KATES OF ADVERTISING.
Ono Inch, (twelve Unci or IU eqnlvnlent In
Nonpareil type) ono or two Insertions, f 1.50 three
Insertions, 510'
BrACK.
tn, iiu 3M, ex, tr.
Ona Inch - JM 11.00 l,00 MflO 110,0)
Twolncne 3,(0 600 7,(0 9,00 16,00
Throo lnches........ ,( 7,00 9,00 ll,m IS no
Fonr Inches........., 7,110 b.ot ll.uo 17,0) sm
nnrtcrcolnmn,... lo.iu 12,011 li,m 20,00 wi.oo
Air cohiran..........ivoo is,oo a,oo n,m i,oo
Ono column,.. 30,00 30,00 40,00 00,00 100,00
Kxeculor'n or Administrator's Notice, H,M
Auditor's or Assignee's Notloe, lfl).
Locnt notices, twonly cents a line.
Curds In tlio "Business Directory " colnmn,
I2,(iu per year for tho nrst lwo lines, and 11,00 tor
cacli additional lino,
7ora:-Two Collars a Yoir payable In advance
JOB PRINTING
Of .illdescrlptlolis oxecntcd with neatness and
dispatch nt rensnnablo rales.
VOLUME VI, ---NO 11.
BLOOMSBURG, PA., FRIDAY, MARCH 15, 1872.
UOL. DEM. - VOL. XXXVI NO. 4,
Ht.c afotumlnnn
AND
gliflMsftiivj gfltwicvnt.
is puiilibiied every friday morninu
IMIIS OOLUMtltAtcnuiLDINO HKA'ltTHK
codiit house, ntooitsnuno, pa., nr
CHARLES B. BROCKWAY,
EDtTon and rnorniKTon.
Columbia Oountv Official Directoryi
I'miilcnt .inof WILLIAM lit.wi.LT,.
siitociatejutlgca 1HAM Pkiik, Isaao 0, Mon
1:ok. JYMonotnm, ilc lUriint.1'11 II. RlNnl.KH.
Jlrtiislrr A itrrnnttr Wii.mamkon H.jAConv,
Dlitrirt Attorney JAHK4 HllVsoN, .111,
.i(r(ff'-AA110N HMITH,
fntmvor Imaac Dkwitt.
JVrmnrrr Wii.uamLajiox
IblionititfoiirM t 1 IiVH liolimt;.", IllItAlt J.
Ill I liMl. Wll.l.IAM HllAFIKII,
Ommlnttoncri' OcrA Wll.MAM KntnniAt'M,
AUtlitm-l U. .1. CAMl'llUM,, DANIEL Ll.U.
tit A l.tsCONtiHH
Lorontr Fit aiilks (1, Mtmmiv.
Jurn Cvmmlmtonm Isaau McIIUIDE, JolIH Mu
A NAM..
tountv Aipcrfnitmffi. CiiAKLrs O. Hahklky
J.loun I'cor fitttrict Directors, H. II. Mir.LEll
w li.i.iAJi KiiAJirit, Rloomshuig, nnd .Ioiinsoii
IiiM.ui. Ginnuood, tiiAiars tonNLii.fcc'y,
Bloomsburg Official Direotory.
Jiltcmrlurg Hauling O'. .ToliN A, Flkstom
President, 11. II, umnz, CiiKlilcr.
Jlrtt Xaiinnal Vftrn. CIlA.s, It. PAXToN,Pros't ,
J. P. TrbTiN, Cashier.
Oilmntiitt(yuiityAturiialSaxinjJ)mlnmlIjanAi'
lorlaticnlj, II, Lmi.K, Pres't,, C, W. MlLI.fiH
Sec';.
Jllvoimburtt 21uiUlilpnnnt1 Kn1nn 7-Vpr' Arii.
" ' , . . j,
lt.w.--vn. 1'i.Acorrc, Pres't., J. II. IloiitnoN. Seo,
Jlloinixttn it Mutual toning tvrnl Aisorialton
J..1. Hnowi.i!, 1'iisldcul, c. (I. )AnKi.KY, Hec'y.
Bloomeburg Directory.
IIAPlIlllAUH Just lecolwd and lor rnlo at tlio
Coi.ujniIAN Oillce.
CLOTHINO, &C.
D
AVID hOWIINHKUO, MoTChautTunor.Mnlij
Hluuovo a men can uouac.
W
M. MOItllia, Merclinnt Tailor corner of Ccu-
troauu inin si., over imnurB biorc.
uiiuoa, omcaiioALS. &c.
El'. I.U'iV., DriiKKlsl and Apothecary. Main st.
, below tlio I'oit Oillce.
CLOCKS, WATCHKS, &C.
n V.. MAVAOM, dealer In Clocks, Watches and
y. Jewelry, Main ct., Just below tho American
r OUIH IlEItNIIAIlD, Watch nnd Clock mnUer
IJ uenrBontheastrorncr Main and Iron sts.
II.
CAT1ICAUT, Watch and Clock Maker.Mar.
kct htrcet, below Main,
UOOTB AND SHOKS.
1,1 M.KNOItlt, Dealer In Uouls nnd Shoes, lnteft
!. and bin htyh's, corner Main uud Market
burets, In tho old l'ost OIUcc.
DAVID I1KTZ, Hoot nnd Hhoernaker, Malnst,
below Hart man's sloi e, west of Market.
HIINKY KLEIM, Mnnuraetuier and dealer In
Hoots and Shoes, Uroccrlcs, etc., Main street,
hast Ulooiusbutf:.
IuiofkssionaL'
DU. II. C. HOWEIt, Surccon Dentist, Main St.,
nhovo the Court House.
Dlt. WM. M HEIIEH, Hnrceon and l'hyslclau.
Oillce over tho l'lifct atlonnl llauk.
n (1. HAUKLKY, Attorney-at-Law. Oillce, 2d
J. Iloorlu Kxchausjo Ulock, near the "Eichnugo
I m tel."
J 11. McKELVY.M. I)Surgeon nnd l'hj slclnn
. northsldo Main St., below Markcl,
T C. HUTTElt, M. D. Surgeon and 1'hyslclau
tl.
, Market street, above Main.
II. llOIUSON, Attorney-nt-Law, Oillce Hart
man'u bulldlug, Main street.
Dlt. 11, F. KINNEY, Surgeon iicnllt, Teeth
extracted without palm Mnln St., nearly op
oslto Episcopal Chuicl;,
Tit. EVANS, M. D., Sitrgroii and riiyvlclan,
southsldo Main street, below Market.
1lt.A. I,. TlTUNKIt, Pliys'clnnandSiirRcoii.or
) llco over Kklm's Drns Stole, lesldinio one
door below liev. D. J. Waller.
M IL LI NIC 1 1 Y "sTv AN C V G 001 isT
EPETEHMAN, Millinery and Fancy Goods,
, opposite Episcopal Chinch, Malnst,
TIJISS
LIZZIE IIAKKLEY.
Milliner, Hamsey
ill
building Main street.
MISS M, DEHltlCKSON, Millinery and Fancy
Goods, Malnst., below Market,
M itS.TlJLIA"A. & BADE IIAKKLEY, Ladle"'
Cloaks nnd Dress P.iltcru.1, southeast corner
Main and West sts.
rnllE MISSES HAItJIAN Millinery and Fancy
1 Goods, Main St., below American Houso,
HOTELS AND SALOONS.
l.iOItKS HOTEL, by T.
