I
AN INTERESTING EVENT.
SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS
OF ARTEMU3 WARD. j
Batty Jane the Mother of Twins nnd
Arlrmiii Indulges In m Celebration A
Moluilrnuin Criticised Mr. Lincoln lie
eeWes News of Ills Nomination.
Onpj'rljthtH and puhllshivl by special Brranpo
ment U. W. Dillingham, Kow York, pub-
JOY IN THE HOUSE OF WARD.
Dear Sirs:
TAKE my pen in hand to in
form you that I nm in a state
of grato bliss, nnd trust ihem
1 : j 1 1 . . ! -
0 Ultra W1J1 illlll JUU tllJU lllg
the sumo blonsins. I'm re
guvinatod. I've found the
immortal waters of vooth. bo
to speak, and am as limber and frisky as
a two-year-ld steer, and in the futnr
them boys which sez to me 'go up, old
Bawld hod," will do bo at the peril of
Uieir hazard, individooally. Tin very
happy. My house is full of joy, and I
have to git up nights and larf! Sum
times I ax myself "is it not a dream?" &
euthin withinto me sez "it air;" but
when I look at them sweet little critters
and hear 'em squawk, 1 know it is a
reality 2 realitys, I may say and I feel
gay-
I returned from the Summer Campano
with my uuparuleld show of wax works
and livin wild Beests of Pray in the
early part of this inunth. The peple of
Baldinsville met me cordully and I im
tnejitly communst restin myself with
my famerly. The other nite while I was
down to the tavern toetin my shins agin
the bar room fire & amuzin the krowd
with Bum of my adventure, who shood
cum in bare headed and terrible excited
but Bill Stokes, who sez, sez he, "Old
Ward, there's grate doins np to your
house. "
8es I, "William, how Brt"
Sez he, "Bust my gizzard, bnt its
grate doins," & then he larfed as if bee'd
kill hisself.
Sez I, risin and pnttin on aansteer
look, "William, I wood ant be a fool if 1
had common cents."
But he kept on larfin till be was black
in the face, when he fell over on to the
bunk where the hostler sleeps, and in a
till small voice Bed, "TwinsP I ashnre
you gents that the grass didn't grow
under my feet on my way home, & I was
foUered by a enthoosiastio throng of my
feller sitterzens, who hurrard for Old
Ward at the top of their roues. I found
the house chock full of peple. Thare
was Mia Square Baxter and her three
grown np darters, lawyer Perkinses
wife, Taberthy Ripley, yonng Eben Par
mas, Deaknn Simmnns folks, the Skool
master, Doctor Jordin, etsetterry, etset
terry. Mia Ward was in the west room,
which jines the kitchin. Mis Square
Baxter was mi Tin suthin in a dipper be
fore the kitchin fire, & a small army of
female wimin were rushin wildly round
the house with bottles of camfire, peaces
of flannil, &c I never seed such a hub
bub in my natral born daae. I cood not
stay in the west room only a minit, so
strung np was my feelins, so I rusht out
and ceased my dubbel barrild gun,
"What upon airth ales the man?" sea
Taberthy Ripley. "Sakos alive, what
air yon doin?' & she grabd me by the
coat tales. "What's the matter with
you?" she continnerd.
"Twins, marm," sez I, "twins!"
"I know it," sez she, coverin her jret
ty face with her apun.
"Wall," sez I, "tliat's what's the mat
ter with me!"
"Wall, put down that air gun, you
pesky old fool," sed she.
"No, marm," sez It "this is a Nash
nnalday. The glory of this here day
isn't confined to Baldinsvillo by a darn
site. On yonder woodshed," sed I,
drawin myself np to my full hite and
speakinin a show actin voice, "will 1
ftreaNashunal saloot!" saying which I
tared myself from her grasp and rusht to
the top of the shed whare I blazed away
until Square Baxter's hired man and my
son Artemus Juneyer cum and took me
down by mane force.
On returnin to the Kitchin I found
quite a lot of people seated be4 the fire,
a talkin tho event over. Thoy made
room for me & 1 sot down. "Quite a
eppisode," sed Docter Jordin, litin his
pipe with a red-hot coal. .
