BY DAVID OYER, Scrofula, or King's Evil, i- a constitutional disease, a corruption of the 1 ioecl, by which this tiuid becomes vitiated, juid poor. Being in the circulation, it p.-rvades the whole body, and may burst out hi disease on any part of it. No organ is free from its attacks, nor is there one which it may r.'it dc-tr.iy. The scrofulous taint is variously earned by mercurial disease, low living, dis ordered <>r unhealthy food, impure air, tilth r. .1 filthy habits, the depressing vices, and, A ID-.'C all, by the venereal infection. What ever be its origin, it is hereditary in the con f utuii'iu, dis •eudmg " from parents to children ui : j the th> ! and tdurtii generation indeed, it -coins to he the rod of Him who says, "I v.dtl visit the iniquities cf the fathers upon their children." Its effects commence by deposition from the 1 'nod of corrupt or ulcerous matter, which, in the lungs liver, and internal organs, is termed t -berelts ; in the glands, swellings; and on the s irfaec, eruptions or sores. This foul cor ruption, which gc-ndcrs in the blood, depresses the energies of life, so that scrofulous constitu tions not only suffer from scrofulous com pleh.t:;, but they have far less power to with stand the attacks of other diseases; conse quently, vast numbers perish by disorders which, although not scrofulous in their nature, a:: - .ill rendered fatal by this taint in the sv .a. Most of the consumption which de i oi.ates the human family has its origin directly in tlris scrofulous contamination; and many destructive disease* of the liver, kidneys, brain, and, indeed, of all the organs, arise from or ar: aggravated by the same cause. tine quarter of all our people are scrofulous; tr. !r persons are invaded by this lurking in 1m e. m, and their health is undermined by it. T.i cleanse it from the system we must renovate i o blood by an alterative medicine, and in vT rate it by healthy food and exercise, ti an a medicine we supply in AYER'S CinpoiinihEitract of Sarsaparilla, the ntost effectual remedy which the medical skill of our times can devise for this every where prevailing and fatal malady. It is com bined from the most active remedials that have 1 ou discovered lor the expurgation of this foul di order from the blood, and the rescue of the system from its destructive consequences. Hence it should be employed for the cure of not only scrofula, but also those other affec tions which arise from it, such as ERUPTIVE and f-Kix DISEASES, ST. ANTHONY'S FIRE, HOSE, or ERYSIPELAS, PIMPLES, PUSTULES, BLOTCH KS, BLAINR and BOILS, TUMORS, TETTER and SALT RHEUM, SCALD HEAD, RINGWORM, RHEUMATISM, SVCHILITIC and MERCURIAL DIS EASES, DROPSY, DYSPEPSIA, DEBILITY, and, indeed, ALL COMPLAINTS ARISING FROM VITIA TED ou IMPURE BLOOD. The popular belief in " impurity of the blood " is founded in truth, for scrofula is a degeneration of the blood. The particular purpsse and virtue of this Sarsapa riila Ls to purify and regenerate this vital fluid, without which sound health is impossible in contaminated constitutions. Ayers Cathartic Pills, FGB ALL THE PURPOSES OF A FAMILY PHYSIC, are so composed that disease within the range of their action can rarely withstand or evade them Their penetrating properties search, and cleanse, and invigorate every portion of the human organ ism, correcting its diseased action, and restoring its healthy vitalities. As a consequence of these properties, the invalid who is bowed down with pain or physical debility is astonished to find his health or energy restored by a remedy at once so simple and inviting. Not only do they cure the cvery-day complaints of every body, but also many formidable and dangerous diseases. The agent below named is 1 plcasedto furnish gratis my American Almanac, containing certificates of their cures aud directions for their use in the following complaints: Costive ness, Heartburn, Headache arisiny from disordered Stomach, Nausea, lnrliyestion, l'am in and Morbid Inaction of the Boicels, flatulency. Loss of Appe tite, Jaundice, and other kindred complaints, arising from a low state of the body or obstruction of its functions. Ayer s Cherry Pectoral, FOR THE RAI'ID CURE OF Coughs, Colds, Influenza, Hoarseness, Croup, Bronchitis, Incipient Consump* tion, and for the relief of Consumptive Patients in advanced stages of the