1' of Main sticct.
Dent. Taylor, east end
HTEKCIIANT8 AND GIIOCEHS. ,
ri C. MAHIl
Drv Goods and Notions, south'
W west
corner Main nnd Iron sts.
VOX A WElill, Confectionery and llukcry
1' wholesale and letall, Exchaugo Uloek,
II,
ClIOWr.Il, Hatsand Caps, Hoots nndShoes,
:.lalu si., anovo couri iiousc.
II. MAIZE, Mammotli Grocery, fine Gro
,J. eerie, FrullB, Nuto Provision, Ac., Mnln
nnd C'entro Streets.
MMCELVY, NEA LA CO., dealers In Dry Goods
Groceries, Flour, Feed, Salt, Fish. Iron, Nails
etc.,N. E. cor. Main and Market sts.
ft II. MILLEIl & HON, dealers In Dry Goods,
O, Groceries, (lucensware, Flour, Sail, Shoes,
Notions, etc,, Main bt.
MISCELLANEOUS.
c.
I)
M. CIIIUSTMAN, Saddle, Trunk A Harness
lankcr, Shiva's Mock Main Street,
W. ItOHIlINS.llciuordealerBeeonddoorliom
noriuwesi corner jiaiu ami nuu sin.
I.i J, TIIOltNTON, V.'all l'apcr. Window Shades
li', anil uxturcs, i.ureii omen, aiaiu i
p W. COItELL, Furniture P.onms, thrco stoiy
ji oricK, wain wireei, west m .-iariiev si.
I! ItOHENSTOC'K.Photosrapher.over Ilobblns
ix is r.yer s more, ainiiisi-.
I S, KI'UN. dealerln Meat, Tallow, etc., Clicm.
! herlln's alley, lear or American Hor.se,
CJAMI'EL JACOIIY, Maible and Drown Sloue
OWorks, East IllooniKburB.lierwicie roau
WM, RADII, dealer In furniture, trunks, cedet
' v
willow ware, near tho Forks Hotel,
T.1 II. 11IDLEMAN. Agent lor Mimsim's Copper
LJ-Tubular i.tiiuiuing uou.
n FOSTElt.Glue Mnkcr, and Whlto aud Fancy
U. -1
Tanner, Scottown,
T.iOTE HOOKS, and blank NOTES, with or with
JN out exemption, for salo at thu Columuian
uuice,
HgHW
Catawissa,
I) F. DA LLM AN, Merchant Tailor, Second St,
I), lintmins
1 llulldi
IH. J. K. ItOHHINS, Snrgeon and rhyslclan
IJ Second St below Main.
niLllEHT & KLINE.dry goods, groceries, and
VJ neueiai meieuauuise, iiiaiu rsueei
7 II. K1ST1.ER
Cattuwlssa House." North
lJ , Co
mcr Mam and second streets,
KEILEU, Hlllard Saloon, Oysters, and Ico
L ieam in seiibou luumi.
Til f.t, I1UOHST, dealer In GoncralMerchnudlso
ill. Dry Hooils. nrocerie ree,
nimnuptlANNA nr Hrlck Hotel. S. Koslen-
O bander I'loprlttor.south-crustcomerMulunnd
lieeonu Mireei,
TM. II, AUUO'IT, Attorney at law. Mnln St.
Light Street.
IT F. OMAN & Co., WheclwrigUts, tlrst door
11. uuuvohcnooi iiouse.
"I011H A.OMAN, Mauufactuicr and dealer 1
u lioots auu Buoea
R
H. ENT, dealer In Stoves and Tin ware lu
all tin liraucuts.
"lTll I( l NT. Jtlllrr. nnd der.ler In all kinds
1 liiHln, 1 lour, l iid, Ac. All kluds ol Grain
puiclmsid.
Espy.
T II. WEHKHEISEH.HootuudShooSloreiind
- manuiaeioiy, nuop ou iuaiu niiruv
posuo ino steam Aim,
'1
W, KliGAlt, Busciuehuuna PhuilUL' Mill
and llox Mauufuciurlug.
Buck Horn.
M
G. AW. li. MIOEMAKl.H. dealers In dry
eoods, m occ Icrlcs mid tciiral incichandse
Oraugevillo Directory,
Dll. HEIHttNtl a IlHOTiir.It,Carpentcrsnnd
. Hulldnrs, Malnst,, below l'luo.
IjlltCIC HOTEL nnd
li RohrM'lIenrycor,
d refreshment Saloon, by
mot Main and Pltiost,
DU. O. A. MEOARGKL.Physlcinn nnd Surgeon
Main st next door to Good's Hotel,
nAVij) nERUINO, I'lour nnd Grist MlU.nnil
V Denier In umlii, Mill felnet.
1 AMI w II. ilAHMAN.CnljluTt Mal:Tj"uiidUn.
dcitnker. Mnln fclt below 1'Iuc.
Sl'llUYM.n & CO., Iron ronimors.Maclilnlsls
and Maiiilinctuicrs of dows, Will Ht.
OA M U121, h I A HI'I,i:HH.Mnkcrottliel7ayliur6t
1J (iialn Cradle, Main Bt.
WILLIAM Din.ONd Hhormnkcrninl manufac
turerof llrlclt, Mill m., west of l'ino
Philadelphia Directory.
, . . lA'. Vt .. .. i. ....
iri
liGstanrant and Diums hcoi.
I'MIANK SJtlTH, Proiiriutor.
l'lIILADLU'IIIA,
N. II. Tho location U central, tho assistants
attentive, and tho lahliHi-uimlk'd with tho iiest
tho market affords, Irish and well cooked. Olvo
in a can,
"in. kephkaht,
f) WITH
BAKNH.S, IIRO. & IIKHUON,
HATS, CAPO, KTItAW 0001)9 ft KU1W,
No. C03 Market Street,
(Ahovo Fifth,)
1'IIII.ADF.LriIIA,
AIKWIUQIIT & CO.,
WIIOLKSAI.K UliOCEIlS,
N. E. Corner b'ecoud nnd Arch Streets,
l'llILADlxl'iUA,
Dcalem In
ti:ah, hyuui's, coffei:, suoak, molasses
men, Briers, in cai-.u soda, ac., ac.
3"Ordcrs will reedvo prompt attention.
may I0,U7-tf.
jg-AKVEV IJ. WALK Ell,
IV IT 1 1
M E A II, S C II It O P 1' &
CO.
lJirOUTKUa ANDJOIinCKHOlf
CHINA, GLASS AND QUKENSWAKB,
No. 108NOIITH SECOND ST.,
rlllLADELl'HIA.
t-Orlclnal assorted nackases of Otiecnswnro
onstantly on hand, iebil'7J-tf.
Business Cards.
Q 13. BllOCKWAY,
Airui.isiji ai rr,
IlLOOMSnUKO, FA,
T- OKFicn Court Houbo Alley, In the Co-
ixatuiAN building. (JanJ, 67.
G. w-
MILLER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Ofllco Court House Alley, below tho COLra
i an Oillce. llountles. Hack-Pay and Pensions
collected. llloomsburg Pa. fcep.LV67
JOHN JI. CLAltK,
,TTOHNE AT LAW.
Otllco with John (1. Freeze,
ulldltig, Hli onibburg.
r.Kt
Hrowcr's
7" OBERT F.
CLARK,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Onleo Main Stieet below tho Court Houko.
Bluonibburg l'enu'a.
