THE COLUMBIAN. BLOOMSBURG. PA.
"WHEN TEE TIDE 18 COMING IN.
- f
Bombow, tov, or boat nail lighter,
Smoother, faster on the bay
ttomehow, love, the sun ehlns brighter.
Softer, warmer thro' the spray
flomehow, love, the eky Is clearer,
Ood ari'l man seem nearer kin :f
Pomchow, even you are dearer ,i jt
When the tide la coming In. ?f
tf w
" 'Tls the spring of life, unending -X
At the source of motion, dear!" . "
" 'Tls the stream of hope ascending ..
From the depths of ocean, dearl" f
" 'Tls the heart of nature beating, -s"
Where the throbs of life begin!" i,(
"Earth and heaven gladly meeting, v
' When the tide ts coming In!"
Somehow, love, your eyes arc brighter,
Softer, warmer, thro' the spray.
And your laughter ripples lighter i
O'er the whltecaps on the bay; '
In our path no tinge of sadness, '
tn our wake no shade of sin,
For our hearts are rilled with gladness
When the tide Is coming In!
Minneapolis Journal.
44
OUR WIFE."
(The following story, written by tha
tate Bill Nye In his earlier days, Is tak
en from a collection of his sketches Just
published by F. Tennyson Neely. It
presents a curious mixture of Nye's pe
culiar humor and the pathos that did
not often enter Into his writings, but
which touched the heart none the less
because of Its burlesque accompani
ment.) The story opens in 1877, when, on an
April, morning, the yellow-haired
, "devil" arrived at the office of the Jack
Creek Plzenweed, at 7 o'clock, and
found the editor In. It was so unusual
to And the editor In at that hour that
the boy whistled In a low contralto
voice, and passed on Into the "news
room," leaving the gentlemanly, genial
and urbane editor of the Plzenweed as
l-.e had found him, sitting In his foun
dered chair, with h's head immersed
in a pile of exchanges on the table and
his venerable Smith & Wesson near by,
noting as a paper-weight. The gentle
manly, genial and urbane editor of the
Plzenweed presented the appearance of
a man engaged In sleeping off a long
and aggravated case of drunk. His hat
was on the back of his head, and his
features were entirely obscured by the
loose papers In which they nestled.
Later on, . Elijah P. Beckwlth, the
foreman, came In, and found the fol
lowing copy on the hook, marked
"Leaded Rdltorlal," and divided It up
Into "takes" for the yellow-haired devil
and himself:
"In another column of this Issue will
be found, among the legal notices, the
first publication of a summons In an
action for divorce. In which our wife Is
plaintiff and we are made defendant.
While generally deprecating the prac
tice of bringing private matters into
public through the medium of the
press, we feel Justified In this instance.
Inasmuch as the) summons sets forth,
as a cause of action, thai we are, and
have been, for the space of ten years, a
confirmed drunkard without hope of re
covery, and totally unwilling to provide
for and maintain our said wife.
"That we have been given to drink
.we do not, at this time, undertake to
deny or in any way controvert, but that
nve cannot quit at any time we do most
earnestly contend.
"In 1867. on the 4th day of July, we
married our wife. It was a Joyful day,
and earth had never looked to us so
fair or so desirable 8 a summer resort
as it did that day. The flowers bloom
ed, the air was fresh and exhilarating,
the little birds and the hens poured
forth their respective lays. It was a
day long to be remembered, and it
deemed as though we had never seen
nature get up and hump herself to be
o attractive as she did on this special
morning the morning of all mornings
the morning en which we married our
wife.
"Little did we then dream that after
ten years of varying fortune we would
to-day give utterance to this editorial,
or that the steam power-press of the
Plzenweed would squat this legal no
tice for divorce, a vinculo et thoro, Into
the virgin page of our paper. But such
Is the case. Our wife has abandoned
us to our fate, and has seen fit to pub
lish the notice In what we believe to
be the spiciest paper published west of
the. Missouri River. It was not neces
sary that the notice should be publish
ed. We were ready at any time to ad
roit service, provided that plaintiff
would serve it while we were sober.