disease. So wide is the field of its usefulness and so nu merous are the rases of its cures, that almost every section of country abounds in persons pub lic! v known, who have been restored from alarming nrd even desperate diseases of the lungs by its nre. When once tried, its superiority over every other metiieine of its kind is too apparent to escape observation, and where its virtues are known, tne public no longer hesitate what antidote to employ for the distressing and dangerous affections of the rulmon iry organs that are incident to our climate. While many inferior remedies thrust upon the community have failed and been discarded, this j has gained friends by every trial, conferred benefits on the afflicted they can never ferget, and pro duced cures too numerous and too remarkable to be forgotten. PREPARED BY DR. J. €. AVER Sc CO. LOWELL, MASS. B. F. Harry, Bedford ; Barudollar & Son, Bloody Run; G- B. Amick, St. Clearville; J. Breneman, \Y oodberry ; Geo. Gardill, West End; J. E. Cel viD, Scbellsburg ; and by dealers generally. Sept. 28, 1860. 11l OPENING OF NEW]PALL AND WINTER GOODS AT CHEAP SIDE, BEDFORD, PENN'A. THE undersigned have Just opened a large and handsome line of NEW and fashionable DRESS GOODS, Clotbs, Cassinierts, Jeans, ready made Clothing, Hats, Caps, Boots, Shoes, Glass, China and Queensware, Fresh Groceries, Spices, &C. which for quality and price cannot be surpassed in Bedford. Having been selected from the best houses in Phila delphia, and purchased at very low prices, we will engage to sell as low as the lowest for cash or pro duce only. FLORAE call and examine our stock before purchasing. No trouble to show goods. OSTER & CARN. Oct. 5, 1860. AUDITOR'S NOTICE THE undersigned, appointed Auditor to dis tribute the funds in the hands of Sheriff Fluke, arising from the sale of the personal property and also of the real estate of WM. M. Earnest, gives notice that he will attend to the duties of said appointinei ts, at his office, in Bedford Bor ough, on Saturday, the 14th day of November LB ®- 0. H. GAITHER, Oct. 26, 1860. Auditor. A V. eekly Paper, Devote j to Literature, Politics, the Arts, Sciences, Agriculture, &c., &c —Terms: One Dollar and Fifty Cents in Advance. Slgritnltural. A Good Dialogue. [The scene of the following interesting dialogue, is that of two farmers on opposite sides of a fence. Mr. SMITH, who has beside him a basket of very small potatoes, is leaning on the fence, looking wistfully over at Mr. JONES, wbo is digging a splendid crop of large potatoes. The dialogue is pleasing and instructive, and should lie read by every one.] "The potatoes they are small. Over there, over there."— Old Song. Mr. Smith—How is it, neighbor Jones, that your potatoes are so large and fine, while just over the fence, on similar soil, mine are small as pullet's eggs, and precious few at that I Mr. Jones—l manured this field with - brains. Mr. S.—Pshaw. All the Cinciocinn&ti hog killers couldn't supply brains enough for this ten acre field. Mr. J.—l used human brains, of which there are plenty. Mr. S.— Nonsense; now don't make fun of uie because I'm unlucky, aud Providence has sent you a good crop. Mr. J.—Providence helps those who help themselves. I used my own brain < on this field. Mr. S.— So did 1 mine, aud they are good is anybody's. Mr. J. Ab, there's the trouble. You koow it all yourself; I don't, and so I get all the outside help I csu. I've been collecting oth er men's brains for my land for twenty years, and you see the result in this crop. Mr. S. Yes, I see the result, but I don't un derstand it. Mr. J. Well, when we began here twenty years ago, 1 thought myself a good farmer, but 7 believed oihers had good idens, too, and I made it my business to get at their thoughts, some 1 found in agricultural books and papers, j others I picked up at the County Fairs, by asking how the big things were raised, and of ten I've got a good hint from a neighbor. Mr. S. I've always been down on this'book farming,' but your crops stagger me; they're real knock down arguments. I'm sick of the poor show I get for all uiy work, and am des perate enough to try anythiutr for improve ment Mr. J. I'll give you my experience; it may aid you. About nineteen years ago, 1 heard that some meD who had been brought up on farms had olubbed together, and one of them was going to publish a paper, which should consist mainly of accounts of how different farmers cultivated various crops. aDd such like matters. 