.e mifimbnal cahds. I T u muz ATTOIWEY-AT-LAW, OmoE Front Itoom, Oror Postoflloo. OLOOMSDURO, PA. J H.r'JlAlZEj TATTORNKY.AT.L'AW, IKSURANCE'aM KKALBSTATK AGENT, Office. Koora No. 2, Columbian building. D LOOMS IJUH0, PA. N. U.FUNK, ATTOllNK ST-AT-L AW. llLOOMSina,FA Offloo la Xnt'a Building, J OIIN M. GLAKK, ATTORN E Y-AT-L AW AMD JU&TIOE'OF THE PEACE. ' BLOOHIICBO, I'A Omc OTor JJoyer Bros. Drag Store. c, W.MILLER, ATTOHNKY-AT-bAWi oniceln Drawer's tuIldlng,sccondfloor,roomNo.l BI6omsmtrg', r. k ,y . FRANK BAKU, ' ATTORNKY-AT-LAW. Bloorasbnrg, I'a. -,..0KSlcornor 9' Centre anailaln streets, ciarks Building. - r , ' v Can to consulted In Oormaii. Gr EO. K. KLWELL -ATTORN E Yr ATiL'A W ULOOUSOUltO, l'A. OtUce on second floor, thlrd.room ot Col Duhian Iluilding, Main street,, below Ex. change Hotel. ' H. V. WHITE, ATTORNEY-A.T-LA.W, BLOOMSBURQ.IPA, p Office In Witts' Building, 1 2nd floor. may 1-tf B. WINTER8TEEN, A ttornoy at-Law AND NOTARY PUBLIC. Oftlco In let National Bank bulldlnff. second noon Drat door to the left, corner ol Main and Market ireets uioomrt urg, ra. tSfPtmxnnt and ountietOollecUd. F. P. BILLMEYER, AMSTJIICT ATTORNEY. 'ATTORKEY-AT-LAW, HTOillce over Bloomsburg, Pa. Deutlcr's shoo store, apriOO.80. w H. RI1AWN. ATTORNEYcAT-LAW. ,S -. Catawlsj,ajPa: Oace.odrnerofThlrdanaMalnstreeta t f JOBERT R.' LITTLE, ATTO R N 12 Y-AT-L A W, BL00VI8UUIta,tPA. rirofflco, front room. Coluubun IlulWlns, bccond lloci, Q.RANT. IERRIN0, A'iTORNEY-A T-LAW, iBLOOMSBUltO, TA. Office OTrr Hawllng'B Meat Market. TI1.1I0N0IIAA1I10BBINS. i A) Ofllce and residence, Vfost First street, Blooms- burg, I'a. novse m ly. iA.BurirW andThi T B. McKELVY; slclari, north side Main strect.below Market D R. J. O.-ROTTER, rHYSKlIAN 1 8UR0KON, ' Omce! North Jfarltct street, - " (Bloomeburg, Ft DR. WM. Fhvslclan, M. REBEIl Burceon and omce corner of Rock and Market UUOWN. SOtflca and residence 8rd street, West ot Maiket near M. K. Church. Office hours every attornoon and. ovenlng. - Bpe clal attention given to the eye and the fitting of glasses. Telephone connection. JQU. J. R. EVANS. Treatment of Chronio Diseases made a SPECIALTY. Ollico, Third Street, iJiioiisiujiio Pa yj-ftT J. IlEsS, D, D. B., (frifduate of the Philadelphia Deptal College, Ilavlng opened a dental onlooin LOCKARD'S BUlhDING, corner ot Main ana ventre streets. BtiOOMSRVRG, PA., 8 prepared to receive all patients rrquli ng pro- ETHER, GAS, AND LOCAL ANAESTHETICS administered for the painless extraction ot tectu tree ot charge when artiuclaiuetb aru inserted. ALL WORK GUARANTEED AS ItEI'ItESENTED. ociso-iy. rW a; H auuiu, .-r-DKNTIST, muni. Ci oomsburo, Columbia County, T& iUstylesoforkdonoln a superior manner, work "warranveuao ioiiivmjuwu, " nitnooiPAibythe use of Gas, and iv tree of ehftrgewhenartlflclalteetb are Inserted. niflfln lUrtrm'a hulldlnc. Main, street, below Market, Ave. doors abciowiKlelmV drug store, first floor. 3K7o"4 open ,atlall Sour$it!uring-tht 'rfaj wovss-iy B. F. UARTMAH iraisiMTS Ton Totxowixa ; ,2 A MER10AN INBURANOEICOMPAHIES Horth American of Philadelphia, Franklin, " " Fennsylranla, " " York, ot Pennsylvania, Hanover, of N. Y. Sueens. ot London, orta British, of London. Office on Market street, No. I, Bloomtnnrg. oct. is, l- Bloomsburg Fire lillii'ibj. ESTABLISHED IMS. (Successor to Freas Brown) I VouriMlis SiraiBSHiiD: Assets I ,M8,Ss&T jfitna Fire Ins. Co., ot Hartford,,, Hartford of Hartford i noeoizof iiartrora.. 4,T?8'409 IS "rinaseld ot fcortoetleld. 8.rMe.ao3.U8 Vlii-AtikMaUnn. l-blladelnhla 4.B12.T91S4 l.nsrtilan of London - K).W3.i3Jl l vnix. ot London e,tu4,ut.M 1 j n.Mahlre nf England!!. H. branch) 1.641.1U5 00 lijyal of England " ,SiS,M4.W Mutual uenent lite Ins. Co. ot New ark, N.J. l7,mS3 Losses promptly adjusted and paid at this omce. FIRE INSURANCE AGENCY- OF Ji II. MAIZE, OlBco 2nd floor Columbian Building, BLOOMSIIURG, PA. Liverpool London and alone, largest In tba world. iSSBTf. IMFERIAL of London, t,e.'Ui,4rv.oO CONTINENTAL of New York, 13,K,KU.J AUHiuuAxi oi rnuaueipuia, rwttvao.n I41AUAHA, 01 HOW 0, tine l, less, tr. tJ,stiu,t7V.tl Exchange TiHotel, UENTOrr, PA. , , tThe.nndenigned baa leaked thla.well-known 4'atsiuae, and U pre tw red to aeeonunodata thisVpubuo vrfth alrWe conveauncea of stshit-claialotel. lkuubl piuxe; Propriotai I ' ... sk "THE IOLLY OLD ,f' if ' B A iollylold mariner sailing the sea. A M. ii.vStL wsnrocrine a sclosndi thus thundered he. f-ffm H bt W 'OuMI'lp is bold as an etgle on wing, ..I. u ..lie .hiiki h tnigo inai-s m lor a King! A cargo that's welcome to peaaant or nope, .Our; ship the 1 laden with IVORY SOAP. "I've plowed all the oceans to everj' port, To visit all nations and climes Is my sport! We carry our goods to the ends of the world. Our trade Is announced on our banner unfurled; Seel blaioned on pennant from top. mast and ropet 'We brlrg to all i eople the Ivory Soap.' "From Procter & Oamble, my lads, do you mind? We carry a blessing to gladden mankind: For dirt is a foe to the body and soul, And soap must precede e'en the gospel's control; jr jiT.htn hurrah I blp hurrah I for philanthropy's hope, i '"Its bars, like the truth, or a lifcsavlnr boat. 9 J Ever,rlse.to the top and triumphantly float; c As the foam on the wind-fretted billow 'tis light, As the elephant's tusk It is glossy and white; ,ic ,iuc.s mi iiraisc 11 in measure anu trope, lhe ocean is thundering IVORY SOAP." A WORD OF WARNING. There are man white soaps, each reDresented to ba " lust as n-nnrl .ic the 'Ivnru'i" f they ARE flO's', b'j like -!I counterfeits, lack ot the genuine. Ask Jor "Ivory" Soap and Corr-I.'M ISSfi, by I'rocter & Gamble. Hop QUICKEST REMEDY KNOWN For bfcckMhe, and &U nddeo, thup, oc long lUnding ptlni or wMkneoeM of vnrf kind. Vlrtaes of frtb hop, hemlock ud pint bilum combined. It If vondarfaHy SOOTHING, PAIN-KILLING, CURATIVE and STRENGTHENING. taiisfies every time. TRY ONK NOW. 