ffc VOL U-NO. 15 riUIE FLOHENCH 8EWING.MAC1IIN1:8 AHU THE BEST IN Till: WOULD. Salesrooms, 030 Che9tnut Street, Philadelphia, l'n. While a largo number of Machine havo liecn offered to the public, sobio of whUli possess points of excellence and acknowledged merit, wo havo long folt what others havo experienced, the no ocsslty of a Machine nioro perfect In Its mechani cal structure, combining In the HIGIir-ST DEQ11EK HIMPMCITY WITH nUItAMI.ITT, and whllo cnpablo of doing n OltEATEIt ItANOU or WOIlK, ono that could bo easily understood nnd compi e honded by nil, Tosuprnyn Rowlnr-Mnchlnc free from tho ob jections attached fo others has been no easy task j for we not only had to surpass other Machines, as thy appeared 5 cars ago, hut also (is Improved from tlmo to tlmo by more recent experience. This wo boldly clnlm has been accomplished liy tho liberal expenditure of capital, and the pa tient, untiring labor of years; and In presenting our MncMno to the public, we shall mnlta strong assertions respecting Its merits, which wo aro prepared to suhstnntlnto In every particular. JlUeardlng the Chain and Loop.or Knit stitches, wo adopted the LOCK STITCH (alike on both sides of tho fabric), which Is re named bj the mouses us best suited to all kinds of work. Hut to meet objections sometimes urged against tht favorite stitch, wo have added tho Knot, Doublo Lock, nud Iloublo Knot, either of which Is RTitoNor.n and iiortr. elastic than the Lock; thus .enabling tlio operator to Belect a stitch l'KIUT.CTLY SUITED toevery grado of f.ibrie,and where nocessary.sew Beams much stronger than It is posslblo to do by hund. THE PEOrtENCn makes KOUIl WFFEHENT STITCHES with as much case is ordinary Machines mnko one, nnd Willi as tlttlo machinery. The result of repeated tests has been all we could desire, and from Its first Introduction the Klorcneo has gained hosts of friends, and been Tugarucd as 11 HOUSEHOLD NECESSITY J proving that the public fully appreciate tho many adTnntagcs combined In tho Florence -Machine. Over all others, tho Florence must bo seen to bo fully appreciated. Wo claim lor tho FLOUKNCn tho following ADVANTAGES over any and all HEWINa-MA CHINES IN THE WORM): 4-U makes fourdltlVrout stitches, tho lock, knot, double-lock, and double-knot, 01. one nnd tho iam machine. Kuch stitch being alike on both sides of the fabric. 4 J- Every Machine has the reversible feed mo tion, which enables the operator, hv simply turn- lug a thumb-screw, to havo the work run cither 10 the right or left, to stay any pan of the seam, or fasten the ends of seams, without turning tho niVrlc. AS-Changing tho length of stitch, and from one kind of stitch to another, euu readily be doti'e vblle tho Machine is In motion. i-The neidla Is easily adjusted, and does not skip stitches. -It Is almost noiseless, and can bo used whcrequlet Is necessary. 43 Its motions aro all poslthe; there aro no springs to get out of ordt-r, and Its simplicity en ables any one to operate It. 04- It does not require liner thread on the under than for the upier side, and will sew across tho tieaslcst Rcnui, orfiomouc to mote thicknesses of cloth, without change of needle, tension, break ing thread, or skipping stitches. S-Tho Ilemmer Is easily adjusted, and will tuiu any width of bom desired. (u- Nu other Machine will do so or at a range of work as tho Floience. Wit will hem, fell, bind, gather, braid, qutlt, and gather and sew 011 nrulllc at the sumo time. It has 110 springs to get out of order, and will last n lifetime. -H Is tally prottctcd nud licensed by Ellas Mowo, Jr., a J our own Letter lUcut. Tito ukhig up of thoslack-thiead Is not pci formed hf U10 Irregular contraction of n wlro coll or Mttcetulu operation of springs, Tho precision sunt aoooracy with which tho I'loreuco draws tho thread Into tho cloth Is unapproached oy nny Huwlng-Mnchlue hitherto offered In thowoild. Wo furnish each Machine with " Uarnnm's Self. Sewer," which guides tho work Itself, mid is of In calculable valuo, especially to Inexperience oper ators. Whllo iosscsslng the above, and many other ndvuntagen, the Florence Is sold at corrosionding prices with other flrst-chiss Machines, ami a care ful examination will fully substantiate all that wo havo claimed for it. and Justify tho assertion wo now make, that it Is tho best Scwlug-Machluo In tho world. Wo waraant every Machine to ho oil that wo claim for It, and to give entire satisfaction, nnd will glvo a written warranty, If required. Liberal nrrangeiuents made with those who bay to hell again. Further Information may bo had by Inclosing stamps to tho General Ollleeof tho lloreuco Sewing-Machine Comnany,G:iu Chestnut Htrect, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. PH1CES OF MACHINES. T,o. 1. Plain. Tills Machine