1q dolunilD&q.
ooLtiMiii DiuocRtT, inn of tiik north, and COIVV
BUM, CONSOLIDATED.)
Irjitrd Wrtltly, every Friday mnrnlnir, nt
VLOOMSliUIta, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA,,
1 1 ro poi.t.Ana tier year, M cents discount allowed
u i i paid In advance. To subscribers out of tho
, , , if the terms aro 3 per year, strictly In advahre,
i -,Nn paper discontinued except at tlio option of
,r luhllshcni. unijl all arrearages are paid, tut loiw
i i mie,1 credit will not bo (riven.
i papirsscntoutor theslatoor to distant post
n.i ..- ."U it bo paid for In advance, unless a respon.
n ,u p. .son in Columbia county assume hi pay the
tni'rijiion duo on demand.
lusTAUK U no longer exaotnl from subscriber! In
Ci,i county."
Sd ve iti Kiii g -ra.te.
.71".
Iv v .1 fx Ir
lv un I w is ii P m fs '
. im i vol anil rii)
.10 r.i ii.ru i ii
. 5.0.1 ,-.. .ou i.i.oo iii
, ami .m in.no t.rjo (
.mm iii ir.od moo mm
Onftlnrh.
'JThrv Inches,.,..
1 Pnuf Inches......
Ouarter column,,
one column so.oo JK'i 30.00 o.u main
Tearly advertisements piy.blc quarterly. Tnn.
1 1 air column.
exiepl where parties liaf . i' mms.
. , . .1 . . , ., ,.. nA. ,.,.,
1 rjtm nU( I H3 lllvllUl , '-r,i (,.,,,., i , n. , i.- it ...... u
Insertions, and at Wat Me for ndillllonal insertions
without reference in lenaih
Etciutor's, Administrator's, and Auditor' nnVIOM
three dollars. Must bo p.ild tor lien Inserted.
Transient or t,oeal not lets, ten cento ft lino, regular
idvcrtlMincnt half rates.
joe pisnsri'iisra-.
The .lobbing Department of tliri ooi.OHniAi is very
Complete, nnd our .lob Printing will compare t.wora.
lily vitli thatot thn large rules. All work done on
demand, neatly and at moderate pilots.
J. K, DITTsiNISMDER, J pHPrltOit.
BLOOMSBUTlG,PA., FMDAT, DECEMBER, 9, 1881.
TIIK COLUMHIAN, VOL. XV.NO.4ll
COLUMBIA DEMOCRAT, VOL.XLVI, NO,
t'ardi in the "Business Directory" column, on
lollar per year for each lino.
I'KOPRSHfONAii (JAllbSi
A T T 0 II N R Y- A T-L A W,
CoU'ubUK HcitniMi Hioomiburg, P
Yrni r if the I'utt''- si'atca Law Anocktlon.
i .i w'.iuin inide 'n -tiy irt ot America or Uuropo.
r: W VI :.t,H,
' Atl'iiTioy-nf I iiwv
once, Second iloor from Is! National Bank.
llUioMPIIUItO PA,
VT II. FUNIC
N
A tto mi oy -a t I..n w ,
IH.OD.MdUlJIKl, PA.
mien in Knt's lll'll niMj.
(J.
ATTOH.SUV.SAT-l.ANV,
HloomslurR, Pa.
. on Main Street, first duor below Courtllomr
D IN M (M..VUK,
ATTOIINEY AT-I.AW,
hlootnsbartr.ra.
ifiUf urer Schuyler's Hardware store.
R, t. MM If.
. itri
H. k II K. LITTLE,
ATTOUNRYf-A'r-I.A vV.
Tt!oom9burB, Pa.
0.
W. MIM.KU,
ATTOHNEY.AT-I.AW:
Ofllceln Drower'-ibulldlnir, second nnor.roini No,
i UloomsburR, Pa.
FRANK .AKIl.
' Attornoy-at-T .aw.
HLOOMSIIURO, PA
(iffleo corner of Centre nnd Main streets. t'lark'H
liulldln g-.
(Ian bp consulted in Gorman.
A
K. 0IIA1MN,
ATTORN EY-AT- LAW.
lll.OO.IISIIUlUI, PA,
MftV lie found In UKCOHDK1V8 OVPK3R In the
Court House. Pcpt. ic.'si.e-m.
1 KO. K. KIjWKIjL,
A T TO n N E Y-A T-L A W,
Krw Colouman llciuuNO, llloomburff, Pa.
Member ot the United States Law Association.
Collections made In any part of Arr.trlca or Europe
8. KHOIlll. I S. WIVlKKSTKIiN.
Notary Public
KN'OUIi & WINTEIISTEKN,
A ' lornoys-nt-Law.
Ofllcot' '.inn au's Block, Corner Main and Mar
ket Btreet i, i;Utii'stmrir, Pa.
JfiyVi.' " i'' d Jloiinlies Collected.
pAUL T. V K'f,
Atto ntv-at-Law.
Oftlcelnlirowtn lm . one dcor below Urockway
liulldln
iii.ojM?j .uno, PA.
Q.UY j,vX'OI!V
AtLov v nt-LaW)
OLOOMSUtliO,
Ofllceln II. . I. ci'ii' rut '.-Inir, second llwr, over
Hoffman's flom and e '. moic
Oct. 8. 'so.
T II. MAI55E,
ATfORNEY-A LAW
AND
JUSTKE OF THE PEACE.
omcelnMrs. Lnr Building, tlilrd dior from Main
street. Mayso.'si.
K. OSWALD,
Attn. noyat-Lawi
Jack-arm Diiildinp, Iloouis -1 and C,
Mayo, 81 BERWICK, PA.
TVTM I. i.YHKLY,
Ai-.'VtNIIY.AT-LAW,
Collection- i.iin.ptl.v cthV md romlttod. omco
onpoilto CaU l!u 1'i.C'f :li. '.latiK. "u-39
YVr- II. JiHWVK,
AT I'OltXK Y-A T-L AW,
Catawlssa, Pa.
oraco, corner 01 . bird and Main 'Streets.
A L. Fl.IT, AlicTucy-nt Luw. OlUce
J, In llroi'l v.aj'sUulldl.ic, June ill, '81
T iiuCKl.N'CUIAM, Atminev.al.Lnw. Of
V, .nee, l)rcckft)'8 Bulldlns; 1st floor, Hlooins
burif, Penn'd. may 7. o-t t
C H. HARK LEY, Altornev.at.Law. (JfHce
, In Bro. r's bulldlns, 2nd Mory, Houuis i & 6
1 15. UOIlfriON, Altomov-at-Law. Oflico
) . In Hnr!iiu!iV.bulldlJig,Mnuistrect.
