Llll'MlltiBIMOCKAT.STABOFTIK NORTH AND COLUM'
l Ola."1' " B,.nvrtl.tni'Ttl.
Issuod weekly, ovcry Hrlday morning, at
iifio,.!Sllt)ll(), COLUMMA COUNTY, l'A.
, wn noLMss per year, 60 eonta discount allowed!
imuinsidln "If""''0' Aiierinooipiraiionor the
C ir tl mvi ho charged. To subscribers out of the
;Ai !n ' ttioVnnsaro i perycar,trlctly In advance
in n i ' r discontinued, cvopt at tlio option of tlio
'niii.lltmuTH, unttl nil arrearages nro paid, but long
fS ,l .Vdits ntler tlio expiration or tlio fire!
. in n iniTwnto''tot tlioHtato or to distant post
i iuiust bopaldforln advance, unless a rcspon
iii ue nennnln Columbia county assumes to pay the
" ' ......... .t..n nn ilronnlilt.
posr AiiBIs no longer exacted from subscrlbcrsln
-if iiHii-ji
JOB FIXISTTIKTO.
. ',. '.f.. undour t h PrlntlngVYllleompnro tavora-
"Xu.mK
i no ...''hlr .: iii partment or inn uoixhdian is very
Columbia County Official Directory.
! hI.V ni tmtifn-WillIain Elwell.
tti. i i.ite .Indites-1, K Krlclcbaum, 1. L. Shuman.
r it mm itarv. Ac. William Kilckbaum.
i i n i,'ianh'r t. N. Walker.
( x i ir l"r -Williamson II. .laooby.
iistnct AUiiiney noit-ri n. i.uuu.
,li, nif John V. Hoffman.
H J, , 1 1" -um'i'ii N-ylnr.1.
i,.p -il A. swennonbelser.
Jin fl mors -Stephen l'olie, Diaries Ulclinrt,
'' t a'nX .'j'nori' Clerk- !. II. Casey.
VMllurs -. II. Smith, W. Manning, 0. 11. See.
i 'Voinmlssloners-Mt Itobblus, Tlieodoro W,
L siilUh.
i r..t ., i:ni,.rtritindent William II. Snvder.
I Hi j,n Poor imtrlct lilroctora II. H. Knt,Scolt,
I rt ( Kramer, llloomsburg and Thomas Iteece,
i Bloomsburg Official Directory.
rV'3'dont ot Town Councll-O. A. Herring.
( ll'rk Paul c. Wirt,
c if lor oi puiloo .tn. e sterner.
PrtMitiiiit of (las Company 9. Knorr.
SecVctary -0. W. Miller.
m n mmrir lianklnir Company lolin Funnton,
Pr nl, 11. II. UroU, cashier, John Peacock, Tel-
I fr.
Hr Va tonal nank Charles H. Parton, '"resident
1, P. t ."In, e. ashler.
ii aula coiinly Mu'Ual Saving Fund and Loan
a -m Ion -B. II, Utile, President, U, W. .Miller,
I' urj.
i mb'irg llulldlng and saving I'und Association
-"V ueoek. President..!. II. llobtson, Sin-'relary.
in i ..iirc Miinial Having I'und Aisoclailon J.
I in. cr, I'ruHiueni, r. k. win, secroiary.
CIIl'UC'lI DIltKCrOUY.
BAPTIST CIICIICIl,
V v. ,t. p. Tuslln, (supply.)
s nd ly Services la v a. m. and o p. m.
wind iv Hcliool -o a. in.
pr ver Meeting I'.very Wednesday evening at 0
c ock
s isfree. Tlio public aro invited to at tend.
ST. MATTHEW'S LUTIIFKANCIICUCII,
itl-itn er -l!ev. o. I), a. llarclay.
Sunday services t a. m. and 1H p. m.
smiilav school o a. in.
l'nv er .Mooting livery A'ednesday evening at 1
seats' free. Nopews rented. All are welcome.
rHKSnVJCKIANCtlL'IICII.
Minister I!ev. Stuart Mitchell.
sun lav Son lees lo,"4 n, in. and p. m.
Siinilav school 9 n. in.
I'M cr Mcoi Ing Every Wednesday evening at. 6
rhvk.
soaiafrce. No pews rented. Strangers welcome.
MKTiionidT KriseorAI.etifiicii.
Presiding Kldcr Ilev. W. Kans.
Mlnlsier llev. M. L. smyser.
Sunday Services lux and ox p. m.
vundai School 2 p. m.
mole Class -IJvcrv Monday evening at otf o clock.
Vniing Men's I'rnier .Mcoilng-Kery Tuesday
vj -nlngat ijij, o'clock,
oeneral Prayer Mectlng-Evcry Thursday evening
7 o'clock,
KKFOUMROClirKCH,
Corner of Third nnd Iron streets.
Pastor-Ituv. W. K. Krcbs.
Hesidei.ce Corner 4lh and Catharine sireets.
suiniiy SerUees lujtf a. m. and 7 p. m.
S'indav School 9 a. m.
naycr Meeting Saturday, 7 p. m.
All are United There is alwaj h room.
ST. l'Al'l.'S CUt'llCU.
'lector- llev L. Zahner.
sundav serilccs tux a. m ys p. m.
iinil.ii. sohnnl 0 n. m.
Mr. I sundav In tlio month, Holy Communion.
S"rtces preparatory to Communion on I rlday
noningbcrore tho st Sunday In each month.
Pews routed ; but over bod v welcome.
KVANOELICAI. ClIUUCH.
Pre ddlng r.liler-llcv. A. I,, llecscr
Minister llev. (leorgo Hunter.
Sunday senleo s p. m., in tho Iron street Church.
Pr.n er Meeting 1! cry sabbath at 1 p. m.
All are Invited. All aie welcome.
TIIR CIICIICIl 01 CIIKIST.
Mi cls In "the little lirlck Chureli on the lull,"
known as tho Welsh lliptlst Church on ICoct: street
eastif Iron. ....
Kegular meeting for worship, every Lord's day af
ternoon at BJtf o'clock.
seats freo; and the publloaro cordially InMlea to
: attend
SCIIOOI, OUUKHS, lilnnk, iiift printeil ami
neatly bound In small books, on hand and
or sale at tho Coi.cjidian onice.
1 ) LANK DKKDS, m l'arclinijnt and Linen
I P.i nnr. common and for Administrators, Kxecu-
lirsiua trustees, for salo cheap at the Columbian
omce.
rA'UtlAr.K CKUTII'ICATi:S.iustiiriiiteil
111 iindforsalo at the Columbian Olliee. Jllnls-
II-IU'U I II 'J l.lPJ'tl .1,111 U UIIVI . Tl, D..l..J
6( ties with tbeso necessary articles.
