HATER OV -A BVI5BTIS1K0 .
AND
Otin llirll. fllttrn 1 1 nsa tm tlm M..l.t....l l
Nonpflrclttvnp)(moortwoluiertlonVfUUtlire
im-x'I null. 9i.A
IS l'UHMHHKU IJVKItY I'UIDAY MOIININO
t ft THIS UOLUMIUAN nUII.htNO NKAUTIIE
COUnT IIOOSK, llLOOMSlimid, 1'A., it
CHARLES B. BROCKWAY,
kditoii and rnorniKToiii
Terms-Two Dollars a Year payable In 'advance.
SPACE.
1H.
Sir. Cft. IT,
Olio Inch KM MOO II.T10 () fio.oo
iwolueflps 8.H fid) 7,i w ism
Jhreo Inches 6,m 7, u.m ItfM S (11
Four Inches 7.00 tm Iran 17 ni m,a
Quarter coliinni Iti.tO 12,i H,ll yi.uo KUA
Half column lt.do lfjoo ai,i.o ;j 01 ,j,oi
Ono column 30,ou 80,00 OO.WI 100,00
Rxecntnr's nr Adfo4titalmfAr, Nnttnn. lKJul
Auditor's or Asslgueo's Notice, 12,9).
JOB PRINTINO
Ofalldoscrlpllons executed with neatness nnd
dispatch nt ri'asonnblu rntcs,
Looal notices, twenty cents n lino.
VOLUME VI, NO o.
BLOOMSBURG, PA., FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 1872.
Cnrd, In tho "Huslne Directory" oolumn,
J5.00 iwr year for tho first Iwo lines, nnd Sl.fJO f jr
each uddltlonal lino.
UOL. DEM.
VOL. XXXV NO. CO,
MY ,rJ0 ' h tit &
' yiJi ra as. fM(m . fed n a. & a & Ik. is,
a ww i hi mm ii aw mrnr mm w xm mm
IIP J I 1 1L IF ; I B 111 1 III 1 1.
Columbia Oountv Official Directory,
iVrli(rn(.;(oc-VlU.IAM KLWEt.t..
Associate judect-luAU lJiniit, Isaac H. Mok-
"5vo(iotioMn,.tc-Itmioi.vit It. ntMit.r.it.
JtrnbtrrA A'ceoricr-WIl.t.IAMsuN II.JAloliY.
Dtttrtrt Attorney-.! AMES IIiiykim, Jli,
phcrltr aaiion SMITH.
Nurvmor Isaac Dewitt.
JVceMiirn -WIM.1AM LAMON.
Coiirnihurnnei t 'vitro llonmiis, ltinASi J.
Ilr.r.iini, Wii.ma v Shaki-i-ii.
CommtHlonert' Clerk Wtl.MAM KnicKIiAttsr,
AmlllunV, .1. CASH-HELL, 1JANIM. I.tX.
CliAiiLVHCnsNr.il
Ivronrr fit AHt,r,.s (I, MtllirttV.
.ii iv Cbniiiifuwnrrj Isaac .Mollnltirj, John Ma
ANALL.
Couutu tltipcrlntendcnt-l itAm.ES O. IIAukley
7Woc.ni jv.nr ;)('r(c-I)lrcrtor, H. H. MlLI.cn
William KiiAMrii, Hloomsburg, nnd Joiissoti
1 kei.fii, Uu inn dod, fiiAiii.i.s t onskii, Bec'y.
Bloomsburg Official Directory.
lUiiomtlvrii lltmklnt) (". John A. I'UKSTOS
rrcsnieiit, II, II. UIWI7, Cashier.
J-'int national JlankCitAS. It. l'AXTON.rrcs't i
J. 1'. TrsTiN. Cnhlor,
Catumlila IMunty MutualSanng Vnrtnmi TsxinAf
toelattimi:. 11. LlTTl.K, l'rcs't., C. W. Mim.ul.
beo'e,
Jlfonmsburn Uuildlni and &tn dm fVw! l itoein.
lion WM. I'iiaouck, l'res't,, .1, II. Hoiiimin, See.
llloomtliurti Mutual Haling Ivnd Asvirtatlon
J.J. Hnowr.H, l'resldcnt, C. U.Hahki.ky, Scc.'y.
Bloomsburg Diroctory.
DAl'LIt HAUS JiiRt tecclved nnd forsnloattliG
J. Columihan Dlllce,
CLOTHING, &c.
IAVID LOWHNHKHU, Merchant Tailor, Main
XI hi..
..nbovu American House.
VUM. MOItltlS, .Merchant Tailor corner of Gen
ii tro and Main St., over Mlllcr'n fitorc,
DHUOB, CUUMIOALS. Ac.
ii I'. I.UTZ, DriiKglstaiid Apothecary. i.:ilu it.
LI.
, below the- t'ost Olllce.
AlOYt'.It 1111(14.. DriiKtfistn and Apothecailcs,
1H nrow
wcr'H liloek Main ht.
UliUOKS, WATCH KS, AC.
CI K. HA VA(n, denier In Cloclti, Watclie and
; Jewelry, Main St., Just helow the American
lloore.
r OUIf) IlKItNIIAIll), Wnlcli nnd Clock maker
1j near sonthenst roiuor Main nnd Iron ts.
RCATIlL'AItT. Wntoh and Clock Mnlter.Mnr.
, Hct street, helow Main,
UOOTH AND SHOKS.
l.i M.KNOItll, Denier In IlootH nnd Shoei, latest
XI, and hht Ktyles, eorner Matu and Market
Mirer ts. In the old I'ost Ulllre.
D
AVID I1KTZ. Itoot andHhoeiiiiilier. Main 6t.
ueiow narininn HKioie.weNi oi .inraci.
Hr.NItY KI.niM, Manufactuier and denier In
IlontH nnd .MIioch, Groceries, etc., Main btrect,
KtiKt Illoonihuurg.
PKOKKsSaiONALi.
Dll. 11. C. IIOWKlt, Hurueou Dentist, Main sl.,
nhove tho Court Iloiihe.
DU. WM. M linilEIl, Surneon nnd l'hynlclau,
Ulllce over the l list Natloual Hank.
C(I. HAltKI.KY, Atlorney-at-I.nw. OHlce, 2d
. tloorlu Kxchnnselllock, near the "Exchange
Hotel."
1 11. McKllLVY.M. l).,Bnrt;eon and l'hjblclan
J . norlhhlUu Main ht., helow Market.
T C. ItUTTKH, M. 1). HHWOH nnd I'l.yslclan
ti a Market street, abovo Main,
i 11. KOItlSON, Altoriiey-at-I.tuv, OfflccIInit
d , inaii'a hulldliiK, Main street.
Dll. It, P. KINNKY, Kurgoon l)intlst, Teeth
extracted without pain: Main M.t nearly op
osltu Iplscopal Church,
T It. I'.VANS, M. 1).. Hurseon ni 'l I'hjsklan,
(J south side Maiustrccl, below Market.
MILLINERY & FANCY GOODS.
1.1 l'KTKUMAN, Millinery nml Taney Goods,
IJ. opposlto Kplscop.il Church, Main st,
MISS T.IZZir. IlAUKI.r.Y, Milliner, ltamsey
bulldliii! Main street.
MIS.S M. DIIKltlCKSO.V, Millinery and Knuey
Cioods,Malu St., below ilarki t.
