THE COLUMBIAN, BLOOMSBURG, PA.
GULLIBLE ENGLISH EDITORS.
BaMtlth With Which Their American
Corwapontlnce Loud Them.
Ta English will never understand
n Americans so long as they permit
tmilvea to swallow all the storlc
that are told to them concerning Amer
Umn customs wid habits. It Is said to
b the easiest thing In the world for a
arcwd American writer to unload Into
tt columns of English papers, and at
apace rate, articles which purport to
ncrlbe life In this country. 80 long
a the Americans are made to appear
eccentric the English editors are will
tec to pay for tlitse article. Some of
tkis newspaper "rot" Is so absolutely
without foundation that it Is no won
der the Kngllfh have such odd Ideas
onncernlng us. For Instance, the Lon
don Dally News, which is supposed to
ka a well Informed as any of the Lon
don Journals, recently published a
"New York letter," of which the fol
lowing extract Is a fair example: "The
young men of New York lend the way,
aa far as the States are concerned, In
luxurious nnd costly underwear and
linen of the finest Kind, elaborated with
ambrolderles. A dozen Bilk night shirts
were comprised In a recent purchase.
Kaeh. was of a different tint of helio
trope, rose violet, pistachio, primrose,'
torgrt-me-not blue, topaa and daffodil
yellow, and the embroideries were flor
al. Hoses in natural colors of flowers
and leaf were depleted with the needle
on one, pansles on another, violets on
a. third, and so on throughout the en
tire range. The price of these garments
was six guineas apiece. The pocket
handkerchief w ufnially bought by a
youthful millionaire average a guinea
each. The texture is so fine and soft
that the v hole expanse can be crushed
together into the size of a walnut. The
foRlals or monogram are embroidered
u the most exquisite stltchery, sur
rounded by leaves and flowers. Such
purchasers buy their sleeping suits In
seta of fifteen, never using the same
toe two consecutive nights. The cost
f each suit averages from four guineas
to nix, so that the well furnished ward
tobe Is an Item that means money.
Thla extravagance Is supposed to be In
dicative of refinement by those whose
purpose It suits to profess that they,
think so." Troy Times.
A rarlont Point.
At a r-cont mooting In London of the
mrffiah ornltlioloKiHta' Club Interest
centred In a collection of 900 cuckoo
eggs which was exhibited by one of the
members, and ever since then the Eng
lish papers have been discussing the
habits and powers of that somewhat
disreputable bird with much energy. It
has long been known that the eggs of
BrttlBh cuckoos are curiously varied aa
to their marklnirs, no two of them be
tas alike, nnd the difference Is often so
Creat that It is hard to believe that
both of two contrasted specimens were
laid by birds belonging to the same
species. It has also been noticed that
very cuckoo egg resembled more or
less closely the other eggs in the nest
where It was found. This has been
,beld to Indicate that somehow or other
Jjheocuckoo hns acquired the remark
able power of determining beforehand
of what color and marking an egg
must be to eaoape detection by the
birds selected by her as foster parents
tor her children and of producing a
counterfeit of the required kind.
Now another and simpler explanation
as been made by one of the many men
who are studying the problem. IM
ays that the cuckoo doe not lay her
gg In the neats of other birds, but
somewhere elne any old place will do
and only after she and her mate have
carefully inspeoted it and decided what
other bird's eggs it most resembles do
thy begin to consider the question of
where to put H for Incubation. If the
egg looks like a hedge sparrow's egg,
they look about for a hedge Bparrow's
nest and there they carry It; If the re
semblance Is to the egg of a finch, then
upon a finch, and not a hedge sparrow,
ia Imposed the task of rearing the inter
loper. At the meeting referred to this
theory wa seriously considered, and
its probability was generally admitted.
fortunately, the American cuckooa
are honest birds and have homes of
their own. The Britishers, therefore,
ean be left, without our aid. to struggle
javith the mystery. New York Times.
HONORING GE5EUAL8 MEADE AND
HANCOCK.
Equeslriai Statue of the Heroes Unveiled at
Gettysburg.
The equestrian statue erected by
the state of Pennsylvania in honor of
of the memory of General George
Gordon Meade, commanding the
Army of the Totomac, was unveiled
in the presence of a large number of
distinguished military officers and
civilians. The ceremonies opened
with music, followed by prayer.
Master George Gordon Meade, a
grandson of the dead hero, unveiled
the statue. As the drapery fell from
the statue, lignt battery C, Third
United States artillery, fired a salute.
