The Columbian. (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, October 16, 1891, Image 2

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    TUB IIUillKJl PAMIIF.HM.
The 'in. fir mfwu.'lip .tnrs, the cr, t1i liHK
nn 1 t!.p i -Arc
iv m ', o Soul, tlie vision of Illm who
rfizm?
la not ilievMon He? tho' He b not Hint which
He m'-mi ?
Terrain are iru white they la't.und do wcnnt
live in drum. 1
Earth. thce solid stars, this weight of body
ami limb.
Arc they nut Men and symbol of thy division
from Him?
Park istht world to tine; thyself rt the rei
con why:
Tori l,e nut nil tmt tlion that bast power to
ted "I m I r
dory about theo without thec; and thou ful.
(11101 thy doom,
Male Ing Him broken "learns, and a stifled splcn-
dor and gloom.
Speak to Him thou for He hears, and Spirit
with Spirit nn meet
Closer Is He than breathing, anil nearer than
bands and feet.
God Is law, fay the wise; O Soul, and let us re
joice. For If He thunder by law the thunder la yei
His voire.
Law 1e Ooil, say some; to God at all, says thn
fool;
Fur all we have power to see Is a straight italt
bout in tbc pool.
And the ear of man can not hear, and the eye
of man can not sees
But If he rould not see and hear, this Vlslon
wcrc It not lie ? 'J ennyson.
HOW HE WAS CURED.
"I nm a mmeraUe man," aaid Mr. Cy
rus MacMox gloomily, "and it is bost that
the world should be rid of my presence.
No one cures for me. "
"Oh, don't ay that, uncle, "said Li wie
Silver beseechingly. "You know 1 lore
you. Yoii are the ouly friend I have la
the world, and if you were to die what
would become of me?"
"I suppose young (Juy Cheevers would
console you for my loss," said Mr. Mad
dox Rrimly. "At any rate, I don't care.
I will end my troubles and sorrow to
morrow at 12 in."
With these fearful words he strode out
of the room, leaving Lizzie sobbing, with
her curly black head resting on a dinner
plate.
"What's the matter now, Bess? Has
the milliner disai pointed you in your
love of a bonnet ?" asked a warm, hearty
voice, which was the property of "young
Guy Cheevers, " as Mr. Maddox called
him, as that gentleman strode into the
room. "
"Oh, Guy!" sobbed Lizzie. "Uncle
Cyrus is going to die to-morrow at 13
o'clock.
"How do you know ?"
"He said so."
"But how does he know?"
"Hb's going to k 11 himself. "
"So as to make himself a true prophet,
eh?" asked Guy, laughing.
"Oh. Guy. don't joke'" cried Lizzie
tearfully. " He will I know he will! "
"I doubt it!" said Guy skeptically.
"But he tried to commit suicide several
times," she persisted fearfully. "Once
he tried to smother himself with burn
ing charcoal, but he forgot to stop up the
keyhole, and I smelt the smoke and got
some neighbors to break open the door,
and saved him. Then he tried to hang
himself, but the cord broke, and he fired
a pistol at himself, but forgot to put any
ball in it, so that failed ; and then "
"Gracious!" cried Ouy, as Lizzie
stopped for want of breath j "what a de
termined man he must be! Such perse
verance deserves to be rewarded. Have
-ia any idea what plan he will trv
flow ....
"I'm en.'9 1 l,on 1 know." slid Lizzie.
"But what J0" he wan' to make away
with .luuiself for " askeJ Gu' wd-
" Why, he says he is a mr .man
burdeu to every one, and that b. ' , 'V1
joys for him, and that he is weary o. 1 "la
world "
"And so would like to try the next?"
said Guy. "Perhaps he won't find it so
pleasant as tfce one he is quitting. What
an unreasonable man he must be! He w
rich, talented, healthy, and has a very
pretty neice" here in a moment of ab
straction he allowed his arm to wander
arouud Miss Silver's waist "and what
more can he want? But some people
never are satislled. It seems he is deter
mined to pry into futurity, and it seems
a pity to disappoint so laudable an am
bition; but uuty aury 10 myseu.com
. pole me to interfere. I dislike any scan-
dal or excitement. A coroner's jury
would cause both 5 therefore, we must
balk his little game. "
""But how?" asked Lizzie curiously.
