Newspaper Page Text
. '.unvKiti ruiltAY mouninii
ini.in ituri.iitNn nkaiithh
h t . .uss! liutoMsiitmrj, rA,,iiY
T.!.!ZS B. DROCKWAY,
n i on Ann rr.opniTon.
T "'.hti a cr rayabls In advanefl.
!.".-.ns executed Willi ncntnrsfi nbd
rr- County Official Dircotory.
J- w-WIM.tAM JiLWBtl-.
X...ii.i-1UAM Dunn, IhAAO B. Mon
, . . a, C e.-ltunoLrit 1 1. lt''7,n';F:"
-i . vjAtinsillmso!, Jn.
-In o Dnwirr.
i " - Wii.MAMTiAMOK.
' m ; f uvnua Itoi;wis, lilliAll I,
i.. vim ui HitArriiii.
i ' Uih Wu.t.tAU KlllCKnAt'M,
I. 1, UAS1111EIJ., JiAMIM. Ll.K.
. I wrr It
on i.rs (i. Mrnviiv,
'' , s, (ifiiii(niiIf)i(-CiiAr.r.ra 0. Uakklky
,i I' r fW-Ulrcctors, H. 1I.MiM.kh
. ,i. Kwami.u, Jlloomsburg, and Johnson
i , ' ' ( 1 1 oOll, C1IA1U.1M (.ONNKIl, KtC'y.
Bloomf i'arg Official Dircotory,
(ii ') Innhtnq (V. JoilK A. TENSION
ill. r, .i. li, Oiiotz, Cnnlilcr.
ii' i i( , MulualSnrtnntVnttrnjirMmAl
V.. II. f-.HII.it, 1'rcH't., t.'. W. JIIJ.I.KII,
'l it, 1 ros li, J. ii. ifcuiiioiin. iiwv.-,
i ,.. i,Ia.i f fl II . mrT W. Mri'v.
C liuroh Directory.
r. nvTKiiiAH niur.cn.
, u Pttnirt Jlltoliell.
, ,,,,MliiJJA.M. 7r.M.
-Vr'cilnofiilny, T' r. M.
I'iuvh icntril ; MrnnKcra wil-
rccclvfil rout fur nalo nt llio
f I.DTIlINa, AC.
. 1 .UllltCI, MorclinntTullor.Mitln
.. -, Morclmnt Tnilov, over ltosen
,luiicry,oricfcltoCiwliiittiisiiir , (UIEMIOAJiS, Au.
, bIM Ami Aliotbccnry. Jlnlu lit.
8, WATOUKS, AO.
a i. ilealer lu (.'locks, WiiIcIich inn!
.1 st Jnat bclov.lho Amoilciin
it i AIll), Wntchnnil Clock mnkcr
i .i i minor Jlnlaam! lion Ms.
Miv Alt'l', Wnlch una Clock Snltar.Mar
ti 'ntt, below lliilu,
BOOTH AND SHOES.
, .ivN' lili, lioalcr In 1'oolnoiiil BUor, lntpst
r . i,v -i nlyles, corner Jluln nuil Mmki.t
n .I. i lie ui I'ost Oillcc.
Ui N V Ii 1 i im, Mnnnmctittor nml ilcalcr In
l, ,ii il u --S, Urocoili'H, cti.,Mnln i.trcot,
r l l'oimii unru.
lll. II. I'. HOWr.H, Burgeon llcutbi. MmIii h.i
I) ubovo Iho Comt IIousu.
Dlt. TO. 31. ltUlir.ll, BurRCon mul Vhyslclan.
Ollleo over tbo 1'lis.t Kntloual llanlt.
n H. IiAllKIiKY, Allornpy-nt-I.aw. O'tlep.lM
U. I' xi'lii i:xcl:uui;olllock, ucnrli,.i"i:xclinuzo
I it. IIcKKIiVV.M. l).,Bnrepnn nml l'liyslclnn
J . ii.n Hi sido Main st below Mnikit.
I ('. HUTTKIt, M. 1). Hurseoii mi l l'liyalcliiu
.) . nikct cli'iet, ubovo Main.
, 11. KOniON, Alloiney-nt.I. . . Ollleo llnrl
I. iiu'ii'h iriiiMin:, Jluln hlvcct.
nit 1, t KINNMY, Hiirpenn lientlst. Teeth
kir.cleilvlllioiitiln: Mnlu kt., iieiirly op
ii .ile l'h eopul Cliuicli,
l It. KVANS, M. !.. Burceon nml I'livklclnn,
,J ,iiii(b kUUi JlrtinMreut, below Moiket,
Dl! A. li.TltHNl'.lt, IMiysleliilKillilSlllKCHiiO'
iico over Klelm'N Hum Stun, iitWinee oun
,n r netow Itev. 1'. .1. Wallt r.
MIlilJNERY A FANCY GOODS.
ii I'l.TFllMAN, Millinery niul Kimey (Jowlf,
IJ. opiosllo KpKi'iipiil Chuicli, Main ht,
J.V.7AK UAKKLKY, Milliner, llnnmcy
rlilins Main hired,
i m. nmiuicKBON
M. DKUUICKBON, Mlllluiiy and Taney
imls, Malul., below Markit.
HLIA A. A HAHH 1IUKI.. V, l.a.lk'
u nml lbi-SH l'lLlleui... y(iiiibiui.r rninei
i n.l Wril
'P i M hsKH HAHMAN Mllllnci v nml l'uiiey
(i hi!., Miilnbl., bLlowAmcrlc.ni Iloune,
.rOTEl.S AN J) SALOONS.
Pi iJiHlIOTIIL, i.j X. llent. Taylor, eafct end
C ci Mulnhii.e,
JlJatCIIANTH AND OKOCKIIS.
, ( . MAltlt, Dry (looili and Kullons, (.c.ntli
j w. t eoiner Main and Iron ulu.
(.it iX A Vi'Kllll, Conreetlonory and Hnkcry,
w wlcsulo and retail, Kseliango liloelr.
t . HOWKI1, lliitRnnilCaps.liOOtsandt'liocs,
, Main st nLoo Court Houko,
T r MAIZE, Iilaniinoth diocery, tlno Oro
J crUs, Fnilts, Kula, rrovUion, tc., Main
ill. nUo streets.
,1 i I- LVY, NF.AI. A CO., dealers lu Dry (Jooiln,
te.,N. E. cor. Main and Market kl.
v II. .M1LLI.U A SON. denlers in DryUorols,
O. iiioctrlCB, (lueei.Kwaic, Vlcnr, Halt, Buocs,
N'oik u, ute,,MulUhl,
i M. C11HIBTMAN, l-ndille. Trunk .1 HuriiCES
j, niiUcr, Hliiiu'H iil.it n .MalnWlrect,
l tt . HiillllINH,liiii i ili iilersecoiidiloorfiom
li miiiiiii'ei.1. ittiiiei' iiiuui anil iriiu hii.
