2
CAMERON COUNTY PRESS.
H. H. MULLIN, Editor.
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JOB PRINTING.
The Job department of the PKKSS IS complete
and affords facilities for doinf the best class of
work. PAKUCUUU ATTENTION PAIDTO LAW
P«ZNTINU.
No paper will b« discontinued ntll arrear-
Kes are paid, except at the option of the pub
her. w .
Papers sent out of the county must be paid
lor in advance.
Women in France have just secured a
slight addition to their legal rights.
They may henceforth be valid witnesses
to registration of births, marriages, and
deaths, and to the signatures in legal
documents.
The Charlotte Smith who wants to
have Boston girls enlist for the Cuban
war is the same person/ who desired to
have marriage made compulsory. Chat
lotte ought to b».< put under bonds to
keep the peaee.
Prof. James E. Keeler, who has just
been elected director of the Lick ob
servatory to succeed I'rof. Edward S.
Holderi, was the discoverer of the fact
that the rings of Saturn are composed
of small satellites.
A gun tested near Washington recent
ly threw a shell over ten miles, which
means that a hostile ship would be tin
der fire for 20 miles in passing a bat
tery. Such target practice will make
it interesting for the ship.
Candles, candles everywhere. That is
the lighting custom in Sweden, where
one firm turns out for home use an
nually about 23,000,000 of candles of all
sizes, from two to seven feet in length.
In the larger cities electricity has been
introduced to a limited extent, but
among the people candles are as much
as ever a necessary household conven
ience.
An official declaration as to what a
"torpedo boat destroyer" is would re
lieve the uncertainty in the minds of
many persons who are unable to decide
whether a torpedo boat destrojer is a
boat that destroys other boats by means
of torpedoes, a tiling that destroys tor
peric boats, a torpedo boat that destroys
anything, or simply a torpedo that de
stroys boats.
When the men of science get squarely
down to business they will doubtless
be able to show that the human family
mainly lives on bacteria and the mi
crobe family. A London professor has
just solemnly announced that "the aver
age human being consumes 30,000 mi
crobes daily." The chances are that he
has been doing that ever since Adam
was in the (iarden of Eden.
A little girl in a New York school
screamed at the sight of a mouse. The
children became panic-stricken and
rushed screaming out of the room, the
teacher ordered a fire drill, a lire alarm
was rung in, distracted parents fought
to enter the building and save their
children from the supposed flames. And
all for one small mouse. Hash is the
man that dares to laugh at the feminine
fear of a mouse!
Though 30 years have passed since
Maximilian was shot in Mexico his
brother, the emperor of Austria, al
ways holds memorial services on June
19, the anniversary of that tragic event.
At the castle of Miramar, near Trieste
on the Adriatic, the rooms occupied b
Archduke Maximilian before leaving
for the new world are kept, by the em
peror's orders, just as his brother left
them when he went to his death.
So much interest is at present being
manifested in the United States army
and navy that the relative rank of olli
cers in the two branches of service is
herewith given, lineal rank only being
considered: General with admiral,
lieutenant general with vice admiral,
major general with rear admiral, brig
adier general with commodore, colonel
villi captain, lieutenant colonel with
commander,major with lieutenant com
inandcr, captain with lieutenant, first
lieutenant with lieutenant (junior
grade), second lieutenant with ensign.
The attorney-general of Colorado has
furnished an opinion that there is no
law for women in that state dropping
their maiden name on the simple ex
cuse of a wedding. The question call
ing for the decision came from a woman
notary public who was recently mar
ried. She asked under what name she
should continue to exist officially, anil
was gratified with the announcement
that she must sign all documents as be
fore marriage, for, the attorney-general
nays, "there is no authority for a
change of name at marriage or any
other time."
11. O. Weaver, of the United States
commission of fish and fisheries, has
sent a report to Wisconsin fishermen on
the fisheries of Lakes Michigan, Huron
and Krie. lie says that the herring
catch of Lake Michigan for the Inst year
was over 22,000.000 pounds. This great
ly exceeds the production of any pre
vious year covered by the commission's
reports, and lor the first time in the
history of the great lakes surpasses the
herring catch on Lake Uric, where tin
yield was slightly under 20,000,00t !
pounds. The trout catch has been light
the past season.
