THE COLUMBIAN, BLOOMSBURG, PA. SAID BY THE BA11BEH THIS is the season when it behoove young men and other to tarry in Jer icho until their beards be grown. Everybody knows how cordially the ob ttrux tionist who gets a shave, shampoo nd haircut on Saturday night when the line of "Next" in long drawn out is hated by the philanthropic who take sdvnntafre of such time to get merely A light shave. Another species of nuisance now prefmptJi the barber chair in the person of theindi Tidual who wishes to have his whiskers "staked out." Although the eskimos nnd the Laplanders have no whiskers to shield them from the wintir's blast, ninny men in hibiting ones where the climate is less rigorous consider it A safeguard to grow beards during the winter. These men nre HOW in large and active evidence, their face resembling the upholstery of haircloth fur niture that has experienced hnrd service. This is the time when their friends do not know them and their families bear the brunt of suffering. A barber seldom resent being inter viewed, for us a class barbers are not potori' us for reticence. A burlier will willingly furnish advice in family mattcTs and legal affairs, will discuss the influence of trusts, the advancement of science, theological dog mas or ward politics with a freedom that metaphorically floors, the helpless victim pinioned in his chair and quivering under the fire of question and the scrape of sharpened steel. As a beginning in a imr- bershop you have certain literature thrust into jour hands. It is freely illustrated With anatomical studies of the most rtvolu tionary kind. Then yon are pulled back in the i hair until it in evident that you are thoroughly uncomfortable. There is a choking sensation at the throat as the ton orial artist pushes a rough towel into your shirt to make a water-tight joint at the neck. I hen you get rubbed and lathered ami lathered and rubbed until the epidermis almost slips its moorings, and you wonder why all the barbers are not given osteopathy diplomas. Dining this turn? you have been showered with a column of questions; set in solid nonpareil, that you are powerless to answer. Next conies the swish of a razor that may lilt out hair Indian fashion, ac companied by the query: "Docs it cut all right?" You may blixti like Hozzuris, but you are bound to c.ose your eyes, silently nod assent and reserve your verbal "kick." "Wi.!!," linid a local barber to a stalwart, stubbily-bearded patient whose head had just lost its hair by reason of a cyclone clip per, "don't you want those staked out for the winter?" The loss of hair revealed a white steak vividly contrasting with a coat of tan above the collar line, and the barber regretfully called attention to it, suggesting the advisa bility of allowing the beard to cover as much of the face as possible. A man does not look his bent with a closs-cropped head and a growth of alfalfa-like whiskers, but as ib lies ih the power of a barber to make a man look like a monkey or a demigod, it U best to let him have his way without argu ing the question. "How do you want it staked like a tenor or like a prince?" "Well," responded he of the lost hair, "how the mischief am I to know?" "Kasy," responded theshaper-up of heads. "Just look 'em over." He thrust into the apron-covered hands of the visitor the inner cover of a periodical illuminated in high colors with faces and heads of notables showing whisker-growing and hair-parting in variety. "They are published every spring and fall," explained the barber, "like any other fashion-plates. You don't suppose we cut hair any old way, regardless of style, do you?" asked the bar ber, with a superior sort of grin. "I supposed you sized up a man," replied the customer, "and made your alterations accordingly. In other words, you broadened out a hatchet-faced man and made a dish faced party look reasonably symmetrical sort of on the square." "I guess you want those whiskers of yours set out in Dick Croker fashion," said the man with the razor, as he pointed to the face of the Tammany leader, "the David $. Hill 'sideburns' are fine for a man with a high forehead, I must say," contin ued he, reflectively, as he gazed at the sage of Wolfort's lloost. "Do your customers come and request to have their hair cut and their Wards trimmed after the fashion of certain celeb rities?" queried the man in the chair. "Certainly, that's why we must keep post ed. What