II. LITTLE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Othre (Viiirt-tlonso Alley.
below the Colvu
ian (llllce, Illoomsbiirg Pa,
pIIAULKS C. LEIDY,
ATTOIiKS:Y-A'r-S-A' .
OFFICE ON OAK SI HEET, MOUNT CAF.MI.I..
Koi:Tiiu.Mnr.ni,ASn county, i-a.
mtlv executed an. nil other business roumc!-
liilneunils iiroiinuiy iiutui, .-w
d whh his i.oh'ssinn eareiully attended to In
Montour, NoilhuuiLeiland and Columbia eoiiu
His.
m 1S71-0.
f) AUG AINS BARGAINS.
QUien SA7.KS and h:iai.i. rr.oiriiw.
SAVE YOUR MONEY.
(Into
:m Hloomsbuic Pn.. for all klndf of the best
homo and city tnado
li K M t u i. r. .
Pi Ices reasonable and tho be irk done,
lau l'7-tf
"ETERINARY.
AUGUST FRIEND,
late from Germany, offers his services to tho
puuiio us a eeieoraieu
HORSE AND COW DOCTOR,
ud all other animals, for which his charges aru
niodeiale, Ho can alwa s be found enst side ol
llei wlcl; road. iieai'S.lI,.iaeouy's.Miirnio laru.
nioomsburg, .Hay 12, 1S7I-1V.
17 J. THORNTON
Xj. would announce to thecltlzens ofUlooms-
uri; nnu vicinity, that he nasjust receiveu mun
uu eompieiu assorimeui. in
WALL PAPER, WINDOW S1IAD1LS,
FISTUnKS, COUPS, TAPSEU,
in,l ull ntlir enmlti iti bis line of business. All
ino nev.-esi a nu most appioveu j'iiufiimu my
day aie aiuays to no louno m iiw rsiHuiii-iiimuii,
inar.o. e.f-n xaiiin ni. imci
TTEW STOVE AND TIN SHOP.
I3AIAU XIAQEIfBUCH,
Main 3trcet ono door above E. MonrtonLaU'o
"lore. .
A lurco nRsortmeni or sunves. neaiers anu
Ranges constantly on hand, and for sale at the
lowest rates.
Tinn ncinai its iirnncnescareruiiyaiwinueiiio,
sun saiisiaciion guaranteed.
J1U sorK Ol ail ciuus wuoieaieauu reiuu,
lal is reauesttd,
Jan I'il
pTJRLING CREAM.
iiv iminir ibis nrtlcln ladles anil Gentlemen
can beaullly tlitn.selveB a uiousanti loiti. -iiiib
is mo only I'liitio iniii wiuciui Biitniii iin,
on. I nl llif. inrun llmfi flvittn 11. n I ll-cl II 1 1 Till 1111-
niaraute. It uuo invigoraies, uiauuoea aim
pioiniFN. It can lw so iinnlleil as to cause th
bn trln cull any liiiutn ol lime ucsueu, mm
by mail lor lu etb. a l at kage. Address
Mldd. clown, Adams Co., Pa,
scptl'71-Cui.
H.OOMSRUIIG
L
si a ti it s. s:
xv o i: it r.
MAIN STIIKFT, IirlOW MAniSET,
HIAJl'Mhl UUO. PA.
Monuments. Tombs. Iliailslones, ftc. Worl
...... i, i.,i fii.imu hv tniitl will rccelv
special ntlt'litioii. W- 1'J" "''I'i'"1' ieoi
sharce. i . U UUKiii.", rioprijior,
octj7i-ir. '""
jsi.v, itiiin. uuitiv, Aftiiini,ini"'i'
NEW AND SULI..PUWFU1D SlEAMMlUB,
JIlESlXLAHGl Sr IU'llli; Wlllll.!'.
(1PI AN1C LELTIO. HEI l'lll.lC.
ATLANTIC 1IALTIC. ADltlA'JIC,
e uu ions burden 3,t(0 h. p. each.
k'ntlliii, finm Kc w Yolk till SA'I fill DA YS. from
Liverpool ou THURSDAYS, and Cork Hal nor
tho day louiiwiug.
From llio Whlto Star Dock, Pavonla Ferry
.l.H.f V I'llV.
Pusseiiger accommodallous (for nil classes)
uniniui. . e m u. , COMroUT.
Saloous, stale-rooms, smoking-room and lath
rooms in midship button, whdo leusl molleu Is
fill, Sutgeons and tleHiiruesbts uccoinjau
lli.ua l, . in.,, ru
HATih-fcaloon, $M' gold. Steernge, ISOcunen
rv. 1 linen u-lhbllti- In St lul lor ll It-lids Ilolll 111)
Old ( ountiy tan now obtain blcnugo pre) aid
.irtlllp,ilru f.'t fun, lir-s.
Pabsiutsers booked to or from all pails of
Ameilea, Paris, Hamburgh, Noiwoy, bweden
llltlia, All.tiniiii, uinuu, t it-
Exiuisloii iliUtisgiiiiiitdat lowiit rates.
lirnflu filtlil 1 llOWliritH.
For lusp'cUou ol plaus am! other Information
apply 10 JU, iy liiuauwny, riew i out,
J. li. H'AllKS.'Aeent.
Jnhl.U
V'l lu II , I wivui .V.
lllooinkburi;, 1
Miocellaneono.
T 13 N T 1 B T It Y .
II, U. IIOWKR,
most approved methods, and all operations on
tho teeth carefully nnd propel ly attended to.
Keslilence and ollleo a lew doors chovo the
Court House, same side.
liloomslmry. .lnn.1'71 ly
yULOAN WOIIK.S,
1) ANVILL E I' A.
WILLIAM II. LAW,
Manufacturer or Wrousht Iron llrldgcs, Dollers,
Onsholders, rireproof llulldliiBS, Wtouuht Iron
llootlne, HooHiiK Frames, Kloorlue and Doors,
I arm Untes anil fancliiK.iilxo Wrought Iton ptp
ItiR.HIack. and all kinds of Hmlth WoUf ''
ltenalrs nromntlv atleiuled in "..
, '.uHtetrnialcs supplied.
oct27'71-ly.
rjIIE QUE AT MAGICAL
II ,( 1 El P O R O K Bt
Will forco a beautiful set of Whiskers or Mus
tache, In from two to thteo mouths, on any per-
im over twele years old, it is ono or too oest
preparations to tanko tho whiskers prow that
produce n very stronu benrd, It does not In nny
wnv stnlti or liiluro tho skin Trv itl It Is no
vei awi uili'WU. une ooiuo oi ii issuiiieiein, 10
humbutt. Price 111 cents psr linttle, Sent by
mull itost tahl, to any address, on receipt ol
price. Addiess WILLIAM C. WAGNEIt,
AieiiLiisviiie,
nuj.lS,'71-ly. Adams County, Pennn
NHUB.ANCE AGENCY.
Wyoming f SI LOW
1 t ua.
niton N. Y
4 K),0l)0
, 3MI,llfXl
4j0,lK)
LtCO.tWi
1 10).'
830,0(10
6711,01 0
690.IHHI
North America
ity
iiernniinnai r.i
Niagara N.Y
Merchants
Sprlntln'.d v.
armers' uauviue.i.i.,
Aieany i;n
4W.0")
Danville,
Inrso Then Jlutual.
