A1. l
It q
gjlflsiitslwvg gjiiwti'Ht.
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING
5 tub coi.uaniA! nuiLnisa hkaiithk count
MOUSE, II Y
CHARLES B. BROCKWAY,
Editor inil Proprietor,
Mms-Two Dollars a Year, jayaMa in Advance.
OIHOTJIiATION SBOO.
JOB PHIKTINO ,
tall descriptions executed with neatness unit
Blooinsbitrg Directory.
STOVES AND TINWARE.
i m. iiui'i'iiu , ucaier in biovpr aun.rnre.uti
Mnln Btfeot, above court house. vl-n(3
CLOTHING, &C.
AVID LOWENI1ERO, MerchautTatlor.Maln
st., 2d door above American House. vt-ntl
11)0 Aiew i ciiiuuinviTiiiH t.iiit;iiinii, iruiuiTtu
nnr Mnln si... over All iipi". ftinrn. v:i.ti!
drugs, CIIKMIOALS, Ac.
CLOCKS, WATCHES, AO.
1, A v aw p,. ufjucr iu uincBK, WAICI1CS 1111(1
(hum iiuuiiAiuj. wnic i firm uiock m niter.
ncarMJiinivoaKttuuvt muiuuuu iiuu kin. viij
Jewelry ic, MnluUtreet near V?bt 81. V3 nl5
(tATHCAIlT. Watch and Clock Mr.lter.MriT.
I. EFL liri'l'l. UUUW Vl'llli
BOOTS AND SHOES.
POLLKDHIl, Manufacturer ond dcnlrr in
Hoots mul Klioci. Main Btnel. oi-nositu i:ln-
M. IUIOWN, Hoot mid Hhoemnlcer, Ccutro
, street, rear or ltoUutns A Kycr'n Store. vl-nl3
below llnrtman'B store, west of Market, vl-jj
I'iCtlW ltljUiliU. iU U II U 11 ICLUfl'r UIIU UL'Uifl 111
Hoots nnd Hhocs. (Irocerles. etc.. Main tttreet.
PROFESSIONAJi.
It. II. C- llOWElt. Hiirernn IlnnHst. Mnln m.
above the Court liouft?. vln 1.
It. IK ELK ft, Attoiney-nl-Law. Offlcc, 2d
floor InKxcliange Illock.ucnr tlio "Kxchamro
ntei -I... i
I u. i , AUorncy-at-Lnw. Ofllco, 2d
i. lloorln JKxchaueelllnrk. iw.nrth"i.'vni.n.,,n
11 ltK,T!lr.VV t II Pnnn Til .i
R. EVANH. M. 1").. HntL'pftn mul Phi-wl,.'..,,
south side Malu stuet. below Market vi.nj.t
C. llUTTElt, M, P. Purcon and rtiyhlclnii
, Market street, ubuve Mnln, vl-nia
B. K0I1IS0N, Attorney-at-Law, OllHulImt
, niau's building, Malta street. iMiii.J
PETEItMAN, Millinery and I'aucy Goods,
, opposite l'piscopal Church. Main M, vl-i.ii
Af.iAi, iiAliKiji-jl. flllllincr. llnniKcv
i iiuiidiruf wain street. vi.n.t
1 1 looks, ntul BUillont-rv. l:clni tn'n m.K-ir tnin
KS M. DEHIlICKKON, Millinery nnd Eancy
IHB.U KLINE, Millinery and taucy GoodR.
i alum biiicv uviuw iuruui,( Vi-lll
114. JULIA A. A HA UK IIAHKLFA, Ludles
flunk mul l)rrN l'niiorn . m.ni iimt
IK MISSES II A KM AN Millinery and Fancy
(J (AXIS. XI ft Iti St.. lii'lnw Arn(irliin Ifniun vuJl
HOTELS AND SALOONS.
JlLHIl'AN 1I0UHE, by John Leacock, Main
ftini-i. f,i irnii ktifit. vl.uli
.... .0
'JLuuuiA HOTEL, by II, Rtc ilicr. Ma n h
above Court Jlnnsp. v u.
of iialu street, ' vl-J3
LE.VCOCK, Oyster and Eating isalooii. Ameri-
, Call lluUSe. MlliU tl.. nnU lt-r I eufwls IniuTln.
ii.iv at jAUJin.tomccuonrry, unit cry
Still liX-tlii- Ua imn ...1.,1, , ni. i it.T
-I -n vv t., tlU1J
MERCHANTS AND GUOCEIIS.
C. MAltll, Try aoods and Notions, Roiitli
west corner JIolu and Iron Mb. vl-ni:!
D.BKFRItnTT'A ,11. i., , ...
i ;..rir"""v .""a onoo btore. noons
. ..nuuery, jiain si., below Market, vl-nl l
ti IhJiniFf'S, ctlouerJr erocerle, etc., Slain
rtEii,?-0I.I.IAr'L" Of neral Stock of Mcrclmn-
rlck road. ' ' l"Vl.nti
Ox a wpmi f... .
R. HOWER, Ilata rnd Cups, llootn nnd BIioch.
J. BnoWEn, Dry Goods. Grocer!?, etc., cor
.i ilalust. and Court IIoubc alley. vl-n
OBBlNSiKVEn. dealer In Drv nnnds? flrn.
E'r ..'llT,0N Orocerita & rrovlslons, Main
nnelbolow Market. vi.iui
f,!'51rf!l'i Qrocerlcs nnd Ocucial Merchan-
Main fat., ill,,. V.i WfkL vl. 1.1
, fi-Aij & CO., dtnleiBln Dry Goods,
cor. Malu nnd Market its. vl.nll
!) MILLEIt 4 tON. dealer In Drv floods.
jiionV ,l,,,lnenwre, Hour, t-nli, bliots.
tn f V,", lufcctlonerlca and Kotious, Scot.
'Mill, mue, Main t, . viNnlS
'in ii t. .
it .u..iwi,Tfuuf'. lonrettioneilcB, sia n
a., near the mi mn.t ... n
WI8CEIiLANE0US.
.i,1J!mN 1V".,Uo Works, one door l.elow
"iSjil1"!1 J.UMI1KII CO, mamirarturen
ulcin.Ti;. :z! 1 '.""'uer 01 an uimis: I'lauiuK
v I u Id
'S1t;caou!,al''' "urt W"lle nuJ r.",'!c
k"rn?hM'?tiB,,1,e' Tr!"lk A "'"'
B.llliiii,, ;t, .
aiotor Lii,!,i , , "i,r..v,
.i;J9"KT0N, Wall l'aner.Wlnrtow Shan,
uiures. Itunert I.lru'L- i . .; 7 i 7i
y.COHPli ,". ..- - - -
- Jll" Wwt, c,t or Market H. vlnft
.5qSENM0CK.l-l,n,.,..,,. ...,.,.,...
