Newspaper Page Text
BY DAVID OYER.
|r I tr f|so tf r v].
- ~ r ~fi ~ '
TIIE t.TREL or riTIEVf E.
BY JOHN G. WHITTIKR.
1 o wear}' hearts, to mourning homes,
<1 mi's meekest aii£;<-l gently rooms ,
No power has he to banish pain,
tJr give ns hack our loss again ;
Ami yet, in tendefest love, our dear
And Heavenly Father send.; hiru hero.
i here's quiet in that angel's glance,
The rc'u rest in his still countenance ;
11.- mocks no griei with idle cheer,
Nor wounds with word the mourner's (ear
Hut ill and woes he may not cure,
lie kindly trains us to endure.
Angel of Patience : sent to clam
Our fcYered brow with cooling balm
To lay the storms of hope and lear,
And reconcile life's smile and tear;
And throbs of wounded jiride to still,
And make us owu our Father's will'
Oh thou, who mournest on thy way '
With longings for the close of day.
He walks with thee, that angel kind,
And gently whispers, "Be resigned 1
Bear up, hear on, the end shall tell,
The dear Lord ordered all things well!"
Our fair readers, all of whom, we know, love
fioweis—the season of which is now at hand
—will be iutoiestod in the following manner of
preserving them from wilting, whieh a cotcm
porary assures us is highly successful. The
plan is this: Procure a flat dish of porcelain,
into which pour water: place upon it a vase of
flowers, and all over the vase a bell glass with
its rim in the water. The air that surrounds
the flowers being confined beneath the bell glass
is constantly moist with water, tli at rises into
it in tho form of vapor. As fast as the water
becomes condensed it runs down the side of
the boll glass; so as to prevent it evaporating
into the air of the sitting room, the atmosphere
around the flowers is continually damp, The
plan is designated the 'Hopean Apparatus.'—
The experiment may be tried on a small scale
by inveiiing a tumbler over a rose-bud in a sau
cer of water.
FKLTT TREES.— There U a practice among
tho Swiss and Germans of boring into the
ground among the ropts of fruit trees, (with
an instrument tuadc for the pufpow,) and pour
ing in liquid manure to force the Iron forward,
and also enable it to resist the drought of dry
weather. I have practiced this for four
with some tine Seckel in dry land, with
good success. Avoid this after September
first, as it will iaduec a second growth late in
tho fall, which will be quite irregular and very
liable to be winter killed. The instrument 1
use is the common iron bar, which can be driv
•u in among the roots without injury. Take
lor a wasb, (as 1 boy no 'special' manures,) to
three fourths of a bairel of water, four quarts
of ashes, two quarts of lime, two shovelsful of
otghi 301i —-stir up well, and pour into holes
made as akyvV. what the tree requires. Soap
suds are capital li?* this purpose.
tFrom GoJey's W ' J" r Ju h I
blackberries. —Preserve tho*"- fatrawber
ucs or currants, cither liquid or jam.- v ''" J e ">-
Blackberry jelly or jam is an excellent
cine in summer complaints or dysentery ; to
make it, crush a quirt of fully ripe blackber
ries with a pound of the best loaf sugar, put
it over a gentle fire aud cook it until thick,
then put to it a gill of the best*fourth-pt'OOf
urandy, stir it awhile over the fire, then put it
Blackberry Syrup. —Make a simple syrup of
•i pound of sugar to each pint of water, boil it
until it is rich and thick, then add to it as many
pints of the expressed juice of ripe blackber
ries as there are pounds of sugar ; put half a
nutmeg grated to each quart of the syruff ; let
it boil fifteen or twenty minutes, then add to it
half a gill of fourth-proof brandy for each
quart of syrup; set it by to become cold, then
bottle it for use. A tablespoonful for- a child
or a wineglass for au adult is a dose.