DI"'TI .M7uKIiICK,.rRton and Phyfl
Uan. u.itr Markt itrcut. Near depot.
T It. KVANR, M. D Surgeon and Pliyei
V i !n, (Ofllce nnd HesldenCH on Third street
JJi McKELVY, M. D.,Purgeon nnd Phy
. ".Iclan.nortU Bide Main street, below Market.
ju. j. c. iuTtteHT-
PHYSICIAN AlSUllflKON,
OMlco, North Market street,
net. t, BloomBburn, Pa.
"jT)K. I. L. KAlili,
PRAOTIOAL DENTIST,
Miln street, opposite Episcopal Cliurch, Blooms
ours, Pa,
tv Teeth oxtractcd without pain,
oct, i
H HOUSE,
BLOOAISBURa COL. 00. PA.
.Ml styles of work done In a Burn rlor manner, work
wairniiU'das represented. Tkktii Extkaot
ki wiTHODT I'ain by the use of Oaa, and
free of chargo wlicn artificial teeth
are inserted.
fifllco oyer Bloomsburg Banking Cimpauy,
Vo be open at all hours during the day,
Nov. 8-ly
MISOlilXANKOUS
C M. DKINKEIt, 0 UN nnd LOOKBMITH
Sewing Machines and Machinery of all kinds re-
mrea. ofka Hoosi Building, BlooraBburg, Pa.
T"AVID LOWENRERO, Mercliant Tailor
xj Main St., nbOTO Central Uotol.
H. KUIIN, dealer iu ileal. Tallow, etc.,
Centre street, between Seeoud and Third.
JAMES REILLY,
ToiiBoi'ial Artist,
u ugaln at his old stand under KXCIIANdB 110
JM'Wl S usual o WtST-OLAUS llAHIIBll
iiiySl "? fspecliuliy solicits the patronage ot
Tuii i fi. .,ven' aua or lue punno generally,
EXCHANGE HOTEL.
W. R. TUBBS, PROPRIETOR
BMOMSBVItO. TA.
Ol'l'OSlTK COUllT HOUSE.
.Large and COnVOIllmt.flnmnln mnm, llntlirnnmc
wand ooidnater, and all modern "pOinTtinitiuc
'in... t)i nri. . u ,
J 1115 OillJlUIH HUICI iUOfOr
IS THE MOST
Economical Power Known
-FOH-
1)111 VINO I.IUHT MACHINERY.
It takei but little room.
It never gels out of.ropalr.
It ran not blow up.
It heeds no fuel
It needs nu engineer.
1 here Is no delay; no tiring up; no ashes to clean
nny; no extra Insurance to pay; no repair
ing necessary; no coal bills to pay,
and ItH alwajs ready for use.
It Is Invaluable for Hotting Chuich Organs, for
running Hinting Presatn, Hewing Machine. Turn
ing Lnlh's, bcroll .Saws, llrlhd Slonts Correc Mills,
Suisago Machluts, Feed Cutlers, Corn Mills, Llcvn
tors, etc.
Pour horso power at 4u pounds pressure of wa.er.
Ills noiseless, neat, compact, steady, nnd above all
IT IS VERY CHEAP.
Send for clicular to tlio Backus Water Motor Co.,
Newark, N. J., Btatlng name ot paper you saw ad
erUsement In.
r Price, $is to t.'uu. sept, so-tt
B. F. SHARPLESS,
Cor. Ceutre and Kail lload Sts., near L. JC B. Depot.
Lowest Prices will net ba undersold.
.Manufacturer cf MINK OAK WHEELS', Coal Break
erandllrldgo Castings, Water Pipes, Stoves, Tin
ware, Plow?, IKON FENCE, and all kinds of Iron and
BrassC'etlngs.
Tho friglnal Montrose, Iron beam, right hand
left hand, and side hill Plows, the best In the mark
et, and all kinds ot plow repairs.
Cool; Stoves, Itoom Stoves, nnd Stoves for heating
stores, chool houses, churches, ic. Also thu larg
est stock ot repairs tor city stoves, wholesale and
retail, such as Tiro Ilrlck.orates, Cross Pieces, Lids
ftc. Ac., Stove Pipe, Cook Boilers, Skllllts, Cakc
I'lalea, large Iron Kettles, isi) gallons to IX barrels)
Farm Bells. Sl'd Soles, Wagon Boxes,
"Allentown Bone Manure"
PLASTER, SAl.T.ie., 4C.
Jan , 'so-iy
L. T. SHARPLESS,
WHOLESALE AND 1IETAIL DBALEIt IN
STAPLE AND FANCY NOTIONS
-HI-
Hl.s stock compilses Scarlet, Whlto and Mixed
XT 3ST DEE W EAR
for Ladles, nents nnd Children, Cotton, Merino, anil
Woolen HOSIERY, Ladles' Nubias, Hoods and
(iloves, Laeo and Embroidered Collars and
Ties, Plain and Fancy Neckwear,
SCARFS, TIES,
and Bows, Ladles and Cents plus, Earrings,
COLLAR AND GUFF BUTTONS,
and Chains, Cents Castor, Buck and Kid, lined
and I'nllned
GLOVES nnd MITTENS,
I.AUNDIIIED AND UN'-AUNDltlED SHIIITS,
COLLARS AND CUFFS,
Shoulder Braces and Suspenders I'urdlAn Jackets,
units Shirts nnd Overalls, Alpaca, (ilugham and
Cotton Umbrellas, Writing Paper, Envelopes,
PENCILS and CRAYONS,
Flour Sacks, (Irocer's Bags, and
WRAPPING PAPER.
To arrive, a variety of Corsets, Including Dr.
Warner's Flexible hip and
HEALTH CORSETS-
Making Irs purchases as he does of manufacturers
and their agent he proposcs;to mako prices that
will compare favorably with tho best
CITY HOUSES.
Xj T. SHARPLESS,
BLOOMSBURG, PA.
Oct. 83 '11 t-t
PALL AND "WINTER CLOTHING
J. EVANS,
Tho uptown Clothier, has Just received a fine lino
ot New Ooods, and Is piepured to mako up
FALL AND WINTER SUITS
For Men and Bojs In the ueatett manner and Latest
Styles.
GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS,
1-IatSi Oapi &C i
Always on hand. Call nnd Examine. EVANS' BLOCK
Comer Main and Iron streets,
BLooBftsntma, pa.