"Yes," Baid I, "the 3 eppisodos, wav
ing abowt 18 pounds jintly."
"A perfeck coop da tat," sed tho ekool
mastur. "E pluribus unum, in proprietor ier
sony," sed I, thinking I'd let him know
I understood furria langwidges as well
as he did, if I wasn't a skoolmaster.
"It is indeed a momentious event,"
said young Ebou Parnuus, who has been
3 quarters to tho Akademy.
"I never heard twins called by that
namo afore," sed I, "but I sposo it's all
rite."
"Wo shall soon havo Wards enuflf,"
sed the editor of the Baldinsville Iiwjle
of Liberty, who was lookin over a bundlo
of exchange papers in tho corner, "to
pp1 to tho hialater for a City Char-
uj-I"
"Good for you, old man!" sed I; "giv
bat uir a counpiokius placo iu tho next
i iutjk."
m Y.'o sot thero talkiu & larfiu until "tho
switchiu hour of nito, when gravo yards
yawn & Josts troop 4th," us old Dill
Sbfikofspire aptloo observes.
Muther & children is a doin well.
' OSSAWATOMIE BHOWN.
I don't pretend to be a cricket con
Bekently tho reador will not regard this
'ere peace as a Crickctcism. I ciuiply do
sino givin the pint & Plot of a play I
saw actid out at th3 theatro t'other nite,
called 0wy wattcrmy Brown or the Iloro
of Harper's Ferry. Ossywattcnny had
varis failing, one of which was a idee
that ho cood conker Virginny with a
few duzzen lounatics which ho had pickt
np Bumwharea, mercy only nose whero.
lie didn't cum it, as the sekel showed.
This play was jerkt by a admirer of Old
Oanywattermy.
First akt opens at North Elby, Old
Brown's hutnwtcd. Thare's a weddin at
the house. Aiiu-ly, Old Browu's darter,
niorrys suinbody, and thoy all whirl in
tho Mossy darnce. Then Ossywattwmy
and his 3 sons loavo furKansis. Old Mrs.
Osnywattormy tells 'em thay air goin on
a long jurny and Blesses 'eui to slow fid
dim. Thay go to Kansis. What upon
arth thay go to Kansis fur when they was
fo nice & comfortable down thero to
North Elby, i jnore'n I know. The
puds air next seen in Kansis at a tavern.
Mister Bl;mo, a sinister lookin man with
his Belt full of knives nnd hoss pistils,
axes one of tho Browns to tako a drink.
Brown ref uzis, which is tho fust instance
on record whar a Bro.wn dcklined sich
a invite. Mister Blano, who is a dark
bearded feroshus lookin person, then
axis liim whether he's fur or fereuRt
Slavery. Yv.ng Brown sez he's agin it,
whareupon Mister Blano, who is the
most sinistercst lookin man I ever f v,
sez Hut, har, hnr! (that bein his utile, of
larfin wildly) & ups & sticks a knife into
yug Brown.
Anuther Brown rushes up & sez, "you
has killed me Ber-ruther!" Moosic by
tho Baud & Seen changes. Tho stuck
yung Brown enters supported by his two
brothers. Bimeby he fulls down, sez he
sees his Mother, & dies. Moosic by the
Band. I lookt but couldn't see any
mother. Next Seen roveels Old Brown's
cabin. He's readin a look. Ho sez free
dom must extend its Area & rubs his
hands like he was pleesed abowt it. His
suns come in. One of 'em goes out & cuius
in deJ, havin bin shot wliilo out by a
Border Ruffln. The ded yung Brown
sez he sees his mother and tumbles down.
Tho Border Rufllus then surround the
cabin & set it a firo. The Browns give
theirsolves up for gone coons, when the
hired gal dinkivera a trap door to the
cabin & thay go down threw it & oum
up threw the bulkhed. Their merraklis
'scape reminds me of the 'scapo of De
Jones, tbeCoarsehair of the Gulf a tail
with a j ailer Iriver, that I onct red. For
sixteen years he was confined in a loath
sum dunjiu, not tastin of food dorin all
that time. When a lucky tbawt struck
him! He opened the winder and got
out
Toresoom Old Brown rushes down
to the footlites, gits down on his neos &
Bwares he'll hav revenge. The battle of
Ossawatermy takes place. Old Brown
kills Misier Blaue, th sinister indi
vidooal aforesed. Mister Blane makes a
able & elerqneot speech, ki he don't Bee
his mother much, and dies like tho son
of a gentleman, rapt np in the Star
Spangled banner. Moosio by the Band.