1 sent for the paper, and have doDe so every year since, and now 1 have nineteen large volumes, every page of which I have read, a little at a time, aud the whole has not cost the produce of a single acre. Why lam astonished when I think over the ten thoasand thoughts, and hints, and suggestions I have thus gathered. What a blank would be left iu my head, if these thoughts were taken away. Mr. S. But does the practice of farmers on other kinds of soil and with a different climate suit your waDts ? Mr. J. Why, no, not exactly, perhaps.— But then, every thought 1 get from another* starts a new thought in my own mind, and thus I am constantly improving my own skill and practice. You see, 1 get all the brains I can from other men's heads, and compost them well in my own head with a mixture of oommon sense, and then make the application to my fields. In that way, I have manured this crop of potatoes with plenty of brains. Tbe edi tor called here last week on his Western tour among farmers, and seeing my good crops, he asked me to write just how I have treated this field for years past, and I promised to do it as soon as my crops are gathered. He will prob ably priDt it, as be constantly prints all such practical matters, and perhaps a hundred thousand persons will read it: and though oo body else may do just as I do, many will get a new hiDt, and improve upon it. You may read it if you will. Mr. S. I would like to borrow your paper. , Mr. J. Better take it yourself, for then you will be more likely to read it. Yon will find ! hundreds of plain talks about various kinds of crops, during a single year. One hint gave five bushels of com more on each acre of a large field in a siugle year. Mr. S. 1 can't afford to take it this year. Mr. J. You would make nothing of spend iug two cents a week for extra tobacco, or a eigar, or candy, and that's ali the paper will BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1860. f cost. How little a woek it costs to supply yourself and family with a large amount of information through any good paper, Mr. S. What are the politics of that pa pei ? Mr. J. It doesn't touch politiia. It is de voted 10 such subjects as Field and Garden crops, Animals, eto., and has, besides, a good deal about Wouions' Work, which wife says is worth more than ten times the few pounds of j butter it costs to pay for the paper. Tbeu ! there is also a department for the young folks, i coutaiuiog many things which please the ehil- j dreu—not mere trashy stuff, such as is often ; printed for tiiein, but information that will j have a good influence ou them. 1 would sell a dozen bushels of wheat to have my young ' people get the good reading in that paper, but the average price of one bushel will pay for it a year. My Jehu says he can pay for it easy with the eggs from two or three heus. If I was a mechanic or merchant, and had only a little garden, I should take the paper to tell me how to make the best use of the little plot; and if I had not a foot of land I should still want it for my wife and children. Mr. S. Does the editor know anytb'Ug about farmiDg? Mr. J. The editor who owns and publishes the paper was brought np ou a farm, whore he learned t> work. He has studied all the books ou farming, and experimented for years in the laboratory, and has, besides, traveled all over the country to see what was doing. Then he has several associates—Farmers, Gtrdeners and Housekeepers, who know what they write about, aud among thein ail they do gather up a wonderful lot of information every year. The laoguage, too, is so plain, so like talk ing with you, that I enjoy reading it/ Then, too, every paper has engravmgs, whiob show one exaotly bow animals, and plants, and itn plemeots and household furniture look, much better tbaD words oould describe them. Among these are plaDs of buildings, that help one to plan others, and also nnny very fine large pic tures, which are worth more than the cost of a whole volume. Mr. S. I suppose tboso engraving* and de scriptions are partly to help tbe editor to sell implements or fettilizers. Mr. J. Not at all. The editor keeps noth ing of the sort to sell, 60 that he may be per fectly free to praise or condemn anything, ac- cording as it may be valuable or worthless to his readers. You would laugh to see bow he comes down on poor inventions, patent ma nures, and all kinds of humbugs. Mr. S. Is tho paper adapted to our part of the countrv? Mr. J.