r
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
AND
IH PUBLISHED KVKltY FRIDAY MORNING
IN T1IK COt.UUntAN nOIMltNO HEAItTIIE
co out house, ntoousnund, l'A., nv
CHARLES B. BROCKWAY,
EDiTon Ann FRorntETon.
7cra:-Two Dollars a Year piyaMo in aivanco.
jod printing
Of.tll descriptions executed with neatness nnd
tiispatcn nv reasounuiu imvn.
Columbia County Official Diroctory.
mrtKSliXw U'ivsok, .In.
A'icrOT-AAltoN Smith.
slmivor- Isaac Df.wiit.
3camrcr- WlI.ttAM LAJlolt.
IvrnmhtlMiert Cyhuh IIOMUNS, I1111AM J.
limit H. Wll-MAM HllAFFEIl.
Cbmnilntonrrj' CTcrt-Wlt.I.IAM KmcKHAttJt,
AutUtorV. 3. CAMI'hKlX, DAN1M. LEK.
Ciiaiillh Conni-.u
turoiifr-CIiARI.Ean. Mlinrnv. ,
,iirjlbmmfJsioiicM-ISAAUMr;BiitDE,JoimMO
Count A'uricWnfcmtcnf-CnAiti.ts O.BAnKt.r.Y
ilfof.m JVwr Dhlrlcl Directors, H. 11. Mim.kh
V1I MAM KitAMV.n, Eloonuburg, nnil joiinsqH
lui 1.1 11, Oucuwood, ciiaiii.es LoNNKn, Bec'y.
Bloomsburg Offioial Dirootory.
Jikomlvrn Jlanktng O1.-J011N A. FUSST01I
President, 11. H. Gnorz, Cannier.
tint Kallmal .Vint-CHAH. It. PAXToN.Prcs't ,
J. 1', Tt'sTlN. Cashier. ...... ..
Oohintbta (wmtv MutuatSartnn ISintlmitl TsianAt'
toeUitlon-K. II. L1TT1.K, Pros1!., C W. MILLED,
fllor'msourg fluthltng nml Having Fund Atocta
(ton John Thomas, l'res't., J. II. ItonisoN.Sec
Illoamibura .Viiliieil Having lmd Association
,T, J. liiiowLit, President, C. (KUAhklev, Hec'y.
Bloomsburg Directory.
PFR 1IAOH Inst received nnd for salo at ths
Columiiian Ofllce.
CLOTHING, &C.
DAVID i,owi:niii;uu, mere
ht.,nbove Atnerlcnn House.
AVID I.OWENBERO, McrchantTnllor.Maln
w
M. MORRIS, Merclinnt Tailor corner of Ceu-
tro nna atniu si,, over .uiiier'B sioru.
DRUGS, CHEMICALS. &.V.
11 1'. LUTZ, Drugglstnnd Apothecary. Main St.
'j, below tlio PostOfllco.
OYER BROS., Druggists nnd Apothecaries,
Drawer's mock. .Main st.
CLOCKS, WATCHES, AO.
n H. SAVAGE, dealer In Clocks, Watches nnd
(j. Jewelry, Mniu sl Just below tlio American
House.
I Ol
IJu
OU19 llKHNlIAUD, AVnlchand Clock maker
ear southeast corner iiiniuauu iron bis.
R
CATHCAKT, Watch nnd Clock Mnkcr.Mar
lcet struct, below Main.
COOTS AND SHOES.
11 M. ICNOItll, Dealer In Hoots and Hhocs, latest
LV. nnd best styles, corner Main and Market
Hlrcels, In tho old Post OIUco.
D
,VID 11KTZ, Hoot and mioemalter. Main St.
below Hart man's storc.wcst of Market.
HKN11Y KI.EIM, Manufacturer and dealer In
Hoots nnd Bhoes, Groceries, etc, Main street,
Lust Uloomsburg,
PROFESSIONAL.
D
it. II, C. HOWKll, Burgeon Dentist, Main st
above tlio court House.
DU. WM. M. UKDF.Il, Hursenn and Physician.
Oillco over tho l'list National Hank.
0(J. BAH1CLEY, Attorney-at-Law. Ofllce,2d
, floor In Exchange Hlock, near the "Exchange
Hotel."
Jll, McKELVY, M, D.,Burgeon and Physician
. uortlisldo Main bt., below Mnrktt,
T C. ItUTTEH, M. 1). Burgeon and Physician
tJ . Market street, above, Main.
Jll. HOIIISON, Attorney-at-Law, Ofllce Hart
. man's building. Main street.
Dlt. II, r. KINNEY, Burgeon Dentist, Teeth
extracted without pain: Main si,, nearly op
osltu Episcopal Church,
Tit. EVANS, M. D. Burgeon nnd PhyHlclan,
south sldo Main btrcet, below Market.
MILLINERY & FANCY GOODS.
EPETEHMAN, Millinery nnd Fancy Goods,
, opposite Episcopal Church, Main st,
M
IKS LIZZIE HAUKLEY, Milliner, Itamscy
buuuiug .vain street.
M
ISS M. DEltRICKBON, Millinery nnd Fancy
uoo(ls,iinin bi,, neiow .luiKei,
MHB. JULIA A. & HADE DAHULEV, Lndle"'
Clonks and Dress Paltern.i, bouthcast corner
Main and Webt st.
rpllK MISSES HAItMAN Millinery nnd Fancy
I Goods, Mnln bt below American House,
HOTELS AND SALOONS.
i'OKKB 1IOTHL, by T. Dent. Taylor, east end
of Main street.
MERCHANTS AND GROCERS.
n P. MAHlt, Dry Goods and Notions, south-
U wi
west corner Main and Iron His.
i;OX A WEIIU, Confectionery nnd llukery,
P w
vholcsnle nnd retail, Exchange lllock.
If,
(MIOWEIt, Halsnnd Caps, Hoots nndShoes,
Main St., above Court House.
T H. MAIZE, Mammoth Grocery, tine Oro
O . eerles. Fruits, Nuts, Provision, Ac, Main
nnd Centre Streets.
MIKELVY, NEAL ,V CO., denleis In Dry Goods,
Groceries, Flour, Feed, Bait, Fish, Irou.Nails,
ttc.N. E. cor. Main nnd Market sts.
Q H. MILLER & BON, dealers In Dry Goods,
O. Groceries, Ijiieensware, Flour, Salt, Shoes,
Notions, etcMalutt.
mTsotITlaneous.
0.
M. CHRIKTMAN, Saddle, Trunk Harness
maker, Bhlvo'B Block Main Street.
W. ROBBINS.llqunrilealcrsecond door from
noithwest coiner Main and Iron bts.
EJ. THORNTON, Wnll rapcr. Window Shades
. and fixtures. Rupert block. Main st.
GW. CORELL, Furniture Rooms, three story
brick, Main Street, webt or Market St.
HltOSENSTOCK, Photographer, over Bobbins
& Eyer's Store, Main st.
I B, KUHN, dealerlu Ment, Tallow, etc, Chem
1' berllu's alley, rear or American House.
CJAMUEL JACOBY, Marble and Brown Btono
uw
V'orks, East Rlooinkbnrg.Derwlck road.
