THE COLUMBIAN AND DEMOCRAT, BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA, COUNTY, PA.
Somo Prank Confessions I
"Our remedies nro unreliable." Dr.
Valentino Mott.
"Wo lmvo multiplied tllsc.ises." Dr.
ltusli, Philadelphia.
"Tliousauds nro annually slaughtered
in tho sick room." Dr. Frank.
"Tho xclonco of mcdiclno is founded
on conjecture. Improved by murder."
Sir Astloy Cooper, M. D.
"Tha iiicillu.tl practice of tho ores
rut day is neither philosophical nor
common souse." Dr. Evans, Edin
burgh, Scotland.
Dr. Dio Lewis, who abhors drugs as
a rido and practices hygiene, is frank
enough, however, to say over his sig
nature, ''if I found myself tho victim
of a serious kidney trouble, I should
tiso' Wnrucr's snfo euro becnuso I am
satisfied it is not injurious. Tho med
ical profession eMmls helpless in tho
presence of more than ono such mat
ndy." An old proverb says: If a person
dies without tho services of a doctor,
then a coroner must bo called in and a
jury empaneled to inquire and deter
mido upon tho causo of death; but if
a doctor attended tho case, then no
coroner and litrv aro needed as every
body knows why tho person died !
uueaicai ncraia.
Tricky Naval Officers,
now thhy out their winks and ci-
(IAIIS WITHOUT PAYING DUTY
A SENATOR WHO
WAS CAUOIIT
SMUOOI.INO
"Tho officers of tho United States
Nivy," said a leading Treasury official
recently to a nowspaper correspondent,
"aro tho greatest smugglers among
American citizens. Go into their
homes hero in Washington and you will
lind them filled with objects of vortu,
line pictures, bronzes and Turkish rugs,
which they have picked up in iorcmn
countries and smuggled paat tho Uus
torn House. Their collars aro stocked
with choice wines which thoy havo
gotten in tho samo way, and tho fino
cigars they Binoko cost them about
half prico when thoy como in, as they
often do, on our naval vessels from
Cuba. It used to be and not long ago,
that naval officers sold cigala to their
friends here, and a curious enso of
smuggling cigars happened a.,,ybar or
so ago. A merchant vessel was sent
by tho navy to Havana tpr bring back
to mo united states some shtp-wrecK
ed sailors. Whilo thofo they obtained
holdjof a lot of.cheap cigars, which they
bought in such quantities that thev
corded them up in a great pile, on the
deck. Over this pile, which looked
very much liko a cord of wood, they
threw a lot of old sail cloth, and when
tho Custom ofheers asked them if they
had any dutiable goods on board they
pointed to Ibis pile, and said it con
taincd cigars. Tho Custom oflieer
thought they were being guyed, and
aid not look at them.
"Twenty-two years ago," the Treas
ury olhcer went on, "tho Trenton ap
peared off the coast near Norfolk. It
stopped at Fortress Monroe and laud
ed a wagon load ot goods. Ono of the
oflicora of the customs Department saw
tho landing, but ho was unseen by the
naval officers. lie suspected that the
boxes and trunks contained dutiable
goods, and determined to be on hand
when they arrived at the express office.
Fearing the advent of a Customs offi
cer, they hurried tho goods on to a
wagon that afternoon and rushed them
over to tho nearest express office I
think it was at Newport News. Hero
they found thojofficer ready to recoivo
them. Ho seized the goods and found
them addressed to leading naval olli
cials of Washington and elsewhere.
Upon examination tho goods were
found dutiable and tho United States
was piid $500 in duties beforo they
were released.
"At tho time of tho Yorklown cele
bration it was tho Tronton, you will re
piember. which was sent over to tho
old country to bring tho foreign guests,
While over there tho officers in charge
of her picked up a great amount 'if
dutiable goods, and it is said that a
well-known Lieutenant of Washington
Blocked his cellars from tho trip with
enough wiuo to last for years.
"1 was in Canada not long ago,"
continued this officer, " on business
connected with the United States
Government, and whilo tbcro I sailed
in a revenue cutter lrom Toronto down
to Quebec and landed at Halifax. Here
some of tho officers of the cutter want
ed a few cigars for present use. vVe
wero directed to a very nico establish
ment. As soon as the owner knew
that wo wero connected with tho. gov
ernment he asked us into a very nicely-furnished
back parlor and brought
us many samples of fino cigars, liquors
and brandies. These I sampled, ami
know they were very line. Tho prices
of his old Scotch whiskey and Hon
"nessy were, 1 remember, about half
what they cost in tho United Staler.
He said : 'Of course you will want to
load up hero. You can get theso
goouVfor half what they will cost you
in tho United States, and wo aro doing
a big trado with tho navy. Four ships
of tho United States navy havo been
here this season, and I havo sold the
olliiicrs of all of them largo ordors. He
then mentioned the names of thu sliiH,
but I cannot give you these. I rnu
imber only that ono was thu Alliance,
and I think another was tliejTeinies(.ce.
Wo told him that wo wero government
officers, and it w.is against tho law."
"I suppose," said I, "that most of
tho smuggling done now is dono in
n petty way !"
"Yes." was his reply, "there aro few
vessels engaged in smuggling, but
thero is a great deal of individual
work. Many men in tho country get
their clothes from Canada. Thoy send
their measure to n Canadian tailor and
he agrees to smuggle him the finished
clothes. Gloves and cigars are smug
ged in from Cuba,;and smuggled ci
gars aro sold in nearly every city of
prominence in tho South. You can
get a Havana cigar at Charleston for
twelvo coins which will cost jou
twenty fivo cents in New Yoik. and
wines nro cheaper in New Orleans
than anywhere elso in tho United
Stntes. A great deal of ninuggling is
dono by European travellers. Tho
daughter of a patent mcdlcino million
aire lately camo homo from Kurope
with forty two trunks, winch contain
ed :in,()00 worth of now dresses.