"A prudent general," said Guy haugh
tily, " never confides his plans to his army,
particularly when the army is of femi
nine gender j so excuse nie, mum's tho
word. But rest assured, my dearest
Elizabeth, that unless your worthy undo
shuttles off this mortal coil in a surrep
titious manner before 13 o'clock to-morrow
he will not doit afterward of course
I mean illegally. Farewell till to-morrow.
"
Having concluded this address Guy
strode off in a tragic manner, leaving
Lizzie greatly surprized, but still qultn
reassured, for in her opinion what Guy
couldn't do wasn't worth doing.
The next morning Mr, Maddox made
his appearance, very saturnine and
gloomy, and ate his breakfast with a
mournful air that was terribly impres
sive. Having finished, he then took leavo
of his niece iu a fueling manner.
"I am about to leave you," said he
mournfully. "I am about to end this
life of misery. I hope that you may be
happy. "
"Oh, don't go!" said Lizzie, tearfully
clinging to him, and looking Into his fact
pleadingly.
"It's useless," said Mr. Maddox firmly.
" My mind is fixed, aud nothing you can
do can persuade me to relinquish my
purpose. But you, my dear child, shall
not be unprovided for. I intend to make
my will iu the few hours that are left me,
nnd you will not be forgotten. Good by,
tny dear child, farewell!"
And then, after embracing his niece
fervently, he rushed from the room fran
tically and securely locked himself in his
own room, and began to prepare himself
for his lnt journey.
"Nine o'clock!" he said to himself,
looking at Lis watch. "Throe hours vet t
-Cnough to do all that I have to do.
i''irt to make my will I"
Tho hist will and testament of Mr.
Cyrus MnJdox was evidently not a long
one, as it was finished in less thnn an
hour.
"Eleven o'clock," snid Mr. Maddo.
nnd I have finished. How slow the time
passes, to be sure ( Now, what shall I
do until 12, for I am determined not to
die until uoon "
A knock at the door.
"Go away," cried Mr. Maddox an
grily; "you can't conm in 1"
"I am very sorry to disagree with yon."
said a voice outside, "but I can come in.
I have a duplicate key here, and if you
don't open the door I will."
Mr. Maddox rose and unlocked the
door savagely, and Mr. Ouy Cheevers
stalked Into the room, carryingan oblong
box under his arm.
lie placed the box on the table and
then took a seat opposite Mr. Maddox
and stared blankly at him.
"What do you want?" asked the latter
fiercely. " Don't you seel am euganed ? "
"Oh, I know," said Guy, "what you
are about to do! Don't think that I'm
going to interfere not at all. But be
fore you make your quietus I wish to ask
you a few questions. Have you pro
vided for your niece's welfare?"
"What's that to you?"
"Considerable. I am about to marry
Miss Silver; so her intorests are naturally
mine. "
"Then she is provided for amply."
"Thank you for the information. Verv
glad to hear it. And now excuse the
apparent impertinence of the question,
but where is your will?"
"Here," replied Mr. Maddox, laying
his hand on it.
"Suppose you give it to me to take care
of?"
" Oi ve it you t Why , pray ? "
"It might become misplaced," ex
plained Guy.
"I'll keep it myself," said Mr. Maddox
in a rough tone.
"Then just leave a memorandum on
the table," said Guy earnestly, "to Ml
where it is. It will save trouble, per
haps. "
"Get out!" cried Mr. Maddox angrily.
"Ah, I see!" said Mr. Cheevers coolly;
"in a hurry to begin. Well, I won't de
tain you ; but I have a little suggestion
to offer. "
"Well?" said Mr. Maddox impatiently.
"It is this," said Guy. "Miss Silver
informs me that you have made several
previous efforts to c -t short your trouble
ami your breath, ami always unsuccess
fully. Now it seems to mn you d a't go
the right way aliout it. This box" and
here he opened the box alluded to "con
tains several little plans that I think
might please you. Here's one," and he.
showed a little steel instrument
"What's that?" asked Mr. Maddox.
"This," said Ouy, "is an article that
you can place round your neck like a col
lar, thou, by stnaing your hand on the
left side of your neck, a sharp spike is
driven into your jugular vein "
"But that would kill me!" said Mr.
Maddox, staring.
"Well, ain't that what you want?" de
manded Guy sternly. "Now, here's
another," he went on. "Here's a wheel,
you observe; you place this band round
your neck, pass it round the wheel, and
give it two or three turns then let go.