Atlantic, N. Y 1,(00,010
Gcrmauln, N. Y S00.OC0
FP.EAS BROWN, AprM,
nii21'71 ly, Dloomshubq 1'a,
U INK LEY KNITTING MACHINE
THE SIMPLEST, CHEAPEST AND REST IN
USE! HAS HUT ONE NEEDLE! A
CHILD CAN RUN IT I
Designed i si ecially for tho use of families, nnd
1 adies Mho dulie to luilt lor tho market. Will
do ciery slltdi of the knitting In a stocking,
widening and nnriowlng ns icadlly as by hand.
Are splendid for wolsKds and fancy work.
A KING 11V11 Vll 1UKI..N i KhMH Ol'
STITCH! Ale very nsy lo manage, and not
liable to i et out ol order. L.very family snouiu
have one.
Wo want an Agi nt in c ery town to lnirouuco
and sell them, lovhom veolter the most liberal
IndMceuteut!'. Send lor our Clieular and Sample
StO'-iElinr. Addrtss.
lllllsl.l'.l KllTliSli iUAUllliSl'. e.ii.,
nov. lo,'7i-ly. Until, Me,
H.
O. IIOWER,
has opened a Drstclass
ROOT, SHOE, HAT CAP,
AND PUR STOP. E.
at tho old stand on Main Street, Hloomsburg.arew
doors above the Court House, His stock iscom
posedof tho very latest aud beststyles ever oller
pd to the ottizi us ol Columbia County. Ilecan
accommodate the publ Ic with tho followlnggoods
at the lowest rates. Meu'B heavy double soled
stoga boots, men's double aud single tap soled
men's tine boots nnd shoes of all grades, boy's
double soled boots nnd, shoes or all kinds, men's
glove kid llalmoral shoes.meu's, women's.boys'a
ir in iioniH. iiiuu iii'iiv.v bmuit nut-'t-a uimi uiuun.
and misses lasting gllliers, women h giovo uiu
Piillsli very ftiie.Moiucn'B morocco Halmoralsand
:alt snocs, women h very nuo am uuuuucti i;aii'
is. In short boots ol nil descriptions both peg
gfd nnd sewed.
Ho would also call attention to his Cue assort
incut of
ATS, CAPS, FURS AND NOTIONS.
tommi rnnmrlsefl nit thn new and nortulai varl-
ettesat prieeBwhlchcanuotfalllosullall. Theso
goous aro oiiereu at ino xowesi eiisu ruies uuu
tiIH tin mmrnutpeii tn ftvn satisfaction. A Call
is solicited betore purchasing elsewhcro as It Is
believed that belter nargaius aro to ue lonnu
than at any other place la me couniy.
jnn ni
gXCHANGE BAKERY
ASH
CONFECTIONERY,
HLOOMSBUHO, PA.
The nnrlprslnncfl. Rtipcpssors of F. Wldmver,
would respetllully anuounco that they have
taken tho well-established stand recently occu
pied by tlio above named, lu Uloomsburg, and
prepared to tontluuo the business or mauulac-
luriug auu setting, uy
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL,
Confectionery of every stylo and kind. Also,
thi.v will bnve at all tiinesa complete sunnlv o!
Iho'best and Ireshest Hivad and Cake. 1 'art lis
dcsiiin nnvthliig In this Uuo it IU find It to their
auvautago 10 can on us.
AN ICE CREAM SALOON
Is added to tho establishment, and ladles and
nilioiM .lin limv nitlronlye us. lnnv relv noon
upon r ctivlng i roper attention. A reasoualilo
sluirn nrnnlilU- Tmtrtmnee is lesooi'ttullv solicited.
liaspbeiry. Letnou, aud other Syrups, lu largo
and bmall quantities, constantly on nanii.
llS't'lv-S'l!. SrS't'lvKT.,
Mar 5. 1671.-ly
Hotolts.
MONTOUR HOUSE
lVJ. RUPERT, PA.
WILLIAM BUTLER, Proprietor,
This IIouso having been put In thorough repair
Is now oil n lor the) reception of guests. No
lalns will bo spared to ensure tlio pcriect com
nrt of tho travelers. Tno Pronrletor solicits n
sharo of public patronage. Tho bar will bo
stocked at all times with Uuo liquors and clears.
jnni'71
jgENTON HOTEL.
W. F. PIATT, Proprietor,
HENTON, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA.
This well known House having been put lu
tlioiougli icpalr Is now open lor the reception ol
visltoiH. No pains have been spnrc-d loensme
the perlect eomlort of gut sts, Tho proprietor
.ltd iniiH a stnee from tho Hotel to Illoomsbiirg
and Intermediate points on Tuesday, Thursday
and caiuruay oi eaeu ween. uhui ibo
rjpHE ESPY HOTEL.
ESPY, COLUMBIA COUNTY', PA.
Tho undersigned would Inform tho travelling
public that hu has taken the above named estab
lishment aud thoroughly refuted the same for
the perfect convenience of hlsguesla. Ills larder
will lie stocked with tho best the market affords.
The choicest liquors, wluea aud cigars always to
be lound lu his bnr.
WILLIAM PETTIT.
Espy. Pa,
THE NATION
Its Rulers and Institutions.
IN ENGLISH AND GERMAN.
Nothing llko It. Strikes everybody as Jtibt tho
book I hey need. It Is an Hicclopa!dla of tho
Goerunitut, Single pages lu It, aro ot Ihini
pelves worth the price ot i ho book. Over fiOOjxipM
amlonlu Ci.W, A Hlcli Hun ts! for Cauvusseia
tadliH und geutleuieu-lHimtrs, tiachcrsaud
students. Oiw agent took 70 ortrr n nrw ;.
uith ciniclar ultmc, befoie the took ajfcuuft, $U
it tiny can ln cleared lu lair teirliuiy. Write at
oneu for Circular and Information, M.W
WOItl D PUHLIHIIlNa CO., Lot. 7lh and Mar
ket btrttts, Philadelphia, oct, 0,'71-ly.)
PERFECT
COMBUSTION.
SIGNAL LIGHT.
The flisl uitl inly i elf-feeding Aiilliiacllo Coal
btoo evtr Invented that will Ferlcctly
f '.itikiuiie nil the eases.
Wairaiiled Iho HltT 1IEA11NU STOVK In
the tommy.
Send for Prlte List and Circular In
Ml'lCHELL, MEVENMIN CO.,
t- to o Mnmiiaclureis, Pittsburgh, Pa,
UPINESS CARDS.
visninu cAiiuo,
r.'lTEIt IIKALB,
BILL HEADS,
PROGRAMMES,
1'OflTKHS,
4?., iC,
Ncfttly and Cheaply Prlnlc.l
Item the l.leslHtylesoIT)Toal tho
COLUMBIAN OFFICK.
Poetical.
JIAIICII.
iiv wm, ar.oaiiROAN.
(TncitE Is n singular Italian proverb, which
birds us"Ncvcrspcak 111 of tho month of March."
A horseman though tho valley sped,
Dark arched the branches overhead!
Wild blew the wind, black Rrow tho night!
Wild torrents leapt to left and right.
"Now, in hold tho nilddlo path,
Aim -senro tho waters In their wroth,
And reach yon light, which far I see,
Hy Venus I 'twill bo well for me,"
Ho reached the fire, ho won tho way,
Around Us blaro twelvo figures lay.
Welcomo they gave, y et little spoke.
Ho shared their vUio, ho dried his cloak.
