voooooii e
H TEXAS TOWNS
Cow Butchered, Hide Taken
Off and Hearts Torn Out
by Its Priests
MEXICAN
SUSPECTED
Sheriff and Deputies MaWe Arrests
Reward Offered for Capture of
Butchers Attributed to Ancient
Aztec Religion.
San Antonio, Texas. An outbreak
of voodoolsm is responsible for tho
mysterious butchering of cows in tho
vicinity of this city. Many owners of
tine bovines living in the suburb.? have
looked In tain for their milk purvi y.
ors In the morning. The irentie friend
of the family was found to bp missing
and the Instituted search usually cils
closed her carcass in the chappa.al.
G. A. Davis, of this city. wj.s one of
the first to miss his valuable Jersey
In this manner, and sinre then others
have sustained similar losses.
The odd feature of the case Is that
nothing but the hide and ti.e heart of
the animals are missing. EvWlrnly
that Is all that Is desired by the thief.
At first it wps tW-irht ': i' the ani
mals had been killed for their sklr.s.
but a close watch k'-;t over the deal
ers In hides has shown that so fur
none of the hides have been di'rosed
of.
Sheriff Lindscy and his deputies
aave been working day r.nd nifiht to
tet a clew that might U-id to a solu
Jon of the mystery, but so far they
'iave not been sue e.-sful. The ofTer
f a substantial reward has now been
sailed to their aid.
Though the Mexican population of
San Antonio Is a very orderly and
'aw-abldlng one as n whole, there Is
inough of an indifferent element
mong them that would not be averse
.o committing these depredations If
inspired by what they would consider
v religious motive. As Is well known,
he Indian strain Is prominent In the
lower class Mexicans. As a matter
of fact. In the large percentage of
hem the Spanish or other Asyrlan
Mood Is a negligible quantity. That
-oroe of the old Indian superstitions
hould have survived in them and bo
table to periodical outbreaks Is not
"O be wondered at
Indian voodoolsm as practiced after
"ie fall of the Aztec empire Is really
'othlng more than a continuation of
Vs old Aztec religion, the principal
mature of which was humar- sacrifice,
"he rlctlms of the old Azc: priests
Mffered death by having their hearts
rn out of their bodies by main force,
fter the Spanish r-M succeeded In
'amplng out this barbarous practice,
"ie Indian tribe-, still adhering to the
ilth of their lathers, though nominal
' Christians, took to sacrificing anl
'ls In the same manner that human
dngs had formally been sacrificed,
id, like all primitive people, thought
appease their gods best by gacrific-
that which was considered most
erished. In tearing out the animal's
-art the object to-day is to get pos
sslon of the blood contained in it.
1 this fluid is ascribed a number of
Iraculous properties of a disease-
mbating nature.
To what extent tho possession of
e hide figures in -voodooi.-m of this
' nd Is not clear. To-iiMve n'orma
m on this point, seem, difficult to
tain, but it !.-, thought that the ap
"catlon of (he wa.-m and bloody si:!n
ly be regarded r.s a cure fur mi: cu
- or other exterior r.ili'ients.
The authorities o? t.'.ii;; city end
unty are In no mood to permit as
xlous a practice ha voodoolsm to
(irish under their noes. Though a
mber of arrets hr.ve been made,
re Important clews arc now being
lowed and furttu r developments tire
'Iclpated as a result of the reward
'ered. Of all people the low-class
exlcan Is the least able to withstand
lure of money. Every effort will
made to get the high priest of the
't Into the clinches of the law. The
nlshment that, will be meted out will
doubt be such us to make adher-
ce to voodoolsm and its attendant
ttures very undesirable.
MING THE SHREW BY COLOR.
ange of Wall Paper Makes Angelic
Wife of Virago.