Dedicatory exercises were then con
ducted by George G. Meade- Post
No. 1, department Pennsylvania G.
A. R. The statue was then formally
delivered to the governor of the com
monwealth by Brevet Brigadier Gen
eral J. P. S. Gobin, of the commission
which had charge of the erection of
the statue. Governor Daniel H.
Hastings, of Pennsylvania, received
the statue on behalf of the common
wealth. Upon the conclusion of the
governor's remarks, Brevet Major
General David McMutrie Gregg, who
commanded the second cavalry divis
io 1 at Gettysburg, was introduced as
the orator of the day. The exercises
closed with music.
The exercises were held at the
site of the monument just in the rear
of the Bloody Ancle. Chaplain
Stevens, of Meade Post No. 1, G. A.
R., made the invocation. When the
flags fell from the statue a great shout
went up from the crowd that ceased
only with the roar of the cannon sa
lute. At the conclusion of General
Gregg's oration, Major General Miles,
Brigadier General Brooke and sculp
tor Bush Brown made snort addresses.
Late the same day the equestrian
statue in honor ot Major General
Winheld Scott Hancock, commanding
the second army corps, was unveiled
with ceremonies similar to those of
the morning. Brevet Brigadier Gen
eral Henry H. Bingham, who was on
General Hancock's staff at Gettysburg
delivered the oration.
A Shark Among the Menhaden.
The other day," a fisherman said,
I read about the blueflsh charging the
menhaden and driving them ashore.
Did you ever see the blueflsh charge a
school of menhaden at sea? That Is,
something worth seeing, too. The blue
Ash throw their lines forward until
they almost surround the menhaden,
and they attack them flank and rear.
The menhaden fairly make the water
poll In their efforts to escape, while all
around the enemy Is at them tearing
relentlessly.
'"Into all this commotion comes a
great shark; it's a picnic for the shark,
a school of menhaden ail neraeu up
tor Its benefit. It swims leisurely into
the midst of them, opens its mouth, and
takes in half a dozen menhaden at a
ulp. It swims around and bites out
half a dozen more from the school; it
Korgea itself without effort.
"But tihe menhaden are not nearly as
snuoh disturbed by the presence of the
SDonster swimming about among them
as they are by the charging blueflsh
tXhe shark takes half a dozen fish or
more at a bite, while the blueflsh only
bites a piece out of a single Ash; but
her is only one shark, while there
may be thousands of blueflsh, plunging
and tearing Incessantly, and killing and
maiming at every stroke.
"The shark's a brute, but under such
circumstances the menhaden has lees
of fear than it has of contempt for
him." New York Sun.
The lleurt In Cycllusr.
"It ta rrnneriiiri to believe, that ldnvnlrt
tiding should be avoided in every case
of heart disease. Physicians who have
made a study ot this question declare
that It may even be very beneficial in
Mi-tnln InMtfLncefl In which the nstlnn
of the heart ds feeble, and in which
signs of fatty dcgt-mtt'utlon are found
1nmA(u1 milRrMll.r exerclNP a lmAt 4n.
arlably Improves the condition of the
Heart ltseir. 1 nr- ure, nowever, sev
eral indulgences that persons with weak
hearts sriould beware of, such as
straining to climb hills and meeting
head wlndH, exnewlve fatltrue and par
ticularly exciting the heart and calling
arxm its resei-ve strmnth in the use ol
alcoholic sUiiiulania and ImprojK-r food,
rwtfwa Times. . , , . , t U,.A
Hood Health
And a good appetite go hand in hand
With the loss of appetite, the system
cannot long sustain itself. Thus the
fortifications of good health are broken
down and the system is liable to at
tacks ot disease, it is in such cases
that the medicinal powers of Hood's
Sarsaparilla are clearly shown. Thou
sands who have taken Hood's Sarsa
parilla testify to its great merits as 1
purifier of the blood, its powers to
restore and sharpen the appetite and
promote a healthy action of the diges
tive organs, lhus it is, not what we
say but what Hood's Sarsaparilla does
that tells the story and constitutes
the strongest recommendation that
can be urged for any medicine. Why
not take Hood's Sarsaparilla now ?
Censure for the "New" Woman.
The following is an extract from a
paper on Missions read before the
Christian Endeavor society of the
First M. E. church on Sunday evening:
".furthermore it is the mission of
every Christian Endeavorcr to protect
the home. That means the annihila-
i'on of the "new" woman craze. The
true woman advocates a liberal edu
cation, believes that modesty and re
finement are invaluable womanly
qualities and seeks to shape her chil dren's
lives by the influence of a
mother's love and a model home."
