TTT
V
f
KATES OF A1WTCRTJSING.
te a
AND
tfHWnI.I8HKD EVKHY friday .moiiniho
ijtfltRCOLOMtllAN nuiMnitci HEAnTHR
count house, nLo6tspoot l-A., riY
CHARLES BBROCVyy, .
EDITOR ANlj FltOPUIKTOn.
TcrasTwo Dollars a Year payalto Jn aSTanco.
JOD PRINTING
Of alldaierlptlons executed with neatness unci
iii.nnirli nt reasonable rales.
" Columbia Oountv Offloial Dirootory.
AociateJmlgca-lnMl DKMi, ISAAC a. mon
Jleglitcr .t- Jtrcmter-WMiAW a N 1I.J AUonY.
BirrOr-AAitos
Btmruor Isaao DkwitT.
7v,rcr William LAMOS. ,
SiJmitM- ovnufl IIoiiuins, IlniAJi J.
Hriciir.it. William Hhakfkii.
Omtnusstonm' Clerk-WlM.tAM KmcKliAtra,
ylll(Wor U. J. I'AMFDCM., DANIEL I.EE.
(jiiAiii.mCoNMnn
CoronrrCiiAiiLns O. Muiifiiy. .
Jurji Ojmmiastoncrs ISA AO McBMDE, JOHN Mo
Couitfi Ktipcrtiicn(lci-CliAnLE3 O. BAnitLEY
Jllicm lYr.r WjrW-Dlrcctors, B. 11.Mim.kb
Wii.t.iAM KiiAut li, Dloomsburg, nnil Joiinsoii
lKM.ni, UtCCUWOOd, ClIAlliraCOHNEBiBCOT.
Blcomsburg Offloial Dirootory.
Jilotitnsbvra JlanUng Co. JOHN A. FUNSTON
President, 11, II, Oiiotz, Cnslilcr. ,,
JVrsl Anttoinl JlankUUAH. 11. FAXTON.Pres't ,
.1. l.TrTiK. Cnslilcr. . ,, .
Oitumbta Cbmilu Mutual Saving Vnil mil fan A i
locinllon-V. 11. Little, PrcsM., O. AV. Milled,
H7loinln'n7 JlutUUnn niitl Bavtnn Mold Atiocut-Iton-Vn.
ri:Acooir, l'rca't., J.l). ltonisoN. Hcc.
Itloomilurn Mutual timing i'Vnil Atiodntlon-
J, J. lli:nvi:u lTcsldcut, U. O. HAHKLUY, Hcc'y,
Ohurcli Directory.
l'ursiiYTEiiiAN omiitcit.
Mintitcr-llcw Htunrt Mltclicll.
HMath Sm (CM-IOJ i A. M,; 7 j V. M,
Kallath Hchool-d A, M.
J'rajcr Me ctlng Wednesday. 7;j 1'. M.
BentH Iieoj no iicwh lented; btrnngcra wel
come. Blooinabnrg Directory.
pAl'KU IIAUH Just received and for nalo nt the
L'OI.UMIIIAN Ulllce.
CLOTHING, &o.
D ID I.OWUNI1EKO. McrchantTalFor.Main
hl.,nbove American Iioubc.
WM. JIOItltlH, Meicliant Tailor, over Itosen
Rtoelcs conrectlonery.oiiiioMltuCndniaiiHlur
nlturo wareroonis.
DHUOS, OlIKJliOALS. Ac.
El'. I.UTSS, Drugulstnnd Apothecary. Main til,
, liclow tlio l'osl ofllcc.
OLOCKS, WATCHES, AO.
Si:. SAVAOII, denier In OlocliH, Wntclies and
Jewelry, Main bt., Just below tlie American
OUfcC.
LOUIB nKUNIIAlll), Watch and Clock maker
near southeast corner Main and lion Bts,
RCATIICAKT, Wntch and Clock Makcr.Mar
, kct hired, below Main.
HOOTS AND SHOES.
11 M. KNOKH, Dealer In Hoots nnd Shoes, latest
V. nnd best styles, comer Main nnd Market
Utrecle, In the old l'obt OlUce,
Hi:NItY KI.KIM, Mnnufnctnrcr and dealer In
Hoots and Uhoes, Urocurlcs, etc, Main street,
blast llloombburu.
PKOFESSIONAIi.
Dlt. II. C. IIOWKIt, Burgeon DcntIM, Main St.,
nbovo the Court llouso.
Dlt. WM. M. ItEIIKlt, BurRCon and l'hysiclan.
Ulllco over the 1'list National Dank.
0(1. 11AIIKLKY, Attorney-at-l.aw. omee,2d
. Iloorlu Exchange lUocklncarlho"Exchangu
Hotel." '
"I 11. McKKLVY.M. I)., Burgeon mid Physician
J north sldo Main nt., below Market.
JC. HUTTEH, M. D. BurReon nnd Phyticlan
. Market street, nbovo Mnlu,
1 It. IIOI1ISON, Attorncy-nt-Law, Otllcollart
ti. man's building, Mnlu btrcct.
Dlt. II, K. KINNEY, Burgeon Dentist. Teeth,
extracted wltliniUjiatn; Mnlu bt., nearly op-,
ohlto Eplscopul Chuiuii,
T II. EVANH, M. I)., Burgeon nnd Physician,
fj boutti sldo Main street, below Market.
Dlt. A. D. TUItNElt, Physician nudHorReon.of
llco over Klclm's Diuk Btoru, ltslileuco one
ttoor below Itov. 1. J. Waller.
BIILLINERY & FANCY GOODS. '
.1 l'ETEItMAN, Millinery and Fancy Goods,
It. opposite Eplbco)al Church, Main st,
M
1KB MZZIE HAItKI.EY, Milliner, llamsey
building Mnln strut.
MIBB M. DEllHICKBON, Millinery and Knncy
auxls,Malu St., below Market.
MEM. JULIA A. & BADE HAllICI.EY, Ijulle'
t'lonkH and Dress Piittern.i, southeast corner
Main and West Mi.
rnlli: MISHES IIAltMAN Illllnery nnd Fancy
1 Oouds, Mnlu bt below American House,
HOTELS AND SALOONS.
UOItKH HOTEL, by T. Ilent. Taylor, east end
1 ot Main street,
MERCHANTS AND GKOCERS.
Of. MAItlt, Dry Goods nnd Notions, south.
weht corner Main and Ironsts.
IjiOX A WE1II1, Confectlonory nnd Dukery.
' wholesale nnd retail, Exchango lllock.
Hi;. IIOWElt, Hats and Caps, Coota nndShoes,
. Main bt above Court House.
Jll. MAIZE, Mammoth Grocery, lino Gro
. ecrlei, Fruits, Nuts, Provision, &c Main
niul Centre Bticcts.
MIKELVY, NEAI, A CO., dealers In Dry Ooods,
Groceries, Flour, Feed.Balt.Fish.Iron.Nalls,
etc.N. E. cor. Main and Market bts.
(J II. MILLEIt ft MN, dealera In Dry Ooods,
O. Groceries, (Jucensware, Flour, Salt, Shoes,
Notions, ctcMalnct,
MISCELLANEOUS.
OM. CHUISTMAN, Saddle, Trunk A Harness
. maker. Slave's lllock Main Street.