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A Weekly Paper, DeviTted to Literature, Politics, the Arts, Sciences, Agriculture, &e., &c—Terms: One Dollar and Fifty Cents in Advance.
blackberry Wine —The following is said to be
au excellent receipt for tho manufacture of su
perior wine from blackberries Measure your
berries and bruise them, to every gallon adding
one quart of boiling water. Let the mixture
stand twenty-four hours, stirring occasionally ;
then strain off the liquor into a cask, to- every
gallon adding two pounds of sugar, cork tight
and let stand till following Octobor, and you
! will have wine ready for use. without any tur
! ther straining or boiling, that will make lips
i smack as they never smacked, under similar in
blur kit erry and 11 trie Cordial —Wo avail
ourselves of tho kiutiaess of a friend to pub
j jish tho following excellent receipt for making
' cordial. It, is recommeudcd as a delightful
beverage, and an infallible specific for dianb-"
or or ordinary of the bowels: To half
a bushel of blackberries, Well mashed, add a
quarter of a pound of allspice, two ounces of
cinnamon, two ounces of clores: Pulverize
well, mix, and boil slowly until properly done;
then strain or ?queexo the juice through houies
• pun or flannel, aud add to each pint of the
! juice one pound of loaf sugar. Boil again for
■ some time, take it off, and, while cooling, add
half a gallon of best Cogniao braudy. Dose,
| for au adult, half a gill to a gill; for a child, a
, teaspoonful or more, according to age.
Currants Preset vcd. —Take ripe currants;
free from stems, weigh them, and take the
same weight of sugar: put a teacup of sugar
ilo each pouud of it; boil the syrup until it is
hot and clear; then turn it over the- fruit -. let
it remain one night: then set it over the fire
and boil gently until they aro cooked and clear
! take them into the jars or pots wiih a skimmer;
j boil the syrup until rich and thick, then pour it
; over the fruit. Currants may be preserved
j with ten pounds of fruit to sevcu of sugar.—
j Take the stems from seven pouuds of the cur
rants, aud crush and press the juice from tho
remaining three pounds; put them into tho hot
syrup, and boil until thick aud rich, put it iu
pots or -jars, and tbe Bext day secure as di
Red or White Currant Jam.- Let the fruit
be very ripe; pick it clean from tbe stalks ;
bruise it, and to every pound put three-quarters
ot a pound of loaf sugar; stir it well and boil
half an hour, then add the sugar ; boil aud
Green Currant Jam. —Weigh equal portions
of unripe red currents and sugar: set the fruit
over the fire, at some distance, with a small
part of the sugar, breaking tbe fruit a littlo
that tho juice may prevent it burning stir it
continually and let it remain for a quarter of
an hour, then add the rest of the sugar, and
boil up for a quarter of au hour longer.
A MULE BEWITCHED.
The popular idea sceuis to be that the long
eared trbe have been deprived of the power of
speech since the days of Balaam, hut we had
this morning ocular and auricular proof of the
fallacy of this belief. As we wero coining
down Bond street, we noticed a little this side
of the Planters' Hotel a crowd collected around
the wagon of a countryman, and stepped up
to learn if possible tbe cause ot the excite
Tbe wagon was drawn by a couplo of mules,
one if them a rather bad looking specimen,
who seemed to hail from a tr-gion were corn and
oats are raiities; tho other decidedly better
looking, and giving onmistakeabie evidence of
having been better fed. The wagon was load
ed with the delightful esculcut—so popular in
♦he South—sweet potatoes. Prominent iu the
crowd wc nolieod a little black-eyed, gray
haired tua'h who was busily engaged, when wc
come up, id negotiating a trade for one of the
mules, aud strange to say, for the poorest look
"Now, my lriend," said the little man, I want
this uiulo—L have a first rate match for him,
and waut to make out the pair. llow old is
"Five years old last spring," promptly re
plied the countryman.
"Golly, what a lie! cried tbe mule, pricking
up his cars.
Countryman started —tho crowd looked
frightened, and one or two colored gentlemen
incontinently fled, as if tbe devil were of the
"Who—who was that?" asked the dealer in
jwtatoes at length, having somewhat recovered
his voice and senses.
"Why me ?" promptly responded rhe mule.
"What are you lying about ?" You know you
bad me fifteen years."
"Voprc, my friend," said tbo littlo man,
"your radio contradicts you—and be ought to
know his own age-"
"I'll be darned if I know what to make of
you or the mule," exclaimed the conntiyman.
"1 be is only five years old for I raised
"There, you lie again," said the mule.
"Take that," ejfolaitned tho now infuriated j
owner, forgetting bis fear for a moment, and
striking the animal over the mouth.
