Newspaper Page Text
I? ATKS OP' 7 OTITIB1NG.
Obs Ineri, (frelro llno or Ua mof-' u
m I'lnir.ifiiiKi) uvmtY Friday mouninu
IN THn OOLUMnlAN 11UU.DINO NEAriTltE
COUIIT tlOUHK, lltoOUBDUna, l'A., B V
CHARLES B. BROCKWAY,
nntToii and rnorniKTon.
fforms-Jwo Dollars a Year payaUo In advanco,
OfalldcscrlpUonii executed Willi neatness nnd
dlspntcli nt reasonable rates.
Columbia County Official Directory,
l'rmlitenl.tuilat WILLIAM Item,
yttrocfaM Jutlott IMAM DK11K, JsAAU 13. JION
J'rothnnolan.Ae. KvrtoM'lt JI. RtNOLr.it.
JleirUler .1- Jlccortle r VI I.I.t A MSON 1 1 , J Al'oli Y.
iniri'- i(trcyjAJira llUYSOri, Jit.
tflfr((r AAllON SMITH.
iViririoi Isaac DliWITT.
IVeiiinrcr William Lamon.
UiNiut(uncn uviiuh UnijiiiNS, 1III:AI J,
M III. 11. , 1 1.J.I rMMKFI.lt,
CViM'(on'u' CYcr William KntCKii.UfM.
jIIhWijM-I'. J. CAMrilEI.L, DANIEL LKE,
V II A II 1.1-1 1.111V IS Kit
( orolirr llttA ltt.t.:l (1. Mtftinri v
JiniOimmujiuiirri iBAAuiicIliUDE.JoIlN JIo
A N A Lb.
Coiii 6iertii(tiic(ffii-ciiAiata a. eaukley
vJd'.n" I',r -"''"W-DIrcrlorn, H. II. MiLi.nn
Wii.i.iam KliAMKii, Illoomsburg, nnd Johnhoii
. ... ..x ... uiiijiniAm, e,JlAULfc8 lUKBEll, ECC ) ,
Eloomsuurg Official Directory,
lltocjtulvrt Jlanhlnp Co. John Ai FUNSTOJt
j i i-Miii in, ii, ji. uhiitz. cnsnier.
, A'Ktoimi y;anfc-UHAB, It. l'AXToN.l'rcs't ,
J. 1'. Ti'stin. Cnshlcr.
uclatwn-i:. 11. Little, Prcs'l., C. W. Milled
Jlloiimshurti Jluthlina nml Htnlnif 7-Vm( Aisorw-
- wm. ih.woik, mn., J, it. iioinsoN, sec,
Jlloomtbiny Mutual Unrlpg f-Vml Aimeintton
3,3, linowMi, President, c. O.llAHKi.i'.v, Hco'y,
pAFEIl 1IAUS Just lecclvtd una forsnlontths
L Col.UJlUIAN Ulllco.
DAVID L0WKN11KRU, MerchnntTnitor.Matu
st.,nbovo Amerlcnli House,
WM. MORIttH, Mcrclinnt Tnllor comer ort'eu
tro una Mutu St., ovor Miller's store.
" onutis, "CHEMICALS, Ac."
EF. liU'lDrugglstnnd Apothecary. Main bt.
. below tho Post Olllce.
CLOCKS, WATCHES, AO.
OK. SAVAGE, dealer In Clocks, Watches nnd
Jewelry, Main st., Just below tlio American
f GUIS lIERNllAltn. Watch nnd Clock maker
11 ucar southeast corner Malnnud Iron sts.
R CATHCAHT, Wntch nnd Clock Mnker.Mnr
. ket itrcet, below Mnlu,
BOOTS AND SHOES.
T.I M.KNOUH. Denier In llnnlM mill Mlirieu. lnti
I1;, aud bft styles, corner Main and Maiket
mretis, in 1110 oiu l'ost umce.
1avii) HKTZ, Hoot nndShocmnlcer, Mnlu St
u uv iuiv iiuiiiunu'ssioro,wesi 01 lnrkot.
nllNHY KI.KIM, Jlnnufnctuier mid dealer lu
Horns nnd Shoes, Uioccrlcs, etc., Mnlu street,
H. C. HOWKIt, Hurgcou IJeutlst, Malu st.
abovo Hie Court House.
DK. WM. M. HUllEIt surgeon and l'hyslclan,
Olflco over tho ! lrbt National, linnk.
. HAUKI.IJY, Attoruey-nt-Lnw. OUlce,2d
lloorlll Kxchmmn lUnrlr. Ti,nftlin.it'T-.l...,ru
IT.., ..I " "-"t.
Hurccnn nnd lhVNlfInn
j . uuriuhiau iuuiii hi,
T O. HUTTKIt, M. I). Hurgoou una l'liyalcluu
C .'iwiiiH ntlVVt, UUUVD iUUlU,
li. UOI1ISON, Attorney.ftt.Luw, Ollicellart-
It. II, K. KINNKY, Hurgeon iJontlst. Teeth
juAuiiuiuu wimmupiuu: jjiaiuht., nearly op
T H. KVANH, M. I)., Hurt;con Htiil IMiyblclau,
Itco over Klelm'H Irs Store, itstdeuco one
ituui iiriuu ihjv, if. j. llliei".
MILLINEIIY & FANCY COODS.
I.i l'irrr.IlMAN, Millinery nnd l ancy Ooods,
U, opposite l.'plscopal Chuich.Malust,
lliss I.1ZZIK ItAUKLUY, Milliner, Hamsey
JJJ. llllUIIi HI It til bi.lil.-L,
MIRS jr. DKltUICKSON, Millinery nnd Fancy
floods, Main St., below Market.
S1IIS. JULIA A. & BAD1! nAHi:r.Kvri.i,.iis'
ill Cloaks and Dress I'attcruj, southeast come'
Mini: MISSKS HAItMAN Millinery una Fancy
HOTELS AND SALOONS.
U0HK8 HOTKL, by T. IJcnl. Taylor, east cud
I ot Main street,
jrEUCHANTS AND CnoCERS.
I V MA Kit, Dry Oooils and
U west comer Main ami Iron i
IjiOX A WKI11I, Confectloneiy nnd linkery,
. ...luunuiuuiiu 1 ,-,.,11, ..Al-liltllU I.IUCKi
n r. HOWKIt, HntsiindCaps.IiootsaudShoes,
. Main st above Court House.
1 11. MAIKi:, Mnmmoth (irncery,
,1 . rerles, Fruits, Nuta, l'rovlslou.
M'KIII.VY, NKAI. ,t CO., dcaleis In 1
Uiocerles, Flour, Feed, Salt, Fish. I
ete.,N, K. cor. Main nnd Market sts.
Q H. MII.LL-It A KIN, dcnlcrs in Dry Ooods,
O. Orocertrs, Queenswaie, Flour, halt, hhocs.
H M, (JIIHISTMAN, Saddle, Trunk A Harness
J. inalicr, Slilvo's IllocK Main Street.
DV. ItOUllINS.llriuordealersecoud door from
' uoitliwest comer Main aud Irdncts.
