“Bellefonte, Pa., September 14, 1923.
HE WAS GAME TO THE LAST
Dying Book Agent Flies His Profes
selon With Sorrowing Friends and
Even Tackles Undertaker.
‘The book agent was dying. (They
ave tough, but they do dle) “It is
hard, very hard,” he muttered, “to
have death come just as I had been
given the exclusive right to canvass
Hayseed county for Ripsnorter’s Uni-
versal history—a work that was bound
to sell like hot cakes.”
Then glancing at his sobbing friends
who stood round his bedside, he said:
“Soon all that will be left of men will
be a sainted memory. I shall have
departed, as Shakespeare — whose
works, in 15 volumes, half Russia,
come at $2 a volume, or $24 the set—
remarks, ‘to that bourne from which
no traveler returns.’ But do not weep.
I have only one last request to make.
Promise me that you will grant it.”
“We will,” replied all present, in
choking accents,
“I have your word—yours, Uncle
John, and yours, Aunt Maria, and
Bill's, and Cousin Jemima's, and Doc-
tor Slaughter’'s?”
“You have,” was the unanimous re-
sponse.
“Then,” said the dying man, with a
look of contentment, “I shall have you
all put down for a set of Strawpaper’s
magnificent ‘History of Fakes and Su-
perstitions,” in 12 volumes, ful mo-
rocco, at $36 the set. The entire work
will be delivered to you with a week.”
One by one the sorrowing friends
filed out, too full for utterance.
“That little stroke of business will
get me an Al monument,” said the
book agent to his wife. “And now,
suppose you send round for the un-
dertaker, and I'll see if I can’t land
him for a set of the Blarney library
at $60, and get him to take it out ip
trade.”
SHOWS EARMARKS OF AGE
Collector of Genuine Antique Furni-
ture Knows Little Points That
Cannot Be Faked.
How long ago was the circular saw
finvented? If you aspire to become a
«collector of genuine anique furniture
:you should know the answer to the
‘question. The circular saw was in-
vented as far back as the year 1777.
Therefore, no piece of Seventeenth
century furniture should bear the tell-
tale curved lines that a bent tooth in
a circular saw makes. The maker of
false antique furniture may copy the
form of the original piece with com-
parative ease, but he has difficulty in
giving it the appearance of genuine
age. Boring wormholes is now re-
garded as dangerous; other methods of
aging are preferred. For example, a
gentleman who was visiting the shor
of a prosperous country dealer in an
tique furniture noticed several rab
bits inside an interesting carved cof-
fer. “You know more about such
things than I do,” he remarked to his
host, but unless I am strangely mis-
taken that is an original Sixteenth
century coffer. How in the world can
you put it to such a use?’ “It will
be a Fifteenth century coffer when
the rabbits have finished with it,” war
the cool reply.
te
v
Snapshots of an Eclipse.
Immense telescopic cameras forty
and sixty feet long, gigantic reflectors
and a number of smaller instruments
will be moved into Mexico for the pur-
pose of photographing the sun during
its total eclipse next September, ac-
cording to plans announced here by
Dr. A. E. Douglas of the University
of Arizona, says a Tucson correspond-
ent of the New York World.
Doctor Douglas will head an expedi-
tion, while a second will be conducted
by Prof. W. A. Cogshall of the Uni-
versity of Indiana.
The Douglas expedition will take
swith it a forty-foot-focus camera which
‘will reproduce the sun with a five-inch
diameter. An even larger camera,
with a sixty-foot focus, will be taken
by the Cogshall expedition.
These cameras will be held in posi-
tion by means of specially constructed
towers.
San Felipe, 134 miles south of the
international boundary, has been se-
lected as the site of the Cogshall ex-
pedition’s observation. Dector Doug-
1as has not definitely selected his loca-
tion.
Strange Mirage Seen in Italy.
