2
CAMERON CODHTY PRESS. 1
H. H. MULLIN, Editor.
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JOB PRINTING.
The Job department of the PKESS is complete
and affords facilities for dolntf th<- best class of
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PBINTIMi.
No paper will be discontinued until arrcar
ap s are paid, except at the option of the pub
lisher.
Papers sent out of the county must be paid
for in advance.
LII.IUOKAI.AXI, former queen of Ha'
waii, is keeping 1 house in Washington
She has abandoned all hope of regain
ing her throne, and says she is a thor
ough American.
THE New Uathhaus, of Leipsic. will
cost SI.6(10.000. It will occupy the site
of the oi'.l Pluisenberg, where Luther
held his disputation. A tower of the
old castle still stands and will be work
ee into the architectural design of the
city hall.
THE people of Beverly Farms. Mass.,
are discussing a proi osition to buy the
residence formerly occupied by Oliver
Wendell Holmes during the summer.
The plan contemplates laying- out a
park about the house, which is now oc
cupied by the autocrat's son. Chief
Justice Holmes.
A GREAT national movement has
been started for the observance of the
one hundredth anniversary of the
death of George Washington on Ilcce- -
her 14. The Sons of the Revolution and
other similar organizations have i..c
matter in hand, and are arranging the
details of the plan.
APM. SCHI.EV said in a recent inter
view that lew otlieers in the navy took
much interest in politics because they
were .so often out of touch with politi
cal affairs by reason of service in ports
at the other end of the world. He
himself, he said, had had but one op
portunity to vote for a president since
lie attained his majority.
EVERY block signal tower on the New
York, New Haven and Hartford rail
road, from New York to I' jston, has
been equipped with a long distance
telephone, for use in recording- the
movements of trains. The arrange
ment. it is asserted, which involved the
expenditure of §IOO,OOO, has mace no
longer essential to the conduct of the
road the many telegraph operators.
Ax electric vehicle manufacturing
house in Toronto, Out., has construct
ed a motor-driven invalid's chair which
is c.aimed as being the smallest motor
carriage in the world, the width over
all being only about two feet. It is
equipped with three cells of storage
battery, weighing three pounds, and a
small motor capable of driving - it at a
maximum speed of four and one-half
miles per hour.
THE cheapest postal service in the
world is that of Japan, where for two
sen —about seven-tenths of a penny—
letters are conveyed all over the em
pire. This is the more remarkable
when one considers the difficulties of
transit over the mountainous anil ir
regular country, where the railway ;s
still in its infancy and where wagons
can only pass over some of the princi
pal roads and only a few of the '.-oast
stations aie connected by steamers.
ISAAC JMCLELI.AX, who was widely
known as "the Poet of the Rod ard the
Gun, ? ' died a few days ago at his home
in (Jreenport, L.1.. at the ag-e of nine
ty-three- years. McLellan numbered
among the friends of his youth, Hen
ry Wadswortii, N. I*. Wiilis, the rovel
ist Hawthorne, and the theologian
Cheever. lie was associate editor of
the Daily Patriot in Boston, and subse
quently started a magazine of his own,
known as the I'earl.
Ix the fruiting- season the banyan ia
an arbor for the feathered creation
and a rude temple is often s1 up un
der or clo 3 e to its shade, at which the
wayfarer stops to cook a meal more
frequently than to offer a prayer.
These sacred trees, with their grateful
shade, are common in every part of
India and are confined to the tropical
zone. As timber thev are of no value,
but g-umiae isobtained from their juice
and the bark is used by the Hindus
medicinally.
DISCUSKIOX already prevails in naval
circles as to what duty Adm. Dewey
will be assigned to when iie shall reach
this country. Secretary Long intimates
that the question will be determined
entirely in accordance with the admit
al's wishes in the matter. He may l c
stationed in Washington at the head
of a board —possibly the board of in
spection and surv-y. the duties oi
which may be enlarged to take in ques
tions of policy relating to ship con
struction.