1 USTICKS ami Constables' Fce-Hilli for sale
I nt thn rntriiniiH nntcp. Thev contain the eor-
I reeled fees as established by tho last Act of the Lpjf-
I(vMuroupon tno suojeci. j-.ery ousncuuuu suh
tuble should have one.
V
KXDUK NOT ICS just jinnteil ami for sale
cneap at too Columbian oiuee.
HLOOMSBUIiO DIKKCTOUY.
PKOFESSIONAL CAHDS.
N'1 (!. UAHKI.EY, Altorney-at-Law. Olliee
. In llrower's building, 2nd story, liooms 4 & 5
I It. H011IS0N, Altorney-at-Law. OlUce
) . In Ilartman's building, Main street.
QAMUKI. KKOIIU. Allornev-nt.I.aw,Oilice
I ij In lliirtman s Iluikilng, .Main s'tieet.
I)
It. WM. M. UKIlKIt, Surgeon ami I'liysi
clan. onico Market ueet. AbovoMh i;ast
It. KVANS, M. I).. Surgeon anil I'liyrf.
. clan, (onico and Kcbdlcnco on Thtrd btieet,
f li. McKEIiVY. SI. 1).. Surgeon ami I'liy-
I J . siclan, north sldo .Main strict, below .Market.
jlJlt.J.C. ItUTTKU,
omce, North Market street,
Mar.;: '74 llloomsburg, Pa.
Id
It. 1. L. KAHB,
rilACTIOAL DENTIST,
Main Street, onnoslto Lnlsconal Church. Illooms-
P'lrk-, Pa.
iv Teeth extracted w llhout rain,
aug J4, '77-ly.
J1ISCELLANE0US.
M. D1UNKEH, GUN and LOCKSMITH.
M'wlng Machines and Machinery of all kinds re-
litred. OrKiiA Hovsk llulldlng, llloomsburg, I'a.
AVID L0WEN1SEU0, Merchant Tailor
f .Main St., aboo Central Hotel.
S. KUIIN. dealer iu Meat. Tallow, etc..
L Centro street, between second and Third.
KOSENSTOCK, Photographer, over
. . Clark Wolt'sbtore, Main street.
U UOUS'lUri I'ltEUNI), Practical lioineo
L'V.t)alhlc Horso and Cow Doctor, llloomsburg, I'a.
i au. 11, 'iy-(t
y Y. KESTE11,
MEKCIIANT TAII.OIi.
1 KoomS'o. 15, Opika HorsK IlllLiusa, Iiloonuburg.
rtuiv.tR.s.
JtilTlSlI AMEUICA ASSUIUNCE CO
NATIONAL Fllin ISSUItANCB COMPANV.
Hie osttts of these old corporations uro all In-
h u iu pr.v.uilllir.n uuuuieuuuiu iu iuo
izoltl of File onlv.
IVodi rate lines on the Lest risks ore nleno accepted.
"'Ms i'komitly ana ho.slktlv anjiiMi-a ai.a pum
li toi ii ns determined b) ( uuisius F. Knait, tpe-
i i item anil Aiijusier, irooinsourg, i-eiui ,
I lie (ItlziLsof Columbia county should patronle
Biei-'tLcv ul.prn lnssifl. If tinv. uro ndtusted and
I lid by one of their own citizens, nov.m, 'J7-ly
blSEAS UIIOWN'S INSURANCE AGEN
1. CV, Exchange Hotel, llloomsburg, I'a.
Cnnltfll.
F-lQa. Ins Co.. of Hartford. Connecticut . u.&uuioo
Utrpooi. Loudon anduiobo 20,ik o.irio
'of Liverpool 13 6oo,ouo
tiueansniro 10,ihw, is)
ro Association, Philadelphia s.ioo.uoo
Itmeri Mutual of Danville i.uoo.ooo
Iwllle Mutual 75,000
juic, new lors. o,guo,ooo
I A" Hie agencies are direct, policies aro v. rltten'for
lusured v. itnout any delay In the onico at lllooms-
tft ftql iwi
IMlrch J(,'77y
V. 1IA1LTJIAN
lAMFIlIt'AN INRint XKr.K rfiMlANIEHj
llEPKESKNTtl TIIR IOIJJ1WIK0
IlCfimiBjct Muncy Pennsylvania.
j'a American of I'UUadelphla, r
uiisjli'anlaof '
wuitrs of York, ra.
I ..i..v.ul r,ow lork.
'..uttiu,uor ..
(t"n J'arket btnet No. , llloomtburg, I'a,
T.IE
0KAX0KV1LLB AUADE3IV
Vou can get a Thorough Kducation v. UU the
LEAST OUTLAY OF MONEY.
I'or CaUiloguc, address ths I rlnclpal,
C. B, BtlOCKWAT, 1 ,,.
')EdlterSanaPrerrleter.
LAWYEIIS.
E. WALLEli '
Attoi'noy-at-L.aw.
Increase ef rentiens rttalncJ, Collections male.
Onice, Second door from 1st National Hank.
lILOOMSIIUItO, PA.
Jan. 11, Ms
Attoi nuynt-Lnw,
Increase of Pensions Oblaincd, Collections
Made.
I1I.OOMSDUIIQ, PA.
onico In Ent's Hcii.niNa.
jItOCKWAY A EIAVELI,; '
A T TO It N E Y S-A T-J, A W,
Cou'MBiAN IlciiniNo, llloomsburg, Po.
Merrbers of the United states Law Association.
Collections made In any part cf Arrcilca or Kuropo
Q II A W.J.nUCKALEW,
ATTOIt.NEVS-AT-LAW,
llloomsburg, Pa.
onice on Main street, nrt door below Courtllouso
JOIINM.CLAHK,
ATTOIINF.V-AT-LAW,
Moonifburg, Pa.
onico over Schuyler's Hardwaro store.
P P. I1ILLMEYEK,
ATTOHNEV AT LAW,
OmcE-ln Harmon's llulldlng, .Main street,
moo
iloomsburg, Pa.
II. I.1TTI R.
1 II. A It. It. LITTLE,
KOB'T. B.LITTIK.
ATTOItNEYS-AT-LAW,
llloomsburg, Pa.
0
1 W.MILLEIt,
ATTOIINKY-AT-LAW
Oflleeln llrower's building, second floor, room No.
llloomsburg, l'u.
B.
El SANK ZAltll.