WM. RABB, dealer In furniture, trunks, cedel
w lllow ware, near tho Forks Hotel.
1 II. BIDLF.MAN, Agent for Munson's Copper
J Tubular Lightning Rod.
0.
FOSTER. Glue Maker, and White and Fancy
Tuuner, Bcottowu.
"MOTE BOOKS, nud blank NOTES, with or with
1 out exemption, for sale nt the Coluuuian
Ofllce.
Catawissa,
1) F, DALLMAN, Me
I). Bobbins' Building.
DALLMAN, Merchant Tailor, Second St.
D
It. J. K. ROIII1INS, Burgeon and Physician
necouu St., ueiow jnaiu.
G
ILI1F.RT ft KI.INK, dry goods, groceries, and
general mcrcuanuibo, Main ntreev
Ii, KISTLER, "CnttawlRsa House,"
, Corner Main and Second Streets,
North
KEILER, BUlard Saloon, Oysters, nud Ice
l M. BROBST, dealer In aoucralMerchaudlso
ill. Dry Goods. Groceries ,vc,
ClimoiIEHANNA nr Brick Hotel. 8. Kosten
U buuder Proprletor.soutlwnbt corner Mniu and
Second Btieet.
M, II, ABBOIT, Attorney nt law, Main St.
Light Street.
II
1'. OMAN ft Co., Wheelwrights, first door
above School House.
JOHN A. OMAN, Manufacturer and dealer In
J Boots nnd Shoes
RB. ENT, dealer In Stoves and Tin ware In
all Its branches,
DETER ENT, Miller, nnd dtnler In all kinds oi
1 Giuln. Hcui.tud, iSc. All kinds of Uralu
purehaud.
23apy.
J D. WERKHEIilKR.BoolandBhoeBtoreand
manufactory. Hhon on Main Btroet op
poslieUjeSleamMlll. 1
'jt W. EDGAR, Sutqiieliauun Planlug Mill
Buck Horn,
M
u.ft w.H. t-I101 MAKER, dealers Hi dry
VOLUME VI. ---NO. .
Orangovillo Directory.
Dlt. HERRING A BnOTHKIt.Carpentcrsnnd
, llulldcrs, Main Rtbolow l'lne.
BRICK HOTKIi and refreshment Saloon, by
RohrM'lIcnrycor.ofMaln and Finest.
Dlt. O. A. MEOAROEL.Physlclan nnd Burgeon
Mnln st,, next door to Good's Hotel,
DAVID HERRING. Flour nnd Grist Mill, nnd
Uenlerln grnln, Mill Street.
TAMES 11. HAl7MTN7cnb7netMnkor and Un
J derbtker. .Mnln St., below l'lno.
SCHUYLEU ft CO., Iron founders, Machinists
nnd Maniiractuieis of plows, Mill Ht.
SAMUEL HilA.ltPI.ESB, Maker of thollayhurst
Uralu Cradle. Main Ht.
TTTILLIAM DELONO Blioemakernnd mnnufac-
H lurcror urick,MiiiBtwcstorrino
Philadelphia Directory.
TT bUEICTJI.'EUH.AIi HAIiI. "
JL.IL
at a
FRANK SMITH,
'roprlctor.
PHILADELPHIA,
N. 11. Tho location Is central, the assistants
attentive, and tho tables supplied with the best
the market affords, fresli and well cooked. Givo
him a call.
JICHARDSON L. WRIGHT, JR.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
NO. 123 SOUTH SIXTH STIIEET,
l'ltlLADni.l'UIA
an. P71-ly
" M. KEPHEART,
9 WITH
BARNLH, BRO. & HEBRON,
HATS, CAPS, 8THAW 0001)3 & FUKS,
No. CM Market Street,
(Above Firtb,)
PHILADELPHIA.
"7-AINWRiailT & CO.,
WHOLESALE GltOCEDS,
N. E. Comer Second and Arch Streets,
PlHLAnELl'HlA,
Dealers In
T12AH, SYHUPS, COFFEE, SUGAR, MOLASSE3
nice, sricra, 111 cAim boda, .sc., AC.
430rdcrs will recvlvo prompt attention,
may 10,07-tf.
Business Cards.
n B. BROCKWAY,
ATTOUNEY AT LAW,
IlLOOlISBUItO, PA.
W OrrirE Court House Alley, In tlio Co
LCMiiiAN balldlng, Jan4,'67,
A.
L. TURNER
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
HLOOMSBUHG, PA.
Office over Lutz's Drugstore. Hesidene
Market street,lsl door below Hcv. D. J. Waller.
declG'70.
c.
W. MILLER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Office Court Honso Alley, below the Colum
iiian Ofllce. Dountlcs, Hack-Pay nnd Pensions
collected. Illoomsburg Pa. sep.0'67
Rc
OBERT F. CLARK,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Ofllce Main Blrect below tho Court House.
Illoomsburg Peuu'n.
J II. IJTTLE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Ofllcn Court-Houso Alley, below Iho Colum
ntAN Ofllce, lllonmsburK I'a.
QIIARLES C. LEIDY",
ATTOIIXI1Y-AT-I.AW,
OFFICE ON OAK STREET, MOUNT C.VRMEL
NO 1ST II UMn F.ULAN n COUNTY, l'A.
Collections promptly ninde. Conveyancing
ntntlv executed auc. all other business connect
ed Willi his poles-don earelully nllended to In
Montour, Northumberland nnd Columbia coun
ties. mt.ls71-0.
B
ARGAINS BARGAINS.
QUICK BALES ANn HMAT.I. PKOFITB.
SAVE YOUR MONEY.
Go to
HENRY YOST.
East BlnomsburK Pa., for all kinds of the best
homo nnd city made
F II R N I T U R E .
Prices reasonable and tho bo "nk done-.
Jan P7-tf
rETERI N ARY.
AUGUST rniEND,
public ns n cclebiated
HORSE AND COW DOCTOR,
and all other animals, for which hlR chnrges nre
modeiale. He can nlas bo lound east side ol
Berwick road, lieaiS.H. Jncoby's Marble Yald.
jjioouibouig, .uny i..
J. THORNTON
would announce to the citizens of Blooms
nnil vlclnllv. that he hasJubt received a full
nud complete nbsortmcnt of
WALL PArER, WINDOW SHADES,
fixtuhes, conns, taiukls,
audnll other goods In his lino of business. All
the ucwebt and most nppioved patterns or the
day aro always to be found In his establishment.
mar.o, j'J-ll itiuiu ni. ueiow inrKei.
TVTAGAZINES, DAILY & WEEKLY
VtJL l'APERS OF ALL KINDS
AT THE I'.OOK STOKE OPrOSITF. THE COUKT HOUSE.
Also an nssoitment of rortemoniiales, Pns
Books and Account Books, constantly on hand.
Rooks not on hand obtained on short notice,
New Boons are constantly ueing nuueu to ine
liloomsburir Cliculallni! Library." Among the
latest aro "Guilt and Innocence, "Mothene.ss,"
bir Harry," " Hot spur of numuieiliwnii," nun
Merquem." etc, npr'iS'Tl tf
JEW STOVE AND TIN SHOP.
jsaiaii aaur.iuLa,
Main Street one door above E, Meudenhall'b
Store.