—Exaotly. Soils and rf crops and climates differ, but tbe general principles of cultivation aro the same everywhere, aud here is the benefit of a paper published for the whole country. Every reader gets new ideas by learning what is done somewhere else ; and further, I find that the paper has letters from every part of tho country, and one or more associate editors in different sections, so that we get information from many regions and our own too. One thing I must mention par ticularly. The editor is coostautly warning -his readers against humbugs, tilling bow sharpers take tbe advantage of people. Why, I was just going to send a dollar for an artiole j advertised in glowing colors, when I found it shown up as a humbug in this paper. Hut 1 cannot stop to talk more now—l have such a lot of potatoes to harvest. Mr. S.— I wish I bad, 1 must try that paper a year, and see what there is in it. 1 can manage to save two cents a week. Mr. J.—Never fear. If you don't fiud it pays, I'll buy your copies at oost for the boys to keep. Mr. S.—What did you say tbe paper is called ? Mr. J.—The American Agriculturist. It is published in N. Y. City. The editor, though one of our country farmers, and living in the couDtry, finds he oan publish it oheapcr there, where printing, aud paper, and mailing facili ties are all convenient. Mr. S.—How shall i get it ? Mr. J—Simply inclose a dollar bill in a letter, giving, your name, Post Office, County and State plainly, and direct to Orange Judd, 41 Park Row, New York City. Mr. S.—When does a volume begin ? Mr. The twentieth volume begins Jan. Ist, but all who send in the dollar now, got tbe remaining numbers of this year, in addition to the whole of next year's. So if you subscribe now, you get fourteen months papers. The proprietors also offer some valuable premiums to those who get np lists of subscribers. Send for the paper and you may afterwards find it frell worth while to make up a olub. Some 1700 persons have got good premiums in this way during two years. Soma of your German neighbors, would join you, perhaps, for tbe Ag- ricu/turist is printed separately in German.— I d. f i intend to start a club myself, but I have so many potatoes to dig, 1 cannot get time.— My sister-in-law in lowa, got np a club last year, aud reocivod a premium of $1)0 Wheeler & Wilson sewing machine ; an old acquain tance in Wisconsin got two or three good farm ing implements, and a young nephew of mine in Ofio got a beautiful copy of Webster's great DietipSfy. These things only oost them a lirtSi time, showing the paper eveuings and election day. Send in your subscription and the first paper will tell you all about the pre miums, I forgot to tell you that every year the publisher also sends out to all his subscri bers who want them a lot of choice garden and field Midi. Mr. §—What does he charge for them ? Mr. J.—Nothing; they are seut free, except tho postage. They are of the best kind and one single parcel 1 got last year was worth more to me than the price of the paper. Mr. S—l'll try it a year, any Way ;if half what you say is true it will be a good invest* meat. Mr. J.—You'll find every word 1 have said true. Mr. S.— I'll send this very night, while in the spirit of it. J.—l)o it aDQ you'll always thank me for this talk. Good day, 1 must hurry up digging my potatoes, I've such a lot of them—thanks to a hiut in the Jigricult wrist. S,—How did you say I should direct tbe letter containing tbe Doll'r ? J.