We cannot agree to remain sober after
10 o'clock a. m. In order to give people
a chance to serve notices on us. But
In this case plaintiff knew the value of
advertising, and she selected a paper
that goes to the better classes all over
the Union. When our wife does any
thing she does it right,
i "For ten years our wife and we have
trudged along together. It has been a
record of errors and failures on our
part; a record of heroic devotion and
forbearance on the part of our wife.
It Is over now, and with nothing to
remember that is not suaked full of
bitterness and wrapped up in a red
flannel remorse, we go forth to-day and
herald our shame by publishing to the
world the fact, that as husband, we are
a depressing failure, while as a red
eyed and a rum-soaked ruin and all
round drunkard, we are a tropical tri
umph. We print this without egotism,
and we point to It absolutely without
vain glory.
"Ah, why were we made the custo
dian of this fatal gift, while others were
denied? It was about the only talent
we had, but we have not wrapped It
up lri a napkin. Sometimes we have
put a cold, wet towel on It, but we
have never hidden it under a buhe1.
We have put it out at 3 per cent, a
month, and it has g'-own to be a thirst
that U worth coming all the way from
Omaha to see. We do not gloat over
it. We do not say all this to the dis
paragement of other bright, young
drinkers, who came here at the same
time, and who had equal advantages
with us. We do not wish to speak
lightly of those whose prospects for fill
lng a drunkard's crave were at one
time even brighter than ours. We
have simply sought to hold our position
here in the grandest galaxy of extem
poraneous Inebriates In the wild and
woolly West, We do not wish to vaunt
our own prowess, but we say, without
fear of a successful contradiction, that
we nave none what we could.
"On the fourth page of this number
will be found, among other announce
ments, the advertisement of our wife
who Is about to open up the oldUaundry
et the corner of Third and Cottonwood
streets, In the Brlggs building. Ws
hope that our cltliens will accord her
a generous patronage, not so much on
her husband's account, but because she
Is a deserving woman, and a good
i-iiin.iT.M w wish that we could as
oafYly recommend every advertiser who
pntronttsea these columns as we can
our wlfo.
"Unkind crltles will make cold and
unfeeling remarks because our wife
has decided to take In washing, and
thov win inolc down on her. no doubt.
but she will not mind It, for it will be
a pleasant relaxation to wash, arter
the ten years of torchlight procession
and Mardl Gras frolic she has had
with us. It la tiresome, of course, to
chase a pillow-case up and down the
washboard all day, but It is easier and
l!eaanter than It Is to run a one-horse
Inebriate Home for ten years on credit.
"Thnxo ivhn have read the Plzenweed
for the past three years will remember
that It has not been regarded as an
outspoken temperance organ. We have
never claimed that for it. We have
simply claimed that, so far as we are
personally concerned, we could take
liquor or let it alone. That has always
been our theory. We still make that
claim. Others have said the same
thing, but were unable to do as they
advertised. We have been taking It
right along, between meals, for ten
years. We now propose, ana so state
In the prospectus, that we will let It
alone. We leave the publlo to Judge
whether or not we can do what we
claim."
After thp foreman had pet up tho
above editorial, he went in to speak to
the editor, but he was still siumoer
Ing. He shook him mildly, but he did
not wake. Then Elijah took him by
the collar and lifted him up so that he
could see the editor's face.
It was a pale, still face, firm In Its
new resolution to forever "let It alone."
On the temple and under the heavy
sweep of brown hair there was a powder-burned
spot and the cruel affidavit
of the "Smith and Wesson" that our
wife had obtained her decree.
The editor of the Plzenweed had
demonstrated that he could drink or he
could let It alone.
Mrs. Youngwlfe Kcunumy,
The other day Mrs. Youngwlfe came
In to borrow the mucilage. Mrs. Young
wife had written a letter, put her last
Btamp on the envelope, and then ad
dressed it wrong.