Ll J. THOUNTON, Vnll l'aper, Window Shades
U. und Ilxtuits. Itnrerl block. Jlalu st,
GJ. Jv: T0'lKII'. Funiitnro Rooms, three story
i F.yer's Store, Malu st.
I ,H- KDHN, denier In Miat, Tallow, etc., t'licm
1' Iierllu's alley, 1 ear of Ainerinin House.
OASirKI. JAC0I1Y, Marble I'nd Ilro
k', orks, Last llloonisburg.IJcrwlck ro
WM, It ABU, dealer In furnlturo, trunks, ceder
w lllow ware, near the Forks Hotel,
Ii.!.l',,1I,,)I'.K?I.AN Ageia for Muusou'o Copper
U' Tubular Lightning Kod.
ft FOSTKIt.aiuo Slakcr, nnd White nnd Fancy
U. Tanner, Scottowu.
TOTi; l'OOICS. nnd blank NOTFS, with or with,
itllce" cstml,llon'lor bul M thu COLUMUIAN
. Hobblus' llulldlug.
!)K.i:..Ki Jt01.11'.'! Biirgeou aud l'hyslclan
1 Second Ht below Main,
GIL1IH11T A KLINE, dry goods, groceries, and
general merchandUe, Main street
T II, KIHTLr.lt, "Oittawtssa Housed Forlh
. Corner Main unu Second Streets.
L KLILLIt, ISillard Saloou, Oysters, and ice
. Cream In season Main St. ' 116
MM. nitoilST. dealer In (JeneralMerchandUo
. Dry Hoods, Urocertes o,
ai'SQULHANNA or ilrlck Hotel
U bunder Pionrlplnr mull,. cut
beCOUll Htrnf t '
corner Main and
yM.U, AIII101T, Attorney ntlaw, MalnSL
HF. OMAN A; Co.. Wheelwrljhts, arst door
, abovo School House, '
J Sioot,'Vud" ho,e,MRUUfiU!tUrCr "nd Jwler '"
H. Uinu b,,?i",1" Ht0Vt,H R,ld m wareTu
PrTi1,'.!f.,'JfiT,,l1,.llcrBtld dlnlf r kinds oi
rurcli"i,d r,lta' A" MuaH "U'ft"i
'ljZMBiiTuDa l'ikDiD M,ii
ioVi5,:r1,LI,1,1OKMA.KI-11- " iry
U'o.l,'Kmcelerli's niiil cenernl inercliniidie
VOLUME VI. - - - NO 15.
H .!:.!M:lm,,?t,' DUOTIir.Il,Cnrrciilersniii
U. llulldeis, Mnln St., below l'luo,
nnd refreshment Hnloou. by
HIV, ' M1;0.A,1!om'.''liylclniinmlHHrEeo!1
LMiiln sl nest door to Hood's Hotel,
DAVII) IIKUItlNd, rionrntHlGrlatMUI.nud
TAMKH It. HAKMAN. Cnblnet Maker and Un
J deitnkcr. Mnlu m below l'lae.
ScmjYM:It & CO., Iron fonnnerii.Mnclilulsls
and Jlauurnctmets of plows, will bt.
Diuuiuui aim uiuiui m
FHAKK S3IITH, Proiirlolor.
N. It. 'Din Inrntlr,,, U oM.l,nl it,
nttcntlve, nnd tho tables Miptilled with the best
tlio market allorda, Iresli nnd well cooked. Uivo
T il. UEPITKATIT.
if 0 WITH
15AKNKW, BKO. & HEHKON,
hats, cai's, stuaw aooua & runs,
No, 60J MoriSl street,
YAINWRIQIIT & CO.,
N. i:. Corner Second nnd Arch mrccU,
TKAS, SYRUPS, COFFLK, SUOAF., MOLAHUKS
men, Briers, ill c.vitn boda, ac, ac.
a-Orders will rccilvo prompt iittcntlon.
HEAR, SCHROPP & CO.,
CHINA, OLASS AND QUKENSWAltK,
No. lua NOUTH SKCONDST.,
e-OrlBlnal assorted racknges of Queenswnro
coustnutlv on hand. ieb'.'J'7J-tl.
ATTOItNEY AT LAW,
OtltCO Cotirt-llonso Allev. Uotntxr IhA rnrirw
niAN Olllce, Dloomsburg l'a.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
4(T Ol-FICE Court llnusn Allpv In thft rn.
lxtmi.ian building. IJnul.'67.
Q W. MILLER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
O.'lice Court IIollEO Allev. Iiel nw tlio 1-mnw.
ni.N Olllce. llounttes, llnck-Pny nnd Pensions
collected. Jlloomvburi; l'a. sep.'JO'OT
JOHN M. CLARK,
ATTOItNEY AT LAW.
lower's Store, Main street,
ROBERT F. CLARK,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Olllrn Mnlu Strei.l. Iirlnm ,1,, r-rt. irn.,.n
Jiuuinsijiiig i eiin a.
ATTORNEY AT LAV,
OHIco Willi J. G. I'rceze.ilrower's Illock.
Can bo consulted In acrmar or EngllBh.
QHAIU.ES 0. LEIDY,
OFFICE ON OAK STREET, MOUNT CARJI EL
NOKTIIUJIIIKHLAKD COCSTY, PA.
Collections nromntlv mm!p I'nivorni.in
ninllv executed an. all
id with hli i olesslon e.iieiully aitiuilid to In
.....jiiuui, ,,ui iiiuiiiuLriiiuii auu continual conn
ptJEW STOVE AND TIN SHOP.
.Malu Street one ilnnr nlinvn 1 Arnn.,a.,i,..iir.
A largo assortment or BUives. Heaters and
.umcn eonstautlv on bund, imii im- cui., ,,t. n.
uunlnaluall Its liranehescarofullyatlondedto,
.... Quuamtiiuii ijimriimreu.
ii i worn oi nil kinds wholesale mid retail.
tai Is lequcsted.
hi a it ii i. v
w n Zi s.
MAI.V STUEKT, 11EI.OW HAIIKBT,
Monuments. Tombs. IleinKtnnr.s .(- l-rtrlr
eallv executed. Orilfrs liv mnll ... 1 1 1
piclnl attention. N. II, Work delivered freo ol
'"WV:- i. L,. uu.t(in, proprietor.
octU71-tf. p. 6. liox 207.
Into frcm Gemianv. oilers bis servieos tn i,a
..,u,,u i. .-Jiiruiiiieii
HORSE AND COW DOCTOR.
ml alt other anlmnls. fnrriii,.ii lu i.n..u n..
moderate. Ho can always bo Inund casl "slilo oi
Dloonibburg, JIuy 12. lS7.iy.
. . n"". ioiiu, ueill-i. II. jacODV'S MarOlo YaTil
TDARGAINS BARGA INS.
QUICK SALES ANrt SMALL PROVITa.