'tit Cts. , b for ti.oo. Mold ererrwhen, or ratusd lor prloe. fAotfor ilgnaturt a (A'pri)prfetor,''HoP' PLASTER n r, n a a Near Fhlladelphlsu School Opens Hept. 19th. Yearly Expense; 8500. quarterly Farm' ta, 9V2S. b u utsa tfasa a Cm ! .arl.i. aA.cm1 cliiMl In rktYlc. Cll JdnrUwlnp, Clusict, MUicmtit, etc 0 of tki 1 .fJT. f ?T, .Vu eFln. uTt Ki in ri I Unfit M daubl thletki. :,re c V.rm. sUclVl" oil. Fttroni or ttudent mar .eUct ny itudiet, of Busfitw. CoUtfte-Prepmiory, E'ty.y'LSri 'm.SLi VnA tteiil lLimott. Pruttcftl Iluii new Dwrtiiient. li Telegtphy. lSJA J?SS5: 1 ... 'e.i..l".l r-V t .l.nrv. PracHrkl llullflrtl tllu.trated ciUlogwi teat fre to any Jlmt. lad rropttcwr, Mean, r. CLOTHING! CLOTHING G. W. BERTSCH, THE MERCHANT TAILOR. -:o:- Ge&U9 Furnishing QoodsaU & G&p OF.VEViltv: DESCRIPTION, Suns mftdo to order at short notice jwland a fit alwavH cuaranteed or no sale. 1,1 - " ".i-l . A t.tii anu examine me larum auu uo aolcoted stock of goods ever shown in Columbia oounty. Btore next door to First National nnn MAIN STREET, ""Bloomsburg Pa. EXCHANGE HOTEL. W. R. TUBBS, PROPRIETOR DLOOMSBUIia.PA. OFP0BITB COURT UOUSB. rmvn anil rnnvfinteni aamnlfl rooms. Bath room hot and cold water; and all modern convenience KtsnlUng from the Errors of Youth, Folly, Vice, Ig. aorsnce, Ac, mr ba eared at home without fall or eiposer. Infallible and Confidential, Lane Treatise, S., SOU Pages, OBIJ 1 1 UJ uimu, waicu, iubi'iu. ,boek,jWUh endorsements of the press, free, low," 'Address the Feabody Medical Insulate, SmaU 1 1 H Ur. W.U-1'ars.er, No.4 lfuUncb ttt.,Uostna,ili bena oo Janetl-d-4t GET YOUR JOB PRINTING -DONE AT THE COLUMBIAN OFFICE II v BLOOMSBURG, PA.RIDAY, JULY 5, 1889 MARINER. the peculiar and remarkable qualitiet insist upon cettinK it MY BACK! OHI for on ofthtt UOV Co Boston, on (Ae centime gooii. QUALITY, "ASII We don't slurvc Quality to throw a bono to Price. In other words, wo don't slight our work or a iuferior trimmings to tenijit you with a low price for poor goods. None but the 13est Clothing for Men, Youths, Boys and Children. A. C. '.'Yates & Co t , .PLBDtlER I1UILDING. SIXTH AND OHKSTNUT, 1'IIILDELriIIA. Lit Ttui.!nMva torn f rOUtrtK Po! rtcJlk QicmUtrT. Burreywc, tiicwici or D4rtlTJ D., A.M. tllUTUd Ciidtutc). rrlw:pu yrAlNWRIGilT & (JO., WHOLESALE GROCERS. Philadelphia, Pa. TEAS, SYRUl'S, COFFEE, UUOAIt, MOLASBEb HICK, 81'ICSfl, niOilill SODA, ETO., ETO. N. S. Corner second and Arch 8ta. irOrders will receive prompt atwntoot THE BEST BURNING OIL THAT CAN BE MADE FROM PETROLEUM, It gives a brilliant Iteht. It will not smoke the chimneys. it win not cnar tne wick. It has a high are test. It will not explode It 13 nrc-emtnently a family safety oil. WE CHALLENGE COMPARISON With any other Illuminating oil made. Wo Stake Our Reputation As refiners, upon the statement that It la THE BEST OIL IN THE WORLD. Ask your dealer for UANVILXE, PA. Trade for Bloomsburg and Vicinity Supplied by MOYER BROS., Bloomsburg, Po. aepl-ly. LOOK f If You want a good situation writ MAY UltorilKliS, Nurserymen, liochener, N. Y., as they are In want of honest and upright satesmen to kulltholr chotco an 1 hardv varletloa ot Noraerr Block, either on salary or oommhtdon. tlany new ana vamtoio vaneuos to oner, wrua inum once for torma. DELAYS AIU& UANUBROU& JulyMMU iilitiiWi'ii isp If ft III pi f If f 4, A WISH. From din and ttrifo of town afar, In summer I would find a borne Bet In the green fields like a atar. That burns in heaven's tapphiro (turns; And like the placid sweep of sky Around that Jewel of the night, I'd have the clover meadows lift Wbeiin the bcea should find delight; A winding surer brook to play The pebbly muala ot its mirth. To mirror heaven's tnUky way, And be Its echo on the earth. Tor clouds tie mine the fringed trees. In whose loaf arches birds might bide. And hang their cradles In the bnto And rock their young upon Its tid& My paths, pared by the sun and shatte. Swept by tho wind and washed by dew, Should be mosaics deftly laid. Forever fresh, forever sew. Such be my summer home, where time So softly, unrecorded, gcxw. That life seems like melodious rhymo Bet in tho world's majeetlc proao. And as the star night overpast , , Dies lu thedaan's dew scented breath Lord, bo It mine, to rind at last " Day on the taoming side of death. Frank Dempster Sherman In Youth's .Com panion. (', LOWLAND FOLKS. Tho "Hltioa Placo," aa it was culled, was a sciuattcr'a furm. That is, Tom nines had dumped his wagon load of household goods down by tho highway at n certain 8)ot, built n brusii ulinutj to shelter his family for a few