Paris. The latest Parisian "cure"
for bad temper, according to a
ry which a writer in a morning
ier vouches for. A husband who
' been living iiihariuonlo'.isly with
. wife consulted a doctor. No cuuko
ng found for the disagree. nrits, tho
tor visited the patient's home and
re found red wall paper on the
'Is. The doctor ordered a change.
ho said, "exel'.es i-ome tern
s; try blue,," which soothing experl
st was made, wish the result that
disposition of the wife became as
;ellc as before end tho husband
lot tempered. According to the
'tor, a blue loom tames the mo.it
ctlng shrew.
- Die Laughing at Joke.
.Vilkes-narre, I'a.-Seated on the
. ling of a porch, at a house where
was a wedding guest. Simon Bolln
f, of Sawyersville, w?us waving his
os lu a fit of laughter over a funny
ry, when he slipped. lie foil back-
rd, striking on his head, breaking
i neck and died a short time after
...rd.
UNC0VER3 SECRET
HOARDS.
The best cr:-"ment for a Govern
ment savings bank Is that cf the rercl
Of absolute secur'ty, especially In time
Of panic when to many people are
making a bad m;.tter worse by
drawing their money out of com
mon banks niid hiding It away.
During tht recent panic some persons
took out lars.-" postal money orders
Just to let the Government take care
of their money until times became
1ms unsettled. If there had been a
Government savings bank It would
BAve reeclved most of the money then
Irtthdrawn from the common banks,
the money would have been kept in
Circulation and the force of the panic
much reduced. Even In ordinary
times a certain number of people re
fuse to trust ordinary banks and Incur
much risk and loss of interest by try
ing to hide their savings. Many a
secret hoard has been lost through
fire, or rats or thieves. The Govern
ment bank would take safe care of
money and pay a little interest. It
would be very popular In the country
districts and would encourage the
habit of saving small but regular sums
for deposit. Except an Improved sys
tem of parcels post, no measure Is In
such general demand among those
who would like to etxend the useful
ness of the posioffice department.
PURE WATER A
LIFE-SAVER.
Allen hazen has formulated the
theorem that for every death from
typhoid fever prevented by the purifi
cation of public water supplies, two
or three additional deaths from other
caus s are prevented. To put the mat
ter upon an economic basis; If, for ex
ample, the city of I'ittsburg should by
reason of having Installed a new sys
tem of municipal water-filters, pre
vent one hundred deaths from ty
phoid in a year, two or three hundred
hundred deaths from other causes
would also be prevented by the same
means. Such a saving of life would
equal the saving of two million dol
lars Instead of a half million, the loss
entariled by the typhoid deaths alone.
Professor Sedgwick and Scott Mac
Nutt, of the biological department of
the Massachusetts Institute of Tech
nology, state that their observations,
presently to be published In detail,
corroborate Hazen's estimate, which,
they assert, is a conservative one.
A WORD OF
DEFENSE.
"Carmen aylvia," Roumanian liter
try Queen, has something to say
-worth noting on the patience of the
husband so much maligned where
feminine beads get together. "A
standing complaint among women,"
she says, "Is that husbands have no
appetite, that they are taciturn or sar
castic in their society. If men com
pelled their wives to swallow the very
bad indigestibles some men are treat
ed to, and also .he illnatured remarks,
scoldings, complaints and assurances
of contempt my sisters are In the
habit of spouting forth at meal-time,
the number of female dyspeptics
would be vastly larger than it is now."
FIVE KINDS OF
NOVELS.
Clement Shorter, the English critic,
finds five kinds of successful novels:
First, the novel of genius; secondly,
the work of the skillful manufacturer
from history; thirdly, the novel of in
decency; fourthly, the novel of bigo
try, which plays upon the prejudices
of the reilgous public; fifthly, the
novel of commonplace reflection and
cheap claptrap conversation. In Amer-
a, at least, we know a sixth kind:
novel which, born not of history, geni-
, bigotry or any debatable thing, has
a seabon s success as little expiainaDle
as a sporadic ca-e of measles.
THE NEW EDUCATION
IN CHINA.