SAVE YOUR MONEY,
11 1.' Ml, V vnun
llbt lltOOlllSbUli' P.L.. fnr r1 IrlmUnf IS.K..I
homo aud city made 1
Prices reasonable nnd tlm h r...ir .inA
Jnu l'7i tl
D A N V I L L E
WILLIAM II. L.VV.',
Manufacturer of Wrntlflif Trnn Itrl.l'.u HMllnrj
(jasholders, Fireproof llulhllugs, Winuulit Iron
uuiiiiK, iiniiiiiig iTiimes, I' lnnruig anil noors,
J'11"! tint ca and fencing, alio Wioughtliou pip-
i . '. I , 11 ltmu' oi riilllll woiic, ic.
.IT. .1 t,l,nl,u iiiieiiueil in.
OOtH'Jl'.W' S'' nUj I:s"mftl'', BUprllCd.
in.iv juiii-.. lunii. and i.i vEiti'onr,
tW.ANl. hUI,l..l-(l','l:ilhn S I'KA MKl liisj,
THE SIX LA 11(11' HT IN 'J III! wrilii.
OCEANIC, LELTIO. IlEl'UIILIL-
I'n m ,. '
ATLANTIC. IIALTIC, ADRIATIC
U.WUtoliK burden a.UXlli. n. rnl, "',
ti.w u iniiK uumen a.WJO h. n. rnch.
SallliiL' from New York mi SATIIItiiA vu r.
ivernool on THL'llSDAYS. and Cnrl.- I i..ViT..
iiiu nny iiiuowiiig,
From thu White Star Ilnrlr. linvitnh iv
Jersey City, '
iiisbinger nccomnioaaiions rror all classetl
SAFI.1 Y, SPEED, AND COM I OUT.
SnlOOIlS. btatc-ruoms. slnrilcliicrnn,,, ,.,..) i..,,i.
rooms in luidbhln section, w hero liubi motion Is
lelt. Sumeons ntul t,.-n,.i..k...j n...
theso steiiineis. " "-""r-"
UATi-h-haioon 8P i gold. Steerage. tSOcurren.
I . 'HiOnOWlshluir In sett.l fT. ,.i..',i .i...
Old Country run now obtain slceraro nieiialii
ecrtlllcates, 113 currency. "-""to I upam
jussiiigeis uoosen io or from nil units r
merlea. Purls. Ilslnliiirnh Vi7,i!,. t."',"..! 1
.illusion uiKiis grunim at lowest rales.
Drafts frinil 1 nnuiirils. '
For Inspectloii of plans undotherlnfnrraatlon,
PPiy to No. 10 Uroudwuy, New York.
. v.."i "a ikn, Azcut,
Or lo W, PEACOCK, "'Ul'
Jnitlfir llloouisliiiix'. l'n.
If. t iiriwrtt mfvptiw
Kcnrrthtlly otrers his professional servlcMi to
the ladles nnd Kviillrmcn of Hlooinsburoniid vi,
clnlty. Ho Is prepared to attend tonll the vnrl.
mi ipi union'! in me lino or ins prolesslon, nnd
........ Hmuiniii uu llllt'lllll un ((OIU piaUnR
Bilvcr nnd rubber b.iso to look ns well nsthn nn".
urnl teeth. Teeth extracted bv nil tun nnw ttnf
mos tnpproved met hods, nm) ail nptrntloiw on
Iholeetficnrcfullyniid nroneilr nttemltd in.
Itcslilenrn nml nlllnr, n V.,,., nl.n.... .t.
V...IUI, iiiiiini', sumo sloe.
iiioouisnurj, jau. I'.i ly
rjVIE GREAT MAGICAL
ss A J R r o ri J! n i
Will force n tienntlfitl wnl. r.r -V1M,U1,AU nr..-
ii'.?,1'' ln,rrol; two to three mouths, on nny i,er
son over twelvoyenrs old. It Is ono of tlio best
; ,-. '.v. , " wiiisKom grow Hint
jerwns lmown. onobollloofil Issuillcicnl lo
J.V., . ,l".-v uemu, it does not In nny
way staluorliijuro tho sk In. Try ill It Is nti
liiiinbue. l'riro :r, -in i,,.i.. L.., , ..
ii'iili post paid, t nny mldress, on receii.t
price. Address WILLIAM C. U AUNUIl.1
TMy. Adams (.oimiv.l'nnim
T V r. A N CE A 0 E N 0 Y
Fulton II, Y '
Nnrlh Am, i u a
Niagara N. Y ., '
MprtuxKehl ' " "
l Hl ln. l: l)iiuvill',N.Y
Danville, Hoioo Tlion .' .
Ocrinaula, N. Y
FKKAS BIIOVJ), Armt,
in:iu l-ly. IlLnoWdUUin 'a
J.1NKLEY KNITTING MACHINE
Till: SIMI'LIOT, CHEAPEST AND HIST I.N
u.ii.i jiam HUT ONE NEEDLEI A
CHILD CAN HUN IT I
Di signed (specially for tho use of families, and
nines imo uturo loltnlt for tho market. Will
i.o eveiy snicli of tlio kulttluir In n. stnckln..
wiucningnnil narrowing ns rcmllly as by liaml.
li'..i, , A,tl "sy tp miinngp, and not
biv . ., e .null. Jit vry l UUlliy SUOUId
u want im Agent In ccry town to intrndnr
Ull sell till In. In l l.r.m r,, II,. r II, ,...,. nt.. ::.i
. i'mii-iii-.. i-L'IIll lorci rLln.lllnri.lul Slinnt.l..
. ,,V- V 'I''Y KMTTIXa MACHINE CO.,
1. 10, ,i-ly. Dal h, Me.
Eiis opcnid a Ilrst-class
i'. oiiuu, J1AT CAP, AS1) l'L'P. ilTOltl"
at tho old stand on Mam Street, Rloomsburc alow
doors abovo tho Court House. His s toe k lscofn!
cd to tho citizens of Columbia County. Hocan
mi'u'sIlUB bonis T, ii"fa' K'?Hf-
double soled boots and.bhoes of all kinds, men's
gloyukid I!? moral shopmen's. womcu'sboys'n
and misses' lasting gutters, women's t-lovo kid
:.,V , ,lr "ne.womcu smoioccolinlnnirnlsnnd
L-ed and sewed ' "'f PCS
m1f.Int,nrUld aIso cftU nltl!!l'1on lo bis flno assort.
ATS, CAI'S, FURS AND NOTIONS,
which comnrisen nil tim .,. ,
S;t,Wt7,ltl1 canuotfnlllosultnli. Tl'eso
...n , "v.vv, in luwesi, casn rales and
KsnllelPIdTr1'66'1 IOiglV. "Sftlon. A Villi
,fi. ,. . ' iiben.ro Purchasing elsewhere as It In
ri?vVd tlla' better bargains aro to bo found
ttian atnny other placo 111 tho connty.
TII?.,0,J?ANGK VI r'fjU -MANUFAC-
X TURING COMPANY.
of tho moat Approved Pattern's.
nn a i!fi(i:iK i
oi nil descriptions.