"I was so provoked," she said, "and I
made up my mind I'd save that stamp
if It took me all the afternoon. I've
been at It an hour, but I got it off.
Don't you think I'm economical?"
Some one suggested that there was
a saying about a penny saved was as
good as two earned, but there was an
other saying about "penny wise, pound
foolish."
"Ah!" said Mrs. Youngwlfe, "that's
my husband! He Is always complain
ing about the size of our bills. He said
to me this morning, 'What do you do
with all the coal? Do you eat It?' I
assured him I didn't; but what do you
think he does? He comes home Satur
day night with two or three dollars'
worth of the most expensive fruit.
which spoils before we can eat It. They
make him pay a dollar a dozen for or
anges and tell htm they are from Spain.
They are no more from Spain than I
am! But so it goes!
"The other day he met an old ac
quaintance down town. They hadn't
seen each other since we have' been
married.
" 'Well.' said the rr. n to my husband,
'have you a good boa ding place, now?'
" 'Just fair,' said my husband.
" 'Cheap?' asked h.s friend.
" 'Umph! not exactly!' said my hus
band. .
" 'Where Is it?' ask-d his friend.
" 'Up near Slxty-ftft street and Tenth
avenue,' said my husband.
" 'How much do you pay?' asked his
friend.
" 'Well, It costs ne about $150 a
month,' said my husband.
" 'Great Scott! are you crazy?' said
his friend. 'Up near Sixty-fifth street
and near Tenth avenue! And it costs
you $150 a month! Why, what in heav
en's name makes you do it?'
" 'I'm married!' said my husband.
" 'Oh!' was all his friend said." New
York Sun.
' d
Karl Grey's Latest Eiparlment.
Mr. Albert Grey always had a weak
ness for curious economlo experiments;
and. now that he has become Bart Grey,
he has an opportunity of putting some
of them into practice. He has com
menced with one which Is calculated to
revive that feeling of Joint responsibil
ity which some of us feared was al
most extinct in these days of cut
throat competition.
A batch of north country miners are
being taken out by him to South Afri
ca, each receiving an advance of 50
for outfit and expenses. The men bind!
themselves, Jointly and severally, to
repay the advances by certain install
ments; each man is responsible, up to
double the amount received, not only
for his own share, but for that of the
defaulters, If there are any. The men
come from the same district, and they
all know each other, and we presume
that there was a right of veto, so
that no doubtful character should Join
the band. We doubt whether the sys
tem could be safely tried on a large
suale; but it has a certain fascination
03 an experiment.
There is a suggestive proviso, to the
effect that "any member falling In his
installments shall ba at once reported
to the other members." The others,
wv presume, will then call on the de
faulter, and "have It out" with him.
That is where the moral pressure will
come in. London Saturday Review.
Another New Wuruan Question,
"Here's a problem for the 'new wo
man,'" he said, as he moved In the di
rection of the door, so that he could
make his escape easily it it became
necessary.
''Co ahead," said the fashion editor
rcclgiudly.
"Well, she Is adopting man's hablll
nients as rapidly as she can."
"s-'o It's claimed."
"the Is imitating him in all possible
ways.''
"co It's claimed."
"Her hair will go next."
".'.nine women wear It very short
now."
"Well, If she Inslc on wearing her
ha'.r short, what I want to know Is, how
si.e wiil conceal the fact that she Is be
coming bald."
Vliun he, dodged and got out Just In
time. From the Chicago Post.
LEM00RATI0 STATE 00MMITTIE
John M. Carman Elected Chaiman.
John M. Garman of Nanticoke, has
taken the place of Robert E. Wright
of Allentown, at the head of the State
Democratic Committee. His selec
tion was made Thursday, at a meet
ing of the committee in Harrisburg,
and he at once entered upon the
duties. It also decided to recall the
Allentown convention to meet in
Ilarrisburg, September io, to adopt a
platform in accord with the national
declaration of principles and fill the
vacancies on the electoral ticket.
Fusion with the Populists on a basis
of two electors was also discussed and
will be taken up for final action by
the convention.