One advantage which China pos
sesses over the united states is in
the ease with which a reform can be
started and spread. In this country
nothing can be accomplished until at
least one-half the people are convinced
of the necessity of it; in China it is
necessary to convince only the pow
ers that be and the reform is ordered
forthwith. The following instructions
recently Issued make it clear that the
governmcn . means business in tne
matter of extending the educational
facilities of the empire, and that read
ily to all its parts.
SLAUGHTER VS. NO
SLAUGHTER.
Millions of steerage passengers
have been landed here by the company
without the loss of a single life, and
without a serious accident of any kind.
Compare this record with the fright
ful loss of life and the terrible sacri
fice of property on our American rail
roads! Talk about the "dangers of
the deep!" Water is safer these days
than land.
CHEAPER AUTO
MOBILES. The doom of high automobile prices
has sounded. One can buy a better
car to-uay for $l,rou than he could a
few years aco for $3,000. It Is only a
matter of time no until any man who
can affor( to keep a horse can atford
to own an automobile.
SIGNS OF THE
AWAKENING.
The fact that China proposes mak
ing a big bond issue is all the evi
dence needed to prove that American
Ideas are at last making a dent on the
old empire.
Tho decrease of registration at
Harvard is inexplicable In the face of
the university's t.lple victory in col
luge sports over Yale. Must further
prcof of pre-eminence be furnished'
THE COLUMBIAN,
HE. WAS NOT 1
THANKFUL j
My neighbor Cooley suffered a
good deal last winter from rheuma
tism in bis breast, and his wife was
badly frightened about it for fear it
should end In consumption. Cooley
could not be Induced to try any rem
edy for the troubl". anl Mrs. Cooley
was nearly worried to death about It.
At last she determined to try strate
gy. She made a dry mustard plas
ter and one night while he was asleep
she sewed It upon the inside of his
undershirt, so that it would just cov
er the rheumatic place.
Cooley dressed himself in the
morning, wholly unsuspicious of the
presence of the plaster, and went
downstairs. At the breakfast table,
while he was talking to his wife, he
suddenly stopped, looked cross-eyed,
and a spasm of pain passed over his
face. Then he took up the thread
of the conversation again and went
on. He was In the midst of an ex
planation of the political situation,
when all at once he ceased again,
grew red In the face and exclaimed:
"I wondr what in the No, it
can't be anything wrong."
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the
matter, and Cooley said:
"O, it's that infernal old rheuma
tism again; come back awful. But I
never felt It exactly the same way be
fore. Kinder stings me."
Mrs. Cooley said she was sorry.
Then Mr. Cooley began again, and
was Just showing her how the rav
ages of the grasshoppers In the west,
and the potato-beg In t lie east, would
affect the election by making the peo
ple discontented, and so likely to
strike at the party In power, when
he suddenly dropped the subject, and
Jumping up, sale':
"Thunder and lightning! what's
that? Ouch! O, Moses! I feel's if
I had a shoveful of hot coals Inside
my undershirt."
"Must be that rheumatism, getting
worse," said Mrs. Cooley sympatheti
cally. "O, gracious, no! It's something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like
burning into my skin. Ouch! Ow-wow-wow!
It's awful! I can't stand
It another minute. I believe it's
cholera, or something, and I'm going
to die!"
"Do try to be calm, Mr. Cooley."
"Calm! How can a man be calm
with a volcano boiling over under
his shirt. Go 'way from here. Get
out of the way, quick, while I go up
stairs and undress. Murder-r-r-r-,
but it hurts! Let me get out, quick!"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom
and stripped off his clothes. His
chest was the color of a boiled lob
ster; but he couldn't for the life of
him tell what was the matter. Then
his eye rested upon something white
on his shirt. He picked up the gar
ment and examined It. Ten minutes
later he came slowly downstairs with
a dry mustard plaster in his hand,
while thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, he shook
the plaster under her nose, and said
in a suppressed voice:
"Did you put that thing in my
clothes?"
"I did It for the best, John," she
said. "I thought"
"Oh, never mind what you
thought. You've tiken the bark
clean off of my bor-om, so I'm ns raw
as a sirloin steak, anl I'll probably
never be well again as long as I live.