makes tho lock and knot stllchesind has tho reversible feed.8&1 No. 2, Florence. liold-oriioiiicnted Machine, with drawer, und light cover, without lock ; makes all tho four stitches, and has the ie verslble feed - No. 3. flilvcr-platcd Machine, ornamented; table oil-finished walnut, with heavy half case, lock and drawer; makes all tho four stitches, and has tho reversible feed Ifo.l. Silver-plated Machine, highly orna mented, and makes all tho four stitches, nml has tho reversible feed. Polished mahogany table Polished llonowood Table No. 6. Walnut table, In oil Mahogany table, 111 .ll lloscwood table, In oil No. 0. Walnut, oil finished Mahogany tablo Itosowood table O. O. EVANS, Oenural Agent, 030 Chestnut Street, Pklladclpliia. JOD PRINTING Neatly executed at this Office. THE COLUMBIAN, V Democratic Newspaper, t punusitrn ron the rriorniEioRS by BUOCKWAY & FREEZE, EVERY FltlDAY MOKNINQ AT llloomshurg, Coliinibla.Count y, Pa. THE principles othls pa per nrcof tho Jefferson- Ian School of politics. Those principles will novcr bo compromised, yet courtesy and kludoss shall not he forjottcn In discussing them, whethor with Individuals, or with contemporaries of tho Press, The unity, happiness, and prosperity of tho coun try Is our aim and object; andns tho means to securo that, wo shall labor honestly and earnestly for tho harmony, success and grow Ihof our organ ization. It lias seemed to tho Proprietors that tho re- nulrcnmiitg of a County newspaper have not becu heretofore fully met by their predecessors or con temporaries i and they havo determined to, if possible, supply tho deficiency. In a lltornry point of view also this paper will nlm at n high stand aid, and hopes to cultivate In Its readers a correct taste and sound Judgment on merely literary, as well as on political questions. The nc s, Foreign und Domestic, will bo care fully collated and succinctly given ; whllo to that of our own State and section of tho Slate, partic ular attention will bo directed. Important Con gressional and Legislative matters will lie fur nished weekly lo our renders In a readablo and reliable form; nnd votes nnd opinions on Impor tant and leading measures will be always publish od ; fin that our paper will form a complete rccoul of current political oralis. The Local Interests, news nud business of Co lumbia County will receive special attention; nnd wo will endeavor to make tho paper n ne cessity to the farmer, mechanic nnd laboring man, upon whom at last all business interests depend. The flrcsido and family circle will bo diligently considered In making up tho paper. No adver tisements of an Improper character will ever, un dcr any pretext, bo admllud Into Its columns. Its Conductors aro determined that It shall be en tirely free In nil rtipccts fiom any deleterious doctrine or ullusion, so that every man can place It In tlic hands or his children, not only without fear, but with confidence In Its teachings and tendencies. Promising to us-o their very best en deavors to mini iu letter nnd spirit the nmiounce ment.abovo set forth, tho Publishers of The Co I.t'MniAN trustfully places It before the people be lieving that It will answer a want In the com munity hitherto uusuppllcd. To CoiirkI'oni)Kxts. In order to make The Cot.UMiitAXaseompleto a record as possible of nil facts and events, accidents, Improvements and discoveries relating to Columbia County, were spctfully invite cuno-pondenco, accompanied with responsible names, from all points. If facts, dates and names are carefully given the Editors will put the information In proper form, Tkkms ok Khuscihition: Two Dollars for 0110 3enr when jiayment Is mado In advance; nud all subscriptions not paid In advance, or by the first day of April, 1807, will Invariably be charged Two Dollars and Fifty Cents. All contracts of sub scription and lor adveitlviug will be made with the Publishers and all jmymcuts therefoi c nforced In their names. Tin: Columbian will be delivered through the malN.to MlliMTlbers III Columbia County, free of postage. To those outside of the County, live cents per quarter In advance, paid at tho oillce whore received. Tr.usis orAnvtimsiMi : One square (ten Hues or less) one or three lnseitlvns 51,00; each subse quent Insert Ion M cents. Sl'ACE. One square.... 1st. Sift) V.M. 3m. Cm. 1y. $.1,00 51,00 $0,00 310,00 5,(0 0,00 11,10 11,00 7,00 8,.V) l'-VK) 18,00 8,00 10,01) lt.no 20,00 12,00 11,00 IS.00 30,00 18,00 20,00 30,00 w,no Two squares 11,00 Three squares. 