Wclpl. Biro tho figures of his hosts,
And yet they seemed no fays or ghosts i
Yet gazing ou thorn brought a chill -Ascnso
or something vast and still.
Tho traveler had n merry heart,
Ood shelters such lu every part i
To every soul allvo was ho
As kind as mortal man could bo
Wild blew tho wind, down blow tho dust,
As 111 tho month or March It must ;
Andyctrbrall thodustnnd wlud,
Ho spoke or March In accents kind.
"Many, I know," said he, "are rude,
And swear March grass docs llttlogood J
And that March winds and tho May sun
Mako linen whlto and maidens dun ;
Hut then 'lis true, by nil conlest,
Birds ha tched In March aro over best j
Aud March, II rough, Is sure, they say,
To mako lu tlmo tho loveliest May."
Around the lire a murmur rolled
Or wonder, slorni-llke, uncontrolled;
And a deep laugh or awful sport,
Llko Norse gods In tho Thunder Couit ;
And olio aroso from his earth-bed,
A fresh, young giant, whlto and red ;
"Hy all tlio winds 'ncath Heaven's nicht
What man is this who praises March?
'Thou know'st us not, yet soon shalt know.
From us the years nnd ages grow.
Thou secst what man did never seo,
For lo 1 the mouths In truth aro we.
O'er every land I long have blown,
All tint man says to mo Is known j
Yet never heard In all my search
A man beforo v,ho praised me March!
,"And, traveler, lor praising me,
Rich Is tho boon I glvo to tbeo;
No sun hy day, no storm by night,
Shall glvo theo pain or cause theo fright;
All wealth, all blessings man has known,
Shall ever rrcely be thlno own ;
Now go thy way lu peace, and still
Bo known as ono who ne'er spiko 111."
Miscellaneous.
Till: SUBSTANTIA I.S OF LlVl).
The following amusing Incldonts aro
related in "Mtircy's Border Reminis
cences:" During the period that tho Mnjor re
mained hi New Orleans, tho pay of tho
army wassosmall, and tho pay master so
seldom In funds, that tho ofilcers, for tlio
most part wero obliged to depend for a
subsistence upon tho slender faro do
rived from tho commissary's storo.
They rarely had an opportunity of in
dulging in tho expensive luxuries Hint
thu market afforded, unless, perchance,
(which did notoftcn occur,) they receiv
ed an invitation to dino out with somo
friend who wm so fortunate as to poss
ess means asido from his pay. Accord
ing to ills own account, an invitation
was upon a certr.ln occasion extended
to himself aud room-mato, a brother
ofllcer, named Tom , tojoin apar-
ty of olllcers who wero to dino with
Colonel Croglan. Thoy gladly accepted
his Invitation, and went to tho dinner,
during which tho vino circulated brisk
ly, aud every ono seemed to enjoy tho
sumptuous faro which tho colonel's long
purso 'enabled him to spread baforo his
guests.
At a lato hour, when all wero compe
tent to glvo direct evidence as to thosu
perior quality of tho wino that had been
fcoboifutifully supplied by their hosplta
blo host, and atatimo when somoof tho
guest3 Tppeared about taking their do
parture.a bottle of champagno was plac
ed at each plate, and au intimation giv
en by tho Colonel that ho expected every
one to flulsh ills bottlo beforo leaving
tho table. Tho Major said ho regarded
this us a peremptory mandate, drank off
his quota at once, and retired with tho
intention of hurrying to his quarters
nnd going tobed beforo ho becamo ser
iously affected by it. Oil his way, how
ever, ho was passing tho door of a
gambling saloou, and having a dollar In
his pocket, ho resolved to try hlsfortuno
with it.
Accordingly ho entered, and placed
his money upon a card which won for
him several limes, nnd ho in a short
timo accumulated qulto a "pllo of chips,'
aud ho continued betting until tho room
begun to rovolvo 03 upon an axis, tho
cards and numbers multiplied Into
many times their original numbers,
and everything in tlio establishment
seemed to wax dim and misty, and
llually ho lost all recollection of oveuta
until, Into on tho following morning,
ho was awakened by his messmate,
Tom , when, to his astonishment,
ho found himself In hU own room suf
fering from an excruciating headache.
After rubbing his eyes and collecting
his wondering senses, ho was Informed
by his friend that their larder was com
pletcly exhausted, and, if they wero to
havo any dinner, it would bo necessary
to replonish it, but, as for himself, ho
had no money.
Tho Major replied that It was likely
his finances wero in tho same condition
of depletion, r.s ho had paid n visit to
tho faro bank,aud wassomowuat obllv
ious as to tlio result: but, If thero was
anythlng.ho presumed it would bofound
inhU pockets; whereupon his clonics
wero oxtimincd.und to their utter nmazo
ment and delight, ovory pocket of hU
coat, vest and trowscra was crammed
full of doubloons and bank notes,
aniouullug In tho nggregato to somo.
thing llko ten thousand dollars.
"Now. Tom, my boy,"saId tho Major,
"as wo havo been roughing It for a good
whllo on commissary tack, I proposo
that yxm go to markot and lay In a good
stock of luxuries, and from this ilmo
out wo'll llvo llko gentlemen," Where
upon his friend took incney and wout
out In uucstofstippiiiu.
Now Tom, bo It known, was himself
vcrv fond of his grcg, mid would at
any tlmo sooner havo disponed with his
dinner than his liquor. Alter no nau
been absent for a while, tho major heurd
a heavy rumbling nolso, like tho rol
linL' of logs across tho hall, aud, ou go
liitr to tho door, found his friend engage
ed In miporlnptnillng tho unloading of
barrels from a liugo wnrron. Ho was In
tho most exuberant spirits, and rtioblng
his lrnntls together lliformcd tho mnjor,
with a most Rmtlflcd expression of
countennnno, that had secured a most
miigiil(lcent lot of supplies.
In reply to tho Inquiry a3 lo thochar
actnroftho articles purchased, ho said
thero wero thirteen barrels of whiskey,
two hriins and ft loaf of bread. Ho said
ho would havo purchased a llttlo coffeo
and sugar, but ho thought they did not
caro about such flummery so long as
thoy had a good stocU of tho substantial
of life.
Tlio Wi-ontr Jinn.
Tho other morning an elderly gcutlo
lunu started to walk up tho 0. & P. Rail
road track from Bellalro to West Wheel
ing. In tho neighborhood of Whisky
Run hocanio across thrco rough-looking
young men, who wero sitting on tho end
of tho tics of tho road tnklng consolation
and fusil oil by word of mouth out of a
gallon jug. As our old friend wns pass
ing them, ono of tho three, a youth of
about eighteen, hailed him In tho follow
lug manner:
"Here, daddy, como and got a drink,
won't you?"
Tho young rann was Informed by tho
old gentleman that drinking bcnzlno
was not onoof his accomplishments, but
tho nearly Intoxicated youih was not to
be put off In that way.
Advancing with avolloy of oaths fly
ing from Ids mouth, ho Informed tho
old gentleman that ho must drink or
tako a whipping.
Just as tho young ruffian got within
striking dlstancoof our old friend, tho
latter drew a revolver, which ho cocked
and held full in tho faco of thodrunk
en rowdy. To say that tho rough stop
net! doesn't half tell It. Ho could not
havo stopped moro suddenly If light
ning had struck him.
"Don't shoot, old fellow," he statu,
mcrcd, as ho recovered from his aslon
l3hment. "1 meant it all In friendship."