days, and eventually erected a rudo log cabin, and there ho had stuck for tho last fifteen years. Ho had "brushed" over two or three- acres of land around tho liouso mid raised a little corn and a few bushels of potatoes, and I found him sitting on his doorstep as goodnturcd and content as a liouso cat after a full meal. "Powerful glad to neo ycr powerful glad," ho said as weshook hands. ''Tho stage driver was a-saylng you'd bo along today, and I was sorter on tho watch. You tliar, Jcnnyr" A woman appeared in answer to the call, and tho man Baid: "Jenny, this is ho 'un. Stranger, Jen's my olo woman. We'vo got a boy named Uoses, but lies oil artcr roots. Now como right in and feci homo made." The cabin consisted of ono room about sixteen foct square. Thero'was n Uro plocc, two beds mado of poles, n rudo slielf on which wero n few dishes, an old clock which did not go, a rlilo resting on deer horns, a few gurments hanging to pegs and a photograph of Cleveland tacked to tho logs. Tho cash inventory, outside of tho rifle, would not havo been $5. I expected to bear tho woman begin tho usual "nagging" after a bit, aud tho man to start off with excuses, but noth ing of tho sort took place On tho con trary, as soon as I had been furnished with a bltoof cold bacon and corn bread, and washed it down with a summer tonio mado of roots, we went out for n amoko, and lllnes Inquired: "How ar-yo linuin tho peoplo along tho road?" "Much discouraged." "Over what?' "Oh, tho weather and so on." "That's jls' liko 'cm, tho onery, fault finders! When it isn't ono thing It's an other. Stranger, kin yo expect to find better weather than this outsido of heaven?" "Hardly." "That's what I say. Yo found most of 'cm lazy and shuckloss, I reckon?" Yes." Well, it's nobody's fiult but thar' own. I lungs dou t looli very peart around yere, do they?" "Well, no." "Thar's reasons fur it. In tho fubt placo I'm a tquattcr. Can't tell when I'll hcv to pull up aud git. Tharfore, ye can't expect me to rush things. In the next placo wo hcv null to cat and w ar, and that's nil wo want. Wo is poro folks, and wo is satisfied to be." "There nro very few that way." " 'Zactly, stronger, and that's what alls this nashun. Thar' hain't 'null phil osophy about common folks. Now, then, s'posln' tho president should 'pint me postmaster down at Red Bridge? I can't read nor write, un' I can't tnllt grammar, an' I'd jlst feel onery mean nil tho lime. S'xkii that Jay Could should send mo down a Ucri jilgo un busies us u freo gift! Hev 1 got ury placo tobtablo them bosses un put that kerrutgef How would 1 look lidin' 'round I huso yero parts in a UiouMin.l tlolluf rigl" "Then you 'don't want to bo rich?" "Yes, I do, but 'taln't fur me. When I got growed tip to 21, nn' found myself plzen pore, un' homely, an' longbhanked, an' ignerent, I knowed figures nn' riches wasn't fur mo. I cut my sticks ncordin'. That's jist tho way witli Jen, too. Jen, como out yero an' talk." Tho woman cumo out, .lighted her pipe and sat down, and her husband con tinued: "Jen, ho'un thinks it mighty quare that wo don t yarn I ur uiznuss an riches. Tell he'un how you feel about it." "You was plzen poro an Ignerent, ho said as she looked over id him, "an I was ull that bilcd down nn' mo', too. I knowed right off that riches wasn't fur us, on so I diuu t yarn fur cm. "And you are content to livons you do?" "Pooty nigh, stranger pooty nigh. If I had u hull iiound of sixty cent tea an' five (Mjunds of brown sugar in tho cabin all to onco I wouldn't trade places with any womun In tho state. "Ye sec, it's liko this," said tho hus band as ho dug up tho'soll' with a stick. "If wo was wontin 'wod Hev to nov a fine house. Then we'd hev to furnish it an' git hired belt). Then we'd hev to hev watches an' diamonds on' slch, an' good clothes, an' go to the theatre, an' travel around, an keep ires3ed up, an talk swoet, an' bo whar' would tho comfort como in? It's too much to put on a pus son's shoulders." "He 'un is jlst right," added tho wife. "Wo'g poro an' can't git no better oft, What wos got' wos got. What wo boven't got don't hurt nor help us." A couplo of moil, going to mill with a few bushels of corn in a cart, camo along just then and stopped to got a drink ot water ana "clutter ' with u "How's Mandy, Jim?" queried IHneei of one. "Poro very, pore,'' "'now' craps?" "Powerf ul bad showln'.f ur craps this year." "How's yerowia feslln's, Jim?" "Only sorter. Hat boon chilling (hav ing chill) mo or less.' fAnVhow's tho children?" "Jlst fairly klokln", thank, yo." "Wnuli now, JIm.'yere'S "stranger from tho no Ui, an' no can't mnko us out. -Do you want an otflsr' lt'Shucka, nol" "Wan, a gold watch?" 