. --Jtrs btore. Maln.t " ' . i j
l.;9"..,.'.v'ui!.' viW'
''ulBtreel '.,ihoh t-i m iiunu
oik?,? , Cubl net innk i-r and Chair-
- -''" lCl LCI, JrOU. V3-11ZI
.""jJiMr AASS,,,M''1,,I,U,, lMt Hloonn.
''Jl.ckinfr'- ' 'llnKsinadoatHiort
"'""yniadeaudJenalied. V.'-nSl
"Mt u, v, coieii-a furulluw rooYni
Vl'HIS
Muiblo and Drown Rlon7
. ---..muuri;,i;crwlcK roan, YMlIll
' 'SlLtiSf.iK.,?!?'ry rubficornieaiTmier
r""1"". vl.i.ll
'IU''1,;,llu furniture, trunks, coder
w oie, UCar the J'orks Hotel. Vl-ul5
VOLUME IV ---NO 15.
Orangevillo Diroctory.,
A& E. V. COI.i:M AN, Merchant TnlloIR and
, Usui's rurnlBhlnB cooilt, Malu Bt., next door
totlio llrlck Hotel. vl-n!7
II. llKItltlNO A lmOTUKU.CarnciilerRntid
, llullders, Mnln Bt., below l'lno. l.nr
nOWI'.tt A HEItniNO, dealer In Dry Gooda,
I) Groceries, Lumber nnd general Merchandise,
Main st. vl-nl.
B
HICK HOTKIi and rcficslnncnt Bnloou, liy
mitir ii iiuiiry cor.ui .Main nnm iU0KT.lviui7
DIt. O. A.Mi:OAUOKl,,l'hyi,lclan andSurKfoiY-,
.Mnln Bt., next door to Oood's Hotel vlni7
DAVID llKIUtlNO. riourund a7ianii i,"nnd
Dealer in grain, Mill Ktreet. vlnl7
Hit. AO. KKrxJHNKIl.Dlaeltsmltii.ou mTm
Hlrect, near l'lne. vl-n47
1AM 1W II. IIAHMAK. Cabinet Mako; and Un.
J dcrtnkcr, Malu Bt,, liolow l'lno, vl-u47
I M. UAItMAN, Baddlo and Hnrneks maker.
iJ. Main Bt., oppslto Frame Church. V2nll
10I1N KUYMIlllI.Bndillennd Hnrutss maker,
(I Main tl., above tho Bwnn Hotel. vl-uli
LKWW H. BCHUYI.KU, Iron founder, Shu bin.
1st, and Manulactuier of plows, Will Bt.vl-nl7
MIMCH A. W1LUAMH ACo.mnnorsand Man
uraclurers ot kathcr, Mill Htnou V1-U17
SAMUULBHAHPLISH. Maker ofthellnyhurst
Grnln Cradle. Main Hi. vHuS.
WILLIAM DULONO ShocmnlierntMi mnnnfac.
turcrof llrlck. Mill KU, west of l'.ne vlnJO
Catawissa.
B
P. DALLMAN, Merrhnnt Tailor, Second HU
IlohblUN' ltuUdlug, v2-niy
I)
U.J. IC. ROItUINH. Hurirwm ind rhytclan
qkcwiiii ni in'iim iiiii. Vw-nin
G
ILIlKItT A K'l.lNli, dry gooils, gincerlcs, and
uiii-iui inerciiaiKiisd, .Main
HI reel
v2-nl2
II. K1STI.KII, "Cnttawlsa Houso," Norlh
I . Comer Malu anil Second HtrecU. v2nlH
KF.ILKIt, DIllHrd Saloon, Oj-stcrs, nu ' Ico
J. Cream In Reason Malu Ht. v2nl'J
M
M. BROIIRT. dealer In General Merchandise
nllcnnrvTi w i it.... it. ... I. .
v w;vi'I"1,"v in iiiiui iiiiiei, ivosicn.
, 1 lintnlAr llninrlnln, en., ,1. ........ ... . ...... .
, ... '"0..i...... iu. in l lilllIU mill
Bccond Ktreet. v2n!2
D. HlKAIltl ilrnlir lii Ul.n... n.wl .!.
, Mnln Hlroct. v2nld
TM. II. AIIIIOTT, Attorney nt law. Mnln St.
Vll.lf
Light Street.
A IRVINK, Medical Bloro Mnln Sttcct and
1." urlnrcrccklioad, v3nll)
HI OMAN & Co., Wheelwrights, first door
. nbovo School House. vlnlu
IOIINA. OMAN. Manufacturer nrnl dealer In
I IIooIh nnd Bhocs, vlultf
.1 J-rdUSKIt, M. D., SuiKoon and l'livklrlan.
Oillco nt Keller's Hotel. v2u27
PETIUt ENT, denltr In Dry Goods Grocelles.
Hour. heed. Halt, l-'lkh. Iron. v.iu- .to Mni..
Htrcct. 1 "viuu
R.
S:.I?NT ltIltf 1" Stoves and Tin wnro In
nil Its brnnches. vlnlti
Espy.
BV. m:iaiIAHD,.v IlUO.,dcnler In Dry Goods,
Oioct rles, nnd general Merchandise. v2nli
PHPV HI HAM FLOUItINO MILLS, C.H. Fowler
Jli l'roiirletor. v.'nlt
f I). WnnKHKIHKIt.llootandShooStoiouud
fi"i,!uf"'"ry- Wlu'' 011 Blrict "P-
V2u
tn V. EDGAIt.Susqucliannn rianlngMlll and
vl'nll
Buck Horn.
Til O.S1T.1I. HHOKMAKim, dealers In dry
ill. poods, eroeeiles and iteucrnl luticlmndlse.
l lrst Mom In south end or town. 2 nl8
Business Cards.
jyj 51. J.'VELLU,
ATTOItNKY AT LAW,
Asldnnd, BchuylklU County Va.
G.
W. IHILLEIl,
ATTOHNF.Y AT LAW,
bias Ofllcc. Uouutles, Ilncis-Pny ami rcuslons
collected. lllooinsbuig I'n. scn.'jra
nm.n('n.irtTt...i.n lll.n l.nln. ,K f.. ....
R'
OUEIIT K. cr.AItK,
ATTOISNIIY AT LAW,
Oillco Main Slreet below tho CnurL llnni.e.
Illoomsburg l'enn'n.
II. LITTLE,
ATTOItNKY AT LAW,
OttlCO CnUrt'lInUf-li Allev. lielnw IIia Pumtu.
1UAN Ollke, lllooinsburii l'u.
q n. iniocicwAY,
ATTORNKY AT LAW,
m.ooM.fimuu, i-a.
OFKirK Court lloupo Allpr. In IIih Co.