A large assortment 01 tioves, jieatcrs auu
Rnnges constantly on hnnd, and tor sale nt tho
lowest rutes.
Tinning In nil lis branches carefully attended In,
ind batlsfactlou guaranteed.
Tin work 01 nu Kinus wnoiesaio nnu retail. A
lal Is requested.
Jan 171
E W COAL YARD.
THE undersigned respectfully Inform tho
citizens ol Bloomsburg nnd Columbia county.
that they keen all the dlllerent numbers ofstove
coal and selected lump coal lor smithing purpo
ses, on their wharf, adjoining M'Kelvy, Nealft
Co's Furnace: with a good pair of Bnifaln scales
on tho wharf, to weigh coal, hay, and bliaw
Likewise a horse and wagon, to deliver coal to
those who desire It. Am they purchase n largo
amount of coal.they Intend tokeep a superior ar
ticle, and bell nt the veiy lowest prices. Plenso
call nnd examine foryou'seives neiore purcnas.
lug elsewhere. J. W. HENDERHliOT,
AUGUSTUS MASON.
rjAIIE iiiulorsicnod will tnko In ox-
JL change for Coal and Groceries, the following
named articles ! Wheat, ilyo. Com, Oats, Pota
toes, Lard, Ham.Shoulder.nnd sldo lueat.Butter
Eggs, Hay, Ac.at the highest cash prices, at his
uroccry sioio, luijoiuing toeir cou. yuru,
J, W, HENDERSHOT,
Blonmsbnrg Mar. 19,'61-ly.
pURLING CREAM.
Bv uslnif Ibis nrtlcle Lndles nnd Gentlemen
can beautify themselves a thousand iold, 'lhla
is tho only atllclu that will curl straight biilr,
nnd at tho same time idvo In It a beautiful np-
peuiuiiee, it aiso luvigoraies, ueauuues unu
elenuses. It can be so uppHt-d ns to cause the
balrlo curl any length of llmo desired. Sent
by mall lor SO els. a package. Address
AlltsER TOWNSI.EY,
Mlddliluwu, Adams Co,, I'a.
septl'71-Cm.
B
LOOMSIJURG
.ii a n is I-1:
W O It IC s,
MAIN HTltEET, lll'IOW HAHKKT.
BI.OUMHllURO, l'A.
Monnmenls, Tombs, Headstones, e. Work
nenlly exeeuled. Orders by mull will receive
special attention, N, II, Work dellverid Irteot
clinrmi. T, L. G UNTON, Propi ! tor.
octl3'71.lf. I'. 0, Bux a7.
BUPINESS CARDS.
VISITING CARDS,
ETTER HEADS,
BILL HEADS,
PROGRAMMES,
POSTERS,
icv, iic,
Neatly fiiul Chrnply Priuictl
From the I.nttst styles ofType nt the
COLUM 111.1 N OFFICE
MiscollanoouH.
E N T I S T R Y .
II. CJ. lIOWKtl. tlKNTtHT
Reipcctfully oirers his professlonnl services to
the ladles and guntlcmen of Illoomsburg nnd vl.
ous operations In tho lino of his profession, nnd
is provided with tho latest Improved Porcelain
Tr.KTH which will be Inserted on gold plstlng
sllvcrnnd rubber base to look ns well nstiin not.
cinuy, 110 is prepnrcu 10 aiienu 10 nil the van
ural teeth. Teeth extracted by all tho new nni
most approved methods, nnd all operations on
the tocl
'111
leu
carefullvand nroneilv attendeil tn.
Rosldenro and ofllce a low doors above the
Court House, snmo side.
Hloomshnrt, Jan.1'71 ly
y ULCAN WORKS,
DANVILLE PA.
WILLIAM II. LAW,
Mnnufucturer of Wrought Iron Bridges, Boilers,
Oasholdors, Fireproof Buildings, Wrought Iron
.tooling, Rooting Frames, Flooring nnd Doors,
I arm Gates ami fencing, also Wrought iron pip
Ing.stacks and nil kinds of Smith Work, Ac.
Repnlrs promptly nttended to,
N, II. Drawing-, nnd Estlmntes supplied.
ort2J'71-ly. "
rjMIE GREAT MAGICAL
CI .4 I It P O II O E It t
Will forco n benullful set of Whiskers or Mus
tache In rrom two to thrco mouths, on any per
son over twelve years old, It Is ono of tho best
preparations to niako tho whiskers grow that
uver was known, ono bottle of It lssulllelent to
produce 11 ery slrnmc benrd. It does not in any
y-ny stnln or lnjuro tho skin. Try 111 It Is no
humbu. 1'ilco 3i cents ptr bottlo. Bent by
mail post paid, to any nddre.ss, on receipt ol
price. AddrcbS WILLIAM C. WAGNER,
Aicndtsvllle,
nnjr.lV71-ly. Adams County, Penna
JNSURANOF. AGENCY,
Vyoinlug S2I1.000
Uii'i.
1.000.01c
Fulton N. Y
North America
city
International N.Y
Niagara N.Y.
Merchant ,
Bpvlngtleid
l armeis' Dauvlllo.N.Y,
4 0,000
3AO0
IVl,ll
l,4(Kl,0(fl
I.IVM.U)
USO.OIO
ST1l.tR 0
40'1.0'fl
Mulllal.
Danville, Hi
viu.inv iiiy.....
lnrso Theft.,
Atlantic, N. Y l.iwow
Uermaiila, N. Y lidO.UCO
FREAB BROWN, Anent,
r.mi SI'TI ly, BLoovsnuBU Pa,
I500K AGENTS i.m'e0lly0wSiich will sell
at sight In cery lainlly,
THE PICTORIAL
FAMILY REGISTER
Is the only work extant which satisfies this waut.
11 is beautiful and striking comtilulugnn entire
ly new and elegant Family PnoToaitAl'ii AL
bnm with n complete Family Histoiiy. licaclly
what tho peoplo have long wished. Belling rap
idly. Aoenth aro dropping tho old books to
take hold of tho useful and beautiful "Jtcgittler."
A few lalo Reports from Agents aro: 11 In a days;
1.1 in .1 days; 10 in 1 week, netting Agcnls SJito
S50 per week. Full particulars and Clrculnra
free. Address
GEO. MACLE VN, Publisher,
novl070-ly. 71D Satisom Street, Philadelphia.
J-J INK LEY KNITTING MACHINE
THE SIMPLEST, CHEAPEST AND BEST IN
USUI HAS BUT ONE NEEDLE! A
CHILD CAN RUN IT!
Designed t specially for tho use of families, and
Indies who dctlro tokult for the mnrkct. Will
do every stitch of tlio knitting In a blocking,
widening und narrowing ns readily as by hand,
Aro splendid for worslcds and fancy work,
TAKING FIVE DIFFERENT KINDS OF
STITCH! Aio very easy to manage, and not
liable to ict out of order, Eveiy Family should
hnvo one.
Wo wnnl nu A cent In everv town to Introduce
and sell them, to whom we oner tho most liberal
Inducement?. Send lor our Circular und Sample
btockltig. Address.
