TI.'S SOCIABLE.
At tlie fuvinhlr down ti
Tli mw inrniMiHir thre won't
K an:-' grM lmk" to ilo
Nutlilii liiMch to ee; llier
I.ifcHy '11 ! a crow d on humt
sui'!in' ti-aniK hltrhwl out in front,
fcfiti !t tn the pKi-wiu's; nnd
Pair l'rait '11 lie there.
Whole tlilnjt Ml 1 kind tarn.
Thinm 11 warm up tol'ble slow;
Smiiftxvly 'il utart iipa name
()' ftomrtliinx, to bin It
Fpat in cv.it tli room, or urh:
Play rlinnwlm; hava a Ublranx:
'T won't amount to nothing much;
Sitry. aliv'lt be In It.
S'prw we'll b'ave to haar a lot
'Hoot the paroiiane-how It
Aiu'l nxml up none. Mka aa not
Iranin JuM, he'll sorter
Sc hem to paM tha vlate to bny
faint for tbe wood.hiil or git
Shiinjlea. Kary '11 boant it. I
l'U gn a quarter.
ISoujethegirlt'llplayanpell .
On tha organ them tbat taka
Iod. And bynia hy wa'U atnpll
The wari-j car kittle
liimtinnup, and likaly we'll
Have hot him u It and somaraka
And beet picklea. Itary, aha'll
Help pa 'round tha victual.
Fln'iy all tbe boyi '11 troop
Oni pell nielland git In Una
'lying tha eida o' tha front aloop
In the dark-won't nary
Tllr ati ike tbe wrong girl, thonju.
Ami the start '11 blink and bine.
Strolling 'Urns horna middling slow,
I'll walk horn, with Sary.
Emma A. Oppar. la JuJrfa.
A MOTHER IN LAW.
"I wouldn't liave belieTed it of you,
Rachel," said Mr. Ednionstons plaitit
Ireljr. " No, I wouldn't, not unleaa Betsy
backer had told me; aud Betsy, sha
never told a lie no more than George
Washington did."
"Why, mother, what are you talking
about?" questioned Mrs. Thotuaa Ed
monstone, untying the elder lady'i bon
net strings and relieving her of a splint
basket, a black silk bag, a waterproof
cloak, and an umbrella.
"And I've come to see if it' true,"
added the old lady.
"If what's true, mother?"
"That you said you wished there wasn't
no such person as m-me t" faltered Mrs.
Edmonstone.
"Mother, you know I never could have
said such a thing !" cried Rachel.
"Well, it wasn't exactly that; but
Betsy Tacker heard you say you wished
there was no such a thing as a mother in
law."
"Oh," cried Rachel, with a hysterical
little laugh, "I plead guilty ! I did say
that But it was under such strong
provocation, and I never meant you.
How could I, when you have always
been so good to me?"
"I knew it couldn't be true," said Mrs.
Edmonstone, . settling herself in the
easiest rocking chair and nodding her
cap strings comfortably. "But how came
you to make that ex-tra-or-dinary speech,
Rachel, about mother in law in general?"
"It was Tom." said the wife. "He
was so aggravating t"
"Thomas always was aggravating,"
said Mrs. Edmonstone, stirring the cup
of tea that , Rachel had brought her.
"What was it about now? The break
fast cakes?" -
"Oh, you remember about the break
fast cakes, don't you?" said Rachel, with
merry mischief sparkling in her eyes.
"No; it wasn't the breakfast cakes this
lime ; it was the shirts. "
"The shirts?"
"Well, you know he said it was such a
wasteful, extravagant proceeding to buy
shirts ready made," explained Rachel.
"He said the linen was poor, and the
work regular slop shop style, and he de
clared you always used to make his shirts
at home, every stitch, before he was mar
ried." "So I did," acknowledged Mrs. Edmon
stone, with a groan. "But that was in
the old times, before you could buy such
A good article as they have now. "
"Yes, but Tom doesn't make any allow
ance for difference in times and customs, "
sighed Rachel. "He wauted homemade
shirts, and homemade shirts he would
have!"
" And you made 'em ?"
"Yes, I made them." '
"You were a' great goose, "reflectively
cpke Mrs. Edmonstone.