5.1W Four squares 11,00 Half column 10,00 Oue column 15,00 Executor's and Administrator's Notice 53,00; Au ditor's Notice 5AW. -Othor advertisements inser ted according to special contract, Business notices, without advertisement, twenty cents per line. Transient advertisements payable In advance all others duo after the first Insertion. NEWSi'Ai'rn Laws. 1. A postmaster Is required to give nollco by lclter (returning the paper dods not answer tho requirement of the law) when a subscilbcrdoes not tukuhls paper from theolllce; and to state tho reasons for Its not being takeu. A neglect to do so makes tho postmaster rcspousl- bio to tho publisher for the payment. Any person who takes n paper regularly from tho iost olllco whether directed to his nam or another or whether he has sbscrlbcd or not, Is responsible for the payment of the subscription 3. If a person orders his paper discontinued, ho must pay up all arrearages, or tho publisher may continue to send It until payment Is made, and collect the whole amount whether It Is taken from theolllce or not. There can benolcgaldlseoutln unnce until tho payment Is made. 1. If a subscriber who Is In arrears orders his pa;cr to lie stopped at n certain time, nnd tho publisher iimtlnuos to send It, tho subscriber Is Isjuiid to pay for It If he takes It out of the post olllce. Tho law proceeds 011 tho ground that 11 man must pay for w hat he uses. 5, The courts havo decided that refusing to take newspapers und periodicals from the Kist office, or removing and leaving them uncalled for Is nrliimacte evidence of Intentional fraud. 3- It Is, In all coJM, more likely to bo satisfac tory, both to subscribers and totuo rumisners, that lemlttancesnnd nllcommunlcallons respect lug tho business of thopopcr.liosciitdlrect to tho olllcoof publication. All letters, whether relating to tho editorial or business concerns of tho paper, and all payments for subscriptions, ndveitlslng, or Jobrlng, nro to bo made to and nddiessed liltOCKWAY & Fin;!;.!;, "Cblumbian Office," IlLOOMSliuno, PA. S1 1 Prlnleil at liooison s iiuiiuiuBB, iii-u House, by CHAS. M. VANnEitsMCK, FlIANK II. SNYDEll. yi PAVTMSA ltAITllOAl). j Prom ami after October 2, 111, the trains will rti'n ,,ru-l Mmlra Mall nt 1 p.m.; Erie K1,SnsUTH.-i'niladelplila Mall at 11 A.M. .New y0rKBp.f.. Si;01iau wEltll. supt. mtOCICWAY, ATTORNEY AT LA. HLooMsnuua, pa. . r.rirmlUn. Alley below tto .ftj oibcr demands against tho State ""'V.-VS?1 Governments, iu,t. BLOOMSTttTRfJ-. PA "FttTnAY A P13TT. 1 9. l7 - . Foil THE COLUMBIAN. TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. 1I011ACH IMITATED. Whither, oh I whither, maddened, do ye run, Tho sword unsheathed, tho war almost begun ; Has then too little Anglo-Saxon blood iiecn poured on Earth, or mixed with Neptune's flood? Not to defend our rights from foreign power, -oi 10 avenge tlic Insult or an hour, Not that our flag should float o'er Canada, Or teach fierce ltnss the mildness of our sway, Not to glvo Mexico a code of laws, Or e'en to rlso In Ireland's noblo cause ; Hut to dissolve, such seem the cruel Pales. Tho genial union of theso happy States, liegrado our peoplo to a second place, And raise nlxivo them on Inferior race. Aim cast ten commonwealths In 0110 fell day, Horn-nth tho heel of military sway. Destroy one-half the commerce of the main. While ramlno broods above tho plundered nlaln ! That faithless Tlrltaln may her wish enjoy, And Iraltrons Phillips his foul tongue employ, That Stevens may miscegenation prove, ,nu Humner ror tno Ethlop show his love I Tho rago of wolves nnd lions Is confined, They never prey but on a different kind ; nut theso their brethcrn hate with malice dread, And choose thp dark, degraded wolly-head; Make him the Idol of tho passing hour, (live him to wield the flovernmcntal power. And placed on high, beneath his saeied shade, Worship theGod head they themselves have made. Anil Is It so? Is Anglo-Saxon blood Pure nnd unmixed, no longer at tho flood ? Think not that Nature to herself untrue, Will the great work of centuries undo ; Tho word of flod yo stubborn blockheads see, or Canaan still shall Japheth s servant ho I rvjiii.icus. JaUsrcltnnrouis. THE GOLD-BUG. COSTISL'EII. " Eh? what? ah yes ! upon the wliolc I think you had hotter not ho too severe with the poor fellow don't Hog hlni, Jupiter lie can't very well stand it but can you form an Idea of what has occasioned this illness, or rather this change of conduct? Has anything unpleasant happened sinco I saw you ?" "Xo, Massa, doy nlnt bin noflln on pleasant since den 'twas foro den I'm feared 'twas do berry day you was dare." "How? what do you mean?" "Why maiia, I mean do bug dare now." "The what?" "Do bug I'm berry sartin Maa Will bin lilt somewhere bout do head by dat goole-bug." "And what cause have you Jupiter, for such a supposition ?" "Claws enuil' massa, and moulV too. I nebber did see slch a deuced bug he kick and ho bite cbery ting what como near him. Massa Will cotcli him fuss, but ho had for to let him go gin mighty quick, I toll you