~2b Orenge Judd, 41 Park Row, New York City. How a Lady Preserved Webster's Re - ply (o Hayue. The Taunton (Massachusetts) Gazette incor porates tbe following interesting reminiscence iu a notice of the article on "TAe National lntelligzncer aud its Editors," iu the last At- Hsuttjp i'lonthit/ ; It will be seen from this interesting narrative that there was a time when Joseph Gales stood alnue auioug Coogressiooal reporteis; and to still further illustrate his position in that line, wo call to mind what we once heard an intimate friend of Mr. Webster say we owe to him aud his wife with regard to the celebrated reply to Mr. Hayue. Meeting the Massachusetts Sena tor as be was going to the Capital on thut morn ing, Mr. Galas inquired of him how long he intended to speak. About half au hour was tlio reply. Ttie editor's duties at that time were pressing, hut be ventured to take so much time from them. Mr. Webster, however, di rectly after met Judge Story, who said that he thought the time had come to give to the coun try his views on the Constitution. To this pro position he asseuted- Mr. Gales took uti his pencil, unaware of this Dew arrangement, and alike unconscious of the lapse ot time under the enchantment of the orator aod consequent ly he wrote on until the close of the spell.— Some days passing away, and the '-proof" of the speech not Webster called on the reporter aod made enquiry. "I have the notes," said Mr. Gales, "and they are at your service as I shall never find time to write them out." This led to some- remonstrance aod persuasioo, but the overtasked editor stood firm. Then Msr. Galas oame to his rescue by saying she thought she oonld decipher her hus band's shorthand as she had formerly occasion ally done so. Mr. Gales doubted, seeing that it was fifteen years siuce she had tried it. Hut she bad beard the speech, and as the resistless sweep of its arguments and tbe gorgeous aud massive magnificence of its imagery were yet vivid iu her miud she persisted in undertakiug the diffiouit work. In due time thereafter the fair mauusoript came to Mr. Webster's hands for final correction. Scarcely a word needed to be changed; and soon a set of diamonds cost ing a thousand dollars, accompanied the rich thanks of the eloquent statesman. Thus was saved to literature the most memorable oration of the American Senate. A SENSIBLE LANDLORD.— An exchange says: A little incident transpired some weoks ago, at one of our Frankfort hotels, which is worthy of notice. A little girl entered the bar-room and in piti ful tones told the keeper that her mother bad sent her there to get eight cents. "Eight oents!" said th 6 keeper. "Yes, sir." "What does your mother want with eight cents? I don't owe her anything "Well," said the child, "father spends all his money here for rum, and we have had noth ing to eat to-day. Mother wants to buy a loaf of bread " A loafer remarked to the bar-keeper to "kick the brat out." "No," said the baf-keeper, "I'll give her the money, and if tbe father comes baok again I'll kick him out." 'Ma, has Kate got bees in her mouth?' •No; why do you ask such a question?' 'Because that little man with no bair on his face oatohed hold of her and said he was going to take the hooey from her lips; and she said, 'Well, make haste!' ' An editor in the western part of Michigan is in a fix. He dunned a subscriber for Lis subscription; be refused to pay, and threaten ed to flog the editor if he stopped the paper. THE FINAL, DESTINY OF THE EARTH, Encke's comet, wbich revolves about the sun in 34 years, has been observed to complete its revolution in a constantly shortening pe riod, showing that it is being drawn inward towards the sun. This fact has led to the general conclusion by astronomers that the planets are moving in a resisting medium, far more attenuated than our atmosphere, but still ( sufficient to affect their motions. If this is so, it follows by strict neoessity that our earth and its sister orbs are all winding spirally towards the sun, and that they must eventually strike agaiDSt it and become incorporated with its mass. The time required for this purpose be longs to those inconceivable periods with which geology aud astronomy have to deal. The resisting medium is so exceedingly attenuated that it exerts but a.sligbt iufluenco on the comets, which are themselves masses of the very thinnest vapor, and its influence would of course be very much less ou the dense matter of the planets. Astronomical observations, with all their wonderful delicacy, have yet failed to detect the slightest progressive shortening in the pe riods of revolution of any of the planets. It is curioos, however, to noto the ob stacles which prevent the perception of this fact, if it does exist. All the measures of these revolutions are sbortening-with the rev olutions themselves. If we begin, for instance, with the earth, the problem is to ascertain whether the time occupied by the earth in