"Don't do that again," cried tho inule, "I'll j
The countryman's eyes almost popped out of
his head, and there is no telling what would
have been tho result, had not some one arrived,
who recognized the little man as Signer lJli'z,
the well-known Magician and Ventriloquist,
which explained tbe mystery and relieved the
countryman, —.fucrusta Dispatch
BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY, JULY 2, 1858.
AX ARH4HSAS WLDDIIV6. I
Arkansas ! the State of all the Southern
confederacy worst ridden by demagogues and
politicians. Ilich in her soil and mineral
wealth, aud poorest iu everything like internal
improvements aud commercial facilities of all
kinds. Her public road- are pigniires, and by
rivers innocent of any improvement save thooe
afforded by nature. Jogging along over qjje
of these self-same roads, I broke iny bugijy
trying to drive round a suspicious spot where
some philanthropist had erected a hickory sap
ling, bearing the oinnious words:
"NO BOTTOM HERE."
Delayed and benighted, lat last reached"'®
log house, whose blazing fire-light *hro' tin?
open door promised comfort, and if 1 guessi i
aright, some half-dozen horses hitched at the
gate indicated that something was going on.-?-
I hailed: 'Haloo, who lives hcrq?'
'Me, Bob Woods. What do you want?'
'Supper and lodging, if you can accommo
This brought Bob Woods to the gale, wheFfe
he proceeded to inform me that his darter Me
liudy was about getting married, but he'd as
lief make a dollar as not, ef I'd feed iny herre
myself and sleep on a corn-busk sbakc-dowß
j afore the fixe.. I jumped at the offer, and out
j of my buggy fed 'Lightning,' washed my hands
j aud went in to sec the fun. I was uiado at
i home in a moment. The idea of an 'Orcfea
feller' currying and feeding his own horse, was
i something entirely new, and I was a favorite
; msfnnter, guaranteed by a prominent invitation
jto 'liquor.' The- parson imbibed, drew an eti-
I oriuous red bandana across bis lips, and an
: uouueed that 'he was ready to talk when the
i rest was.' This brought forth tbo happy coa
! pie. Tho groom was a lanky specimen in
homespun, and led his bride by the baud. Sh
was a bouuemg, rosy-ebceked damsel, following
a step or two behind, feeling evideutly in a
novel position. 'You Melindy, take your fin
ger qfi? °f your mouth.' Melindy cast a defi-
at her maternal relative, withdrew the
offending member, wiped it on her apron, and"
quickened, her pace. The young parson, after
some little trouble, arranged them to his satis
faction, aud proceeded:
'John fcbribner, do you take Melindy Woods,
in the presence of these witnesses, to be yous.
lawful wedded wife?'
'That's wot I'm here for,'ausweiel Mr.
Stribncr, cramming his hands into his breeches
'Yon will please answer yes or no.'
'Yes or DO-,' promptly returned the gentle
'No, no! say yes.'
'Y-a-a-s, tbcu" casting a sheepish look
! around him.
* 'Melindy Woods/
' '\ r -a-a-s!'
a moment, please. Melindy Woods,
j do you take John Siribncr, in the presence of
; these witnesses, to be your lawful wended hus
'Then in the presence of the witnesses spo
ken of, I do declare you tuan an' wife, 'cordin
the laws of Arkansaw ail' tho Gospill; an'
wot's thus jinod let no man put in suuder.'
The parson turned away, flushed and exei-
I ted, but was recalled by a query from Mr.
'Must } kiss her now, George?'
'As you John; she's yours now.'
•Hold mouf, Melindy/
Shan't do it! llight here afore folks.'
John did not argue tho point, but sidled tip
to the grinning group where 1 was standing,
and proposed that us boys should take some
'bust-head,' (whiskey,) Meanwhile I heard
Melindy'a triumphant voice among some of her
companions. 'Kiss! humph! Jawu'9 turned
fool, 1 b'lievc.'