Images of hills, groves, buildings,
ships and other objects in the vicinity,
some erect and some inverted, are un-
der certain atmospheric conditions
seen in the Straits of Messina, be-
tween Calabria and Sicily. This
strange species of mirage is sometimes
seen in the water and sometimes in
the air, and forms a kind of moving
spectacle, The Italian name of Fata
Morgana is given the mirage, because
it is supposed to be the work of the
fairy Morgana, the pupil of Merlin
and the sister of King Arthur.
Required Too Much Effort.
Mrs. Envie—And have you been in
South America?
Mrs, Newrich—Many times.
I know it from end to end.
Mrs. Envie—Then of course you
went up the Amazon?
Mrs. Newrich—No, as a matter of
fact, I didn’t. My husband went to
the top, but I never cared much for
climbing.
————— A ————————
——Subscribe for the “Watchman.”
In fact
DUTCH NAMED CONEY ISLAND
Discovered in 1524 by Verrazano, an?
in the Public Eye Ever Since
That Time.
Coney island, New York’s lively and
picturesque playground, has a history
as lively and picturesque as itself. It
has been in the public eye ever since
1524, when, according to some authori-
ties, it was discovered by Verrazano.
Although Coney is long and thin now,
stretching about six miles from east
to west, according to old maps it was
short and fat when Henry Hudson,
first sailed past it.
The early history of Coney island is
as full of romance as that which she
is making at present. The Hollanders
in Kings county named it Conyen
Eylandt, which is Dutch for Rabbits
island, and used it for a pasturage
for cattle, remarks the New York Sun
and Globe.
When, in 1642, the English Graves-
enders arrived they were met by An-
tony Jansen Van Salee, nicknamed
“The Turk,” who claimed the island.
Jansen, although originally a Dutch-
man, had long lived in Barbary, and
acted and dressed like the traditional
Turk. He had been a resident of New
Amsterdam, but got in “Dutch” with
the authorities by threatening Dominie
Bogardus for dunning him for church
dues.
The trouble started when Bogardus’
wife, Annike, snubbed Mrs. Jansen,
who, piqued, gave vent to the gossip
about the dominie’s wife lifting her
skirts too high while stepping over a
mud puddle. The dominie retorted by
dunning for dues. Jansen's reply was
a threat of personal violence, anu he
was bound over by the authorities not
to carry anything more deadly than
an ax within the limits of New Am-
sterdam.
Jansen moved to a farm in New
Utrecht, where he found more free
dom, and when the Gravesenders ob-
tained their patent his farm was part
of the western boundary. He defend-
ed his claim vigorously, claiming the
overlordship of Coney island, until the
Gravesenders’ right to it was estab-
lished,
HUMMING BIRD OF THE SEA
Smallest Seaplane Ever Constructed
Is Designed for Use on Subma-
rines of American Navy.
The smallest seaplane ever con:
structed, intended for use on naval
submarines, was tested by experts at
the naval air station at Anacostia the
other day. All submarines are to be
equipped with this “humming bird of
the air,” as the bureau of naval aero-
nautics describes the novel craft.
In effect the new seaplane will be
an enormous aid to the submarine, as
it will give it a periscope thousands
of feet in the air. It can be stowed
in parts in the small space avrilable
in a few minutes. It measure eigh-
teen feet over all and weighs scarcely
one thousand pounds and has a three
cylinder, sixty-horsepower engine,
Some of the planes already have
been delivered to the naval air station
at Hampton Roads and it is expected
they soon will be in service.
The Train Talkers.
“My wife's played out sitting around
in the heat. Guess I'll have to ship
her off to the mountains after all.”
“Mine, too. She says she’s all in.”
“And yet?”
“Well 2”
“Just look at that pretty girl over
there. Stenographer, I'll bet.”
“Yes. I happen to know her.”
“Now she looks as fresh as a daisy.
Instead of lying around in a cool, com-
fortable home all day she has to work
in a hot office from 9 to 5.”
“No time to be hot, I suppose.”
“Must be it.”—Boston Transcript.
Hired.
The steady tendency in our civill.
zasion is to get the same results with
fewer employed. This constantly re-
leases man power for the operation
of new Iiudustries and expansion of
old ones—that is, a gradual increase
in our average standard of living.
