TIJJ5 COLUMBIAN.
klLUMBU nXO0HAT,STAa Of TUB NORTH AND COLUM.
v"" BIANOONSOLUlATHD.)
Issuod weekly, ovory Friday morning, at
llUOM9HUHtl, COLUMMA COUNTY. PA.
-..innt.t.lllAnerVcar. BOCOhtarttM-nnnfftll...,...
n-kr fi.fw win o charirocl. Tosuliscriucrs out of ti n
bounty mo terms nro jj per yoar.Btrictly In advance.
A.thii!hKrft. until all arrearages arc tmirt. imi
7,0 piper urn."".".'.'", if " mo "imnn or iho
Joniliiiied credits alter tlio expiration of tlio nrsi
.-in nnt. hn tftvpn.
its
' . it ..nar.tnnl.nllt.nr thnHtntn nrfiiK.tm,, .
vrtices must Iw paid for In advance, unless a resnnn.
IMO person In Coiumma county assumes to pay the
pimtaiiR Is no lonser exacted from stibscrlhcrntn
fio county.
job .fc'.fctX.lJ TITa
TneIot'nlr.frlcpartlnDntot tho Columbian Is very
jomplcto, and our .1 p Printing will compare favora-
jomplclo. ana our . i u i nnunirwm compare favora-'6,
aWttSpi ao"cb',0'
Columbia County Official Directory. I
president .tuiiiro William Klwclt.
AssoclatoJitdg-es-I. K Krlckbaum, P. U Miuinan.
Prothonotnry, sc. William Krlckbaum.
co'irt stenographer H. N. Walker.
Ktsrlster Itceorder Williamson II. Jncoby
district Allornej Hubert H. Uttle.
.siiertlf-.tohn V. HoITman.
,s irvo. or smuel Neylnnl.
Treasurer II A. .swnppcnlietscr.
CJinmissloners Stephen I'olio, Clinrles Ulchart.
A. H. llerrlnif. , ,,
C ninMslouers' Clerk .T. II. Casey.
Au.lltors-s. H. smith, W. Manning, c. I). See-
k Mr'commlssloners till Hobblns, Theodore W.
cwun'tv Superintendent William II. Snyder.
inooni Poor District Dlroetors H. s. Knt, scolt,
Wm. Kramer, liloomsburg ana Thomas Iicecc,
Icoit,
Bloomsburg Official Directory.
President of Town Council 1, 8. KUI1N.
I'lerk-l'aul K. Wirt,
chief of I'ollco 0. I.oycock.
President of (las Company S. Knorr.
Hecretary 0. W. .Miller.
liloomsburg Hanking Company lohn A. Funslon,
President, II. II. Orniz, Cashier, John Peacock, Tel-
First Nailonal nank-Charlcslt. Paxlon, President
J. P. Tuslln, Cashier.
f'nltlintlla Countv MulllAt Savin? Fund nnil T.nnn
Asioclnlon K. II. Utile, President, c. w.Jliilcr,
liloomsburg nulldlni and Saving PundAssoclatlon
-Wm. I'oacoek. President., 1. 11. Koblson.NciTntn.rv.
liloomsburg Mutual Saving Fund Association J.
I nrovver, rrcsiacni, r. u. win, secretary.
CHUItClI DIRECTORY,
nimsr cntmcn.
ltov. .1. P. Tustln, (Supply.)
Sunday services lotf a. ra.' and oys p. m.
Sunday school o a. in.
Prayer Meeting livery Wednesday evening at 1)4
soaisfrco. Tho public aro Invited to attend.
ST. MATTllBW'S Ll'TIIKKAN CnCKCII.
Minister llev.o. 1). S. Marclay.
Sunday Services a4 a. m. and IX p. m.
sundav School 0 n. m.
Pravor Meotlng Kvery A'edncsday evening at I)f
chick.
Seats free. Nopcws rented. All aro welcome
PKRSBVTBKIAN CliCKCH.
Jltnlster-ltcv. Stuart Mitchell.
Sunday Services lOJtf a. iu. and 6f p. m.
Uiinrlni, UMirvil On tr.
Prayer Meeting Every Wednesday evening at
nock.
Beaisireu. r,o pews ruiucu. ciiikcio hwiuiuu.
UBTII0D1ST KPISCOrAI. C1ICHCD.
Presiding Klder licv. W. Evans.
Minister Hot. E. 11. Yocum.
Sunday Senlccs lux and ox p. m.
Sunday school 2 p. m.
Illblo Class-Kvcry Monday evenlnt; at OX o'clock,
young .Men's Prnvcr Meeting Every Tuesday
c7enlng at ox o'clock,
dcneral Prayer Meettng-Every Thursday evening
1 o'clock.
HEFOUMKO CnCKCII.
corner of Third and Iron streets,
t'astor llev. V. E. Krcbs.
Hcsldenco Corner 4th and Catharine sjreets.
Sunday Services lox a. in. and 7 p. m.
Sundav School 9 a. m.
t'ra cr Meeting Saturday, 7 p. m.
All are Invited There Is always room.
8T. taul's cnCKCU.
Hector Itev L. Zahncr.
Sunday services lox a. m., 7X P.m. ,
d,n,1'..-,r, t,,n',n.r,t1, llnlv PfimmUnlOn.
Services preparatory to Communion on Friday
l'ows rented ; but everybody wolcome.
EVANOSI.I0AI. CHCKCU.
Presiding Klder ltov. A. L. lleescr
Ifnv (lonrirn tllinl(r.
Sunday Servlce-S p. m.. In tho Iron strcctChurch.
rraver Meeting livery wauuaiu ul x i. m.
All nro Invited. All are welcome.
n-.itr iii.i.pii nv rnursT.
Meets in "the little Brick Church on tho hill,"
known ns Iho.Welsh Baptist Church-on llock streot
uegular meeting for worship, every Lord's day af-
seats free; and the' public aro cordially Invited to
attcna
-iftinrM. nnriKIN Mimic, iust nrintcil and
J neatly bound In small book's, on hand and
fDr saio ni inc woi.umbih uu,i.u.
DLANK DEEDS, on l'archmjnt ntm i.inen
. . I
tur? ana trustees, tor sale cheap at tho Columbian
Oillce. .
TV rAHUIAOE CERTIFICATES just pririled
-f-.:ji ,,,oinnoinnrt.iuMlces should supply them-
111 fnr salll at l 1G UOLUMBIAN uiuct. i.uuio-
selves vvitn ineso neeuury ui iiiuo.
1 USTICES and Conitables' Fee-Hills for sale
l at tho Columbian oincc. iiw v""""1; .'.".
il uro mion tlu subject:' Every iusticeand Coo-
table should havo one.
ffUNDUE NOTES just printed and for sale
V cheap at tho Columbian umcc,
Sloomsiwr'odirectouy.