THE POWEROF CREDIT
Sound Money Essential to American
Enterprise.
decretory (inKo Dhcourneii 1 IIOD the
I* rime 11 <* <i it in 11 <* m in Our Cuiii
■ll4*rrial Mft>—\o ( linniec
of Stn inln ril.
The chamber of commerce of Pitts
burgh g-ave its annual banquet Satur
day. March 11*. at which Lyman J.
secretary of the national treasury, was
present as the pfiiest of honor and prin
cipal speaker. In his speech Mr. (iag*e
touched upon the many questions as
follows:
"Should a visitor from some alien planet,
where the conditions of life did not require
that man should eat his bread in the sweat
of his brow, come to our country; should
he here obtain a vantage ground where his
eye could command its whole extent ; could
he thus observe the detailed movement of
multiplied human activities, he would, if
an intelligent and reasoning being, find oc
casion for both wonder and reflection, lie
would see everywhere, men toiling in the
field, in the shop and in the factory. He
would see trains of cars being loaded with
the product of the forest, the mine, the fac
tory, and the farm, or speeding away to
discharge at some distant point their
enormous burdens. In short, he would find
our land a hive of industry.
"If this visitor were a reasoning being
he would want to know how all this enor
mous exchange of labor for products ar.d
products for labor was accomplished. If he
asked one of our inhabitants this question
—even one of more than average intelli
gence -the prompt answer would probably
be: 'Why, money does it. All these things
are exchanged for money, and money i<* ex
changed for all these things. Everybody
wants money, because it will buy all these
things, and everybody wants more or less
of these things, and money will buy them;
therefore everybody wants money.'
"Money is rot the main active agent that
operates to accomplish this enormous vol
ume of production and exchange. It is true
that all exchanges are effected in terms of
money, but the real operating ag< nt is cred
it and the instruments which embody or
represent it.
I'ower of Credit.
"Tt is my purpose to emphasize the su
perior power of credit in the affairs of men,
and to consider briefly those influences
which hinder or help its action. There is in
sight in our country a volume of money—
gold and silver alone considered, all forms
of paper money themselves being credit in
struments—something like $1,0(K),000,000, but
in fairly prosperous times, like the present,
the volume of credits, operating in pro
ductivity and exchange, is equal to at least
$15,000,000,000. If we can picture it as a
stream or a river, we can fairly say the
rise and fall of this stream registers indus
trial expansion or contraction. It is fed—
this energizing stream—not from physical
waters coming down from snowclad moun
tains. Its sources are in the minds of men.
"It is not a misuse of language to say,
credit, with its multiform instruments, is
the real money of commerce. As transac
tions increase, it increases; as industry
halts, its volume is reduced. It is created
as transfers of goods and wares take place.
It expires or is canceled in final settlements
through the bank or the clearing-house. It
is always sufficient to itself.
"Whatever disturbs these general faiths
nr.fi confidences unsettles commerce and
disturbs industry. I'nhapplly, the disturb
ing influences are numerous, and by their
interposition from time to time, suffering
and ruin result. Wars, the fears of war,
crop failures, widespread industrial re
volts, shocks arising from the betrayal of
(Treat fiduciary duties—these are some of
the adverse influences But none of these,
nor several of them associated, are as
harmful as are the doubts and fears which
arise from the apprehension of a radical
change in the money standard, to which
all commodities and all credits stand final
ly related.
llnslH of lloi-trliir.
"And yet we find a great party, in blind
disregard of this fact, placing, as a founda
tion stone to their political doctrine, a
proposition charged with the most destri#-
tive consequences to our commercial and
industrial life. This proposition is urged
upon the people with a fanatic zeal which
would inspire admiration if enlisted in a
useful or noble cause. But it is a zeal born
out of nonreason, stimulated by prejudice
and fed by j>assion.
"The farmer must employ labor, and yet
carry the risk of droughts and floods and
take his chance of the markets for his ulti
mate realization. The manufacturer must
embark his fortune in his buildings and ma
chines. Tie must employ labor and provide
for its payment. The merchant is subject
to the same general rules of action. The
banker's relation—not less important—is
perhaps more delicate and more Involved
than either of the others. Popularly sup
posed to be a dealer in money, he is so only
in an incidental and necessary way. He is
really a dealer in credit.