That lets you out. You play no more
trii ks like that on me. Now, mind
me.
Then he dammed the door and
went out. Mrs. Cooley doesn't know
to this day exactly what effect the
grasshoppers ore going to have on
tho ele-.-tion. N. W. Weekly.
Sea of Velvet Blue.
The Mediterranean sunset is one
of the glories of the world. The
sea is a velvet blue. When evening
comes the clouds forsake the sky and
the sun takes on the color of molten
gold, gilding the purple waters a3
the great glowing disk approaches
the level line of the horizon; wide
waves of crimson Intervene across
tho azure heavens, and sea and sky
leap together in a vlvld embrace of
color. The sun vanishes, the sea
turns from gold to silver, and the
sky grows crystal clear. Then night
falls slowly down.
When Anyone Is III.
Don't forget, If you have an In
valid in the house, that, before tak
ing any meal up to hl.Ti, it 4j always
wise to ascertain If he Is ready for
It. It Is disappoliting to brins a
tempting little mer.l, all nlplns hot,
and find that the Invalid" wants his
hand3 washed and his pillows shaken
up, and various other little things
attended to, and when the meal is
finally tasted to have It pronounced
"too cold." The thing to do Is first
to see that the patient la all ready,
then bring the meal.
Ills Idea of II nunii.
A certain man had a disastrous
experience In gold :. Ine speculations.
One day a number of colleagues
were discussing the subject of spe
culation, when one of them r-ald to
this speculator:
"Old chap, as an expert, give us
a definition ( t the term 'bonanza.' "
'A 'bonanza,' ' replied tho experi
enced man, with emphasis,
hole In the ground owned
champion liar!"
"is
by
H(. UK-Kong's I-'Ine Harbor.
, The Hong-Kong harbor bus a wa
ter area of ten miles, and la regard
ed as one of the finest in the world.
BLOOMSBUfcS.
PUBLIC OWNERSHIP IN
CANAQ..
5".- V.T.rr.-l l.vrhr bts ..Wlrtrert
.'-.at ti e l'.;r..;di-:i ,..v rnir. r will
t::i'..I rrtl own th new rai'ro-.d t
:i..(!.on P.ay. toeMiT '-vi'h IV t r
l.-.i.-ia! ('yks. eiev.itors. etc. Tills Ij
one of ser;l tl.Ingi which serve to
(ir.i-.v attention to the rapid growth (
t'ie govt rniiii-nt and municipal buileti;.
Ustied by t'.:e beautiful city o." Winni
peg Is a firm believer In the municipal
ovf;:ershIp of a'.l public utilities." I'ort
Arthur and Fort William, the twin
cities at the head of Lake Superior,
have long owned and operated all of
their public utilities, and the mayors
confidently predict a time when the
proilta from these will be sufficient
to pay all the taxes and leave a sur
plus to be divided among the city's
residents. New Zealand and Australia
have long been adherents to the
municipal ownership plan, and in gen
eral the Englls- seem to have taken
to It. Tosslbly it is because the evils
of private ownership have been more
pronounced In these other countries
than here. Perhaps because the gov
ernment of England and English pro
vinces Is so much better administered
than ours that graft does not control
Its Institutions. Certain L is that
Canada Is dolnc what has been de
nounced in this country as chimerical
and impossible.
PERNICIOUS WEEK
END. The Bishop of Durham, England,
laments the fact that a "very formid
able degree of English Christian life
In the neglect and isolation of the
Lord's Day" has Bet in, and blames
"the pernicijus custom of the week
end." "The very day," he says, "when
the charities of home should be in
their strength, when the family should
meet with special devotion for home
worship, and should also meet, a fam
ily amidst other families, In the church
which Is the centre of the surround
ing religious life life in which the
family should have a responsible part
is now too often the day for separa
tion. Indolence, Irresponsible selMn
dulgence. The day which should give
parents their best opportunity for
training their children in the nurture
of the Lord Is never so UBed in count
less homes of the type where forty
years age the little group would, as
a matter of course, have gathered to
read, sing, to gay by heart the lessons
and songs which link earth with heav
en." BUNCOING CITY
SHARPS.