'nul'-WhaT'dlkeoplt?'' "Want hones an' kerrldges?" "Shool Tom, but you'ftV- funuln' roel" v "Want ter qult yer!equat' up tlutr, which' or" about the same as mine, an' git rich an'- big on' live In grand style? ' "WhyTom, hold yer blablVf gasped tho astonished man. ''What I want to know," I 'expluinod, J"ls if you are content to live as squat ters, never getting ahead, never seeing any better times?" "Look-u-yere, stranger," said Jlua as 1 bo sat down Lp tho nnd jkibacco 1 cavo Win, "fills ycfolenVry woulJljO better off if thar' wasn't so much ynrnin' an' mo' common sense. Wo can't all bo rich nnd big. Somebody has got to bo poro nn' backwards. If each ono of us was found to bo rich If wo was yearnln' fur silks nnd satins and flno bosses, somebody would hev' to bo pulled down to help us git up. Thar'd bo jlst so much mo' fussing. An' s'poscn wo got rich what of it?" "They say It's nlco to bo rich," I re plied. "Waal, niebbo 'tis, but I don't hanker. Wo'vo got meat nn' meal an' sugar an' tea, and It seems to mo wo ortcf bo purty well satisfied." "But thcro must bo something beyond somo mubition to lo gratified, You nro not going to live tills way to tho day of your death?" "No, Blranger, I hain't. My nmblshun Is to git tills grist to mill nn' homo ngin, nnd I'm sort o' calkerlatin' to lcavo my squat in the fall nn' cum down yero 'long fildo o' Tom, so our wives kin mako Bolt soap in tho samo kcttlo un' use ono wash board betwixt 'uin." 11. Quad In Detroit Freo Press. Conquest nf the Smoker. Tho following llttlo incident is wortli noting as arising out of n great chango in national custom. ' b:ent A railway carriage, occupied by an enormous man smoking n cigar, witliwlvich ho makes tho ntmosphero re semble tho Strand in n November fog, and 'it thin, nervous person, with a bag of sandwiches. Says tho latter: "I beg your pardon, sir, but will it incommodo you If I venturo to eat?" Tho former, with a gratlous wavo of tho cloud giving weed: "Not at all." Twenty or thirty years ago this would havo looked liko burlesquo. Then tho smoker had only abaro toleration ailord ed hint. IIo was not allowed to indulgo his favor! to propensity oven on tho plat form of a railway station, but was warned off by placards, which may still bo 'seen at some stations. Tho accom modation provided for him was poor and scanty, and woo bctido bun if ho ventured to take nny liberties in prohib ited places. Now ho has things all his own way. To ids Bupremo will und 'pleasure tho misguided persons who do not smoku must conform, nnd wherever friends meet arrangements aro mado for liis convenience, whilo oven thoso strong minded lodiej who assert their rights to attend public dinners nnd other functions heroically endure rather than protest against tho onco detested fumes. This is nico for tho smoker, who would go to few dinners If deprived of what l'rinco UiHinarck has called tho delicious seventh course. London Globo, Ha.l un Object. 'My friend," ho said, as he entered a shoemaker shop on Gratiot avenue, "I should liko to sing you a song." 'How much you charger' 'Not n red cent." "Vlias it a nice song?" "Very nice. I am suro you will bo pleased witli it." 'Vliell, go nhcad.' The man drew n long breath nnd start ed oft. It was an awful noise. It was intended to lift tho shoemaker right off ills bench. It did so, and after tho first verso ho said: "Maypo you haf somo object?" 'I have, my dear bir. while I uon t chargo anything for singing, I do chargo twenty-nvo cents to btop. 'I bee; vhcll, I vlias going down to Springwells for dls afternoon. Whilo I doan blunge you to como in, I mako you pay f ecfty cent to get out." And ho' btepped out and locked tho door, and fur two hours the itinerant talked with an inquiring public through a broken patio of glass, ami freely ac knowledged that thcro wero belter games than his. Detroit Freo Press. Evurytliltig lu Its 1'I.ire. Architectural Upholsterer And how do you think of having tho library fur nished, Mr. Gasbuhm? Mr. Gasbulnn Why, I want a iko1 tablo in it, and a sideboard, of course; a couplo of card tables and a lay out for tho chc3s club, and what llttlo whliuwhams and frenzies you want to mako it look well. A. U. And about tho book shelves; will you- Mr. U, Oh, shoot tho book shelves; put Uio books in tho boys' rooms; they're going to school; l uon t want books btuck under my noso when I'm busy enjoying myself. Burdetto in Brooklyn Laglo. Wutt-riirouf Whltvmuli. A watcrproor wliitviiueii is In use 111 Germany. Tho powder f i om three parts slllclous rock (quartz), tluco partsbrok cn marble and sandstono, two parts of burned porcelain clay aud two pai ls fresh ly blaked lime, still warm, Is mixed to gether. This forms n silicate if often wetted, nnd becomes nf tern while almost liko stono. It is applied quite thickly to a wall or other surfaco and allowed to dry ono day. Tho uoxt day it Is covered frequently witli water, which makes it waterproof. New York Mail nnd Ex press. Conceit All Gone. Old Gent Let mo bee. Yes, I met your nophew flvo years ago, and If you must know tho truth, I was disgusted with htm such a vain, conceited, lusuliernblo puppy 1 uevcr saw fu my life. Old Neighbor Oh, he s changed complete ly now. He's the most modest man you could find In a day's journoy ho doesn't bolieve ho knows anything. "You don't bay sol Well, now I think or it, when I mot him ho was a college sopho more." "Yes, aud now he's a graduate and trying to earn his own living." New York Weekly. Humanity Triumphant. "I would like to rent the largo room on the Booond floor of your livery stablo for tho purposo of instructing a brass baud just or ganizing." "As the proprietor of the stable I should bo glad to let you have tho room, sir, but as a member of tho Society for tho Proventiou of Cruelty to Animals It Is my