I. TJlOltNTON, Wall Piiper, Window Bliadtji
u ii a in leu, J .11 1 -l l uiot a, Jiaiii bi
f W.COHKLL, I'liriiltmo Itooinn, llirtu toiy
v iei, iiiiu nucei, wen oi .laiKeihi,
II ' I'N'STOCK.l'liotOKrnplier, over llobblun
.1 v i i ei u mine, jiiuu hi,
I . ivi'HN, dottier lu Meat, Tallow, ate., Clicnv
I m..liu,alloy,ienrorAmorican llonae.
jl'.UKI. JACOllY, Marblo and Drown mono
n iiuii, r:asi inooiuiimui;,iicrwicj( roan.
IV 1 llAIHI, dealerlu fnrultnre.lranlcii, cedet
w mow ware, near mo n orits uoiei.
P I, UIU.FMAN. ARentfor Muntou'k Copper
ij illUllllll i.llllllllUK i.Ull.
I i' .11 it.ltato Maker, tiud While auilKiiney
v . ' uinier.Hcoiiowii,
MoniiiuoKH.auil niaiik on:H,wnn orwun-
(mi oseiupllon,lor alo at tho coi.umuia.n
I) 1MA M.MAN. Me
1). Uohbliia' llillldlut'
11. J. K. ItOlllllNB, Hureoon and Physician
nccoiui ni uuiow muiui
(HLHK11T A KI.1N11, drytioods, Krocerlts.Bud
T Eciiorui mcrclandLso, iluln Btreet
1 il. ICIUTLIUI, "Cattawlssa House," Noilh
u , Corner Mnlu nud BccondBtreets.
I KEILKH, Illllard Baloon, Oysters, nud Ico
U, Citam lu tenon Main bt.
MM. IHlonST, dealer lu Ocuoral Mcrchandlio
, Dry tloods, uroccrlea Ac.
SCHQUKHANNA or llrlck Hotel, H. Koslcn.
bunder l'lopriclor.soulli-cabt corutrMalu and
. AnnO'l'l', Attorney at law, Main Bt,
UF. OMAN t Co., Wheclwrlctita, llrst door
. aliovo Bchool House.
1D1IN A. OMAN, Manufacturer and dealer In
Hoots nud Hhoes
H. KN'l', denlor lu Bloves uud 'Illl wine III
all lis bulimias.
1)1 Tl.Kl NT, Miller, a lul IKaler lu all kinds ol
i (.iiuii, i-lour, i tut,
Ac, All kinds ofUialu
W. KDUA1C, HiiHiiieli.uitm I'lsi.liiu
I and liox Man fiuiniiuir,
VOLUME VI, ---NO, 34.
ftlUV. II. HIIOUMAKKH, itimlorn In dry
kdoiIr, ErocnioilcN niul general morchandno
Dll. HKlllUNd A HHOTlir.n.Carrontcrnnud
; lltilldcrs, Main ht., below l'luc,
1ltICK HOTHIi and retrcRbmrnt Halooiirb'
) Hour M'Henrycor.of Main nndl'lnoet.
Main BtnoxtiloortoUood'H Hotel.
AVID lIUllltlNH. lflonrnnddrlBtMlll.nnd
Dealer In Kmln,MlllBtrct.t.
fAMKH 11. HAHMAN, Cabinet Makor nud Uu-
.uira . JiAii.ilYn.uiiDmoi Mail
ilortnltcr. Mnlu Mt below I'Ino.
SCHUYLEU & CO., Iron fonnrtcr.Machlulata
and Mim timeline of plown, Mill Ht.
k) drain Cradle, Main Ht.
ILLTAM DHLONO Mhotinalceriitit innnnfao-
turer or Jlrlclt, Aim Hl.,wcsiOl H'lllo
N. E. CnuicrHecond and Aleh Btreots,
TKAH, BYHUrB, COITO, BUUAll, MOLABBM
ntCR, Bl'lfl-f, lit UAmi HOI) A, AO., AC.
-0rderu will receive prompt attention,
JTJAKVJCY U. WAIjKEB,
jriiAH, HOHKOl'I' A
iMi'onran'i and jonnunsoi
CHINA. ULASB AND iUUi:KSWAlti:,
No. iliS MOUTH HI'.CONIiHT.,
trOriKlul nHhorleil Micknces of (luconnwato
coiiiiiuiiv on 1I1111U.
ATTOIINKY AT LAW,
OHleo Court-IIonr.o Alley, below the CoLUM
nrAN Ollleo, lllooinHbnrg l'a.
Q J. BUOOICWAY,
.VllUUi.t.l .VI li.W,
-Offu'e Court Houto Alley. In tbo Co-
LU3IUIAH building. Uau4,'67.
ATTOllKMY AT LAW,
UlllLU .Ulll b liiiiinu w.ivt UU1UIY IIIU wu.t-
nrAN Ollleo, llonnlleo, Back-ray and Tensions
tollectod, llloomsbuii; l'a. sep.aj'07
TOIIN 51. CIiAKK.
ATI'OItNKY AT LAW.
OFFICII nbovo Hower's Btoie. Main Mrcel.
OBERT V. OliAltK,
ATTOHNKY AT LAW,
Oflleo Main Blrcct below tbo Conrl llouso.
A'lTOHNLY AT LAW,
Ollleo Willi .1. (I. l''iee.e,lliowern lllock.
Can bo eoiiMilkd in Ueiniap or ICnsllhli.
JEW STOVE AND TIN SHOP.
Main Street ono door nbovo K. Muiidenii. ill's
A larso nshorimcni or himvos, HMiern ana
lauses eonslanllv on tiantl.uud for nato at tbo
rimitiivr In nil its biancliesearetitllv attended lo.
mid satisfaction uuiiiiititeed,
't in woiic oi nil Kinds s ntiitaio ;iun reinu. a
tal li lequebtid.
.ii x n n 1. 1: w o it k s. .
MAIN FiTHFl.T, 11FIOW MAllKl'.T,
Moiiuineiits, Tomb", lltndstoneb, .le. Work
neidly lAiintul. (iiders by lonil will ieeolo
special iitlinllon. X. It. Work itellvoied Ireool
cliaieo. T. L. U0NTON, 1'ioprietor.
ectia'-i-tr. r. o. uox wn.
quick salts ash HMAi.i. rnori'm.
BAYFJ YOUlt MONKY,
Knit lllonnisburi,', l'a., lor all kinds oi thobeM
boiuo and cily made
' II It N 1 T U it K .
rrleH le.isonablo and tbo bo'-' 'vork dono,
D A N V I Ii Tj E
WILLIAM II. LAW.