People from the country are not the
only ones to be taken In by carefully
managed confidence games. City com
mission dealers are commonly sup
posed to be a shrewd, alert set of
business men, yet during the past
year it Is reckoned that the butter and
egg traders alone lost, nearly $200,000
through operations of swindlers. The
game la an old one but very often suc
cessful. A new firm starts up, ob
tains as much credit as possible, then
fails, and the funds and all goods that
were bought vanish from sight, leav
ing the creditors nothing perhaps but
office furniture to show for many thou
sand dollars' worth of produce sold
on credit Truly, no fox is too sly to
fear the trap.
NO BUTTER TRUST
POSSIBLE.
Every time of high prices for butter
Is the occasion of a lot of silly talk
in the newspapers about a butter
trust. No one can organize a trust
In such a product for the reason that
every farmer Is able to begin com
petition and start making butter when
ever he thinks It may pay him to d
so. Tho real cause of nine-tenths of
the advance In the butter price Is the
lugner cost or grain. Dairymen, in
stead of talking of a trust, are trying
hard to convince themselves that
there is still a little profit In the busl-
ncrs after payin grain bills, and most
of ih em, If asked, would express the
opinion that tho margin between cost
and selliii.-' price is less now than In
other times when butter was selling
fur less money per pound.
ROCKEFELLER'S VIEWS
FIRST HAND.
It Is interesting to know the views
of Mr. John Ij. Rockefeller on the sub
ject of money-making. These views
have not reached us second-hand, but
are from his written word, reproduced
lu facsimile of his handwriting on the
front cover of the World's Work.
Says Mr. Rockefeller, In bold red ink:
"I know of nothing more despicable
and pathetic than a man who de
votes all the waking hours of the day
to making money for the money's
sake." Coming from such a source,
this statement is interesting if true.
PROVING IMMOR
TALITY. Of all the queer ways of trying to
prove the existence of a soul It seems
to us that weighing a person at the
point of death to see If anything was
lost in the process reaches the limit of
absurdity. That the passing bouI
eigl.ed about an ounce, if it was a
fact, might explain the difficulty we
have til ccmniunlcatiug with it.
THE EGG'S
EIRTHDAY.
Our esteemed contemporary, the
Detroit Free Press, offers a very prac
tical suggestion when it says that all
(TB3 should be dated with the hour
and day they are laid. If thla were
('.one, lots of trouble could bo avoided
in restaurants.
The present condition of Hayti and
flan Domingo shows that liberty, fra
ternity, and equality being proclaimed
and adopted, all has not been done
that must be done to establish the
l.lr'.tr forir.a of civilization.
OEPOSEO SULTAN'S
FABULOUS WEALTH
Hidden Treasures Uncovered
From Strange Nooks in the
Yildiz Kiock
SAFES CCNCEALEO IN WALLS
Two Chests Filled with Five Pound
Notes Found One String of Pearls
Worth $350.00O-There Were 500 Re
volvers In Abdul's Dressing Rooms.
The announcement a few days ago
that Abdul Hamid had transferred M,
600,000 to the new government of Tur
key merely strengthens the common
belief that the deposed monarch la
the possessor of enormous wealth. In
that belief a parliamentary commis
sion Is making a searching Investiga
tion of the Yildiz Kiosk to uncover
the treasures hidden there, and the
results already accomplished aro
amazing.
There have been discovered many
safes hidden In the walls at various
kiosks. The treasures found so far
are money in gold and in notes, bonds,
Jewelry and other articles of value.
Abdul Hamld's wealth Is estimated at
$150,000,000. A safe contained state
ments of the amounts deposited by
him in several financial establish
ments abroad.
Two chests were found filled with
five-pound notes, and eight traveling
bags containing most valuable Jewels.