Under a now ruling of tho department
this could not bo mado dutiable. Had
duty been charged it would havo
amounted to about 17,000. Uut I am
speaking of naval ollicers ns smugglers
Ilr, uiark tho onioi ot tho Uevemio
Marine, in a report upon tho eubiect of
transfering his branch of tho service toj
tho Navy Department, in 1883, speaks!
ot tuu smuggling oi nnvai ouicers. iio
mjBthat in fivo years naval cflice's
smuggled in over $700,000 worth of
goods at their own appraisement, ni d
that fifty naval officers weio engaged
in MnUBgling, Ho sas that diiiing
this timo foity-two packages wero sen.
cd at tno exoress otiicca whero they
, -, , it . . r
wtif weiug smppeu ueyonu tno reach
of Customs officers. Some of these
packages wero nddrerscd to naval offi
cers, others to their families, and others
still to private citizens. Ono paekago
contained 283 pairs of kid gloves and
wai addressed to a merchant in New
York city. Thero Is no doubt," con
eluded the man, "but that thu smug
gling still gois on, and it was not long
ago that -100 Turkish rugs were landed
at New London, Conn. Thoy wero list
ed at the valuation of the naval officials
at 818 and SI 2 apiece, but wero worth
many times that. Ono of tho moM.
fnmous instnnces of smuggling in the
past was that of an Admiral who long
ago brought over a cargo of fino stock
from tho Mediterranean on ono of Ids
ships. Tho nffair caused so much son
nation that an order was issued ngainH
its repetition. Ono of the finest lots at
tho capital, near tho Whito Home,
which is now wortli n fortune, was sold
by Henry Clay Jor an Andalusian
inckass to nn Adniiral in tho navy, nnd
it is not iiuprounuio that tins annua
camo over in tho nbovo way."
"A Senator was caught finuggling,'
said tho Treasury ofllcinl, "during the
term of President Hayes. The man
lives still in a Western Stale, but he
is a Senator no longer. His case was
a curious one, and I don t suppose
any ouo outside of tho Stato Depart
ment has ever heard of it. His son
was Vico Consul at ono of the interior
towns of Germany. Ono day llio dis
patch agent, at Loudon received a pack
age dono up so as to resemble pnpeis
from this yonng man, addressed to his
father, care of tho satno department at
Washington. We had been having a
great deal of troublo with goods being
smuggled into tho country in this way,
and tho department was trying to put
a stop to it. It had notified nil the
dispatch agents to be careful about
what thoy did, and tho man at London,
noticing that tho package had not tho
Consul's frank on it, but only that of
tho Vice Consul, sent it back, saying
that it could not bo Edit if it contained
goods, and that it must have tho Con
sular frank nnd seal. I5y tho next ex
press it was returned to London with
tho Consular frank and seal, and with
a request that it bo forwarded immed
iately, as it contained important mat
ter. Under the circumstances the
agent had to forward it, but ho still
suspected that it contained goods, and
ho sent off by the samo steamer a latter
to the Stato Department giving his
suspicions. According to the rule
which prohibits tho examination of
matters addressed to tho State Depart
ment by Customs officials, it was put
in the State Department bag on its
arrival in New York and shipped on to
Washington. When it arrived here
tho Senator to whom it was addressed
was notified, nnd ho called upon the
Secretary of Stato for it. I don't think
ho was teceived by tho Secretary him
self, but tho man who was presiding
told him that there was a suspicion that
tho matter contained in it was dutiable
and not dispatches as represented ami
that it must be opened beforo ho could
have it. Tho Senator, upon this, be
came very angry and raged up nnd
down the Secretary of Slate's office,
saying he had been insulted. Tho man
in charge, however, quietly cut open
tho package, and tho angry Senator be
came very meek when he saw held up
beforo his eyes a dress pattern of thirty
yards of the finest of blauk gros-graln
silk. The goods had then to bo sent
to New York to bo appraised, and by
tho time the Senator receivod it it cost
him as mucli duty as it contained
yards."
Only i.e.1. pcriuico Bitters Known.
JJlll.M, ll.a.tl. L JJ in
Pfo oilier medicine Lnown bo effectually purges
Ui blood of decp-watM diwawo.
IUillloun bear testimony to Its wonderful
curative flfecU.
It 1m n purely Vegetable Preparation, motlo
from tho uatlvo ln-rbi am, root of Cull for ula. tlio
medicinal properties of wliltli lire extracted there
from without llio uw of Alcohol,
It removes the caiifte of dUcaso, and tho
patient recovers Ma health.
It lit the crcut Itlood Purifier and tlfe
firing 1'rincfplu; a Oentle Pargatie nnd Tunic; a
perfect Iteuovutur nnd Invlorutor ot the ry&Um
Never beforo In tha history of the v orld ha ft medicine
been compounded jfjKictIiig the (wwerof ViNKtiin
Hittzhh iii houtln- the nick of every disease mua U
heir to.
'the Alterative, Aperient, Diaphoretic, Car
ml native, Nutritious, Laxative, Sedutivp, Counter
Irritant, Sudorific, AntMlilioua, Solvent, Diuretlo and
Tonic propertied of ViNKQAit Hi mens exceed thoou
of any other medicine In the world.
No poritoii can take the Uittkim according to
dlrectloua and remain loujj unwell, provided their
lones are not destroyed by mineral poUon or other
lncnns, and the vital orgaud waated beyond the point
of repair.
Union, Remittent, Intermittent and Ma
larial Kevern aro prevalent throughout the United
Stale, jmrtlcularly In the valleys of our great rhers
and their vat tributaries durug the Summer and
Autumn, especially during fieaaons of uuuaual heat
and drjnestf.
'1'lieao I'evrrd are Invariably accompanied by
extensive dcnuiwnients of the mouiucu, liver and
bowels, lu their treatment, a purgative, exerting a
powerful influence upon these oruus, is absolutely
uecfsnary.