Mnnulacluior of Wionclit Iron DridKCS, Hollers,
(iasboldcrs, l'lreproof HuililliiKS, Wrouiiht Iron
Hoolluir, lloolliiK Frames, l'lomiutf and Doors,
l'aini Oales and fenelns.nlso Wrointbtlron pip.
lnft.Ktacks nml all kinds of Bmlth Work, Ac,
ltcnalrs promptly attended to,
N. 11. IliawiUBS and Kitlmalcs hiipplled.
Would lufoim his frlenda and lliomilillctlut
bo has taken pObbCtMou oi
TDE-IE OIjTD ST-JSTO,
in tbo KxcJianfiO Bioek, ho Ioiik occupied by Mm
and will cany on tho business ofu
Ho brings to tbo business an cxperienco ol many
years and assures tho community that ho will
luinlsli the I CKluf bread, cakes, lOlls.bUcult, Ae,
fieslicveiy day. Ho proposes nlso to keep on
hand a iamo and well assoitcd block ot
of all Grade". French candles and those of do.
meslto manufacture, always to bo bad, wholesale
and retail nt lowest rates. Adjolnlns tho liakery
and Confectionery Is a woll established
whcioinny bo found Ala and Laser, and Ito
ii esbiiitnts, Oysters in season and tho various
little delicacies which tult tho public taste. Thcro
is nlso n
FINE ICE CREAM SALOON,
overtlto eonlectlonery store, whero ladles and
Centlemcii can obtain tho best of Ico Cieimi in
A fair ilinio of tbo public enstom Is rcritiebted
and iioi nlus will buhpaiedlu (.usuio hallslac.
KV DRUO STORE.
CHRIS. A. KLiEIM
Having i.iiKlir.H-d llio l.uslnriK of l', 1'. LuU
now n lie ih i.l he on I limn. (1 nun numnm n
And ft teuciol ntfoitnunt of Iho cholccM goods
liniiilly louiid lu llibtelusstblabllhlimeuts,
I'liislcluiib' I'leserliilloustind Fuiully ltcolpcg
On t-uudii) k, open from 8 a, m., lo 10 n. in., nnd
uniiia p. ui., in i p. in,
(II'IIMAN AND FNdl.lBII Hl'OKHN.
T K M TIB T R Y .
H. O. HOWKK, DUNT1HT,
ltonnecttully oilers his professional services to
tho ladles and csnllemeii of llloomsbnrn nnd vl
clnlty. Ho Isprcparcd tontlcnd to all t no vnrl-
oiiHoporaiionu in inonnooi ins proicBRiou, Rnti
innrnviiini wiin tlm latest ininrovcd 1'oncr.r.AiH
TKirni which will bo Insorted on told plating
sliver and rubber bnso u look ns well astbo nat
i;rnl teeth. Teolb extracted by nil tbo nowanif
most npprnveil mctnods, nnu an opernuons tin
tho loelli cirofullynnd properly ntlended to,
Kesldenco and ollleo a tew doors nhovo the
Court llotrsc.snino pldo.
llloomsburg, Jan.1'71 ly
TNBtlltAN 0E A O E N 0 Y .
AZlua .7. - J, ( ni.ot id
orient -.. Goo.noo
lloynl ot Liverpool IO.ooo.ko
ifanvlllo .Mutual r,m
HpOllKneld . 67O.0OU
Uormanla, N. Y...-. fioo.oru
international N.Y t,M,7HJ
Karmcrs' Dnuvlllo m.Wt
Lancaster City 'jooiin
Homo ., 2,000,lO'J
l'KKAa JJUOWN, Agent,
mi3l'7l ly, HiioMBnuno l'a.
1NKLEY KNITTING MACHINE
THK HIMI'LIIHT, CHKATKBT AND BEST IN
UBHI HAB HUT ONK NL'KDLKI A
CHILI) CAN HUN IT I
IK signed f specially lor llionso of families, and
itillis who dtiiie toknll ior tbo maiktt. Will
do eveij Mitch of tho knitting In n fctocklug,
widening and iiaiiowlugns readily as by hand.
Aio hiilrndld lor worntds nnd lnney work,
TA KINO F1VK DIKI IUILNT KINDS OF
BT1TC11 1 Aio very (ny to inniioge, and not
llablo to telout of older. li try Family should
Wo want an Agent In iiAeiy town tnlutinduco
nml sell lliein, tn whom vculli r the montllbeial
liuluceinentH. Send foroiirtliuilin and Hiiinplo
1I1NKLHY KN1TT1NH MAl'lliNl: CO..
now lli,'7My. Until, Mo.
hiu eijieueHl a tlrBt-elass
HOOT, BHOIJ, HAT CA1', AND FUH BTOHK
at tbo old stand on Main Bli cot, Hloomsbnrg.afow
doors nliuro tho Comt House His slock lseom.
poaodof tho very lntestnnd bcststylcs over otter
ed to tbo citizens of Columbia Count v. Hn run
accommodate tho publlowltlitbofollowlnggoods
at tbo lowest rates. Men's henvy donblu soled
stosnbootn, lueu's double and singlo tap soled
it In t.rt.if a mntiiB lit nxnr .Innn ti.r.n. nr. .11 t 1...1..
men's lino boots and sUoch of all cindtis. 'imv'i!
donblu bolcd boots and.shnes of all kinds, men's
glovo kid llalnioinl sbocs.meu's, womcu's.boys's
i"1""-0.." "ttUBKitilUIB, tVllJUOLl s giovs Jtltl
calf shoes, womon's very tlno kid buttoned gait
ers, lu shoi t boots ot all descriptions both peg
ge l and sewed.
Ho would also call attention to his Hue assort
ATM, CAPS, FUHH AND NOTIONS.
which comprises all tho nuw mid populai nrl
etiesat piiceswhicli eiiuiii tf.tlltositltall. Thtbo
goodi aro otlered at tho Ir. .i-cst cash rates RUd
w ijiii(tituit-t.'tt l"Klu s.il ISIIU'I lull. call
Is sollcllod before purchasing clsewbuiu an It is
bollovod that better bargains aio to bo loiiud
than at any othor place In thpri.nnty.
rpiIH ORANGEVI IjJjE MANUKAC-
JL TUHINll COMPANY.
AG RICULT URAL IM PLE JIHNTB
of llio most Approvnl PiitliiniH.
Mill (Jcni ilirr,
or all dcscilptloiis.
Gciii'Ml jMorclidiitllfO, Luinbcr, Ac, Ac
ORANG EVILLE, PA.
Wo would nnnonnco to tbo public In geneial
that wo havo taken tbu well known Aeilculttn
al Woiks ol this place and tdinlliiiako it our aim
lo lunmilneturo First Class Agilcultmnl imple
ments erpial toauy other makeis lu tbo .State,
Hoth Lover and Tread l'ower.
P!oivh of every Dcsci liillon,
among which willbollioeclebintcd
KNOB MOUNTAIN HERO,
acknowledged by all to bo tho best plowcxtnut
lor the 1. inner. Also tbo
li:uiiiIoii, SleniH' 1'atciit nml
ALSO, DOUBLE CORN PLOWS,
of ovcry doscilptlon. Wo sball uso nonobut tho
best materials and employ lioiioluit competeut
and oxperlenccd mechanics nnd our piico? will
coniimio favorably with any othor umaufactui
ers. Country rroduce. Luinbcr. Old Iron, taken lu
exchange Wonlsohnvon storo In connection
Willi our Agricultural Woiks, where may lie
found a lull assortment nt MICltCHANDIBK
which will bo sold at small profits. Utvo us a
call befoio mirchasluc clsewberu and wo tmnr-
rpilE ESPY 1IOTEL.
lifll'Y, COLUMIHA COUNTY, l'A.