MItH. JUI.IA A. & HAUi: IIAHKI.K, I,n.llei
Clo'ikH and Dress ratlern.i, so'itheiml corner
Main anil West si.
rnllK MISSKH IIAltMAN Ml'llnriv nnd Fancy
1 UoodH, Jlaln St., below American Hnue,
HOTELS AND SALOONS.
HOUKH IIOTHI., by T, llcnt. Taylor, ensl end
1 of Main street.
MERCHANTS AND OROCEKR.
ft C. MAHlt, Dry () tods and Notions, soutli-
wi-st corner Main nnd Iron Mts.
1J0X A WKI1I1, Contectlonery ami ltnkery,
r wholesalo nnd retail, Kxhnugo Block,
nO-HOWim, Ilatsrnd Caps, Hoots audaiioes,
. Main St., abovo C'ouit Houso.
Tlf. MAIZI', Mammoth flrocerv, tiu- (Iro
. eerteti. Ktults, Nuts, Vrovlslou, rtc, Main
nml CentroHtieels.
MiKri.VY, NKATi CO., dealers In Dry Ooods.
(Irrcerlcs. l'lour, IVpd.Sall, 1'lsh. Iron, Nails,
etc.N. U. cor. Main und Market sis,
Q II. Mll.I.r.It A f-ON, denlen In Dry Onods,
n. Oroeerlcs. Queenswnre, I'lour, Halt, Shoes,
Notions, etc., .Main st.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Oil, CIIUISTMAN. Haddle, Trunk A Harness.
. luukcr, Hhive's Hloclt Malu Htreet.
DW. IlOIIlllNH.llquordealcrseconddoor Ironi
' northwest corner Main and Iron sts,
I,i J. THOHNTON, Wall l'nperVlndow Shades
ii. and fixtures, Hupcrt block, Main Et.
Gl W. roitKI.I., KurnUnro llnoms, three ctory
( brick, Main Street, west of Market st.
nUOSKNSTOCK.J'hotoKrapUrr, over Itobblnu
& Kyer's Htoic, Main st.
T H. KCIIN. dealer In Meat, Tallow, etc., Chem
1" herlln's alley, learnt American House,
QAMIMJI. JACOHY, Mathle nnd lliown Slone.
OWorlts, Knst lUoomstinrg.nerwlck road,
WM. KAIUl, dealer In furniture,, trunks, cedet
M v. lllow ware, near the Torks Hotel,
T.i H. niDLKMAN, Atfeutfur Munsun's Copper
L'Tubular I.l!htnlr.i; I tad.
OFOSTini.Olue Maker, and White and Fancy
. Tanner, Hcottowu,
"MOTK HOOKS, nml blank NOTKS, with or wlth
li out exemption, for sale at the Columbian
Offlce,
Catawiasa.
D F, DAf.LMAN, Merchant Tailor, Second St.
U, IhlMlUlUH I1U11U1UC,
DH.J. K. UOltniNS, Rnruenn nnd I'liystclan
Kecond St., helnw itnlu.
GII.BKKT & KUNK. dry goods, groceries, and
general inerchaudlse, Main Street
T II. KIBTLKK, "Cattnwlssa House," North
Cornor Main and Second Streets,
LKKII.EK, Hlllard Snloou, Oysters, and Ice
. Cream In season Main St.
MM, I1H0I1HT, dealer In General Merchandise
. Dry Goods, Groceries rtc,
QUSlJUEHANNA or Ilrlrk Hotel, H. Kosten.
O bander l'roprletor,Routli-custcoruerMalnnud
Second Street.
y M. II. A11110TT, Attorney at Inw, Main St.
Light Street.
HI', OMAN .V Co., -Wlieelwrlshts, llrsl door
, iibovo School House,
JOHN A. OMAN, Manufacturer and denier lu
Hoots aud Shoes
T) H. P.NT, dealer lu Stoves aud Tin ware In
j t- Ul 11
I Its branches,
pPTEU l.NT. Miller, and dealer In all kinds oi
I (iintu. Hour, K-id, Ac. All kinds olGralu
Eapy.
J D. WERKHEIBEH, Hoot nnd Shoo Store aud
hoilV1iJIf!i?!,i,.J:,M,!ihop ou i,lllu Ht";4't
aud llox Muuufacturlug,
Buck Horn,
UXtCOOdS. KtGCCrltS fiml I'l-Iitrill merrtiiinilUn.
Oraugovillo Diroctory.
II. Itl'IintKIl Ttmvrltri) c. .....
. Ilullders, Main st below l'li'ie.
BlttCK 1J0TEI, and refreshment Saloon, by
llohr Jl'llcnry cor.of Main nnd Finest.
Dtt. p.A.MF.GAltOKUlMiyslclanandSiirgcon
Mnln st,, next door to Good's Hotel,
nAVII) ItnitltlNO. Flournnd Grist Mlll.aud
U Doalor In grain, Mlllstrcct.
TAMKM ill. IIAHMAN, Cabinet Maker and Un.
J dot taker. Main St., helow lMiio.
SCIHJYI.HU & CO., Iron foiinners.Machlnlsts
and Mauufacluicis of plows, y 111 St,
fj AMItin, KIIAItl'I,i:ss,MakiroftheHayliurst
O Urnlu Cradle. Main St.
WII.MAM DKI.ONG HhoemnkcraiKt niantifno
turer of llrlck, Mill St., west of Pino
Philadelphia Directory.
Kestanrant aiii Dinning Rooms.
FRANK SMITH, Proiirlutor.
l'UILADKUMIIA,
N. II. Tho location Is central, tho assistants
nttcullVK, nnd ttiu tnWes sitpnlled with tho best
the, market ntl'ords, liesh and well cooked. Give
him a call.
jI0IIARDSONrL. WRIGHT, JR.
ATTOKNT.Y AT LAW,
NO. 12S SOUTH SIXTH 8TKEKT,
ritlLAnELl'IIIA
Ian. 1'71 ly
J M. KEPHEART,
0 WITH
RARNKS, I5R0. & IIERRON,
HATS, CAPS, HTHAW GOODS & FUItS,
No, 03 Market Street,
(Above Fifth,)
PIIII.ADPI.MIIA.
"Y A IN WRIGHT & CO.,
wiiou'.sau: oitocuits,
N. K. Corner Stcond and Arch Streets,
Philadelphia,
Dealers In
ti:ah, syhups. coffei:, sug ah, Moi..ssra
hick, si-ices, ni CAt'.n soda, ac, ac.
3T-Ordors will receive prompt attention,
may H),B7-tf.
Business Cards.
c.
R. RROCKWAY,
ATTOrtN EY AT LAW,
ni.ooMsnnno, pa.
Offioe Court House Alley, lu tho Co
I.DMIUAN building. (Janl,'67.
A,
L. TURNER
PIIYSICIAX AND SUItGKON,
llLOOMSllUKG, PA.
Officii oer Lntx's Drug Store. Hesldene
Mai kt t street, 1st door below ltcv. I). J. Waller.
dechi'TO.
c.
W. MILLER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Oltlce Court House Alley, below the Coluh
niAN Otllce. llountlcs, llack-Pny and Pensions
rollrrtod. Hloonisburg I'n. scp.aj'CT
jORERT F. CLARK,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Oftlco Main Street helow the Court House,
lllooiusburg Penn'n.
E.
II. LITTLE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
nillco Couit-House Alley, below the CoLnM
iiian Ofllce, P.looinsburc Pa.
QIIARLES C. LEIDY,
ITTOIlXr.Y- T-I, W,
OFFICE ON 0"K STREET, MOUNT CARMEL
NOUTIIUMItEULASn COUSTV, l'A.