I slept on the com-husk shake-down afore
the fire soundly that night, being separated
from the bridal apartment by a curtain extempo
rized! for the occasion. From behind its folds
I heard 'JawnV remonstrating voice, followed
by a host of loving apologies from Melindy for
the refused kiss I'll take my 'affydavy' that
he received that one a hundred fold, with in
PARSON BROWN LOW (W) HOOPlNG.—Fore
most amoDg olergymcn who are not content
with preaching the Gospel, but fain meddle
with other matters, is Parson Brown low, of j
Knoxville, Toon. Wbilo recently attending
tho Methodist Annual Convention at Nashville,
he thus comments on hoops:
"All I regret is that skirtdom is expanding,
atlri ,'LIP ia2!d°£is iu vogue arc still increasing
the distancd Dolmen Sl-iQ woman. At one
moment I" feel like PXciuiuong, 'Dh, that 1
wero a boy again!' Tho next niomOU?
indignant at the hoops, and feel willing to join
o regiment of men in a vigorous assault upon
the rattan, whalebone, cords, brass and steel, i
that have put asunder what God has said ought
to be joined together. Only think of tho dis- j
play on our streets, and in the parlor, of the j
grand and graceful skirts, loomiug up around ;
one, fascinating, charming and swinging to and !
fro, like so many things of life ! Talk about |
the grandeur of a first.class steamer, or of a i
train of cars propelled by steam ! Give me a
train of hooped skirts, under the folds of
which are so many human locomotives, stand- !
ing five teet ten inches in slippers, fired up by :
the blood of warm hearts, and puffiug and |
blowing with love, kind words and winning
smiles, aud I would show you a sight that
would run a young man crazy, raise a dead j
bachelor to life, and make an old widower;
"I cannot trust myself on this > s " flona
theme; I must desist or go urav '
One of the*toast- at . B recent celebra
tion was," ' s re Tnrcs no eulogy
ibe graveyard ought to be a place where
none but sober and devout sentiments should
find expression. The connecting link, as it
were, with the world ol spirits, human caprice
should be put aside, the purer and better part
of human nature allowed to dictate, and eve
rything be done "decently and & order." Yet
how often the veiy reverse is the case. There
is hardly a graveyard iu tho world, probably,
that does not contain some whimsical epitaph
or memorial ot the dc-ad, which shows the wri
ter cared more for making a pun, recording a
sarcastic distitch, or perpetrating a rhyme, than
for expressing a sentiment appropriate to the
place and tho occasion. Some people must
give ut'erauce to a laughable arid iucongruous
thought, eveu at the grave, while othci'.s make
lltenisei ves ridiculous by attempting a literary
task beyond their powers. We find iu House
hold Words a curious collection of specimens
of this sort of churchyard literature, picked up
in various English cemeteries. This list is
quite aptly commenced with the following cyn
ical inscription written over a gentleman's
grave in the churchyard of Bedington :
"Yoeras and epitaphs arc but stuff.
Hero ties Robert Barras, and that's enough."
j The annexed is not only flippant but ludic
I "Here lies the body of Deborah Dent,
She kicked up her heels and away she wents."
The antbor of the following displays inge
nuity in securing a rhyme for his memorial :
"Here lies two brothers by misfortune sur
One died of his wounds, and tbo other was
•St. Albain's furnishes an original and striking
idea in the way of mortuary literature, e q..
'■Sacred to the memory of MissM irlha C'royn,
She was so very pure wi thin,
She burst the outward shell of sin.
And hatched h rself a cherukjin."
A victim of misplaced confidence, leaves this
warning in Ohdrenham C'eiuetry:
"Here lies I and my throe daughters,
it .. Killed by a drinking of Cheltenham waters,
* it we lad stack to Kpsom sait3, *
Wo'd not been lying in these here vaults."
Here is one- of the pathetic stamp, culled in
W hi tali Ire.
"Beneath this stone his own dear child,
Whose gone from we
For fever more unto erternity;
Where do hope that we shall go to he.
But he can never more come back to we."
Pasquin might have wiitten the following,
catved in tho toiubstouc of one Strange, a law
'•Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is strange."
i What could be more expressive than this?
! "lie did not do much harm, nor yet much good,
j Ami might have been much better if lie woufcl."
| If brevity is wit, the next must bo called
"Here lies John Shore,
I say no more;
He was alive
In Grantham churchyard one inscription states '
something more thau is quite necessary:
"John Palfteyman, who is hurried hero ,
Was aged lour-and-twenty year.