General Merchandise, Lumber, etc., etc.
O RANGE VILLE, PA.
lioth Lever nnd Tread I'oivcr.
I'lowu o!- every I5ostriilio:i,
nmoua which will bolliocelebratod
KNOB MOUNTAIN HERO,
ni Unnwleiliedbyalllnbolho best plow extant
lor thu tanner. Also tho
iiuiiiiwun, sttsriis' lacl mi
ALSO, DOUBLE CORN PLOWS,
pf every descrlpllon. Wo shull uso nonobut the
in.iiriiiiiiuuii employ nouo inn Cfimpeteut
and experlentvd iiaehnnlos and our prices will
ciinpaioiivotably with any other manufacttir-
COUntrV PrOiltlCe. r.nmlinr. 111,1 Trnn ,nl..,.. I..
ej.i ii.umii. wn nlKo liiivnit store lu eouiiei tiou
wiiu our AKrieultur.il Works, where niav be
i.iumi u inn iisnriiueue oi AI i.l.LIi ANDIHK
Milled Will be sold lit sill. ill itrnlllu. Ill,. ..
1 "" 1 i in i nulling eisowiiero uua wo giiur-
!llll01 L.ilkli.nl n.i
V,'. F. PIATT, Proprietor,
11ENTON, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA.
This well known Hnni.n )inuit, i,n. .. i
uioiougu lepair Is now open lor the reception ul
visitors. No pains havo been spared lu ensuie
till, liurlecL ciinilfirt it miu.1. ln. ..tA,...
...... ,,,, iiuiii uio ixoiei in uioomsuurg
and ntermedlalo points on Tuesday, Thursday
und Saturday of each week. Man Plwl
IHE ESPY IIOTEi,.
rarv, columhia county, pa.
T,!1M..1;!u,,"i;sls11,t'J wmllcl miorni tho travelling
uu le thai hu ha taken tho above nauitil ostob
Uliluent and tlininii ti r..,ti,..i ...........
??',U,?litfstil!ql,,ors'w",,;'' aml cigars always lo
be luuuil lu his bur.
lsp , I'll.
Ito Rulovs nna Inotitutions.
IN ENGLISH AND GEItMAN.
Nothing like it. Striken nverviin,it- n mu ,i,,
book lllev need. Ills an Kiicvflnnioiilit ,,r n...
(Iiiverumtut. Stugiu pngos lu it, aro ol tliiin.
selves wnrlh the prlrool Uio book. Oit tsKI iwuf j
wutuHly Ci.W. A Kleli Harvest for Callvussels
-lailus and (;eutlemen-l.iiiuirs, teaelurs and
studeuls, Onvuueiil look'ionlcrt in ufew i.ivi,
u ilh en uetur alone, bi lure the book ui'inan if. S'411
u day can bn denied lu lair liurltiii v. Wrltu nt
oiieo fur Clreulur and lutiirmatloii, NEW
WORi D ITIILIM1INU CO., tor. Jth und Mar
ket streets, Philadelphia. foci. o.';i-ly.l
would nunoiiucototlio cltlzeusot moonis
and vlelultv. Mint bu liu. iiiht. i v, .lu lull
und complete iisi iJr.meut oi
WALLPAPER, WINDOW 6HADI,
1'I.HTtllia, COr.DH, TASULLH,
und all other goods III his un0 0f buslnibs. All
thu newest and must upjuovod nutteiiis or His
dny ai o always lo bu fjund lu his estublnhmciit,
luar.S.'MMJ Main HI. below Muiket.
We now have on 1 :uiil n l.ir a m ativ miiii. i
fisorliiient ol Jl iTKL'rt mid CUfM'AHLl"l
;i,Aitw, to which wo invi o tho n ttntlou of
W e would annonueo to the public in general
u'"lKi: I'nvo taken tlio well known Agrlcultur
iil f oiks oi ibis placei mid shall mako It our aim
In niaiiuiaeluro First Class Agricultural Imple
ments enual tonnvnther m.nhK li, tun u,....
Tho Wind nndllio JIoon.
1IY OROIitlR MACriONALP,
Snld the Wind to tho Moon will blow you onl,
Jn the nlr
, , I'll'e n.glio,tIun chair,
A I ways looking what I nmnboutj
I hate to bo watched j I will blow you out,"
Tho TVInd blo;y hnrd, nnd oat went I ho -Moon.
' On n heap
Of clouds, to sleep
I'owu lay tho Wlud, and slumbered soon
Mutterlns low, "I've dono for that Moon,"
Iioluruodon his bed; sue win there natln I
III tho sky,
WIfli herono uhost nvi.
Tho Mfton shone white nnd nllvo nml nlnln.
atd tho Wlud, "I will blow yo.i out iurlu."
oi Tlio wind Wow hnrd nnd the Moon grew dim.
. "With my sledo
i iiuYuuiiocKcuon nerougi
ii uuiy i mow rignt tierce nnd grim
lu.iuiiu win soon uo uiminer tnnuuim.'
Itnlilonrnnd heblew.andslio thinned Ion thread,
To blow her to ruuITI
Ono good purrmoro whero tlio last was bi-o.l.
Anil gllniiuer.ijllmmer, glum will go tho thrend?':
Ho blew n hi en, blait.nndlho tlire.td was irono
in thu nlr
rur im nun Harmless the mv stars shone
ftiuo aiidoertaln the .Moju wns i;oao I
j no it inn no took to his roTel.ir.njomoi'j
Liken merrv-mad Clown
..uiiniu.i nun noiiowoii, with whlstio nnd mar
iiiium uiai ; mo giimmerlua thread onco
Ho I'.ewln a rngo-lio danced nn.l blew
Hut In vnlu
Vns tho pnlll
Of Ills bllrstlnrf br.ihi
ro.-iiu mo nroaderXho mooii-scian a.
mo urcuer ho swelled his bis checks and blew.
Slowly tho grew-tlll sho tilled th3 In laid.
In tlio sky alone.
A matchless, wonderful, silver light.
i.aiiiauinmi lovely the rmeou of tho night.
S.il.l tho Wlud. "What a marve' of power am 1 !
With my breath,
I blow her to death-
First blew Uor away tight mitot tlio sky
Then blew her in : what a streni;tli nm 11"
Hut tlio Moon the knew nolhlugab:ut thcalljiri
i or. nigu
In tho sky.
With her ouo whlta oi e.
Motloulo-s, mllos nbn'vo the air.
Sho had neverheard of tho Clrcat Ylud blaie.
The Imnrorcil AVcatlicr System.
UY MAX ADELEII.
I intend, ultimately, to reform tho
v.-Jiolefrovernincnt of tlio United States.
I shall tear it out, reconstruct it, shako
upsomo kind of an original aud .sur
prising policy, aud begin all over again.
I think I will run it on it contract some
how, and reliovo tho people of all their
present duties, excopt tho duty of up-
But at present I am considering tho
caso or tho Probability man who med
tiled with our great American weather.