PLUMBING, GAS FITTING.
STOVES and TIWARE.
E. 23. BROWER
Has purchased UieSto'k and Business of I. Hagcn
buch, and Is now prepattd to do all kinds of work
In his line. Plumbing ai d Out 1 ltlli.tr ntpcclalty,
Tinware, stoeB,
lvfJqES HD -EAJEtS,
In a great variety, All work dono by
EXPERIENCED HANDS,
Main street coiner of East.
liLoonisiaino, i-a.
N, S. TINGLEY.
Announces to the public that he Is pi i pared to do
all kinds ot
Custom Tailoring,
promptly and at reasonable prices. Now is the sea
son tor a
--NEWSPRINGSUIT-
And Tlngley's the place to get a proper fit.
Satisfaction Guaranteed.
Shop over BUlmeyer's Grocery, Corner of Main and
Ceutre streets,
WiOOMSIlUHG, n.
TTMIKAS RUOWN'S INSURANCE AO EN
V CY. Moytr'a new building, Main street, Blooms
burg, Pa.
Aiwets.
,i:ma Inturanco Co , of Hartford. Conn, t.o7s.5i
ltoyal of Liverpool lu.&co.ooo
lancaBUire 111,0111,(100
Flro AssccUtlon, Philadelphia,..,. ,. . 4,ttJ,Tll
Phii'iilx, of Loudon n.viw.lll
Ixiudon l.ancnuilre, of England,., ., i.toiuio
lluitforl of Hartford . ,VT9,ooo
Hprlugneld Fire aud Marine s,ua.ss
As tho aienclesare dlrirt. nolle lii are urltii urn
iuo iii.meii M iw.uviw ii uemj in uiu unn t)
Blooflbburg. Oct. W, M. It
CErman be Med Y
RHEttH
Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago,
Backache, Soroness of tho Chosf, Gout,
Quinsy, Sore Throat, Swol'nqs and
Sprains, Burns and Scalds,
General Bodily Pains,
Tooth, Ear and Hoadacho, Frosted Foot
and Ears, and all other Pains
and Aches.
No Preparation on earth equals St Jacobs Oil at
a miff, urr. hnjilt and ri .r; KttcniHl lleniedy.
A trial entails but the cnmpumtlM'ly trilling uullny
of no Ci'iiH. and every one Mitlerlng with Jnila
can hac cheap and pilt'lve proof of lta eluhus.
Directions In Eleven Ijinguages,
BOLD Dt ALL DRnQOISTS AND DEALERS IK
MEDICINE.
A.VOGELER & CO.,
lUitlimnrr, ltd., V. H.A.
Valuable Real Estate
AT
PRIVATE SAXjK!
The undersigned ACinltilhtiatorcum testamento
annexo of Peter Appleman.latc of nenton township,
decented, orte'S the following described premises at
private s tic. All that portion of the following de
scribed TltACT OF LAND, In Benton township,
bounded as follows: On the north by lands ot It. L.
F. Collcy, J. F. Chapln and A. Wilkinson, on the
west by lands of Ell MclDnry, John E. Appleman
and Peter Lnutach, on tho south by lands of Wll
Ham Ilulmo nnd Margaret Dildlnc, nnd on the cast
bylunds of Heuben II. DnUs nnd Stott E. Colley,
containing EI0I11 Y-E1011T ACHES, more or csa,
whereon nio elected a two-tlory F11AME HOUSE,
Bank Barn, wagon house nnd other out-buildings.
Only that portion lying on the west Bide ot Flshlng
creek will bo sold.
Also, all that tract of land sltuato In Benton town
ship, bounded on the west by lands of Hebecca Con
ner, on the north by lands of the heirs of Thomas
Davis, deceased, and J. F. Chapln, on the south by
lands of Ezcklcl Cole, containing EHIIITEEN
ACHES, moro or less, unimproved land. Will be sold
as a whole or In parcels to suit purchasers.
Terms made known on application to
I. K. KMCKBAUM,
Administrator, Ac,
aug. 6-tf Cambra. ra.
Valuable Real Ustate
AT
PRIVATE SALE 1
THE LARGE FLOURING MILL
In Hemlock township known i s tho
RED MILL
Is offered nt l'Itl ATE PALE. This mill Is J, feet
by fo feet and contains
FOUR PAIRS OF 15URRS.
Utunllj lunty water lower, but has a steam en
gine to run It In lime of unusually low water. It has
A Large Custom Trade
and thrio Is n baigaln In It. For further particulars
lnqulieof
M. S. APPLEMAN,
Bloomsburg, Pa.
Oct. 7.3m
C- E.
SAVAGE,
DEAI.EK IS
Silverware. Watches, Jewelry .Clocks . &c
All klLds of Watches. Clock h and Jewelry neat
iy repmreu aua warnuiuiu.
muy Ui ts-u
15- ? r r
fl u t t i n
NrunlKi.i. l" Kin".
I'ulii In ilii' IlnrU mid SIilc
There S n 1 ' i
dlbeai-e li .t i'i I
the dlvav c 'i. 1
Pain Killer.
Till K'llll .... It II
ir I'elriili 'i.i (i.. ,u
away flnl.i I i ..- 1
llf 'Xpl . .1, .1
incut li; i' may il.' i
Pain Uilicr h
for forty je.iw, u'ui i
from nil paru oi ti,
falls. It not um. i
i land than these
e n moved and
i 4-orry Davis'
I 11 l'll Ht'lllllR
' lhat l.llll liti kept
ut to imilil ilunger
uu untried fvperl-
. ' i' liuriii Hi. in guild
" lu ennttant uso
ii Iv. rs.il testimony
wuu is, It novor
is a ivrmancnt cure,
but It re'.lov s pain al . n.-.t instantaneously.
Being a purely i"," t ible leiunly, II Is safe
In the hands rf the m ht lncvperienced.
The rtvi.nl of tuies by tho ue of Pais
Kin.tii would 1111 v. lu::ns. The following
extracts from letlriit r eehcil bhow what
those who have trl.il It think:
Edgar Cady, Ov.-atonna, Minn,, says:
About it ) -r Ilii.) my ttite liecjiiue Hubloot
to Mi-ro Mi'iy ti from rlieuuiHtl-iii. Our
resort wn. tot .g ,'A1.S K1LJ.MI, TihKhklldlly
ri'Hot,l her.