There lu no rathnrtle for tho purposo equal
to Dr. J. Walueii's VjNKuiit UiTTEua, as it will
P-Mlily trinoto the dark-colored ylcld matter with
which the bowels are loaded, at the same time rtlnuu
latlng the Becrctloua of the liver, and generally
restoring the healthy functions of tha digestive
Organs,
Fori Iff the body ai;nlnt disease by purifying
all Its tluiils with ViNtoiu JiiTTKits, No epldumio
can talvo bold of a tytteni thux foreariiKHl,
It Invigorate thu Ntmiiiu-h and stimu
late tho torpid Liver and liowets, cleansing tho
blood of all lm purl t leu. Iminrtlngllie and vigor to
Uitt frame, and carrying olT without tho aid of
Calomel, or other mintrobi, all pobtonotM matter
from tha system. It in easy of administration,
prompt In action, and eeitalu in its results,
11 bit!ikliior I mUgcftlloiit Headache, Tain
In Uie BhouJders, Coughs, 'i'lghtnewi of the Chest,
ln?umonla, Uiulness, liad Taste In tho JIouLh,
Uilloiw Attacks, l'alpltatlon of tho Heart, and a
hundred other painful symptoms, aro at onco ,rv
lleveil by Vikcqah Unrrita.
tr liilluiiimiitory and Chronic Rheuma
ttsm, (lout, Neuralgia, IIsea-u of tho lilood, Liver,
Kidneys and liladder, the lfittcrs have no ecjual.
lu thewe, us la allooustitutlonal Diseased, 'Wiuttu's
YlKiuiAu UiTTEua has shown Its gieat curative
powers In the wot obatlnato and Intractable.
caMes.
It'clinnlritl nUenufNt-reraons engaged In
jpaluU and Alluerals, such as numbers, TyK
aettere, CI old-beaters, and 5 liners, as they odvaueo
lu life, are subject to raralyMs of tho Uowels.
To guard against this, take occa&ionul dosea of
VlNEOAK IllTTEItS.
SU hi IUeuieHt Scrofula, Bait IUietim. Ulcers,
Rnelllugs, limp?, rubtules, Jiolls, Carbuncles,
Itlng-worms, Scald-head, bore JCyes, Kr'sipelas,
Itch, Hcurfs, Ulscoloratlons, Humors and diheoses
of thoBUu, of whatever name or nature, are liter
ally dug up and carried out of the bysUw lu a short
time by the iiw) of the Hitters.
I'liif '!' pound other Worms, lurking In
the system of so many thousands, ore effectually
destroyed oud removed. No s stent of medicine,
no vermifuge!, no anthelmintic), will free the
eyntem frpm worms lJkn mrxui ilrrrtitti.
MeuHlcK, Nrurlet Feert Mumps, Whooping
Cough, and alt children's dlnwuca may he made
ltvsbevere by keeping the bowels opeu with mild
doses of thu Hitters. This wonderful remedy U
esptIolly HdapU-! to the BytU-ms of children, for
purifying hirU alone give it its re markuhle cura
tive iowers. It contains no alcohol, opium or
other itoison.
Fur I'einulo Coiiiplulnti, In young or old,
married or single, at the dawn of womanhood, or
the turn of life, this Hitters has no eiual.
C'leaiiHe the VltltUeit llluuil when ltstm-
Eurities bunt through tho sklu lu Eruptions or
ores; cleanse it whtn obstructed and slugglah lu
the velnst cleanse It when it is foul; your feelings
w 111 tell you when, and the health of the sysUm will
follow
In ronrliikloii fllro tho Hitters a trial. It
will sixtc for itself, Odb lKittle Is a WlWt cuar.
antev of Its merits than u U uKlhy odvrrtlsuuient.
A r ii li il c u c Ii b o t tie ore f uU mi wlioiis prutcd
la dlffereut lau)tuuKes.
II. II. ITIflluiiuld Drilir Co., rroprletors,
aa f lUideoo, fit . u 1 ex U k un Wsshliwton Bt,
(!or. chsr.tou Ht., htw 1 urk.
Sold by u!I Healers una Jtrugglsts,
"" nTfl rmrm To Inti-odm'. them
AJ31U Ui.'1'iJrU we will Klve away
looj Oiliirn; acnlnod. ( ou want ouo
send is your name, I'. O. and rxjirersof.
flee at onco. TUB NATIONAL en..
L'l Vvy hU.K.X.
Oct. 30-lw U
STONE IN KIDNEY.
KXPKl.tKn AVTEIt UPtNOnit. DAVID KENNE
DY'S 'FAVOIIITK HKMKDY" A110UT
TWO WKI5K8,
Ono ot the racwtrematkablo caws that lias over
been brotignt (0 tho notion ot the imbllc la Uut Of
Mr. 1. 8. Pencil, ot stono HWgo, vlnter county, N.
Y. Mr. Ucacli had suffered slnco Oct. 18, 1871, from
tho presence ot calculus or stono In tho right kid
ney. No lesj than seven physicians wero em
ployed at different lime, to whom 5lr. Iloacli paid
hunercds of dollars for medical treatment, with
only temporary roMef from lits agony.
llylho urgent solicitations of hU frl"nu ho wai
Induced to try Dr. DaMd Kennedy's "l'avorlto
ltcmcdy," and experienced a marked Impimcment
from tho llrst clay ho began toiiso the medlctno.
on tho 16th of neptetntier ho voided i stono a
Inrgo ns eould bo passed through tho natural
channel.
Mr. lleach conclude n long letter to Dr. Denneily
by saying! "It will always nfford mo pleaeuro to
recommend the 'lMvomc ltemedy to those who
mar bo suffering from difficulties ot tho klilneys
and bladder, or nny disorders arising from nn Ira
pi.ro state ot tho b oud.
WILLIAM MCKNKW, IDI VAYIiTTK 8T IlAl.TI.
Mt)ltH.MI)..R.iys: "I believe 'l'avorlto Itemed' Is
a good medicine. It It doing momorogood than
anything I ever tried, nnd I liao tried almoat cv
rr) thing, for I am a sufferer from dyspepsia."
While "Katorlto Komody" Ii a specUIC In stomach
and bladderdlseawi, It Uenually valuablo in eases
ot bullous disorders, constipation ot tho bowels
and nil tho class of ills apparently Inseperablo
from the constitutions of women.
Price, tl; bit bottles, J3.
. AU MASK
mm wm wm,
TUB fJRKAT
hi Purifier oi tho World.
an Aiistn.VTi: rnti: foit
CATARRH.
rlllll! irU MuM'om ries Icld readily to It
j and l.jiuiut failed to t uinu rlmrle case
JL where directions nro followed, It?succcss
hns been romaiknliloand Itseuresuomlcr
ful. It H the imistPitpee&i-fiil jiropn ration In tho
imtikttror OATAKItll nnd the only one that
IiruinUcs an AbHolute, I'ohI tt t Cure, It ts
riity a btuilng to m.inklnd, A Trial l all
that in uUtl for II. Onco used, It Is always
reeoiumcudcd, Su:id for tcstlmuulals of actual
cures.