! " And and Tom swore dreadfully the
first time he put one on "
" I don't in the least doubt it. "
"And he said they set like meal bags,
&nd that they twisted his neck around as
if he had just been hanged, and grasped
him on the shoulders like a policeman!
Oh, I can't tell you what he didn't say!"
"Bless me!" said Mrs. Edmonstone.
" lie told me his mother's shirts set like
a glove, and fitted him perfectly and
why could I not turn out a shirt like
those ? And it was then, mother dear, "
suddenly flinging her arms around the
old lady's plump, comfortable .. neck,
"that I lost my head, and told him I
wished there wasn't such a thing as a
mother in law in the world! And Betsy
Tacker sut iu the sewing room altering
over my dolman in the spring style, and
I suppose the must have heard me. "
"Don't mind it, my dear," said Mrs.
Edmonstone. ' '
"No, I won't, "protested RacheL "But,
oh, those shirts! I've been ripping them
apsrt and sewing them together again,
aud rounding otf a gUKSt here, and tak
ing in a phiit there, until I have got so
that I dream of them at night; and the
more I try them on the worse they fit,
and the more unreasonable does Tom be
come. 'My mother never made such
work of it as this! ho says, "
"Thomas forgets," observed Mrs. Ed
monstone severely.
"And I am sure, if things go on like
this," addtwi-ScheA, pushing her short
brown curls off her forehead, "it will end
iu a separation on account of ' incompat
ibility of temper,'"
"No,Jit won't, my dear, "said theraeth
or in la w. " Here, get me the pattern and
some shirting muslin, aud a pair of scis
sors." . , .,
"What are you going to do, mother?"
eagerly questioned Rachel
"I'm going to make Tom a shirt But
don't you tell him, Rachel. We'll see
whether it is Tom or the pattern that has
altered."
Once more the mischievous light came
into Rachel's bright bltm eyes.
I wish nil the world were mother in
law!" she cried gleefully. "Why didn't
I think of this before?"
"One can't think of everything, child,"
said Mr. Edmonstone consolingly.
Tlionia Edmonstone welcomed his
mother cordially when he came home
from business.
"I'm so glad you've com!" said he.
"We can have some of the uice old fash
ioned dish ii now. Rachel can't seem to
get the hang of them, although she hn
always had your book of recipes to guide
her. "
"Rachel's a great deal better cook than
ever I pretended to be," said Mrs. Ed
monstone. "They hnve patent egg beat
ers and cream whippors aud raisin seed
ers, aud all that sort of thing now, that
they didn't have in my day. I never
tasted nicer bread than Rachel tnukes,
r.nd these pnpovers are delicious. "
"You're just saying that to encourage
Rachel," said Mr. Edmonstone, with an
incredulous smile. "Things will run
smooth now you've come. That is one
comfort. "
"Oh, I shouldn't think of Interfering In
Rachel's kitchen," said the old lady.
Please, do, mother," coaxed the wife,
not without a certain quiver in her lip.
Do let Tom have a reminiscence of the
old days while you are here. "
"Well, just as you children say," con
ceded the mother in law, good humor
edly. She remained a week at her son's house,
during which period of time Tom was all
exultant complacency.
"This," said he, "is something like
living. I feel myself a boy again whoa
I taste these apple fritters. "
"They're not bad," said Rachel, who
had made them with her own skillful
hands. And she helped herself to a little
of the sauce.
"And why didn't you learn my mother's
knack of making such pie crust as this?"
demanded Tom. "There's no dyspepsia
here. "
"I'm glad you're pleased," said Rachel,
with a guilty glance at her mother in
law. "Oh, by the way, Tom, the last of
the set of shirts is finished now ! Will
you put it on to-morrow?"
"I suppose so," ungraciously uttered
Tom. "Will set like fury, I dare say,
like all the rest of them !"
"You might at least give it a trial."
"Didn't I say I would?" still more un
graciously. "Those shirts will be the
death of me yet," he added, turning to
his motlier with a groan, while Rachel
sat steadily observing the pattern of the
tablecloth.
The breakfast stood smoking on the
table next morning when Mr. Edmon
stone came into the room twisting him
self as if he were practicing to be a
human corkscrew. Mrs. Edmonstone
timidly glanced up at him.
"Doesn't it fit, Tom?" she questioned.