den was do time ho must ha got do bite. I didn't liko do look ob do bug niotiff, myself, no how, oo I wouldn't tako hold ob him wid my linger, but I cotcli him wid a piece ob Ktperdat found. I rap him up In do aper and stuff piece of it in ho mouff dat was do way." "And you think, then, that your mas- tor was really bitten by tiio beetle, and that tho bito made htm sick?" "I don't think noflln about it I noso it. What niako him dream about do gooloso much, if it taint cause lie bit by do goole-bug? Iseheerd bout dem goolo-bugs fore tils." "Hut how do you know ho dreams about gold?" "How I know ? Why he talk about It in ho sleep dat's how I nose." Well, Jup, perhaps you aro right; but to what fortunate circumstances am I toattributo tiio honor of a visit from you to-day?" "What do matter, massa?" "Did you bring any moasago from Mr. legrnnd?" "Xo, massa, I bring tils here plssel ;' and hero Jupiter handed 1110 a noto which ran thus : My Deau Why havo I not seen you for so long a tlmo? I hope you havo not been so foolish as to tako olrenco nt nny little lrumjucrie of mine; but no, that is im probable. yinco I saw you 1 havo nail great calico for anxiety. I havo something lo tell you, yet scarcely know how to tell it, or whether I should tell it at nil. I havo not been nulto well for somo days past, nnd poor old Jup nnuoysme, almost beyond endurance, by his well- meant attentions. ould you believo It? ho had prepared n lingo stick, tho other day, with which to clmstiso me for giving him tho blip, ana spending tho day, solus, among tho hills on tho main land. I verily believo that my ill looks alone saved mo a Hogging. I havo mado no addition to my cabi net sinco wo met. If you can, In any way, niako It con venient, como over wmi jupiter. jju come, l Wlill 10 seo you lu-myiu, npoii business of importance. I assuro you that it is of tiio highest Importance. Ever yours, Wm. IjKOIiand. Thero was something in tho tono of this noto which gavo mo great uneasi ness. Its wholo btylo differed material ly from that of I.egrantl. What could ho bo dreaming of? What now crotchet possessed his excitable brain? What "business of tho highest Importance" could fie possibly havo to transact? Jupiter's account of him boded 110 good. I dreaded lost tho continued pressuro of misfortune liad, ut length, fairly unset tledktho reason of my friend. Without a moment's hesitation, therefore, 1 pre pared to accompany tho negro. Upon reaching tho wlmrf, I noticed a scytho and threo spades, all apparently now, lying In tho bottom of tho boat In which wo were to embark. "What Is tho meaning of nil tills, Jup ?" I inquired. "Illtn syfo, mas?a, nud spade." "Very true; but what aro they doing hero?" "Him do syfo and do spado what Mas sa Will sis 11011 my btiyln' for him In do town, and do debblls own lot of money I had to gib for em." "IUitwlint, In tho namoof nil that Is mysterious, Is your 'Massa Will' going to do with scythes nnd spodes?" "Dat's nioro dan I know, nnd dcbbll tako mo If I don't believo 'tis moro dan lie know, too. Hut It's all cum ob do bug." rinding that no satisfaction wns to bo obtained of Jupiter, whoso whole Intel lect seemed to bo absorbed by "do bug," I now stopped Into tho boat and mado sail. Wltli n fair nnd strong breczo wo soon ran Into the littlocovo to tho north wnrd of Fort Moultrie, and n walk of ionic two miles brought us to tho hut. It was about threo in tho afternoon wIipii wo arrived. IiCgrnnd had been awaiting us In eager expectation. Ho grasped my hand with n nervous em pressmcnt which nlarmcd 1110 and strengthened tho suspicions already en tertained. Ills countennnco was palo even to gliastlincss, Ills deep-set eyes glared with unnatural lustre. After some inquiries respecting his health, I asked hiin, not knowing what better to say, if ho ha.d yet obtained tho scara bam from Lieutenant O . "Oli, yes," ho replied, coloring vio lently, "I got it from him tho next morning. Nothing should tempt mo to part with that sewabmis. Do you know that Jupiter Is quito right about it?" "In what way?" I asked, with a sad foreiioding at heart. 'Tn supposing it to bo a bug of real gold." Ho said tills with air of pro found seriousness, and I felt inexpressi bly shocked. "Tills bug Is to mako my fortune," ho continued, with a triumphant smile, "to reinstate mo In my family possess ions. Is it any wonder, then, that I prizolt? Sinco fortune has thought fit to bestow it upon mo, I have only to use it properly and I shall arrive at tho gold of which it is tho Index. Jupiter, bring mo that scarabrrus ."' " What ! de bug, massa ? I'd rudder not go for trubblo dat bug you must git him for your own self. Hereupon I.egrantl arose, with a grave and stntely air, nnd brought 1110 tho beetlo from a gloss caso In.whlch It was enclosed. It was n beautiful scarabmtx, and, nt that time, unknown to nnturalists.