And near this place his mother lies;
Likewise his father When he dies."
The next is decidedly of a humorous cast:
"Here lies I. There's arvond to my woes,
And my spirit at length af aise s- f
With the tip of mv nose,
Turned up to loots ot the daises."
A Mrs. h?lwven,a cook was honored with two
starwas, or, as she might have called them her
self, a couple of courses:
"Underneath this crut
Lies the mouldering dust
Of Eleanor Batchelor Shoveu,
Wefl-vorsed in the aits
01 pies, custards, and tarts.
And the lucrative trade of the oven.
When she'it lived long enough,
She made her last pull",
A puff by her husband much praised;
And now she doth lie
And make a dirt pie,
In hopes that her crust may be raised."
A reward was once offered for the best epi
taph upon a celebrated provost of Dundee.—
The town council wero unable to decide be
tween the relative merits of tho two which fol
low, and both wero therefore placed on tho
'•Here lies John, i'rovost of Dundee,
Here lies Him, here lies He-"
due second ran even still more remarkably:
"Here lies John, Provost of Dundee.
A LETTER FOR DENNIS. —'Ilillo, Misther
Postmaster, and is there ivcr a letter hero for
'1 believe there is,' said the postmaster, slep- j
ping back and producing the letter.
♦And will you be so kind as to rade it to me, :
seein' I had tbo misfortune to be eddicatcd to j
rade nivcr a bit?' 4
'To be sure,* said the i
lie then opened and rosuU**' "P'Sfle, which
was from tbe -old^^ concerning his re
lations there, ' ' )en 1,0 fibbed, Den
nis observed .
what would you bo axiu for the post-
Age on that letter?'
'Aud it's chape enough, ycr honor, but as 1 j
niver think of axiu ye to trust, jiat l.ape the j
letter for pay, and say, Misther, if I'd call in, j
oao of these days, would ye write au answer j
to it?' - '
J A BACHELOR'S WOES. —What a pitiful
j thing an old bachelor is, wiih his cheerless
house, and his rueful phiz, on a bitter cold
night, when the. fierce winds blow, and tbe
eat t!i is covered with a foot of snow. When
his fire is out, ami in shivering dread, ho slips
'neath the sheets of his lonely bed. How he
draws up his toes, still encased in yarn hose,
and he buries his nose, 'neath the chilly bed
clothes, that his nose and his toes, still encased
in yarn hose, may not be froze. Then be puff's
and he blows, and swears that he knows, no
mortal on earth ever suffered such woes, and
with ah's.' aud with oh'a! and with liuibs near
ly froze, to hij slumber in silence the bachelor
goes. In the morn when the cock crows, and
the sun has just rose, from beneath the bed
clothes pops the bachelor's nose, and as you
may suppose, when ho hears the wind blow,
and sees the windows all froze, why back 'neath
the clothes, pops the poor fellow's nose, for if
from that bod he rose, to put on his clothes, he'd
surely be froze,
A SHARP SAILOR. —A few days ago a sail
or at a railroad tsation, waiting for the Dext
train, inquired of a bystander where he could
get some liquor. A place near by was pointed
out to him, and lie inquired if it was good.—
Tho answer was that it was sfich poisonous stuff
that it would probably kill. A few minutes
afterwards tbe sailor called to a negro who was
sawing wood near by, and took ban into the
shop which had been pointed out, where he
treated, him to a drink. The bartender asked
the aajaflor if ba was not also going to. drink,
but received a negative answer, and both the
visitors left. Very soon the sailor again made
his appearance,.called for liquor, and was ask
ed why ho did not drink when he was in bo
fore. Ho replied that ho had been watching
tbe nigger—that it was just seventeen min
utes since be drank, and, as the liquor had not
killed him in that time, he believed be could
stand it, aud would run tbe risk.— Louisville
We have often thought it ouc of the saddest
things in tho world, that the author of the
sweetest of ballads, "Home, Sweet Home,"
should have uo home of his own
But as they used to faucy ihat birds sang all
the more sweetly the songs of their uative
Heavca by putting out their eyes, so it of ten
is that we love those ttifbgs "most, and praise
those best of which we know and enjoy the
Au Englishman, emerging from the fog, tells
an Italian what a beautiful IJeavcn he has al
j ways lived under, without knowing it, and Sea-
I ecu wrote eloquently cf poverty, sitting at a
table inlaid with gold.
in Africa, near the ruins of Berthage, where
the north wind blows softly from tlie sea, and
far from the pilgrim planted land, John How
aid Payne found his abiding borne on an April
Wbile they were siugrag his song in half tho
happy homes of the wide world, ho was laid in !
a stranger's grave. The government of the '
United Stales ha* caused a monument to bo iu- ;
scribed aud erected to bis memory.