1I1NKLEY KNITTING MACHINE CO.,
nov. lu.'71-ty. Bath, .Me.
JCJ C. II O V E R,
iiua opened a Cret-class
BOOT, SHOE, HAT CAP, AND I-UR BTOIIK.
at Iho old bland on WalnBtrcct.BIoomsburg.afew
doors nbove tho Court House, His stock Is com
posedof thevery latestnud bcststyles ever oiler
ed to tho citizens ol Columbia County. He can
accommodate the publlcwlththefollowlnggoo.is
at the lowest rates. Men's heavy double boled
stoga boots, men's double nnd single tap soled
kip boots, men's heavy btnga shoes of all kinds,
men's tine boots nnd shoes of nil erades. bov'a
double soled bootB nnd.shoes of all kinds, men's
glove kid Balmoral bhocs.meu's, women's, boys's
nud misses' lasting gaiters, women'R glove kid
Polish very llne.womcu'a morocco Bnln'oraKand
calf shoos, women's very line kid buttoned gait
ers. In short boots ol all descriptions both peg
geil and bowed.
Ho would also call attonllon to his flue assort
ment of
ATM, CAPS, FURS AND NOTIONH.
which comprises all tho new and popnlai vari
eties at prtccBWhlchcauuntfalllobullall. These
goods aro ollered at tho lowest cash rates and
will bo guaranteed to give batlsf.tctlon, A call
Is solicited belore purchasing elsewhere a3 11 Is
believed that better bargains are to bo fonnd
than at any other place In tho county.
Jan 1'71
JXCIIANGK BAKERY
A n n
C O N F E C T IOXEKY,
BLOOMSBURG, PA.
Tho undeislgned, successors of I". Wldmycr,
would resoectlully announce that thev have
taiieu too wiii'CMUuiibneu biauu recently occu
pied by the above named, In Bloomsburg, and
prepared lo continue tho Utslne.-s of manufac
turing and selling, by
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL,
Confectionery of every style and kind. Also,
Ihey will have at all tiniesn eompleto supply oi
tho best and freshest Bread nud Cake, Panics
ileblrln; nuythl.ig In this Hue will 11 ud It lo their
ndvnutago to call on us.
AN ICE CREAM SALOON
Is ndded to tho establishment, and ladles nnd
others who may pationlze us. may rely unou
upon p eelvlng proper attention, A reasonable
share ofpiihll" patronagols rcbpoclfullysollclled.
Rasdieiiy. Lemon, nud other Byiups, In large
auei siiiuil fiuauiuies, ennsi uiuy on nauei.
DECJCER ft STECKEI.
May 5. 1S71.-U'
Hotels.
MONTOUR HOUSE
RUPERT, PA.
WILLIAM BUTLER, Proprietor,
This House having been put In thorough repair
is now open for the receptiou of guests. No
pains will be spared to ensure tho perfect com
fort of the travelers, Toe 1'ionrleior solicits a
shnro of public patrouatre. The bar will lie
stocked at all limes Willi line liquors and cigars.
jn in i
ENTON HOTEL.
W. F. PIATT, Piopriiitor,
BENTON, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA.
Ibis well known House having been nut in
tlioiough repute Is now open lor the reception of
vlsllorb. No pains have been bpared to eusuie
tho perfect comlort of gutsts, The propilelor
also runs a Stage fiom the Holel tn Bloomsburg
and Intermediate ixilnts on Tuesday, Thursday
uuu nuiuruuy ui eiieii wi-eu. Ijan l loll
rpilE ESPY HOTEL.
ESPY, COLUMBIA COUNTY, l'A.
The undersigned would Inform tho travelling
public that he has taken the aboveuamed estab
lishment and thoroughly refilled the same lor
the perfect convenience of his guests. Ills larder
will bo Hocked with the best the market atlurds,
The choicest liquors, wines and clgnisalwajs to
,-iiMi4 lu ilia uut,
WILLIAM PETTIT.
Espy, P
jgLANK DEEDS.
Wo now havo the finest assort im-tit. nr ltr.A Kiv
1)1 EPS nu hand and for sale that were ever kept
In liloonikbnrg. Largo slje on best parchment
p.ipir. ii'iumuu ueeos, j-.xeciuor sanu Aumnils
irator s Detds-.fcmall klzu good fiaper (ihtap
THE "NATION
Its Rulers and Institutions.
IN ENGLISH AND GERMAN.
Niilblnef like It. Strikes evervliodv as lust thu
book they ueeel, Ills an Fncjclupicdla of the
Goenimcnt. BIhkIo puges lu II, .ire of them,
bclvcs worth the prlceol the book. Dm 600 paget
umlvnly t'.'.ft), A ltli li Hun tut for Cauviibkeri
ladles und gentlemen burners, teachers and
students. Onevgent tvok'hurtUrt in aiw thwf,
u llh ciruelur uloue, More the Look nj-pearc d, U
a el ay ran l e cleared lu fair Icrrltury, Write ul
once lor Circular and Information. NEW
WOULD I'UIII.IHHINH CO., lor. 71U anil Mar
iui streets, rimauciphia. loci, u, .wy.j
JUSTICE'S BLANKS.
Wo now liuvoon luiml a lareo msilly nrllileel
assortment of JUhTICE'H and CONnTABLEH
ULANKS, to whleli we Invito tho uttentlon ol
inee ciiue'ers,
BLOOMSBXJRGr, PA.,
Poetical.
For tho Columbian,
Dreaming.
I am sitting sadly dreaming
Of tho tlmo when long ago,
Bldo by side wo strolled together,
Down where water lilies grow.
Then wo thought no clouds would gather
O'er our futuro bright nnd clear;
Out, alas I they caino and thickened
Over all wo hold most denr.
Let us think of this no longer,
For to mo 'tis sad and drear ;
Wo shall meet again in lionvcn
When life's work Is over here..
BLANCH!!,
A Song- or the Twentieth Century.
nr JEAN INOELOW,
Tlio city, he snlth, Is fairer far
Than ono which stood of old ;
It gleams In tho light, nil crimson bright
Willi shifting glimmers of gold.
Whero bo tho homes my fathers bult,
Tho houses whero they prayed?
I seo In no sod tho paths they trod,
Nor the Htoncs my f.itbor.lald,
O'ertho domes they spread, the roofs they reared,
Has passed the levelling tldo,
My fathers Ho low, and their tons outgrow
Tho bounds or their skill nnd pride.
Shifting, sweeping, change.
It plays with man's endeavor,
They carved llieso names most strange,
And they said, "Abldo for ever,"
'Iho city, I bay, Belli f.tr away
Whereto no change may como ;
It has rays manifold of crimson nnd gold,
But I cannot count their sum.
They sigh no more by Its happier shore
Who wander, foreboding not,
Or waning away of n changeful day,
Or changing of life nnd lot.
Tbey dream not thcro on earth's changing face,
Or mulablo wind nnd sea
Thou nrt changeless, grant mo a placo
In that far city wltliTheoI
There record my name,
Father! forget thee never,
For thy thought is still tho same,
Yosterdny, to-day and forever.