KX-UOVKHNOI: iiooo. of Texas, says
regarding the stones about his chil<
dren's names: '• 1 he truthof the matiei
is that my girl's name is Ima Hogg,
She was named bv her mother. Hei
mother was reading a book so mew hert
in which one of the characters which
interested her exceptionally was unmet:
Ima. About that time the little gir]
came along, and she was named Ima,
We never noticed the play of the name
until it was called to our attention,
The boys have all rational names,
They are Tom, Mike and Will."
BACK DOWN OF BRYAN.
Anything to Win IM (lie Motto of the
Me teaplionle Moutlicr of the
>1 II I eon ten tn.
In his speech at Des Moines, before
the democratic county chairmen of
lowa. William Jennings Bryan indi
cated that he is preparing- to do that
wnich he lias always insisted that the
democracy must not do —place the sil
ver issue in the background.
His utterances were made with great
er caution than were those of Mr. C'rok
er, in which that gentleman made
known his change of convictions. Mr.
liryan made known his willingness that
the silver issue should be shelved in
such a way that it did not obtrude it
self at once upon the understanding,
but gradually dawned upon it. First he
said that the Chicago platform was
built for all time. That was, or seemed
to be, quite in accordance with what lie
had always asserted. "We need not re
pudiate a syllable nor idea of it."he
said next. Here the lirst symptom of
weakening appeared. Heretofore he had
always said: "We must not repudiate,"
etc. Then he ventured a little farther
out upon the new ground, by saying:
"But when new and important issues
arise we can take them into the family
and make the campaign upon them
without apologizing for any past
fight."
Heretofore Mr. Bryan had steadfast
ly held to the declaration that no other
issue could possibly take natural prece
dence of the silver question, and he had
persistently asserted that no other must
be permitted to take precedence.
Having carefully and cautiously pre
pared the minds of his hearers for the
announcement of his complete change
of conviction. Mr, Bryan said: "We lost
the last campaign because we lacked
the foreign vote. They did not under
stand the silver issue. But they will
MISS DEMOCRACY'S CRAZY QUILT.
fe - -
! ? r " 112
understand what a standing army
means. They know what expansion and
imperialism mean, and will vote against
them. They wiW understand these
things better than the native Americans
themselves, and on such issues we can
win."
"On such issues we can win" natu
rally implies its col-.ary: "On the sil
ver issue we cannot win."
It is not necessary at this time to
discuss the question of the accuracy of
Mr. Bryan's assertion that he was de
feated in 1596 because he lacked what
he calls "the foreign vote." But a few
words may be given to a refutation, on
behalf of naturalized American citizens,
of Mr. Bryan's assertion that they are
less loyal to the government to which
they have chosen to give their allegi
ance than are the citizens who were
born under the American flag. There
is absolutely no justification for that
assertion. 011 the contrary, all evi
dences before the people disprove it.
We have no statistics at hand to prove
it. but wi: assert with perfect confi
dence that investigation of the facts
will V-tar us out, that in the army of
the I'nited States the percentage cf
naturalized citizens is approximately
as large as it. is in the whole popula
tion. If Mr. Bryan really believes that
he can frighten naturalized Americans
with bugaboos of militarism and im
perialism, he will discover his error.
But the question naturally arises
whether Mr. Bryan really means what
he says, or whether he lias taken his
cue from Kicliard (. roker and is talking
to deceive the sound money democrats,
just as Mr. Cr.ikcr has been talking to
deceive the silverites.
However that maj be, it is certain
that Mr. Bryan has weakened himself
by his utterances at Des Moines. II"
leaped into prominence 011 the platform
of 189G whose chief plank is that of free
coinage. He made a phenomenal run
on tiiat platform, in view of all tlio cir
cumstances. llis strength was inclose
adherence to the issue 011 which he
made his fight in the last campaign.
They that have been his faithful follow
ers gave him their unswerving allegi
ance because he was the champion of
free coinage. When he ceases to be that
champion he ceases to be the logical
candidate of the democracy. I'pon the
emergency i.ssi:;\s which have been
framed to meet the demand within the
party for something to take the place
of tile silver is.stie, any other democrat
who is otherwise qualified for the can
didacy can run as well a* Mr. Bryan,
or better than he.—Albany .Journal.