The candidates for chairman were
Mr. Garman, Hon. Tames Kerr of
Clearfield, former chief clerk of the
national house of representatives, and
John L. Spangler, of Bellefonte.
Garman was elected on second ballot
after Spangler withdrew.
Chairman Garman was a silver
delegate to Chicago and gave Hanity
much trouble by insisting that the unit
rule be abrogated and that Pattison
withdraw. The new chairman says
he will not recognize or favor any
faction. He counts all loyal Demo
crats his friends and expects them to
work to get out the vote in November.
He said he would resign in favor of
Colonel James M. Guft'ey of Pittsburg,
if he would have the place, but the
Colonel prefers to fight in the ranks.
1 hese resolutions, endorsing the
Chicago ticket and platform, were
presented by John J. Curley :
Resolved, i hat the State Demo
cratic Committee of Pennsylvania
cordially endorse the nominarion of
William Jennings Bryan of Nebraska,
and Arthur Sewall of Maine, for the
offices of President and Vice-President
respectively by the National
Democratic Dommittec, and that we
heartily approve the platform adopted
by that body, and that we appeal to
every citizen of Pennsylvania who
loves Jiis country to support our
national ticket.
The question of reconvening the
Allentown convention was then con
sidered. It was announced that John
M. Campbell of Philadelphia, had for
mally resigned as an elector and filed
his resignation in the office of the
secretary of the commonwealth. The
Harrityites opposed another conven
tion and an extended discussion fol
lowed. It was finally decided that
Mr. Campbell having resigned under
the party rules another convention
would have to be called to fill that
and other vacancies.
Thomas F. Emmens of Easton, of
fered a resolution that the committee
fix a time and place for the reconven
ing of the state convention for the
purpose of filling vacancies on the
state ticket, amending the resolution
of the Allentown convention and
taking such other action as may be
necessary at present. The resolution
was amended by providing for a meet
ing of the state convention at Harris
burg, September io, at 12 o'clock
noon, and then adopted.
John M. Seigfried of Warren moved
that a sub-committee of four be ap
pointed by the committee to confer
with a similar committee from the
Populist state committee looking to
a fusion by granting the Populists two
places on the electoral ticket. Mr.
Howley, after much discussion, moved
that the motion be laid on the table.
This carried, and the committee
adjourned. Mr. Seigfried argued that
if the Democrats fused with the Pop
ulists they could elect their local
tickets in such counties as Westmore
land and Warren.
asy to Take
asy to Operate
Are features peculiar to Ilood's Pills. Small in
size, tasteless, erflcleut, thorough. As one man
nloodl
said: " You never know you
have taken a pill till It is nil
over." 25c. C. I. Hood & Co.,
Proprietors, Lowell, Mass.
Pills
The only pills to take with Ilood's Sariupnrilla.
NA3AI.
CATARRH
Is a local disease
and
is the renultof oolds
and sudden cli
matic changes.
It can bo cured, by a
pleasant remedy
which Is applied di
rectly Into thu nus
iioslrlls. Kl.Y'si
CREAM BUM
Opens and cleanses
the Nasal I'asHuKcs,
Allays pain and In
fhumiiuUun, lleuls
the Nores, Protects
the Membrane now
CATARRH
COLD 'N HEAD
ColdH, Uestores the tienses of Taste and Hmoll.
The Halm Is iiulckly absorbed and gives rell' f
at once, prlue .V) cents at, DruiwlRiimrhv mall.
iiLY UHOTIIKIIM, b Warren KUeet, Nr York.
Lafayette College,
'eastom, pa. u 7
Beven ermine In Arts. I'hl'owiphy and Science,
Civil, Mining, Klertrical Knginueriiig iml Chem
istry. A'inuiil ('oiiiiiiuiu-uiuluI Juu 17tli. fall
term bejjir.s At pteiuher 17th.
For C'atahwru-J aildren The Registrar.