1 think ho means well and tries consci
entiously to do his best, but his avstom
s radically defective, and tho conso-
quenco is that his conjectures aro do-
I'picaUIy incorrect qui to half tho time.
Tho inconvenience caused by these mis
take, not only to tho people generally,
but to mo personally, is inconceivably
groat, and It is not to bo endured any
For itistauci', if I read in tho morn
ing that tills great Probability person
enttrtains a conviction that wo shall
havo a clear day in my neighborhood,
I placo confidence, in his assurance. I
removu tho roof of my house in order
to dry the garret thoroughly, and I
walk down town with n now umbrella
under my arm. Now it is plainly evi
dent that if, after all, It does begin to
rain, and I am obliged to unfurl that
umbrella aud ruin it witli tiio wet, und
I nm compelled, when I arrive at homo,
to witness my family floating around in
tho dining roam upon a raft constructed
out of tho old clothes horso nnd a few
bed slats and pio-boards, tlio govern
ment for which Washington died Is a
Or, suppose that our friend at tho
weather efllcc asserts that n thunder
ftorm Is certain to elriko my section of
tho country upon a given day. I bo
lievo lilm. I rush out my lightning
rods and buelilo thorn to tho chlmtioya
and set them around on tho roof and
plant them out In tho yard, and rivet
them upon tho hired girl ; and I placo
my family safely in feather beds in tlio
middlo of tho room, and drink all tho
milk in tho neighborhood, aud prevail
upon tho tax collector to go and stand
an hour or two under a treo wlioro ho
will bo most certain to bo struck by
lightning. And when all thejo arrange
ments aro completed, and I fool equal
to tao promised emergency, suppose
that thunder atarm does not eoino'.'
When I watch tint tux collector tally
out from under that umbrageous troo
and begin to assess my property, count
ing in all thoso lightning rods at doublo
their cost, Is thoro any reason to won
der that 1 sit and sigh for sumo respou.
slblo despot who will givo us a Proba
bility who graspi tho surject of tho
weather, as it were, lu a moro coinpro
hetislvo manner V
But I know hint now. Ho shall nover
again betray mo as ho did with that last
conjecture- concerning tho cyclone, llo
said It would sweep over my district on
tho morning of tho 5th, and so I arobo
before daybreak and proceeded to n ten
aero lot, whero I fastened rnysolf to u
sheet anchor, filled my pocket with pig
icau, loitered myself to tho fence and
placed my family in a burglar proof
safe, which I tied lo my leg, aud lixed
tho preecrvlug kcttlo tightly over my
head with n dog chain In order to pro-
torvo my hair. I stayed thoro until
llvo o'clock in tho afternoon waiting for
uio Bimooti to swoop down upon mo.
But It was n failure a dUgracoful fail,
ure. Tho only thing of interest that
occurred was tho mass mooting hold by
tuo people oi tlio neighborhood, Whon
I looked out from under tho preserving
kettle early In tho afternoon, I was sur
prised lo observo that tho fence- upon
tho four Rldea of tlio lot was illled with
men nnd boya roosting around nnd
watching mo. Tho boys whistled upon
their fingers nnd mado unpleasant ro
murks. When I mado a threatening
fioluro several of tho men got off tho
fenco suddenly and contented thotn
solves with looking at mo between tho
rails. After a whilo four policemen
enmo up, in company with a physician ;
thoy untied mo, knocked mo down with
club, applied it blister plaster to my
neck, and would havo taken mo te tho
nsylum but fur tho timely Interference
of some of my friends.
And tlio tornado has not como yet,
So you will pcrcelvothat thucnllronys
tern is n. humbug; It is fraudulent j it
needs to bo burst, I may say, into Im
mortal smash, and smashed, in a cortain
sense, into dlmltiutlvosmlthereeiis; nnd
iiien l am going lo arraugo a plati by
which this business of thunder storms
and hurricines can bo reduced, as It
were, fur instance, to a condition of pos
Tho basis of my system is corns. Tho
marvellous accuracy with which chang'
es of tho weather can bo foretold by a
man whoso feet arc deco.-atod Willi thoso
oxcroicences is so well known tnat it is
hardly worth whilo to consider at lcnulh
at this particular crisis, tho human corn
in its meteorological characteristics. It
is quito certain, however, tliat it will bo
impossible lo expect tho Probability
man to walk around tho country onco
or twico every day, for tho purpose of
submitting Ids corns to tho diverse at
mospheric lnllucnces which exist be
tween tho Atlantic nnd Pacillc oceans.
It would wear out any man to bo com
pelled to visit each of tho States and
Territories every twenty-four hours;
mid at any rate, tho weather In Massa
chusetts might change suddenly after
Ida departure from there, and while ho
was fooling around Kansas.
It will bo better, therefore, to havo
him kept stationary. I lironoso. in
that oveut, that ho should buy up any
ivaiiaoio corns that is in tho market it
any given State, and havo it transplant
ed und grafted upon his own too. Doubt
ess there aio patriotic citizens in ovory
portion of tho lan.1 who would bo wili
ng to lay upon tho altar of their he
loved country their most cherished
corns. I havo one that I can warrant
to bo tried and truo in tlio moteorologl
cal service, nnd I am leady to givo it
up Instantly for tho benefit of my fel
low countrymen if Congress will ap
propriate a low thousand acres of pub
lie land as a compensation.
The Probability olllcial might obtain,
let us assume, ono corn from each State,
nnd a reliablo bunion to represent each
territory. When these wero engrafted
upon his feet in n beautiful condition,
acli ono would, as a matter of course,
bo peculiarly susceptiblo to tho atmo
pheric inlluencos which prevail in its
native clime. All wo havo to do then,
is to compel tho weather man to wear
light boots, oxcentionally tight boots,
vhilo ho is not attending to business,
so that his barometers, I may say, will
ncquiro tuo rcquisiio amount of sensi
bility. Then I should havo pipes laid
from each Stato to tho office in Wash
ington for tho purpose of conveying tho
diflercnt varieties of atmosphere to the
foot of tho Probability person. Sap
pose then ho desired to make a guess in
regard to tho weather In Louisiana. I
should havo a man stationed at tho end
of tho pipo iu New Orleans with a fan,
and ho could waft zephyrs, as It were,
upon the Louisiana corn, which would
rc-pond instantly, and wo should havo
the facts about tho weather in thatEtato
with poetical precision and mathemati
cal accuracy. When wo admitted a now
Stato our friend could weld on a new
corn, or, if tho Mormons succeeded in
procuring the admission of their terri
tJry n3 a State, wo could blow up tho
Utah bunion and plant a corn so as to
preserve tho properties. The Capita.
A (Jooil One.
