WHILE HE WAS WORKING, j The Barber ltesaled Ilia Victim nltl an Illustrative Instance of Ikii orance. The barber tucked a towel under k ' customer's chin und then cleared hii j tliroat, relate* the Philadelphia Press. "A victim 1 moan a customer of mine,' he began, "told me a story the other daj which illustrates to ray mind, at least, that some men really don't know the dif ference between patent medicine and fck-huvlkill water. It was this way: "This customer of mine had a friend ; who had a great deal of trouble with his 1 hair. It was all the time falling out. lie asked all his friends what he could get to keep it in. Most of them suggested that he get a basket, but finally one oi them told him of a patent medicine. "ISo the man whose hair was bothering him got a bottle of the medicine and dis covered that it was a dark brown sti-fey I stuff that he was to rub on his hair five 1 times a day. He tried it the first day, and it appeared to do good, but the sec ond day some one gut there first, and emptying the bottle of medicine, filled it tip with sarsaparilla. And all day long that poor man rubbed the soft drink on his hair'and never noticed the ditferenie. But he did notice, though, that there wal an unusually large number of flies swarm ing about his head. Bay rum?" ENEMIES ALL RIGHT. He AVnn Certnin Ahont Tlint nnd lit Took (i Sly Shot nt Tliem. It is related that at a recent sham bat- ! tie a young lieutenant, posted with his company behind a wall, ordered his men | to lire at a detachment of troops who were marching by, says London Tit-Bits. The guns were loaded with blank cart- I ridges, and no harm was done; but the , detachment happened to be on the same j 6ide of the sb'-im fight as the company Which had fired at it. • 1 The commanding officer came riding up. | "Why did you fire at those men. he demanded of the lieutenant, hotly. "I supposed they were the enemy," said j the lieutenant. "And what led you to suppose they were the enemy?" "Because my tailor was at the head of them a nil I saw my butcher in the ranks. [What else could 1 suppose, sir?" Minister Awarded the Prize. A good one is told on a well-known min ister who was walking along the street the other day and saw a crowd of boys sitting in front of a ring with a small dog in the center. When he came up to them lie put the following question: "What are you doing with that dog?" One little boy said: "Whoever tells the biggest he wins it." "Oh," said the minister, "1 am surprised at you little bays, for when I was like you 1 never t»ld a lie." Tl.-ere was a silence for awhile, until one of the boys shouted: "Hand him up the dog!" —ilount Olivet (Ky.) Democrat. Good nature and evenness of temper will give you au easy companion for life. —Steele. The Wonderful Cream Separator does its work in thirty minutes and leaves less than 1 per cent, butter fat. The price is ridiculously low, according tc size, $2.75 to $6.00 each, and when you j have one you would not part therewith i for fifty times its cost. JUST SEN't) THIS NOTICE, with 5c stamps for postage to the John A. i Sal/.er Seed Co., La Crosee, Wis., and get I their big catalogue, fully describing this I remarkable Cream Separator, and hundreds i of other tools and farm teens used by the farmer. [K. L.J Wantanno—"At which joint did your friend have his arm amputated?" Duzno —"1 hat's a mighty disrespectful way to speak of a hospital."---Baltimore Amer ican. Are Yon Going to Florida? Winter Tourist Tickets are now on sale via yuecn & Crescent Route, Southern Railway, and connecting lines to points, South, Southeast and Southwest, good re turning until May 31. MKM. lickets can be purchased going to Flor ida via Lookout Mountain and Atlanta, and returning via Asbeville and the Land of the Sky, giving a variable route. For informa tion address, W. C. Kinearson, G. P. A., Cincinnati, O. Refinement creates bennty everywhere. It is the grossness of the fpectator that dis covers ari.vt.hjng like grotsnegs in the ob ject.—Hazlitt. Quit CnnKhine. Why cough, when for 25c nnd this notice you get 25 doses of an absolutely guaran teed couch cure in tablet form postpaid. WIS. DRUG CO., La Crosse, Wis. |K. L.J Half the world does not know how the Other half lives. But it is busily engaged trying to find out. —N. O. Times-Demo crat. To Core a Cold in One Day. Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 25c. "Everybody says the baby looks like you. Doe.-n't that please you?" "I don't know," replied l'opley, "but I tell you what; 1 in glad nobody thinks of saving 1 look like the baby. - ' —Philadelphia Ledger. Piso's Cure cannot be too highly spoken of as a cough cure.—J. W. O'Brien, 322 Third Ave., N., Minneapolis, Minn., Jan. 0, I'JOO. "They tell me Skinnein is out for all there is in it." "No—his customers are out for all they putin it."—Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune. Putnam Fadeless Dyes color more goods, per package, than others. Stillness of persons and steadiness of features are signal marks of good breed ing. O. W. Holmes. ALL DONE OUT. Veteran Joshua Heller, 703 South Walnut street, Ur ban a, 111., says: flpSjrW *' In the fall of ISO 9 after taking Doan's Cf- Kidney Pills I testi fied that they liad //'ls relieved me of kid- ft V l(/ I ney trouble, dis- ¥ Jr A posed of a lame back Fk with pain across my /Jk / Mf loins and beneath t j / jfß the shoulder blades, 112 Jfc/ Jfflß During the interval which lias elapsed I have had occasion If to resort to Doan's ■ SqBRMV Kidney Pills when I ™ noticed warnings of an attack. On each and every occasion the results ob tained were just as satisfactory as when the pills were first brought to my notice. I just as emphatically indorse t l> " preparation to-day as I did over t.V' > years ago." Boster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. ( proprietors. For sale by all druggists, price 60 cents per box. lillip I||P STOMACH NEEDS WATER. Copious IlrauslitN Are t'sefnl to Cleanse the System nnd Keep the liody in Good Health. The habits of people in general do not seem so bad when one considers the average individual's limitations as to knowledge and thought. The fact is that most people don't know, don't think, and hence don't eare. Let them read more science, think more sensibly and act more seriously, then their hab its will bo more satisfactory. The alimentary reeeptabie—the stom ach or vat in which foods and liquids are received and mixed —is habitually con verted by many persons into a chemical retort of all sort of drugs and remedies, with the view of reaching and relieving the ills of the various organs of thebody, from dandruff to corns. The writer be lieves that he can give no more and bet ter reasons for his confidence in the therap-Mitic value of remedies than most other physicians, but he wishes to em phasize herethe transcendent element of common sense in their administration. Before and above all things, however, what is wanted is a clean gastro-intes tinal canal, and his claim is that water, properly used, is the beet agent to ef fect that cleansing. On a par with this canal in importance are the eliminative tissues and organs of the system, the kidneys, the mucous membrane and skin. What therapeutic agent, properly used, is better than water? After all tho assimilative and eliminative organs and tissues have been thoroughly rinsed with pure, soft water, then, if it be still neces sary to administer a chemical agent, one may be selected that will, with these organs and tissues in better condition, work wonders. If you are so foolish as to allow yourself to. become foul from aead to foot cleanse yourself with wa ter before resorting to chemical aids. — Health. TRAVELER'S COMPASS. Cnlf his fearless declaration, but to com pletely clinch the matter in the minds of those who may not have the pleasure of a personal acquaintance with this celebrated physician, Dr. Williamson has appeared before -Mr. 11. E. Greene. J. I', for Mont ;-on:v"y county, and made a sworn state merit. In this sworn statement the doctor has i-ited a number of cases which have Keen completely cured by Dodd's Kidney Pills. Here is case No. 1: "Ilenry Hall, Sr.. age 4S, an American, s.ttacked with Malaria llacmaturia or Swamp Fever, temperature ranged from 101 to 105, highly coated tongue, consti pated bowels, hemorrhage or passage of blood from Kidneys, used febrifuge and Dodd's Kidney Pills to relieve the in llammation and congested condition of Kidneys and to render the urine bland and non-irritatinc. Recovery complete ?fter two montns' treatment of the Pills. VexiiiK Delay. "Our new company is capitalized at ?40,- 000,000." '"Great! Let me see your prospectus." "Oh. we haven't got out a prospectus yet. The—er—the darned printer wants his pay in advance."