Four or five other Border raffins air kill
ed, but thay don't nay nothin abowt
secin their mothers. From Kansis to
Harper's Ferry. Picter of a Arsenal it
represented. Sojers cum and fire at it.
Old Brown cuius out & permits hisself
to be shot He is tride by two soops in
milingtery close, and sentenced to be
hung on the gall us. Tubloo Old Brown
on a platform, pintin upards, tho staige
lited up with red fire. Goddiss of Lib
erty also on platform, pintin upards. A
dutchmau in the orkestry warbles on a
base drum. Curtain falls. Moosio by
the Band.
HOW OLD ABB RECEIVED TBB HEWS Of
BIS MOJONATION.
There are several reports afloat as to
how "Honest Old Abe" received the news
of his nomination, none of which are
correct. We give the correct report
The Official Committee arrived in
Springfield at dewy eve, and went to
Honest Old Abe's house. Honest Old
Abe was not in. Mrs. Honest Old Abe
said Honest Old Abe was out in the
woods splitting rails. So the Official
Committee went out into the woods,
where sure enough they found Honest
Old Abe splitting rails with his two
boys. It was a grand, a magnificent
Bjieetacle. There stood Honest Old Abe
in his Bhirteleoves, a pair of leather
home-made suspenders holding np a pair
of home-made pantaloons, the seat of
which was neatly patched with substan
tial cloth of a different color. "Mr. Lin
coln, Sir, you've been nominated, Sir,
for the highest office, Sir"
"Oh, don't bother me," said Honest
Old Abe; "I took a ttent this mornin to
split three million rails afore night, and
I don't want to bo pestered with no stuff
about no Conventions till I got my stent
done. I've only got two hundred thou
sand rails to " split before sundown. I
kin do it if you'll let mo alone." And
the great man went right on splittin
rails, paying no attention to the Com
mittee whatever. The Committee were
lost in udkuiration for a fow moments,
when they recovered, and asked one of
Honest Old Abe's boys whoso boy he
was? "I'm my parent's boy," shouted
the urchin, which burst of wit bo con
vulsed tho Cominitteo that they came
very near "gin'in eout" completely.
In a few momonts Honest Old Abe
finished his task, and received the news
with jierfect Belf possession. He then
asked them up to the house, where he
received thein cordially. He said he split
three million rails every day, although
he was in very poor health. Mr. Lincoln
is a jovial man, and has a keen sense of
the ludicrous. During tho evening ho
Obked Mr. Everts, of Now York, "why
Chicago was like a heu crossing the
Btroet?" Mr. Evarts gave it up. "Be
Guu.se," said Mr. Lincoln, "Old Grimes
is dead, that good old man!" This ex
ceedingly humorous thing created the.
most uproarious laughter.
ALL ABOUT FISH.
PAPA FISHES THAT TAKE CARE
THEIR LARGE FAMILIES.
OF
IVnTevsnr Theodora mil, of the mllh
BMiilun Inxlltntlon, Tells of Tliem-Thn
W'Hys .f the f.ilflh and Nn fl.h -Klah
Tlint linns" forth IhelrVnuns Alive.
"It is generally supposed that fishes
tHkc no care whatever of their yoitn,
;it lug them entirely to the iillcntimi
of niitin-M, " inid Professor Theodore Hill
of tli Smithsonian. "But (lie fuct is
very much otherwise Willi lnauy species.
The most remarkable point, however,
regarding certain kinds of tinny creat
ures in their parental relations is that
mules do the care tailing, and not the fo
unties. Very interesting discoveries
linvelieen recently made with regard to
the huliits of nest building fishes, thn
cat fish nmoiig others.