would be the use of barber schools? Any horse clipper can cut hair. If you want to keep up to date you must study not only hats and collars, but facial fix tures and. hair arrangements. You don't want a customer to look like a criminal if you can make him appear like a statesman. Why, Mayor Harrison is as proud of his Hair as he used to be of his bicycle. We are having calls for the 'man of destiny cut' ever rince he gave out the cue last week. "We once had a lot of demand for the Alt geld clip, but that was when he was gov ernor. The Tanner style means trouble if lhe parly has not gut long hair; his hair :uris like Sandoiv's. The baldheaded men take to Chauncey Depew's style of whin ters; some folks call 'em surgeons' sponges, ifld young doctors like 'em immensely; the lew doctors always start practicing with fhiikcrs, you know. Lots of new preach rs thinks it gives them weight to have -Talmadg.s.' "If yen i mk about you you will see a lot if smooth faced fellows wearing their hair a a sort of ml! over the collar. They are .ryiug to gtt mistaken for lirynn in the ush; nnd s'.mc- of the young huskies order w close crop with little front curls and a Iroppinij mustache just because Hoosevelt Ookii that way whi n he gets excited, .'here's a call for character in the work of he barber simp; I can tell you there is a it of make-up and plenty of acting done oil he staue by piople who try to look like hose ou the grand stand." "Did Emperor Wil. lam's mustache ever ive you any trouiju ?" inquired the man i the chair. "I should say yes," responded the bar er, with vehtinenee. "William the Sud in gave us plenty of trouble for a Rood ng ne.iwu, nnd 1 was giad to rrai the ca ifgram that he had changed the style of xiug his miKai he that I have been prepar ig a vote of thanks to ;:it passed in the Na onal Association of Jlarhers. Wlun llirr )ohme, better known as the huUind of Jme. Ngrdica, came to America, he brought ',a fashion, a i x I he hud ti lot of leisure time promote it. The resu t was that every lung leuur, many lit old (ierinan nawi .ans and a l..t of players fed in line ith this mtr-iaelie inovniieiit and kept us iy trying to m.-.k .parse, scanty raw ma rial tal: a u royiii ui'd tropical turn. Young uen with eyebrow uiowtli on the upper lip vould dcniuud the kaiser style, and we had ot of wgrk to make the ten, twenty und .hirty groups si and out like a scrubbing brush with a fierce finih. "Next!" drawled the barber, as he shook alot.ef hair on the patron's coat in order to giv the Irtish boy a chuuee to earn a tip. Chicago Dally Hccprd. , THE BENGAL LANCERS. i r All KfiRlnnd la from! of the llrsvery nisplns-Fd by Them on the March to Peking. The mngnlflcent performance of the llcngnl lancers, on the march of the Hilled forces to Peking1, onco more draws attention to the splendid sol- , fliers of which England's, Indian I forces are composed. Ever since Lndy . Dutler painted her famous picture, Tent-pegging, the Itrngnl lancers, have appealed to the mind of the liritish Jiublie as one of the finest regiments of cavalry In the world. There is lit- ! tie doubt that for erfeet discipline ! and for supreme courage they have lew equals in the world. Hut, says London Uluck and White, Although less known to the majority A BENGAL LANCER. (Copied from an Original Sketch by Rene Hull.) of ftt.iy-nt-home Britons, the other components of our native army are none the less deserving of our ad miration. Most of Ibcm, like the Af ridi nnd Sikhs in the northwest nnd the Gurkhas in the northeast, were originally our enemies, and It is the mutual respect born of' many a hard tussle that has led to the excellent relations subsisting between these forces and Tommy Atkins. The Gourkhns were the first race in India to check the victorious advance of the British arms. It wits in St4 that we first made their acquaintance and learnt what manner of people we had to deal with. During the attnek on Knlnngii in that year, the garri son, which consisted of 600 Gourkhns, repeatedly repulsed the assaults of an entire British division, killing Oen. Gillespie, aud putting 31 other officers and 750 men out of action. When a two days' bombardment ultimately led them to aluindon the post, the survivors. 