duty to tell you that if you dorr't get out ot hero in Jubt ten seconds by tho watch I will have you kicked out, you boartlcbs wrotch I" Chicago Tribune. , , Force of Habit. I Tho tired looking llttlo school ma'am bad been obliged to give up. Bho hod to remain away from her duties and tuuunon a physi cian. "Ypur liver Is out of order," told he, gravely. "Out of order I" tho repeated In a mechauical tone. "Stay after school for fif teen minutes and loso your recess for tho re mainder of tho week." Merchant Traveler, J lie Wanted a Show. "You must stop this smoking during busi ness hours," sold tho head clerk. "What's the matter!" inquired ono or ino toy"- "Tbo boss says uo can t appreciaco ma uve cent cigar when you clerks aro pufllog your Ueury Clays." The Epoch. llow lie Mado It, Bho Who's that flnoly dressed gentleman ith tho Immense diamond stud in his shirt bosom I He That! 0b. that's ono of the fellows who sold Washington medals on tho street In Wivt York during tho centenuut uurung ten Free Press. It Would Slake No Difference. A lady, greatly excited, asks to soo the edi tor of a daily paper, and Is told that It Is Im possible, tho editor being too busy to speak to any one, no matter who It may .bo. "Oh, that makes no dluerence, Is tier reply, "1 shall do all the talking myself." Paris Vigara -V " . -ST v f- cumous THINGS OF LIFE. 1 llfra Fraukio Raymond, an 8 year old Chi cago girl, has threo lion cubs to play with. Tho Rev. P. S. Twitty, of Cuthbcrt, Go., Is organizing an nnti-kijetng society lu that town. A Jackson county, Go., horsocan take oft bis own saddlo and Iridic, open his stablo door and feed himself. A 15-year-old boy of FitchvlUo, Conn., has trained nix sheep to harness nnd drives them dally about tho village. Aftor Southern Californlnns havo scooped out tho lnsldes of some of their Chill squashes they successfully uw tho rind aj rowboats. IL C. Dodge, of Uar Harbor, Mo., called to see President Harrison tbo other day, and when tho president refused to soo him, ho fainted. Tho multiplication of 09T,0M,32l by 45 givos 44,444,414,445. Reversing the onler and multiplying 123,40,780 by 45, a result equally odd is obtained, 5,455,655,501 Tbero is an old negro In Quitman county, Cla., who has never owned a lock. IIo has liecu for years nailing a bar of wood across Iho door of his crib every night. In a Charity fair rocoutly held at Vienna, In tho Princess d'Areinborg's palace, an Eng lish millionaire paid 10,000 florins for tho pleasure ot kissing ono cheek ot tho princess. Only 15 per cent, of tho Inhabttantsof Par aguay can read and write. According to Consul Hill tho women do tho work, nnd tho men do tho smoking, gambling and cock fighting. Tho largest family in Arkansas is that of W. D. Grcouand wife, of Murfrcesboro, Piko county. Thoy wero married in 1833 and havo bad twenty-threo children, eighteen of whom nro living. Bakural Tezo, a clerk of tho Knwnsakl tmuk, Chiba, Japan, Is charged with secreting tho funds of tho bank aud been held for trial. Ho started for Canada, but was caught be fore ho got out of Japan. According to tho Oxford county, Mo., Ad vertiser, two llttlo girls, ono 0 nnd tho other 12, belonging to Edwin Iioyntoii, of Drown field, plowed and harrowed an acre of laud In ono day with n yoke of oxen. Demos Barnes, who is said to havo left at least $5,000,000, began bis business life In Brooklyn on n salary of $50 a year and his board. At tho ago of twenty bo bad saved enough to go Into business for himself. John D. Duvls, a farmer, residing nt Now Digging, Ills., put his milk cons on tho wood pile to dry and the reflection of the sun's rays from them set tho wood on fire, doing considerable datnago to his bouse and bam. A French llshennan who was reported lost, and hoso property was divided up, returned all right after an absence of two years, but tho French courts held that ho la dead, and bo has got to tako a new name and bo some body else. Eliza Jnno Starr, un Oakland, Cal., widow, bos petitioned the supremo court to Increase bur allowance, of pin money. Her husband used to givo her 1,500 per month, and she Is now only receiving f 1,000, which sho claims Is not sufficient for her Incidental expenses. A Montgomery farmer has a colt that has learned to ring tho farm bell by catching tho ropo in his teeth and prancing back and forth. IIo knows, too, wheu to ring it at daybreak, a awake tho farm hands, and at noon, to call them to dinner, and is never live minutes lata or early. . The story is told ot a South Carolina col Wed couplo who wero married under dlQl- 'oultles. They walked twenty miles to get n license and walked ton more to a minister. Uno was 17 and tho other 10. They aro Impplly married now, and, despito their tender years, nro getting along nicely. I An American painter, living In Florence, has painted n big picture of Satan so "realis tically" that wheu a lot of young people who went to see it began to dance, the shaking of tho canvas mado tho figure huvo such a sem blance of demoniac laughter that tho dancers would not continue until tho picture was cov ered. An odd snako was discovered by O. F. Wil liams, of Patllio, Ga. The body of this snako Is no larger thou a very small knitting needle, yet it is fifteen