—Puck. Mlllionn of Vesctn!ile», When the Editor read 10,000 Plants for 18c, he could hardly believe it, but upon second reading finds that the John A. fcirt/.er Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis., than whom there are no more reliable and ex tensive seed growers in the world, makes Ciis offer. This great offer is made to get you to test Salter's Warranted Vegetable Seeds. They will send you their big plant and §ecd catalog, together with enough seed to grow 1,000 fine, solid Cabbages, 2,000 delicious Carrots, 2,000 blanching, nutty Celery, 2,000 rich, buttery Lettuce, 1,000 splendid Onions, 1,000 rare, luscious Radishes, 1,000 gloriously brilliant Flowers. ALL FOlt BUT lCc POSTAGE, providing you will return this notice, and if vou will send them 20c in postage, they will add to the above a package of fa nioui Berliner Cauliflower. [K. L.J Eva—"What a lovely ring! How did he come to propose so quickly?" Edna—"l innocently remarked that diamonds were increasing in value daily."—Town and Country. A Ileinnrknhle Discovery. A German chemist has discovered a heal ing agent in coal oil which has created quite a sensation amongst sufferers wher ever it has been tested, on account of the wonderful cures accomplished by its use. A few applications are sufficient to cure muscular Rheumatism, Neuralgia, head ache, tooth, ear or backache, lameness, sprains, chilblains, in fact every severe pain. It is sold in drug stores as Dr. Bayer's Penetrating Oil in 25c. and 50c. bottles and warranted to cure or money refunded. No Cause for Alarm.—Lena—"What Fred act so funny when 1 accepted him?" Eniuia—"Oh, he's just in love with you, goosie. lie will soon get ovor that."—Brooklyn Life. Arhl Lands Made Fruitful. Those parched, dry, arid plains of Mont., Colo., Ariz., Idaho and other dry lands respond quickly and give a big yield when planted to Salzer's Speltz, lianua Barley, Macaroni Wheat, 00 Day Earliest Oats, Billion Dollar Grass and Bromus lnei inis. Above seem to flourish and laugh at droughts and arid soils. JUST SEND 10c IN STAMPS and this notice to John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis., for their big catalog uitl farm seed samples. [K. L.] Grumbling putu spurs to the steed of trouble.—Chicago Tribune. Tilings w don't possess make life worth living.—Chicago Daily News. He that swells in prosperity will be sure to shrink in adversity.—-Cotton. Responsibility walks hand in hand with capacity and power.—J. G. Holland. As a rule, men, donkeys and facts are stubborn things.—Chicago Daily News. It is easier to enrich ourselves with a thousand virtues than to correct our selves of a single fault.—Bruyere. Trie individual who is habitually tardy in keeping an appointment will never be respected or successful in life.—W. Fisk. Askein—"How do you know that he ; s always a friend indeed?" Knuitt—"Be cause I've never found him when lie wasn t in need."—Baltimore American. "Sometimes," said Uncle Eben, "de man dat keeps lookin' foil trouble ain' smaht enough to recognize do real ahticlc when he sees it comin'."—Washington Star. "Some men," said Uncle Eben, "is like our black an' tan terrier. He's alius look in' foh a fight an' wouldn't know what to do wif one if he found it."—Washington Star. "He says his wife is largely responsibly for his business success." "Well, she has certainly made it absolutely necessary for him to earu more money. —Philadelphia Press. "We had known each other slightly," said Miss Evvy Waite, "but never to speak to until one day while «it rVating, I fell down quite near him, and—" "Ah! yes," replied Miss Peiiprev, "that broke tho ice, of course."—Philadelphia Press. "I spent a week in New York recently, but it was a disappointment to me. "Why so?" "Wasn't in a subway explo sion accident all the time 1 was there." "Shake! I was in Chicago for three daya and wasn't held up once. These big towns aren't what they are advertised to lie, by a long shot!"— Cincinnati Times-Star. i i MhaAam I"" Thousands have been cured of FOlfl S Piaster OA. every form of pain and chiefly s S:"r JACOBS Rheumatism if i --SSt=w"y mU '- nil and Neuralgia S- •: m T m. M Ig# Price 25c. aud SOc. j N Was Given Up DOCTORS. Pe=ru=na Saved Her Life. [lt was catarrh of the lungs so common in the winter months. 