90 In number, cut their through our troops, nnd made good their escape, after having retarded ft whole division for a month. Dur ing the same siege a Gourkha came out throngh the fire of our batteries waving nts hand. The fire was stopped, and then it transnired Hint. he had had his lower jaw shattered, and had come out to have It dressed by bis enemy. His wound wns at once attended to, and as soon a it was dressed and bound up, he prompt ly asked and, needless to say, ob tainedpermission to return "to his own people, and fight against us again. In the eases of both classes of hill tribes, both the Gourkhns and the latest addition to our native army, the Afridi, fighting is a natural in stinct. They fight a the Britisher takes part in field sports it. is as much a part of their very being, and is undertaken in lust the same himnv. i-t-,f go-lucky, dare-devil spirit. EDWARD ASAHEL BIRGE. Acting President of the I'nlverslt- of Wisconsin Is a Scholar of National Reputation. Dr. Edward Asnhel Birge, who will fill the place of Dr. Churles Kendall Adams as president of the University of Wisconsin while Dr. Adams is re covering his health abrond, has been an honored member of the faculty for DR. EDWARD A. J3IRGE. (Ad Interim President of the University of w isconsin.j 25 years. He came to Madison in 1S7S ns instructor in nnturnl his.tnrv. und one year later he was made professor or zooloL'v. In 1SU1 lie was elected (leu n of the college of letters and science. Dr. Birge is not omy a scien tist of eminent reputation, but Is like wise an authority Of interniitlonnl note In his line. After his graduation in 1K73 from Williams college he spent two years in Hurvard and received from that university his degree of doc tor of philosophy. Enter lie went n'irond for a course in histology nt the University of Leipslu. In IStiVhe wn.-i made honorary doctor of science by the Western university of 1'enmyi vania. He Is 40 years old. Densely I'opulntett Root. The most densely populated spot In the United States Is a block of ton enient houses In New York bounded by Sixty-first nnd Sixty-second streets and Tenth and Eleventh avenues. In this block, the oensua showed, live 3,087 persons, most of them uegroe3. llr THE ENGLISH VOLUNTEERS. riahtlna; Valne of the Clttaen-Snliller Proved tr the War Wnged In Bonth Africa. A recent number of Cnsscll's Maga zine contains an illustrated article In a series upon "The fational De fense," dcnling specially with th vol unteers. The author says: Anxlrtu to glean a few interesting facts about the volunteer force from someone Whose statements nnd opinions were those of nn expert, I hied me to the house of n friend of mine who had for years been in command of one of tho most famous of volunteer regiments. He was, as I expected, only too pleased to talk upon his pet subject, for the improving of the volunteer force has been the study of his lifetime. "You see," he began, in answer to a prelim inary query of mine relative to the fighting value of the citizen soldier. "the Transvaal war has answered your first question. The city Imperial vol unteers have given a splenoid account of themselves. They represent, un doubtedly, the pick of our fighting mntcrial which remained over from the regular army. Scarcely a man amongst them had smelt powder; probably very few had been out of England before in their lives. And Jet a war breaks out fi.onn miles away nnd you find men tumbling over each other in tneir eagerness to get to tho front! That shows the national love lf soldiering. You could never ob tain such results oy conscription. There la not another nation in the world in which yoti can find a qunrtcr of n million privnte citizens following the military profession in their leis ure hours for the sheer love of the thing. Judging by past results, nnd taking into consideration the increase In the population during the past few years, I should say that fully 700,ono men would come forward if there were any real danger of invasion and the country called for vo.unteers." EOUGIIT TIER OWN RING. Yon nit Voninn Got nn RnKnsainent Circlet That Certainly Ouuht to Have Suited Her. It occasionally happens that the ring a girl receives as an engagement token is far from suitable to her ideas of what such a thing should be. One young wojnan, however, will have no one to blame but herself if the ring she wears is not satisfactory, for she bought it herself. Her fiance lived in a small southern town, where there is rTot the wide variety of diamond rings from which to select that one finds in a city; therefore, it was de cided that when the