ALtornoy-at-Iaw
I!L00.M.S11UI!G, PA.
onice In I'navost'9 'Ifii.niMi, on Main street second
door above Centre.
(!uti lui consulted in German.
Jan. le, '70-tr
CATAWISSA.'- "
y-M. L. EYEHLY,
ATTOUNEV-AT-LAW,
Catawlssa, Pa.
collections promptly made and remitted, onice
onposlte Cataw lssa Deposit Hank. 6m-as
V. II. Abdott. W. II. KlIAWN.
A1U10TT & II II AWN,
Attomoys-at-Law.
CATAWlSSA.l'A.
Pensions obtained.
dee 21, '77-ly
ESPY PLANING MILL.
Tlio undersigned lessee cr tlieKspy Planing Sllll,
Is prepared to do all kin da of mill work.
Doors, Frames, Sash, BlMs, etc.
madoloorderon Bhort notice. Satisfaction guar,
antecd,
Chaklka Kurd,
Illocmsburg, I'a.
BLOOMSBUliG TAMERY.
G. A. HERRING
11
ESPKCTI'ULLY announces to tlio nublie
that ho has reopened
SNYDEIl'S TANNERY,
(old stand) llloomsburg, Pa., at tho Korks of the Es
py ai.it I.ls'lit Mreit roniH, where nil descriptions of
leather will bo mado In tho most substantial and
woikinimllko inulilu r. unil sold at nrlci4 In suit Mm
Una s. '1 ho highest price in cash w 111 at all times bo
ad for
ORE EN HIDES
of cicry description In the country. Thopubllcpat
ron go Is respectfully solicited,
llloomsburg, Oct. 1, lS7s.
Pensions
U1 Mrtdlers, wounded or injured, can now obtain
pension-.; under tlio new law to rt.it e Trom discharge.
Address ai once WtU stamp (or blanks and new
Njldlera circulars.
W. 0. IIUUNINOCUA; CO.,
llCSmllbnieMst. IMTTMUMUJ,
ttr oldest Chum Agency in thf state.
April-, lbTiMm J.U'o
Dauchy & Co's. Advt's.
SOHf Keturnsln aodaysonsiooinvefatert Of
IMj tlctal reporu and information I'HEE.
Ulit proilts veuklyon stock opllon- or tnitoL"rft.
Address T. 1'uTTtn. Wmnr x. Co.. Mankkus. :w Wall
St., X. V. d April 83, 'TlMW
I'ai-NinrM riiruititi vuu n ako .now men uiooa
and wllltomplclt'lv clianpo tho blood In tho entire
s stem in threo mouths. Any person who wld take l
pill each nlirht from 1 to 12 weeks may bo restored
tosouud hiulih If such a thing bo possible. Sent by
mall for 8 letter stamps.
I. . f IJIIIIMlll VU. If illlUUI .Jlitlll
Aprils, 79-4W d
A CIFT
WORTHY OF A HOTUSCHILD.
Acoovof lllintii'H fniiintiM lllni.lriitecl IiuI.i'n-
neriiin AImiiii for 1 H7n. tnireiher with a codv
of his lllusiraleit paer, the Hkovvimi woitin, wlllbu
seal u ej 10 nnyuue mio iwu senu uicir auuien uu u
one cent rosi al card. Address, J. (HHMix iiuowji,
21 (Irand Mreet, Jersey city, how .lersey.
u. .vpru 19, V. 41V
tdylOiuIiT ! Ht'Toro Itujiup; u
pjla,xo or i t pan;
Do not tall to si nd for my latest mi page Illustrated
Newspaper with much valuable luloimatloii FltKV.
N'l!W VI ANfis. l'Al. 1S.'. mid unwurils. SV.W lllt-
UAS.s, fiis to Hid. HKM Hi: to uiltii mo before buy-
lug tlsewnire. iihiawk oriwiTAiims. .auuh-ss
1) N1KL 1', 11KAT1 V, Washington, N. J.
Aprll11,';j-4iv d
1 HUNT. 'ANTi:ii-For tho best and fastest
selling 1'lUorlJl Hooks and lllbles. J nets re
duiedssporccnt. Ntnosib Itblisiiino Co.. Phil
adelphla, Pa. d April 11,'JS-lw
1A ll'A CMflfiA Invested In Wall street
JU 1 U OiUUU Moelu makes foitunes ev
ery month. Hook sent free eiplalnlngeieryihlng.
Addiess MAXTElt & CO., IUsksks, 17 Wall street,
New York, d aprll uimw
AOHNTS WANTED for Smith's lllblo Dictionary
ana iiiii.3iA.N-. prr.rrnRTAT, rtrt.p.s
rlceBlreduced. Circulars free. A J. HOLM AN &
CO., Philadelphia, d April II. '79-4W
BENSON'S CAPCINE
POROUS PLASTER.
'Tliern Id nn dmilit. nlmllt the LTeat SUberlOrltV
of thin nilkluoM'rcoininon porous plasti-rs and
other external remedies, such as liniments, elec
trical appliances, io Askphsslelanslii vourown
locallly utKiut It. Ills Hondcrlul. soldbydrug.
gists. Price !5 eeuls. d npr, 11, VJ-lw
HEW RICH BLQQD
UflW TO HIT THEM Libit!' p.'tjtth. .Lit. H.OOil.OOO
111 . J," .1411" lul 4)iiii11iim,
Alirllll.'IHw U
lie
H. T, HELMBOLO'S
FLUID EXTRACT
BUOHO.
PHARMACEUTICAL
A SPECIFIC REMEDY FOR ALL
DISEASES
op Tim
BLADDER&KIDNEYS
For Debility, Loss of Memory,
Indisposition to Exertion or Uusi
ncss,Sliortnes3 of Ereatli.Troublod
with Thoughts of Diseii.e,Diiiiness
of Vision, Pain in the 15ack,Chest
and Head, Rush of Wood to tho
Head, Pale Countenance and dry
skin.
Jf these symptoms are allowed
to j;o on, very frequently Epilep
tic. Fits and Consumption follow.
When the constitution becomes af
fected it requires the aid of an in
vigorating medicine to strengthen
and tone up the system which
"Hclmbold's .Buchu"
D0K3 IN EVEltY CASK.
IIELMBOLD'S BUCHU
IS UNEQUAL.ED
Hy any remedy known. It Is prescribed by tho most
eminent phystclans all over the world, In
Rheumatism.