SUBSCRIBE FOR
THE COLUMBIAN
mm
B. F. Sharpless, Trcs. N. U. Funk, Sec, C. II. Campbell, Treas
B L O OMSBUR CO
LAND IMPROVEMENT COMPANY.
Capital Stock, $30,000.
Plotted property is in the coming business centre of tlie
town. It includes also part of the factory district, and has no
equal in desirability for residence purposes.
CHOICE LOTS are offered at values that will be doubled
in a short time.
No such opportunitv can be had elsewhere to make money.
Lots secured on SMALL MONTHLY PAYMENTS-
Maps of the town and of plotted property furnished on ap
plication. Call upon or write to the Secretary, or J. S. Woods, Sales
Agent, or any member of the Board of Directors.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
B. F. Sharpless; J. L Dillon.
C. W. Neal, A. G. Briggs, Dr. I. W. AVillits,
Dr. II. W. McReynolds, N. Tj. Funk.
ALEXANDER BROTHERS & CO.
DEALERS IN
Cigars, Tobacco. Candies, Fruits and Nuts
SOLE AGENTS FOR
Henry Mail lard's Fine Candies. Fresh Every Week.
jPjen-xt-s Goods j Specialtt,
SOLE AGENTS FOR
F. F. Adams & Co's Fine Cut Chewing Tobacco
Sole agents for the following brands of Cigars-
Hsnry Clay, Londros, Normal, Indian Princess, Samson, Silver As
Bloomsburg Pa.
fri&jJ L.ow knd Gfcod Woifk.
For the finest and best stoves, tinware, roofinjr, spouting
and general job work, go to W. W. Watts, on Iron street.
Buildings heated by steam, hot air or hot water in a satisfac
tory manner. Sanitary Plumbing a specialty.
I have the exclusive control of the Thatcher steam, hot
water and hot air heaters for this territory, which is acknowl
edged to be the best heater on the market. All work guaranteed.
IRON STREET.
SHOES
We buy right and sell right.
OUR SUCCESS IS BASED ON THIS FACT.
Honest trading has won us hosts of customers but we want more.
We are selling good shoes, so good you ought to eee
them. Drop in and we will make it pay you.
Co?.nes Iron and Main Sts.
IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF
CARPET, MATTING,
or OIL CLOTH,
YOU WILL FIND A NICE LINE AT
W. Mm BMWEM
2nd Door above Court IIou&6.
A large lot of Window Curtains in stock.
One of the Few k
1 certainties in treatiug disease is coun-, )
1 tor irritation tho effect, usually, of ' j
! plasters. But Johnson's Belladonna ' :
Plaster is more than a mere excitant W
of the skin; it relieves and cures also 0
1 by the absorption of its medicinal
i properties, llence the sureness and
i thoroughness of the relief it gives,
i There are other good plasters, but
i this is the best. And the best is
t what we want. The genuine bears
the Red Cross. Look for it.
JOHNSON A JOHNSON,
Manufacturiug CUeiuliU, New York.
If we can only sell
you one package
CUp
ofcoffe.
oi dcciig a we
better stop busi
ness. But we're in
business because
those who try it
keep on buying.
enriched by
SEELIG'S.Good
L isn't it. This
lad-
'mixture eivesor-
, dinarycoifeeade
kdelicioiw flavor.
f
FARMERS 1
I you can mnkft money tty Belling una unlng
jiiiijivv r i urn mnavratUMHiun every
muck, run una 11 ihhi. s ih liMtir. (.(Mm
. leu than Hiring. Never wears out. ThoiiH-
ftnuBettaMyHuliluiatown. (Jouri proms.
ueiyuur mwn auenqy now. iHiimw.,
tUlllIM. TIE JU.. Hot bill lUdl U. ft. I.
T-Mtd.
i
pi
W. W. WATTS,
Bloomsburg, Pa.
io-e.iy
SHOES
W. H. floore.
Something New !
Fred Kumer's improved Ar
tificial Stone Pavement. All
kinds of cement . work. Prices
low and all work guaranteed.
All orders by mail promptly
attended to.