LUHHIAM bullclliiB. Jaul,'(l7.
17
J. TIIOHNTON
Jjit would aunouueu tolhocltl7.cnsnrillooms
bumand vicinity, that ho has lust rii'Htvod a lull
and coinplcto n.sortinent of
WALL l'AI'KU, WINDOW BHADKH,
rixiunui, conns, TAbsMjj,
and Lll other iroods tn bis lino of biiklne hw. Atl
tho neweht and most uppioid patterns of tho
day nui alwab to bu iotiud In his establlAbmeni.
uiur.o, vj'ii main ni. neiow Mniuet,
J Ii. I'UIISEL,
HAUNFAS, HADDLK, AND TRUNK
MANUFACT UltUIt,
nud dealer In
CAItrKT-IJAGH, VALISKH, FLY-NKTH,
uvrrAi.0 l.ouui, iioiisF..m.AKKr.Ts At?.,
which ho feels confident he can sell at louer
rata than any other peuon In tho county, V.x.
tunluo for ourselvis.
miou iiuru uoor umow ino court House, .Main
Street, hlnomshuig, I'a.
nov, 10, o,
s
K N T F H E li !
M. O'KJIUFK, hON A CO.'S
SHED OATAI.OOUE
And ciuiliB In tho
FLOWKK and VF.aOTAllLK
Onnlon, For 1870.
rubllshcd In January. Kvcry lover of flowers
wlshluu this new and valuable work, fret ol
charge, should addrtss Immediately M. O'Kccfe
Hon A Co., hlluunger .1 ltany's lllockltochester,
a. i inc. a, uv.'Uiii
) IM P Xj K S,
The undeuhiuej will thi-erfulU' mall CiitKiii ta
uU whuwtkhlt thu KttJpo and Jull dlrcctloiiM
or Drenaiiuu and iuiuii a ninlo and lituiilllul
.Vtelable Italin, Unit w 111 liuiiK diattly reiuou
kott, clear, nioutli and beautiful.
UewlUut6oteud(KHk) lt-fctiiK-tlons for pro
duel n by verjhl tuple iiu-anu.a luxuriant vrowlti
ol Inilr mm I'uldhead nr nuoolh fucelulfba thuu
tlilrt)' da s lituii Hrxt upillcation.
'iliu aUitMan beolitiilued by return luall by
addrcwtlbK '1 HO. l CHATMaN, ( htwUt.
1 (i. Ilux 5128, IWj luoadway, Now Yokr,
AlliT l( 'l-ll.ll' ' '
pOWDElt KEOS AND LUA1I1EI.,
lluperl, I'n..
Mauufuctttreis ol
lUWDKK KKGH,
tmd dealt i s In all kinds ol
LUMllKlt,
ulveuotlo that tl'oy are prepared to an.omo.tsl
Ihelr custom with dispatch, and on the cheapen
Philadelphia Directory.
Major e. n. AiiTMAN, c. n, uillinueii. m. uonv
UTJIAN, DILUNQEIl & CO.,
No.ioijroitTn thiiid ht. Philadelphia,
Two doors above Arch, formerly 220,
MANUrACTUnmtS AM) J011I1EBS IN
CAIII'ETS, COTIONH, YAltNtt, jlATTING,
OIL CLOTHB. CAItPITT CHAINB, COllDAOK,
OILHHAUES.OItAIN HAGS, TIB YA11N,
WICK VAIIN, WIM10W I'At'Jtlt, COVt 1ILITH,
ALSO,-
II7..01l,-4A'Ii WOODLW WAllli
Illl00MS,UlIUHKS,I.00KIO at.ASSLS.TUUNKS,
fob. d.'OO.
JAOLE HOTEL.
aa7 Nonnt TitiutiHTHLRT,
It. D. UUMMINGS, PrtoritlETOR.
ESTABLISHED 1703.
JOIHUN AllItOTHKU.
Wholesale Gtoceis, and Dealers In
SALTPKTItr. AND I1UIM8T0NK
No 2J9 North TljlrdBt,
Phlludeliibla.
Q wrflLAllON & Ct5.,
Manufacturers of
OIL CLOTHS AND WINDOW Hr.ADKS.
Warehouse, No. 121 North Third Street
Philadelphia.
Q.EOUQE II. I1011EUTS,
Importer und Dealer in
IIAIIDWAUU, CUTLEUY, GUNS. f.
No. 311 North thlid Street, nbovc Vino
Philadelphia.
C. 11. HOUNK. W. 8. K1NC1. J, II. bEVllKKT.
TTOltNE, KINO & SEYUEItT,
WHOLESALU DRY GOODS.
No. ill Market Slreet
PHILADELPHIA.
Orders HUcd promptly nt lowest prices.
January 3, ls(W.
H,
W. HANK'S
WII0LESALI3 TODALCO, SNUFF, AND
CIOAIt WAHKH0H.SK,
No. lit) North Third Street,
IKtweeu Cherry nnd llace, west side,
Philadelphia.
II. WALTER,
Lnto Waller A Kaub,
luiporler and liealor lu
CUI.VA, OIHS, AND liUKISNHW A UK,
No. 231 N.Thlid Street,
Philadelphia.
M. KEI'HEAHT,
WITH
HAltNES, 11110. & HERllON,
HATH, CAP,-!, STRAW GOODS A FURS,
No. 50.1 Market Slreet,
(Abovo Fifth,)
PllILAliKU'lllA.
JOHN STIvOUP & CO.,
Successors to Htroup A hiother,
WHOLESALK DKALK11H IN FISH.
No. 21 Not til Wbnives und 25 North Thlld St
1 hll.ulc phla.
JICHAHDSON L. AV1U01IT, J II.
ATTOItNKY' AT LAW,
NO. 12S SOUX1I SIXTH STREET.
l'ltOI.ADKI.rUIA.
oct. 22,'CO-ly
gNYDElt, IIAIUUS ct liASSETT,
Manufacturers nnd Jobbers of
MEN'S AND HOYS' CLOTHING,
Nos. G25 Market, und G2J Commerce Street.
Philadelphia.
"ILLIAJI EISHER
WITH
THOMAS CARSON A I...
W110LKSALK
DEALERS IN HOSIERY,
MEN'S FURNISHING GOODS,
LINENS A NOTIONS,
NO. 14 SOUTH VOUItTH HTltEKT
I'liiliulelnlila.
Juno t,'C0-Cm
"yARTMAN & ENGELMAN,
TOHACCO, SNUIT A SEOAIl
MANUFACTORY,
No. 313 2.0KTH TIininsTBt.trr
Second Doorbdovr Wood
PHILADELPHIA.