Spermatorhoea,
Neuralgia,
Nervousness,
Dyspepsia,
Indigestion,
Constipation,
Aches and Pains,
General Debility,
Kidney Diseases,
Liver Complaint,
Nervous Debility,
Epilepsy,
Head 1 roubles,
Paralysis,
General 111 -Health,
Spinal Diseases,
Sciatica,
Deafness,
Decline,
Lumbago,
Catarrh,
Nervous Complaints,
Female Complaints, tc.
Headache, Pain in the Should
ers, Cough, Dizziness, Sour Stom
ach, Eruptions, Rati Taste in the
iWouth, Palpitation oi the Heart,
Pain tho region of the Kidneys,
and a thousand other painful symp
toms are the offsprings of dyspepsia.
IIELMBOLD'S BUCHU
Invigoi'sitrs (lie .Stomach.
And stimulates the torpid Liver,
Rowels and Kidneys to healthy ac
tion, in cleansing the blood of all
impurities, and imparting new life
mil vigor to tho whole system.
A single trial will bequite suili-
cient to convince tho most hesitat
ing of its valuable remedial quali
ties.
PRICE $1 PER BOTTLE,
Or Six ICotfU'S lor $5.
Delivered to any address free from
observation.
"Patients" may consult by letter
receiving tho same attention as by
calling, by answering the following
questions :
1. Glvo your name and postonice address,
county and Mate, and jour nearest express onico ?
8. Your ago and sex 7
8. Occupation ?
4'3 .Married or single?
9. Height, weight, now and In health?
o. How longhao jou been sick?
7, Your compleiton, color of hair and cj cs ?
8. Have ou a stooping or erect gait ?
9. llelato without reservation all jou know about
J our case. Kncloso ono dollar as consultation fee
Your letter will then receive ouratten'ton, and we
will give; you the nature of your dUeaso and our
candid opinion concerning a cure.
Competent phjslclans attend to correspondents.
All letters should bo addressed to Dispensatory,
Vi 17 , KUbert street, Philadelphia I'a.
II. T. IITJLMDOLD,
Druggist and Chemist,
rlULADtXl'HlA, l'A.
SOJ.O UVKIIYWIIEIIU
March I,l8ia-y
BLOOMSBUliG, PA.,
Poetical.
"Tis tho Last R030 of Summer,
Tls thelHt rose of summer
Left blooming alono (
All her lovely companions
Aro faded flnd gone.
No lloweri of her kindred,
No rosebud Is nl?h.
To reflect back tho bluslio,
Or give sigh, for Ugh.
IU not leavo thee, thou lono one,
To pine on tho stem s
slneo Ilio lovely aro sleeping,
00, sleep thou Ith them.
Tims kindly tsralter
Thy leaves o'er tlti bed,
S here Ihy males cf the garden
Lie scent lss and dead.
so soon mny I follow,
When file ndslilp dTay.
And from love's sh'ntngctrcle
The gems drop away I
When tno hearts lie w Ither'd,
And lono ono. aro llo.vn,
Oh 1 who would Inhabit
This bleak world alono ?
The Old Story of "Ben Bolt."
HY TnOUAS DCXX KN0LIS1I.
Don't you rem'mber sweet Alice, Hen Holt,
Hweet Alice whose hair was o brown,
Who wept Hli delight when you gave her a smile,
And trembled with far at your frown?
In tho old churchvard In tho valley, Hen Holt,
In a corner obscure and nlone,
They have fitted a slab of tho granlto so gray,
And sweet Alice lies under the stone.
Under the hickory tree. Hen Holt,
That stood at tho foot of the hill,
Together wo'volaln In the noon-day shada
And listened to fppliton'smlll.
The mill-wheel has fallen to pieces, Hen Holt,
The rafters have tumbled In,
And a quiet tint crawls round tho wnlls nsyou gaze,
lias followed the olden din.
Ho you mind the cabin of logs, Hen Ho'.t,
Atlhecdgeofthopathlesswood,
And thclm'toncaH tree with Its motley llmbi
Which nigh by tlio doorstep stood?
Tlio cabin to ruin has gone, Hen Holt,
You w ould look for tho tree In vain
And where onco tho lords of tlio forest waved,
(I row grass and tho golden grain.
And don't you remember tho school, Hen Dolt,
With iho master, so cruel and grim.
And Iho shaded nook In the running brook.
Where the children went lo swim ?
Grass grows on the master's gravo Hen Holt,
The spring of tho brook Is dry ;
And of all tho boys who were schoolmatcstheu,
There are only you and I.
Select Story.
The Secret of the White Chest.
From All 7ie Year Around.
It was just the houo I wanted. In size,
find situation it suited mo exactly, as the
phrase goe, literally down to thegrourd.
Facing Hyde Park, and placed back from
the high road, with nothing in front of it
but the broad strip of garden belonging to
the terrace in which it stood, and tho open
stretch of turf and trees, it was the very
abode for a London season. Its rent, too,
was extremely moderate ; it was in sound
repair ; drainage without a flaw ; fixtures,
furniture and decorations in the be-t tate j
the owner only desiring to let it occasionally
because he went away from town each
spring. Why, then, did I hesitato to take
it ? Why did everybody hesitate to take it?
For the last seven years and more it had
never been let. All the house agents at the
West Knd had it in baud one after another.
The terms had been reduced each season
that it came into the market, and still there
was no finding a tenant for it. Kverybody
who went over the houe was charmed with
It. The entrance being in the rear, all tho
best rooms had a delightful southern aspect ;
and going up from lloor to floor on their
first visit of inspection, everybody grew de
lighted the higher they got. The apartments
increased in cheerfulness, if not in size, the
outlook from the windows became more ex
tensivo and airy, while, when ono reached
tho top story, and ncended by a narrow
stair on to a caded flat roof, with a high
balustrade running round it, the view was,
as the houie agent expressed it, "quite un
ique." Nevertheless, everybody having reached
the roof, anil having looked round lor n
minute or two, descended with a firm de
termination not to take the house. Now,
what was the reason ? It was not haunted,
no ghosts had ever been seen or mysterious
noises heard -such things were never hinted
at. Thero was nothing about it in appear
ance like the gloomy, forbidden mansion in
Severn square, concerning which so many
queer stories are told, and which, liko the
house in question, no one will take. Xo, It
was the very reverse, in all respects, of that
long and stid untciiated abode, I had heard
the rumors about tho Hyde 1'nrk house of
ten when I had been in London, and my
curiosity had always been piqued, so that
now, when I wanted just such a house for
the -p.non, I determined to go and look at
it lor myself.