'The "new" woman spends half her
time attending clubs and lodges and
the other half wearing bloomers and
fighting lor female suffrage. She
would not invite social criticism by
carrying her own baby in her arms,
but lugs a long eared Spaniel through
the streets all day. The qualities
that George Washington's mother
thought womanly are undergoing
reformation. Domestic inclinations
are at a discount, and spare time only
is devoted to maternal duties. Rather
than instruct and mould her daughter
into a noble woman; rather than rear
her boy under a love and tender influ
ence that might qualify him to some
day save a nation, she wastes her
time and energy in the discharge of
social functions and the abuse of gov-
crmental laws.
The home is next to the nation and
the woman who neglects her home is
little less a traitor than the man who
sells his nation. The womanly woman
can't find time to run for Congress.
Providence has given her a sacred
mission which she dare not thwart."
People have to look sharp these
days if they don't want to be run
into by reckless bicycle rideis.
The Tact that Doctors
frequently advise change of air and
climate to those suffering from ca
tarrh is proof that catarrh is a local
and climatic disease, and not a con
stitutional affection. Therefore, un
less you can afford to leave home and
business, you can find the remedy in
Ely's Cream Balm. Applied directly
to the seat of the disease, it effects
instant relief and a satisfactory cure
after short continuance. No mercury
nor injurious drug is contained in the
Balm. 50 cents. All druggists.
"I wor der what would be done to
the preacher of a modern fashionable
church with a membership of rich
men, if he should tell his hearers as
plainly as Christ told the young ruler
"Go and sell all that thou hast and
distribute unto the poor, and thou
shalt have treasure in heaven." We
are told this command was not for all
the rich, but just for this one rich
man, because his heart was set on his
great possessions. Find me a rich
man who is not in the same boat and
I will show you a cartel ambling
through the eye of a needle. What
preacher to-day dares deliver Christ's
message to the world ? How many
are there that it would not cost their
pulpits to lo this? So they go on,
making religion a matter for the world
to come and enveloping themselves
with safe platitudes about spirituality,
while they fight the evils that are in
the world with blows that fall light as
feathers. "
B. F. Sharpless, Pres. N. U. Funk, Sec, C. H. Campbell, Treas
GBLOOMSBURCO
LAND IMPROVEMENT COMPANY.
Capital Stock, $30,000.
Plotted property is in the comiDg business centre of the
town. It includes also part of the factory district, and has no
equal in desirability for residence purposes.
(JiiUlUi lAJLo are offered at values that will be doubled
in a short time.
No such opportunity can be had elsewhere to make money.
Lots secured on SMALL MONTHLY PAYMENTS-
Maps of the town and of plotted property furnished on ap
plication. Call upon or write to the Secretary, or J. S. Woods, Sales
Agent, or any member of the Board of Directors.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
C. W. Neal,
B. F. Sharpless;
A. G. Briggs
J. L
Dr. H. W. McReynolds,
Dillon.
Dr. I. W. Willits,
N. U. Funk.
IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF
CARPET, MATTING,
or OIL CJLOTII,
YOU WILL FIND AJ NICE LINE AT
W. 1EL BEOWEM
'y 2nd Door above Court Houoo.
A large lot of Window Curtains in stock.
PARKER'S CINCER TONIO m
tittei Luutf Trouble, Debility, iistret!ng utomich and
ft-male tH, nnd 1 noted fur making nirea whan ill oUmt
lira in nt fvn. ltvcry tnnrner ana mvun nowm nnu
PARKER S
HAIR BALSAM
CTeuui tuid btiftutifl tht hair.
h jjwavor 1U to iiortora Gtj
' Hair to ita fcouthful Color.
"Cure tcip rtitt.' hair inuif.
rcn'ir nfiGK fiS Th.nnlTor Cur.fnf
I RESTORE LOST MANHOOD
Young and middle-aged men who
suffer from errors ol youth, losacl
vitality. Inipotcucy .Benilnul weak
ncs, gleet, strictures, weuknes ol
body and mind, can ha thoroughly
and permanently cured bvmy new
method ot treatment. None other
like It, Immediuta Improvement.
ConlultUlon I11 book Irtt. Aid.
DR. SA11TI1, Lock box 63S.PMIa. Pa.
ll-':3.1y..r'. ji Co
ANOTHER LINCOLN 8T0RY.
Aboat a B7 and Olnrbrd, Hot It II
Inatratcd the rolnt.