J. W. Wautuan. P. Engelwin.
"yAINWRIGIIT & CO.,
WHOLESALE OROCERS,
N. E. Corner Second nnd Arch Streets,
1'iiir.AUEi.rnlA,
Deulcrs lu
TEAS, SYRUPS. COFFEE, SUGAR, MOLASSES
KICK, Sl'IClS, III C'AllU 80BA, AC, AC.
4V0rdcrs will reo.Ivo prompt attention,
may I0,07.tf.
Hotels.
Q O 1, U Mil I A HO T E L.
11 v
HKRNARD S'l'Oll.VKIl,
Huviui,' lately purtliiikid ai'd fluid up the
well Known Itobisou Hotel Pjoperty, located n
n.w uooim aiiovk Tim couitr house,
on thuMiinusldoof tho street, In the town of
lllooiiitl.uri:; and having obtalm d a license fur
tho suiue us it
HOTEL AND Ill'hTARANT,
the Pioprietorhiisdeteimlued to ulvetothu peo.
plu visiting the town on business or pleubiue,
A LITTLE MORE ROOM,
HiasluhllUBnlfcoisextinhle,uud isfllted up
Input buggks und euriluKes lu the dry. Ho
IllOUllses IhllL eVMVllilni nti. it! l.lu ......1.11.1..
inent shull be conducted lu un oiderly und law.
lul mnnneiuind In. lespeetlully solicits u shum
of the. publio palronugo. iuyl7't)7.tf
T
HE ESPY HOTEL,
ESPY. COI.IIMHIA milKTV HA
' - " I ..
Tho miili.i kl.'iu.il 1..1.1I.I l..r,..i. ii.n in....
publluthut In, bus taken tho above named estab
lishment mid thorouuhlv letllted Ibu sumo lor
Iho perfect convenience of hlsauists. Ills Innler
.. ... ..wnr., mi iiiu oesi iiiu iiuiraei auorus,
the choicest liquor,, wlnis and clgaisulwajs u
bu fnuii.t l,i I. U ur
. WILLIAM PETTIT.
Apr.Bl,(0-tf ,. Espy, Pa.
JgRICK HOTEL,
OUANOKVII.LE, COLUMIIIA COUNTy, PA.
HOUR JW'HENRY, Proprloior.
This will known House, having been put lu
thoinuiili lepnlr, Is now open in Ihu tiaellliiK
public, Tho bar is stoiktd with tliu choicest
lliiuoisaudclsars.anilthe table will be, ut all
Hmes.supplled with tho delicacies of the union.
No pains will be spared to Insure the comfort of
guests.
Oruuguvllle, dec, lO.'CO-lf.
J7 O R K S HO T E L,
III.OOMSUURO, COLUMIIIA COUNTY, PA.
The undersigned I. u. taken I li lis well known
House, lately occupiid by Geurge W. Mauger,
uud lias put it lu thorough lepnlr with entirely
newiurullure, Ac. Every attention will bo imld
to thocumfort and e'ouvenleuco of guests. 'Ihu
bur ulwas supplied with tho best of lliiuorsaud
tluai" T. RENT. TAYLOR.
iiuiiH'"0-3ui,
B
UfcilNIXS CARDS,
V1.S1TIM1 CARDS,
LETTER HEADS,
HILL HEADS,
PUOGRAMMICH,
PObTKIM,
A&, AC.
Nfiitly mul t'lipui)y Printed
From the Latest Styles of Type at the
COLUMI1IAN 0KFICK
fufliitttfttJi
BLOOMSBUllG, PA., FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 18T0.
llliiitcllancou!:
0l! FARM OF TEX AORKS.
(CONCI.UBED.)
"Hutj'ou?" sahl Rosle, coinplctt'ly
puzzled.
"I um John Murr.iy.nt your service,"
he unawend.
Then, coming to my side, Philip's
brother expressed himself hhjlily irratt
fled ut our prospective relationship.
"And Uncle John will bo pleased."
ho said. "He is in New York now, but
wncn iio returns m By I not bring him
Immediately (o you?"
I begged him to wait until his broth
er's arrival, which would bo very soon,
and ho kindly agreed to comply with
my wishes. Then wo rodo homo fo as
tonish mamma.
As Roslo had explained, whllo visit
ing my English cousins, I had met and
loved Philip Allston, and had loft Lon
don his aQlanced briJc. Nono of my
family had over seen my lover, and al
though Murray Allston's remarkable
resemblanco to him had struck mo at
once, I had not mentioned It, and tho
misunderstanding in regard to his bur
namo had prevented my surmising tho
relationship. So that mamma's amazed
questions:
"Rut Matidle, my dear, how was it
possible yon should have been sostnpld?
Does not Dr. Murray look liko his
brother'.'"
And Dr. Murray's:
"It is generally conceded that I do,
but Maud has not paid me tho compli
ment of thinking so"
Were, to say tho least, rather embar
rassing. Rut, after all, you may bo
very sure that it was quito agreeable
for us to have a handsome, talented,
and, withal.rather practical young man
"running in," as tho country folks say,
at all hours, keeping a brotherly look
out for our comfort, and setting right
our innumerable blunders in regard to
eur (on acres and llieir cultivation, nnd
all in tho kindest nnd most unostenta
tious way. Still, notwitlistai'ding his
caro nnd protection, wo did havo some
ludicrous experiences and ndvPiitures.
My oldest sister, living at Washing
ton, with her member of Congress hus
band, had two small embodiments of
mischief, named lespectlvely Georgo
and Sue, and aged six and four. These
responsibilities were forwarded to us by
express, "tho pure country air would
bo so beneficial to them," their mam
ma wroto, and they arrived in season
to find plenty of green strawberries.and
to experience all tho stages of cholera
morbus. Rut I am anticipating.
Tho first day of their arrival Guor
gie's bluo velvet knickerbockers and
Sue's dainty white skirts repoacd quite
contentedly in our laps and frequent
were our exclamations, "What sweet
little things!" "What dear, docilo lit
tle darlings !" etc., and tho children's
bright eyes and dimples danced in glee
at their merry anticipations.
"I'll rido horseback, Auntlo Mautl,
won't I?"nsked Georgie, again and
again, nnd I, unwary female that I was
replied always, "Yes, dear;" suppos
ing, in my ignorance, that my darling
little nephew would shrink from ful
filling Ills request.
"Sue's fecded the chickens!" was
that young lady's triumphant remark
as she camo to mo in tho afternoon with
an empty box in her hand.
"Have you, darling?" risks Auntie
Rosic, taking tho tiny fairy into her
lap. "What did you give thorn V"
"This box full, plenty of it," answers
Sue, as we observe, horror stricken, tiiat
tlie box is labelled, "Fino Tnblo Salt,"
which artido of diet Dr. Murray had
strictly prohibited for liens.
So Sue was forbidden to feed tho
chickens again, which almost broko her
heart, and emr best liens sickened and
died from the eflects of the chloride nf
sodium.