Cotleellons prc.mptlv made, Convoynnclng
in ntlv executed tin, all other business eonntef
cd with his por-sslon caietully attended to 111
Montour, Northiimlierl.ind nnd Columbia coun
ties. II1S.1K7I-U.
IARGAINS 15ARG AINS
QUICK KAt.FS AND WfAI.I. PHOriTH.
SAVE YOUR MONEY.
Go to
HESRY YOST,
Fast Hloomshnrg Pa., for nil kinds of the best
home and cltv madn
K IT II N I T IT It K .
Prices reasonable nnd the bo -trk doin.
Inn I'7i ti
yK'rl"ARY'.
August friend,
Into frf m Germnny, oflers his fervlieu to thy
public as a celf brated
HORSE AND COW DOCTOR,
and nil other nnlrnnls, fovwhlch his charg(s are
modeinte. lie (an alums be found (est side ot
lierwlck road, nenrs.H.Jnroby's'Mnrblo Yard,
llloomsburg, May 12. K-71.1v.
E
Jm wntllil niiliijunra I n 1 hp nil iKpucnf nioomH
buic nnd vtclnllv. t lint lie lms lust received a full
ami t'ompleto assortment of
'VAIL l'ArKIt, WINDOW HHADEH.
FiXTtntES, conuH,
ninlall other Rnmls In Mb lino of business. All
lie newest nml innst npiuovoil puteriiH of the
day nro always to be founil In lilt ehtnbllhmenu
nmr.S.'f.iMt Mnu Ht. bolow MarkPt.
M
AGAZINES. DA I LY & WEEKLY
PAPERS OF ALL KINDS
AT THE IIOOK BTOIIE OPPOSITE THE C'OUIIT HOUSE.
Also an assortment of Portemonnnles, Pass
Honks and Account Hooks, ci nsinntly on hand.
Hooks not on baud obtained on shnit notice.
New Hooks aie constantly being added to the
" Illoomshurg Circulating Library." Among the
latest r.ro "Guilt and Innocence," "Motherless,"
,'slr Harry," " Hot Spur of Huiuhlethwitit." and
Merqucm," etc. aprt,'71 If
pjEW STOVE AND TIN SHOP.
ISAIAH HAGENI1UCH.
Malu Street ono door above E. Mendenhall's
Store.
A largo assortment of Stoves, Heaters aud
Rangencoustuutly on hand, and for sale at the
(owest rates.
Tinning lunll Ha branches carefully attended to,
aud satlsfacttou guaranteed.
Tin work nt all Kinds wholesale and retail, A
lal Is requested,
Jail 1'71
NEW COAL Y A R D.
TIIK undersigned respectfully Inform thu
citizens ot lllooiusburg and Columbia county,
mm uiey ueep an 1110 uiiiereni numuera oistovo
coal and selected lump coal for smithing purpo
ses, on their wharf, adlolulng M'Kelvv. Nenl A
Cn's Furnnce; with a good pair of Ilnffulo scales
on tho wharf, to weigh coal, hny, nnd strnw
.mewisft a norse nnu wagon, 10 ueuver coai 10
hose wlio desire M. As they purchase u large
anmuut of conl.theylutend tokeep a superior ar
ticle, anil sen ai ine very lowesv prices, riense
call nnd examine for yourselves beroro inirciias.
lugolsewhere. J. W. HENDEHSHOT,
AlIUUttl UH JIAbU.I,
rnilE uiulerainiipil will tnko In ox-
JL cuango ior l oai nuu iiroceriew, uit. ,i.iii. iuu
nnmpit iirttcli-s 'Wheat. Hvo. Corn. Oats. Pota
toes, Lard, Ham.Shoulder.and side nieat.Iluttcr
Firirs. Hnv. Ac. at the highest cash nrlces. at bis
urocery moro, aujoiuing lueir eoai jmu,
J. W, HIINDKltSllUl'
Hlooinsburg Mar. 9,'6i-ly.
URLIN'G CREAM.
I Iv ukIiil' lids nitlclo Indus nnd GentUinen
enu beuutlly lhe-msel(s n thoiuaud lold. 'Hits
Is tho only nrtlclo that ulll curl slralght hair,
nml ut the mine I lino elveto It n hinutlful up-
eltnuses. It cell Lo to applied as to cause the
01 111 mil 11 uiii litviL-nrnirs. of iiuiiol-h nuo
lull-to cuil nny Jenuth oi I line dtslud. Stnt
l y mull lor 50 els. n purliage. Addrets
AHMUt 'JOWNSI.P.Y,
Mlddlilouu, Adums Co., Pa
septl'71-Cm.
B
LOOMSUURG
.11 A II It 1. 1: IV O It It S.
5IA1N ST1IHT, 1IHOW MA1IKKT,
HI.OI MSIIUHO. PA.
neatly execuled. Oid'eis by mull will receive
Sl......,..u T.,...l.u Itrn.l.lrk.mfi An Vl'n. 1.
speciul utteutlou, M.H, iork iieiieieei ircoui
KllUllCft J, 1., U UiS il'iS, ll''lM-,oi,
cctlS'71-tf, P.O. HeixlW,
BUSINESS CARDS,
VJHITINO CARDS,
I'.ITKU HEADS,
HILL HEADS,
PROGRAMMES,
POSTERS,
t P 4C.
Neatly mul Chenply Printed
Piom the lAtcst Styles of Typo at Hie
COLUMJ1IAN OFKJCHi
Miacollanoouo.
D
E N T I S T R Y .
II. 0. HOWEIt. DENTIST,
Ilcsriectfully otrcrs his proTesslonnl services to
tho Indies and gentlemen of HlooinshurKund VI
clulty. Hots prepared to attend toall tho var.
misoperntlona In the llnoof his profession, nnd
is provided with tho Inlest Improved Foiicr.t.AIN
Tketii which will bo Inserted on s'old plating
sliver aud rubber base to look an well nstlio nat
urnlteeth. Teeth extracted by Blithe newanJ
most approved methods, and all operations on
thn teelh carefullyand propel ly attended to.
Hesldeuco and olllce a low doors Rhnvo tho
Court House, Bnmo side.
Hloomnburir. Jan. 171 ly
"y ULCAN WORK'S,
DANVILLE PA.
WILLIAM II. LAW,
Manufacturer of Wrought Iron Ilrldges, Rollers,
Gasholders, Fireproof Huildlngs, Wiought Iron
HooHns, Rooting Frames, Flooring and Doors,
I arin Gates anil fencing, also Wrought Iron pip.
I'lg.stack and all kinds or Smith Work.io,
Repairs promptly attended to,
N. 11 Drawings and Estimates supplied,
oclW'l.ly.
'jMIE GREAT MAGICAL
ti A I it r O II C E It T
Will force n beautiful set. of Whiskers or Mus
tache, In lioni two to tlireo months, on any per
son over twclvo years old. It Is 0110 ot tho best
piepaintl'insto niaku tho whiskers grow Hint
over was known, one bottlo of H Issulllclent to
produce n very strong beard, II does not lu any
way stalu or injure tho sklu Try It! It Is no
huiiihu.'. prlco in cents ptr lioltio. Sent by
innll post pnld, to any nddrcss, on receipt ot
pi tco. Address WILLIAM C, WAGNER,
Aicndtvllle,
11112 H,'7l-ly, Adams County, Penua
J N B U BAK 6 E " (JEKC Y
Wyoming
Kt
Full - ,1 N. Y
N'oi lii America
City
International N.Y
Niagara N.Y ,
Merchants
s.irnigtleld .'.
h tinners' DauvIllo.N.Y.