Tho Kentucky People gels ofT tho fol
lowing anccdoto on Oov. J. F. Robiu-.-on,
of Scott, and Judge Duvall, which
has been long current lu tho clrclo of
their friends, but wo beliovo has never
been in print hoforo:
Tho Governor is a relic of tho old re
gimo of Virginia gentlemen; courteous,
stately and punctillioui in exercising
tho rights of hospitality. Ono day ho
had Invited Judgo Duvall lo rldo with
him. Arrived at a toll, the Judgo was
about to p ly tho fee, when Governor
Robinson Interposed, saying:
"Duvall, I havo been trying for years
to mako a gentlmau of you, but havo
not succooded. When a gentleman asks
you to ride, lie does not expect you to
At this sorlo-comic address from his
old friend, tho Judgo laughed quietly
und returned his pocket-book to its
place. A part of their routo lay through
firms with several gates to open.
Reaching tho first gate, Duvall sat still
while tho aovornor waited for him to
descend and open tho gate. After wait
ing a nilnuto, during which neither of
them spoke a word, Duvall said with a
merry chuckle in Ids volco:
"I would got down and onon that
gate, but I suppoio that whou ono is
asked by a gentleman to take a ride, ho
Is not expected to work his way."
Tho Governor silently and solemnly
descended and opened tho goto.
Colonel I'M; and Undo Mantel.
It is now In order to recount anec
dotes of tho early life of James FIsk, Jr.,
and tho rWi;- 'Pallor, over ready to con
tribute to tho literature of tho'country,
procecus to rclato tho followinir remlii.
Ueonco of tho Prlnco'ti sunny hours of
When Flsk was about ten years of ago,
lie kept n small market stall at Beniilng
ton, Vermont. One day tho eminent
steamboat man, Daniel Drow, camoto
tho market with his basket on ids arm.
Hu asked young Flsk if his eggs wero
frish. "You bet." replied tho lugnnl
ous boy ; "pop pulled them off tho vines
this morning," "Olvo mo a dozen,
sonny," replied Mr, Drow. Tho uost
stall was kept by llltlo Ellphalet Buck,
ram, " Is this pumpkin good, my son?"
aiked tho vonirablo stock broker. " It
1 3 a i;ood enough Morgan," answered
tho truthful child; "hut, sir, If you
will ciamliio that portion hid Irom too
scrutinizing a vlow, by contact with tho
boards forming tlio counter of tho stall
you will sco Hint thero is a had spot In
It." " Does not that seein unbusincss
iiko, my ciuki, to cry down your own
wares?" asked tho kind-hearted mil
llonaire. " My sainted mother told mo
I must never tell a lie with my little
natcliet," responded Ellphalot Buck
ram. Tlio rich man was moved to tear?;
ho took nut his pursoandgavo Ellpha
let Buckrnm a pat on tho head and said
ho was a good boy. When ho had gono
Ellphalet Buckram said to llttlo James,
"O, James, what mado you tell sucii a
lib You know thoso eggs wero laid
threo weeks ago. Y'ott will sco that I
havo gained a customer nnd you have
lost one." Well, when Ellphalet went
homo his step-mother came to tho door
and said : " Hero you are, you lazy llttlo
sneak, and you havn't Bold that pump-
kiu yet 1 I'll pumpkin you !" And sho
took him In hor stop-motherly arms and
fanned him with nn ox.goad until ho
said that ho would prefer taking ills
meals oil' tho mantcl-plcco for the next
few constcutlvo days to sitting down
with tho rest of tlio family. And next
day Daniel Drov eamo Into tho markot
("a rcariu' and n tearln'," as old inhab
itants say) and said: "Whero is tho
boy that sold mo thoso eggs, chV" and
Jim Fisk pointed to Ellphalot and said,
" Tlicro ho is, sir," and Daniel Drow
re inforccd that boy's step-mother's ox-
goad witli his cano so effectually that
btitncvor mind. So Daniel Drow bought
all his garden sass of Jim Fislc. In af
ter life Ellphalet Buckram set up a gro
cery store, aud gave trust to all tho poor
people, and nover sanded ids sugar, nnd
wouldn't qualify his rum with water;
so ho burst up, and the Sheriff sold him
out and ho went to tho poor-house. But
Daniel Drew kept his eyes ou Jim Flsk,
and by-and by ho gavo liim a partner
ship in tho Erio firm, and Jim boat lilm
out of 1,000,000. This is not a story
for good llttlo boys. Wo fear It is too
near tho truth. Chiatyo Post.
Wonders of tlio Lightning.
A Hash of lightning rushes through
spaco at sucii a rato that It might go
from tho earth to tho moon in ono sec
onti. xiien what timo 13 allowed a
man's nerves to transmit to tho brain
tho impression of a stroko of lightning?
And what timo lias tho brain to under
stand such a crash ? Absolutely nono !
Tho Hash occurs, and ill darkness a llfo
is cut off. Experience boars cut this
deduction, for Prof. Tyndall relates
thus his own experience:
"Some timo ago I happened to stand
in tho presence of a numerous audionco
with a battery of fifteen largo Leyden
jars charged besldo me; through somo
awkardnes3 on my part, I touched a
wlro leading from tho battery and tho
dischargo wont through my body. Life
was absolutely blotted out for a very
sensible interval, without a traco of
pain. In a second or so consciousness
returned; I saw myself In the presonco
of tho audience and apparatus, and by
tho help of these external appearances,
immediately concluded that I hail re
ceived the battery discharges. Tho in
tellectual consciousness of my position
was restored with exceeding rapidity;
but not so tho optical consciousness. To
prevent tlioaudionco from being alarm
ed, I observed that it had often been
my desiro to receive accidentally such
a shock, aud that my wish had at length
been fulfilled. But whilo making this
remark, tho appearance-which my body
presented to myself w:u that of a num
ber of separato pieces. Tho arms, for
example wero detached lrom tho trunk
and -seemed suspended in tho air. In
f.ict,memory and tlio power of reasoning
appeared to bo compieto beforo tlio op
tic norvo was restored to healthy action.
nut what I wish chiefly to dwell upon
hero is tho absolute painlessness of tlio
shock ; und thoro cm not bo a doubt
that to a person struck dead by light
ning, tho passage from life to death oc
curs witiiout consciousness being In tho
least degrco implicated. It is an abrupt
stoppago of sensation unaccompanied
by a pang."
A Hood Itctorl.
During tho session of Congress in
which John Randolph and Georgo Kro-
mer wero both members, tho eccentric
irginian mado ono of his peculiar
speeches, In which ho often quoted Lat
in and Ureek. After ho had concluded.
Kremer arose, and In a strain of well
acted indignation, poured forth a tor
rent of Pennsylvania German upon tlio
nmaznd and startled Raudolph. His vi
olent gesticulations, his loud and hols
torous tones, his defiant manner, woro
not moro annoying to tho imperious
Southerner than tho fact that ho could
uot undeistand a word that wa.s spoken.
Aim wneu noncst Georgo took his seat.
covered with perspiration, Randolph
aroso and bogged tlio honorablo gentlo-
man from Pennsylvania to enlighten
tho IIouso and tho country by transla
ting what ho had Just uttered.
Mr. Kremer retorted ns follows:
"I havo ouly to say in roply to my
friend from Virginia, that when ho
translates tho dead languages, which
ho is constantly using, for tho boueltt of
us country members, Into somothing
llko English, I will bo equally liberal
In translating my living Pennsylvania
Dutch into somothing that tho IIouso
can understand." Tho laugh was com-
pletely ngalnst Randolph.