"If rou will go out any tlnio during
tin month of August in this latitude,
mu w ill see in the streams and j tnids
iig cailish of the com moil sort, ench
one accompanied by a swarin of snuill
fry. In each case the old one is a male
and lie is engaged in taking care of his
i tfsring. If an intruder comes near he
w ill dash at him and drive him away.
It has been known for a long while that
c.ithNhes had this way of guarding their
oiing, lull only lately has it U-eu as
certained that it wns the papa fish which
did the cure taking. Some time back
there was a pair of cattish' in one of
ilio sqU 'rui "lit the building of the fish
coininis.-i n. At spawning time eggs
were laid, and one of the parents kept
watch over them, not permitting the
other to come near. The young w ore
"Inly hatched and thrived, being cared
for in this way until they were big
enough to look out for themselves,
'iiien the fish which had stood guard
whs taken out nnd dissected, the result
being that it w ns found to be the male.
"In their native poii'lsand brooks you
w ill find lai'ue broods of youug c.itfiVli
as big ns three-fourths of an inch in
length remaining together iu flocks,
each llock accompanied by the male.
Sometimes the latter will swim slowly
along iu tho center of the flock and at
other times alongside. In laying their
eggs the parent catlishes select u spot
w here tho v aler is quiet, if possible pro
tected by Aquatic plants, and there they
make a nest, perhaps 8 inches by 0, in
closing the spawn. This nest has u soft
ouUr envelope, nnd over it the male
hovers, forcing frosh water through the
mass br rapid vibrutions of its fins until
after itboiit a week they are hatched.
"isoinoliiiies the main cullish takes
care of its young in a still more peculiar
iimUiier. There is a kind fouud in the
Sea the eggs laid by which nro as big as
a small bullet. These eggs are found in
the mouths of the males, which do this
to protect them. After tho eggs are
laid the papa catfish takes them into his
mouth and keeps them thero until they
are all hatched, when they go out and
take care of themselves.
"But this method is not confined to
the oaifishes. There are found in Africa
and South America species whioh re
semble the sunfish of our own streams.
These 'cichlids,' us they are called, are
also plentiful in Texas and Palestine.
They are often fou id wl h their cheeks
fairly bulging with young. In the sea
of Galilee the cichlids are so numerous
that the miraculout catch of the time
when St Peter fished there might be re
peated Miy day, it being the manner of
the.-e fishes to move about on top of the
water in solid masses, covering many
quitro yards and makiug a noise like
that ( f raiu pouring.
"The cominou sunfish also takes care
of its eggs ns do other species of its
family which are rocutiar to North
America, such as the black bass, rock
I ass, aud crappie. In the spring a pair
of these fishes will come near shore,
and carefully clear away a circular
spot a foot or two in diameter, remov
ing nil tlie weeds and stones. In this
clearing the female lays her eggs, and
the male immediately taken charge,
hoveriug over the nest and driving
a ay all intruders. This continues
until the buby fishes are hatched and
able to take care of themselves.
"The pipe fishes, which are found in
very sea, save where it is very cold,
also take care of their young, and in a
very curious manner. The new laid
eggs are taken charge of by the male,
which has a sort of fold on each side of
its body. Beneath these flaps he keejis
the eggs until the young are hatched
and sufficiently grown to take care of
themselves. In the group which in
cludes the soa horse the male has a
pouch under its tail, wherein it retains
the eggs until the little fish have been
hatched for a day or two, at the end of
which time they make their way out
and do their own foraging.
"In the case of all these species of
fishes which take care of their youug a
curious adaptation of natural law to
circumstances is found, Those which
take the greatest pains iu sheltering
their offspring have the fewest eggs,
perhaps loss thau one hundiv-d at a lay.
Ou the other hand, other sorts of fishes
which pay not the slightest attention to
their young produce hundreds of thou
sands and even millions at a single lay.
The extreme iu the other direction is
found iu the gignutio ray known as
the 'devil fish' of southern waters, which
grows to be 20 feet in width. I L bears
but a single young one at a birth, the
mother retaining' it inside her body until
it has grown to be four foot broad. Tho
youthful devil fUli, coming into thu
world so big, is in little danger from any
enemy, aud one at a birth is enough to
keep up the stock. There are very
many kinds of fishes which no callod
'viviparous' because they bring forth
their young alive. Tlnoe-fouiUw of the
sharks are of that nature. "
Sitting; Hull's Wives.