DW. ItOnilINB,lltUor dcalersecond door Horn
northwest comer Main and Iron sts.
J,i J. THORNTON, Wall Paper, Window Shades
17. and Uxturcs, Hupcrt block. Main si.
(1 W. COItELL, Furnlturo llooms, three Btory
! brick, Main Street, webt ot Market bt.
HltOSENSTOCK.l'hotographcr, over Itobblun
' & hyer'N Store, Main st.
r B. KUHN.denlerluMcat,Tnllow,eto.,Chcni
l berlln's alley, rear of American House.
s
AM1IEL JACOI1Y, Marblo anil Drown Btono
worus, l.asi iuoonibuurg,uerwick roau,
w
M, I'ADU, dealer In furniture, trunks, cedoi
Iil "IHHI'ESIAN Acem f0r Muuson's Coprer
li'l'ubularLlKhtulngltod.
P, K0STHli OH'O Maker, and Wbito and Fancy
V - ywtn i.u, int wuu ur Willi"
otii oxcmptlon.for bale nt tuo Colombian
HTflTH Tinnif U nrfM.ni..tnTii1j ....
Catawissa.
B.uobw,!,
Dlo,,iiBI!b&al,nrn Rnd I'113"iIc,ftn
rtlLHEHT A KLINE, dry goods, groceries and
U general mcichandlse, Main street '
T J.1' KISTLEH,"0ittawlsba House," North
J . Corner Main nnd Second Streots. '
Tl HSW.?S' "'""i Ico
MM:,?I,lon,HT!,llc!aler 111 OouoralMcrchandlno
. Dry Hoods. Groceries so,
HH'lV.V'.'ANNA or llrlck Hotel. S. Koste
MJJS :. S; ' I?I,r'ct0,'60u,"-clUitlo""5rMalnBud
M. II. ABBOTT, Attorney nt law, Mnlu St.
Light Stroot.
IJ
. aUvoBchoollT;:.',u,:,''w"enu,.n 100'
V. (IMAM ir . . .
R. SilUsT..'' lu Blovua Rt"1 Tln ware
In
1 ilruin Fio!,r i-',c W1 delUl'r la " kinds oi
purchased'. ' "'d' ic- An ltluds 'aln
Espy,
W liMflA1l U(1 I." ...
miii Iliiir Mi, n n fiipi ,r,V,v"uuu '""""11 Ml"
ps: wo
VOLUME VI, ---NO 20.
Buck Horn.
M
A O.W. II. BIIOEMAKElt. dealers In drv
goods, grocclerles and general merchandso
Orangovillo Diroctory,
1)
II. linitniNO A nnOTIIKU.Cftrnenteraflnd
B
HICK IIOTEfi nud irfrenhmcnt Hnloon, by
uuur l'ncnry cor.oi Main nuu I'lnost,
D
It. O. A.MEaAItaEL.PliyslclnnnndSurgcon
Mnln st,, next door to Good's Hotel,
AVID IIEIUUNO. FlournndarlstMlll.nnd
uviiier m gruiu,iujni3ireui.
rAMEBll.HArtMAN.CnblnelMnkcr and Un
I dortnkcr, Mnln Bt., below Pino.
SCHUYLER 4 CO., Iron founrtcrs.Machlnlsts
and Muuufactulcrs of plows, Mill St.
QAMUELSHAUPLr,gs.MnkcrofthcIInyhurst
Kj urain v;rauio. Alain 131.
w
ILLIAM DEI.ONO Blioeinnkcrntiit mnnufac
Hirer or uriek, Mill St., west or l'ino
Philadelphia Directory.
JJORTICUiTURAIi HAZiIi
Restaurant ana Dinins Rooms.
FRANK SMITH, Proprietor.
PHILADELPHIA,
N. II. Tho locntlon U central, tho asslstaiits
nltentlve, niul tlio tnbles supplied with tho best
tho market nll'ords, fresh and well cooked. Olvo
him n call.
"yAINWIUGIIT A CO.,
WHOLESALE GltOCEns,
N. E. Corner Kecond and Arch Streots,
PltlLADELI'HlA,
Dealers In
TEAU, BYIIUPS, COFFEE, SUGAR, MOLASSES
r.iCE, sricEg, in cAnn soda, ic, AC.
3-Orders will receive prompt nttontlon.
may 10,(7-tf.
JJAKVHY D. WALKEIt,
WITH
ME All, SCHROPP &
CO.,
IMI'OHTEr.S and JoniiEnsor
CHINA , GLASS AND QUHENSWARE,
No. 103 NORTH SECOND bT
PHILADELPHIA.
-ff30rlclnal assorted pacliaires of Onppnwnrn
constantlv on hand. Icba'72-tf.
Business Cards.
J II. LITTLE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
OfllCG Court-Houso Alley, below thn Cm.TTRr
niAN Office, Bloombburg Pa.
Q B. BROCKWAY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
BLOOMsnuitQ, PA.
i- Office Court Houso Alley. In the Co.
lumuian building. Janl,'67.
c.
W. MILLER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
w..bu uu. . ..uuau mivf, UV1UI. IUU VyUl.Ui.l-
niAN Ofllce. Rounlles, Ilnck-Pay nnd Pensions
collected. Uloomsburg Pn. sep.20'tt7
nni.. ini nni... , ....
OIIN M. CLARK,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
OFFICE nbovo llower's Store, Main street,
111
JOBERT F. CLARK,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Offlco Sfftlll Street below ihn f!nnrt Ilnnsfi.
Bloomsburg Peun'n.
B.
FRANK ZARR
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
BLOOMS1IURO, PA.
Oitlco with J. G. Frceze.Browcr's Block.
Can bo consulted lu German or English.
m chans. ir
riHARLES O. LEIDY,
ATTOIta: UY-AT-LAW.
OFFICE ON OAK STREET, MOUNT OARMEL.
NOnTIIOSlncitL-VND COONTY, l'A.
Collections nromntlv mnde. Convevnnclug
neatly executeil nut nil other business connect
ed wuu nis poiession careiuuy niiintieu 10 in
Montour. Northumberland nnd Columbia coun
ties. niS.Wl-tl.
q"I3W STOVE AND TIN SHOP.
ISAIAH HAGENlrUCH,
Main Street ono door above E. MondonhalPs
Btoie.
A largo assortment of Btovos, Heators and
Ranges constantly on hand, and for sale nt the
lowest rates,
Tinning in all Its branches carefully nttendod to.
and satisfaction guaranteed.
xm worn 01 nu sinus wnoicsaie anu retail, a
lal Is requested.
Jan 171
JLLOOMSBUKG
ill A KSIiG W U II Ik 8.
MAIN HTREET, UELOW MARKET,
BLOOMHIlUltO, PA.
Monuments. Tombs. Headstones. 4c. Work
neatly executed. Orders tiv mail will receive.
special attention, N, H. Work delivered Ircoot
charge. T. L. GUNTON, Proprietor.
OCU3'71-tr. l'. o. Box HT7,
VETERINARY.
AUGUST FRIEND.
lalo ficm Germany, oirers his kervlceii to tho
public as a celebialcd
HORSE AND COW DOCTOR,
and all other animals, forwhlch his charges aro
uiDueraie. lie can always no lounii east hiae 01
llfrwlck road, ncaiB.II. Jacoby's Mnrblo Y'urd.
ujuuuiauuii;, inixy lit loil'll
JJARGAINS BARGAINS.