young woman came north she should choose her own ring. And she did. She brought with her ft goodly sum of money her fiance's money, of course and when she reached Chicago she repaired in haste to one of the biir shons nnd with much care selected a solitaire that suited her. snys the Chicago Chron icle. Xone of the clerks guessed, of course, that the girl with the flushed cheeks was buying the circlet that was to seal her engagement, but she was and she paid for It in a business-like way, secured a receipt and left the shop smiling, and probably better satisfied with the bit of jewelry than she would have been if her af fianced had bought it himself. A CURIOUS MINERAL. Conxlderaltle Attention Attrncted to Moldavlte Anions OeolosUli of Austria and Ilokemla. A curious mineral called moldavite.or bouteillcnstcin.has attracted consider able attention among the geologists In Austria and Bohemin. The mineral is in glassy ovals from an inch to an inch and a half long, and is character ized by various markings, which look somewhnt like finger impressions, while others form a network of fur rows, which seem in part a rough, radial arrangement. They have bepn regarded by some authors as relics of prehistoric glass manufacture, but this view does not appear to have been sustained, accord ing to the Scientific American. Dr. Suess, the Austrian geologist, finds resemblances between them nnd me teorites, and the general disposition of students seems to be to regard them as of extra-terrestrial origin. Resemblances have been pointed out between them and tho obsidian vol canic Immbs found In Australia. In Bohemia the moldavites occur In sandy deposits, which are assigned to the lute tertiary or early diluvial pe riod. Money Lett by Tourists. Chief among the assets of Italian hotel-keepers, merchants and railroads is tUe money left with them annually by tourists. They w ill aggregate about $75,(100,000, and the individuals named have just taken steps to cultivate the traveling foreigner with the view of pneournging him to spend stKl more, A congress has been held In Rome un der the leadership of Sig. Dl Ferrari, a former member of the cabinet, who In his address to the delegates aaid: "We propose to organize nil the forces Cf Italy which relate to the cultivation of this Industry." Kfit Yopks-ki.k Sii.'ono and you will ward olf ciiils, -ne.innh, feveisnnd othe. disci. Sf. Yon in e l to have pure, rich blnud ami good d yes! ion. Hood's Sa sapaiilla make the I loo 1 rich and pure as no other we'licinu can ln. It to ics the st jinnch, metes nn appetite and invigorates t!ie whole sysiem. You will le wise to begin taking it now, for it will keep you snong and well. Hoou's pills nre non-irritating. Price 25c. Some girls marry for money, 1 ut, 'or thut mntter, every clergjnvin djes the saire thing when he peifuims a ceremcn. Not 1's to Ills Promise. "John," she said, sorrowfully, "you promised me when I said 1 would be your wife that yoti would embrace re ligion for my sake that you would be a pillar of the churoh." "Well," he asked, "haven't I been going regularly?" "Yes," she sighed, "but t couldn't help thinking nn I watched you Sun flay while the preacher was deliver 'lig his sermon that Instead of being it pillar in the church you would have been more comfortable if you could have had a pillow In it." Chicago Times-Herald, I Perfect. "I Wish T werp nearer perfect Ion," I said, As I sat on the sofa with her; i the lnmp threw a halo of gold o'er her 1 hcml, I Her brVath was like orris and myrrh. That's easy," she said, with a smile In her eye, A trlrk she hnd ftnthereil from Venus; And Uien, with a Immh and a fluttering BlKh, She cHst out the pillow between us. -Puck. ; HEKDKI) KM'OI'lt AliK MUST. it, ,V S J - . T-. Bashful Admirer I dreamt last night that I proposed to you, Miss Dora. I wonder what the mciiuing of thnt dream is? Dora it simply means that you have more courage asleep than awake. ITiegende Blaetter. ' not. "When you see the folks are restUss, Of cuurse you stop," said I, "Oh no, when 1 see they're restful." Sulil the preacher, with a sigh. Detroit Journnl. The Seainel. "Ah, but you have a loving husband. Mrs. Siniiiis. I remember before your marriage he said he would move heav en and earth for you." "I remember; but now that we are married he won't even condescend to move the dresser so that I may sweep Deneatn It. Chicago Dally News. A Humdrum