Tbo uuderslirned would Inform tbo travellluc
iinbllo that iio lias taken tho above named estab-
isbnientnutl tnorouiiiily rellttod Iho same lor
tbo porffCl.'couvonlouconf hlsguosts. Ills larder
will bo stocked with tho best tbo market allot da,
Tho cuolcebllltuors, wines nud clgarsalwnys to
uu louuu 111 111s our,
WILLI AN I fc.Pt iT.
J' J. J.tXUllll'i.llN
Jk would announce In llio i ltl7CU4orHlooms-
r rnnn I. . rn.n.
mrnnnd vicinity, that lie bn Just leeelveda full
and complete assortinoul ol
WALL I'APKH, WINDOW B1IAD1X,
PIXTUI1U3, COIIDfl, TABSKI.S,
nnd all other coods III is lino of business. AH
tbo newest and most unproved patterns of tho
etuy aio always to nu iohuu in lUHcsiituusiiniouu
Kiur.S.'ti'J-tt Malu HI, IidIow Murket.
CHOICE FAMILY GROCERIES
n own in piticns
J. H. MAIZE'S,
Corner Main and Ceulro His.,
A new Hock of Fiesh Uoodsjust onened nt
Tchn, Colleen, SuKaiK,
'H and MOLAHHCH. CHKUSH, MKATH,
HALT, FiHir, etc.
JHLLIKH niul PiM.:HKIlVIl, I'1CKLI,
i, not is.
1'OHKIUN and DOMFJjTIU Flllll'lH
An Elognnt ABsovtmonL
Cmihtantlv on hand.
Also WOOD. WILLOW and (ilJVUjWAHK.ol
All my goods in oof the Or si quality nud at ex
tremely low prices.
elecb'71-tf, J. 11, MAIZ1S.
FRUIT TREES, SMALL FRUITS,
oinaiuoiitnl Troca and Plants.
Clioico Gordon and Field Soods, &o,
A splendid itock of llio choicest varieties.
Bind for Doscrlptlvo Cntnlcguo and Pi Iced list.
All Trees well packed so as local ty sad ly to any
purl of tho United Htates.
HDW'D. J. XV A NH A CO.,
A'irci7icil mitf Aifiliwien,
BLOOMSBUIIG, PA., FRIDAY, AUGUST 23,
Carry tlio News lo Hlrnni.
l'recdom'H battlo's now begun,
Carry tho hows' to Hiram I
Half llio woik's already done,
Carry Iho now to Hiram '
livery mother's hoit son,
l'rm I'lyinonth Hock to Oregon,
lins buckled thoUrcoley minor on,
tarry tho nowsto Hiram I
We bear miptlon'a dying gronn.i,
Carry tho news to Hlrnm I
We hear tho carpet-bagger's moans
Cai ry llio nows to Hiram I
Wo benr America's loud voice,
Haying, "Hoiaco is my children's choice,
I want no (Irant nor gift" Kejolco I
Hut Carry tho news to Hlinml
Old Farmer Horace 1ms nn nxo,
Cany tho nws to llirnml
Ho lops tho limbs with mighty whacks,
Carry tho news to Hlrnm 1
Ob, Hiram Bam Ulysses Urcut,
Oneo you could, but now you can't,
Then let your undo nud your aunt
Carry thouows to Hlrnm
(llll-taklng candidates dou't pay,
Carry tho nows to Hiram t
l or honest men tlicy must mtUto way,
Carry tho news to Hlrnm I
Had Usoloso (limit beou wlso In time,
Hnd ho not winked nt fiauel and eilmc,
Hp need not hear Ihlslruthftil rhyme,
Cniry llio news to Hiram !
A STOHY OF CALIl'OUNrA LIFE.
Mnpcs was clilYrtlrous by nattiro ; ho
believed hi "fcokliifr lliobtibblo roputa
(Ion, cvon at tlio cannon's mouth." Ills
1'iitliiisiinmi wan urotisctl by thoreuitalof
storle.s ol deeds of dcancrato daring j
wlilli- lie had nothltio; but contempt for
oven success won by crooked and Indi
rect means. Timing, on tho contrary,
believed there was policy in war, and
that tho entl justified tho mcans,particu
larly If tho end was attained. Compan
ions from infancy, their lives had been
spent in competition for scholastic and
such other honors ns the locality nlVord
cd, without oven a momentary broak in
thelr;ftlendship. But now,iii oarly men
hood, thoy strimrjled for a prlco of incal
culable value, wilhnti ardor that threat
ened a complete rupture of friendly re
lations. The heart nml hand of Eliza
Reed, tho neighborhood hollc, were to
bo won ; and to tluxiiHino others mitrht
aspire, In tho iuco of such lonnidablo
competition us that of Mapes and
Timnis. They nlouo each by virtue of
his own personality and position had
t right to lay sk'co to tho heart of that
variable, irritable, imperious beauty,
una for months tho strifoiiotween thorn
had Konoon. Each ono had called Into
play all his personal and social ro-sour-
ecsj fur tho local society 1 iti.il takou
such an JnlcroH (hut U way divided
Into two factions, known iw tho Manos-
ites mid tho Timmsites. And yet Miss
Eliza CDiild not )o bronght lo oxprois a
preference. Ifsho rodo with one to day,
sho was careful to walk abroad with the
CoMiictiy is delicious ton woman :nnd
Eli.i would not have boon fonilniiio
had hho been in iioslo to havo miulo an
election. Novcrtheloss. sho did not In-
lend to miss her opportunity. Sho know
well tho war could not always lasl.nnd
fettled that when ono of tho nsplranls
for her favor wlthdicw from the contest,
tho lovo of tho other, wanting the
stimulus of competition, would grow
cold j hence, sho had mado up her mind,
that, upon tho first favorablo opportuni
ty, sho would signify to Mapes that his
suit, so often pressed, was at last accept
ed. Tlio opportunity, it seemed, was
not to ho long wanting ; for invitations
wore given out for an applo-bco in tho
neighborhood, and Ellaa found moans
to convey an Intimation to Mapes that
sho expected to meet him thcro, and
counted on his escort homo at tho con
clusion of tho frolic.
Tho appointed evening looked for
with such nervous anticipation by
Mapes, came at hurt. Iio felt that it was
tho most important of his life, and or
rayed himself as only n rustic dandy
can. His .way Jay across a meadow.
through which ran or rather loitered
a deep, but narrow stream, spanned
by a single log. II was so dark when ho
reached this primitlvo bridgo tlutt ho
was compelled to foci his way slowly
across. As ho progressed it eommonccd
to swing lightly something vary un
usually until ho reached tho conlre,
when, to his utter confusion, it gavo
way, and ho was launched into tho wa
ter. He scrambled out, then suddenly
tho night becamo luminous with that
lurid light to which pcoiilo refer when
thoy say, In speaking of sonio prof.mo
wretch, "Iio sworo until nil was blue."