Tlio following anecdote, extracted
from unpublished memoirs of a French
nobleman, may, It Is hoped, servo us an
oxamplo, well worthy of being imitated
by all wlto dcalro to bo thought truly
bravo and cuumgeous. It records an In-
stance of a victory gained by a man
over his own passions victory more
glorious, moro honorable than any that
hus ovor bcuu purchased with lire and
sword, Willi devastation aud blood
shed. Two noblemen, tho Marquis do Va-
lalso and tho Count do Merle, wero edu
cated under tho samo mastors,and wero
regarded by all who know them as pat
torns of friendship, honor and sonsi.
UOL. DEM. - - - VOL. XXXVI NO. 8,
bllity. Years succeeded yenrs, and no
quarrel nnd over dlsgrnced their attach
mcnt, when ono unfortunato evening
tho two friends, having Indulged rather
freely in s'jmo excellent burgundy, re
paireu to a iit'igiibiring hotel, and en
gaged lu it gamo of backgammon. For
tuna declared herself iu favor of tho
marquis ; ho won every game, and In
tho thoughtless gleo of tho moment
laughed with exultation nt his unusual
good luck. The count lost his temper
and onco or twico upbraided tho mar
quls for enjoying thopa'ln which ho had
excited in tho bosom of his friend. At
last, upon another fortunato throw
mado by tho marquis, by which ho
gammoned his antagonist, tho infurla
tod count throw tho box and dlco in tiio
faco of ids brother soldior.
livery gentleman present was in
amazement, and waited, almost breath-
lossly, for tho moment whon tho mar
quis whould sheathe his sword in tho
bosom of tho now repentant count.
"Gentleman," said tlio marnuis. "I
am a l'reucliman, a soldier and a friend
I havo received a blow from a French-
man, a soldior and a friend. I know
and acknowledge tho laws of honor,
and I will oboy them. Every man who
sees mo wonders why I am tardy in vi
siting with vengeanco tlio author of my
disgrace. But, gentlemen, the heart nf
that man Is entwined with my own:
our education was tho same, our princi
ples are anno, and our friendship dates
irom our earliest years. But, French
men, I will obey tho laws of honor nml
Vance; I will stab lilm to tho heart."
Upon this ho throw his arms around
his unfortunato friend, aud said: "My
dear Do Meric, I forgivo you, if you
will forgivo mo for tho irritation I have
occasioned In a sensible mind, by the
iovityot my own. And now, gentlo
men," added tho marquis, "though I
havo interpreted tho laws of honor in
my own way, it thero remains iu this
room ono Frenchman who dares to
doubt my resolution to resent even an
improper smile at me, my sword is at
my side to punish an affront, but not to
murder a friend, for whom I would die,
and who sits thero a monument of con
trition and bravery, ready with mo to
challougo tho rest of tho room to mor
tal combat if any man daro to think
niniss of this transaction."
How Tlicy round It.
If wo may believe a Detroit paper, a
singular affair took placo there recently.
A man fell overboard in tho river and
was drowned. Attempts were mado to
find tho body in vain. While tho men
wero thus engaged, a buyer of Junk, nn
Italian, watched them for a whilo, and
then proposed to get a loaf of baker's
bread, put souio quicksilver into ono
end, and seriously asserted that on be
ing thrown into tho water It would
float to a point directly over the body.
and then stand still, no was hooted at
and told to go about his Junk-buying,
not a man believing in tho old woman's
whim, as they termed it. Tho Italian
went away, but returned in a llttlo
while, throw a loaf of bread into tho
river near whero tho man went off tho
dock, and in a moment called tho atten
tion of two men below, to tho fact that
tho loaf was spinning around iiko a top.
It went partly under tlio wharf, stood
still for a moment, and then went half
a block down stream, turning right and
left, aud, us vouched for by llvo differ
ent men, stood nearly two minutes
against tho current, which was lloating
driftwood by it. Very much excited,
tho Italian shouted to tho searchers to
drag over tho spot. They wero further
down, and it was half an hour beforo
they passed over tho spot, but when
they did, it was to hook into tho clothes
of tho drowned sallor.and ho was hauled
to tho deck.
A 1'rozcu Local.
Hero is what the Schenectady Mar
gets off over tiio late- frosty weather:
"Our reporter started out this after-
noon in search of local items. After an
unusually long absenco ho returned;
but, alas! iu a most deplorablo condi
tion frozen stiff as a poker and minus
ouo car. Wo stood him un acainst tho
wall behind tho stove, and ordered tho
devil' to pllo on tlio fuel. Wo finally
succeeded in prying his month open
with tuo ash-shovel, when a dozen or so
of frozen words fell out upon tho iloor
and broko Into pieces. Wo set tlio 'dov-
Il'at work putting piecos together, aud
ho finally reported tho following as tho
result of his labor: 'Coldest day of tho
seasou; cvorythlng froza still'; saloon
keepers aclling hot whiskies by tho
stick.' Wo idled on moro fuel, and
poured half a gallon of hot water down
tlio throat of our frozen friend. This
brought up an almost unlntelllgiblo
mass of words, from which wo wero
only ablo to learn that ho had knocked
off his left oar by collidiug with a treo
uox. wo then set tho 'dovil' to work
rubbing him down with a brick, but at
tuo Hour Of our coiner to nrnsa tho
dovll' was still rubblnc dilliroutlv
away, surrounded by about Ihroo bush
els of brick-dust, having worn out about
a whoolbarrow load of baked clay, and
was calling loudly for 'moro brick.' "
A Stupid Dog. In Toledo, O., ro
contly the attention of a lady was
attracted to a couplo of hoys in tho
street, ono of whom, seemingly addross
lug tho other was oxpresslnghls iudig
natlon iu tho most bitter terms.
"You fool," ho went on, "you cussed
fool; I am ashamed of you. You'ro
tlio very darndest fool over I did seo;
Tiio lady finally Interposed to suggest
tho unfltno33 of sucii languago toward
ills associate-, whon ho replied, "Why, I
wuu't Milking to tlio boy; I was talking
tomydoghoro. Why, don't you be
liovo ma'tun, tho cussed fool barked at
that Blouo dog back thero lu that door
yard, Why, dam him, 1 wouldn't be
followed by a dog that don't know
moro'nthat!" Tho lady gavo up thu
Job and rotlred.
It Is remarked of a Vermont town
which experienced an earthquake a
ween or two ago mat "moro than usual
rollglous iutercst is now felt thoro,"
n.cii r.,o i
Two luetic H.to
Threo Inches hft)
Four lnchi... 7.CU
(lunrter column lo.lm
Ono column 30,(X(
SO.uu v,m co.uo luu.oj
Ilxecutor'si or Administrator'!) Nollco, 3,00
Auditor's or Assignee's Notice, f 2JX.
IiOC.il notices, twenty cents a lino.