Existence. Maej Inez seems so unhappy since her marriage. Ethel No wonder! Her husband is such a poor spirited creature thut he agrees with her in everything. She's just dying for some one to quarrel with. X. Y. Journal. Helw M anted. Mistress (to new cook) I shall go to market with you on Wednesdays and Saturdays. New Cook All roight, mum. But who'll be nfther enrryin' the marketin on other clays, mum? Chicago Duily News. Kesnmlnw Ifotllltl, "Rev. Dr. Uptodat preaches on Sun day." "He has just returned from a three months' vacation, has he not?" "Yes. On Sunday he will notify Satan that the armistice is over." Buck. Old Sea Dour. "There nre so ninny barks on the sea," remarked the girl who was lean ing over the rail. "Perhaps they come from the ocean greyhounds," ventured her tall com panion. Philadelphia Record. Mlitbt Illte tho Anitrli, A four-year-old girl, whose dog had died, said to her Sunday school teach er; "I guess the angels were afraid when they saw him coming up the walk. He's cross to strangers." Cin cinnati Enquirer. An i: viilnnullon. He A woman's face shows her tal ent. She How so? He Well, there's Miss Antiquate, for example. Her face tells me that she Is a great artist. Chicago Daily News. One for the Donkey. "Shall I order dinner for you?" afked theoflicial of thejury, while the twelfth uiun was holding out aguimst the eleven. "Yes," replied one of the eleven," make it eleven dinners, and a bale of bay." X. Y. Times, In Kent uolty. First Citlzni Our pastor had quite a controversy with n minister from Louisville over the higher criticism. Kidcond Citizen -You don't say? Any sliootin'? Brooklyn Life. Provlnsr tltn Statement. Tom Flics never annoy a sleeping vian, Dick--What ronsrn?e! Why I Tom The imui wakes up cud is an noyed. Town To, ii. A t'n inlly . i'k 11 uio t, "Clara, you know I'm lie, hi." "Of course, Clan nee; tbut' what makes ine so nintl." CJiicigo Record. Vucle Allen. "Never," counsrVd Uneln Allen Sparks, "look at n pi ft cb the microscope." Chicaa-o Tribune? S- I wkw mm ff ! CASTORIA ANcgctablePrcpnMiion Tor As similating lUcFmxlandKcgula ting the Stomachs and 13owel3 of Promotes Digcslion,Chocr(ur ness and Rest.Contains neither Opium.Morphinc nor Iincral. KotKahcotic. ltopt afttdn-SAKLTlttKIER ISimpttut Smlm Mx.Smim stnutr SrrH f Jtnrmit -Hi (nrtnrtnh-tafa CtrmfiMl ,W It Mteyvw flavor. Aprrtrcl Remedy for Constipa tion, Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea Worms .Convulsions .Kevrrish nrss find Loss OF SLEEP. Facsimile Siyjnnlure or NEW YOriK. AN ASBESTOS HOUSE. It Will lie Inhabited l.y ( mint Wnl ilcrNee, the Gertunn ('nnimtiiiiler In Chief In t'lilnn. The picture is from a photogrnph of the interior of the fireproof n.-licstos house which the (lerninn commander in chief, Count Yon YVuhlerseo, is tak ing with him to China, 'the house, which is built throughout of asbestos, is 17 feet in height and has a frontage of fit) feet. It contains seven large rooms, four In the front nnd three in the back. It can be taken out of the packing cases in which it is carried and set up ready for occupancy in eight hours, and in ease of an emer gency can be taken down nnd pucked in two hours nnd a half. The outer walls of the house are formed of two slates of asbestos, with an air space PROOF AGAINST FIRE. (Bedroom In Count AValdersce's Asbestos Campuign lluuto.) between, thus making it easy to heat in the winter and comparatively cool in hot weather. When packed ready for transportation the house is con tained in a number of comparatively small packing cases, fitted with iron handles, so that where railroads do not run and it is not possible to use animals tiiey may be carried by hand. It is said that Count Von Waldersee will make this queer house his head quarters during the whole period of his stay in the orient. The members of his personal stuff will also be quar tered in the aslu'stos house. The house was pluimcd and constructed by a tlcriuau tlrin in a single week. illicit nt III SlnrtliiK Point. The crooked Ft reels of iloston are always a source of wonder to visitors. A Ci-iicinnatl man, who was a guest at the Tremont houc, made up his mind to go out to see the "Hub." As he hud three hours at his disposal, he wan dered uroiind leisurely but ailiilcss'.y until he was tired with his long wtilk. lie calculated that he must have cov ered nearly ten miles, when he stepped up to a policeman on the comer, and asked to be directed to the Tremont house. 