"Confound your friendship 1" shout,
cd thu gentleman, now thoroughly an
gry. "Go get that jug nnd bring it hero,
or I will blow you to kingdom como in
a minuto."
Tho completely cowed ruffian obeyed.
As ho broughl the jug full of liquor, tho
old man said :
"Now break It on that railroad track.
Break it !" ho shouted. "Break It quick
or-."
Beforo ho had timo to finish tho sen
tence ho was uttering, tlio Jug was in a
thousand pieces.
"Now, get down on your knees and
apologize, or I'll mako your head look
llko a pepper box top."
Tho fellow hesitated ; but looking In
to tho old inau'd eyes, saw mat no
meant business, and dropping on his
knees in tho dirt ho abjectly apologized
for tho outrage.
Thinking him sufficiently punished,
tho old man walked peacefully on his
way. As ho passed up tho track ho heard
ouoof tho fellows halloo out to theother:
"I say Bill, that ain't tho man you
was looking for, is it'.'"
A Race Tilth a Crocodile.
Did I overtoil you of my race with a
crocodile'."' asked thodoator.
"No ; glvo us that."
"When I lived in Brazil I had a pet
crocodile, which had been taken young
and trained to folUw mo about llko a
dog. Ho had only ono fnult ho had an
unpleasant habit of drowni ng Ills prob
and hiding it In a holo near tho bank of
tho river till It would putrify enough to
meet tho requirements of his crocodllo
taste. When ho had grown to bo thirty
feet long ho took my best cow under
water, drowned her, and deposited her
In a holo In tho edge" of tho river near tho
house. Ono day I saw him lyiug on tho
bank, an d my favorltodog In his pan
try. I wont down and brought poor
Trav up, and laying him ucroro tno
monster, tried to shamo him into somo
Idea of the holnousnes3of his conduct.
To enforce tho lesson, I frowned, point
ed at tho dog, and hit tho croeodllo a
smart blow over tho snout with a stick.
His eyes flashed, his mouth spread, and
ho mado a spring for mo. I dodged and
started on a run, with tho ugly beast
after me. I was In a 6ortof cove, sur
rounded by preel pices with only ono
outlet, by a narrow path along tho bank
of tho rivor, and tnat was closed by
gatoinnd, besides, I was going In an
opposite direction. Running as laras
I could I turned, doubling Hko a liaro
pursued by a hound, nnd ran back,
training considerable ou him whllo, ow
inir to a peculiarity in tlio formation or
tho bones of tho neck, ho was with dim
culty turning. But ho soon ronowed tho
pursuit, and gained on mo so fast that!
dared not attempt tno gaio-uarrou pass
ago; und being thus bonded off, I doub
led on him again und ran back.and con
tlnued thus to do. It was onoo'clock in
tho nftcrnooii when wo commenced this
race, aud you can guesi how hot aud
tired I mu3t havo boon at flvo o'clock In
that tropical climate, I am amazed at
my own endurance Nothing but ox
tromo torror preserved mo from faint.
ing through oxhaustlou. As for tho
crocodllo, oxerciso must havo mado lilm
hungry, and thus added another Inccn
tlvo to his rnwago deslro to revengo an
Insult. Onco whon I was doubllug noar
tho llttlo gato, ho gavo It a blow with
his tail thatshlvercd it to atoms, and 1
saw splinters dropping Into thowator
nearly a n uarter ol a mllo dlslaut. Tho
accident to tho gato gavo mo fresh hope.
and at my next approach I mado a Hash
fur tho open way, and should havo gono
through easily If I had not stumbled
auu fallen to tho ground. As 1 was
struggling to rise, I heard the ereaturo
eloso to me, aud then felt Its horrid
tooth clasp my Ifg,"
Tho doctor hero leaned forward and
placed his bunds over his eyes, us If to
shut out tho scono which his emotion
prevented him from continuing to pic
ture, But his auditors wero too anxious
to hear tlio remainder to bo foiled, and
thoy asked, with ono voioo :
"Well, what then'."'
"Hoato mo."
Tlio Champion DcaiMlcnd.
Au editor In this Stato lo3t his pans
on tlio rallroau, nnu requosvuu mu
ofilcers of tho road to securo tho arrest
of any man who should prosent it. Tho
next day ho found tho pass In tlio pocK
ct of his Sunday trowscrs, and proceed
ed to tako a trip upon It. As Boon ns ho
offered it to tho conductor, that faithful
ofllcer knocKcd him on the head with
hla lantern, called lu three braketnen
and tho baggage-master, dragged him
dcsplto his frantic struggles, along tho
floor Into tho baggngo car, when a brako-
man sat on him whllo tho conductor
battered hlra up a lot to kecphlm quiet;
then they Ecarchod him to ascertain
what other thefts ho had been perpe
trating. With the exception of a ticket
to tho circus, that man had absolutely
nothing but railroad passes. Ho had
passes over all tho maiu roads, and
branch lines nnd feeders, and sidings In
tho Stato of Pennsylvania.. Ho had freo
passe over all tho railroads In tho eas
tern, southern, mlddlo and western
States, and In four of tho territories. Ho
had a pass over a railroad from Yed
do to Yokohama, and another from
Calcutta to Botigal. Ho had a letter
promising him ono on tho new road
which is proposed In Terra del Fuego,
and n manuscript puff which be had
written for a man who had assured him
ho should havo a pass over tho road,
which tho man said ho was about fo
run under tho Mediterranean from
Africa to Italy, as soon as It was built
Tlio conductor concluded that ho had
cnught the greatest kleptomaniac that
tho world over saw. But when ho got
to tho end tho of tho road affair was ex.
plained. And now if thern is any ono
editor in tho Stato who is completely
sick of'gentlomanly conductors," that
editor is thoone.
A Thousand Dollars Saicil.
It was observed of a certain covetous
man that ho never invited any ono to
dino with him :
"I'll lay a wager," said a wag, "I got
an invitation from him."
Tho wager was accepted, and tho wag
went tho next day to tho rich man's
houso about tho tlmo ho was to dino,
and told tho servant ho muat speak
with his master immediately, for ho
could savo him a thousand dollars.
"Sir." said tho servant to his master
hero 13 a man In a great hurry toBpcait
to you. Ho says ho can save you a tnou
sand dollars."
Out camo tho master.
"What Is that sir? You can savo mo
a thousand dollars?"
" Yes, sir, I can ; but I seo you aro at
dinner. I will go away and call again."
"O, pray, sir, como in nnd take din
ner with me."
"I shall bo troublesome."
"Not at all."
Tho Invitation was nccepted.
As soon as dinner was over, and tho
family retired
'Well, sir," said tho man of tho
house, "now to your business. Pray let
mo know how I am to save a thousand
dollars.!'
"Well, sir, I hear you have a daugh
ter to disposo of in marriage?''
"I havo sir."
"And you intend to portion her with
ten thousand dollara?"-
'I do sir."
"Why, then, let mo havo her, and I
will tako her with nino thousand."
Sequel Dives ro30 in a passion and
and tho wag retired as hastily as do
corum would permit.