Georgio was very much Interested In
the cow and calf, and used to watch
them eagerly whllo mamma fed them
with corn, meal or something equally
palatablo to cows and calves.
Tho possessor of tho lacteal fluid had
a way of shaking her head, and advane
ir.g rapidly towards as, with her noso
down to tho ground, and struck terror
to RobIo's heart and mine. Rut mam
ma insisted that it was only because
she wished food or water, and laughed
at our fears.
A last
"One mom we missed him from tlio
accustomed spot." (Alluding to Geor
gie.) And Just us wo began "wonder
ing where tho dear boy wus," our cow
dashed by tiio window Willi Georgio
upon her back.
Wo had only time toseo a little, whltu
frightened face look piteously Into ours,
as they passed tho window; boforo wo
could reach tlio door tho cow was tear
ing down tho street at a fearful pace.
Our bravo Ilttlo boy held bravely by
tho horns, but wo knew his tender An
gers would booh unclasp, and shudder
ed' to think of tlio mangled heap wo
might find on our path as wollow down
to tho road after him. Rut Michael was
our good angel this time. Hearing tho
noiso nuulo by tho clumsy animal's
noois, no tooueti in tier direction, anu
quick at thought was at tlio gato, Inter
cepted tho cow, and rescued our faint
ing treasure.
'Dear Ilttlo Oeorgie, if his sunny eyes
hail been closed to us forover"
Wo never could ascertain how tho
child got upon tho cow's back. To nil
our inquiries ho persistently replied
that ho was "giving Iter feomo cnrii.and
sho put out her bead and jerked him up
quick."
It might liavo been true; but it few
days after, upon my Investigating the
cause of a scratch on his nose, he Inform
ed mo Unit lie hud stepped on It.
Georgo wus quito subdued for bomo
days after his adventure with tho cow,
which, by tho by, wo wero subseemcnt
ly obliged to send away, for sho ran at
mamma and hooked her.and also Fuuik
and our chore boy.
Rut StiOjiiot having got ' Intomtsslf,"
as sho nxprcsseil her brother's dilemma
and being "eo muts gooder," was it dal
ly trial totis.
If wo wauled a particular hen shut
up, Suo would bo suro to go nnd let lior
out. Bho would chaso alt tho setting
hens. oiT their nests and "pankum"wlth
sticks; would catch tlio Ilttlo chickens
nnd duck them In tho cistern; fell Into
tlio "pig's dcii,'ono Sundnyjust after
sho was "dressed for church; insisted
upon sitting In my lap all tho time
when Philip, who bad Just returned,
wns calling; anil tlio first tlmo Dr. All
ston, tho elder, visited us, Informed
him ho "wasn't so nlco as tho man
Auntlo Maud kissed."
One hen, u particular pet of mine, ob
stinately refused to lay her eggs any.
whero savo in our now carryall. Ono
week day wo succumbed to this Idiosyn
crasy, but on Sunday wo banished her
to n dark barrel. And as Rosio had
mado nil tho fowls so tamo they would
oven nt a distanco descry lierbonny faco
and run to meet Iter, saluting her with
all sorts of accompaniments, they also
wero captivated on tlio seventh day and
thus prevented from displaying their
secular enjoyment on tho Sabbath.
Georgio behaved well at church; but
as nothing could induce Suo to "sit still
nnd not speak out loud," wo decided,
after onosevero trial to leavo her at
homo with tlio servants, but "Let us
have pcacol" being our motto, allowed
the wilful young lady to accompany us
In tho carriage and return homo with
tlio driver, coming for us at tlio closoof
tho services.
Ono particular Sunday, mamma had
extended an Invitation toarisingyoung
clergyman, who preached for us, to uc
company us homo. Our party were up
on tlio church steps with Dr. Allston,
Phil, nnd' Murray, when our pretty
bay span was "brought to" in style.
Murray opened tho carriago door, nnd
was helping mamma in, when, "with
many a flirt and flutter," and u good
deal of squawking, out camo my pet
hen, directly into tho rising young cler
gyman's face, nnd a silvery Ilttlo laugh
from tho coachman's box indicated tho
perpetrator of tho mischief.
The hen was caught and returned to
her favorite nest, where sho continued
to tax her musical powers so strongly
that none ol us would ride. Wo sent
the carriago back with Dennis, tho lieu
und chagrined Miss Sue, preferring for
ourselves a quiet walk.
I was very glad Frank was not with
us. I fear, had ho been, tlio hen would
Iinvo left much of her pnalin of life un
sung. Wo had n pleasant walk until closo to
tho house, when, with a loud "kutcher,
kutcber, caw, caw, caw," down boro
our Rrabma upon us, followed by tho
hens, ducks, geese, and two peacocks,
the property of Phil., but retainers of
ours, with a dreadful hissing, quacking
and screeching. Sue had released them
Wo wero obliged to submit to tho
feathered escort and their mellifluous
serenade until wo readied tho door.
Tho next day wo dined on that Rrah
ma rooster. And Rosie, learning wis
dom by experience, was more distant to
tho fowls.
Tho country would havo ceased to bo
America had wo experienced no trouble
with our domestics. Trial after trial
wo endured, embracing spinsters, wid
ows, anil even whole families, each one
proving moro impertinent and indc
pendent than tho predecessor.
Georgio and Stio's mamma sent us
from Washington acontrnband of "most
exemplary character."
Mamma sent him to help Dennis get
in the hay, and as lie was reported to bo
"perfectly reliable regarding thcehil
dren, "Georgio and Suo wero allowed to
rido on the load.
Louis, tho "sable exemplar," put tho
children on the load, got himself up af
ter them, mid then perceiving that ho
had left the i cilia on the horse's back,
reached after them with a pitchfork,
which stuck into tlio horse.
Tlio spirited creature sprang forward,
overturning and smashing the hay-cart,
breaking Georgie's collar-bono, and lit
tlo Sue's wrist,ttnd badly injuring him
self against thostono wall.
All three of tlio Dts. Allston wero in
attendance upon us for n month.
At tlio end of that time, Louis acci
dentally discharged Murray's fowling
pieco at Frank, badly wounding him In
tho face; and on tlio ovenlng of tlio samo
day, when mamma, in accents of terror
had declared that hoshould start In tlio
morning for tho District of Columbia,
ho set tho house on fire by falling upon
a lighted kerosene lamp, as ho sought
his couch.
Either terror or common senso made
him shout "Fire! fire I" anil Murray,
who was fortunately In the houso, ex
tinguished tho flames with water fiom
tho children's bath, opportunely at
hand.
To do Louis justice, ho did iimuso tlio
children capitally; but his exploits
with pitchforks, firearms, and combus
tible iliild served to alienate him from
our ton acres. Wo returned him "with
thanks" toourslslcr, who has not since
been heard to lautl him so highly.