its journey around the sue is gradually becoming shorter. The first plan that suggests itself is to compare this with the rotation of the earth upon its axis, to see whether the year oooupies the same number of days and hours and seconds that it did in former times. Hut if the earth is gradually cooling, it is contracting ia size, and its rotations oo its axis are becom ing more rapid ; in other words, the day is shorteuing with the year and if the measure shrinks just in proportion to the thiog meas ured, we cannot toil whether the latter is be coming shorter or not. If we take the time of the revolutious of the moon around the earth as a standard, the same resisting medium wouid draw the moou towards the earth, and shorten the month also with the year. If we resert even to the less satisfactory measure of the sun's rotation on his axis, his bulk is aiso diminishing by the radiation Of tit* boot, kdii ihc pof.>d t>i" kil rotation is consequently beoomiog shorter. In brief, from the two causes of radiation and the resisting medium, all the times and distances which could be used to measure the earth's distance from the sun (or the period of its annual revolution) are shortening together.— So that the differeuoe, in the exteut of tbeso several contradictions are the only means left for detecting by observation the approach of the earth to the sun, if such approach is really taking place. These differences wouid doubt less reveal themselves in the course of genera tions to refined astronomical observations. If the earth and the sun are gradually be coming oold, this winding of the earth towards tbe sun would tend to keep us its warmth, and it may be a wise provision for prolonging, by some millions of years, the continuance of animai life upon our globe. But this period must come to a close, for if there is a resisting medium, pervading the space between us and the sun, the final destiny of tbe earth is to curve gradually forward till, with a velocity hundreds of times greater than that of a can non ball, it dashes itself with au awfully sab lime crash into the mass of the suu.—Scien tific American. ROGER A. PRYOR. This "valiant" coxcomb member of Con gress from Virgtuia, recently, it will be reool leoted, closed a speech with the declaration that if a President of the United States (mean ing Mr. Lincoln) should have the temerity to use force to prevent the secession of a South ern State or States because a Republican had been (Constitutionally) elected, and no other power should offer, he (Roger A.) solitary and alone, would be the Brutus to plant u dagger iu bis heart! Roger is thus "taken off" iu the Boston Transcript : "IS THIS A DAGGER." Roger Pryor turned to Brutus ! 'Tis awful to think ou ! lie's going to shoot us ! And poiDard Abe Lincoln ! For, should Abe be eleoted, And veto seoession, Bold Roger will give him No time for confession ; But murder Old Abe— How it makes the blood curdle ! And 6tick him where Brutus, did, Over the girdle. But who is this Roger, That vapors and swaggers ? Tbis valorous Roger, Tbat talks about daggers ? Why it's Roger A. Pryor, Whose clay has growu hotter, Since the roasting it got From the hands of the Potter. •Gentlemen of tbe jury,' said a Western law yer, •! don't mean to insinuate that this gen tlemen is a covetous person, but I'll bet five to one tbat if you should bait a steel trap with a new three cent piece, plsoo it within three inches of his month, you would CBtob his soul. I would uot—the Court and gentlemen of tbe jury—l would not trust him in a room with a millstone and the angel Gabriel to guard it.' •Why did Adam bite the apple I 'said a school master to a country boy. 'Because he had no knife,' said the boy. VOL. 33, NO. 46. PEW.NtLVtVU SS. In the name and by tbe authority of the Com monwealth of Pennsylvania, William P. Packer, Governor of the said Commonwealth. PROCLAMATION. FELLOW CITIZENS:—The revolutions of the year Lave again hrough* us to our annual fes tival of Thanksgiving to Almighty God. Ia no preceding year have we had more abundant cause for gratitude and praise. The revolving seasons Lave brought with them health end plenty. Tbe summer fruits and tbe autumn harvests have been gathered and garnered in unwonted exuberauee. A healthful activity has pervaded all tbe departments of life; and prov ident iudu-try