All mi v City
Danville, Iforse Thoft
Atlantic, N. Y
Gtriiuinlii, N, Y
fSll.'M
4,XI,IV
ifl.O'lll
.IS,!,"
yi.ixm
1,1'X),'1I
l.OrWl.trf)
,:n,,, e
Sl,i i"
4110,11 i
Mutual.
1,'ijn.iKo
.-nj, 1
FREAK HROWN, A'.i,-nt,
tiisiSl'71 ly. HLnovsnnim 1 a.
J.jlNKLEY KNITTING MACHINE
THE SIMPLEST, CHEAPEST AND UPJsT IN
USE! HAH I.UT ONE M:EDI.EI A
CHILD CAN RUN IT!
Designed isitclnilj for tho use of families, and
1 udlis vJiodiilretoknlt lor tlio markel. Will
dotcrj Blliih of the knltling in a slocking,
widening and liHirowiug as nndlly ns by hand,
Are spUudld lor worsluls and fancy work.
TAKING HVK D1HEKL.NT K I.N PS OF
STITCH! Aie very insy to mnnage, and not
liable to tet out of order. Eiery l'anillj should
have one.
We want nn Age nt In every town to Introduce
nnd sell ihem,to v. horn weoiler tho most liberal
Inducement!'. Send lor our Circular and Sample
Stucklnir. Additss.
HLNKLEY KNITTING .MACHINE CO.,
nov. lii,'7t-ly. luth, Mo.
jg- 0. II O W E II,
has opctt a ilrdt-chusu
HOOT, SHOE, HAT CAP, AUl I UR SPORE.
nt the old stand ou Main Slicet, Hloomsbuig.n few
doorsabovo thoCourt House. Hlsstock Isrom
posed of tho very latest nnd beststyles ever otter
ed to tho citizens oi Columbia County, llecnu
accommodate tho public with the following goods
at the lowest rates. Men's heavy double soled
sloga boots, men's double and single tap toted
kip boots, men's heavy stoga shoes oiall kind?.
men- uue 0001s uiui suoes oi un graues, boy's
doublosoled boots and, shoes otall kinds, men's
clovo kid H.ilmoral shoescu's, women's, bos'j
mo misses- lasting gaiters, women's gloe bid
Polish very llne.vomen'smorocco Hnln'oialsnnd
call slmes, vomeu's very fine kid buttoned gait-
rs. In short boots ot nil descriptions both vre
ged and sewed.
He would r.lFoc.ill ntteutlon to tils flnu assott-
UU'Ut ot
ATS, CAPL", Fl'RS A.N Il NOTIONS.
which comprises all tho new and populat varl
otlesat prlctHwhlchcnnuotlntltosuliall. Thtso
goods are olleied at the lowest cash rutts and
win no guniautecd totilve satisractioa. A call
is solicited betoie purcnaslng else whei e hs It ts
believed that better bargains aie 10 ba ff't'd
than at any other plsc- 111 the county.
j a n 1 . 1
XCIIANGE RAKE 11 Y
A N II
0 O N F E 0 TI O N E R Y ,
HLOOMSHURO, PA,
Tho Uilderslnneil. successors of F. Wtilrnvit-
would rispot-ilutl.v anununco that they have
lalieii tho well-established staml recently occu
pied by tho nbove named, lu Hlooinsburg, and
prepared to eontliine tho business of manufac
turing und selling, by
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL,
Confectionery of every stylo nnd kind. Also,
they will have nt nil times a complete supply ot
tho best and freshest Hreail and e'ake. I'lirtti-H
desiring anything In this line will tlud It to their
auvauiago 10 can ou us.
AN ICE CREAM SALOON
u nil.W.I tn Ln 1,1 1. 1. ... . ... i ,.n, I
t riM.ii. ii iw niv oitiuinilllll-Ill) U I 111 HUIIl'1 III HI
othirswlio may introtit7e us mny rely upon
nIi.hv ofimbll" jationiiKe is tesppct fully sollPltctl.
iiai'i-ii., ht-iihiii, tiiiti timer nyriiiw, jm inryt'
nii'i rjiixu ijiititiiiiiun, rtiiiMH ii u j- fin IIJIIHI.
MftvB. 1871,-
rnmiufA
Hotels.
VTONTOUIl IIOUSK
li KUPEUT, l'A.
WILLIAM nUTLEH, Proprietor,
ThlH HoiiMdinvlmrbeen nut In tlinrontrh rennlr
Is now npfu ft r the net ptlon of Ruests. No
nuns -win Liu bparru in eusurtMiie periect com-
Olt Of tint tr.lchirn. Tiki I'rrmrh'tnr .nlifltu n
share of public p.ilronntre, Tlio bar will bo
stocUt'O at all.tlints wltU flue liquors ami c lgars,
j)ENTON HOTEL.
W. F. PIATT, Preiinlctor,
RENTON, COLUMHIA COUNTY, PA.
This well known House havlm- been nut In
ttiniough ii-palr is now open lor the reception ot
visitors. No pains have been spared to ensure
tho perfect comlort of guists, The proprietor
also runs n Stnge from the lintel to Hlooinsburg
and Intermediate points on Tuesday, Thursdnv
and Saturday of each week. Jan F1S71
THE ESPY HOTEL.
ESPY, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA.
Tho undersigned would Inform tho travelling
mblicthal he lias taken the nbove uame-d estab
Ishtm-ul nnd thoiouuhlv retllted the same lor
the perfect eomeuleuco of his guests. His larder
will be stix ki d with the best the market allords.
The choicest liquors, wines und clgarsatways to
ue loiiuu in ii is oar,
WILLIAM I'KTTIT.
Kspv. Pa.
B
LANK DEEDS.
We linw lnivo th flnrht Hhknrlnn-nt of TIT, A KK
UKKltS on hsiiiil iiiid for miIh that uhh bvit If hiiL
in ItloomkburKi Lnre fclzo on hest parchment
paptr. Common Deeds, Uxecutor'uauu AduiluU
iratorH Deeds-fcinall hUo good paper (tlinp
Common Deedu, do,
THE NATION
Its Rulers and Institutions.
IN ENGLISH AND GERMAN.
Nothing llko It. Strikes nvervhn,lv ns Inst, tbe
book i hey need. It Is nn Fncyclopa'dia ol Iho
Government. Single pages in It, are ot them
selves woilh Iho pilcool i lie book. tJiri'&J0i;i
ami vnl.i S:Ri. A ltlt.li Harvo, for Cuuvassurs
lauiis nun geniienien-iariuers, teachers unit
students. Uneuoint took'iciileri fn a few dam,
ii ii ciruclar ufonr, before the Look ajjieut d. S'-tO
n elny cull be cleared lu fair territory. Write' at
once lor Circular nod Inforiiiuiloii. NEW
WOH1 H ri'HI.lMHNG CO., Cor. 7lh and Mar
lu t Streets, Philadelphia, foot, 0,'71-ly.J
PEEFECT
COMBUSTION.
SIGNAL LIGHT.
Tho first vud only lolf.fiedlug Anthraclle Coal
blovo over Invcntid tliat will Perlectly
Cousumoall thegiises.
Warranted tho HiXT HI.'AHNO STOVE lu
uio couuiry.
Send for Prlco List aud Circular to
MITCHELL, SI'KVENr-ON CO.,
fctoo Muuulacturiu, Pittsburgh, Pa.