Romance of crime. Tho Bastrop
(La.) Conservative says; The sheriff was
very much astonished tho other morn
ing when a gentleman walked into tho
court room, stepped up behind him,
tapped him on tho shoulder and told
him ho was ready to bo arrested. A
recognition of tho man was accompanied
by a smllo on tho part of tho sheriff,
which seemed to iudicato at onco tho
return of all his confidence in human
nature. As soon as the sheriff "rallied,"
however, ho wont down into the depths
of his insido coat pocket and brought
forth a writ of error and executed it
under tho eyo of tho court, tho accused
having placed himself in readiness as
nforo.-aid. It will bo re uombered that
this is tho samo man who a short timo
aco was In confinement in tho parish
Jail, and who upon being allowed a
good many privileges, locked tho sheriff
in ono day and went to his homo in
Arkansas. Upon hlsdoparture, though,
ho left tho sheriff a noto, stating to him
that ho need not feel any responsibility
on account of his escape, as ho wouH
return when the court met; and ho had
kept Ins word. Ilo is indicted roi
murder.
The Pyramids. Colonel Jameti, in
a recent leciuro on ino pyrnraius 01
Egypt, stated that In thoKlng'd Cham
her, itisldo tho pyramid, somo of tho
stones wero thirty feet long. Theso
stones, wolghlngsomoninety tons, wore
not found In Egypt at nil, but wero
brought donu tho Nile, a dlstnnco of
fi vo hundred miles, nnd then placed In
their present position, ono hundred feet
abovo tho level of thoground. In regard
to their finish, theso Syenlto stonc3 aro
among thohardest known; and yot thoy
aro so exqulsltoly polished, and bulltln
to form a casing for tho King's Cham
her with such superior skill, that tho
finest piece of tisstio paper could not bo
put between tho Joints, and this after a
lapse of over four thomaud years
Such workmanship should excito tho
wonder nnd admiration of tho world.
Is TitF.Hoa Btupid.-TIio hog has tho
namo of being the most stupid of an!
mals; and yet the reputation l3fur from
deserved. Many Instauces might bo
mentioned where a hog showed Itself as
tractablo as tho most Intelllgoat of dogs
Tho gamekeeper of Sir Henry Mlldmay
actually broko a black sowto huntgamo
in tho woods ; mid sho ran In tho hunt
with wonderful success. Sho would
truck game, back und stand, and point
partrldgcs.pheasants.snlpes, and rabbits
us skilfully as a bred pointer. Sho would
bound-In responso to 11 whistle, and
would wag her head and squeal with
dollght on being shown a gun.
Dinner In IJcu of tlio Drama.
Rosamboau, a French actor of no small
reputation at tho capital, was onco
playing nt Anjou, whon tho curtain
roso to a slnglo spectator. Tho director
proposed to mako nn announcement,
Rosambeau objected, nnd stepping for
ward addressed tho audlcnco as fol
lows :
'My dear sir, did you como to bco
tho play or to seo Rosambeau?'' "To
seo Rosambeau,'' was tho prompt re-
ply. "Well, I am Rosambeau. Don't
you think wo shall enjoy tho ovonlng
much better together at tho neighbor
ing cafo than If you compel mo to play
to you, who shall bo a man of wit, In
n plcco which Is a poor ono at best, and
In which, contrary to my usual custom,
I nra only ordinary?"
"Certainly I do," replied tho audlcnco
for I hurried my dinner to get hero In
season; wo will go and finish It." And
they did ; tho visitor's money was ex
ponded, ho did tho honors of an excel
lent dinner that evening, nnd Rosam
beau sent him a good box for him and
friends for tho next ovenlng,-yip)Wo;i'4
Journal.
Needed Reorganizing. Artcmus
Ward, in ono of his letters, thus gives
his ideas of reorganization: "I nover
attempted lo rcorganizo my wifo but
ouco. I shall nover attempt to do It
again. I'd been to a publlcdinncr, and
had allowed myself to bo betrayed Into
drlnkin' to soveral peoples' healths ;
aud wishin' to mako 'cm robust as pos
slblo, I continued drlnkin' their health
until my own was affected. Conso.
kenco was, I presented myself to Bet
sy's bedsldo lato at nlto with consldera
bio lickcr concealed about my person,
I had somehow got possession of a hoss
whip on my way homo, and remember,
in' somo cranky observations of Mrs
Ward in tho mornln' I snapped tho
whip putty llvoly, and in a very loud
voice I said : "Botsy,you need reorgan
izln'.' 'I have come, Betsy,' I contin
ued, crackin' tho whip over tho bed
havo como to rcorganizo you.' I dream
ed that nlto that somebody laid a hoss
whip across mo several times, aud when
I woko up I found sho had. I hain't
drank much of any thing since; and II
I over havo another reorganlzln' Job on
hand I shall let it out."
Female Society. All mon (writes
Thackeray) who avoid female society
havo dull perceptions and are stupid
havo gross tastes, and revolt against
what is pure. Your club swaggerers,
who aro sucking tho butts of billiard
cues all night, call femalo socioty inslp
Id
Poetry is uninspired to a yokel
beauty ha3 no charms for a blind man
music does not please a poor beast who
docs not know ono tuno from another
but asatruocpicuroishardly ever tired
f water,brown sauce, bread and butter,
protest I can sit for a wholo night
talking to a well-regulated, kindly
woman about her girl Fanny, or her
boy Frank, and llko tho evening's en-
tortalnmont. Ono of tho great benefits
man may derive from woman's socie
ty is that ho Is bound to be respectful to
her. Tho habit Is of great good to your
morals, men, depend upon it. Our ed
ucation makes us tho most eminently
selfish men in tho world, and the great
est benefit that comes to a man from
woman's socioty is that ho has to think
of somebody to whom ho is bound to be
constantly attentive and respectful.
A Good Wife Or a Tough Story'.
A rich old gentleman, somewhat ftt.
mous for I1I3 anccdotlcal powers, told a
story the other ovcnlng which shows
that ho either has a most remarkable
wlfe,-cr elso that ho has a remarkable
faculty for extending tho truth. Ho
said ho had not been hard pressed for
money during lato years, but ho was
onco when ho was doing a largo busl
ness. "Ono day in particular," ho said,
I looked so torribly glum at break
fust, that my wife discovered something
was tho matter. 'What ails you, my
dear ?' Bays she. 'Well,' says I, 'If you
will know, I havo got seventeen thous
and dollars to pay to day, and nothing
to do It with.' 'Is that all?' says sho,
And enough too,' says I. With that
sho says nothing, but whips up Btairs
and brings mo down tho soventeen
thousand dollars, all in tho small change
I had given her, from timo to tlmo, to
do her marketing with."
A journal of Bombay, India, tells
a cur ious story, which, If true, indicates
a high degrco of intelligence on tho
part of a monkey. A rich Madrassle,
travelling with his monkey, of which
ho was very fond, was robbed and mur.
dcred by footpads, and his body was
buried. After tho commission of tho
crimo, tho monkey, whom tho culprits
had overlooked, ran to tho houso ot tho
nearest polico ofllcer, and by his actions
induced him to follow him. The result
was that ho led the official to his master's
body. Guided by tho intelligent animal
tho polico ofllcer next proceodod to tho
bazar, whero ho identified tho thleovs
three In number, by biting them, In
6ucces3ion, in tho leg. It Is added that
tho murderers havo since confessed their
crimo and havo boon committed for
trial.