PnOFF-SSION'AL CAKDS.
r 0. RARKLEY, Attorney-at-Lnw. Office
I , . i nrnwer's building. 2nd story. Booms 4 5
I!. ROHISON, Attorney-at-Law.
) . In Uartman'sbitlWlug, Main street.
Office
s
AM UELj KNORR. Altorney-nt-Law,OUice
In llartman'S uuiiuing, nnw bii-l-i-u
WM. M. RUBER, Svirgccn ami Pliysi-
J clan,
side
omco Market iiicci. dovooui i.uai
r i, i:i' , vu -r rv .ml lt,v..l.
J . clun(Omco a'nd itesldcnce on Third street,
It. MnKEIA'Y. M. D..Suri:eon and PJiy-
slolan, north sldo Main street, below Market.
HT McIIENRY. M. I) . Suigeon and
riiy-
l -kli'lnn. (illlco N. W. C. Market il
slclan- nines N. w. c. Market and ruin St.
ill-uses of the e) e a kpci laity. aug. !l, otn,
D
R. J. C. R UTTER,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
ooice, North Market street,
Bloomsburg, Fa.
Mar.27,'74-
D
K. I. L. RABB,
PRACTICAL DENTIST,
Main Street, opposlto Episcopal Church, Blootns-
uui;, I u.
iWfeith extractedwltuoutpaln.
Jug H4, '71-iy.
MISCELLANEOUS.
p M. DRINKER, GUN and LOCKSMITH.
Vowing Machines and Machinery of all kinds ro-1
dalrcd. OrnKi Hocse Building, Bloomsburg, Pa.
TyVVID LOWENBERG. Merchant Tailor
yj fliairibi,taiuqvou?uiruiiiuii;t.
S. KUHN, dealer in Meat, Tallow, etc.,
. centre street, uciwceu pctuuu uuu uuu,
II
ROSENSTOCK, Photographer,
, Clark is Woll'sbtore, Main btieet.
A UGUSTUri l'REUNI), Practical homeo-
jfJLPathlo Horse and Cow uoctor, uionmsourg, ru.
leu. 14, "JSI-II
Ty Y. K ESTER,
' -MERCHANT TAILOR.
RoomNo. 16, Oruxi Hoes Buodiko, Bloomsburg.
aprinn.is7s.
TiUITlBII AMERICA ASSURANCE CO
NATIONAL FIUE INSURANCE COMPANY.
The assets of these old corporations are all ln
vcstedln solid SECURlTIKb andarellable tothe
hazard of Fire only.
Moderate lines on tho best risks are alone accepted.
Tntkoa .unupn V flttfl HONESTLY SdlUStt'd and paid
as soon as determined by chhistun F. Kn.it, spe
cial Agent and Adjuster, B'oomsburg, Penn a.
The citizens of Columbia county Should patronize
tho agency where losses, if any, are adjusted and
paid by one of their own citizens, nov.ie, '71-ly
T7REAH BROWN'S INSURANCE AGEN-
J CY, Exchange uotel, liioomsDurg, w,
Capital.
?tna.InsCo., of nartford, Connecticut... ,6oo,ooo
lSvjiponl, London and Qlot
)ioui or uverpooi
Lancanshlre
13 6d0,0O0
10,000 oo
S.llKt.OUO
nro Association, fnuaaeipniu
Untn.l'nf llanvllTn 1.000.000
DaavlllB Mutual 7C.000
I IUO.
Home, New York. '."M000
tsO,t31,000 I
Ab tho agencies are direct, policies aro w rltten for
the insured without any delay in the omce at Blooms-
uurg.
March 14,11 y
T) F. HARTMAN
' mpBisiirrsTni followino
AMERICAN INSURANCE COMPANIES!
Lycoming pi Muncy Pennsylvania.
Nona Aineijcan of I'hUadeIpla, Pa
t ranVlln, of " "
Peunaylvanla of "
Farmers of York, Fa.
Hanover of New York.
UHnhntlannr (I
omco on Market Street No. , Bloomsburg, Pa,
oci, w, i i-iy.
PUBLIC SALE HAND BILLS
Printed at this Office
ON SHORTEST NOTICE A I) AT THE
II, EROCKwAV i
E' E7 ' 241ter.adPreptletor,.
IiAWYKllS.
T , II. WALLER, ' '
Attoi'HGV-Ut-l.nw.
tnemso ef Pensions ectalnea, Coilcetienmade.
,,uli Mconn aoorrrom 1st National Hank.
ULoo.Msnuiid. pa.
Jan. 11, 1ST9
AttOl Tll!Vni-T.nw
Iucrcaso of 'elisions Obtained, Collections
Made.
BLOOMsmmri. pa.
onico in Ent's iicudino.
j; ROCK WA Y A ELWKLLj
A T TO II N E Y S-A T-L A W,
Cot-CMBiAN Ucilbino, liloomsburg, ra.
.Members of the United States Law Association.
Collections made In any pnrt of America or Europe
Q K A W. J.liUCKALEW,
ATTOIINEYS-AT-LAW,
Blocmsbarg. ra.
onico on Main Street, Brst door below Court Houso
JOHN JI. CLARK,
ATTORNEV-AT-LAW,
liloomsburg. I'a.
omco over Schuyler's Hardwaro store.
F.
MLLMEYER,
ATTOItNET AT LAW.
OrricB-In Harmon's Ilulldlnp, Main street,
U10
'Oomsburg, Pa.
II. LOT LX.
ROB'T. H. L1TTL1.
"P II. & R. R. LITTLE,
AITOKNEYS-AT-LAW,
Bloomsburg, Pa.
1 W. JIILLEH,
m
ATTOItNKY-AT-LAW
Office In Urower's building, second noor, room No,
l. Bloomsburg. ra.
B.
FRANK Z.VRR,
Attox'nGV-at-Tjn-w.
IlLOOMSliUlta, PA.
onico In Unanost's Bcildiko, on Main street second
aoor auovu centre.
(!un be consulted in German.
Jan. 10, '79-tr
OATAWISSA.
WM
L. EYERLY,
ATTOHNEV-AT-LAW,
Catawlssa, Fa.
Collections promptly made and remitted. Offlco
opposite catawlssa Deposit Bank. em-38
Ty H. 1UIAWN,
A T T U li SS 15 l -A T-li A V ,
Catawlssa, Pa.
omco, corner of Third and Main Streets.
Julyll.io-tt
QAMUEIj FREDERICKS,
UlvMillALi iUUISUICl iiusiiNr.sa,
NEAlt CATAWISSA.
new vvorK and rcraipi ntMiuv. uuict.iv ana cdcsdiv
uonc- piows, vater- heels, Ac, manufactured or
auff, 22i
BLATOllLEY'S PUMPS I
The Old Eeliablo
STASDARD PUMP
For Wells 10 to 75 feet Deep
New Price List Jan. 1, 18'
ADDRESS
m.ATt iim:v,
.