QOICK SALE8 Aim SMALL I'UOFITfl.
HAVE YOUR MONEY.
Goto
East BloomsbuiL' I'a.. tor all tinrts of thn Iipki
home and city made
f uimiTUiiu,
Trices reasonable nnd tho bo"' ork done.
Jan 1'7 tf
ULCAN WORKS,
D A JN V 1 Hi IS l'A,
WILLIAM II. LAV,
Manufacturer of Wrought Iron Brldgex, Itollcis,
Gasholders, Fireproof Buildings, Wrought Iron
Hooting, I tooting Frames, Flooring nnd Doors,
Farm Gates nnd fencing, nlso Wrought Iron pip
ing, Stacks nnd all kinds of Smith Work. Ac.
uepairs promptly intended to.
N. 11. Drawings and Estimates supplied.
oelZ7'71-ly.
J. THORNTON
Jji. would announce to tho citizens of lllooms.
burg nnd vicinity, that ho ha Just received a full
huu euiupiuii usNurimciifc ui
WALL PAPER, WINDOW SHADES,
FIXTURES, CORDS, TASSELS,
and nil other goods lu his lino of business. All
mo newest nuu most upproved patterns of the
day are always to bo found In htH establishment,
mnr.5,'G9-lt Main Bt. below Market.
vSiSw.JonK) CORK, AND LIVERPOOL.
M1W AND F ULL-POWEIIKD HTEA 41HH11U
OCEANIC, CELTIO, REPUBI.IO.
AtVA?TIOl . BALTIC, ADRIA'i'IO,
tons Lurrtoo-a,Woli.n. each. '
Balling from New York on SATURDAYS from
hVniii It.n Wlilln aio. n . ..
JerbeTcity. ' ' "vonm trrr
i-nbseiiger Bccommouauous (ror nil classes)
unrivalled, combining '
HAFlTTY. SPEED, AND COMFORT. FSSBI
Saloons, state-rooms, smoking-room and bath
rooms lu midship section, whero least motion is
felt. Burgeons nnd ttowardossos acconinauv
these steamers. 1 '
HATES-Halonn.tSOKOld. Steerage, tSOcurren.
cy. ThosewUhlug to send for Irlends frorn tho
Old Country can now obtain stcerago prepaid
certificates, J33 currcucy.
Passengers boohed to or from nil parts of
WaV Norw' Sweden:
o0.","!01!01;,0' D!an" n,ul othtrlnformaUon,
apply to No. 19 .Uroadway. New Yoi k. '
J. H. SPARKS. Agent,
,,,, Or to W. PEACOCK1, '
janlStr lllooiiiUuirB, i'a,
Miacollaucouo.
JjENTISTEY,
It. (1. HOWKIt. DENT1HT.
Ilesncctfully oilers his professional services to
mo lauies nnu gouiiemcu oi ijioomsuurg mm vi
elnltv. Ho Is tirennreil tnnttenil to nil tho vnrl
nus nncratlons in tho lino nf hts rirnfnsslnn. nnd
Is provided with tho latest Improved Porcelain
teeth wnicii win no luscrieu on koiu piaiiug
silver nnd rubber baso to look ns woll nsthe nat
uraltecth. Teeth extracted bv nil tlio now nnJ
mostnpproved methods, and nil operations on
tho teeth carefullvnnd broncilv ntlended to.
Rcsldenco nnd ofllco a Tow doors atmve the
court nousc.snmo side.
Bloomsburg, Jnn.1'71 ly
rjHIE GREAT MAGICAL
hair Fouaunr
Will forco a benutlml set of Whiskers or Mus
tacho. lu from two tn thrco months. on any ncr-
Ron over twelve years old. It Is ono of Iho best
preparations to mnko the whiskers grow that
uverwns uuown, uuo itoiuo or li issuiucicni 10
produce n very strong beard. It does not In nny
wny Btnin orlnjurotho skin. Try ill It Is no
humbug. Prlco 85 cents per bottle. Bent by
tnnll post paid, lo nny nddrcf-s. on receipt of
price. Address WILLIAM C. WAGNER,
Aiendtsvllle,
tine "Mr, Adams Comily, Pennn
N a RAN 0E AGENCY.
Wyomlnvi , 82l'l.io
.Etna l,(K,0i!
Fulton N. iW.OUl
No. th Anurl 3(10,010
Clt.V 450,(110
Iuttiliotlon'il N.Y l.UiO.Uio
Nln-.tiira N.Y I.OOO.fO
Mcri'liauls f.H,U0
Xnrlngfleld STo.otfl
1 nrmers' DanMli,N. twuiml
Albany City tiW.f.fl
D.invllle, Hotso'lhrft Mutual,
Atlantic. N. Y 1,X)0,WO
Uermanln, N. Y 60O,(X,0
FREAS BROWN. .t(',ii(,
rani2l'71 ly. lli.oc)vHniwi in.
H
.1 INKLEY KNITTING MACHINE
THE SIMPLEST, CHEAPEST AND lll'f-'l
USE I HAS BUT ONE NEEDLE! A
CHILD CAN RUN IT!
Designco .specially for tho use of families, mid
ndlcs who dctlro toknlt for tho market. Will
do eveiy stitch of tho knitting In a blocking,
widening and nnriowlngns lcndlly nsby hand.
Ale fnlrndld for worsteds nnd fancy worlcl
TAKING FIVE DIFFERENT KINDS Oil'
STITCH I Aro very apy to mnnngc, nnd not
liable lo iet out of order. Every Family should
hnvo one.
Wo want nn Agent in every town to Introduce
nnd e oil Ihf in,liwli( m we ofltr Iho most liberal
Inducements. Heiul for our Circular and Sample
Stocking. Address.
111NKLHY KNITTING MACIUNECO.,
nov. iu,'7l-ly. Bat li, lie.
XT C. HOWER,
lias opened n first-class
BOOT, SHOE, HAT CAP. AND FUR HI'OP. 12.
nt tho old stand on Wain Street, Bloomsbnrg.nfow
doorB abo vo the Court House. Ills stock Is com
posed of the i very latest and best sty les over oiler
cd to tho citizens of Columbin County. Ho can
accommodate tho nubile wlM,!l,,,iin:i..n.
at tho lowest rates. Men's heavy donblo soled
stoga boots, men's double nnd slnglo tap Bolod
nip ijuois, men s ueavy stogn shoes of nil kinds,
men's lino boots nnd Blmen nr nil ..ruipu
double soled boots and, shoes of nil klndsmcn's
calf shoes, women's very line kid buttoned gait
ers. In short boots ol all descriptions both pea
gen anusoweu.
Ho would also call attention to his flno assort
ment of
ATS, CAPS, FURS AND NOTIONS.
which comnrlses nil iiin tinV7 nnil nnmilnt rn.l.
otlcsnt prlceswhlchcannotfalltobullall. Thcso
Eoods aro oflcrcd at the lowest cash ratos aud
rv.ii uo Kuuramecu to give sausiactlon. A call
is solicited before purchasing olsowhoro as It Is
believed that hotter bargains aro to be fonnd
than at any other place In the connty ,
Jan F71 - .
rBlIIl!.' OKivirj-Tr,r,ji; MANUKA n.