The recoil will twist your head almost
elf your shoulders kill you to a cor
tainty."
Mr. Maddox stared at 1dm with un
feigned horror.
"Then," went on Guy coolly, "here's
little package, a torpedo. It contains
nitroglycerine. You place it in vout
jnouth, snap your teeth ou it, and off
goes your head, smashed into millions of
utoms. "
"Good heavens!" exclaimed Mr. Mad
dox fearfully. "What a terrible idea."
"ot at all," said Guy soothingly.
"BM..',tiful indention I quite pride my
self on n scientific suicide, you sea!
Any one can fake poison, or blow his
brains out ; but to do it scientifically re
quires real talont. You have it, aud I
am confident you will reflect credit on
my inventive skill. Now if you could
use all throe of these inventions at once
cut your jugular, garrote yourself, and
blow your head off all at once why, I'd
thank you.
"What!" cried Mr. Maddox fiercely.
"do you think I'm crazy? Do you think
I'm going to use any or your interna) in
ventions? Leave this room, you cold
blooded villain, before I throw you, Qu,t of
the window I"
"But I have a great many more to
show you," remonstrated Guy, "and you
see I want you to try as many as possible.
Well, well," he added, as Mr. Maddox
grasped the poker threateningly, "I'm
going. But I'll leave this box here, and
lefore you get rid of yourself just make
a memorandum of what you will use and
leave it on the table, because you know
there will probably be nothing left of you
to draw conclusions from, and so "
Here any further speech was cut short
by Mr. Maddox seizing his visitor and
hustling him out into the passage. " ' '
"Well?" said Lizzie anxiously.
"I think its all right," said Guy, grin-
nine. "Get the luncheon ready. Your
uncle will be down."
And sure euough, so he was; and
though he spoke not, he ate most vora
ciously of everything on the table.
"Lizzie," said he suddenly, after an
hour's pause, "did you ever see an Infer
nal old fool and au idiot?"
"Never that I know of," said Lizzie.
"Why do you ask?"
"Because lust look at me and you'll see
one, " said Mr. Maddox grimly, and he
stalked upstairs.
Up to the present time of writing Mr.
Cyrus Maddox is still ulive, enjoying re
markably good health, and he seems to
be on friendly terms with Mr, Cheevers
and his wife Lizzie. He probably forgave
that gentleman on account of a discovery
that lie made that tho nitroglyceriue
torpedo contained potjiing more danger
ous than salt and the outer "luTeruaT in
ventions" were Infernal in the samo
ratio ; but Guy still maintains that when
person are weary of life they should end
their troubles by scientific suicide.
How to get a woman to ke-tp a secret
Give her chloroform. Texas Siftings.
A niHSIA STOUT.
The Cook CJnl 100 Lushes It r fore the
.Mistake Was Discovered.
Sometimes the promptness with which
orders are executed in Russia caus.-s hie
blunders to le made, and the innocent
frequently suffer for the guilty.
One of the foreign ambassadors at St,
Petersburg saw a man entering his house
with gleaming eyes, flushed face, and
disheveled clothing.
"Justice, your honor, justice!" px
cl limed his unlucky countryman.
"Against whom?"
"Aganwt a Russian nobleman, my
lord, the governor of the citv, who has
just now had me flogged with a hundred
lashes.
"A hundred lashes!" repented the as
tonished minister. "What had you lieen
doing?"
"Nothing, aWlutely nothing."
"But that Is impossible."
" I swear on my honor, your grace. "
"Ypti nrecrary, my friend."
"My lord, I beg of you to Mieve on
the contrary that I am in possession of
nil my senses."
"But how can you expect me to be
lieve that a man who is reported on
every hand to he exceptionally just and
merrifnl has been guilty of such vio
lence?" "Excuse me. your grace," cried tho
complainant, "hut you must permit mo
to prove what I have said. "
And at these words the unlucky
Frenchman threw off coat and vest and
showed the ambassador his shirt, red and
stiff with blood.
"But how did it happen?" asked the
ambassador.
"In the simplest way imaginable. I
learned that the governor wanted a cook.
Being out of a situntion. I applied for it.
The servant who undertook to introduce
m threw open tho door of the room sav
ing. My lord, it is the cook.' All right,
said the governor with an abstracted air,
' have him taken into the court yard and
flogged.' They seized me, carried me
into the yard, and in spite of mv resist
ance, my threats, and my cries, they gave
me exactly a hundred lashes, no more,
no less. "
"If what you say is true, it is infa
mous. "
"If I have not told you the exact truth.