Qharloa Powell writes from tho Sallow
Home, London;
1 had l uu aillu tivl thrco ytnrs wllti nrurulida
and loknt .iHuuiHof th Momuclu T he doi-ton
at tifctJliitlvt' r Hoi-ltd ftlo up my ,-ai0 In
despmr. 1 in I mr 1' vis i;il.!.i:ii,inl Itvnnt)
tile liiiTiiu.il il. r Uuf 1 lune r, valued lev
ilri.-lli, mil in non ul.'.-j toT'llow in) luiial
ooeuiiaUon.
0,11, Walworth. Bnco, Me., writes;
I eiinrlniiv I tuii'itdiulo nluf trom pln In
tin Mt by tho u avt )uurI'AlK Muu
E.York says :
lMtouud a Pit.sEiLivnforrliuuMtlun,
and Uaio rwxl.c.l (.teat U'un.l.
Barton Seaman saya ;
llijo ysit I'jin liiutii fir thirty yearn,
and half tnuii I it u ..(i.rullii Kiiiiily ler
K. rheuiuatl.iu uinl lumeucaa.
Ur.Burdltt writes:
It " "nil. .i k-ni' r. lief In ranea of iheuiuatlaui,
PhU. Qllbcrt, Somerset, Pa., writes :
Proiii aitiwluw, 1 know yuurpAts Klti.tu
la the Ut uitdalnu I lau b'tt.
All druggUta keen Vain Kiu.er. us price
VI W low that It l.i within tho reach of all,
and lt'a111 nave many times lis cost lu doctors;
MUfc aso., 30c, and 81,01) n bottlo. I
VCRRY DAVIS &. SON, Proprietor
Provldonco, R. I.
V. HARTMAN
niriibinni Tin foiwwixii
AJIKIUC'AN INSl'UANCr, COIIPANIUS i
Lycoming ot Minify PennsjUanla.
North American vl Philadelphia, Pa,
Franklin of "
Peiinsjlvanla ot " "
Farmers ot York, Pa.
Hanover of New Yin k.
Manhattan ot New Yoik.
Otnce on Market Mi pet, Ko. 5 LltomiMirg
oct, n, iv-iy
ATISH.
V
iTs cm
Poetical.
UDCinH'KNHF,
llY CAIlLOm l'KBIIV.
Tho earth gives hi treavuro four.fold tor nil tliat wo
give to 11.1 bosom; '
Tho care we bestow on tho plant comes back In tho
buil nnd the blosiom,
Tho sun draws thi! N il to tho sky, oh, stillest and
strang.stot powers,
And returns to the hills and tho meadows the glal-
no-is of bountlf Jl slnwers.
The mother regains her lost youth In tho beauty
and youth of her daughters,
We are fed Iter many long dajs by the bread that
we ciiht on the waters.
Never a Joy do we cause hut we for that Joy aro the
glad lor,
Never a heart do wo grlevo but we for tho grlovlng
aro sadder
Never a slander so lie as the lips ot the willing
rehearser,
And curses, though long, loud and deep, corr.o
homo to abide with tho curser.
Ho who dotngUo cfhls best, of tint best Is the
certalncst user,
And ho who withhold finds himself otitis gaining
thu pltltul loser.
Thoilowoisthatarostiewn for the deal bloom first
In tho heart of the ll Ing,
And this Is the truest of truths, lh.it the best of a
gift is tho giving.
rithTAKIMl KOU TIIK FUTUlti:.
Yes, I'am going to burn It. Her picture,
hlch, held In a dainty gilt frame,
Has been on my mantel a llxturu,
(iocs under It, into thu llitne,
And one l ist farewell look, I nm taking;
It ever I loved her, 'tis o'er,
And jet, at my heart Is an aching,
To think I shall see this no more.
In this picture, how well I behold her,
Her bright eyes and pretty, sweet face,
Her white arm and one dlmrled shoulder
Half lost In a soft cloud ot lace;
The other plump shoulder Just glancing
Through rich chestnut tresses Is seen,
By Jove! 'tis a vision cntrauclngl
No wonder they call her "the queen,"
And all tho young fellows adoro her
And some not so oung, too, may be
And ho who his not Knelt before her
Is thought an eccentric, Ah, mcl
It really seems wicked and cruel,
To make ot tnls rare gem of art,
Tint once I sj prized, merely fuel
I turn the card o'er and my heart
Is ateeled. There Is written: "Thlno ever,
With love, Aramlnta." That llnu
Seals the doom of tho picture. It never
Must meet any eye, now but mine.
So hero goes tho plcturo with sorrow,
So ends ouo sweet dream of my lit J,
For I'am going to be married to-morrow;,
And that picture, 1' kept, uilght make strife.
Chicago Tribune.
THICKS UI'ON JEWELIiUS.
"Of all tho tricks, devieep, subteifu
ges, sliarj) doilgcs, or deceptiona I evtr
saw," said Jeweler Johnston to a re
porter, "was one liy which a sharp fel
low stole from mo three pairs of dia
mond earrings. lie evidently knew
when I was not in the store. He came
in one day and said to one of my clerks:
"'Is Mr. Johnston in?'
" 'Xo,' was the reply.
" 'I am sorry for that,' he said. 'I
wish to buy n pair of diamond earrings
for my wile.'
'This was repeated on four or live
successive days Tlio last time ho said
he would not wait to see mo, but would
look at some earrings. The clerk showed
him an assortment, and ho finally se
lected three pairs, valued at S 150, and
said : "I guess I will let my wife se
lect from these. She will bo at my store
in an hour, and I want you to tell Mr.
Johnston to bring tlieso aroutul lumsolt,
ns he is acquainted witli my wife."
4 'AH right, sir ; 1 will, replied tlio
clerk.
"Iy tho way,' said the fellow, "if you
will permit me, 1 will write a note to
Mr. Johnson.'
' 'Certainly,' said the clerk, who
showed lii tn to a desk and pointed out
where lie could get paper and envelopes.
lie sat down, wrote a short note, tolderi
it and put it in an envelope and directed
it to me. Then ho went back to the
counter and said to the clerk ; 'I think
you had better put tho three pairs of
earrings in here and 1 will Beal them up
so that Mr. Johnston will bo certain to
bring the right ones.'
'Very well, said tho tlerk, who
handed out the three pairs of earrings
and the fellow dropped them into the
envelope before the clerk's eyes, and was
apparently about to seal the envelope
when he saiu suddenly :
" 'uti, 1 guess you may put in that
other pair,' )ointing to a pair which tho
clerk had laid on the shelf behind him.