has met with a generous reward. The increase of material wealth has been lib erally employed in sustaining our educational and Religious institutions, and both are making the most gratifying progress in enlightening and purifying tbe public mind. White in Europe, central aod absolute Governmsnts, by their pressure on personal right 3 and liberty, are pro ducing excitements, which threaten to upheavo the very foundations of society, aod have led, io some instances, to bloody and cruel wars, we, iu the enjoyment of constitutional liberty, and under the protection of just and equal laws, are peacefully pursuing the avocations of life, and engaging io whatever promises to advance our social and individual improvement and hap piness. "The lines are," indeed, "fallen to us io pleasant places, and we have a goodly herit age." In all this we see the crderings of a kind and merciful providence which call not only for our recognition, but for our public Thanksgiving and Praise. Under this conviction, I, WILLIAM F. PACKER, Governor of tbe Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, do hereby appoint THURSDAY, the 29th day of NOVEMBER next, to be ob served as a day of public Thanksgiving and Prayer, and recommend to all our people, that setting aside, that day, all wordly pursuits, they assemble in their respectivo plaoes of wor ship, and uuite io offering thanks to God for his manifold goodness, and imploring his for giveness, and the eontinuancc of bis mercies. Giveu under my Hand and the Great Seal of the State, at Harrishurg, this twenty-fourth day of October, One Thousand Eight Hun dred aud Sixty, and of the Commonwealth the Eighty-fifth. WM- F- PACKER^ By the Governor. WM. M. HIESTER, Secretary of the Commonwealth. Out of His Reckoning. A good story is told of a Washington county man, who on his way to Cincinnati became some what elevated by sundry 'drinks,' but as good luck would have it, found a boat at the wharf and was quickly on his way. Soon after leaving the wbarf a man came around for his fare. Horrali banded out a five dollar bill, and received four dollars aud ninsty fivo cents in change. He rammed it into his pocket book with great eagerness, supposing the oleek bad ruado a mistake. That done he leaned back into his chair and fell asleep. A little while and he wa9 plucked awake by the same man, who again demanded tare. 'Dis covered the mistake,' thought be, holding out a handful of change. The niao, as before, took only five cents, and Horrali again wont into a doze. Ere he had got fairly to dreaming of home, and friends far away, around came tho oolleotor agaiD, aud thus it went on for a long time. At last Horrall thought it very iuoonveuient and concluded to vote the ccnduotor a nuisance, and give hiua a bit of adviee besides, so, said he— 'ls (hie) this a daogcr(bic)oua bo(bic)boat?' 'By no means,' said the man. •Bran new.' •Then (bio) why do (hie) don't you collect all the (hie) fahair at once—not bother a fel(hic) beller for it every mile as it (hie) comes duoP 'lleally,' said the man, •where do you think you are going?' 'Cinciu(hic)binuati,' said Horrall* 'Cineiunati,' said the polite oonduotor; why, you must be sadly out of your reckoning. This is the ferry boat, and all this afternoon you have been riding to and fro between New Al bany and Portland!' That night Horrall stayed in Louisville. A clergyman observing a poor man in the road breaking stone with a pickaxe, and kneel ing to get at his work better, made this re mark: •Ah, John, 1 wish 1 could break the stony hearts of my hearers as easily as you are break ing these stones.' The man replied: 'Perhaps, Master, you don't work on your knees.' tEP"I would not marry an Eastern man, if I had to live an old maid all the days of my life, exolaimcd a buxom country lass. Why not? demanded her astonished com panion. Because every paper you piok up ooutains an acoount of the failure of the Eastern mails. The shortest speeob on record was that of Geo. Nye, standing in a railroad ear recently, in a Western State. "Fellow oitiaens," said the waggish General—and just then the whis tle sounded for a start, and be concluded, '•Good bye!" 'What do you ask for this?' inquired Obadiah' of a young Miss. 'Fifteen shillings.' 'Ain't you a little dear.' | 'Why/ she replied blushing, 'all the men tell I me so.'