J USTIOE'S HLANKH.
WO now have On hand A larpn nffltlv- nrlntA.l
assort me nt of JUSTICE'S und CONSTAHLEH
HLANKS, to which we luvito tho tutenllou of
ur.v uiuctis.
Poetical.
Written for tho Cot.UMUtAN.
Tito Silent Organ.
11Y nAVRS.
How often Us notes whin with linrmony swell.
Ing,
Elated our thoughts, as wo Joined In tho song,
When deep from our heat l, paro dovotlon vni
welling.
Enchnutcd, wo loved tho sweet strnlns to pro
long, I'nr, f.ir from tho cirlh our best hopes wero up
lifted, Our bright expectations when llfo's dream I,
o'er,
Homo on th9 sweet current by lallh wo wero
driftod,
'Till cniiBht wo, n gllmpso of tho Heavenly
shore.
Hut now In dead sllenco Its keys lie neglected,
Llko Israel's harp, os they hung on tho trees,
When Isrncl's sorrow nlouo was reflected,
In low, wnlllng murmurs that sighed lu tho
breeze.
Ho, noteless our Organ nwakc.i retrospection,
Wo think of tlio seasons now over and gone,
And sorrow Is mixed with tho sweet recollection.
Of pleasures so great that hnvo ended so soon.
For alio who tho numbers so oft did nwaken,
And led tho young choir so kindly along,
Awny from tho Sunday school circlo Is taken,
And wo'ro loft alono Willi the Sunday school
song.
Wo meet, nnd proceed ti our usual devotions,
Our hearts In tho sllenco of memory throb,
We try to, hut cannot, suppress our emotions,
Our liveliest choruses end In n sob.
Hut olio, whom wo mourn for.ln Joy may bestrllt
lug A beautiful harp on tho Heavenly shore1,
It may he an Instrument more to her liking,
AnOrgnn whoso keys shnll bs silent no more.
Rtii.lwitei:, Jan. 5, h7J.
Miscellaneous.
WITHOUT IIKAHT.
Ono evpiitr.D; in tho autumn, Corallo
Ii.irotnu' tip St. Ango sat In tho draw
ing ro'iin of her villa nt St. Clmiil, sur
rounded by her usual circlo of frlend-j
of lt)ii( yours, mid nil ncciHtomed to
nicot every pvoiiit)!.
Neither M.tilnmo tie St. Aiiro nor Jicr
friends however, wero old; nml rdtliouIi
sho wr.a a widow, Mtiu'. do St. Ange
was not a day over twenty-live, and
hud made up her mind to renfuin u
widow all her life.
Sho was rich unci possc-sed of every
attraction lo insure her a brilliant po
sition in society, but sho was so far its
a woman can be, utterly devoid of van
ity. She preferred to bo loved, to bu
respected by those- around her, who
thoroughly understood and appreciated
her, rather than to bo admired by a
thousand paoplo incapable of under
standing her, and who would liivo for
Rotten her as soon as Mio had erased lo
tttnuso them.
Tim Kreater part of tho ye.tr she lived
nt Sf. Cloud threo months was all sho
Kiivo to Paris. Y'e.ir after year the
8.1 mo circlo of friends elrewnround her,
spending week after week beneath her
roof. Hut tlio circle was often enliven
ed by visitors from Paris, fifteen initi
tilts of railroad boin; till that divides
he capital from St. Cloud.
This evening Mine, do St. Aupjo was
expirtlni; n Rueat from Paris, nnd all
wero Just saying, "MonMcur do Mont
midy will not come," when M. do
Moittini'dy was atinutinced.
"!),) not a-ik mo why I am late, but
r.tllior wonder how it is that I am hero
at till."
"Why, what has happened?"
"I have been knocked down."
"Knocked down?"
"Yes, and by a woman."
"A woman?"
"Yes, a woman, who fell from a third
story window first on my head and then
ou tho pavement, whero tho mangled
body lay very still, all ertisho 1 and
bleeding."
"Good heavens! An accident or a
suicide?''
"I know not ; all 1 know is that whpn
I roso I was so overpowered with hor
ror that I was obliged to lean for sup
port on tho two people ntarcst to me,
and that nothing but it glass of stiff
brandy r stored me to my tenfes. Then
I beheld another sight that almost
turned my blood."
"What could bo moio horriblo than
what you had seen ?"
"When what I have told you occurr
ed, I was with n friend of initio, one
of tho handsomest and most fascinating
men I over know. I looked round for
him and beheld him with tho bleeding
disfigured corpse In his arms, carrying
it Into tho nearest druggist's ; ho laid
It on tho counter, gazed at it for an In
stant, then having washed his hands,
ho turned to tho looking glass to eeo
that thero wero no stains on him, aud
taking my arm went on calmly with
tho conversation this accident had In
terrupted, Ho was not oven a shatlo
paler than before."
"I, who am a surgeon," said ono of
Mine, do SI. Ango's guests, "could not
Imvo done this."
"And I," exclaimed General Slmo
net, "who havo seen men on tho battle
Held lying dead by tho hundreds, could
not havo looked on such a sight its this
unmoved."
"I wouldn't havo scon such n thing
for ten thousand francs," said M. Cant
lac, who, being u millionaire, valued
every emotion In specie.
"I should llko to tco your friend,"
said Mine, do St. Atige, tranquil, "for
to tell tho truth I think ho is it clover
humbug."
"Not at all; thero was no action, no
o-ileiitatlon."
"is ho young?"
"Twenty-three."
"Is he rich ?"
"Very."
"Is ho handsome?"
'Ladles and gentleman,'' said M. do
Montiuedy, laughing, "all your ques
lions will soon bo answered, for 1 Imvo
asked tho Count do St. Floy, taking ad
vatitnre of a general permission given
mo by Mmo. hi lUrour e, to como hero
this evening.''
"Delightful!" exclaimed tho Huron
ne, "wo will put his Insensibility to tho
ttst."
"And wo will conquer it, I will wn
ger anything."
"I think not," said M. do Montmc
tly ; nt this moment tlio servant, open
ing tho door, announced M. do St.
Ploy.
Under tho shndoW of this namo n tall,
handsome, and most dlstlugtilshciHook
Ing man ndvancod Into tho room with
tho easy graco of n man of tho world,
but without cither conceit or presump
tion in his manner.
All wero preposjo?sctl In his favor,
but nil wero anxious to put to tho proof
tho indlffcronco of which thoy had been
told.
Mtne. do St. Ango soon found nn op
portunity of referring to It.
"I am sorry for tlio terrlblo accident
you nnd M. do Montmcdy witnessed
to tiny."
"Aroyott, Madiitno?"
"Yes ; did it mnko you shudder ?'
"Why should it ? I do not know tho
woman. All I could do was what I
did, to get her out of tho way of public
curiosity. As for feeling horror nt tho
sight of blood mid broken bones, that Is
n vulgar emotion ; people shrink from
tho physical horror who havo not ono
tear to give to n lacerated heart or an
agony of tho mind that is racking the
brain to madnoi.s. This I look on as
folly."
"You havo extraordinary strength of
mind."
"No, but I fool only ns my re.ison
dictates."
Is not that what tho world would
call selfishness?"
"No doubt. Hut selfishness is tho
most harmless of all vices."
"Not so, for it Injures all thoso whom
otherwise wo might succor or cousolo."