"And yet it Is against these that the poet
ical leaders of discontent fulminate their
burning denunciations. They claim that
the money standard, to which for 00 years
our industrial affairs have been related, is
an opnression and a hindrance to prosper
ity. They charge that its maintenance is
the result of a conspiracy born of 'insati
able sordid greed.' They seek to push our
industrial social fabric from the good
foundation of the world's money onto the
shifting, uncertain sands of an obsolete sil
verism.
Ern of Progress.
"In spite of the unsettling influence of
their doctrines, which have again and
again alarmed the forces that make fr>r
progress, which have more than once sfnt
capital into hiding, crippled industry, and
sent, labor into idleness, the evidences are
everywhere that we are In a state of
progress, net decadence. I.et me cite a few
of the evidences: Within 2"> years (accord
ing to them, the period of our decline) our
population has increased <",2 per cent.
Wealth has increased in a ratio three times
as great as the population. That the dis
tribution of increased wealth has been gen
eral is proved by the savings hanks, the
number of whose depositors and their ag
gregated accumulations having grown
ratable with the increase of wealth.
"Our foreign commerce—now well onto
12.000,(100,000—has increased in its ratio to
population. During these 2f> years the for
eign commerce of Great Britain increased
13 per cent., that of the United States 51
per cent. Compared with Mexico, the idyl
lic land of the silverite, our export trade
has increased IIS per cert., against an in
crease in Mexico of 27 percent.
"What of our domestic affairs? Our rall
hoads have increased in mileage from 70,-
000 in lS7:i to nearly 200,000 miles in IVP7, with
a reduction In ccst of freight carriage of (in
per cent. The mileage of telegraph lines
has, during the same period, increased
from 154.000 miles to over £OO,OOO miles, with
an average reduction in message toll of 40
per cent. The production of raw iron has
Increased from less than 2,000,000 tons per
annum to about 12,000,000 tons; coal, from
47,000,000 tons to 180,000,000 tons: petroleum,
from 0,000,000 barrels to 00,000,000 barrels.
I'ulley of Wisdom.
"Bo not the most common prudential
considerations dictate adhesion to a money
standard which has been contemporaneous
with this great progress, if not an efficient
factor therein? Benton and Jackson, more
than 00 years ago, argued its superiority,
and by their efforts the gold standard came
into practical use with us. Are we who
seek to preserve the good they seeured to be
condemned by their alleged followers?
"Second only in importance to a sound
currency is a banking system adequate or
CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 1898.
capable of s< lf-adjustment to the public
needs.
"Can we not barn useful lessons from
others? Is thr experience of the world to
lie despised? Can Ihe stern decrees carried
by the laws of our economic life be suc
cessfully cliallf njred? Can they bo rescind
ed or reprab >1 by the wild impulses of the
Inconsiderate?
"In a free social state the individual man
is clothed with the power and responsibility
of self-direction. His well-being depends
upon bis ability to comprehend and his
willingness to obey the physical ami moral
laws with which nature has environed him.
In a government like our own a similar
power of self-direction exists. It is a high
privilege and carries with it groat responsi
bilities. Like the individual man, the na
tion's well-being depends upon its ability
to discern and obey the economic and moral
laws which environ it."
PROFESSOR MOMMSEN.
I'ecnllurltlea of the Great German
Scholar.
Many of the stories about the extreme
absent-mindedness of some unnamed
German professor ha;l their origin in
tales actually told —perhaps with not
much care in verification —of Prof. The
odor Mommsen, of Berlin, a great Ger
man historical scholar and liberal poli
tician.
Although the lierr professor recently
passed his eightieth birthday, he is said
to be still in the height of his product
iveness, active and energetic, a writer,
a teacher and a causeur. He adopts the
axiom of Goethe, which is not popular
with most old men: "When a man is
old he must do more than when he is
young."
He is certainly no more absent
minded in his old age than he was when
he was younger. He has a family of
ten living children and several grand
children, and has always been fond of
them all and not averse to taking care
of them; but woe to any infant of whom
he might have charge if his mind be
came seized by scholarly preoccupa
tions!