Georglo's broken collar-bone did not
keep him out of mlschlof. In Dennis's
nbsenco ouo day, ho surreptitiously pos
sessed hlmsolf of one of tlio horses, und
managing in bomo Ingenious way to
mount tlio animal, rodo forth, in Ills
own Imagination a very Don Quix
ote. It wnssomo time before wo missed
tlio child, and when wo did, Dennis in
formed us that ono of tho horses was
nlso missing.
Wo sent to Dr. Allston's, thinking
Oeorgio might havo gone there, but no
ono bad seon him. Homo ugaiu wo
went, searching thoroughly house, sta
ble, garden and grounds, but iioioguisli
little latl did wo find bidden away, us
wo had hoped to find him. Then wo
all went forth, and at a neighbor's
learned that half an hour boforo Georgio
had ridden by, politely touching his
hut to her. Our amazement was only
exceeded by our great distress. We
flew along lu the direction she had In
dieatetl, and beforo long our eager
search was rewarded by n sight of tho
young equestrian coming toward us,
silting easily upon tho horse, who trot
ted gently along. Fear and anxiety
gavo placo to anger anil resentment.
"You naughty, naughty boy!" I
cried, bursting Into tears.
"Why, Auntlo Maud! you said I
it i
COL.
might I" exclaimed tho young hopeful
"Georgie I what n naughty story I"
I cried.
"You did, too. Tlio day I camo," ho
whimpered.
"You did, Maud," said Roslo ; "I re
member." And so I did, nnd I remembered It,
too ; but as Geoi'glo know perfectly well
that I did not mean ho should rido
nlono. or atnny tlmo without permis
sion, I punished him for his llbbobav
lor by bnnlshlng him from all our rides
for a week.
When tho probation was ended, ho
and Suo wero permitted to occupy tho
front seat with mo ono morning as I
drovo to tho post-offlco.
Tho horse was without blinders for
tlio first timo In his life, Roslo nnd I
having decided them superfluous cruel
ties. Ho behaved ndmlrably, merely
looking very Intently upon everything
on or about tho road, and working his
ears in a nervous manner.
When wo reached tho office I urn
dently lifted Sue out nnd stood her up
on tho pavement, nnd, telling Georgio
to sit very still, went In for tho mall.
Directly my back was turned, tho
mlschlovous child flared open a largo
umiircila just as tho horso looked around
to tho carriago.
Off bo went, liko Donntl's comet.
Oeorgie, still grasping tlio umbrella,
was pitched over backward, and finally
out of tho carriage. Tho horse contin
ued his rapid flight, until, panting and
exhausted, lie stopped beforo our door:
his condition and tho empty carriago
seniling Rosie Into hysterics, nnd mam
ma Into a fainting fit.
I walked homo with tho two children
nntl tho luckless umbrella in tiio hot
sun, wishing desperately that people
who wero silly enough to havo little
boys would keep them at homo nnd
cultivato them themselves, instead of
burdening their good-nnturcd relatives
In the country.
Tlio ilttlo fellow was contrite enough
when he saw-liis grandmnmma's and
Aunt Rosio's alarming state.
Rut tlio sinccrest contrition will not
mend injured horses. Louisand Georgie
had ruined our span. However, in this
last Instance I drew nil the blame, as
all but Philip censured mo for driving
without blinders.
After this little episode wo had a com
parntlvely quiet timo for n week or so.-
Rut soon mamma dlicovered that our
expenses of living wero mucli more
than they had been In the city. Now,
though this Idid not materially affect
our monetary circumstances, it was di
rectly contrary to tho principle of "Ten
Acres Enough," in which trentiso Mr.
Marvel sets forth tho pecuniary econo
my of a country residence.
"We must make the farm support
us," argued mamma.
"Hero wo nre buying butter nt tho
rate of sixty cents a pound," cried
Frank, consulting tlio storo books.
"Now, mamma, General Hooker (that
was our cow,christened by Rosic) must
furnish us with butter henceforth."
"That's an excellent idea, Frank. I
wonder it did not occur to me," quoth
mamma. Anil presto ! our two lamed
bays wero harnessed, nud Rosie and I
despatched forn chum, to town, actual
ly, for wo could not obtnin ono In tho
country.
Our ideas on tho subject of churns
wero rather vague, nnd an insidious
salesman easily persuaded us to pur
chase a good-for-nothing patent urrauge
inent, which iio would never havo sold
to any ono else.
Wo took our "wonderful bargain"
homo, and mamma, nfter duly admir
ing it and congratulating us upon our
wisdom in its selection, ordered Den
nis's wife, our Hibernian, to skim the
milk and save all tiio cream.
In a day or two sho was told to mako
sortiD butter, and sho followed a very
novel recipe of her own, savini all tho
cream, very iirectually,nnd attempting
to churn tho skimmed milk.
"Deed then, Miss Leigh," sho appeal
ed to mamma, "this Is no good at all,
at all," as her red arms vigorously ro
tated theiron crank, whirled round tho
dash-board with a resounding splash,
splash, splash, whllo through tlio ven
tilators in tho to)) of tho churn Issued
jets of milky whey.
When Rrldget was exhausted mam
ma twirled tho bundle, then Rosle, nnd
finally I spun it round and round.
"Mamma," cried Rosie, peeping Into
tho churn, when strength hud deserted
our aims and faith our hearts, "Iho
cream is as thin as water."
"CWtme is it you'ro saying?" cried
Mrs. Dennis, squaring her elbows and
expanding her mouth.
"Isn't it cream?" asked mamma,
who was again at tho crank, suspending
her labors.
"No, ma'am, sure! It's tho milk; tho
cramo's In thojar,"
With exclamations of Impatience at
sucii egregious siu utiiiy, wo eoiieu
Dennis to removo tho contents of tho
churn to tho pig's trough, Then re
plenishing tho iiiucliino with cream,
wo renewed our exertions. Philip came
In, ami ho finally brought about nu
ounce of butter from three quarts of
cream.
Tho churn was warranted to bring
butter In threo minutes, and wo worked
at the handle by turns for threo hours
nutl a half.
When tho golden (?) butter filially
came, leaving iiminma to work it, Phil,
and 1 went out to the spring among the
cool cedars. There tlio young man
mado boiiio very incoherent remarks
regarding white bunds nnd iirms,bronze
brown hair, etc., ami demanded from
mo that I should namo tho day, and
then, without allowing mo to demur,
named a very near ono himself, answer
ing to my objections as to time, etc.
' You are such rt Ilttlo goose, Muud,
that I must take euro of you myself."
'Relng so adapted to tho euro of
geese," I rejoined.