440
MA1IKET ST.,1,11IL.U'A,
April II. lS73-6m
M. C. SLOAN & BRO.
itLoo.iisituno, VA,
Manufacturers of
Carriages, Buggies, Phaetons, Sleighs
PLATFORM WAGONS, AC
First-class worklolways onband.
REPAIRING NEATLY DONE.
Prices reduced to suit tho times.
Jan. o, is7i-u.
tWERY DIRECTOU. TEACHER AND
ii STUDENT
Should subscribe for
THE EDUCATOR,
A Iivo Educational Monthly, published at
ORANGEVILLE, PA.,
for no cents per year. Send six cents for specimen
I copy. n.vviviri
April is, lS7-tf ' ' Editor.
Ml.imOA YEAR for honest. Intelligent business
t I men or agents. New business; light work.
Jj .Address Co-Oi'Kmtive Aukscy, Madison, Ind'
TOM
AVOKLD.
AKQIIND
'PIT I?.
XltiJ
A complete record of the Journey of General U. S.
Grant, through England, Ireland, Mcoiianu, rraucu,
Spain. Germany. Austria, luiu, mu,.i'"'
land. Russia, Egypt. India, china and Japan, with a
graphic dtfcrlption of tho placfs visited, manners
and customs of Uiu countries, lnterestlnglnctdents.
the people or an cnmcs, ritmjf riuuv.,3.,.u ......
numerous artistic Illustrations; also, a line hand-
luSfo'aoraKffidS0;.
AGENTS WANTED 8k
and Uio only authentic iow-pnccu uook ou iuo "
ject. wi pages. rnir-,.. i.vvr;f,..
711 Sandra street, ' ' Philadelphia, Pa.
Aug.
IT THE
OltANGEVIUi: ACADEMY
You can get a Thorough Education with tho
LEAST OUTLAY OF MONEY.
For Catalogue, address the, I rlnclpal,
11EV. C K. CAN FIELD.
AprtllS. 1878-tf
Rowell & Co's. Adve's.
.nnnn profits on so days Investment of gin ft
$12UUJ (imclai lieporw. (ret) y-yY,
Prhitorllonal returns every V'k on Stock options
of$JU
nfi-MI .' i.to. i oo, jiw.
jressT.Foma vwonr v-u..
Ulll
allun . Urtlu cumiuu.ton, toaell our
bew and wowlwirti Inirniliui... V .7 w Y
ImTl IflM. iajte.icams.l 4 Co., Mu.b.ll, Uxh
aug. 82. '7-IW, f
( I outntlrte.
bu.w & CO. AV0US71, MilNlt.
nrrA YKAltano expenses to sgenu. outnt
S77Free. Addrtbs V. 0. YICKKfiY. Augusta,
Maine. r
TTSS0LUTION OF PARTNERSHIP.
?otlco U hereby given that the rartnerehlp huely
subsisting between u uro uuu j. woo
burg7uderlho Orm of Dross A Bro., won dissolved
on the Md day of August last bv mutual consent.
The books ana accounts of Bald Brra tp remain n
the hands of L. areas by whom the business will be
cornea w- uoross,
M. 0HOS3.
m
5
Poetical.
KKMKMIIKK THY MOTIIbll.
Iail thy motlicr tenderly
Down llfo's steep decline i
Ouco her arm was Ihv support,
Now she leanB on thine.
See upon her loving faco
Those deep lines of caro l
Thlnk-lt was her toll tor theo
Lett that record there.
No'cr forget her tlrclcps watch
Kept by day and night,
Taking from her step the grace,
From her cyo Iho light,
Cherish well her faithful heart
Which through weary years,
Kchocd with Its sjmpnthy
All smiles and tears.
Thank (lod tor thy mother's love,
Guard the priceless boon j
For the bitter parting hour
Cometh all toosoon.
When thy grateful tenderness
Loses power to save.
Earth vvlll hold no denrer spot
Than thy mother's gravo I
WHO SIIALIj 11(1 FIRST 'I
Who shall go Orst to tho shadowy land,
My love or 1 7
Whose will It bo In grief to stand
And press tho cold unanswcrlng hand,
vv Ipo from tho brow the dew of death,
And catch the soray fluttering breatb,
Breathe tho loved name nor hear reply,
In anguish watch the glaring eyo J
Ills or mine?
Which shall band over tho wounded sod,
My love or 1 7
Commending tho precious soul to Ood,
Till tho doleful tall of the munied clod
Startles tho mind to consciousness
Of its bitter anguish and life distress,
Dropping tho pall o'er tho love-lit post .
With a mournful murmer "tlio last tho last,"
MylovoorI7
Which shall return to tho desolate home.
My lovo or I J
And list for a step that shall never come,
And hark tor a votco that must still be dumb.
While tho half-stunned senses wander back,
To tho cheerless life and thorny track,
Where tLo silent room and tho vacant chalr
Havo memories sweet and hard to bear :
My love or 1 7
Ah I then, perchanco to that mourner there I
My love or I ?
Wrestling with anguish and deep despair,
An angel shall como through tho gates of prayer,
And the burning eyes shall cease to weep,
And tho sobs melt down In a sea of sleep
W hlle fancy freed from the chains of day.
Through the shadowy dreamland floats away :
.My love or 1 7
And then, mcthlnks, on that boundary land,
My love and 1 1
The mourn'd and the mourners together shall stand.
Or walk tluwo rivers of shining sand
Till tlio dreamer, awakened nt dawn of day,
Finds tho stonn of his sepulchre vv ashed away,
And over tho cold dull waste of death,
Tlio warm, bright sunlight of holy Faith.
My love and 1 1
MY DIAMOND.
I could rIvo you the pedigree of the stone
but the details are so long and so many they
might tire you. Sufficient to say that I
bought it mauy yeRrs ago from an old Jew
in the lower part of liroadway, who told me
a curious story concerning it. He said it
was a a talisman ; that four hundred years
ago it was owned by a Venetian family of
ruined fortunes, who had long guarded it
with jealous care ; it had pasaed from them
in many ways to brothers of his in the money-lending
way and should bo mine if I
would pay him his price for it.
In truth tlio stone had a strange and fiery
gleam. At the first glance it seemed of the
purest water ; In an instant it changed to
pink, bluo and a pale green, and then ir
ridescent opal hues, emitting sparks of
fire.
I watched it curiously for nearly an tour
talking irrelevantly tho while on other mat
ters, and reluctantly coming to the conclu-
on that if ever a precious stone possessed
uncanny properties this one certainly did. I
thought myself yielding to foolish supersti
tion, or that my eyes were tired with long
gazing at the gem, and to rest them I turned
my glance to other diamonds in the case to
compare them with the talisman. The Jew
ivined my thoughts, for he took from his
side-pocket a wallet and opened it, and from
compartment brought out several small
. ... ,
ue paper packed, openeu tuem anu
showed to me large and sparkling' dia
mond.