PAfttfl 111 tllft "Tll1klnAa nl,..ln.wll niIkmh
42,(ii) per year for tho Hrst iwo lines, nnd JI.00 for
oacli additional lino.
What did Lot do whon his wlfo turn
ed to salt? Got n fresh ono.
Caution Burglars lho30 who Iip1u',';o
in "safo" robbcrlos.
A Connecticut farmer has natn-'d n
prlzo rooslor Robinson, beeausfo Uol Id
son Crew sou.
Not finding any monoy In tho limiso,
a disgusted Kentucky burglar mad ' thu
family get up nnd cook him a suppi-r.
An Atlanta man wants tho thief who
stole his woll-buckct and ropo to como
back and got tho well, as It is of no pres
cut uso to him.
A Western school teacher who don't
approve of Hogging, recently pulled off
tho car of ono of his pupils as a mild
modo of correction.
A divine, onco nravlnsr. sild. "O
Lord, givo unto us neither poverty nor
riches." nnd lmtiiltiL' a moment Holimin.
Iy, ho added, " especially poverty."
When a liov hns thn fnvnr nnd nnno
In D.tnbury, Conn., they mako him
useful by setting him to shaking car
Mr. T. Winklo having married MIsa
Starr Iu Georgia recently, thoSnvantiah
A'cws eplthalatnizes tho pair with "T.
wiiiKio, r. viiikic, iittio atarr."
very old and much soiled resident
of Newtown having died, tho D.tnbury
A'ews pleasantly announces "Another
A grocer rocontly had a nound of su
gar returned, with a noto stating that it
contained too much sauii for tablo uso,
aud not enough for building purposes.
Says tho Mercer Disnaleh. " A ro
mantic couplo, not far from here, named
their infant daughter Caressa. That
was about eighteen years ago, and tho
boys aro at it now."
A western tinner describes a letter nf
Horaco Greeley's as looking "as If
somebody had smashed a bottlo of ink
over it, aud tried to wino it off with a
" Say, Jonas, what's tho matter with
your cyo?" "Oh! notliin'; only my
wifo said this morning I'd better get
up and light tho fire, 1 told her to mako
it herself. That's all."
A Richmond man gcutlv corrects tho
Dispatch of that city, by stating that
tho report of his death by drowning.
which it published, is " extrcmelv in
Tho "meanest man" in Central ill!.
nois is a farmer living near Decatur.
Ho discharges his laborers Saturday
night, and charges them for board over
Tho Boston Post describes tho diffur.
euco between a town boll aud a South
em carpet-bag governor to bo: "Ono
penis irom tno stcepio ana tho other
don't. Tho inferenco Is obvious.
Speaking of theoretical farming, Josh
Billings says he onco know a man who
wouldn't oven set a gate post without
having tho ground analysed to seo if It
possesses tho nroner ingredients for nnst
Senator Wilson wroto to Horaco Grec
loy, inquiring tho most approved meth
od of cultivating beets. Tho philoso
pher's answer was short, but to tho
point : " Persist in your efforts to havo
A farmer recently advertised for a
runaway wile, and called particular at
tention to tho meanness of her iliwrtinn
just as tlio spring work was coming on,
hi ieji -ho unu iiiu expense oi wintering
A paper gives tho following direc
tions for using its now patent hen pills:
" From ono to ten boxes of pills is a
doso for young fowls. Tho best way to
givo tho remedy is to tickio tho chick
en under tho wings until it laughs,
when tho medicine can ho Hlint. ilmt-n
its throat with a musket or horso pistol.'
iV clergyman meeting Bnrnum. tlm
showmnn, tho other day, after inquir-
r. i.i.i i . i . i . . , ...
m lur ma iiuaiiii,puysicaianu spiritual,
said: "Barnum, I always liked you.
i uu are .1 k' iciiovv, anil i trust wo
shall meot in heaven." " Oil !" said
the showman, with a twlnkio in his eye,
" I liavo no doubt wo shall if you aro
Thoro was a thoroughness about prac
tical Joking in tho middle ages. When
Popo Adrian died In Io2;5, tho Roman
people, who hated and do.sn isoil lilm
determined to testify their pleasure
They thereforo adorned the door of his
puyaician-a iiouso with garlands, ndding
this inscription: "To tho deliverer of
Ids country." Hard on tho medical
A Chicago confemnnrat-v flnm .in
scribes tho deliberato manner in which
mat city is Doing rebuilt : "Let mo
seo," said a Chicago boss mason rellect
i "f ly, to a burned-out merchant, "hnvn
got to put up a block for Brown this
morning, nnd a dwolling-houso this af
ternoon for Smith. Yes. I nnpan urn rati
Jerk up your store this noon by takin'
uiiiy uuu uu nuur's noonin."
Thero is a man in Hull who needs
looking after. Hoborrowod an umbrella
tho other day and actually returned it
on tho noxt. Ho excused himsolf tho
best ho could under tlio n! rrllllilsliinni,'j.
staling that tho article wa.s old. faded.
played out and leaky, and that ho was
ashamed to bo seen wearing it, but that
hardly Justifies him in breaking over
tho customs of society.
Mr. G. H. Lewes tolls a story of a
gentleman who, under tlio scissors, said
something about his thinning locks bo
Ing caused by tho development of his
brains. ' Excuso mo, sir," remarked
tho barber, " but you aro laboring un
der a mistake Tho bralna permeato
tho skull, and oncourago tho growth of
tlio hair that's what they're for, sirf
Two Irishmen, on a sultry night, Im
mediately after their arrival In India,
took lefugo under tlio bed clothes from
a skirmishing party of mosquitoes. At
last ono or them, gasping from heat,
ventured to peep boyond tho bulwarks,
and by chanco espied a flro-tly, which '
had strayed Into tho room. Arousing
his companion with a punch, ho said:
" l'crgus, Fergus, It's no uso. Ye might
as well como out. hero's ono or tho
crnytors sarchlng for us wid a lantern."
Heroslio is again. Mrs. aiovcrson,
of East Cleveland, over ninety years
old, walked threo miles ono of tho cold
est days of this month, borrowed a cast
Iron kettio weighing ono hundred and
twonty-threo pounds and seven ounces,
backed It homo and mado half a barrel
of soft soap boforo stippor timo, and
would havo taken tho kottlo homo again
that night, If she had not been com
pelled to knit a pair of stockings for
her sou, who was goiug away tho next
morning. Sho has taken snuff nnd
smoked tho usual number of years.
.Whll? Captain Webster was stationed
at Portland In tho rovenuo steamer Ma
honing ho was ordered to cruiso on tho
coast of Maino during u sovero cold
timo to aid any seafaring porsons who
might requlro his services. Whon near
"Cod Ledgo," outsldo of Portland,
Captain Webster spoko a llsherman lu
a small boat at nearly noon time, when
thp thermometer stood at ten degrees
below zero, and asked lilm If tho fish
wore biting well. Tho fisherman re
plied that they wero doing pretty well,
" but not so well ns Iu tho cool of tho