"If it were a pleasure to console or to
suscor I should do so for in so doing it, I
should satisfy myself. Ah, Madame,
wo talk a great deal about do motion and
disinterestedness; thero is no such
thing; even thostrotigest passion of our
nuturo, love, is tlio most selfish. Lovo
requires entlro possession. Say to n
in nn of tho most generous naturo, your
friend cannot recover from his Illness
unless you glvo him up tho woman you
love, and the generous man will lot his
friend die. Say to n woman, your lover
cannot exist unless you give him up to
another woman with whom he is la
love, nnd sho will answer, i would
rather see him dead than another's."
"Then you do not bellevo In lovo?"
"I believe in no emotions ; I beliovo
ti insensibility."
"And nro you happy ?"
"Perfectly."
Monsieur do St. Ploy was so ngreca-
blea companion, accomplished, witty,
ami so exceedingly gootl tempered, that
n was impossitiio ever logetnngry with
him. Nevertheless, this very amlabll-
ty and npithy, added to the strango
irlnclplos ho had professed, had pro-
luccd a. sort of Irritation against him,
mil a plet had been formed and wagers
lid as to who should first rottso him
iiv.ii iin iiibci.;-iiiiiiiiy.
Mmo. do St. Ange, it was azreed.
should first try tho power he had nek-
lowledgcd to bo fhogrratest, tho power
if Jove, and f ir this she Used every art
which a P.irlsiennc possesses instinctive
ly, but which, until now, M'lie. do St.
Atij."(! had disdained. She was prepar-
I even to go beyond tho bounds of
ei quetry, secure as she w.is in tho pro
tection of all around her.
him succeeded at last in drawing tho
Count into what might Jiavo been con
slderul a flirtation. It was evening
they were on tho terrace tho Count, if
not tender, had at least grown poetical,
and gradually Mine, do St. Ango allow
ed her lovo to bo evident, till both sunk
into that sllenco which is love's elo
qtience. Finding It hut little beyond
tho usual limits, Mmo. do St. Ango laid
icr head on her lover's shoulder, aud
breathed his namo in low and loving
accents ; but thero was no answer, for
he Chevalier do St. Floy wart fast
isl.op.
"My dear friend-,'' exclaimed Mine.
do St. Ango, entering thu lighted draw-
ing-rooin, whero all wero assembled, "I
niyo lost my wager ; I leave him now
n your hands you can try yoursklll."
Wllon, after a few minutes, tho Count
entered tho drawing-room apparently
unconscious of tho rudeness ho had been
guilty of, tho gentlemen were at cards,
ind immediftely proposed to tho Count
tojoln them.
"If it is agreeable to you ; for myself
it makes no difl'ereitco."
"What slakes?"
"Exactly what you like."
M. Canilae, who was very fond of
showing off hi riehis, challenged the
Count to ecurle.
They played on for some time, nt last
Mmo. do St. Ango, leaning over his
shoulder, iiiqtiind whether ho was
losing or winning.
'I really don't know," said do Floy,
with tho utmost indifference.
'Tho Count wins twelve thousand
francs."
"Iteally I am sorry. Supposo wo play
double or quits, eh ?"
"As you please."
The b.mkor, of course, would notglvo
lit; but tho sum was considerable, and
tho emotion was visible, on his features.
As fur tho Count, ho preserved tho stitno
smiling countenance, turning tho cards
carelessly, almost mechanically over.
' Yoti havo won!" exclaimed tho
hanker, trying to hldo his quivering
lip-.
'Then wo will talk of something
ehe," said do 1-loy, turning from tho
card-table.
Hut suddenly General Slmonet camo
forward, and taking up tho cards, throw
them into tho Count's face.
"Cat.ilac," said tho General, "you
hnvt not lost your money. Tho Count
cheats you nt cards, for I havo been
watching him, nnd ho has not fairly
won."
"General," exclaimed tho Duron no,
"are you mad? Count, I beseech you,
keep culm,"
"My dear madam, I am never any
thing else. I am only torry that omo
of tho cards struck you. So, General,
you really think I cheat?"
"Most decidedly ; and if you nro iu
suited, I am ready to give you overy
satisfaction."
"That means becauso you havo taken
a fancy to call mo n cheat, I must risk
my life by fighting u duel with you ?"
"Precisely."
"Well, as you pleaso; It Is perfectly
indifferent to mo ; I leave It all in your
hands ; nnd now I will rotlrc, for I re
ally ntn weary ; I oven bellevo I went
nsleop on tho terraco. Good-night to
you nil."
And smiling and humming a tunc,
tho Count with his usual easo nnd ele
gance, left tho room.
"Well, I nover saw anything toequal
this man," Bald Mine, do St. Ango;
"but.Genoral, I think you want a Utile
too far."
"You understand, of course, that It
was u mero trial. Now I will try him
with n due!. If ho stands flro ns ho
stands overy thing else, I shall say that
hols not ltutnnn. I shall tell him that
tho arrangements nro ilvo paces, with
ono pistol loaded nnd tho other not, nud
chance to decldo the ono who gets tho
deadly weapon ; if ho ngrecs to llieso
terms ho Is tho bravest man I ever saw,
nnd I will apologize- to hi in nud hold
him In my esteem."
"I cannot help pitying 1:1m," said
Comllo with ti sigh, for do Floy was
very handsome, and In all but his lack
of sensibility, very fascinating.
As had been foreseen, the Count mado
no objection to tho duel ns tho seconds
had nrranged it.
Ho choso tlio pistol from tho two of
fered him with n courteous smllo, nnd
then nt tho signnl fired. Ho had chosen
tho pistol that was not loaded.
"Ah I" said he, "you havo tho best of
It, General."
Tho General, who at fivo paces almost
touched tho faco of his adversary,
desired him to closo his eyes, as ho could
not take proper aim.
Tho Count obeyed, but not n musclo
of his f.tco moved ; nnd nfter tho Gener
nl had fired tho pistol ho opened his
eyes and smilingly said :
"You are a bad shot, General."
"Let mo feel your pulse," said the
doctor. "Ity ,Iovo! It is slower than
initio. Well, you nro n mystery."
Tlio Count merely smiled.
"Let mo apologize- and explain," said
tho General. "Tho Insult nnd tlio duel
wero nllko tho result of n wager ; wo
havo nil lost; It is impossible lo mnko
you feel emotions cf any kind."
"Yes," pnld Mmo. do St. Ange, ad
vancing, "you nro n man of marble."
"No, madame," saidlhoCount; "but
ns you aro nil so deeply interested, I
will tell you whnt I am a man with
out n heart."
"Wo know that."
"Not figuratively," said tlio cheva
lier, "but literally."
"Hah !" said tho doctor, "you could
not live an hour."
"My heart was taken out of my bo
som six years ago. I was suffering
deeply, oh ! so deeply, nnd tho physl
cinn, as n remedy to savo me, took my
henrt out of my bosom. See, hero Is
tho pear."
Thn Count opened tho boom of his
shirt, and tho doctor saw a scar in tho
region of tho heart.
Still," said tho doctor, "vou could
not live; tho thing is Impossible."
"ivot at all, slnco I live. Thn doctor
took away my heart in n silver box,
ind I havo never felt either pleasure
or sorrow since."
Tho doctor for Fomo minutes looked
intently at tho Count. Then ho took
Mmo. do St. Ango by the arm and led
her aside.
"I havo discovered his secret. Ho is
mad."
"Mad, of courso mad ; on ono point a
monomaniac: perfectly sano on every
point but this, but utterly insano on
this point."
"Can ho bo cured ?"
"Yes, if you could persuade him that
his heart wasoneo moro in his body."
"I think I could," said tho Haronne.