-rof courso a great prize in n scientific point of view. Thoro wero two round, black spots near tho extremity of tho back, and a long ono near tho other. Tho scales wero oxceedlnly hard antl glossy, with ail the appearance of burnished gold. Tho weight of tho inect was very remarkable, and taking nil things into consideration, I could hardly blamo Jupiter for his opinion respecting it; but what to mako of Legrand's con cordance with that opinion, I could not, for tho life of mo, tell. "I sent for you," said ho In a grandil oquent tone, when I had completed my examination of tho beetlo, "I sent for you, that I might havo your counsel and assistance In furthering tho views of Fate and of tho bug" "My dear I.egraiid," I cried, inter rupting him, "you nro certainly unwell and hail better tiso some littlo preeau tions. You shall go to bed, nnd I will remain with you a fow days, until you get over this. You aro feverish and" "Feci my pulse," said he. I felt It, and, to tell the truth, found not tho slightest Indication of fovor, "Hut you may bo ill and yet havo no fever. Allow 1110 this onco to prescrlbo for you. In tho first place, go to bed In tho next" "You aro mistaken," ho Interposed. "I am as well as I can expect to bo tin tier tho excitement which I suffer. If you really wish 1110 well, you will va liovo tills oxcltQinent." "And how 1s this to be done?" "Very easily. Jupiter and myself are going upon an expedition Into tho hills, upon the main laud, and, in this expedition, woshall need thould of somo person In whonl wo can confide. ou aro tho only ono wo can trust. Whetlp er wo succeed or full, tho excitement which yon now perceive in 1110 will bo equally allayed. I am anxious to nbligo you in nny way," I replied; "but do you mean to say that this Infernal beetlo has nny con nection wltli your expedition Into tlto hills?" "It has." "Then, Legrand, I can becomo a par ty to no such nbsiinl proceeding." "I nm sorry very sorry for we shall havo to try It by ourselves." "Try it by yourselves! The man is surely mad 1 but stny ! how long tlo you proposo to be abent?" "Probably all night. Wo shall start immediately, and bo back at all events, by sunrlso?" "And will you promlsome, upon your honor, thnt when this freak of yours is over, and tho bug business (good God ! settled to your satisfaction, you will then return home nud follow my ndvico implicitly, as that of your physician ?" "Yes; I promise; and now let us be off, for wo havo 110 tlmo to loose." With u heavy heart 1 nceompanled my friend. Wo started about 1 o'clock I.egrantl, Jupiter, tho dog, antl my self. Jupiter hnd with him tho scytho and spittles. tho wholo of which ho in sisted upon carrying nioro through fear.lt seemed to me, of trusting either of tho IninleiiicnH within icacli or his mnstcr, than from nny excess of Indus try or complaisance. His demeanor was dogged In tho oxtrenio, nnd "dat dliced hug" wero tho solo words which escaped hlsllpsduringthojouriicy. For my own part, I had charge of a couple of dark lanterns, whllo I.cgrnnd con tented himself Willi the cra4cr;Hs,vh!ch ho carried attached lo tho end of n bit of whip-cord; twirling it to antl fro, with tho air of iv conjuror, as ho went. hen I observed this last, plain evi dence of my friend's aberration of mind, I could scarcely refrain from tears. I thought it best, however, to humor his fancy, nt least for tho present, or until I could adopt somo moro energetic mea sures with a chanco of success. In tho meantlmo I endeavored, but ali In vain, to sound him In regard to tho object of tho expedition. Having succeeded In Inducing mo to accompany him. ho seemed unwilling to hold conversation upon nny topic of minor importance, nnd to all my questions vouchsafed 110 other reply than "wo shall see I" Wo crossed tho creek nt tho head of tho island by means of a skiff, and, as cending tho high grounds on tho shoro of tho main land, proceeded in a north westerly direction, through a tract of country excessively wild and desolate, whero 110 trace of human footsteps was to bo seen. Legrand led tho way with decision: pausing only for tin instant, hero and there, toconsult whatnppcarcd to bo certain landmarks of his own con trivance upon a former occasion. In this manner wo Journeyed for nbout two hours, and the sun was just setting when wo entered a region infinitely more dreary than any yet seen. It was a species of table land, near tho summit of an almost inacccssablo hill, densely wooded from base to pinnacle, and In terspersed with huge crags that appeared to lie loosely upon tho soil, and In ma ny cases were prevented from precipi tating themselves into tho valleys below merely by tho support of