The clerk turned and got tho other pair
ami handed tuem to tlio lellow, who
Implied them apparently into tho name
envelope, sealed them up, handed them
over and said : 'Let Mr. Johnston brine
tlio four pairs to my storo as soon as ho
comes back,' giving the address of a
well-knoA'ii store in the vicinity. Then
he left, and the clerk laid tho envelope
on ono side until 1 returned. Of course
we found but one pair of diamond car
tings in the envelope, which was tho last
pair dropped in. The oilier three pairs
were paste, about tho same si.o. Tho
fellow had taken two of my envelopes,
and into ono had placed tho three bogus
pairs, When tho elcik turned to get
tho fourth pair, the fellow had put tho
genuino in his pocket and substituted tho
others. Vo never saw him afterwards.
but heard that ho had practiced tlio same
game in other places
"t)l course the imperative- rule is to
not let goods go out of your sierht until
you get the money. The trick of having
goods sent to hotels nnd boarding houses
with bills tor collection is so stale that
int iiiiiievmiing rule is to keep your
goods in sight, lint a shrewd fellow
once managed to get thrco watches from
me by a eiecr dodge. A blight, sharp
looking customer eatno in one day anil
said : "1 am from Ohio, and lmvo a com
mission to buy somo goods for my sister,
who is to bo married there.' lie picked
out a uui ot iyoiitj win in ot various arti
cle.s and said : 'Just send them around
to my store in Hioadway at 2 oclock,'
naming a well-known carpet storo in
Itroadway, Tho goods were sent by a
clerk, who iouihi the customer apparent
ly engaged in showing carpels, and per
fectly at home. Mo recognized tho
clerk and said:
" 'Ah I just step this way, and I will
givo you a cheek. I lu went with tho
oleik to a dek, diew a cheek, and took
tho goods. He appealed to bo so per-
lectly at homo that the clerk had not
tho slight est suspicion. Of course the
cheek was worthless, and wo found that
ho had secured tho desk piivilego at tho
carpet store by pretending that ho was
buying a largo stock of cai pots among
other purchases in tho city. Ho fooled
live jewel .is in New York, nndi.thors in
other citl 's.
"Ono day a sinnr", foreigi Jlooking,
well-dressed young man called on a
brother jeweler and handed him his
card 'Alexander Dninns, Prussian I.o
gation, Washington.' He said he was
with his wife and child at the St. Nicho
las Hotel, and wanted to buy some
watches and jewelry,for which ho would
pay cash. Ho said his wife was too
sick to leave the hotel, and wanted tne
goods sent with the bill. The jeweler
thought ho would mako a sure thing ot
it and take the jewels himself. He went
to tho at. Nicholas, was told lhat Mr.
Dumas was stopping there, and was
busy writing, but welcomed the jeweler
cordially.
'"AH, ho said, '1 am glatl you navo
come. J am sorry that my wile is con
fined to her bed. I will just step into
tho next room antl let her make her
selections.'
"The jeweler, in a moment of weak
ness, consented. Alter waiting live
minutes he began to get nervous. Ho
did not like to disturb a sick lady, but
went to the oflico to mako somo inqui
ries, 'there he iouiid that my. uinnas
had iust stepped oul.uud had no wife or
child iu the house. He was finally
caught, after ho had plavcd the same
game on a number of jewelers, and
lodged iu biug bing. When he was
cap tmcd ho trieil to conciliate his last
victim by tho presentation of a beautiful
overcoat. Hut the overcoat proved to
have been stolen.
"Iu showing jewelry it is the custom
to show only six watches at once, or
some uniform number. If the customer
wants to see another, one of those al
ready on exhibition will bo taken away.
Tho same rule is observed with rings.
Tho tray is always full, or with a known
number of holes'empty, so that if a ring
were taken the loss would bo instantly
detected. Sometimes swindlers will
watch an opportunity and slip in a
worthless ring and take away a good
one. One jeweler of my acquaintance
found live plated rings thus substituted
for plain gold rings in one day. The
trick was played upon a number of
jewelers about" the same time, and then
the roguo was captured.
"A common trick in buying goods on
the instalment plan is to give a wrong
name, mentioning the name of some
solvent person. The reference will, of
course, give a good repot t, and it will
not bo discovered until too late that the
good character does not belong to the
one who purchased tho goods."
Ono of tho shrewdest and boldest
tricks ever played on a jeweler was done
by a woman of nerve in Cincinnati not
long ago. One day a middle-aged wo
man, of lino personal appearance, well
dressed, and of most attractive manners,
called at a private lunatic asylum, and
asked to seo the superintendent. That
official met her in the parlor.
"I wish to make arrangements for the
confinement of a patient here," she snid.
"What are your terms and the conditions
on which you receive your patients t"
' Our terms aro $L" per week, and
you must have tho certificate of two
physicians."
"Very well," said tho lady, "I will
pay you for two weeks in advance The
patient is my son, who is insane on the
subject of diamonds. He has a mania
for selling my jewelry. I have not yet
gotten the certificate of the physicians,
but can easily do so. I will bring my
son here in the afternoon, and if you
will keej) him an hour I will bring the
physicians with tho authority."
Thou tho lady entered her carriage
aud drove to a jewelry store. Theresho
selected SOOU worth of jewelry, which
she said was intended for tho trousseau
of her daughter, about to be married.
She gave tho name of a wealthy family
recently arrived in Cincinnati, aud said
to tho proprietor: "If you will let one
your clerks step into tho carriage with of
mo, I will go to my husband's storo and
give turn tho money tor tho goods.
Tho proprietor consented, and the
clerk, with the goods iu a box, entered
tho carriage with the lady, who said she
wished to stop on tho way and show her
purchases to a friend. Thoy drove to
the asylum and were shown to tho par
lor. The superintendent entered, and
the lady said quite calmly to the ekrk :
"Just open the box and show tho Hum's
to this gentleman."
The clerk unsuspectingly complied.
Carelessly drawing near, tho lady sud
denly seized tho box, and was walkim:
out of tho room with it when the aston-
tonished clerk cried ;
"Hold on.madatue.I must not let those
goods go out of my sight until I get the
monov."
Tlio lady did not deign to notice the
clerk, but, turning to the superintendent
of the asylum, said :
"llus is tho young man I spoke to
ou about. lie is getting a little violent,
'ou had better secure him."
It was in vain that tho clerk protested
that a robbery was being committed.
Tho superintendent was inexorable. He
called his assistants and secured the
clerk, while tho ladv walked to her car
riago with 81000 worth of jewelry.