And thus decidedly, not a lu Tenny
son, wo camo to an nmlcablo under
standing us to tlmo uud place, et cetera,
Phil, only stipulating that my pet hen
might not bo nllow'ed to accompany us
This so pleased mo that I did not try
to resist, but id lowed this simple heart-
i . , i . . .Hii f'
t i . i .
1 c -s i j
..-- -! Kks,ur" i
w 5 "rVu- h it .'
DEM. - - VOL. XXXIV
to tho church door In tho carriage
On our way to tlio houso wo mot
Murray nnd Rosie, looking decidedly
conscious nnd superlatively happy.
As Phil, had received nn excellent
appointment in London, and insisted
upon fulfilling it with a bride, nnd ns
Murray, Phil., nnd Dr. Allston, tho
older, all insisted that both weddings
should take placo together, the rapid
wny In which wo mado our prepara
tions half crazed mamma. ,
Oeorgie and Suo wero despatched to
Washington until tho celebration was
over, and their papa and mamma pre
sented to us, In tho children's name, a
couple of beautiful nnd valuable saddlo
horses, among other wedding presents.
Tho wedding went off with all possi
ble eclat. Tho rising young clergyman
who had dined with us on tho unfortu
noto Sunday, when Rosio's fowls dis
played such nffectlonato proclivities,
performed tho ceremony. Frank gavo
us both nwny, nnd afterwards danced
at tho reception with the loveliest girl
I over saw.
Phil, nnd I went to London, Murray
and Rosle wero mamma's near neigh
bors at Dr. Allston's, and beforo mam
ma had tlmo to feel lonely for us,
Frank's nforesald lovely partner agreed
to bo his forover.
Last year Professor Allston, myself
nntl our two boys, Phil, and Johnny,
spent the summer holidays nt tho old
homo. Murray nnd Roslo wero thero
with u fairy Maud, and Frank's two
elves, Lulu and Fred., were as beauti
ful as their mamma.
Old Dr. Allston, Uncle John, seemed
as much in lovo with Roslo as Dr. Mur
ray. And dear mamma, grandmammi
now, with silver hair and sweet placid
face, welcomed a collego graduate and
a tall, graceful maiden, as Georgo and
Susy.
Tho farm of ten acres, under Frank's
skilful management, was a thriving in
stitution; but notwithstanding Mr.
Marvel's opinion to tlio contrary, Iio
doesn't think "ten acres enough," and
was very glad of an opportunity to
purchase one hundred more, which is
to bo a plnyground for Lulu and Fred,
when Phil, and I conic homo for good.
A MYSTERIOUS VISIT.
1IY MARK TWAIN.
The first nofico that was taken of mo
when I "settled down," recently, was
by a gentleman who sald ho was an as
sessor, and connected with tho United
States Internal Revenue Department.
I said I had never heard of Ids branch
of business before, but I was very glad
to see him, all the same, would he sit
down? Ho sat down. I did not know
anything particular to say, and yet
felt that people who havo arrived at tlio
dignity of keeping houso must bo eon
vorsationai, must bo easy and sociable
in company. So in default of anything
elso to say, 1 asked him if lie was open
ing his shop in our neighborhood.
Ho said ho was. I did not wish to
appear ignorant, but, I had hoped ho
would mention what lie had for sale.
l Vc'iiturea to ask him "how was
trade?" and ho said "So-so."
I then suid wo would drop in, and if
wo liked his houso as well as any other,
wo would give hltn our custom.
Ho said ho thought we would like his
establishment well enough to conflno
ourselves to it nnd ho never saw any.
body who would go oil' and hunt upun
other man in his line after trading with
him once.
That sounded pretty complacent, but
barring that natuial expietsion of vil
lainy which wcallliave, the muu look
ed honest enough.
I do not know how it camo about, ex
actly, but gradually wenppeored to melt
down and run together, conversation
ally spiaking, and then everything
went along us comfortably as clock
work.
We talked, and talked, and talked
at least I did. And we laughed, and
laughed, and laughed at least ho did.
Rut all tho time, I had my pre&enco of
mind about me I had my nutivo
shrewdness turned on. "full head," as
tlio engineer says. I was determined
to find out all about his business, In
spito of his obseuro'nnswers and I wus
determined I would have it out of him
without Ids suspecting wlial I was at. I
meant to trap him with it deep, deep
ruse. I would tell him all about my
own busiuc'ssVnnd ho would naturally
so warm to mo during this seductive
burst of confidence that ho would for
get himself and tell me-nll about his
affair beforo lie suspected what 1 was
about. I thought to myself, my son,
you Ilttlo know what nn old fox you nro
dealing with. I said:
"Now you never would guess wiuit I
mado lecturing, this winter nnd last
spring?"
"No don't beliovo 1 could, to savo
me. Let mo see-Ict moeco. About two
thousand dollars may be? Rut no no,
sir, I know you couldn't havo mado
that much. Say seventeen hundred
maybo?"
"Ha-ha! I know you couldn't. My
lecturing receipts for last spring nntl
this winter wero fourteen thousand,
boveu hundred nnd fifteen dollars. What
do you think ofthnt?"
"Why, It Is amazing perfectly amaz
ing. I will mako a note of It. And you
6ay even this wasn't all?"
"Ah ! Why, bless you, there was my
income from tho Rull'alo Impress for
four months about about well, what
should you say to about eight thousand
dollars, forlnstauco?"
"Say I Why I should say 1 should
liko to see myself rolling in Just such
another ocean 'of niHuence. Eight
thousand I'll make a note of it. Why,
man I-and on top of all this-1 am touu
derstnnd that you had still moro In
come?" "Ha-hn-hal Why, you're only In
tho suburbs of It, so to speak, There's
my book, 'The Innocents Abroad'
price $3.C0 to $4, according to tho bind
ing. Listen to me, Look mo In tho
eyo. During tho Inst four months nnd
u half, raying nothing of Bales Lemro
that hut just simply during the four
mouths uud ti half ending March 13, I
1870, wo'vo sold ninety-five tliotisiinil
UATKS OF ADVKRT1S1NU.
Ono fintlftre.ftf n ltne. nrlt. rnnlvnlpnlln Noti.
pnr.ll type), ouo br twoiniertlou, ji.G0i throe
mflrt-rr.;..! U M -' 1
Si'AUK. IK. 2M. 8. ex. Ir
Onosquare . W.W iviju .on 18.00 110.00
Two squares..,.. M Bin usi ojin 15.00
JthrCiitqriftroitA.. 8,00 1 ln tfo i2,(nf 18,00
Four Bffitnrcs.T. 7 00 ,W tl.OO IT,00 2,00
Quarter column.. 10,00 12,00 11,00 mflb 80,00
Halfcolumn 15,00 18,00 2000 80,00 00,00
Ouo cohtmnM..10,00 30,00 40,00 60,00 100,00
Executor's or Administrator', Notice, (3.00
Auditor's or Assignee's Notice, tt50.