Government issues figures showing
that American farms in 1920 had
1,705,000 fewer workers than in 1910.
In the same ten years the auto in-
dustry, movies and railroads added
nearly a million employees to their
pay rolls, -
it Hurt.
A stone carver was on the witness
stand describing the way in which he
had been assaulted by the defendant:
“He walked right into my yard and
slammed me up against one of my
tombstones,” the witness said.
“Did he hurt you,” inquired the court.
“Hurt me?” roared the witness,
“why, I've got ‘Sacred to the Mem-
ory of’ stamped all down my back."”—
Philadelphia Ledger.
New Noses.
German surgery has profited so
greatly by the lessons learned in re-
storing disfigured faces of wounded
soldiers that it is now possible to sub-
stitute a person’s face almost entirely.
Particularly in affixing new noses or
in straightening out old ones have the
operators come to be regarded as per-
fect.
Will It Improve Her Health?
“According to an eminent doctor,”
said father, looking up from his paper,
“society girls should spend the sums
mer in factories, as it would give them
a complete change for their health,
which they greatly need.”
“All right, papa,”
daughter, “I'm ready——now go and get
ma a job in a candy factory.”
-—
spoke up his
SCIENCE IN INDUSTRIAL ERA
Utilitarianism, It Seems, Must Ulti
mately Kill the Pure Desire for
Knowledge,
Wireless is of great practical im:
portance, It facilitates slaughter in
war, the dissemination of journalistic
falsehood in time of peace, and the
broadcasting of trivialities to relieve
the tedium of evening hours not de-
voted to success. But the men who
made ‘ it possible—Faraday, Maxwell
and Hertz—were none of them the
least interested in furthering this re-
markable enrichment of human life;
they were men solely interested in
trying to understand physical proc-
esses, and it can hardly be said that
the existence of industrialism helped
them even indirectly. The modern
study of the structure of the atom
may have a profound effect upon in-
dustrial processes, but those who are
engaged upon it are very little inter-
ested in this possible future effect of
their work. It seems likely that the
utilitarianism of commercial indus-
try must ultimately Kill the pure de-
sire for knowledge just as it Kills
the very analogous artistic impulse, In
America, where the more utilita.
rian aspects of science are keenly ap-
preciated, no great advance in pure
theory has been made. None of the
fundamental discoveries upon which
practical applications depend have
been made in America. It seems prob-
able that, as the point of view appro-
priate to commercial industry spreads,
utilitarianism will make such funda-
mental discoveries more and more
rare, until at last those who love
knowledge for its own sake come to
be classified in youth as “morons” and
kept in institutions for harmless
lunatics.—The Dial.
SIAM’S KING VISITS TEMPLES
He Spends Two Weeks Each Year
Worshiping at the Buddhist
Shrines of Bangkok.
Each year when the rainy season is
over, the king of Siam spends about
two weeks making his customary
round of visits to the different Bud-
dhist temples of Bangkok. On these
occasions the king goes in a boat,
manned by 60 rowers on each
side, each clad in a uniform of
red, and using a long oar. The royal
seat is near the stern, raised on four
pillars, and surmounted by a highly
ornate, tower-like canopy. In front
and behind the royal seat stand at-
tendants holding up large umbrellas,
which look like golden cones.
On landing at an appointed place,
the king rides in a sedan-chair to the
temple, when all along the way the
people prostrate themselves on the
ground, keeping silent as a mark of
supreme respect. For about half an
hour the king occupies himself with
the ceremony of worship in the temple,
into which the public is not admitted.
To the temples outside Bangkok the
king dispatches deputies, his persecnal
pilgrimage being confined to the tem-
ples of the city. :
Marking Time,
A negro called upon an old friend
who received him in a rocking chair
and continued to rock himself to and
fro in a most curious way.
“Yo' ain't sick, is yo’, Harrison?”
asked the caller, anxiously. \
“No, I ain't sick, Mose,” said Har-
rison,
There was a moment's silence, dur-
ing which the caller gazed wide-eyed
at the rocking figure.