A Neudlkss Experiment. A. faco
tlou3 individual not many miles from
Danbury, Conn., sought to "draw his
wifo out" by pretending to bo found
dead with an empty laudanum phial
by his sldo. And that lady was a good
deal shocked at first, but having read
that a noedlo introduced into tho hu
man flesh would 1 ml lea to ou its surfaco
whether that flesh was dead, and being
a woman of eminent practicability, sho
at onco armed herself with a polished
instrument of nearly two Inches growth
aud with throbbing heart und bated
breath introduced a good share of Its
length into au appropriate portion of
tho deceased, what tho surfaco of tho
needle really Indicated was not learned
as ho took It with him as ho passed
through tho sash. Exchange.
Bomb "horrid" man says that In tho
present style of dressing young ladles
hair, It is hard to toll which is switch.
Humorous.
Tho last tlmo an Iowa man saw his
thumb It Xf03 going through n corn
shelter.
Is not Horaco Grooloy a Collcco-brod
man?" asks n correspondent. "No.
sir ; ho Is a Graham broad man."
A Michigan blacksmith began work
with a powder-flask in his pocket. Tho
new 8iiop win uo completed in .unrcn.
A Buffalo girl has taken advantage 8
of leap-year to such an Inordinate ex
tent that sho Is engaged to soventeen
men, and has boon sued for breach of
promlso by nlno moro.
An lndcncndcnt old lad v. sneaklne
of Adam naming nil the animals, said
she didn't think ho deserved any
credit for naming tho nig any ono
wouiu unow wnat to can mm.
Miss Ellen L. Fletcher, of Charles-
town, N. H., having learned Iho trado
has opened n jowcllor's shop, and tho
watches of all tho young men In town
aro out of order in consequence.
'Two Intlmato friends in this city,"
says n Baltimore paper, "had an anl-
maietr uiaioguo wun rcu not posers,
and ono of them has elnco had only one
eyo on things In general."
"What Shall Wo Do With Our Girls?"
nsks ono of tho suffrago-shriekers in
lier lecture, ir nor gins aro nueiy 10
rcscmblo their mother much, wo think
sho had bettor drown them.
A vnunir ladv in a Massachusetts
town has taken up dentistry for a liv
intr. All the ccntlemen patronize her.
Ono young man has become hopelessly
mratuateu wun ner, consequently no
hasn't a tooth in his head.
"Havo you seen my black-faced anto-
lopo?" inquired tho keeper of a mena
gerie, slightly mU-pronouncing tho
namo or tno ammai.
No." said a visitor. "Whom did
your black-faced aunt elopo with?"
A countryman in Savannah observed
a gang of darkles laboring on the streets
each woarlng a ball and chain. Ho
asked ono why that ball was chained to
his leg. "To Keep peopio from stealing
It," said tho darkey, "heap of thieves
about here."
A Michigan gin-mill keeper has this
cvasivo arrangement : You put your
ten cents on a spot marked "whisky;"
tho apparatus revolves, and directly
you seo a glass of whisky standing be
fore you, and you don't know, of course,
who gavo it lo you, or how it camo
there.
A Now Yorker wrote to General
Spinner, asking for his autograph and
a "sentiment," whereupon tho veteran
Treasurer wroto in reply : "You ask for
my autograph with a sentiment. My
sentiment is this: Whon a gentleman
writes another on his own business ho
should enclose a postago stamp."
A lady in Indiana, who soaked her
hair overy day in cough medicine, un
der tho impression that it was somo.
body or other's hair restorative, did not
find out her mistake for ten months. It
is lucky sho mado a mistako, for tho
stuff did no harm, and the "restora
tive" would probably havo left her
bald.
Whllo a rather affected younc lady
wns conuding to nor aamirer nowoino
real her appetite was, and tho sonsitlvo
dellcatencss of her organization, tho too
matter-or-fact lielp bawled out, "Hay I
will yo havo ycr bllcd pork and beans
now or wait tin yer roller's gonov"
Tho "feller" has been gono over since.
A Harvard craduato who had boon
moro devoted to terrestrial than celes
tial studies during his course, Bt his
final examination in physics was asked:
"Mr. , wnat planets wero Known
totlm ancients?" "Well, sir." ho re
sponded, "thero wero Vonus and Jupi
ter, and," alter a pause " mint me
earth, but I'm net qulto certain."
Colorldffe was descantlnir. in tho pres
ence of Charles Lamb, upon tho repul
slvo appearanco of tho oyster. "It isn't
IianU30mo, uoieriuge, saiu jjarao; uut
it has tho advantago of you in ono
thing." "What is that?" queried Colo
ridrre. who. as overy ono knows, was an
exhaustless talker. "It knows when to
shut its mouth," was tho reply.
A number of passengers on a South
ern railroad who, in deference to the
feelings of tho single lady prosent re
frained from indulging their smoking
propensities, felt that their courtesy
was unappreciated when tho gentla
damo drew a well worn meerschaum
from her pocket and with nimblo lln-
cers proceeded to All it with the strong
est of Virginia leaf.
A Georgia darkoy to whom Senator
Sumnor's supplementary civil rights
bill was explained, characterized It as
"a trap to kill fool niggers." "You seo
sab, somo fool niggers will go to the Pu-
lasui uouso anu jest sot nissoii uown oy
a whlto man aud do white man will jest
fro dat ar nigger out do winder aud
broko his necit."
Parson B came out of Ills church
ono day when tho walks wero llko glass,
from the frozen rain upon them, nnd
had proceeded homeward but a few
steps, when down ho wont, Hat upon
tho wane. Deacon j . , wno was j usi
behind, bluntly remarked, "Ah, par
son 1 tho wicked stand on slippery
places." "Yes, deacon," said the ready
pastor, "l seo tney uo, uui 1 can w
minister at a colored wedding.
wishing to mako somo humorous re
marks, saiu, vun Eucn occasions as mis
it is customary to kiss tho bride, but in
this caso wo win omit it." 10 mis un
gallant remark tho indignant brldo
groom very pertinently roplled, "On
Bucll occasions ns mis it is euaiuuiuiy 10
glvo tho minister $10, but in this caso
wo win omit 11.'
Hero is tho way they do things in In
diana: Within flvo months tho Rev.
Mr. Brock burled his wifo.ongaired him
self to thrco women, married ono of
them, was sued for ureacii or promiso
by ono of tho others, got a dlvorco and
married tho ono who sued him for tho
breach of promlso, was tried by an ec
rlcslnstlcal council nnd suspended from
conference, then went and Joined tho
Campbollltochurch.andhoand his third
who wero nam uujitizeu.
A ctiest nt a hotel In Belfast. Maine.
on being told that dinner was ready,
stripped off his coat and, accompanied
by ins who. oniereu mo uniing-ruum in
his shirt slcoves. A waiter brought
him a hill of faro, which ho recorded
curiously, and then laid it down. Pret
ty soon nnotner uiu 01 turo wan piaceu
in his plato. Then ho arose in his
wrath, and exclaiming, "I didn't como
hero to read show bills. I camo after
somo dinner."
Wo often read of instances of extra
ordinary presencoof mltid ; but ono oc
curred tho other day a llttlo ahead of
anything wo havo seen or heard of late
ly. A bright llttlo follow, son of tho
mistress of a well-known and popular
educational institution, was skating at
Lako View. N. J., when ho broko
through tho ice. As ho went down tho
probabilities woro rather against his
coming up allvo, and tho lad realizing
this, and wishing lo havo tho intelll
genco convoyed directly home, shouted
out, ns ho was disappearing, tho street
and uumber of hU resldouco. Fortu
nate! v ho was rescued, and tho world
may yet anilclpato much from this pro-
eoclous youth. A'warA Cburffr.