Miscellaneous.
CONDEMN'!'.!) 1IY A CliOCK.
On a Summer evening, sotno years
ngo, a man was found murdered in a
field near a certain town in tlio West of
England. Tho name of tho field was
"Purdon'n Piece."
Thomanwa3a small carpenter and
builder in tho town, who boro au indif
ferent character. On tho ovening in
question a distant relative of his, em
ployed as a farm bailiff by a gentleman
in tho neighborhood, happened to bo
passing on a stilo which led from a
field into n road, nnd saw a gentleman
leaving tho field by tlio stilo rather in
a hurry, lio recognized tho gentleman
(whom ho knew by sight only) as a Mr.
Dubotirg.
Tho two passed each other on tho
road in opposito directions. Alter a
certain lapso of timo estimated as bo
tig half an hour tho farm bailiff had
occasion to pass along tlio samo road.
On reaching tho stile, ho heard an
aliinn raised, and entered tho fl old to
sco what was tho matter. Ho found
sorcral persons runniDg from tho ftirth
or sldo of Pardon's Pieco toward a boy
who was statidiug in tho back of a cat-
tlo shed, in a remoto part of tho enclo
sure, screaming with terror. At tho
boy's feet lay, faco downward, tlio dead
body of a man, with his head horribly
beaten in. His wateli .was under him,
hanging out of his pocket by tho chain.
It had slopped evidently in conso-
quence oi tho concussion of Iho owner's
fall on it at half-past eight. Tho body
w?s still warm. All tho other valua
bles liko the watch wero lefton it. Tho
farm bailiff instantly recognized the
man as a carpenter and builder men
tioned above.
At the preliminary inquiry, tlio stop
page of tho watch at halfpast eight
was taken as offering good circumstan
tial evidence! that the blow which had
killed Iho man had been struck at that
time.
The next question was if any ono had
been seen near tlio bndy at half-past
eight.
Tho farm bailiff declared that ho had
met Mr. Dubotirg hastily leaving tho
field by tho stilo at that very tlmo.
When asked if lie had looked at his
watch, ho replied that ho had not.
Certain previous circumstances which
ho mentioned as having impressed
tliemsolves on liii memory, enabled
him to feel suro of tho truth of this as
sertion without having consulted his
watch. Ho was pressed on this point,
but ho held to his declaration. At hall
past eight ho had scon Mr. Dubourg
hurriedly leavo tho field. At half-past
eight tho watch of tho murdered man
had slopped.
nad any other person been observed
In or near tho field at that tlmo?
No witness could ho discovered who
had seen any body elso near tho placo.
Hud tho weapon turned up with which
tho blow had been struck ? It had not
been found. Was any ono known (rob
bcry having plainly not been tho mo
tivo of tho crimo) to havo entertained a
grudgo against tho murdered man ? It
was no secret that ho associated with
doubtful characters, malo nnd fenialo;
but suspicion failed to point to any ono
of them In particular.
In this stato of things thero was no
alternative but to request Mr. Dubourg
well known, In and out of tho town,
ns a young gentleman of independent
fortune, bearing an excellent character
to givo somo account of himself.
Ho Immediately admitted Unit ho
had passed through tho Hold, But, In
contradiction to tho farm bailiff, ho do
dared that ho had looked nt his watch
the moment before ho had crossed tho
slllo; and that tho tlmo by it was ex
actly quarter past eight. FIvo minutes
later that Is to say ten minutes beforo
tho murder had been committed, on tlio
ovldenco of tho dead man's watch ho
had paid a visit to a lady living near
Pardon's PIcco, nnd had remained with
her until his watch, consulted onco
raoro on leaving tho lady's house, In
formed li I in that it was a quarter to
nine.
Hero was tho defonso called an nlibl.
It entirely t-atleflcd Mr. Dubourg's
friends.
To satlsfyjustlco It wa3 nccossary to
call tlio lady as a witness. In tho mean
tlmo another purely formal question
was put to Mr. Dubourg. Did ho know
anything of tho murdered man?
FRIDAY, JANUARY
With somo appearnnco of confusion,
Mr. Dubourg ndmlttcd tliatho had been
Induced (by a friond) to employ tho
man on somo work. Further interro
gation extracted from him tho follow
ing statement of facts :
That tho work had been very badly
dono; that an exorbitant prico hod
been charged for It j that tho man, on
being remonstrated with, had behaved
in n grossly impertinent manner ; that
an nltercation had taken ploco between
them ; that Mr. Dubourg had seized tho
man by tho collar of his coat, and had
turned him out of tho house ; that ho
hod called tho man an Infernal scoun
drel, (being in a passion nt tho time,)
and had threatened to "thrash him
within nn inch of his llfo'' (or words to
that effect) If ho over presumed to como
tuar tho houso again ; that ho had sin
cerely regretted his own vloicnco tho
moment ho recovered his self-possession
; and lastly, that, on his oath, (tho
nltercation having occurred six weeks
ago) ho had never spoken to tho man,
or set oyes on tho man, since.
As tho matter then stood, thoso cir
cumstances wero considered n being
unfortunato circumstances for Mr. Du
bourg nothing more. Ho had his alibi
to appeal to, nnd his character to np
peal tc ; and nobody doubted tho re
sult. The lady appeared as witness.
Confronted with 5tr. Dubourg, on tho
question of time, nnd forced to answer,
alio absolutely contradicted him on tho
testimony of tho clock on her own man
telpiece. In substance, her evidence
was simply this : Sho looked nt her
clock when Mr. Dubourg entered tlio
room.thlnking itralhora lato hour for a
visitor to call on her. Tho clock (regu
lated by tho maker only tho day beforo)
pointing to twenty-five minutes to
nine. Practical experiment showed
that tho timo required to walk tho dis
tance, at a rapid paco, from tlio stilo to
tho lady's house, wasjust five minutes.
Here, then, was tho statement of tho
farm bailiff (himself a respectable wit
ness) corroborated by another witness
of excellent position and character. Tho
clock, on being examined next, was
found to bo right. Tho ovldenco of tho
clock-maker proved that ho kept tho
key, and that thoro had been no neces
sity to wind it.up again, sinco ho had
performed both thoso acts tho day pro
ceding Mr. Dubourg's visit. Tho accu
racy of tho clock thU3 vouched for, tho
conclusion of tho evidenco was irresist
ible Mr. Dubourg stood convicted of
having been in tlio Hold at tho timo
when tho murder was committed; of
having, by his own admission, had a
quarrel with tho murdered man not
long before, terminating in assault and
a threat on his sldo; aud, lastly, ns
having attempted to sot up an alibi by
a falso statement of tho question of tlmo.
Thoro was no alternatlvo but to commit
him to tako ills trial at tho Assizes,
charged with tho murder of Iho builder
in Pardon's Piece.
Tho trial occupied two days.
No new facts of importance wore dis
covered in tho interval. The evidenco
followed the courso which It had taken
at tho preliminary examination, with
this difference only that it was most
carefully sifted. Mr. Dubourg had the
advantago of securing tho iofdlng bar
rister of tho circuit, and of moving tho
Irrepressiblo sympathies of tho jury,
shocked at ids position, nnd eagor for
proof of his innocence. By tho end of
tho first day tho ovldenco had told
ngalnst him with such irrepressiblo
forco that his own counsel despaired of
tho result. When tho prisoner took
his placo in tho dock on the second day,
thero was but ono conviction in tho
minds of tho peoplo in court; everybody
said: "Tho clock will hang him."