There is not one like that you have in
your hand,' he said. He was right. All
were bright in their glistening llasn and
merciless gleam woudrously beautiful, but
all were unlike the talisman.
Why do you sell it?" Tasked. 'With
all this wealth you cannot need money, and
f what you tell me of its talinmanic prop
erty be true, tho gem is priceless.'
'I wish to sell it if you have the courage
to buy,' he made answer.
U.seemed to roa that he purposely made
hKtone dramatic, and I smiled scornfully.
As for the stone itself. I liked it :;the story
he told of-its virtue, although I Only half
believed it, intciested me. I had no fear of
any evil supernatural Influence j it was just
the size I wanted to buy, and in shape and
cutting It was all Mint wo,s to be dejlred.
Tho old, Jew told me that when I was
about to embark in any enterprise that
would prove successful, the stone, would daz-
zle with uuusual brilliano'y. If misfortune
or death was to come upon mo or mine the
stone would appear dull and almost neu
tral.
Now I am a practical sort of a follow, but
I had no objection to take the mystery along
with the stone, provided it was thrown in as
a bargain and I bad not to pay extra for It
In a few minutes I had made upmymlndand
counted out tq him four hundred dollars,
tho price he asked for it, and left.
I wore the diamond for more than five
years : at first In a ring, afterwards in
shirt stud and then again in a ring. It now
encircles the finger of a lovely lady, whose
little daughter calls me "papa." All this
time there hare been no tragodies In our
family, and no dear friend bps died. My
own health has been excellent, and I am
quite resigned to bave It put down to imagi
nation on my part that, to me, my stone l
bright or dull, according to the prospects
ahead. Only this I aulrni, that twice, when
to test it, I went contrary to its warning, the
punishment quickly followed the olleuse,
Once I speculaied in Pacific Mail and lost
heavily, and once I asked a sweet lady
friend to be my wife and Bhe refused me
plump.
Superstitious or not, as you will, I regard
my diamond as my talisman, my mentor,
and ever since my unsuccessful wooing
Select Story.
have looked upon it with lore not unmixed
BLOOMSBTJEG, PA., FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12. 1879.
with awo. Ono morning, when riding down
town in a Madison avenue car to my busi
ness, I looked up from my paper conscious
of a pair of eyes fixed upon me. Opposite
was a lady of about 20 years, dressed In soft
sombre gray j the only bits of color ,tb re
lieve It except the bloom In her refined
face, was a bit of red, low down beneath tho
brim of her gray felt hat. Iter eyes were
light, lustrous brown her hair, much dark
er and glossy, was brushed back In wave
fr,.ni her low forehead, upon which a curl or
two fell, not the detestable "bangs," which
I frankly stale I abhor, but short, gracelul,
fringe-like ringlets, rested upon tho white
brow as if they loved It. There was no
doubt about It, this rare and radiant maiden
was gazing at me.
I looked at her In return with a face I
tried to make expressive of nothing, certain
ly not curiosity. She glanced down at her
book, 'Daniel Deronda.' I returned to my
telegraphic dispatches in the Herald. Again
I felt her gaze,and again Hooked up and met
her eyes. She had evidently wanted to speak
to me, or else had something on her mind
concerning me. Had I over seen before ?
I asked myself. Nol She seemed too mod
estly sweet to wish to attract the attention
of a stranger. Perish the thought, I said
Inwardly. But she was certainly looking at
me again. I am not a bad looking fellow,
and as men go, not a bad sort. I have al
was been popular with my lady friends, and
I returned her look this time with one of
interest, and I am afraid I smiled. Instantly
her face clouded, she bent, over her book and
bit her lip angrily. I turned to my paper,
but not to read. Once more I lood up at my
vis-a-vis ; she was steadily gazing at me. I
could have sworn to It. O, my talUraan I
you failed mo then, but the fault was mine.
I did not seek your advice. Just at that
moment the conductor came hurriedly to the
front of the car to speak to the driver, and
as ho was returning the lady In gray said to
him in a low voice, every word perfectly
audible to mo and as chilling as an ice
berg :
'Conductor, the gentleman opposite me is
losing his diamond '
I flushed to the roots of my hair, felt for
the stone and discovered that It was hanging
by the spiral pcrew, and so nearly out that
n quick movement would have sent it down
into the meshes of the car mat. I replaced
it securely, bending back the wire for great
er salety, and then cast an imploring look
ot apology, gratitude and humiliation upon
the kind stranger. Her fnce remained'placid
but after a moment a demure smile stole in
to the corners of her moutb, and I don't
think it was provoked by what she tuw
through reading very attentively.
She left the car at Fourteenth street and
I gazed eagerly after her as she turned up
to Broadway, and then I must have sighed,
Perhaps because I feared Lshould never see
her again. What more natural than for me
to desire to know her ? It was so kind and
so sensible of her to prevent my losing my
diamond. She was such a gentle looking
creature, though she bad spirit, as I saw
once in the gleam of her eyes, and those
eyes were so expressive ot intellectuality,
and her perfect nose was only less beautiful
than her perfect carnation mouth. But,
pshaw 1 need I apologize now for my inter
est then. It does not take any of us very
long to discover that. Love never asks the
question, why ? As the old song says, 'she
has gone from my gaze like a beautiful
dream.' If I could only meet her again.
Perhaps she was married. Not that It was
any of my business, but somehow she did
not look married. She was girlish iu spite
of her dignity. One thing that I discovered
that there was a name on the flyleaf of her
book, the first of which was Maud. Per
haps the book was not hers, and if it
was could I hope to find iu a great city like
New Y'ork a lady only knowing that her
uame was Maud. When I had arrived at
this stage of common sense I had reached
my place of business, aud after attending to
the first duty of the day, reading my mail,
my thoughts flow back to ray lady in gray.
If the thing were within the bounds 01
possibility I would like to find out who she
Is just to thauk her for her kindness to
me.'
How like a jackass I must have appeared
to her. When I remembered my imperii
nence in smiling I would have been glad to
have found some obliging friend to kick me
down stairs for my idiocy. I bowed to the
inevitable and dismissed the atlalr with a
sigh, but I did not forget her face.
One rainy afternoon, about a month after
I met her in a Broadway stage. I recognized
er in a momtnt and took a seat, the only
one vacant, by her side. I looked into her
faco. and I knew she remembered me, but
he did not exhibit the fainttst gleam ol
consciousness ot my existence. It was worse
than Tantalus and the torments. Before she
left the stage the rain fell in torrents,
hoped that she was not provided with an
umbrella, thatl mightoflerbertheprotection
of mine, but a glance showed me that she
held ono in her right hand. My unfortunate
luck again I I looked dowu at my diamond
it sparkled like tho sunbeams and asjoyous
ly, but its dazzle conveyed no'intelligcnce to
me only it gave me a gleam of hope.