Local notices, twenty cent,' a line! ly tho year
ten cents.
Cards lu Iho "Iluslncss Directory" column, H.00
per year for tho llrst two lines, and tl.OO for each
additional line.
copies of that book 1 Nluety-ilvo thou
sand I Think of It. Average four dol
lars n copy, say. It's nearly four hun-
tireu thousand dollars, my son. I get
halfl"
"Tho suffering Moses I I'll set (hat
down. Fonrteen-seven.fi ftyi'lght-two
hundred. Total, say well, upon my
word, tho grand total Is about two bun
dled nnd thirteen or fourteen thousand
dollars. Is Unit possible?"
"Posslblo! Iftiioro'snny mistake it's
tlio oilier way. Two hundred nud four
teen thousand, cash, Is my incomq for
this year lfl know how to cipher."
Then the ecntlcmau irot un to tro. It
camo over mo most uncomfortably 'that
maybo 1 had made my revelations for
nothing, besides being flattered into
stretching them couslderably by tho
stranger's astonished exclamations.
Rut no ; at tlio last moment tlio gentle
man liiuukd mo n largo envelope , nnd
said it contained his advertisement; and
that I would find out all nbout his busi
ness In It; and that ho would bo happy
to hnvo my custom would, in fact, ho
proud to havo the custom of a man of
such prodigious income; and thut ho
used to think that there wero feveral
wealthy men hi Rulfalo, but when they
camo to trade with him lie discovered
Hint tlicy barely had enough to livo on;
and that iu truth it had been such a
weary, weary ago since ho had seen a
rich man faco to fuco, and talked with
him nud touched Kim with' his
hands, that ho could hardly refrain
from embracing me In fact, would es
teem it u great favor if 1 would erf.liim
embracome.
ed stranger to thtow his arms about
mo and weep n few tranquilizing tears
down tho buck of my neck. Then ho
went his way.
As soon as ho wus gone, I opened his
advertisement. I studied it attentively
for four minutes. 1 then called up' tho
cook nud said:
"Hold mo whllo I faint. Let Maria
turn tho batter-cakes."
Ry nud by, when I came to, I sent
down to tho rum-mill on tlio corner
otid hired mi artist by tho week to sit
up nights and curso that stranger, and
give mo a lift occasionally In tho day
tlmo when 1 came to a hard place.
Ah, what a miscreant Iio was I His
"advertisement" was nothing in tlio
world butn wicked tnx-returnti string
of Impertinent questions about my pri
vate nll'uirs, occupying the best part of
four foolscap pages of lino print ques
tions, I may remark, gotten up with
such marvelous Ingenuity that the old
est man In tho world couldn't under
stand what tho mostof them were driv
ing at questions, too, Hint wero calcu
lated to mako a man report nbout four
times his actual Income to keep from
swearing to a lie. I looked for a loop
hole, but thero did not appear to bo
any. Inquiry No. 1 covered iny caso.as
generouslynnd asamplyns nn umbrella
could cover an ant hill:
"What wero your profits, in 1S09,
from any trade, business or vocation,
wherever carried on?"
And that Inquiry was backed up by
thirteen others of mi equally searching
nature, the most modest of which re
quired information as to whether I had
committed any burglary, or highway
robbery, or by any person or other Se
cret source of emolument, had acquired
property which was not enumerated in
my stntemeut of liicotno as set opposite
to Inquiry No. 1.
It was plain that that stranger had
enabled tuo to mako nn ass of myself.
It was very, very plain, and I went
out and hired another artist. Ry work
ing on my vanity tlio stranger had se
duced me into declaring an Income of
$21 1,000. Ry law, $1,000 of this was ex
cmpt Irom Income tax tho only relief
I could see, and it was only n drop in
tho ocean. At tho Itgul ilvo per cent
I mui-t pay over to tho government tho
appalling sum of ten thousand six hun
dred ami fifty dollars, Income tax.
11 may remark. In this nlace. that I
did not do It.
I am acquainted with a very opulent
man, who.-e house is a palace, whoso ta
ble is regal.whe so outlays are enormous
yet n man who has no Income, as I have
often notlcid by tlio revenue returns;
and to him I went fur advice in my
distress. Ho took my dreadful oxhibi
lion of receipts, lie put on Ids glasses,
ho took his'peii, and pre-to! I was ti
pauper I It was Iho neatest thing that
over wo. He elfd It simply by deftly
innuiimlullnir tiio bill of "Deductions'1
Ho Mt down my "State, national und
municipal tnxes"ut to much;my "losses
by shipwreck, Hro, etc," at so much;
my "losses on fides of real estate" on
"livo stock bold"-!-on "puynicuts for
rent of hunii steads"-on "repairs, im
provements, interest" on "previously
taxed salary us un officer of tlio United
States army, navy, revenue service,"
and other things. Ho got astonishing
deductions" out i each ami every one
of them, And when ho w.is dono ho
handed me tho miner nntl 1 saw nt a
gluneo that during the year 1800 my in
come, lu thu way of profits Iihi bcj'ii
one thousand ittotunarca anujujy (for.
lar and forty cents.
"Now," said he, "tho thousand dol
lars is exempt by law, Whnt you want
to do Is to go nnd swear this document
in and iny tax on tho two bundled nnd
fllty dollars."
V h lo lie was iiinklnct h ssneeeh his
Ilttlo boy Willy lifted a two-dollar green
back out of his vest pocket and vanish
ed with it, and I would bet anything
thut if my btrnnger wero to call on that
little boy to-morrow, bo would mako a
llil so return of Ids Income.
"Do,you," said 1, "Do you always
work up llio'deductlons' after this fash
ion In your case, sir'.'"
"Well, I should say so! Iflt weren't
for thoso eleven saving clauses under
tho hrnd of 'Deductions' 1 should bo
beggared every year to support this
luittiul and wicked, this extortionate
und tyrannical government."
This gentleman stands away up
among Iho very host ofthosold men
of Ruflulo tho me n of mora) weight,
of commercial Integrity, of unimpea
chable K-.elal fpntlessiiess-iiiiil so I
bowed to bis example. 1 went down
to Iho ruvenuo ollice, uud under the
accusing iyes of my oldvlfltorl stood
up and swore to lie after He fraud niter
fraud, villainy after villainy, till my
immortal sou) wus coated inches and
inches thick with peJury nud my self
respect was gone for evei and cut,
lint whatofit? Ills nothiug wore
than thoiisHiidt of the highest, and
richest, ami pi oddest, and most respect
td, honored and courted men Iu Amer
ica du every year. And o J don't care.
I um not ashamed. I shall simply, for
the prei-ont, talk Utile and wear tiro
preof gloves, lent 1 full Into certain hab
its Irrevocably,