It was nearly two o'clock in tho nf-
ternoon, nnd tho proceedings wero on
tho point of being ndjouriicd for half nn
hour, when tho attorney for the defense
was seen to hand a paper to tho counsel
for tho defense.
Tho. counsel aroso showing signs of
acitation, which aroused tlio curiosity
of tlio audience. Ho demanded an Im
mediate hearing of a new witness,
whoso evidence in tho prisoner's favor
ho declared to bo too important to bo
delayed for one slnglo moment. After
a short colloquy between tho Judge and
br.rrlsters nn either side, tho Court de
cided to continue tho .sitting.
Tho witness appearing in tho box
proved to be a young woman In delicato
health, On tho evening when tho pris
oner had pild his visit to tho lady, sho
was In that lady's servico as housemaid.
Tho day after sho had been permitted
(by provlous arrangement with her
mistress) to tako a week's holiday, and
go on a visit to iter husband In the
West of Cornwall. Whilo thero sho
had fallen 111, and hail not been strong
enough slnco to return to her employ
ment. Having given tills preliminary
account of herself, tho housemaid then
narrated tho following extraordinary
particulars In relation to her mistress'
clock.
On tho morning of tho day when Mr,
Dubourg had called at tiio liouso sho
had been cleaning tho mantolplcco. Sho
had rubbed tho part of It which was un
der tho clock with her duster, had acci
dentally struck tho pendulum and stop
ped it. Having oneo boforo dono this,
she had been sovercly reproved. Fear
Ing that a repetition of tho offenco only
the day nfter tho clock had been regu
luted by tho maker might load perhaps
to a withdrawal of her leavo of absence,
she had determined to put matters right
again, If possible.
After poking under tho clock in tho
dark, and falling to set tho pendulum
going again properly in that way, sho
next attempted lo lift tho clock nnd
givo It a shako. It was sat in n -mirblo
case, with a bronzo flguro on tho top.
and It was so heavy that sho was obllg
ed to hunt for something which sho
could us,o as a lover.
Tho thing proved to bo not easy to
find on tho spur of tho moment. Hav
Ing at last luld her hand on what sho
wanted, sho contrived eo to lift tho
clock a few inches and drop It again on
tho niantelplcco as to bet it going iiguln
Tho next necessity was, of courso, to
inovo tho hands on, Hero again sho
was met by nn obstacle. Thern was a
26, 1872.
UOL.
difficulty InoponlngthoglasscAso which I
protected tho dial. After uselessly
searching for sotno Instrument to. help
her, sho got from tho footman (without
tolling him what sho wanted It for,) a
small chisel. With this sho opened tho
case, after accidentally scratching tho
brass framo of It, and sot tho hands by
guess. Sho was Hurried at tho time,
fearing that hor mistress would discov
er her. Later In the day alio found that
sho had overestimated tho Interval of
tho timo that had passed while sho was
attempting to put tho clock right, Sho
had, In fact, sot It exactly a quarter of
an hour too fast t
No safe opportunity of .secretly put
ting tho clock right again had occurred
until tho last thing at night. Sho had
then moved tho hands back to tlio right
tlmo. At tho hour of tho ovenlng
when Mr. Dubourg had called on her
mistress, sho positively sworo that tho
clock wn3 n quarter of an hour too fast.
It had pointed ns her mistress had do
clarcd, to twcnty-Qvo minutes to nine
tho right tlmo then being, as Mr. Du
bourg had asserted, twenty minutes
past eight.
Questioned as lo why sho had refrain
ed from giving this extraordinary ovl
denco at tho Inquiry boforo tho magis
trate, sho declared that in a distant
Cornish villago to which sho had gono
tho next day, nnd in which her illness
had dctnined her from that time, no
body had hoard of tho inquiry or tho
trial. Sho would not havo been pres
ent to stato tho vitally importaut cir
cumstances to which sho had sworn if
iho prisoner's twin brother had not
found her out on tho provlous day, had
not qtioslioncd hor if sho knew any
thing about tho clock, and had (hearing
what sho had to toll) In-isted on her
taking tho Journey with him to the
Court tho next morning.
Tills evidenco virtually decided tho
trial. Thero was a great hurst of relief
in tho crowded us-cmbly when tho wo
man's statement had corao to au end.
Sho was closely cross examined, ns a
matter of course. Her characler was
Inquired Into; corroborated evidenco
(relating to tho chisel and tho scratch
es on tho frame) was sought for, and
was obtained. Tho end of it was that,
at a lato hour on tlio second evening,
thojury acquitted tho prisoner without
leaving tho box. It was not too much
to say that his Iifo had been saved by
his brother. His brother ulono had
persisted, from first to last, in obsti
nately disbelieving tho clock for no
better reason than that tho clock was
tho witness which asserted tho prison
er's guilt. Ho had worried ovcrybody
witli incessdiit inquiries; ho had dis
covered tho nbsenco of tho house-maid
after the trial had begun ; and ho had
started off to interrogate tho girl; know
ing nothing and suspecting nothing
simply determined lo persist in the ono
overlastlng question witli which ho
persecuted everybody, "Tho clock is
going to hang my brother j can you tell
mo anything about tho clock'."'
Four months later the mystery of tho
crimo was cleared up. Ono of tho dis
roputablo companions of tlio murdered
man confessed on his death bed that ho
had dono thodeed. There was nothing
intcresliiigor remarkable In thocircum
stances. Chance, which hud nut inno
cenco In peril, had offered impunity to
guilt. An infamous woman, a jealous
quarrel, and an absonco at tho moment
of witnesses on tho spot thoso wero ro
illy the common place.materlals which
had composed the tragedy of Pardon's
Pieco.
Riding horso-back just at night
through tho woods In Saginaw County,
Miehzan, I eamo into a clearing, in tlio
middloof which stood a log house, Its
owner silting In the open door smoking
his pipe. Stopping ifiy hore before him,
tho following con vers itlon ensuo'l.
"Good evening, f-ir," .-'aid I
"Good evening."
"Can I get a gln-s of milk of you lo
drink?"
"Well ! I don't know. Ask tho old
woman."
By this tlmo the wife was standing at
his side.
Whilo drlnking.it I asked :
"Think wo are going t igcta storm '."
"Well! I roilly don't know. Ask tho
old woman sho cant tell."
"I guess wo shall get ono right away,
s-aid Iho wlfo.
Again I asked :
"How much land havo you got clear
ed hero?"
'Well ! I don't really know. Ask tho
old woman sho knows."
"About ninotoen acres,'' said she
again answering.
Just then a troop of children came
running und shouting around tho corner
ofthoshnnty.
"All theso your children?" said I.
"Don't know. Ask tho old woman
sho knows best."
I didn't wait to hear her reply, but
drew rein, and loft immediately.
Animal Sagacity.