"Fit I Just look at it, will you?" he
retorted. "Fit! Hangs like a window
curtain around my neck pinches my
wrists like a pair of handcuffs ! I feel
as if I were in a straight jacket," writh
ing impatiently to and fro. "Oh, I might
have known it beforehand. You have'nt
an idea what the word fit means. I
wish, mother, you could teach this wife
of mine how to make a decent shirt I"
"Thomas," said Mrs. Edmonstone,
solemnly, transfixing him with the glis- .
tning spheres of her spectacle glasses,
"you are not very polite. I made that
shirt." .
"You, mother!"
" Yes, I myself. Just as I usee! to make
shirts for you In the old times that you're
always sighing for. I've been working
at it ever sinoe I've been in the house.
Throw away the pattern, Rachel, and
don't waste any more time trying to nak
your husband's shirts, " she added. " It's
an economy of time and temjier, as well
as of mouey, to buy them ready made.
And as for the cooking you have been
praising up so eloquently of late, Tom, I
haven't touched a pot or a pan. It's all
your wife's work. So much for imagina
tion! Oh, you needn't hang your head
so sheepishly ; you're neither better nor
worse than most men. I never, saw the
man yet that didn't need to hear a little
wholesome truth now and then. You've
got the best and sweetest little wife in tho
world."
"Mother!" pleaded Rachel, trying to
put her hand over the old lady's mouth ;
but Mrs. Edmonstone went on
"And it's my advice to you to try and
treat her as she deserves. "
"I I don't know but I have been rather
cranky of late, now that I come to think
of it," said Tom, self accusingly.
"Crank! I should think so," said the
old lady. "I'm sure I don't know what
the world's coming to. Here's little'
Oeorgy toddling around with his wooden
cart. The first you know he'll be telling
his wife about the wonderful successes
his mother used to make in this, that,
aud the other thing. "
" And Oeorgy will be right, " said Tom,
who, after all, had a magnanimous streak
through him. "What a crab I've been!
Hang the homemade slrfrts! I'll buy 'em
next time. KiBS me, Rachel. And he
sure you let me have a dish of scalloped
oysters when I come to dinner."
The oysters Rachel cooked.
He ate his breakfast and departed.
And when he was gone young Mrs. Ed
monstone looked with shining eyes at old
Mrs. Edmonstone.
"Oh, what a nice thing it is to have a
mother in luw!" said she fervently.
The classification of tho character of
the immigration during the last decado
shows that only 30,257 males were of the
professional classes, 814,532 were skilled
laborers, 1,833,825 were of micellaneous
occupations, 78,827 made no statement
in regard to occupation, and 759,450 were
without occupation. Of tha 2,040,703
females 1,734,454 were without occupa
tion. Borrore Well, I never borrow trou
ble, anyhow. Lender Oh, no; you al
ways give that to the people you borrow
other tilings from. Washington Star.
A man passes for a sage if he leeks
wisdom i if be thinks he has found it he
is a fool, Hebrew Standard.
A WONDERFUL CAVE.
A REMARKABLE CAVERN THAT RIVALS
THAT OF KENTUCKY.
Toilsome Explorations Thronth Mnjr
Hllea of Cnrrlriora-Cliambera Killed
With lira l rut and Curlons Forma
lions.
The San Francisco E.mmincr sent nut
a p:irty to examine the great cave which
rece..t advices stated has lieen discovered
in Oregon.
The cave is slhtAted In Joephin
county, about 12 miles north of the Cali
fornia line aud 40 miles from the coast.
The Examiner porty were two days In
reaching the cave. Says its corroxoiid
out; The main opening, from which the
creek flows, was the first entered. For a
dosen feet only could you stand upright
But, almost double, wn pushed on. up to
our ankles in swiftly flowing water cold
as Ice. Thirty feet from the mouth the
daylight was no longer visible, and thnre
the cavern was large again and the pas
sage was divided. A great bowlder,
caught midway between the walls, made
nu upper and a lower corridor. To the
left a great hole gaped, and on the right
the floor broke oil abruptly in a grinning
crack.
The left hand passage was the only one
that did not lead to a long series of rooms,
and it was the largest opening of the
four. Stooping tinder a grnut rock that
jutted from the wall, the first of the
party found himself in an octagonal
chamber a doten feet high and as much
in diameter. It was a two story room.