I will agree to take ns much more."
"Listen!" said the amliassador, detect
ing in the poor devil's complaint a tone
of truthfulness. I will investigate the
affair, and if, as I begin to think, you
have uot deceived me, you will get. I
promise you, a slashing reward for this
violence. If, on the other hand, you
have lied to me iu the slightest parti'cu
Itr, I will have )ou conducted to the
frontier and sent back to France. "
"I will agree to the whole of it, my
lord."
"Very well," said the ambassador, sit
ting down to his desk ; "take a letter to
the governor. "
"No, no; I am obliged to you. I will
not voluntarily set foot again in the house
of a man who has so strange a fashion of
dealing with those who have business
with him. "
"One of my secretaries will go with
you."
"That is another tiling. In company
with any one from you I will go to the
infernal regions. n
The ambassador gave the necessary or
ders, and the trio left the house.
In less than an hour the victim of the
!eating returned looking radiant,
"Well!" asked the ambassador.
"It is all right, "said the other, "every
thing is explaiued. "
"To your satisfaction, apparently."
" Yes, my lord. "
"I confess I would like to hear all
about it. "
Nothing easier. His excellency had
a cook in whom he had entire confidence.
Four days ago ho stole !W0 roubles ami
ran away. It was his place I applied
for, aud went there for that purpose.
Unluckily for me he hud just heard of
the arrest of his former cook, so that
when his servant said to him 'My lord,
here is the cool;?' he thought it was th
fugitive who had been brought back, ami
being very much engaged on a report ta
the emperor, he said without even turn
ing around, 'Good, take him out, and
give him 100 lashes!' and in that way I
got the hundred meant for the other
fellow."
"Did the governor make an apology "
"Better than that," said the cook.
chinking his packets, "he gave mo a gold
piece for every stroke ; hns taken me into
his service ; and assured me that every
lick I received iu advance will he cred
ited against every fault I may commit.
So if I keep an eye on myself it will he
several years before I get a thrashing. "
At that moment a messenger from the
governor arrived to invite tho ambassa
dor to taste the new cook's dinner next
day. He staid 10 years with this master,
and returned to France with a little for
tune of 6,000 roubles, blessing the happy
blunder to which ho owod it. Detroit,
Free Press.
A Simple One.
There's a teacher in out of the public
schools of Detroit who is foud of quiz
zing her scholars, and one day lutely she
caught up a boy who thinks he could give
a college curriculum 50 yards and beat it
with hi hands tied behind him.
"How mauy days in a week?" she
asked him quite unexpectedly.
"Seven," was the prompt response,
"What are the week days ?"
"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thurs
day, Friday, Saturday, " he rattled off,
"How many is that?" she asked next.
"six," he answered rather slowly,
counting on his fingers.
"Isn't Sunday a week day?" she said
cautiously.
"Of course not."
"Then how many days are there in a
week?"
It was simple enough in all reason, but
lie had to go and get an almanac to get h
straight.
Strawberry and Vanilla.
Tom It always strikes ino that your
fiancee is a very cold girl.
Jack My dear fellow, if you paid for
the ice cream she eats you'd think she
had every reason to be cold.
MOS, ORGANS SEWING MAGIIISKS
J. SALTZER'S
I.'.t
n
w: . 1. . : i
it nil iiiiiiiv years lAj'Cl ll IK-C ill ihijhi anu i- h
and sewing machines I can guarantee to my customers the best in the markets
Pianos and Organs purchased of me. can Le itlicd upon. Jf anything get.
out ol order, it can easily be corrected, and a ureat deal oi annoyance s.imh.
Instructions given to all purchasers of Sewing Machines, how to operate them
successfully.
The STUCK PIANO is the best made. Its tone is surpassed
hy none. You make no mistake if j'ou buy a ir'tfik.
We ha-e also the
E3TEY and the STARR
PIANOS,
And The
ESTEY, MILLER and
UNITED STATES
ORGANS.
We sell Pianos from $250 to
$6oo, and Organs from $75 to $175.
In Sewing Machines vq
We sell the best Sewing Mach
ine made for $19.50.
j; Saltzer, Bloamsbur Pa.