Tho workmen in tho engine houso of
thoNowIIavcu Railroad at Springfield
Mass., wero greatly nmused a fow day
sineoby tho movements of a weasel that
had killed a rat, nearly us largo as him
self, lu ono or tho cnglno pits. Tho sldo
of tho pit being perpendicular, nnd tho
rat too liu.ivy for tho weasel to carry
tip in ills tooth, tho question aroso how
ho should get mm out. It looked liko
a difficult task, but tho weasel was
equal lo tho emergency. After sovoral
unsuccessful attempts to shoulder tho
rat ttnd climb up tho sldo ho laid him
down nnd went about to tlio different
corners of tho pit on a tour of Inspection.
Finally solectlng ono lu which suffi
cient dirt had accumulated to maUu nu
elevation of several indies, ho went
back, dragged tlio rat to tho corner, and
stood him upon his hind legs. Ilothcu
clambered out of tho pit, and going to
tho corner whero lio hod left tho rat, let
himself down by his hind feet from
above, clasped tho rat arouud tho neck
with his foro paws, pulled him up aud
trotted off with him to hU hole. Tlio
weasel is ono which made ills appear
nnco at tho shops somo tlmu ago, and
which, by being unmolested, has bo.
comoqulto tamo.
DEM. - VOL. XXXV NO. 49.
Anecdote of Junai: Dooly. Tho
name of Judgo Dooly has becomo n
part of tlio history of Georgia. Ho had
fow superiors as a lawyer, and ranked
as tho best wit of his day in tho Stato.
Ho told tho following story .with better
effect than wo can reproduce It In print.
Boh Harper, who lived on Kettle
Creek, in Wilkes county, was lined
flvo dollars for fighting during court
wool:.
Bob was it wag, nnd snid ho would
havo tlio worth of his money out of tho
Judge. It happened tho Judgo was on
Is circuit on horseback in thoso days
and passing by Bob's houso on tlio
creek, which was swollen by n heavy
tin. Ho wanted to know If tho creek
us swimming.
"I reckon it Is," said Bob, "you will
get a cold bath, If you try It."
"I'll strip and mnko my horse swim
, if you will go up tlio creek and bring
my clothes over," said tho Judgo.
Off went Ills neither garments, and
over went tho Judge, ills hor.so not go
ing over his knocs, tho creek being
broad but shallow. As tho Judgo got
over, several persons wero enjoying tho
fun from a storo piazza, neither Bob
nor his clothing mado their appear
ance. Tlio Judge was mad, cold and
shivering.
Bob was on Ills sldo of tlio creek, and
bawled out, "Judge, you can havo your
breeches for five dollars."
"Bring them over," said tho Judge
I'm sold. Y'ou may fight at tlio next
court all tho week, smd I'll not fine
ou."
As Aitcmus Ward was onco travel
ing In tho cars, dreading to bo bored,
and feeling miserable, a man approach
ed him, sat down nnd said :
"Did yiu hear .ho last thing on Hor-
aco Grceloy ?"
"Greeley? Greeley?" eaid Artcmus,
Horaco Greeley V" Who is ho?"
Tho man was quiet about flvo min
utes. Pretty soon ho said :
"George Francis Train is kicking up
good deal of mow over in England;
do you think they will put him in a
bastilo ?"
"Trrtln,Traln,Goorge Francis Train,"
said Artcmus, solemnly, "I never heard
of htm."
This ignorance kept the man quiet
for fifteen minutes, then lie said:
"What do you think about Gen.
Grant's chances for the Presidency ?"
"Grant! Grant! hang it man!" said
Vrtemus, "you appear to know moro
strangers than any man I ever saw."
Tlio man was lurious ; no walked up
tho car, but at hist como back and said
"You confounded ignoramus, did you
ever hear of Adam ?"
Artcmus looked up and said:
"What was his other namo?"
.Vot nt all Particular.
It Is now flfty-soven years silica tho
battlo of Now Orleans was fought, and
ot wo have considerably over a bun-
Irod veterans in tho city. Ono of them
in Ids statement to tho Pension Agent,
who Inquired ids ago, said :
"I reckon I'so bout forty, sir; pears to
mo I'so dat old."
'But my man, I'm referring to tho
war of 1812," explained tlio official.
"Of courso you aro."
"Well then, If yon aro only forty
years of old you couldn't havo bcon
there.'
"Couldn't I ?"
"No."
"And I id n't no voter.ui ?"
"No."
"Well, then, bess; jis mako mo
u volunteer. I ai'nt proud about it."
Doubtful Compliment. An ec
centric friend of ours, says tlio Lich
field, Conn., "Enquirer" stepped into
a storo in tlio villago, which shall bo
nameless, whero somo "colored breth
ren" wero doing a little trading.
'Ah 1" Mr. ."said our friend, "you
havo your cousins in, I see."
Tho young merchant said nothing
but looked mad. Our friend stepped
out but In a few moments returned,
after tlio eablo customers had depart
ed. "I hopo you won't tako offenco at
what I remarked hero Just now," said
he.
"O, no," said tho merchant, "I
never tako offenco nt anything you
say."
"Glad of It," replied tho quizzer,
"tho niggers aro mod as thunder!"
And then ho sloped, narrowly mis-
Ing n Hying yard-stick.
dean Stanley's parrot, which was a
groat pot, ono day managed to open
her cage and get away, tri tho consterna
tion oi tuo wnoio lamiiy. After a
great search, somo ono found Polly In
tho garden, on tho top of an npplo tree,
Tho wolcomo news was communicated
to the Dean, who, with tho wliolo of
tho Inmntes, rushed out nt once, ac
companied by Dr. Vaughn, who, with
somo friends, was then on a visit
to tho Dean. Polly was found swing
ing herself on a topmost branch, hut
when sho discovered tho largo audlcnco
below her, sho looked gravely down on
them and said : "Let us pray."
Arithmetic Jones " I thought I
warned you particularly, cook, against
boiling my eggs hard? Now how is
this ? Hero they aro boiled fit for salad,
in spite of every direction 1 What did I
tell you?"
Cook "Oh, sir, I remember oxuetly
what you told mo, and acted according
ly. Tho eggs wero in tho wuter, to u
niomont, precisely nlno minutes."
Jones "Nino ! I told you three."
Cook "'s, sir ; but thero nro thrco
eggs. Of courso If ono takes thrco
minute, thrco must tako nlno. 1 may
bo a fuol, blr, but 1 linppon to know
what thrco times three make, for all
that."
A New York politician, In writing n
letter of condolence to tho widow of a
"country member" who hnd been his
friend, says, "I am pained to iieur that
has gono to heaven, Wo wero
bosom friends, but now wo shall novnr
meet again,
Ono Inch, flwelve lint nr ltd ennlvnloriL Iti
Nonpareil type) ono or lwolnertlou, tlM threo
insertions, film
SPACE.
lit. 2H. 811. ff. It.
Ono tnrli 12 53
13.CO
11,00
7,(0
,00
IIJO
6,00 110,00
,() 10,00
la.no MOO
17,01 2V
Jl.lt) C0.O9
K,00 40,01
00,11) 100,09
'I ffO llicncfl ,. H,IU
Threo Inches. i,uo
Kour Inches........., 7,110
Ou&iLer column. 10.01)
6 ll
7,(0
son
J2,ou
llnlf column is.00 ls.00 20.00
Ono column ,..,.30,00 33,00 40,00
Exeontor'n or Administrator' Notice, f,00
Auditor's or Assignee's Notice, 12,50.
Local notices, twenty cents a lino.
Cants In the "Ilnslncss Directory" column,
J!,l) per year for the nrst two lines, and 11,00 fjr
cacii neituuonai line.
Humorous.
"Figures won't lio." Won't they?
Docs a fashionable woman's flguro toll
tho truth ?
An unlucky chap replied, on being
asked what iio cleared on a certain
speculation, " Nothing hut my pock
ets." An enterprising Toxan knocked down
a man, was arrested, got ball, shot
two lawyers, and left town, nil In 01
minutes.
A Western Journal offers this induce
ment: "All subscribers paying In nd
vanco will bo entitled to a first class
obituary notlco In caso of death."
In renlv to nn oxchnnco that old aeo
Is to bo respected, tho Boston Traveller
sayB: "Much depends upon whether wo
unu it in poultry."
Nover mind the obituary. Judco."
said u Montana culprit when tho court
oecamo pathetic in pronouncing mo
sentence "Lot's fix tho time for tho
funeral."
"Gcrty. my dear." said a teacher to
ono of her pupils, "you havo been a
very good llttlo girl to-day." "Yes'm,
I couldn't helti boltitr srood : I had n
stiff nick," said Gorty, with perfect
seriousness.
"What makes vour cows so cross?"
said an old lady to tho milkman tho
other day. "Cross, ma'am? They aro
tno gentlest tilings m tlio woriu."
Well, tho milk is always sour," tho
matron replied, sharply.
A sailor at tho Brooklyn navy yard
explained to a curious landsman tho
other day how prizo money Is divided.
"It Is silted through a ladder," ho said.
"What falls through goes to thoofflcers;
what sticks tho sailors get."
A gentleman in Danbury Conn., has
had inudabio perseverance enough to
tako tho temperance pledgo cighty-thrco
times and break it eighty-two.
An 03wee:o hrakeman went to slcen
in n church, and electrified tho deacon
who took up tho collection by remark
ing, drowsily: "That's all right; I
woric on tins roau."
A young man having a lato railroad
disaster iu mind, has broken his en
gagement with a young lady because
alio Is negligent about her train, nud
does not mind her switch.
A man being found at La Cross,
Wis., with seven stabs In his back, the
coroner's jury brought in a verdict of
"probablo murder." A very cautious
jury.
"Who is that gentleman, my llttlo
man?" was asked of an urchin. "That
ono with a spiked-tailed coat?" "Yes,"
wiib tlio response. "Why, he's a brevet
undo of mine." "How's that?" was
asked. " 'Causo lie's engaged to my
Aunt Mary."
A young man went Into a florist's
store in Boston to buy a roso bud for
his affianced. Soventy-flvo cents was
tho price asked. "Will it keep?" in
quired tho young man. "Oh, yes, a
long while." "Then you may keep It."
Exit young man.
Young Gent: "Might I ask you,
miss ali " Miss: "Very sorry, sir.
but I am encnoed for tho next thrco
dances." "It is not dancing ah it is.
it is beg your pardon, miss; you aro
sitting oil my hat!"
Hints for Keeping Boarders.
In buying roast beef, remember that
roast beof, tew bo bully, must bo tuff.
Bo kerful how yu soko yuro makrcl;
too much sokeing takes tho chaw out."
Tho Chicago llcpubhcan, unablo to
appreciate poetry of tho highest order,
cruelly says of a recent "flro poet" that
"if anybody knows this poet and will
kill him, wo will cheerfully publish tho
obituary notlco free."
An nngry Western editor wrote to a
poetical correspondent tlio other day :
"Ifyr.u don't stop sending to mo your
aboiuiuablo poetry, I'll print a pieco of
it some day, with your namo appended
in full, and send a copy to your gal !"
Tlio poetry from that fountain quickly
dried up.
A sra captain, invited to meet tho
committee of a society for the evangel-
izition oi Alrica, when tisucd : "Do tlio
siibjeels of King Dahomey keep Suu-
uay rcpneu. "ies, anil everyining
olse they can lay their hands on."
frrntlenian was seen a few dnvs
after 'i'hankscivlnc walkintr miiotlv
down Main street, Buffalo, with a small
pincaru on ins hack inscribed, "Choice
Poultry Inside." Ho says lio will bo
very careful how ho leans ngalnst any-
wniig nu.tr n provision sioro auer mis.
Small boy, on tip-too, to his compan
ions: "Shee! stop your nolse.all of you."
Companions : "Hello, Tomtnv, what's
the matter?" Smnllboy: "Wo'vogot
n new baby ; it's very weak and tired ;
wnlked all tho way from heaven Inst
night ; mustn't bo kicking up a row
hero now."
Thero has been an Item going around
about a hen in Boston laying eggs so
small that twonty-ono of them wero
put In n collar box at onco. That look,
ed liko pretty small business foran able
bodied hen, until tlio author of tho
story was discovered. He satd It was a
horso-collar box ho meant.
A farmer near Nashua, N. II., recent
ly barunlned his farm to another farmer
for $2000, but when tho day and tho
purchaser arrived informed him that
his wlfo was in hysterics about tho
trade, and ho guessed ho would back
out. "But," said tlio purchaser, "I
havo como a long distance, want tho
iiirm unu must havo it. now much
moro would iniluco you to soli?"
Well." replied tho agriculturist, "clvo
mo $200 more, aud let her cry."
An Ico merchant In Green which, who
had been watching his pond nil winter
with almost prayerful interest In hope
of a freeze, visited it recently after i
sharp, cold night, stepped on tho Ice,
and finding that it would benr him,
exclaimed, "Thank God !" Going still
lurtner on uio ponu, no exclaimed,
moro fervently. "Thank God !" But. on
venturing n trillo further, and going up
io ins nceii, no ejneninteti, louuer ami
heartier than ever, "J)n the ice!"
Patrik saw a bull pawing in a Held,
and thoiiL'ht what fun it would bo to
Jump over, catch him by tho horns, and
run ins ncfo in tno dirt, tiio idea was
so funny Hint ho lay down and laughed
to think of it. Tho moro ho thought of
It tho funnier it seemed, nnd ho de
termined to doit. Bovus quickly tossed
him over tlio fenco agaiu. Somowhut
bruised, Patrick leisurely picked him
nelfup, with tho consolatory reflection,
'!VeIl, It's a mighty flno thing I hud
my laugh foorstl"
A professor In n certain colk go had
taken his class out, on a plcnt-nnt after
noon, to exercise them in practical sur
veying. Tho next morning they weru
to bo examined in tho mini', Tho Hist
man was called up, Sold tho profu-sor,
"How would you go to work to survey
a lot of land '.'" (Deep thinking, but no
answer.) "If n man should como to
you to eurvoy a lot of laud, what would
you do?" "I think," said tho student
thoughtfully, "I should tell hlra ho had
better get tomcbody else,"