Whatever illuminating qualities this
hula light possossod, It had no drying
ones,and Mnpcs was forcctl lo bid adieu
for tho night to all hopos of plighting
his troth to tlio loved Eliza.
In thorural districts down East.ln ear
ly times, tho good pcoplo had such hab
its of industry and rigid economy Hint
thoy soldom gavo, or nttondod partlos,
unless such as wero cloaked undor tho
names of raisings, quillings, husklngs,
or opplo-bces; thus, tho npplo-bco,
fraught with momonlous consequoncos
lo Mapes and Tlimns, was but a social
party in dlsguiso a fow apples boing
pared, quaitored, cored, and strung in
tho early ovenlng for nppearanco Bake,
As usual, Eliza Reed wastho hollo of
tho occasion. Good looks, ontlro solf
possesslon, and a keen, satirical wit al
ways assured hor that position j and this
nlghtshoshouo with unusual brilliancy,
unlll,ns llio hours woroaway.nnd Mopes
cnino not, sho began to loso herself lu
pondorlng why and at length shonskeil
"Is your fiicnil Mapes ailing'.'"
"I guess not," replied Timnis j "saw
him to-day. IIo wasn't complaining."
"ITo denies hhuBclf much pleasuro,"
said Eliza,'1!!! not coming horota-nlcht,
for this Is Iho place whoro wo always
havo n good Uiuo. Auut Judy knows
how to glvonn npplo-bco."
"You lot Mopes nlono," nnsworctl
Tlmmr , "ho knows what ho Is about
"What do you moan ?" a9kod Eliza.
"Oh, I mean," ropllotl Timnis, "that
Mopes Is tho priiicoof goodfollows.aud
gets invitations whoro tho rest of us
"Whoro Is Mapes to-nlghl 1" nskctl
Eliza, now fully aroused.
"I' don't know for suro," answered
Timnis. "IIo told mo to-day thcro woro
special reasons for big coming horo, but
that ho had an Invitation lo tho rich
and aristocratic Squlro Iluuloon's who
Is celebrating his daughter's birthday,
and that ho didn't know which way ho
would go nnilTlmuis turned away to
talk to tho noxt prottlost girl In Iho
Pottod young women nro soldom logi
cal or patlont. Whon tho party broko
up, Eliza accopted Tlmms' escort to her
homo, and boforo thoy arrived thcro,
sho had consented to become, with tho
loaet possible dolay, Mrs. Timma. The
noxt morning tho ongagomont was an
nounced, and preparations for tho wed
ding commenced. Tlmms was oxultant
1'iippy Tlmms 1
For a fow days Tlmms was not seen ;
In public porhnps for want ofcourago
to wear his blushing honors oponlyj
perhaps for want of eourngo to meet
other contingencies who knows? But
a man cannot mako arrangomonts for
his own wedding from a flxod stand
point, and ho was compelled to vonturo
out. In n quiet nud sequestered by-way
ho mot Mopes. Tho meeting lo him was
a surprise, ho smiled feobly, and ox
tended his hand. But Mapes, intent on
business, slrodo squarely up to Tlmms
nnd planted n vigorous blow on ono of
his oyoj, which caused that gentleman
to mcasuro his longth lu tho dint.
Timnis sprang lo Ills foot, nnd showed
fight ; but another blow on llio other
oyc sent mm again to grass, whoro ho
continued to lie.
"Get tip," said Mopes.
"You'll knock mo down again, V said
" Yes," returned Mapes, "I will."
"Then I won't get up," said Timnis.
" You'ro an infernal scouudrel," said
'I can't help your saying so," nns-
"You sawed Iho log," said Mapo-.
"What log?" said Tlmms.
"You sawod tho log,"rcpentod Mopes,
advancing a step.
"Yes stop," said Timnis, "I sawed
Well yci needn't think," .said
Mapos,"lliat after your marriage you'rp
going to toll that story, and mako me n
"I'll never speak of It," whined
"Porhaps you won't," said Mapes,
but I'm going to swear you before I
;ct through. Thoro'o another thing;
you won tho woman by your trickery,
and 1 know it is in you to obuio her ; so
I'm going to swear you to treat her
"I'll swoir," said Tlmms.
"Hold up your hand," HiWd Mapc-i
Timms hold up his hand.
"Now.repent after me: I,8iltn Timms,
lolomnly swear that I will novcr bring
tn tho knowledgo of any human bolng
that I sawed the log whereby Daniel
Mn pes fell into tho creok nnd lost n
wife; and, further, that I will, sho con
flouting, matry Eliza Reed, and always
treat her kindly, ho help mo God."
Timms repeated tho oath, verbatim.
"Now, get up and go home," said
Mnpos, "I don't think you'll bo mar
ried till your eyes got out of mourning,
and by that tlmo I'll bo far enough
away. But don't think I'll loso sight of
you : and if you don't Keep your oatii,
you'll see me."
Timms uroie from tlio ground, shook
oil' tho dust, and walked away ; but
when ho had secured a snfo distance, ho
shouted bock exultingly :
"Mapes, sho is an angel."
In twenty years Daniel Mapes had
learned many things, and among them
this : Llfo is vory much as wo mako it.
In othor words, Iho world is llko n mir
ror, and looks at us wait tlio laco wo
presont. It returns scowl for scowl and
srailo for smllo. It echoes our sobs and
our laughter. To tho cold, It U as Icy as
tho northern seas : to tho loving It Is as
balmy ns tho isles of tho tropics. IIo
had learned a still harder lesson ; which
was to forget tlio griefs, tho sorrows,
tho slights, tho wrongs, and tho hates
of the past. Tlio effect of this lesson wa3
to mako it appear that tho lines.to him,
had fallen In pleasant places. Ills
round form nnd firm muscle bespoko n
good digestion, whllo a cheerful counto
nanco told of inontnl peace A fair wo
man named him husband, nud children
called him father. A beautiful home
In tho Santa Clara Volloy was Iholrs j
besides which, Mapes had many broad
acres of land, as woll as many heads of
SWITR running nearly wild in tho conn
tics of Montoroy and San Luis Obispo.
Onco in each year llio cattlo that grazo
on California's thousand hills nro gath
orcd in bands at convoiilcnt places, to
bo claimed and branded by their own
ors such assemblages bolng called
rodeo?. Mapos had boon down across
tho Salinas Plains, lu nllcntlanco upon
a rodoo; and, being on his rotum, Jogg.
Ing along on his muslaug, ho saw, far
in tho distance but Hearing him, an
equally Iono travolor. Slowly tho dis
lanco botwoon them decrcasod: nnu as
thoy approachod, Mapos with Callfor
nia prudonco slipped hlsrovolvor upon
tho belt which sustalnod It, from his
back, round to his loft sldo, bringing
tho hilt undor tho shndow of his brldlo
arm, and within easy roach of his right
hand. A noaror look assured Mopes
that ho had no occasion for weapons
tho coming man was of mhltllo ago, but
his look was worn, woary, dejected and
hopolass In local phraso, his maniior
was that of a porson who has "lost his
grip," and thoso who havo mot that
torrlbio mlsfortuno nro novor highway
robbers, "grip" being tlio vory qualify
wanted In that hazardous pursuit.