It Will "Out."
In the renin of J.ouis Alv . a certain
brilliant abbo was ono of a lariro partv
who had assembled round the roval sup
per table. There were clover talkers,
sharp dealers iu opigram.skillful bandiers
ot coinpiuueiits and repartee. Uiio lady,
famous for her wit, being asked to liamo
tho three sights that gavo hor tho great
est pleasure, replied: "A great general
on a war horse, a ureal preacher on a
jijatform.and a great thief on a gallows."
x uu .iiinu minim iu inu miriii ui mo eve
ning by telling of tho adventures of
gay and memorable career, "I reineiu
her," ho said, "very well, tho first peni
tent who ever camo to mv confessional
1 was young then, and Httlu accustomed
to hear tho secrets of court life. It was
a murderer who told mo the secret of hi
crime. Tho abbo was pressed to tell
the tnlc, or to give a duo to tho culprit
but ho kept a iniarded and warv silence,
Presently in came one of tho most trusty
of tho king's favorties. "Ah! M. 1'Abbe."
ho said recognizing an old friend; "con
tleinen, I was tho first penitent whom
tho abbo Hhnved, and I promiso you
when 1 told him my storv, ho heart'
what astonished him!" That night tlio
iiobluman was oarned to the Hastilo.nnd
tho evidence ot a crime committed thirty
l...r . ... T
years uoioro was complete, ami tne cu
pnt detected,
Junior class iu zoology
mummer My good child what arc
quadruiieds ?
Scholar Animals with four legs
examiner cry good, jsow iiamo
some?
Scholar A dog, a horse, two hens
Ancient .Millionaires.
TUP. V ANIIEHIIII.TS, .1 A Y (1011. US AMI AS
1011S OP ANTKjI ITY.
Thousands of men have envied Astor,
Stewart, Vanderbilt, Mnckey, Keeiie,
ttould and Hie other fellows who can
buy slrawbenies at one dollar per box:
but the richest of theninro mere vagrants
when compared to somo of tho nncients.
Thero wns Ninus for instance. Ho was
tho son of Nimiod, the old hunter, who
mndo lions scratch for holes and tigers
take to ditches. Old Nim left his boy
about XI 110,000,000 in cash, besides IL'O,
000 cattle, a piece of land about as big
as Arkansas and 1 1,000 likely slaves.
There were no lawyers in those days who
tnado a specially of breaking wills, and
young Nicustook possession and cast
about for some plan to keep himself out
of the poor house.
Ho was considered a poor young man,
and had he been seen lugging his girl
to an ice cream saloon or ruling out in a
lively rig his friends would have said he
would bring up iu a garret. Uya lucky
ciptiiie of territory from the Assyrian,
together with 20,000 slaves, ia."i,U00
cattle, ten wagon loads of silver and jew
owl, and a fow other trilles, Ninus
walked up the social ladder until hig
bugs asked after his wife and babiesaud
ho could lose three games of billiards
without wondering if the owner of tho
saloon would take a "stand off." He
was worth iX0,O0O,O0O when he died,
and yet for tho last live years of his life
ho went without mutton because the
price had raised to three cents per pound.
Tho heiress with a !?:.0,000 bank ac
count considers herself somo pumpkin',
but what a three cent piece she would
have been alongside of Queen Scmiramis.
She not only had the lucre left by Ni
nus, but in ten years sho had increased
it fourfold. Just multiply uY(),000,000
by two, and you have the amount of her
bank balance, to say nothing of jewels
and clothing and furniture and pilaces
and slave.? and cattle. Hail sho sold out
and cleared up she could have drawn her
little cheek for about 700,000,01)0. Sho
didn't worry about where her spring
bonnet was to como from, and when a
now style of dress goods came out, she
didn't sit up At nights for fear some
neighbor would secure a pattern first.
While she made it lively for her enemies
she was soft on her friends. Sho gave
her waiting maid ,)0i),000 in a lump for
dressing her hair in a new style, ami she
tossed the same amount to her dress
maker as a roward for the excellent lit
fit of one particular dress. Ono day
when she saw a poor old man traveling
tho highway on foot she presented him
with .')00 asses to ride on, and insisted on
his accepting .")0,000 to pay his loll and
tavern bill?.
Cyrus, king of Persia, from the year
.)38 to ,")S0, had some little change to
begin with, and in ten years he could
draw his check for T0O,OO0,O0i). He
didn't haggloover the price of slaves
when a man came to buy but presented
him with 1,000. lie at ono time owned
30,000 horses, 40,000 cattle, I'OO.OOO
sheep and l.',000 asses and i'.'i.OOO
slaves, and when ho got tired of a palace
costing 1,000.000 he gavo it aA'ay to
some poor washerwoman with seven
children to support. Ho one day sat
down to a dinner which had cost 30,
000, and iu the afternoon went on a
.')0,000 drunk. The police didn't run
him in, or lie would doubtless have in
sisted on paying a line of 20,000 and
presenting his honor with a corner house
antl lot in the toniest pait of llabylou.
King Menes was another well heeled
mail. It was too much trouble to count
his cash, and so ho weighed it. One day
when a friend asked him for the loan of
a few dollars until Saturday night, ho
sent him a procession of sixty asses, each
animal loaded with one handled pounds
of gold coin. lie paid 100,000 for a
bird that could whistle, tlio same lor a
trick dog and ho had such a fondness
for white oxen that he shelled out ITjO,
000 apiece forthem, and at one time had
a drove of 2,000. When he got out with
tho boys he made things lively. During
one spieo in his city ot .Memphis he nave
vwav .')00,000 and didn't get drunk at
that. At one time ho had 000,000 gold
chains, 1,000,000 linger rings 10,000
costly swords, 300,000 daggers, and land
only knows how many tish lines, jack
knives, cork screws and tobacco boxes.
His wife had 1,000,000 a year as pin
money, and when his eldest son went up
to Thebes to seethe elephant ho was fol
lowed by.itid friends, 1,000 slaves, 2,000
horses and A,.)00,)00 lor tare, checks and
beer money.
Crazed ly Fright.