Finding all satisfactory, ami just as I ex
pected from bottom to top, I was stepping
out on the roof with Mr. Crumble, the
agent, and was saying to him :
'Well, I can't conceive why people won't
live here,' when my eye fell upon a curiom
object erected upon the leads at the rear
and surrounded by 11 high railing. It looked
liko a huge skylight or glass lanUm, about
ten feet long, threo high and three brood,
Hut instead of forming a light for a btalr
case or room beneath,it seemed to have been
built for the purpose of covering another
curious olject, which, occupying nearly the
whole of the space under the glas", was
plainly visible through it. This was a long
white box, resembling a seaman's chest
more than anything, only much lar
ger. It rested upon four legs or feet, which
raised it about a foot from the flat surface of
tho roof, It was painted a creamy white,
and varnished, and, apparently not being
intended to open any more than its glass
covering, had no hinges or lock to lis top or
lid.
'What the deuce is that V said I to .Mr.
Crumble.
All 1' replied that functionary, with an
odd expression iu his face, "that's it
sir?'
'What's It, pray ?'
'Why, the secret sir.'
'The secret ? how Is it a tecret ? what do
you mean V
'Well, sir, what it is, what it's meant for
that's Inside of it.'
'Do you know.'
'No, sir.'
1 ' Doesn't any one know ?'
FRIDAT, MAY 2. 1879.
'I supposo somebody doe, sir, but wo
don't i we aro forbidden to Inquire, or to at
tempt to find out J If wo knevv,wo should bo
ablo to let tho house, perhaps.'
'How long has It been there ?'
'A long while, I believe, sir, ten or
twelve years. Ileforo my lime.'
Mint who put It up?'
'Well, Mr. Gayllng, we suppose ; nobody
eenn to know exactly when it first appeared
there.'
'Hut the servants,' I protested J they must
know.'
'Oh 1 I have heard there wero uone In
the homo at the lime J they wcro all dis
missed just beforo It was put up. Mr. Clay
ling never keeps many servants, sometimes
none. Nobody lives In the home when he's
awny, but ho always leaves tho keys with
u. He Is alwnys changing his scryants,
Mr. Oaylln.? is ; I havooflen heard him say
that he likes new brooms.,
'Who Is he, or what was ho ?'
'A gentleman In tho naval line, I bellevo
sir ; they arc rather rum 'uns, I'm told.'
'Humph 1! I said, 'very odd. Hut tin you
mean to tell me that no ono will llvo hero
because they don't know what's in that
box V
'That Is partly the reason, sir.'
"Absurd 1' I was going on, when tho man
continued :
'Hut there's a clause in tho agreement
about it; that's what does it, sir.'
'Explain, I said.
'Well, hero is tho clause,' and he pro
duced the document j "perhaps you would
like to read it yourself.'
Thus it ran :
'And In taking tho houso for tlio rental
and at the terms specified as above, I here
by solemnly pledge my 01th never, directly,
or Indirectly, through my own agency or
that of others, to attempt to meddle, with or
disturb the whlto cheat under the glass case
on tho roof, or to seek in any way to dis
cover for what purpose it was placed there,
or what it contains ; and I further guaratiteo
that no person in my employ, nor any one
entering the hoine during my tenancy there
of, shall make any such attempt, and I here
by undertake that in the event of their be
ing detected in doing so, to forfeit the sum
of C1,000, and in accordance with this agree
ment have, in proper legal form, lodged the
said sum with tho banker of Thomas Gay
llng, the lessor, as a guarantee of my good
faith.'
'Hut for that clause,' went on theageut, as
I finished reading it with somo surprise, 'we
should have no difficulty in letting the
liou-o.'
'Pray, is the owner out of his mind,' I
asked in a minute.
Not that I am aware of, ir ; ho is a very
pleasant, afiable gentleman, Mr. Gayllng is,
only as I say, a little rum on some points j
nothing will induce him to strike out that
clause, for instance. Lor' bless you, sir,
parties never entertain it for a moment when
they come to that part of the business, they
drop it like a hot potato.'
'Humph 1' said I again, itsqueer, certain
ly, but! don't see why one shouldn't ac
quiesce; it doesn't matter a rap to mo what's
inside the chest. I should never want to
meddle with or disturb it, and I'd take
very good care no one else did ; I would
padlock tho trap-door on the roof, and that
would settle that. Ah I' I continued, af
ter walking around tho structure and look
ing about me a bit. 'Ah I I see ; precautions
have been taken to prevent any access to
this roof from others on either side, by this
iron chevaux-de-frNe; yes, no one can get
over this. Well, it's an odd freak, but I am
not sure that I am going to bo balked by it;
I'll think about it, Mr. Crumble.'
And the result of my thinking was that
I signed the agreement two days afterward,
having conformed to this peculiar stipula
tion regarding tho depit. I had no fear of
losing the thousand pounds ; the interest on
it was a mere addition to the rent, and the
houso was so exactly what I wanted that it
would even then be cheap to me, with my
largo family of motherless children.
Nevertheless, I do not deny that after all
was signed, sealed and settled, I was con
scious of a lurking curiojity and suspicion
regarding that mysterious erection. What
could it contain 1 I was constantly saying
to myself. What strange freak could possess
tho man to take such strong measures lo
guard against any penetration into the se
cret measures, by tho by, which in them
selves were rather calculated to provoke in
vestigation, to draw attention to everything
he wi-hed one to overlook? Was Mr. Gay
ling a miser, hoarding up some unknown
trea-ttres in this strange fashion ? Proba
bly that was it Well, if it was, no busi-
ne-s of mine after all. My parliamentary
duties would be too urgent, I hoped, to 'et
me dwell upon much else, so I would dis
mls it, and beyond putting a padlock on
the trap-door of tho roof, as threatened,
I took no measures to prevent any of my
hnusehold indulging in speculations. I at
leat would not direct attention to the mat
ter, as Mr. Gayllng did, and contented my
family and domestics by saying that I didn t
consider It safe for people to go on the
roof.
Now, in spite of my resolution, I found
myself perpetually recurring to the strange
chest. For the sake of quiet and air, I had
appropriated the two back and front rooms
at the top of the house for my bed-room and
study, and thus slept every night just be
neath the white chest.
Ilefore I had been in tho houso a month
It began to act as a night maro on me, an
incubus I could not shake oif. I was op
pressed and depressed by it In a way quite
uuaccountable. I was puzzled at myself. I
could not have believed four weeks before
that I could ever have become soalfVcted by
such contemptible restlessness, disquiet, and
distrust. These feelings at last reached such
a pitch that I finally changed my bed-room.
I would not sleep aiiy longer directly un
derneath this accursed, mysterious fabric.