TUB WAY IT IS DONE —ID the year 1772,
a man iu Eugland astonished the natives, by
haviug a loaded cannon fired at biui a distance
of, ten yards only, and catching the ball—a j
nine pouuder—in his baud. Ou the payment
of a considerable sum, ho divulged his secret,
which was this:
When the prepcr charge of powder was rea
dy, a little of it was put iu tho cannon, then
the ball run in, and the rest tho powder put
in after it. The wadding was then rammed
tightly in. When fired, tho report was as loud
as usual, bat ewrng to thc-re being a small
quantity f powder hebind the ball, it would
only carry about twenty yards. Cannon load
ed iu this way, and fired against thin piue
boards, at a distauce of.twelve or fifteen- yards,
A worthy divine, one of tbo preachers in at
tendance upon the General Oonfereuco of the
Methodist Episcopal Church South, from the
State of Arkansas, stopped at the St. Cioud.—
Upon retiring for the night, ho told the ser
vant who conducted him to his room, that he
wautod his boots blacked. The servant told
him to ret them outside the door, and the boot
b'ack would attend to them, lie did so, and
iu the morning tho boots cauio up missing.—
Instead of yetting the boots out in the hall, he
had placed theui outside tho front door. That
pieacher has not a very elevated opinion of the
morality of the people of Nashville. lie
wears a pair of new boots.
A COSTLY BIBLE. —Thoro is still in exis
tence a copy of tbo Bible, printed on vellum,
which has beon sold as high as $2,500. It is
one of the few remaining copies of tbe first
printed edition of the Bible. It may not be
generally known that the Bible was tbo first,
book printed after tbo discovery of tbe art ot'
printing. It was a book of about one thousand
three hundred pages, and of two largo
folio volumes. A °f tiuio aud
labor was print it ; aud the fact
that it was -it written with a pen, as other
coppics had been, was for a long time conceal
ed. This work was done about the year 1115
—more than 400 years ago.
A LAUGH. —How much of character lies iu
a laugh! It is iu fact the cypher key often
times, wherewith we decipher a man. As a
late writer observes 'You know no man until
you have heard him laugh.' There are oc
casions—there are humors—when a man with
whom you have long Loea familiar, will quite
startle us by breaking out into a laugh, which
oomcs manifestly right from the heart, and yet
which we never heard before. And in many a
heart a sweet angel slumbers unseen, until
some happy moment aw-'-
VOL.- 31. NO. 27.
A couple of idle fellows strolled into a color
ed chnrch at Hartford, i. few evenings since to
injoy the fun , but when the colored minister
rose to preach, heforc announcing the text, he
leaned foreward on the pulpit, ana looked slow
ly around on the congregation. 'Brethren/
says he at length, 'may de Lor'"bare mt-ycy on
all do scoffers/ (Long pause.) 'May da Lor'
have mcrey on all de laughers.' "(Solemn 1
pause.) 'May do Lor* have mercy on do two
pea-nut eaters down by de door.' The twe
young wen did not wait for the benediction.
The largest bullock ever raised in America
if not in the world, was the ox known as
"George Washington," whose stuffed skin may
be seen in life-like proportions in the rooms of
the Butchers' Hide and Fat Association iu N/
York. His live weight was 3201 pounds.—
He was 0 feet i inches long, and some 5 feet
9 inches high.
Charles Sumner, Senator of Massachusetts,
sailed for Europe in the steamship "Vandef
bilt" which left New York on Saturday, lie
publishes a valedictory letter to his const itu
A 1* RIGHTFUL CAUTlON. —Rremice, otthc
Louisville Journal, says
"A lady correspondent, who professes to ho
terrified at the iudelicacy of cur paper, thieat
ens for the future to set her foot on every copy
she sees. She had Letter he caiefnl. Out
paper has eyes (i't). in it."
