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RERL- QURLITY- YES.SIR - THRrNK you, /
"Scrabby" Skellers, Boss of the Pocket
TALES OF THE "SHORT HAIRS"
BY MALCOLM M'DOWELL
Author of "Revelations of an Ex-Mayor," "Revelations of an Ex-
Speaker," "Shop Talk on the Wonders of the Crafts," etc.
Scrabby explains to the political re
porter how little things affect the out
come of a campaign—How "Chuck"
Allen got even.
"Have you the makin's about you,
Danny?" insinuated Scrabby Skel
lers.
The political reporter handed the
boss of the pocket a package of to
bacco and a book of rice paper. The
politician clumsily rolled aii(J twisted
a cigarette, lighted it, inhaled and
exhaled the fragrance, and said:
"Once in awhile I like to hit the pa
per pipe. But 1 lock the door and
pull down the blind when I do it, for
I've known as little a thing as a cig
aroot to lose a man his election.
The fellows will stand for the glad
rags all right. I'm a pretty good
dresser myself, but they've coupled up
these coffin nails with tlie silk stock
ings and high-brows, and if they'd
get me with a cigaroot in my face I'd
have to do a lot of explaining, and
when the man who is in politics is
forced to explain he's almost on the
toboggan. Unless you're caught with
the goods on, Danny, stand pat and
put it ui> to the other fellow like
Casey the alderman did with the
mayor the other day. The big fel
low in the city hall wanted Casey's
vote in the city council. He learns
that the alderman has a brother
named Tim, so he says to him: 'Casey,
I'm going to put Tim, your brother, on
the police force.' 'All right, yer honor,'
savs Casey, 'he'll report for duty in
two weeks.'
" 'And why not report at once?'
u:iys the mayor, anxious to make a
quick play.
" 'it'll take Tim two weeks to come
here from Ireland,' says Casey, and
there he had the mayor. If Casey at.
first had explained that Tim, being
still in Ireland, was only a half-baked
citizen of this country, it would have
given the mayor a chance to renig,
and yet kind of lay Casey under obli
gations for good intentions, but Casey
stood pat on the proposition, and put
It up to the big fellow to make good.
So that's how it is that we've got a
copper in this ward who can't vote,
which Is a good deal like Dummy
Smith, who is on the pay-roll as a
telephone operator and was born deaf
end dumb.
"It's the little tilings that count in
the political game, Danny, as you well
know Nickels and dimes will get you
more votes in the barrel-house district
than ten dollars apiece will on the
boulevards. I always carry plenty of
i'y ise chicken feed myself when I'm
out working the lodging houses or
church fairs, for they don't give no
change back in either place. As
long as a hobo can get a scuttle of
suds with red hots on the side for
a nickel, and an all-night hunk in a
lodging house for a dime, a fellow in
my class won't need no swollen for
tune to keep his seat at the head of
his delegation.
"Once in awhile, though, some high
brow who has taken a mail order
course in politics tries to break into
the game and his first move generally
is to raise the ante. Like what hap
pened two years ago when two big
corporations wanted the samo street
in this ward. Us fellows, of course,
was friendly to the local company
which was always good for a little
campaign touch, and never turned
me down when I wanted a job for one
of my fellows, so the dope was that it
could have that street.
"But the outside company wasn't for
feiting any fights—they was at the
: ting side at weight ng-iu time with
their seconds and sparring partners
and trainers aching for a iinish fight.
"We was running 'Chuck' Allen for
i alderman. Before the two companies
broke into the game everything was
quiet like—no opposition worth men
tioning. A lawyer named Stevens
was running as independent, but we
didn't pay much attention to him, for
we knew he was a candidate for adver
tising purposes only. The outsiders,
though, picked him up, and in about
15 minutes he was jumping to the
front so fast he only hit the high
places. He suddenly had so much money
he Jaad to use a pitchfork to get rid of
it. The company shipped him a bale
of the ready every hour, and in a few
days they had connected with every
vote that had a price tag to it.