P. O. Box 374.
BLOOMSBURG, PA.
Removed !
SCHUYLER'S
HARDWARE,
TO
Evans' ZBloclr,
MAIN and IRON STS.
Fine PHOTO-
GRAPHS and
CRAYONS at
McKillip Bros.,
Bloomsburg.
The best are
the cheapest.
THE MARKETS.
BLOOMSBURG MARKETS.
OORSI0TBD WB1XLT. RITAIL rICIl.
Butter per lb $ ,21
Eggs per dozen t3
Lard per lb , .0jj
Ham per pound , , , 1 2 1
Pork, whole, per pound ...... ,06
Beef, quarter, per pound, ... .07
Wheat per bushel. .......... .80
Oats " " ,8
Rye " " .
Wheat flour per bbl ' 4.00
nay per ton u to $14
Potatoes per bushel, .40
Turnips " ae
Onions "
.40
Sweet potatoes per peck a 5 to .30
Tallow per lb 4i
Shoulder " ,5
Side meat" " 10
Vinegar, per qt 07
Dried apples per lb .05
Dried cherries, pitted .10
Raspberries .
Cow Hides per lb ,l
Steer " " " c
CalfSkin 80
Sheep pelts , , ,75
Shelled corn per bus ,50
Corn meal, cwt a.oo
Bran, !,00
Chon " 1. 00
Middlings " 1 00
Chickens per lb new ,12
" "old " .10
Turkeys " 13l
Ocese " " .10
Ducks
.08
COAL.
No. 6, delivered a. 40
" 4 and 5 " 3.50
" 6 at yard a. 35
" 4 and 5 at yard 3.35
Bring tta Babies.
INSTANTANEOUS PROCESS USED.
Strictly first-class nuaronteed nhotneranhs.
crayons and convs at reasonable nricm. We
use exclusively the Collolion Arutotype pa
tters, thus se(!tirin(T trrpater friantv nf flniufi
and permanency of results. CAPWELL,
MARKET SQUARE GALLERY.
n-22-iy.
Over Ilartman's Stcre.
EXCHANGE HOTEL,
C. Snvher, Proprietor,
(Opposite the Court House
BLOOMSBURG, TA.
Larre and convenient sample rooms. Bath
rooms, hot and cold water, and all modem
conveniences
Not one part but every
part of HIRES Rootbeer
tends toward making it
the perfect temperance
and healthgiving drink.
Uul.onlT lr Th Thirl. V. Him Co.. Pbllultlplil.
A !tte- fiftokai. mtkv. 5 f tlluaa. Hottl ifw, whut,
5-as-it. &
Thi Leading Conjemlory of America
Ci. Fabltsn, Director. """
P'I!-"'"rAiit W. Halm, General M
Oil Co's
STABLE and FARM
SPECIALTIES
MICA AXLE CREASE.
HEW YORK CARRIAGE GREASE.
BOSTON COACH AXLE OIL..
V ck(pch aho eerrejnAM,ftsToiroiii
Is TANDAR.DJ.EA THER 01
k 6CST lltTHtR PKISERVCK THl.WQtlDl
c no pi it u ADuroo nil.
JH(BC8JHARHCSS0ltDi6ll
TUDDY'HARVESTER'Olb.
Jill. MM BOO' fOJHMJJCM.1Ui
ctunDire'siiio mcmitCoik
J'."'""' ' oum on.
f Coach nd Carriage: Car7dle
V-i.JP:ALI IVfWYWHt
IPUMTG Million In It Campaign Books
flUtnlO. Life nf MrKUil'W uuJ all ciicll-
dutPH. Nnai'lr &l pat'Ori; HK) UIiihIImMihih. h'W
IV. fnr ouilll quirk. I'koi'lk's. HWi WurKei
SI, I'ulluiMpulN, I'emm.
J. S. JOHN, M. D.i
PHYSICIAN AND SLKfiEON.
Office and residence, 410 Main St.,
7-30-ly. BLOOMSBL'KG, PA.
I