It is related that when his first child
was a baby it was in his charge one day
in his study. Wishing to make some in
quiry from his library, he deposited the
baby in the waste basket and forgot all
about it; but presently the baby began
to cry loudly.
At last the sound disturbed even the
absent-minded student,whose thoughts
were, and remained, on his study. Con
scious only of a loud noise, he seized
a quantity of loose papers and carefully
covered the child with them to muffle
the sound!
On another occasion—so the story
goes—Prof. Mommsen was going in a
street car from Berlin to Charlotten
burg, taking with him his little son.
By and by the boy began to wriggle
about and make a great deal of noise.
By this time his father was meditating
profoundly. The boy's racket soon dis
turbed his meditations. It seemed to
the professor that it must be an ex
tremely ill-bred child that would make
a disturbance in a public place; he
would see if he could not quiet him;
but first he would find out who he was.
"Little boy," he said, sharply, "what
is your name?"
Naturally the small boy thought it
strange to be asked his name by his
own father, but he responded, politely:
"The same as yours, sir."
"The same as mine!" The professor's
attention was now aroused by this ap
peal to his ego, and the spell was
broken. He took up his progeny, to the
tremendous amusement of the people
in the car. and gave him a good shaking.
—Youth's Companion.
NOBLEMAN AND FRONTIERSMAN
The tirenteßt II uu t liivr Expedition on
Itecord.
Sir George Gore, a wealthy Irish
sportsman, began in 1855 a hunting ex
pedition among the Rocky mountains
which occupied two years and exceeded
anything of the kind ever seen on this
continent. The outfit consisted of 50
persons, including secretaries, a stew
ard, cooks, flymakers, dog tenders, serv
ants, a train of .'lO wagons and numer
ous saddle horses and dogs.
"Old Jim Bridger" was Sir George's
guide and interpreter, and no man on
the frontier knew the glens and passes
of the mountains so accurately as he
did. Though illiterate and as uncon
ventional as an Indian, Bridger was
honest, kind, generous and shrewd—
just the man to attract, the Irish sports
man.
In his "Old Santa Fe Trail" Col. In
man describes the companionship of
the two men —one a rich, educated,
whole-souled Irish nobleman, the other
a man who from boyhood had lived on
the plains, depending on his tact and
rifle for food and life.
Sir George would lie in bed until ten
o'clock in the morning: then he took
a bath, ate his breakfast and set out
generally alone for the day's hunt. It
was not unusual for him to remain out
until ten at night, and he seldom re
turned without "meat." Hisdinnerwas
then served, to which he extended an
invitation to Hridger.
After the meal was over Sir George
was in the habit of reading from some
book and drawing out from liridgerliis
ideas about the author.
The Irishman usually read from
Shakespeare, which Hridger "reckin'd
was too highfalutin" for him.
"Tliet thar big Dutchman, Mr. Full
stuff," he commented, "was a leetle too
fond of lager beer."
Sir George read the "Adventures of
Baron Munchausen'' to Hridger, whore
marked that "he be dog-goned ef he
swallowed everything that thar baron
said." He thought he was "a liar," vet
acknowledged that some of his own ad
ventures among the Blackfeet would
be equally wonderful "if writ down in
a book."
Hridger thought Sir George a success
ful hunter, an opinion justified by the
records of the two-years' hunt 4O
grizzly hears. 2,f>"o buffalo, numerous
antelope and other small game.—
Youth's Companion
lilvalM.
Perdita —We have discovered that we
are rivals, you know.
Tom Barrry—Ah, you both love the
same fellow?
"Oh, no —but the satn° fellow loves
both of us."- Ainslee's Magazine.
ADMIRABLE CONFIDENCE.
The announcement of the Pope Manti
facturing Company last week that they
guaranteed to maintain list prices on
Columbia, Hartford and Vedette bi
cycles, as published in their 1898 cata
logue during the season ending October
Ist, had a clarifying effect upon the
trade atmosphere, and relieved the feel
ing of uncertainty and anxiety that had
existed for some time, among l>oth buy
ers and sellers, as nothing else could
have done.