inches long. It seems to bo a very lively snake, and is colled around somo plants in a jar of water. Tho movements of tho littlo fellow and tho fact that it remains most of tho tlmo under water would indicate that It is a variety of water serpent. Imliutrles lu Ancient Ireland. Poets nnd rhetoricians havo in their usual freo and easy way exaggerated the material prosperity of ancient Ireland. Much of the splendor attributed to Keltic- kings and bish ops and bards fades under tho cold light of historical research. Uut this very research has put beyond all doubt that beneath tho exaggerations of rhetoric- and bong there lay a solid substratum of truth. Thus tho publi cation by a parliamentary commission of tho immense and previously almost unexplored mats of legal institutes known as the, "Brohou Law s" has verified tho fact that at a tlmo when Britons wero almost naked 6avnges tho IriJj Kelts wero clad in woolens and linens of their own raauufacturo. Tho Urohon laws abound with references not only to woolen aud linen goods, but to carding, woavlug, dyeing und the other pro cesses of their manufacture. Agilu, in tho remarkable metrical account of tho rights of tho mnnarchs of Ireland and of tho provin cial kings, attributed to a contemporary of St. Patrick, and known as tho "Book ot Rights," wo find that tribute was pnld to a largo extent tu clonics, tunics, inautlos aud other articles of woolen and liucu manufac ture, somo white, somo brown, somo trimmed with purple, somo with fur and some with gold. Wo can soo for ourselves somothiug of what was dco in tho more durablo muto rlals. Textile fabrics, except of tho coarsest kind, perh-h in far less tlmo than 1200 years. But metal work, It good in material and de sign, survives. Accordingly wo havo abund ant specimens of such work como down to us from tho Koltto period. Many ot thoso aro rough, but many aro rich In material, good hi design, and exquisitely skillful in workmanship. Bomo wero found deep bolow the surfaco of our bogs, where probably they were dropped in flight, and got gradually covered with peat hi the slow lapse of centuries. Others wero found in stono chambers mode for their reception, and for gotten for moro tliau a thousand years. Vast quantities of tho gold work wero consignod to the crucible. Borne goldsmiths ostlmato that they purchased and melted down as much as 10,000 worth of ancient Keltic gold work found from tlmo to tlmo in Ireland. But fortunately, much also hat boon preserved. Thero is quito a magniO'fnt collection of works in gold, silver and bronzo in the Mu seum, ot tho Royal Irish academy iu Dublin. Besides those tbero are many flno specimens in Trinity college, Dublin, and in tho British museum, London. Harper's Magazine. First Fiddle to Somebody. In tho grand orchestra of Ufa ovcrvbodr Is anxious to play first fiddlo. Nay, almost everybody does nlavlti for although tba first fiddlo absolute may tako precedence ot all tho rest, yet every second fiddlo Is first fiddlo to somebody. As "fleas have smaller fleas to bite cm, and so on ad In finitum," so overy man who tlcklos a su perior has an Inferior to tickle him. If It wero not for this pleasant arrangement wo should havo no social harmony, aud It Is only when this system of relations Is disturbed that Wo oxperieuco discords and crashes. Iow York Ledger. i Mr. lSuenos Ayres. A Boston shoo manufacturer on a recent trip iu tho south exhibited some samples of shoes to a dealer. Tho latter objected to tho color of tho sole. Tho manufacturer explained that tbo solos wero made from tho best Duo- nos Ayrus leather. "Well, Mr. Butnos Ayres may be a good tanner, but 1 don't fuuey bis leather." Bhou and LontberWlenorter. ntmert at u Itchearsal. W. S. Gilbert, tbo librettist, is a tall man, with gray hair and closo cut wbls kers. IIo is a great stago manager. At a rehearsal of ono of his onera? bo dovotea his whole energies to having everything go off as bo thinks It should, ljo never Btnlloa, even whon a whole chgrus Is laucrhiuc at tho nualut conceits ot Ids versos. Though extremely dignified, ho does not hesitate to no tbrouah tliodrollcat contortions of body or tho most free and cpy dance tie 1 1 Illustrate bis Ideas to thoso wlui aj-. to InUrprct them. New THE COLUMBIAN, VOL. XXIII.NO 27 COLUMBIA DKMOORAT, VOL.LIII1 NO 18 BURDETTE'S PHILOSOPHY. WE CAJt'T ItAVB EVXnYTUUO WE BEE, "Yes. rnndam," said Trampoline, as he gratefully took from tho ouUtretched hand of tho woman a large, moist slab of pie, mottled liko Mexican onyx, and embossed with heavy incrustations of lava, "yea, l havo soon better days, but just as I have seen better clothes; other peoplo bad 'cm." tie paused for her reply, but sho bowed her head silently, and ho, engulfing tbo plo with a con vulsive movemont ot tho throttle, lifted his hands to heaven with an agonizing geeturo and passing on, was never again seen no more. THE PATIENCE OF LAZINESS. A man ought to havo somo regard for tho fitness of things, even when ha quotes a proverb. But ho hasn't That's why it males a householder so howling mad when a paperhanger, who bos boon ten days paper ing threo tides ot a ball bedroom, answers his reproof by saying that "Rome wasn't built in a day." It wasn't built by a hired