tho trees against which they reclined. Deep ra vines, in various directions, gavo an air of still sterner solemnity to tho scone. The natural platform to which ho clambered was thickly overgrown with brambles, through which wo soon dis covered that it would have been impos-. slbleto force our way but for tho scytho; and Jupiter, by direction of his master, proceeded to clear for us a path to tho foot of an enormously talt tulip-tree, which stood, wltli somo eight or ten oaks, upon tho level, and far surpassed them all, nnd nil tho other trees which I had then overseen, iu tho beauty of its foliage nnd form, in tlic wido spread of its branches, and in tiio general ma jesty of its appearance. When wo reached this tree I.egrantl, turned to Jupiter, and asked him if lie thought ho could climb It. Tho old man seemed a littlo staggered by tho question, and for some moments niado no reply. At length ho approached the huge trunk, walked slowly around it, and examined it with minute nttcntion. When ho completed Ids scrutiny, ho merely said. "Yes, massa' Jup climb any treo ho ebersee in ho life." "Then up wltli you us soon as possi ble, for it will soon bo too dark to seo what you nro about." "How far mus go up, massa?" In quired Jupiter. "Get up tho main trunk first, and then I will tell you which way to go and here stop ! tako this beetle with you." "Debug Massa Willi degoolo bug!" cried the negro, drawing bade in dis may "what for mus toto do bug way up do tree? golly if I do!" "If you aro afraid, Jup, a great big negro liko you, to tako hold of 11 harm less littlo dead beetle, why you can car ry it up by tho string but, if you do not take it up with you somo way, I shall bo under tho necessity of breaking your head with this shovel." to nr. IIINTIM'KII. TOO MICH ELEVATION. In tho recent gosslppy letter to tho Territorial Jfiiterjirisc, Dan Do Qulllo, writing from DownlevilloSlerra county, gives tho following : "Otico upon a t lino" on n certain Sunday, a certain doctor living here, who liko tho mo-it reckless of us occnalonallygetsforty drops within lilni too muchund bcconiesnn Immuis'.ty himself, was earnestly discoursing In tho midst of u group of uccurlng iminen itiesupon a grand project which ho hud Just conceived. This great project wns nothing less than digging a tunnel from Downievilloto Forrest City distance ns tho crow flies four miles. The party stood in front of a saloon near tho end of Duagan bridge. Whllo tho doctor. was in tho midst of a speech sotting fortii tho immense benefits to bo derived from thoeaiiy completion of this grand enter prise which was to tapall tho letuli and from an excellent road between tho two towns tho numster presuung at ono 01 tho churches lu tho town crossed tho bridge on his way to church and eamo up to tho group. Not noticing that tho doctor was iiiueh Intoxicated, ho stop ped mul listened n wnno to uio "granu project." At length, taking nil vantage ofn pause In tho doctor's eloquent np peal in behalf of his darling schemo; ho said: "Doctor, como wltli moand I will show you a road much moro profitable !" Tito doctor's bump of couibativeness was at onco aroused, "What road is Hint, sir? what what road is that?" "Why, Doctor, tho road to Heaven!" "Itoa'dto heaven! go along.it won't do-won't do, sir; can't overcome tho elevation!'1 Tho minister passed 011, iiiu!ng. WHY WOMEN CANNOT KNTKK MA SONIC LODGES. I When King Solomon was still ayoung man ho had married his seventh wife. Sho was a beautiful young Ainmonltcss, with locks ns black as tho raven's wing, nnd eyes ns bright as tho cuglo's. It was bclloved that sho was tho favored fair ono among all tho stiltannsof tho Great King; for his affections wero not divided then as they afterward became. Sho know her power, and used ltunspar- Ingly. In addition to hcrothcrqualitlcs, sho wns as liiqulsltlvo as ever was n woman 011 this earth. Ono evening King Solomon attended lodge, on somo grand occasion, nnd stayed out somewhat late. When ho returned home, ho found tho fair Ain monltcss iu tho dumps, and pouting Justns tho dear wives of Masons do some times now when their loixlsstay out lato nt tho Lot! sc. Sho upbraided him wltli icglcctlng her, insinuated that ho hadn't been to tho Lodgo ns ho pretended, and Insisted that in future ho should glvo proof that ho went there by having her self initiated, so that sho might go thero and wntch him. " Daughter of Amnion," replied tho King," thou hast behaved thyself as ono of tho foolish women in presuming to question thy lord nnd master. Thou art not so nngry with mo as thou pre- teudest to bo; for tho truo reason of this bchavloris thy insatiable curiosity, In which thou oxcollcst Evo herself. Know then, thnt I here ordain that nei ther thou, noranyof thy Inquisitive sex after thoa shall ever enter tho portals of a Masonic Lodgo ; but I shall enjoin tho Tyler to picrco through with his drawn sword nny woman that shall attempt to enter a lodgo ; aye, even thee, Queen of Israel though thou bo. And that ordi nance of this widest of monarchs has continued in forco until this tiny. Wo hope, now, that wo have satisfied tho curiosity of our fair readers as did King Solomon that of his Queen. HOW ABSURD. Our forefathers of tho revolution wero certainly great nsses when they incorpo rated into tho Declaration of Indepen dence, the following silly objections to tho conduct of the King of Great Hrit tain : 1. Keening in the colonics In tho tlmo of pence standing armies. 