Sitting Bull had three wives, two of
whom survive him. , The name of one
of . them is The-One-That-Uad-Four-llobea.
,'Jha other seems to have distin
guished herself by doing mora than n
wife's shnro toward keeping tho name
of the Bull family upon the Sioux cen
sus roll, and is culled Tho-One-'l hat-llad-TwiiiB-Twice.
(.St Joseph Guzette.
ORKAT MKMORIES.
ome Old Tlmirs Who C'onM Rrpesl
Wliole Hunks Cnrreellr.
There w an a Corsican boy who could
rehearse 40,000 words, whether sonso or
nonsense, ns they were dictated, nnd
then repeat them in reverso order w ith
out making n single mistake. A physi
cian, about 00 years ngo, could repent
the whole of Paradise Lost without
making a mistake, although ho had not
read it for 20 years. Euler, the great
mathematician, whon ho becalil'1 blind,'
C"u!d repeat the whole of Virgil's
vlC e M, and could , remember the Hist
line of every page of tho particular
edition w hich he had been accustomed
to read before he liccamo blind.
One kind of retentive memory may
be considered ns tho result of sheer
work, a determination toward one par
ticular achievement without reference
either to ci.ltivatiou or to memory on
other subjects. This is frequently
shown by persons in human life In re
gard to the bihla An old becgar man
at, Sterling, known 50 years ago ns
"Blind A lick, " afforded an instance f
this. Uu know the whole of the bible
by heart, insomuch that if a sentence
tis read to him ho could name the
book, chapter, nnd verso, or if the book,
chapter, nnd cr e were named he
could gio the exact Words.
A gentleman, to test him, repented a
verse, purposclv making olio verbal
inaccuracy. Alick hcMlnlcd, named
the place where the pas-.ng.. u ns to be
found, but nt the same lime pointed
out t..e verbal error. The same gentle
man linked him to repeat the ninetieth
verse of the seventh chapter of the
hoik of Numbers. A I if I; aim st iu
stantly replied: "Thero is no such
verse. That chnp or has only 89
verses. " Gassendl hud acquired by
heart 0,000 Latin verses, and in order
to give his mem. ry cxeicise ho was in
tho habit daily of reciting C0J verses
from different lanuaes.
Wlm WrntM this I'm. in t
In respoiiNO lo a request from the Ur
baua Citizen that ho namo bis favoritu
English po,iu, James Wliiicomb Uiley
sends to that u cr thosuhjuiiied verses,
lie first snw them 2J years u,;o in nil ol
scure country uowpnpcr, and has been
trying ever siiicj to learn tho namo of
the author:
nitAVE I.OVK.
HeM nntlllliiJ but Ills vinlfn;
IM notliliiK hut my song
liut wo wore weO w hen nkles were blue
An I Milium r da s were lonif;
Anil when we rested by t lie liucluo
1 be roliliii eaiHo nnl tul.l
How tbey lisil da eil to woo and win
When early sirtnK was colli.
We sonit'tiiiius siiuh1 on dewberries.
Or slept among tlie liny
Hut oft the farmers' wives at eve
Ciime out to bear us ilny
Tbe rare ol I tunes-the dear old nncs!
S e could not starve for Inu
While my man hud his vlollu
And I iny sweet love song.
Tbe world has aye (tone well with us,
Old Mnn, since we were onel
Our homeless wnndvriim down the lnnei
it Ion it nun was done.
But tbooe who wslt for gold or gear
For bouses and for kino.
Till you i U' sweot siiriiig grows brown and
sere
Aud love and beauty i.ne.
Will hi vor k ii'iw t be Juya of beartt
Tbat met without a fair
Wbea you lai.i bat your violin
And 1 u hmiik, my dear.
Oelatli.eus Maid In Stoma; llatterles.