IT HAH NO Kyi' At. FOU
MALARIA.
A POSITIVE CVRH S ASSVRHD.
Ono bottle Is generally puinclcnt for a euro. Stop
taking (i tun I lie. A trlnl only H nkcd forKRL
li:iih Oatauuii KuMKur. It Is n sl'KCIl'lO
for ull dicuc:arulig from nil linpuroblood and
drives all cmptions lrom thu rkln. For Hyphl
lltlc complaints It Is superior to any prepnrutiou
In the imtikct. One buttle will cure most of the
following complaints nnd a continued use will
voalTtvLLY cure. S ive doctor bills and try It.
KIIKITMATISM.
SCROFULA.
SKIN KKfJl'TIONS.
VKiVKKKAL DISEASES.
DYSPEPSIA.
LOSS OF APPETITE.
FEELING OK LANUOUIl.
IHLIOUSKESS.
LIVER TUOUI1LES.
KEHVOUS WEAKNESS.
FEMALE WEAKNESS.
Kr.irUfs tATAiti:ii ItKMi:nv Is no patent
itUMllcliie, liut iv ciifo and plcasunt preparation
to take and mrelytho great eft medical discov
ery of the age. One bottle rejuvenates tho entire
yule in and pojssea luoro virlue than a half
di7o'.i bottles uf ordinary patent preparations.
V rile Air tcitirnonials nnd other Information.
-ttwM'or sule hv drugglstn generally.
ml.no a jtoTTiji;, six hot
. I.i:s I'Oi; S.-,.ot). On receipt of S.1.00 by
manuraMurers, SMftr. l Kkllku Co.,
' rl burg. P .six bottles mil ho sent express
I ' i.
T.1MB MAl.K
An Old Soldier's
EXPERIENCE.
" Calvert, Texas,
Jlay 3, 1SP2.
" I wish to oxircs9 my ni'iircclatlon of tho
valuable qualities of
Ayer's Cherry Pectoral
as a cough remedy.
"Whilo with Churchill's army, Just leforo
tho tuttlo of Vlckshurg, I eoutracted a &o
vevo cold, which terminated In a daiigcruus
courIi. 1 found no relief till on our match
wo camo to a country store, w here, on aiMin;
for somo remedy, 1 uus urged to tryAEU's
Ciir.iiitv l'i:riuiiAl..
"1 did to, and was rapidly cured. Siuco
then 1 h:no Kept thul'rxKiitAI. constantly by
ine, for family use, and I lmo found it to bo
an invaluable, reuudy for tlnont ami lime
discatcii, J. V. WiiitlUV."
Thousands of testimonials certify to tho
prompt euro of all liranrlilul nnd Inns
ntlVitlons, by tho us of AYi:tt"s Cui:i:itY
1'r.CTOUAt. Ilelnu trr iul.il.iblc, thoyuiiiij
cat chilJruu tako it ic.;diiy.
I'KLi'.MtL'i) ny
Dr.J.C.Aycr&Co.jLowotMnss.
Sold by all DrufRlsU.
SUPEFilOR
SPECTACLES AND EYE-GLASSES
MICROSCOPES. TELESCOPES.
EIELD.OLHSSES, MAGIC LANTERHS,
BAROMETERS. THERMOMETERS.
Drawing Iimlrtunentii. l'l;lloi,oililruI und
t'licuileul AMmrulitN.
Lilt and Duscrintinn, of tur Tn Catalogue lant
I'ltHK on ftppliatiL'U.
QUEEN & CO.
924 Chestnut St,
PHILADELPHIA.
fel)0-ly
Tlio fanner', In tlielr sivainp.-t, n ero sure,
could hud tho roouuiiil piaulH that euro,
II hy their kniwlil'e thoy only knew
I-'or Just thoillseuw each unoi;rowi
Willi loving euro (lod placed themtheiv,
'1'iiko con rano then, iiimIMWAMI' Hour try,
An on this ureal remedy ull can rely.
Atk your drugirUl for Dr. Kilmer's SW.Wir
HOOT KIDNKV, LI Villi AND llLADDKIt CHUtB.
I'rleoMo, una f I.
V Vol It heart lluttcin-or you uro Irritable oi
dcupondent, or uieuiory easily confused, or hubjoct
toilaslu-8, ordail; ap'JU aiiectliitf bl.'iu -lir. Kll
mer'a (K'KAN.M KHIl U what ou need, Ak your
drutfiflstforlt, (1.
CAI.AUV Oil COllISHION.
w
A "KfTITr'n Iiuinllmrl a len uod
IX H J.J1IJU men to canvamfor thoa-ilo
or I'lull 'lieiti, llraHi Vliien, itvses, o,
I'revloui extiei lenefl not casenllal.
II. FltukiUN id., lirUhtou, N. y,
octdO-d 4t
Intelllsent H)I.IC'lTOIta WANTKI) for
GEN. GRUNT'S
IIIIIIK
1118 OWN ACCOUST ol tho (treated military
btruKglo ot modern tluuin. uio.ko already or.
den ill Kuiycivs of agentu U mart t loin. Aildreiu,
limillAlIU IIIIUM., I'ub'B, Ti) t'ucetuut XI., i'lilla,
1'a. tctlO(L4t.
jnKitMenco
His Hftmo Was Tom.
A etrangcr who entered a saloon
near tho ferry dock tho other day to
mako somo inquiry found seven or
eight old lako Captains sitting around
tho stovo and ohowlng away on cheap
plug tobacco. Tho newcomer had not
yet opened tils mouth when an old
grnyheaded Captain gavo a start of
surprise iiid cxelalincd:
"Well, may I bo drowned 1 Why
why, has tho dead returned to Hfot
Can it bo that I see you onco tnorol"
Ho pprang up nnd mslied over nnd
seized tho stranger's liutul, and whilo
ho shook it up ami doivu nnd 8'idownyH
nud atfioven different angles ho con
tinued: "Ah, Tom, T thank heaven for this I
When I saw you go overboard off
Sturgeon Point I looked upon you as
a goner. Gents, this is my old mate
on tho Hohooner l'lrfvur. Ho wants to
know what you'll take."
Tho orowd walked up to tho bar.