Bespeaking of democratic bolts,
they're nuts for the ti. O. P. —Albai.v
Argus (Deni.).
CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7. r 899-
COIN HARVEY LEFT OUT.
The Silver Soliool PeilnKUKne uf lMOtt
IN Not in It for
ItMK).
Prior to the formal opening of the
presidential campaign of 1890 it was
generally agreed among political ob
servers that "Coin's Financial School,"
a volume of which W. 11. Harvey was
the autlior, would certainly lie the text
book of tin' democrats if Idaud, Bryan
or Tillman were nominated at ( hieago.
Coin was a man—or, more properly
speaking, a boy. adolescent in years and
juvenile in arguments —who had con
stituted himself the voluble pioneer of
a new system of finance. Its full bene
fits were to be attained by statutory
provisions to be adopted by congress,
whereby one dollar would be made
worth 50 cents and 50 cents would have
the purchasing power of a dollar. The
feasibility of this plan was disclosed in
a series of fictitious lectures given by
"Prof. Coin," a "young financier living
in Chicago," to various bankers, manu
facturers and business men, one of
whom was Mr. Lyman .1. (iagc. now the
secretary of the treasury. Coin's text
book of free silver at the ratio of six
teen to one was embellished with illus
trations. one of which depicted the
financial magnates of the I'nited States
as having wheels in their heads. This
is a sample of Coin's argument:
"Mr. 15. If. Wheeler wanted to know of
Prof. Coin if he (lid not believe it would ad
vance prices if the government v. as to issue
$500,000,000 in greenbacks?
" 'No,' replied Coin. 'lt would break down
the present tottering financial system soon
er. The remedy to restore prices is to re
monetize silver and then issue more green
backs! By putting silver back in the col
umn of redemption money, we would In
crease it from its present volume of $600,-
000,000 to $1,200,000,000. This would warrant
sl. 2oft,o(n .piio of credit mom y and would give
us $2,400.000,H:0 on a sound financial
or about a head.'
"As Coin made this last statemt nt, he laid
his hand on a silver bell on the table, and
as its clear notes rang through tin- room, a.
signal that the school had adjourned fur
the day, a warm and hearty applause
went up."
The youthful Coin dealt in large fig
ures. an item of a billion dollars being
of 110 importance to him. Millions were
like corks floating 011 the stream of his
expansive thought.
Coin flourished as a democrat and
populist text-master for IMHi. but it is
evident that he does not fill the bill
for I'JOO. He is too recent. —X. V. Sun.
DRIFT OF OPINION.
ITT'Mr. Bryan prefers to be defeated
at the polls as the leatier of the sixteen
to one party to being set aside by liia
party with a platform denying the one
issue for which lie stands.—lndianapo
lis Journal.
C7"i'here are several things which the
lowa democrats "view with alarm."
There are several things which there
publicans of the land do not view with
alarm, and one of them is the campaign
of 1900. —Milwaukee Evening Wiseon
j sin.
[">" According to the official report of
the Central Freight association the
j traffic in grain is now five times as large
| as it was a year ago. There is 110 good
! record in existence that will not be
broken during the next few years of
I republicanism. —lowa Stutc I'egister.
lE?The lowa democrats gulped down
[• the entire Chicago platfo.'ni without
| gagging and afterward swallowed the
[ anti-expansion and anti-trust, tesolu
| tions. The lowa democrats are not the
j kind of fellows who strain at j- ttats or
{ camels, either. —Chicago Inter Ocean.
ETOne of the jrouthern vcptvsenta
j lives at the anti-Bryan democratic con
| ference in New York hit the nail atre-
S rnendous blow 011 the head when he de*
j clared: "We voted for Bryan because
i he promised us more money —tve don't
j care for the man himself."—St. Louis
| (I lobe-Democrat.
ffyin his Des Moines speech Brvar
j made the flat-footed statement- that
j more banks failed during the six
: months immediately following the elce
! t ion of President McKinley than ilurins
i any ;-ix months of our L story. There
' port of the comptroller of currency
; proves the falsity of this statement.—
' Chicago Post.