2. ltendering the military independ ent of, nnd superior to tho civil power. il. imposing tuxes wiuioui allowing representation. 4. Tho depriving the colonists of the benefit of trial by jury. (3. For suspending Colonial Legisla tures. (i. In inciting insurrection likely to result in nn undistinguished destruc tion of nil ages, sexes and conditions. 7. Abdicating iravcrnmcnt. by de claring us out of tho mother country. n. Quartering largo bodies 01 urmcu troops on tho colonists. !). Sending Into tho colonies swarms of ofllcers to collect taxes nnd oppress tho colonists. in. Hefuslni.' to pass nroner laws for largo districts of peoplo unless they would relinquish tho rightof reprcsent otion. 11. Obstructlncnnd interfering with tho judiciary, thus denying justice. 12. Interfering with legislative bod ies, and dissolving them for opposing with manly firmncs Invasions of the rights of tho people. iu. protecting military oincers oy mock trials, for offences wliich they havo committed against tho colonists. Thk Famous Juno !,r.n. Thoriiila- dclphla Bulletin has n Now York corre spondent who has seen the Japanaso ac robats. Ho says : "They nro small in stature, of a sal low complexion, with high cheek-bones antl almond-shaped eyes, and wear their hair after tiio manner of thoso who ac companied tho embassy to this country in lPGf). Thero nro about twenty-four in tlto troup, among them tlirco femnles all of whom aro said to bo expertjug-glors- They wear cotton clothes, with wooden clogs for shoes. Their habits nnd customs nro somewhat curious. Their beds, of blue cotton cloth, stuffed about as thick as chair cushions, nro spread upon tho floor, and cacli ono rolls hlm?elf up in his blanket tosult himself. Upon tho walls of their apartments hung a tin caso containing threo cards, with Japancso characters on each, tho wholo affair resembling 0110 of our per peltial calendars, found lu almost every counting room. Heforo this they fall down antl worship, or nt least pay their morning devotions, regularly. The chinesojiigglers, I remember, carried their gods along with them, but If there is nny "Josh" nlong with tho Jnns, I fulled to discover him. They nro ve.y polite, much nioretoindecd, than their American visitors,. They appear to bo very clean, mid liko plenty of fresh air, pcrsistlngln keeping tho windows open though blilvering with cold in their cot ton dresses. Tho first thing they, in quired for. nfter landing Wtisa bathing house." At ono tlmo during tho war 11 largo number of ofllcers wero stopping at the various hotels in Washington, at tho tlmo perhaps when seven brigadiers wero hit by tho stono that missed tho dog at which It was thrown In front of Willnrd's. At that tlmo ono of theso tenlblo youngsters was crying in front of tho National "JUUxt IXcniug Slar, third edition, another great battle," Ac. An oflicor coming out just then, (a cap tain,) tho bovacciits him with: "Colo nel, have a Slnrt" They alwnys in dulge iu tv littlo flattery of breveting when occasion offers.) Tho ofllcer buys, antl running his eves over tho paper eagerly, calls out: "I lore, boy, I don't' seo nny battle!" Getting beyond the rnngo of tho ofticer's loot, ho replies: "No, nor you never will, lounging around this 'ere hotel !" 1MU0E FIVE CENTS. Wit ana guinor. "ANY ONK WILL DO." A mnl'lcn once of certain agp, To catch n husboml did engage) lint hAVlng passed tho prime of Ufo In striving to become n wife. Without success, sho thought It tlmo To mend the follies of her rrlme. Depnrllng from tho usual course Of point, nnd such like, for resource, With nil her might, this nuclent maid, llencnth nn onk tree knelt and prayed t Unconscious that a grAvo old owl, Wns perched nbovo the mousing fowl! 