"When the local company saw the
mazuma factory Stevens was run
ning, they got cold feet and wanted
to quit. Hut of course I couldn't
stand for that. We had put up
'Chuck' Allen, and we had to elect
him.
"So I goes over to two lodging house
I wards and borrows about 500 hobos,
| plants them in the ward, and has one
j of my fellows put the outside com
! pany wise to the colonization. Now,
of course, not one of them hobos is a
legal voter, but the high brow what
the corporation putin to run Stevens'
campaign had just one idea—that was
to buy votes and pay a big price for
them. So ho begins to corrupt my
hobos, and they, being willing, takes
his coin and asks for more. Then I
runs another big gang over the line,
f.nd they begin to eat up and drink
up the tainted money. And word
CAMERON COUNTY P«ESS, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12, 1907.
ARHa-GOOD DRY MR.TOBRCC ONIST - I AM THE \
/f)ON- MR. MONKSHI, - GOVERNMENT (NSPECTOR OF ]
CV&PKS FOR THE U.S Pi. -BSYOU DOUBT Ltss/
KNOW, I F\M HERE TO ENFORCE THE J
PURE FOOD L.RWSI
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I
comes to me that the other fellows
are a Riving me the merry ha-ha, for,
you see, all this time I'm putting up
for the hobos' lodging and giving each
a dime a day for beer, and the hobos
are a-taking dollar bills from the for
eign corporation, and hanging around
Stevens' headquarters. So it looks as
if I was getting the double cross. Hut
I ain't worrying for my hobos are
getting away with $2,500 worth of the
other fellows' boodle a day, and I'm
keeping them down to contract price,
so they ain't costing the local com
pany more than S2OO a day. Then
they doubles up occasionally on Stev
ens' manager, who hadn't had no ex
perience with lodging house voters.
They can't double up on me, for
every morning I backs them down into
a big basement which doesn't have
but one way to get in or come out.
When I gets them all in I starts the
line coming out and gives each one
his dime, so there ain't no way for
him togo round the block and ring
up another fare on me.
"There was a bill up in the
legislature that time in which my peo
ple was interested, and one day I gets
a telegram from Billy Skates, our rep
i resentative, telling me to come down
to Springfield the next day, to do
a little log-rolling for the bill.
"I sees the point, and takes 'Chuck'
Mien and a big bunch of our fellows
to Springfield figuring it would be a
good play. Hut Stevens gets next,
and he's on the train, too.
"There wasn't any hard feelings
against him. He was a pretty good
fellow, and no one could blame him
for taking easy money from the for
eign company, so we gets along line
and invites him into our car, where
we has a pile of wet goods and a
couple of poker games going. He's
a sport all right, and a good mixer,
and when the horse play starts he's
there with the goods, artid having had
more schooling than the rest of us,
he puts it over to some of the boys
| so raw they ain't even dents in the
piepan. I gets the hunch that he's
made a mistake and figures it out
they'll get even with him before he
leaves Springfield, 'specially 'Chuck'
Allen, who bites on one of his gags
so hard he can't say another word the
rest of the night.
"Well, towards morning Stevens
puts a few more under his vest than
he can carry, and instead of going to
the state house with us he goes to
bed at the St. Nicholas.
"We was warming the chairs in the
hotel office after dinner talking poli
tics when we hears a yell, and down
the steps, five steps at a time, jumps
'Chuck' Allen. 'He's taken poison,'he
hollers. 'Hill Stevens' all in.' Hefore
we gets our wind he's through the
crowd like a crazy auto, out to the
street and back again with two husky
colored coal miners. The coal dig
gers sprint after him upstairs,
| 'Chuck' yelling 'five dollars apiece if
you save his life,' and us chasing the
coons. The whole gang follows
'Chuck' like a down-town mob after a
pickpocket, and we sees him and the
diggers pile through a door.
" 'Grab him, grab him, drag him
out, walk him, walk him, he's taken
morphine; walk him, don't let him
sleep, a five spot each if you save his
life!' screams 'Chuck,' and then
plunging out into the hall comes the
two six-foot miners with Stevens be
tween them, one on each side of him.
holding him up by the arms and
wrists and Stevens fighting and squirm
ing and swearing something awful.