That a company which holds undis
puted leadership as regards financial
strength, the amount of capital invest
ed, size of their plant, and the quantity
and quality of their product, should at
the very beginning of the season pub
licly proclaim their confidence in the
outlook for the year's business and
their belief that a discerning public
would demand and be willing to pay for
the best product of the cycle builder'*
art, is a fact that has given the trade
cause for self-congratulation through
out the land, and will have a tendency
to put to rout the pessimists w ho have
been rushing into print with state
ments to the effect that no one knew
where the bottom of the eyoie market
was.
The public has had experience with
these calamity howlers, and will not let
the Spring slip by, with its beautiful
days and fragrant air, waiting for low
prices that can never come on the best
wheels. The bicycle has become a
staple article of commerce; to the vast
majority of cyclists, a necessity, not a
luxury. Just as there is a demand for
jeans pants, shoddy made clothing,
brogan shoes and calico dresses, there
will also be a limited market for cheap
and poorly made bicycles. But the
great middle class of American citizens,
who can afford meat three times a day,
and sugar in their coffee, those in the
higher walks of life, and the leisure
class, will look below the enamel of bi
cycles before purchasing. To these,
quality will appeal as strongly as price,
and they will only buy bicycles made by
manufacturers whose reputation, facili
ties and business methods give stability
to their guarantees.
Coming from the Pope Manufactur
ing Company, this unequivocal agree
ment to maintain list prices on their
'DB product throughout the season,
probably carries more weight than it
would from any other source. By 21
years of fair dealing, the Pope Manufac
turing Company have gained the full
confidence of the riding public. The
public has come to understand that this
Company never acts rashly or unadvis
edly, that th*7 carefully weigh th«
•'pros and cons" of anv step before tak
ing it, but once having adopted a policy
they have the ability and inclination to
carry it out to the letter. Thinking
cyclists will therefore,conclude that the
Pope Manufacturing Company must
have p.mple and substantial assuranca
that there is a healthy demand for high
grade bicycles built of the best mate
rial and manufactured carefully and
correctly as to mechanical detail, by the
most modern and improved machinery
and well paid labor.
When it is known that rip to March
Ist, the Pope Manufacturing Company
have shipped to their customers, over
3,000 Columbia Hevel Gear Chainless
bicycles, this conclusion becomes a cer
tainty.
THE INGENIOUS MAN.
Ilia Invention Wan Forgotten In '11m»
of Need.
He wan a very ingenious man. lie had
made an invention which was of great value.
He thought so, at least, if the world did not,
and he had his invention patented. It
was a combination camp-stool, cane and um
brella. The cane was the usual form of the
invention. At a big parade nothing could be
more convenient, and for an ordinary, unex
pected rainstorm, what could be better?
A man is sure to have his walking stick with
him.
It was not so very long after the invention
had been perfected that the man was out
walking with his wife, and a sudden shower
came up. There were no cars accessible, and
the only thing to do was to run, and the
unlucky pair did this with a vengeance,
reaching the house hot, uncomfortable, ana
prettv wet.
"Well, we are here at last," said the man,
drawing a long breath of relief.
"Yes, said the wife, disconsolately, "but
I think I have ruined my new bonnet. And,
John Smith," she added, suddenly with a
little scream, "what do you think you have
done? You had that old invention of yours
cane-camp-stool-umbrella affair—in your
hand all the time ready for an emergency,
and forgot to use it."
The man tells the story, and thinks it ia
a great joke.—N. Y. Times.
EE MEANT WELL.
Itut Ills CnrcU'nanriia Got Illm Into
Trouble with Ills Girl.
A young gentleman, whose gallantry wat
largely in excess of his jiccuniary means,
sought to remedy this defect and save the
money required for the purchase of expensive
flowers by arranging with a gardener to let
him have a bouquet from time to time in re
turn for his cast-off clothes.
It thus happened one day that he received
a bunch of the most beautiful roses, which
be at once sent off to his lady love. In t-ure
anticipation of a friendly welcome he called
at the house of the lady the same evening
and was not a little surprised at the frosty
reception he met with.
"You sent me a note to-day," the young
ladjr remarked, after a pause, in the most
frigid tones.
I—a note?" he inquired, in blank aston
ishment.
"Certainly: along with some flowers.
"To be sure I sent you some flowers."
"And there was a note inside—do you still
mean to deny it?"