Tho travolora mot, with n long lnqulr
lug gaze, whon from their lips Blmultn
noously burst tho words, "Mnpos"
"Tlmms." After a momunt of muto
surprlso, Mnpos, spurring his muslaug
drow nenrcr Timnis.
"So wo moot, at last. I havo boon
wanting to sou you, this ninny n yoar.
Tho movement ooomcd ominous to
Timms, nud ho crlod out s "Dou't, don't
shoot I I havo no weapons 1 Besides,
havo kopt my oath ot lo.st as woll ns
could. 1 never told the reason why you
didn't attend tho npplo boo, nor ovon
broathed n syllablo about tho sawed log
upon my solemn oath 1"
"I wasn't thinking of tliu ducking,"
"Don't como any nenrcr," returned
Tlmms. "I havo always tried to nso
that woman well ; but sho wouldn't bo
usod woll. I havo dono my best to tront
hor kindly j but sho wouldn't bo Ircatod
"It Is no uso to go over tho grounds f o
"But," ropllcd Tlinms, "you hnvo no
idea what that woman Is j you wouldn't
blamo mo if you only know. Sho's
brow-beat mo tilllntn't half a man."
"So I se'o," said Mapes.
"No, you don't boo," ropllcd Tlmms.
"You don't boo half. Look at this scar"
taking off his hat, and showing a long
scam on his scalp j "that was dono with
"You hnvo Buffered," said Mapoa.
"Suffered I" roturncd Timms. "You
ought to havo sworn hor, too. If you
only know how I hnvo thoughl of you,
and of my onth to you ; and how I havo
borne blowB and boon qulot-how I havo
been called a bruto and a fool, and kept
silent how I havo endured taunts and
sncors, hunger and discomfort, without
a word of reproach you would forgive
mo; you wouldn't harbor thoughts of
"Thoughts of rovengo I" answered
Mapes "Lot us dismount and havo a
settlement, for I sco my chanco has como
"Mnpcs, would you tako tho life of an
"Tlmms, you'ro crazy! let mo ox
plnln. I havo no wrongs to avenge. It
isn't for vengcanco that I havo wonted
to sco you. I havo hoard about you of
ten know all your llfo nnd experiences;
and I havo only wanted to meet you,to
offer you a homo and frlcndshp, em
ployment nnd opportunities for pros
perity, hero in California. I owoyouuo
dobt but ono of gratitude, for tho in
estimnblo service you did mo by that
llttlo Job of carpenter work ; and that I
mean to pay. Como with mo." IIo took
Timms' horso by tho brldlo, turned him
about without remonstrance', nnd thoy
travelled on in silenco.
After awhile, Timms raised his eyes
timidly from tho ground, and said :
"Mupos, sho'd tho dovil V Overland
An IMItor'.n Trotters.
Robert lionnci-'s Stables His Latest
Purchases -- Gossip About Famous
Thcro Is n widespread passion In
America for tho ownership of trotting
horses, nnd in this respect Mr. Bonner,
tlio editor of tho Now York J.cdycr, is
unusually fortunate. The perfection of
his stablos is n matter of national com
ment, for, with beauty of arch i lecture,
thoy eomblno every requisito fo tho
health and comfort of the horses. Tho
cntilatlon and drainage aro excellent.
Every stall has a false door though
hlch all refino passes to a scrub lloor
of eonipnt, whence It Is carried Into tho
sowors. Tho lloor on which tho horso
stand-' is porfectly lovol, thusnvoidlng
Hint straining of tho tendons of tlio legs
conscqent upon standing on an inclined
surface. Tho sides of tho boxes nro of
smooth wooden panols, which prosent
no hold for the horso to solzo with hi3
teeth, and thus prevents his acquiring
tho habit of biting and "cribbing." Tho
arlilious are carried high onough to
prevent the horses from annoying each
other ; tho doors aro of ornnmontnl Iron
work, and around tho building outsldo
n tan-bark walk for exercising tho
horses in bad wenthor. Evory applianco
that could possibly roduco labor and
improve tho condition of tho horses has
Tho first horso tho visitor inquires for
is Doxtcr, undoubtedly tho highest typo
of tho American trotter. IIo is a brown
horte, with whllo legs, stands fifteen
and n half hands high, nnd is thirteen
ears old. His head and neck nro finely
formed, his eyes brilliant, his shoulders
well placed, his legs and fect firm, and
his back nnd loins powerful. For a
horso of his s!zc,hl3 thighs aro immonso.
It Is almost unnecessary to alludo to
his brooding. IIo can bo traced to Im
ported Messenger on tho slro's sido.and
to imported Dlomcd (tho winter of the
first English Derby) on tho dam's sldo.
IIo was first trained by Hiram Wood'
rufi'.and it is not a littio singular that in
Mr. Bonner' stablo, standing in adjoin-
ng atolls, nro tho two horses (Dexter
and Peerless) behind which Hiram
Woodruff mado tho best tlmo ho over
mado In his life, driving tho formor lu
harness and tlio latter to wagon In 2:231.
But Woodruff died before Doxtcr's
speed was fully dovcloped, though ho
hnd n piemonillon that oven tho 2:18 1-5
which ho had scon him mako uudor
tho saddle on tho Fashion courso would
in tlmo bo surpassed. IIo was right in
this expectation; 10,000 pcoplo saw Dox-
(or trot u heat against Ethau Allen and
his running mato lu 2:10, although by
regulation, tho horso was not allowed
to claim that record. It is not asserted,
howovor, that ho Is entitled to llio
record of 2:10 ns a winning record, but
Hint It Is Justly Ills duo as tho tlmo roc
ord of n public; performance.
udd Doblo has stated that ho drovo
him in 2:11 lu prWeito, whlU in a pub
He raco ho drovo him In 2:17, nnd a
half mlloin liOO. Good judgos bcllovo
that by far his greatest nclilovoinont
was tlio day when Mr. Bounor drovo
him on tho Prospect Park courso, wag
on and drivor weighing Q19 pounds, In
2j21i n pcrformnuco"which,consldorlng
tho weight carried and tho stalo of tho
track, was equal to 2:1 1, It is now lour
yoaraslncoMr. Bonner gavohlschenk for
133,000 for Doxtcrnnd withdrew tho horeo
from tho turf, nnd thoro Is llttlo doubt
Hint Baxter's spoetl Is greolor now than
It was when ho trotted In 2:17) In Buffalo
in tho hands of Btidd Doblo. Whon Mr.
Bonner purchased him It wai Bald that
no wotiui no vaiuoioss, ns no couiu not
bo drlvon with safely ou tho road. But
kindness and good management pro
duced tholr legitimate rosulls, and Mr.
Bonner drives him regularly on the
road and through tho Central park.
r" -i r 4 '.
il ' 'li ." Inn
II . !!