Tlio Btrangor Beeinad dazed and dc
tnoi'nli.ed. Ilia name wasn't Tom, and
hn had never sailed, but ho didn't
want to hurt anybody's feelings. He,
therefore, paid for tho drinks. This
had scarcely been accomplished when
nnnther Captain rushed nt him with:
"Oh, I remember yon now I Ex
cuse 1110, Tom, old boy, but I'm grow
ing old. Yec, it all comes back to me,
now. Don't you remember llio night
I rnved your life in Saginaw llayt
That was a closu call for you, old boy,
but I pulled you through. Drink
with you t Why, of couisol What
will you take, nontst"
Each gent mentioned his little pie
fereiice, aud tho dazed and embarrassed
stranger ngaiu footid thu bill.
"Tom of the Plover, eh t" cpiciied a
third Captain ns ho wiped oil his chin.
"Let's see, but oil are tho very chap
I took off thu wreck in Lako Eiiet
Why, of course, you are, and I'd al
most forgotten tho circumstance.
Tom, me boy, shake ! I was never so
glad to sco a man 1 If you say drink
with you, my why "
lint Tom kicked over a chair, sent
n big spittoonu lining after it and
rushed out doors, crying:
"I'll bo hanged if you play that
gatno on 1110 again 1" Detroit Free
Press.
How Ho went Nutting.
Young Augustus do Jones nnd Miss
Clara Brussels nevr speak any nioro
as they pass by. A few weeks ago the
world looked bright to tho young cou
ple. Augustus loved Clara and Clara
loved Augustus. Tho young man ad
mired the old man Brussels, respected
old Mrs. Brussels, nud was on intimate
terms with tho house dng, A few days
ago tho young man received an invita
tion to no with the family on a nuttiiiL'
expedition, which ho promptly neccpt-
eu. 1 lie roomy niii lamily ctrriago
was comfortably filled, with Mr. ami
Mrs. Brussels on the front scat and
Augustus and his darling on tho back
one. Tho day was a delicious one,
with tho warm, mellow glow of tho In
dian bummer air bringing a delicious
languor to the soul. Arriving on llui
ground, they soon found thero were
plenty of nuts, but how to get them
was the quistion. Clubs wore pro
cured, however, and the work of pelt
ing thu nuts from tho trees commenced.
Tlio first nttempt of young Augustus
was a success. Ho drew back to throw
and took Mrs. Brussels under tlio chin
with such force as to draw an agoniz
ing shriek from tho old lady. Finally
ull tho clubs were lodged in the trees,
nnd it was decided that it was neces
sary to climb tho monarchs of the for
ost if any mils wero procured. Of
course, this meant work lor Augustus.
Ho avowed a willingness to try, and
was so bcwildi red by a thankful glance
from Clara's bluo eyes that ho prompt
ly commenced tho ascent of n black
oak tiudir the impression that it was .1
hickory.
"That young man will do somo mis
thief yet," said old Mrs. Brussels, who
was still indignant.
Anil then Augustus attempted tho
explanation that ho had intended climb
ing the oak and then jumping over
from thero on the hickory, which, as
the limbs wero about forty feel apart,
would havo been a very heroic feat in
deed. Tho young man finally sue
ceeded in reaching 0110 of tho branches
of a hickory and dislodging a few consumptive-looking
nuts, one of which
took Clara on thn top of hnr angelio
nose, just as sho looked up to sco Au
gustus, retiring hor in short order.
Tho old man lay down on tho grass
aud roared, when, just as ho turned
over, 0110 of thu heaviest clubs thalhad
lodged in tho branches took him across
tho mouth, knocking out two of his
tot th and changing his laugh to a roar
of anguish.
"I know ho would do somo mis
chief," shiicked thu old woman, rush
ing to tho relief of her husband and
gazing reproachfully up in tho treo
just in timo to rcceivo a big hickory
nut in the eye.
"Clara," shouted tlio old man, "lead
up the hnrso and lei us go homo nud
leave that infiTinl young fool up in
thu tree."
Clara, with n heart swelling with in
dignation toward her lover, did ns eha
was bid, when, just as tho old horso
came tindcr the tree, poor Augustus,
who knew nothing of tho dainago he
was doing, rained down a perfect ava
lancho of clubs nnd hickory nuts and
started tno oni norse on the run,
"Got all von want down tlmro V
cheerfully shouted young Augustus
lrom tlio upper liranuhes.
"Como down you confounded idiot,
and seel" shouted old man Brussels,
with n gleam of war in his eye.
"What's tli i tnalterl" asked tho bo
wildcred young man, as ho teacliPtl
llio ground. Old man Brussels started
toward him, but was held by tho wo
men folks, who briefly at.d sternly ex
plained tho situation to him in such n
vay as to let him know that all was at
end.
"Mr. Do .Tones," said Clara, as ho
turned away to hunt his coal (mid ah,
how cold lliu words sounded after be
ing so lately called "detr Augustus 1")
"you aro about to lose your handker
ohief." But poor Augustus well knew that
his handkerchief was in his cont pock
et, and Clara would have known bet
ter had not her eyes been swollen with
pain
Clain iiow has young Smith for
fcteady company, The new gall.inl
laugliod heartily uhen told of De
Jones' misfortunes, 'Ho doesn't nn
del stand nulling, Clara," said ho 1 "I
will goto tho woo Is tomionow and
hi ing you all you want." lie accom
plished the feat by hiring a buggy and
buying a bnshol for a dollar of a farm
er's boy, Chlmyo Tribune.
After a thr.rough test J II. Mercer
moU positively nsseits that Acker's
Kngl'wh Remedy is tho best medicine
for Athma, Croup, Coughs, Whoop,
ing Cough, and all Lung Troubles that
catt bo found. Ask him about it, for
ho I ill I y guarantees It,
J HE GREAT
hi
IQG
von
LIVER
DISEASE.
C VIUT DTfiTJTC! . Hitter or bad taste In mouth j
k3 X luJT 1 UiflO tongiio coated while or cov
with n brown fur; nam Initio back, nicies. or lolnta
often tnbtaken for rheumatism; fotm ktoiiacii;
ic8 Or ArrFTiTn; sometimes nausea nmi water
brazil, or Indigestion. ilattilency one! acid eructa
tions, bowels alternately costho and lax; hkaii.
achb! loss of memory, with a ralnriil sensation of
having; failed to do so 1 ethlnir which 11 1 u lit to have
been clone, iikbiutvi lo.v nplrttHiathlcie, ykixow
appeal anco ot tho 1.M11 and eyes: 0 dry coujfh;
fever, restlessness the Illinois soanly and hhth
colored, and, It allowed to stand, deposit, a, sedi
ment. IiYI
(ritltKt.Y VntlKTAIlLK)
Is generally used In tho South to nrouso tho torpid
ller to n healthy action.