With these words she handed the dum
founded swain a scrap of paper, on which the
following words were written: "Don't for
get the old trousers you promised me the
other day."—Tit-Bits.
Kougli!
Klondike Soubrettq—Say, I'm getting
tired of diing my dance here, on gold
dust every night. Haven't you any
sand?
Stage Manager—Sorry, Maude, but
it's all gone. Did hev a big box lull,
but ther boys used it for chasers after
swallowing frozen whisky. N Y
Journal
She Took H;m Up.
lie —I will love you through time and
eternity. (live mo hope.
She—All right, come around again in
a couplo of thousand years.—N. ¥
World,
A STEER'S STRANGE DEATH.
His Horm Grew Through His and
Killed Him.
A squatter in the back blocks of New-
South Wales had a young steer with
horns so perfectly turned that they
formed two artistic loops at the sides
of his head. One day "Boss" straved
with a mob of store cattle into a piece
of wild country infested only by kan
garoos and the out-station boundary
riders' families.
These cattle are rounded up and
otherwise handled but once a year.
Before this annual yarding took place
"Boss" had become a fractious terror
to every animal and man in that range.
He had terrified and scattered the
herd that was once his mates; he had
charged madly every kind person who
was wont to pat him. Because his
horns curled like those of a sheep he
was called "Sheep Head." His mild,
tractable nature added to this delusion
of likening him to a lamb. Six months
after his entrance upon the range he
began to act strangely. A wild look
shot out of his eye under the points of
the ingrowing horns, whose shadow
fell heavier and heavier upon the re
tina. He constantly shook his head, as
if trying to rid himself of some annoy
ance. Then "Boss" would stand and
stare at the points which were pressing
the pupils nearly up against the sock
ets. lie became more irritable and un
friendly. He roared, stamped, shook
his crazed head and stared at the creep
ing things before his vision.
At lust "Boss" went mad and bel
lowed through the night like an en
raged demon. He chased everything
in sight, and viciously dashed himself
against the forest trees. The mere
tramp of a foot angered him. The
points of the horns were cruelly press
ing his helpless eyes back in their sock
ets, and every jar upon the ground
tortured his brain and enraged him.
"Boss" had scattered the mob of his
ruminating mates and had so terror
ized the few people about that fences
did not give a sense of security. Women
and children lived in mortal dread of
the unfortunate beast.
At length his maddened roar was
heard no more. About a month after
that the out-boundary rider went out
with dogs and a Winchester rifle to end
the suffering of "Sheep Head Boss."
After searching for two days the bul
lock was found. "Boss" was dead. He
was lying under a clump of acacia, less
sweet than their blossoms. He had
evidently been dead for a week or more
and had been blind for months. The
horns had grown into the eyes and al
most touched the bone of the skull be
hind. The head of the poor beast was
as strange an object as ever was seen.
The horns of "Boss" were never
curved by any art. They grew as na
ture directed their fatal tips, and, un
less sent to the Royal College of Veteri
nary Surgeons, England, the preserved
head still hangs upon the door of the
Darling out-station, where "Boss" lived
and died. —Washington Star.
Whenever we hear the women talk ir>-
dignantly because another woman is spoiling
her husband, we hunt him up to uougiutu
ite him.—Atchison Globe.
Success is a swinging door; it tins no knob,
nrul you ran only get on the other side by
having "push."—Detroit Free Press.
Dixon—"l don't believe young Shortleigh
is half as extravagant as pronto say he is."
Hixon —"Perhaps not, but I've noticed that
he bus a suit of clothes for every day in the
week." Dixon—"ls that so? Why, he al
ways had the same suit on every time I met
him." Hixon —"Well, that's the one." —
Chicago News.
At the Play.—Kippax—"You serm very
much affected at the tragic fate of Juliet,
Miss SnifFon: I thought I saw tears in your
eyes." Miss Sniffen— "Yes, Mr. Kippax, it
dors seem so sad to think that the lady who
played Juliet is not really dead!"—Truth.
Diggs—"lTanks doesn't seem to have any
pity for the unfortunates of this great city."
l'iggs—"From what do you judge that?"
Diggs—"l saw him put a 40-page Sunday
paper into the slot of the hospital box."—
Harlem Life.