JL TURING COMPANY iliN U1 "
SIANUFACTUIIEIW 01
iVORICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS
of tho most Approved Patterns,
mill Cicnrliig,
Jobbing,
1111(1 CilNlillg'S
of all descriptions.
DEALERS IN
General Merchandise, Lumber, Sc., Ac.
ORANGEVILLE, PA.
Wo would announce to tho publla In general
iinti. tvu iiuvu uiueu mu wen Known Agncuiiur
ul Works of this place nnd shall mnko Itonralm
to manufacture First Class Agricultural Imple
ments eniial tonuy other makers in tlio state.
such as
Tlii'CHbiiig machines,
Both Lover nnd Tread Power.
I'Iowh ol every KSc.icriptioii,
nmong which will bo tho celebrated
KNOB MOUNTAIN HERO,
acknowledged by nil to ho tho best plow extant
lor the farmer. Also tho
Champion, Steins'' Patent ami
Tho Montrose.
ALSO, DOUBLE CORN PLOWS?,
Cultivator,
Iron Kettles,
and Castings
of every description. Wo bhall use nono hut tho
bet materials aud employ nouo hut cumpetent
aud experienced mechanics and our prices will
enmpaio favorably with any other manufactur
ers. Country Produce, Lumber, Old Iron, taken In
exchango. Wonlsohavoa storo In connection
with our Agricultural Works, whero may bo
lound a full nssortment of MERCHANDISE
which will bo sold nt small profits. Olvo us a
call bcfoio purchasing olsowhoro and we guar
nnteo batlslnction,
mircha!'7--iy.
Hotels.
B
ENTON HOTEL.
W. F. PIATT, Proprietor,
DENTON. COLUMBIA COUNTY. l'A.
This well known nonces havlne bennniitli,
thorough, repair Is now open for tho reception of
visitors. Nu pains havolieen spared to ensure
tlio perlect comfort of guests, Tho proprietor
also mus a Stage from tho Hotel to Uloomsburg
and lutermedhito polnU on Tuobday, Thursday
ftuu nuiuiuui u, i-utu V.VHI., JHU 1 10,1
fJtUE ESPY HOTEL.
ESPY, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA.
Tho undcrBlgucd would Inform tho travelling
nubile that he has taken tho nbovo named estab
lishment und thoroughly refitted tho same (or
tho perfect convenience of lilsguests. His larder
will bo blocked with tho best tlio market allords.
Tho choloest liquors, wlneb and clgarsalways to
bo lound In his bar,
WILLIAM FETTIT.
h'spv. Pn
THE NATION
Its Rulora and Institutions.
IN ENGLISH AND GERMAN.
Nothing llko It, Strikes ovorybody asjii6t tho
hook they need. It Is un Kncyclopmdhi of tho
Government. Mingle pages in It, uro ol them
selves worth the prlco of the book. Out tOOjxipci
umlonly S2.60. A ltleb Harvest for Cnuviibsers
ladiib and gentlcmon fanners, teachcrvmid
students, Olio ocrcrtl tookl&oidnt n aew ilauf.
with ciruclar noric, before the book op;card, S&O
a day can bo cleared lu fair territory. Wrlto at
onco for (Areolar and Information. NEW
WORLD PUBLISHING CO., for. 7lh anil Mar
ket Bluets, Philadelphia. foot. 0,'TMy.J
PERFECT
COMBUSTION.
SIGNAL LIGHT.
Tho first tmd only self-feeding Anthracite t'oal
Stove over luvenled that will Perfectly
Cousnmo all tho gases.
Warranted the BEST HEAIING BTOVE In
tho country.
Send for Prlco List and Circular lo
MITCHELL. Si'KVKNBON ft CO..
Hlovo ManulaclurerH, I'lilshurgli, Pu.
BLOOMSBURG, PA.,
Poetical.
A Cniitlon.
l.ovo bailed a lltllo mnld
Romping through tho meadow ;
Heedless In tho sun slio plaj'cd,
Scornful of tlio shadow.
"Como Willi inc," whispered ho;
"Listen, sweet, to lova nnd reason,"
"By nnd by," sho mocked reply,
"Lovp's not lu season.,'
Ycnrs went, years enmo,
Light mixed with shadow;
l.ovo met tho maid again
Dronmlng through tho meadow.
"Ho not coy," urged the boy,
'List In llmo to lovo and reason,"
"By nnd by," she mused reply,
"Lovo's still in season.
Years went, years enmo,
Light tinned to shadow;
l.ovo saw tho maid again,
Walling In tho meadow.
"Pass no moro, my drenm Is o'er,
I can listen now to reason."
"Keep theo coy," mocked tho hoy,
"Lo e's out of senson."
Miscellaneous.
A l'limi.OUS POSITION.
In tlio winter of 1838 T was inlnln-;,
or intlior solournliiK, and waitlntr for a
clianeo to initio in tho spring, in the
town of Omega, Nevada county, Call-
ornla. Snow foil in tho town that win
ter to tho depth of eight feet. Thrco of
ua wero living In a cabin about half u
mllo out of town near tho head of Sour
Krout Ravine. Wo wero in tho habit
of spending our ovenings in town or at
tho cabins of our brother tninera.senor-
ally remnlning from homo till ten,
eleven, or even as latoas Iwclvo o'clock.
I happened to bo in town tho very
uvwuriglliaUliQ first bit? fall of'snow
began. I naw that tho snow was com
ing down vory fast, an-1 know beforo
starting homo that tlio trail would be
hidden; but this gavo mo no uneasi
ness, as I knew tho courso woll, and
could keep within n fuw rods of tho
trail tho wholo distance, if not in it.
When I finally Marled for homo it was
about ten o'clock, and thoro wero six or
eight inches of snow on tho ground,
and Hakes coming down as big as sau
cers. Knowing my course, I rushed
along, taying but littlo attention to tho
trail, and was within two hundred
yards of tho cabin, when there was a ,
sudden crasii of breaking twigs and
brush under my feet, and I felt myself
sitiking into an open spaco. Instinc
tively I stretched out both arms to their
fullest extent and clutched tho snow
with botli hands.
Instantly, in fact beforo I had fully
settled into this position, I know whero
I was, and fully comprehended tho
danger of my situation. I knew that I
was hanging over tho old Brookshiro
shaft a shaft dug somo years beforo to
prospect tho hill, "and at least one,'
died feot in depth. l out two or
thrnn "10 trail, and was cov
ered by a few pino and spruco boughs
that wero thrown across its mouth when
It was abandoned. I know that there
wero hugo bowlders and sharp, jagged
rocks projecting everywhere along tho
sides of tho shaft, and that in tho bot
tom was at least twenty feet of water,
for, in passing, I had onco or twice
pushed tho brush covering, asldo and
dropped into It pebbles and pieces of
lighted paper. I felt my body and legs
dangling in spaco, and without think
ing of tho consequences, mado an effort
to reach out with ono of my feet toseo
if I could touch tho wall of tho shaft, I
had extended my leg somo distance
without touching tho wall, when, to my
horror, tho dry and rotten covering of
tho shaft began cracking under my arm
on tho sldo upon which my weight was
thrown in tho attempt I had mado to
learn something of m y situation.