DEM. - VOL. XXXVI NO. 27
In the noxt stall stands tho gray maro
Peerless, u daughter of Amorican Star
and n Messenger marc. Llko Doxter,
sho was bred in that nursery for fast
horsos, Orango county, and llko him
also wns educated by Hiram Woodruff,
who drovo hor pubjic n nillo to wagon
In 2:231 a performance which only
Doxlor has surpassod. Poorlcss has prov
od n falluro as a brood more, but is a
favorlto roadster with Mr. Bonnor, who
oflon drives hor dotiblo with tho volcran
Lanlorn, tho two making a flno nnd
Lantern comes noxt, nnd it is only tho
curve of tho back that shows his ngo,for
his oyo is as bright and his legs as clean
as oil tho day ho trotted his famous
doublo toam match against Ethan Allen
nnd mato fourteen years ago. Although
twenty-four years old,ho Is utlll fast.nnd
makos an elegant companion for Peer
less, fow being ablo to pass thorn on
(ho road. In tho noxt stall stands tho
California mnro Princess, tho onco fa
mous opponont of Flora Tcmplo. Sho
was purchased as a brood mnro, to bo
mated with Edward Evcrolt, tho siroof
Joo Elliott, Judgo Fullorton and Startlo,
and sho has long been qulto lamo, but
It Is anticipated tbnt sho will soon re
cover. From hor union with Ilnmblo
Ionian sprang Happy Medium.
Tho stout black colt in tho adjoining
box Is Mombrlno Bortlo, Mr. Bonnor's
latest purchase Brod by Dr. Horr, of
Loxlngton, Kentucky. This colt aston
ished everybody by trotting a mllo,last
fall, when two years old, over tho Cin
cinnati course, in 2:11, nnd repeating It
in half an liour afterward In 2.43. IIo
has pinco trotted In 2.3C ; but not bolng
thoroughly acclimated Mr. Bonner
docs not propose hurrying hlui. Ho is a
handsome colt, wonderfully doveioped
for a thrco year old, and will assuredly
mako a fast trotter in tlmo. Tho bay
horso In tho next box ranks highor in
Mr. Bonnor's estooni. This is tho four
year old coltStnitlo,by Edward Everott,
which was purchased from Ocorgo Alloy
last fall for $20,000, Immediately after
winning tho threo year old stakes, dis
tancing his opponent, Lothalr, in tlio
fast tlmo of 2:3GJ. Startlo has massive,
muscular quartors, indicating tho pos
session of immonso power. Perhaps no
colt over mado such rapid progress in
trotting speed as this horse, for whon
Carl Burr purchased him, In Juno last
year, ho could not beat 3:30, and in tho
following September ho won his first
raco In 2:30. Last month Mr. Bonnor
drovo him n mllo on the Fleetwood
park courso, on n slow track, in 2:28,
and had tho day and courso boon favor
ablo, ho could havo reduced tho tlmo
considerably. As Startlo Is only four
years old, ho hits plonty of tlmo for
maturing and improving, and oxppr-
lencod judges bellovo that, when Dox
tcr's tlmo of 2:10 Is surpassed, Startle Is
tho horso destined to do it.
Tho bay gelding Joo Elliott noxt
shown, trotted a boat over the Scacau-
cus courso, New Jorsoy, In 1809, in 2:51,
his namo then being Boyant Colt. Mr.
Bonner paid 510,000 for him, and plac
ed him with Carl Burr for training. A
few weeks ago ho mado a mllo on tho
Fleetwood courso in 2:15. Bruno oc
cupies tho noxt box, nnd novor was in
morn superb condition than now. SInco
Mr, Bonner bought him of Mr. Phyfo
ho has greatly I in proved his speed. As
a four-year-old hom.idc tho bint record
In a public race, trottintr mllo in 2:30
in n gnlo of wind. With hisslstor,
Brunette, ho made also tho fastest
doutilc tcitiii tlmo, having trotted a mllo
in2:'Ju. Last on tho list stands Poca
hontas, tho beautiful daughter of the
famous pacing more of tho samo namo
and Ethan Allen. A maro of more per
fect symmetry and beauty was never
foaled ; hor action whon in motion is
tho perfection of trotting, combining
case, eleganco, power and speed in an
extraordinary degree. Sho ha3 trottod
only ono raco in publlc,namcly, against
Biackstouo Bcllo at Boston, which sho
won easily. It Is said an ntnount ovon
larger than that paid for Doxter was
paid for her. That Mr. Bonnor In pur
chasing hor was not mistaken, nppoars
from tho fact that sho has sinco trotted
a mllo undor saddle, ridden by John
Murphy, In 2:18j. Sho Is an oxcellont
team maro, and thcro uocd not bo much
surprlso if noxt season she and Bruno
mako tho bost tlmo over made by a
doublo team. From the New York IVi-
Venerable Victims of Old Ityc,
Tho Rov. M. Talbot a clergyman of
somo reputation In tho western part of
Ponnsylvnnlo, wns a good hater ot cant
Born and reared n farmer, he took to
tho church as a matter of cholco, and
without doubt his sincerity wa3 the
electrical effect by which ho produced
so many converts from "tho ways that
Mr. Talbot was without doubt always
an original wit, and, when tho purpose
served him, a cynic. On returning to
his former homo nt ono tlmo, his nclglfc
bora, having hoard of his famo as
sower of tho gospnl," assembled to
moot him, and ono sanctimonious fol
low, who carried a winning air about
him on all occaslons,was ono of tho first
to coma fawning about Mr. Talbot
"By tho way," said tho olorcynian
"what has beconio of old Smlthora?"
"Dood," said Uriah Hoop, will!
"Yea-whiskoy killed him."
"How old was hoV"
"Unfortunate muni Ami old' Bin
"Dead," another groan.
"Poor old Slater I Wlmt did ho dlo
"How old was ho?"
"Doluded wrotchl And Daddy
"Ho, too, has gono tho way of til
llwh. Ho drank himself to death whon
ho Bliould havo boon thinking of tho
rtuuro worm, no was cigniy-iivo, aim
ovon with tho gr.wo
"I Eiiv. brother." said Mr. T with it
unlet laugh lu his eye, ri,can you toll mo
whoro I can get a hogshead of that samo
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
Ono Inch, (twolvo Huts or 114 equivalent In
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t i f i
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I,W 10,00 J10.0O
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Auditor's or Atiisneo's Notice, ,w.
LOOM noticed, twenty ecii4fi lino.
fAnta In tfiA "ftnfilnftea ntrrtifv" nnlntntl.
2,'oo per year for the first Iwo linen; hint 11,00 for
cacti additional line, i
A western editor, In writing tlio
obituary of a respectable cltiaon, nnys
that "ho has gono to that undiscovered
A Vermont man sat down on a keg
of powder to tako a "noon smoke."
His friends round ono button.
Tho Missouri Democrat names a Chi
cago paper ns "sparkling With the
brilliancy of a lon-yonr-old patent office
A Massachusetts man killed 40'blnck
snakes, n few days bIiico, burled them
in n convenient place, nnd then sent
his hired man to dig nshworms nt tho
A chap in St. Louis, soya : " 'Titlnt
no uso to cot vaccinated. I tried, and
Juat nftcr tho darned thing took a mnd
uog Dit mo."
