Record
Herald.
Careful.
Hotel Clerk—Just sign your name,
please. The other guests would like
to register.
"Don't you try to hurry me. young
man. I don't never sign notliin* that
I ain't read carefully."—Life.
A Primer of Life.
Only a dreamer asks time and tide to
wait for him when he might "head",
them oIT, sell time for money and
make tide turn a mill wheel.—Atlanta
Constitution.