For some days the party nt Iho chat
eau went on ns usual, tho only diflVr
once being that Mmo. do St. Ango was
moro frequently In tho society of tho
"Count than sho had boon before, nnd
that ho seemed to get accustomed to her
nnd to miss her if she was long out of
his sight. Still not ono word of lovo
did ho pronounce.
At length Mine, do St. Ango being
alono with liltn, took his hand, nnd in
n low, trembling voico addressed him :
"Count," said she, "I havo a confes
sion to mnko to you,"
"To mo?"
"Yes ; you know your heart wns ta
ken from you ?"
"Yes."
"Well, do you know what was dono
with It?"
"No."
"It was given to mo; It was placed
n my bosom ; do you not feel tho quick,
loud "beating ? It in tho beating of two
hearts united in ono."
"Then this is why I seem to desiro
your society. My heart! my heart!"
exclaimed St. Floy; "to think that I
should hnvo found it uealn. "What
must llfo bo with n heart? I havo al
most forgotten tho sensation."
It Is lovo ; it Is happiness ; it is the
rovelation of God on earth. Ah! Count,
I who feel with two hearts, I have
found tho world n paradise. Would
you not llko to feel onco again, to know
tho variations or tho soul, llko tho
sound of different harmonies, bringing
pleasures of all kinds; sensations, eino
tlons '
"Ah! would that I could feel."
"I will restoro your heart, nnd mlno
will over beat In sympathy with yours
as long ns wo both shall live. Tho doc
tor shall lake tho heart from my bosom
ami restoi-3 It to yours."
Tho doctor, when lot Into tho confl
denco of tho Haronne, wns delighted
wiui uio experiment, tho Count was
persuaded to submit to the operation
and laid on his bed, and thodoctorthen
applied tho scalpel slightly to tho skin
"Here," said he, "In this sliver box is
your heart. Now, nro you ready I Pre
paro onco moro to live. Now, do you
leeiit.' it Is onco moro In your bo
som."
Tho Count heaved a deep sigh nnd
grew suddenly dcnthly pale. Mine, do
St. Ango, who was watching him Ironi
behind tho curtains, rushed towttrds
him.
"Igiincol" tho exclaimed; but tho
Count merely turned to herwlth a look
of sadness; ti look full of lovo, and plat
ing his liaiid on his newfouud heart
exclaimed; "Too much I too much!'
sunk baclx ou his pillow and expired.
"What does this mean?" exclaimed
Mmo. do St. Ango.
"It means," said tho doctor, "that,
besides I'eltig mad, tho Count had n dis
easo of tho heart, which probably sug
gested his madness. Tho first great
emotion ho has felt, that Is, tho first
sane thought ho has had, killed him."
Mmo. do St. Ango kneeled down by
tho bedside. Tho Count had taken with
1 i I in tho only lovo of her life. A fuw
months later a strango superstitious
feeling camo over her. Sho would
pauso suddenly, ns though listening for
somo voico sho alono could hear; then
plnclng her hand ou her heart, look ea
gerly nround, till ut last ono dny sho
fell back on tho sofa whero sho was sit
ting, and clasping tho doctor's hand as
ho sat near her, "Doctor," sho exclaim
ed, "11 Is imposslhlo to Hvo without n
hoirt!"
"Sho is dead," exclaimed tho doctor.
Wliat He. Died Of.
Tho coroner's Jury was summoned tho
other day In a Texas town to sit upon a
mnn who died suddenly in his bed. Tho
Jury proceeded to tho house, looked
at the corpse, nnd began tho inquest.
The doctor explained tho easo to them,
nnddrownmnp of tho man's interior, so
as as to show thojtirymen how n wholo
lot of Latin things inside of him thero
got mixed up somehow with a parcel of
other classical mnchnicry, and produced
a perfectly terrific combination with
another Latin title, which killed him,
of course. Tho Jury said tho easo was
perfectly plain. Such an accident ns
that among tho man's internal Latin
must havo destroyed any ono. Tho
only wonder was that ho lived an hour.
So a verdict was brought in of " death
In nccordanco with the evidence." Just
ns tho inquest ended tho man awokc,and
the fact was discovered that tho deceased
person was iu tho adjoining room, while
tills wretch had only been asleep. Tho
question that puzzles tlio coroner now is:
What to do with tho -sleeper? To our
mind it will admit of an easy solution.
If that mnn has been found dead by n
Jury of his countrymen, hois dead, no
matter what ho thinks about it, or what
tlio apparent facts are. Thero is nothing
in tho Constitution of tho United States
or in Washington's farewell address to
forbid his burial; and if wo wero that
coro: er wo would grab him and plant
him at onco in tho cemetery beneath tho
greenwood-tree, and suo his relations
for thofeo-".
A "Harliarous" Joke.
A firomun in Philadelphia went into a
barber shop to get shaved, and fiindlng
the barber out, ho concluded to havo a
little fun before his return. So ho took
off his coat, put on n thinner one, and
quietly waited for a customer. An old
gentleman camo in soon. "Unvon shavu
sir?" said our impromptu barber. Tho
old gentleman took n chair, and our
rtlst began to lather, expecting overy
moment tlio barber would appear.
ive minutes passed, antl no barber.
Ten minutes; no barber. Now the old
gentleman felt pretty well lathered
fvo minutes moro ; tho old gcntlo-
man's face fast disappearing in a small
sea of white foam. Fivo minutes moro.
Still no barber. Tho fireman is getting
lespernte, nnd conceives a bright idea.
'tilting up his brush ho quietly changes
lis coa t again, takes his hat, nnd is about
to quietly slip out behind the old gen
tleman's buck, when he turns his head
and exclaim-' :
Hi t.', sir, uiu'c you going to shave
me?"
No, sir," promptly replies our slo
ping friend, "the fact is, we only lather
here, sir ; they sliavo four doors below !"
IlKP.n is something reliablo and fresh
from an eyo witness of tho incident.
Shortly after Horaco Greeley had regis
tered his namo nt tho Head House,
Nashua (whither tho great philosopher's
lecturing tour toik him this full) a
rather aged countryman enmo into tho
onlcoand after examining tho register
nked if Dr. H wero in.
"Thero is no such person here," said
tbe gentlemanly clerk.
"No such person hero!" echoed tho
venerable rustic, taking oil" his spectacles
aud gazing into tho faoa of tho clerk
with much incredulity nnd nstonlshv
mcnt.
"No such person here," firmly ro
echoed tho clerk.
"Young man," exclaimed tho other
with n solemn expression of eounto
nanco; "young man, don't Ho to me. It
won't do. You can't fool old Gill Parks
Dr. H 's been here, as stiro as guns,
and pretty drunk, too, I reckon, for he's
left ono of thorn nlr Latin prescriptions
of his on tho register!"
And tho doctor's friend gazed down
at Horaco's improved Arabic with n
look of triumphant recognition.
An old farmer was out ono lino day
looking over his broad acres, with nn
nxo on his shoulder nnd n little dog nt
his heels. They espied n woodchuck
Tho dog gavo chase nnd drove him into
a stono wall, whero nctlon immedlntoly
commenced. The dog would drnw the
woodchuck partly out from tho wnll
and tho woodchuck would tako tho dog
back. Tho farmer's sympathy gottlng
high on tho sldo of tho dog, ho thought
ho must help him. So putting himself
In position, with nxo nbovo tho dog, ho
waited for tho extraction of tho wood
chuck, when ho would cut him down
So on un opportunity otTered.nnd tho old
man struck, but tho woodchuck gather
ing up nt tho snmo time, took tho dog in
far enough to recelvo tho blow, and th
dog wns killed on tho spot. Forty years
nftcrwurd, tho old man, In relating tho
story, would alwnysndd ; 'And thntdog
don't know to this day but what tl
woodchuck killed him.'