I'lie New Orleans I'icuiune gives a
serious warning to practical lokers. At
o'clock on a recent morning a gentle
man leit his club in that city with a
friend, and, the latter returning for his
cane, the tormer concealed himself in
tho bottom of the big bo that holds
Unbalancing weight of theelevator and is
called a "lift case." The frieinl camo back
uui went away disgusted at findiiiguo
trace ol the lolly joker. .1 he latter as he en
tered the lift easo.had closed the door. Ho
tried to open it but could not, for it opened
without a key only trom the outside. I to
laughed heaitilv to see the biter bit.
until presently fie heard a noi-e which
ho coulil not misinterpret. 1 he ml was
slowly falling down fnmi the fourth floor.
lie, in groping tor the door, had pulled
tho rope which set it free. Death stared
him in tho lace, lor that immense mass
of iron would inevitably crush him as
flat as a pan cake, and by a slow tortuio
that would mako dying seem an agony
of horrors, lie became frantic witli fear
Ho llung himself against tho door of his
life-casoasonly dcspaireouliUio shrieked
for help. His shrieks were heard by the
janitor, who found him iu a swoon and
(ragged him out when tho lilt was onlv
fifteen feet off. A physician was sum
moiled. Consciousness was ietored.
I'ho unfortunate gentleman sprung to
his feet, screamed ineohcrontlv.with wild
gestures, llo was crazv.
A llfMNESS MANS P.MTUIP.M'i:.
Ho could not tell whot ailed him. Ho
knew his digestion was poor and his
heart palpitated, lie felt his nervoio
system was shattered. He knew his
uriiio was milky ami lopy. but ho had
sull'ered from these disonleis for ears,
Only of lute had ho began to feel him
self completely exhausted ami his ner
vous system shattered, and his constitii
uon urokon ttown. A irloml recom
mended llrown's Iron Hitters. It suited
ins case exactly, and now ho is as
healthy, robust and strong as his heart
could desire. Go Ihou and do likew ie,
then may you live long and be happy
Commtrelul,
Now Doiiieitlc .Motor.
There has boon within tho past fow
j earn it demand for small motors both
for the shop and the house. A largo
number of domestic motors hayc been
biought out, but tho greater part have
apparently failed of general approval.
Steam, air and gas ('iiginea of small size
and low price aro readily found, but, for
domestic use, tho fact that all require
moro or loss skill iu using them seems to
irevent their general introduction. There
is also at least ono good water motor
suitable for light woik ill the hoil!c.
This is n simple overshot wheel, driven
by a small stream of water from any
house service where thero is a moderate
pressure or head of water. Tho wheel
is hung vertically, and is enclosed in a
casing supported by iron legs. A new
form of water motor recently introduced
suspends tho wheel in thoformof a thin
metallic disk, at tho end of a vertical,
shaft. L'rom two to four streams may
be directed against the cup-shaped vanes
on the wheel, and, as tho wheel is sus
ponded freely, tho waste wa'er has plen
ty of loom to cscaijo below. The wheel
is inclosed in a casing having a dishing
shape bolow, with the outlet for the
water iu the middle, to prevent clogging
or stopping of the wheel by excess of
waste water. The motor is designed to
bo screwed directly to tho faucet, and to
dislnrgo the waste water into the sink,
or by a pipe into the house drain. The
motor is made in several sizes, from a
small machine of one sixteenth horse
power, which can be carried easily in
the hand, up to ono horse power ma
chines. It may bo remarked, in connection
with this' motor, that there is also a now
steam motor connected on the same plan.
A small jet of steam is thrown against
the vanes of a wheel inclosed in a me
tallic casing. While this motor is the
oretically wasteful of tho steam, it has tho
advantage of great simplicity and entire
safety. No special care is needed to run
it, aud these things may outweigh the
wasto of power that mint follow from
tho tir ot steam in this manner. The
Century Muijuzhte.
A Singular Oliost .Story.
Previous to November 7, 1800, I
always laughed at the bare idea of ghosts.
I was staying in lirighton ou the day
mentioned, with some friends who were
about to proceed abroad. Two ladies, a
cousin, and myself went out to dine at
Komptown. It being a most charming
moonlight night I told my friends I
should prefer walking home to Iiruns
wick square (the other end of the town).
I accordingly proceeded on the seaside
of the Esplanade. When just opposite
the Hertford hotel a carriage anil girl
drew up along side the rails with two
men on the box and an elderly lady in
side. I was greatly startled, as the wheels
made no noise ; but at once I took about
half a dozen steps towatd the carriage to
see what it meant, when I distinctly rec
ognized the occupant as my giandmothor,
whom I had left perfectly well at Chel
tenham a few days before ; also her
coachman and footman on the box. I at
once vaulted over tho rails opposite tho
carriage. At the same moment it struck
mo as most out of the way that an old
lady of y; should brin all her belong
ings fiom Cheltenham to Hrighton
without informing her relations of the
move. As I touched the ground I made
one step forward to greet her, when to
my horror the whole thing vanished.
When I recovered myself I went
straight home and told tho whole cir
cumstances oi the case. Ut course.overy
one laughed at uw, and told mo that I
was fortunate there were witnesses who
could speak to inv perfect sobriety. I
was very put out, and hardly slept all
night. Early next morning we received
a telegram that my poor old grandmoth
er had been found (lead in her bed at 7.V
that morning.
Auiiol, the celebrated Frtr.ch clown,
whoso death was recorded a few days
ago iu tho columns of the Parisian press,
was a man of remarkable courage, cool
ness, and ready wit. During one of his
professional tours in Wussia he got into
a terrible scrape.from which, however.his
presenco of mind enabled him extricate
himself. Ho had been engaged, while
in M. Petersbtirg.to perfoim at a private
entertainment given by n wealthy noble
man resident in the ISasii island, ft was
in the depth of winter, and the Neva
was frozen hard. Auriol dressed him
self in his clown's costume nt his lod
gings, wrapped himself up in furs, hired
a siedgo and started for his destination,
instructing his driver to take theshort cut
across theriver. Probably tempted by Au-
noi Meiisiiy jieiisse,iiieiunL'i,ii inn, power
ful lellow, pulled tip suddenly when
about halt way across, jumped down
from his perch, nnd.letting fall the reins,
turned toward his faro with menacing
gestures. A moment's hesitation would,
in all likelehood, would have cost Auriol
his life ; but ho proved equal to tho
emergency. Throwing off his furs, and
revealing'himsolf to his would-be assail
ant in the motley garb of his profession,
he sprang out of the sledge and proceed
ed t execute somo oi his most anuzmg
gambols on the ice. Paralyzed with ter
ror by so terrific an apparition.tlio driver
made one ineffectual attempt to cross
himself, staggered forward, and, w ith an
.immo.J ..ft- i.f ..'Pill. Ilitlwl IlltlWI.If C
fell Hat and motionless upon his face.