Another mouth paed, during which more
than once I was tempted to go secretly on
tho roof and look at the thing again; there
was no harm in that, that was not forbid
den in tho bond, and I need hardly say, I
saw nothing lo provoke any now comment.
About a week after my last visit to roofa
lengthy debate kept me late at the House
of Commons, and walking home for the sake
of fresh air, I found the midsummer dawn
breaking as I struck Into Park lane. Reach
ing Oxford street I was ktarlled by observ
ing Iu the western sky a strong light, not
due to reflected sunrise. At tho moment I
saw it a fire engine passed me at full speed,
and presently the first sign of thecommotlon
which a coullagratlon causes In tho streets
became evident, No man undergoes this
experlcnco when ho had been away from
homo many hours, and seta the red glare
arising In the direction of his own houso
without a pang of anxiety, If not of terror.
How well founded was this sensation in the
present case was mado evident cro I had
walked another two hundred yards. Yes,
merciful powers, It was my houso that was
on fire 1
I can scarcely record what followed ; I
only know that somehow I found myself in
tho mldt of ihe police and firemen. That
I explained to tho superintendent who I
was, and that under his escort I soon ascer
tained that all the inmates of my house, my
children, their governess, and the servants,
wero iiiafety, and had been taken Into a
neighbor's at the rear. ; that as soon as I
found this to bo the case, I, accompanied
still by the superintendent, mounted 'to the
top of an adjacent residence, whence the fire
men wero directing the hose upon the
flames.
Onco on this vanta?o point my mind re
verted to tho whlto ohest. Was it still there7
Yes ; the Haines, though bursting out from
all the windows of tho upper stories, back
and front, had not yet done more than
wrench and crack portions of tho glass case.
For a time it seemed as If this would be the
most that might happen. Tho water seem
ed to be getting tho upper hand, and as it
fell in torrents 011 the hot roof such clouds of
steam were thrown up with the smoke as
would have completely hidden everything
from view, but that our position had been
skillfully selected, and was well to wind
ward of the burning mass. Hut presently,
amid the roar of the flames, there came a
dull, heavy rumble for a moment, and then,
with a tremendous Jcrash, the roof fell in.
With it, of course, went the fragments and
frame work of the glass case, aud tho now
charred and blackened chest itself. I had
my eyes upon it at tho moment, and dwn
it went deep into the obscurity of tho denso
smoke and steam which always succeeds to
tho climax of a conflagration. For several
minutes nothing was to be discerned through
the overwhelming wreaths of black-gray
fumes. Hut presently, though tho light
from tho fire had been quenched, thero be
gan to be visible, by tho aid of the increas
ing light of the morning, the depth of this
pit of Acheron. Yet it was not so very deep
after all, for the firo having originated on
the second floor, the falling roof had only
crashed down as yet as far as the drawing
room, and there, when my eyes had become
accustomed to the spectacle of the indescri
bable debris, I plainly beheld resting s'ant
ways across u stubborn remnant of wall what
had been the white chest ; it was now split
and smashed and its contents wero reveal
ed. Good heavens 1 what was it that I loolud
down upon ? I turned my face away fur a
moment with a shudder, for there, protrud
ing through the splintered fragments of its
onco creamy white woodeu case, was a large
leaden coffin, which in its turn melted and
bursting with the heat, displayed within
tho unmistakablo form of a shrouded corpse.
I was in the act of drawing my companion's
attention to it in horror, when suddenly
there flow up around it with redoubled fury
such a mass of flamo and smoke that it was
entirely hidden, and soon tho fire had so
spread and burst out again that thehorriblo
spectacle of this unintentional incremation
was shut from sight, and the house was fi
nally burned to tho ground.
I pass over what immediately followed af
ter I had mado my way back to my friend
ly abode where the members of roy family
were snugly sheltered. In a few days they
were settled again in another home, fortu
nately not very much the worse for the ter
rible scare. In due course tho time arrived
for looking into my losses, and when I was
doing so I received a letter from Mr. Gay
llng, who had come to town requesting an
interview. I was glad of this, for I foresaw
it must lead to somo explanation of the
strange circumstances surrounding the agree
ment I had signed. My curiosity as to tho
contents of the white chest had been rudely
satisfied, it was true, but what had been the
reason of placing such an object iu such a
place ? And this I was determined to find
out. Unexpectedly, Mr. Gayllng disclosed
it to me immediately wo met. "I have ask
ed for this interview, sir," he said, abruptly,
"because I am a ruined man."
"But," I interposed, "I am tald you were
fully insured."
That has nothing to do with it' he an
swered ; 'no insurance can restore the
A'3,000 a year which I lose by what has hap
pened. I am simply going to lell you cer
tain facts ; because when you havo heard
them I shall put it to you whether you will
or not, out of your ample means, feel that
somo compensation is due to me. The fact
is that it ha been during your tenancy of
my houe, and through accident or negli
gence on tho part of somo one for whom you
aro reiponslble, that my rum has been
brought about.'
"I don't understand you."
'Listen, sir,' he went ou, 'and you will. I
was brought up to the sea, and followed it
till mid-life, for I was entirely dependent on
my own earnings. My only relative at this
timo waj an uld uncle, also a sailor and a
most cccontrio man, as you will presently
seo. Fifteen years agi he suddeuly came
into a largo sum of money ; I never knew
how, but ho retired and took that house. He
had only been in it three years when a mor
tal sickness overlook him ; ho sent for mo.
'Tom,' said ho, 'I am dying, and I don't liko
It; not so much at the thought of death as
at the thought of buiial ; a sailor's grave 1
would not miud, but to be boxed up and
thrust into the earth ; no, no, Tom, I won't
stand it. I look to you to see that it doesn't
happcu, and I have taken measures to make
sure that you do see that it tliesu't happen,
I've made my will, Tom. I've left you all
I possess, but 011 one condition, and it is
that you aro my heir so long as I am well
above ground, and no longer mark the
words, 'well above ground.' Directly I am
buried, or my remains aro allowed to mlu
gin with mnther earth, as she is called she
was no mother to me, the sea was my moth
er, for I was birn at si'a all my money,
mind, goes to the beauieu's Hospital, every
penny ol it,'
"Hut what am I to do?' 1 askol of my
uueli-; how shall I be able to carry out such
A strange condition 1 Have you to express-
ol it In your will ?'
"Yes, inleed, I have,' ho answered, 'and
legal and binding you II find it, as express
ed In the words, 'so long as I am well above
ground,' 1
TIIR COI.UMIUAN, VOL. XIII, N0.19
t'OLOMMA DEMOCRAT, VOL. XUV, NO. 10
' 'HuJ what am I to do with you 7' I again
nske'.