There is not plenty of room at the top;
and it takes an acrobat to stick on after
he gets there.—Detroit Free Press.
The Duelists' Danger.—"We'll sthandbaek
ter back, count tin, walk sivin stitis, thin
tur-rn roun' and foire." "Thot's all roight
cnuff, Doolin, but whot guaranty hov Oi
yer. won't kick me when me back's turned?"
—Life.
"That man Williams never lost his head
in a football game yet, did he?" "No, I
think not. He s lost an ear, part of his nose,
eight teeth; but I do not remember ever
hearing of his losing his head."—Tit-Bits.
Mrs. A.—"l think your husband is a very
quiet dresser." Mrs. B.—"H'm! You
might change your opinion if you hoard him
looking for his clothes some mornings."—
Browning, King & Co.'s Monthly.
Another Question. —"He has a bright fu
ture ahead of him." "But do von really
think he'll ever catch up with it?'*—Puck.
Some people are so slow that thev irritate
other people to po too fast and fall over
board.—Detroit l'ree Press.
A DOCTOR'S DIRECTIONS.
They save a daughter
from blindness.
VT hen a father writes that yours •• is the
best medicine in the world." you can
allow something lor seeming extrava
gance in the statement if you know that
the medicine so praised, cured a loved
daughter of disease and restored to her
the eyesight nearly lost. The best med
icine in the world "for you is the medicine
that cures you. There can't be anything
better. No medicine can do more than
cure. That is why John S. Goode, of
Orrick, Mo., writes in these strong terms:
•' Dr. Ayer's Sarsaparilla is the best med
icine in the world. My daughter had a
relapse after the measles, due to taking
cold. She was nearly blind.and was obliged
to remain in a dark room all the time.
The doctors could give her no relief; one
of them directed me to give her Ayer's
Barsaparilla. Two bottles cured her com
pletely."
The thousands of testimonials to the
value of Dr. Ayer's Sarsaparilla repeat
over and over again, in one form or another
the expression: "The doctors gave her
no relief; one of them directed me to
give her Dr. Ayer's Sarsaparilla. Two
bottles completely cured her."
It is a common experience »o try Dr.
Ayer's Sarsaparilla as a last rcacxt. It ii
GAINED 22 POUNDS IN 5 WEEKS
From the By-Btander, Macomb, 111.
Alderman Louis W. Cainp, of our city, hag
quite astonished his friends of late, by a re
markable gain in weight, lie lias gained
22 pounds in live weeks. Those of his friends
who do not know the facts of his sickness
will read with interest the following:
"1 was broken down in health and utterly
miserable," said Mr. Camp to our reporter.
"1 was unable to work much of the time
and so badly afflicted with a form of stomach
trouble tbut life was a veritable nightmare.
"1 tried various remedies, but during the
mix months of rny sickness I obtained no
relief. 1 had always been a robust, healthy
man and sickness bore heavily upon me.
"About two years ago 1 was advised to try
Dr. Williams' I'ink Fills for i'ale J'eople.
I purchased one box and received so much
benefit that I used five more and was en
tirely cured. I gained twenty-two pounds in
five weeks. Since 1 stopped taking the pills
I have scarcely had an ache or pain.
Interviewing the AMerman.
"Dr. Williams' Pink Pills restored me t»
health, and 1 most heartily recommend
them."
L. W. Camp on oath says that the fore
going statement is true.
W. W. MELOAN, Notary Public.
Following is the physician's certificate a»
to Mr. Camp's present condition:
I am a regularly licensed physician of
Macomb, McDonough County, 111. I have
very recently examined Mr. tW. Camp as
to his general physical condition, and find
the same to be all that could be desired,
appetite and digestion good, sleeps well,
and has r.'il the evidences of being in a good
physical condition.
SAM'L RUSSELL, M. P.
Subscribed and sworn to before me this
30th dav of September, 1807.
W. W. MELOAN, Notary Public.
A REALLY INTELLIGENT JURY.
The Verdict Wna In Accordance wltli
the Evidence.
"It was the funniest thing I ever saw in a
courtroom," laughed the veteran of the bar,
who was enjoying an informal smoker with
his brethren. "I was in the new west then,
trying to get a gouU start. One of the resi
dents had mysteriously disappeared, and his
wife was arrested under a suspicion that she
might be responsible for the fact. I defend
ed her.