man, either. Tho fact that It ever was built proves that. KEN UAO TO WALK TUB rLAXK roll THIS. Young Foremast, who hadn't boon aboard ship threo days before he committed somo not of Insubordination, for wblcn the cap tain cavo him an awful dose of the rope s end, said tho old man's bight was worso than his barque. uaiu on Tne keiives. A dog down In Pennsylvania swallowed the baby's rattlo the other day. It hasn't nf footed the dog seriously, but it's awful wear ing on tho people of tho house. Every ttmo tho dog moves it sounds as though a rnttlo snake was after you, and tbo result Is that about two-thirds of tho tlmo overybody lu tho liouso is either climbing up on a chair or Jumping down from ono. OUT otf rLY. "George, I called to sea you this morning and tba maid said you were out." "Yes, undo, I am sorry that I was." "But you wero not, for I saw you sitting at tho window as I camo away." "Yes, that's just it; tho maid did not specify; she only knew I was out Sometimes I am staying out, some times walking out and sometimes looking out Bho was stupid not to say which." DEntAvmr ve man places. Queen Marguerite of Italy plays the violon cello. By the most desperate oxpodlents and constant vigilance on the part of the royal f amfly the matter has been kept secrot for a long time, but it has leaked out at last On account of the respectability of the queen's connections wo suppress her lost name. A L'OOTRAHCE, "1 800," said tho man with tho newspaper, "that n French journalist has been killed in a duel." "At last!" exclaimed the man read ing tha time card. "Yes; died of old age waiting for the other fellow to como." "Well, tho French are terrible fighters when they mako a business of it" EXPATRIATED, Particular Boarder This fish, waiter Truthful Waiter (promptly) Was killed this morning. Particular Boarder (approvingly) You did right to kill it. Truthful Waiter (Inquiringly) Yes, sir. Particular Boarder (firmly) Bocauso It had been ashore so long it had forgot how to swim, aud would have drowned if ever it went to sea again. TUAT'S ALL THAT EAVES TUB POEMS. Tho "elocutionist" bos hid bis light under a bushel as long as ho con. Ho is now deter mined to let his light shine, to lift up his voice and spare not and to magnify bis oQlco for all It Is worth and toot his horn If he doesn't sell a clam. A Chicago elocutionist, discussing tho elements of a successful recita tion, speaks of "other pieces like 'Mother and Poet,' 'The Raven,' and like productions ot no great literary merit that produce marvel ous effecta when well rendered." Often wondered what kept thoso mediocre jingles olive so long, when some of my own finest efforts, worthy to go ringing down the echo ing aisles of the copy dummy, strondedjontbe shingly beach of tho cold and sullen W. B. It's tho "reading" that has rescued Mrs. Browning and Poo from the Insatiate maw of that relentless monster, O. B. Iivion, Sr. Robert J. Burdette In Brooklyn Eagle. Tllio 'Spring Fever. I havo had many peoplo ask mo for, a remedy for tho ills which usually visit tbo human body In tho spring, causing tho well known complaint of "spring fever." My cxpcrlcnco has been that tho best euro for this malady is plenty of healthful and Invigorating outdoor oxer- else. Tho most pleasant of these is horse back riding. When ono is on n trotting horso, which I prefer, every muscle is brought into play and exercised. Thero aro other outdoor amusements which aro equally benolicial. I hero is ono pro- Yalcnt form of pastimo which I consider injurious, and that is bicycling. When ono is astrido a wheel ho is bent forward, and, I am convinced, is placed in a posi tion which has n tendency to contract tho chest. This Is, of course, exactly tho opposito effect to bo desired or expected from outdoor amusements, St, Louis Globe-Democrat. Artists' Canvas. Canvas, regarded from an artist's point of view, is tbo principal material upon which oil paintings nro made. Two kinds nro prepared for this purpose, of which tho best is callod ticking. Before it is put into tho artist s hands it is usually primed or grounded of a neutral gray or other tint. Certain sizes of canvas being in greater request than others nro kept ready btretched on frames. Thoso used for portraits aro known by tho names of kit cat, which measures 28 or 20 inches by 80; three-quarters, 25x30 inches; half length, 40x50 inches; Bishop's half length, 44 or 45x50 inches; Bishop's wholo length, 63x04 inches. New York Telegrain. Miss Maud Howo recently met Eugene Field and expressed her feeling in tins outburst, which bo takes pleasure in ie counting: "Mr. Field is Uio;ist charm ing literary man I met in tho wept, but he looks liko a convict'" Rafe Ilulcs for the I'oultry Turd. Tho following rules, if systematically corded out, will insure successful poul try raising: In buying fowls or eggs go to some trustworthy brooder who has his reputa tion ot stake. Culls nro not cheap at any price. Do not breed too many kinds of fowls at tho samo time. Until your experienco ana accommodations warrant ft confine yourselves to ono or two well known va rieties. Introduco new blood into your stock every year or so, by cither buying a cockerel or betting of eggs from some re liable breeder, Let