3 Cy % world in It as it cured mc, and 8 I have never known of a case I A/nr /'/i T 77 trr\ VCITA At 1 when the person was not cured! I MRS. COL.EJ.6RES/lM |ln a short time."--Jennie Dris ) Mrs Col. E. J. Greshain, Treasurer Daughters of the Confederacy and { ( President Ilernden Village Improvement Society, writes tiie following \ letter from Ilernden, Fairfax Co., Va.: J \ Ilernden. Va- ) The Peruna Medicine Co., Columbus, Ohio : < Gentlemen-—" I cannot speak too highly of the value of Peruna. < I believe that I owe my life to its wonderful merits. I suffered c with catarrh of the head and lungs in its worst form, until the 5 doctors fairly gave me up, and I despaired of ever getting well u gain. 5 " / noticed your advertisement and the splendid testimonials 1 i> given by the people who had been cured by Peruna, and r f determined to try a bottle. I felt but little better, but used a ; ' second and third bottle and kept on improving slowly. "It took six bottles to cure me, but they were worth a King's < ransom to me. I talk Peruna to all my friends and am a true <■ i believer in its worth. "—Mrs. Col. E. J. Gresham. A PLASN TALK O.i a Plain Subject in Plain Language. The cmihig winter will cause nt least one-half of the women to have catarrh, colds, coughs, pneumonia or consump tion. Thousands of women will lose their lives and tens of thousands will acquire some chronic ail ment from which they will KEEP never recover. PiIKUNA Unless you talce the ncc l\ THE cssary precautions, the HOUSE. chances are that you (who L——_l read this) will be onn of best for the bowels . I GUARANTEED CURE foroll bowel troubles, appendicitis, btltouaneßS, bud breath, bad blood, wind 8 B on tlio stomach, foal mmtth, headache, IncliKOßtlon. pimplos, paiun after eating, liver trouble, ■ I Bill low Complexion and dizziness. When your bowelß don't move regularly you are Biek.vCon- ffi ■ Btipation kills more peoplothan all other diseases together. You will never get well and stay *-cJI R U until vou put your bowel* right. Start with CASCARETS today undor absolute guarantee to cirre £ ■ or money refunded. Sample and booklet free. Address Sterling Remedy Co., Chicago or Now Yotk. » A I.f ii per cent. Mrsl mortgage gold bonds ismcd de velopment purposes by A STRONQ, CONSERVATIVE WINING COMPANY, worfiiug- LARGE PRODUCING fifIJNES. iXSi^.Vr"tfiLSSS: vestment Off-r which makes it CERTAIN OF YIELDING 100 PERCENT overand aboTe the amount Invested, in addition to the roftular iutere*t on the bonds. Write lordetailed information about tl»oal*nr«» ARBUCKLE-GOQDE COMMISSION CO.. N " WINTER: TOURS. This Is the season when you want togo Routh. I Texas, Arizona, Old Mexico and l.'alitorma are ■ inviting. The rates are reasonable. Let us kuk< pest thai you include ono of the tourist resorts | In these Slates in your trip. Tell us where you , want to go, and we'll suppty you with guide books and full information. SeeKaty'a write IMKYI GEORGE MORTON, J <*• p - A " M ' K - 4T ST. uouis. MO. ! PI! ptffcAKAKESIS^iS: MRj Pn lief und POSrriVK- j HFa S 3 ii* niKKtt VII.MH. ; 13 Kj W IB M For free sample address I H L3| "tV.VKISIS" Trip- I une building. New York, | the unfortunate ones. Little or no risk need be run if I'eruna is kept in the house and at the first appearance of any symptom of catarrh taken as directed on the bottle. Peruna is a safeguard, is a preventa tive, a specific, is a cure for all cases of catarrh, acute and chronic, coughs, colds, consumption, etc. If you tlonotreeeive prompt and sat. 5 s factory results from the use of Peruna*, writeatouee to Dr. Ilartman, giving- a full statement of your ease, and he will he pleaded to give you his valuable ad vice gratis. Address Dr. Ilartman, President of The Ilartman Sanitarium, Columbus,. Ohio. Salzer'sNlw Nattonal Oats \sß| Greatest oat ot the century SM , V -fT\ \ 111 Mich. 231, In Mo. 285, and In If I ' Irl / N - Dakota 310 bus. per acre. Yoa 11 J, It]/ can beat that record in 1804 I lilt ~ / K For 10c and this notice Ii I / I we mall y°u free lots of farm peed JH I A 1 B( " n P le9 and our big catalog. telU W/Wm jf £a I ljjg all about this oat wonder M fl (/ JOHN A. SALZEtt SEEP CO 7