Don't fail to bring your Watches, Clocks and Jewelry to
CT. Gk "WELLS
if you want them repaired Promptly, and Guaranteed.
iacuiues ior turning out
BARGAINS IN CLOCKS.
Wm. Gilbert Tich, from $ 1.00 up
nr n !h!fc V hour sfri'ie Wulnnt .4h,
Marble, S4.OO up.
us.t got in a
Silverware,
QWATCHES FROM S5.00 UP.
FINEST LINE OF
Biagg, Chains and Watches in county.
C B. MOBMIi
DEALER IN
Foreign and Domestic
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Bloomshurq, Pa.
emr WATERPROOF COLLAR on CUFF
THAT
BE UP
TO
THE MARK
2ne
KIDS NO LAUNDIRMO. CAN At WIPED CLEAN IN A MOMENT
THE ONLY LINEN-LINED WATEHPRonp
COLLAR IN THE MARKET,
s.
: .1 -,,11;,.-. hh-cmiI instruments
can give you the Celebrated
ur ' "
"WHITE"
The best Machine in the world.
The
NEW DOMESTIC,
The ROYAL ST. .101 IX,
The STANDARD
ROTARY
And the NEW HOME.
lest
work in this section.
iPino Line of
CAN BB RELIED OH
iqrcyt to s-put!
J.TOt to Dlgpolopt
B8AR9 THIS MARK.
TRADE
Mark.
U L0 ID
PHILLIPS.'
The Summer is gone, but
we still keep ice cream of
several flavors daily.
Oysters are now in season,
and they are served in any
style desired.
Regular meals served to
transient or permanent guests.
The Cafe is open, and the
kitchen is in charge of an ex
perienced cook. Catering for
parties, lodges, weddings, etc.,
a specialty.
Fresh bread and cakes daily
in the bakery.
M. M PHILLIPS & SON.
Proprietors of
"PHILLIPS' CAFK."
Bloomsburg, Pa.
KESTY& HOFFMAN,
Practical Macliinisls.
We repair Fngines, Toilers, Saw Mi)!f
Threshers, Harvester?. Mowers ami
all kinds of machinery.
'K HANDLR
STEAM PIPE FITTINGS,
VALVES, STEAM GAUGE?
And all kinds of Repair.
l'IPE err TO OKDER.
AGENTS ro
Cmicld Injector Co.r Garfield
Dcuil3 tut Icctcr, Autccntia
and Locomotive In;ector.
All work done br ns is cmarantitsd'
to give satisfaction, and all work in
our line will be promptly attended! to
SHOPS - 6th sod CE5TEEETBE1T8-
RE
OLLEGE
PSINET JIJKEs TUB LnrSt.
A IlUHlnfM tHtlUMitktn lis ....I.... .1...
TiT.M ..7 y.""r ri-nse 01 iiniH nun money.
.1 "'mH 's,ll,,,HI'l'ir.'aturi.,rf tin wl.ool.
lIHHllFl Ml tlii kir-4i til. i. 1'. ...... i.i . . .
anrt .3iW bri, m' iii-i 'rv i . lujiit . ru uy.
T . ""M !W ,n"M,' who hnv
2 .21'"."'" " 'i'01"- WuJ'-nts of etilior vi m y
e.ifrnt any time. "
Bosk kccplni, Btiorthantl, basl-
BCM FCMtliailMtlfpsiMf Tpe-
vrrlllnsr.
O. I.KWIH BALDWIN, . ,
NayHlyr. A. W, Most, J Prlnclpala
M'Killip Bro's.
Photographers.
Only the best
work done. Fin
est effects in
light, and shade;
negatives re
touched and
modeled for sup
erior finish.
Copying, view
ing and life size
crayons.
Over II. J.Clark &
Son's store.
BLOOMSBURG.
SA
,LSASWAN1iR"' Kl'!ry Bnd Fxppnmi
n! V Urown Un- Ouuipauy, KofUt-Hlr.
fOOd SaarV To "v', Hve men we wll
Uwlth uiuZTi . lf"riinlet. rnxmly empMyiiiru
s',,arv 'irtfXDH'ii. I'revtoimex
IH'rlt'ttl'M llfil 1 1 sat ' . . . .
111
ut
kl&n Jl " 'HIIukI. IVrnin nil mitnt fiw.
)?."v?' S "'v.'1" ,' HKAHH HKNHV '.
1HJ. 'wi NurwrU'S KtubIUlH'(i
v