"Oh, run mo ur aloft, masthead me, any
thing you like, but don't bury me.'
'Well, went on Mr. Gayllng, 'to make a
long story abort, I found that the conditions
of tho old man's will wero binding, and his
executors and himself hit upon tho plan of
hoisting tho coffin onto theroof of his house.
Under certain conditions we found that It
was possible far us legally to do this. So I
dismissed my threo servants, employed a
country undertaker, my old ship's carpen
ter and a foreign glazier, In order that tho
matter should not be talked of In tho neigh
borhood, and personally saw the arrange
ments carried out. You can now understand
my reason for not having It meddled with ;
yes, sir, and you can now understand that
the conditions of the will must lake effect.
No signs of the coffin or Iho body even was
to be discovered In the ruins of that house.
I havo had rigid search made to no purpose,
the old gentleman's remains have been con
sumed, have mingled with mother earth, and
tho money passes, as a matter of course, to
tho rfeamjn's Hospital. 1 have not a penny
in the world. What can you do for me?'
It is not necessary for me to say what I
did for Mr. Gayllng, butfinding by a visit to
the Doctors' Comuuns, and by other evi
dence, that his story was substantially cor
rect, I felt his case was a hard one, certain
ly a strange one, end I acted, I hope, not
ungenerously toward hi 111.
IIUMKSTIC HECEII'IS.
twenty rourt pnovenus in cookino.
Miss Dods' lectures are full of little bits
of information that might properly be call
ed culinary proverbs. Here aro a few of
them :
Thero is a greenness in onions and pota
toes that renders them hard to dige-t, For
health's sake, put them in warm water for
an hour before cooking.
The only kind of a stove with which you
can preserve a uniform heat is a gas stove ;
with ityou ca.i simmer a pot fur an hour,
or boil it at the same rate for twenty min
utes. Good flour is not tested by its color.
White flour may not be the best. The test
of good Hour is by the amount of water it
absorbs.
In cooking a fowl, to ascertain when it
is done, put a skewer into the breast, and
if the breast is tender the fowl is done.
A few dried or preserved cherries, with
stones out, are the very best thing possible
to garnish sweet dishes,
Single cream is cream that has stood on
the milk twelve hours. It is best for tea
aud coflee. Double cream stands on its
if lie twenty-four hours. Cieam that is to
be whipped should not bo butter cream, lest
in whipping it change to butter.
To beat the white of eggs quickly, put
in a pinch of salt. The cooler the tggs the
quicker they will froth. Salt cools aud al
so freshens them.
In boiling eggs hard put them in boiling
water. It will prevent the yolk from color
ing black.
You must never attempt to boil the dress
ing of a clear soup iu 'he stock, for it will
always discolor the soup.
In making any sauce put the butter and
flour in together, and your sauce will never
be lumpy.
Whenever you see your sauce boil from
the sides of the pan you may know your
llour or corn starch is done.
Hoiled fowl with sauce, over which grate
the yolk of eggs, Is a magnificant dish for
luncheon.
Tepid water is produced by combining
two-thirds cold and one third boiling wa
ter. To make macaroni tender, put it in cold
water and bring it to a boil. It will be much
more tender than if put into hot water or
stewed in milk.
Tho yolks of eggs binds the crust much
better thau the whites. Apply it to the ed
ges w ith a brush.
Old potatoes may be freshened up by
plunging them into cold water beforo cook
ing them.
Never put a pudding that is to be steam
ed into anything elso than a dry mould.
Never wash raisins' that are to be used in
sweet dishes. It will cake tho pudding
heavy, fo clean them, wipe in a dry tow-
1.
To brown sugar for sauce or for puddings.
put the sugar in a perfectly-dry saucepan
If the pan Is tho least bit wet, the sugar will
burn, and you will spoil your saucepan.
Cutlets and steaks may bo fried as well
as boiled, but they must be put into hot but
ter or lard. The grease is hot enough when
it throws off a bluish smoke.
The water used in mixing bread must lie
tepid hot. If it is too hot, the loaf will be
full of great holes.
To boil potatoes successfully : When tho
skin breaks, pour olfthe wajer and let them
finish cooking In their own steam,
In making a crust of any kind do not
melt lard In the flour. Meltiug will injure
the crust.
Iu boiling dumplings of any kind put
them in the water one at a time. If they
are put in together, they will mix with each
other.
SIGNIFICANT SIGNS.
To call at a friend's house about dinner
time, and find him absent, is a sign you will
bo disappointed,
To drop hot sealing-wax ou your fingers
is a sign you will be angry.
To receive advice of your motber-in-law'B
projected visit is a sign you aro going to
leavo home for a time,
To meet a bolting horse on the pavement
implies that you aro going to run,
To dream of being run over by fire-engines
is often a sign that you have hid pork chops
for supper.
To pick up money is lucky.
If a mau say, "I hardly like t3 ask you
old man, but It a stgu ho wants to bor
row mouey.
To collide with three consecutive lamp
posts and fall oyer au apple-stall Is a sign
you are not a Good Templar.
To lose money or jewelry is unlucky.
The Princess Louise Is just dying to see
that llrooklyn regiment and dearChaplai
I!cecher. Tho boys are getting their unl
forms cut low In tho neck,
RATES OP ADVERTISING.
srici. In. k. In. cm. Iv
ono Inch .11.00 ii.co is.ou is mi lut
1 wo incites 1.00 4.00 mo s.eo ji.ojm
rhrce inches 4.10 4.ro 7.00 lt.no ii.nl
rour inches r.oo 7.00 000 is.ui to.u
oiwrter column e.oo s.oo 10.00 ic.no tMt
Half column... , 1o.no la.co IS. 00 m.oo eo.ot
une column 90.00 ss.oo 10.00 co.oo loo.ot
Yearly Advertisements navAbld nunrtirlv. TmD
slent adrei tlsements must be tislrl fur before Inserted
cAcvjib wutTu panics uare accounts.
Legal advertisements two dollars per Inchfor three
Insertions, an at that rate for addftloBallneerlloEl
wiiuoui reference 10 length.
Knecutor's. Amlnlstrstor'a and Auditor's notices
threo dollars. Must bo paid for when Inserted.
Transient or Local notices, twenty cents a lint
regular advertisements half rates.
cards in the "Husinrss Directory" column, on
aouar per year 1 or eacn line,
Items.
The tramp Isn't rich, but ho ran aflbnl
to spend his summer In the country,
Gallows executions may bo called bus- '
pensions of public judgment.