Without further loss of timo Auriol slip
ped on his furs, picked up the reins,
jumped into the sledge, and drovo off,
safe and sound, to fulfill his engagement.
Next morning tho drivers corpse was
found, stiff and stark, lying face t own
ward on the frozen breast of Neva.
MK'il Missions and Catsup.
In making up his forms tho foreman
of a Montreal paper mixed an article on
Unman Catholic Missions iu Africa with
a recipe for making tomato catsup,
published tho article reads i "Tho llo
inan Catholics claim to bo making ma
terial advances in Africa. During the
past thrco years they have obtained
Hi m tooling in tho interior ot the conti
nent, and have sent forth several miss
ionaries into tho equatorial regions.
They mo accustomed to begin
their
woik by buying heathen children
educating, them, Tho easiest nnd
way to prepare them is to lirst
them with a clean towel ; then
wipo
place
them in dripping pus and bake them
until they aro lender. Then you will
have no dilliculty iu rubbing them
through a sieve, and will save time by
not being obliged to cut them in slices
and cook for several hours, '
Odd Items.
A man is known by tho company he
keeps out of.
Kentucky kicks the miracle beam with
an eight-legged mule.
Tho rations on which a poet's brains
is fed -inspirations.
No remedy has been found for fever
and ague which proves so uniformly suc
cessful as Aycr's Aguo Cure.
Musket loading is more honored in the
breech than in the ramrod nowadays.
Paradoxical Tho best time to catch
soft water is when it is raining hard.
A petrified egg has been found in Col
orado. Who can boat this?
I ATIIP.lt 01' IHSllASKS.
Constipation has been called the fath
er of diseases, therefore it should not bo
regarded as a trifling ailment. It is
qulto ns necessary to remove impure ac
cumulations from the bowels as it is to
eat or sleep, and no health can bo ex
peeled where a costive habit of body
prevails.! Take a half tablespoonful of
Simmon' l.iver ltcgulalor after each
meal, the bowels will bo gently moved
without griping or nausea, as naturally
as if no medicine had been taken nod
ularity in taking the medicine daily will
soon effect a permanent euro.
Ambitious Man Is there any fixed
rule for writing poetry? There is! Don't.
It is well to point out that the man
who goes about solely to kill time should
confine himself strictly to his own time.
nil ni vr i,.sr.
What every ono should have and
never bo without, is Thomas' Koleetric
Oil. Il is thorough and safe in its ef
fects, piodticing the most wondrous
cures of rheumatism, neuralgia, burns,
bruises and wounds of every kind.
Did you over think how much pleas
antcr it must be to be shot dead than
shot living.
Sweely truthfully remarks that Ciesar
had his Hriitus, Charles I. his Crom
well and America has her "Uncle Tom's
Cabin" companies.
A IIKXOVAT1NH ItE.MEDV
Is to be'found in HurdookIlood Hitters.
As an antidolo for sick headache, female
weakness, biliousness, indigestion, con
stipation, and other diseases of it kindred
nature. These bitters are invaluable.
Price $1.00, trial size 10 cents.
Susan H. Anthony wants the name of
tho Pullman cars altered either to Pull-mau-and-woman
or Pull irrespective-of-sex
cars.
lltlPMFIIANT.
Mrs. Seigfiied, Marion, 0., says Thom
as' Eclectric Oil was triumphant in her
case; sho used it for a severe cold and
pain inside, and was relieved in a few
minutes.
Singular unanimity: The Czar says
lie is ready to meet death whenever it
Comes. It may not bo out of place in
this connection to say that death is
ready to meet tho Czar wherever ho goes.
St. Louis newspaper editorials are
made as brief as possible, in order to
let tho compositors off early. Here is
a sample: "Tho editor of the Kansas
Citv Journal is a liar."
llltANKY, WISE
AND llliTEUs.
Speer's P. J. Hrandy,
Port Grape
Wino and Wine Hitters have an oxten
sivo and reliable demand. Physicians
recommend them in preference to any
oilier goous oi uie kiiiu. opeui viiiu-
- Passaic, Now Jersey, are twelve
miles from New York, and his wine was
awarded tho highest premium at the Cen
tennial, For sale by C. A. Kleim, drug
gist, Bloomslmrg, Pa.
Waco is threatened with another daily
paper. Tho names of the suspected par
ties are suppressed on account of their
families.
The petrified clams recently discovered
on tho New Jersey coast aro preferred
to tho other kind, because thoy are more
easily digested. So siys the Judge, tho
new comic paper.
coNsi'Mi'iioN rritr.o.
Hai.timoui'., Mil, Eel). 12th, 1881.
Tpon the recommendation of a friend,
I tried llrown's Iron Hitters as a tonic
and restorative for my daughter, whom
I was thoroughly convinced was fast
wasting away in consumption. Having
lost three daughters by tho terriblo rtis
ease, under the care of eminent physi
cians, I was loth to believe that any
thing could arrest the progress of the
disease; lint to my surprise, before my
daughter had taken one bottle of Hrown s
Iron Hitters, she began to mend aud is
now unite restored to her former health.
A fifth daughter began to show signs of
consumption, and when the physician
was consulted, he quickly said: "Tonics
were required!" And when informed
that the elder was taking llrown's Iron
nitters,rospon ded,"Tliat is a good touic,
take it." Adoram Phelps, of Askoy
& Phelps.
A church choir consists of ono accom
plished liusician and a lot of other folks
who aro densely ignorant of music. Tho
accomplished one is the member you are
talking with.
An Illinois man, with a foresight
worthy of a better cause, popped the
question on a railroad train, and now the
maiden is at a loss to decide as to whioh
county she had hotter commence pro
ceedings in lor n breach of promise.
At a popular restaurant a clumsy wait
er spills a plate of soup over tho overcoat
of a guest. Fury and desolation of tho
guest.
Tho waiter, calmly glancing al tho
clock; "It's all right, sir! Don't worryl
It's 7: lo, and our soup doesn't grcaso
anything after seven!"
As
A scholar in one of Hinghamlou's
public schools, who had "been over the
map of Asia," was reviewed by his teach
er, with the following result t
Teacher "What is geography ?"
Scholar "A big book.
Teacher "What is the earth compos
ed of r
a
Scholar "Mud."
Teacher "No : land and water."
Scholar "Well.that makes lnud.don't
itl"
"Teacher "What is the shape of the
earth 1"
Scholar "Flat."
Teacher "Youknow boter; if 1 should
dig a hole through the earth, where
and
best
would 1 come out ''
Seholf.r "Out of the hole.