A Swiss electrician. Mr. Paul fJchof.
now of Chicago, has adopted a service
able plan for making storage batteries
more portable by transforming the
liquid eloctrolyte into a posty, gelatin
ous mass. This is aco nnplialied by add
ing to the cell a small quantity of odium
silicate, which is (lecompmed by the
sulphuric acid, the silica being liberated
in the form of translucent, firm, and
elastic jelly. This jelly is uuattacked
by sulphurio acid, or by the more pow
erful oxidizing agents which eome into
existence during the changing of the
cell.
The resistance of the cell Is slightly
increased, and its capacity in Watt
hours is somewhat diminished by the
jelly. The best method of gelatinising
the electrolyte is to add one volume of
sodium silicate of a density 1. 18 to three
volumes of sulphuric acid of a density
125, allowing the mixture to stand for
84 hours. At the end of that time the
w hole liquid is set to a jelly. During
the charging of tho cell a small quautity
of liquid rises to the surface of thu jully,
but this disappears again during the
discharge.
How to Saddle a Burse.
"There is only one way to put a saddle
ou a horse, " says Colonel Kearney, "I
learned it w heu I was a member of the
Texas rangers. It's a little thing, but
it is worth knowing. I used to put my
blanket on and it would look smooth
and nice. Then I would put tho saddle
on aud mount After riding a few
miles I would find the saddle slipping
further and further back, and would
find it necessary finally to dismount and
cinch up ngain. One day a cowboy
said: 'Let me iix that saddle for you.'
1 got off ami he put the blanket ou just
as I had done, and then the saddle.
Then he put his hands under the saddle
and blanket, lifted them up, and let
them settle back into place, I found
that when this wns done the saddle
would stick for a forty mile ride. "
(Kansas City Times.
The Ailslooratla llee.
One of the most interesting country
places in Maine is that of Mr. Mark
Gray, of West Freeman, who has been
so successful iu raising bees that lie
made $U;'7. 50 from them last year. A
correspondent gives a description of his
apiary, which lias been arranged with
remarkable painstaking and is a verita
ble curiosity. All the hives are painted
and striped in different combinations,
no two alike. Mr. Gray makes his hives
himself, having built u small shop and
miniature, sawmill for thU purpose. He
thinks tho bues like to have their homos
attractive as well as human beings nnd
thut they work hotter aud are more con
tented for having everything . tidy
around them. They require but very
little attention, but anything out of
place they notico ns quickly as a noat
housov. ife. Lewiston Journal.
CLOTIHIM ! CJLOf Mild
10 Per mL MedracMoe.
WE ARK SELLING OUR STOCK OF
Winter and Spring Clolliing.
ALSO
Gents Furnishing Goods, at a re
duction of io per cent.
Call at once and secure bargains. Our stock is new and all
of the Latest Patterns. You can Save from $2.00 to $5.00 on
every suit you buy.
This is POSITIVELY the best chance of BUYING
CLOTHING ever offered in Iiloomsburir.
We have also a fine lot of cloths from which we can make
Suits to Order.
WE GUARANTEE SATISFACTION
in our make of clothing both as to quality and style.
Come while this reduction lasts.
Bloomsburg, Pa.
PIANOS, OliGANS A
J. SALTZER'S
I
With many years experience in buying and selling musical instruments
and sewing machines I can guarantee to my customers the best in the markets
Pianos and Organs purchased of me, can be relied upon. If anythinir eet
out of order, it can easily be corrected, and a great deal of annoyance saved.'
Instructions given to all purchasers of Sewing Machines, how to operate them
successfully. 1
The STECK PIANO is the best made. Its tone is surpassed
by none. You make no mistake if you buy a gteck.
We ha"e also tbe
ESTEY and the STARR
PIANOS,
And The
ESTEY, MILLER and
UNITED STATES
ORGANS.
We sell Pianos from $250 to
$6oo, and Organs from $75 to $175.
In Sewing Machines we
We sell the best Sewing Mach
ine made for $19.50.
JF, Saltzer, BloomsMrgi JPa-
DEALER IN
Foreign and Domestic
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Bloomsburg, Pa.
JSVAm & EYES,
COMER MAIN AND IRON STREETS.
SEWING MACHINES.
ill
can give you the Celebrated
1 Hi
"WHITE"
The best Machine iu the world.
Tbe
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