Mr. Lincoln wm one of the rare talk
era who could always point a moral
with an adorning tale taken out of hla
own experience. Everybody has expert,
encea If he only knowa It. Most of us
are so much In the habit of taking; In
wisdom and fun through the printed
page of the story as another man tens
It that we lack the capaolty to see it
for ourselves.
The story teller Is the man who nndC
his own material. An old Southern
politician was moralizing: thus a few
rights ago and eulogizing the man the
South uaed to dislike:
"When Lincoln first came to Wash
ington I went to see him, so prejudiced
against him beforehand that no man
with less genius could have overcome
It. I left that first Interview his friend.
No man ever came under the charm ol
Lincoln's personality without respect
ing him, and, if allowed, loving him.
"One day, after we had become fairly
gooi friends, I told him of my early
prejudice. .
" -Mr. Lincoln, I said, 'I had heard
every mean thing on earth about you
except one. I never heard that you
were too fond of the pleasures of life.
Mr. Lincoln sat for a moment stroking
Ms long cheek thoughtfully, and then
he drawled out In his peculiar Western
voice:
"rho Minim me of something that
a boy said to me when I was about tenn
years old. Jf
" 'Once in a while my mother used to"
get some sorghum and some ginger and
mix us up a batch of gingerbread. It
wasn't often, and It was our biggest
treat.
" 'One day I smelled It and came Into
the house to get my share while It was
Jiot. I found she had baked me three
gingerbread men, and I took them out
under a hickory tree to eat them.
" 'There was a family near us that
was a little poorer than we were, and
their boy came along as I sat down.
" ' "Abe," he said, edging close, "gim
me a man."
" 'I gave him one. He crammed It
into his mouth at two bites and looked
at me while I bit the legs from my
first one.
" ' "Abe," he said, "gimme that
other'n."
'T wont.il it. hut 1 rave it to him.
and as it followed the first one I said:
Tou seem to like gingerbread?"
Abe," he said, earnestly, "I don't
s'pose there's anybody on this earth
likes gingerbread as well a I do," and,
drawing a sigh that brought up
crumbs, "I don't s'pose there's anybody
gets less of It.
And the old politician said Mr. Lin
coln looked as though the subject was
ended. Burlington (Iowa) Hawkeye.
The Teacher Taught.
Sir Edwin Arnold, In the volume of
autobiography which he has Just pub
lished, tells the unique story of how.
as master of the Birmingham Gram
mar School, he was caned by one of the
boys.
The class was engaged on Cicero.
Some disorder occurred near the mas
ter's chair, and, seizing the cane, he
cave a nasty cut upon the too tempt
ing back of one youth, who seemed to
be the offender." "If you please, sir,"
said the boy, squirming. "I did noth
ing. It was Scudamore that kicked me
In the stomach, underneath the deek."
The statement was true. Scudamore
had demanded from his neighbor, quite
Illegitimately, the explanation of an
obscure passairp, and, not being attend-
td to, had taken this much too emphatic)
moans of enforcing attention. Having
called the class up, Arnold said to the
doubly wronged boy, who was still
rubbing the place: ' It Is I who am
most to blame for having dealt you an
undeserved blow. Take that cane and
give it back to me as bard as you got
it." "No, sir," the lad answered, I
can't do that." The whole great school
room was now listening, masters and
all. Arnold InslBted: "Jones, you must
obey me; and If you disobey, I am
sorry to say I shall make you write
out that page of Cicero three times,
staying In to do It."
i
Jenny I.lnd Sang for Him.
Edward V. Eccles, the veteran musi
cian, who died at his home on North
Thirteenth street recently, was fond or
telling this anecdote of his youth: "It
was about the beginning of the war,"
lie lnveriably began. "I was then a
clerk in a large mufclc publishing house
on Chestnut street. One day a well
dressed, quiet little woman entered the
store and asked me to show her some
muHio of a classical nature. We struck
up quite a conversation, in the course
of which I asked her 'If she had heard
the great Jenny Llnd, who was then
the talk of the town. She laughed and
eald: 'Oh, yes; I have heard her. Have
you?' I told her that I hadn't had that
pleasure, and that I had very little
prospects of hearing Iter, the price of
admission waa so high. She laughed
again, and then she handed me a song
she had picked out, and asked me to
play the accompaniment for her while
she tried It She sang so beautifully
that I played like one In a dream
When she had finished she thanked
me, and, with a rare envlle, Bhe said:
You cannot say now that you have
never heard Jenny Llnd!' She thanked
me again, and left me dumfounded."