“Den,” continued Mose, “why does
yo’ rock yo’self dat way all de time?”
Harrison explained:
“Yo’ know Bill Blott? Well, he sold
me a silver watch cheap, an’ if I
stops moving like dis, dat watch don’t
go !"—Tid Bits.
Fair Warning.
She was very beautiful and had
called in answer to an advertisement
for a typist. .
“Where were you employed last?’
asked the head of the firm.
“In a doll factory,” replied the ap-
plicant.
“And what were your duties there?’
was the next question.
“Making eyes,” she replied, with a
smile.
“Very well. You are engaged,” she
was informed, “but please don’t dem-
onstrate your capabilities when my
wife is around.”
Why Kick About It?
Cuthbert heard that they were go
ing to launch a newly completed liner
and break the traditional bottle of
champagne over its bow. He immedi.
ately declared war on this idea,
Among others he cornered Hoffy and
announced: “We must fight it.”
“Fight what?”
“Christening this vessel with real
champagne.”
Hoffy declined to become excited
“I don’t see why you object,” Stated
Hoffy calmly. “I thought you wanted
all bottled goods smashed.”—Bostop
Globe,
Puzzling a Candidate.
A parliamentary candidate in g
rural district made the following re
mark in the course of his address:
“There is no question in the world
which I cannot answer with just ‘Yes'
or ‘No."”
An old farm laborer jumped up ang
said: “Please, maister, might I ask
'e a question?”
“Certainly, my good fellow,” said tix
candidate.
“Well, then, maister,” said the ol¢
farmhand, “what's the time?"—Lon
don Telegraph, gp
ER RR GR LF IN i A BA CAM RST RR EE
TF LD ea i a i
ie A FEI RE Ey
TOO FREE WITH HIS ADVICE
Higgins Wanted to Tell Smithers How
He Should Buy Horse for
His Wife.
Higgins is troubled with an over-
weening curiosity about other people's
affairs.
Occasionally, however, he comes a
cropper, much to the delight of those
whom he has been in the habit of vic-
timizing.
The other day he met Smithers in a
tramecar,
“Busy, eh?’ he inquired in an off-
hand way.
“Yes,” said Smithers. “Been buy-
ing a horse for my wife.”
“Have you?” said the other, his curi-
osity at once thoroughly aroused.
“Well, let me give you some points.”
“Oh,” said the other, “I concluded
the bargain.’
“Not without trying him, surely?
Was he sound in wind and limb?”
“He appeared to be,” was the reply.
“Doesn’t he jib?”
“N-no, I reckon not.”
“Stands without hitching?”
“Y-yes, I think so.”
“Good gait?”
But here Smithers got up to leave
the car. As he reached the door he
called over his shoulder to Higgins:
“I forgot to mention the kind of
horse my wife wanted. It was &
clotheshorse.”
TRAFFIC HALTS FOR PIGEON
New York Crossing Policeman Seer
That Thirsty Bird Gets Drink
on Pavement.
Traffic was heavy and the policeman
signaled, shouted, frowned and grinned
according to the changing character of
the four-way crowds. The white sig-
nal flashed and waiting drivers pre-
pared to throw in their gears and
speed north or south. But the arm
of the law warned them back. They
craned around their windshields to find
out the trouble. The policeman with
arm still uplifted was gazing at a shal-
low pool of rainwater in the hot pave-
ment, says the New York Sun and
Globe.
“That bird shall have her chance,”
he growled at the nearest car. “She's
tried to get a sip of water four times
and what with all the pedestrians and
cars and other interferences she's like
to die of thirst.”
The pigeon sipped peacefully, rais-
ing its sleek throat each time for the
drink to slip down more smoothly.
Then it waddled haughtily away.
The policeman’s arm came into ac-
tion and a satisfied grin spread over
his ruddy cheeks. “Come along now,
with your noisy cars!” he Invited.
“What's detainin’ ye?”
Vacuum Cleaner “Blows” Organ.