C"?"Bryan said in a speech the othei
day that the foreign-born votes wri
j unable to understand the issue in ISO'',
i The insult to the Hermans and Swedes
j who. especially among the foreiga-bori
'1 citizen!-, were solidly opposed to tin
i free coinage of silver at sixteen to one
will not be overlooked or for,'gotten nex
year.—-Cleveland Leader.
IN THE AMERICAN MANNER.
liiHiilur <<>in in I**l on llri'OßiliX'ndo n
■ tuilli-al lli'viKlull »l (lie Sjnlcm of
<;<> vermin-iii Noiv KxiMlng In I'orln
nico.
Washington, Aug. 31. —The insular
commission, consisting of »Jen. Ken
nedy, ,1 udge Curtis and .Mmj. A'atkins.
which has gi veil six months' study to
the conditions in Porto 15i.r0. on Wed
nesday reported to Secretary '!oot. It
reeominends a form of civil govern
ment of the islands to take the place
of the jiresent military regime, and
submits for adoption a code of laws.
These laws it recommends should be
placed in operation by eveuti V" de
cree, arguing that, a congressional
enactment of general laws would
change the status of the island to
ward the I'nited States and make it
part of the constitutional territory of
the I'nited States.
The code of laws and the civil gov
ernment proposed do not give the I'or
to Kieans tlie elective, franchise for
any offices, nor extend to them the
privilege of trial by jury except in
United States courts in eases of fel
onies involving an amount in excess of
$."00. It recommends that lite mili
tary force remain in the island, b.it
be kept in the background and touch
the people only with a soft hand. Kng
lish is to be made the official language
of the island, but for the present all
except, the federal courts are to be
conducted in Spanish.
The code abrogates all Spanish laws
and royal decrees and all systems oi
procedure and substitutes the provis
ions of the code modified after the
laws of the states of the United States,
•uid declares the common law and prin
ciples of equity to be in future the law
of the land where no specific direction
is found in the code.
Tn place of the Spanish system of
courts an American system is provid
ed; a supreme court, a district court
ami a probate court with limited civil
and criminal jurisdicton, and justices
of tin' peace and police courts in the
cities, also a. federal court to have e.x
elusve jurisdiction of all federal ques
tions and concurrent jurisdiction in
civil and criminal matters.
A complete civil county, township
and city government is to lie provided
and all the civil administrators are to
he natives, the higher officers to be
appointed by the president,
A public school system with pro
vision for a superintendent and board
of public instruction and a. complete
system of public schools conducted in
Knglisli by American teachers is pro
vided and also night schools for illiter
ate adults. The right to teach Span
ish where demanded is given.
Full general corporation and rail
road laws with the right of eminent
domain are provided, thus opening Ihe
island to competition and ending the
system of franchises to favored cor
porations. All taxes which bear heav
ilv on tlw poor and all double taxes
on non-residents are abrogated. A
marriage law is provided like those
in the states, with a plan for legaliz
ing consent marriages and legitimiz
ing children, one-half of whom on the
island were born out ot wedlock.
The commission recommends that
this code be put into effect at once by
the president without waiting for con
gress to legislate on the question, say
ing that the people of the island are
in distress and are still being op
pressed by the old Spanish laws and
customs, Acaving for congress the
question <vf such after-legislation as
may be deemed best.
There ought, in the opinion of the
commission, to be a general revision
of the tariff rates on articles import
ed by the island from the United
States, and reductions made on ar
ticles of prime necessity and total re
lease on some articles. It is suggest
ed that congress grant authority tc
the president to arrange a schedule
of reciprocal tariff duties with Porto
llleo. The commission lays stress <lll
the need of currency reform in the
bland.
A SMALL WAR CLOUD.
llomluru* ami Nicaragua A* 101l to
S-'iglit ( until KICH.