'Well, sir," suid the policeman, courteous-.)-, "you might cut across the street to the trout door, but if I t.r., you. I'd walk over 011 the crossing." lie was exactly opposite the hotel. I.iilmr Day In Mim M:itr. Labor d:iy U 11 legal holiday In 3 J slates nnd the District of Columbia. It was first celebrated in New York city .September 4, l.SSi'. CASTOR I A lor Infants and CMldren. The Kind ,You Have Always Bought Signatures ( Mi ri'raitwu-ssuuiiiJWFV"1 in Ii EXACT COPV OF WRAPPER. jjjjj lflBL rlJ SsVll uJar 1 1 M For Infanta and Childrr.- The Kind You Have Always Bough; Bears the Signature of In Use For Over Thirty Years THE CCNTAUr QOMNttV. HEW VORK CITV. Imstressino Stomach Diskask Perma nently cured by the mustcrly rower of South American Nervine Tonic. Invalids nerd suffer no longer, bciause this Rrc.it remcily can cure them nil. It is n euro (or the whole world of stomach weakness and indigestion. The cure begun with the first du-e. The relief it brings is marvellous and surpri-ing. It makes no failure; never disappoints. No matter how long you have sulfered, your cine is certain under the use of this forest health-giving force. I'lcasant nnd always safe Sold by C. A. Kleim, drtiiiyiM, 12S West Main street, liloonisbuig, Pa. 1)4 19 The people who do the most borrowing never invite you to dinner. Jei.I.-O, TUB Np.W Dksskrt, pleases all the family, lour flavors : Lemon, ("range, Raspberry and straw! erry. At your grocers, loc. 10 25l4t The people who psy the most compliment! sometimes don't pay their bills. I'ile Terors SvvErT Away. Iv. Ag new's Ointment stands nt the head as a re liever, healer, nnd sure cure for piles in all fur ins, One application will give comfort in a few minutes, and three 10 six days' appli cation, according to directions, will cure chronic cases. It relieves all itiliing ami burning skin diseases in a day. 35c. Soiu by C, A. Kleim. 40 You can't keep your house warm w thout a coaled cellar. What Sham, we Have kor Dkskist? This question arises in the fa nily every day. Let us nnswer it to-day. Tryjell-O, a delicious dessert, l'repaied in two n in ute. No baking ! add hot water and sot to cool. Flavors Lemon, orange, raspberry and strawberry. At your grocers. 10c. 1023d Close acquaintances arc not the ones ili.it S,K-nd money on you. Heart-Sick Teoi-i.e. Dr. Agnew's Cuie for the lleait is a heart tonic thai never fail' to cure is swift in its effects goes closer to the "border land" and snntche. from ileath's grip more sufferers than any oilier remedy fur any family of diseases nnd ailments in the category of human suflerings. Gives re lief in 30 minutes. 3S bold by C. A. Kleim. Never go by appearances. A genius some tic. es wears good clothes. Many women throughout thu country make pin money out of their chickens. We have known of women who have clothed the en tire family with the proceeds of the poultry yard, and some have paid off mortgies anil others bought their homes by intelligent management of their (locks. Everybody in terested in chickens should get Biggie l'oul try Hook. It is so full of helpful suggestions and short cuts to success, and has so many years of costly experience boiled down for its pages that it is poor economy to be without a. It will help increase the income from tlie poultry yard, nnd has started many an nma teur or misguided professional ou the right track. The price is 50 cents, by mail; mi dress the publishers, Wilmcr Auinsoii Co., l'liiladclphia. Divorce is sometimes the court plaster that heals a broken heart. Life's a burden if the stomach is not tight. Is there nausea ? Is the tongue coat ed ? Are you light-headed ? Any and all these denote stomach and liver disorder. Dr. Agnew's Liver Tills act quickly and will cur most stubborn nnd chronic cases. 40 in a vial for 10 cents. I'i Sold by C, A, Kleim. . - The fellow who has dyspepsia usually makes other people suffer for it. Higgle Swine L'ok is just as valuable for a man with one hog in a little ity as for man w, th a hundred ho;s fading 0.1 the slicltcied side of a barbed wiie fence. llJ chapter on Cholera" is alone worth ten lines wli.il the bo. k costs. You nnght to have it, the iui.I'Miiian s.ns so !"- is S cell s, by mail; address the pubhkhe 't Wilnier Aikiuson Co., I'lul uLlphia. IIuusc paiiilcis are putting on their fall coats. O A. J3 1 O It X A- ' Bear. th. Kind Yoti Have Always Boi AM Til 1