To attract customers, Fume has put
up nn ckctrlo deck In his shop, and Is
terribly annoyed by boys running In to
Inqulro tho time of day, Tho other
evening, as wo wero buying a cigar,
llttlo shaver cumo In with tlio usual
"Please, sir, tell mo what tlmo It Is?
"Why, I told you the tlmo not a mlnuto
ago," said the tistonlshed tobacconist
"Yes, blr." replied tho lad, "but this Is
for auother woman."
Humorous.
Mr. Moffat of Ohio tried to melt it
bullet out of his gun. Ho succrtdi'd.
Aged C2.
A passenger on ono of tho New York
ferry-bonts Is said to havo Intoly sneez
ed himself overboard.
"Putty-eyed monster" Is whnt up
peared lit tho paper of it Tennesseo edi
tor who wrote, with rospcet, "pretty
aged minister."
A farmer saw un ndvcrllsed reeipo lo
provent wells nml cisterns from Ircez
Ing. Ho sent his money nnd received
tho answer. "Tako in your well or
cistern on cold nights und keep It by
tho fire."
Thero is said lo bo only ono uian who
has n correct iden of Iho slza of th"
United Stntes, nud ho is tho man who,
In 1830-51, drove nn ox team from
Maltio to California.
Tho last subject discussed by n debat
ing society was, "If you had to havo n
boll, whero would you prefer to have
It?" Tho unanimous decision of tho
members was, "On somo other fellow."
A South Carolina colored boy tried
to unload n double barreled iun by
placing ono end in tho flro and blowing
In theother, und succeeded. Tho mot ti
er gathered tip his remains in a basket.
A victim of Greeley's hand writing
says: "If lloruco had written tho in
scription on tho wall of Habylon, H'.ds
hazzir would havo. baen n good dial
moro scared than he was.
A man In Troy left a boarding house
just because n rat bit olf his ear. When
people get lo bo that particular about
tritles, they ought to quit boarding str.d
go to keeping housc
A Connecticut paper says that a law
ycr hung out his shlnglo in tho town of
Hethel, In that Stnte, but left after ti
year, he having had only ono case
that was of inflammatory rheumatism.
They havo n now way of getting un
surprise parlies in certain parts of Illi
nois. A resident receives an nnory
mous letter, staling that n surprise p-r .
ty will bo with him on n certain eve
ing. Ho prepares for it. Nobody
comes, nnd tho surpriso of tho party Is
complete.
A Fond du Lac, Wis., doctor visited
a small-pox patient, tho other day, nt:d
remarked, ns he turned from tho almost
dvingmnn: "Dig thegrave; thocorp-u
will bo ready." Tho grave was dug,
but tho man recovered, and now ihi
grave diggers bring stilt against tho
physician for their pay.
Tho following Is from tho Terro Haute
jrail: "If tho party who plays thu ac
eordlou in this vicinity nt nights will
only chntigo his tttno occasionally, or
sit wheio wo can scald him when iho
engine has steam on, ho will hear of
something to his advantage."
Horaco Greeley, in an agricultural
essay on tobacco, asserts that flnu cut
will not ripen well unless tho tin foil is
stripped from tho growing bud early in
Hie spring ; and unit ptug touacco ougnt
to bo knocked off iho trees with clubs,
nstead of being piciced on wnii tno
hand.
A. pious but uneducated Judso closed
i.'iiteitco with tho fallowing touching
reproach : "Prisoner nt thn bar, nature
has endowed you with n good education
and respFctablo family connections, in
stead of which you go prowling around
tlio country stealing uncus."
"Professor." said n student in pursuit
f knowledge concerning tho habits of
unlmxls, "why does a cat, wlilleeatiiig,
urn her head first one way ami men
another?" "For tlio reason," icpli -1
the professor, "that she cannot turn It
,tii ways at once. '
An Irish lockev. onco selling tin t-Id
ting ton gentleman, frequently obsiir
ed with emphatic earnestness that ho
as an "Honest" norso. Aiier too pur-
Huso the gentleman asitcit wnai no
mount by nn "honest" horse? "Why,
sir," replied the teller, "whenever i
rodo him ho threatened to throw mo.
and he certainly never deceived me."
Two ynimi'gctilloraen.thoona namid
Woodcock, tho other Fuller, walked
together, anil happening to sto an ou i,
the latter sr.id : "That bird is vo. y
much llko a Woodcock." "You nro
quite wrong," said tlio first, "lor K's
1 tiller in tlm heart. Fuller in tpoej. -i,
aud Fuller nil over."
Tho celebrated Dr. H-arnes. being in
clined to sleep during a dull sermon, a
friend who was with hlm.lokcil him on
having nodded now nnd then. Harnes
insisted that ho had been nwako all tho
time. "Well, then," said his friend,
can you tell mo what tho sermon was
about?" "Yes, I can," ho answered,
it was about an hour too loug."
A Ktinsns billiard tablo is thus do
cribed: "First, In tho mlddto of tho
flotowasan enormously largo box ot
whicli was laid about a wagon load of
sand stone, covered with about eight
yards of bluo jean. For pockets tin y
tiati old boots; lor cues iney nan on
brokon hoo bandies; boiled eggs for
balls, and to count this lovely gamo
they used dried apples on a clothes
line."
A woman committed suicldo by
hnnglng herself to nn npp'o tree. At
tho funeral n neighbor, noticing tho sad
nppenrnnco of tlio husband, consoled
Htm uy saying uiat no imu met w uu n
terrlblo lits. ' Yes," said tho husband,
heaving n sigh, "sho must havo kicked
llko thunder to shako oil' six bushels of
green npples that would havo been
worth a dollar u bustiei wiieu tr.oy got
rlpo!"
An Irish soldier onco returning from
battle In tho night, marching n llttlo
wov behind his companion, called out
to 'him, "Hallo, Pat 1 havo taken a
prisoner."
"Hritiglilm along then; bring him
along."
"Ho won't come."
"Well, then comoyourself."
"7e iron'f lei me."
London Punch contains this nccottnt
of "A Young Posltlvlst:" "Parson
What Is a miracle? Hoy uunno.
Patson Well, if tliesitn wero to sbltio
In tho middle of tho night, what should
vou say it wns? Hny Tho moon.
Parsoti Hut ir you wero ioiu it was
Uio 6un, what should you tny It vesV
Hoy A He. Parson I don't tell lies
Supposo 1 told you it wns tboaiu, whut
would you say then? Hoy That ycr
wasn't sober!"
A doctor was called in tofcon patient
uhoo natlvo land was Ireland, and
whoso natlvo drink was whiskey. Vft
ter wns prescribed ns tho only cine.
Pat said it wns out of tho question, ho
could never drink it. Then milk was
proposed, nnd Pat agreed to get well on
milk. Tho doctor wns soon nimmoned
again. Near the bed on which tho sick
man Inv wns a table, nnd on tho tab on
largo bowl, nml In tho bowl was milk,
but strongly flavored wllh whiskey.
"What havo you here?" said tho doc
tor, "Milk, doctor ; Jut what you or
dered." "Hut there's whiskey hi It ; I
smell It." "Will, doctor," sighed tho
patient, "lucre may no wuisuey iu n,
but milk's my object."
..... ' . . .. I tt