Carefully I swung back till I hung
perpendicularly over tho fearful chasm
tho brush still cracking as I did so. As
each llltio twig snapped I felt that
thero was that much less botweon my
self and death each littlo rotton stick
that hold was worth millions to me,
and for a stout beam under my feet I
would havo givon tons of millions. Tho
snow beat down incessantly upon my
head In immenso damp flakes, and I
could feel it gradually piling about my
neck. Occasionally thoro wero wild
blasts of wind that roared among tho
tall pines and swept tho light snow Into
my oyes. Ono of tho3o blasts took away
my light felt hat, and loft my head ox
posed to tho beating storm. As I felt
my hat going I mado an involuntary
movement to ralso my arm to catch it,
butinstantly tho crackling twigs warned
mo to desist. TI1I3 movement, tlio
slightest in tlio world, cost mo half a
dozen twigs, and, as it seemed to me,
greatly weakened ray support. Tlio
snow molting on my head and fiieo
trickled Into my oyes and almost blind
ed mo. My hands and arras seemed
coming benumbed, and I began to fear
that I would loso my hold upon tho
brush covering of tho shaft. Whenever
this notion took possession of my mind
I would extend my arms and oven my
lingers till tho joints of my shoulders
seemed starting from their sockets.
By straining my eyes I could seo tho
dim outlines of our cabin 011 n littlo riso
of ground abovo mo. I could seo 110
light, howover, and concluded that ray
partners had cither gotio to bed or had
not yet returned from a neighbor
cabin n quarter of a milo further down
tho ravine, whither I know they had
gotio to spend tlio evening, Onco or
twice I shouted, but tho effort caused a
crackling of tho twigs supporting me,
and I desisted, determining to wait till
I could hear tho voices of my cabin
companions returning, or seo n light in
the little window of four small paues,
which, fortunately, was on tho sldo of
tho houso next to mo ; so, too, was tho
door by which they must enter tho
cabin. I thought of all this, nnd It gavo
mo EOino hopo. Several times, as tho
roaring wind lulled for a moment, I
thought I hoard tho 8'iuiul of voices and
laughter, and my heart beat quick with
hopo and Joy j but the sounds wero not
ropcatcd, and doubtless wero but tho
creaking of somo stormod swayed
boughs, or tho clmttcrlngs of somo dls
tant coyoto.
I now began seriously to fear bolng
completely covered in Iho fust-falling
FRIDAY, MAY IT,
nnd drifting enow. It seemed coming
down at tho rato of nn inch a minute,
nnd already covered my shouldors and
was piling closo up about my mouth
daro not mnko tho slightest tnovo to rid
myself of tho drift which was nbout to
bury mo. Should tho snow got ovor
my eyes I could not seo tho light In tho
cabin, and could only call out by guess
As so slight an exertion as calling out
In a loud tonosct my rotton platform to
cracking, I did not wish to call for aid
till I was certain it was near. As tho
snow began rising about my mouth
discovered that I could keep It nway
with my breath. I saw that I still had
a chanco of keeping my oyes free, and I
kept constantly nt work blowing away
tlio accumulating , llakcs. This gavo mo
something to do, and was a roller lo my
ml ml. So Joalously did I keep guard
that 1 would hardly nllow two flakes to
Ho before my lips.
Thoughts of homo, my friends, of tho
littlo I had over dono In tho world, and
of tho Jagged rocks lining tho side of
tho shaft, with tho great pool In Its bot
tom, passed and repassed In my mind.
In this circle my mind seemed swiftly
rovolvlng, dwelling but for a moment
upon any 0110 thing. I would strain
my eyes to seo tho light in tho window
till they wero ready to start from their
sockets. Sometimes I would seo n sud
den red Hash, and with a joyous throb
of my heart I would say, "It 13 thoro I"
but In a moment after I would groan in
spirit nt discovering tlio Hash was only
within my straincdnnd weary eyeballs.
From straining my eyes and ears for
somo sign of thonrrlval of my partners,
I would fall Into my old clrclo of
thought, null round and round In it as
in a whirpool my brain would whirl
till somo moan of tho wind or creaking
of trees would arouso mo to thoughts of
escape from my fearful position.
After the Crst fow cirorts I mado to
wards extricating myself, my wholo
care was to rcmalu as motionlessas pos
sible, nnd keep my arms stretched out
to their fullest extent in order to grasp
for my support ovory twig within my
reach, wore it 110 larger or stronger than
a rye-stalk. Tinio seemed to movo on
leaden wings, and it appeared to 1110 that
I must have been suspended over tho
shaft for many hours. I began to fear
that on account of tho storm my part
ners had concluded to "turn in" at tho
cabin of our neighbor. Tho moment !l
thought of this It cecmcd .to mo almost,
certain that such was tho case.
My escape, I now began to think,
rested with mysolf. I thought thero
might bo beforo mo a polo across tho
shaft strong enough lo bear my weight.
Slowly I bega.n rising my right arm, in
order to feel 'for somo such support, but
a startling snapping of twigs,.when this
-l.nnlnht wan thrnuTl Upon jny loft
arm, causod mo vory quickly iu .J..
"Great God I" I croancd, ns I settled
back into my former position, " how
lnni U thi-l r Inst?"
Just at this moment I heard the sound
of voices. This timo thero was 110 mis
take about It. I heard tho loud, ring
ing laugh of my jovial partner Tom,
and heard bean-poker loving Bob say
something nbout a game they had been
playing at "tlio other cabin." As they
camo nearer I heard Tom say, "I won
der if Dan has got back from town,"
They spoko in their ordiuary tone of
voice, and this gavo mo great Joy, as I
know I could mako them hoar without
shouting too loudly. I heard them at
tho door, scraping tho snow away with
thoirfcet, and that nov." wns tho timo to
call for onco tlioy had entered they
might not hear me. "Tom !" I criod,
"Tom 1" Thero was nonnswer, and my
heartfelt cold within me. "Tom!"' I
again cried, and this timo to my groat
joy both of tho boys in n breath sung
out, "Hollo!" "Tom !" I cried again,
in as loud a tonoof volcoas I dared use,
"Tom.comohere!" "Blessed if that ain't
Dsn!" cried Bob; "what tho dcuco can
bo tho matter?" nnd both camo ns fast
ns their legs could carry them down to
near whero I was hanging. "Don't
como too near I" 1 cried, "lor God's
sake, don't como too near! I havo
fallen through the brush ovoi'lhl3 shnft,
and it'sjust ready to break nnd lot me
down; get n rope, quick tho windlass
rope, you know !"
Tom ran to tho cabin, and in less than
a minute though it seemed an hour lo
mo was back with tho rono. Both
wero rushing to tho shaft with tho rope,
when I stopped them.
"Stop right whero you aro, boys!
Now lldton, or you will kill me. Don't
como near tho brush about tlio shaft, or
you will break It and let mo down.
Tako hold of tho ropo about twenty feet
apart nnd walk so as to brlug it across
tho shaft, so that I can reach It.'1
They did ns I directed, nnd tho ropo
was soon against my faco. I bognu
slowly lo lift my right baud to clutch it,
but a crackling of tho bush on which I
hung suspendod startlod mo so much
that I had not tho courago to try nnd
grasp tho rope. I thought of making 11
sutldon pltingo for It, but foarcd I might
i-.t. 1.. 11. .1 .. T .. . 1
mil to vniun it, wneii x wouui most cer
tainly break through and fall to tho
bottom of tho shaft.