New Orleans, Aug. nt.—On the au
thority of an American just returned
from Nicaragua, where he has lived
for seven years, it. is stated that there
recently took place a secret confer
ence between President. Zelava, of
Nicaragua, and President Sierra, of
Honduras, the purpose of which was
to ett'ect an alliance between those
two countries for an invasion of Costa
Pica. Jt is stated that war between
the allies and Costa Ilica is bound tc
eventuate.
The casus belli is contained in rhe
fact that Nicaragua is intent upon
regaining from Costa Ilica the prov
ince of Ouanacastc. the boundary line
between Costa Bica and Nicaragua,
and which is adjacent to the proposed
route to Nicaragua, but was wrested
from the latter country in the last
struggle with Costa litca. It is like
vise stated that $30,000 in gold litis
been shipped to Hamburg and tlint
the father-in-law of President Zalava
is now in Belgium for the purpose ol
buying arms for the allied forces; also
that $35,000 in gold has been sent to
Belaya's agents in New York for the
same purpose.
John Krouirn Follower* llelnterred.
Lake Placid, X. Y„ Aug. 31.—Thirty
five hundred persons witnessed the
ceremonies tit the reinterment of
.lolin Brown's followers in the grave
yard on the John Brown farm at
Xorth I'.lba. about two miles from
here Wednesday.
% \<'\v < oii iilcrlc'll•
Washington, Aug. 31. —The secret
service has discovered a new counter
feit treasury note of the series of
1«01, check letter I), Bruce register.
Roberts treasurer, portrait Mcpher
son. The seal is dark red. instead of
pink and the parallel ruling is poor.
> rent l ire at \ <>li<i t; num.
Yokohotna. via Victoria. Aug. 31. -
The greatest fire in the history of
Yolvohtu occurred August 12. when
1 siiuare mile of buildings was de
.♦roved and P'> lives lost. The prop
erty loss is between $5,000,000 anci
£<>,(>oo.ooo.
JOHN R. McLEAH.
Nominated for Governor by Ohio
Democrats.
Male Convention at /iinravlllr I'lii"
IMIICK ll* Lultorh In Dnr ■)»>' Plat
form ICnclorHeH FreeMlvcranU
\\ . .1. Hi-) an'* < andiilacy
Tin- Ticket.
Zanesville, 0., Aug. ill. —The demo
cratic stale convention closed last
night after a day of dramatic ;>lays.
While there were a half dozen candi
dates for governor, the McLean men
stated early in the ihiy that the first,
ballot would have, none of the "sec
ond choice"' vote for McLean, that
none of the reserves would lie called
out till the second ballot and that all
the candidates would have votes on
the first ballot. In this play McLean
was nominated on the first ballot by
a half vote and the figuring 1 was so
close that the dramatic scene of
changes on the second ballot with
"second choice" reserves flocking- to
McLean's standard did not take place.
After tin- adoption of the majority
report on credentials, the McLean men
felt that they could make any play
on the balloting that they desired.
The vote of ,'SS9 to 341 in defeating tin
minority report on credentials was
the hardest light the McLean men had
during' the day, as they were then
without the 50 contested votes from
Cuyahoga county and on that vote
they could not have made a nomina
tion.
Judge Mooney made such a good
impression that all wanted liim for
permanent chairman and the amended
report also continued as secretary
Hon. Thomas .1. ('ogan, the friend of
McLean, and shut off the anti-McLean
men who had been named in the re
port for sergeant-at-arms.
The convention was properly rep
resented in its platform and the key
note speech of .Tudge Mooney. The
name of Bryan was cheered whenever
it was mentioned. The convention
showed demonstrations over free sil
ver and imperialism, anti-bossism and
rill the indictments in the speech of
Judge Mooney and in the platform.
The first ballot resulted as follows:
llice Kilbourne 227, Haskell 55,
McLean 40'2V., Sherwood 57, Seward
25, Lentz fi. The nomination of Mc-
Lean was then made unanimous and
the convention recessed until 1 o'clock.