IT ACTS WITH KXTIUOItDIN'AIIY tOFICACY ON TIIK
L1VKK,
KIDNEYS
asp BOWELS.
Art KKFIXJTUAI. HWXIKIO I'OH
MALARIA, DVSI'KrStA,
CONSTIPATION, IllttOl'SMICsg,
SICK llRAtlACIIIC, JAfNDICK,
MAI SKA, COLIC,
MKNTAI. tlU'BBfSlOK. IIOWRt.COM PLAINTS,
KTO.. KTCJ. , KTC.
Kndorsed by tho uso ot 7 millions of bottles as
The Best Family Medicine
Tor children, for adults and for tho used,
sim to like is im 10x1111101 air Tin Msnx I
J. H. ZE1LIN & CO.,
soi.mnoi'KiETOics, I'lllt.AlilXrillA, l'A,
rnicR, ii.iu.
tnayiKMy
A PRESENT!
Our readei-s for is cents In nostocc stuimis to
pay for nulllns and wrapping nud 11an.es of
iwu uwk aKeni.s w 111 recuv., fici.i-jn wceei
Finish l'annr KncriaMmr of nil our I'llKSI
I inCN'Ifi, I eluding Cleveland, bl.o 'ti.vjs Inch,
worthf l.oo.
Address Eider Pub. Co..Ohicago, III.
July lMy
RAILROAD TirVIH TABLE.
jy:r,A.WAKE, lackawanna and
WGSl'KUN ItAlLUOAl).
HLOOMS11UHG DIVISION.
NOltTII.
m. p.m.
00 13 3 I'
54 12 '.'
4S IS 2S
40 li 15
:li VI US
27 12 0,1
22 II BS
It 11 51
12 11 50
OS 11 47
08 II it
0.1 11 42
5'J 11 :is
51 11 .11
50 11 30
41 11 2.1
50 11 12
IS 11 10
11 10 51
a-. 10 4r
58 10 41
51 10 38
50 10 .11
4 2 1C 27
31! 10 21
80 10 10
21 11) 11
05 II 511
(10 II 4!l
55 0 45
I HTATIOt.S.
I SOUTH.
u.m. a.m. p.m.
. is 10 9 15 2 0.1
. 11 15 l) 20 2 10
a.m
8 30
S 20,
S 22
8 101
S 10
S 01
....: ronton. .,
llellevuo..,
'I'nyiorvllto.
.. Lackawanna., 0 27 M 2 2!
0 2U 1) 20 2 1!)
l'lttston..
a 31 9 41 2 30
(I 40 9 47 2 SO
..West l'lttston.
7 58,
7 51
.wyoiniue;....
..Mnllby
II 4i 9 52 2 41
0 I'J 9 !'! 2 41
0 51 10 02 47
r. 5S 10 1 5 2 50
0 5S 10 05 i 50
7 02 10 102 55
7 07 10 153 01
7 12 10 20 3 03
7 15 10 253 10
7 SI 10 S2 3 27
7 37 10 41 3 89
7 50 11 11 3 51
7 57 II 013 58
S 01 11 114 05
8 10 11 20 4 12
8 14 11 2J 4 10
S 18 11 29 I 21
8 25 11 3il4 27
8 30 11 44 4 31
8 3a II 504 10
7 50
7 4 J
7 4i
7 38
1 31
7 3)
7 2)
Ilcnnctt
....Kingston .... 1
....Kingston ....
Plymouth June
....Plymouth....
.... Avomliile. .
....Nanllcoko...
lliiulock'a Creek
..shlckshlnny..
..Hick's Kcrry..
7 1
T U0
G 51
6 47
II 41
..iieacniiavcn..
llerwlck ....
.llrlar Creek...
li 31
11 31!
S 2!
C 21
.Willow drove..
..Lliueltldgo...
ftspy
...Illoomsburg...
.... Huner t
II 10
0 11
5 50
Catawl'n lirldgo 8 41 11 M 1 40
. . Danville.... 8 A3 12 135 Ol
5 it
5 4.11
5 32
a.m. j
....Chulasky.... !i or, 12 2 a 13
.... camei on 1 0 (H 12 2-.i ir
40 II 3
in. a.m.
Northumberland, a 25 12 105 .
Ia.in. a.in. p.m.
V. 1. IIALSI'EAI), Supt.
Superintendent's onieo, Sjranton, l'eb.tst.13
Pennsylvania Railroad.
INI
Philadelphia & Erio R. R. Divis
ion, and Northern Central
Railway.
INI
TIME TABLE.
In cHct Aug. :10th, 1885. '1'ralns leavo bun
bury. KASTWAltD,
9.40 a.m., Sea Shore Uxpress (dally except
Sunday), for Ilarrlsbuit; and tnleriucdlutebtatioiis,
arriving at Philadelphia 3.15 p. 111.; New lurk
0.20 p.m.; Iialllmoiv, 4.40 p. m. ; Waihlngiou,
6.50 p. in., connecting nt Philadelphia for ull Sea
shore points. Through passenger coach to
Philadelphia.
1.4J u. m.l)av exnrtss
dally cxcoSundan.furllanUuurBaud luienue-
uiato stations, arriving at l 11 1 1 a u o 1 p h 1 a
C50 p. m. ; New York, 9.35 p. 111. ; Uatllinort
0.45 p. m. ; Washington, 8.00 p. m. Parlor oar
thro'igh to Philadelphia and paaacnger coaches
through to Philadelphia and lialtl i.ore.