old and young birds havo as wide a rango as pobsiblo, anil do not crowd too many In a liouso. It you do you will havo disease. Construct your houso good and warm, so as to nvold damp floors and nflord a flood of sunshine. Sunshtno is better than inedicino. Givo plenty of fresh nir at nil times. Abovo nil things keep tho liouso clean. Cloau roosts and bottom of laying nests, and whitewash often enough keep nil sweet nnd clean. Provide a dusting nnd scratching placo whoro you can bury wheat and corn and thus luduco tho fowls to tako tho need ful exercise. Givo plenty of frosh water dally, and nover allow tho fowls to go thirsty. Feed them systematically twico a day; scatter tho food so thoy can't eat too fast or without proper exercise. Do not food moro than they will eat tin clean, or thoy will get tirod of that kind of feed. Givo them a variety of both dry and cooked feed; a mixture of cooked meat nnd vegetable. Is an excellent thing for tliolr morning meal, Givo soft feed in tho morninc nnd tho wholo grain at lilglit, except n littlo wheat or crocked com p-laced in tbo scratching placed to givo thorn excrciso nunuffUMiuy, LIGHT AND AIRY. Tnle bt an l!ttdhr)avli. An EsvjulnlAux sat on a chunk of Ico In ma land ot tns nonnera poiei nacracked his heels and be whistled twice At a sight that alarmed bis sou I. For a stranger came o'er the Heidi of snow At a snoed that was fearful anitel Ills cheeks wero pallid and thin with woo And tbo frost on Ii la beard waa w nils. "Oil, prithee, pause," crlod tho Ewjulmaux ' "From whence do you como so fastt" I "I come from a land weary leagues below This realm with Its storm and blast. "I came from a land In tho tar off south. And I'vo traveled ten thousand mllo4 Binoo lost tho sun like a beaming mouth Turned locoo on tho earth his smiles. 'I'vo clambered lhe mountains, on raging streams Full of t I've been heaved and tosd i I umpired a gamo for two baaeball teams AJasi AndtnonomociuDiosti" Xcuraska Slate Journal. Ho Saved the Ship. "Captain," rclrtod tho officer, as ho came up from bolow, palo with fear, "tho water la gaining on us. Wo must lighten the ship." With tho presence of mind that distin guishes the trim hero from tho craven lu the hour of irit, tho captain Instantly called all bands on deck. "Men," ho said, ami his deep volco rang out, clear and strong, over tha wild waste of waters that threatened to ingulf tho stMely vessol, "throw thoso things overboard I" The sailors wont to work with tho energy of despair. In loss than an hour tbey bad thrown over tho side of tho vessel the private baggago of n traveling actress and three fashiouablo camn belonging to n London dude, and tho gallant ship, with her leak now high abovo water, bounded on her courso Ilk a thing of life. Her commander had saved her. Chicago Tribune A PfllZE PLAN. Ttt Cost 83,000, iu Ttstlinnted lu "Carpesw try ami ilulldlng.M This plan is from Carpentry and Building, a useful monthly published lu New York. It was furnished by Georgo W. E. Field, 4d Wiggins' block, Cincinnati, O., and took tha first prfzo In tho nineteenth competition Insti tuted by Carpentry nnd Building. Tbo plans PERSPECTIVE- VIEW. are sufficiently clear without explanation. liero ore tha certified estimates of cost: mason wors. IS5 cublo yards of excavation at 3 cents. $33 OQ 60 perch llmestono at $3.tO 810 03 8,000 brick at tlJ 00 00 S fireplaces and hearths S3 03 7 sills, 4x8 Inches, 3 feet long, and S chim ney copings do uu 7M ynrds of plastering at S3 cents. 183 03 Total (Ml 09 CAnrcxTTtr. ' 7,000 feet spruce for framing at $15 105 01 PKONT ELEVATION. 4,800 feet hemlock boards at tlS Mot 46 squares cedar shingles at Zi 184 OC 1.0CO feet spruce flooring at $88 87 03 100 feet hard plno flooring at $33.. 8 SC s,ooo reot cbestnut stocic at msu. IS Inside door frames at $1.60 .. 5 insldo door frames at $2.40 ... 8 outsido door frames at $2.S5.. 81 doors (19 at $J, sat $3.0)..... g sliding doors DO Ot C4 00 12 0C 4 K 43 SO 40 00 rmsT Ftoon plax. SO window frames and sash at $1 60 OC 7 cellar frames and sash at $2 14 OC ISO feet crown molding at $2.Wper 100... 140 feet galvanized Iron gutter and down spout at 15 cents. titatrsoompUite. Two manuals at$12- nardwaro , Tainting and glazing Sink and boiler , 8 71 f," CUAsIBEn 1'LAX. Carpenter labor 410 03 Total carpenter work... , $1,433 6. Mason nork, cto. -i Ml 0C Total $2,039 61 Certified to by Williaiu White. This plan contemplates tbo excavation ol tho cellar to tho depth of C feet and the dig ging of foundation trenches S feet and C FOOSnATION FLAX. Inches below grade, tho foundations to be lS huhes thick, tho framing to bo of spruce, th outsUa walls, porch and root to M sheathed with hemlock "boordlncr. Inside and outside finish to bo first qualj.ty"cl6ar chestnut and tho flooring' to bo ol sprnco. Two Hands. Lost night I held her hand la mine. Her hand so slender and divine, liUoncd with all tba graces; But now another hand I hold, A baud well worth Iu eight la goUt Just think of It-four acts! Tuna. 'loti-MM I niNiNfinooM n HALL 1 POUCH PARLP Iff .6C' 1 I r n SI Ot 73 0C C4 73 0C 123 OC 0 00 a D WM5ER ft Sv P4 ii'xiito' Ml M" ' TTrm .CHAMBER. I Ft I IS- ffl MQTfXCAVATEO
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers