KATES OF ADVERTISING. AND gfowiwsfaitfl gwtwwnt. ISPUBLISHED KVERY FRIDAY MORNING in rut coumniAM noiLniso keaiithk count house, M-ooMsuuno, i'A nv CHARLES B. BROCKWAY, KDiTon and rnorntETon. Terras-Two Dollars a Year payaMo in aivaneo. JOB PRINTING: Of illdoscrlptlons executed with neatness and dispatch at reasonable rates. Oolumbia Oountv Offloial Dirootory. Mot-tort Jmlgn-lMtt Deiui, IsAAO B. MoN- IHitrlH IKorncw-.tAMr.'J BuaboN, JU. jciryr-AAttoN HMITH. Min-wor-lsAAO llBWtTT. Wrfunrcr WII.MAM IiAMOU. dS- t'YllUN II01U1I.SS, IIIIIAII J. ltFi DFii, William HiiArrEii. vimmtAlmmr acrt-Wtl.MAM KlttCKnAUSt, yliirilors U. J. CAMl'UF.1.1., DANim, Lke. ClIAIII.M CoNNEIt Coroiirr-l'ltAiiI.Ksq.MunPiiy. .KWCVmmjloiicM-l9AAuMi;lli;lDE,JoltNMa Cmni'u HptrintendtntCMO.tSi O. IUnKt.EY lllmm JTor .DjfrfW-Dlrectors, B. II. MlI.t.EH W11.1.IAM Kium.iL ltloomsburg, nnd JoitNsoii IKM.fll. OlCCIlWUOd, L'llAllLEStONNEB.tiCC'y. Bloomsburg Official Dirootory, Jlhcinlbvru llanllna 0. JoltN A. FUSMOS l'icsiitciit, 11. 11. Uiioir. Cnslilcr. ; ir.( national YJroiJt-CHAS. It. PAXTON.Prcs't , J. r.Tr&Tis. Cnslilcr. . , . tWiimIhifl)iiiiW.ViiiMilfihrtiiolmeinnfi)oni .fntOII-E. II, I.1TTI.K, 1W1, C. W. MIM.KB. JUommbmn llulhltng and Sarina JVnt Aisocia-lOll-JolIN Thomas, Prcs't., J. H. RontBON. Hoc, Jllaomsbvra Mutual Haling lmd Atsoeiatton J.J. llitowui. President, O. O. UAHKLF.V, Heo'y. Bloomsburg Directory. )Al'l'll 11AOH Just received nnd for solo nt tho CLOTHING, &C IS.VYllJ JAJ l.iSJll'.nVJ, AVID LOWENI1ERO, Merchant Tallor.Maln I) st.,ubovo American House, st.,uuovo American nuusc. M. MOHR1H, Mcrclinnt Tailor corner of Ccn- 1ITM. ; lY tio nnd Muln St., over Miller's store, DRUGS, CHEMICALS, &C. 11 1'. LUTZ, Rrugglstand Apothecary. Main st. 'j, below tlio Post OIllco. MOVER IlltOH., Druggists nud Apolhccnrles, Drawer's block Main st. CLOCKS, WATCHES, AO. OR. SAVAGE, dealer In Clocks, Watches nnd Jewelry, Main St., Just below tho American ItouMe. r OUIS HERNll AHI), Watch nnd Clock maker j near southeast corner Main nnd Iron sts. "cATHOART. Watch nud Clock Mokor.Mar IV. kct street, below Main, HOOTS AND SHOES. 11 M.KNORU, Dealer ln Boots and Hhocs. latest J'j. and best styles, corner Main nud Market Ml rets. In tho old Post OIllco. DAVID BETJI, Hoot nnd Shoemaker, Mnlnst. be low 11 artman's st ore, west of Market. HENRY KI.KIM, Manufacturer nnd denier In Hoots and Hhocs, Groceries, etc., Main street, Lust llloomsburn. PROFESSIONAL. It. 11. C. IIOWElt. Hurseon Dentist, Mnln St., ubovo tho Court House. 11. WM. M. llKUKIl, HurReoii and Physician, Ulllco over tho I'lrst Matluual 1 lank. Oil. HAUKI.F.Y, Attorney-at-I.aw. Ofltce, 2d , llonrlu k,.tchauge Ulock, near the "Exchange Hotel." -I 11. McKEI.VY.M. D.,Hurgeon and Physician J . north stdo Main St., below Market. T (;. llUTTEH, M. 1). Kurgeou and Physician tr .ia nrkct street, above Main. r IS. HOllISON, Atlorney-at-Law, Olllce Hnrt iJ. mnu's building, Mnlu street. DIC. II, K. KINNEY, Hurgeon Dentist. Teeth extuicled without pnln: Main st., nearly op oslto Episcopal Chinch, T It. EVANS, M. I)., Burgeon ami Physician, J south Bldo Main street, below Market. MILLINEItY & FANCY GOODS. EPKTEKMAN, Millinery and Fancy Goods, , opposite Episcopal Church, Main bt, M IKS D1ZZIK HAHKI.EY, Milliner, Hamsey tun nil nt; iiaiu siren. M IPS M. DEHHICKKON, Millinery and Fancy Goods, Main St., ueiow jiarKet, MI!H. JUUA A. & HADE ISAHKI.KY, Irfldles' Cloaks and Dress Pattern.!, southeast corner Main and West sts. riiHU MISSES HAltMAN Millinery nnd Fancy I Goods, Main bt below American House, HOTELS AND SALOONS. l.iOl'.KH HOTEL, by T. Dent. Taylor, cast end r-oi Main street. MERCHANTS AND GROCERS. 1 C. MAItlt, Dry Goods and Notions, Bouth J. west corner Main and Iron sts. 1.10X A WEIIH, Confectionery nnd llakery, I1 w holesnle and retail, Exchauge lilock. II O.HOWEIt. Hats nud raps. Hoots audBhoes. .Main si., auovo uourt Mouse. J II. MAIZE, Mammoth Orocery, flno (Iro . rerles, Fruits, Nuts, Provision, Ac, Main imil C.utio Streets. MHCEIA'Y, NEAT, A CO., dealers In Dry Goods, Groceries, Flour, Feed, salt, Fish. Iron, Nails, t-lcN. F. cor. Main and Market sts. Q H. MII.LEli & RON, dealers in Dry Goods, il. (iroceiles, (lueenswaie. Flour, Halt, Hhocs, Notions, etc., Main st. MISCELLANEOUS. CM. Cill.ISTMAN, Saddle, Trunk 4 Harness . maker, Shivo's Hloclt Malu Street. H W. ROHHINS.llquordealersecouddoorfrom 17' ' uoithwcst comer Main and Iron sts. 1,1 J. THORNTON, Wall Rarer, Window Shades iJ. nnd Uxtures, Rupert block. Main st. GV COUF.LL, FnriiltHio Rooms, threo story ' liilck, Main Stiect, west of Market st. nROSENSTOCK.Phologiaphcr.ovcr Robbiun & Dyer's Store, Main st. I H. KUHN, dealertu Meat, Tallow, etc., Chem 1' berlln's alley, ier of American House, QAMl'EL JAt'OHY, Marble nnd Brown Stone OWorks, East Bloomsburg.Herwlck road, TO, HARM, dealer In furniture, trunks, cedel " willow ware, near tlio Forks Hotel. 1' 11. HIDLKMAN, Agent for Muusou's Copper i Tubular Lightning Rod. C FOSTER, Gluo Maker, and White and Fancy Tanner, Scottown, T0Ti: ROOKS, and blank NOTES, with or with ii out exemption, fur sale at the Columiiian Olllce. Catawissa. 1) F. DALLMAN. Merchant Tailor, Second St, ), Rohblns' Building. DR. J. IC. ROHHINS. Surgeon and Physician Second St., bolow Main, GILIIERT A KLINE, dry goods, groceries, nnd general merchandise, Main Street T 11. KISTLKH, "Cattawlssn House," North " . Corner Main and Second Streets. T KEILEIl, Hillord Saloon, Oysters, anil Ico IJ. Cream In season Main St. MM. RR01SST. dealer In GeneralMerchandlse Dry Goods. i)rocerlejo, QUKQUEHANNA or Hrlck Hotel, H. Koslen O bauder Proprietor, south-east corner Main and Second Stiect. TM. II, ABBOTT, Attorney at law, Main Ht. Light Street. HF'. OMAN Co., Wheelwrights, first door , aboo School House, JOHN A.OMAN, Manufacturer and denier In Hoots and Shoes 4 1 R. ENT, dealer lu Stoves and Tlu ware lu - - ,ia utuiiLuea, I R ENT, Miller, and dealer In all kinds 01 tllbln. l.lr.,ir Kf.,1 A f AM Win, to nn.,.J..7 " """" Espy. J. J,'.' w?UKI,EIBK1,i Hoot and Hhoo'storeand Po.ir,rsteaMinrP Q W,"U B,reet 0I' Buck Horn. M enrT.iJ : 's'."i utuiers in ury .hoous, groceries oud gtnernl metchandlsc. VOLUME VI. NO. 3. Oraugevillo Diroctory, D II. HEItlltNH A nitOTHEtU'nrnenleriinnd Iltllldcrs, Main St., bolow Pino. BUICK 1IOTEI, nnd refreshment Saloon, by llohr M'Henry cor.ot Main nnd Pino st. D It. O. A.MEOAHOEI,,PhysIclnn nndHiirgcon D AVID HEUItlNO, KlonrnndarlstMlll.nnd TAMES 11. IIAHMAN. Cabinet Maker nnd Un O dortnker. Mnlu St., below Pino. JCHUYLEH A CO., Iron founders, Machinists 3 nnd Mnnufnctuiersofplows.MIIlSt. IAMUEI,HHAnPI,i:ss,MakcrofthoIIoyhnrst ) Grain Cradle. Mnlu Bt. ILMAM DEI.ONO Shoemakernnd mnnufac- turer or unck, Milt St., west of Pino Philadelphia Diroctory. JJORTICUiTURAli UAZiXi Restaurant aui Einnins Eooms. FRANK SMITH, Proprietor. PHILADELPHIA, N, II. Tho location Is central, tho assistants attentive, and tho tnhlcs supplied with tho best tho market affords, tresh ana well cooked. Givo him n call. JICIIARDSON L. WRIGHT, JR. ATTORNEY AT LAW, NO. 123 SOUTH SIXTH BTKEUT, 1'ltII.ADELl'IIIA Jan. l'7I-ly " M. KEPIIEART, wmi BARNIi-S, RRO. & IIERRON, HATS, CAPS, STRAW GOODS ft FUP.3, No. 503 Market Street, (Ahovo Fifth,) pitii.ArjEi.rniA, "yAIN WRIGHT & CO., WHOLESALE GUOCEItS, N. i:. Corner Second nnd Arch Streets, Philadelphia, Dealers In TEAS, SY11UPS, COFFEE, SUGAIt, MOLASSES men, spices, in CAnn soda, &c, ,tc. S-Orders will recolvo prompt attention, may 10,(l7-tf. Business Cards. B. BROCKWAY, ATTORNEY AT LAW, nLooiisnur.0, pa. 3- Office Court Honso Alley, In tho Co i.UMiiiAN liulldlng. tJnn4,'67, A. L. TURNER PHYSICIAN AND BURGEON, RLOOMSBURO, PA. Office over Lutz's Drugstore, llcsidene Market Htrcct, 1st door below Rev. I). J. Waller. declO'70. Q W. MILLER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, OIllco Court Houso Alley, below tho Colum niAN Olllce. llountles, Hack-Pay anil Pensions collected. Bloomsburg Pa. sep.20'(i7 ROBERT F. CLARK, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Offico Mhln Street below tho Court House, Hloomsburg Pcun'n. E. II. LITTLE, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Ofllco Conrt-HoiiKO Alley, below tho CoLUM iiian OIllco, Hloomsburg Pa. QHARLES C. LEIDY, ATTOUXI'.Y-.lT-Ii.lW, OFFICE ON OAK STREET, MOUNT CAHMEL. N01lTIIUMnr.lir.AND COUNTY, l'A. Collccllons promptly made, Conveyancing nently executed ant, all other business connect ed with hU pofetslon caremlly attended to in Montour, Northumberland nnd Columbia o ouu- tlCS. I11S.1S71-II. gARGAINS BARGAINS. QUICK SAT.F.S AKI) SMALL VKOFITS, SAVE YOUR MONEY. Goto HENRY YOST. Enst Hloomsburg, Pn., for nil kinds of thn best uomo auu city mnuo F II It N I T U It E . Prices reasonable and the be" v'Jtk dono, Jan l'7i tf yETERINARY. AUGUST FRIEND, lato frcm Germany, offers his services to th9 public ns n ccleurateu HORSE AND COW DOCTOR, and nil other nnlmnls, for which his chnrges are iiiodeuite. Ho can nlwnss bo lound east side ol Berwick road, neaiS. H. Jacoby's Marble Yaid. Illoonisbnrg, May 12. 1S71-1Y. J. THORNTON J would annnuncti to thcelttzeusnf Hlooms lurgand vicinity, that ho has Just received it full unu couipieiu assuriuieiii 01 WALL PAPKR, WINDOW SHADES, PIXTUKES, COUPS, TASSEIJ5, and nil other goods in his line of business. All tho newest and most approved patterns of tlio day are always to bo found In his establishment, mur.3, O'J-ll iuiu nt, ueiuw iviaritei. M- AG AZINES, DAILY &, WEEKLY PAPERS OF ALL KINDS AT Tltn I100K I.TOUU Ol'l'OSITCTlIi: COUItT HOUSE, Also an nssortmcnt of Portemonnnlcs, Pass Itoolts nnu Account hooks, consilium' on uaiiu llonl:s not on liaud obtained on short notice. New Hooks aro constantly being added to tho " lllnomshiiig Clicuhillng Library." Amongtho latest aru "Guilt and Innoceuci'." "Motherless," ' sir Harry," " Hot Spur of llumblcthwalt," and "iuertiuem," etc. Hprto, ,1 11 TTEW STOVE AND TIN SHOP. I8AIAH HAGENBUCH, Main Street one door above E. Mendcnhnll Rloie. A largo assortment of Stoves, Heaters and Ranges constantly on hand, and for sale at the lowest rates. Tinning In all Its branches carefully attended to, and baiisiucuou utmrtiuiecu, Tin work of nil kinds wholesale and retail ial is requested. Jan 1'71 TVT E W C O A L Y A R D. 1 The undersigned respectfully luform th citizens nt Hloomsburg nnd Columblu county. that they keep all tho dilfeicutuuinhers ofstove coal and selected lump coal for Bmlthiug purpo ses, on liii'ir wot,,,, (lujiituiiiK nrivj, .,'(, Co's Furnace! with a good pair of llnlUlo scales Likewise it lioisu aim wagon, to uetivcr coat to inose who uesiro iu as iney pureuuse n inrgi niiiountof eoal.thevlnifiul tokeen a superior ar tlcle, and sell ut the very lowest prices. Please mil and examine for yourselves neinre nurciius luii emus iivi v, u, " '", , , r; Vt ' rnilE itiulorsiL'ticd will tnko In ox Auuuni ur, jtmno.i, J. change for Coal nnd Groceries, the following mimed articles 1 Wheat, Rye. Corn, Oats, Pota toes, Lard, Ham.Hhoulder.and side meat, Butter f.ggS, Jlliy, KC.,Hl IIIO lllgOl'Sb UI.U w urocery more, ntiiouuug tueir coaiyaru, J, W, HENHEllHltOT. Illoorashurg Mar, 19,'tf)-ly. c TJRLING CREAM. Hv llslm. tills article Indies nnd Gentlclue can Ik null ly tliemselves it Ihousitud fold. Till ih 1 u nuiv article mat wincuri straiui 1 1 an mill nt the same time elvo to it a Itenutlful aiv pearnnce. It nlso Invlgoratis, benutltlcs and cleanses. It can bo so upplicd ns to causo the nnlr to curl any length of llmu desired. Scut uy muu ior su cis, it pncitngii. Address 'W.. I'.IV J I, , A.OI.t. 1 Mlddletown, Adams Co., Pu. B LOOMSBURG n a it it ii 1: won k h. MAIN STKEFT, 11KI.OW UAltKKT, BLOOMlSllURO, PA. Monuments, Tom In, Headstones, Ac, Work neatly executed. Orders by mall will receive spurlal attention. N, II, Work delivered lice ot ciiarge. 1, L. UUJitem, proprietor. ocu-J ii-ti, t-, u, nun BUPINICSS CARDS, VISITING CARDS, ETTER HEADS, BILL HEADS, PROGRAMMES, POSTERS, ill., AC. Neatly ami Cheaply Prluic.l From tho Latest Btyles of Type at the COLUMBIAN OFFlCJi IvIiscollanoouB. JQ E N T I 8 T It Y . 11, U. JIUWKlt, DKNTIST, llv oilers his nrofesslnnni nprvim. fr the Indies and gontlemcn of llloomsburK nnd VI clnltv. He Is nrennreil tnnttend to nil ilm vnri ous operations In tho lino of his profession, nnd is provided with tholatost Improved 1'ohcki.ain i kktii which win ue inserteu on Koitl plallniE sliver nnu rubber bsso to look as well nstue nnl ml teeth. Teeth extracted bv nlltlin n.wnnj most approved methods, nnd all operations on tho teeth carcfultyaiid propel ly attended to. ltoslrleuce nud olllce a few doors ulinvn fhn Court House, snmo side. itloorashurg, Jnn.ni ly tfULOAN WORKS, DANVILLE PA. WILLIAM II. LAW. Manufacturer of Wrought Iron llrldgos, Hollers, Gasholders, Fireproof Buildings, Wrought Iron Koofine. ItnnMntr 1,'rnmes. t.'lnnrlnrr nn llnnra Fnrm Gates antffenclUK, also Wrouclit Iron nln. lug, stacks nnd nil kinds of Smith Work, Ao. llennlrs promptly attended to , urnwiugs nn ritimaies suppiieu. ort'.i'71.1y. PII13 GREAT MAGICAL tJ A 11 It P O It C K It T 111 force n beautiful Set of Whl.lrnra n, Mm. tncho. In from two to threo mnnthq. nt, i,nv n.,. sun over twelve years old, It Is 0110 of tho best I'lcpunitiuus 10 lunito 1110 wuisuers grow mat vi iww liiKnvil, uiio uoiuooi 11 lssuiuctciit to odtlce n verv strnni; tieanl. 11 duos nn, f nnv way stain or injure tho skin. Try it; It Is no humbiu;. l'rlco Si cents pir bottlo. Sent by to any address, on receipt ol WILLIAM C. WAGNER, price. Address nui;.lV71.1y. Jlll'llUlSVlllC, dnins County, Ponna KSURANOE AGENCY. 211.0 Kl l,ltl,tU 4 Hi.tru :uiO,qiio 450,lr 1. 400,0-, V 1 ,000.110 unno S7i',o) 60-I.imH Muro Mutual. l,tuu,u) Wyomlue h:ttiH Fulton N. y North America (,'ltv International N.Y rvingaru w. 1 Morchonts Springfield Farmers' Danvllle.N.Y vti,iwiv v.iiy Danville, Horso Theft Atlantic, N. Y ermaula, N. Y WAI.OUU FREAS BROWN, Alien!, n,ni2l'71 ly. HLOOH8T1URCJ Pa, Afilf riVPC lmvo 1o"K wauled a JULMV iVlll'j I linvellvwhlrli will. ell nt sight in e ery lamily. Till!: riUTUKlAL 'AMILY REGISTER the only work extant which satisfies this want. Is beautiful ami htrlklni.prmlilnlmnn ottilr.,. ly now and elegant Family i'liorofiiiAiMi at.. hum with n complete Family Histoiiy. Hiacttu what the peoplo liavo lou wished. Selling rap Idly, AriKNis nro dropping tho old books to take hold of tho useful mid beautiful "Jteihter." A few Into Reports lrom Agents are: 11 in 2 days; 1.1 lull days; Ktln 1 week, nettlug Agcuts S2ihi $50 per week. Full partlculain unit Circulars Iree. Address GEO. MACLEAN, Publisher, novin'70-ly. 71u Hansom Street, Philadelphia. H INKLEY KNITTING MACHINE THE SIMPLEST, CHEAPEST AND REST IN USE1 HAS HUT ONE NEEDLE! A CHILD CAN RUN IT I Designed especially for tho use of families, and odies who deslio to knit for tho market. Will do ecry stitch of tho knitting in a stocking, ldculug und 11 arrowing as readily ns by hand. Are splendid for worsteds nnd fancy work, rAKiisu rivi-i uii-i-&Hfc.;vr kiinus ur iTITCII I Alo erv m-sv lo lnnniii?o. nnil not lluble to tct out of order. Every Family should havo oue. wo want an Agent in every town to Introduce ml sell them, to whom we offer tho most liberal inducement!?. Send lor our Circular and H.tumlu Stocking. Address. 1IINKLISY KNITTING MACHINE CO., nov. lu,'71-ly. Ralli, Jle. ADIEb' FANCY FURS 1 JOHN FAKJSIIIA, 718 ARCH ST., Middle of the lilock. between 7th and Kill Sts., South Hide, PHILADELPHIA, lm- porier.jiiiuuiaciuierauci Dealer in 1111 kiuus auu quality ut FANCY FURS FOR LADIES' AND CHILDREN'S WEAR. Havinir Imported a very largenud splendid as ortmeul of all tlio dillerent kinds ol Furs from irst hands lu Europe, and have had them made up by tho most skllllul workmen, would respect lollv Invito thn lenders of this paper to call and xii 111 1110 ills very large auu oeautiiui assortment I Fancy FUltS, FOll I.AllIES and Cuildukn. I 111 ilt'tiTiolnetl to sell at ns Low lutict-s as any ither respectable Houso In this city. All Funs WAI ltAM'F.D, NO MISIlHl"ll.JIb.NTAlION TO LF1 F.CT SALUS. 718 Al'.ClI STKEEI', 1'HILADELl'lIIA. octi0'7I-Sm. jqj- 0. HOWE II, Uun opened a firnl-clas DOOT, SHOE, HAT CAlt AND Ull BTOKK. at tho old stand on irf.ilnRtrcct.Bloomsbnrg.arow doors auovo uie court iiouso, juiKhiocKisconv iiicspdnfilie vorv latest and betithtvles evur otler- a ill tho citlztns of Columbia County, llocaii accommudute tlio public Willi the following goods attllOlowChl rait'N, jinrs ueavy uuuuiu miiuu HtoaabootB, rat'ii suouuio nnu bingie iap koito irin imntn. inen'n hcavv stoira shoes of all kinds. men H llllV UUUl uuu vutiua ui un kiuum, uuj a ir.nt.io k.nlfil hnntu nnd. shoes of all kluiN. men's ulove l;ld Ualmoial nhocs,meu's, women'H.boys's Him J n IS t St lilMIUK KHHilfi, i"irnn h'"u lol It, 1 verv II llP.WlUllfll K ItlOrOt CO JHllII'OrilllHlIU call suoes, womeirs vury unu am uuutiurti ers. in Hhori ouoisoi anuescripiions uoiu jhk ilo would also call attention to hU flue assort ment or ath, CArH.Fima anij notions. which comirlie(iU tho ue7 and nnpalai win- ctic;at prk-eswlibheannotrailtosultiul. These Ijoouh nro onereo in uiu lunvw, -au iuiv uu 7Ui oe (;nuiauieeu mgiv fciuauu inm, ,y lu t.bltill..it Lffort iilirf'hiixln' olSOWhblO R8 It 13 belit'Vfd'that better barKiilns are to bo found than ut any other pmce in inecoauiy. jan iii jgXCIIANGE BAKERY A.VU C O N F E C T I O N E R Y , HLOOMSBURG, PA, Tho nmtprslimei!. successors of F. Wldniyer u'ontii ifsnectiiillv anuouueu that they have taken M well. estubiisneu sinnu recently occu, pled by tho nbovo nauioi, 111 inooiiisuurg, auu repilie(l IO Ooniiuuu luu uiKiuva, u uttuimuv, urlug ami selling, uy WHOLESALE AND ROTAIL. (-nnfpptlmierv of every stvlo nud kind. Also. they will luiNont all tlmesit complete) supply oi tho best and treshest Bread anil Ciko. Pintles desiring anything In this Hue will Hud It tu their auvautugo to can ou us. AN ICE CREAM SALOON is ndded to tho establishment, and ladles and others who nuiv patruulzo us. may rely upon upon rtcetvlug proper attention. A reasonable sharu ofpuhll" piilrouugets rcspoctiuuy solicited, and small quantities, const lutspoerry. jjemou, uuu ovnci oiui, ,ui,t, DECKER a STECKEL, May 5. 1K7I.-Iy Hotels. MONTOUR 1IOUSH RUPERT, PA. WILLIAM BUTLER, Iioirlotor, This House having been nut lu thorough renal Is now open fur the reception of guests. Nu ;iulus will he spared to cusuie the perlect com. :ort of tho travelers. Too 1'ioorlefor solicits iii stocked at all times with duo liquors and clgaiu snare 01 puuno paironuae. Tlio bar will Juul'71 B ENTON HOTEL. W. F. PIATT, Projirletor, BENTON, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA, This well known Houso having been put In thorough repair Is now open tor the reception of visitors. No pains have been spared to ensuie tho perfect coinlort of guests, Tho proprietor also inns n Rtnge lrom the Hotel to Bloomsburg and Intermediate lvoluts ou Tuesday, Thursday and Haturdny of each week. Jim FIST! rpilE ESPY HOTEL. ESPY, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA. Tho undersigned would Inform tho travelling publlo that lit) has taken the above named estab lishment mul thoroughly refitted the sumo for the perlect convenience of his guests. Ills larder will bo slocked with tho best the market altords. The choicest liquors, wines and cigars always to uu lutuiu in ins uur. WILLIAM PBTTIT. Espy. Pa. T5LANK DEEDS. Wo now have the finest assortment of BLANK DFEDS on hand and for sale that were ever kept III Hloomsburg. Lurge size uu best liaichmeut paper. Commuu Deeds. Executor's and Admlnls. trulors DetHls-emall slza good paper (cl.cfp BLOOMSBTIRGr, PA., Poetical. Hio i'lrst SnoiT l'nll. 11V JAME, 11US1KLL LOWELL. Tho snow had 1rgun In tho gloaming, And busily all tho night Had been heaping field nnd highway With n slleuco deep and white, Every pine, nnd fir, nud hemlock, Woro ermluo too dear for nn cnrl, And tho poorest twig on tho elm treo Was ridged Inch deep with poarl. From shoJs new roofed with Carrara, Cnmo Chanticleer's mufllod crow; Tho stltr rails wcro softened to swan's down, And still fluttered down tho snow, I stood and watched by tho window Tho noIselCM work of tho sky i And tho sudden flurries of snowbirds, Llko brown leaves whirling by, I. thought of a mound In sweet Auburn, Where a llttlo headstone stood ; How tho Hakes wcro folding It gcutly, As did robl ns the babes In tho wood. Up spoko our own HttloMnbcl, Faying, "Father, who makes It snow?" And I told of tho good AU.fnthcr Who cares for us hero below. Again I looked nt tho snow fall, And thoughtof the lcadeusky That arched o'er our first great sorrow When that mound was heaped so high. I remembered tho gradual patlcnco That fell from that cloud-llkosuow, Flake by Hake, healing and hiding Tho scar of our decp-stabbed woe. And ngaln to tho child I whispered, "Tho snow that husheth all, Darling, tho Merciful Father Alono can niako It fall." Then, with eyes that saw not, I klscdhcr; And she, kissing hack, could not know That my kiss was given to her sister, Folded closo under deepening snow. Miscellaneous. A STKAXOU AX1) THUILI.IX0 STORY. Tlio rilgltt-shndows wcro beginning to .sottlG down upon tho earth. All lay tlio rain had been falling, some-- times in heavy showers ; tho roses and pinks in tlio garden had a sickly look, for tlio petals hung low and woro heavy witli water, and witli mud which had splashed upon them. Tito clouds wcro still dark and threatening, bespeaking a stormy night. Tho llttlo town of Ashton was unusually quiet. Tho streets wcro too muddy and tho weath er too inclement to entice peoplo from their homes. Only now an d then a sol itary traveler was to bo seen. Tlieso, business had driven fortlt ; and thoy walked with rapid steps', anxious to again get undersltellcr. In a vino wreathed cottago on a flow er sprinkled lawn tho supper had been wailing over an hour for tlio master of tho houso, whoso business had necessi tated his being absent from homo nil day. Mr. Jacobs was tho tax-colloctor ot the township, and consequently could not wait tho return of pleasant weather boforo pursuing his journoy. Tliereforo ho had equipped himself in his India-rubber over-irarmont in the luriiin nnil hud trono Hbuut 11H bus iness, leaving his wife tlio proraiso of an early return in tliocvonlng, but sup per hour had como and gono without his making au appearance. Mrs. Ja cobs, however, was not anxious as yet. Such delays wero too frequent to cause this ono to give her any unoasinc-is of uiintl. Site ilitted about tlio houio, busy with her evening duties, singing a gay song asshaweni. Shu was a bright llttlo woman, with a world of courage writ ten in her dark sparkling oyes, and on the firm red lips. Anon she disrobed her two Httloones, and put thorn to bed, and when tlio night shadows turned into an inkoy blackness sho seated herself by tho lamp and began to sow, still leaving tlio supprr-tablo spread, and tho food on tho stovo koeping warm for tlio return of her husband. But tho little clock on the inantlo shelf had told tho hour ol 10 before his step wa heard at tho door. Ho camo in hurriedly, and strotlo to a seat without removing his dripping outer-garments or his muddy boots "Was detained. Am in au awful hurry. Going to Winchester to-night," diving his hand into a pocket of his in ner coat, and glancing anxiously around tlio room. "To Winchester 1" ;repeated his wife in dismay. "Twenty miles In tho storm I" "Cin't bo helped," ho returned. "Business is business, you know." Ilo removed his hand from his pock et, and took oil' his hat, -and brushod back lils fair hair revealing tlio rather handsome face of a light comploxloned middlO'tigcd man. Ho had largo gray eyes, but thoy woro an anxious expres sion, and their glanco windcred rest lessly about tho apartment. "Jane," ho said luddonly, again div ing ills hand Into tho troublesome pock et, "do you supposo you could takocaro of a largo sum of money till to-morrow?" "Why, yes," sho answered, looking up In surprise. "I havo collected five thousand dol lars," ho continued, "and It is too lato to get it Into tho bank, and I do not daro to carry so much with mo." "Well you can leavo it here as well as not. No ono would think of my having such a sum with me." Ilodrew a largo wallet from his pock ot and placed It in her hands. . "It belongs to tlio government, and If you let It pass from your hands I am ruined," ho commented. And honroso as If to depart. "You aro going to eat soino supper'.'" hho inquired. "No, I have no thno to lose I must niako Winchester by midnight. Good' byo. Tako good caro of tho monoy and fasten all tho doors," Hogayo her a hurried kiss, and tho next moment ho was gono. But tho bound of his footsteps had scarcely died nway before Mrs. Jacobs began to feel a strange fear crceplug over her. Why It was sho kuow not Sho had lived thero soven years, and slept in tho houso many a night with out tho doors being oven shut. Now they wcro locked and bolted, sho could not think of going to bed, Sho was too nervous for that. Sho put tho monoy in hor dress pocket, and clasping both tightly in her hands, sho sat very still gazing anxiously Into nothingness, and listened so intently that sllenco becaino otumlu FRIDAY, JANUARY a Tearful mingling of discordant sounds in her cars. An hour passed. It had boon an ago to iter. "I am glad that I am not rich," sho whispered as tho clock struck 11. "What a task it must bo to watch one's gold I" Presently sho heard n sound. It was not tho rain, for thero was n perfect lull in tho storm, It could not bo a neigh bor, for sho lived in tho outskirts or tho village, soveral blocks from any ono, and sho wa.s not likely to bo called in cases of sickness. Again sho heard it. It scorned as if a window sash was being slowly raised. Strango that sho should havo forgotten to fusion thorn down I "Why didn't John leavo mo his ro volvcr?" sho mused, "I havo nothing with which to -defend myself in caso that I should bo molested to-night. It was really an oversight in him," Again sho heard tho sound, It scorn ed to como from tho bed-room. It was surely tho raising of a sash, Then thero was tho souud of n movement as though somo ono va3 entering that way. Fear nearly paralyzed her for a mo ment but sho quickly rallied, and tak ing up tlio lamp, proceeded to investi gate the matter. Sho had scarcely opened tho bed-room door when sho staggered backward with a half sup pressed scream. Two men in hideous disguises wcro already in tho room and a third rulllan wa3 in tho act of crawl ing through tho window. Involunta rily sho clutched tho pocket which con tained tho money, thinking mean whllo how sho should protect herself and it. Alasl sho had nothing but her own weak hands with which to fight tho battle, and sho well kuow how powerless they wcro compared, with thostreugth of tlio enemy. "What do you want here?" sho ask ed in a faltering volco. "Wo want tlio flvo thousand dollars which you havo in keeping for your husband," said ono of them. Thoy know then that sho had It In her possession. "You can get no money from mo," sho said decisively. "I havo no mon oy." "A pretty llttlo fib," ho responded with a laugh. "Wo will Just look in to your pocket and see.'' In her eagerness toprcscrvo hor treas ure sho clutched tho pocket of her dress, in both hands, thus unconscious ly betraying its whereabouts. Sho turned palo when tho knowlcdgo of hor thoughtlessness was revealed to her. "You can't havo it ! you shan't havo it," sho cried, knowing all tho whllo that they would havo it in spito of her. "Wo wlllseol" exclaimo.l ono of tho men, grabbing her in his arms. bno struggled ticsperatoiy, but was soon overpowered and tlio money taken from her. Then, womanliko sho began to cry. "Let us go now,'' said ono of tho rob bers. "You tako tho spondulix and git, and I will fix her tongue in a way that it will remain quiet for ono hour at least." "Don't hurry," put in another; "I am darnation hungry, and wo can Just as well tako a blto horo as not." The others demurred, but ho continu ed : "Set to work, you old cal, and get us some supper. You'vo got a firo and somo boiling water, and wo want a cup of tea. To work, I say !'' Mrs. Jacobs know that a refusal would only subject hor to more indig nities, and sho arose to do their bid ding. She put somo more plates on tho ta ble, along with such food as sho had cooked, and then proceeded to mako tho tea, wondering all tho whllo If thero was any way to regain possosslon of tho money, and dreading her husband's anger and dismay on his return shou Id sho fail to do so. As sho took tho tea-canister from tho pantry shelf sho caught sight of a bot tlo labelled arsenic, her husband had purchased it on tho previous day, in order to djslroy tho rats which wcro becoming troublosorao, but as yet ho tad used no portion of it. nero was a cnanco 01 rouei.anu sno seized it eagerly. Opening tho bottlo sno put n row grains into tho tea-pot along wmi tno tea, 01 which sno g.tvo good measure, in order to destroy tho tasto of tlio arsenic. A few minutes later tho robbers woro sitting ut tho tablo, unconsciously sip pinir their death. iiioy mny Kill me," mtiseu tno faithful woman, "but tho monoy will bo found and ray husband's honcr saved.1' After a few minutes, ono by ono tho robbers complained of being sick. "I verily bellovo tho jado has poison cd us," mild ono, nnd tho next moment ho fell with a deep groan to tho floor. "I know that sho has poisoned us," cried another, "and hor own lifo shall pay tho foifi-it." Ho sprang from his scat and started towards her, revolver ln hand, but foil ero ho had reached her. "Jane," exclaimed tho third, "you havo saved tho monoy, but you havo murdered mo 1" How strangely familiar sounded tho volco! Forgotting nil her old fear in tho now, Mrs, Jacobs sprang forward and knelt by thosldoof tho dying man Notio tried to harm hor now, for all wero powerless to do so. Sho pulled tho dlsgulso, a hideous no gro fuco with largo grinning mouth, from tlio facoof tho last speaker. Ono look thon camo a scream which echo. cd through tho houso llko a peal of thunder. Tlio dying man was her own bus band, But llttlo moro remains to bo told of tho sad story. Tho money was pro served, but tho heroic woman Is a ma niac, raving in a southern asylum over tho murder of her husband, Imagining that her hands nro dyed with hisblood A Missouri horso thief was hung to a telegraph polo on his way to tho voting plfvco, und according to tlio Pro vldeuco Herald, "that manner of poll lugavoto Is calculated to deaden one's interest In town politics, 19, 1872. UOL. Jackson and tlio ilravo, It was whllo ho was Judgo that ho ar rested tho notorious desperado Bean, whom nobody clso could arrest. Many of Bean's decondants aro still living,and tho placo whero old Hickory's eyes brought him down Is still pointed out. Aa tho story runs, Bean went away and left his family for two years. When ho returned, his wlfo celobratod tho nil vont by presenting him with a uow-born babo. This was a now departure in do mestic economy, and Bean did not ac cept tho situation with very good grace. Ho demanded an explanation, and ln tho ab3cnco of a satisfactory ono, ho sharpened his knlfo and deliberately cut off both oars of tho poor llttlo baby, playfully remarking as ho did so, that ho wanted to distinguish it from his own. Somo thought this was an innocent proceeding, a practical Joko on tho baby, In fact, whllo others considered it nn outrago which should bo punished. Tho grand Jurytook that vlow of tlio caso and Indicted Bean. Boan, as usual, brushed up his horso pistols and said that thoy might Indict but thoy couldn't nrrost him. Tho sheriff tried it and was van quished. Court camo on, tho criminal docket was called, und thoclork report ed Bean "not taken." "What's tho matter?" asked Judgo Jackson oftho sheriff. "Nothing's tho matter, only I can't arrest him,' replied tho official. "Then, by tho Eternal I summon tho county to help you, and bring him in hero," thundered the Judgo. Tho sheriff gathered up somo citizens, and advanced on Bean. The latter back ed himself up against a houso to prevent a rear attack, drew his pistols, and told them to como on. Ho was a center shot, and to have advanced would havo been certain dcatli to somo. No ono cared to sacrlflco his life in giving the others a chanco to mako a start. Tlio sheriff re ported to Jackson that Bean could not bo taken without a sacrifice of lives. "By tho Eternal I summon tho court!" thundered tho Irato judgo; and "tho court'1 was summoned. Jackson refused arms, and advanced empty-handed and bareheaded upon Bean. His friends tried to restrain htm, as ho valued his life, but ho heeded them not. Ho kept his cold oyes fixedly upon tho desperado, walked right up to him, jerked his pistols away, took him by tho collar, and marched him off to Jail A (Jrlui Juke Tho lato Isaac O. Barnes has been tho subject of many good stories, ono of which lias not yet found its way into print. Ho had been invited to attend tho funeral of a particular f riend and crony, and as tho deceased had, at tholr last interview, specially urged his being present, ho felt in duty bound to ro spond. Arrived at tho houso of mourn. itig, ho found tho family assembled in a very small and uncomfortablo room, lu thomlddloof which stood tho collin, that all might take a last look at tho facoof thodoparted. Tho service was conducted by two clergymen, friends of tlio family, who, with their long pray ers and oxtonded 'remarks,' consumed nearly two hours, during which Mr. Barnes suffered untold agonies of sus penso and impatience. Hardly had tho Bccond minister pronounced his 'amen,'' when Barnes, In his well knownsquoaky voice, turning to tho person sitting near est him, said : 'Did you know Kid?' 'Yes. sir.' Baid tho man add.ossed. In a low voico. 'Good fellow, wasn't ho?' continued Barnes. 'Yes, sir,' still in a supprossod tone. 'And ho was a mighty smart one, too,' squeaked Barnes. 'Very smart,' continued tho other, as tho company present began to look in that direction. 'Yos, ho was,' piped Barnes, still louder, with ono of his expressive ex pletives, 'and If ho'd have bad tho run ning of this funeral ho'd havo been un der tho ground au hour and a halfago.' Anecdote of IMIiatt Allen. Ethan Allen oncopassi'd up through tho Hoosac Valley and speut the Sab- bath with a friend in Wllliamstown, attentllntr church with him and his fnmilv Tlin first nnil sppnnd nrcsidcnts nf willlnitm rvilloo-n woro snuaro-toed in their orthodoxy hnving far more faith ln DIvin0 wraUl an(, iUstlcotban in Ills lovo ..., nl0rr,vallti their sermons gavo ovidenco of their obedienco to bolief. On tills Sabbatli tlio text of tho worthy Prcsldont Fitch was: "And If tho righteous scarcoly bo saved, where shall tho ungodly and tho slnnor np pear?" Firstly Ho laid It down as a fact beyond question that not moro than ono in ono thousand would bo saved. Secondly, thirdly to twelfthly Ho said that not ono In fifty thousand could bo saved. Ethan Allen took his hat and cane and prepared to leavo. His friend rald, "Don't leavo now." Sovonteenthlydroppodfrom tho presb den't lips, who said ho had como to tlio conclusion that of the countless millions of men not moro than ono in an hundred thousand would bo saved. Tho old soldier had been growing un- easy under this rapidly sliding scalo, In which tho blanks so multiplied nnd tho prizes faded from vlow. Ho grasped his hat and cano, when his friend said to him, "Don't go out. Ho will bo through shortly. Ilo'snow up to seventceentli- ly." "Oh, no matter,"sald Ethan Allen, any of you uro welcome to my chanco, If 'tis as slim as ho tolls of," and loft tho church. At Nowbery, Eng., a gontleman re cently mado a wager of $5,000 that at eight o'clock on a particular ovonlng ho would sit down to dinner In well woven, well dyed, well mado suit of clothes, tho wool of which formod tho llceco on sheep's backs at flvo o'clock that samo morning. Two sheep wero shorn ; tho wool was washed, carded, stublted, rov ed,spun and woven; tho cloth was scoured, fulled, tented, raised, shared, dyed and dressed; tho garments wero mado. At a quarter past blx ho sat down to a dinner at tho head of Ills guests, in a complcto damson colored suit thus winning his wager, witli ono hour and three-quarters to spare. DEM. - VOL. XXXV NO. 48, A Masonic Storr. Two men had been fast friends. In au ovll hour thoy quarreled. They did not speak, and had not spoken for years. Mutual friends tried tho art of reconcil iation in vain. Thoy wero avowed on emlos forllfe. Ono of thorn bocamo a Mason after tlio estrangement, and It happened that tho other remained ig norant of tho fact. Ono ovcnlng ho too wasad'iiilted to a Lodge. Almost the first volco ho heard, and certainly tho first faco ho saw, was that of his enemy, who presided over tho ceremonies of Initiation, and was obliged, accordtng to u3ago, to address him by tho tltlo of "brother." This was a peculiar sit uation, and a severe ordoal for both. After tho lodgo was closed tho Appreu tlco sought tlio Master, and without nny preliminaries, tho following colloquy ensued, commenced by tho nowly mado Mason : "Aro you a member of this lodgo?" Tho auawer was "I am." "Wcro you present when I was elect ed?" "I was." "May I ask If you voted?" "I did." "Now will you tell mo how iryuiy votes It requires to reject a candidate on ballot for admission?" Tho Worship ful Master answered "Ono." Thero was nothing moro to say. Tho nitiatcd oxtonded his hand, which was warmly grasped by tlio other, and ut tered with thrilling acccuts, deep emo tion mellowing liU voice, "Friend 1 Brother 1 you havo taught mo a lesson I shall never forget." This Is a llttlo ray of Masonic light. No languago is so eloquent ns tho silent throbbing of a heart full of Joyful tears. Whilo this kind of cement, is used in our moral ed ifice, should it not bo enduring. Didn't Lliiilcrslaiul. Between Kenosha and Mllwaukeo an agent of an accident Insuranco company entered tho car, and having Issued tick ets to several passengers, approached an olderly lady, who, II afterwards appear cd, was deaf. "Madam, would you like to iustiro against accidents?" inquired tho agent, at the samo time exhibiting his tickets. "I got my ticket down to Kenosha." "Not a railroad ticket, madam. I want to know if you want to insure your life against accidents." I'm goiug to U3iik03h to visit my daughter, who's married up there, aud has just got a baby." Tho agent raised his volco a littlo. "Would you liko to insure your life agaiti3t accidents?" "Sho's been married two years and a half and that's tho first child. It's gal." Agent still louder : "I'm au insurance agent, madam; don't you want to insure your lifo against accidents?" "She's got along first rato, and is do ing as woll as can bo expected," Agent at tho top of his vol co : "I am Jan insurance agent, madam ; can't I insure your lifo against acci uents?" "Oh, I didn't understand," said tho old lady. "No, hor namo is Johnson my namo is Evans, and I live flvo miles lrom Kenosha." Senator N'je's Last. Scono in a far Western State. A vll lago composed mostly of rudo mining nuts called "houses," "cottagos," "tav ems," etc., though really thoy wero but "shanties." An old man sick on his bed. A friend, Governor J. W. Nya seeing that his ond was close at hand showed him many kind attentions, nnd endea vorcd to caso his siifferlnrs in every possiblo way. Ono day, when it I was quito evident that tho poor patient could last only a few hours, tho Gover nor said to him : "Da vis.it Is undoubtedly best that you should know tho truth ; you aro a very sick man, and will, in all probability, livo but a short time. Are your affairs In tlio condition that you would wish to havo them? I should bo glad to do anything for you, you know." "Yes ; they're all right." "Well, would you iiko mo to write to any of your folks East ?" "No, not now aftor it Is over." "Would you liko mo to call in a min ister?" Tho sick man, by a great effort of will over a weak and shattered body, drew hlmsoli up ln bed, so as to be in a sit ting posture, and sternly, most soberly and earnestly said : "Why Governor, what should I want a minister for? J never voted anything but the Democratic ticket in all my life." A Modern Job. A certain good-natured old Vermont farmer preserved his constant good na ture, let what would turn up, Ono day ono of his men camo In, brluglng tlio nows that ono of his red oxen was dead. "Is lie?" said tho old man. "Well, ho was always a broochy euss. Tako his hido off, and carry it down to Flotcher's, it will fetch tho cash." ah nour or so afterward tho men camo back with tho nows that linoback and ills mate wero both dead. "Aro they?" said tho old man. wen, 1 took them of B, to savo a bad debt that I nover expected to get It 13 lucky that it ain't tho brlndles." Aftor tho lapso of another hour, tho men camo back atraln to tell him that tho nigh brlndlo was dead, "Is ho?" said tho old man. "Well, ho was a very old ox ; tako off his hldo and tako it down to Flotcher its wortli tho cash, and will bring moro than any two of tho others.'' Thereupon his wife, who was a very pious soul, reprimanded her husband soverely, and asked him if ho was not awarothat his loss was ajudgment from heaven upon him for his wickedness "Is it ?" tnid tlio old man. "Well, if thoy will tako tho Judgment in cattlo, it Is tho easiest way I can pay it," A Carpet-dagger camo homo from a Southern city tho other day, and ox plained to his friends thualy. "Thero wa3 a movement to run mo for Mayor, but the majority of tho citizens wanted to run mo out of town, and I camo away," Ono Inch, (twclvo line, or Its equivalent la Nonpareil type) ono or two lnortlou, 11.50 llireo Insertions, lluo Bl'ACi;. 1M. 2r. 3 if. 6t. lr. Ono Inch 2eV) M.00 11,00 tfiffl 110.00 Two llicnes....... ,M 6 (JO 7,(lO 8,00 15,01) Three Inches..... 5,oo 7,00 0,00 :,() 18 01 Four Inches...... 7,00 9,00 11,00 17,0 ) 21.0H quarter column W 12,00 H,oo aym dohi Half column 1V(X) !s,o0 20,01) ti.oi KJllV GUllllUU OV,W OJ,W W,W IW,W Executor's or Administrator' Notlco, tl,W) Auditor's or Assignee's Notlco, 12,50. Local notices, twenty cents n line. Curds In thn "Business Directory" column, IJ.00 per year for tho nrst lwo linos, nnd tl,W f Jr each nddltlon.il line. Humorous. In tho coursoofnn Illinois discussion, a man "had n rnvlno built ln tho back of ills head with n pop bottlo." A precocious boy ln Ohio, having ex ploded a torpedo in his mouth, is not so regular at his meals as ho onco was, Mr. Lake, of Dos Moines, stabbed himself becauso Mrs. Lako refused to get up and start a flro. A pistol fell from a Macon matolnieco anil convinced n neighboring colored linuiii mat an is vanity. Tlio New York Vast thinks tho tin!. corn Is called tho unicorn becauso of its unique horn. Ono of tho dancers in tho "Blnek Crook" is said to bo tho daughter of a real uuko. i.-ieg-si3, ' A bonlrhtod Now Havener irrn t vptv indignant becauso they wouldn't sell him two threo-cent stamps for flvo cents. Becauso a man who tends a flock of sheep is a shepherd, makes It no reason that a man who keens cows should bo called a coward. Wo lfttr a trrcat deal about labor re form, but there teems to bo a greater need of reforming somo of thoso fellows who don't labor. An exchanco says : " It is an Insult to tho peoplo of Mississippi that Ames should register his name at Washington us a .Mississippi scuntor." iiouoesn't. A Sac county (Iowa) hone broke his neck tho other day whllo scratchlnt: Ids nose with his hind foot. Mornl don't scratch your noso witli your hind foot. A man onco went to an eccentric law yer to bo qualified for somo petty ofllce. iioiti upyournnmi. I'll swear you, but all creation couldn't qualify you." A Brooklyn mother advised her daughter to oil her hair, and fainted flat away when that candid damsel re plied. "Oil. no. ma: it spoils tho trcnt le mon's vests." Mr. Ilamill. of Indiana, held on to tho muzzlo of his mm while ho kicked tho snow from his boot heels. Ho doesn't practice on tho piano to any crcat ex tent at present. i. thoughtful Danbury lady puts lartl on tho stoop when sho wants her hus band to stay at homo of an cvetiitiir. Barring an hour or so dovoted to rub bing ids back, tho timo is pleasantly occupied. An old lady from ono of tho rural dis tricts astonished a clerk in ono of tlio stores, a few days ago, by Inquiring if no nau nny -yaner developments btcn as they did up letters in," A young man in our town belnrr charged with laziness, was asked if ho tool; it lrom nis lather. "1 thinK not." said tho disrespectful son, "father's got all tho laziness ho ever had.'' A lady at tho British Museum asked if they had a skull of Oliver Crom well. Beintr answered in thonetratlvo "Dear me," said sho, "that's very strange, lor tney navo ono at uxioru." Tho New York Evening Post perpe trates tho following wretchedly elabor- ato nun : "Tho polita bow of Russia is called tho koutou. When Alexis bland ho coos, then his visitors koutou." In a California theatre, a few niihts slnco, a largo rod applo fell from tho ganery anu sirucK squarely upon tho bald and shining pate of a gcntlomnn lu tho dress circle, then bounded into tho orchestra and broko a fiddle. A doctor, who was arrested becauso his patient died, has been acquitted on tho ground that ho did tho best hecould, giving ail tho medicines ho know tho names of. A Franklin street gentleman and his wife had a littlo argument Christmas eve, when ho kindly said ho would hang hor stockings up for her, which ho did ; but inadvertently omitted to tako her out of them. Sho stood on her head for nlno minutes, when tho neighbors arbitrated. Scono in tho cars : A candy-boy, pass ing through a car, meots a cross old gentleman, and says, "Pop corn! pop corn !" " Hain't got no teeth," ungrily replies tho man. "Gum drops! gum drops!'' calls the smart boy. A Chicairoan last week killed himself by blowing out his brains with a gun loaned witli water, this snouid bo a iroof that water may iro to a m ui's lead, and produco as serious results as alcoholic liquors. Christlansburg, Va., is In ecstacles over a venerable turkey gobbler who lias uu 1 11 leu lor 111111-.011 a nest nnd is now gravely sitting upon four apples. it is presumed tuai tin action is intend- d as a urave samo upon tno woman's rights business. It is stated that before banelnc a man In Louisiana, they let from flltcen to forty reporters for tho nowspapers " in- ervlew" mm lor tnreo weoKs. Tlio poor fellow is then not only willing but tuxtous 10 no iiaugeu. contemporary thinks that "tho graceful easo with which a California stage with Its load of passengers al lows itself to bo robbed in pairs or singly is moro credltablo to tho courteous good nature of tho travel on tho Pacific coast than to their personal courage." A Rhodo Island man has been arrest- d by two railroads for attempts to obstruct their tracks. His excuse was that lie had to tako a log of wood homo. and if tho Stato is not big enough for him to lay down In it without blocking all tho railroads, tho fault llos with somebody besides him. At n social party, where humorous definitions was ono of tho games of tho ovoning, tho question was put : "What is religion . --Jteiigiou," repueu ono of tlio party, moro famous as a man of business man 01 wit, -is un msuriiuco against flro In tho next world, for which honesty is tno nest policy." There is n littlo railroad at Bayou Sara, La., that runs to Woodvillo, on a very uncertain scncuuie. a siranger camo in tho other day and inquired how ofton that steam car mado trips to tho country. "Trl-weekly," was tho reply. "wnat no you mean by tn-wecKiy " 'It goes up ono week, and tries to come uown tno next." A story is told of a man In Connectl- cut, who fell from thn roof of a flvo. story building to the sidewalk ; but, as 110 strucK 011 tno wick soics 01 ins rub ber shoes, lie bounced back within a quarter of an Inch of tlio roof, and so continued to bounce, tho dlstntico be ing decreased by only a quartor of an inch at each journey. Ho subsisted on hash inclosed ln rubber balls, which lie mauaged to catch ou tho bound, nnd ut tho end of a month was stopped and re stored to his family. A lady mado her husband a present of a silver cup with an angel at tho hot torn ; and when sho tilled it for him ho usetl to drjnk it to tlio bottom, and the asked him why lie drank every drop. "Because, ducky," ho said, "1 long to seo the dear little angel." Upon which alio had tho ungcl taken out, aud had u devil engraved at tho bottom ; and he drank it off Just (lie same und sho again UBkcd him the rcaton. "Why," replied ho, "I won't leave the old Uovll a drop," l (million ISTUB, nt'.