8,05 p. in. v Ullamsporl Acco.mnodatlon (dally,
for Uarrlsburg nnd all Intermediate stations, arrlv
ing at Philadelphia 4 25 a. 111. ; New York 7.U0 a. 111
Iialtlinore. 5.25'j. in. : Washlnston 0.10 a. in.:
Kleeplng car ueeoininodat ions can bo secured at
llariisburgforl'hlladelplilaaiid.New' York. Oiisuri.
days athrougli hluepiugcir will bo iuu; on this
train trom Wllltamsp'ttophllailelphla.Phlladclphla
jiasscngera can remain in sleeper undisturbed until
2.35'a. m. Ei lo Mall (dallv cxeent Monday.!
for llarrlsburg an.l Intermediate stations,
arriving nt Philadelphia 8.25 a. m. New York,
11.30 a. in. ; lialtlmoi-u 8.15 a. in. ; Washington, 9.25
a. m. 'inrougu runniau sleeping carsuie run on
this train to phlladclnhla. llaltlmoru and WosIiIiil'-
ton, and through passenger coaches to l'hlladel.
puiu uuu iaiiuiiuiv.
wusrwAitu.
5.20a. m. Eilo Mall (dally except Sunday), foi
Erie, and ull Intermediate stations und C'uuandal
gua and intermediate stutlons, uochester, liuaa
Tound Niagara Falls, with thiough Pullman Pal
ace cars und passenger coaches 10 Erie and ltoch
cstcr. y.M-News Express (dally except Sunday) for
Lock Haven and Intermediate btutlons.
1.05 p. in. Niagara Express (dally except Sun
day) lor Kane and Intermediate stations and c'an
undalgua and principal Inlermedlato stations,
ltochestcr, liufralo and Niagara Falls with
through passenger coaches to Kane aud ltochestcr
and Parlor ear to WulMus.
5.30 p. m. Fast I.lnu (dally except SunJayjror lte
novo and intermediate stations, and Ktinlra, Wat
klns and Intcnnedtalo stuilous, with through pas
senger coaches to iteiiot o and Walktns.
9.20 a. m.-buuday mall lor ltenoio and lnterrae
dlatc stations.
THItOUaU THA1NS FOIt SUNllUltY FltOM TUB
EAb'P AND SOUTH.
Sunday mall leaves Philadelphia 4. SO a. m
IlarrUburg i.40 .11 living at suubury 9.20 a. in. w tin
through sleeplngcar Horn PulmUelpbU 10 Ull
tlamspoit. News Impress leaves Philadelphia 4.30 a.m.
Ilarrlsburg, 8.10 a. 111. dally except Sunday
arriving ui Sunbury U.M. u. 111.
Niagara Express leaves
Philadelphia, 7.40 a. m. ; Baltimore. 7.30 a. in. (dally
except hunday arriving ut sunbury, 1.05 p. 111.,
with through Parlor car from Philadelphia
and through passenger coaches from Philadel
phia and Baltimore.
l'ast Lino leaves New York t.ui a. m. 1 l'hlladel.
phla,u.50a. 111.; Washlugtou, u 50a. m. ; Haiti
more, 10.15 a. m., (dully except Sunday) arriving at
Nuubury, 5.30 p. 111., with through passengci
coachebfrom Plilladelphlaand lialiimoro.
Erie Mall leaves New York S.IA) p. m. ; l'hlladel
nhla. 11.20 11. in. . Washington, lu.tu u. in. . D.lILI.
more, 11.20 p. 111., (dally exeepl.Saturilay) arriving
at Suubury 5.15 a. in., with through Pullman
bleeping cars from Philadelphia, Washington and
UalUuiuro and through passenger coaches Iron1
l'nlludelphla.
HUMIIIItV. 1IAZI.KTON .V WII.KINllAIIltl!
ItAIl.l(t)AI) ANII .MIUTII AND Wli.-4T
ItltANllll HA I. WAV.
(Daily exeeiit huuuay.)
Wllkesbarro Mull leaves bunbury lO.OJa. ni.
arriving at bloom Ferry 1U.W a. in., Wllkes barie
12.18 p. m.
Express Has, leaves sunbury B.15 p. m., arriving
at lIlcHim Fei ry C.37 p. m., Wllkes-barro 1.58 p. in
Sunbury tlaUleutesW(lkesburnl0.4ua.in. uri IV
lug at IthJom Ferry 13.18 p. m., Sunbury 1.1 U p. in
Expicss West leaves likes bari'0 2.15 i. 111., ur
rUIng at llliKim Ferrv 4.15 p. in., sunbury ft.lv p. in
f.NDAY ONLY.
Sunday mall leaves Suubury 9 25 ft. in., onlvlng
at lllouin Ferry lu, 1 1 a. 111.. w IlLes-llarro 11:3'. a.m.
bunday accommodation leates llkta liiirio s .iu
p. ui., arriving at lllooui Ferry, 7:10 p. in., bunbury,
7:55 p. 111.
OIIA. li PUdll, J, It. WOOD,
tien. Manager, (len. Passenger Agent
Alexander Bros. & Go..
orrer to tho Trado their Fine llrand of cigars.
The Landres,
Honry Clay,
Norma,
San-scn, and
Cccmcpolitan
Eino Emits niitl Fino Confeotionery
on liaiul. V'resli every wo?k. lilooms
burg, l'a. I el). 1!7
WAITED c$ SL$C
EXPENSES PAID 1 Salesmen for tho Hooker
Nurserlei tMabilshed 18-5. All tho newest and
best sorts ot fruit and ornamental trees, vines, tc,
II. U. HOOKKIt COMPANY,
Itochester, N. V.
Kept 115 sm
"STtJCK;,"
Tlio superiority of our Cloth
ing, in .style nnd finish, is suilic
ient gimrnntee iigainst a culninity
like the above. Our large stock
of Suits and Overcoats for Moil,
Youths, Boys ami Children will
give permanent satisfaction.
A.0.YATE3&C0.
G02-GO-1-OOG CHESTNUT ST.
l'HILADKLPIIIA.
IJLOOaiSUUHG, PA.
M anufacturors ot
CARRIAGES BUGGIES, PHAETONS.
SLEIGHS, PLATFORM WAGONS, &C.
First-class work always on hand,
REPAIRING NEA TLY DONE.
Prices reduced to suit the times,
ELY'S
CatarrH
Cream Balm
when applied Into the
nostrils, will bo ab
sorbed effectually
cleansing the head ot
catarrhal virus, caus
ing healthy secre
tions. It allays Inllam
nation, protects tho
membrnne ot the na
sal passages from ad
ditional colds, com
pletely heals tho sores
and restores sense of
taste and smell.