She was bo near that I could easily bave
played a trick, like one a friend of miuo
once played, slip a card into ber cloafc pock'
et. Nothing of that kind would go down
with this queenly character I perlectly well
kuew.
I was lorced to watch ber again leave me
and turn down the street, holding her dress
so dexterously that it quite escaped the pave-
meat and disclosed two neatly lilting mile
boots.
Perhaps I should have said before that
my name is Eldiidge, that I am a lawyer,
and Judce Clinton's junior partner. In the
next office to ours there are two young fel
lows just started in law, who receive more
calls from their lady frieudi than retaining
fees from clients. One day as I was leaving
my oflice I saw my lady In gray go In theirs.
I must coufesa to feeliug a sort of chill an
then dissapointment. I did not like to kqow
that my dignified unknown weut around vis.
Iting gentlemen's office., even though the
centlemen were ber acquaintances. Oc
casionally a lady friend would call upon me,
not upon business, and although I was al
ways polite I never encouraged that 'sort of
thing, and as a piactlce I heartily dlsap
proved of It.
My second thought was more charltabl
One of the fellows might be her brother,
So much tho better, I would make bis
qualntance and cultivate him. I did this
after some weeks' delay and considerable
circumlocution on my pari, and learned that
the elder of tho two men, Mr. Allyn, had a
sister named Maud, and that she was en
gaged to his friend and partner. Just think
of my dismay. Actually engaged to tho
other fellow I I was sad enough to know
she was bound, but I raged thinking of ber
as the wile of a fellow who had little ambi
tion and less brains.
There was nothing in the man, absolutely
nothing. Why, only a week before he had
shown a lack of legal acumen In n case a
mere technicality of which tho rawest
student should not have been ignorant. What
women can see In some men but there, I
must not get incoherent. I looked at my
ring after my disturbed thoughts, and its
rosy gleam gave me fresh courage. After
reflecting a day I resolved to remorselessly
and determinately cut him out.
It was quite in my power to be of service
to Mr. Allyn, and In return he asked me to
his father's houso to dinner. So I saw my
lady Maud at home, and there, where true
women shine best, I found her more sweet
and womauly than she looked to me before.
I bad prepared myself for our first meeting,
but she had not and betrayed a little em
barrassment. I did not, however, refer to
our adventure until I bad called on her sev
eral times, and then I ventured to thank her
for coming to tho rescue of my precious di-
amond. She begged of me with deep pink
In her cheeks not to mention it.
I was assiduous In my attentions and laid
siego to the hearts of the rest of the family,
and quietly began to woo. That I had some
Influence over her was proved by the fact
that her betrothed became jealous of me
and forbade ber from receiving my visits.
She rebelled, after bearing with long annoy
ance from him, and finally sho dismissed
him.
I ventured to ask her like a hypocrite
why I no longer met Mr. Fuibish at her
home. 'Not that I am pining for his socie
ty,' I added with a shrug.
'We have broken our engagement,' she
said, looking at the carpet.
I consulted my talisman. Blessings upon
it. It fairly danced in the light.
The temptation was strong but I resisted
it, to beg her to give mo tho hand he had
lost. I waited until one evening when I
was escorting ber home from the theatre, and
I told her the story of my ring, and sho be
lieved In its magic more firmly than I did..
'It has never filled me yet, Miss Allyn,
and I am longing to put it to astro ngcrte.it.'
She was so provokingly demure and un
conscious that I kept back the petition on
my Hps, for I felt my courage, like Bob
Acres, oozing out nt my fingers ends, and
again I waited,
'I should think you would be afraid of
losing it,' she said, a few days alter. She
was holding tho ring In her hand, moving it
in way and that to catch the gleams.
Do you know, Miss Allyn, that I am con-
tantly nfraid of losing it ever since .1 first
met you V Then I grew bold and took her
hand and said : 'Please keep it for me. Let
me put it on this finger. Please do and
and give mo yourself in return.'
She bung her heaa and blushed, and
itatnmered a little, but she did not say No.
THE PHOUIOAL SON.
From the way in which he turned out
when bo grew to be a young man, it is easy
enough to conclude what kind of a boy -the
rodigalSon was. He was terribly entrav-
agant frotn a child. There wasn't anything
m the house too good for him. i,very cent
could get his hands on he spent
for candy and things. If his mother
irave him a nickel to put in the contribution
box, he bought peanuts with it on his way
to Sunday-school, eating them all up on the
road, and not caring a cent if the poor
I
enthen didn't bave a peanut to their back.
he money that could spend I He would
wear his best suit week days, and could not
be induced to go barefooted in the summer,
s the rest ot tho boys had to do. He stnok
d ten-cent cigars before he was six years
old, while other boys were satisfied with
irrane-vine.
At ten, he wore lilgb-standing collars and
plug hat, and the nobbiest suit that the
tailor could make. He carried a natty
little cane, parted his hair In the middle
and sported an eye-glass. He drank pony
brandy,ponying up twenty-five cents a drink
for it, and spoke to his father as the 'gov
ernor,' and bis mother as 'the old woman.'
He was a regular, patron of the opera, which
e pronounced 'Aw, deused fine, you knaw,'
.......... I
and never missed the the theatre mat!
nee.
At an age when boys were usually at
school, this lyoung progidal was hanging
around bars and billiard-saloons, learning
those lessons in vico and vulgarity which
fitted him for the companionship he was to
seek when he came to his estate. If they
had Sunday night theatres in those days, the
lad was undoubtedly a regular attendant.
and his father prcbably bad numerous liv
ery bills to pay for bis Sunday riding; No
hone-race came off without that young rep
robate being seen on the track, hat on one
ideof hla empty bead, and a cigar In bis
mouth, making bets with the grown-up and
and otherwise gray-headed infanta around
him: And be probably never missed a
chicken dispute or a prize-fight that was
anywhere within reach
Wo have all seen just such boys, and we
know they never come'to any good. There
is a responsibility at home for their con
duct, frequently, that Is apt to be overlook
ed. A father too much engrossed in busi
ness.or a mother too absorbed in fashion
and society to heed what their boy Is doing,
or what company he keeps. Or if peccadil
los are brought to their attention by some
friend of the family, who doesn't get any
thanks for it, they are only smiled at and
passed by as the natural outbursts of a some
what exuberant naturo.
While we have admired the cordial recep
tion which bis parents gave the prodigal son
on his return as a tramp, and cannot speak
too highly of their liberality in slaying the
too mguiy oi meir imeraniy in Biayiug iue
-...t.
pampereu oovine to ceieuraie me eyeni, yet
we have always felt there must have been
somethlntr lacking in the way tbey.broughtlucumbent of the White House, and If Col.
the young man up, or he wouldn't havn
turned out as he did. But if tbey forgive
the p. s , we have no business to complain
lio'us Certificate..