The recess from 3 to 4 p. m.was
taken to confer with Col. Kilbourne
for second place on the ticket and the
recess was continued in vain till 5 p.
m.for that purpose. When the con
vention reassembled there were at
tempts to nominate Kilbourne, not
withstanding his repeated declina
tions, but his friends withdrew his
name as fast as the McLean men pre
sented it. Finally Judge A. W. Pat
rick. of New Philadelphia, who had
seconded the nomination of Kilbourne
for governor, was nominated for lieu
tenant governor.
For supreme judge Dewitt ( . Bad
ger. of Madisor. county, was nominat
ed on the fourth ballot.
For attorney general J. W. Dore, of
Tiffin, was nominated.
George W. Sigafoos, of Darke coun
tv. was nominated for auditor of state.
James I. (iorman. of Lawrence, was
nominated for state treasurer.
For member of the board of public
works Fletcher I). Malin, of Lake
county, was nominated.
After the usual vote of thanks,
adoption of the rooster as the emblem
and authorizing the state committee
to fill any vacancies on the state
ticket, the convention at 9::.'0 p. m. ad
journed.
Following is a summary of the plat
form adopted:
Chicago platform reaffirmed and 16
to l financial plank emphasized. I'ry
an indorsed for presidential nomina
tion in 1900.
Imperialism and entangling- alliances
with foreign powers condemned.
War 011 Filipinos and alleged secret
alliance with Fngland denounced.
Freedom of Cubans and Filipinos
and encouragement in establishment
of republics by them demanded.
Republican party's policy regarding
shipping and the llanna-l'ayno sub
sidy bill denounced.
Maintenance of navy favored and
enlargement of standing army con
demned.
Initiative and referendum, an eight
hour law. more rigid inspection of
mines and workshops, prohibition of
sweatshops and abolition of contract
system of prison labor favored
l"ru.-ls denounced and alleged to be
fruit of gold standard anil republican
tariff legislation.
Demand made that all articles,
prices of which are controlled by
trusts, be placed on free list.
Attorney Ceneral Criggs denounced
for alleged refusal to enforce federal
statutes against trusts, and Attorney
Ceneral Monnett. of Ohio, indorsed for
bis crusade against trusts.
More riL-'i'l econoim in public affairs,
reduction of all fees and salaries, re
duction of taxation and more equit
able distribution thereof demanded.
Political bosses denounced and Ohio
rcpublica:. party held up as an alleged
cn:: mple.
I.vnching deplored and adoption of
measures to suppress it recommended.
Constitutional amendeinent provid
ing for election of president, vice presi
dent and t'nitcd States senators by
direct vote of the people recommend
ed.
Alf£pi«l iCo^isrii*.
St. T.ouis. Aug. .11. John 11. McLean,
of Ohio, is now head of the ways and
means committee of the democratic
national committee. His appointment
w; s announced Wednesday by . J.
Stone, it being one of the features of
the reorganization plan decided upon
at Chicasro in July. Another feature
is- tin 1 elimination of John P. Altgeld
from the national councils of his
part v. His resignation from the ways
and means committee is accepted and
his friend Devlin, who has had charge
of the press bureau, will soon follow
him in retirement, it in predicted.
\"You Ne"jer Miss the Water j
* Till the Well Runs Dry." \
t We never realize the value of health j
112 until it is gone. When old time strength 112
t and vigor are <wanting, purify the blood T
I by taking Hood's Sarsaparilla; soon re- |
J stored appetite, perfect digestion, steady »
I nerves and even temper 'will prove it is 112
I bringing b*ek the glow of perfect health, j
A PHILANTHROPIST.
lie \Vun Golnjf to Get Itleh and Get
I'p Something to Cool the
People Off.
"Yes, sir," exclaimed the man with a
linen duster and a high-crowned straw hat,
"I'm going to do it."
"What are you going to do?" asked the
policeman to whom the stranger had ad
dressed himself.
"You know,"he went on, without heed
ing the question, "that the summer months
are invariably marked by increased out
breaks of all kinds. Men s angry passions
leem to rise with the thermometer."