'Oh glvo n husband, glvo I" she cried, "While yet I mny become a bride, fcoon will my day of grace be o'er And then, like many maids before, I'll die without nn earthly love, And none to meet luo there above I "Oh I 'tis a fnto too hard lo bear ; Then answer this, my humble prayer,' And, oh I a husband glvo to me 1" Just Ihen the owl up In the tree, In deep bass tones, cried, " H'Aoo trftoo trhoo!" "Who, Lord? And dost thou ask me u-hot Why nny ono, gosd Lord, will do." Cumoua Suicidi:. Somo tlmo sinco" it was announced thatn man atTltus vllle, committed sulcldo for tho strango reason that ho had discovered that ho was his own grandfather. Leaving a dying statement explaining this singu lar circumstance, wo will not attempt to unravel it, but glvo his explanation of the mixed up condition of his kins folks in his own words. Ho says : "I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My father visited our house very often, fell in lovo with my step-daughter and married her. So my father becamo my son-in-law, and my step-daughter my mother, becauso sho was my father's wife. Somo tlmo af terward my wife had a son ; he was my father's brother-in-law and my uncle, for ho was tho brother of my step-mother. My father's wife I.e., my step daughter had also a son ; ho was of courso my brother.nnd In tho meantime my grandchild, for ho was tho son of my daughter. I was my wifo's husband and grandchild at tho samo time. And ns tlto husband of n person's grand mother Is his own grandfather I was my own grandfather." That this was a strango condition of tilings must bo confessed, but we can seo no posslblo reason why it should causo a man to commit suicide. Tilus ville paper. ' Coffu: and Tea vs Whisky. When Dr. Dodge, an electric physlcinn, was lecturing through tho State on tho evils of tea and coffee, ho happened to meet, one mornlngat the breakfast tablo a witty son of Krinof tho bcttct class. Conversation rnrued lo tho doctor's favorite subject, and ho addressed our friend ns follows: "Well," oald thodoclor, "if 1 convince on that they aro injurious toyourlicalth will you abstain from their use?" "Sure, and I will, sir." "How often doyou usocoffoo and lea?' asked tho doctor. "Night and morning sir." "Well," said tlto doctor, "do you over experience a slight dizziness of tiio brain upon going to bed ?" "I do.lndeed I do," replied Erin. "And n sharp pain through tho tem ples, In nnd nbout tho eyes in tho morning?" "Troth, I do so." "Well," said tho doctor, with .in nlrof conflilenco and assurance In his manner, that Is tho tea and coffee." "Is It, Indeed? Faith, nnd I always thought was tho whisky I drank." Tho company roared with laughter, and tho doctor quietly retired. English vs. Latin. Onco upon a timo a company wero assembled nt a dlnner-tnblo down in Georgia, when tho conversation turned upon tho compari- tivo merits of tho English and Latin languages. A Latinlst led off In enthusi astic eulogies upon tho power nnd ver satility 01 111s iavorno language, anil adduced in illustration tho celebrated dispatch of Ctcsar: "Vent: Villi! Vicii" "wnat," sam lie, "can equal tno con densed brovity and forco of that?" A guest who had hitherto remained silent, nere joined in tno conversation, ami sain ho could match It with something more. As I was Hearing 11 certain river 1110 other day. ho went on toobservo, I met a country girl witn a piato 01 ircsn uui tcr on her head, who was on her way to market witn it 10 tno viuago, nuu wno liadjust forded thostream 1 had to cross. Accosung ner, 1 inquired, -now nigii Is tho river, nnd whnt is tho prico of butter?" Sho instantly replied, "To my waist, nnd a shilling 1" Tho roar that greeted tills Indicated a popular vote, and tho Latlnist subsided. A Wi:i)i)iNO Fin:. "Many nnd many n vear ago," how many deponent saltli not, n youthful couple nppenrod at tho gateway of a pnrsonngo of a town not a hundred miles from harvard. Mounted on n soiier nag, they also claimed com panionship witli a bag, evidently tilled with somo valuable commodity. Dis mounting, tho gallant youth left Ids lady ami tho nag. and proceeded up tho ave nue of elms leading to tho pastor's door, anil entered the mansion. Soon reap pearing, ho waived his hnnd to tho wnlting damsel, nt tho samo tlmo call ing, in stentorian tones, "Come nlong, ho says ho will tako beans!" auldlng tho steer to the door, tho lady wns re ceived by her would-bo lord, nnd soon "tho twain wero mado ono flesh," and' tho minister was left lu possession of a goodly supply of beans, A witty clergyman had been lec turlngono oveiilng in a country village, on tho subject of tcinporttiico, nud as usual, after tho lecture the pledgo was passed around for signatures. "I'ass it along that way," said tho lecturer, pointing to n gang of bloated ami red nosed loafers near tho door. "I'lf-s It nlong perhaps somo of thoco persons would liko to join our cause." "Wo dou.t bito a bare hook," grullly muttered out) of tho rummies. "Well," replied tho clergyman,"! believo thero is a kind or llsh called suckers, that do not bite," r r r
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