In a church where an ordinary reeq
organ with pedal-operated bellows was
used, it was desired to install an elec-
tric blower. As the reeds of such an
organ are sounded by suction, the air
being exhausted from the wind chest by
the bellows, it was found that a com-
mon vacuum sweeper could easily be
made to do the work. A small hole
was cut in the wind chest, and the
end of the vacuum cleaner hose in-
serted, the connection being made air-
tight. The cleaner itself was set in
the basement where it could not be
heard while running. The result was
entirely satisfactory, the cleaner do-
ing the work just as well as an expen-
sive electric blower.—Phil H. Brehmer,
Rutland, Vt.
His Luck Was In.
Signor Marconi tells in London Tit
Bits an amuging story concerning an
applicant for a job at an electric pow-
er station whose knowledge was small,
to put it mildly.
The busy foreman of works, wish-
ing to learn what were his qualifica-
tions for the post, led off by asking
him what was ordinarily used as a
conductor of electricity.
Applicant (all at sea)—Why—er—
Foreman—Wire. Correct! Now
tell me what is the unit of electric
power.
Applicant—The what, sir?
Foreman—Exactly, the watt. Very
good; that will do. You may sign on
for the job.
Flicker Is Your Friend.
The red-shafted flicker or wood
pecker is a persistent enemy of the
ant family, says Nature Magazine,
Many kinds of ants are extremely
harmful. As wood borers they destroy
timber and infest houses. Worst of
all, they protect and care for many
aphides or plant lice, which are the
greatest enemies of trees, plants and
shrubs. As many as 5,000 ants and
ant eggs have been found in the stom-
ach of a single flicker.
Seek and Ye Shall Find.
Ash barrels and garbagé cans may
rontain treasures. Many years ago
a New York man named Crawford who
was visiting the national capital hap-
pened to notice an extra large peach
stone in'a garbage can that was stand.
ing on the curb, and he wrapped it in
a piece of paper and carried it back
home with him. He planted it and
the seedling that came from that
stone was the source of all the excel:
lent Crawford peaches in the world.
Her Neat Little Scheme.
Wife—Dear, if you'll get a car )
oan save a lot on clothes during our
vacation this summer.
Hub—How do you mean?
Wife—Well, you see, if we go to
one hotel as formerly I'll need seven
dresses; whereas if we have a car 1
can get one dress and we'll. go to sev:
en hotels.—Boston Transcript.
The Ownership of a Beautiful Diamond
is a Permanent Asset
and an article of adornment and beauty.
you know that a diamond has one of the
greatest “turn in” values of any commodity
sold?
B=We have a payment plan whereby you may pos-
sess one of these gems—mounted as you may select—
and would be glad to go into detail with you regard-
ing same.
F. P. Blair & Son,
Jewelers and Optometrists . . . Bellefonte, Pa.
64-22-tf
Japan
Man is powerless before it.
calamity should come to us.
pect and be grateful for help ?
and pestilence and famine.
= send them $5,000,000.00. Will you help?
z Contributions may be sent
= to Charles M. McCurdy
EE
61-46
The Most, Dreadful Thing
in Nature is an Earthquake
What if such a
Would we ex-
Japan has just had an appalling disaster—an
earthquake that utterly destroyed great cities ;
that brought widespread ruin; with death
The American Red Cross has promised to
EE
The First National Bank
Bellefonte, Pa.
SAE SoS ana
(Next. to Your Family
Your Head is the
Best Friend You Have
in the World
The man who gets ahead---uses his head
and uses it right.
He buys it a hair-cut
once a week—a tonic once in a while—and
a New Fall Soft Hat every September.
This is the month—and this is the stock
that contains the Hats that are going to
contain the smartest heads in Bellefonte.
‘Every new twist, color and idea is here—
.all lined up ready to please you in pride,
| profile, price—and suit your relations.
i] Stetson Soft. Hats. . . . $7 to $10
2 Other Soft, Hats. .....$3 to $5
i §=>The Cap Rods are putting on
i new acts ...... $1.00 to $2.50
/ A. Fauble
oll 04 | RL
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