"On the stand she was simply irrepressi
ble. I only got to ask her one question.
That was more than plenty. She talked
precisely as though she were wound up and
could not stop until the mainspring was
completely relaxed. In the midst of her
tirade she was interrupted by an inquiry by
one of the jurors.
" 'Who are you talkin' to. Bill Spripgins,'
she shouted. 'I don't 'low no cattle like
you to be quizzin' me. Ef you don't know
how to treat your betters, I'll learn you,
you pin-headed coyote. Ef my husband was
here he'd perferate you mighty quick, and
I know it. But I kin take care of myself
ef I am a lone woman. I'm here to tell what
I know, and Fm coin' to do it if it spills
blood.'
"There was no staying her deluge of words
and the judge was at last driven by sheer
desperation to tell the jury to retire and do
the best it could with the facts in its posses
sion.
"When the jury came back Bill Spriggins,
SK foreman, stood un. to give the verdict.
'We find,' he said, 'that this here man
Meekham has diserpeared at the han's of
some persing or persings unknown. We find
further that we are unanermous in surspect
in' as how he mighter been talked to neath
by his said wife.' It took the sheriff and all
his deputies to hold her."—Detroit Free
Press.
NOT AN ART ELEVATOR.
One Girl Who Wn« Satisfied to Paint
I'lctures.
The art student shook her head in whim
sical protest. She has lust eonie back from
six years' study in the Paris studios, where
she had the reputation of being a talented,
conscientious and ambitious worker.
"I am glad to be at home again," she
said; "but everybody takes things so seri
ously over here. At least the girl art stu
dents do. They haven't the pluck to get
down at the bottom and dig away on first
principles in a way that every Frenchman
thinks perfectly natural : but they are awful
lv busy with ideals. They belong to clubs
for elevating all sorts of things. I've been
buttonholed on every corner by people who
want me to join clubs. The day 1 got into
my studio pome of my old friends came to
see me, girls I had worked with before I
went abroad. They all looked deadly seri
ous, and of them struck a Curtius-dedicating
his-life to-his-country pose and said sol
emnly:
" 'Margaret, we need you. You must help
us elevate American art.'
"I just tucked a pillow behind my head
and said: 'l'll be hanged if I do. I'm going
to paint pictures.'
"They are terribly disappointed in me. T
don't breakfast until ten. I can't do honest
hard work, with my best force, on less than
ten hours' sleep, and so I take it; but it
stems nobody can elevate art and sleep in
the mornings. I'm willing to give up my
swell studio and go over on Tenth avenue to
live in one room and work as I please rather
than paint things 1 don't believe in because
they would sell; but I'm using what nerve
force I have on my work, and so the girls
think I am unregenerate. Club me up clubs.
My club is a maul stick." —N. V.
How many petitions have you signed
without knowing what they were all about?
—Rural New Yorker.
a common experience to have Dr. Ayer'«
barsaparilla prescribed by a physician.
It is a common experience to see a " com
plete cure" follow the use of a few bottles
of this great blood purifying medicine.
Because, it is a specific for all forms of
blood disease. If a disease has its origin
in bad or impure blood. Dr. Ayer's Sars
aparila, acting directly on the blood, re
moving its impurities and giving to it
vitalizing energy, will promptly eradicate
the disease.
The great feature of Dr. Ayer's Sarsapa
rilla is the radical cures that result from
its use. Many medicines only suppress
disease—they push the pimples down
under the skin, they paint the complexion
with subtle arsenica 1 compounds, but the
disease rages iti the veins like a pent-up
fire, and .~»ome day breaks out in a vol
canic eruption that eats tip the body.
Ayer's Sarsaparilla goes to the root. It
makes the fountain clear and the waters
are clean. It makes the root good ar.d
the fruit is good. It gives Nature the
elements she needs to build up the broken
down constitution—not to brace it up with
stimulants or patch it up on the surface.
Send for I>'. Aver's Curebook. and lenrn
more about the cures effected bv thi»
remedy. Ji's sent free, on reuuest. bv the
J* C. Ayer Co.. l,uwcll, Mass.