Approaching a crisis Walking toward
a restless girl baby.
If a girl marries a coachman, she must
not bo surprised If he Insists on holding the
reins.
Ono of the brightest things we have no
ticed going round lately is a highly-polished
circular-saw,
An Ohio cow last week broke a man's
neck by n kick, A mule that witnessed the
casualty went behind the barn and wept.
The Idea that fruit eaten at night Is de
leterious is proved by tho bad effect It had
upon Adam for eating au apple after Eve.
"Bob, why Is your nose in the middle
of your phiz ?" " 'Cause it's the scentw,
sir."
It is the easiest tblni- In thn world for a
man to commit suicide in Texas, lln has
only to call another man a liar.
A rnrreanimlpiit wlsha. In lrnntv nlmlli.
er a circulating library ought to be kept in
a stationary store.
Young men who aro tempted to respond
to the cry of Westward, Ho I should not
forget that thero are several years of good
hoeing left iu New Kngland.
"Darling, in't this au excellent photo
graph of me ?" "Why, no, wife; there is
too much repose about the mouth."
It may be Interesting for some people
to know that it costs twenty-five dollars to
take a dog across the Atlantic, and that the
animal is taken at owner's risk, unless spec
ial contract to the contrary is mado with tho
steamship company.
'Tis pity, and pity 'tis 'tis true, as Puck
remarks, that we Hatter ourselves we aro
extremely liberal when we say a thousanel
dollars's worth of good of a man after his
death, to whom, living, wo would not have
loaned a "V."
&f Fomssed Trump "Will any gen
tleman" llrnwn (to intended almsglver)
"D.in'tyoti give him auy thing he's been
here before to day'." & P. T. (loftily)
"Will you havo the kindness not to meddle
with my business affairs ?"
l nnnll.mnn .l,n n.aa Inttni n nltlal
v ;cuncioii .... .3 ..... . iju.w
drive last Sunday, 111 his shabby buggy,
drawn by a melancholy horse with long hair
was glared at by four bankrupts, who rolled
grandly bv In $800 carriages, diawn by
. 1.!..- .r..i.i- .nma 1., i.i....inn.i i.-
simu&iu uuuuic icivuia in uiu-fiiaicu uaiu-
esses.
Copper money is coined for exclusively
religious purposes, it enables a man 10 leei
he has contributed to the spread of the gos
pel without drawing too largely on his in
comp. Tho cirrus is coming again, and once
more we shall have the pleasure of witness
ing the cheerful spectacle of seven church
members taking one little two-year-old child
to see tno animals.
Ciicumstances alter cases. Tho man
with an ulster greets you noiv with, "Quite
chilly yet, isn't it ?" Hut the man with no
overcoat leads off with, "Deused .sultry al
ready, araitu."
Asa valuable remedy for Dyspepsia.
Sick Headache, Torpid, Liver, and such
diseases we can recommend Dr. Hull's Hai
ti more Pills. They are for sale by all drug
gists. Prico only 25 cents.
"A teacher of a brass band is a tutor.
and so is every member of the .band a toot
er," remarks the rCeokuk Constitution. We
nave heard ot a member of a brass band
"blowing on the big base drum," but wo
thought the report was an invention of tho
enemy.
Colorado Winters. The winter of
Colorado begins about the middle of Feb
ruary, and sometimes continues almost to
the middle of Mav. The most terrific snow
storm known there in years occurred about
tne urst 01 last .May.
"Whv ilnn't vntl trrtt pir. n tcllli Mm
.. ..j " (5. v ...v.. ...... ll.u. ,
wns Hskr.,1 nf n vntltli wlin.n uMinnlmatn n'la
in tho habit of hectoring him ; and the wir-o
young man replied, "I never cross the tease
for fear he might dot my eyes."
Do not allow the Raby to llancuish and
suffer, but uso Dr. Bull's Baby Syrup and
check its sufferings. For sale by all Drug
gists. Price 25 cents.
A Mississippi editor announces : "Two
yeaisof journalistic life have reduced me to
tne lowest eiregs 01 poverty anil misery, ana
to-aay 1 staini oeiore this community a
prominent candidato for tho poor-house.
A Jersey City man was recently arrested
for smacking his wife across the nose with a
red and yellow worsted uiotto bearing tho
words "Home, Sweet Home."
A son of the Siamese twins is aihievipg
high honors in an Eastern college. whicU
leads a lunuy man to ask : "Why shouldn't
they rise in the world ? His father was well
connected."
According to etiouette. in Michigan, a
bride can bo married "without gloves." But
mars nothing, in some parts ot the crack
er" country, down in Georgia, they can bo
marneu witnout shoes.
A bowl of disgust comes from the mi
ners .tho have lately arrived in Leadville.
The supply of labor is so far in excess of
tue iiemanu mat men are aosoiutely sutler-
ing lor me necessities 01 uie.
A clock having struck the hour of one,
a tender-hearted woman exclaimed, "O,
what a cruel clock 1" Why so ?" nsked a
friend. "Because it struck its little one 1"
The fall of Adam was not as humiliat
ing as it might have been. There was no
body around to say, "Come here, sonny.and
I'll pick you up."
The New England Methodist pronounces
against holding cniiip. meeting oyer Sunday,
on account of the frivolous and disorderly
crowds brought together.
When a boy walks with a girl as though
he wer afraid some one would see bim, tho
girl Is bis sister. If he walks so close to her
as to nearly crowd her against the fence, she
Is the sister of some oue else.
Spring is coming 'round, after all, and
really seems inclined to behave rationally.
She is feminine, you know, and mutt flirt a
little. Besides, she has been taking a cruel
vengeance on men for their frequent sland
ers of her sex, and has nearly dislocated
their necks by the sneezing she has made,
them do.
Will somebody explain why the man
who sits perched at ono side of tho I louse of
Representatives aud never makes a speech is
called "Mr. Speaker," while the man who
talks and talks aud talks, until every body
is tired, hasn't auy title t Suppose it's ono
nf the little jokes handed down from our
fathers, who didn't dare to laugh at It them
selves, but risked it for their children.
A Thiuti'.icai. Drum The Norris
town Herald observes : "A St. Louis c er
gyman says tho theatre will teach nn man to
die. Hut 11 uian doesn't go to a theatre to
learn how to shullle off bis mortal coil. Aud
yet he can learn something about dying at
the theatre that he can acquire nowliere else.
He can see a man die in great agony, and
three minutes later appear before the curtain
aud thauk the audience for their kind at
tention etc."
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