"What la tho matter?" asked Bob.
"Can't you got hold of tlio ropo?"
I ropllod, "No; I will break through
If I oven lift ono finger."
"Tako hold of tho ropo with your
teeth I" cried Tom.
This was tho vory Idea. "Hold tho
ropo a littlo lowor," said I, "and I will
try lower yet thoro, hold on I"
"Havo you got It V" asked Tom.
As woll ns I could, I nnswored " Yos."
"Now fry for It with yonr hnntls,'
cried Bob.
As quickly ns I could uso iny stiffened
right nrm I mado a clutch at tho ropo,
and most luckily for myself got hold of
It. Had I missed It I would havo been
precipitated to tho bottom of tho shaft,
ror as l ciutcucti tup ropo tuo wholo rot
ton pHo of boughs Croko looso nnd drop
pod Into tho dark pit below. After bo
Ing druggod somo dlstanco from tho
black and yawning intuth of tho shaft,
I Etll held tho ropo with both teeth and
hands, and could hardly bo persuaded
that 1 was yot out of dnnger. I was so
completely oxlinusted that I was unablo
to walk In tho cabin without tho assist
1872.
U0L.
nnco of both of my pnrlncrs, nnd H Was
somo weeks beforo my slrnlnod should
crs woro freo from pain.
Thoro may bo moro trying and peril
ous positions than that abovo described,
but If thoro nro I beg to bo excused from
"buying in."
A little fclory of Professor Agassi.
Tho story Is told of Prof. Agasslzthat
ha was a poor Swiss lad, who, refusing
to learn how to turn n( penny by his
father's trade, began nlono and unaided
to spell out tho alphabet of naturo in
rocks, nnd'blrd3, and boasts. The
knowlcdco did not nromiso to help him
ono whit nmong his neighbors; did not
put shoes on his feet, nor salt in Ins
porridge', n comfortablo homo nnd suo-
cesful business, nwnltcd him, but hp
choso to go wandorlng through tho
Alps, hatchot in hand, nnd often with
but n sou in his pocket, "nsumsosninll'
ho said, "when my hunger wasso blgl'
So, hungry nnd half-clothcd.ho followed
for years tho half-effaced signs of this
unknown language, which ho faucicd
God had spoken and not men, as a
child might traco tho footsteps of a lost
mother. At last ho mado his way 16
London, to Sir Roderick Murchlson,
who, ho thought, could help him.
"What, sir, do you know?" Inquired
tho great naturalist, noting lis beard-
Ics3 chain and ruddy checks.
"I think "hesitated tho lad, "a littlo
about fishes."
That night, at a meeting of tho Royal
Society, Sir Roderick hold up a covered
package. "I havo here," ho said, "a
fish which existed in such an era"
somo timo long beforo Adam was born
and proceeded lo stato tho exact con
ditions and position in which it was
found. "Can our young friend, who
knows something about llahes, tell us
any thing about it?"
Whereupon tho Swis boy promptly.
drew upon tho blackboard n skeleton
monster, of which tlio real ono, when
uncovered, proved to bo tho oxact dup
licate, and then tho old groyboards
presont recognized him as 0110 of them
selves, and gavo him place. His nftcr-
lifo is well known to the wholo civilized
world.
A Pennsylvania Bull Dog.
Thero is n man in Darby, Pa., who pur
chased a bull dog, which ho proposed to
turn looso in ids storo nt night in order
to scare nwny tho burglars. Tho first
ovoning after ho obtained tho dog he
locked it in tho storo and wentnwny a
happy man. Tho next morning, early
ho went around to tho storo nnd. un
locked tho door. Tho dog wns vigilant
tho man wns surprised to perceivo
how very vigilant tho dog was for no
sooner was tho door open than tho dog
seizod Its owner by tho Ieg. suddenly,
est and vigorous resolution not to lot go
until it nati removed at Jcast ono good
mouthful. And tho man pushed tho
dog back and shut tho door on its ribs
until tho animal relaxed its Jaws ; and
then tho man kicked tho dog Into tho
storo and shut tlio door ns if ho was In
hurry to do something. Then ho
suspended business for a week, nnd spent
tho vacation firing at that dog through
tho windows, and down tho chimney,
and up through tho cellar celling, with
a shot-gun, trying to extormlnato him.
And that morcantilo establishment did
not open for trade until tho man had
paid twico tho first cost of tho dog to
tlio dog's former owner to como and
tako it homo; and then, when ho got
in ho found that during tho bombard
ment holes had been shot through mack
erel barrels and molasses cans and coal
oil kegs so that thero was misery and
ruin every whero, SVew York Mamlard.
Scrciiailhi;," Under Dlilleiiltiis.
Tho Clovcland Leader says; "A
young Romeo resIdingonlGardcn street,
whoso volco has just commenced to
change, and sings nny whero along tho
scalo from falsetto to tho homo base,
purchased a forty dollar guitar n few
week slnco. and last week thought ho
would serenado lils Julb tto, who lives
on tho samo street. Hastily cliowlng a
fow bronchial troches to clear his pipes,
ho crept within tho shado of n bay win
dow nnd nervously began clawing tho
instrumental chords, whllo ho fioftly
tipped n ballad to his charmer iusldo
Ho had just sung.
"Thcro's muslo In tho midnight nlr,"
when ho became convinced that there
ns solo leather soaring nbout through
tlio iitmosphero also, and beforo ho
could strlko tho chorus ho found tho
stuffing kicked out of ills guitar, and
himself in tho roaduslug his nose ns a
shovol plough. Tho gill's father had
Just returned from down town ut an
unusually late, hour henco tho result.
Tho warbler is now practicing on tho
concertina nud gcttltig his pants half
soled with bhect-iron. Hosays ho will
mako tho old man sick If tho bellows
don't go back on him.
Making a "V" A story Is told of
an auctioneer, who was provoklngly an
noyed, whllo in tho cxorclso of his pro
fession, by tho ludicrous bldsofn fellow
whoso object seemed to bo to mnko sport
of buyers, rather than to buy himself.
At leugth, enraged beyond endurance,
tho knight of tho Ivory hammer, look
lug around tho room for a champion to
uvongo his wrongs, fixed his oyo upon n
bipod of hugo dimensions, n very mon
arch in strength, and cried out,
"Marlow, what shall I glvo you to
put this fellow out?"
"I tako ono five-dollar bill."
"Dono. ; you shall hnvo It."
Assuming tho ferocious, knitting bis
brows, spreading his nostrils llko a
lion's, nud putting on tho wolf all over
his head nud shouldors, old Marlow
atrodo off to tho aggressor nnd seizing
tho terrified wretch by tho collar, said
to hliu In n vhI9p0r that was heard all
over tho room,
"My good filend, you go out with 1110
I glvo you half tho inonoy.
"Dono! dono I" said tho follow.
"Hurrah! hurrah I" shouted tho au
dleiico.
Tho auctioneer had tho cootl setuo to
ljolu 'In tho laugh, stud coolly forked
I ,,1 ll.n ir
. I ' " 'i..' , I ' ( i
r ?ii u ;
'lac i . ., wii tart; , '
DEM. - - VOL. XXXVI NO. 13.