SOT X Ilql'ID .OII SSI 11.
Apply n particle ot ij4VCrurD
tho llalm into each "IVBlV tfj
nostril. A few applications relieve. A thorough
treatment will cure. Agreeable to use. send for
circular. Price 51 cents by mall or nt druggists.
ELY WtorilKltS. druggists, Owego, S. Y.
eI6f HING !
CLOTHING !
THE ARTIST
AND
MERCHANT TAILOR.
Who always gives you tlio latest
styles, and Juts your clothing to lit
you. Having Intel tho experience lor a
number ol years in tlio Tailoring Htisi
ness, has learned what material will
give his cusloiueis tlio best satisfaction
for wear anil style rind will try to
pU-nso all who give him a call. Also
on hand
Gents' Furnishing Goods
OF ALL DESCKIITIONS.
HATS, CAPS, AND UMBRELLAS
Always uf tlio lutes' styles. Cull anil ex
amine" his stock btlore rurclmsing else
w'licri.
Storo neKt door toFirsiKaUon&lIt&nk
Corner Slain & Market Sts.
n
in) Kfl
April S5-ty
E. B. 3R0WER
1
OAS FITTING & ST HAM llKATJMJ.
ur.m.i:i: in
STOVES & JNWARE.
All kinds of work in Sheet Iron, Roof
ing and Spouting promptly
attended to.
restrict attention gU en to heating by steam.
Corner of Main & East Sts.,
Bloomsburg, Pa.
EXCHANGE HOTEL,
W. R. TOBBS, PROPRIETOR
BLOoMsnuao, fa.
OPPOSITE COUItT UOUHK.
Large and convenient s unple rooms, llath rooms
not unu com waiur, anci uii modern conveniences
TTUtEAS IIUOWN'S INSUItANOE
I AflKNCV. Moyer'a new building, ilalu street,
JUoomsbiirg, Pa.
.Htna lusuranco Co., of Hartford, Conn ti,((rs,itiO
Itoyal of Liverpool 1:!,. '.10,0110
Lanea-shliD , io,ui,oi
t 1m Association, Phlladelpliia 4,lci',7io
l'liuinlx, of London 5,;iji,3TB
Loudon Lancashire, of Kngland l.ioo.wo
Hartford or llaillonl a ers cwi
sprlngrteld I'lro uud Mailnc i;,osi,580
As tho agencies nro direct, policies aro wilttcn
for the Insured wllhout delay In the oniee at
JJIuuiuauuiK. UCI, ijo, DJ.
a iioubk,
DliNTIST,
XlLooMsnuitn, Coi.umiua Ooumty, 1'a
II styles ot work done In a superior manner, work
narruiucu as refrrseuieu ikbtu ttXTHAOT'
d without IMix by the use of uas, and
free of charge when artificial toeth
are Inserted.
Ofllco over Klelm's Drue Store.
'lobe open at aU hours during the 'ij.
ii j
$50 REWARD.
to n
Hvery Ounco of Adiiltciatlon
IN'l'IIK
my prouess soap.
THE WONDERFUL 3-LB BAfi.
A DK ONLY UV
Gowuiis &. Stoycr,
Iluffalr, N. Y.
Fit salo by all fiiBt-claa g ooois.
April 10-i.yr
DlflOlllSIJlll'
ECONOMY TIIK I'RACXICAIL
IUESTIOjV Or THE HOUK.
EVJORY THING THAT IS
NEW AND STYLISH FOR THE SEASON,
CAN BE UOlXillT
CHI APE E fJBLAl TOM.
KjasiSiaassatsBamtatantwTrwrnt
A Large and Varied Stock of
JUST RECEIVED.
tranwQroiiinmsciBi'Hrreat
ALSO A LAI'fin AN'f) SKMiCT LI IN" 12 OK
Call 'and be Convinced that you have the
OV THE
LATEST STYLE, BEST QUALITY,
AND AT
The Lowest Possible Prices
AT T SI E
OF
Fine Carriages, lluggles mill Waeons.
vnrlud seU'ction of
GgVEIIICLES FOR BUSINESS AND PLEASUIll)
rom the best mnnufacloiies. l'lirolmsurs
tiC-Write for Information and "rices.
npr..y SMv,
GMAIN
C. B. MBMNS,
DEALER IN
Foreign anM MarnQsiic
WINES AND LIQUORS,
AND JOBBER IN CIGARS.
BLOOMSBURG, PA.
for Infanto and Children.
lmt,O"'lt!'Nt0ctlljB!1,W I OMtorla cures Colle. ConstlpHIon.
irccomtnen.iltaaBi!rrlartonuyi.nM.'rlnUoa I "our BtomocU, Ularrhaa, KriK-utlon.
knowaUiine." U A. Anc-uun, l D I K11' Wortnii, fives klcc, aai jirumoUa ill
JU tic, OilorJ Bt, liruokln, it. V. WllfSut'lnjurioua modlcatlon.
Tuk CicdAcn Coutxhy, 1S3 rultoa Street, N.T.
I
je.it
.BPTinif sin umm
f . F. IBtUlf,
320 322 Pcnii Avenue,
At this ltonosilon. mavlm RfTH n Inrrrn mill
urc invited to cn.ll nnd Insnect the poods or to
For llic Cvleliriilud Cliickcring, Ivcrs &
I'onil, nnd Vote Si Stm I'imios. World ri'
nowiiPcl Ksti-y Or..iis, Violins, Ac toicUona
nnd Sheet Aliisic. Culelmili'iMVliiic, Ktw
llltli Aim Dnvls, t'v lloine, lioynl St.
John, nnd Light Kunnlng Doinestlu Scwinp;
Mni'liines. Kt't'dles, oil nml nttucliinenls
for nil mnkes of Sewing JlncliiiuF.
STREET
u mmmi
EStcro andlwarcr.ee ms, No. 18
Franklin Avenue
Mo Waierooiua 111 Franklin Ate. and liwrer..
lerBtrtct.
SCR ANTON, PA.
it
Anylliiuf,' t niako up .mow wnj;on
or rrjiMr nu old, in ftoik.
I!ur Iron, ami Stt'tl lVilt", Holt
KikIj, I.ny Soiowi-, 'lnriiliuckloH
Uoiho Shut'H, nml nil 1 1 it k smith
etijijilien.
Aprsi-iy