Half way to the celling a comparatively
thin sheet of rock made a ceiling for the
lower room and a floor for the upper.
There were bones in these rooms of deer
and smaller animals, and there were,
other indications that it was or had been
tho den of some flesh eating beast, prob
ably a bear.
The last man in the party had in his
pocket a ball of twine. One end of the
twine was fast to a rock at the mouth of
the cave, and as they walked forward tho
line unwound.
As we clambered through the narrow
passages, wonder struck at their fantas
tic indants and projections, that looked
oven more grotesque in the light of the
flaming torches, we forgot that we were
cold and wet and tired. Every step
showed somethingstranger than had been
passed. A lime incrusted bowlder, cov
ered with fretwork delicate as hoar frost,
loomed up against the intense blackness
beyond an enormous bear's head ; glist
ening icicles were the teeth, and the
whole picture savage. Even while the
eye took in the features they changed,
and instead of a fierce white bear's head
there was only an irregular bowlder
again. ' '
In the distance, where the light barely
reached, ugly black forms appeared.
More than once the men suddenly halted
when one of these black beasts moved,
tor in the weird, smoky light they seemed
to move, though closer up they showed
as simply openings into other branches
of the crevasse. ..
Several very tempting openings were
passed, but fiually a particularly easy
looking door was roached, turning to the
right It was not easy long. The roof
got closer to the floor, and the walls
came nearer and nearer together. We
stooped, then we got on our hands and
knees, then down flat So half a dosen
yards we had to wriggle and squirm
along snakewise, our clothes catching on
the brittle spikes and the fretted floor
tearing our knees. It was exhausting
work for a while, but at last the passage
grew wider, and presently we were in a
room where we could stand upright
That was a wonderful place. Along
either wall ran a low, flat bench of rock.
In this bench were several depressions as
distinct and sharp as though out with a
chisel These depressions were only an
inch or so deep, wore perfectly rectangu
lar and perfectly level. They were filled
to the brim with water, and the white
rock glistened through it beautifully.
All around it was dry ; no water drip
ping from above, none welling np from
below. These squares of water reflected
like looking glasses when the torches
were held over them.
The "Mirror Room," this chamber was
named, and there the first photograph
was taken.
Many curious features were discovered
in the cave. A great chamber, named
the Dining Room because of a bench, was
of rock with a level top that occupied one
side of the room and looked more like a'
table than anything else, was tho last of
the easy traveling. From there a chim
ney barely wide enough to squeeze
through went up at an angle of 60 de
grees. A hundred yards of hard work
brought us to large rooms and broad pas
sages again. Rod after rod of stately col
umns, as regular and clear as freshly
sculptured marble pillurs, divide the
rooms aud increase tho mystery of the
great maze, and overhead a thousand
glistening drops of water, each the apex
of a brilliant white spear heud, reflect
the light of the glowing torches. Every
where on the walls masses of shining
lime, slowly deposited for ages, counter
feited the shapes of well known things.
Turning an abrupt corner of a cavern
(to high that the torches did not light to
the roof of the mugniflcent dome, a great
gaunt faos sends chills down your back.
You know, of course, that the malevolent
rye is only a shadow, the mouth a fault
in the gigantic stalactite, and the hoary
lnrd simply another stalactite stained
by a drop of iron that somehow has ln
washed down into the limestone cracks.
But the face the beard alone as long as
a man is uncanny, and as long as you
can see the visage you have an uncom
fortable feeling that the old man, who
iias been there as long as water and rocks
have been, is watching you with no ap
proving glance. , -
A waterfall 30 feet in height was dis
covered ; also a beautiful little lake, with
4 surface as clear as a mirror.
Every day for a week the party went
ta far as they oould Into the mountain,
end yet at the end of that time there
csemed almost as much yet unexplored
cj has been gone over. Evidently Ore
(V has great cave.
PIANOS, ORGANS it SEWING MACHINES.
J. SALTZER'S
n
With many years experience in
and sewing machines I can guarantee
1'ianos and Organs purchased of me,
out of order, it can easily be corrected,
instructions given to all purchasers of
successfully.