Jt is no vile drugged stun, pretending
bo maue oi wonaeriui loieign
rooU, barks
&c, and puffed up by long bogus, certificat
es of pretendoJ miraculous cures,but a tlm
plo, pure, effective nvidlcine, made of well
known valuable remedies, that furnishes, its
own certificates by its cures. We refer to
Hop Bitten, the purest and best medicine
EtcKangt. See another column,
WAR HJ'.MINISCENCES.
STntKINO SCENE AFTER. OF.N. I.F.P. 8 CAPIT
tJLATION AN ANKCD0TB OF THE P.F.HEL
(IF.NKtU!..
'II. E. H.' sends the Boston HeraM the
following Incidents, as related to him by a
n gentleman who was attached to the head'
quarters of General Leo in the capacity of
chief medical purveyor of the army of North
ern Virginia.
The remnant of tho onco proud army of
Northern Virginia, worn out with the in
cessant fatigue and privations incidental to
their late retreat from Petersburg, lay rest
ing under the shade of tho trees In the
neighborhood of the now famous Appatnat
tox Court House, anxiously awaiting the re
turn of their much loved chiellan, who
some hours previously had gone over to the
headquarters of the Union army to arrange
with Gen. Grant for tho capitulation of the
Southern forces under his command. There
they lay the heroes of many a hard-fought
battle, thinking over the momentous events
of the past four years, realizing that their
labor had been In vain, that their suflerings
and sacrifices weie to count as nought, and
looking with blank dismay into the un-
promising future. A shout is heard, the
'rebel yell rings out once more, and for the
W time : the crowd rushes to the roadside
to welcome back their venerable commander.
They call upon him for a speech. Slowly
Bnd sadly turning toward them he replies,
'I have not to-day the heart to make you a
speech. I have turned ovtr the army to
General Grant. Y'ou will all be allowed to
return to your homes, and I hope you will
be happy there.' Dismounting from his
horse, he remained for some time standing
under a neighboring tree. His officers, In
termingled with men from the ranks, group
ed themselves around him. Some of these
were gray haired men, others wero boys.
One youth, apparently not more than 15, a
courier attached to one of the headquarters,
with eyes intently fixed upon bis aged com-
mander, had sunk upon one knee to rest him
self, and thus unconsciously assumed an at
titude of adoration, the whole forming a
picturesque group. Few words were spok
en. Silently they looked upon the man
whom they had learned to love and vener
ate, and with wham they were soon to part
forever. The moment was sad and solemn.
Few eyes were dry, and down the cheeks of
Lee himself tears traveled unrepressed, for
no one In that party cared, or even thought,
of concealing the groat grief Tthat oppressed
their manly hearts. The setting sun shone
full.upon them, lingering, as it were, to bid
rarewen to the heroic army it had 'lightened
through to many a bard-fought field, and
upon whom the fates had decreed that it
should never shino again,
The following anecdote illustrates the dis
like with which Gen. Lee always regarded
any departure from the rigid simplicity
which characterized the life at bis head
quarters : Ono of his inspector generals,
Col. Murray, was quite advanced in life,
and som-j fiicnd, wishing to contribute, to
biscrmfort, had presented him with a cush
ioned arm chair. Tents had been struck
and the baggage all packed In the wagons,
rjreparatory to starting on the day's march,
au except tho cushioned chair, in which
the colonel sat, waiting to join the general
M Ue passed. A few moments later Gen.
rode UPi regarded the colonel for a mo-
ment, and then quietly remarked : 'Col.
Murray, I would advise you, the next time
we 8tftrt 0u a campaign, to bring your centre
table with you.' It is needless to say that
the chair was never again seen at the army
headquarters.
DANGER IN A SKAb SKIN SACUUE.
It was a fearfully battered up citizeness
that walked into police headquarters the
other day, and demanded a warrant.
'Certainly,' said tbe P. A., picking up a
blank. 'What is the scoundrel's name,mad
am ?.'
'It wasn't a man. It was that ugly.splte-
ful hussy, Mrs. McGufl'ey. I'll Lave her
heart's blood 1'
'You don't mean to say that it was a worn
an who battered you up iu that fearful man
ner ?'
'I'll tell you all about it. You see the
disgusting creature lives next to me. And
this morning I was just polishing up our
cake-basket real silver, your Honor when
-
what should I see going past the window
but Mrs. McGufley, starting out for a walk
in a seal skin sacque 1'
'Yes, madam, but'
'The idea of her in a seal skin when she
can hardly pay her rent. I just ran to the
window to see if it was a Bcal skin ornot,and
I leaned out to look-
'I Insist, my good woman '
.mo.w., b-u-,
And I leaned-and I leaned-and the
first thing I knew I tell clean out on my
head
'And that's what Injured you in this man
ner?'
'Exactly, sir. Now I want to get her ar
rested and sent to jail for ten years, if you
can fix it that way. Seal skin sacque, in
need 1'
But the official heartlessly refused to in
tcrferc, and the female wreck walked off,
consoline herself with the reflection that it
was wash-day, and that, at all events, she
could cut all the clothes-line tied to her back
fence, and letdown the McGufl'ey linen in
to the dirt.
Col. Forney, In his Progress, makes tho
startling statement that 'there has never
been a President of tbe United States that
did not use wine,' from Washington to date.
We have little concern with what has gone ;
it is the living present whiph is 'big with
Import' for us : and when Col. Forney says,
It. U. Haves, the ast t me I saw bim'
Philadelphia, joined me in a glass ol chain-
nacno at the Union Lescue.' we mav well
i'K" ""-b1". ..- -
..t irih.r. i.r.' .,,1.11.., oi.t ,1.1.
-..-. ,. .
I If by 'It. B. Hayes', Col. Forney means the
Forney makes this asseveratlun on his re
sponsibility as a man and a journalist, then
we let go of our confidence in a reform ad
ministration. Can It be true that the man
who refused to bave wine at a state dinner
takes It behind the door at the Union
to Leairuo ? Can it be that the nride of the
sabbath school, the prop of the Foundry
Church and the patron of the Mrs. R,
Hayes Total Abstinence Society circumvents
his avowed principles and, in a word, pi tys
it double ? We prefer to think that Col.
Forney has tat at tbe wine table and clinked
glasses with some R. B, Hayet to fortune
and to fame unknown.' CTreArrdM,
THE COLUMBIAN, VOL. XIII, NO.RS
COLUMBIA DEMOCRAT, VOL. XLtV, NO. S
AX EliKl'IIANT'S HEATH.
THE HEUltl.T OP F00LIN0 WITH SOME EIXC-
TlllCUt, APFAIIATUS.