"What were you threatening just now?"
asked the policeman, sternly.
"Threatening?"
"Yes. You said you were going to do
«omething. What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to get rich. I'm going t-o get
some steady employment and save up my
money and invest it judiciously and get
rich. There's no end of good you can do
with riches. Kich men are doing a great
deal of good now. They establish schools
and colleges and libraries and let the people
get acquainted with the soothing thoughts
of philosophy and the sublimities of science.
But in the months of July and August you,
as a practical criminologist, have doubtless
observed philosophy and science don't work.
By the time I have got rich there will be
all the colleges and libraries that there will
he need of, and I will cap the summit of
our civilization with a bequest for a mam
moth marble refrigerator in each town, so
that when anybody feels his indignation
rising he can go there and wander up and
down the stately corridors and cool off."—
Washington Star.
HE SOON GOT WELL.
Landing with tlie Ilootjnek on the
Leader** Xose Had a Ilene
flclal Effect.
It was a sad scene. The old man lay on
his bed, and by him sat the faithful wife,
holding his worn hand in hers and forcing
back the tears to greet his wandering look
with a smile. She spoke words of comfort
and of hope. But he felt the cold hand
falling on him, and he turned his weary
eyes up to her pale, wan face. <
"Jennie, dear wife, 1 am going."
"Oh, no, John —not yet—not yet."
"Yes, dear wife," and he closed his eyes;
"the end is near. The world grows dark
about me. There is a mist around me gath
ering thicker and thicker, and there, as
through a cloud, I hear the music of angels
—sweet and sad."
"No, no, John, dear; that isn't angels;
that's the brass band at the corner."
"What!" said the dying man."Have
those scoundrels dared to come here when
thev know I'm dying? Give me my boot
jack. I'll let 'em see."
And in a towering rage the old mati
jumped from his bed, and before his wife
could think he had opened the window and
shied the bootjack at the band.
"I've hit that fat leader in the nose'"
And he went back to bed and got well. —Tit-
Bits.
TOO ZEALOUS.
Whlppleton Watt Getting Too Atten
tive to liusinen* to Please
the BOBS.
"I wish," said the senior partner to the
manager of the executive department, "that
you would discharge Whippletoii, that new
man we put 011 a couple of months ago.''
The manager was surprised, lie showed
it in his countenance, lie was about to say
•omething, when the head of the firm
went on:
"I have made it a rule, as you have doubt
less noticed, never to permit any of the men
who work in this establishment to beat
nic here in the morning. For2oyears I have
»at here at my desk, and watched the em
ployes report for duty."
"Yes," the manager said, "it has become
K tradition around the place that you are
alwiys the first one here in the morning
and the last one to leave at night."
"Exactly. That's why I want you to dis
charge \\ hippleton."
The manager was about to carry out his
order, but turned after he had taken two
or three steps and asked:
"Have you caught Whippleton shirking?
Does he get down to work late in the morn
ings?"
"So," the old man responded, "he's mak
ing me get up before daylight in order to
keep on beating him here. I won't have it."
Chicago Times-Herald.
111 Technical Term*.
A reporter fell on x slippery pavement the
other day. He did not use "unparliamentary
language," as some would have done, but bit
his lips, rubbed down-the bruises, and, with
a benevolent smile radiating his counte
nance, remarked;
"We don't cherish any ill will, but for en
tertaining reading matter commend us to
the obituary notice of the mar. who ought to
sweep this pavement."—Tit-Hits
Rule That Worku ilotli Ways.
"I have frequently observed," said the
vegetarian, "that when a man lives on beef
he becomes something like an or.: if lie eats
mutton he looks sheepish, ard if he eats
pork the chances are he will grow swinish."
"Perhaps you are right," said the turtle
fed alderman. "I have also observed that
when a man lives on nothing but vegetables
he is apt to be pretty small potatoes."—C'lii
cago Evening News.
He—"l know better than to propose to a
girl i can't get." She—"Do you?" lie —
Yes; she might change her mind." —Town
Topics.
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