He only has on a dinky thin night
shirt that comes to his knees, and
them coons starts on a free-for-all up
the long hall, saying to him: 'We ain't
goin' to let you die; we ain't goin' to
let you die.'
" 'Chuck' Allen throws open the win
dows, letting in the cold wind, which
goes through Stevens night shirt like
water through a sieve.
" 'Got to give him air,' yells 'Chuck,'
who runs up and down the hall slap
ping Stevens' back.
"It was something terrible. Stev
ens' face was purple. His eyes bulg
ing out and him biting big hunks out
of the air, crazy mad. He yells at
the coons, saying he'll cut their hearts
out if they don't stop walking him.
The more he yells and curses the
louder they yell: 'We ain't goin' to
let you die, we ain't goin' to let you
die,' and dragging him and walking
him the length of the hall back and
forth and us fellows simply groggy,
not knowing what was doing.
"For half an hour they rushes Stev
ens until he can't take a step nor say
a word, they dragging him and him
just gasping and sobbing, too weak to
even whisper.
"At last 'Chuck' tells 'em to stop,
and Stevens just falls, all huddled up
like a Monday's wash, on the floor.
The colored men get their cash and
lights out and then 'Chuck' stands over
Stevens and waits until he can sit
up and take notice, us fellows all in
a ring around 'em, not saying a word,
waiting for 'Chuck' to put us wise.
'Chuck' looks down at Stevens, and
Stevens glares up at 'Chuck,' and then
'Chuck' starts to laugh, and says:
" 'I guess that'll hold you for awhile.'
Then we all tumbles and sees that
'Chuck' put up a job on Stevens to get
even, and he certainly got square, and
then some. It seems he happens to
find Stevens sleeping oif the rear end
of his jag and takes the chance.
"Well, when we gets back to the
ward Stevens knows he will end
among the also-rans. The story gets
I around and takes the twist that he is
i a dope fiend. Then we spring it on
his campaign managers that the hobos
they had been entertaining are non
voters and we chases the hobos back
over the line the day before election,
and 'Chuck' Allen wins.
"So you see, Danny, it's the little
things that count. If Stevens had
only locked his door he wouldn't have
I had his chances of being elected al
derman walked out of him on a fake
j suicide rescue."
i (Copyright, 1907, by Joseph B. Bowles.)
j-cp-Grafts-to-SmoKe.
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—L
(Copyright, 1907, by Joseph B. Bowles.)
SENORA QUESADA
| %►""* . W
Wife of the Cuban Minister at Washington.
TRY7O PAY T
Trouble Caused Collectors by Forget
ful Persons.
"You have heard so much about the
man who dodges his taxes I don't sup
pose you ever dreamed that we are
troubled by the man who tries to pay
his taxes twice," said a clerk in a
New York tax collector's office. "But
every year we are put to needless
work by some absent minded persons
who have utterly forgotten that they
have sent us checks. I sent back a
receipted bill for S6OO the other day,
and to-day I received the receipted
bill with another check for S6OO. The
man had merely glanced at this bill,
never noticed whether it was receipt
ed or not, and sent along another
check, forgetting all about the pre
vious one.
"A man telephoned to me awhile
ago to find out the amount of his
taxes, and said if I would let him
know before nooa he would pay imme
diately. I dropped all my other work
to look up his indebtedness to the
city and discovered that he had paid
his bill three weeks previously. When
I told him he merely laughed and
said he guessed he 'had 'em.'
"Another queer thing about this
tax business. Women often come
in and pay their husband's poll tax.
I don't know whether it is because
they hold the purse or because their
husbands are too busy to attend to
the matter themselves. Often it is
not their husbands' tax, but that of
men friends, and a few say that their
men boarders have commissioned
them to pay the poll taxes."
Linking Europe and Asia.
The newest scheme for an electric
railway is a link between Europe and
Asia. It now awaits the approval of
the Russian government. The »Ai\enu
is to start from Beslan, cross the CW-.
casus mountain range and finish \i".
Tiflis, 135 miles from and to tho end. N