Slnco Dr. McOosh took chargo Of
Princeton Oollego It has received gifts
amounting to $700,000. A poor, but
honest editor wishes Dr. McUosh would
tako charge of him Just for a yoar or
A trushlmr noot asks In tho first lino
of a rccont effusion. "How many woary
pilgrims Ho?" Wo give It up, hut experience-
has fought us thoro aro n good
An Illitiols naner sneaks of threo men
who havo gono crazy laloly "ono of
them for love, one for religion, nnd ono
on gonoral principles."
An Indiana town has tho following
dog ordlnanco : "Dogj thatnronot col
lared and labolod, no mattor how re
spectably connected, will tuvro tholr
narratives amputated ono Inch south of
A ladv at Brideeport. Conn., romoin-
cd too long In a train to klsa a friend,
and trying to got off afterlt had started,
was thrown vlolontly on hor faco. "If
evorlklss nnybody agnlnl" said she,
.tnt.rrnfM.lt.. nr. aim . . . i . Unm, nrnman
vut'i;iuii, eta o.iu nunu ..tiji nutut...,
at least," sho thoughtfully added.
A witty son of Bt. Patrick was In
chargo of a ferry boat. A lady poason
cer. belnrr frightened by tho waves,
asked him : "Aro people over lost by
this boat?" IIo gavo hor tho encour
aging reply: "Not ofton, ma'am; wo
gcnorally find them afterwards by drag
ging tho river."
A Hartford (Conn.) paper wants poo-
plo to bellovo that a married couplo was
recently to bo Been In that town with
fifteen children, of whom tho oldest
wns only slxtcon years eld. This won't
do. Wo know too much of Now Eng
land's vital statistics to havo a boarding-school
palmed off on us under falso
A Svracttso drutririst roconllvrocolved
tho following prescription, with a re
quest lo put it up : Fir kramps Tine
kamfire, won ounce; tl net lodonum,
iiitio ; unci not urops. n 10 w uroiis :
Hnct kyan noiiar. 5 cents worth : klou
form a llttlo, but not much, as it is dan
gerous mcuicino. D03e, nan toospuno
full when tho krnmps com on.
A boy lu Uockport who had just como
Into Dossesslon of his first shot cun
amused hlmsolf by banging away at his
iamor, wno was greasing a Harness on
tho wood-pile. Tho old troutlenian lot
hltn practice a fow minutes and then
tanned tho youngster with ono of tho
tugs until ho concluded to tro out of tho
schutzonfest business. Smno paronts
can nover lot n boy havo any fun.
The man with his lune tester who
accompanies a circus and makes an
iioncst penny ny testing ine winu or
tho multitude, came to grluf at Torro
Haute, Ind., tho other day. A healthy
fnrmor's boy, with a chest on him llko
an emigrant's valise, drew in a mouth
ful of tho atmosphero, wrapped a quar
ter section of his lips orur tho nozzio
nud breathed. An explosion followed,
and tho "professor" was heard to say,
as ho gathered up tho fragments of
tinkling brass and springs, "ho had
been eating onions ; that's what mado
his breath so strong."
A Nr.wai'Ai'Kii Purr. A sarcastic
Ohio editor notices that "lost evonlug
the bfnutlful daughter of Mr. Lovopulf,
tho accomplished and gontlomanly
wagon maker of this vicinity, was uni
ted in wodlock to Goo. Rocrant, tliu
talented artist, whoso charming land
scapes aro upon tho dashboard of every
buggy over turned out of his fathor iu
law's shop, and who nt striping car
riage wheels has no peer living sinco
A Cleveland woman not long ago
odestlv ren nested her husband to co
to tho dressmaker and toll her that she
(the who) had changod hor mind and
would havo tho watered silk mado up
Instead of tho poplin, and "that if sho
thinks it would look better with tou
bias flouncoa without putting and box
plated below tho equator, which should
gatucrcu in nomsincncu guuguous
and down the soams, with gussot
stitch bctweon, sho can mako it up in
that way, Instoad of lluting tho hoitiu
otto insertion and piecing out with nol I
ppiiquo as l Buggcsicu yesterday."
lo didn't go.
A narlsh constablo and othor olllei-r
vlsltod Mr. Nash, In England, to coll, ot
arroars or local taxes, armcu wun a
distress warrant. Nash rccolvod Ul
truests with trreat affability, and uegg d
thoy would mnko themselves at hoii.c.
To this thov urbauoly responded, ny
beginning to tako an mvontory or iw
furulturo. Mr. Nash stopped out tor a
momont,and then roturnod with n hlv
of bees, which ho placed upon tho tahL
nml tmLl. '"Pnlennii Invontorv of thoiu."
immoiiiatoiv alter roiuntr nimsuu up
I . . . 1 . MIlnlH mln.lAlir ti.ivlallia ' I ' I . 1 1
in iiiu uiuaiiu w.uuv.i vw......
hrtna tirnmntlv ntf.lckod tho lUVllilur.-i In
full forco, and tho couoctor anu ins itiiv ,
tioiiovmsr uiscroiion to uw tnu iwui'i
part of valor, lied in confusion.
A Parisian millionaire onco wrote In
ihn pnlobrntod comlo author. Scribe
"Honored Sir I wish vory much 1 1
niiv niv immo with voura in tho crea
tion of a dramatic work. Will you lx
so kind as to wrlto a coraody of- which
f alinll rnmr030 ono oriwo 11UCH.SO mot
I may bo montloucd in tho title? I will
bear tho ontlro pcouulary oxnonso, ho
that I may dlvldo tho glory." Scribe,
Who W03. vain ovou vo concent, rupuuu ;
t,Hirr rnirrot that I cannot comply
m-IIIi vmir mndost rfldUOSt. It Is not ill
accordance wun my mens oi rougiun or
propriety that n norao anu an h bsbhuu i
Lo voked togothor." Townicntiiomii-
- . i ....
(iuickiv roaponuuu ; nit t
.1 . 1 -.1 . . III! .. I
havo rccclvod your importinent
How daro you call mo a
An oldcrly gontlemnn wot recently
"conildcnccd" ou a train runplng into
Keokuk, by sharpers, who Induced him
to buy a draft (worthless) on Buffalo
for $107 10, ho paying them two U I (Hi
bills, and thoy paying him !2,C.0as
chnngo. Tho comluctor on tna tram
1001C 1110 llim, oppcmuiiuy iu ijiiiu.iy
suggest to the lnuocont old gentlomau
thnt ho was afraid tho draft was a fraud.
' YVellf" was tho bland rosponso of tho
Imperturbablo groony, "If it lanuyblg
gcr fraud thau my two S100 notes wore,
thon I am nQUWahoad-whieh I th ntf
I nm, I nm not In the habit of dealing
In counterfeit currency, but I always
keep a llttlo of that sort of stun about
mo for tho boilelll of that sort of customers."