"lallcr Dogs"
MARK TWAIN'S HISTORY OF TUB
FOUNDER OF THE FAMILY AND HI8
DESCENDANTS,
WhonNoah disembarked at Ararat
ho had scarcoly touchod tho pier whon
ho proceeded to tally his passongors.
Ho had Just checked his last Item in tho
list a Mr. and Mrs. Bedbug when
tho cringing flguro of a quadruped camo
sneaking down tho gangplank with his
tall between his legs. "Drntlt.lf thero
ain't thnttharyallcr dog!" says Noah,
niminga vicious kick with his brogan
nt tho brute. But, with a facility born
of long nnd bitter experience, tho bruto
dodged tho projectile, nnd ejaculating
"kiyi," which is Syriac for ''declined
With thanks," or "not for Jo" ho, tils
appeared, whllo Noah, who had his sea
lega on, wosunablo lo recoyer his cqullll
brlum, andsat down with emphasis on
tho back of his head.
Noah arose, and in nccordauco with
thostyloprovalont among tho patriarchs
proceeded to sootho his affronted digni
ty by pronouncing a variegated auatho
ma upon tho yaller dog, which had
characteristically sneaked unobserved
on board In tho confusion of putting to
sen, and capsized tho captain at tho first
port. Ho cursed that dog in body, and
limb, bnrk, hair, hido, tall nnd wag,
and all his generations and kindred, by
consanguinity or affinity, and his heirs
and assigns. Ho cursed him with end
less hunger, with perpetual fear, with
perennial lazincss.witli hopoles3 mango,
with Incessant fleas, and with his tall
between his legs. Ho closed his stock
ot maledictions by a sparkling display
of pyrotechnics from the demoralizing
effects of which tho yaller dog has never
recovered.
With this curso sticking to mm nuu
a revenuo stamp, tho yaller dog can't
help being "cussed." Ho don't try to
help it. Ho follows Noah's programme
Willi sneaking fidelity. Ho is an lsh
maolito among dogs. Ho receives tho
most oppressivo courtesies in tho form
of brickbats, boots aud hot wator, which
which mako3hi3lifo an animated target
excursion.
Ho boards nroundlinoa districtschool-
teacher, and It is meal timo with him
twenty-four hours in the day. Tho rest
of tho timo ho hankers after something
to cnt. Ho is too omnivorous for an
epicure. Cram him nt Delmonico's,
and ho would hunger for dessert from
au Albany boarding house.
Ho can't bo utilized, Ho is too tired.
As n swill-cart locomotive, a huntor, or
a scntinol, ho Is an iguomlniou3 failure.
Tho dog churn was n strategetic attempt
to omploy his waste energies, but ho
hadn't any wnst energies, and butter
had too much self-rospect to "como" at
his persuasion. So tho dog churn was
dropped.
No sausage maker daro forccioso
t-'" Hon nn flin vnllor rlw. J-nc flis
customers no longer "soothed nnd sus
tained by an unfaltorlng trust" trans
fer their patronage to somo less auda
cious dealer. Tho savages, who admiro
baked dog, and who can even attack
tripo and oxploro tho mysterlesof hash,
without dismay, acknowledged tho
yaller dog to bo too much for their gas
tric intrepidity.
Ho alway3 manages to belong to a
ragged, tobacco-chewing, whisky-drink-ing
master, whoso business iss'wapping
dogs and evading tho dog tax. Tho
yaller dog is acquainted with himself,
and lie enjoys the intimacy with edify
ing contempt. Ho slinks along through
llfo on a diagonal dog-trot, as If In doubt
which end of him Is entitled to prefer
ence, Ho is always pervaded by a
hang-dog sense of guilt, and when ro
trlbutlvc tlnwaro is fastened to his tail,
ho "files tho wrath to como," with a
terrified celerity which ought to be very
suggestlvo to two-legged sinners who
havo a similar ordeal ih storo for them.
Tho yaller dogls woll, to speak in
italics, ho Is a slouch.
A Novel Announcement. In tho
villago of North Bennington, a fow
miles from Troy, an old Universallst
church 13 occupied Jointly for servlco by
tho Methodists In tho morning nnd tho
Uulversalists In tho ovening. Tho other
day tho Universallst preacher, Rov. Mr.
Carson Parker, who was deposed a few
months slnco from tho ministry In tho
Methodist church, nnnouueed in tho
papers that on tho following Sunday
evening ho would proach on tho "Death
of tho Devil." As n matter of courtesy
tlio Methodist clergyman, Rev. S. W.
Clemens, officiating in tho morning,
announced tho services for tho ovening,
and did it In tho following quaint and
original way. Said ho: "This ovoning,
my friends, thero is to be a funeral in
this house. Ono peculiarity about tho
services will bo that tho son preaches
tho father's funeral sermon. Mourners
aud relatives nro Invited to tako tho
body pews." This was Bald In tho
gravest maimer by tho spoaker, but it
is needless to say that n quiet smile ran
over tho faces of tho worshippers.
Whether tho body pows wero occupied
or not at tho "funeral" deponent salth
not.
Another Version of the Hatchet Story.
Tho Chicago Tribune has n new vor
slon of tho hatchet story: "Wnshlng
ton's parents wero very particular ns to
littlo Georglo's playfellows, never al
lowing nny but his Httlo cousins or
nephews to visit him. Ouo of theso
playfellows, nnd in somo wny connect
od, was 0110 of tho CustU boys. Among
othor cognomens bostowed upon this
youth at his christening was that of
Isaac. Well, isaao nnd ueorglo wero
playing together In tho orchard on tho
day whon tho historic cherry treowns
disfigured. Tho paternal Washington
camo along ,and was very much onraged
to see his rnvorrito treo cut nuu nacKeti
In a very bungling mnnuer. Bo ho said
to Qoorgle, 'Como hero, you rascal !
Who cut this cherry trooof mlnoV'
Goorglo gaced fora momcutnt thorld
Ing-Whlp In tho old gcnllemau'a hand
and then vepl led, "Father, I cannot toll
n llo Il;e cut U with my lUtle hatchet."
An Elmlra lady, whoso son has been
cngod for ovll dolug, saya thoy nro ''go
Ing to got hlni clear on a writ of cholera
morbus."
.Ono lnoli, (twolvo linen or IU rriulfilont la
luwfltonliftSjOU0 orl,TO"1"lrlloIll,i"'w thr!J
BPACJl
lit. 2.M. sir. Oaf, lr.
Ono IncJi
lio.no
IS.(X
18(10
2,no
m,m
o).m
loo.w
TWO 11
Throo
o Inclics.: . &$ i,m li.oii
Four lncho)i(.M? 7,00
JO) 11,(10 17,01
Onnrtor column,,., lo.nn ls,w n.oo ao.oo
air column
...l.VJO n,oo !,(, m.w
,,..80,1X1 50,00 M.00 00,00
Olio coin mu.
EjrOrintnr'll nr Adinlntlratni-fl Mntl-. t.lril
Auditor's or Asslsnce's Notice, 52,50. '
Local notices, twenty cants a lino.
r-..,i. 1,, nn...i '''J'kiJj..i, ....
i wimi n m-J ..itnim'M .jiiieuiAiry column,
J2.00 ptr year for tuo drat W o lines, and Jl,w for
oacli nddllloual Huo. . , ,
t . . i , i
Humoreua,
Aclinp whd roomsup nbovo thooavis
trough lmpertinqntly remarks Hint al
though tho naturalists mako no mention
of Indin-rubb6r bird, hdhasseeli dovoi
that woro gutlcr-pof chow.