The STKCK PIANO is the best made. Its tone is eurpnpsed
by uone. lou make no
We ha"e also the
E3TEY aud the STARR
PIANOS,
And The
ESTEY, MILLER and
UNITED STATES
ORGANS.
We sell Tianos from $250 to
$600, and Organs from $75 to $175.
In Sewing Machines we
feP And the NEW HOME.
We sell the best Sewing Mach
ine made for $19.50.
Maltzer, Bloomsburg,
Don't fail to bring your Watches, Clocks and Jewelry to
CT- G. "WELLS
if you want them repaired Promptly, and Guaranteed.
4.:iu: r : . ..i
laiuiuca jui writing um
BARGAINS IN CLOCKS.
Wm. Gilbert Tick, fvom$ . 00 up.
" " Spay, hour strike. Walnut, Ash,
Marble, $400 UP'
got in n
- Silverware.
WATCHES FROM S5.00 UP.
FINEST LINK OF
Bisgs, Chains and Watches' in county.
ft- B. BOBBINS,
DEALER IN
' Foreign and Domestic
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Bloomshurq, Pa.
WATERPROOF COLLAR on CUFF
BE UP
TO
TNI MARK
CUM NO LAUNOntM. CAM
THU- ONLY LINEN-LINED WATEKIPROOP
COLLAR IN THE MARKET.
buying and selling musical instruments
to my customers the best in the markets
can be relied iion. Jf anything get.
and a great deal of annoyance saved.
Sewing Machines, how to otcratc them
mistake if you buy a cteck.
III r &
can give you the Celebrated
,i j!
U 'H ""''B
3
" WHlTIi
The beet Machine in the world.
The
NEW DOMESTIC,
The ROYAL ST. JOHN,
The STANDARD
Best
WOfK IU IU1S SeCllOn.
IFine Line of
THAT CAM BB RELIED ON
iq-ot to reput!
NOt to Plra3Ql-vit
BARS THIS MARK.
TRADE
Mark.
R VtMO CHAN IN A HOMOIT.
PHILLIPS.'
The Summer is gone, but
we still keep ice cream of
several llavors daily.
Oysters are now in season,
and they are served in any
style desired.
Regular meals served to
transient or permanent guests.
The Cafe is open, and the
kitchen is in charge of an ex
perienced cook. Catering for
parties, lodges, weddings, etc.,
a specialty.
Fresh bread and cakes daily
iu the baker)-.
M. M PHILLIPS & SON.
Proprietors of
"PHILLIPS' CAFE."
Bloomsburg, Pa.
KESTY& HOFFMAN,
Practical Machinists.
We repair Engines, Boilers, Saw Mills,
Threshers, Harvesters. Mowers and
all kinds of machinery.
WE HANDLK
STEAM PIPE FITTINGS,
VALVES, STEAM QAUGES.
And all kinds of Repairs.
riPK err 10 ohder.
AGENTS FOR
Garlleli Injector Co., Garfield
ucuti-a Tc; Ir.;ec.cr, Automatic
' and Locomotive IrJector.
All work done bv us is di.irantmt
to give satisfaction, and all work in
our line will be promptly attended to
SHOPS 6th and CIHTBE SI HUTS-
0LLEGE
Bl'MNIWH MAKFJ Til tIVlXi.
S?.SirfDJ." "?'y. "f ,,"'n l"n 1:isM(,. Oil".
?iirr..iJt it .i .pen' or tln"' "'"1 Ihoh-v.
Book-keeping. Shorthand, hul.
MUPcsmsnihlpindTvpe.
writing.
fur,r:.hulrrips' aier at any
yiyrA$WWl Pr.nc.psu
M'Killip Bros.
Photographers.
Only the best
work done. Fin
est effects in
light, and shade;
negatives re
touched and
modeled for sup
erior finish.
Copying, view
ing and life size
crayons.
Over H.J. Clark &
Son's store.
BLOOMSBURG,
Buplure
WMbeuiHlentlKntd, are m-
.. ." . o-h Arcn
uoVari8u."i?rtl;uP,li. ca 'j'T' w-
Keadlnir I'iL ,1''t; ' t HoUrJ lenn.,
1
I. B. Noll I I nwi! 1 in IU,!:!Hr L'K UHt Dule, Hs.,