It is claimed that Abdul Hamid had
prepared these with the idea of escape
before he surrendered to the young
Turks. The five-pound notes are sup
posed to have been to bribe the peo
ple, as he believed that everything
was possible through bribes.
Up to date the government has con
fiscated cash belonging to Abdul Ham
Id, $4,000,000; and Jewelry worth $3,
000,000, and Abdul signed a check in
Salonica giving up $400,000, thus mak
ing $7,400,000 in all, and there re
mains yet an enormous sum in his
possession. Among the Jewels, saya
Mr. H. Hagoplan, in a Constantinople
letter to the Boston "Transcript." was
found a string of pearls worth $350,
000, a gift from the Persian shah
when he visited Constantinople. Each
bead is larger than a dove's head.
There are three statues of the fallen
sultan In different poses. A lamp of
ivory resembling a tree, an Ivy wound
around it. Is a magnificent object of
art valued at $25,000. This was do
nated to Ratlb Pasha, the former gov
ernor of Hidjaz.
In the ex-sultan's dressing rooma
the commission found one thousand
shirts, almost all of silk; forty fezea,
all specially made at the Imperial
shops in Hereke; two hundred cos
tumes and uniforms, hundreds of silk
en handkerchiefs, shoes and other
articles. Most astonishing it was
when D00 revolvers were found there
alone, almost a pistol for each pockeL
A notebook found in a pocket contain
ed the numbers of 9,000 shares of the
Bagdad railway, thus confirming the
assertion made that the ex-sultan was
bribed to grant the concession of the
line.
The fallen sultan was proprietor
of farms, forests, lands, mines, houses,
khans and salt works. After the pro
clamation of the constitution the
mines were transferred to the state.
These numbered twenty and brought
an annual income of $1,500,000. The
farms are many, it Is estimated more
than 1,000 pieces of land. The crown
forests are in the valleyets of Casta-
moni, Civas and Salonica. They cov-
er an area of 250,000 hectares. There
are vast lands in Bagdad, Bassora and
in Syria, estimated approximately at
a value of $9,500,000. All these do
mains, houses, apartments, khans and
salt works brought an annunl rent to
Abdul Hamid of exactly $5,000,000.
Search for the Yildiz treasures will
be continued for a long time to come.
In a box the Investigating commission
found 5,000 keys and this mado it
think that there are many unlocked
closets of hidden wealth.
A Quiet Rebuke.
An "object admonition" like the
one described by Mr. Warren Lee
Goss in his article, "Campaigning to
no Purpose," published In Johnson's
"Battles and Leaders of the Civil
War," is often more efficacious than
storms of reproach.
One day the colonel of the regi
ment noticed a soldier on parade
wearing a badly soiled pair of gloves
"Corporal," said the officer, "why do
you set the men such a bad example
as appearing before them In dirty
gloves? Why is it?"
"I've had no pay, sir, since I enter
ed the service," returned the corporal.
"I can't afford to have them done up."
The colonel drew from his pocket a
pair of gloves, spotlessly white. Hand
ing them to the corporal, he said,
uuletly, "Put these on, I washed them
myself."
It was an unforgotten lesson to the
whole regiment.
Death from Sunburn.
A gun fires only a few feet into
the water, but the terrific electric sun
ray bores right down into old ocean
fifteen hundred feet. Such tremendous
power can seriously injure. Death
has come from sunburn of more than
two-thirds of the skin's surface of the
human body, tho death burn coming
from shock, injury and putting the
skin out of business. Similar death
has been caused by goldfolllng, glid
ing or painting with gelatin the whole
body of actors and masqueraders.
TOO HIGH.
Tio Way wo Long and the Hurgt
Cert But "Principles Is Prlrxlplct"
Ti.c New York Tribune says that ju
n-.f.a boarded a train at a bUi'Jj;
oa the Pennsylvania Railroad, cl.t.t
lag in ono hand nn umbrella tio.i ;
with a shoe string, and lu the ui'n,
ra old valire thi.t looked os If it n,'s;i!i
have been with Lee at Appomattox.