.Cooper, Halley & Co., proprietors of the
London and International Australian shows
have sustained a heavy !ns In the death of
the Elephant Romeo, which took place un
der peculiarly horrible circumstances In
Boonvllle, Mo., last Tuesday. Romeo was
one of the ten trained elephants whose per
formances havo so far been one of the most
attractive, of the show, and was valued at
f 35,000. One of the appurtenauces of the
show is an Immense electric apparatus which
is used In connection with the electric light
that supplies Illumination for the entire can
vass of the circus. This machine consists of
a large magnet, and an immense armature
which Is made to revolve two hundred and
fifty times in a minute by means of a thirty
five horse power engine. The apparatus Is
of intense electrical power, a knlfe-blade
held within two feet of it becoming so heav
ily charged with the current that it can be
used thereafter as a loadstone. Last
Wednesday Profossor Sherman was Retting
his battery In readlness.for the afternoon per
formance, had 'fired up,' set the machine
in motion, aud click, click, went the lights
ono after tho other, as the electricity flew
along the insulated cables. When all was
In working shape the Professor sauntered
ofl leisurely, aud had not his attention call
ed to the machine again until he heard an
unearthly roar and a crash coming from the
direction of the battery, ilo was startled
as was also the small army of worklngmen
inside the tents and the largo army of boys
and idlers on the outside. Everybody
rushed to the spot. The roars continued to
resound through the canvas, and for a while
the greatest consternation held the. crowd
On approaching the vicinity of the electric
machine Romeo was found In the throes of
death agony, and with his trunk torn away
by the roots from its base. The poor beast
lay there shorn of its strength, and present
ing a horr!ble,mutilated appearance. Every-
thing was done that it was possible to do
for tho dying animal, but its agonies were
terrible, and when at length it gasped Its
last there was a feeling of relief among
those who surrounded its mountaiuous
corpse. Joseph lvlmioiv, mo leader 01 the
baud, who witnessed the accident, says that
Romeo, who was roaming around in tb
tent with his nino giant companions, sham
bled up to the machine and was sniffing at
the armature when its trunk was caught In
the revolving apparatus, and the animal was
thrown violently to the eround and th
trunk carried away by the whirling maeluu
ery. J'roiessnr anermau rigiuea nis appara
tus in a shurt time, aud a few necessary re-
pairs were immediately made. Romeo was
buried withiu tho buow grounds. ,
LouU
Qlobe-Democrat.
1 UAISKU. I
No barber knoweth who ho may shave,
and the man who rushes Into a shop and
drops Into a barber chair, without seeing
who occupies the next chair to the right or
left, may get badly left, as a case proved
yesterday. A solid old citizen in the whole
sale trade was taking it easy, his face cov
ered with lather, when in came a young
man who flung off his coat, bounced into a
chair, aud called out:
Hurry up, now, for I must get back to
the store before uld Blank does, or he will
raLe thundc- 1 Hang bim, he won't even
give a man lime to die 1'
The solid citizen turned his faco to
dance at the other, and tlio barber noticed
nwMentni' nf hu face.
irsl. ....... A .Mfl.,ilnn lh Gtmmn,T'.,tAfl
.-,
the barber, who was preparing to shave the
young man,
Vacation 1 How in Tophet can I get
nwav from old Blank ? And if 1 could, he
pays bucU a stingy, comtemptible salary
that I couldn't afford even a ride on tbe
ferry-boat I'
'Wliv don't vou ask him for a raiser
queried tbe barber.
'Whv don't I ask for the hand of his
frecklcd-uoso daughter? He'd discharge
me in a minute, though he's making money'
and can afford it. If tho old hyena would
have a stroke of appolexy.the junior partner
might do Komething, but such chaps always
live to bo a hundred years old.'
Conversation ceased, the solid man got out
of his cuair took a brUBhinSand 8at UowD.
I 1 . t ..I..-. .. . ("-.. ... lit. nViotp anA
when the clerk arose from his chair and
tnrned around, snow-ouiis wouia nave looc-
ed black beside his face. He tried to bow
and speak, but something wouldu 't let htm,
r' .
and when be started to put on his coat be
held it tails up and collar down. Ue was
still struggling with it when the solid man
rose up, looked around and walked out, Bay-
ink' never n word The barber wet thi
i .. . ,,,, , .,,1 jv youiiK lauy was uuueciueu wnemer u
yu"S mn tead aud held cologne to n Lccept t'be a3dres8eg0, Jame8 or Johrlt Jam,
nose, but be walked sideways when be went
out, and there was an uncertain woduib to
his knees. In applying for the vacant po-
sition to-day, state what shop you shave
at.
TUE ORIGIN OK CUOqUBZ-
Croquet players, who have begun to in
dulge in their favorite ana lasnionaoiespon,
will be Interestod in the origin ot the game,
Croquet is not, as many suppose, of modern
birth, but may bo traced through its lou
stages to Persia as far back a, the eighth
ceutury. it origin was puiu, wnicu iuo
Persians played with a long handled mal
let called chugan. In the ninth century tbe
Bame raaU6 its way lnl0 lue ''-lern empire,
,ne original mauei cnanging us mrm to a
long siau enuing in a uroau uenu mum
" "b
aay a writer ou tne suoject, -mere appeared
,be Eat' as belonging to tbe great Bport
' oau-piay on uorse oacic me ursi.suapeji
n two implements wuicii remoaeieu tne piay-
le ot medlaival modern hurope.the chugan
being the ancestor of the mallets used In
---- - - y
i cronuet. and of an (endless variety of other
. . . .
playing clubs and bats, while the bent
pvh iu net wortr, , was a primitive rack:
with its net work, '.was a primitive
et.'
We find that the original ball games; in
which sticks were used were played
horseback, and instead of polo being an out
growth of these sports played on foot, tb
latter are the changes made in the Persian
game otchit'jan, which, as has been said,
a the parent of all our games In which
B. artificial meaus are used to propel the
Dan,
The transition Iroin the cnugan ot Persia
I to the short-handled mallet used on foot
was easy and natural, and the substitution
of a club came by gradual changes, tb
hand probably the original Implement,
which was wr.enedea iy a tounaw.uet
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
(IF A CI.
1H.
..ti.no
,, 1.00
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.. ft.oo
w. tw. ah. ir
oneiric!. ..... ...
I.SO $3.00 IS.00 two
4.110 6.00 8.00 18.00
.Ml 1.00 11.00 1S.n
TWOlDChPfl
mrcc incurs. .
Pourlnchps...
1.00 .0 l.01l lO.ftl
uarter column.,,
air column
B.UO 10.00 I WO s.oo
10.011 11.00 1B.0O 16.00
wo0l
Uno column
..m.m H.oo lo.oo io.oo
Yearly sdvertlsement pajable nuatUrly. Trai
lent advertlsemcntii muslin- paid for before mst l ito
except wncro panics navo nu-uimw.
ir-nin,itirtiiu.tnpntjitwnnoiianir)erinrniorinrct
Insertions, and at that rate for addltlonallnictllonl
wtinouvreiereoco uj k-dkiu.