An Irishman, lately scut to the 7 . ise o'
correction in South Boston for a year, was set
to work i ft a blacksmiths shop. Finding the
labor very hard, Re asked ('apt. Bobbins lo"
changc his employment. 'Faith/captain,' said
he, 'if 1 have to work this way feu a year j
shall die in less than is fortnight.*
• -— ; i —A- •
'Sambo, you Hack tief, Sambo, why do ym
betray dat secret I told you de oder day ?'
'i betray de secret ? 1 scorn de 'putalieu-
I found i couldn't keep uiu, so I told uin t.,-
somebody dat could.'
FT I J V
i rentice cf the Louisville Journal, 'objects '
to the five miDUte rule in the New York pray,a •
meetings. He says, 'imagine for instance, old
Bennett, of the Herald confessing his /ns'ie
the ridiculous space of five minutes !'
An. irishman, on being tuid to grease the
carriage, returned in absct an hour afterwards
and sa:d 'i'vo greaeed every part of the car
; nage but them sticks wbsro L fe wheels ihur
The editor of au exciiange says he never
flaw but cne ghost, and that was tbo ghost >f a
sinner who died without paying for his piper
, Twos horrible to look upon.
-SAVED CT IIER HOOPS.— Take courage, la
dies—hoops are of some good, after all. The
Lewistown Democrat says —"On Friday las",
as Miss Alda Smith, daughter of R Jj. .Smith,
was looking at a Canal boat in motion, she be
came dizzy aud fell into the water, jbsr hocps,
however, buoyed her up, and she floated down
the 'raging canal' about forty yards, when she
v;as rescued. " ' * .
LONGEVITY OR A CANARY BIRD-.— A cor
icspondent of tbo New York Commercial Ad
vertiser, states that a Canary bird died at
Brooklyu, a few days ago, which had been iu the
possession of the owner for 2G years. It bad
been bald for many years, and blind for the
last twelve months.
A Virginia- paper records the toarrago of
Miss Jane Lemon to Mr. Ebenezer Sweet,
whereupon an oxebange moralizes as fellows
"How happy the extremes do meet
In J.ane and Elretiezer ;
She's no longer sour but Suet!,
Aud he's a Lemon squeezer!"
An eccentric person, the Marquis Malaizi, of
Florence, just doccasod, has ordered by his
will, a portion ot his fortune to bo invested and
the interest to bo paid to tbo "most hump back
ed man" in Tuscany. The recipient cf the in
come is to be chosen by twelvo other Lump
backed men, each of whom for his trouble is
to be rewarded with a gold medal bearing the
effigy of iEsop.
FINALE OF A HONEYMOON.— A woman, in
Lancaster, Pa., receutly got a Germuiv ;n*c
Lochlin, to marry ber by giving hi:u s7f>.
Ever since the marriage the affectionate couple
k£rc been on a drunken spree, which resulted,
on Thursday night, in the husband throwing
his wife out of a window. She is very badly
She ought to be ashamed.—ln a recent, de
scription of a new counterfeit, au exchange
paper says that, on "the right eud is a female
with a rake." We don't dispute the tact, hut
really consider the fewAe lost to shame, to apt
near in public with such a disreputable char
A WORD WITH A BEQOER ON HORSEBACK.
—When a man gets to the top of the hill hou
estly, he deserves to be taken by the nook aui
hurled down again, if he's ashamed to turn
about and look at the lowly raod along which
he ouca travelled.
NAPOLEON'S I>EATU CHAMBER. — The Ucv
licury \\ ood, a chaplain in the U. S. Navy,
writiug from St. Helena, says that iu the room
where Napoleon died, there is now a threshing
machine in operation, and stalls for the Lorsee
that move it, iu his bed ohamber
STARTLING. — A huge black bear, driven I
! fro in the swamps by high water, preftinb.iL <eo
the streets of Yazoo, Miss., on Monday Uttfbr
week, to the consternation of every body.
The aggregate wealth of toe united States
imounts to $12,000,0011.000; or S7OO to e '