Tho CirtsllJil Si'crdary quotes' a ro
mark mado by a Connecticut sheriff:
"If nny man seriously doubts tho Blblo
doctrlno. ef human depravity, I only
nsk that ho be sheriff c-T this county for
ono year."
A Michigan Indian attempted to open
a can of nltro glycorlno with his toma
hawk. Ho got it open and immediately
hurried nwny, with tho exception of
ono arm and a thigh bono. Nothing has
been heard of him einco.
In a caso recently tried nt Bristol,
England, tho recorder, after listening to
tho testimony, has briefly summed up
tho caso in n laconic "addrcsn In thn
Jury" probably tho curtcst address of
tho kind on record "Gentlnmnn nf Mm
Jury, which of tho parties has 'spoken
1110 iruin c
A paper having1 been asked "What Is
tho best troatrHent to prevent tho dovol-
opmont of hydrophobia in dogs?" ro
pllesthat if tlio dog gots water enough it
is nrettv certain hocan't havo tho dlsoasa
The safest way to Insurohlm an abund
auco of this indlsponsablo fluid is to
anchor him inaboutsovon foot of water,
so that his head will bo from eighteen
to twenty Inches below tho surface.
In n Texan town, tho other dav. a
lecislator of African lincairo was seen
with a roll of urcenbacks in his hand.
over which ho wa3 cackling loudly. A
bystander' inquired: "What nro you
iauchlngat, Jim?" Jitnrcnliod: "iTou
seo dat money V" "Yes." "Woll. boss.
Jus' got dat for ray vote. I'so been
bought rouror'fivo times In my life, but
dls Is do fust timo I ever got do cash
myself."
This Is tho wny they report nn nttcm n t
at robbery in California: "After walk-
ing half.11. Jilnrtk. thn sport suddenly
stonneu anu askon MrTn,a
hnd anything with Jiim. Without nny
hesitation Mr, jacKson pointed two re
volvers nt tho sport, and asked him
which would ho prefer. Tho reply was
that ho did not want anything to do
with him. Jackson could not walk as
fast as tho other man did, and conse
quently had to go to his hotel aiono.
A fourtoen-year-old girl was a wit
ness in a recent Indiana divorce suit,
and a portion of her evidence was a3
follows :
"Father got mad becauso mother
starched his stockings, mother picked
up tho stockings and hit.father on the
head with them, and It sounded as
though thoy wero sticks of wood.
Father thon stuffed a hot wheat cako
down mother's throat, and then mother
set tho dog on father nnd twisted tho
dog's tnll to mako him bito harder."
Wo read tho following Rochester re
ceipt for making soup : Tako a nail of
water and wash ,it clean. Then boll It
till it is brown .on both sides. Pour in
ono bean. When tho bean begins to
worry; proparo to simmer. If soup
won't simmer it's tod rich. Pour in
moro water. Dry tho water with n
towel beforo you put it in. Tho dryer
tiiu iriitui tuu Duitura It Yimxuna. 01111-
mor tbo soup until tho bean bursts
inuerhinrr. Thon add somo wator and
servo hot at twenty five "cents a bowl.
Captain Jono3. of Stonincton. is re
sponsible for tho following: On I1I3
passago from Now York n fow years
ugo, hoobserved, ono summer afternoon ,
n noavy ciouu arise irom tnoianti, and,
to bts great surprise, approach tho ves
sel. Suddenly it broko near him, and
covered tho deck with millions of mos
quitoes, whllo part of tho llock went
through tho mainsail, leaving nothing
but tho bolt-ropes hanging Idly to tho
spars. Corroborativo ovidenco to this
astonisning laio was round m tno per
son of n "down-east skipper," who
heard tho story, and who on comparing
dates with tho narrative, declared that
two uay3 aitcrwaru, 110 was ooaruou uy
the amo flock of mosnuItoo3. and thty
all woro eanva3 breeches.
In a country placo in Franco tho lady
of ono of tho neighboring chateaux
was accustomed, as most French ladies
are, to havo what might bo called her
"beggars in ordinary." ono or tnoso
was waiting, a fow months ago, at tho
door of tho chateau at an early hour of
tno uay. liaving gono to aea lato tuo
nignt neioro, tuo lady hnd not risen ho
tlines, and tho beggar waxed impatient.
At last, turning to tho footman, he said,
now loner d'yosunnososhoMl bo before
sho comes?"
"Really. I can't say." answered tho
servant ; "maybo ton minutes, inaybo
an hour and a half,"
"Thon I'll toll vo what it is." retorted
the mendicant, "sho may nrovldo her
self with another beggar. Tell her that
lor mo."
And so saying, away ho wont.
Ono dark night, not long ngo, a burg
lar entered a private rcsldenco In a
country town. On ascending ono flight
of stairs ho observed n light In a ch.i
bcr, and whllo deliberating what to .1 1
largo woman suddenly descemu-.i
upon him, seized mm by tlio turoK-,
pushed him down through tho hall it
forced him Into tho street beforo ho lm I
timo to think. "Heroic Repulse of
Burglar by a Woman," was tho way I 1
which tho story nppenrcd in tho now-
paners tno next uay. uut wnen lriei n
called and congratulated her upon 1 r
courago, sho exclaimed "Good gi.t
'clous, I didn't know It was a burglur.
if l had 1 should havo been lrigiiieni'U
to death. I thought it was my husband
como homo drunk. again, and I was di
tcrraincd hosiiouidn'tstay in tne notiso
in that condition.
Tho Now York Citizen has put on
now theatrical critic, wno uius begins
a notico of tho "Black Crook :" When
now Is tho erstwhile glad frondescenu
of your garish grottoes, tho flamml votn
ous effulgonco of your Hades, tho fluvl
atlc mockery of your copper-bottomed
lakes, tho Irapermeablo cotton of
your oscillating foam, or tho flocculent
ilorcseenco of your glowing muslin
roses ? And whero. Indeed, tho horrors
of your delirious, vastv deep, tho splen
dor of your apoplectic rainbow, tho dla-
pnonoua nbuutiancooi your tissuo paper
skios, tho lllccebrous nictitation of your
lowy prosiraio veatuisou ineir mot Mi-
banks of balzo?" Thero has been im
resnouso to these Interrogatories oven
coho Is knocked speechless.
A sojourner In Washington sends tlio
following: I am particularly fond of
Joraon-pTo and ice-cream for dessert.
At hotel I went on peaceably for
a couplo of weeks, but always eating
loraon-pio under ft silent protest, for 1
was a stranger j and did not llko to mako
objections. Plnally I called a wnlter
nnd said :
"John, ! hnvo nothing to say about
tho ico crcain, hut what klud of a pio la
tula ?"
"What kind of a pio did you order,
sah ?"
"I ordered lemon-plo, hut this appears
(o bo drlcd-applo."
litiv o i. ivuniu-iiv, cm,, AUU uu,v
doy haa n wny of uilxln' dried applca In
do lemon-plo hero, sah, to dat extent it
requires a man of ability to 'stlnguish
'em apart, sah. Do lemon la scaso, you
know, and doyjias to.'eeonomUo 'em so
as to mako ono lemon do for sixteen
pies,"