Knecutor's. Amlnlstrator's and Auditor's noticet
three dollars. Must bo paid tor when Inserted.
Transient or Local notices, twenty cents a lint
r.milAr.r1vf.r1lfum,.ntf,half rates.
Cards In tho "liuMness Directory" column, one
dollar per yearror cacn line,
Items.
A bouncing baby rubber doll.
The color ly'n A dyed moustache.
Can n cipher be called a figure of
speech ?
A dlsstlvine view The sight of a chunk
of Ice on the sidewalk.
Washerwomen, too, report n great In
crease in the Iron business.
lVslons are perhaps the stings with
out which, it is said, no honey Is made.
If a man nods his bead and sighs, that
doesn't prove that he belongs to a synod.
After all. tho most laughable jest can
not double you unnulcker than a cucum
ber will.
-When nn oflice tr-eker endeavors- to
start a boom for himself, it frequently turns
out a boomerang,
Lampton thinks tho 'roan who white
washes ceilitnn is In a sublime buoiuoss,
This Is a kiln joke.
A white man who had married a ne-
gress black as the ace of spades, offered color-blindness
as an excuse,
It doesn't do to look Baulnt-cved at a
man with a pistol in Texas, unless you pre
ler to look like a porous piaster.
There aro more watches worn in the
United States than in any other country .but
do tho people have a better tlmo? . .
The paper; are printing a recipe 'to
make an apple tart.' But wo don't think
It improves au apple to make it tart.
A wag who had lent a minister a horse
thatbad run away aud thrown tbe clergyman
claimed credit for spreading the gospel.
'Learn your boys a trade,' is the head
ing of an arlicta In an exchange' That edi
tor should get some one to 'teach' bim a
trade.
An individual who called his first
daughter Kate, when his wife surprised him
with another girl, promptly christened her
Duplicate.
As softly as the moon steals behind
a cloud, just to stealthily does the small boy
scoot behind the fence to smoke a pipe of
his father's tobacc.
Grandma 'Yes, children when I was
as young as you are I tn-fd to walk in my
lep.' Tommy (eagerW) 'Say Gran'tna,
what time did you mako?
There is always a supply where there
is a demand. Second baud hoop skirts for
hen coops having become scarce, the ladles
will immediately readopt the crinoline.
A New Y'ork letter to the Chicago 5TK
bune says people will yet go from New
Y'ork to Chicago for a dollar. But will
they get It when they arrive there 7 ihat is
the question.
The colored brother in a Virginia church
hit the nail on the bead when be prayed at
the close of the white brother's sermon :
Lord . bress do brudder to whom we has
listened so patiently.'
When you pick up an old rusty pistol
that is not loaded, if vou have the least
doubt about the propriety of commiting aui-
ciuu at uuuu uiwnys puiui lue inuzzie at
some one else when you pull the trigger.
SnmAnnA In Ttnnfnn Hna Invrpntpit A tin
I style of boy's trousers, which is highly rec
ommended. They have a copper seat.sheet-
iron knees and are riveted down in the
seams, and have waterproof pockets to hold
broken eggs.
'Mamma,' remarked an interesting In
fant of four, 'where do you go when you
I die ?' 'One can't be certain, darling. How
can mamma tell? She bus never jlied yet.'
' 1 es ; but bavn't you studied geography ?'
When you sec a young man with a wild
haggard look negotiating for a rocUing-chair
and a soap-dish, you can know (hat bis
landlady Insists on his replacing the furni
ture he threw out of tho window at the cats
the night previous.
'There trying a lot of Pinafore singers
in there.' eaid Smith to Jones asthoyposs-
w a ouiming wnenco iioateu strains oi -a
. , ,. i inl.l 1 i, i ...
uiviutu tan marc, eiu. uum u, II. IV
turned the misantoropical Jones; 'hope they
will give 'em sixty days and costs.'
Whocutvour hair?' is a slang Western
expression, but to give it full force it should
be addressed to a bald-headod man.
Never tell a man who is using a restora
tive that his hair is cominsr out nicely:
such a compliment might seem somewhat
ambiguous.
He who would amass virtues, leaving
out the guardian virtue humauity, is like a
man who leaves a precious dust exposed to
tbe wind.
Tbe keenest abuse of our enemies will
not hurt us so much in the estimation of the
discerning as the injudicious praise of our
trlends.
No man is wiser for bis learning : it
may administer matter to work in or object
to work upon : but wit and wisdom are born
I ,i' 1 1 1 . a ... n .1
I with a man.
The hiirhest amb tion to which some
men ever aspire, is to bo able to pick tbeir
'th in front of the leading hotel of the city
I In ivmth thpir If.
in which they live.
A magazine writer says the Germans
'turn naturally to music,' We thought it
was the Italians who turned' most natural
ly to music.
A young lady was undecided whether to
e. cave her a sealskin sacnue. and sho 1m-
I mediately gave the sact to John.
w. h.v. .,, nf ,,, hn. hpmn
angry for thirty years on a stretch. It is
I too worst case ot standing cnoier mat we
ever knew.
Sundav-scbool teacher : 'You mutt
cwnllpf-t lliof nil T nm tallln,. vmi hannon.n
- ig hundred and seventv-nlne vears at-o.'
rupu: "Lor,- miss, now tnetimeao sup
away I
Mr. George Bope.ofSan Francisco, got
drunk and proceeded to bathe in the public
tighWo'
any tight-rope
i
-The wild chimpanzee carries a club
as a weapon. I he connecting lint is tho
blonde young man with eye glasses, who
parts his nair in the middle and lugs a huge
stick under his arm,
'Aw, It is not to be wondered at,' re
m8tked Mr. Toplofty as he adjusted his eye-
KlaMi ,8ea bathing has grown unpopulab,
becawse you see. aw, the vulgah herd took
oi v juc n.uiu.nim , uu ucuio icn, mum,
thlt tbe place ?' the asked, as she
wandered down on the barren sands, 'where
vouni? ladv a beautiful voumr ls lyfell
a young iaay a neaumui young lauytell
. in tho water last season and vaa rescued by
tafl L gallant young man whom she afterward
married?' He looked at her carefully, fsti
mated her at a tquare forly-seven, with false
teeth, and said : 'Yes, madam, boil don't
know how to swim.
on
A clergyman wa agreeably surprised
to find a plump turkey served up for bis
dinner, and inquired of bis servant how it
was obtained, -wny, tir," replied Bainbo.
Mat turkey has beeu roosting on our fence
tree nights: to dls morning 1 teize bim for
de rent ob de fence.'
One thing more this enllehtawed nation
needs, and that is, an institution for leech
ing the people bow to make intelligible Bs-
ures. ror as it Is now, one-halt make their
&' like a tafety.pln, aud their 0' and G'
are a cross between a thephetd'a trook onvL.
a bioken-bacien jack-knife.
r
li
r
MOST REASONABLE TERMS.
tug. , tw,
I