He sat down near tho door, deposited
Li.i property bo,-, I do him, nnd beckon
ed to a train toy who was Just ti;en
r i -ilrifT v. ith a basket.
"3ot-r:i::-t:.it;a t'.r eat, young feller?"
' o.indwlches liaiu, chicken sad
tor.iMO."
"Are they fresh?"
'Certainly."
"There ain't r.o 'certainty' about It,"
G'-Jerted tho old man. "The sandwirb
b-.:ln':-i ia mighty ticklish In hot
weather."
"They're fresh," pnld the boy. Ira-p-.'.l'
ntly, "only been made an hour."
' I'd rather llVo a chicken sandwich
If 1 rnow'.d I wouldn't draw a wins."
"No wings, sir; all clear meat."
" 'Sr.ose you let me see one of the-ai
rand" i lies."
"Can't, sir; they're all wrapped up.
T ::.'.( one?"
"I.'o-.v riiiK h do you ask for 'eru?"
"Ten c r.ts."
"I don't want a dozen; how much
for one?"
"Ten cti '.:-,."
"Cleat (i:y 'n tnotnin'!" gasped U.r
o'i tn.-.n. "Teu cents for two bites of
b-t--d an' a smdl of chicken. I'm
hmrry c:iou;rh to rat a pickaxe, but
I'ni K i'i'-e. i-n' I toll you what, before
I pay ten cents for one little sand-wi'-h.
PI set hern and roll my c
and r.'vol'.cr, nil the way to Boylto.
laer."
SIGNS OF THE TIMES.
First Boarder (dismally) Well, I
see we're going to have spinach again
to-morrow.
Second Boarder How can you tell?
First Boarder Why, the hired roan
la out there cutting the front lawn.
A Comfortable Seat.
A certain stately, middle-aged lady
has the habit of adding on to her sen
tences phrases out of their natural or
der, thereby not Infrequently electri
fying her hearers. Recently she was
greatly surprised to have the follow-
ng simple statement of hers greeted
with shouts of laughter: "When I ar
rived at the house, there was the
n.l.'iister sitting oa a chair and three
lauiej."
Too True.
"No one understands me!" he groan
ed; "no ono on earth."
It ij tli..' old s,tory wrung from many
a tort'iml, youtluul heart. The sun -r-er
is generally mistaken, but the pa'a
no la:-s poignanL Yet in this ia-
stance the man's complaint was trim.
Nobody oa earth could understand
:il.
l or he was an announcer of trains
at the Union Depot.
Their Latest Game.
A busy mother who was distracted
by thj noise in the nursery hastened
tho room and said to her litue
daughter:
"Minnie, what do you mean by
shcut:n,j and screaming? Play quivt-
ly, like Tommy. See, he doesn t
u.ako a sound."
"Of course he doesn't," said the lit
tle girl. "That is our game. He i
papa coming home late, and I am you,"
A Politician.
"I'm afraid I'll never be able to
teach you anything, Maggie," was the
dcsrilrlng utterance of a Treatoa
vjman to a new Irish domestic.
"Doa't you know that you should al
ways hand me notes and cards on a
r:.!ver?"
"3ure, mum, I knew." answered
Maggie, "but I didn't know you did."
Fierce, All Right.
"Now," said the teacher, who bad
been describing the habits of bears,
"what is tho fiercest animal In tho
polar regions, Johnny?"
"Why-er-er," stammered Johnny.
"Come, don't you remember? The
pol-"
"Oh, sure! The pole cat"
Wanted a Pusher.
"What did the new neighbors come
to borrow now?"
"They wanted the lawn mower."
"Is that all?"
"That was all they spoke about,
but I thluk from the day they stood
rnound they liked to have borrowed
iiy husband to run it."
An Observant Youth.
Sunday-school Teacher What wbi
Adam's punishment for eating the for
bidden fruit, Johnnie?
Johnnie (confidently) Ho had to
marry Eve.