Philadelphia Record.
Mliplaoad Zal.
"Zeal," remarked a member of thd
Society of the Daughters of the Amerl
can Revolution the other day, ''Is some.
times misplaced. I've been urging a
friend whose family I know to be an
old revolutionary one to Decome a
Daughter. She has never shown any
enthusiasm about Joining and her con
servatism had simply the effect to in
crease my desire that she should. So
when one day recently I found myself
unexpectedly trte-a-tete with her for a
trip to Philadelphia, I renewed my at
tach with a bold move. As the train
was leaving Jersey City I saild in my
moBt engaging manner: 'Now, my dear
Mrs. S., I have you at my mercy for
full two hours. Before we rwuih Phlla
delphia you must have promised me
that you will come Into the Daughters
I warn you itihat you may as well yield
first an last, for yield you must. We
want you very much.' Mrs. S. smiled
rather peculiarly. 'Are you sure you
will want me,' Bhe said, quietly, 'when
I tell you that my most prominent revo
lutionary ancestor was Benedict Ar
nold?' "New York Tunea.
11
A Bicycle Built for Two."
I
Five cents' wcrth of
"BATTLE AX" will serve two
chewers just about as long as 5 cents'
worth of other brands will serve one
mn. This is because a 5 cent piece
of "BATTLE AX" is almost as
large as the JO cent piece of other
high grade brands
Mutual Reserve Fund Life Association.
Edward B. Harper, Founder. Frederick A. Burnham, Fresidont.
FIFTEEN YEARS COMPLETED
ANNUAL MEETING AND REPORT.
Ills Largest and Strongest Un Mm Lifs Insurance .on-
pames in In World.
69,000,000 of Mew RuHlness tn 1893.
,oM,66o,ooo f Ht'NiiieHit in Fo. te.
84,o84,t73 ot Den It Claim paid In 1895.
a5.000.000 ofDtatli Claims paid since Ilnsluesg bexnn.
189s SHOWS AN INCRKASE IN RROSI ASSETS,
AM IKtlKKASK II IHtV 1" Ml1 Kl 1.1 B,
AN INCHKASi; IN IISCOM1C,
AN1NCKI AHK IN HI'HIMaiNFORCE,
O V'lvK 103,800 HhMUKHS INTEKKSTF.U,
The Annual Meeting of the Mutual Reserve Fund Life
Association was held in the Association's Buildinsr. corner
Broadway &Duane St., New York City, on Wednesday, Jan
uary 22nd, and was attended by a large and representative
gathering of policy holders who listened with keen interest to
the masterly Annual Report of President Burnham.
Many policy holders evidently regarded this as a favorable
opportunity to meet face to face the new cuief executive officer
of the Association, President Frederick A. Burnham, the man
whose grasp of lite insurance, whose keen executive ability and
strong individuality have enabled him to take up the work laid
dewu in deal h by the founder of the institution, the late Ed
ward 15. Harper, and make of the administration of his office of
President, not an echo or copy of that of his predecessor, but a
piece of finished work, characteristic of a man of independent
views, and worthy to follow the work which had carried the
Association to a position never attained in the same length 01
time by any life insurance organization in the world. It is
rare, indeed, that a great institution like this passes, without
check to its prosperity, through a change in the executive chief,
tor it is rare indeed that a chief like the late Mr. Hamer finds
so able a successor as President Burnham.
The record of the year 1895 speaks for itself, and shows the
following gratifying results.
The GROSS ASSETS have increased during the year
from $5,530,115.99 to $5,061,707,82.
- The NET SURPLUS over liabilities shows a NET GAIN
for the year of $300,329.43, and now amounts to $3,582,509.32.
The INCOME from all sources shows a gain for the year
of $031,541.97, and amounts to $5,575,281.50.
DEATH CLAIMS to the amount of $4,084,074.92 were
paid during the year, an increase over the previous year of
$1,013,560.91.
The BUSINESS IN FORCE shows again for the year
of $15,293,205, and now amounts to 308,G59,371.
Counting three hundred working days in the year the
daily average income for 1895 is $18,584.27; the daily average
payments for death claims, $13,052.25, and the daily av-age
gain in business in force within a fraction of $51,000.
CtTPersons desiring insurance, nn agency, or anv other information concerning the . 'T
TUAL RKSliRVE FUND LIFE ASSOCIATION may apply to
E. B. EtWBWIGf Sapt,,
53 Dow nine: Illock. ERIK. PA
"Where Dirt Gathers Waste Rules."
Great Saving Results from the
Use of